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1
00:00:01,816 --> 00:00:04,283
Hey, you guys have any
plans for Valentine's Day?
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,951
Three months from now? No.
3
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:07,619
- What? No?
- I mean,
4
00:00:07,688 --> 00:00:10,143
secret romantic plans that
would be ruined if I told you.
5
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,167
Oh.
6
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:14,259
What's going on, Raj?
7
00:00:14,328 --> 00:00:16,328
Well, how would
you guys feel
8
00:00:16,397 --> 00:00:18,063
about going to India
for my wedding?
9
00:00:18,132 --> 00:00:20,699
Oh, that's so exciting!
10
00:00:20,768 --> 00:00:22,968
Penny, you will never guess
what I have planned
11
00:00:23,037 --> 00:00:25,838
for Valentine's Day.
- Uh-huh.
12
00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:28,307
Can I feed peanuts to
the elephants at your wedding?
13
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:31,010
- That is such a stereotype!
- There won't be any elephants?
14
00:00:31,078 --> 00:00:32,322
Of course there'll be elephants.
15
00:00:32,346 --> 00:00:35,047
It's a stereotype
that you feed them peanuts.
16
00:00:35,116 --> 00:00:37,516
Are you really gonna plan
a wedding in three months?
17
00:00:37,585 --> 00:00:39,852
Yeah, well, her family's
doing most of the work.
18
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,154
They're amazing.
We talk all the time.
19
00:00:42,223 --> 00:00:43,122
Why?
20
00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:45,290
Because we're
about to get married
21
00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:47,126
and they're gonna be my family.
22
00:00:47,194 --> 00:00:50,596
Amy and I are married, and
I never talk to her family.
23
00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:52,097
Really? My parents
love Leonard.
24
00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:54,333
Yeah. And my mom loves
Penny, which is weird,
25
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,869
because I never
knew she could love.
26
00:00:58,072 --> 00:01:00,305
And my dad has grown
to really...
27
00:01:00,374 --> 00:01:02,007
like Howard.
28
00:01:03,244 --> 00:01:06,678
Yeah, there's a nice...
coolness between us.
29
00:01:06,747 --> 00:01:08,847
Hey, guys,
before Anu gets here,
30
00:01:08,916 --> 00:01:11,517
can I talk about
the seating situation?
31
00:01:11,585 --> 00:01:13,130
I really don't want her
to sit on the floor.
32
00:01:13,154 --> 00:01:15,854
Oh. No problem.
Bernadette, floor.
33
00:01:15,923 --> 00:01:17,923
- Hey!
- Yeah, you can't make my wife
34
00:01:17,992 --> 00:01:19,558
sit on the floor.
- Fine.
35
00:01:19,627 --> 00:01:21,593
Howard, floor.
36
00:01:21,662 --> 00:01:23,228
Fine, I'll sit on the floor.
37
00:01:23,297 --> 00:01:24,408
Thank you, Penny.
And, Leonard,
38
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,565
I was kind of hoping
I could sit next to Anu.
39
00:01:26,634 --> 00:01:28,634
So now I have to sit on the floor?
It's my house.
40
00:01:28,702 --> 00:01:30,013
Why can't Sheldon
sit on the floor?
41
00:01:30,037 --> 00:01:32,704
That might be the dumbest thing
you've ever said.
42
00:01:32,773 --> 00:01:34,506
WOLOWITZ:
Guys, guys,
43
00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:36,141
there's a simple solution.
44
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:39,445
I am not breaking up with her.
45
00:01:40,881 --> 00:01:43,982
All right. Let's
keep thinking.
46
00:01:44,051 --> 00:01:46,285
Hey, everybody, it's Anu.
47
00:01:46,353 --> 00:01:47,719
Hi.
48
00:01:47,788 --> 00:01:48,754
ALL:
Hi! Welcome!
49
00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:51,267
♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x08 ♪
The Consummation Deviation
Original Air D
50
00:01:51,291 --> 00:01:54,359
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
51
00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:57,729
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
52
00:01:57,798 --> 00:01:59,298
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
53
00:01:59,366 --> 00:02:02,000
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
54
00:02:02,069 --> 00:02:04,503
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
55
00:02:04,572 --> 00:02:07,172
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
56
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,108
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
57
00:02:09,176 --> 00:02:10,676
♪ Bang! ♪
58
00:02:10,677 --> 00:02:16,177
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
59
00:02:16,225 --> 00:02:18,225
(groans):
Oh, I am stuffed!
60
00:02:18,294 --> 00:02:20,561
I should not have eaten
all those dumplings.
61
00:02:20,630 --> 00:02:22,763
(chuckles)
62
00:02:22,832 --> 00:02:24,231
I think we should have sex.
63
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,400
(passing horn honks)
64
00:02:27,904 --> 00:02:30,304
(squeakily):
Me, too.
65
00:02:30,373 --> 00:02:32,206
Yeah, it's just,
we haven't done it yet,
66
00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:33,507
and I think it's important
67
00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:35,387
to make sure we're compatible
before we get married.
68
00:02:35,411 --> 00:02:36,844
I totally agree.
69
00:02:36,913 --> 00:02:38,345
Oh, just one question.
70
00:02:38,414 --> 00:02:40,347
While we're doing it,
can I leave my shirt on?
71
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:43,884
You know, the dumplings,
pretty salty.
72
00:02:43,953 --> 00:02:45,953
It doesn't have
to be tonight.
73
00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:47,454
How about this weekend?
74
00:02:47,523 --> 00:02:49,256
I can get us a room
at my hotel.
75
00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:50,424
Okay. Sounds nice.
76
00:02:50,493 --> 00:02:52,393
We can order
a bunch of room service,
77
00:02:52,461 --> 00:02:55,796
because I'm not eating anything
between now and then.
78
00:02:55,898 --> 00:02:57,731
Aw. Are you worried?
79
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,899
I am not worried.
80
00:02:58,968 --> 00:03:01,502
If anything, I'm overconfident.
81
00:03:01,571 --> 00:03:03,938
Edging into smug.
82
00:03:05,207 --> 00:03:06,941
I'm sure it's
gonna be fine.
83
00:03:07,009 --> 00:03:08,909
Oh, it's gonna be
better than fine.
84
00:03:08,978 --> 00:03:10,878
Trust me,
I've had no complaints.
85
00:03:10,947 --> 00:03:11,845
Good to know.
86
00:03:11,914 --> 00:03:14,381
Well, I've had
questions, comments,
87
00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:15,883
some constructive criticism,
88
00:03:15,952 --> 00:03:18,052
(snorts):
but... no complaints.
89
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,856
You're up early.
90
00:03:22,925 --> 00:03:25,125
Huh? Yes. I wanted
to get a jump
91
00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:27,294
on planning
a day of fun for you.
92
00:03:27,363 --> 00:03:28,707
Oh, that's sweet.
What are we doing?
93
00:03:28,731 --> 00:03:30,531
Oh, no. Just you.
I have other plans.
94
00:03:32,368 --> 00:03:35,869
Now, would you prefer
to see The Grinch in 2-D or 3-D?
95
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:38,305
I don't want to see it at all.
96
00:03:38,374 --> 00:03:41,742
Well, let's go 2-D. No sense
in spending extra money.
97
00:03:41,811 --> 00:03:43,677
What are you
gonna be doing?
98
00:03:43,746 --> 00:03:45,312
Being a great husband.
99
00:03:45,381 --> 00:03:47,748
Yeah, you're gonna need
to show your work on that.
100
00:03:49,018 --> 00:03:51,118
After last night,
I got to thinking
101
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:54,088
that I should have a better
relationship with your family.
102
00:03:54,156 --> 00:03:56,223
I think the one you have
with them is perfect.
103
00:03:56,292 --> 00:03:57,658
I hardly have one at all.
104
00:03:57,727 --> 00:03:59,760
Which is perfect.
105
00:03:59,829 --> 00:04:01,895
Oh, Amy, they're
important to you,
106
00:04:01,964 --> 00:04:03,764
and you're
important to me.
107
00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,477
Therefore, according to
the transitive property,
108
00:04:05,501 --> 00:04:07,501
they're important to me.
It's the same reason
109
00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:09,203
I'm interested
in your big, flat feet.
110
00:04:11,474 --> 00:04:13,907
Well, you know
that my mom can be...
111
00:04:13,976 --> 00:04:16,443
well, difficult to get along with.
- Which is why
112
00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:19,546
I'm starting with your dad
and working my way up.
113
00:04:19,615 --> 00:04:21,181
All right.
I'm just worried
114
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:23,517
you might have
a rather unpleasant day.
115
00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:25,185
Yeah, back at ya.
I watched the trailer
116
00:04:25,254 --> 00:04:26,614
for The Grinch--
it looks terrible.
117
00:04:28,524 --> 00:04:30,524
(knocking)
118
00:04:30,593 --> 00:04:32,993
- Hi, Sheldon.
- Oh, good. You're right on time.
119
00:04:33,062 --> 00:04:35,195
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey, pumpkin.
120
00:04:35,264 --> 00:04:38,532
Pumpkin? I've been
calling her spaghetti squash.
121
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:40,100
It's amazing
that one woman
122
00:04:40,169 --> 00:04:42,603
can be different vegetables
to different men.
123
00:04:42,672 --> 00:04:44,204
Bye.
124
00:04:44,273 --> 00:04:45,639
Bye.
125
00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:47,641
So, how does this work
with in-laws?
126
00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:49,643
Am I supposed
to be calling you Dad?
127
00:04:49,712 --> 00:04:51,045
Because I don't want to.
128
00:04:51,113 --> 00:04:53,414
- You don't have to.
- Oh, thanks, Larry.
129
00:04:53,482 --> 00:04:55,382
Ooh. That doesn't
sound right.
130
00:04:55,451 --> 00:04:58,018
(gasps) Maybe I should pick
a vegetable for you.
131
00:05:00,623 --> 00:05:02,623
(video game noises on TV)
132
00:05:02,692 --> 00:05:04,725
Hey, Leonard, can you pause
the game for a second?
133
00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:07,461
- Uh, hang on.
- I'm about to beat Howard.
134
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:08,796
What? Hey!
135
00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:10,397
What?
136
00:05:10,466 --> 00:05:11,832
He's our friend.
137
00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:14,001
What's up, pal?
138
00:05:15,738 --> 00:05:18,005
I... I don't know
how else to say this,
139
00:05:18,074 --> 00:05:21,775
but, um, Anu and I are going
to have sex tonight.
140
00:05:21,844 --> 00:05:24,211
Yeah...
141
00:05:25,314 --> 00:05:27,681
Do you know how creepy
that sounds?
142
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,017
Yeah...
143
00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:34,655
So, is this the first time?
144
00:05:34,724 --> 00:05:35,724
Yeah.
145
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:37,691
- How you feeling about it?
- Uh...
146
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,293
to be honest,
I'm pretty anxious.
147
00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:42,529
I mean, this is the woman I'm
marrying-- what if it's no good?
148
00:05:42,598 --> 00:05:44,198
Do we break up?
Do we...
149
00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:47,134
sign on for a lifetime
of mediocre sex?
150
00:05:47,203 --> 00:05:49,236
Just don't put
so much pressure on it.
151
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,305
It's always a little awkward
in the beginning.
152
00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:53,640
I remember the first time
I slept with Penny.
153
00:05:53,709 --> 00:05:54,709
It was bad?
154
00:05:54,744 --> 00:05:56,944
Oh, it was awesome!
155
00:05:59,515 --> 00:06:02,783
I will replay it in my head
until the day I die.
156
00:06:02,852 --> 00:06:04,818
WOLOWITZ: Well, if it helps,
I was really nervous
157
00:06:04,887 --> 00:06:06,587
my first time with Bernie.
158
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:11,291
Mostly because I was worried
my mom would walk in.
159
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,059
Did she?
160
00:06:12,128 --> 00:06:14,428
Yea-- Yeah.
161
00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:17,209
BERNADETTE:
I'll tell you one thing.
162
00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:19,266
Lock the door.
163
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,635
Yeah, Raj, you're
gonna be fine.
164
00:06:21,704 --> 00:06:23,637
Just break out some
of your Kama Sutra moves.
165
00:06:23,706 --> 00:06:25,639
I don't really know
any of that stuff.
166
00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,741
I just pretend I do
to impress women.
167
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:28,742
And by the way,
168
00:06:28,811 --> 00:06:30,344
Anu is Indian--
she's gonna know
169
00:06:30,412 --> 00:06:33,914
there's no sexual position
called a "screeching lotus."
170
00:06:33,983 --> 00:06:35,849
Screeching lotus?
171
00:06:35,918 --> 00:06:38,619
Sometimes I get leg cramps.
It's my cover story.
172
00:06:39,722 --> 00:06:41,655
Look, she's probably
nervous, too.
173
00:06:41,724 --> 00:06:44,158
Yeah, what if you're great
and she's bad?
174
00:06:44,226 --> 00:06:45,325
How can she be bad?
175
00:06:45,394 --> 00:06:48,295
Raj, women can be
bad at sex, too.
176
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,464
(laughs):
No, that's silly.
177
00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:56,303
Hey, have you checked
the dates on these?
178
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,771
They're all expired.
179
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,741
You buy candy in a comic book
store, you get what you get.
180
00:07:02,044 --> 00:07:03,911
It's called
Lethal Weapon,
181
00:07:03,979 --> 00:07:05,679
but isn't that
redundant?
182
00:07:05,748 --> 00:07:07,815
Aren't weapons,
by their very nature, lethal?
183
00:07:07,883 --> 00:07:09,316
I suppose you're right.
184
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,785
Yeah, and don't even get me
started on Unsolved Mysteries.
185
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:14,221
I didn't get you started
on Lethal Weapon.
186
00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:17,991
All right, this is another one
of my favorite places,
187
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,894
the comic book store.
Feel free to look around.
188
00:07:20,963 --> 00:07:24,765
Vintage comics in back,
vintage candy right here.
189
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,867
What are you guys up to?
190
00:07:26,936 --> 00:07:29,436
Oh, father-in-law, son-in-law bonding.
It's going great.
191
00:07:29,505 --> 00:07:31,505
Look at what he bought me
at the train store.
192
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:33,307
(blows whistle)
193
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:36,443
Yeah, it sounded louder
in the car.
194
00:07:36,512 --> 00:07:37,978
Cool. Can I see it?
195
00:07:38,047 --> 00:07:39,047
Hmm? Sure.
196
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,448
Oh. Interesting.
197
00:07:41,517 --> 00:07:44,051
I think this is one of those
disappearing whistles.
198
00:07:44,119 --> 00:07:46,119
What are you
talking about?
199
00:07:46,188 --> 00:07:47,387
(claps hands)
200
00:07:47,456 --> 00:07:48,755
Voilà!
201
00:07:48,824 --> 00:07:51,124
Amazing.
202
00:07:51,193 --> 00:07:54,027
Where did it go?
203
00:07:54,096 --> 00:07:55,929
Look in your pocket.
204
00:07:57,032 --> 00:07:58,332
(gasping):
Oh! Oh!
205
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,068
Oh, how did you do that?
206
00:08:03,205 --> 00:08:05,906
Sorry, a magician
never shares his secrets.
207
00:08:05,975 --> 00:08:07,052
I'll give you
a hundred bucks.
208
00:08:07,076 --> 00:08:08,642
Sold!
209
00:08:08,711 --> 00:08:09,711
Okay.
210
00:08:09,778 --> 00:08:11,445
Hey.
211
00:08:11,513 --> 00:08:13,614
- Where's my wallet?
- Voilà!
212
00:08:16,986 --> 00:08:19,119
Hey, Penny.
I need your help.
213
00:08:19,188 --> 00:08:21,121
I am freaking out.
214
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:22,356
Okay, is she there yet?
215
00:08:22,424 --> 00:08:24,391
No, I got here first.
You know...
216
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,227
get the lay of the land.
217
00:08:27,296 --> 00:08:29,062
Raj, it's gonna be okay.
Look, sex isn't
218
00:08:29,131 --> 00:08:30,864
the most important thing
in a relationship.
219
00:08:30,933 --> 00:08:35,035
My first time with Leonard
was nothing to write home about.
220
00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:36,203
Really?
221
00:08:36,272 --> 00:08:38,171
Yeah, but, you know,
over time it got better.
222
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,806
S-So practice makes perfect?
223
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:42,643
Well, practice makes better.
224
00:08:43,712 --> 00:08:45,045
(phone chimes)
225
00:08:45,114 --> 00:08:48,215
Oh, my God, oh, my God, she just
texted. She's on her way up!
226
00:08:48,284 --> 00:08:49,983
Raj, calm down.
You got this.
227
00:08:50,052 --> 00:08:52,252
Yes. Thank you, thank you.
I got this.
228
00:08:52,321 --> 00:08:54,399
Just remember, the most
important thing is to have fun.
229
00:08:54,423 --> 00:08:56,690
Stop putting
so much pressure on me!
230
00:08:59,762 --> 00:09:01,795
Hi.
231
00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,774
Everything okay?
232
00:09:18,347 --> 00:09:20,614
Why are you acting
so weird?
233
00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:26,053
Raj? What's going on?
234
00:09:26,121 --> 00:09:27,621
(champagne cork pops)
235
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,791
Be right out!
You look beautiful!
236
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:40,752
Sorry, I had to use
the facilities.
237
00:09:41,955 --> 00:09:44,189
With a bottle of champagne?
238
00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:46,658
Mm, I like to celebrate
the little things in life.
239
00:09:47,894 --> 00:09:50,428
You need to go?
There's still some left.
240
00:09:51,755 --> 00:09:53,234
Raj, what is going on?
241
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,067
No, no, it's not
what's going on,
242
00:09:55,068 --> 00:09:57,001
it's what's comin' off.
243
00:09:57,070 --> 00:09:58,303
Stop it.
244
00:09:58,371 --> 00:10:01,372
You're acting weird,
and it's freaking me out.
245
00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,975
Why? Because I couldn't talk
and ran in the bathroom
246
00:10:04,044 --> 00:10:05,810
to slug back a
bottle of champagne
247
00:10:05,879 --> 00:10:08,112
when I pretended to pee?
248
00:10:08,181 --> 00:10:10,415
Okay, I think I'm gonna leave.
249
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,851
No, no, wait, wait,
don't-- okay, don't go.
250
00:10:12,919 --> 00:10:15,086
Fine. Then tell me
what's going on.
251
00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:17,987
Well, funny story...
252
00:10:17,988 --> 00:10:18,637
The truth.
253
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,942
Oh, God, the truth is
so not good for me!
254
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:27,298
Voilà.
255
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:28,633
Darn it.
256
00:10:28,702 --> 00:10:29,868
It's okay.
257
00:10:29,936 --> 00:10:31,402
Here, let me
show you again.
258
00:10:35,742 --> 00:10:38,510
It's like you're
actually magic.
259
00:10:40,046 --> 00:10:43,748
You can do that but you still
can't get my bra off.
260
00:10:45,318 --> 00:10:48,686
The rings don't roll
their eyes at me.
261
00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:52,156
Excuse me, Turnip,
we need to get going.
262
00:10:52,259 --> 00:10:55,527
But-but Howard was gonna show me
some close-up magic.
263
00:10:55,595 --> 00:10:57,195
Well, if you want
to see real magic,
264
00:10:57,264 --> 00:10:58,763
I'll take you
to Union Station,
265
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:00,932
home to trains, subways
and busses that,
266
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:04,235
every half hour-- voilà--
drive to the airport.
267
00:11:04,304 --> 00:11:06,571
I'd like to stay,
if you don't mind.
268
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,972
Oh, not at all.
269
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:10,808
Howard. A word.
270
00:11:12,412 --> 00:11:13,912
What's up?
271
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:17,015
- I need you to stop being so delightful.
- What?
272
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,394
I'm supposed to be
bonding with him.
273
00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:20,552
You have your own father-in-law;
leave mine alone.
274
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:22,598
Tell you what, you take my
father-in-law, I'll take yours.
275
00:11:22,622 --> 00:11:23,862
I don't want
your father-in-law.
276
00:11:23,924 --> 00:11:27,458
What if I throw in
a quarter?
277
00:11:27,527 --> 00:11:29,827
Do it again.
Do it again.
278
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:34,566
Mrs. Fowler.
Mrs. Fowler.
279
00:11:34,634 --> 00:11:36,568
Mrs. Fowler.
280
00:11:38,004 --> 00:11:39,604
Sheldon, what's going on?
281
00:11:39,673 --> 00:11:40,905
Where is Larry?
282
00:11:40,974 --> 00:11:43,741
Oh, Turnip's out;
I'm bonding with you.
283
00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:51,449
Okay, you wanted the truth,
here it is.
284
00:11:51,518 --> 00:11:52,750
You have a drinking problem.
285
00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:56,621
No. I, uh,
I have a talking problem,
286
00:11:56,690 --> 00:11:59,290
and a drinking solution.
287
00:11:59,359 --> 00:12:00,825
What does that mean?
288
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:03,394
(sighs)
289
00:12:03,463 --> 00:12:06,831
Oh, Anu, for
most of my life,
290
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,900
I got so nervous
around women
291
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:11,069
that I couldn't talk
to them without alcohol.
292
00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:14,038
So you've been drunk every time
we've seen each other?
293
00:12:14,107 --> 00:12:15,940
No. No. It hasn't
happened in a long time.
294
00:12:16,009 --> 00:12:17,575
And I really thought
I was over it,
295
00:12:17,644 --> 00:12:20,612
but I guess...
I-I don't know,
296
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,214
I guess I-I wanted so much
for tonight to go well,
297
00:12:23,283 --> 00:12:25,450
that I-I stressed
myself out.
298
00:12:25,518 --> 00:12:26,985
It came back.
299
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,886
(sighs)
300
00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:30,989
Why didn't you tell me
about this before?
301
00:12:31,057 --> 00:12:33,758
I was embarrassed.
302
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,727
I get that.
303
00:12:38,064 --> 00:12:39,430
If it makes you
feel any better,
304
00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:42,467
I've got things
I'm embarrassed about, too.
305
00:12:42,535 --> 00:12:44,902
Really? Will you
tell me one?
306
00:12:44,971 --> 00:12:47,872
Okay. Um...
307
00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:50,575
Ugh. I hate
telling people this.
308
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:54,412
I don't like music.
309
00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:57,081
What kind of music?
310
00:12:57,150 --> 00:12:59,751
Just all of it.
311
00:13:00,987 --> 00:13:03,621
It sort of seems
like a waste of time.
312
00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:07,792
Even Beyoncé?
313
00:13:07,861 --> 00:13:09,427
See, this is why
I don't tell people.
314
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:11,095
No. Um, it's fine.
It's just,
315
00:13:11,164 --> 00:13:15,033
have you heard
"Single Ladies"?
316
00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:16,868
Yeah, and I don't get it.
317
00:13:16,936 --> 00:13:19,103
I mean, the lyrics are
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
318
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:22,874
Y-You have to sing it in
the voice of a goddess.
319
00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:24,742
Like: ♪ Oh, wa-ah, oh ♪
320
00:13:24,811 --> 00:13:26,244
♪ Wa-ah, oh ♪
321
00:13:26,312 --> 00:13:27,512
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
322
00:13:27,580 --> 00:13:30,014
♪ Wa-ah, oh. ♪
(laughs)
323
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:33,851
My point is, we both have
our little eccentricities.
324
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,720
Little eccentricities?
325
00:13:35,789 --> 00:13:38,589
One is a deep-seated
psychological disturbance,
326
00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:40,992
and the other can be solved by
half a glass of chardonnay.
327
00:13:44,731 --> 00:13:48,533
So the doctor prescribed Nizoral
and it blocked enzyme action,
328
00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:52,036
and the fungus
cleared right up.
329
00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:55,840
That's a very
disturbing picture.
330
00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:58,176
Yes, well, they say a picture's
worth a thousand words,
331
00:13:58,244 --> 00:14:01,045
but I say nothing beats a
picture and a thousand words.
332
00:14:01,114 --> 00:14:05,717
Still, you might want
to take it off Facebook.
333
00:14:05,785 --> 00:14:07,919
Oh, no. It's in my nature
to share.
334
00:14:07,987 --> 00:14:10,855
So, your turn.
335
00:14:10,924 --> 00:14:12,590
Uh, other than Amy,
336
00:14:12,659 --> 00:14:16,461
have you every had anything
removed from your body?
337
00:14:19,365 --> 00:14:22,433
I am not going to answer that.
338
00:14:22,502 --> 00:14:25,303
Smart. Save something for
our next get-together.
339
00:14:25,371 --> 00:14:28,172
Oh, we should commemorate
this one with a selfie.
340
00:14:31,478 --> 00:14:35,880
Oh, look at us,
two peas in a pod.
341
00:14:35,949 --> 00:14:37,448
Oh, speaking of vegetables,
342
00:14:37,517 --> 00:14:40,885
how about I start calling you
Old Lady Green Beans?
343
00:14:45,725 --> 00:14:47,558
Hey, you look
deep in thought.
344
00:14:47,627 --> 00:14:50,294
- Ah, I'm just reflecting.
- About what?
345
00:14:50,363 --> 00:14:52,630
The first time
we slept together.
346
00:14:52,699 --> 00:14:55,333
Oh, honey. Don't beat
yourself up; it's great now.
347
00:14:57,837 --> 00:15:00,338
This is not good.
348
00:15:00,406 --> 00:15:01,806
Sheldon is hanging out
with my mom.
349
00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:03,074
Yeah. O-One sec.
350
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:05,743
W-What do you mean,
"don't beat myself up"?
351
00:15:05,812 --> 00:15:07,879
AMY:
Guys, focus.
352
00:15:07,947 --> 00:15:09,914
My mom thinks
that Sheldon is the reason
353
00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:11,260
I don't spend a lot of time
with her.
354
00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:12,583
Well, why would
she think that?
355
00:15:12,652 --> 00:15:13,785
Because I told her.
356
00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:16,320
You need a cup of coffee?
Wake up!
357
00:15:16,389 --> 00:15:18,823
So you've been using Sheldon
as an excuse
358
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,458
to get out of
seeing your mother?
359
00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:22,226
(sighs) I know.
360
00:15:22,295 --> 00:15:23,828
I feel terrible.
361
00:15:23,897 --> 00:15:26,330
I love my mom but,
you know, sometimes...
362
00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:29,333
Yeah. We-We've met her. Yeah.
363
00:15:29,402 --> 00:15:32,036
And it's easier to say
I can't spend time with her
364
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:36,140
because of Sheldon than to admit
that I just, I don't want to.
365
00:15:36,209 --> 00:15:37,942
Totally understandable.
366
00:15:38,011 --> 00:15:39,443
I'll ask again,
what do you mean,
367
00:15:39,512 --> 00:15:41,412
"don't beat myself up"?
368
00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:45,783
And then you ask me 20
questions to try to determine
369
00:15:45,852 --> 00:15:48,052
which Nobel Prize-winning
physicist I am.
370
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,654
Ready? Go.
371
00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:55,760
Can I give up?
372
00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:58,462
No. 19 questions left.
373
00:15:58,531 --> 00:16:00,464
(ringtone playing)
374
00:16:05,338 --> 00:16:06,704
Are you gonna get that?
375
00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:08,573
Oh, no. We're in the
middle of a game.
376
00:16:10,877 --> 00:16:13,511
18 questions left.
377
00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:16,948
Answer the phone,
Sheldon.
378
00:16:17,951 --> 00:16:19,817
Hello, Amy.
379
00:16:19,886 --> 00:16:21,652
Hey, how's it going?
380
00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:24,889
Well, Howard lured your dad away
with magic,
381
00:16:24,958 --> 00:16:26,524
so now I'm bonding
with your mom.
382
00:16:29,629 --> 00:16:31,696
I think she likes me.
383
00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:35,666
I'd like you a lot better
384
00:16:35,735 --> 00:16:37,902
if you weren't keeping
my daughter away from me.
385
00:16:37,971 --> 00:16:39,270
Uh, wh-- Hang on, Amy.
386
00:16:39,339 --> 00:16:42,173
What's the problem,
Green Beans?
387
00:16:42,242 --> 00:16:45,509
Amy said she couldn't come
to Thanksgiving dinner
388
00:16:45,578 --> 00:16:47,745
because you always have
to spend it with your mother.
389
00:16:47,814 --> 00:16:50,214
I haven't spent Thanksgiving
with my mother in years.
390
00:16:51,584 --> 00:16:52,984
Amy, why would you tell
your mother
391
00:16:53,052 --> 00:16:54,652
that I spend Thanksgiving
with my mother?
392
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:57,488
Uh, no time
to talk about that now.
393
00:16:57,557 --> 00:16:59,423
All your action figures
are on fire.
394
00:16:59,492 --> 00:17:01,092
Harrison Ford's in the lobby.
Come quick.
395
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:06,075
And Amy never joins us
for Sunday dinners
396
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,199
because you refuse to go out
on a school night.
397
00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:10,835
Sh-- I can go out
on a school night
398
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,070
as long as I'm in
my PJs by 10:00.
399
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,573
Sheldon, don't listen to her.
400
00:17:15,642 --> 00:17:16,919
She doesn't know
what she's talking about.
401
00:17:16,943 --> 00:17:19,877
She's crazy!
402
00:17:19,946 --> 00:17:21,712
Hello, Amy.
403
00:17:23,683 --> 00:17:24,916
Hello, Mother.
404
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:31,756
Great news. We-we can come
for Thanksgiving this year.
405
00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:35,159
I can't believe it.
406
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:36,928
All this time
I've been angry at you
407
00:17:36,996 --> 00:17:38,436
when I should have
been angry at Amy.
408
00:17:38,464 --> 00:17:40,965
Look at that.
We're both angry at Amy.
409
00:17:41,034 --> 00:17:43,668
Maybe that's something
we could bond over.
410
00:17:44,837 --> 00:17:46,037
Let me ask you this:
411
00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:48,105
how do you feel about Howard?
412
00:17:48,174 --> 00:17:51,809
Oh, is he that odd little friend
you have with the haircut?
413
00:17:51,878 --> 00:17:55,079
I may have married
the wrong Fowler.
414
00:17:57,617 --> 00:18:01,218
Why would Amy feel
the need to lie to me?
415
00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,665
Well, perhaps because
you're her mother
416
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:04,169
and she didn't want
to disappoint you.
417
00:18:04,223 --> 00:18:06,123
Really?
418
00:18:06,192 --> 00:18:08,192
Even after she threw you
under the bus,
419
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,894
you're still
gonna defend her.
420
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,395
Oh, yes.
421
00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:13,030
She's my wife
and I love her.
422
00:18:13,099 --> 00:18:15,311
And if I can forgive her for
putting ketchup on her eggs,
423
00:18:15,335 --> 00:18:17,568
I can forgive her for this.
424
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:21,339
Her father does that,
it's disgusting.
425
00:18:21,407 --> 00:18:24,608
Amy's crazy,
you are a delight.
426
00:18:33,052 --> 00:18:34,819
Good morning.
427
00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:36,520
Mm. Good morning.
428
00:18:36,589 --> 00:18:37,922
I ordered some coffee for us.
429
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,791
Oh, fantastic.
430
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,426
(sighs)
431
00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,195
Last night was...
432
00:18:44,263 --> 00:18:45,930
wonderful.
433
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,500
(sighs) But all we
did was talk.
434
00:18:49,569 --> 00:18:52,103
Yeah. And it was wonderful.
435
00:18:52,171 --> 00:18:54,305
Am I safe to assume
you talking to me now
436
00:18:54,374 --> 00:18:56,374
is a good sign
for our marriage?
437
00:18:56,442 --> 00:18:58,743
(chuckles) Yeah,
and-and for my liver.
438
00:19:00,546 --> 00:19:02,079
Hey, about the other thing.
439
00:19:02,181 --> 00:19:03,981
Um...
440
00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,283
Should we just wait
for another night?
441
00:19:07,787 --> 00:19:10,955
Or I go take a shower,
442
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,257
and you decide how
you want to play this.
443
00:19:19,232 --> 00:19:21,499
Take a shower with me, Raj.
444
00:19:28,506 --> 00:19:29,972
Thank you, Amy.
445
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,852
It's so nice of you
to have us over for dinner.
446
00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:36,044
(chuckles) Couldn't think
of a single reason not to.
447
00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:38,380
Yeah, and boy,
did she try.
448
00:19:38,449 --> 00:19:40,349
Thank you, honey.
449
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:43,051
Oh, you're welcome, dear.
450
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,654
Would anyone like to see the
magic trick Howard taught me?
451
00:19:45,723 --> 00:19:48,190
I'd love to see your trick,
Daddy.
452
00:19:51,529 --> 00:19:54,730
A perfectly ordinary
table knife.
453
00:19:54,798 --> 00:19:56,265
(exhales)
454
00:19:58,802 --> 00:20:00,936
Watch closely.
455
00:20:01,005 --> 00:20:03,138
Voilà.
456
00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:06,408
Oh, my gosh,
that was so good.
457
00:20:12,216 --> 00:20:14,917
Well, look,
there's fake blood, too.
458
00:20:16,887 --> 00:20:18,353
I'll be right back.
459
00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:25,685
I don't know about you,
but I don't really like magic.
460
00:20:25,754 --> 00:20:29,922
You just keep getting
better and better.
461
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:38,665
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
33576
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