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Previously on Kidding...
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Pickles on Ice,
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starring Mr. Pickles himself, as played
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by gold medalist Tara Lipinski.
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I want my head back.
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Pickles on Ice requires
a Mr. Pickles, Jeff.
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Otherwise, it's just Tara Lipinski
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ice dancing through a fever dream.
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Here.
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♪ Today's hidden ingredient ♪
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- Ecstasy!
- He's some Croatian voice actor.
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Hi, Havana?
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Maddy, we're not getting divorced.
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I promise.
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This is Mr. Pickles-san.
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He's gonna follow Uncle
Jeff around for a few weeks
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and then bring back what
he learned to Japan.
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English, eh...
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mm... not amazing.
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You speak English?
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I'm not speaking English.
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What the actual fuck?
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I'm in remission.
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I love you so much.
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Now that I can
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plan ahead, I'm sorry.
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Those plans don't involve you.
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It'sss all so beautiful!
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Agh!
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Quel fromage!
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- Agh!
- Mr. Pickles... agh!
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Every pain needs a name.
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Ah!
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Excuse me. Hey.
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What?
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Uh, can I buy three chickens?
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
... www.addic7ed.com ...
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Some college kid put it together.
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We're sending a cease-and-desist.
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Quel fromage!
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- Has Jeff seen this?
- We don't know.
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Please get this game taken down
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before he does. It'll upset him.
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You won't like him when he's upset.
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Today through December eighth
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at the Columbus City Convention Center,
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Tara Lipinski Visits Pickle
Barrel Falls On Ice!
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Get your tickets now.
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Hello?
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Your father loves you, Jeff,
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but he's going to animate you.
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- Who is this?
- He doesn't want to, but he will.
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He's asking all around Eastern Europe,
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where talent is cheap and plentiful,
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trying to find a voice like yours.
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Am I on the radio?
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He wanted me to call and threaten you.
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I said no. I'm your friend.
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But there are hundreds like me, Jeff.
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Time's running out. It's not too late.
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Listen to your father, Jeff.
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Fall in line, Jeff.
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Your entire existence is at stake!
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Please, Jeff!
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I learn English from watching your show.
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Hello.
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Listen, fucko.
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Don't listen to that other guy.
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He's crazy. I need this job.
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I have a large Serbian family.
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Little Ognjen needs his sarma!
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Blow your fucking brains out.
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I want to see your skull fragments
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bounce off the White House windows!
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Make me cartoon, pickle man.
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Make me cartoon!
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Please leave me alone.
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Oops, you got me!
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It's all so beautiful!
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What are you guys playing?
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I need something from you.
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I spoke to our lawyers.
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They're getting it taken
down immediately.
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Getting what taken down immediately?
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Nothing.
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Is the Pickles on Ice-tacular sold out?
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Because St. Joan's said that I could
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take 20 of my sick little pickle pals.
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One of them, Brian,
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has Landau-Kleffner syndrome.
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His wish was to meet Ms. Lipinski.
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I promised I would grant it.
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What happened to my office, Jeff?
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Did you do that?
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Did you call several Serbian Jeffs?
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I'm worried Vivian breaking up with you
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the way she did has put you
in a particularly dark place.
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A woman is gonna live!
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It's a miracle. We
should be happy for her.
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I know I am!
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Tell you what: don't go
to D.C. next week,
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and I'll rethink turning
you into a cartoon.
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You're not turning me into a cartoon,
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and I am going to D.C.,
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because I have to light
the national tree.
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I don't want you on live TV.
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You're in too much pain.
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I stood behind that podium
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months after my son died,
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and nobody tried to stop me.
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I don't see why some
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run-of-the-mill breakup
suddenly tips the scales.
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I'm beginning to think that
last year was a mistake,
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and I'm sorry,
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but last year, your eyes were soft.
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Your voice was a Mormon trumpet,
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a peaceful horn.
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Now you are a bagpipe
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of insanity.
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This is not insanity.
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This is how honesty looks
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when you're inside out and upside down.
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Jeff,
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you're having a breakdown.
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I'm having a breakthrough.
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You know, I've never seen you lie,
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except to yourself.
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I'll get the tickets for the ice show.
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I'm glad you're coming around to it.
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It'sss all so... agh!
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Quel fromage!
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I need to know, did you
have sexual relations
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with the Japanese version
of your brother?
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Mr. Pickles-san is
independently handsome.
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He's your brother with subtitles.
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I would rip you a new one if
you had any asshole left.
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Seriously, where do you get this stuff?
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Me, a homosexual? I am the...
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straightest dude I ever met.
Go, Buckeyes.
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We had that whole coded conversation
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about pianos and clarinets!
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I was talking about
pianos and clarinets.
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What-what-what were you talking about?
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Your daughter saw her piano teacher
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giving you a hand job in our driveway!
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Oh, my God, who knows what she saw?
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Rex is my friend.
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Sure, we garden sometimes,
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but there's nothing lurid
going on between us.
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You almost came out to me, Scott!
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When?
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That night in bed!
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All I remember
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is a night you wanted me
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to name a happy child of divorce,
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so think about that
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before you become your mother.
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You're gay.
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You're gay. You're gay.
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You're gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!
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And my pussy needs attention.
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My... pussy... needs... attention.
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Can I go to Pop-Pop's?
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Why do you hate me?
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I don't hate you...
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even when I hate you.
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Don't forget your promise.
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Yeah, I remember.
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You promised you and Dad
would always stay together.
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I did say that. I remember.
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Hi.
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Hi.
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Is that what you're
wearing to the premiere?
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Mommy's not coming.
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No, Scott's in an...
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he's in one of his moods.
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I think he's depressed.
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I love pussy!
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Hey, it's gonna be okay.
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- Is it?
- Yes.
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That's good.
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Did you really think you could commit
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such a blatant infidelity
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- without any consequences?
- I'm sorry.
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I wasn't thinking. I was selfish.
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I'm a terrible person.
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A child lives in this house, Deirdre.
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We'll tell her you're away on a trip.
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Fine, you should tell her.
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I'm a terrible liar. Oh.
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Ohayo gozaimasu.
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He needs to find another place to sleep.
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I agree.
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He's overstayed his welcome.
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A-and seriously, how much longer
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do you need to stay here?
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It-it-it's a puppet show.
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You're not learning the
ways of the freaking Jedi.
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Have a nice day.
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Yeah, fuck you.
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God damn it.
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I think we should fuck.
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I cannot. I'm sorry.
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All Pickles-sans take a vow of chastity.
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This has been tradition
since the show began.
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How many Pickles-sans have there been?
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I'm the second.
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I think we should fuck.
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00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,480
I cannot. I'm sorry.
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00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:07,200
I serve a higher moral authority:
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the children of Japan.
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I think...
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we should fuck!
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00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:16,460
Who wants an autograph?
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00:11:16,540 --> 00:11:17,670
Oh, I do. I do.
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00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,260
Oh, here you go, kid.
I like that sweater.
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00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,606
- Thank you.
- Who's next?
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00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:26,520
- I am.
- She's beautiful.
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00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:30,420
You really like watching Ms.
Lipinski, don't you, Brian?
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00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:32,170
If I stop watching,
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she'll fall down.
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00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,220
Well, then you better not
take your eyes off her.
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00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,240
_
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00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,759
Hmm.
225
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,299
Hello.
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00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,880
Hi, Mr. Pickles.
227
00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:51,160
This is Principal Ward
from Will's school.
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00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,260
We have a bit of a situation here.
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00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:58,260
Oh, mon dieu!
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00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,180
Life is meaningless.
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00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,260
Hey, that hurts!
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00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,120
Looks like someone got a new phone.
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00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,400
Thank you, Will.
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00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:15,140
You can wait out here.
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00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,660
Can I see the parents now,
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00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:20,470
and only the parents?
237
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,100
Have they found number three yet?
238
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:35,640
There is no number three, is there?
239
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,220
Why'd you do it?
240
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,340
To impress that girl.
241
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:43,700
You think she got the message?
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00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:49,300
Women.
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00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,440
Women.
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00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,660
There is no good way to say this.
245
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,620
One of Will's chickens pecked
a cook in the genitalia.
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00:12:57,740 --> 00:12:59,170
It swelled up, and we had
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00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,090
to put a special sock around it.
248
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,800
Will generally doesn't act like this.
249
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,920
He'll apologize.
250
00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:07,840
I like Will, but he's changed.
251
00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:09,470
He has new friends,
252
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,880
and I can't prove it, but...
253
00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:12,480
I think he's smoking marijuana.
254
00:13:12,550 --> 00:13:13,980
It's an epidemic.
255
00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:15,840
Every family has a Will.
256
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,460
My brother Paul started as a Will.
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00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,960
Paul owes a lot of people money.
258
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,590
Paul once got so drunk on alcohol,
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00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,920
he broke into a bowling alley at night
260
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,780
and fried his own food at the snack bar.
261
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,130
I don't think Will is Paul yet, so...
262
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:35,300
I'm letting him off with a warning.
263
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,670
Thank you for your
lenience and your candor.
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00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,880
The pot thing, we take very seriously.
265
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:45,240
Why can't Will be an asshole?
266
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,780
Hmm?
267
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,700
Why can't Will be an asshole?
268
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,420
I'm sorry. I like that he's
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00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:52,920
an asshole. I don't know why.
270
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:55,970
Sometimes it's okay to be an asshole.
271
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,010
Sometimes the world needs assholes.
272
00:13:58,020 --> 00:14:00,800
Paul sounds awesome. I'd
like to hang out with Paul.
273
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,860
Paul's living his best life.
274
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,320
I don't understand.
275
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:05,760
I do.
276
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,540
We love our children.
277
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,299
We love them when they're good,
278
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:14,360
but we love them more
when they challenge us.
279
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,780
When children misbehave,
280
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:18,970
they're reminding us
281
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:21,380
of how much we must love them
282
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,040
if we're still willing to
tuck them in at night.
283
00:14:26,590 --> 00:14:28,340
When Will acts out,
284
00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:32,420
it reminds her of his deceased brother.
285
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,000
I think we should suspend him.
286
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,980
I'm sorry, I have to go.
287
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:49,630
What happened?
288
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,470
You're suspended.
289
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,539
Now let's go get some hotcakes.
290
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:55,880
Yeah?
291
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,260
All of us?
292
00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:59,110
Did you want me to join,
293
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,139
or are you guys...
just want family time?
294
00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:03,920
Um, I think just the
family, if that's okay.
295
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:07,370
Principal Ward,
296
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,640
I found the number three chicken.
297
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:11,120
Good work, Barnaby.
298
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,800
Uh, let's get out of here.
299
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,260
Jeff's left. I don't
think he's coming back.
300
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:26,519
Put on the Pickles.
301
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:27,660
No, I'm sorry.
302
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,400
I promised him I would be
myself and only myself.
303
00:15:30,420 --> 00:15:31,890
I've sunk my reputation
304
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,330
and a considerable chunk of my 401
305
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:35,840
into this endeavor.
306
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,840
The people need the Pickles.
307
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,130
The puppets need to find Mr. Pickles,
308
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:43,920
or the ice narrative has no ending.
309
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,000
Listen to reason.
310
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,220
You're beautiful just the way you are.
311
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,560
Shut up!
312
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,550
Sorry. That's our new parakeet,
313
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:54,220
Sarakeet. Uh, she talks too much,
314
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,220
uh, kind of like me.
315
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,980
I don't think I've ever seen you talk.
316
00:15:58,020 --> 00:15:59,640
Uh, well,
317
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,880
I only try to talk during meals
318
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,779
because it-it keeps me from eating.
319
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,400
It's a diet I made up.
320
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:06,880
Shut up, skinny bitch.
321
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:12,970
I tell you what, Tara's sister.
322
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,510
"Sah-ra."
323
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:16,420
Actually, Sarah.
324
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:18,550
I go by Sarah now.
325
00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:20,520
I don't care what it rhymes with.
326
00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:30,580
How would you like your
turn in the limelight...
327
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:33,140
Sarah?
328
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,470
It's that time, pickle pals.
329
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,999
Astronotter, Ennui Le Triste, The Oops,
330
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,940
and all their friends invite you to take
331
00:16:42,980 --> 00:16:45,219
the hand of the loved
one sitting next to you
332
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:47,550
and brace yourselves for a trip down
333
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:48,960
Pickle Barrel Falls.
334
00:16:58,130 --> 00:17:01,630
Disaster! Monsieur Pickles
has gone missing!
335
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,920
Without him, we cannot survive.
336
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,960
Maybe,
337
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,960
with the help of Tara Lipinski,
338
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,590
we can locate him.
339
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,740
Did you and Grandma ever fight?
340
00:17:13,780 --> 00:17:16,680
Oh, all the time.
341
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:20,630
She cheated on me.
Then I cheated on her.
342
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,720
Then we got a divorce.
343
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,550
She took the cat. Hmm.
344
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,700
She got in a car to go visit her sister
345
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,380
for a few weeks.
346
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:31,140
Nine days later, the cat came back,
347
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,550
but we never saw Grandma again.
348
00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,200
Anyway, don't worry.
349
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,760
My wife had severe mental issues,
350
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,100
not like your mother.
351
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,980
- No, no, no!
- Yes! Yes!
352
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,420
No, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
353
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:45,646
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Stop, stop!
354
00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:48,590
Yes, damn it! Yes!
355
00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:50,130
Are you okay?
356
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:58,300
I'm sorry. I thought we
were both enjoying it.
357
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:36,130
Did I break it?
358
00:18:37,970 --> 00:18:39,670
Here you are.
359
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,220
Mr. Pickles, please, enjoy.
360
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:43,800
- Thank you so much.
- Thanks.
361
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,010
We will.
362
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,550
Have we eaten here before?
363
00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,300
I don't think so.
364
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,820
Am I in trouble?
365
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,120
We're not angry.
366
00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:16,320
Why not?
367
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:18,700
We just like pancakes more
368
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,720
than we could ever be angry at you.
369
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,799
When will your divorce be official?
370
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,560
Sometime down the road.
371
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:26,260
Is it a long road?
372
00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:27,800
I don't know.
373
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,630
Do you want to see a magic trick?
374
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,800
- Yes.
- Oh, you bet.
375
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,670
First, I need to pee.
376
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,070
Oh, yeah, keep us
377
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,390
on the edge of our seat much?
378
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,299
If we eat real quick,
379
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,340
we can catch the end of Pickles on Ice.
380
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:52,880
Yeah?
381
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:54,220
It's a super show,
382
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,340
now that I made some changes and stuff.
383
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,880
I'm thinking of asking Peter to move in.
384
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:04,800
What?
385
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:08,140
They say time and space
are both immutable,
386
00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:10,580
governed by laws that cannot be broken.
387
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,720
All I have to say to that is...
388
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,080
How are you doing that?
389
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:15,970
... laws were meant to be broken.
390
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,760
Seriously, how are you doing that?
391
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,180
Doing what?
392
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,130
That!
393
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,320
A magician never reveals his secrets.
394
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:29,520
And that's why they call me...
395
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,630
... the amazing Pickle-ini!
396
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:42,720
You're hurting my arm!
397
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,820
That boy has every reason to ask
398
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,160
for everything and doesn't.
399
00:20:46,170 --> 00:20:48,170
You have no reason to ask for anything,
400
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,600
and you can't keep your mouth shut.
401
00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:51,010
Learn how to keep your mouth shut.
402
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:52,420
You hear me?
403
00:20:52,510 --> 00:20:54,130
Stop!
404
00:20:56,470 --> 00:20:57,800
Are you okay?
405
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,010
- Yeah.
- Okay.
406
00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:02,120
I'm fine.
407
00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:03,670
Okay.
408
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:06,720
Good trick, Will.
409
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,800
Quel fromage.
410
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,590
We will never find
Monsieur Pickles, Tara.
411
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,920
Don't worry, Ennui.
412
00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,840
Mr. Pickles made a promise,
413
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,170
and when Mr. Pickles makes a promise,
414
00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:33,380
Mr. Pickles keeps his promise.
415
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:34,920
Go, Tara, go!
416
00:21:35,010 --> 00:21:37,090
Tara, I love you!
417
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:53,760
Regardez!
418
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,720
It is Monsieur Pickles!
419
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,760
We are saved!
420
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,720
That's right, it's me, Mr. Pickles!
421
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,920
Hi! Hey!
422
00:22:12,630 --> 00:22:14,130
I'm sorry, but the show
423
00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:16,499
just didn't make sense without you.
424
00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:20,920
You promised.
425
00:22:24,550 --> 00:22:26,380
You promised!
426
00:22:57,340 --> 00:23:00,400
_
427
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,720
Gosh darn it.
428
00:23:35,010 --> 00:23:36,850
Okay, Sarah, you can do this.
429
00:23:36,860 --> 00:23:38,360
I believe in you.
430
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:49,090
Pshoo!
431
00:23:52,750 --> 00:23:53,800
No!
432
00:23:55,590 --> 00:23:57,920
- Awesome!
- Tara!
433
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,510
It was an accident!
434
00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:03,299
It was an accident!
435
00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:05,720
It's all my fault.
436
00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:08,550
I looked away!
437
00:24:08,630 --> 00:24:10,880
There's something wrong, Brian.
438
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,920
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
... www.addic7ed.com ...
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