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1
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:54,152
Help me get her in the car, ray!
2
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,021
Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, cuz!
3
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:59,157
Let me finger gangbang
her at least, homie!
4
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,592
Just help me get her
to the hospital!
5
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,794
- Okay, one finger then!
- Ray!
6
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,663
All right, but we ain't
goin' inside, homie.
7
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,331
We gonna go around
the emergency loop,
8
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,966
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies
9
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,868
that get shot in
the hood, homie.
10
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,871
Why you snuff her fine ass anyway, homie?
I wanted to bone, cuz.
11
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,839
She was possessed, ray!
Possessed?
12
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,675
Possessed like head
spinnin' around
13
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,842
vomitin' everywhere, possessed?
14
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,311
Or like possessed like kanye
15
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,779
when you take a picture of him?
16
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,280
Just drive like you
got warrants, please!
17
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:23,648
Nigga, I do got warrants!
18
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,718
Look! These right here!
Jaywalkin'!
19
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,220
For eating grapes in the grocery
store without payin' for 'em!
20
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,056
Shavin' my dog's
balls in public.
21
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:32,958
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, cuz.
22
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,659
I be ghost-ridin' my whip, cuz.
23
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:38,830
An altercation with my moms,
homie, but she provoked me, cuz!
24
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,099
Ray-ray, I think she's waking.
All right, here! Take this
25
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,867
and pistol-whip her with
the butt of the gun.
26
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,736
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!
27
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,298
All right, nigga, well, you drive
and I'll pistol-whip that bitch!
28
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,041
Kisha, resist!
29
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,743
But you didn't!
30
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:55,246
I've seen you for the bitch
that you are, Malcolm.
31
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:58,817
What's she talkin' about, homie?
Booty pirates!
32
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,786
Nothing, she's possessed, man.
That's right, you fucker!
33
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,922
He's a ghostbuster!
34
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,824
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
35
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,359
Was you in juvie, cuz?
36
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,761
If you don't cry, you ain't
no bitch in there, homie.
37
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,864
I didn't cry. Doodles on they dick.
Joke's on them, cuz.
38
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,233
By the powers vested to me,
39
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,836
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up...
40
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,672
Who are you? It's
father Williams, homie.
41
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,407
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, cuz.
42
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,876
I do a mean impression of the Butler.
Check it.
43
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,911
"I'm here for the boss. I'm
here to serve the boss."
44
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,214
Who are you? I'm forest
Whitaker, homie.
45
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,382
From the movie that's
like the help,
46
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,250
but he didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
47
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,418
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha.
48
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,755
Are you gonna let that
bitch choke you out, cuz?
49
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,690
You a bitch, homie...
50
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,058
Get the fuck off me!
51
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,293
Kisha! Kisha!
52
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:44,095
Oh, shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.
53
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,964
I'll get the bird flu,
it's contagious...
54
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,132
She blacked out, ray.
55
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,268
Get us to the hospital. Hurry!
56
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,937
Ray? Ray?
57
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,773
Oh, shit!
58
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:07,052
Oh, my God! Kisha? Kisha!
59
00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:11,056
Ray?
60
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,457
Ray!
61
00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,730
It's a good thing I drank
that hennessy earlier.
62
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,065
I can't feel shit, homie!
63
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,433
I think Kisha's dead.
64
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,968
Good! Let's get the
fuck outta here, homie!
65
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,772
Listen. We were never here.
66
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,975
I'm with you, cuz. All right.
Deuces!
67
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:32,877
We ghost hunters!
68
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,322
I don't know about
this place, baby.
69
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,725
You've said that about
every house we looked at.
70
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,393
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...
71
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,861
Give me the heebie-jeebies...
72
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,063
Like somethin' bad
happened in here.
73
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,334
Well, I love it. And I love you.
74
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,837
There you go, bribin' me with vagina.
Whatever works.
75
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,472
Know when I'm weak.
76
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:01,906
Disgusting.
77
00:04:03,008 --> 00:04:05,443
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it,
78
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,212
but when you kissing the whole
entire sophomore class,
79
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,513
it's cool, huh?
80
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,049
Give me that damn camera,
you little gnat!
81
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,183
Oh, finger. Real creative. Wow.
82
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,451
Cut her some slack.
83
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:14,853
She's just goin'
through a phase.
84
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,888
Yeah, a phase. It's
called "whore."
85
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,058
Look at that. Last a lifetime.
Malcolm, stop!
86
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,426
No, see, that's a phase.
87
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,494
Looks like he met an
imaginary friend.
88
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,895
It's normal.
89
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,497
What you doin' there, buddy?
90
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,031
Want to help me load some boxes?
91
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,000
Cool! All right. My man!
92
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,503
Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.
93
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,238
Why not?
94
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,840
Tony says, "aw, hell no!
I ain't yo' slave!"
95
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,911
Is it me or does his imaginary
friend sound black?
96
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,279
Pretty progressive.
97
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,847
Why don't you and
your friend go play?
98
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,048
Okay.
99
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,484
That game sounds like fun!
100
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,386
Oh!
101
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,955
I don't like the
tripping game, Tony.
102
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:56,060
Look at all that sexy. Come here.
Give me a kiss.
103
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,429
Let's piss off your forefathers.
104
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,103
Malcolm, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships are not a big deal anymore.
105
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,426
Yeah, you tell that
to the sistas.
106
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:10,275
You know, they be like,
"I know he didn't!"
107
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:13,945
"He did not kiss that pasty
ass white bitch!" Pasty?
108
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,047
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.
109
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,416
"Look at them, look
like baloney slices!"
110
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,451
"Uh-uh. See he
straight scrippin'
111
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,120
"and it don't make
no damn sense."
112
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,054
Come here, shiloh junior.
113
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,522
There's my baby boy.
114
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,990
I still can't believe
115
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,959
you named our dog shiloh junior.
116
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:31,396
Well, I was gonna name him
shiloh two or shiloh the sequel,
117
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:35,099
but he wouldn't answer to
those, so, shiloh junior it is.
118
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,035
C'mon! Hey, come
on, shiloh junior.
119
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,236
Hey, babe, are you gettin' this?
120
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,605
Your obsession with
all these cameras.
121
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:43,041
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
122
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,210
Hey, shiloh! Come on, baby.
123
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,178
You ready to go see your
new house, shiloh junior?
124
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,148
Come on, shiloh junior. Shiloh junior!
Hey, get inside.
125
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,149
Don't make me put
bass in my voice.
126
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,284
Hey! Shiloh!
127
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,153
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.
128
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,523
Oh, fucking...
129
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,358
Oh, shit! Oh, breathe!
130
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,527
Come on, shiloh! Don't
go towards the light!
131
00:06:03,128 --> 00:06:04,495
Call 9-1-1.
132
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,965
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!
133
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,100
Oh, God. I got a pulse.
134
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,336
Breathe! Shiloh, like this.
135
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,941
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh, my fuckin' back!
136
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,509
Please, help me!
137
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,283
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!
138
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,653
Get me a goddamn pump!
139
00:06:34,493 --> 00:06:36,895
It's working! Come on!
140
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,203
Meet me at the hospital!
141
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,908
The hospital's that way!
142
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,277
So young, never had a
chance to lick his balls.
143
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,313
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.
144
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:58,349
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with...
145
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:01,386
It's just every time I
try and say the name...
146
00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:10,395
Shiloh!
147
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:15,266
Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God!
148
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,268
It's tingly in...
149
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,103
Oh, God!
150
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:25,510
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
It's time to go bye-bye.
151
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:31,950
Shiloh!
152
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,124
Junior.
153
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:46,397
I bet you could put a whole
lot of birth control in that.
154
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,099
I really hate you.
155
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,169
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
156
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,704
What've you got there?
157
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,106
Just an old box that I
found in the basement.
158
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,275
Don't you think we should
return it to the prior owners?
159
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,443
If they wanted it,
they would've taken it
160
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,745
in the first place. Ooh.
161
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,715
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.
162
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:07,352
I'm just the guy that's like...
your mom.
163
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:10,154
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box
164
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,124
if you promise to try and make this
work between me and you, okay?
165
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,426
It's for your mom. Fine.
166
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:20,131
I think we're gettin' somewhere.
167
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:29,107
I'm just messin' with you, bro.
168
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,675
Oh, shit!
169
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,077
I just do that when I'm talkin'
to negritos. It's all good.
170
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,579
Did he just call me a nigger?
What's goin' on, bro?
171
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,581
I just moved in with
my girl right here
172
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:37,782
and we was just wonderin' Hi.
173
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:42,320
Are you serious? Dude, I live here, puto!
It's my house!
174
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,288
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
- Oh, my God.
175
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,391
I just assumed... You got
the gloves and the hat,
176
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,159
and the lawnmower and the truck.
177
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,429
Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose!
Are you?
178
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,064
No, fool! My name is Miguel!
179
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,365
Is that your truck?
180
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,768
- Yeah, that's my truck!
- Then who's Jose?
181
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,669
That's my middle name. You
wanna guess my last name?
182
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,071
No, no, no. Oh, come on.
183
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,205
You guys are here,
you might as well.
184
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,306
I don't know. Rodriguez?
185
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,374
That's racist, bro.
186
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,343
You asked... Did
he ask me or what?
187
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,412
I'm just fuckin' with you!
188
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:11,482
For the record, my name is
Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez...
189
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,384
Smith.
190
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,619
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
191
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,088
Your last name is Smith?
192
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,657
Yeah, I'm Mexican
on my mom's side.
193
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:22,827
So, why is there
Gonzalez on your truck?
194
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,663
Shit, would you trust your
garden to a guy named Smith?
195
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,833
Hey, my name is Malcolm, bro.
Yeah.
196
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,334
I bet your last name is Johnson.
197
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,203
See, that's some racist shit!
198
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,840
Am I right? But you're right!
199
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:38,342
Nice to meet you, man. Yeah,
it's a pleasure meeting you!
200
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,545
Nice to meet you. Tuesdays. I
can cut your grass on Tuesdays.
201
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,680
What can I say, I'm a
gardener by ethnic default.
202
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:47,385
Watch out, guera!
203
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,753
Hey. What?
204
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:49,754
You gon' try and
tease a brother?
205
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,389
That's an invite?
206
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:54,192
One, two, I'm done.
207
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,127
What's that? What?
208
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,229
Oh! That's Abigail. Ew.
209
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,131
I found her in the wardrobe
that was left here.
210
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,099
Yeah, well, put it back.
211
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,334
Hey, stop! She's creepy!
212
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,436
We look alike. Yeah,
same eyes and pigtails.
213
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,371
Wait, no, no, don't
put it on the bed!
214
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:20,751
Hey.
215
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,355
How you doin'?
216
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,257
You ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?
217
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,493
Girl, you stupid.
218
00:10:29,728 --> 00:10:32,497
You don't want none of this?
Come here.
219
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,565
Oh, I can't play
with it but you can.
220
00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:39,504
You gonna bite my lip?
Take that!
221
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,539
You fuckin' like this!
222
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,341
Uh-huh. It was gonna come.
223
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,842
It was gonna come!
224
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:50,748
Just wanna put the tip in.
I'm gonna put the tip in...
225
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,817
Ah! Ahh! Ahh!
226
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,421
Look at that. Mmm. Uh-huh.
227
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,423
Mmm, yeah.
228
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,727
You got that goody. Bite the
pillow, bite that fuckin' pillow.
229
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,634
You gonna eat my butt now.
Oh, shit!
230
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:13,938
Nigga, she... She lickin' that.
231
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:17,375
You taste like doo-doo.
But I love it!
232
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,709
You on the pill? I don't
want to get you pregnant.
233
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,244
You wanna make
little doll babies?
234
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,579
They gonna have my
eyes with your eyes...
235
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,281
Oh, you gonna give me splinters!
236
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:29,387
Fuck this shit. I wanna cry!
It feels so...
237
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,495
Don't look. Don't look.
Hold on a second.
238
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:42,266
This side is wet with
soap, this one is dry.
239
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:47,338
I mighta leaked in you. I don't know
if I came, I leaked a little bit.
240
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,707
That's all right. You
ain't even ovulatin'.
241
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,509
Why you trippin'? Come
on, stop worrying.
242
00:11:56,815 --> 00:12:00,318
Honey, we're home! Oh, shit!
You gotta go!
243
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,321
- Shit! No!
- Malcolm!
244
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,723
Hi, honey! Um...
245
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,358
Hey, where are you?
246
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,327
You gotta go! We...
I'm just upstairs!
247
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,395
You gotta get outta here.
248
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,335
Fuck!
249
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,903
Ah! Shit!
250
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:27,678
Mmm.
251
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,582
"Hanging out."
252
00:12:32,851 --> 00:12:36,354
Sounds a little soft for
my taste, but... fuck it.
253
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,028
Yeah, I don't think
this is right.
254
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:47,365
Maybe I should
download the manual.
255
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,379
What the...
256
00:13:05,984 --> 00:13:07,585
Great. Get up here.
257
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,429
Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
258
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,911
Cut the camera. Turn
the camera off.
259
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,667
Wow.
260
00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:28,406
I seen some shit, but that was...
That was crazy!
261
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,876
A demonic figure tried to hang
a family in the backyard.
262
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:34,378
I gotta keep this from
Megan and the kids.
263
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,680
Is it weird that I
was aroused by this?
264
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,648
Why is my dick
bending in my jeans?
265
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,460
Hello? Hello?
266
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,062
Twinkle, twinkle little star
267
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,497
who is this? Hello!
268
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,566
It's a nigger.
269
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,078
Oh, that's a ugly motherfucker.
270
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,946
Is that Steven Tyler?
271
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,685
What the hell? Same tree!
272
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:21,525
Shit! Kisha?
273
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:30,368
Megan, what you doing? I almost
dumped the fuck out you!
274
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:34,538
You got to holler at me! You
can't just be walkin' up.
275
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,808
You gotta give me like a "whoop-ti-whoo,"
a "kakow!" Or a "tsh-tsh"!
276
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,010
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!
277
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:42,046
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
278
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,382
I think I did.
279
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,485
Wait. So now I
look like a ghost.
280
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,086
Excuse me, where you
goin' with this?
281
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:51,489
So now I'm too pasty for you?
282
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,424
Malcolm, I can't do anything about that!
What do you mean?
283
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,760
Unless you want me to get
skin cancer from the sun.
284
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,662
And deep nasty wrinkles, and then
they'll have to give me chemo
285
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,898
and I'll lose all my hair, and then
I'll look like a nasty bald raisin!
286
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,600
Is that what you want?
Is that what you want?
287
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:05,136
No! I don't want you
to look like a raisin!
288
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,037
I don't like the raisin! I
don't like to date raisins!
289
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,006
I don't like the raisins
on Morgan Freeman's face!
290
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,474
I just don't like raisins.
291
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,009
I don't like the new
ones that Obama got,
292
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,511
the young raisins on his face!
293
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,945
I don't like raisins.
294
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:18,516
So please, don't
look like a raisin.
295
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:23,053
I need to go meditate and get
my chi back in alignment.
296
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:25,122
What chi? You were just...
297
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:36,667
Ah! Ahh!
298
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,103
Walk to the light! It's bedtime.
299
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,571
What you all dressed up for?
300
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,705
We goin' to a club? Mmm-mmm.
301
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,140
Foam party? No.
302
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,109
We goin' to a pajama jammy jam?
Just bed.
303
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:48,145
You gotta be more comfortable
with this relationship...
304
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,682
You're right. Put on some
sweat pants and some...
305
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,952
Oh, my Jesus lord!
Um, you're naked!
306
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,620
I am. Oh, wow.
307
00:15:56,622 --> 00:16:00,090
I like being naked, though.
I could be naked all day.
308
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:03,127
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.
309
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:08,065
You don't wanna be on the bus
naked or in Starbucks naked.
310
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,534
Why not? 'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!
311
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,902
It's gonna leave a scar.
312
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:12,903
Melt one of your nipples
off or somethin'.
313
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,071
Hey, hey, hey.
314
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:17,041
The camera's on, baby.
315
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,845
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.
316
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:24,014
What the fuck? Are you serious?
317
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:27,551
We gonna get all angles on that...
oh, shit.
318
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,855
Baby, your creepy doll is
makin' my dick scared.
319
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,223
Just let her watch.
320
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:35,493
You just said the right
type of nasty shit!
321
00:16:39,197 --> 00:16:42,066
Oh, God! I gotta
replenish my fluids.
322
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,037
After round two.
323
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,710
Whoo! Ah! Whoo!
324
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,212
- That was wild.
- Come on, Malcolm.
325
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,648
What, aren't you done yet?
326
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:05,256
I am now. Ready for round three?
Seriously...
327
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:14,598
Baby, you gotta train for
some shit like this!
328
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,933
Come on, Malcolm,
bell's ringing.
329
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,234
Time for round four.
330
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,070
No, no, baby. My ding-ding
is knocked out cold.
331
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,138
I can't do it.
332
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,206
Corner's throwin' in the towel!
333
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,774
Let's go, Malcolm.
334
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,276
I gotta get some enswell
if we keep goin'!
335
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,644
Malcolm. Wait, no, baby!
336
00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:31,815
Right now she is tearin' me up!
337
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,050
Oh, my God!
338
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,953
Aw!
339
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,121
Want me to choke you?
340
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,789
Is that what you like? Huh? Huh?
341
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,224
Stop being a bitch!
342
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,926
Yeah! Come on!
343
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,094
Oh! You want some of this?
344
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,630
You like that? It's kind
of like a blindfold
345
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:49,934
except you can't fuckin' breathe!
Huh? Are you crying?
346
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,802
That thing just moved!
347
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,304
Except you can't
fuckin' breathe!
348
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,806
Thing was watching!
349
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:59,109
You little... Who was watching?
350
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,978
Oh, baby, come here.
Check this out!
351
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,647
Oh, my God!
352
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,915
Did you see it?
353
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,117
How could I not? I
thought I was trippin'!
354
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,219
I am so fat! Look at me!
355
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,288
I look like a huge blubber ass!
356
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,856
I'm like miss piggy in there!
357
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,291
What're you talking about?
358
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,926
You said you were gonna
shoot my good side.
359
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,294
I did shoot your good side.
360
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,862
Look, I got all
that ass up in...
361
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,297
Look at all that ass, girl.
362
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,299
I'm black, brothers like an ass.
363
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:25,169
You know I do mean that
as a compliment, right?
364
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:29,840
You hate my vagina! You
think it's too loose!
365
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,275
It's not! It's only
on the outside,
366
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,377
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.
367
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,346
You know what, Malcolm,
I have had two kids!
368
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,314
I mean, do you think the
stork just dropped 'em off
369
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,682
on the doorstep?
370
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,318
No! You're knocked
up for nine months
371
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,320
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits
372
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,923
you cannot even fathom!
373
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,392
Okay, baby. I think
your vagina's cute.
374
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:51,328
Erase the tape or we are
never having sex again.
375
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,697
Well, since you put it that way.
Erase the tape!
376
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,866
Okay, I'm erasin' the tape!
I want to see you do it.
377
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,369
I'm erasing the tape. I'm erasing it.
Erase it right now! Do it!
378
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:01,905
It's erasing. Baby, I like the
way it sounds. Erase the tape!
379
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,074
It's not loose! I like
the way it sounds!
380
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,743
Sound like a blown speaker.
Just...
381
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:09,880
You know, it's kinda like Doug e.
Fresh's beatbox.
382
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,783
When I'm hittin' it.
It's just...
383
00:19:17,188 --> 00:19:18,722
Mmm...
384
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:22,359
Who the hell's hittin' me?
Abigail?
385
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:23,961
You got a page?
386
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:27,297
"In a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?
387
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:30,300
I only hit it once!
27,000 views?
388
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,236
What in the hell?
389
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,240
I think I might've
fucked the wrong bitch.
390
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,743
Now she's blowin' up my cell phone?
Look at that.
391
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:42,980
Straight up stalker!
She's crazy!
392
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:47,051
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.
393
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:50,220
I'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers,
394
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:53,257
stuffed animals,
mouths and asses!
395
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,193
It's goin' down everywhere!
I'm gonna live.
396
00:19:57,228 --> 00:20:02,166
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you.
397
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:06,070
Uh-huh. Perfect. Yeah,
and I got the ass, too.
398
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,738
All inconspicuous.
399
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,142
Told you, cameras everywhere.
400
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:15,446
Hey, Becky, wanna
play hide and clap?
401
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,081
Fuck off!
402
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,816
That's, "no, thank you."
403
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,151
Let's do this. Oh,
lady's blindfold.
404
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,886
You got this out your
momma's room, right?
405
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,823
Oh, boy. Things me and
your momma do with this!
406
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:30,427
Sometimes she ties my hands and flip
me over and toss that... salad.
407
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,796
Tony likes salad. Anyway.
408
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,099
I'll put this on. Let's do it!
409
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:39,169
One, two, three. First clap!
410
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,774
Come on. Give me a clap.
411
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,442
Okay.
412
00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:48,812
Yeah, I'm gettin' close. I smell you.
I smell you.
413
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,783
You smell like kids, like worms,
coins and doo-doo. Like...
414
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,118
Shit!
415
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,857
Can we just play tag next time?
I just wanna play tag.
416
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,960
Wyatt? Wyatt?
417
00:21:03,995 --> 00:21:06,196
Where you at, you little shit?
418
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:14,171
Third clap.
419
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,242
A-ha!
420
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,946
I got you, Wyatt.
421
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,851
I win! You took
your blindfold off.
422
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,154
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.
423
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:32,856
Take your camera, loser.
424
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:35,225
Yeah, I wanna learn
how to start a fire.
425
00:21:37,328 --> 00:21:40,831
What the hell was that?
426
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,200
I coulda swore...
427
00:21:47,405 --> 00:21:49,173
Shit!
428
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:51,241
Fucked you up!
429
00:21:53,511 --> 00:21:56,513
Fuck, are you crazy? You
know who the fuck I is?
430
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,482
Malcolm! Baby?
431
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,050
Oh, my God!
432
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,152
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.
433
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,054
You'll get knocked the
fuck out every time.
434
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:06,890
It was supposed to be a joke!
You okay?
435
00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:08,425
'Cause I fucked you up!
436
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,594
Like, I hit you with the force,
like with the follow-through.
437
00:22:10,596 --> 00:22:13,430
I wanna instant replay that shit.
Damn!
438
00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:15,232
'Cause you got froze.
You went...
439
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:26,043
"Please help me."
440
00:22:27,545 --> 00:22:29,346
God, I hope this works.
441
00:22:31,382 --> 00:22:33,083
What is that thing?
442
00:22:35,386 --> 00:22:37,120
That is not human.
443
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:51,602
That was weird.
444
00:23:24,602 --> 00:23:25,903
A-ha!
445
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,104
I caught your ass!
446
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:28,572
No, you didn't.
447
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,307
Oh, shit!
448
00:23:42,153 --> 00:23:46,456
Becky... It's your box.
449
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:48,292
What?
450
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:51,995
I want you to touch me.
451
00:23:52,463 --> 00:23:53,664
Mmm.
452
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,367
Okay.
453
00:24:00,471 --> 00:24:03,273
Not that box.
454
00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:12,115
You know I love you and
those kids, right? Yeah.
455
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,984
And I'm gonna do everything in my
power to keep you guys protected.
456
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:15,319
Yeah.
457
00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:20,324
What was that? What?
458
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:24,661
That! The wind?
459
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:28,532
Nigga, the windows are closed!
Okay?
460
00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:30,634
I'm tellin' you, that was
either a ghost or a demon.
461
00:24:30,636 --> 00:24:32,569
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.
462
00:24:34,339 --> 00:24:37,207
Oh, this is cute!
463
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:40,610
I will so wear this,
all day, every day.
464
00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:46,216
Why the fuck are you excited?
It's a burglar!
465
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,218
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!
466
00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:50,253
Okay, not all
burglars are scary.
467
00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:52,689
It is a burglar or a ghost! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
468
00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:55,559
You shoot it in the face! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
469
00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:58,061
And if the motherfucker's foot do this,
you shoot him in the face again!
470
00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:00,697
That is way too harsh.
What're you gonna do?
471
00:25:00,699 --> 00:25:03,066
I know what I'm gonna do.
What're you gonna do?
472
00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:06,503
You are not allowed to shoot
anyone in the face, mister!
473
00:25:17,548 --> 00:25:19,383
Becky?
474
00:25:19,385 --> 00:25:22,419
What in the... Becky! Oh, God!
475
00:25:22,421 --> 00:25:25,155
Becky! Becky!
476
00:25:25,656 --> 00:25:27,624
Megan! Oh, my God!
477
00:25:27,626 --> 00:25:30,360
Get me somethin', Megan! Becky!
478
00:25:36,802 --> 00:25:40,670
That shit's gross. That
fuckin' sound, it bothers me.
479
00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:42,172
Gimme!
480
00:25:48,212 --> 00:25:49,713
Oh!
481
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:51,214
That's all I got! Okay, gimme!
482
00:25:55,453 --> 00:25:58,555
Get that thing outta here!
I got an idea!
483
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:03,093
Come on! Bitch, why
ain't you movin'? Fuck!
484
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,462
See, now this is a good idea.
485
00:26:06,597 --> 00:26:08,598
All right. Goodnight, Becky.
486
00:26:10,134 --> 00:26:12,014
Night, sweetheart.
487
00:26:17,141 --> 00:26:18,708
Hey, buddy, what you doin'?
488
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:20,777
Havin' a tea party. Oh.
489
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:23,313
You wanna go outside and do somethin'
a little bit more masculine?
490
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:26,716
Like play some football?
No, not really.
491
00:26:29,153 --> 00:26:31,388
Hey, don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!
492
00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:33,156
Oh, sorry.
493
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:35,692
My bad, Tony.
494
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:40,130
Tony says, "no problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?
495
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:43,667
Uh... yeah. Sure.
496
00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:49,206
Um, you know, Wyatt, about
your little buddy, Tony.
497
00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:53,210
I don't think he's such a good
influence on you, know what I mean?
498
00:26:55,847 --> 00:26:59,583
What the... That's straight vodka!
Tony calls it tea.
499
00:27:01,185 --> 00:27:03,720
He drinks a lot of tea.
500
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:06,590
I really think you guys need
to stop this friendship.
501
00:27:06,592 --> 00:27:08,391
Tony doesn't think
that's such a good idea.
502
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:10,861
You know what, you tell Tony
503
00:27:10,863 --> 00:27:14,531
that I said you and him ain't gonna
be friends no more, and that's final!
504
00:27:17,336 --> 00:27:21,138
On second thought, you and Tony
have a beautiful friendship.
505
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:25,342
Okay, I'll be downstairs doin'
somethin' with less spooky shit.
506
00:27:25,344 --> 00:27:28,678
This isn't good. It's
happening again.
507
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,148
It's really fuckin' happening.
508
00:27:32,518 --> 00:27:34,317
What the fuck?
509
00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:37,487
Who is it?
510
00:27:46,197 --> 00:27:47,531
Hello?
511
00:27:49,700 --> 00:27:51,768
That's a spooky knock.
512
00:27:53,538 --> 00:27:55,605
Oh, you better run!
513
00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:57,607
Knock on my door, come out
there and slap you...
514
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:00,343
What the fuck!
515
00:28:00,878 --> 00:28:02,512
I got a knife!
516
00:28:10,788 --> 00:28:12,289
What the...
517
00:28:14,892 --> 00:28:17,861
"Miss me?" Abigail!
518
00:28:21,365 --> 00:28:24,968
Oh, hell no! Look,
we gotta talk.
519
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:28,772
This is a mistake, okay? This shit
gotta stop. It's gone too far.
520
00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:32,976
You see this? "Miss me?" In the house
with Megan, are you fuckin' crazy?
521
00:28:32,978 --> 00:28:37,214
I take full responsibility, all right?
This is my bad.
522
00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:39,916
I don't mean to sound cliched.
It's not you, it's me.
523
00:28:39,918 --> 00:28:41,751
Don't play fuckin'
innocent with me,
524
00:28:41,753 --> 00:28:43,386
you knew I had a girl!
525
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:44,988
I'm just being
selfish right now.
526
00:28:44,990 --> 00:28:47,624
I would love to have
you and Megan and...
527
00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:49,426
To be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.
528
00:28:49,428 --> 00:28:50,994
I'd like to bring
them in the mix.
529
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:52,696
I'm tryin' to make this work.
530
00:28:52,698 --> 00:28:54,631
You're just not makin' it easy.
531
00:28:55,666 --> 00:28:57,901
I swear to... ah! Fuck!
532
00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:03,373
You see what you made me do?
Only you do this to me!
533
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:06,977
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky my
momma told me don't hit bitches!
534
00:29:09,580 --> 00:29:10,880
Fuckin' yeah, bitch.
535
00:29:13,584 --> 00:29:14,784
True enough.
536
00:29:17,321 --> 00:29:20,890
Fuck, you scare my... I didn't touch you!
I didn't touch you!
537
00:29:20,892 --> 00:29:23,827
You get outta my life, I'll
get outta yours. I'm done.
538
00:29:29,634 --> 00:29:31,801
Make no mistake.
539
00:29:31,803 --> 00:29:34,838
After this, it's over.
540
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,340
You ready to go again? Yeah.
541
00:29:43,281 --> 00:29:44,814
Hello, Malcolm?
542
00:29:44,816 --> 00:29:46,983
Hey, hey, Professor
wilde, how you doing?
543
00:29:46,985 --> 00:29:48,585
Malcolm, I'm glad
you reached out.
544
00:29:48,587 --> 00:29:50,353
What exactly am I
dealing with here?
545
00:29:50,355 --> 00:29:52,756
Well, the being you
described to me
546
00:29:52,758 --> 00:29:54,357
is a demon.
547
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:55,492
Fuck, I knew it!
548
00:29:55,494 --> 00:29:57,294
A rare and obscure one
549
00:29:57,296 --> 00:29:59,729
from babylonian
times named aghoul.
550
00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:02,365
And he's a trickster!
551
00:30:02,367 --> 00:30:05,535
And chances are this is not your
first encounter with this demon.
552
00:30:05,537 --> 00:30:08,538
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?
553
00:30:08,540 --> 00:30:10,707
Actually, yeah.
About a year ago.
554
00:30:10,709 --> 00:30:13,910
This is way worse
than I had thought...
555
00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:17,981
Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
556
00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:20,050
Ah!
557
00:30:20,052 --> 00:30:22,552
Nigga, I thought somebody was shootin'!
Thai food!
558
00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:25,689
It's spicy going in, but it's
twice as spicy going out!
559
00:30:25,691 --> 00:30:27,524
That's scientifically
impossible!
560
00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:30,760
I smell you in here!
What in the hell?
561
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:32,362
Ah, excuse me.
562
00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:37,600
I hire based on skill level.
563
00:30:37,602 --> 00:30:39,035
Are those titties?
564
00:30:39,037 --> 00:30:42,372
We're making meth,
not baby aspirin.
565
00:30:42,374 --> 00:30:45,875
All the stories revolve
around aghoul's attempts
566
00:30:45,877 --> 00:30:49,079
to trick people into
bringing him into our world
567
00:30:49,081 --> 00:30:51,514
and it can come through
the form of a possession,
568
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:53,416
a spirit that only
a child can see
569
00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:57,654
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.
570
00:30:57,656 --> 00:31:00,357
So what you're saying is, something
is coming after me and my family.
571
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:01,958
Malcolm, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
572
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,060
Damn it, Jessica, you've got
your tit in the pseudoephedrine!
573
00:31:04,062 --> 00:31:05,628
Sorry, Malcolm. I
wish you good luck.
574
00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:06,963
Gotta get my breaking bad on.
575
00:31:19,443 --> 00:31:21,745
Tonight you drown.
576
00:31:24,982 --> 00:31:26,449
Not again.
577
00:31:30,087 --> 00:31:32,922
Sink. Sink. Sink.
578
00:31:34,860 --> 00:31:37,460
Ruined a perfectly
good leather jacket!
579
00:31:37,462 --> 00:31:40,897
That's it. Now we drown. Drown!
580
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,065
Drown!
581
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,803
Prepare to meet hell.
582
00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:49,672
Ow! God, that hurt!
583
00:31:52,543 --> 00:31:54,778
My balls. This isn't over!
584
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,549
Is aghoul the same demon
585
00:31:59,551 --> 00:32:00,583
that possessed Kisha?
586
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:05,955
When are the
Republicans gonna slip
587
00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:08,591
and call Obama the n-word?
588
00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:12,796
When are they gonna stop makin'
scary movies without the wayans?
589
00:32:12,798 --> 00:32:14,464
They fuckin' suck!
590
00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:24,874
What the hell?
591
00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:34,083
What the heck...
592
00:32:44,862 --> 00:32:47,664
Steroids, bitch!
593
00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,744
You messed with the
wrong nigga today!
594
00:33:01,746 --> 00:33:03,646
Oh, my God!
595
00:33:05,916 --> 00:33:08,818
Baby, put it down!
What are you doing?
596
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,187
I come in the hallway,
this fuckin' creepy box
597
00:33:11,189 --> 00:33:13,723
with some weird fuckin'
lighting on it!
598
00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:17,026
And I knew that it was death in the box!
So I killed it!
599
00:33:17,028 --> 00:33:18,528
Baby, it was a gift!
600
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:20,864
But it ain't Christmas.
601
00:33:20,866 --> 00:33:23,733
Baby, no. Kwanzaa?
602
00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:26,269
You were so upset when
shiloh junior died
603
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,872
that the kids and I thought
we would get you...
604
00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:34,878
Don't look. Don't look.
605
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,780
Oh, my God! Wyatt, go upstairs.
Go to your room!
606
00:33:37,782 --> 00:33:40,083
I killed a baby.
607
00:33:40,085 --> 00:33:41,551
Oh, God, I think it's
still breathing.
608
00:33:41,553 --> 00:33:43,920
You're so fucking crazy.
609
00:33:43,922 --> 00:33:45,255
He's still breathing.
610
00:33:45,257 --> 00:33:46,990
I gotta take him
out of his misery.
611
00:33:46,992 --> 00:33:48,625
- I gotta kill him!
- Oh, my God!
612
00:33:49,627 --> 00:33:51,528
No! Malcolm!
613
00:33:59,904 --> 00:34:01,638
Becky?
614
00:34:02,039 --> 00:34:03,773
Yoo-hoo.
615
00:34:03,775 --> 00:34:06,709
All right, let's see
what's in this box now.
616
00:34:06,711 --> 00:34:07,844
Yeah.
617
00:34:09,647 --> 00:34:11,548
Oh, God! Whoo!
618
00:34:12,116 --> 00:34:14,117
Wow! That is rancid.
619
00:34:14,119 --> 00:34:16,953
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing. Just, uh...
620
00:34:16,955 --> 00:34:18,988
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?
621
00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:20,056
Stay away from my box!
622
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,225
Calm down! Would you calm down?
623
00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:24,794
I don't wanna calm down, I want
you to stay away from my box!
624
00:34:24,796 --> 00:34:28,231
Do you have to say "box" so loud?
What is going on in here?
625
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:29,866
Nothing. We just, uh, playin'.
626
00:34:29,868 --> 00:34:32,135
Dolls 'n stuff.
627
00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:34,704
Malcolm came into my
room and touched my box.
628
00:34:34,706 --> 00:34:36,739
Malcolm, is this true?
629
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,975
Yes, but I only touched
it for like two seconds.
630
00:34:38,977 --> 00:34:41,277
It was stinking!
Like, it was rancid!
631
00:34:41,279 --> 00:34:44,013
Here, smell this. I don't
know how she play with that!
632
00:34:44,015 --> 00:34:47,283
He had two fingers in my
tight little box, mom.
633
00:34:47,285 --> 00:34:49,018
- Stop lyin'.
- It is...
634
00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:51,821
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.
635
00:34:51,823 --> 00:34:54,691
It's fuckin' huge! I could
put my whole fist in it.
636
00:34:54,693 --> 00:34:57,927
Like, I almost was up to here for a second.
It's crazy big.
637
00:34:57,929 --> 00:35:01,130
You said, "no means no!" And that is
exactly what I said. I said, "no!"
638
00:35:01,132 --> 00:35:05,134
Time the fuck out. Hold up.
639
00:35:05,136 --> 00:35:08,071
She's trying to dateline
special a nigga!
640
00:35:08,073 --> 00:35:10,306
Where's Chris Hansen?
Chris! Chris!
641
00:35:10,308 --> 00:35:12,308
Chris, come on, I know
you out here somewhere!
642
00:35:12,310 --> 00:35:15,011
I know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!
643
00:35:15,013 --> 00:35:16,946
Can I talk to you for a second?
Right now.
644
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:18,014
There's something really strange
645
00:35:18,016 --> 00:35:21,851
Wyatt? Wyatt, see, Wyatt
used to be my boy.
646
00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:24,887
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like, boom, boom.
647
00:35:24,889 --> 00:35:27,624
When my dog died, that
lil' nigga held me down!
648
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,126
But lately, he hasn't even talked to me!
Like, he won't even play with me!
649
00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:31,694
His little imaginary
friend, Tony?
650
00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:32,996
I don't think he's really...
651
00:35:34,933 --> 00:35:37,834
You're crazy, Tony.
...Imaginary.
652
00:35:37,836 --> 00:35:39,002
Did you see that shit?
653
00:35:39,004 --> 00:35:41,170
Look! You missed it!
654
00:35:41,172 --> 00:35:44,140
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.
655
00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:47,410
There's something in that old box she
carries around that's making her go crazy!
656
00:35:47,412 --> 00:35:49,278
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it,
657
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,214
she even goes to the
bathroom with it!
658
00:35:51,216 --> 00:35:55,051
Who takes a shit with a box in their hand?
It's fuckin' weird!
659
00:35:55,053 --> 00:35:58,788
And by "weird" you mean
I'm a terrible mother.
660
00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:01,924
What? No. Wait. Where did you go?
Hold on. Hold on a minute.
661
00:36:01,926 --> 00:36:04,227
If you were just a little
bit less judgmental,
662
00:36:04,229 --> 00:36:07,096
she wouldn't feel like she needs to
carry her pain around in a "box"!
663
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:10,199
This is not about me! It is
always about you, Malcolm!
664
00:36:10,201 --> 00:36:12,735
"You're too fat, you're
a terrible parent,
665
00:36:12,737 --> 00:36:14,370
"you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"
666
00:36:14,372 --> 00:36:18,074
That sounds like you!
Do you see this?
667
00:36:18,076 --> 00:36:22,812
That's not fuckin' normal! Okay, she
is just trying to get attention!
668
00:36:22,814 --> 00:36:26,916
When she was a baby, she would cry and
cry and cry all damn day in her crib
669
00:36:26,918 --> 00:36:30,086
until finally she realized I
wasn't gonna come and pick her up!
670
00:36:30,088 --> 00:36:33,289
If you were a parent you'd know it's
called the "cry it out method," Malcolm!
671
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,925
Just pick the little bitch up!
672
00:36:35,927 --> 00:36:39,228
She needs to learn to self-soothe.
See what I'm saying?
673
00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:43,900
That is called parenting. Wow!
Mother of the year.
674
00:36:43,902 --> 00:36:46,202
Thank you.
675
00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:49,172
That crazy doll keyed my car!
676
00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:52,475
Whoo! Bro, somebody
fucked your car up!
677
00:36:52,477 --> 00:36:54,410
Yeah. You wouldn't know anybody
with an auto body shop, would you?
678
00:36:54,412 --> 00:36:58,948
Why, contrary to popular belief, all
Mexicans don't have body shops, man.
679
00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:00,149
What, you think we
all have low riders
680
00:37:00,151 --> 00:37:01,451
with a bunch of
primer all over it
681
00:37:01,453 --> 00:37:02,719
with a frickin' Mexican horn?
682
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,020
You think I have like six kids
683
00:37:04,022 --> 00:37:05,321
and all my relatives
livin' there, huh?
684
00:37:05,323 --> 00:37:06,889
Probably chase chihuahuas
and make burritos,
685
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:07,957
is that what you think? Dude...
686
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:09,258
Look at the neighborhood, man!
687
00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:10,426
I didn't think any of that!
688
00:37:10,428 --> 00:37:12,195
I just want my
fuckin' car fixed!
689
00:37:12,197 --> 00:37:14,964
I'm just fuckin' with you, bro!
690
00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:16,933
You're so easy, man. Oh, shit.
691
00:37:16,935 --> 00:37:19,435
Man, I got a cousin, his name is
chucho, he can hook all that shit up.
692
00:37:19,437 --> 00:37:21,204
Stop fuckin' with the
crazy bitches, man.
693
00:37:21,206 --> 00:37:23,272
I gotta go, I got the family waiting.
All right? Be good, man!
694
00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:25,742
Where did she go?
695
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:29,479
- Take it easy, vato!
- Where you goin'?
696
00:37:29,481 --> 00:37:31,948
Goin' to the swap meet. We're
gonna get some chihuahuas.
697
00:37:31,950 --> 00:37:33,883
Wow. Now that's racist!
698
00:37:35,486 --> 00:37:37,920
So I moved into the
house across the street
699
00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,489
and I just love it.
700
00:37:39,491 --> 00:37:42,225
The streets are so quiet.
It's perfect for a haunting.
701
00:37:44,329 --> 00:37:47,497
You know something, I
never got your name.
702
00:37:47,499 --> 00:37:51,000
Kisha? What in the fuck!
703
00:37:51,002 --> 00:37:54,170
You two know each other?
Oh. Well, yeah.
704
00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:59,108
You know the boyfriend that I told you
abandoned me and left me in a ditch to die?
705
00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:00,810
That's him.
706
00:38:02,312 --> 00:38:05,481
Awkward! Yeah!
707
00:38:05,483 --> 00:38:08,317
I think I'll let you
two have at it.
708
00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:11,487
And thank you so much, Megan,
for the coffee, really.
709
00:38:11,489 --> 00:38:15,057
And, Malcolm, it was
great seeing you.
710
00:38:16,194 --> 00:38:18,194
See you around, Malcolm.
711
00:38:18,462 --> 00:38:19,862
Um...
712
00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:23,132
Really?
713
00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:26,035
How come you never
told me about her?
714
00:38:26,037 --> 00:38:28,538
Well, it was just a time in my
life I just wanted to forget.
715
00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:31,340
Okay, well you need to start remembering.
She was fucking beautiful!
716
00:38:31,342 --> 00:38:34,510
She was aight. "Aight"?
717
00:38:34,512 --> 00:38:37,346
I mean, she got nice legs. Legs.
718
00:38:37,348 --> 00:38:42,218
Little ass, but... Ass.
How 'bout all this?
719
00:38:42,220 --> 00:38:45,521
It's fuckable. Okay? But that's the...
It's all this...
720
00:38:45,523 --> 00:38:49,392
She's crazy! She was crazy,
baby, like she was possessed!
721
00:38:49,394 --> 00:38:52,361
You mean she was possessive.
No, the bitch was possessed.
722
00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:54,197
What? Yes!
723
00:38:54,199 --> 00:38:56,499
First of all, she was
verbally abusive.
724
00:38:56,501 --> 00:39:00,403
Eat your mother's pussy
you fucking fuck!
725
00:39:00,405 --> 00:39:01,470
Okay.
726
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:05,341
I don't know. It was
like she gave up.
727
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:07,543
Eventually I was able to drag
her to couples' therapy.
728
00:39:07,545 --> 00:39:09,545
Well, Dr. rousch, me
and my girlfriend,
729
00:39:09,547 --> 00:39:12,081
we're kinda goin' through
a little rough patch.
730
00:39:12,083 --> 00:39:14,016
I mean, she won't
communicate with me.
731
00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:16,419
No matter what I do,
she just sits there.
732
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:21,591
Okay, and she'll growl a little bit.
Yes, I can hear that.
733
00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:25,595
And the smallest things just set her off.
Like crucifixes, or questions.
734
00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:27,964
Is that right, Kisha?
735
00:39:31,268 --> 00:39:32,635
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?
736
00:39:32,637 --> 00:39:35,571
Malcolm, I'm so sorry.
737
00:39:35,573 --> 00:39:41,110
It sounds horrible. Well,
it wasn't all bad.
738
00:39:41,112 --> 00:39:44,480
Wait, I'm gonna come. Shut
up, you sound like a bitch!
739
00:39:44,482 --> 00:39:46,282
Oh!
740
00:39:46,284 --> 00:39:48,484
I think you just
knocked out a tooth!
741
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,089
Whose ass is this, huh?
Whose ass is this?
742
00:39:53,091 --> 00:39:55,157
The devil's!
743
00:39:57,294 --> 00:39:59,428
See, now you just made it weird.
744
00:39:59,430 --> 00:40:02,431
Look at me, God damn it!
745
00:40:05,135 --> 00:40:08,004
Oh, my God, that was awesome!
746
00:40:09,273 --> 00:40:13,142
Baby, you're makin'
my toes do this.
747
00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:15,111
You're makin' my toes do this.
748
00:40:15,113 --> 00:40:16,479
Really, Malcolm?
749
00:40:16,481 --> 00:40:19,615
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.
750
00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:22,218
What? Too soon?
751
00:40:28,358 --> 00:40:30,960
There's something goin'
on with this box.
752
00:40:30,962 --> 00:40:33,029
I'm gonna get to the
bottom of this.
753
00:40:34,164 --> 00:40:36,966
What the heck is this
little pervert doing?
754
00:40:36,968 --> 00:40:38,167
Ah!
755
00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:42,038
Oh, dude, that is just weird!
756
00:40:43,708 --> 00:40:45,274
Oh, really?
757
00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:48,244
Oh, wow.
758
00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:52,181
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?
759
00:40:52,183 --> 00:40:54,450
- This nigga need a daddy.
- "Dear diary.
760
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:57,186
"I lost my virginity
to Joey today.
761
00:40:57,188 --> 00:40:59,322
"Actually, that's
not totally true.
762
00:40:59,324 --> 00:41:04,327
"I mean, I've only
had sex with 17 guys
763
00:41:04,329 --> 00:41:06,696
"but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count.
764
00:41:08,633 --> 00:41:11,467
"I mean, I've sucked a
lot of dicks, diary.
765
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:14,370
"I stopped counting after the
blowjob party at Ashley's house.
766
00:41:14,372 --> 00:41:16,439
"There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."
767
00:41:16,441 --> 00:41:19,575
She ain't got no bone in her neck.
She got that plastic man.
768
00:41:19,577 --> 00:41:23,579
Diary, I'll never stop sucking dicks.
Ever!"
769
00:41:23,581 --> 00:41:24,581
Wow.
770
00:41:27,351 --> 00:41:28,517
Oh, would you look there?
771
00:41:28,519 --> 00:41:31,220
A mood ring. So,
what mood is that?
772
00:41:31,222 --> 00:41:32,722
It's called, "you're
not my father."
773
00:41:32,724 --> 00:41:34,724
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.
774
00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:37,660
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.
775
00:41:41,498 --> 00:41:43,399
Are you okay?
776
00:41:44,701 --> 00:41:46,435
Becky? Hey.
777
00:41:47,104 --> 00:41:48,437
Ouch!
778
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,576
Ugh.
779
00:41:53,578 --> 00:41:56,746
That is some serious meat-mouth
you got goin' on there.
780
00:41:56,748 --> 00:42:01,250
It's easier going down than it
is coming up. Yeah, it's weird.
781
00:42:02,386 --> 00:42:04,720
Breath smell like sirloin.
782
00:42:04,722 --> 00:42:07,456
I hope that hole cold
ain't contagious.
783
00:42:10,128 --> 00:42:13,095
Professor, it's kinda loud there.
Um...
784
00:42:13,097 --> 00:42:14,363
Did I catch you at a bad time?
785
00:42:16,601 --> 00:42:19,668
Indica? I'm a sativa man. I
got important shit to do!
786
00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:22,605
Hold on! I'm at a party.
787
00:42:22,607 --> 00:42:24,440
I need some of my medicine.
788
00:42:27,779 --> 00:42:31,047
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
789
00:42:32,316 --> 00:42:34,383
Professor! Professor!
790
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,352
Malcolm, that demon's
tryin' to get to you
791
00:42:36,354 --> 00:42:38,387
through your family and
he's not gonna stop!
792
00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:40,122
You've got the
paranormal equivalent of
793
00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:41,205
a perfect storm, my friend!
794
00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:44,260
Oh, shit! The po-po!
795
00:42:44,262 --> 00:42:45,728
Professor, please!
What's goin' on?
796
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:47,229
I got 12 ounces of crystal meth
797
00:42:47,231 --> 00:42:48,431
jammed up my anus. I
gotta get outta here!
798
00:42:48,433 --> 00:42:50,666
Police! Oh, fuck!
799
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:53,069
Professor! Professor, please!
800
00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:55,771
Hands up now! I
can't go back in!
801
00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:58,574
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
802
00:42:59,811 --> 00:43:01,610
Oh, fuck.
803
00:43:01,612 --> 00:43:04,413
You're under arrest! You
on the screen, freeze!
804
00:43:09,352 --> 00:43:10,719
Hey, knothead!
805
00:43:10,721 --> 00:43:14,457
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt.
That bitch.
806
00:43:14,459 --> 00:43:16,192
What the...
807
00:43:17,327 --> 00:43:20,496
Oh, my God! Are you
fucking kidding me?
808
00:43:20,498 --> 00:43:22,398
No, no, no! Not my clothes! No!
809
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,166
Phew.
810
00:43:26,703 --> 00:43:29,338
Oh! Shit!
811
00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:32,641
This crazy wooden bitch!
She's burning my clothes!
812
00:43:32,643 --> 00:43:36,345
Oh, my God! It's
fatal attraction.
813
00:43:36,347 --> 00:43:38,747
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
814
00:43:41,352 --> 00:43:43,319
Can I get you something to drink?
Sure, man.
815
00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:44,720
Tequila? Really, bro?
816
00:43:44,722 --> 00:43:46,522
What, you bring the
Mexican into your house
817
00:43:46,524 --> 00:43:49,225
and, "he must want Tequila,
we should give him Tequila.
818
00:43:49,227 --> 00:43:52,661
"I'm glad he parked his burro so now I
can offer him some of his beverage."
819
00:43:52,663 --> 00:43:56,832
I should've walked in here with a serape
and a sombrero for you, too, huh?
820
00:43:56,834 --> 00:43:58,435
That's what you wanted
really, wasn't it?
821
00:43:58,436 --> 00:43:59,802
You get me all worked up, man!
822
00:43:59,804 --> 00:44:02,771
Look, I could use a drink now.
823
00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:04,840
What kind of Tequila is it?
Is it silver?
824
00:44:04,842 --> 00:44:07,710
'Cause I can't drink that gold shit.
That's for cholos.
825
00:44:07,712 --> 00:44:09,845
Thank you, man. It's nice, man.
We're becomin' friends, right?
826
00:44:09,847 --> 00:44:12,348
Uh, now we are.
827
00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:14,483
I could trust you
with things, right?
828
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:17,820
I'm good at that shit. The
neighbors next door to me
829
00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:19,688
don't even know there's a
black guy living here yet.
830
00:44:19,690 --> 00:44:22,558
So, what do you wanna talk about?
Um...
831
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,261
Okay, you know the people that
lived in this house before me?
832
00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:27,263
Mmm-hmm.
833
00:44:27,265 --> 00:44:30,366
Was there anything strange goin' on,
like were they actin' weird or anything?
834
00:44:30,368 --> 00:44:34,403
You saw something a little...
835
00:44:34,405 --> 00:44:38,274
Spooky or supernatural?
I seen some shit.
836
00:44:38,276 --> 00:44:40,242
Come on, man, you don't
believe in that, do you?
837
00:44:40,244 --> 00:44:41,644
'Cause if you did, you know,
you'd have been like,
838
00:44:41,646 --> 00:44:43,846
"nigger, I'm out! The deuces."
839
00:44:43,848 --> 00:44:45,848
You mean to tell me you don't
believe in the paranormal?
840
00:44:45,850 --> 00:44:49,418
Of course I believe in that shit!
I'm half Mexican, bro!
841
00:44:49,420 --> 00:44:51,620
I believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.
842
00:44:51,622 --> 00:44:57,393
Freakin' LA llorona, El cucuy,
chupacabra, bigfoot, obamacare.
843
00:44:57,395 --> 00:44:59,528
Interracial dating. Nuclear war.
844
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:04,200
You name it, I'm all for it. Me personally,
I wouldn't stay one night in this house.
845
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:07,770
Shit! Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you, bro.
846
00:45:07,772 --> 00:45:10,940
When I first found out that there was a
black guy movin' in the neighborhood,
847
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:12,341
I was like,
848
00:45:12,343 --> 00:45:14,310
"There goes the property value.
849
00:45:14,312 --> 00:45:17,246
"I'm gonna have to keep the kids
inside, there's gonna be gangs,
850
00:45:17,248 --> 00:45:20,449
"I'm gonna have to cover up graffiti,"
but you turned out to be okay.
851
00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:24,486
You're really cool! You're very
accommodating. I think I can help you.
852
00:45:24,488 --> 00:45:25,721
Really?
853
00:45:26,824 --> 00:45:28,958
I need you to cut
the chicken's neck.
854
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,628
Oh, hell fuckin' no! You wanna
get rid of the demon or not?
855
00:45:32,630 --> 00:45:35,531
I know, but can't we just go down to the
store and just like, buy a chicken?
856
00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:38,701
No, man! You need a
blood sacrifice.
857
00:45:38,703 --> 00:45:41,637
Right. Come here. Let's do it.
858
00:45:41,639 --> 00:45:43,739
Hold on! Hold up, wait a second!
Let me get my shit together.
859
00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:47,610
You gonna shit in my
baby's cereal, chicken?
860
00:45:47,612 --> 00:45:50,980
You wanna piss on my momma?
In her face?
861
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:55,851
I'll fuck... Don't you...
862
00:45:58,622 --> 00:46:00,823
Where did you get this chicken?
Your Uncle's farm?
863
00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:02,858
No! A cock fighting ring.
864
00:46:02,860 --> 00:46:03,941
That's a dead motherfucker.
865
00:46:13,838 --> 00:46:15,838
Whassup, chicken? You scared?
Whassup?
866
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:17,973
You don't want none of
this, motherfucker!
867
00:46:19,343 --> 00:46:21,644
Oh, shit!
868
00:46:21,646 --> 00:46:23,746
- Bite him back, Malcolm!
- Bite him back!
869
00:46:29,286 --> 00:46:31,620
Drown, bitch! I'm
gonna kill you.
870
00:46:33,823 --> 00:46:37,393
Watch what I do to
your fuckin' baby!
871
00:46:39,664 --> 00:46:42,298
What you doin', man?
What'd you do?
872
00:46:45,568 --> 00:46:46,869
This pollo is loco!
873
00:46:53,043 --> 00:46:54,610
You got him, Malcolm!
That's right!
874
00:46:54,612 --> 00:46:58,480
Yeah, you fucked that chicken.
875
00:46:59,416 --> 00:47:00,516
Malcolm...
876
00:47:04,821 --> 00:47:06,355
Yeah!
877
00:47:06,357 --> 00:47:09,024
You about to go to that
great bucket in the sky!
878
00:47:09,026 --> 00:47:11,360
Tell the colonel I said hi!
879
00:47:15,466 --> 00:47:19,702
That was like an intense-ass
game of angry birds, man!
880
00:47:19,704 --> 00:47:22,771
Fuck, bro, you did it! I
think this house is clean!
881
00:47:22,773 --> 00:47:25,040
Well, maybe not clean, but
the demon's gone for sure.
882
00:47:25,042 --> 00:47:28,043
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken, Malcolm?
883
00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:30,112
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.
884
00:47:31,916 --> 00:47:34,383
Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hey.
885
00:47:34,385 --> 00:47:35,951
Cheers. Right on!
886
00:47:39,757 --> 00:47:41,957
What in the fuck?
887
00:47:44,894 --> 00:47:47,896
You! This ends now!
888
00:47:47,898 --> 00:47:51,867
You hear me, you googly-eyed
wooden bitch! Come on!
889
00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:55,871
You're making me bury
your fuckin' ass!
890
00:48:01,578 --> 00:48:03,145
Get in there!
891
00:48:03,147 --> 00:48:05,748
Die, you stink bitch!
892
00:48:05,750 --> 00:48:08,917
B-I-t...
893
00:48:08,919 --> 00:48:10,786
Fuckin' bitch!
894
00:48:12,756 --> 00:48:14,390
You want some of this?
895
00:48:17,762 --> 00:48:20,929
All right, prepare
to meet your maker!
896
00:48:20,931 --> 00:48:25,634
That's right, I'm sending
you back to Taiwan!
897
00:48:25,636 --> 00:48:27,770
You smell like piss and shit!
898
00:48:27,772 --> 00:48:29,938
Come on! You make me sick!
899
00:48:33,944 --> 00:48:36,645
You know what brown can do for me?
Take this!
900
00:48:36,647 --> 00:48:38,847
You sign! Get the
fuck outta here!
901
00:48:41,818 --> 00:48:44,653
Oh, see, I tried to
do it the easy way.
902
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:46,989
Now you're gonna
make me violent.
903
00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:49,892
Come on, you... Get the fuck over here!
Shut up!
904
00:48:53,663 --> 00:48:55,998
How you like that, bitch?
I want you to watch.
905
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,734
Let's see you write it now!
906
00:48:59,502 --> 00:49:02,037
Miss me? This is fun.
907
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:04,973
Oh, we about to have a barbecue.
Get in there.
908
00:49:04,975 --> 00:49:07,643
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'?
909
00:49:07,645 --> 00:49:09,945
You gonna fuckin'
burn today, baby!
910
00:49:13,017 --> 00:49:15,851
That's what fucking
hell feels like!
911
00:49:40,945 --> 00:49:43,745
You fuckin'... fucking die!
912
00:49:43,747 --> 00:49:48,150
I will watch your life come out of you.
Just die, you little...
913
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:51,553
I'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch!
914
00:49:51,555 --> 00:49:53,989
Malcolm!
915
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:57,159
Malcolm! What did you do to our room?
Say fucking nothing.
916
00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:59,161
Honey, it's not what it
looks like, okay? Really?
917
00:49:59,163 --> 00:50:00,996
It's not what it looks like.
Really?
918
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:05,133
Listen, listen to me. She's crazy!
It's not me, she's crazy!
919
00:50:05,135 --> 00:50:06,935
You're crazy. No, honey! Megan!
920
00:50:06,937 --> 00:50:08,504
You're crazy. It's not
what it looks like!
921
00:50:08,506 --> 00:50:10,539
Get away from me. I'm
not done with you,
922
00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:12,207
you fuckin' home-wrecker!
923
00:50:12,809 --> 00:50:15,577
God!
924
00:50:15,579 --> 00:50:18,514
See, nobody will listen to the
black guy till everybody dead!
925
00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:20,616
I see how you lookin' at me.
Let me tell you something.
926
00:50:20,618 --> 00:50:23,519
This house... This
house is haunted.
927
00:50:23,521 --> 00:50:26,021
You know that little doll that
you like so much? Abigail?
928
00:50:26,023 --> 00:50:28,590
Yeah, well, let me tell you something
about Abigail. She's alive!
929
00:50:28,592 --> 00:50:31,159
That's right, she's alive!
930
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:35,030
Not like "alive" alive, but
alive as in "is possessed."
931
00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:38,534
You know how I know? 'Cause it made
me have sex with it! Repeatedly!
932
00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:42,170
Upstairs, downstairs, in
the kitchen, in the yard!
933
00:50:42,172 --> 00:50:43,972
While you were
sleepin' next to us!
934
00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:46,108
Right there where
you're sitting, twice!
935
00:50:46,110 --> 00:50:48,710
And that's why, when you came
upstairs and you caught me
936
00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:51,179
and I was killing the doll,
because I was just like,
937
00:50:51,181 --> 00:50:52,848
"you're fuckin' up
my relationship!"
938
00:50:52,850 --> 00:50:55,551
And that box? It's cursed!
939
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:59,221
That box and that box.
That's haunted with a demon.
940
00:50:59,223 --> 00:51:01,757
That box, cursed with dudes. But
that's a whole other story.
941
00:51:01,759 --> 00:51:04,860
And your son, his little imaginary
friend that teaches him curse words
942
00:51:04,862 --> 00:51:07,029
and gets him crunk off vodka!
943
00:51:07,031 --> 00:51:09,598
Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing
your spot, little man.
944
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,734
Well, he's not so imaginary!
He's cray!
945
00:51:12,736 --> 00:51:15,070
No, no, no. You cray!
You cray-cray!
946
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:18,607
You and your whole lot of other ethnic
words that's going out of style.
947
00:51:18,609 --> 00:51:21,877
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
So, how about that, cray-cray?
948
00:51:21,879 --> 00:51:24,212
Mom, he's scaring me.
949
00:51:24,214 --> 00:51:27,749
Is this the nigga
whose room exploded?
950
00:51:27,751 --> 00:51:31,286
I'm scaring you! Opie,
you something else!
951
00:51:31,288 --> 00:51:35,757
You know what, that's it. I've had enough
of this whole haunted house craziness!
952
00:51:35,759 --> 00:51:38,126
It's bad enough that
you think it's real,
953
00:51:38,128 --> 00:51:39,795
but now you're scaring the kids!
954
00:51:39,797 --> 00:51:42,230
I'm scaring the kids! Yes!
955
00:51:42,232 --> 00:51:45,334
Ain't that the pot callin'
the kettle a nigga!
956
00:51:45,336 --> 00:51:50,105
No, no, no, baby! Your
kids are scaring me! Okay?
957
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:52,374
Look at this one! She's
Marilyn manson in the skin
958
00:51:52,376 --> 00:51:55,611
and Charlie manson in the eyes!
Her eyes look crazy, okay?
959
00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,913
That's a crazy woman
carrying around a box
960
00:51:57,915 --> 00:51:59,348
like fuckin' Lionel
from the peanuts,
961
00:51:59,350 --> 00:52:01,383
and he's hangin' out
with dead niggas
962
00:52:01,385 --> 00:52:04,386
and I'm crazy? Oh! So, what am I
supposed to do with all this?
963
00:52:04,388 --> 00:52:07,089
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.
964
00:52:07,091 --> 00:52:09,124
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!
965
00:52:09,126 --> 00:52:11,093
But we come as a
package deal, okay?
966
00:52:11,095 --> 00:52:13,261
This ain't about you or them, okay?
You...
967
00:52:13,263 --> 00:52:17,633
Oh, shit. No! Hey!
Don't touch that shit!
968
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:19,835
Don't touch it!
That's a demon ring.
969
00:52:19,837 --> 00:52:22,037
Don't you answer that, you hear?
970
00:52:22,039 --> 00:52:23,639
That's the devil
callin' right there.
971
00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:26,108
That is an evil ring!
You hear that?
972
00:52:26,110 --> 00:52:28,143
Yeah, I said it, a demon ring!
973
00:52:28,145 --> 00:52:31,179
And you can insta-tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!
974
00:52:31,181 --> 00:52:33,281
Nobody touch it!
975
00:52:33,283 --> 00:52:35,384
Stop ringing!
976
00:52:37,954 --> 00:52:40,989
Stop ringing! Stop!
977
00:52:45,361 --> 00:52:47,262
Oh, that's a demon callin'.
978
00:52:47,264 --> 00:52:48,997
Uh, Malcolm? Your pocket.
979
00:52:51,834 --> 00:52:54,069
Huh. Oh.
980
00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:56,672
We gotta change my ringer.
981
00:52:56,674 --> 00:53:01,276
Why do we even have home phones anymore?
I mean...
982
00:53:02,446 --> 00:53:05,180
Yeah? Who is it?
983
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,950
What the hell? Hey, how you
doin', officer? Come on in.
984
00:53:10,853 --> 00:53:12,954
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.
985
00:53:12,956 --> 00:53:14,322
Are you Malcolm Johnson?
986
00:53:14,324 --> 00:53:16,825
Uh, yeah, that's me, but
there's no dispute.
987
00:53:16,827 --> 00:53:17,993
I mean, I threw
the phone, but...
988
00:53:17,995 --> 00:53:20,262
You're under arrest.
Hey! For what?
989
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:23,198
Oh, my God! Just raised
my voice a little bit!
990
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,367
Malcolm, our phone is broken.
I know what...
991
00:53:25,369 --> 00:53:28,370
It's the doll! It's the doll! It
was the doll, brother, listen!
992
00:53:28,372 --> 00:53:29,871
This is all a misunderstanding.
993
00:53:29,873 --> 00:53:31,173
It was this doll. I was
fuckin' this doll, right?
994
00:53:31,175 --> 00:53:33,241
He's on pcp. Let's take him.
No, I'm not on pcp!
995
00:53:33,243 --> 00:53:34,776
You fuckin' bitch!
996
00:53:34,778 --> 00:53:35,911
You fuckin' bitch!
997
00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:37,212
You fuckin' bitch!
998
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,281
Malcolm, maybe this
is for the best.
999
00:54:21,357 --> 00:54:24,192
Can't escape my wrath,
for I am death.
1000
00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:32,267
Now you burn. Fire.
1001
00:54:39,275 --> 00:54:40,275
Help!
1002
00:55:06,435 --> 00:55:08,470
What is...
1003
00:55:10,406 --> 00:55:12,307
Malcolm?
1004
00:55:19,282 --> 00:55:21,016
Malcolm? Mmm...
1005
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:24,452
Damn, son, you look fucked up!
1006
00:55:24,454 --> 00:55:28,223
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me!
1007
00:55:28,225 --> 00:55:31,827
Mom, your man's in here
pukin' like a little bitch!
1008
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:32,961
See that shit, Tony?
1009
00:55:37,466 --> 00:55:41,136
Sometimes the victim may be
tormented by more than one demon.
1010
00:55:41,138 --> 00:55:43,205
These cases lead
to transference.
1011
00:55:43,207 --> 00:55:45,207
Trans-who? What the
fuck is that, dog?
1012
00:55:45,209 --> 00:55:46,575
Father Williams!
Mind your tongue.
1013
00:55:46,577 --> 00:55:48,310
You are a man of the cloth!
1014
00:55:48,312 --> 00:55:51,279
Damn, man, ain't like I'm
rapin' motherfuckers no more,
1015
00:55:51,281 --> 00:55:52,848
you know what I'm sayin'?
1016
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,550
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.
1017
00:55:55,552 --> 00:55:57,219
Victims have also
been known to break
1018
00:55:57,221 --> 00:55:59,154
their own bones during
the possession.
1019
00:55:59,156 --> 00:56:01,089
True. That happened to me.
1020
00:56:01,091 --> 00:56:03,859
I was first in prison, I was
tryin' to give myself head, right?
1021
00:56:03,861 --> 00:56:05,560
'Cause I ain't know nobody.
1022
00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:08,029
If I woulda knew somebody, I wouldn't
have had to do it to myself.
1023
00:56:08,031 --> 00:56:10,565
And it wasn't no gay shit.
First get that out your head.
1024
00:56:10,567 --> 00:56:13,168
That's enough! I've had
enough of your insolence!
1025
00:56:13,170 --> 00:56:15,871
My what? My insolence?
1026
00:56:15,873 --> 00:56:18,874
Dog, you going to bring up
my condition right now?
1027
00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:21,076
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog?
1028
00:56:21,078 --> 00:56:22,510
Talkin' about my insolence.
1029
00:56:22,512 --> 00:56:26,047
'Cause I like cake? Yeah,
I like cake, guys.
1030
00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:28,183
I like cake, birthday
cake, all kinds of cake.
1031
00:56:28,185 --> 00:56:30,218
I'm talking about,
cake, cake, cake!
1032
00:56:31,087 --> 00:56:32,254
Man, you know what?
1033
00:56:32,256 --> 00:56:33,321
I'm sick of your shit!
1034
00:56:35,659 --> 00:56:38,360
Get outta here! Everybody break out.
Take your boy with you.
1035
00:56:38,362 --> 00:56:41,096
Yeah. I mean really, man.
1036
00:56:41,964 --> 00:56:43,031
Ooh.
1037
00:56:43,366 --> 00:56:44,933
Malcolm?
1038
00:56:44,935 --> 00:56:46,434
Hey, father Williams!
1039
00:56:46,436 --> 00:56:47,936
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell
you about callin' me that?
1040
00:56:47,938 --> 00:56:49,471
I'm sorry. Hey, Doug!
1041
00:56:49,473 --> 00:56:52,374
Roll down, man!
1042
00:56:52,376 --> 00:56:55,911
I'm sorry you caught that, man.
I'm so stressed out, man.
1043
00:56:55,913 --> 00:56:58,213
I had to shank a muthafucka.
You saw that, right?
1044
00:56:58,215 --> 00:56:59,581
I didn't see nothin'.
1045
00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,017
That's a good answer.
That's a good answer.
1046
00:57:02,019 --> 00:57:03,318
If you saw it...
'Cause I was gonna say
1047
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:04,953
if you woulda said
yes, I woulda...
1048
00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:07,088
Oh, shit!
1049
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:09,457
That's all right, I don't have nothin'.
That's the only one I had.
1050
00:57:09,459 --> 00:57:11,426
I used to have two shanks, but
I don't keep that anymore.
1051
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:13,094
I stopped doin' two shanks
1052
00:57:13,096 --> 00:57:14,296
'cause it just was a thang, and
1053
00:57:14,298 --> 00:57:16,097
everybody was like,
"two shanks."
1054
00:57:16,099 --> 00:57:18,533
Yeah, so, how you doin'?
1055
00:57:18,535 --> 00:57:21,937
I, uh... I need your help.
1056
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:23,571
It's happenin', Doug.
1057
00:57:23,573 --> 00:57:25,407
Hell no!
1058
00:57:25,409 --> 00:57:27,709
You know I'm not
comin' over there
1059
00:57:27,711 --> 00:57:29,511
and fuckin' with you and your
creepy lil' bitch again!
1060
00:57:29,513 --> 00:57:31,046
I ain't even with
that bitch no more!
1061
00:57:31,048 --> 00:57:32,547
I'm beggin' you, man, I
just need your help.
1062
00:57:32,549 --> 00:57:34,149
I just don't know
who else to go to.
1063
00:57:34,151 --> 00:57:36,484
Let me just explain to you
why I became a priest.
1064
00:57:36,486 --> 00:57:39,421
Now, obvious one is for
the little boys. Yes.
1065
00:57:39,423 --> 00:57:41,256
What're you talkin' about?
1066
00:57:41,258 --> 00:57:43,391
It's a joke, Malcolm!
1067
00:57:43,393 --> 00:57:46,528
Oh, God, no, it was a joke.
I did that, you know,
1068
00:57:46,530 --> 00:57:49,097
for the other priests and
we laugh, that's all.
1069
00:57:49,099 --> 00:57:53,068
But I don't know if I can help
you with your demon situation
1070
00:57:53,070 --> 00:57:55,704
because I haven't
been stayin' steady
1071
00:57:55,706 --> 00:57:58,506
on my demon fightin' skills, is
what I'm tryin' to tell you.
1072
00:57:58,508 --> 00:58:03,011
So Malcolm, day after day,
1073
00:58:03,013 --> 00:58:08,616
when you know you can't win, you're
just prolonging the inevitable!
1074
00:58:08,618 --> 00:58:11,519
All you gotta do is let them in.
1075
00:58:11,521 --> 00:58:13,054
Are you talkin' about the devil?
1076
00:58:13,056 --> 00:58:15,991
Worse. The Kardashians.
1077
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,492
Yeah.
1078
00:58:17,494 --> 00:58:19,761
Yeah, did you see 'em?
It's the crazy mama,
1079
00:58:19,763 --> 00:58:22,163
it's Kim, khloe, kourtney,
crazy, the two little ones...
1080
00:58:22,165 --> 00:58:25,467
They gonna be freaks. They
got lamar, they got Scott...
1081
00:58:25,469 --> 00:58:27,168
Rob, fat as a motherfucker,
1082
00:58:27,170 --> 00:58:28,703
Bruce with the acne.
Oh, Bruce...
1083
00:58:28,705 --> 00:58:31,039
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce jenner face?
1084
00:58:31,041 --> 00:58:32,474
He look like a monster!
1085
00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:35,744
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.
1086
00:58:35,746 --> 00:58:38,113
He don't look like the nigga
that was on the wheaties box!
1087
00:58:38,115 --> 00:58:41,182
And kanye! And kanye!
And julianne hough!
1088
00:58:41,184 --> 00:58:45,420
I love it and I hate it. They
took kanye and they changed him.
1089
00:58:45,422 --> 00:58:47,422
Doug, you know... Doug...
1090
00:58:47,424 --> 00:58:49,024
You have to let go of me, Doug.
1091
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:50,325
You can't...
1092
00:58:50,327 --> 00:58:52,060
Doug, you gotta let go of me!
1093
00:58:52,062 --> 00:58:55,764
There's no place you can hide.
He has a plan for you.
1094
00:58:55,766 --> 00:58:57,599
Doug, get off of me.
He will get you!
1095
00:58:57,601 --> 00:58:59,434
Doug, get your hands off me!
1096
00:58:59,436 --> 00:59:01,770
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1097
00:59:05,509 --> 00:59:09,778
Oh, you're the one that got
us out here in the hot heat!
1098
00:59:09,780 --> 00:59:12,680
Making me bang all on the windows
with my good church hat!
1099
00:59:12,682 --> 00:59:15,350
Hon, I could be at home
watchin' that new madea movie!
1100
00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:18,520
With the little girl
from the fresh prince?
1101
00:59:18,522 --> 00:59:21,356
You know the one, she played the
head of NASA! With the aliens!
1102
00:59:21,358 --> 00:59:24,426
Boom! Madea goes to
Mars, that's it!
1103
00:59:24,428 --> 00:59:27,595
Hold up, ain't you that brother
1104
00:59:27,597 --> 00:59:31,066
that just moved into
old Burton place?
1105
00:59:31,068 --> 00:59:33,501
Yeah, it's just...
With a white woman!
1106
00:59:33,503 --> 00:59:35,103
Well, she's not all
the way white.
1107
00:59:35,105 --> 00:59:38,073
She's a white woman,
damn near clear!
1108
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:42,310
Come on now, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships is not a big deal.
1109
00:59:42,312 --> 00:59:45,513
What? You need to tell
that to the lonely sista.
1110
00:59:45,515 --> 00:59:47,215
Look at this one right here.
Right here!
1111
00:59:47,217 --> 00:59:49,751
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
1112
00:59:49,753 --> 00:59:53,588
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.
1113
00:59:53,590 --> 00:59:57,559
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
1114
00:59:57,561 --> 01:00:00,161
- What is it, the fellatio?
- Uh...
1115
01:00:00,163 --> 01:00:01,563
That's what it is, they go deep.
1116
01:00:01,565 --> 01:00:03,198
You know they ain't
got no insides.
1117
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:04,732
I think that's my cue to go.
1118
01:00:04,734 --> 01:00:07,702
Excuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
1119
01:00:07,704 --> 01:00:09,404
Where you goin'?
1120
01:00:09,406 --> 01:00:10,606
Love is love. You're so bitter.
1121
01:00:10,607 --> 01:00:15,743
Brothers be trippin'. That's why
I got me a white man at home.
1122
01:00:15,745 --> 01:00:17,579
- Yeah, girl.
- Vanilla my flavor.
1123
01:00:21,217 --> 01:00:22,283
Hello, Malcolm.
1124
01:00:22,285 --> 01:00:23,418
Oh, Professor wilde, thank God.
1125
01:00:23,420 --> 01:00:25,286
I've been tryin' to reach you!
1126
01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:27,255
I'm sorry, Malcolm, I've
been a bit tied up.
1127
01:00:27,257 --> 01:00:30,125
I haven't been able to
find any more on aghoul,
1128
01:00:30,127 --> 01:00:32,360
though my resources
are a bit limited.
1129
01:00:32,362 --> 01:00:34,729
Uh, Professor? Where
the hell are you?
1130
01:00:34,731 --> 01:00:37,632
Ooh, doin' a stretch
of five to 10.
1131
01:00:37,634 --> 01:00:39,601
Apparently, the authorities
frown on sellin' meth
1132
01:00:39,603 --> 01:00:41,769
to college students.
1133
01:00:41,771 --> 01:00:43,438
Yeah, apparently.
1134
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,506
You need to hang up
1135
01:00:44,508 --> 01:00:48,443
come over here and kiss
me on my hot mouth.
1136
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:50,612
I'm feelin' romantical.
1137
01:00:52,214 --> 01:00:54,215
Well, Malcolm, I suppose
I should get going.
1138
01:00:54,217 --> 01:00:55,817
But I will be e-mailing
you the contacts
1139
01:00:55,819 --> 01:00:57,185
of associates who'll
be able to help.
1140
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:58,653
I don't mean to be
pushy, but any way
1141
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:00,588
you could do that
before you get raped?
1142
01:01:00,590 --> 01:01:02,557
What part of mandingo party
1143
01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:04,792
do you not understand?
1144
01:01:04,794 --> 01:01:07,462
It's time to power
the white rabbit.
1145
01:01:07,464 --> 01:01:09,931
You know. Dirty the snow.
1146
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:13,434
Don't! That's not that bad.
1147
01:01:15,337 --> 01:01:17,572
Lights, please. Thank you.
1148
01:01:19,175 --> 01:01:21,809
So after several exhausting
days of the exorcism,
1149
01:01:21,811 --> 01:01:25,346
I threw some holy water on
her, read an incantation
1150
01:01:25,348 --> 01:01:28,883
and the demon left
the woman's body.
1151
01:01:28,885 --> 01:01:32,420
I suppose I just sat
back and watched.
1152
01:01:32,422 --> 01:01:35,690
I mean, I'm just the medium
who puts her life in danger
1153
01:01:35,692 --> 01:01:38,359
every time she reaches
out to demonic forces.
1154
01:01:38,361 --> 01:01:40,795
But you've got a Bible and
a bottle of holy water,
1155
01:01:40,797 --> 01:01:42,297
so you make the world
a safer place!
1156
01:01:42,299 --> 01:01:44,699
The fact is, people,
is that God is real,
1157
01:01:44,701 --> 01:01:47,602
the devil is real,
and monsters exist.
1158
01:01:49,205 --> 01:01:52,273
Well... They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
1159
01:01:52,275 --> 01:01:54,842
But the good news is,
Santa claus doesn't exist
1160
01:01:54,844 --> 01:01:56,644
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy
1161
01:01:56,646 --> 01:01:57,946
coming down your chimney.
1162
01:01:57,948 --> 01:02:01,883
So, what exactly are you guys?
And who the fuck hired you?
1163
01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:04,786
You can call us ned and Noreen.
1164
01:02:04,788 --> 01:02:07,388
See? This is why you don't
hire from craigslist.
1165
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:08,590
Asshole!
1166
01:02:11,393 --> 01:02:14,729
I don't understand why you
always have to take the credit!
1167
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,998
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover,
1168
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,900
and I am the one with a gift!
It's not my fault
1169
01:02:18,902 --> 01:02:21,736
that ned comes before Noreen
in alphabetical order!
1170
01:02:21,738 --> 01:02:24,239
Is that why ned comes before
Noreen in the bedroom?
1171
01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:25,840
Just once I'd like
you to do that thing
1172
01:02:25,842 --> 01:02:27,308
with your thumb and
your forefinger.
1173
01:02:27,310 --> 01:02:32,547
Yeah, well, I would like you to do
that thing with my balls and the...
1174
01:02:32,549 --> 01:02:34,916
Hi! Hi! Can we help you?
1175
01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:37,752
Yes. Um, there's something
horrible happening in my house.
1176
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:40,421
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!
1177
01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:42,557
I'm sure that there's a
rational explanation...
1178
01:02:42,559 --> 01:02:43,725
Please! They're white!
1179
01:02:43,727 --> 01:02:45,927
Oh, my God! Why
didn't you say that?
1180
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:47,762
Yeah, you should lead with that!
1181
01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:51,266
I mean, if you're black we just
assume that your hauntings are
1182
01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:53,968
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
1183
01:02:53,970 --> 01:02:55,903
But 99% of all hauntings
1184
01:02:55,905 --> 01:02:57,905
happen to white people,
that's a fact.
1185
01:02:57,907 --> 01:03:00,742
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
1186
01:03:00,744 --> 01:03:02,343
Thank you so much.
1187
01:03:02,345 --> 01:03:04,312
So we're here to
help you people.
1188
01:03:04,314 --> 01:03:06,748
And before you get worked up, I
mean "you people" as a couple.
1189
01:03:06,750 --> 01:03:08,483
It wasn't racist till
you explained it.
1190
01:03:08,485 --> 01:03:11,986
The bad news is you have
a demon in your house.
1191
01:03:11,988 --> 01:03:13,454
Here we go again.
1192
01:03:13,456 --> 01:03:16,758
Okay, wait. So the house
really is haunted?
1193
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:20,461
Megan, it's not the
house that's haunted.
1194
01:03:20,463 --> 01:03:23,464
A-ha! I knew it! I knew it! It's
always the little white girl.
1195
01:03:23,466 --> 01:03:26,334
Think about it. The exorcist,
the last exorcism,
1196
01:03:26,336 --> 01:03:28,536
the exorcism of Emily rose.
All white girls.
1197
01:03:28,538 --> 01:03:29,671
'Cause there ain't no
black parents gonna have
1198
01:03:29,673 --> 01:03:30,972
no little white girl
talkin' like that.
1199
01:03:30,974 --> 01:03:32,640
"Bitch, who are you?
Who're you cursin' at?
1200
01:03:32,642 --> 01:03:34,309
"And turn the fuckin'
air down in here!"
1201
01:03:34,311 --> 01:03:36,811
Malcolm, Malcolm, just
listen for a second. Yes.
1202
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:40,848
When we first met you, there
was something attached to you.
1203
01:03:40,850 --> 01:03:43,318
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid. That was...
it's good now.
1204
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:45,753
This dark entity has
attached itself to him
1205
01:03:45,755 --> 01:03:47,989
and now it's feeding
off of all of you.
1206
01:03:47,991 --> 01:03:51,092
So what you're saying is that
this is all Malcolm's fault.
1207
01:03:51,094 --> 01:03:52,960
That's right. Your family
could've left here at
1208
01:03:52,962 --> 01:03:55,029
any time, but now you're stuck.
1209
01:03:55,031 --> 01:03:56,964
Like a piece of toilet paper
1210
01:03:56,966 --> 01:03:59,033
stuck on your shoe when
you leave the bathroom.
1211
01:03:59,035 --> 01:04:01,336
And your wife knew the whole
time, but she didn't tell you
1212
01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:04,339
because she wanted you to walk
around and look like an idiot.
1213
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:07,742
Oh, get over it! I'm not
the one who had an affair
1214
01:04:07,744 --> 01:04:09,944
with some low-rent palm
reader from akron!
1215
01:04:09,946 --> 01:04:12,347
And you never would've known
if you weren't a psychic!
1216
01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:13,915
But I am psychic, ned!
1217
01:04:13,917 --> 01:04:15,416
Oh! Ow.
1218
01:04:15,418 --> 01:04:17,518
Shit! What is that for?
1219
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,821
What you'll be thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds.
1220
01:04:19,823 --> 01:04:21,789
"Thinking about doing to
Megan?" One, two, see?
1221
01:04:24,693 --> 01:04:26,761
Uh, guys, we came
on short notice.
1222
01:04:26,763 --> 01:04:28,830
We may need an extra
pair of hands.
1223
01:04:28,832 --> 01:04:30,531
Anyone you trust to help?
1224
01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:32,567
I know a guy. He's Mexican.
1225
01:04:34,670 --> 01:04:36,604
Megan, let's go
to your contacts.
1226
01:04:40,008 --> 01:04:41,843
Hey, nice camera. Right?
1227
01:04:41,845 --> 01:04:44,412
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
1228
01:04:44,414 --> 01:04:46,547
Eh, somethin' like that. He sells
them out of the back of his truck.
1229
01:04:46,549 --> 01:04:49,016
It's a mobile operation. Let
me know if you want one.
1230
01:04:49,018 --> 01:04:51,085
Hey, ned, something weird.
1231
01:04:51,087 --> 01:04:54,555
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
1232
01:04:54,557 --> 01:04:59,394
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on cp time.
1233
01:04:59,396 --> 01:05:02,029
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
1234
01:05:02,031 --> 01:05:04,098
To your son, it's his
imaginary friend.
1235
01:05:04,100 --> 01:05:06,567
To your daughter it's the
voice inside the box.
1236
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:09,070
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
1237
01:05:09,072 --> 01:05:12,407
See? It's a manifestation! You think
I'd bang a doll for no reason?
1238
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:14,742
Malcolm! Shut up. What
we're about to do
1239
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:17,812
is the first step in banishing
the demon to the netherworld.
1240
01:05:17,814 --> 01:05:19,680
Oh, what is that?
1241
01:05:19,682 --> 01:05:22,583
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
1242
01:05:22,585 --> 01:05:25,686
Organic, hydroponically
grown og kush.
1243
01:05:25,688 --> 01:05:26,821
Very strong.
1244
01:05:28,190 --> 01:05:31,626
This is some good shit.
1245
01:05:32,729 --> 01:05:34,595
Well, pass the mask, shit.
1246
01:05:34,597 --> 01:05:36,731
We grow it ourselves.
1247
01:05:36,733 --> 01:05:38,666
High water bill.
1248
01:05:38,668 --> 01:05:40,435
That's that shit right there!
1249
01:05:40,437 --> 01:05:42,357
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
1250
01:05:44,807 --> 01:05:47,041
Tony, where are you?
1251
01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:52,180
Smells like that og kush.
1252
01:05:59,154 --> 01:06:00,154
Mom!
1253
01:06:02,658 --> 01:06:04,659
What... Becky!
1254
01:06:07,162 --> 01:06:08,830
Cool! Wyatt, get upstairs!
1255
01:06:08,832 --> 01:06:10,912
- Wyatt, come on!
- Fuck you, you bitch!
1256
01:06:12,868 --> 01:06:14,535
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?
1257
01:06:14,537 --> 01:06:16,237
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!
1258
01:06:16,239 --> 01:06:18,005
Make it stop!
1259
01:06:18,007 --> 01:06:20,908
This is some scary cucuy
shit right here, man.
1260
01:06:20,910 --> 01:06:22,710
I don't know who cucuy is.
1261
01:06:22,712 --> 01:06:24,512
A cucuy is a ghetto
Mexican bogeyman.
1262
01:06:24,514 --> 01:06:26,147
Oh, like George Lopez.
1263
01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:27,715
I know, huh?
1264
01:06:27,717 --> 01:06:30,585
I agree, it is scary as fuck.
1265
01:06:30,587 --> 01:06:33,054
This spirit is more
powerful than I thought.
1266
01:06:33,056 --> 01:06:35,890
We're gonna need to get a priest
and perform a real exorcism.
1267
01:06:35,892 --> 01:06:38,893
I know a guy! He's a
little unconventional.
1268
01:06:40,696 --> 01:06:42,797
I don't know, Malcolm.
1269
01:06:42,799 --> 01:06:44,699
I know, that bitch
don't look right.
1270
01:06:44,701 --> 01:06:46,033
No, why you gotta
call her a bitch?
1271
01:06:46,035 --> 01:06:47,802
You disrespecting the little ho.
1272
01:06:47,804 --> 01:06:49,570
Nigga, did you just sell me out?
1273
01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:51,739
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.
1274
01:06:51,741 --> 01:06:54,942
I mean, bitch, ho, slut.
No offense.
1275
01:06:54,944 --> 01:06:56,744
You can't say those words.
That's like our...
1276
01:06:56,746 --> 01:06:57,879
Hey!
1277
01:06:57,881 --> 01:06:59,013
What the hell are
you talking about?
1278
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,214
Are you out your damn mind?
1279
01:07:00,216 --> 01:07:02,683
We would never say that.
1280
01:07:02,685 --> 01:07:04,986
Oh, we would behind
closed doors.
1281
01:07:04,988 --> 01:07:07,121
I mean, I wouldn't say it
in a bus or a waffle house.
1282
01:07:07,123 --> 01:07:11,626
Or in the parking lot of a kfc,
but, yeah, I would say it.
1283
01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:13,561
Hey, I ain't your boy...
I got your back.
1284
01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:15,096
This is a lovely scarf
you're wearing.
1285
01:07:15,098 --> 01:07:17,098
It's a sash, you know
what I'm sayin'?
1286
01:07:17,100 --> 01:07:19,634
I'm selling these. This a
part of my new clothing line,
1287
01:07:19,636 --> 01:07:21,235
"Jesus pieces," and I got, like,
1288
01:07:21,237 --> 01:07:23,104
the shoe that the
pope be wearin'.
1289
01:07:23,106 --> 01:07:26,908
In leather, suede, in green,
brown, and the pope hats!
1290
01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:30,111
I can't keep that shit, you
know niggers love big hats.
1291
01:07:30,113 --> 01:07:32,246
Okay, you know what, that's enough.
Thank you so much.
1292
01:07:32,248 --> 01:07:35,783
That's right. Can we help
my daughter, please?
1293
01:07:35,785 --> 01:07:37,818
Hell, she went really
white girl on me.
1294
01:07:37,820 --> 01:07:39,787
"Oh, my God!" I
was like, "whoa."
1295
01:07:39,789 --> 01:07:42,790
Speaking of white... Are
you doin' cocaine again?
1296
01:07:42,792 --> 01:07:44,625
Cocaine? No, man,
this stuff's Molly!
1297
01:07:44,627 --> 01:07:47,695
Oh! Can I try?
1298
01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:49,597
- It's all good.
- Oh, wow.
1299
01:07:51,100 --> 01:07:52,667
I'm gonna take a little
pinch for later.
1300
01:07:52,669 --> 01:07:54,268
He's just bringing drugs?
1301
01:07:54,270 --> 01:07:55,870
It's Molly. Wrap it up!
1302
01:07:55,872 --> 01:07:57,832
Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you
he was unconventional.
1303
01:07:58,942 --> 01:08:00,041
All right.
1304
01:08:01,277 --> 01:08:02,810
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.
1305
01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:04,712
Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa.
1306
01:08:04,714 --> 01:08:06,213
Y'all some crazy
ass motherfuckers.
1307
01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,149
Y'all thought I was
gonna shoot this bitch?
1308
01:08:08,151 --> 01:08:10,885
I'm just gonna pistol-whip
her until she weakens.
1309
01:08:10,887 --> 01:08:12,954
You're not pistol-whipping
my daughter!
1310
01:08:12,956 --> 01:08:16,290
He know's what he's doing.
The man is a genius.
1311
01:08:18,895 --> 01:08:23,064
In the name of the father
and the holy ghost...
1312
01:08:23,066 --> 01:08:24,999
I need three other white people.
1313
01:08:25,001 --> 01:08:26,634
Peyton Manning!
1314
01:08:26,636 --> 01:08:27,902
Peyton Manning, kristen Stewart.
1315
01:08:27,904 --> 01:08:29,170
Paula deen!
1316
01:08:31,006 --> 01:08:34,308
Where's Doug? I can't find
his black ass in this dark!
1317
01:08:34,310 --> 01:08:35,376
Where the hell is he?
1318
01:08:35,378 --> 01:08:40,014
Like a forest creature in a cartoon.
Father Doug!
1319
01:08:40,016 --> 01:08:42,650
He's over here! He's over here!
1320
01:08:42,652 --> 01:08:44,785
Doug! Nigga, please, don't.
1321
01:08:44,787 --> 01:08:46,954
Father, please don't!
1322
01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:49,323
No, wait! It's better if he points
the gun at himself and not at us.
1323
01:08:49,325 --> 01:08:51,092
Just talk to him, Malcolm.
1324
01:08:51,094 --> 01:08:53,894
Listen to my voice, okay, Doug?
Listen to my voice.
1325
01:08:53,896 --> 01:08:56,697
This is not what niggas do!
We don't do suicide!
1326
01:08:56,699 --> 01:09:00,201
Murder, yes! Suicide?
That's what they do.
1327
01:09:00,203 --> 01:09:04,705
Yeah, we do that. I've
tried at least 20 times.
1328
01:09:04,707 --> 01:09:07,041
Motherfucker got me acting
all crazy, actin' the fool!
1329
01:09:07,043 --> 01:09:09,310
You know damn well I
wouldn't peel my own cap!
1330
01:09:11,014 --> 01:09:13,881
I can't stop it! I can't stop it!
Man, it keeps...
1331
01:09:13,883 --> 01:09:16,017
There's somethin' in my head that's
tellin' me to blow off my head.
1332
01:09:16,019 --> 01:09:18,285
Is it in here? Is it in there?
1333
01:09:18,287 --> 01:09:21,889
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!
1334
01:09:21,891 --> 01:09:24,125
Demon break. Who wants a mojito?
1335
01:09:24,127 --> 01:09:26,127
Oh, the black guy's
still got a gun.
1336
01:09:26,129 --> 01:09:29,063
Oh, God! This demon is
a son of a bitch, man!
1337
01:09:29,065 --> 01:09:32,033
Father, why have
you abandoned me?
1338
01:09:32,035 --> 01:09:35,803
Is it because I cuss a
lot, even during prayer?
1339
01:09:35,805 --> 01:09:37,838
"Amen, motherfucker,"
sounds dope.
1340
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,741
Is it because...
1341
01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:43,344
I don't get Ryan seacrest.
I don't get him.
1342
01:09:43,346 --> 01:09:46,747
I know what it is, 'cause I
dressed up as a foreclosure sign
1343
01:09:46,749 --> 01:09:49,050
when people was getting
kicked out of their house.
1344
01:09:49,052 --> 01:09:51,285
On Halloween I just
stood in the yard.
1345
01:09:51,287 --> 01:09:53,754
I knew it was wrong, but
it was funny to me.
1346
01:09:53,756 --> 01:09:56,057
Out of all of the people
on the Brady bunch,
1347
01:09:56,059 --> 01:09:58,793
it was Alice that
I wanted to fuck.
1348
01:09:58,795 --> 01:10:02,430
In the station wagon, on top of Mr.
Brady's architect desk.
1349
01:10:02,432 --> 01:10:04,865
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.
1350
01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:07,334
Is it because I
actually kinda thought
1351
01:10:07,336 --> 01:10:10,237
that it was okay that
Chris brown hit Rihanna?
1352
01:10:10,239 --> 01:10:12,973
I know that bitch hit him first, man!
She talk too much shit!
1353
01:10:12,975 --> 01:10:15,142
She an island girl.
"What you doin', Chris?
1354
01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:16,977
"Where you goin'? Who's this
bitch talkin' "about Chris?"
1355
01:10:16,979 --> 01:10:18,779
Shut the fuck up, bitch!
1356
01:10:18,781 --> 01:10:19,814
Somebody help me.
1357
01:10:19,816 --> 01:10:21,415
Doug! Fight it, Doug!
1358
01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:24,952
No! Nigga, that's a bigass gun!
That's gonna hurt, nigga.
1359
01:10:24,954 --> 01:10:27,321
Malcolm, he has a
message for you.
1360
01:10:28,724 --> 01:10:30,357
He says...
1361
01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,892
"Hi, bitch."
1362
01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:35,429
Oh, my God! No!
1363
01:10:37,967 --> 01:10:40,434
We're gonna need another priest!
It's too late.
1364
01:10:40,436 --> 01:10:41,769
I have to perform the exorcism.
1365
01:10:41,771 --> 01:10:43,137
It's true.
1366
01:10:43,139 --> 01:10:45,106
Although ned's only
formal training was at
1367
01:10:45,108 --> 01:10:47,141
ghostbusters summer
camp back in 1988.
1368
01:10:47,143 --> 01:10:48,342
Never cross the streams.
Never cross them.
1369
01:10:48,344 --> 01:10:49,777
And he is dumb!
1370
01:10:49,779 --> 01:10:52,446
I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!
1371
01:10:52,448 --> 01:10:55,316
The point is, you can do this!
1372
01:10:55,318 --> 01:10:57,084
Do you remember what you said
to me on our wedding night?
1373
01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:59,186
"I have whiskey dick and I'll make
it up to you in the morning."
1374
01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:03,357
No! You said God brought
us together for a reason.
1375
01:11:03,359 --> 01:11:05,860
That doesn't sound like me.
Must've been really drunk.
1376
01:11:05,862 --> 01:11:08,529
Just fucking do it, dummy! Okay.
1377
01:11:20,809 --> 01:11:22,309
Becky! Did it work?
1378
01:11:22,311 --> 01:11:24,545
Please help me. I'm
sorry for everything!
1379
01:11:24,547 --> 01:11:26,313
I think you did it!
1380
01:11:30,952 --> 01:11:33,220
Full inversion. We got
a full inversion.
1381
01:11:35,157 --> 01:11:37,057
Oh, fuck!
1382
01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:38,993
Oh, my God!
1383
01:11:38,995 --> 01:11:41,362
Time to die!
1384
01:11:42,497 --> 01:11:43,898
It was him! It was him!
1385
01:11:43,900 --> 01:11:45,499
No, don't do me like that!
1386
01:11:45,501 --> 01:11:47,067
It actually was him.
1387
01:11:47,869 --> 01:11:49,069
Better him than me.
1388
01:11:49,071 --> 01:11:51,005
That looked like it hurt, shit.
1389
01:11:55,844 --> 01:11:57,478
Whoo! Now, that's what
you call a blowjob.
1390
01:11:57,480 --> 01:11:59,079
A leaf blower?
1391
01:11:59,081 --> 01:12:00,981
- Don't judge me.
- Malcolm!
1392
01:12:00,983 --> 01:12:04,952
Demon, you leave our
daughter alone!
1393
01:12:06,055 --> 01:12:07,521
That's not your
daughter anymore!
1394
01:12:07,523 --> 01:12:09,323
I didn't mean like a
daughter-daughter...
1395
01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:12,526
I was just saying that... Seriously?
Malcolm, help her!
1396
01:12:12,528 --> 01:12:13,928
Okay. God damn it!
1397
01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:15,296
Go get 'em, buddy.
1398
01:12:16,531 --> 01:12:18,098
Wyatt, are you okay?
1399
01:12:18,100 --> 01:12:19,900
Yeah, but Becky?
1400
01:12:19,902 --> 01:12:21,836
She looks pretty fucked up.
1401
01:12:23,539 --> 01:12:27,908
How about you leave, and we'll
pretend none of this ever happened?
1402
01:12:27,910 --> 01:12:30,077
The bitch is mine!
1403
01:12:30,079 --> 01:12:31,612
You heard the man, the bitch is his.
I tried.
1404
01:12:31,614 --> 01:12:33,113
Seriously?
1405
01:12:33,115 --> 01:12:34,915
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.
1406
01:12:34,917 --> 01:12:37,218
Malcolm, please help me.
I'm so sorry.
1407
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:42,957
Becky will rot in hell!
1408
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:45,526
Okay, which one is it? Go rot in
hell or you want me to help you?
1409
01:12:45,528 --> 01:12:46,894
Malcolm, help her!
1410
01:12:46,896 --> 01:12:48,495
The bitch is confusing me!
1411
01:12:48,497 --> 01:12:53,000
Okay. Demon, you leave her alone!
You take me instead!
1412
01:12:53,368 --> 01:12:54,935
Deal.
1413
01:12:54,937 --> 01:12:57,071
Wait, no, no, no. Here,
take him instead!
1414
01:13:02,143 --> 01:13:03,510
I haven't heard a demon
scream for a while.
1415
01:13:03,512 --> 01:13:05,079
I think it's safe to
go back up there.
1416
01:13:05,081 --> 01:13:06,480
I still have a bad feeling.
1417
01:13:06,482 --> 01:13:08,582
For God's sake, come on, guys!
1418
01:13:08,584 --> 01:13:10,885
Come on! All right.
1419
01:13:12,287 --> 01:13:16,156
Oh, my God! Wyatt, get
upstairs right now!
1420
01:13:16,158 --> 01:13:18,158
They're cuddling!
The demon's gone!
1421
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:21,462
I did it! This house is clean!
1422
01:13:21,464 --> 01:13:24,598
Look at his eyes! They're rolling
to the back of his head!
1423
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:27,968
That's the face that he makes
when he has an orgasm.
1424
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,470
I think he's okay, you guys.
1425
01:13:29,472 --> 01:13:31,205
This is not over.
1426
01:13:31,207 --> 01:13:32,907
Are you guys watching this?
1427
01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:34,975
Yes, we're watching it, dummy!
1428
01:13:34,977 --> 01:13:37,044
I'm so intrigued by this.
1429
01:13:37,046 --> 01:13:41,315
Oh, man! He's all twisted up
like a chocolate pretzel!
1430
01:13:41,317 --> 01:13:43,617
Such flexibility
and the dexterity!
1431
01:13:43,619 --> 01:13:46,186
Oh, my God. This is
making me queasy!
1432
01:13:46,188 --> 01:13:48,355
It's like he could
suck his own dick.
1433
01:13:48,357 --> 01:13:50,925
I don't wanna suck my...
Please help me!
1434
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:52,960
If I could do that, I don't think
I'd ever talk to you again.
1435
01:13:52,962 --> 01:13:55,496
Stop it, you unholy demon!
1436
01:13:55,498 --> 01:13:59,199
Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit!
Probably Murray's.
1437
01:14:00,669 --> 01:14:02,636
The power of Christ compels you!
1438
01:14:02,638 --> 01:14:05,105
It burn like bum piss!
1439
01:14:05,107 --> 01:14:06,674
That means it's working!
1440
01:14:06,676 --> 01:14:08,542
Pour the whole thing, like
I just won the super bowl!
1441
01:14:08,544 --> 01:14:09,610
Go! Oh, my God.
1442
01:14:09,612 --> 01:14:10,711
Are you crazy?
1443
01:14:14,650 --> 01:14:17,117
Is that all you got, bitch?
1444
01:14:19,120 --> 01:14:20,487
Oh!
1445
01:14:33,201 --> 01:14:35,336
Wait, guys! Stop!
Everybody, stop!
1446
01:14:35,338 --> 01:14:37,071
Malcolm, are you okay?
1447
01:14:37,073 --> 01:14:38,639
No, I think I'm gonna be sick.
1448
01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:40,341
What? Hold up.
1449
01:14:40,343 --> 01:14:43,043
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1450
01:14:43,678 --> 01:14:45,679
Oh, my God, I can't...
1451
01:14:46,147 --> 01:14:47,214
Oh.
1452
01:14:48,984 --> 01:14:50,617
Puking like a runway model.
1453
01:14:50,619 --> 01:14:53,320
- I'm good. I'm good.
- Are you done?
1454
01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:55,289
You're gonna want to
febreze all of this.
1455
01:14:55,291 --> 01:14:57,691
You're gonna wanna
just clean this.
1456
01:14:57,693 --> 01:14:59,593
I feel so much better now.
1457
01:14:59,595 --> 01:15:01,195
Whoo!
1458
01:15:01,197 --> 01:15:02,262
Oh!
1459
01:15:04,700 --> 01:15:08,402
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.
1460
01:15:08,404 --> 01:15:09,703
I gotta get the hell outta here.
1461
01:15:09,705 --> 01:15:11,739
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood,
1462
01:15:11,741 --> 01:15:13,207
you know who they're
gonna come after next.
1463
01:15:13,209 --> 01:15:15,376
I gotta go. Hey, watch out!
1464
01:15:15,378 --> 01:15:18,245
Now this place is clean.
1465
01:15:18,247 --> 01:15:19,527
It sounded better
when I said it.
1466
01:15:19,614 --> 01:15:21,315
Get the box.
1467
01:15:21,317 --> 01:15:22,716
Thank you guys so much.
1468
01:15:22,718 --> 01:15:24,385
No need to thank us.
We're happy to help.
1469
01:15:24,387 --> 01:15:26,253
Come on, ned.
1470
01:15:26,255 --> 01:15:28,722
And we'll just take Abigail with
us as well, for safekeeping.
1471
01:15:28,724 --> 01:15:30,657
Yeah, I know what you plan
on doing with that doll.
1472
01:15:30,659 --> 01:15:33,260
What? No, I'm a professional.
She's a freak bitch.
1473
01:15:33,262 --> 01:15:34,595
Stop it. Trust me.
1474
01:15:34,597 --> 01:15:37,431
Hey. How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?
1475
01:15:37,433 --> 01:15:38,699
You know how when you're
trying to last longer,
1476
01:15:38,701 --> 01:15:40,267
you think about baseball?
Mmm-hmm.
1477
01:15:40,269 --> 01:15:43,137
It's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.
1478
01:15:43,139 --> 01:15:45,439
It's the only way to survive when
you're married to a psychic.
1479
01:15:45,441 --> 01:15:49,309
Come on, ned. I know you're
thinking about fucking that doll.
1480
01:15:49,744 --> 01:15:51,245
Hey, hey, hey.
1481
01:15:55,283 --> 01:15:58,252
You've had enough. Bye, doll.
1482
01:16:01,490 --> 01:16:06,293
It's so nice being able to
just relax on the couch
1483
01:16:06,295 --> 01:16:08,429
and watch the bachelorette.
Yeah.
1484
01:16:10,599 --> 01:16:11,832
Huh?
1485
01:16:12,767 --> 01:16:14,334
You didn't hear that?
1486
01:16:14,336 --> 01:16:16,136
What?
1487
01:16:16,138 --> 01:16:20,140
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
It's like my spidey senses.
1488
01:16:20,142 --> 01:16:23,310
Oh, would you hush? It is fine!
1489
01:16:23,312 --> 01:16:26,280
My white senses say we're fine.
1490
01:16:26,282 --> 01:16:28,782
Everything's okay. It's over.
1491
01:16:28,784 --> 01:16:30,717
Okay? It's over.
1492
01:16:30,719 --> 01:16:32,419
Okay, okay. I'm trippin'.
That's right.
1493
01:16:34,556 --> 01:16:36,590
...Dead white bitch!
1494
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:47,801
You already know how it's going
down, motherfuckers, all right?
1495
01:16:47,803 --> 01:16:50,170
I looked on my dora
the explorer app,
1496
01:16:50,172 --> 01:16:51,672
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.
1497
01:16:51,674 --> 01:16:55,175
This ain't a drive-by, homie, okay?
This a walk-in, homie.
1498
01:16:55,177 --> 01:16:57,411
So ain't no escape plan!
My cousin is in here, cuz!
1499
01:16:57,413 --> 01:16:59,847
Y'all ready?
1500
01:16:59,849 --> 01:17:04,384
Hey, yo, Malcolm! Whassup, my niggie?
I'm here, cuz!
1501
01:17:04,752 --> 01:17:07,221
Oh, shit!
1502
01:17:07,223 --> 01:17:09,656
What the fuck are you doin', man?
I gotta run for it!
1503
01:17:09,658 --> 01:17:13,727
This is bullshit! Oh, my God!
I'm scared as fuck!
1504
01:17:18,234 --> 01:17:21,835
I'm good, dog. Let me get my
motherfuckin' bearings together, homie.
1505
01:17:23,839 --> 01:17:26,173
All right, let's go
up in there, cuz.
1506
01:17:26,175 --> 01:17:28,442
It smell like dead ass,
1507
01:17:28,444 --> 01:17:30,511
baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.
1508
01:17:30,513 --> 01:17:32,546
It smell like honey boo
boo's boo-boo, homie!
1509
01:17:32,548 --> 01:17:34,348
Malcolm?
1510
01:17:34,350 --> 01:17:35,716
Where you at, cuz?
1511
01:17:40,255 --> 01:17:42,222
Ain't nobody in here, cuz.
1512
01:17:42,224 --> 01:17:45,325
Oh, shit! Megan got fucked up!
1513
01:17:45,327 --> 01:17:47,928
Head twisted all
backwards, niggie.
1514
01:17:47,930 --> 01:17:51,231
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie,
1515
01:17:51,233 --> 01:17:54,368
this white bitch smell like she
been dead about a week, maybe two.
1516
01:17:54,370 --> 01:17:57,871
I watch Dexter, New
York, Atlanta.
1517
01:17:57,873 --> 01:18:00,274
Don't nobody get killed on there,
but they need to, my nigga.
1518
01:18:00,276 --> 01:18:01,475
Stevie j., you know
what I'm sayin'?
1519
01:18:01,477 --> 01:18:04,311
This bitch smell
like poverty, cuz!
1520
01:18:04,313 --> 01:18:07,881
Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!
1521
01:18:07,883 --> 01:18:10,517
They done killed the little
mini white bitch, too, cuz!
1522
01:18:12,387 --> 01:18:15,289
Fuck happened down here, cuz?
1523
01:18:16,357 --> 01:18:17,524
Hello?
1524
01:18:19,761 --> 01:18:20,928
Hello?
1525
01:18:20,930 --> 01:18:24,198
Oh, shit! There's
another dead body, cuz.
1526
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:27,601
Who the fuck is it, though, huh?
Who the fuck is it?
1527
01:18:28,269 --> 01:18:30,771
Oh, God, it's Malcolm!
1528
01:18:30,773 --> 01:18:33,273
They done kill my cuz, cuz!
1529
01:18:33,275 --> 01:18:35,742
It's like boyz n the hood, he's
supposed to go to college!
1530
01:18:35,744 --> 01:18:38,645
Why the fuck they let
doughboy live and Ricky dead?
1531
01:18:38,647 --> 01:18:40,714
Doughboy was the
evil nigga, cuz!
1532
01:18:41,349 --> 01:18:42,482
Oh!
1533
01:18:42,484 --> 01:18:44,618
I can't believe this!
1534
01:18:44,620 --> 01:18:47,354
See if the nigga got
some money, though.
1535
01:18:52,928 --> 01:18:55,495
What you hit me for, brah?
1536
01:18:55,497 --> 01:18:57,931
You know better than to be
poppin' up on me like that, cuz!
1537
01:18:57,933 --> 01:19:00,267
You get knocked out every
motherfuckin' time, homie.
1538
01:19:00,269 --> 01:19:03,637
World star! World star!
1539
01:19:03,639 --> 01:19:04,771
You hit me with a brick!
1540
01:19:04,773 --> 01:19:06,406
Where's my family?
Are they okay?
1541
01:19:06,408 --> 01:19:07,874
Nigga, they dead as fuck!
1542
01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,910
All of them? Even
the little boy?
1543
01:19:09,912 --> 01:19:12,379
He's on the back of a motherfuckin'
milk carton, niggie!
1544
01:19:12,381 --> 01:19:14,615
Good. He may have lived.
1545
01:19:14,617 --> 01:19:16,316
Where's Kisha?
1546
01:19:16,318 --> 01:19:18,018
Nigga, I don't know where
the fuck Kisha is at, cuz!
1547
01:19:18,020 --> 01:19:20,754
Shh! Shh! She did this shit!
1548
01:19:20,756 --> 01:19:23,290
The white girl's neck,
snapped it back.
1549
01:19:23,292 --> 01:19:24,625
Kisha did that shit?
1550
01:19:24,627 --> 01:19:26,660
Nigga, that bitch
is gangsta, cuz!
1551
01:19:26,662 --> 01:19:30,831
Shh! I came down to the basement
on some creep shit, like...
1552
01:19:30,833 --> 01:19:33,433
I was just sittin' here waitin' for
this bitch, like, "nigga, what?"
1553
01:19:33,435 --> 01:19:34,701
"Bitch, you want some of this?"
1554
01:19:34,703 --> 01:19:36,503
So I'm gonna sit
here incog-negro
1555
01:19:36,505 --> 01:19:38,739
up under this blanket
like, nigga, like what.
1556
01:19:38,741 --> 01:19:41,842
Let my sneakers be all, so she
be like, "that nigga dead."
1557
01:19:41,844 --> 01:19:45,379
The throat, like, "bitch,
you want some of this?"
1558
01:19:45,381 --> 01:19:49,349
You can't kill me! I'm like a roach!
I don't die, I multiply!
1559
01:19:49,351 --> 01:19:52,986
I got God on my side, bitch!
1560
01:19:52,988 --> 01:19:57,357
Twinkle, twinkle little star
1561
01:19:57,359 --> 01:19:59,526
she's right behind
me, isn't she?
1562
01:19:59,528 --> 01:20:02,296
How I wonder...
119994
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