All language subtitles for Scrubs - 1x01 - My First Day.en

I've always been able
to sleep through anything.

Storms, sirens, you name it.
Last night, I didn't sleep.

I guess I get a little goofy
when I'm nervous.

You see, today isn't just any other day.

It's my first day.

I'm the man.

Three years of pre-med
and four years of med school

have made me realise one thing...

Could you drop an NG tube
on the patient in 234

and then call the attending?

...I don't know Jack.

So this is my story.

- I'm supposed to be in intensive care.
- We just turfed him there.

I became a doctor to help people,
but orientation yesterday

didn't really focus on patient care.

The hospital doesn't wanna be sued.

Being sued is not a good thing.

- Hey, Turk?
- What's up?

You know how I'm down
with the rap music?

Dude, be whiter.

Chris Turk's my best friend. We roomed
together in college and med school.

We even got accepted
by the same hospital.

Here's the thing. Tupac, DMX, Dr Dre,

in most of their songs, they use
an extremely volatile racial slur.

- The ''N'' word.
- I got it.

My question is this:
if we're both singing along,

and I would
never use the word otherwise,

- am I allowed to say...
- No.

That's good for me to know.

Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake,
don't admit it to the patient.

Of course, if the patient is deceased,
and you're sure,

you can feel free to tell
him or her anything.

I found us an apartment.

OK, gang, I'm Dr Bob Kelso,
and I'm your Chief of Medicine,

so I just want to encourage you all
to think of me as your safety net.

Because I promise you,
we're a family here.

Now, then, go get 'em, doctors.

The surgical interns
are gonna go grab a beer.

The medical interns are having
a Pac-Man tournament. We're all twelve.

I love Pac-Man.

Me, too. I love watching it,
I love playing it, I love all of it.

- I'm Elliot.
- Ell-i-ot.

Don't do that.

I'm JD. This is Turk.

Are you medical or surgical?

Medical.

Hello.

Every male in my family is a doctor.
That's why Dad gave me a guy's name,

made me play sports, date girls. Joking.

I know.
I would've laughed if you'd paused.

I know what you're thinking.

Your butt looks like
two Pringles hugging.

- No, you don't.
- I'm Miss ''Hyper-Competitive.''

It used to be a big problem for me.
Used to. Past tense.

Are we racing?

Yes!

I'm not that desperate.

No!

You do a lot of cardio?

Oh, yes.

Elliot Reid? John Dorian? Great.

One, I am your resident,
Dr Jeffrey Steadman. Not ''Jeff'.

Two, here are your manuals.

Notice how quickly people
make an impression?

I am a tool. I am a tool.
I am a tool, tool, tool.

- An unbelievably annoying tool.
- Yeah.

These are your beepers.
From now on, they control your life.

Thanks. Move it.

Back to today.

- I was paged.
- First day, Bambi?

Don't look at me
when we're moving someone.

Why?

- We're waiting for Dr Cox.
- Hi, doctor...

- Place an IV for me.
- We'll talk later.

Carla, do you spray the perfume on
or fill your bathtub up

- and splash around in it?
- I smell nice.

You've done this to cadavers.
He's alive.

Poke it through his skin. Now!

Time's up.
Carla, will you do it for him?

- Why tell her?
- Shut up and watch.

Be nice to Bambi.

Why's he got to try and die
every day during my lunch?

That's insensitive.

Mistake.

Man's 92, has dementia,
doesn't know we're here.

He is inches from Carla's rack
and hasn't flinched.

- That is so sweet.
- Yeah, it is.

What about his subconscious?

Eisenhower was a sissy.

I think we're gonna be OK.

From now on,
whenever I'm in the room,

you're definitely not allowed to talk.

Dr Dorian, can you tell me
what ailment most often...

Rounds is like being on a game show.

What is uraemia?

That's my boy. Nice clean job
on the Foley catheter.

I had a nurse do it.
I'm still afraid to touch anybody.

I've been thinking a lot about Elliot.
A whole lot.

Dr Reid, you're late.

I got puked on.

You're off the hook if you can tell me
what to look for in a uraemic patient.

Anyway, I'm going for it.

- Infection.
- Infection?

That's my girl.

Moving on.

- I knew the answer.
- I'm sure you did.

- I'm just frazzled.
- How could you not be?

If there's anything
I can do for you...

You could let me take you to dinner
tomorrow night.

Around seven?

Or eight?

Why not?

Nice!

''Why not?'' That's what she said.

''Why not?''

Daddy, why did you marry Mommy?

Tiger, I gave her
an answer during rounds

and she screwed my brains out.

You're the man.

What the hell are you doing?

Did you actually just page me

to find out how much Tylenol
to give to Mrs Lenzer?

I was worried
it could exacerbate...

It's regular-strength Tylenol.
Here's what you do.

Open her mouth,
take a handful and throw it at her.

Whatever sticks,
that's the correct dosage.

Under no circumstances are you to
compromise our no-talking agreement.

Dr Kelso is always saying...

I'm gonna say this
as carefully as possible,

so I don't overstate it.

Dr Kelso is the most evil
human being on the planet

and may in fact be Satan himself.

It's just that this isn't
what I expected.

Most of my patients are...

older and sorta
checked-out, mentally.

Pumpkin, that's modern medicine.

Advances that keep people alive
who should've died a long time ago.

Back when they lost
what made them people.

Your job is to stay sane enough so when
someone does come in that you can help,

you're not so braindead
you can't function.

For the love of God, what?

Should we be talking
about this in front of...

Her? She's dead.

Write this down.
If you push around a stiff,

nobody'll ask you to do anything.

You've been like a father to me.

If they find out
nurses are doing your procedures,

you'll be kicked out so quick,
your head'll spin.

And there it is.

Have a terrific day.

I'm not really dead.

Bambi, here's Mrs Lenzer's tox screen.

Is Turk having
the same experience I am?

- I am such a stud.
- Probably not.

I had my hands
inside of a guy's chest.

I couldn't even see them. I should not
be allowed to do stuff like that.

Wassup?

- You weren't scared?
- One way or another,

everyone stops bleeding.

- That is so deep.
- No, it isn't.

It's a little deep.

- About the apartment...
- T-Man!

Word up, boy, how you doing?

- All right.
- Todd, JD.

- JD, this is my man Todd.
- What's goin'...

I was back in high school.

Surgical interns are all
slice 'em and dice 'em.

Medical interns are trained
to think about the body.

Diagnose, test.
Medical interns...

You got a stain.

...we're the chess club.

I just have bad gas.
What are you testing me for?

To see if your gas
could be harmful to others.

He's just scared. Talk to him.

Look, Mr Burski, I heard
a systolic murmur in your heart,

which is most likely nothing,
but if I don't check you out,

- I'll worry about you all day.
- Then I'll do it. For you.

You're a good man.

I'm waiting for someone.

The door is broke. Probably
the fifth time or so it don't open.

Maybe a penny's stuck in there.

- Why a penny?
- I don't know.

- Did you stick a penny in there?
- No, I was making small talk.

If I find a penny in there,
I'm taking you down.

Welcome to rounds, kids.

Elliot is the only thing
keeping me from losing my mind.

She is my dream girl.

The necrosis and infected stool
most likely indicate what, Dr Dorian?

I don't know.

Sir, I have no idea.

Dr Reid, can you help him out?

Superior mesenteric insufficiency.

That's my girl.
Patient number two.

''Superior mesenteric...''

Draining stomach fluid
will get my spirits up.

- Circles for you.
- Shut up and do it.

Fantastic. Now just suck out the fluid
with the giant needle.

Needle's too big.
I'm gonna get a nurse.

Come on, man. Learn by doing.

Why couldn't I do that?
I hated him at that moment.

OK, maybe the needle
was a little too big.

- You think?
- What's going on?

Nothing. This is totally normal.

So are you gonna
move your stuff in?

That's why I came by. I think it's
better if we both branched out.

Tell him that's stupid.
Tell him you need him.

I feel the same way.

What's it like
being a young hotshot doctor?

Did you ever go see a movie
everyone told you was great

and because of all the expectations,
you were disappointed?

Movies nowadays
have too many special effects.

That was my point.

My first code. Someone's heart fails,
they beep everyone.

The first doctor in
has to run the room,

decides if a patient lives or dies.

What, am I crazy?

You chicken.

Don't worry.
Turk was there, ''learning by doing''.

- Charged.
- Clear.

The guy was just sleeping,
attached to a faulty monitor.

I thought we cared for each other.

You just wanna sleep with me.

I don't wanna sleep with you now.

Do me right here.

See?

Right. Pass me a trach kit.

Thanks.

Our date is totally cancelled.

I was sitting on the floor
for two reasons.

One, I tried to lock Elliot in that
supply closet and she kicked me. Hard.

And two, the on-call room was locked.

Come on,
I got ten minutes to sleep.

Wait.

Tell me if I'm going too fast, OK?

Lose the clothes.

I heard Turk
was gonna move in with Todd.

I'm surprised that freak
isn't in there with him.

Damn, this is hot.

Nice.

Your turn.

No, I gotta get back,
but very nice.

Hey, Bambi.

I'll call you, OK?

Give me a big ''ahh''.

A big-boy ''ahh''.

Turk almost had sex
in the on-call room.

You realise, of course,
I have no idea who Turk is,

but good for him.

You see, Billy, it turns out
that sex is life-affirming.

What do you say?
Got a urine sample for me?

I just did five minutes ago.

But here's the thing.

Take this, put it on the ground, close
your eyes and go nuts. What do you say?

- Cool!
- Attaboy. Go get 'em.

- Why are you here?
- Seems like a good kid.

You're worried
about being on call tonight.

Yeah.

Look, worst-case scenario,

you kill somebody,

and it's with you
the rest of your life.

But that is the absolute
worst-case scenario.

Just have the nurses do the stuff
you're too chicken to do,

which is everything, and if you
have a really rough admission...

Call you?

No! Hide in the closet again.

This is fun.

- Nurse?
- I'm a doctor.

The stethoscope, the beeper,
a doctor, got it?

Relax.

I hate the ''darlings'',
the ''sweethearts''.

No need to tell me how hard it is
being a woman here.

You're helping by wearing a thong
and hooking up in the on-call room.

Word gets around.

You talk like that,
do you even know my name?

I spend every second of my life
either here or taking care of my mom,

so, yeah,
maybe I needed a little closeness.

You never had a quickie
at the club, right?

Or snuck some skinny college boy
up to your sorority room.

And my thong?
I think it makes my ass look good.

And some days, I need
to feel good about something.

And you judge me?
Well, guess what?

Word does get around,
Ms Out-For-Herself.

So you can dump on everyone here
if you want, but you will not hurt me.

Her name's Carla, by the way.

Hey, champ.
First night on call starts soon, huh?

You must be excited.

You betcha.

About Mrs Pratt.

I heard you wanted to put her
on the hospital's transplant list.

I'd recommend
keeping her on dialysis a little longer.

- Maybe we'll get lucky.
- No problem, sir.

Great. Have a ball.

On call.

Little poem for ya.

Bambi, let's go.

I'll check on you every ten minutes,
Mrs Marino, OK?

I need to see you in Mr Burski's room.

Are you flirting with me?

You are, aren't you?

He crashed. The attending
thinks it was a pulmonary embolism.

No way anyone could've caught it.

- You have to pronounce him.
- Why didn't anybody page me?

Could you just pronounce him
so I can go home?

I'll never forget that moment.

The way he looked exactly the same,

only completely different.

The shame that all I could think about
was how hard this was for me.

Time of death 0200.

I just wanted to help people.

The hardest part is how quickly
you have to move on.

Don't worry, you're gonna be fine.

I lied before.
I'm scared every second.

Really?

It's a good thing they make
surgical masks. If they didn't,

everyone would know my face
was like this the whole time.

I think it's OK to be scared.

I need you to tell me that.

He needs me?

I just came to check up on you,
see how you're doing.

Ask him to move in again.

Turk, the offer still stands...

I already took the keys
out your bag.

I love you.

And like that, I got a second wind.

I'm watching you.

- How you holding up?
- There he is. My safety net.

I saw that you're still pushing to put
Mrs Pratt on the transplant list.

Bad news, though. She doesn't
have the insurance to cover it.

But she's a second away
from total renal failure.

OK...

Did you ask the Burski family
for permission to do an autopsy?

They're still with him.

It's a teaching hospital,
you gotta ask.

Tell him you can't see
Mr Burski again, he'll understand.

Sir, do you think I could skip
just this one?

Why, sure, sport.

See? Every story needs a good guy.

In fact, why don't you
just head on home?

You look kinda tired.

I am pretty tired.

Dr Dorian, do you not realise

that you're nothing but
a large pair of scrubs to me?

The only reason
I carry this chart around

is so I can pretend to remember
your names.

If the patient has insurance,
you treat them.

If they don't,
you show them the door.

And if somebody dies,
you get the autopsy.

Get it by rounds tomorrow or I'll
scratch your name off my chart. Clear?

Answer me!

Crystal clear.

Great, sport.

If he's the jerk...

...then who's the good guy?

Car accident.
Crashed on the way up.

Relieve the pressure on his chest.
JD, do it.

God, no.

Look at me. You can do this.

- And I believed him.
- Chest tube tray.

You know, kind of.

Come on, baby, let's go.

You can do this.
You have to do this.

JD, cut him or lose him.

Give me the tube.

I can't get through the pleura.

Don't be gentle, get it in there.

Connect it, please, Carla.

- Normal rhythm.
- No way!

It's a piece of cake.
It's your patient.

You're leaving?

That's your patient, doctor.

Good.

- That's enough.
- Sorry.

It's a very big moment for me.

I guess that's it for now.
31 hours, 12 minutes, and I am...

You finally off?

Almost. I have one more
annoying thing I gotta do.

If it's the Burski autopsy,
I called the family

and they said fine,
and to thank you, and I'm sorry.

They didn't say that last part,
I did.

The worst part was knowing
I could never forgive her.

I forgive her.

You see, I can't survive on my own.

I'm a dork. A dork. I'm a dork.

Even now,
when I get to go home,

I'll know the hospital's still here,
wide awake.

Get out while you still can.

But what the hell.

The important thing is
I got through my first three days

without looking
like a complete idiot.

I'm the man.

< French Team >
www.V2.Frigorifix.com