All language subtitles for Divorce S01E05-eng

This won't take long...

Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

It's awful.

So do you have any questions?

- No, I'm good.
- Me too.

I got this new deal. We call it Fun Space.

I'm just not in an
investing space right now.

Can you ask your husband
to stop calling me?

Robert has been calling you?

Yes, and texting me.

This is a picture of a French
baguette with a knife through it.

We're not doing lawyers,
we're going with mediation.

You're doing mediation?
Good luck with that, man.

We really shouldn't discuss
anything until Robert gets here...

I'll try again.

Do you need to take that?

No.

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I was reluctant to lawyer up,

- but, hey, I gotta protect what's mine.
- So smart.

Mediation is like one
person ends up with the cup,

the other person ends up
with the coffee, you know?

Right.

So, um, let's see what kind
of assets we're talking about.

It's not gonna look like
a whole lot on paper,

but I got a big project in the works.

It's an indoor adventure
experience called FunSpace.

- Mm.
- The, uh... the DBA is pending.

And soon as it's rolling,

whole financial picture's gonna change.

Well, you're in great hands

with Gerald Watkins Mayfield.

So, you do mostly divorces?

Nope. Mostly wills, trusts, estates.

- You do some divorces?
- You know what, Robert?

Basically, it's all law.

All law.

I'm with a client.

Hey, sorry. I'm going out.

Will you set the timer, turn
off the oven in 35 minutes?

I'm using the timer for
a meeting, hon... Angela.

Use your phone, then.

Right. Thank you.

Good idea.

My associate, Angela.

Also my wife.

One of the many benefits
of working at home.

Um, do you have a, you know...

like, a real office somewhere else?

Robert, there's no bells and whistles here.

I run lean and mean so I
can focus on winning cases.

Fancy offices, hot secretaries,
diplomas on the walls...

I don't need that ego bullshit.

Right.

The good news for you is

I don't charge what those
midtown divorce lawyers charge.

They can be 750 an hour.

Holy fuck!

Who's got that kind of green?

Well, you might someday.

If I can protect what you've got coming.

I can do this, Robert. Are you on board?

Uh, yeah.

- Yeah, I think I am.
- Great.

All right, so we're at
an hour and six minutes.

Screw it, let's call it an hour.

- How do you wanna pay up?
- What works for you?

Cash.

- Can someone get that?
- I'm watching a movie!

Tom?

Hello?

Oh... oh, uh, hello.

Um, I'm sorry. I thought
this was his cell phone.

Are you... are you calling for Robert?

No. Is he there?

He hired a lawyer?

No! What?

Uh, I must have the wrong number.

Uh, the wrong Robert.

I'm not a lawyer.

This, uh... this is a prank call.

What are you wearing?

See, over here,

I was thinking about putting
the FunSpace FoodSpace.

Back here, the ball pit,

so that's gonna be the FunSpace BallSpace.

- What do you think of that, George?
- I love it.

So, are you ready to make an offer?

Because sellers are very motivated.

A few more questions, George. A few
more questions from my investors.

Okay, what about the parking lot?

- I mean, how many spots do we got out there?
- 226.

226 families,

which is a thousand entry fees

if I go with the entry fee structure.

- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Right?

What about room for tour buses?

Well, none right now, but
that's just white paint.

White paint. I like
that, George. White paint.

See, tour buses are key
to the business model

because I see this as a
field trip destination.

You know, let me ask you a quick question,

how high do you think the
average kid jumps on a trampoline?

I... that, I'm not sure, no.

Well, because it's gonna directly
affect the height of the ceiling.

- Right.
- But I don't wanna stop the parents from jumping.

- No.
- I don't wanna do that because fun has no age limit.

Son of a bitch, George. This is all you.

You're the one that's
motivating all of this.

All right. Oh, you know what?

You know what would be fun? Velcro suits.

- Like, they jump and they stick.
- Oh, and...

- Right? They struggle like a baby.
- Right. Yeah, man.

- It'd be funny.
- Yeah. Okay.

Hang on one second. Yello?

You hired a lawyer?

Uh, well, I'm not actually obligated

to, you know, give you that information.

I already got that
information from your lawyer.

Okay, well, I may or may not have...

He called the house, so
now I know you have a lawyer

and I know he's an idiot.

Okay, let's not make it personal.

Which makes you an idiot, too.

You don't have to call him an idiot.

I thought we decided to mediate, you know,

act like adults, make this
as painless as possible.

Frances, just trying to protect
both our interests here, okay?

And I don't we were getting anywhere

- with the binders and, you know, coloring books.
- Workbooks!

And we paid for that session that
you didn't even bother to show up for.

Right. So, we tried mediation.

- Let's move on. Is that crazy?
- Robert...

when this is over and you're wondering
when exactly it went so wrong,

remember this moment because you did this.

You did this the moment
you hired a lawyer, okay?

So, I was wondering if I'm
at sort of a disadvantage

since my husband already has a lawyer.

Gerald Watkins Mayfield? I
do not see him as a problem.

I looked at his website.

His main area of expertise
would appear to be clip art.

So, preliminarily, issue one...

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Just...
it's just one more thing

before we get too far along.

Um, can you...

can you just give me a sense
of how much this is gonna cost?

Well, that depends on your
definition of cost, right?

Because with me, you get a partner.

We walk through this together.

You are not stuck with some
teenage summer associate.

Your problems are my problems.

So, this is going to be quite costly.

Yes.

But compared with the
assets you could lose,

it's a mere fraction.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, let's do this.

Preliminarily, issue one...

I never wanna be surprised,

so you must be totally honest with me

about anything that he
might use against you.

Well, I... I cheated on him.

- I had an affair.
- Okay.

That's common. We can get through that.

"Let he who is without sin"...

Also, because of the affair,

I missed some time with my kids.

Regrettable, but understandable.

Also, I don't need all of this right now...

I've erased shows that I
knew Robert wanted to watch

because I found them annoying,
like "Ice Road Truckers."

I don't know that program, but...

I kissed... no, actually, I fully made out

with this guy at my friend
Dallas's bachelorette...

Again, just... just put these in an email.

- Just shoot 'em off.
- I've never faked an orgasm with Robert.

I mean, I... it probably
sounds impressive, but it's not.

It's mean.

And when I didn't have one,

because, you know, as a
woman you don't always,

I would make it clear to
him that I didn't have one

and he would feel awful.

And then he would wanna make it up to me

by, you know, doing, you know.

And I would say, "Nah,
let's just go to sleep."

I think I enjoyed making
him feel inadequate.

Oof.

I mean, that's just at the top, you know...

off the top of my head.

I mean, if you give me a few minutes,

I'm sure I can think of more.

Just jot them all down at home...

- Okay, okay.
- ...and bring them with you the next time that I see you.

The more that I know,

the easier it is for me to
get you what you deserve.

What do I deserve?

Happiness.

Oh. Oh.

Blue key is for the front door,

pink key is for storage.

That's it. It's all yours. Exciting.

It's exciting and terrifying.

Hey, you know, maybe you
could smash out this wall

and buy the space next door, too.

- Sure.
- You could put a cafe in there.

Yeah, I think the gallery is
all I can handle right now.

Right, start really, really small,

then expand and make it special.

So, what was this place before?

Last year, it was a bridal
shop primarily for lesbians.

- Oh.
- And before that, it was a Halloween store.

And before that, it was
used for animal adoptions.

Oh, I... I was not
previously aware of this.

Oh, yeah, it's one of those
super diverse locations

where just about anything can work.

- Here's hoping!
- Anyway, congratulations.

- Good luck.
- Bye.

Good-bye.

It's so dark in here.

It was really sunny when
she showed me the place.

I think she did that on purpose.

- I hate her.
- Oh, come on.

You're getting to do

what you always wanted
to do... the art stuff.

Ooh, I forgot. I made you a list.

I had Nick's business
manager put this together.

These are all artists
whose paintings we bought,

so they owe me one, which
means they owe you one.

Thank you, Diane.

Wow. Wowza, yes.

These are big-time artists, yeah.

Sort of out of my league at this stage.

Wow, you guys have two John Currins?

Oh, just tiny, little ones.
I could pop them in my pocket.

Oh, Mickey Burgess,
yeah. He's having, um...

he's having an opening at a
gallery in Scarsdale this week.

Oh, I bet they're having
an opening party, then.

We should go! We should go!

- Come on. We're totally gonna go.
- Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I'll introduce you to Mickey what's-his-name.
- As what?

"This is my friend Frances.

It's really important you know her

'cause she's opening a shitty little
gallery at an ex-Halloween store."

Uh, excuse me. Is this Progress Bridal?

Oh, no. It's an art gallery now.

Oh.

Well...

Do you think they're real lesbians?

Well, I'm not sure why
they would be pretending.

You got Max Brodkin? Phoof!

- You told me to call him.
- Phoof, I know.

But can you afford that kind of money?

What?! You told me to call him.

And stop saying "phoof."

Yeah. No, you're right. No, no.

He's great and he doesn't take just anyone.

He represented that guy on Wall Street

whose wife said that he forced
her to have group sex with clients.

Yeah, I remember. That was an awful story.

No, I knew her. She liked it.

Anyway, Brodkin helped
that guy keep his apartment

and she ended up in debt prison,

so lucky you.

When did you start smoking again?

This morning when Cole told me

that he wants to go
live with his stepfather.

Oh, no.

And he's spending all his free
time with this 18-year-old hussy

who looks like she's been
pregnant twice already.

That's really why I
called. I just need to cry.

- You need to cry?
- Yeah. You know that I can't cry just by myself.

I need somebody to be listening
or it just doesn't come.

'Cause that's how you got
your dad's attention, yeah.

Right, I just... I need to, you
know, get it out of my system

and... or I can't get
through the day, so...

Hang on.

- It's coming.
- Listen, I'm sure Cole didn't mean that.

- He doesn't...
- Shh. Please just let me do this.

Fuck it. It's not happening.

Okay, maybe we could just
try this again later.

- I look forward to that.
- All right. I gotta go.

- I have an appointment.
- Bye!

- Hello, Ellen.
- Hi, Dr. Holt.

- How was your week?
- Really not good.

Thank God you showed up. I've
been dying to get out of the house.

Well, that's how you got
out of there last time, huh?

Right.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, if anyone deserves
a thick, juicy steak,

it's you.

Yeah, I can't have a steak.

I just had a massive heart attack,

but I'm thrilled with the salad bar.

Just saying it's 4.95 to add a steak.

Yeah, I can't have a steak. I
just had a massive heart attack.

You know what?

Not the best cut of meat I've
ever had for under five dollars,

but not the worst either.

- Thank you. Thanks.
- You're welcome.

So, Nick,

your children are old and
estranged from you now.

And maybe you don't see the necessity...

Is... is this about your FunZone?

- FunSpace, yeah.
- You already pitched this to me.

I started to pitch it to
you and Diane cut me off.

But I could see that you were interested.

And the space is not gonna
be available very much longer,

so I was wondering maybe you're
ready to pull the trigger.

You know, manner of speaking.

You took me to dinner to ask me for money?

To make you money, my man.

Make you money. All right, here we go.

- All right.
- Put the buds in.

You ready? Okay.

Is it playing?

- What?
- Is it playing?

Yeah.

Is this "Hang on Loosely"?

It's "Hold on Loosely."

It's by... it doesn't matter.

Is it... oh. Here we go.

Hey, Nick, oil prices may rise and fall.

The real estate market
may go in the shitter.

No matter how bad the economy gets, Nick,

children always wanna jump on trampolines.

I can't hear what you're
saying and listen to the music.

Oh, maybe just take the buds out

and hold them next to your ears.

Robert.

The smartest thing a man can do

is understand his limitations.

Like, look at the way you
went at that salad bar.

You couldn't possibly
have eaten all of that.

That's because I'm hungry, Nick,

which is good in business.

You've made one great
investment in your life.

Made hundreds of great investments

for my clients when I was on Wall Street.

Jesus Christ, I'm talking about Frances.

You need to focus on her, not on this,

because she is the important shit.

Nick, is everything okay at home?

Is Diane threatening to kill you again?

Everything is great at home.

The incident, as awful as it was,

actually saved my marriage.

Your marriage could be savable, too.

Savable? She fucked a French guy 69 times.

Look.

As lousy as the marriage is,

the divorce is gonna be much, much worse.

You are gonna get
cock-fucked on this, Robert.

I am worried about you.

She's hired a really good lawyer.

- Who has?
- Margaret Thatcher.

Who the fuck are we talking
about? Your wife, Frances.

Frances? She hired a lawyer? When?

I don't know when, but she hired
Max Brodkin and he's really good.

He's really, really good.

- Who's your guy?
- Gerald Watkins Mayfield.

Yeah, see, I... I don't know them.

He's a local guy.

Does mostly wills and trusts,
you know, that sort of thing.

- But it's all law, right?
- It's all law?

- Y-yeah.
- It's all law?!

It's actually quite cathartic to list
all the shitty things you've ever done.

Mm, I'd need several notebooks

to list everything bad I've
done to my poor baby, Nick.

Wow.

You tell Max Brodkin about Allen's funeral?

What did I do at Allen's funeral?

You took some of the flowers.

You said you didn't know what
to do with all the flowers.

I meant, "Help me bring them home,"

not, "Put my dead husband's flowers
on your fucking coffee table."

- Uh...
- Yeah, that was weird.

You've also been somewhat
unkind about Nick.

- Did I shoot him?
- You're doing it again.

- Yes, yes.
- Yes, thank you.

No, thank you. I can't.

I'm not having... I'm not...
I'm not drinking any alcohol.

Of course I would like to, but
I'm not going to, but thank you.

What is that, champagne?
Looks good. No, thank you.

So, are you... are you not drinking?

No, I haven't had a drop since
the night of Nick's accident.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- You're Diane, Nick Clavowen's wife, right?
- Yes.

- I'm Mickey Burgess. This is my show.
- Oh!

So glad you're here.

You and your husband bought

Kelly Vang's "Tashkent
Exteriors" last year, didn't you?

Hmm, was that a painting or a sculpture?

- It was a series of 40 paintings.
- Oh, yes!

Um, well, honestly, I think only
one of them made it into the house.

I would like you to meet my friend Frances

of the Frances DuFresne
Gallery in Hastings.

- Hello. Hi.
- Carson Hodges.

Oh, wow. Yeah, no, I...
I actually know your work.

- Actually?
- No, I mean I'm a... I'm a massive fan.

- Hmm.
- I loved your "Gross National Product" series.

I never thought I would
have this opportunity,

but did I... is it possible I
detected a little bit of commentary

on Koons's calculated
commercialism going on there?

- A little bit of what on what?
- He knows.

Koons's hollow populism
is a fraudulent vulgarity.

Oh, okay. Well, we'll agree to disagree.

But congratulations nonetheless.

Diane, why don't we let
them have their discussion

about themes and... and all that, okay?

Did you see...

You know, when I, uh, started the "GNP,"

I thought I was doing a
vicious parody of Koons,

but when I finished it, I realized,

"Shit, all I did was replicate him."

I'm sorry it wasn't more well-received.

But, you know, give them a
few years, they'll catch up.

Thanks. I look forward to being
mildly appreciated after my death.

Who doesn't?

Fuck it.

Let's get a drink.

Talk about all the other
fraudulent vulgarities out there.

- You've got a list?
- Who doesn't?

We completely lost the
element of surprise, Gerry,

because you fucking called the house.

Yes, I... I agree. That was my bad.

But can we keep it down a little
bit out here because my wife is...

Yeah, I know. Your wife's asleep.

That's why we're in the car, dipshit.

She made these for us,
so... they're for everyone.

Shit, now Frances will
start looking for a lawyer.

She already has one. Max Brod-something.

- Max Brodkin?!
- Yeah, you know him?

I wish. I mean, I know of him.

- He's a legend.
- So, am I fucked?

No! The question is am I up to it?

- No, because you're not a divorce lawyer.
- Why are you down on him?

- You told me to hire him!
- I didn't know he was gonna call the house.

Guys, it's fine. It's all law.

- It's not all law, Gerry.
- Robert, listen.

This is an amazing opportunity for me.

I could learn a lot from that guy.

I would lower my rate just
to be in court with him.

- That's something to consider.
- What are you guys, the dipshit twins?!

This isn't a teaching
hospital. This is my life, man.

- I need a real goddamn lawyer.
- Can you afford one?

No, I can't, dumbass, because
I have a shitty accountant.

You know what? Nick's right.

I gotta step my game up into
high gear starting right now.

Gerry, you are officially fired.

Don, I'm gonna keep you on.

Bullshit! You're fucking fired, too!

Gerry, get out of the car.

And, Don, you drive me back to mine.

Move it, Gerry.

- Thank you.
- So, tell me about the Frances DuFresne Gallery.

First of all, it's not even open yet.

- Why Hastings?
- Because I live there.

- Ah.
- And because every time I walk past

an "art gallery" in Hastings,

I, um... I wanna kill myself.

It's all batiks and carved
giraffes and pottery.

- Glorified gift shop.
- Exactly!

And I think just because
you don't live in Manhattan

or, you know, Paris or London

doesn't mean that you don't deserve
to look at something beautiful

and provocative and challenging.

- Does a clientele exist?
- Uh, I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Well, if things are a little
slow the first few months,

don't panic and add, you know, a
fucking coffee bar or something.

No way. I'd sooner burn it to the ground.

Well done, Carson.

Once again, you've snatched
the strongbox out from under me.

I'm in the middle of a
conversation here, Gustav.

Unfortunately, dear Carson,
I've been circulating the room.

Word is she doesn't have the money

that her friend Diane
of "Diane and Nick" have.

- You're a drunk.
- I'm a drunk who had pieces in the Whitney.

You had one piece in the Whitney

because Al Emery heard
you had bladder cancer.

How many pieces have you had in
there since you went into remission?

- That's incredibly unkind.
- But accurate.

Perhaps I have had too much to drink.

- Do help me out.
- Oh!

You desperate pig! I'll kill you!

Hey! I'm... I'm okay!

Guys!

Please, guys. Guys... oh, my God!

Is somebody gonna...?

Dupa! Dupa!

- Let's go.
- Ow!

- Thanks for meeting me this
late. - No problem.

The real reason I didn't
go through with mediation

is because I was too embarrassed.

It's a real low point in my career.

Horribly in debt.

I'm living in a working job site.

This is a terrible time
to go through a divorce.

Are you kidding me?
This is the perfect time.

Look, that lying, cheating,
cock-sucking cunt of a soon-to-be-ex,

she could pay you alimony.

You know, maybe in terms of language

you could maybe notch it down a bit.

Mother of my children.

Look, the door's right there, you know,

if you're gonna puss out
before we've even begun.

No?

I didn't think so.

Let's get this party started.

That was fun. I'm glad we did that.

It was awful.

That guy only wanted to talk to me

because he thought I had money.

So what?

The only guy that wanted to talk to me

thought I was the manager of the venue

and that I could get him a good
deal on his daughter's wedding.

- How did that happen?
- I don't know.

But I just went with it.
We're having lunch on Thursday.

Those artist types are so exotic.

AKA assholes.

- Not all assholes.
- Right.

Just the ones at that party.

Oh, um, sir, it's just...

it's the last house on the right there.

- Hello?
- Hello, Frances.

- Who's this?
- This is Robert's new lawyer.

I wanted to call and introduce myself.

Robert got a new lawyer.

Put him on speaker phone.

- Shh.
- I'm Tony Silvercreek.

Oh, yeah. No, it's bad.

Look, I'm gonna wanna take
a deposition from you soon,

but not tomorrow.

I know you're probably
gonna want to sleep in

after yet another late
night out with your friends,

involving alcohol.

Sleep tight, sugar.

He sounds like a dirty birdy.

How did... how does he know what I'm doing?

- And why is he calling at 11:30 at night?
- That's what he does.

Tony Silvercreek is one
of the most ruthless,

disgusting, go-for-blood
lawyers in divorce.

Well, why aren't I with him, then?

Because he hates women.

He won't even represent a woman.

Oh, well, that... that is terrific.

Okay.

Wait, Frances. I'm about
to save the night for you.

- I don't think that's possible.
- I'm gonna take the dog back.

What?

- Nick misses the dog.
- Nick misses the dog?

- Bless him.
- No! My kids love that dog.

And with everything they're going through,

you wanna take that away from them, too?

Get Nick a new dog. Come on!

He couldn't pick that dog out in a lineup.

Just let me keep the fucking dog.

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com