Original subtitles

Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow"...

Hello.

Mallus wasn't the only prisoner to escape.

- And now there's magic. - [unicorn neighing]

Oh, my God.

An unknown number of dangerous magical beings

got spat out across the timeline

and now must be sent to hell.

Going somewhere, Raymond?

You think it's Nora.

And if the Time Bureau finds her first, she's going to tell

them you're the one who helped her escape.

[orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Ma'am, your crown jewels are here.

There's absolutely no reason to worry.

All is in order.

Excellent.

I shall wear them out so my people can adore their queen.

Yes, of course, ma'am.

Will you be waving from the north balcony or the south?

I was thinking something a little more intimate.

[Sex Pistols' "God Save the Queen"]

♪ ♪

♪ God save the Queen ♪

♪ The fascist regime ♪

♪ They made you a moron ♪

♪ A potential H bomb ♪

♪ No future for you ♪

Synced & corrected by MaxPayne == https://subscene.com ==

Wow. Red beans and rice didn't miss Her Majesty.

Now I understand

how Mr. Mix-a-Lot got his knighthood.

- Ha ha. - Both: ♪ Sir, Sir ♪

Guys, guys, a little professionalism, please.

What kind of ripple effect are we really

looking at here, Nate?

Okay. Right now, the queen

gets institutionalized,

the British monarchy fails,

and England descends into chaos.

Anarchy in the UK.

Which is weird but... paranormal?

Well, something freaky

is definitely at the heart of this.

Our magic-tracking device detected a massive spike.

All right, then we got a live one.

Punk rock London. Nate, you ready?

Um, well, Ava asked me to stick around and help launch

the magic operations here.

We need to establish procedure, protocols,

command structure.

So... desk job.

Nate Heywood, cubicle guy.

Sad little plant on his desk. Really?

It's prestigious, Sara.

And then when everything's up and running

I come back to the Waverider.

Fine.

Cool kids are off to the Jolly Old.

[dramatic music]

- Ha. - This is very sleek.

Ah, handles all your messaging and data,

keeps accurate time in any era, and counts your steps,

which, to me, is a little overrated...

And it also contains the air totem.

- Thanks, Ray. - I love it.

Well, you're actually the one I should be thanking.

I feel like you're the only one I can talk to

about this whole Nora thing.

Secret's safe with me.

Doing bad things for good reasons

is practically our mission statement.

Even Amaya did it.

Yeah, but this is kind of complicated. [Chuckles]

The others can handle complicated.

Maybe.

And then there were five.

Shorter bathroom lines.

Yeah, but no one to watch Patrick Swayze movies with.

Nate will be back soon.

In the meantime, we need to go back

before the monarchy goes anarchy.

Never thought I'd get to meet the Queen.

Not gonna happen.

Too risky.

And besides, she's not the one

setting off Ray's magic-o-meter.

The Queen's favorite new band is...

The Smell.

"The Smell"?

Never heard of them, and I know of every rubbish

punk band there is in London.

That's because they didn't exist in this timeline.

Gideon?

The Queen's cheeky jig launched

The Smell's rise to stardom.

They were known as much for their music

as for a series of improbable anti-establishment pranks.

All with a magical signature.

Okay, so we're looking for someone in the band.

We could be dealing with demonic possession,

mind control, illusion,

or maybe just the run-of-the-mill royal dementia.

Hold on a minute.

There's your magic man right there.

Obsessed with riches, given to mischief.

That Irishman there is a leprechaun.

S-sorry. Are you being serious or racist?

Both, love.

Why is the weasel running the show?

If you've got a problem with me, pie-head,

why don't you just say?

I got a problem with you.

I'm running it, and I say

we need to get close to that band,

which shouldn't be a problem

because everybody left on this ship is a punk.

Except for haircut.

He hasn't broken a rule in his life.

Yep. Not a single rule.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

The Hole... cradle of punk rock

and the stickiest floor in the British Isles.

- Sounds lovely. - You kids have fun.

I'll have a bottle of hand sanitizer when you come back.

[punk rock music playing]

♪ ♪

Ah, you got to love that sound.

What?

- The music... - It's the dog's bollocks.

Sorry, I can't hear you over the terrible music.

We're The Smell, and you're a bunch of mingers.

And we'll be back when we feel like it.

All right, guys, here's our chance.

Somebody's got to slip backstage

and get in with the band.

Yeah, leave it to me.

I used to play here with Mucous Membrane.

I know my way around.

And besides, you're all bloody Yanks.

- Not you. - Why not?

I don't like him.

Always perfidious Albion, is it?

Never trust a Brit.

Something like that.

Guys, really, we don't have time for this.

Somehow Mister Rory here hasn't realized

that if he's going to play with fire,

he's going to get burned.

[growling]

Don't.

Fight!

[punk rock music]

♪ ♪

[light rock music playing]

[punk rock music]

♪ ♪

[light rock music playing]

[punk rock music]

[siren wailing]

Oi! You lot!

[light rock music playing]

- Thanks for the lift, mate. - Get us out of here!

- Come on! - Go! Let's go!

[engine turning over]

♪ ♪

Oh, let me out, I'm gonna puke.

[vomits]

- Don't let the suit fool you. - Our man's a punk.

He drove on the wrong side of the road the whole way here.

- I did? - [laughing] Nice.

See you around, mate.

[van door closes]

All right, Sara, I found their hideout.

Heading back to the Waverider.

No, Ray, you are our guy on the inside.

Look, loud music makes my nose bleed.

[chuckles] I am not a punk.

- Well, you are now. - You stay with that band.

- Ray? Ray, you there? - [feedback whines]

Ah, you're pressing the button too hard.

Oh, right, yeah, it's my first time.

Listen, mate, there's an old trick

for unmasking leprechauns.

You spill a bunch of grain in front of them on the floor,

and they're compelled to count every kernel.

- Really? That sounds bizarre. - That's not true.

Is that true?

That's a stupid plan.

Have you got a better one, big man?

I don't do magic tricks.

Oh, great, so the plan is no plan.

- Is that your idea? - Enough! Both of you.

- You know what? - It is 1977 in London Town.

I'm going to enjoy the sights.

Good luck with your magic problem.

Did you guys just make Constantine leave?

We'll get back to you, Ray.

- Not your finest work, bud. - He's gonna get us killed.

You just don't like guys with ties.

- That's right. - It's like a little flag

hanging from someone's neck, saying, "I'm a liar."

Look, I'll have Zari follow him, all right?

But in the meantime, you and I need to help Ray

find this magical creature so we can send it to hell

before this whole team falls apart.

[telephone ringing in the distance]

- How's it going? - Good

Great.

[clears throat] All right. This should be all of it.

These protocols were developed by Rip and myself

over the last six years.

- I did the drawings. - Thank you, Gary.

So your job is to just update all of this

for our new magical fugitives, okay?

- You got it, boss. - [clears throat]

And as we say at the Time Bureau,

the adventure is in the details.

- Hmm. - Have fun.

You okay?

Um, I'm good, I'm good.

It's just... I know you guys do things differently here

I just didn't know it was so protocol-centric.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Look, I know you're used to zooming around

in a time machine with all your best friends,

shooting from the hip and saving history.

Always.

But you know, the Bureau is not all protocols.

I'm listening.

Come with.

Buckle up Nate, it's Taco Monday.

- Instead of Taco Tuesday? - Oh, we dare to defy.

- Whoa. - Taco delivery.

Are you Mr. Green?

Oh. Name's Gary.

Mr. Green's in the conservatory with the lead pipe.

[giggling]

Sorry. Bad joke.

- No, that was great. - Um, yeah.

My name's Mona, by the way, just... kind of like Mona Lisa

without the Lisa, so it's just Mona.

Cool.

- Time Bureau? Huh. - Is that what this place is?

You know, they just never tell us.

What's a Time Bureau?

[stammering]

Um, you know, like, daylight savings

and time zones and stuff like that?

We're in charge of that.

- Okay. Bye. - Bye.

Oh, it's actually just one...

- Oh... - One per person.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. [Laughs] Shh. Got it.

[giggles] Yeah.

[knock at door]

What, did we forget something in the van?

No, I...

Seeing as I drove you guys and you didn't pay me,

I thought maybe I could hang out with you blokes.

Down with the monarchy, right?

I didn't catch your name.

Ray... ge.

Rayge?

- Yep, Rayge... - That's what they call me,

on account of all my various rages

against, um, the machine.

Well, I'd like to see some rage, Rayge.

I'm Charlie. Come on in.

[chuckles]

Guys, do you remember our driver?

Well, he goes by the name Rayge,

because of his wicked rages.

- Yeah? - About what?

- Oh... - [scoffs]

Disco music, right?

The Queen, obviously.

[chuckles awkwardly]

Doing chores in a timely fashion.

We hate disco, too.

- Yeah. Hate disco. - Hate it.

I had to move from New York just to get away

from tight trousers and platform shoes.

Do you know how hard it is to walk in those?

Right, let's hear a rage, then.

Ah, go on.

- Uh, at this hour? - No, I don't like to force them.

You know, I just let them come naturally.

But it'll happen.

What about you guys? You know? What makes you tick?

- We're The Smell. - We're a band.

What more is there to say.

Uh, we're a bit more than that, Declan.

We're a movement. We're gonna shock the system.

Wake up all the drones.

- Present company included. - [chuckles]

Oh!

Sorry, the rice... everywhere.

Sorry. You see that, Declan?

What?

The rice. The grains of rice... they're everywhere.

Sorry if you feel the urge

to have to pick up every single piece.

Mate, are you trying the leprechaun test on me?

[laughter]

Do you know how hurtful you're being right now?

Deeply.

Declan's a bit touchy about being ginger.

- You're all right, Rayge. - Well, Rayge has got to leave.

We've got to plan Operation Mum's Bum.

- Mum's Bum. - Mum's Bum?

Hey, that sounds fun. I could get into that.

Well, we could use a driver.

Can we trust him?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

So that's the big highlight?

Eating tacos one day before the rest of America?

- Yeah. - Hmm.

Oh, hey. There's a blip on the magic-o-meter.

It's from the Pleistocene period.

Clear your schedule.

We've got a report to write.

- Or... or... or... - [clears throat]

Or we can handle this ourselves.

Without approval?

That sounds dangerous.

You've got two, but I'm sort of down to my last nipple.

Gary, Ava hired me to optimize this department, okay?

And I can't do that waiting three days for approval.

[whispering] And we can be time bros.

What?

We can be time bros.

- Time bros? - Yeah.

- Me and you? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, but...

We can reheat your tacos later.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Yeah, let's go. Okay. - This way.

[punk music playing]

♪ ♪

- Okay, here we are. - Uh, where are we?

St. James's Park, next to Buckingham Palace.

St. James's Park, you say.

All right, Ray, we're listening.

The Queen's royal corgis are taking

their afternoon constitutional.

You're gonna nab one of those little yippers

And bring him back to us. [laughter]

We're not gonna hurt the dog, are we?

No. We're gonna hurt the Queen.

She treats her dogs to beef Wellington

while poor people are starving.

It's time to expose her hypocrisy.

- Okay, yeah. No problem. - Dogs love me.

- Yes, problem. - They're the Queen's dogs.

They're gonna be guarded.

Question... will the dogs be heavily guarded?

Well, that's your problem.

It's time to see how far you'll go.

If you got a rage stored up, now's the time.

[scoffs, mumbles]

[clears throat]

[horn honks]

[laughs]

[mumbles]

[van door closes]

[Ray breathing heavily] Ray, we can hear you gulping

through the comms.

Do we really have to do this?

I mean, we know that Declan is not a leprechaun.

Well, your machine says one of them is magical,

so our job is to find 'em and get it gone.

You're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.

Corgi-napping?

Gaining their trust and betraying them.

We'll help you out with the corgis.

- QB or wet work? - QB.

Ray, Rory is going to walk you through this one.

Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

[sighs]

Oh, I see them.

[barking] Let's go, pups.

Up and at 'em, Sparky.

You see that bench in front of you?

- Yeah. - Sit on it.

Okay.

All right, Ray.

I feel like I should do something,

like maybe a distraction.

Just wait.

This would go a lot faster

if you just do your thing, Gordon.

[dogs bark]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[barking]

♪ ♪

Can we just nick his van already?

- That's why we're here, innit? - Give him a minute.

- Mick, you were right. - It's just the dog walker now.

Go and ask for the corgi.

Ah, excuse me, sir.

I don't know if this is royal etiquette,

but, uh, if it may please the Crown...

[chuckles] May I borrow one of those corgis?

Just take him.

Oh. There are those famous British manners I've heard of.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

Good choice.

How long do you think the poor lad is going to last

in the clink?

[whistles blowing] Blimey.

[punk music]

My word, that young man stole a royal corgi.

♪ ♪

- He did it. - He bloody did it.

Go on, roll up, Declan.

♪ ♪

Go, go, go, go, go!

♪ ♪

We start off the hour with an update

of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth's

beloved corgi, Sparky.

Reported missing earlier this afternoon,

he has finally been found behind bars

at the South West London Animal Rescue for Dogs.

From the looks of it, the pooch

has fallen in with a bad crowd.

[laughter]

Well, at least someone from Buckingham Palace

has glimpsed the real world.

[together] Rayge, Rayge, Rayge!

[cheering]

To the table!

Oh! Snacks, I'm famished.

It'll only hurt for a minute, love.

- Hurt? - A tattoo.

Yeah, we all have 'em.

Get 'em after our first prank.

It's a Smell tradition.

Once you get one, you're one of us, mate.

Oh, that needle's been sterilized, right?

- See, Charlie, told ya. - He's a narc.

No, he just doesn't get it.

This isn't a tattoo, it's a statement.

That ink says you won't swallow the crap

they force down our throats.

Sometimes you have to do bad things for good reasons.

So what do you say?

You in?

Yeah.

I'm in.

- Give me the tattoo. - Yeah.

[needle buzzing]

Now that you're officially one of us,

the corgi was just for a laugh.

We're gonna make the Queen hand over her precious jewels.

Yeah. Just one question... how?

- Leave that part to me. - I'll work my magic.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[punk music playing over speakers]

Another pint?

Yeah, I'd love one.

You should probably have

something in your stomach with this one.

Aren't you kind looking after me?

I try my best.

Did he tell you he's a dark soul

cursed to walk the world alone?

[chuckles] Something like that.

I'll be right back.

Thanks, love.

♪ ♪

How the bloody hell did you find me

up here in Liverpool, eh?

Sara had me install a tracker in your comm.

Ah.

No one trusts old Johnny Boy.

Can't say I blame you lot.

Yeah, she had a hunch your baser instincts

would pull you off mission.

Oh, she'd be the one to bloody know, wouldn't she?

[clears throat]

- Here you are, love. - Thanks.

Just give me a shout if you want a water.

Will do.

♪ ♪

That brooding, anti-hero crap

must be a real panty dropper, huh?

You tell her you have four roommates

and sleep on the couch?

- No, I didn't. - She's my mum.

♪ ♪

I'm really wishing I had not said "panty dropper."

Yep.

♪ ♪

Ah, feels so good to be back in the field.

Feel that cold Pleistocene breeze in our hair.

Only thing is I do feel a little naked

without a clever costume on.

Oh, I'm sort of off of costumes right now.

Oh, because of your John Cos-play.

What's going on with you two anyway?

Well, he dropped me, which sucks.

I mean, you know.

Why would you say that?

Oh, there's no shame in it.

You know, I just used to think of you as Amaya's arm candy.

So it's nice to know

you're more than just the guy Amaya dumped.

She didn't dump me... we broke up to save the timeline.

Yeah, Constantine let me down easy, too.

Said it was about the balance of good and evil.

Wait, did she dump me?

Well, all I know is she started

a family with another guy real fast.

You tell me.

Oh, but hey, hey, you get back out there.

Meet some new people. Change up your scenery a bit.

Hide.

Yeah, hide if it heals your heart better.

- Shut up. - Hide.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[watch beeps]

- Quitting time. - No, shut that off.

You're gonna get us killed.

If we don't get back to the office,

Director Sharpe is going to kill us.

She hates overtime.

- You're kidding. - No.

♪ ♪

- On three. - Yes.

- One, two... - Two...

Three, go.

Gary, go! [both scream]

[growling]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[whispering] Psst. It's me, Ray.

Look straight ahead.

Talk straight into your newspaper.

No one will suspect a thing.

What do you got on them?

[sighs]

Gilly loves monkeys,

Ian's first language was Yiddish,

and Declan, his nose crinkles when he smiles,

it's actually pretty cute.

I don't want to date them, Haircut.

Just tell me which one of them I'll have to off.

Well, it appears that Charlie is our mystery... or fugitive.

Good.

We'll nab her and send her to hell.

Hell? What?

Look, all she is guilty of is questionable hygiene,

playing bad music, and pulling a couple pranks.

- We started this mess. - We got to take care of it.

[sighs] All right, well, just give me some time

to figure out what her powers are before we move on her.

You've got until the weasel gets back.

What the hell is that on your arm?

It's my tattoo.

It's a corgi with a mohawk. [laughs]

You've lost it, Haircut.

You finally lost it.

[British accent] It's Rayge, mate.

[punk rock music]

Were you and your mom close?

Just met her 20 minutes ago.

Died in childbirth.

♪ ♪

- Two for two. - Sorry.

My dad used to call me "Killer."

Never let me forget what I did.

- Mm. Father of the year. - Hmm.

Wouldn't guess that to look at him, would you?

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

You didn't just happen to run into your parents, did you?

I've ruined a lot of lives, and that bastard

is just the first one to call me out on it.

Listen, if want to wallow in self-pity,

the Waverider has got a lot of rooms for that.

I'm partial to the kitchen myself.

Oh, I'm not here to wallow, love.

I'm here to fix it.

Give him the old Manchester mangler.

- What? - Back-alley vasectomy.

Back-alley vas...

- No, John, you can't... - [groaning]

Oh, what happened?

Ball kick paradox... you can't kick your own dad in the junk

because you'd erase yourself from the timeline,

which means there would be no one

to kick your dad in the junk.

Bloody hell I can't.

♪ ♪

Toss off, you legless wanker.

Tommy! Tommy, are you all right?

Get the hell out of my pub.

I never want to see your face again.

You won't.

Another cracking Constantine family reunion.

[groans]

Look, I get it.

There's a lot of things I wish I could change.

But you can't mess with your past.

Time travel 101.

Oh, it's not just my mum.

There are others I've hurt.

My past...

is coming for me.

What do you mean?

[lighter clicks]

- You know what? - Forget it.

Ray will be needing us now, won't he?

- Hello, punk friends. - Anyone seen Charlie?

We know what you've been up to.

You do? Of course you do, I'm a terrible liar.

Shut it, Rayge.

- If that is your real name. - Which I'm pretty sure it's not.

You said you left New York to escape the disco scene.

Then explain this?

[disco music]

Mamma Mia.

"Mystery disco band leaves the audience saying,

'Thank you for the music.'"

Can you even name a punk song?

Well... I...

[chuckles]

I told you idiots we couldn't trust him.

- He's a narc. - Yeah. Disco narc.

Look, can we just talk about this calmly?

Calmly?

Is this Rayge chap ever gonna have a rage or not?

I think we should glue sequins all over him

and string him up like a disco ball at the Roxy.

Shut it!

Listen to yourselves.

You lot sound like brainwashed pigs.

So what, the bloke fancies a bit of disco?

Gilly used to be a nun. Ian was a mime.

I've done a stint in the lockup.

Declan's not even Irish.

[British accent] I thought it sounded more street.

- We've all got a past. - And it is just that... a past.

I don't care who you were before.

Whoever you want to be now... That's what matters.

Did you put butter in the coffee machine again, Gary?

- Yes. - Hey, Ava.

- Oh, hey. - Happy Tuesday.

How was your evening?

- Actually, it was nice. - What about you?

You ready to get back out there?

Gary told me you guys wrapped up

yesterday's mission without a hitch.

I am very impressed.

I look forward to reading the report.

Good job.

We wrapped it up?

- It wrapped itself up. - The blip is gone.

What do you mean it's gone?

- Don't overthink it, Nate. - Take the win.

Oh, I got you something to commemorate

our first mission together as time bros.

It's an exotic plant to spruce up your work space.

[grunts]

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

Looks good.

Mixtape.

If you're gonna be in the band,

you should be able to at least name one punk song.

- Cool. - Thank you.

And thank you for earlier.

Oh, sometimes the others think

they're the damn punk police.

I have to tell you something.

My name is not really Rayge.

In fact, it's nothing anger-related.

It's just Ray.

- Just Ray? - Yeah.

I like that.

So, Just Ray, what happened to your old crew?

Well, Sara met a special someone,

and they're trying to make it work.

- Oh, that will kill a band. - Mm.

My best friend, Nate, he has a desk job.

And, Amaya... well, she's gone.

[inhales deeply] I actually really miss her.

She was kind of our moral compass.

Helped us do the right thing

when it wasn't always easy to do the right thing.

I never knew disco could get so barmy.

[laughs] Well, I guess the way we did it,

yeah, it did get pretty barmy.

[sighs] So, um, how long were you locked up?

Long enough to know I ain't ever going back.

What happened?

Small-minded people got scared.

Turned to law and order to make themselves feel big.

Prison seems extreme for a little bit of mischief.

I wasn't sent away for stealing corgis.

You sure you can handle the truth, Just Ray"?

Yeah, try me.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[laughing] Whoa.

♪ ♪

This doesn't freak you out?

No.

Such rapid molecular transformation is...

To quote an old friend... Astonishing.

How do you choose who to be when you can be anybody?

Just saw this mug on a toothpaste ad on the tube.

I liked her smile.

- Huh. - [chuckles]

Wow. Must be strange to completely change.

It is. That's why I have to hold tight to what I believe...

Strong drinks, loud music, and screwing the system.

Otherwise I'd lose myself.

You're a pretty cool lady...

or man...

or whatever you want to be.

I wish the humans who threw me in the slammer

felt that way.

They just saw a magical creature and panicked.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't be.

You're one of the good ones, Just Ray.

♪ ♪

[sighs] Sara, I figured it out.

- All right, Ray. - What are we dealing with?

She's a shapeshifter.

She doesn't kidnap the Queen. She becomes the Queen.

I knew it.

You definitely said leprechaun.

So I have an idea.

What if I just ask her to stop impersonating the Queen?

History goes back to the way it was,

and we don't have to send her to hell.

Ray, so far we've learned that unicorns

are homicidal maniacs

and fairy godmothers are psychopaths.

And they're supposed to be the nice ones.

And these shapeshifting bastards...

They put the rest to shame.

We're talking killing sprees, world wars, you name it.

Yeah, but she's not doing any of that.

- She's manipulating you. - Don't fall for it, mate.

- Too late. - He's got a tattoo.

Oh, please let it be a tramp stamp.

She's not hurting anyone.

- Sit tight, Haircut. - We'll work this out.

- Thank you, Mick. - Maybe we could...

He's in too deep.

For once I agree with you.

Ray has no bloody idea what he's dealing with.

Ray has been doing this a long time.

He can handle himself.

Sara, if this thing gets loose, there is no stopping it.

Trust me.

Zari, what do you think?

Has the shapeshifter gotten to Ray?

Yeah.

All right, then, squad save the Queen.

♪ ♪

[dishes clattering]

[dog barking in the distance]

That's not the plan.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Do you trust me?

- Of course. - You're my friend.

- We got to go. - What? Why?

Because my friends don't trust me.

♪ ♪

- Ray? - We just want to talk.

So your disco mates think I'll come quietly.

Who are you really?

- Look, Declan was right. - I am a narc.

I'm a magic narc.

I was sent here to capture you and take you in, but...

You ain't sending me back to prison.

I'm not gonna do it.

- Haircut! - [sighs]

Then what are you gonna do?

♪ ♪

You told me that you wanted to shock people

and wake them up.

Well, that's what I'm gonna do... to my own team.

You asked me who I really am?

I'm a punk.

[heroic dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Come on, Ray, open the door.

Or we burn it down.

♪ ♪

Ah. Lunch is here.

Yes.

Hey, I have an idea for you guys.

- Who guys? - You guys. The Time Bureau.

Oh.

Sorry, uh, that was supposed to be top secret.

Oh, no worries, because I was thinking,

you know how time zones go up and down?

Well, what about sideways?

Sideways time zones. Huh? Like across?

So you wouldn't have to change your clock when took...

both: A solo road trip across America!

- That's genius. - Thanks! [Laughs]

What is happening?

- Sorry I have to do this. - [device whirs]

And have a nice day.

Okay, you got a sandwich.

I got a sandwich.

Pro tip... Bureau pays for lunch so make sure you eat enough

so you're not hungry again until tomorrow.

You really do know all the boring tricks.

- I can see you're in a funk. - Is this still about Amaya?

Lay it on the Gar-Bear. It's okay to cry.

In fact...

it's encouraged.

[plant snarling]

Gary, where did you get that plant?

It's from our first mission together.

I wanted it to have a special meaning for us.

Gary?

Gary, it's magical.

It is?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[woman screams]

Gary, stapler.

[people screaming]

Today we ride! Hyah!

Well, no sign of Ray or the creature, Captain.

Sara? Sara?

Hmm. Maybe you should have put a tracker in her comm.

♪ ♪

What the hell, Ray?

All right, come on.

[groaning]

♪ ♪

Sara, Charlie decked me.

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

No.

Sara? Sara?

Mick.

♪ ♪

[device powers up, fires] Oh, no.

♪ ♪

Stop.

Don't hurt my friends.

Your friends are drones.

No, they're better than that.

I'm not taking the chance.

No way I'm going back to prison.

Atom suit... disassemble.

Dr. Palmer voice authenticated.

♪ ♪

- Guess you're a drone, too. - That's enough.

Zari.

♪ ♪

Great. Now let's send this beast to hell.

Wait.

Hell? What the hell?

Guys, come on, look...

let's think about this, all right?

She is not evil.

She stole your suit and tried to kill us, Ray.

That's the ballsiest thing you've ever done, Haircut.

She's only doing what any one of you would have done

if you were cornered.

We let her out, this is on us.

[chanting]

The portal is open, now send the monster through.

I'll show you what a real monster looks like.

Like this.

♪ ♪

Like someone who'd rather do what's easy...

than figure out what's right.

Someone who'd send an innocent to hell.

Don't fall for its bloody parlor tricks.

Ray said your team's moral compass is missing.

[dramatic music]

Can you send her to hell?

Zari, you're too smart to fall for this bloody creature.

Now send it through.

I can't keep the portal open forever.

♪ ♪

No, I can't do it.

♪ ♪

All right, we're gonna figure this out on the ship.

- Fine. - But I'm not letting

a shapeshifter on the bloody ship.

[chanting]

What did you do to me, you ass?

It's a lobotomy of sorts.

Your shapeshifting days are over, sweetheart.

No!

Come on, you cowards!

[shouts indistinctly] Come on down here.

We can't just leave her locked in there forever.

You are on thin ice in terms of what we can and cannot do.

Those punks were a bad influence on you.

Oh, well, maybe you just don't know as much about me

as you think you do.

You were an Eagle Scout, former CEO of Palmer Tech.

Your favorite musical is "Singing in the Rain."

You're allergic to cats and Grodd,

and you were knighted by Queen Guinevere

Sir Raymond of the Palms.

- Okay, so you know a lot. - Yeah.

But you don't know that I was the man

who helped Nora Dark escape the Time Bureau.

You what?

She's not going to sleep with you, Haircut.

That is not why I did it.

I just believe she can be a better person.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe she's a terrible, horrible monster.

But I believe she should be given the chance to find out.

Everyone else on this ship has been given a second chance.

Why doesn't she get one?

[sighs] Look, you better not be wrong about her.

But right now we need to deal with our current captive.

She cannot stay on the ship.

Yeah, especially now with Amaya's face.

It's frickin' creepy.

You broke her, you fix her, weasel.

Make her not Amaya again.

Spell doesn't work like that, Womble.

I took away her power to transform.

It's like clipping an angel's wings.

You can't exactly unclip them.

Whoo!

That was one surprisingly strong little plant.

Surprisingly full of goo.

I like what you've done with the place.

Sort of a little office of horrors theme.

Nate showed the plant who's boss, Captain Lance.

Oh, yeah?

Although the plant did get in a lot of punches.

Okay, Gar-Gar.

All right, let's leave a little something to the imagination.

Speaking of, you should probably change your shirt

before Ava gets back.

I can see where your nipple was.

And the handshake.

Aw.

You already found a new time bro.

He's growing on me.

Okay, but really, when are you coming back to the ship?

There's a situation

that I could really use your input on.

[clears throat] when I took this job at the Time Bureau,

I thought I was doing it for my dad

or even maybe a little bit for Ava.

But, um, the truth is, I was trying to avoid the Waverider.

Why?

Because every room I went into on that ship,

I was hoping she'd be there.

[sentimental music]

- Amaya. - Yeah.

But I'm over it.

Amaya is no longer on the Waverider.

That's it.

I'm sorry, you wanted to talk about something?

Um, no, it can... it'll wait.

Maybe a little Bureau time is exactly what you need.

So I think you should stay here...

because I like to watch you grow.

- Mm. Thank you, Sara. - Yeah.

Hi.

Uh, wow.

[clicks tongue]

So enough chitchat. Dinner? Drinks?

Should we just get straight to it?

Whoa, whoa, what did I say about professional boundaries.

Sorry.

I mean, look at this place.

Can you please tell me...

How do you keep five Legends on a leash at once?

Very loosely,

because sometimes we pull you in the right direction.

Hey, you got a minute?

I just wanted to say... About the pub...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, if you're here to have some weepy, heart-to-heart,

end-of-the-mission hug fest where you tell me

that my problems are your problems

and that happiness is just one friend away

and all that bollocks, don't bother, yeah?

Hey, you don't know me.

I wouldn't do that. That would be lame.

Yeah, it would.

So why are you here?

I wanted to give you this surveillance photo

I took of you and your mom.

♪ ♪

Thank you...

you know, for not doing any of that stuff.

- Yeah. - Anytime.

[clears throat]

♪ ♪

[sighs] I hate cops.

[scoffs] I am well aware of that, Mick.

Well, today we nearly became cops.

Yeah, but we didn't.

- No. - Thanks to you, Rayge.

- Aw. - Thanks, Mick.

All right, are you two plonkers

just gonna stand there and stare at me,

or is one of you gonna poor me a bloody pint?

- She definitely isn't Amaya. - Ahh!

No.

But I do like her.