Original subtitles

Oh good someone to help me. I need to know if this comes with any...

But that should be on the back of the box.

Excuse me?

Does this have different speeds?

If it does it'll be... Yeah written right there on the back of the box so yeah...

How about timer settings?

Not to sure why a drill would have timer settings but if it did it would definitely be

written on the... and it's not, it doesn't have timer settings so...

I'll ring this up for you.

No. I need you to read to me what it does have.

Oh excuse me? Could you please help me with...

Hi. How are you doing?

I'm doing well thank you.

Excuse me. Could you please pull down...

I manage a team of people that help put products here on the floor for people such as

yourself to come to, decide on, and then purchase. And reading to you what you are perfectly

capable of reading on your own is definitely not part of that job description.

If I was a scribe in ancient Mesopotamia then yes that would be my job,

but we're not in ancient Mesopotamia, I'm not a scribe, and you're not a child.

So, here you go. Take it, take the box, take the box. Read what's on the outside of the

box, decide what you want is inside the box. Purchase it, or don't,

because I don't work on commission, and then leave okay?

I'm illiterate you asshole.

Really?

Oops.

Suck it Halbern!

[speaking in Italian]

You know, by the way, you are an asshole!

TV: I'm Jake Halbern of Hal's Hardware, you know me, its time to meet my sons!

TV: I'm Hank, and I'm Tory Halbern. And we're taking over!

TV: We're going to paint a picture for you... Low prices!

I'm retiring!

Wow.

So those are your sons?

That's right those are my boys, Crystal's brothers.

And they're going to take over the store?

Wow, right?

Look don't worry, it's not happening right away. There's still a few things to iron out.

But essentially, within a year, the boys will be taking over.

And what I need from you guys is I need your support as my best, and longest standing employees

to help smooth things over when the time comes.

TV: Boo Yah!

You... You don't seem like you like the commercial...

No! You know what, false. I really like that commercial.

So just to sum it up, I won't be moving up?

What do you mean? You are a manager.

And I really like being a manager. I love being a manager.

But I was just thinking that maybe one day, outside chance,

that maybe I could've been the one who ran the store after you?

Oh man!

It's so hot in here, I sweat some times...

But hey, so what do you guys think? You guys going to come

to the house for the Christmas party?

Yes. Yup, I'll be there.

I will either be there or dead.

Christmas time!

Okay, Okay, so you're upset that I'm spending my last day in town with Cal instead of you.

No! There is no beer.

There's no beer, those days are over.

Alright, we'll call you when we get back.

See you Teddy, don't take too much crap from her.

Oh, and our neighbor Greg, he's going to be taking in our mail while we're gone.

I'm not trying to get you off the phone, seriously honey.

And remember don't use the kitchen sink!

Bye...

Really?

Take them away please cabbie.

Okay so you just think that Cal and I are going to call up a bunch of random women,

get drunk and have a crazy sex-fest for the next few days?

You know, that sounds really good now that you say it yeah!

Hello? Hello?

[On phone] Yeah I love you too. I'm not going to call to say goodbye, we already said

goodbye. I'm saying goodbye now. Okay, love you too. Talk to you later. Bye.

What are we looking at?

Neighbors dog.

Go time?

Go time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What? Don't what?

Well, my Dad, not wanting to pay anybody to do it, decided to

Only problem is, he has no idea what he is doing.

Imagine getting that in the face? That would totally kill you.

Somehow, I don't quite know how, but somehow

he managed to mess the whole thing up.

So if you are thirsty, use the bathroom.

Dude, how is that even possible?

Okay Josh told me this guy is a little weird so just be cool okay?

Just be cool, calm down.

[On Phone] Yeah well it's over two now.

I'm not manning, it's not a matter of manning up.

[On Phone] I said two!

He's got a gun.

Exactly, so play it cool, do you want to get shot?

[On Phone] Two!

[On Phone] Yeah okay.

Hey guys.

Which one of you is Cal?

Oh that's me. Nice to meet you man.

What's with the piece there, it's a nice looking twelve gauge...

Dude just some problems with this guy, he keeps coming to my place everyday and

going through my mail. Except Sunday's.

Is it the mail man?

Yeah, it's the mail man.

Are you Teddy?

Yeah, I'm Teddy.

Hey, you are you doing?

Oh that's right, that's what you guys are here for.

I got a stew going.

That's cool.

Whoa, what?

What?

Game Gear!

Yeah.

Dude, where'd you get it?

Nice. I used to love Game Gear back in the day. Still do actually.

Yeah its one of the best things I've ever owned.

You know, fair enough. Speaking of owning.

No receipts, nothing to trace anyone back to.

But you didn't tell me what kind of masks you wanted so I just went with my instincts.

That's cool, instincts are good.

I got to say though, this seems like a lot of work just

to cover up your relationship don't you think?

Oh double what. You guys are together right? You're partners?

Oh no.

Oh come on.

Man I just had this image of you guys in a gazebo, kissing.

Under some sort of mistletoe, and there's

snow in the gazebo swirling around like a snow globe.

Not us.

Nope.

What do you need all this stuff for then?

You got us. We're together.

Yup. Totally. Nice looking ass.

You can understand why we'd like to keep something like this discreet though right?

But its going to cost you more money, its $80 now.

Sorry, but some of this stuff was hard to come by.

Well, actually I only brought $50 with me. Okay.

No that's okay. Why not lend me your Game Gear as collateral

and that way I know you'll come back.

I run a tight ship here okay. And you won't even need it. You'll be off in the woods doing

your lovey thing and playing with the toys and playing with Teddy...

You're right. Of course.

Sweet! Game Gear!

Well we better get going Cal or we're going to be late for work.

I made a Cobbler last night and I want you to have the last of it.

You guys lent me this fantastic piece of technology, its only fair. Come on.

Its okay.

Take it.

Don't be ridiculous.

Okay. Thank you.

I baked this with love.

And ingredients.

Okay.

There we go, that's better.

And make sure you bring me back the container. And the duffel bag.

And anything else in there that has my name on it okay?

Alright. Will do.

Perfect. Thank you.

Hey guys.

Hey Crystal.

Actually yeah we are taking off tonight, today's our last day.

Cool, have fun. Can't wait to see the pictures.

See you.

Bye.

Hey Crystal? I was just curious.

What are you doing tonight? I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out with me tonight?

What I wouldn't give for a night alone with her.

Yeah I don't know. I might stop and get a coffee...

You can come over to my house.

If old man Halbern knew what I would do to that dirty little daughter of his...

He'd have me murdered.

Your hair looks really nice. I like this dye job that you've done.

Cal... Cal, thank you.

Anyway, I appreciate the offer for tonight, but I'm going to be busy.

And aren't you leaving on your fishing trip anyways?

You're funny.

Oh yeah. Nailing the bosses daughter, that's grounds for a promotion and a raise.

I mean I have a lot of fun with you I just, I can't tonight, I'm busy, and scary movies so...

I better get back to work.

See you.

See you, see you Crystal.

A promotion due to sex, that would be awesome.

The question is, where though?

I really hope that's a question of location and not orifice.

What?

So...

Thank you for setting us up with a sketchy guy like that...

Yeah well, he's nuts and now he has my Game Gear.

Not try, he did. He gave us a cobbler that is in the car right now.

Don't eat that.

No good?

No. No good.

You see. I told you. I told you and you called me a wimp!

I have this horrible taste in my mouth because of you!

Hey! How would you like a punch in the butt?

How would you manage me punching you in the butthole.

Think you can handle that? Think you can manage my fist in your ass?

We're straight. We are totally straight.

I'm married.

I'm straighter than an arrow.

Do you want me to prove it to you?

[On Phone] Okay I'll talk to you then.

[On Phone] Okay I love you to. Okay, bye.

You got married to young. Too young.

I'm aware of what you think Cal. Be quiet.

Man! Vincent is a crazy person.

Oh yeah why's that now?

Most of the stuff in here has his name and telephone number on it.

If we have to return all this stuff, what the hell are we paying for, a rental fee?

Dude did you see...

Hey look. Its Crystal.

Okay. Okay, give me a mask.

You are kidding me!

Don't drive so close okay just relax.

Alright. I'm going to go for it.

Oh God...

Damn it.

Oh God.

You are kidding me?

Stupid gate.

I'm out.

We're fine man.

Fine?

We're totally fine.

Fine my ass! We are already hitting snags at this stage in

the game and you aren't taking it seriously!

Why aren't you taking this seriously!

You are just getting cold feet.

Cold feet?

Oh I'm not talking about Liz right now.

I'm talking about you always backing out at the last minute!

I went all the way with marriage!

We are organized, we're prepared. We got this!

No more cold feet. Cold feet means no balls.

I'm not trying to back out!

Yes you are!

Okay I am a little bit aren't I?

Yes. One snag is not the end of the world.

That is why I plan for these things.

See?

What the hell is that?

It's a Fish Bonker.

To like...

Just going to 'bonk' her and then...

she's going to be knocked out.

And then we can take her while she's asleep.

So that's going to be sweet, its going to be easy for us.

We should've hired somebody else to do this seriously.

A kidnapper? Its not like it is an advertised profession you know.

Oh boy.

It's not like a nineteen year old girl has nothing better to

do than sit at home on a Friday night.

Cal.

Cal!

Cal, Cal its Crystal!

Its Crystal. We have to get her, go Cal.

Now Cal, go!

Get out!

I'm still half asleep man!

Ouch!

Go!

Whoa wait!

Your mask!

Oh yeah.

Your stupid, stupid mask.

Oh God.

Oh God...

Alright.

Oh wait, wait come back! Please stop!

Damn it!

I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to hurt you!

Oh Jesus...

There we go...

Go!

Go!

Got you!

Cal no!

Oh shit.

Oh God!

Crystal?

Shit.

Oh my God.

Honey?

Crystal?

Honey?

Crystal where are you?

Sharon!

Sharon come quick!

Lets go.

And two breakfast burritos please.

Is that everything?

Yes.

Are we dropping her?

No, no, no.

Its because you hit her!

What was I supposed to do?

Okay wait, wait, wait.

What?

Do you think she could choke?

No...

I am shocked at how smelly her feet are.

Yeah I know.

Okay buddy. Its all you.

Its yours man.

Okay. Okay, alright. Here we go.

Oh my God. I'm going to kill you!

Just a second.

Is it her?

It is her isn't it?

[On Phone] Hello?

What could have possibly happened in the last couple of hours...

that warrants another phone call?

[On Phone] Yeah sorry I had to hang up,

you know those campfires can get out of control.

[On Phone] Yup. No. Yeah I know I'm not there.

[On Phone] Honey I can't be in two places at once.

[On Phone] Honey I don't want you to get upset. Don't smash things.

[On Phone] Honey... I just... Okay I love you buy...

Oh my God...

Hey!

If this was really a fishing trip, your wife would be ruining it!

Just deal with her. Come on just do it.

Count it.

Okay here we go.

Alright, alright.

One...

Two...

Three!

Three!

Okay what's the matter, here man. What's the problem?

I can't do this. You have to do it.

No, you lost, come on.

So what, you are a part of this plan too.

Just do it.

And you are part of the plan that agreed to Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Get it together. Stop being a little girl about this. Chisel the foot!

Come here and chisel this toe.

No way!

Do it!

Chisel the foot!

Do it!

No!

Because I cant. I can't.

She's too beautiful and too unconscious and I can't chisel her beautiful toe.

So you have to do it otherwise she's just going to sit here unconscious...

Nothing is going to happen, and then our whole plan is going to fail.

Fine.

Give me this, get out of the way.

Well.

You can't do it either.

You are nothing but a little girl. A big little...

We have Crystal. Again no cops'...

Yeah if they haven't called them already.

We demand money. Wait for instructions on how much and where.

Any funny business and we will send you more than just a toe.

Yeah that sounds good, sounds terrifying.

Who gets to stay with Crystal? Pick a color.

Blue.

It says 'Cal'.

Can I see that?

Radio: Hey folks I'm Hank Halbern.

Radio: You about to go off the deep end and do something crazy?

Radio: Do it yourself with the tools and equipment from Hal's Hardware.

Radio: Family owned and operated for thirty years.

Radio: And we are about to kick it into hyper drive. Boo Yah!

Wake up! Wake up you son of a bitch!

What? What is wrong?

Its Crystal.

What did she escape?

No...

So. Does she look as dead to you as she does to me?

Yes she does Cal, what did you do?

Nothing.

Did you touch her?

No man!

Don't you lie to me Cal or I swear I'm going to the police. Did you touch her?

I swear on our friendship Teddy, I didn't touch her.

I just woke up, came over here, pulled the pillow case off and that is it.

Okay.

Alright.

Hey. Maybe she is not dead.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah!

I mean we aren't doctors right?

I'm not.

Yeah, okay well, lets just check her pulse.

Perfect.

Do you know how to do that?

How to tell if a dead girl is alive

I'm pretty sure you just 'two finger' her throat.

Nope. There's nothing.

We killed her. We killed her dude. Oh my God we killed her.

Cal what the hell are you talking about?

What did we say?

Do whatever it takes to not get caught.

Well. This is whatever it takes.

Nope. No, none of this stuff will work.

Well I wouldn't expect your parents to have the tools for dismemberment.

You know who does though right?

No...

Mr. Halbern.

Cal. No.

What? Tools are expensive everywhere else.

Yeah but everyone there thinks that we are fishing.

So what. We can just make up an excuse.

Do you want to pay full price?

Hey man!

What's up guys? What happened to the fishing trip?

Oh we are still going, we are just behind and needed some stuff.

What would you guys need saws and axes for anyway?

And Painter's suits?

You guys are into some weird shit hey?

No we're just going to my uncles place and he said we could stay there if we did some work.

That sounds super lame.

Yeah I said 'lame'. That is the opposite of 'good'.

Thanks man.

Oh, did you scan the axe?

Yeah...

Okay cool, cool.

Hey why don't you just... Yeah.

That will cost $267.84.

Thank you.

Yup. Awesome.

Have a good one.

Alright. Don't do anything crazy this weekend.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

I thought we said we were not murderers?

Okay, she knows who we are, we have to act fast.

Okay and you just think that you can kill her?

Screw you! You couldn't even chop off her toe and now you think you could kill her?

Yeah. I do. Things have changed.

Things have changed? What has changed?

What have I been saying this entire time?

Well I guess we will see who the real tough guy is then.

Yeah alright, I guess we will!

Right!

You have no idea. You are about to witness me end someone's life.

Okay. Alright, lets go.

Alright...

Lets see it then.

Oh you are right.

I can't do it.

Oh I knew it.

She knows who we are though. She knows who we are, you have to come do this.

Not with this, I won't.

Okay, this time you count me down.

Okay. Three... Two...

Oh my God! What, does she have psychic powers!?

Cal, wait! No!

We're right in the middle of something.

And yeah, you keep on interrupting and it's kind of ruining our vacation.

Cal, no. Don't-

I would really appreciate it if you stopped calling, you overbearing bitch!

Thanks a lot man. Thanks a lot. She's just going to call back in a second anyways.

Why'd you do that?

Then just turn your phone off.

She is my wife-

Well I'm supposed to be your best friend. I mean Jesus Christ, Teddy.

I've known you since we were six years old. And she's known you for what? - Maybe fives years?

When did I become this piece of shit that doesn't mean anything to you?

She's taking over you life. Why is that okay? Why am I not allowed to be upset over

the fact that she's stealing my best friend? My only friend.

I don't understand how you can't see it.

Ever since she came into your life, you've been leaving mine.

Why can't we be like we used to be? Why can't you just be my fucking best friend, man?

Let's get this over with.

Wait! Wait, fire a test shot so we'll know if it'll kill her!

Alright. What!?

I said, so we know if it'll kill her!

Seriously, did you even look at this before you put it in the gun?

Well, they were the only ones you had, man.

This couldn't kill a squirrel.

Ready?

Yeah, I guess so.

And batter up.

Like I didn't see this coming.

I can't do it like this. I don't know what this is but I can't.

It's got to be quick and painless, you know? And this is neither.

So, we need a gun or something.

Like I said, if you know where hit men advertise I'm all ears.

Vincent.

I don't think Vincent is into killing people.

No, Vincent's gun.

Oh.

He's never going to believe this.

Hey guys.

Hey Vince. How's it going, man?

I thought you were on your fishing trip thing.

Yeah, we were but then... um, we wanted to come back and get...

Go on, tell him.

We want to buy some drugs.

You want to buy some...?

We want to buy some drugs.

You want to buy some drugs. Really?

Yes, we want to buy some drugs. Yes.

This many drugs.

Bullshit.

We're fiending for drugs.

You guys - really? Really?

Just count this and exchange it for drugs.

You two want to buy drugs?

Yes please.

No, it's completely serious. I've got this money and I would like you to take it

and then you just give me this amount of your finest-

I know how it works! Have you ever done drugs before?

Who are you asking? Man, I do drugs all the time. Like, every day.

What's your favorite drug?

Yep. Cherry blasters infused with roofies.

That's a Slurpee.

Alright.

The bag I'm going to give you should be more than enough for some good times out there, man.

I'm going to give you guys some pot and some mushrooms and that will

make all the trees seem really creepy.

It should be really interesting out in the woods.

I wish I could be out there with you, first time or not.

I remember the first time I smoked a joint. It was crazy, man.

I was out at laser tag and first off we were older than those

guys by like five years minimum.

And we were with big Mike from high school.

So he's just throwing dive-rolls all over the place.

Body-checking kids into the sides and

I'm just huddling in the corner back at our base,

It was crazy, it was nuts. It was all over the place.

I've never seen anything like it in my life.

That actually sounds really fun. Maybe we should all go together.

Oh yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, we can't go there though.

We are officially banned at that location.

Hey, Teddy has a really hilarious joke he just heard today.

You do not have a hilarious joke.

You want to hear it?

Tell me your joke.

There's two police officers and they're on the side of the

highway, and there's this huge hole in the fence.

And they look down into the valley and there's this bus and it's crashed.

So they go down there to check on it-

Was the weather bad?

Want some quiche?

How much will this get us?

We'll take it.

Why did you grab the musket?

Well, I was solving a problem. We had a problem. You're welcome!

Bam! There you go.

Okay, that's it. I'm done. I'm out.

That's not fair, man. I won.

No, I don't mean that, Cal. I mean not going to do this and

I'm not going to let you do this, either.

We agreed.

I want you to listen to me, okay? What are we doing?

Seriously, we have a girl tied up in our basement - tied to a chair,

beaten up and we are talking about shooting her in the head.

And why? We screwed this up.

I can't do this. And I know that you can't do this either.

And you know what? That's okay.

I don't know about you man...

But I'm turning myself in. I'm calling the cops.

I thought you turned it off.

Yeah, I did turn it off.

I turned it back on. What, did you expect me to never talk to her again?

Hello? Hi honey.

Yeah, I know you're upset. You know what? I'm kind of upset too.

I need you to listen to me. Honey, you're not listening to me.

If you're just going to yell at me I'm going to hang up.

It's not that I don't want to talk to you.

No... Honey...

Yeah, I'll call you back. Okay, bye.

Cal, how did she get out of the handcuffs?

They're no real. They're made for sex.

Listen Crystal, I want you to know that we never meant to hurt you.

Both of you get on your knees.

Oh my God.

Now.

I said now, Cal.

I know that this is going to be really, really hard to believe

but we never meant for any of this to happen.

Just stop talking.

Please Crystal... Please.

I said up shut up, Cal. Shut up!

Teddy, I don't want to die.

You bastards.

Crystal.

You sons of bitches.

We were just about to call the cops, okay?

All of this was going to end.

I don't know what else to do, Teddy.

Let's just call the police, okay?

Let's just call the police. Just give me the gun.

Don't touch me!

Okay!

Stay the fuck away from me! I can't trust you!

Crystal! Hey, listen to me!

We know that we messed this up and this is all our fault.

It's not going to make anything right, okay?

So let's just call the police! Just give me the gun-

Just stop talking!

Don't!

Alight, um...

I assume that the joints are the easiest parts to cut through.

I can only assume you're right.

Crystal, I am so sorry.

Did it go all the way through?

Why don't you take a closer look?

Mmm, that's nice. What is that?

"Cool Water."

See? Now this provides the perfect ambiance.

You want to light some candles, too?

Hey Teddy! Hey, wait up!

There's no time!

Cheers.

Take that last piece of clothing off, too.

What?

Oh, I thought you were wearing a sweater. Sorry, that's my fault.

Hey! I just saved your life.

Think he'll notice the Tupperware's not the same?

Come on, man.

It's still good!

Come on, Vince. Where you at?

Vince? I brought your damned Tupperware, I want my Game Gear back.

Hey Vince, where you at, man?

Vincent?

Hey Vince?

Hello?

Vince?

Vincent? Hello?

Vincent, are you in here?

Teddy? Teddy!

What?

We should probably go now.

Yeah.

Oh, my ass!

You okay?

Yeah, yeah!

I really hope that had nothing to do with us.

Well let's just think about this, right? Okay,

Vincent said he had problems with a whole bunch of "people."

Yes. Yes, the mailman, yes.

And so, that could have been them.

Yeah.

Sure he seemed like a nice guy, but sold drugs to children.

Probably had nothing to do with us.

Yes.

Definitely just the dangers of the drug trade, that's it.

Yes.

You know what we should do? Right now,

I'm just going to call Josh and I guarantee -

Vince and Josh are buddies - I'm sure Josh knows more about what's going on.

No, no, no, don't call him. We're out camping, remember?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Good idea.

Right, okay. So-

Hi Liz listen, I can't talk. I'll call you back. Bye.

Okay, so we go out and we go fishing. And we take a whole bunch of pictures-

Take that, you bastard!

Yeah!

Nobody breaks into my parents house and... Brings in the mail. Oh shit.

What?

It's my neighbor.

What?

Yes, it's my neighbor. My Mom told me he'd be doing this.

Oh my God! You idiot!

How was I supposed to know?

She told you, that's how!

Okay, okay! Maybe we could just put a butcher's knife in his hand and then call the cops.

What possible reason would my neighbor have to come over to my parents

house, bring over the mail while wielding a butcher's knife?!

He was going to deliver the mail and then murder us both!

We're going to have to "Crystal" him.

What? No! No, absolutely not!

He's dead and his wife is going to be coming over here looking for him.

Which means she is going to find him dead!

I can't deal with this shit anymore! We did it once, we can do it again!

Oh no.

Do we have anymore garbage bags?

Yeah, they're outside in the car.

Do we have anymore painting suits?

Yeah, they're upstairs I think. But Cal, we can't do this again. I can't do this again.

You're going to go get that stuff from the car and I'm going to drag his ass to the basement.

And we're going to take care of this right now.

Because I want to go fishing!

Yeah. Okay! Hold on. Are we sure he's dead?

Good enough?

I guess.

Hey, what's up? You've missed Cal. Drop me a line-

Hello, I'd like the phone number for the following address please.

Alright, go ahead.

467 Glenmere Road.

Would you like us to connect you directly, sir?

Sure, yes.

And this is to be billed to the receiver?

Yes, yes please connect me.

Okay, I just need you to record a greeting after the beep, please.

Cal, get out of the house! Get out of the house!

Okay, just wait a moment while I connect you.

Hello?

Cal, get out of the house! Get out of the house!

Collect call. Do you accept the charges?

Cal, get out of the house! Get out of the house!

What? Why?

There are people in your carport! They're trying to break in.

They're probably just salesmen or Jehovah's Witnesses.

No, they're not Jehovah's Witnesses. Cal, they're in the house right now.

They're in the house. They have guns. Get out!

Are you serious? I'm putting on the painter's suit right now. I'm upstairs!

Jump out the window then.

Alright, hold on.

Cal? Cal, where are you? Cal?

Where are they?

I don't know, I can't see them.

What should I do?

Jump.

What? Are you crazy? I could hurt myself!

Do you want to get shot instead?

Hello?

I said hello. Look, I know somebody's there.

I can hear you breathing. Look, we just want our niece back.

Holy shit! There's a dead guy over here!

Take a lesson! That's what we're going to do to you if you don't leave my house immediately.

Hank, now he's threatening us.

Listen, he didn't mean that.

I'm not here. I'm calling from home.

Who are you looking for? Callum McDermott

That's my neighbor. You should go next door.

No.

No? Why?

Callum McDermott lives at West 12th and his parents live at this house. Now where are you?

We just want to ask you a couple of questions, alright?

I'm on my way to the police right now.

No.

Why?

You're on the house phone! We just want Crystal back! Now come out here and answer my - fuck!

Hank! Oh my God! That guy wasn't dead, Hank!

His head exploded like a melon! Oh my God!

How could you not figure it out for a second time?

You're the one who kicked him and said he was dead, you asshole!

You're an asshole! It was an accident! He grabbed my leg and scared the shit out of me!

Oh, not you sir. Sorry, I was talking to Cal.

How dare you put this on me, Teddy?

Is that Theodore Ivans? 1364 East 29th?

Holy shit, Hank! That Theodore guy - he's on the other phone!

Cal, I'm sorry. They know our address. Liz might be in trouble, I have to go.

What? No!

You can't leave me here! You can't!

I can and I will!

You bastard! If you leave I'm going to rat you out. I'm going to tell them where you are!

Screw you! I'll tell them where you are!

Son of a bitch! He's outside! He's in the silver car! Hurry!

Asshole! Cal's on the roof! Cal's on the roof!

You're a terrible friend!

So are you!

Yeah. Yeah right. Okay, bye.

He says he's on his way.

Good stuff.

It'll all be over soon. This is our sister we're talking about.

We should have got someone else to do this shit.

I know, I know. It's not like we could have Craigslist'ed criminals for hire.

Alright, pull it together man.

Who's is that that?

I got it off him.

Liz. Who is "Liz?"

There he is.

What the hell happened to you?

It's a long story, don't worry about it. How are you holding up?

How the hell do you think I'm holding up? Where are they?

In the living room.

They say anything yet?

No, we just got started.

Alright, let's just get this over with.

Why is he in his underwear?

I don't know, that's how we found him.

Alright, where is she?

Don't look at him. You look at me.

Hank, no. No more killing!

It's okay, I got this.

Honey? How long does it take to bring in the mail?

Don't scream. Don't look at me. Just move forward slowly.

Oh God! I didn't mean to! It was the dog!

Jesus Christ, Hank!

It was an accident, I swear!

Again? I can't believe it. Again?

It's okay Hank. It's okay, you did good.

You deal with them. We'll take her downstairs with the other one.

Don't worry about it, okay? We'll deal with her, you deal with them.

What other one? When did this happen?

I said don't worry about it!

Just find out what they know, we'll deal with her. This is about Crystal.

Just focus on Crystal, okay? Then let's get the hell out of here.

Hank, come on!

I need a boo yah right now! Come on, buddy, give me a booya!

Please guys, where is she?

Is this one of yours?

It's mine, sir.

Liz... Is she part of this too?

No, I swear she's not.

Hello. No, no it's Jake Halbern - Teddy's boss.

Honestly, I've had better days. Listen, I need to know,

have you seen Teddy in the last couple of days?

No, that's good. That's really good.

Why am I answering his phone then?

She's going to know we were here.

It'll be the last one.

Honey!-

Listen, Teddy and Cal are here at Cal's parent's place and I need you to stop by.

Calm down... Calm down!

Look, just get the hell over here! I got to go.

You stupid sons of bitches!

Don't make me kill your wife, Teddy.

Or your parents, Cal.

You must really think I'm stupid, huh?

I made a cobbler last night.

And make sure you bring back the container and anything else in there that has my name on it.

Damn you guys for putting me in this position!

You tell me where my daughter is!

Is this regardless of where she is?

I just want to find my daughter.

She's in the dumpster behind the Stop-and-Go

on 29th and Lonsdale and the one on Cardero.

In a garbage can on the corner of Eagleridge and Beaumont.

The construction site on 17th and Lonsdale.

The garbage bin on Hastings and Main.

The grease bin at the Golden Pearl.

What the fuck are you talking about!?

She died.

What the hell's going on?

You are going to tell me where Crystal is or I am going to skin you alive.

Seriously, come on now.

I swear to God. Tell me where she is.

Hank, hold onto him. Grab him!

No, wait!

Teddy, no! Please no! Teddy! It was my idea!

It was my idea! Teddy! No!

Mr. Halbern! Mr. Halbern, please! Don't hurt him, please!

Mr. Halbern, please!

Mr. Halbern, please!

Mr. Halbern, please!

Shut up!

Hank! Turn on the radio I don't want to hear him scream!

Look at this mess. Why is there wine everywhere?

You son of a bitch!

How dare do you guys lie to me about where you were!

What is this? Some kind of sex party?

You got my Teddy into S and M now?

Where is he? Where's Teddy?

Is that him?

Is that the son of a bitch? Is he with girls? Is that what this week has been about?

Damn right, not while I'm around!

Listen you house wrecking son's of bitches, open the God damn door!

Hi Cal.

What the hell happened?

There is no way to explain.

Shit got real.

Honey?

Hey Honey you okay?

You okay?

You're what happened you son of a bitch!

What?

Because of you, I did all of that up there!

Oh hey Honey, no you saved us!

From what?

That's, that's kind of a hard story to tell.

The point is you saved us, you saved me.

Oh baby, we got to get you to the dentist.

Yeah? I feel good, I feel good.

I missed you so much!

I missed you too.

No! You still lied to me you son's of bitches!

Listen Honey, the fishing trip just didn't work out.

Why not?

Because... Mr. Halbern kidnapped us, and he was going to ransom us back to you!

They we're like "we're going to kill you first, and then we're going to kill Cal."

And we were like 'Shit no!' and then you came in.

Yeah.

Well we got to call the cops.

No, no, that's not a good idea.

Well Mr. Halbern has friends in the police department.

And we wouldn't stand a chance.

And so we would go to jail and you would go to women's jail.

And then we wouldn't be together anymore.

Oh no you are right! I can't loose you Teddy!

We got to get rid of the evidence.

We just got to chop it up and get rid of it!

Yes that is exactly what we need to do but first...

Oh shit.

Who the hell is that?

Shit. It's the cops!

Oh Teddy, I can't loose you! We got to kill him!

We don't need to kill him!

Liz you are going to calm down.

Cal, you get something on and go to the door and deal with him!

You are fine, here we go.

You two hide!

Do it!

You are in time-out now!

I am not in time-out!

Here we go!

Teddy I hate time-out...

Just a minute!

Just putting on my face!

Hello!

Evening sir... Your face, are you alright?

What?

Broken blood vessel, its nothing.

Sure. Well, we received a call saying there was screaming and loud bangs.

You sure everything is okay?

Yeah everything is fine in here just...

You sure it wasn't a prank call or something like that?

Is there something going on in this house?

Nope not from here.

Yeah well there was screaming and banging. I need to know what is going on.

I got complaints calling in, and you are all bloody.

It was a prank call.

What is going on?

Maybe it was the neighbors.

Or maybe it was not the neighbors.

Probably don't waste your time looking there...

Your name sir?

I'm Callum McDermott...

I need to see some identification.

I'd love to get it for you but as you can see I'm not wearing pants.

I want to go inside.

Wait out here, the house is messy, the maid hasn't come.

You are all bloody so I'm coming in.

Master, when are you coming back to bed?

Hi officer.

That's my lover.

I'm sorry I didn't realize you had company.

Yeah well you can understand how a love like ours produces some loud banging...

And has to be kept discreet.

For sure.

I totally agree, I apologize, just try to keep it down.

You gentleman have yourself a good evening.

Yes, we are very safe!

Yup, we always use protection.

And a safety word!

That was really close.

Yeah, you look really good.

Thanks.

Liz, why did you do that?

He knew! He was going to call for backup!

He wasn't going to do anything!

He knew damn it!

Honey we just need you to calm down okay?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say that.

Okay, it's alright, okay Honey.

Okay, here is what we have to do.

We have to get rid of these bodies, we have to chop them up...

But first we have to get rid of that Police Car!

We just need you to slow down okay?

No I already have the plan, just listen to me!

Whatever you say Liz.

Do something...

Okay Honey? Listen to me.

We really appreciate you saving us, we really do.

Now we just need you to calm down. Just a little bit.

Oh Teddy...

I love you so much.

And I want to be with you forever and ever.

I'm going to kill Cal as well...

I will not have you guys going soft on me!

You assholes are all against me!

We are not against you I swear!

I can't deal with this, I need a drink!

Okay. Get a drink.

Oh wait, I wouldn't...

I wouldn't what?

I wouldn't what Teddy?

Nothing...

Then shut the hell up!

You assholes are still in trouble for lying to me about fishing...

Honey?

You okay?

Honey?

You okay Baby?

You okay Baby?

Holy shit.

Baby?

Oh yeah.

I thought you looked different.

Thank you.

I guess I'm single again.

Yeah, I got my wing man back.

Oh wait, I guess I can sell that.

Yeah. It is probably worth something.

By the way I'm really sorry I ratted you out earlier.

Yeah me too.

By the way the bathroom is absolutely destroyed.