Original subtitles

Cutter, I'm not an alcoholic.

I've been in this business long enough to know

that the next word that comes out of your mouth

I'm calling the police. is gonna be a lie.

- Don't make me tase you! - On the ground, sir!

How y'all doing?

You know them?

I trained those two dipshits.

I would say that when I... when I think about my ex-wife,

it makes me want to drink.

What did go wrong?

Not cool, man. She's dead.

I never said she was dead.

You said you ran into a tree and she died.

She came close, but she pulled through.

to share something, please? Would someone else like

Don't drink. Don't drink.

Hey. Hey!

You got a light? Yeah?

I don't smoke. Once a pussy, always a pussy.

Dad?

Well at least your little pussy ears are still working.

What are you doing here?

I needed to see you, Sammy.

You couldn't call?

You... You're kind of catching me at a weird time.

I'm dying.

Bullshit.

Nah, I'm not dying but I sorta missed you.

So, how you been?

I'm... I'm perfect. Great. I'm great.

What are you doing here?

I'm on my way up to Vancouver to tag this broad,

so I thought I'd drop by.

Check this out. She sent me a tit pic.

She's a bit of a tease, though. She only sent me one tit.

I don't need to see that.

Cute, though, huh? Huh?

So what were you in the church for?

Uh, you in some kind of gay men's choir?

I run a support group.

What kind of support group? Oh.

It, uh... Is it a gay thing?

No, I'm not gay.

I was married to a woman, remember?

I-I work with people who have substance-abuse issues.

So you're still doing that. Oh.

I thought it was kind of a fad, you know,

like when you did karate... or went to college.

No, it's not a fad. Just my life.

Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good.

with something for a change. It's nice to see you sticking

Look, I-I've had a long day...

Me, too. Come on, let's go get some grub.

I'm buying. I know this great place to get lobster.

and you know that. I hate lobster,

Because it upsets my stomach. How can you hate lobster?

Oh cut that shit,

lobster's one of God's great delicacies.

There isn't a person on the planet

Oh, yeah? that doesn't love lobster.

You know what they used it for in the 1800s?

Fertilizer. Right. Right.

And those are the same assholes who also had slaves.

So if you want to support that, too,

to have dinner with you, well, then maybe I don't want

you alt-right motherfucker.

Hey, sorry I haven't seen you since your accident thing.

My accident thing?

the drunken car wreck Do you mean

where I almost killed my then-wife?

Why, did you have another one?

You got my card, though, huh?

No. Well, I definitely sent one.

It must've got lost or something.

The mail out of Bangkok's been a mess

since the rickshaws went electric.

Okay, here's your Rob Roy. Annette:

Thank you, Annette.

Oh, man, I'll take that. Oh.

And your Amstel Light.

Are you kidding me?

What? It's a light beer.

Dad, I'm sober.

was drugs and hard liquor? I thought your problem

Yeah, well I-if you quit the drugs and alcohol

you got to quit the beer, too.

Got it. Bring him a glass of wine, please.

What? No! No wine!

One glass of wine ain't gonna kill ya.

Little French kids drink wine at lunch.

I'm not a little French kid.

Wow. If you can't have one glass of wine with your old man,

than you know, buddy boy. then you got bigger problems

Yeah, okay. Now you're starting to get it.

Be right back.

Everything... You ready to order?

Yeah, two bake-stuffed lobsters, please.

I-I can't have lobster! No, no, no! I'm not...

I told you that. It's hard on my stomach.

That's not the lobster. That's the butter.

Don't blame the lobster. The lobster did nothing!

defending the lobster?! Why are you always

It's like the lobster can do no wrong with you!

All right, I'll have the chicken.

Okay.

He's a good kid.

some heavy stuff. He's just going through

Oh.

That's why I came back here... to do what dads do.

That's sweet.

God, I wish my dad were more like you.

Well, what's the matter? He wasn't around much?

I mean, it's just...

It's a long story.

That's okay. Go ahead. Tell me about it.

I want to hear your story.

Hey, man, what's up?

My Dad's in town. So, guess what.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I may have told him that you were at the church.

What? Why would you do that?

You know he's one of my triggers!

Connection" was your trigger? I thought the song "Rainbow

I've got a lot of fucking triggers!

All right. Sorry, dude.

Hey, uh, does he still think I'm gay?

He thinks everybody is gay.

as my friend right now, okay? Look, I'm not calling you

I'm calling you as my sponsor.

I need your fucking help. What are you talking about?

He put a beer in front of me,

and if... if it hadn't been an Amstel Light

a very different phone call. this would be

Oh, what an asshole.

I really fucking wanted it, man.

It was, like, a frosted mug, just a golden amber.

Of course you did.

how do I... All right, so, how...

How do you deal with this? I don't know, man.

It's different for everybody. You know what I mean?

You got to just figure out what works for you

and then do that.

wouldn't work for you. What works for me definitely

I know that much.

Ben, cut the shit, all right?

I need some real advice here.

Okay. Well, just, you know,

you've done and... think of all the hard work

the weeks and months and years and...

how you got a lot of people counting on you

and, you know, they look up to you, don't they?

all that with one drink. You know? So just don't erase

Yeah, you gotta do better than that next time.

I gotta go.

There, there. Let it all out.

Mm-hmm. Daddy's here.

- Hey. - Hey.

Where are your keys?

My dad has them.

Mm-hmm. You have a dad?

I always thought you were one of those Russian babies

who grew up in an orphanage without human contact.

Actually, pretty accurate.

He's a total drunk Not only do I have one...

who spends every waking second

trying to bone anything with a pulse.

Ewwww.

You say that, but you'll probably end up doing him.

your Dad could possibly steal Okay, everything

has been locked away in the safe underneath my bed.

You have a safe under your bed?

Nope.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go check on the chili.

Yeah, yeah. Take it all, take it all!

Oh, yeah, take it all...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. Come on! Not here.

Sorry, but there's someone sleeping on the couch.

Dad, please. Oh, yeah.

Oh, come on, kid, give me a break.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, wake up.

I need the couch.

What? No. Come on.

This is my spot. Well, no, it's my spot

until now. that I let you have

Get up. Ugh!

If I get up, then I might go out and get drunk.

Well, I'll buy you the first round.

Man! What the fuck?

Dude, now I got to plug this shit in somewhere else!

All right, all right, all right, fine, fine,

I'll sleep on the floor.

- Oh, yeah! - Oh, God!

Oh, take it. Take it all.

Take it, honey.

Oh, yeah.

moaning loudly ] [ Jack and Annette

Oh, yes!

Sounds like he really knows what he's doing in there.

Shut up.

Ahh!

Yeah.

Oh. Uh.

Good morning, pussycat!

Is Annette still here?

Who?

The woman with the daddy issues.

to school. No, she had to take her kids

Not everybody sleeps the day away like you do, kiddo.

Oh, hey, Jack.

Holy shit, Ben... Did you gain weight?

Uh, no. Actually, I lost a little bit of weight.

a new scale, kiddo. Uh, might be time to get

Hey, hope I didn't keep you up last night.

Oh, you mean with all that loud fucking?

Yeah.

She was a screamer, huh? Yeah.

want to wash your sheets. Oh, and Sammy, you'll probably

Hey, I'm burning those.

And who is this beauty?

I'm Claire.

Clear? Is that some Scientology thing?

'Cause there's definitely something evolved

Okay, okay. Give it a rest. about this lady.

All right, all right. So what are we doing today, huh?

We aren't doing anythin.

Oh, come on, how often do we get to hang around, hmm?

Aren't you supposed to be up in Vancouver

with the uni-boober?

You wouldn't talk to your dad like that, would you?

My Dad's dead.

Oh, hm. Walked right into that one.

I know.

Let's go to the pool hall

like when you were a kid. and hustle marks,

No, I can't, I got stuff to do.

Oh, you're like that kid in that "Cat's in the Cradle" song.

All right, that's a song about a father who ignores his kid.

ends up ignoring the dad. Yeah, and then the kid

There are no winners here.

Mm-hmm.

God, you are a whiny fuck.

Look, I'm sorry if you don't think

I was the greatest dad in the world when you were a kid,

Get over it? but get over it.

That's right, get over it.

'Cause until I get the kinks worked out in my time machine,

there is nothing we can do about it.

Now come on, I want to hang around.

of your... "meetings." I know. Take me to one

You want to go to one of my meetings?

Of course I do.

But first we better stop at the liquor store...

I'm gonna need something strong to get through that shit.

Very funny.

Hey.

Hey.

How you doing?

Not bad. How are you doing?

Good. Good. Great.

Um, sooo, how's Ben doing?

Uh, he's good, you know. Being Ben.

Why?

I was just curious, 'cause he just seemed a little... odd

the last time I saw him.

of weird when my Dad's around. Oh, yeah, he's... he's kind

Someone call? My ears were burning.

Oh, come on, Sam, Probably your syphilis.

you don't get syphilis in the ears...

at the wrong moment. unless she turns her head

Allison, this is Jack. He's my father.

No, don't... don't smile. He'll try to bang you.

Jack Loudermilk, Esquire.

You're not... H-He's not a lawyer.

and my favorite magazin. I was telling her my name

I figured that, being that she's a model,

in the damn thing. she's probably been Here we go.

Okay... yeah, I-I can see the resemblance.

were genetic. If only charm

True dat. I-I will see you guys later.

I certainly hope so.

We could talk about your dad.

Stop, please.

Stop. What?

2C... I'll remember that.

911... I'll remember that.

- I'm coming, I'm coming. - Come on.

Who wants to talk? Come on, somebody.

I-I-I'm sick of this shit. all right?

We're gonna do an exercise.

Everybody is gonna say one thing humiliating about themselves

that nobody else knows.

of this playing-it-safe shit. No more

Who's gonna start?

Come on.

No.

Usually I sleep with just a shirt on.

You mean no underwear?

Nope. Just a shirt.

Sometimes just my tie.

Okay. That's a terrible start.

I think we can do a lot better than that.

Who's up? I once had to watch my son tap dancing to "Disco Duck"

during a school talent show.

as humiliating as hell. That was

All right, I was fucking seven.

Okay, what about when you were 14?

Yeah, okay, all right! You used to go upstairs...

I-I want to hear actually in the group. from some people who are

I fucked a chicken once.

Okay, g... What?

I fucked a chicken.

You mean you fucked a... a chick?

Can I tell my own story? Thank you.

Yeah.

Uh, my old lady kicked me out of the house.

This was back in Aberdeen. I was sleeping in the barn.

And I was all pissed off and drunk out of my gourd

and there was this chicken there.

and I-I fucked it. And I, uh... I picked it up,

How is... How is that even possible?

Mm...

I-I'm not a zoologist, but I guess you got

to go up in where the eggs come down, right?

- that's the chicken vagina. - Yeah. I mean,

Or the chi-Gina?

Well, I know it wasn't the asshole

'cause I didn't get any shit on me or anything, you know.

Hey, what came first, the chicken or the egg?

I think I did.

Okay. We're done with that.

Somebody talk about something that's happening this week.

Who wants to start?

Sam, a moment?

Yeah.

All right.

your best, all right? Just, everybody, just do

I'll be right back.

Hey, padre.

You got your crucifix and holy water handy?

This guy's got demons.

Listen. I got some scheduling issues we need to talk about.

I-I know. Yeah.

We... We started late today.

I got my asshole father in town.

No, it's not about that.

In fact, I was gonna tell you since I gave you back the keys,

some... some nice changes I've noticed

around here. Oh, good. in some of the guys

I think they're really starting to put it together.

Mugsy is right on the verge of really getting it.

I'm not an alcoholic? So you're saying

No. I don't think so.

But I've been in rehab three times.

Pbht! Rehab is a business.

That's true. It is big business.

So, what happened to you?

Hmm? Oh, nothing.

My parents are both on the small side, but that's...

Not you. Flapjacks.

What? Nothing. What do you mean?

what do I mean? What do you mean

What happened to your arms?

They get blown off or something?

Yeah. Yeah, they got blown off in Iraq,

but they managed to reattach my hands.

They did their best. Well, you know...

Oof.

Anyway, What the fuck? I'd venture to guess...

...more than half of you people are not alcoholics.

are you talking, buddy? What kind of shit

Let me ask a question...

Why do you guys like to drink?

I don't know.

'Cause it makes me feel good?

that's why I drink, too. Yeah,

- Really? Me, too. - Yep.

And what was it God said in the Bible about feeling good?

He said go for it!

He didn't say that!

What did Jesus do his last night on earth?

He partied!

He got his guys together, and they turned bread into wine,

and then they got hammered!

So God wants us to be happy.

You bet your ass he does!

But society, they demonize you guys.

alcohol outright... I mean, they couldn't ban

even though they sure as hell tried...

so they come at you guys another way.

And you wanna know why?

Because rehab is big business.

It's got lobbyists. And every business...

And the lobbyists for the rehab industry,

they got paid to make sure that every senator and every governor

voted to lower the DUI level to .08,

even though we all know that .08...

Well, you don't even get drunk

until you're into the teens, right?

.08? That's mouthwash.

Tom, I want you to leave.

Come on, I wanna stay. Now! Okay.

is .08. So, now drunk driving

So when you get arrested for drunk driving

you are obligated to do rehab.

Why? Because these lobbyists...

They got the law changed that says if you do rehab

from your job. they can't fire you

So, you see what they're doing?

They're feeding the dragon.

You know, it does seem that way sometimes.

I mean they never gave Dean Martin or Spuds MacKenzie

Exactly. this kind of shit.

And Dudley Moore's only good movie was "Arthur."

Yeah!

But how do I know if I'm not really an alcoholic?

Don't listen to this idiot. You're all alcoholics!

Just do what I do.

for one month every year I quit drinking

just to test the brakes.

If you can do that, you're not an alcoholic.

I've got five weeks under my belt right now.

Then you're not an alcoholic.

for nine months. I've been sober

Then you are definitely not an alcoholic.

The longest I ever been clean is five days.

Hmm.

Well, you may have a problem, chicken fucker.

Mm.

are tak... So, the bingo bitches

Ah! Bingo ladies...

Are taking Tuesdays at 8:00.

We keep Thursdays at 8:00 and move to Tuesdays at 5:00?

are 5:00, No, your Thursdays

and your Wednesday moves to Saturday.

Loudermilk! Cutter's choking out your dad.

What?

Accept the things you cannot change

you can... and change the things

Stop resisting!

Aren't you gonna break that up?

Or I'll shove my blue chip down your throat!

In a sec. Stop! He's resisting!

He's resisting!

How long was I out?

Just for a couple minutes, and you deserved it.

Guys are trying to walk a tightrope,

and you're grabbing the wire and shaking it.

Hey, I was just trying Hope? to give 'em hope.

Yeah, hope that maybe they're not as bad

Are you a fucking idiot? as they think they are.

They're worse than they think they are!

have for decent lives The only hope these guys

is to accept the fact that they can never, ever drink again.

Okay, relax, relax. I'm gonna get out of your hair.

I've got a masseuse coming over to work on my neck.

out of my hair"? How's that "getting

Don't worry, you won't even know we're here.

Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah. Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

- Oh! - Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy?!

Oh, yes! Who's your daddy?!

Yeah, yeah!

Ohh, yeah.

What's her hourly? I mean, how can he afford this?

Take it all. Yeah.

Take it all. Yeah, take it all.

I thought he was just being charming

when he said he was gonna give her frame damage.

Really?

You found that charming?

Well... cute.

Yeah. Take it all.

Take it all. Yeah.

Take it all.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah! Yeah.

What's this?

I don't know.

Huh? I don't know!

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

Oh, yeah! Yeah. Yeah.

Get out here!

Right now? I'm in the middle of someone.

Now!

No, no. Don't, don't, don't.

Don't worry about him. Don't...

No, no, you don't have to leave.

Your neck seems fine now. I'm gonna go.

What are you talking about? I was just getting loosened up.

Hey. Come on, Svetlana.

We were having fun, weren't we? Come on!

Oh, please!

You happy, shitballs? Look what ya did!

You owe me an apology.

I owe you an apolog? For what?

hiding under the couch. Look what I found

That's not mine.

Bullshit!

Whose is it, then?

Okay, it's mine. But at least I hid it.

I guess I forgot how good your nose is for hard liquor.

is trying to be sober. I told you that everybody here

I think you should apologize to all of us.

Why? You never apologized to me.

Isn't that one of your steps? Apologizing to your old man?

to the people that I wronged, No! I apologized

Fine. not people who wronged me.

I'm getting the hell out of here.

No, no, no, you don't get to fucking get off that easy.

All right?

of my life like a tornado... You just blow in and out

Why can't you for once take responsibility

for being so fucking irresponsible?

Okay.

I brought the flask. I'm sorry

Happy? No.

I'm talking about my whole life.

Oh Christ, here we go again.

When you were a kid, I was a good father.

to the liquor cabinet! You gave me a key

You asked me to! I was twelve!

Okay, so I made one mistake.

When I was in ninth grade, you disappeared for four years.

for four years! We didn't see you

Hey, that was between your mother and me.

Well, what about me, huh?

What about me, Dad?

That's why I came back.

Sure, when I didn't need you anymore.

terrible childhoods, okay? Look, we all had

I had one, my father had one,

you had one, and your kid's gonna have one.

No. No, he's not.

'Cause this fucked up Loudermilk legacy

Yeah, I don't doubt that, ends right here.

what with your personality.

I mean, what kind of person doesn't like lobster?!

Fuck you! No, fuck you!

Why can't you just admit

that's really pissing you off that the thing

is that I can drink and you can't.

That's bullshit.

Bullshit? Is it?

I can drink and I can go to bed

and have a normal life. and I can get up and go to work

When you drink, you forget little things...

stupid things... like how to go to bed...

how to write, how to drive.

by morning. I want you out of here

You know what?

I'm gonna call my masseuse and tell her to come back.

Hey! Hey.

Where are you going?

with my dad. I just had a blowout

I'm gonna go check into a hotel.

At 2:00 a.m.? Why don't you just...

What, sleep on your couch?

No.

Just go back and, you know,

with your dad. smooth things over

Yeah. That's not gonna happen.

I mean, I-I would... What?

I'd let you sleep on my couch, Loudermilk, but...

is like three feet long. my couch

Well, I don't mind sleeping on the floor.

I don't know, Sam, you know?

Carl might not go for that.

Okay, couch is good.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

- You! Oh, who's your daddy now?

Who? Who's your daddy? Yeah.

Take it all. Take it all.

Sorry for all this. Take it all.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, take it all! Take it all!

I, um

I got an idea.

Oh.

Oh, yeah!

to put on some music? Do you want me

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Why not? Sure.

- Oh! Oh! - Oh, yeah!

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?! Who's your daddy?!

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy now?

Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Who's this?

Andy Shauf.

Huh. Nice.

It's Carl's.

What are you still doing here?

I didn't want us to end things like that.

We're not...

We're not ending anything, okay?

We're just...

I think we do better when we're apart.

Yeah, well, I just want you to know that,

no matter what you think of me,

I'm very proud to have you as my son.

Well, thanks.

I mean, God knows you were far from perfect,

but you were good enough for me.

Okay.

Anyway, I got a Vancouver cougar

so I should hit the road. waiting up north for me,

Oh, and, Sammy...

you might want to keep an eye on Ben.

Not gay. No,

vulnerable. he just seems, uh...

Okay, sure.

Give your old man a hug.

- Travel safe. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, Dad.

Uh, I just, you know...

Sorry.

Did he leave?

Yep.

Well, say what you will about him,

but that guy can fuck.

.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII

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