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- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:21,277 --> 00:00:22,510
Whatcha doing?
3
00:00:22,512 --> 00:00:23,911
Just putting up some more flyers.
4
00:00:23,913 --> 00:00:25,746
The ones I put up the
other day disappeared.
5
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,627
So, you gonna hang around
for a while, or...?
6
00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:32,753
I would, but I got to put up
all these flyers around town.
7
00:00:35,355 --> 00:00:37,024
Hey, could somebody shut the door?
8
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:38,959
I think we got a draft in here.
9
00:00:40,713 --> 00:00:44,014
Hi. I'm here to pick up the
key to Bare Feet Retreat.
10
00:00:44,016 --> 00:00:46,161
I don't know if you remember me, but...
11
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:47,600
Oh, I remember you.
12
00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,119
- Shit.
- Boy, do I remember you.
13
00:00:49,121 --> 00:00:51,055
Yeah, last time you rented the house,
14
00:00:51,057 --> 00:00:52,990
I had to re-hang all the pictures.
15
00:00:52,992 --> 00:00:54,858
I'm still getting sand
out of the knickknacks,
16
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:56,827
and half the spoons were gone.
17
00:00:56,829 --> 00:00:59,029
It's not easy finding
matching spoons, okay?
18
00:00:59,031 --> 00:01:00,698
And in fact, they won't truly match
19
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:04,001
until the new ones lose their
shine and muster up a patina.
20
00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:06,036
No parties this time, I hope.
21
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No parties. I promise.
22
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,947
All right, well, I'll see you later.
23
00:01:20,286 --> 00:01:22,319
There was a-a bug.
24
00:01:25,992 --> 00:01:28,959
I want to assure you that I
won't be having any parties,
25
00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:31,428
but I do owe you an
explanation about something.
26
00:01:31,430 --> 00:01:33,017
It's a long story, and it all
27
00:01:33,023 --> 00:01:35,044
started last year on my birthday.
28
00:01:35,050 --> 00:01:37,701
Hey, there's my Walt.
29
00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:40,104
Tell me those are my new shoes.
30
00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:51,564
Hi.
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00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,084
Uh, we're here to pick up
the keys to Bare Feet Retreat.
32
00:01:54,086 --> 00:01:55,663
Oh, yeah. Uh, you're gonna have
33
00:01:55,669 --> 00:01:57,448
to look for my boyfriend. He's...
34
00:01:59,458 --> 00:02:00,591
You're diarrhea.
35
00:02:00,593 --> 00:02:03,994
Ha! See? I told you that
commercial would get you chicks.
36
00:02:03,996 --> 00:02:06,263
We're both actors. I mainly
do corporate training videos,
37
00:02:06,265 --> 00:02:08,065
but if you worked for Kaiser Permanente,
38
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:10,100
you would be losing your shit right now.
39
00:02:10,102 --> 00:02:12,836
- She doesn't care about...
- She does.
40
00:02:12,838 --> 00:02:14,071
We just need the keys.
41
00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,973
Okay, well, um, he's just in the back,
42
00:02:15,975 --> 00:02:17,608
cleaning spaghetti off the marlin.
43
00:02:17,610 --> 00:02:19,476
We had a 2-year-old in here earlier
44
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that was acting like a real prick.
45
00:02:23,849 --> 00:02:25,215
I'm here about the beach house.
46
00:02:25,217 --> 00:02:26,535
Yeah, can you give me a sec?
47
00:02:26,541 --> 00:02:29,129
I just have to get these noodles
off before they crust up.
48
00:02:32,491 --> 00:02:34,789
- Hello?
- Uh, sorry to bother you, Mr. Davis,
49
00:02:34,795 --> 00:02:37,027
but I have a DJ Maureen here
50
00:02:37,029 --> 00:02:40,064
looking to set up some party or whatnot.
51
00:02:40,066 --> 00:02:43,200
And between you and me,
she's got a half a tattoo,
52
00:02:43,202 --> 00:02:45,018
and I wouldn't mind
seeing the other half.
53
00:02:45,024 --> 00:02:46,071
Shit.
54
00:02:46,077 --> 00:02:48,439
Look, I told her the
party was at the beach.
55
00:02:48,441 --> 00:02:51,742
The address is 246 Sandyland
Way in Mabel Beach.
56
00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:55,012
And it's a surprise, so tell
her not to show up until 9:00.
57
00:02:55,014 --> 00:02:57,114
You guys having a party?
58
00:02:57,116 --> 00:02:58,749
Uh, just a little one.
59
00:02:58,751 --> 00:03:01,151
- Is... is that a problem?
- Not for me,
60
00:03:01,153 --> 00:03:03,336
but you probably don't want
my boyfriend to find out.
61
00:03:03,342 --> 00:03:04,474
It's his mom's house.
62
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,290
Uh, you know, you can come
if you want, actually.
63
00:03:06,296 --> 00:03:08,096
It's... It's diarrhea's birthday.
64
00:03:08,102 --> 00:03:10,027
Oh, I don't know.
65
00:03:10,029 --> 00:03:11,862
I'd have to sneak out.
66
00:03:13,399 --> 00:03:16,614
But I did just get these new shoes.
67
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:17,967
No, you know what?
68
00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:20,433
It's Friday, and Tommy
was looking forward
69
00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:22,339
to pot roast pajama night.
70
00:03:23,542 --> 00:03:24,833
Are you sure?
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00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:27,811
Those shoes look like they
deserve to stay up past 8:30.
72
00:03:27,813 --> 00:03:29,486
8:30?
73
00:03:29,492 --> 00:03:31,004
We're not that lame.
74
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,644
We don't go to bed till
after "Blue Bloods."
75
00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,218
So, I don't know what you guys have
76
00:03:35,224 --> 00:03:36,920
up your sleeve as far as activities,
77
00:03:36,922 --> 00:03:38,355
but there's a whole shelf full of games.
78
00:03:38,357 --> 00:03:40,691
For two players, may I recommend Farkle?
79
00:03:40,693 --> 00:03:42,626
It's like Yahtzee on steroids.
80
00:03:42,628 --> 00:03:45,199
Thanks. See you later.
81
00:03:45,404 --> 00:03:47,776
You know, I was thinking
about spicing things up tonight,
82
00:03:47,782 --> 00:03:50,174
throwing a square of dark
chocolate into the pot roast.
83
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,169
Think I saw it on "The Chew."
84
00:03:52,171 --> 00:03:53,637
Oh.
85
00:03:59,912 --> 00:04:01,845
This actually looks kind of fun.
86
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:04,199
Maybe after we order dinner, we can...
87
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:07,084
Eat this birthday cookie.
88
00:04:07,086 --> 00:04:09,420
- What kind of coo...
- Nom, nom, nom.
89
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,588
- There's weed in this, isn't there?
- Quite a bit.
90
00:04:11,590 --> 00:04:13,690
Thanks. I think.
91
00:04:13,692 --> 00:04:16,059
You know I haven't gotten
high since the breakup?
92
00:04:16,061 --> 00:04:17,194
It reminds me of Jennifer...
93
00:04:17,196 --> 00:04:18,629
Yeah, I know, all right?
94
00:04:18,631 --> 00:04:20,364
But you can't not ever get high again
95
00:04:20,366 --> 00:04:22,900
just because drugs remind
you of your ex-girlfriend.
96
00:04:22,902 --> 00:04:25,389
It's not healthy, man.
97
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,529
Who's that?
98
00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,950
I think it's my Uncle Bill.
99
00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:33,277
Looks like the old man from "Up."
100
00:04:35,499 --> 00:04:36,965
In order for you to understand
101
00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:38,552
why seeing my Uncle Bill outside
102
00:04:38,558 --> 00:04:40,235
your beach house was so strange,
103
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:42,027
you need to know a few things about him.
104
00:04:43,022 --> 00:04:45,311
Bill grew up in West
Virginia, and at 15,
105
00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:48,297
he started working in the
coal mines with his dad.
106
00:04:48,469 --> 00:04:51,304
He met his wife, Lorraine,
when he was 22.
107
00:04:51,306 --> 00:04:53,773
They couldn't have children,
so for the next 50 years,
108
00:04:53,775 --> 00:04:55,926
they spent their time going to church,
109
00:04:55,932 --> 00:04:58,165
laying in the backyard
looking at clouds,
110
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:01,948
playing cards with friends,
and just being in love.
111
00:05:02,538 --> 00:05:04,463
It was a simple life.
112
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:09,210
A few years ago, I got the news
113
00:05:09,212 --> 00:05:11,679
that Lorraine died of a heart attack.
114
00:05:11,681 --> 00:05:14,381
If my parents were still alive,
I might've gone to the funeral,
115
00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:17,852
but without somebody
pressuring me to go, I didn't.
116
00:05:17,854 --> 00:05:20,087
It was selfish, especially because
117
00:05:20,089 --> 00:05:22,623
even though I hadn't
seen Bill since I was 5,
118
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:25,307
he never forgot my birthday.
119
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,463
Happy birthday.
120
00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:31,106
Thanks.
121
00:05:31,112 --> 00:05:32,433
What are you doing here?
122
00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:33,868
Well, I went to your apartment,
123
00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:37,157
and the man in charge of the
lobby said you was here.
124
00:05:37,707 --> 00:05:39,331
Hi. I'm Bill.
125
00:05:39,408 --> 00:05:40,513
Joe.
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00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:43,978
I reckoned this year I'd
deliver your card by hand.
127
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:46,080
Could I use your washroom?
128
00:05:46,082 --> 00:05:47,615
I tried to use the one on the bus,
129
00:05:47,617 --> 00:05:50,199
but I couldn't hold my breath that long.
130
00:05:59,762 --> 00:06:02,196
Well, you better hurry up.
Pop into your PJs.
131
00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:04,498
Yeah, actually, my sister just texted.
132
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,966
I have to babysit now.
133
00:06:05,968 --> 00:06:07,334
That's a little last-minute.
134
00:06:07,336 --> 00:06:09,737
Yeah, she matched with
someone on Tinder.
135
00:06:09,739 --> 00:06:11,505
Okay. Well, um,
136
00:06:11,511 --> 00:06:13,774
I could put the roast back
in the pot, let it simmer,
137
00:06:13,776 --> 00:06:15,442
keep my hunger at bay
with a handful of raisins.
138
00:06:15,444 --> 00:06:16,542
No, you know, it's fine.
139
00:06:16,548 --> 00:06:18,746
Um, she sounds like
she's in a slutty mood,
140
00:06:18,748 --> 00:06:20,848
so I could be stuck there all night.
141
00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:22,917
Well, I guess I could
tape "Blue Bloods."
142
00:06:22,919 --> 00:06:24,685
Although it's a new one tonight,
143
00:06:24,687 --> 00:06:26,086
and I got a Shriners
meeting in the morning.
144
00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:28,916
There's no way Glen doesn't
let a spoiler slip out.
145
00:06:28,979 --> 00:06:31,079
Maybe I could watch it
146
00:06:31,327 --> 00:06:34,261
and then you and I could
watch it together later?
147
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,629
Sounds great.
148
00:06:35,631 --> 00:06:37,064
You seem to enjoy watching the repeats
149
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:38,532
more than the originals anyways.
150
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:40,362
Yeah, well, I'm a lot less stressed
151
00:06:40,368 --> 00:06:42,055
the second go-around, that's for sure.
152
00:06:43,039 --> 00:06:44,371
You got to get rid of him.
153
00:06:44,373 --> 00:06:45,506
I'm throwing you a party.
154
00:06:45,508 --> 00:06:46,640
DJ Maureen is coming.
155
00:06:46,642 --> 00:06:47,904
Seriously?
156
00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:50,618
We haven't hung out with her
since the last time we took...
157
00:06:51,347 --> 00:06:52,646
That's a lot of ecstasy.
158
00:06:55,818 --> 00:06:57,585
You know, I was thinking, uh,
159
00:06:57,587 --> 00:07:00,254
maybe us two could go fishing again.
160
00:07:00,256 --> 00:07:02,890
You remember the last
time we went fishing?
161
00:07:02,892 --> 00:07:05,759
You couldn't have been more than 5.
162
00:07:05,761 --> 00:07:08,629
A big, old catfish got
ahold of your line
163
00:07:08,631 --> 00:07:11,365
and yanked you right out of the boat.
164
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:13,901
Yeah, I started crying, and
if I remember correctly,
165
00:07:13,903 --> 00:07:15,235
you started laughing.
166
00:07:15,237 --> 00:07:16,971
I had to.
167
00:07:16,973 --> 00:07:18,606
Oh, you was terrified.
168
00:07:18,608 --> 00:07:22,275
I needed to let you know that
everything's gonna be okay,
169
00:07:22,281 --> 00:07:23,680
and it worked.
170
00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:25,379
You caught the sillies from me,
171
00:07:25,381 --> 00:07:27,913
and then you started laughing yourself.
172
00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:31,285
That's true. I did.
173
00:07:32,903 --> 00:07:34,200
You must be tired.
174
00:07:34,206 --> 00:07:36,190
How about I help you
find a hotel nearby?
175
00:07:36,192 --> 00:07:38,025
I'm dying.
176
00:07:40,930 --> 00:07:43,697
- Okay.
- I've got pneumoconiosis.
177
00:07:43,699 --> 00:07:46,455
It's commonly known as Black Lung.
178
00:07:46,461 --> 00:07:48,202
My lungs are black.
179
00:07:51,841 --> 00:07:54,375
Police! We're here to
take all your drugs!
180
00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:59,246
Happy birthday!
181
00:07:59,248 --> 00:08:02,883
Oh, shit, you brought the
doorman, you crazy bitch.
182
00:08:05,621 --> 00:08:07,454
You'uns fixing to have a party?
183
00:08:07,456 --> 00:08:10,624
Yeah, but it's not the
kind of party you would...
184
00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:12,947
My friend, he, uh...
185
00:08:13,265 --> 00:08:17,163
I don't do drugs, but some of
the people who are coming, uh...
186
00:08:17,169 --> 00:08:19,314
If there's gonna be drugs at your party,
187
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,336
- I'd like to stay.
- Excuse me?
188
00:08:21,342 --> 00:08:23,837
I would be willing to
try some of them drugs.
189
00:08:23,839 --> 00:08:25,539
I don't... What?
190
00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:29,643
Tim, I lived the way I thought I
was supposed to for 90 years,
191
00:08:29,645 --> 00:08:31,337
and there were a whole lot of
192
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,698
rewards along the way for doing so.
193
00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:36,184
Met a great woman.
194
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:39,580
And since I was faithful to her,
195
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,686
she never left my side.
196
00:08:41,891 --> 00:08:44,094
I ain't never touched alcohol.
197
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:45,708
And because of that,
198
00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:48,715
I ain't never done nothing
that I've regretted.
199
00:08:48,864 --> 00:08:50,864
But lately, I've been asking myself
200
00:08:50,866 --> 00:08:53,896
if I lived too safe a life.
201
00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:57,604
What I'm saying is that I
want to see what life is like
202
00:08:57,606 --> 00:09:00,040
when I don't play by the rules.
203
00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:02,443
My only fear is that, if I like it,
204
00:09:02,445 --> 00:09:06,820
I'm gonna kick myself for
waiting 90 years to start.
205
00:09:09,552 --> 00:09:10,718
All right, everybody.
206
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,272
Here we go.
207
00:09:12,278 --> 00:09:14,345
On you mark...
208
00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:16,017
Get set...
209
00:09:16,073 --> 00:09:17,291
Go!
210
00:09:23,055 --> 00:09:24,598
I don't feel nothing yet.
211
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,768
Yeah, it's gonna take about
45 minutes to kick in.
212
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,400
Okay, but if I fall asleep before then,
213
00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:32,198
be sure to wake me.
214
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,441
Ecstasy can affect people
in different ways.
215
00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:40,223
Some people get creative
216
00:09:40,225 --> 00:09:42,559
and start to look at the
world in a different way.
217
00:09:46,698 --> 00:09:48,698
Some people dance.
218
00:09:51,937 --> 00:09:54,404
Some people like to
touch and be touched.
219
00:10:00,212 --> 00:10:02,812
Me? I tend to get introspective.
220
00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:04,948
I'm thinking about quitting acting.
221
00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:07,117
Why? You're so famous.
222
00:10:07,119 --> 00:10:10,113
- For being the face of diarrhea.
- Ah.
223
00:10:10,119 --> 00:10:12,669
I just don't want to end
up like our doorman.
224
00:10:12,717 --> 00:10:15,050
He used to be an actor, and the rumor is
225
00:10:15,052 --> 00:10:17,219
that he ended up doing porn.
226
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:18,988
No.
227
00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:22,791
I feel real good.
228
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,493
You guys feel real good?
229
00:10:24,495 --> 00:10:25,628
Amazing.
230
00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:26,862
We feel great.
231
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:34,370
I can't believe I was
gonna eat pot roast
232
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:37,273
and watch "Blue Bloods"
with my boyfriend tonight.
233
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:39,519
Where'd you guys meet?
234
00:10:39,525 --> 00:10:43,045
Mm. We dropped out
of law school together.
235
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:48,378
He's really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
236
00:10:48,384 --> 00:10:52,154
really, really, really, really,
237
00:10:52,156 --> 00:10:53,752
really nice.
238
00:10:55,426 --> 00:10:57,393
He sounds nice.
239
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,028
Yeah.
240
00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:03,365
This is the first time
I've done euphoria.
241
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:04,533
Me, too.
242
00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:07,002
Remember we talked about
that in the kitchen?
243
00:11:07,004 --> 00:11:09,205
It's called ecstasy, Bill.
244
00:11:09,207 --> 00:11:10,272
What is?
245
00:11:10,274 --> 00:11:12,241
- Ah.
- The drug. It's called ecstasy.
246
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:13,409
What did I say?
247
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,477
I don't know. Something else.
248
00:11:16,881 --> 00:11:18,914
I just wish Tommy wouldn't act like
249
00:11:18,916 --> 00:11:21,250
we're already an old married couple.
250
00:11:21,252 --> 00:11:26,101
Last weekend, we put together
a puzzle I bought at a yard sale.
251
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:27,890
I like puzzles.
252
00:11:27,892 --> 00:11:29,158
Me, too.
253
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,694
That's why I bought one at a yard sale.
254
00:11:33,898 --> 00:11:36,732
Your feet are beautiful.
255
00:11:36,734 --> 00:11:39,396
I know.
256
00:11:39,402 --> 00:11:42,002
You want to touch them?
257
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:44,812
- It'd be okay?
- I think so.
258
00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:49,378
Yeah, it's okay.
259
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:52,648
Maybe I should be a puzzle
maker instead of an actor.
260
00:11:54,685 --> 00:11:56,210
You'd be good at that.
261
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,154
You know what? I like the corner pieces.
262
00:11:59,156 --> 00:12:01,557
You should make more corner pieces.
263
00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,626
I feel great.
264
00:12:03,628 --> 00:12:05,394
Do you guys feel great?
265
00:12:05,396 --> 00:12:08,097
Amazing.
266
00:12:08,099 --> 00:12:11,033
This is the first time
I've tried euphoria.
267
00:12:11,035 --> 00:12:14,514
The rest of the night
is a bit of a blur,
268
00:12:15,206 --> 00:12:17,673
but I do remember bits and pieces.
269
00:12:21,379 --> 00:12:24,280
Some girl tripped and put her
head through one of your walls,
270
00:12:24,282 --> 00:12:25,814
which she thought was hysterical.
271
00:12:27,551 --> 00:12:30,619
That led us to finding the
coolest handyman on Craigslist,
272
00:12:30,621 --> 00:12:32,154
who fixed it up like new.
273
00:12:32,156 --> 00:12:34,189
So Joe gave him a nice tip.
274
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:40,796
What was that?
275
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:44,466
I vaguely remember a robot
that played records.
276
00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:47,069
I also remember my
commercial coming on TV.
277
00:12:47,071 --> 00:12:48,404
- Hey.
- Look, look, look.
278
00:12:48,406 --> 00:12:51,120
Look at the TV. Look at the TV.
279
00:12:51,126 --> 00:12:52,692
That's him.
280
00:13:04,588 --> 00:13:07,323
At one point, DJ Maureen
decided she was a pirate
281
00:13:07,325 --> 00:13:08,691
and thought she should bury
282
00:13:08,693 --> 00:13:10,359
a bunch of treasure on the beach.
283
00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:15,979
And our doorman showed us
284
00:13:15,985 --> 00:13:18,067
a trick he can do with spoons.
285
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:29,111
♪ On top of the world ♪
286
00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:30,846
All in all, it was a hell of a night,
287
00:13:30,848 --> 00:13:34,950
but eventually the sun came
up and the party had to end.
288
00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:49,256
_
289
00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:27,172
Ugh! Uh, you stepped
on my dick and balls.
290
00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:30,042
I'm sorry. I can't...
I can't find my shoes.
291
00:14:34,181 --> 00:14:35,703
Hey, Bill, you haven't seen
292
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,883
a pair of blue shoes out here, have ya?
293
00:14:38,264 --> 00:14:42,254
I think that tattooed lady who
was hogging the record player
294
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,289
might've buried them.
295
00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:46,313
Oh, sh... She does that.
296
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:47,470
Good luck.
297
00:14:48,936 --> 00:14:51,737
That was a pretty crazy night, huh?
298
00:14:51,743 --> 00:14:54,677
It was. It was something.
299
00:14:56,782 --> 00:14:58,848
I threw them spoons in the ocean.
300
00:14:58,850 --> 00:15:00,650
After what they've been through,
301
00:15:00,652 --> 00:15:02,685
I didn't like the idea that some young'n
302
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:06,055
would be slurping up his
Frosted Flakes with them.
303
00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:07,357
That's good thinking.
304
00:15:07,359 --> 00:15:09,125
How do you feel?
305
00:15:09,127 --> 00:15:12,351
Not as good as I did last
night, that's for sure.
306
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:15,758
Yeah, it kind of uses up
all your happy for a while.
307
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,860
Can't have ecstasy
without a little agony.
308
00:15:17,862 --> 00:15:20,588
Uh, it depends on what
you consider ecstasy.
309
00:15:21,199 --> 00:15:24,767
Sitting in an easy chair
after a long day's work,
310
00:15:24,769 --> 00:15:27,464
taking a walk in the
woods on a sunny day,
311
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,893
being in love...
312
00:15:30,809 --> 00:15:33,399
To me, that's what ecstasy is.
313
00:15:34,079 --> 00:15:37,814
Of course, it don't pack the
punch that your ecstasy did,
314
00:15:37,816 --> 00:15:41,951
but mine lasted 90 years and,
uh, didn't make me feel like
315
00:15:41,953 --> 00:15:44,821
a hollowed-out old tree
trunk in the morning.
316
00:15:44,823 --> 00:15:47,156
So, do you finally have
your regret, then?
317
00:15:47,158 --> 00:15:50,059
I do, but it's not so
much about the drugs
318
00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:52,973
as about touching that young lady's feet
319
00:15:52,979 --> 00:15:54,845
for as long as I done.
320
00:15:54,851 --> 00:15:57,518
I don't think my wife would've approved.
321
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,658
Sorry I made you feel bad.
322
00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:02,905
There were a lot of things I
did last night that I regret.
323
00:16:02,907 --> 00:16:06,167
It's okay, sweetie.
I don't mind a little guilt.
324
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,584
It's just your brain reminding you
325
00:16:08,586 --> 00:16:10,586
that you're a good person.
326
00:16:10,588 --> 00:16:12,592
If you wasn't a good person,
327
00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:14,523
you wouldn't feel guilty.
328
00:16:14,525 --> 00:16:16,425
Well, I must be a really good person,
329
00:16:16,427 --> 00:16:17,726
because I've had a lot of crazy nights
330
00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:19,395
where I felt really guilty.
331
00:16:23,801 --> 00:16:26,268
Look, Tim, I'm not gonna tell you
332
00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:27,874
how to live your life,
333
00:16:28,072 --> 00:16:29,896
but when it comes to drugs
334
00:16:29,902 --> 00:16:32,141
and sex, try to make decisions
335
00:16:32,143 --> 00:16:34,296
on how you're gonna feel about
336
00:16:34,302 --> 00:16:36,587
it afterward, not during,
337
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:41,427
because the after lasts a whole
lot longer than the during.
338
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,486
That actually makes a lot of sense.
339
00:16:44,488 --> 00:16:48,257
And I sure hope you weren't
serious about quitting acting.
340
00:16:48,259 --> 00:16:50,659
There's a whole mess of
people in West Virginia
341
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:53,495
would be fit to be tied if you did.
342
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:54,897
What are you talking about?
343
00:16:54,899 --> 00:16:57,399
Everybody at church
knows you're my nephew,
344
00:16:57,401 --> 00:17:00,803
and all I talk about
is seeing you on TV.
345
00:17:00,805 --> 00:17:02,271
I mean, you got a lot of fans.
346
00:17:02,273 --> 00:17:05,307
Oh, great. I'm the Tom
Hanks of liquefied crap.
347
00:17:05,309 --> 00:17:07,328
Nobody ever said nothing about
348
00:17:07,334 --> 00:17:09,278
that tummy-ache commercial.
349
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,114
The most I hear is when
you was that DMV clerk
350
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:15,484
on that terrible show about the redneck
351
00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:17,783
with the mustache and the grocery list.
352
00:17:17,789 --> 00:17:19,843
- "My Name is Earl"?
- That sounds right.
353
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:22,591
And, uh, the one where
you was that crying guy
354
00:17:22,593 --> 00:17:23,859
in the court show.
355
00:17:23,861 --> 00:17:25,728
"Judge Judy"? No, that was real.
356
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,796
My roommate stole my ferret.
357
00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:31,037
Well, you sure took
your loss like a champ.
358
00:17:31,088 --> 00:17:33,522
You are a good actor.
359
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,174
Yeah, I'm not gonna quit.
360
00:17:39,176 --> 00:17:40,576
I-I think I just said that
361
00:17:40,578 --> 00:17:43,112
'cause I wanted someone
to talk me out of it.
362
00:17:45,316 --> 00:17:46,715
Thanks.
363
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:48,183
You're welcome.
364
00:17:48,185 --> 00:17:50,753
And if you don't want
people recognize you
365
00:17:50,755 --> 00:17:53,738
from that commercial, grow a beard.
366
00:17:54,091 --> 00:17:57,293
Diarrhea ain't got no beard.
367
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:03,298
The next few months, we helped
Bill try a lot of new things,
368
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,135
including raw fish and roller coasters.
369
00:18:06,137 --> 00:18:07,936
But as the end grew near, he wanted
370
00:18:07,938 --> 00:18:11,173
to be back in West Virginia
doing old things...
371
00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:12,508
Five of a kind.
372
00:18:12,510 --> 00:18:13,842
- Five?
- That's impossible...
373
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,677
- That's impossible.
- ... but I have it.
374
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,379
I just have a straight flush.
You got me.
375
00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:19,715
... until it was time
for the fun to end,
376
00:18:19,717 --> 00:18:24,086
and, not knowing what was
coming next, Bill was scared.
377
00:18:24,088 --> 00:18:25,788
But this time, it was up to me
378
00:18:25,790 --> 00:18:28,557
to let him know he was going to be okay.
379
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,004
And it worked. He caught the sillies
380
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:39,701
from me and started laughing.
381
00:18:55,186 --> 00:18:57,953
Bill wanted his ashes spread
alongside Lorraine's
382
00:18:57,955 --> 00:19:01,386
in the backyard, where they
used to look at clouds.
383
00:19:01,392 --> 00:19:03,859
Well, most of his ashes.
384
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:05,761
He asked me to dump a small part of him
385
00:19:05,763 --> 00:19:07,429
in the ocean with your spoons.
386
00:19:07,431 --> 00:19:09,631
He didn't like the idea
of Lorraine's ashes
387
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:12,901
next to the part of him that
rubbed another woman's feet.
388
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,938
The problem is, on my way
into your living room,
389
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:18,373
Uncle Bill and I took a little tumble.
390
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,676
So when you see that I
had to replace your rug,
391
00:19:20,678 --> 00:19:22,478
you'll know why.
392
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,880
That's the explanation
I thought I owed you.
393
00:19:24,882 --> 00:19:26,949
Your pal, Tim.
394
00:19:32,219 --> 00:19:35,800
♪ If I stood in that tunnel ♪
395
00:19:35,806 --> 00:19:39,003
♪ a white light at the end ♪
396
00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:43,165
♪ Heard a blonde was asking
397
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:47,434
♪ "Honey, would you do it all
the same way again?" ♪
398
00:19:48,072 --> 00:19:51,607
♪ If you had the chance,
would you switch? ♪
399
00:19:52,176 --> 00:19:56,837
♪ Tighten every seam up,
stitch by stitch? ♪
400
00:19:58,616 --> 00:20:03,448
♪ Yeah, I'd change a couple
things, that'd be my wish ♪
401
00:20:06,256 --> 00:20:09,992
♪ Make love more, drink a little less ♪
402
00:20:09,994 --> 00:20:12,889
♪ Only do the good drugs
403
00:20:14,031 --> 00:20:17,966
♪ Take it as it comes
like a door wide open ♪
404
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:21,737
♪ Never sweep it underneath the rug ♪
405
00:20:22,173 --> 00:20:25,659
♪ Wouldn't have swung at every pitch ♪
406
00:20:26,043 --> 00:20:30,312
♪ Wouldn't have been
so sad when I missed ♪
407
00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:31,847
♪ Yeah, I'd change a couple things... ♪
408
00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:33,148
Guys, you got to pay attention.
409
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,250
You're... You're dropping everything.
410
00:20:35,252 --> 00:20:38,020
How come Aunt Debbie gets
to stay on the beach?
411
00:20:38,022 --> 00:20:39,688
Because Aunt Debbie married well.
412
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:41,177
Shh!
413
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:43,655
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
414
00:20:43,661 --> 00:20:47,822
♪ Let me change a couple
thing, let me get my wish ♪
415
00:20:48,699 --> 00:20:53,035
♪ Can I change a couple
things, will I get my wish? ♪
416
00:21:03,735 --> 00:21:08,330
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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