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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:36,001
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard
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00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:39,106
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
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00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:04,298
(CHILDREN SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)
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00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,944
Brad.
6
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,245
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, sweetie.
7
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,480
Bye-bye, guys.
I'll pick you up on Monday.
8
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,748
- CHILDREN: Brad.
- What's up?
9
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,117
Hey, Brad.
10
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,222
Hey, Brad.
Looking good, buddy.
11
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,992
- Dylan, where's your retainer?
- I left it at Dad's.
12
00:01:32,994 --> 00:01:34,492
Hey, where's your
math workbook?
13
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,528
At Mom's house.
14
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,796
- Where are all your undies?
- DYLAN: I don't know.
15
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,632
How do we got so many undies?
16
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,200
(ALL CHEERING)
17
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:43,570
DUSTY: Happy birthday, buddy!
18
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,738
Brad already got me one.
19
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,676
- (CHILDREN CHEERING)
- It was my idea! It was my idea!
20
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:52,611
Hey, look at that.
21
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,878
Guys.
22
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,115
Daddy.
23
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,587
Oh!
24
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,791
Megan, hold up!
25
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,627
Whoa!
26
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,227
Ah!
27
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,564
- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.
28
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,398
- (GROANS)
- (ALL EXCLAIM)
29
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,538
Right here!
Don't leave without it.
30
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,074
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
31
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,343
Come on!
Keep it moving!
32
00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,544
Inside the cones!
33
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,583
Inside the cones like an ice cream.
Let's go!
34
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,216
Braddie!
35
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,918
Here you go, buddy.
36
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,585
Oh. Thanks, Braddie.
37
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,653
- Hot cocoa?
- Yeah.
38
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,420
Nice. Little marshmallows
floating around there
39
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,590
all in formation.
You are the greatest.
40
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,425
I put a little licorice root
in there, too.
41
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,693
- Oh!
- Tell me what you think.
42
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:42,995
- DUSTY: Hey, guys.
- Daddy!
43
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,532
- Hey. Hi, how was your day?
- Good.
44
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:47,932
BRAD: All right,
guys, hop in.
45
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,801
I'll get them ready and I'll
meet you at Tae Kwon Do.
46
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,936
- See you in 30.
- Great. Looking forward to it.
47
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,405
- Bye.
- CHILDREN: Bye, Dad.
48
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,274
- BRAD: Oh!
- (BRAKES SCREECH)
49
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,608
- Dusty.
- Yeah?
50
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,509
Sorry. You made treats for
tonight, right?
51
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,479
No, I got the gift card. I thought
you were on treats tonight.
52
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:04,182
No. I did gift card and the treats
for the Halloween Spooktacular.
53
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,717
Okay. Well,
I guess I'll hit the bakery
54
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,186
- on the way to the pageant.
- Bakery?
55
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,486
Unless you don't want me
to go to the bakery.
56
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:09,587
- No...
- Usually, when you repeat what I said
57
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:10,823
and you shake your head
up and down,
58
00:03:10,825 --> 00:03:12,123
it really means
you don't want me to do it.
59
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,525
- I'm just thinking...
- DUSTY: What?
60
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,894
- Maybe homemade?
- (HORN HONKING)
61
00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:17,530
Yeah. Hey! Honk at him again,
you better count your teeth!
62
00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:19,397
No problem, Braddie.
Homemade snickerdoodles
63
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,799
coming right up.
One for you, too.
64
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,467
Should we fist bump again
or would it be awkward?
65
00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:26,071
I don't mind a second bump.
All right.
66
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,339
Thanks, buddy.
See you tonight.
67
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:28,774
Bye, mate. Thanks so
much for the cocoa.
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00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:29,941
CHILDREN: Bye, Daddy.
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00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,347
- (CRASHES)
- Sorry.
70
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,048
- Bye.
- Bye.
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00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,752
BRAD: These look great.
Thank you.
72
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,551
- Look at that.
- Oh...
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00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,520
- Daddy! Karen!
- Hey! Hey, guys.
74
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:45,758
Wow, look how sexy
Karen looks.
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00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,325
Leather pants and side boob.
76
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,926
That's perfect
for a school function.
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00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,730
- Honey, let's expect good things, okay?
- I know, you're right. Right.
78
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,699
- SARA: Hey. How's it going?
- Hey.
79
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:55,702
- BRAD: Hi.
- SARA: Hi.
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00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,069
Wow, look at you guys.
81
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,104
You and Mommy are
so sassy all the time.
82
00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,272
- KAREN: Hi.
- SARA: Hi.
83
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,309
Oh, hey. I got your novel.
84
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,645
- It's amazing.
- Oh, I'm glad you like it.
85
00:04:05,647 --> 00:04:08,281
SARA: I don't know how you write
such powerful dialogue.
86
00:04:08,283 --> 00:04:10,147
- I mean, it must just come naturally, right?
- Aw.
87
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,018
- Like everything else.
- You're so sweet.
88
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:13,300
- Are you guys ready?
- Let's go.
89
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,920
I want my shirt
like Adrianna's.
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00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,489
Uh, no. No, no, no, honey.
We're not doing that, okay?
91
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:20,792
Put that back in.
Look like a nice kid.
92
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,328
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
93
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,063
PRINCIPAL HAYES: Welcome to
the One Horse Open Sing!
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00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:28,034
Before we get started,
notice we have
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00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:31,669
several professional video
and still photographers
96
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,138
to cover all your kids
for free.
97
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,342
So you can all put your phones
in your pockets,
98
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:39,176
relax, and just
be in the moment.
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00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:40,779
(DEVICES BEEPING)
100
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,479
You don't care.
101
00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:44,249
♪ Dashing through the snow
102
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,085
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh
103
00:04:46,087 --> 00:04:49,989
♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way, hahaha
104
00:04:49,991 --> 00:04:53,659
♪ Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
105
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,559
♪ What fun it is
to laugh and sing
106
00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,331
♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
107
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:00,398
...eat candy Santas
and smashed potatoes
108
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,566
and dressing up my dog
like a reindeer.
109
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:04,503
That's what
Christmas means to me.
110
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,705
- Thank you.
- (ALL CHEERING)
111
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,743
PRINCIPAL HAYES:
And now we have Megan Mayron.
112
00:05:09,775 --> 00:05:11,109
(BEEPING)
113
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:14,347
My name is Megan Mayron, and I
like Christmas presents a lot.
114
00:05:14,349 --> 00:05:16,381
(ALL LAUGHING)
115
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,085
But I don't really
like Christmas.
116
00:05:19,087 --> 00:05:21,287
My daddy was at my first
Christmases,
117
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:23,722
but I don't remember those ones.
118
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,260
Then we had some
with no daddy at all.
119
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:27,826
Then Brad came,
120
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,595
but he was always
trying way too hard
121
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,332
and making everyone feel
uncomfortable.
122
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,498
Then Daddy came back,
123
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,900
and Brad did a pretend Christmas
124
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,369
to show Daddy that Brad
was better than him.
125
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:42,340
So now we have to go to different
houses to have different Christmases.
126
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,075
Me and my brother wish
we were like other families
127
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,611
and we had normal Christmases.
128
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,580
But we still like
our Christmas presents.
129
00:05:47,582 --> 00:05:49,982
I want to be very clear
about that.
130
00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:51,183
Thank you very much.
131
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,387
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
132
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,087
(JERRY LAUGHING)
133
00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:57,388
Enjoy paying for therapy, boys!
134
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,989
You better shut your mouth,
Jerry!
135
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:00,224
Absolutely, Dusty.
136
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,027
(SIGHING)
137
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,929
We're messing up our kids,
Brad, and it's on you.
138
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,164
On me? Why is it on me?
139
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:09,034
Because before you came around
we only had one Christmas.
140
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,503
So it's on you.
141
00:06:10,505 --> 00:06:12,470
Hold on, hold on. We don't
have to circle the wagons
142
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:15,039
every time one of the kids
expresses a negative emotion.
143
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,142
They're fine.
144
00:06:16,144 --> 00:06:17,510
Kids that get up in front of
whole schools
145
00:06:17,512 --> 00:06:19,477
and say they don't like
Christmas aren't fine, Sara.
146
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,914
Well, she said she didn't like
having two Christmases.
147
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:22,948
Which is on you.
148
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:26,150
So what if we all spend
a Christmas together?
149
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,219
A Together Christmas.
That's good.
150
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,722
Now you fixed it. See, that...
151
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,256
- Now it's off of you.
- (BRAD GASPS)
152
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,890
Let's invite Adrianna's dad,
too.
153
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:33,924
- What?
- Yes.
154
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,126
- Are you being serious right now? No.
- Yeah.
155
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,061
Put that hand down.
156
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,431
I've been nothing but nice to that guy,
and he treats me like I abducted his kid.
157
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,666
I'm not doing that.
158
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,267
Why are you messing up
the mood now, all right?
159
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,635
We wanna go tell the kids my great
idea about the Together Christmas.
160
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,003
Wait, how did it become
your idea?
161
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:49,006
It was your idea, but I named
it Together Christmas.
162
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,345
People of Bikini Bottom...
163
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,811
Hey, guys?
164
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,450
Guys. Listen up,
I got a surprise.
165
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,085
Hello?
166
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,621
- Guys. We got a big surprise!
- A surprise?
167
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,289
- Another pony?
- A trampoline?
168
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,392
You leaving?
169
00:07:06,394 --> 00:07:07,592
Not quite, okay?
170
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,893
But, no, we got something better
than that, okay?
171
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,496
So much better.
It's gonna be great.
172
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,162
Guys, this year, no more back
and forth at Christmas.
173
00:07:12,164 --> 00:07:13,797
- We're not doing the back and forth.
- Nope. I just said that.
174
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:15,467
- No more back and forth at Christmas.
- No back and forth.
175
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,570
This year, we're gonna spend one
Christmas all together, all of us!
176
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,005
- BOTH: Yay!
- All of us. A Together Christmas!
177
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,939
- A Together Christmas!
- Can you be quiet?
178
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,674
A Together Christmas
like a normal family!
179
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:24,943
- Yay!
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
180
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:25,946
I'll get it.
181
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,380
Hello?
182
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,917
Grandpa Kurt?
183
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,719
Daddy, Grandpa Kurt wants
to talk to you.
184
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,486
SARA: No, no, no. Dusty,
I'll just tell him...
185
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:37,955
No. It's okay, Sara.
186
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,460
Thank you.
187
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,496
Thanks, buddy.
188
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,933
What, Dad?
189
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,566
Yeah, long time.
190
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,436
No, I'm fine. Tomorrow?
191
00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:51,803
- Tomorrow.
- No.
192
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,138
I could probably pick you up,
I guess, but...
193
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,174
- Hey! Psst! Guess what? My folks are coming tomorrow.
- I don't care.
194
00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,544
- We can go together.
- You shut up.
195
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:03,017
Dad, do you want to just text...
Hello?
196
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,752
(SIGHS)
197
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,987
Dusty, listen to me,
198
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,590
I think you're approaching this
with way too much negative energy.
199
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:16,094
Brad, you don't know what you're
talking about, so shut your fat hole!
200
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,828
- Dusty.
- (SIGHS)
201
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,398
I'm sorry, Braddie.
I'm sorry.
202
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,034
You see what he does to me?
203
00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:23,869
I mean, he's not even here yet, and
he's already ruining Christmas.
204
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,472
- Okay, okay, relax. Relax.
- I can't!
205
00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:29,708
Look, your father hasn't met
the new evolved Dusty.
206
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,443
You're a progressive,
sensitive, child-first parent.
207
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,079
That's exactly the stuff he's gonna
make fun of us for. You'll see.
208
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,848
He's gonna scoff at everything
we do. He's a scoffer, Brad.
209
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,751
Pepe, you have a grown son,
right?
210
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,053
Si.
211
00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:43,520
Why don't you tell Dusty here
how much your son means to you
212
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:45,557
in this season of good cheer?
213
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:49,928
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
214
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,530
- You see?
- He didn't say nice things
215
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,730
like you think he did, Brad.
216
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,031
Dusty, you're being silly.
217
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,201
I mean, who wouldn't be
impressed with you?
218
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,102
Come on. (GASPS)
219
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,105
Dear God!
220
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,975
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
221
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:06,580
He looks as if he's been
chiseled from Gibraltar itself.
222
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,121
This is gonna come off weird,
Dusty, but he's beautiful.
223
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,527
I want to be his friend so bad.
224
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,704
- Dusty. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, Pop.
225
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,035
- How was your flight?
- Not bad.
226
00:09:32,037 --> 00:09:34,173
Took 20 minutes to get
to the gate though.
227
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:36,375
What's with that bottleneck
you got out there?
228
00:09:36,377 --> 00:09:40,812
I'm sorry our local airport tarmac's
not up to your standards, huh?
229
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,682
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you designed this airport,
230
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,116
or I'd have been
more sensitive.
231
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,251
Oh, I guess I'll move to a new
town with a better airport
232
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:50,655
that way you won't be inconvenienced
when you show up every five years or so.
233
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,958
(CHUCKLES) Same old
Mr. Touchy. I love it.
234
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,425
Here you go, Pancho.
235
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,094
Why don't you bring the car around,
we'll meet you at the curb.
236
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,127
Right away, sir.
237
00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,366
I mean, no, I'm sorry,
I'm not the driver.
238
00:10:00,368 --> 00:10:01,567
No, I'm Brad.
239
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:02,867
The stepdad.
240
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,903
- This is Sara's husband.
- Why is he with you?
241
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,338
(GASPS) Dad!
242
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,942
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
243
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,713
That sweater. He wears a red sweater,
so I can see him in a crowd.
244
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,183
Dad!
245
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,921
That's him, that's Dad.
246
00:10:24,525 --> 00:10:25,857
(GRUNTS)
247
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,695
Dad. Dad.
248
00:10:30,431 --> 00:10:31,831
(LAUGHING)
249
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,839
- I made a sign.
- There's my big man.
250
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,674
(BOTH LAUGHING)
251
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,709
And this guy's raising
your kids half the time?
252
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,045
He hasn't seen his dad
in a really long time.
253
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,182
It's only been since Thanksgiving,
but it feels like forever.
254
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,717
- It does!
- BOTH: Oh!
255
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:56,121
Four weeks? It's been
a few years for us.
256
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,890
What should we do? You want
me to take my pants off?
257
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,259
BRAD: Hey, where's Mom?
258
00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:01,794
You didn't get her text?
259
00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:04,730
Uncle Arny came down with
a bad case of the shingles.
260
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,964
- No.
- So Mom's staying back
261
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,500
- to take care of him.
- Okay.
262
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,534
But, hey, you still got me.
263
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,570
I sure do. I sure do!
264
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:13,773
BOTH: Oh!
265
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,676
BRAD: We're gonna
have the best time.
266
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,776
(GASPS) Oh! Dusty!
267
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:21,011
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, Muscles, come here.
268
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,850
(STAMMERS) I've got a cold.
Stay away. Don, Don!
269
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,150
Say, Dusty,
270
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,953
Brad told me about this
Together Christmas we're doing.
271
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:33,158
You two are such wonderful,
progressive co-dads.
272
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,358
Co-dads?
273
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,895
I'm so sorry. Mr. Mayron,
this is my father, Don Whitaker.
274
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,863
The pleasure is all mine,
Captain!
275
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:43,235
You piloted the Space Shuttle
Atlantis in 1992
276
00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:46,505
and commanded the Endeavour
on three missions in 1994!
277
00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:48,175
All right, come on,
we're out this way.
278
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,342
Thanks, Dusty.
279
00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:53,812
Say, Kurt, did you meet any
interesting folks on your flight?
280
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,613
- I met a Scotch and a pillow.
- (LAUGHS)
281
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:58,817
You know, actually,
I always pick the flights
282
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,053
that have the most connections
so that
283
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:05,156
I get to chat with as many
new people as possible.
284
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,238
- Oh, so you're a lunatic. Good to know.
- That's me!
285
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,664
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
286
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,740
(GRUNTS) Looks like one of your neighbors
is getting an oversized parcel.
287
00:12:21,275 --> 00:12:22,908
Hello!
288
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,209
Don Whitaker,
United States Postal Service!
289
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:29,246
Retired, but never too old to
lend a hand to a fellow carrier.
290
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:32,549
Brad, I gotta tell you, this baby
sure gives you a smooth ride.
291
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,618
Oh, thank you, Kurt.
292
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,853
Yeah, it is surprisingly
responsive.
293
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,255
Brad, he's not...
294
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,756
So do they take your balls
right there at the dealership,
295
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,291
or do you send them in
with the registration?
296
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,525
How does it work exactly?
297
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,895
No, no, they didn't take my balls.
Just $2,000 down.
298
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,396
This your place, Dusty?
299
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,899
- I pictured it nicer.
- BRAD: Yeah, Dusty's house is nicer.
300
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,233
This is my house.
301
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,202
Just thought you'd like to
step in and see the kids.
302
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,838
Only if it's okay. Look, we don't
want to infringe on your days.
303
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,007
(SCOFFS) Of course, don't be silly.
Come on, guys.
304
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,578
You got to ask another man's
permission to see your own kids?
305
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,248
(SCOFFS) Unbelievable.
306
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:05,350
We're back! With more daddies!
307
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,285
Hey! Look how big you two got!
308
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,621
Come on. Don't I get a hug?
Come on!
309
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,956
(KURT CHUCKLES)
310
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,625
And who's this barroom brawler?
311
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:15,025
MEGAN: He's our brother,
Griffy, silly.
312
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:18,029
Hey, come here, pardner.
Dusty, you never told me.
313
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:20,832
- Why, he looks just like you.
- Yeah, not my kid.
314
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,668
Oh, no, no, no.
I fathered that one.
315
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:24,403
Oh. Ah, then how does he
relate to me then?
316
00:13:24,405 --> 00:13:27,771
Well, he is the brother
of your grandkids, Kurt.
317
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,439
- Oh. Here, here.
- Oh. Okay.
318
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,376
Hey, looking good, Buttercup.
319
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,847
Good to see you.
320
00:13:33,714 --> 00:13:36,179
- Look who's here!
- BOTH: Pop-Pop!
321
00:13:36,181 --> 00:13:37,115
(LAUGHS)
322
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,817
- Tell us a Pop-Pop joke!
- DON: Ooh, ooh.
323
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,118
What's a good one?
Why does a duck have feathers?
324
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,153
Why?
325
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,359
- To cover up his butt quack.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
326
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,193
Hey, kids,
I got a good one for you.
327
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,596
- Two dead hookers wash up on the shore...
- Hey, hey!
328
00:13:50,598 --> 00:13:52,563
- Whoa, whoa, shut up.
- No way. No way.
329
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,503
- Sara. How's my girl?
- Hi!
330
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,001
What, Ginny couldn't make it?
331
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,236
Oh, she feels terrible.
332
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:02,039
But she sent a batch of
her special cookies!
333
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,375
- Is there milk in that kitchen?
- MEGAN: Yay!
334
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,310
DON: I want the first one.
335
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,313
I get the first one!
336
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:11,916
So he gets to be Pop-Pop
and I'm just Grandpa Kurt?
337
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,885
What? I'm in charge of the
cutesy grandpa names now?
338
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,453
Look, if you want a better name, maybe
try showing up a little more often.
339
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:19,793
Tell the kids, from now on,
it's El Padre.
340
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,097
No more hooker jokes.
341
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,299
These don't taste like La-La's cookies.
They taste like Chips Ahoys.
342
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,834
DON: No, no. I sat right there
in the kitchen
343
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:33,038
and watched Grandma
bake them just yesterday.
344
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,271
DYLAN: I like them.
345
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:37,708
So, this co-dads thing,
is that what you call it?
346
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,477
Yeah, that's what we call it.
347
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,813
So, on his watch,
he disciplines your kids,
348
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,714
gives them advice, tucks
them in, so forth
349
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,150
and that bothers
you not a bit?
350
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,250
Doesn't bother me at all.
351
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,185
And his total lack of
masculinity...
352
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:52,122
I mean, his weak chin and soft
underbelly influencing your son,
353
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,824
you're good there,
too? Yeah?
354
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,594
You know what? I'm just feeling like
maybe you guys want a little privacy.
355
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,195
Stay right there,
Brad, all right?
356
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,798
He's just trying
to stir the turd.
357
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,499
- (SCOFFS)
- You can scoff all you want.
358
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,334
Everything is rock solid
between me and Brad here.
359
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:07,371
- In fact, best friends.
- Really? (SNIFFLES)
360
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:10,040
- Thank you.
- Brad. Stop it. Now.
361
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,043
- I'm good.
- He gets really emotional.
362
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:15,078
- Brad. Hey. Brother.
- Did you call me "brother"?
363
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,082
B-Dawg.
Chill out, man. Relax.
364
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,352
All right? Cut it out.
365
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,385
- Brad, don't.
- I know.
366
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:23,020
Stop. All right, look. Hey.
Brad, stop!
367
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:26,158
Looks like you two guys
have a real solid arrangement.
368
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,293
You're spending Christmas
together and everything.
369
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,594
Speaking of which, whose place
are we doing that at?
370
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,630
We're totally happy to host
if it makes it easier.
371
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,432
Yeah, we could do it at my place.
I got more room.
372
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,534
We can do presents at our place,
dinner at yours.
373
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,669
Nah, all that back and forth,
who needs that?
374
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,005
This place, that place.
375
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:43,274
Why don't I book us
a great vacation spot
376
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,076
for all of us,
and we can all spend
377
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,611
the holiday week together?
378
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:47,879
- Yay! Cool!
- Thanks, El Padre.
379
00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:50,213
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- DON: I love this idea!
380
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:52,150
It's something extra Christmasy,
381
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,319
with lots of snow and family
activities for all of us.
382
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,054
Dad, I'm just worried about
finding a place,
383
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,390
you know, this close
to the holiday.
384
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,858
- (BEEPS)
- Booked it! Airbnb. All done.
385
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,361
- Yay, El Padre!
- (KURT LAUGHS)
386
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:07,600
It's gonna be so fun, since we're
all such great friends, huh?
387
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:12,236
BRAD: Off to the mountains.
Here we go, Griffy.
388
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,838
- Here we go.
- Big fun trip!
389
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,274
Let me get
that for you, Sara.
390
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,876
- SARA: Thank you.
- You're welcome.
391
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:19,678
You know, Dusty,
I think you and Kurt
392
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,947
spending some time
around me and my dad
393
00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,280
might do you both some good.
394
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:24,749
Hey, don't you see
what he's up to here?
395
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,052
He thinks you and me are harboring
bad feelings for one another
396
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:30,054
and sticking us together in some cabin is
gonna bring out whatever we're harboring.
397
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,688
But you're not,
are you, Brad?
398
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:32,957
- I'm not what?
- Harboring!
399
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,291
No, I'm not harboring anything.
400
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:35,693
Good, 'cause I'm not
harboring anything either.
401
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:36,961
BRAD: Okay, well, let's use
this as an opportunity
402
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:37,929
to show him
that we're not harboring.
403
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:39,197
'Cause we're not harboring.
404
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,365
You're looking at
one safe harbor right here.
405
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,900
All right, good.
406
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:43,534
You sure you want to pack it like that?
Is that how you're gonna do it?
407
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,004
Look, me and Brad got everything
under control as a team, okay?
408
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,472
- Right, Brad?
- That's right.
409
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,973
Yeah, what would I know
about travel?
410
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,341
I've only been
to frickin' space.
411
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,043
What, did you pack
the space shuttle yourself?
412
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,212
You pop the trunk, arrange all the bags
for you and your little space friends?
413
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,483
I did, as a matter of fact.
Yes, I packed the shuttle.
414
00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,951
That's so cool!
415
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:01,953
I love how you're always
jotting down ideas
416
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:04,054
for your book
in your little notepad.
417
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,322
People ever get crazy and think
418
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,193
you might be writing
something bad about them?
419
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:14,665
Say, Brad, would you mind doing some
"Yes, And" drills with me on the way?
420
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,268
"Yes, And" thank you
for asking me.
421
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:20,204
I recently joined
an improv comedy workshop.
422
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,138
Brad's been pushing me to do it
for years. (CHUCKLES)
423
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,575
Because you're so funny.
424
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:25,076
Yeah, I really enjoy it.
425
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,376
You should look into it, too,
Kurt.
426
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,413
I'd rather look into
a loaded gun.
427
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,147
- Did you hear that?
- Did you just make that up?
428
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,148
- Zinger!
- That's provocative, too.
429
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,684
You ready to let me do that,
Mr. Stubborn?
430
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,853
- I got it.
- KURT: It's never gonna fit.
431
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,288
Hey, kids, no, no, no, no,
432
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,957
why don't you jump into my car
with Adrianna, all right?
433
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:44,395
So Grandpa Kurt here can enjoy Pop-Pop's
company on the way up. (CHUCKLES)
434
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,232
Already warmed up a spot
in the capsule for you, Captain!
435
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,336
Still never gonna fit. Ever.
436
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,739
No, I got it. It's fitting fine.
437
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,609
I just had to put it wheels-in.
438
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,446
Perfect fit!
All right, let's go.
439
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,383
Hey, Adrianna, you know,
when we're up there,
440
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,952
I can teach you
how to snowboard.
441
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:08,118
You're not my dad.
442
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,490
All right.
It's gonna be a fun trip.
443
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,561
BRAD: It's time for
One-Word Story.
444
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,030
Anyone can join in, doesn't have
to be just Dad and I.
445
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,634
You always give us
the best start.
446
00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:24,801
- Uncle...
- ...Thomas...
447
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,404
- ...went...
- ...tiptoeing...
448
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:27,606
...into the...
449
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,074
...Empire State Building.
450
00:18:29,076 --> 00:18:30,207
(BOTH LAUGHING)
451
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,042
Where were you going
with that one?
452
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,445
This all took place
at the pancake breakfast!
453
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,214
♪ Fifty-six bottles of beer
on the wall
454
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,017
♪ Fifty-six bottles of beer ♪
455
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:41,152
"G." Georgia,
Georgia license plate!
456
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,089
Ready, and... Quiet Game.
457
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,424
- I'm terrible at this game!
- I can't do it!
458
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,292
- I just can't do it.
- I hate the Quiet Game!
459
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:52,065
(DON AND BRAD
CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
460
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,446
DON: We always
liked the Shimpahs.
461
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:13,951
BRAD: The movers thought the Shimpahs' house
was our house and almost moved us in there!
462
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,921
DON: The wrong family! We would've
been living with the Shimpahs!
463
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,489
BRAD: Which I wouldn't
have minded,
464
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,358
'cause I had a huge crush
on Vicky Shimpah.
465
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,660
(BRAD AND DON LAUGHING)
466
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,029
Dad, thank you.
467
00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:26,130
You make a five-hour trip
go by like that!
468
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,831
DON: I just wanted everybody
to have a good time.
469
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,800
Nothing like a nice,
relaxing road trip, huh, Dad?
470
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,035
KURT: It was nothing.
471
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,671
I've been in a confined
space with a chimp.
472
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,809
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
473
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:54,290
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Dylan's got a girlfriend!
474
00:19:54,292 --> 00:19:55,460
No, I don't! Be quiet!
475
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,760
MEGAN: Yeah, you love her.
476
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,995
You want to buy her flowers
and kiss her on the lips.
477
00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:00,530
Stop it! It's not funny!
478
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,733
Megan! What did I say about
teasing your brother about girls?
479
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:04,802
She's still doing it.
480
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,671
And she drilled him in the head
with a snowball too.
481
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,739
(SOFTLY)
Well, I'm not her mother.
482
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,408
Now, go take your brother
inside, please. Go on, sweetie.
483
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,576
MEGAN: Come on, Griffy.
484
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,312
So Dylan's started
noticing the girls?
485
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:18,482
You know, I think it's gonna
be time to give him the talk.
486
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:21,351
The talk? You mean the talk
about the nitty-gritty?
487
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:23,221
- The "nitty-gritty"?
- I'm on it, Sar-Bear.
488
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,755
I've been looking forward to
this for a long time.
489
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,290
I got a whole speech prepared,
all right?
490
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:27,692
It's all heartwarming stuff.
491
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:30,263
I'm sure you and Brad will do
a bang-up job with that.
492
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,630
Unless this isn't
a co-dadding moment?
493
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,000
- No.
- No.
494
00:20:35,002 --> 00:20:37,667
- I mean, no, of course it is.
- It is.
495
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:39,135
- Yeah, it is. It's gonna be.
- Okay, yeah.
496
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,672
Yeah, we're gonna
talk to him together.
497
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:43,477
Oh, Dusty! I read about some
gender-neutral flashcards.
498
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,376
Flashcards.
499
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,478
He's got flashcards
to teach your son how to score.
500
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,812
BRAD: No, of course not.
501
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,482
They cover human reproduction,
puberty, and hygiene.
502
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,885
Okay, great. You tee it
up with the flashcards,
503
00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:55,720
and I'll knock it home
with the heartwarming speech.
504
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,689
- All right? We got this.
- You're all set.
505
00:20:57,691 --> 00:21:02,425
I'll never forget when Brad first
started asking questions about girls.
506
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,396
I took him out for "the talk."
507
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:08,598
He was so inquisitive and
attentive.
508
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,568
Then I dropped him back off
at his dorm.
509
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,572
Yeah...
510
00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:14,541
Well, come on in.
511
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:17,977
(ALL EXCLAIM)
512
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:20,744
Hey, look, there's a game room!
513
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:22,914
- KAREN: Wow. Adrianna, look.
- DYLAN: And a pool table!
514
00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,214
This is what I'm talking about.
515
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,250
Look at that view!
516
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:28,619
Look at all the mortise and
tenon joinery!
517
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,788
Sittin' fat.
518
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,557
Your old man sure pulled the
right rein getting this place.
519
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,724
Oh, wow. I know. Better throw
you a parade, huh?
520
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:37,395
(LAUGHING) Oh, I am really
looking forward to that.
521
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:39,263
Well, you want the thank yous
printed on the bass drums
522
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:40,463
or the sousaphone covers?
523
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,802
Hey, did anyone bring my bag in?
524
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,005
My supervisor Clyde Unix...
525
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:51,274
He took over after
Kirby Keller retired in '86.
526
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:54,145
Horse farm,
upper peninsula of Michigan.
527
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,416
Gorgeous country,
if you ever get the chance.
528
00:22:00,220 --> 00:22:01,421
Wow.
529
00:22:01,955 --> 00:22:03,423
Nice shower. (CHUCKLES)
530
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,493
That's weird.
531
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:08,895
No controls.
532
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:12,163
Hey, honey,
how do you turn the shower on?
533
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,098
AUTOMATED VOICE: Shower on.
534
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:15,633
Off! Shower off!
535
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,734
AUTOMATED VOICE: Shower off.
536
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,538
Gosh! Ooh!
537
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:22,740
Voice-activated water. Cool.
538
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:24,642
- AUTOMATED VOICE: Water cool.
- (YELLS)
539
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:27,310
- Off! Shower off!
- AUTOMATED VOICE: Shower off.
540
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,180
- Water... Cool...
- Water. Shower cool.
541
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,916
- Cool the water.
- Water cool.
542
00:22:31,752 --> 00:22:33,887
Water off! Turn off!
543
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,355
Off.
544
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,088
Oh, my God.
545
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:39,222
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
546
00:22:39,224 --> 00:22:40,325
SARA: Oh, my God!
547
00:22:40,327 --> 00:22:42,594
You scored on yourself.
Friendly fire.
548
00:22:42,596 --> 00:22:44,295
KAREN: Eight ball,
corner pocket.
549
00:22:44,297 --> 00:22:45,695
- KURT: Ooh! No slashing.
- Yeah.
550
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,734
- Good job, babe.
- Thank you, babe.
551
00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:51,202
SARA: (GROANS) Come on, Sara!
552
00:22:51,204 --> 00:22:52,806
No, that is holding.
553
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:56,473
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYS LOUDLY)
554
00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:58,276
It's too loud, Dylan!
Turn it down!
555
00:22:58,278 --> 00:22:59,376
I don't know how!
556
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,346
Hey, hey, hey, turn that down!
557
00:23:01,348 --> 00:23:03,015
Griffy's asleep.
558
00:23:04,251 --> 00:23:05,452
(LOWERS VOLUME)
559
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,285
Why are you dressed like
a woman, Brad?
560
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:09,520
I can't find my stuff.
561
00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:11,254
Are you sure you got my bag
to fit in the car?
562
00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:12,623
Yeah, of course. It fit perfect.
563
00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,791
Look, can we skip this one?
I can't stand this song.
564
00:23:14,793 --> 00:23:18,229
- Skip it. Skip it, guys.
- Oh, no, no, no! No, Sara.
565
00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:19,864
This is a great song.
566
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,266
This is my real dad's
favorite Christmas song.
567
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:24,434
Yeah, well, I'm glad it makes
him happy.
568
00:23:24,436 --> 00:23:25,869
You think I don't want to like
this song?
569
00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:28,272
Of course I want to,
it's a super uplifting song.
570
00:23:28,274 --> 00:23:30,474
- Yeah.
- But he ruined it for me.
571
00:23:30,476 --> 00:23:31,943
What are you talking about?
572
00:23:31,945 --> 00:23:34,546
All right, so I'm 12 years old,
and I join the Glee Club.
573
00:23:34,548 --> 00:23:36,013
(CHUCKLES) Glee Club.
574
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,182
All my buddies in the neighborhood,
they gave me crap over it,
575
00:23:38,184 --> 00:23:39,718
but I don't care,
because for the holiday pageant
576
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,351
we're doing
Do They Know It's Christmas?,
577
00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:43,887
and I was determined
to land that Bono part.
578
00:23:43,889 --> 00:23:48,626
♪ There's a world outside
your window
579
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:52,762
♪ And it's a world of dread
and fear
580
00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:56,366
♪ Where the only water
flowing is...
581
00:23:56,368 --> 00:24:00,337
DUSTY: So my buddy Derrick Lindmeyer
is laying into the Sting part,
582
00:24:00,339 --> 00:24:02,606
when out in the audience,
what do I see?
583
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:05,209
My dad giving Scotty
Kimball's mom a foot rub,
584
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:06,580
not even paying attention!
585
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:14,751
I totally missed the Bono part,
and everybody made fun of me.
586
00:24:14,753 --> 00:24:15,755
(GIGGLING)
587
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:21,791
♪ And there won't be
snow in Africa
588
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,395
♪ this Christmastime... ♪
589
00:24:24,397 --> 00:24:26,129
I got no recollection of that.
590
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,432
Yeah, well, I do, all right?
591
00:24:27,434 --> 00:24:28,866
And I got a lot of other
stories just like it.
592
00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:31,135
- Science Fair, you left with Brian Higby's mom.
- (SCOFFS)
593
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:34,538
Little League regionals, you left with
Mark Fitzgerald's mom and his aunt!
594
00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,007
(STAMMERS) Oh, yeah,
now that I remember.
595
00:24:36,009 --> 00:24:37,541
Yeah, yeah.
That went into extra innings.
596
00:24:37,543 --> 00:24:39,010
Know what I mean, kid?
(CHUCKLES)
597
00:24:39,012 --> 00:24:40,414
- No.
- Ah.
598
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:41,915
Nice.
599
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,984
Dusty! Dusty! Come on.
600
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:50,587
He's gonna ruin Christmas, Brad,
I'm telling you.
601
00:24:50,589 --> 00:24:52,824
(SIGHS) Look, I hate to hit you
with the tough love,
602
00:24:52,826 --> 00:24:55,725
but the only person
who can ruin your Christmas
603
00:24:55,727 --> 00:24:58,664
is looking back at you
from that mirror.
604
00:25:00,399 --> 00:25:02,199
- All I see is you, Brad.
- Oh.
605
00:25:02,201 --> 00:25:04,070
Okay. Well, sorry. Here. Here.
606
00:25:05,272 --> 00:25:06,572
There. There we go.
607
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,505
- Still you, Brad.
- Is it?
608
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:09,874
Yeah, it's still you.
609
00:25:09,876 --> 00:25:12,710
Okay, well, look, I'm looking
at you, so I meant you.
610
00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:14,444
Well, I'm looking at you,
so I see you.
611
00:25:14,446 --> 00:25:15,678
Forget the mirror.
612
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,414
You're the only one
who can ruin your Christmas.
613
00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:18,648
Don't look at the mirror!
614
00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:19,884
I'm still looking at you
if I look in the mirror.
615
00:25:19,886 --> 00:25:22,453
Don't worry about the mirror.
That was bad.
616
00:25:22,455 --> 00:25:24,122
- Forget the mirror exists.
- Okay.
617
00:25:24,124 --> 00:25:25,655
Let's just focus on those kids
618
00:25:25,657 --> 00:25:27,828
and giving them
a better childhood than you had.
619
00:25:29,462 --> 00:25:30,928
- You're right.
- Yeah?
620
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:31,895
It's about them.
621
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:33,164
It's about giving them
a better Christmas.
622
00:25:33,166 --> 00:25:34,498
There you go.
623
00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:36,299
Yeah, and then we jam that amazing
Christmas right in his butthole!
624
00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:38,434
Yes, we do.
Wait! Whoa, whoa! No.
625
00:25:38,436 --> 00:25:39,971
DUSTY: Yes!
626
00:25:39,973 --> 00:25:42,039
You know, Dusty, I'm just gonna
take the mirror down.
627
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,974
Then we don't have to worry
about it.
628
00:25:43,976 --> 00:25:45,978
(ALL LAUGHING)
629
00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:47,779
Yeah!
630
00:25:47,781 --> 00:25:49,814
- Here we go.
- Here we go.
631
00:25:49,816 --> 00:25:51,852
Hey, where's your glove?
632
00:25:53,351 --> 00:25:55,488
No! Griffy!
633
00:25:56,922 --> 00:25:58,222
Excuse me.
634
00:25:58,224 --> 00:25:59,225
(GRUNTING)
635
00:26:00,391 --> 00:26:01,893
Griffy!
636
00:26:01,895 --> 00:26:03,093
(LAUGHING)
637
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:04,631
Griffy! Hey!
638
00:26:05,298 --> 00:26:07,130
(GASPS) Griffy!
639
00:26:07,132 --> 00:26:09,232
Griffy!
640
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,168
- Watch out, honey!
- (SARA GROANS)
641
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:12,171
(YELPING)
642
00:26:14,439 --> 00:26:15,641
(GRIFFY BABBLING)
643
00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:19,178
- (BRAD SCREAMING)
- Is that Brad?
644
00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:23,749
- That's Brad!
- That's Brad.
645
00:26:24,184 --> 00:26:25,482
(PANTING)
646
00:26:25,484 --> 00:26:27,851
- That boy never...
- (ALL LAUGHING)
647
00:26:27,853 --> 00:26:30,623
Hey, come here. Look at this.
(LAUGHING)
648
00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:38,031
- Mmm. Honey.
- (GASPS)
649
00:26:38,997 --> 00:26:40,266
- Oh.
- Ow!
650
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,003
Dusty, you like that?
651
00:26:46,906 --> 00:26:48,808
Let me capture
this for posterity.
652
00:26:51,578 --> 00:26:52,809
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
653
00:26:52,811 --> 00:26:55,712
DON: The Nativity is a big deal
in Terra Haute.
654
00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:58,781
This is the Redeemer,
this is Abundant Life.
655
00:26:58,783 --> 00:26:59,849
Dad.
656
00:26:59,851 --> 00:27:02,621
- (STAMMERING)
- Let's go, Pop-Pop.
657
00:27:07,127 --> 00:27:09,460
- It's real pretty.
- We'll take the pretty gun.
658
00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:11,928
No. No, no, no, no.
659
00:27:11,930 --> 00:27:15,066
We're not gonna take that today
'cause we are a gun-free family.
660
00:27:15,068 --> 00:27:18,672
Good Lord.
What has he turned you into?
661
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:27,580
- Ahh!
- Ha-ha!
662
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:29,980
All right, throw it down!
663
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:32,218
All right, here it comes,
Braddie!
664
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:40,193
Brad!
665
00:27:46,298 --> 00:27:47,932
SARA: Hey, honey!
666
00:27:47,934 --> 00:27:49,567
Brad! Brad!
667
00:27:49,569 --> 00:27:52,203
You need a hat.
You're gonna freeze, babe.
668
00:27:52,205 --> 00:27:53,404
Thanks, sweetie.
669
00:27:53,406 --> 00:27:54,872
- You look cute.
- (CHUCKLES)
670
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:58,274
Hey, I want to talk to you.
I'm worried about your dad.
671
00:27:58,276 --> 00:28:01,412
Don't you think he seems slightly
less chatty than normal?
672
00:28:01,414 --> 00:28:02,782
You got to be shitting me.
673
00:28:03,715 --> 00:28:05,582
I mean, he shows up here without
your mom?
674
00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:08,085
Don't you think that's weird?
There might be a problem?
675
00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:09,953
With my mom and dad's
relationship?
676
00:28:09,955 --> 00:28:10,855
Yeah!
677
00:28:10,857 --> 00:28:13,359
What? They love each other
more than we do!
678
00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:14,857
Yeah.
679
00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,559
I brought you your hat!
680
00:28:16,561 --> 00:28:18,529
No, honey,
I didn't mean it that way.
681
00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:20,597
It's a huge compliment. Come on.
682
00:28:20,599 --> 00:28:21,764
You got to understand.
683
00:28:21,766 --> 00:28:23,669
Brad! The Christmas lights!
684
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:26,904
No, no, no, no.
(GROANS)
685
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:29,039
All the light strands
are connected.
686
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:30,275
A terrible idea!
687
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,782
None of these switches work!
688
00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,084
- Heads up.
- (YELPS)
689
00:28:40,086 --> 00:28:42,453
Dad! What are these levers for?
690
00:28:42,455 --> 00:28:43,721
Ow!
691
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:45,355
- Sara!
- Stand clear!
692
00:28:45,357 --> 00:28:46,426
Brad! (WHIMPERING)
693
00:28:50,029 --> 00:28:52,195
(GRUNTING)
694
00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,630
DUSTY: Brad, let it go!
695
00:28:53,632 --> 00:28:55,132
I don't want it to hit your car.
696
00:28:55,134 --> 00:28:57,270
- SARA: Let it go!
- (BRAD SCREAMING)
697
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:01,405
- Tell him to let it go.
- Let it go!
698
00:29:01,407 --> 00:29:03,042
- (YELLING)
- (SARA SCREAMING)
699
00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:12,786
DUSTY: Are you all right?
700
00:29:14,086 --> 00:29:17,055
Look what you did
to the side of my car, man.
701
00:29:17,057 --> 00:29:18,425
(ALARM BLARING)
702
00:29:21,293 --> 00:29:23,660
Dusty, I'm so sorry.
703
00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:26,395
- (GROANS)
- SARA: Honey!
704
00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:27,734
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (LAUGHING)
705
00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:32,435
I'm not putting that Santa Claus
back up there.
706
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:35,705
I don't want to put it back
on the roof, either.
707
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:37,808
- Why didn't he let go?
- (LAUGHING)
708
00:29:37,810 --> 00:29:39,445
Because he's an idiot!
709
00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:46,151
(PANTING)
710
00:29:49,687 --> 00:29:50,889
(SCOFFS)
711
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,127
Son of a...
712
00:29:58,097 --> 00:29:59,331
(DON SNORING)
713
00:30:01,501 --> 00:30:02,502
Don.
714
00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:04,468
Don.
715
00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:06,239
Don, wake up. Don!
716
00:30:07,305 --> 00:30:09,440
Don, wake up! Don! Don!
717
00:30:09,442 --> 00:30:11,774
(MUMBLING)
718
00:30:11,776 --> 00:30:15,780
Kurt, are you okay?
Did you have a bad dream?
719
00:30:15,782 --> 00:30:16,946
Do you need to talk?
720
00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:19,517
Yeah, I need to be held.
My heart hurts. No!
721
00:30:19,519 --> 00:30:22,252
Did you touch the thermostat?
Did you turn it up?
722
00:30:22,254 --> 00:30:23,721
Well, of course not.
723
00:30:23,723 --> 00:30:25,489
Did somebody fiddle
with the thermostat?
724
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:26,656
Yes! It's 85 degrees.
725
00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:28,992
85! Do you have
any idea how much
726
00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:31,162
even a few degrees
can impact the gas bill?
727
00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:33,030
Of course I do!
It's unthinkable.
728
00:30:33,032 --> 00:30:36,232
Dad? Kurt?
What's going on in here?
729
00:30:36,234 --> 00:30:37,099
Why is it so hot?
730
00:30:37,101 --> 00:30:39,002
Someone fiddled
with the thermostat!
731
00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:41,273
What? Who would do that?
732
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:43,076
(DOOR OPENS)
733
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,547
What do you think you're doing?
734
00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:51,982
It's roasting in here!
735
00:30:51,984 --> 00:30:54,251
I like to sleep
with my window open.
736
00:30:54,253 --> 00:30:55,551
Hey, kid.
737
00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,356
Are you allowed to touch the
thermostat at your mom's house?
738
00:30:58,358 --> 00:30:59,359
(SCOFFS) Duh.
739
00:31:02,162 --> 00:31:03,527
(DOOR CLOSES)
740
00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:04,928
What is going on?
741
00:31:04,930 --> 00:31:07,097
Adrianna! She turned
up the thermostat!
742
00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:09,165
Said she fiddles with
the thermostat at your place
743
00:31:09,167 --> 00:31:10,902
any time she damn well pleases.
744
00:31:11,935 --> 00:31:13,695
Dusty, is that true?
Tell me that's not true.
745
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:16,740
Oh, criminy, Dusty!
746
00:31:16,742 --> 00:31:19,209
You might as well give her your wallet
and your 401(k) while you're at it!
747
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:21,344
Brad, do you let the kids touch
the thermostat at your house?
748
00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:25,049
What? No! The thermostat
is a sacred covenant.
749
00:31:25,051 --> 00:31:27,617
I can't believe
we're even talking about this!
750
00:31:27,619 --> 00:31:29,086
This is madness!
751
00:31:29,088 --> 00:31:31,020
Oh, God, even Brad's got
his house in order.
752
00:31:31,022 --> 00:31:32,356
Hey, you got no right to talk,
all right?
753
00:31:32,358 --> 00:31:33,991
It wasn't hard to keep me away
from the thermostat
754
00:31:33,993 --> 00:31:35,591
once you shipped me off
to military school.
755
00:31:35,593 --> 00:31:36,760
Kurt, you didn't.
756
00:31:36,762 --> 00:31:37,895
He was out of control.
He was a bedwetter.
757
00:31:37,897 --> 00:31:39,730
I was a bedwetter.
Were you a bedwetter?
758
00:31:39,732 --> 00:31:41,064
I was four years old!
759
00:31:41,066 --> 00:31:43,133
BRAD: Okay,
everyone take it easy.
760
00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:46,235
It's not Dusty's fault that he
lets Adrianna walk all over him.
761
00:31:46,237 --> 00:31:47,870
She does not walk all over me!
762
00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:49,705
I can see how being a stepdad,
763
00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:53,510
you might not feel empowered to
discipline someone else's child.
764
00:31:53,512 --> 00:31:55,980
- (SCOFFS)
- Hey, quit your scoffing, all right?
765
00:31:55,982 --> 00:31:57,147
And you two quit helping me.
766
00:31:57,149 --> 00:32:01,551
Look, Karen and Roger spoil her
to no end.
767
00:32:01,553 --> 00:32:03,420
It's crazy!
768
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:05,289
And there's nothing you can do.
I get it!
769
00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:07,825
You're the stepdad.
You're screwed.
770
00:32:07,827 --> 00:32:09,693
That kid's never
gonna respect you
771
00:32:09,695 --> 00:32:11,231
unless you bring
the hammer down.
772
00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:22,906
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What the hell was that, Brad?
773
00:32:22,908 --> 00:32:24,809
(CHUCKLES) I know.
He's old school.
774
00:32:24,811 --> 00:32:26,644
I think you handled this
really well, Brad.
775
00:32:26,646 --> 00:32:28,882
I'm so proud of the way
you express yourself.
776
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:30,884
Come here.
777
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:33,218
Again? Really?
778
00:32:34,853 --> 00:32:36,253
Good night, Dusty!
779
00:32:36,255 --> 00:32:38,423
- BRAD: Good night, Dad.
- DON: Good night, Brad.
780
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:49,968
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
781
00:32:55,942 --> 00:32:57,143
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
782
00:32:57,975 --> 00:33:00,110
- Jump! Jump!
- DON: Come on, Griff.
783
00:33:00,112 --> 00:33:01,647
Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy!
784
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:03,382
Casey's here!
785
00:33:03,916 --> 00:33:05,118
Hey, guys.
786
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:06,584
Hey.
787
00:33:06,586 --> 00:33:08,652
ADRIANNA: Hey, Dylan, look.
Casey's here.
788
00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,053
You want to come French her?
789
00:33:10,055 --> 00:33:12,856
Yeah, you want to go do French
on your girlfriend, Dylan?
790
00:33:12,858 --> 00:33:15,157
SARA: Megan! Leave him alone.
791
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:17,560
And where did you learn
"do French"?
792
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:18,563
I'll go talk to him.
793
00:33:21,734 --> 00:33:24,270
Dylan? You okay, buddy?
794
00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:27,203
(SIGHS)
795
00:33:27,205 --> 00:33:30,141
I just... I don't get
the whole girls thing.
796
00:33:30,143 --> 00:33:31,308
Oh.
797
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,943
Girls, yeah.
Yeah, that can be tricky.
798
00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:37,079
But you know who'd be really good
in explaining that department?
799
00:33:37,081 --> 00:33:38,415
Your dad. Let me go grab him.
800
00:33:38,417 --> 00:33:40,850
No, Brad! I just want to
talk to you about this.
801
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,118
Just you, Brad, please?
802
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,122
Me? You sure you don't want to
talk to your dad?
803
00:33:45,124 --> 00:33:47,557
Oh, well, girls. Okay.
804
00:33:47,559 --> 00:33:49,826
Huh. Um...
805
00:33:49,828 --> 00:33:51,030
All right, the girl talk.
806
00:33:52,231 --> 00:33:54,764
You know, boys have a...
807
00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:57,667
A dingle, right? And girls have
a hoo-hoo or a whim-wham.
808
00:33:57,669 --> 00:34:00,203
- Brad, I already know about that stuff.
- You do?
809
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:02,306
- Yes. From school, and it's gross.
- Perfect!
810
00:34:02,308 --> 00:34:05,041
I just want to know what to do
if I, you know,
811
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:06,476
I like somebody.
812
00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:07,479
Right, well...
813
00:34:08,446 --> 00:34:10,212
You want to become
her friend first.
814
00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:12,448
You want to be that one
that she confides in,
815
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:14,318
that she tells you
about all of her problems
816
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,019
with the guys
she's actually dating.
817
00:34:16,021 --> 00:34:17,120
Got it.
818
00:34:17,122 --> 00:34:18,354
It's called the Friend Zone.
819
00:34:18,356 --> 00:34:22,158
And it's where
we Whitaker men thrive.
820
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,194
We're the best in the biz.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
821
00:34:25,196 --> 00:34:29,198
Here we are in a wild frontier,
full of majestic pines,
822
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,035
and you two numb nuts are
sorting through
823
00:34:31,037 --> 00:34:33,537
a bunch of dried twigs
on a Rite Aid parking lot.
824
00:34:33,539 --> 00:34:35,671
You just can't go out on public
land and cut down a tree, Dad.
825
00:34:35,673 --> 00:34:38,741
Dusty, we are the public.
We own those trees.
826
00:34:38,743 --> 00:34:40,709
(SCOFFS)
827
00:34:40,711 --> 00:34:43,580
Oh, I get it. You need to
ask co-dad for permission.
828
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,682
Oh, shut up. I know what you're
trying to do.
829
00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,151
What am I doing?
830
00:34:47,153 --> 00:34:49,252
Make it look like I can't make a move
without checking in with Brad first.
831
00:34:49,254 --> 00:34:52,089
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Am I right about that?
832
00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:54,426
(CHUCKLING) Oh, God.
833
00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:57,493
(SCOFFS)
834
00:34:57,495 --> 00:35:00,497
BRAD: And we own the paint
in the Friend Zone.
835
00:35:00,499 --> 00:35:02,765
And sure we're gonna lose some.
Doesn't matter.
836
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:04,834
We're gonna lose a lot,
I'll be frank with you.
837
00:35:04,836 --> 00:35:06,202
Well, what do you know?
838
00:35:06,204 --> 00:35:09,372
Brad's having that
nitty-gritty talk for you.
839
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:12,508
Must be nice to have someone
to handle the tough stuff, huh?
840
00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:14,511
(SIGHS) And eventually
you'll keep in touch.
841
00:35:14,513 --> 00:35:17,180
You might even be invited to
their wedding!
842
00:35:17,182 --> 00:35:19,348
And their dad's like,
"Brad, what are you doing here?
843
00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:21,852
"Teresa never talks about you!"
844
00:35:21,854 --> 00:35:23,486
And you're like, "I'm invited."
845
00:35:23,488 --> 00:35:25,923
And he's, "I wonder about that."
846
00:35:25,925 --> 00:35:27,524
And you show them the proof!
847
00:35:27,526 --> 00:35:29,493
Always bring the wedding invite
with you.
848
00:35:29,495 --> 00:35:31,627
- Then they can't kick you out.
- Okay.
849
00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:35,098
But you'll be sad ultimately
knowing that she's not with you,
850
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:38,667
and you want to prepare yourself
with, like, a mixtape of sad songs.
851
00:35:38,669 --> 00:35:42,171
Anything from Chicago
is usually pretty good.
852
00:35:42,173 --> 00:35:44,908
♪ If you leave me now
853
00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:49,113
♪ You take away the biggest
part of me
854
00:35:49,115 --> 00:35:51,013
I don't really know that song.
855
00:35:51,015 --> 00:35:54,820
♪ Ooh-wee, no, baby, please
don't go ♪
856
00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:58,455
Wait! No, no, no! Dylan,
857
00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:00,691
that is the worst advice
anyone could give you.
858
00:36:00,693 --> 00:36:01,825
Listen to your dad, please.
859
00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:03,993
It's okay, Dad.
We don't have to talk about it.
860
00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:05,995
No, no, buddy, buddy, wait,
wait, look!
861
00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:07,897
Hey, this stuff is all about
confidence.
862
00:36:07,899 --> 00:36:10,334
You just got to believe you're
the best she's ever gonna find.
863
00:36:10,336 --> 00:36:13,236
You believe that to your core, and
she will, too, I promise you.
864
00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:14,403
But what if she doesn't?
865
00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:16,872
Buddy, you can't be afraid
of rejection.
866
00:36:16,874 --> 00:36:18,107
You'll never find love
867
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:19,975
if you're too scared to
put yourself out there.
868
00:36:19,977 --> 00:36:21,243
KURT: Hey, Goggles?
869
00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:22,578
Mistletoe is your ticket.
870
00:36:22,580 --> 00:36:25,149
You walk right up to her,
you dangle this over her head,
871
00:36:25,151 --> 00:36:27,551
and then you slap your spaghetti
suckers right on her.
872
00:36:27,553 --> 00:36:28,984
I don't know if that's
appropriate.
873
00:36:28,986 --> 00:36:32,254
It's a time-honored holiday
tradition, Mr. War-On-Christmas.
874
00:36:32,256 --> 00:36:34,191
Then you give her a nice smack
on the caboose
875
00:36:34,193 --> 00:36:35,825
and tell her what a lucky girl
she is.
876
00:36:35,827 --> 00:36:37,894
- Don't listen to that part, all right?
- Yeah, don't listen to that part.
877
00:36:37,896 --> 00:36:39,296
Look at me. Look at me.
878
00:36:39,298 --> 00:36:40,696
You want to be like Brad
and be in the Friend Zone,
879
00:36:40,698 --> 00:36:42,265
or you wanna be Dad
and get in the end zone?
880
00:36:42,267 --> 00:36:43,999
This worked for me when I was
your age.
881
00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:45,337
You want to go for it, buddy?
882
00:36:46,872 --> 00:36:48,504
Come on, you can do this.
883
00:36:48,506 --> 00:36:53,713
♪ A love like ours
is love that's hard to find
884
00:36:56,714 --> 00:37:00,249
♪ How could we let it
slip away? ♪
885
00:37:00,251 --> 00:37:02,319
No! I like Brad's way more.
886
00:37:02,321 --> 00:37:05,258
I just want to be her friend
and listen to her problems!
887
00:37:13,099 --> 00:37:16,198
MEGAN: My tree, my tree,
my tree, my tree.
888
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:17,366
My tree, my tree.
889
00:37:17,368 --> 00:37:18,435
Can I yell "Timber"?
890
00:37:18,437 --> 00:37:20,604
- Sure can, sweetheart.
- Yay!
891
00:37:20,606 --> 00:37:21,705
DON: Is this okay?
892
00:37:21,707 --> 00:37:24,274
Are any of these trees
even gonna fit in the cabin?
893
00:37:24,276 --> 00:37:26,042
We're gonna cut off
the top 25 feet
894
00:37:26,044 --> 00:37:28,144
and chop the rest up for
firewood, Don.
895
00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:29,312
Oh.
896
00:37:29,314 --> 00:37:31,281
Now, this is the Duster Buster
I remember.
897
00:37:31,283 --> 00:37:35,218
A certified badass
that makes his own rules!
898
00:37:35,220 --> 00:37:37,423
Go find a good tree, would you?
899
00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:40,756
Boy, I don't know about this,
Kurt.
900
00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:43,493
Isn't it illegal to harvest
a tree from public lands?
901
00:37:43,495 --> 00:37:45,595
Oh, hell, yeah.
It's a federal crime.
902
00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:48,798
I tried to talk him out of it, but you
know how stubborn that kid can be.
903
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,466
Okay.
904
00:37:50,468 --> 00:37:53,803
Dusty, look, I know you're upset
about Dylan, but I just...
905
00:37:53,805 --> 00:37:56,939
I told you, Brad, I'm not upset,
all right? We're co-dads!
906
00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:59,743
If he prefers your terrible
advice, fine, I'm cool with that.
907
00:37:59,745 --> 00:38:02,011
I just want to find the perfect
Together Christmas tree.
908
00:38:02,013 --> 00:38:03,914
Well, I just don't know if
it's the best choice, you know?
909
00:38:03,916 --> 00:38:07,883
Well, maybe we're not always gonna
do everything your way every time.
910
00:38:07,885 --> 00:38:09,086
Trouble in paradise, fellas?
911
00:38:09,088 --> 00:38:11,624
- No, we're picking a tree.
- Just having a conversation.
912
00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:14,359
MEGAN AND DYLAN: El Padre!
913
00:38:14,693 --> 00:38:15,758
Lookit!
914
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,394
Hey, what, kids?
What, you find a dead squirrel?
915
00:38:18,396 --> 00:38:20,097
We don't have to
do things my way.
916
00:38:20,099 --> 00:38:21,164
- Really?
- Yeah.
917
00:38:21,166 --> 00:38:22,765
What about baseball snack?
918
00:38:22,767 --> 00:38:24,501
I just wanted to give out Fruit
Roll-Ups, and what's the big deal?
919
00:38:24,503 --> 00:38:27,104
No, I just feel like organic
fruit is much more nutritious
920
00:38:27,106 --> 00:38:28,439
than its rolled-up counterpart.
921
00:38:28,441 --> 00:38:30,140
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
922
00:38:30,142 --> 00:38:32,142
And what about Megan's diorama? You
didn't want to use any of my ideas.
923
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:33,542
Your only idea was
the Bay of Pigs!
924
00:38:33,544 --> 00:38:35,278
But it's an important event
in our nation's history!
925
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:36,914
It was bloody.
926
00:38:36,916 --> 00:38:39,048
You wanted her to do green energy
so you could look Mr. Perfect Dad.
927
00:38:39,050 --> 00:38:41,517
- I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.
- You act like Mr. Perfect Dad.
928
00:38:41,519 --> 00:38:42,718
I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.
929
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,153
And we don't have to do things
my way.
930
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,858
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
931
00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,959
Okay. You don't think I can
operate a chainsaw, do you?
932
00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:53,796
Guess who got his woodlands
management badge in Webelos.
933
00:38:53,798 --> 00:38:56,332
I did! Brad Whitaker.
934
00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:57,633
(CLEARS THROAT)
935
00:38:57,635 --> 00:38:58,935
Ah!
936
00:38:58,937 --> 00:39:02,875
Dusty, look at this one.
Perfectly symmetrical.
937
00:39:03,274 --> 00:39:04,510
Okay.
938
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,111
Oh, yeah.
939
00:39:09,113 --> 00:39:10,981
Keep an eye out for rangers!
940
00:39:10,983 --> 00:39:15,218
I've got to pinpoint
a 60 degree angle top cut.
941
00:39:15,220 --> 00:39:17,723
That's what I'm gonna do first.
942
00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:21,026
Oh, yeah!
She's cutting like butter!
943
00:39:22,327 --> 00:39:24,430
Hey, Brad, isn't that a...
944
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,368
- (TREE CRACKING)
- (CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
945
00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:35,374
Hold it, hold it!
946
00:39:36,274 --> 00:39:37,910
MEGAN: Timber!
947
00:39:39,879 --> 00:39:42,379
(LAUGHS) Wow!
948
00:39:42,381 --> 00:39:44,781
Brad, you cut down
a cell phone tower.
949
00:39:44,783 --> 00:39:46,783
Why'd you cut down
a cell phone tower?
950
00:39:46,785 --> 00:39:48,885
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- No bars? No bars?
951
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:50,488
(SCREAMS)
952
00:39:51,589 --> 00:39:53,089
- KURT: That was excellent!
- Get up.
953
00:39:53,091 --> 00:39:55,223
- You really stuck that landing, man.
- Would you get up?
954
00:39:55,225 --> 00:39:56,993
I'd give you a 9.2 on my card.
955
00:39:56,995 --> 00:39:59,462
- Brad, get up.
- I think Brad's dead again.
956
00:39:59,464 --> 00:40:01,564
Man, you killed
the poor bastard!
957
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:02,999
Brad, don't go into the light!
958
00:40:03,001 --> 00:40:05,568
It's okay, sweetheart.
El Padre will bring him back.
959
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,236
- Stand clear.
- I got it, all right?
960
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,837
It's your fault
we're even out here.
961
00:40:08,839 --> 00:40:10,941
You're getting in our heads and
starting static between me and Brad.
962
00:40:10,943 --> 00:40:13,609
(SCOFFS) There's plenty of static
between you and Brad already.
963
00:40:13,611 --> 00:40:16,379
And you know what? Deep down,
you want him dead, don't you?
964
00:40:16,381 --> 00:40:17,714
You can say it.
965
00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:19,783
We all want him dead. I want him dead.
Everybody does.
966
00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:21,251
- What?
- Come on, admit it.
967
00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:23,752
Why don't you admit why you
invited yourself to Christmas?
968
00:40:23,754 --> 00:40:25,287
Well, why don't you tell me,
smart guy?
969
00:40:25,289 --> 00:40:26,823
'Cause you knew I was back here
trying to be a good dad,
970
00:40:26,825 --> 00:40:28,957
be around for my kids
the way you never were for me.
971
00:40:28,959 --> 00:40:30,961
That's why you want to crap all
over it.
972
00:40:30,963 --> 00:40:32,365
- Get up, Brad!
- (GASPS)
973
00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:35,231
Oh, my God, what happened?
974
00:40:35,233 --> 00:40:37,066
You cut down
a cell phone tower, Brad.
975
00:40:37,068 --> 00:40:38,502
You know, you're right.
976
00:40:38,504 --> 00:40:40,005
I did invite myself
to Christmas.
977
00:40:41,138 --> 00:40:42,575
But that's because you never do.
978
00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:45,341
(BRAD GROANS)
979
00:40:45,343 --> 00:40:47,510
I feel like I died again.
Did I die again?
980
00:40:47,512 --> 00:40:48,948
A little bit. Come on.
981
00:40:52,617 --> 00:40:54,551
Okay. Our report's
all squared away.
982
00:40:54,553 --> 00:40:56,285
Yimmy, Bill,
thank you guys so much
983
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,787
for the understanding.
We really appreciate it.
984
00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:00,256
BRAD: I'm so sorry.
I'm truly embarrassed.
985
00:41:00,258 --> 00:41:02,392
BILL: No, hey.
It was an honest mistake.
986
00:41:02,394 --> 00:41:03,892
YIMMY: Okay, you're all set.
987
00:41:03,894 --> 00:41:06,597
BILL: Okay, We'd better get back
to the site and lock it down.
988
00:41:06,599 --> 00:41:09,399
Hold on one second.
989
00:41:09,401 --> 00:41:12,435
Is there any way
we could do better than $20,000?
990
00:41:12,437 --> 00:41:15,004
Can't you reuse some
of the antenna equipment?
991
00:41:15,006 --> 00:41:18,607
Sorry, no. These old 4G units
are obsolete already.
992
00:41:18,609 --> 00:41:20,577
That's why you're getting
this one so cheap!
993
00:41:20,579 --> 00:41:22,479
- It looks really nice, though.
- It sure does.
994
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:25,214
Hey, guys, keep it up, it looks
great. Happy Holidays.
995
00:41:25,216 --> 00:41:26,749
Happy Christmas, guys. Thanks.
996
00:41:26,751 --> 00:41:30,086
Please tell me you did not just
spend $20,000 on a Christmas tree?
997
00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:32,825
Twenty thousand dollars.
"Can you hear me now?"
998
00:41:33,959 --> 00:41:35,194
You want some eggnog?
999
00:41:38,196 --> 00:41:40,162
- Mmm. Yummy.
- Hey!
1000
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:41,698
- I want some!
- Me, too!
1001
00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:43,499
Now, girls,
that's a grown-up drink.
1002
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:45,468
Yes. Thank you, Karen.
1003
00:41:45,470 --> 00:41:47,236
So we're only gonna have one.
1004
00:41:47,238 --> 00:41:48,504
SARA: What? No, no, no!
1005
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:50,509
There's rum in there,
so not any.
1006
00:41:50,876 --> 00:41:51,877
BOTH: Aw!
1007
00:41:53,512 --> 00:41:55,345
Are you writing about me?
1008
00:41:55,347 --> 00:41:56,847
All right. Somebody want
to plug her in?
1009
00:41:56,849 --> 00:41:58,050
Yeah, I got it.
1010
00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:01,086
DYLAN: Cool!
1011
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:03,756
That's weird.
1012
00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:07,660
DYLAN: Wow!
1013
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:24,676
What do you think?
1014
00:42:26,010 --> 00:42:27,343
It's so pretty.
1015
00:42:27,345 --> 00:42:29,879
Well, it ought to be
at 1,200 bucks a foot.
1016
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:32,180
Dad, we're lighting the tree!
1017
00:42:32,182 --> 00:42:33,216
Where's my dad?
1018
00:42:33,218 --> 00:42:35,318
Yeah, I thought it was
a little quiet around here.
1019
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,886
- Pop-Pop?
- Don?
1020
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:37,923
Pop-Pop?
1021
00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:40,526
Is he still outside?
1022
00:42:43,528 --> 00:42:45,563
BRAD: Dad!
1023
00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:47,800
Dad?
1024
00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:49,902
Dad?
1025
00:42:50,468 --> 00:42:52,102
DON: Brad!
1026
00:42:52,104 --> 00:42:53,870
Dad! Where are you?
1027
00:42:53,872 --> 00:42:56,339
- I found him! Where are you?
- DON: I don't know.
1028
00:42:56,341 --> 00:42:58,240
- Are you hurt?
- DON: Oh, no, no!
1029
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:01,144
No, I just can't quite get up.
1030
00:43:01,146 --> 00:43:02,577
(PANTING) Oh!
1031
00:43:02,579 --> 00:43:04,214
Dad, don't move.
1032
00:43:04,216 --> 00:43:06,048
There's a pack of wolves on you.
1033
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:07,950
- DON: Is that what it is?
- Yeah.
1034
00:43:07,952 --> 00:43:10,218
I can feel something
tugging at my trousers.
1035
00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:12,990
- What color are they, Brad?
- They're gray wolves.
1036
00:43:12,992 --> 00:43:15,191
DON: That'll be Canis lupus.
They're dangerous.
1037
00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:17,760
BRAD: Really? They look like you
could just reach out and pet them.
1038
00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:19,162
I kind of want to pet them, Dad.
1039
00:43:19,164 --> 00:43:21,932
Now, Brad. Don't make eye
contact with the alpha wolf.
1040
00:43:21,934 --> 00:43:24,399
I already did!
Right in the eyes.
1041
00:43:24,401 --> 00:43:25,901
DON: Don't show any fear.
1042
00:43:25,903 --> 00:43:28,004
I don't want to watch the wolves
eat you!
1043
00:43:28,006 --> 00:43:30,207
DON: Breathe deep
and pull yourself together.
1044
00:43:30,209 --> 00:43:31,741
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1045
00:43:31,743 --> 00:43:32,745
Hut!
1046
00:43:34,946 --> 00:43:36,745
Hut! Hurt!
1047
00:43:36,747 --> 00:43:38,515
Are you saying "hut" or "hurt"?
1048
00:43:38,517 --> 00:43:40,015
Dad, what happened?
1049
00:43:40,017 --> 00:43:43,319
You know, I saw the nicest tree
a ways off,
1050
00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:45,421
and I got a little off course.
1051
00:43:45,423 --> 00:43:48,524
I tried to call you, but all of
a sudden my signal dropped!
1052
00:43:48,526 --> 00:43:49,591
Really?
1053
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:50,827
I tried to find my way back,
1054
00:43:50,829 --> 00:43:53,796
but at some point I lost
consciousness.
1055
00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:57,267
That's about when the wolves
must have come across me.
1056
00:43:57,269 --> 00:43:58,501
It's all right, fellas.
1057
00:43:58,503 --> 00:44:00,638
You didn't have to go to any
trouble. It's all good.
1058
00:44:06,510 --> 00:44:09,544
I'm sorry for all the hugs.
1059
00:44:09,546 --> 00:44:11,013
I kind of don't want to let go.
1060
00:44:11,015 --> 00:44:14,216
I almost thought I'd lost you
out there to those nasty wolves.
1061
00:44:14,218 --> 00:44:16,185
Do you have any idea
how much I love you?
1062
00:44:16,187 --> 00:44:19,756
Well, of course I do.
You tweet about it every day.
1063
00:44:19,758 --> 00:44:22,426
You know how much I love you,
too, don't you?
1064
00:44:22,428 --> 00:44:25,030
- Your answer is right in here.
- (GASPS)
1065
00:44:25,698 --> 00:44:27,229
I can see it!
1066
00:44:27,231 --> 00:44:28,464
(SCOFFS)
1067
00:44:28,466 --> 00:44:30,801
Okay, now that everyone is
accounted for,
1068
00:44:30,803 --> 00:44:34,537
can we please talk about who is
paying for that monstrosity?
1069
00:44:34,539 --> 00:44:37,406
Well, you know, it was Dusty's
idea to cut down the tree.
1070
00:44:37,408 --> 00:44:40,075
Yeah, and it was your idea to cut
down the cell phone tower, Brad.
1071
00:44:40,077 --> 00:44:42,410
Great, so as per usual
we get stuck paying.
1072
00:44:42,412 --> 00:44:44,781
- Wait, what does that mean?
- I think it's a nice tree.
1073
00:44:44,783 --> 00:44:46,749
I don't know. Dylan's retainer?
Megan's flute?
1074
00:44:46,751 --> 00:44:48,785
What about Tae Kwon Do
that you signed them up for
1075
00:44:48,787 --> 00:44:50,118
and didn't even ask us about?
1076
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,689
Yes, and who paid for the trip
to the aquarium last week?
1077
00:44:52,691 --> 00:44:53,923
It's a really nice tree.
1078
00:44:53,925 --> 00:44:55,658
So now we're keeping score, huh?
1079
00:44:55,660 --> 00:44:57,727
Well, who paid for the parking and
bought each one of them a blowup orca?
1080
00:44:57,729 --> 00:44:59,863
After we told them they
couldn't have a blowup orca!
1081
00:44:59,865 --> 00:45:02,064
Yeah, because you were too cheap
to buy them a blowup orca!
1082
00:45:02,066 --> 00:45:04,466
Who crushed my car with a snow
blower? You did, Brad.
1083
00:45:04,468 --> 00:45:05,767
Who crushed my car
with a motorcycle?
1084
00:45:05,769 --> 00:45:07,102
Hello! You again!
1085
00:45:07,104 --> 00:45:07,970
DON: Hey!
1086
00:45:07,972 --> 00:45:09,437
It's a beautiful tree!
1087
00:45:09,439 --> 00:45:11,941
It's beautiful, all right?
1088
00:45:11,943 --> 00:45:14,213
BRAD: Okay, yeah. Dad's right.
1089
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:16,814
It's a beautiful tree.
1090
00:45:18,582 --> 00:45:20,450
KURT: Whoa!
1091
00:45:20,452 --> 00:45:23,419
Don, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm
gonna be able to save the foot.
1092
00:45:23,421 --> 00:45:24,620
Yeah, that baby's coming off.
1093
00:45:24,622 --> 00:45:26,522
I'll need some morphine
and a bread knife.
1094
00:45:26,524 --> 00:45:27,890
Brad, hold him down.
1095
00:45:27,892 --> 00:45:30,026
(LAUGHS) Oh, no.
That's just my feet.
1096
00:45:30,028 --> 00:45:32,093
It's the mail carrier's curse.
1097
00:45:32,095 --> 00:45:34,430
Back when I used to
sleep with your mom,
1098
00:45:34,432 --> 00:45:38,935
I once scratched her leg so bad
with a piece of rogue heel skin,
1099
00:45:38,937 --> 00:45:40,604
it actually drew blood.
1100
00:45:40,606 --> 00:45:43,008
What do you mean,
used to sleep with Ginny?
1101
00:45:43,307 --> 00:45:45,006
What?
1102
00:45:45,008 --> 00:45:48,077
Oh. We sleep
in separate bedrooms.
1103
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:51,214
You know how badly I snore,
Brad.
1104
00:45:51,216 --> 00:45:53,182
Boy, that is inspiring!
1105
00:45:53,184 --> 00:45:57,255
You know? The way you're always so
considerate to the other person.
1106
00:45:57,990 --> 00:45:59,655
KURT: Ugh.
1107
00:45:59,657 --> 00:46:01,859
I really want to take
this foot off.
1108
00:46:02,361 --> 00:46:03,362
(SNORING)
1109
00:46:11,169 --> 00:46:12,368
DUSTY: Hey, sweetie.
1110
00:46:12,370 --> 00:46:13,903
You know, you might want to
close your window.
1111
00:46:13,905 --> 00:46:15,372
You know, since it's winter?
1112
00:46:15,374 --> 00:46:16,740
You're not my dad.
1113
00:46:16,742 --> 00:46:19,075
You know, I appreciate you reminding
me of that every few hours.
1114
00:46:19,077 --> 00:46:20,376
But, you know,
we're not the only people here,
1115
00:46:20,378 --> 00:46:23,212
so maybe we set the thermostat
to like 75?
1116
00:46:23,214 --> 00:46:25,415
I mean, that's still really
toasty, right?
1117
00:46:25,417 --> 00:46:26,448
85.
1118
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:29,651
Okay, well, what if I counter
you at like 78?
1119
00:46:29,653 --> 00:46:32,187
And then you negotiate with me,
you come back at like 83,
1120
00:46:32,189 --> 00:46:33,856
and then maybe we settle
at like 80.
1121
00:46:33,858 --> 00:46:35,557
- What do you say to that?
- 81.
1122
00:46:35,559 --> 00:46:37,026
Deal!
1123
00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:39,428
Look at that. The two of us
are starting to see eye to eye.
1124
00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,064
Thank you, sweetie.
1125
00:46:41,066 --> 00:46:42,332
Thank God.
1126
00:46:42,334 --> 00:46:45,301
There's Brad with some makeup
cocoa for being such a jerk.
1127
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:46,870
Thank you.
1128
00:46:46,872 --> 00:46:49,506
- Brad! What are you doing?
- (GROANS) Oh, God.
1129
00:46:49,508 --> 00:46:50,774
(SCREAMS)
1130
00:46:50,776 --> 00:46:52,642
- Why would you do that?
- Look what you made me do!
1131
00:46:52,644 --> 00:46:54,077
- I didn't do anything.
- I didn't make you do it!
1132
00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:55,377
I thought you were bringing me
hot makeup cocoa
1133
00:46:55,379 --> 00:46:56,845
and you just, like,
threw it all over yourself.
1134
00:46:56,847 --> 00:46:58,147
You almost burned me, Brad!
1135
00:46:58,149 --> 00:47:00,383
- I wasn't bringing you makeup cocoa.
- Why not?
1136
00:47:00,385 --> 00:47:02,118
I would've said, "Here, bud,
here's some makeup cocoa."
1137
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:04,287
- I've been waiting for my makeup cocoa.
- I didn't know that!
1138
00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:06,859
If I knew you wanted makeup
cocoa, I would've...
1139
00:47:07,191 --> 00:47:08,325
81!
1140
00:47:08,327 --> 00:47:09,258
No, no, don't touch that!
1141
00:47:09,260 --> 00:47:10,426
I talked her down
from the high 80s.
1142
00:47:10,428 --> 00:47:12,194
I'm making progress with her.
This is good.
1143
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:13,629
I thought you had
your house in order.
1144
00:47:13,631 --> 00:47:14,865
Look, don't you see?
1145
00:47:14,867 --> 00:47:16,265
We're doing exactly
what he wants.
1146
00:47:16,267 --> 00:47:17,566
We're letting things
out of the harbor!
1147
00:47:17,568 --> 00:47:18,868
- So you are harboring.
- Of course I'm harboring!
1148
00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:20,202
And so are you.
1149
00:47:20,204 --> 00:47:22,305
Harboring was working just fine
before he showed up.
1150
00:47:22,307 --> 00:47:23,906
Let's get everything
back in the harbor
1151
00:47:23,908 --> 00:47:26,475
and let's harbor it all back
in and close up the harbor.
1152
00:47:26,477 --> 00:47:27,644
I don't know if I can!
1153
00:47:27,646 --> 00:47:29,511
Remember you said let's put the
focus back on the kids?
1154
00:47:29,513 --> 00:47:31,182
That was a great idea!
1155
00:47:32,115 --> 00:47:35,383
- Fine. Harbor's closed.
- Good.
1156
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:37,453
But we're going halfsies
on the cell tower.
1157
00:47:37,455 --> 00:47:39,256
Fine, halfsies
on the cell tower.
1158
00:47:39,258 --> 00:47:40,926
Brad, are you okay?
1159
00:47:42,327 --> 00:47:43,359
Yeah.
1160
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,928
- Did you make tee-tee in bed?
- No, it's cocoa.
1161
00:47:45,930 --> 00:47:47,897
Did your cocoa make you tee-tee
in bed?
1162
00:47:47,899 --> 00:47:49,464
You're sleepwalking.
Go back to sleep.
1163
00:47:49,466 --> 00:47:52,236
The big boy doesn't
have to be embarrassed.
1164
00:47:54,738 --> 00:47:56,809
How would I pee upwards?
1165
00:47:58,477 --> 00:48:00,345
(ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING)
1166
00:48:01,312 --> 00:48:02,580
7 and a half. 13.
1167
00:48:08,753 --> 00:48:09,955
(EXCLAIMS)
1168
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,022
- Pretty good.
- Yeah.
1169
00:48:12,024 --> 00:48:13,189
Better than before.
1170
00:48:13,191 --> 00:48:14,893
Yeah, the skip was really cool.
1171
00:48:16,327 --> 00:48:19,129
Hey. Do you mind?
Bowler's etiquette.
1172
00:48:19,131 --> 00:48:21,162
- What do you mean?
- It means you're crowding me.
1173
00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:23,067
What? You can't bowl
with me here?
1174
00:48:26,771 --> 00:48:28,039
That sounded like a strike.
1175
00:48:34,479 --> 00:48:35,948
How's your hearing?
1176
00:48:37,082 --> 00:48:39,149
- Dylan, come on, buddy, you're up!
- All right.
1177
00:48:39,151 --> 00:48:41,984
Let's go. Hey, come on.
You can do this, okay?
1178
00:48:41,986 --> 00:48:44,653
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's with the kiddie stuff?
1179
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:45,955
- What? The rails?
- Yeah.
1180
00:48:45,957 --> 00:48:47,756
It's how the kids
learn how to bowl, Dad.
1181
00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:49,626
You learn by fearing the gutter.
1182
00:48:49,628 --> 00:48:51,327
Like in life, Dusty.
1183
00:48:51,329 --> 00:48:54,997
Now, Kurt. The rails help a young
bowler build a positive self-image.
1184
00:48:54,999 --> 00:48:57,966
Dylan, come here.
1185
00:48:57,968 --> 00:48:59,901
Do you want to bowl
with those sissy rails up,
1186
00:48:59,903 --> 00:49:02,306
or do you want to stand
and bowl like a man?
1187
00:49:03,575 --> 00:49:04,874
I don't need the rails,
I guess.
1188
00:49:04,876 --> 00:49:06,174
Attaboy! I'm proud of you, kid.
1189
00:49:06,176 --> 00:49:08,077
Hey, I'm proud of you too,
big guy, all right?
1190
00:49:08,079 --> 00:49:10,013
BRAD: Dylan's going
without the rails.
1191
00:49:10,015 --> 00:49:12,481
(GASPS) No rails?
Whoo! All right, Dylan!
1192
00:49:12,483 --> 00:49:14,816
BRAD: Don't be afraid
to release it high.
1193
00:49:14,818 --> 00:49:16,087
Here we go.
1194
00:49:17,021 --> 00:49:18,655
BRAD: Good try.
1195
00:49:18,657 --> 00:49:21,156
When he's up there with the tears and
"I suck at everything" business,
1196
00:49:21,158 --> 00:49:22,991
that's on you, Mr. School of
Hard Knocks.
1197
00:49:22,993 --> 00:49:24,593
Hey, better than him
living in your basement
1198
00:49:24,595 --> 00:49:26,164
in 20 years, Mr. Sissy Rails.
1199
00:49:30,135 --> 00:49:31,600
Come on, buddy.
Give it another shot.
1200
00:49:31,602 --> 00:49:33,638
Okay. New start, new beginning.
Here we go.
1201
00:49:34,571 --> 00:49:35,573
(GRUNTS)
1202
00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:38,209
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1203
00:49:38,843 --> 00:49:40,144
Yay!
1204
00:49:41,613 --> 00:49:42,981
- Oh, yeah.
- (WHOOPS)
1205
00:49:48,852 --> 00:49:50,055
(GRUNTS)
1206
00:49:53,825 --> 00:49:56,392
Are we certain he understands
the game?
1207
00:49:56,394 --> 00:49:58,995
He seems to almost be
trying to put it in the gutter.
1208
00:49:58,997 --> 00:50:00,877
I know. He needs to get
more height on the ball.
1209
00:50:10,874 --> 00:50:12,077
(GRUNTS)
1210
00:50:16,379 --> 00:50:19,350
I hate this frickin' game!
It's so frickin' stupid!
1211
00:50:20,917 --> 00:50:22,484
Hey, everybody, check it out!
1212
00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:24,519
This kid's about to bowl
a perfect zero.
1213
00:50:24,521 --> 00:50:25,523
Hey, mind your business!
1214
00:50:27,624 --> 00:50:29,924
Hey, how do you think this is gonna
make him feel about himself?
1215
00:50:29,926 --> 00:50:31,794
Well, this is character
building.
1216
00:50:31,796 --> 00:50:33,796
Even the ridicule.
1217
00:50:33,798 --> 00:50:35,432
- Come on, bud.
- Come on, Dylan!
1218
00:50:35,434 --> 00:50:37,732
- (CROWD GASPS)
- It's okay.
1219
00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:39,602
I suck at everything!
1220
00:50:39,604 --> 00:50:41,673
I quit, I quit!
1221
00:50:42,474 --> 00:50:45,077
Hey. Hey, kid, listen.
1222
00:50:46,845 --> 00:50:50,013
We Mayron men might not always
show up.
1223
00:50:50,015 --> 00:50:52,080
I mean, we want to show up,
we intend to,
1224
00:50:52,082 --> 00:50:54,082
but sometimes,
we get trashed the night before,
1225
00:50:54,084 --> 00:50:55,551
or we wreck a speedboat,
1226
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:58,287
or hook up with
some Emirates flight attendants
1227
00:50:58,289 --> 00:51:01,292
and somehow end up on a redeye
to Dubai.
1228
00:51:01,859 --> 00:51:03,359
You know what I mean.
1229
00:51:03,361 --> 00:51:05,394
The point is, we may not always
show up,
1230
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:08,430
but when we do, we finish what
we start.
1231
00:51:08,432 --> 00:51:10,701
Now you get up there and grab
those balls.
1232
00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:17,542
DUSTY: Come on, you got this.
1233
00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:22,414
(CROWD CHEERING)
1234
00:51:26,316 --> 00:51:27,816
Go, bro!
1235
00:51:27,818 --> 00:51:29,687
I'll take that.
1236
00:51:30,454 --> 00:51:31,555
I'll cover that.
1237
00:51:33,992 --> 00:51:35,560
Come on, honey!
1238
00:51:36,595 --> 00:51:38,629
- Come on, buddy.
- You can do it, kid.
1239
00:51:51,443 --> 00:51:53,044
Please. Please.
1240
00:52:05,022 --> 00:52:07,124
(ALL CHEERING)
1241
00:52:09,093 --> 00:52:10,295
Whoo! I did it!
1242
00:52:12,597 --> 00:52:14,997
Thanks for believing in me,
El Padre!
1243
00:52:14,999 --> 00:52:17,836
You bet, buddy! I knew you had
it in you!
1244
00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:22,407
You're a winner!
You're a winner!
1245
00:52:24,408 --> 00:52:25,410
I did it!
1246
00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:31,249
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
1247
00:52:33,151 --> 00:52:34,417
Hey, where were you guys?
1248
00:52:34,419 --> 00:52:35,785
We're almost at
the front of the line here.
1249
00:52:35,787 --> 00:52:38,486
We were at the Starbucks
checking out the local talent.
1250
00:52:38,488 --> 00:52:40,990
Cute little number at the next
table was giving this one the eye.
1251
00:52:40,992 --> 00:52:43,926
And El Padre got a phone number
from the lady who made the coffees.
1252
00:52:43,928 --> 00:52:45,627
We got free ones!
1253
00:52:45,629 --> 00:52:46,631
(KURT CHUCKLES)
1254
00:52:47,599 --> 00:52:50,566
- I drink coffee now.
- What? Get in here.
1255
00:52:50,568 --> 00:52:51,568
Big jump!
1256
00:52:51,570 --> 00:52:54,069
SANTA:
Welcome to the North Pole!
1257
00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:56,772
(GUNFIRE ON IPAD)
1258
00:52:56,774 --> 00:52:59,642
Hey, honey, are you sure you don't
want to go see Santa with the boys?
1259
00:52:59,644 --> 00:53:01,245
You were so excited.
1260
00:53:02,981 --> 00:53:05,283
Mom, Santa is so lame.
1261
00:53:06,151 --> 00:53:08,419
- Come on.
- He can hear you, you know!
1262
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,587
You know, I'm sorry...
1263
00:53:12,589 --> 00:53:16,059
My daughter thinks that
your daughter is amazing.
1264
00:53:16,061 --> 00:53:17,829
Oh, that's sweet.
1265
00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:21,164
Which is cute, you're right,
1266
00:53:21,166 --> 00:53:23,665
but sometimes when Adrianna
does certain things,
1267
00:53:23,667 --> 00:53:26,704
then Megan thinks that it's okay
to do it because you said that...
1268
00:53:31,908 --> 00:53:33,642
Oh, my God.
1269
00:53:33,644 --> 00:53:35,410
Are you really stealing
right now?
1270
00:53:35,412 --> 00:53:37,211
Sometimes I shoplift
a little bit.
1271
00:53:37,213 --> 00:53:39,515
It's exciting!
1272
00:53:39,517 --> 00:53:42,318
No! I mean... Okay, yeah,
it's a little exciting.
1273
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,218
My heart's really beating
out of my chest.
1274
00:53:44,220 --> 00:53:46,354
What if we get caught?
You got to put it back!
1275
00:53:46,356 --> 00:53:47,589
You're so obedient.
1276
00:53:47,591 --> 00:53:49,491
You're always following
the rules, you know.
1277
00:53:49,493 --> 00:53:50,392
Come on, Sara.
1278
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:51,861
Have a little fun with me.
Relax.
1279
00:53:51,863 --> 00:53:53,897
I mean, I would love
to have a little fun with you,
1280
00:53:53,899 --> 00:53:56,531
but I just want you to know,
I am not obedient, okay?
1281
00:53:56,533 --> 00:53:59,167
- Then put this in your pants.
- No. No, thank you.
1282
00:53:59,169 --> 00:54:01,437
And don't touch my boobs.
It's weird.
1283
00:54:01,439 --> 00:54:04,040
Stop it!
I'm not going to shoplift!
1284
00:54:04,042 --> 00:54:06,008
- Why not?
- Because...
1285
00:54:06,010 --> 00:54:08,077
Because you're about to see why.
1286
00:54:08,079 --> 00:54:09,678
- Pardon me, miss?
- Yes?
1287
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:11,847
- Is this woman bothering you?
- What?
1288
00:54:11,849 --> 00:54:15,718
She's a little judgmental,
but she's fine. Thank you.
1289
00:54:15,720 --> 00:54:17,254
No worries.
1290
00:54:24,896 --> 00:54:26,495
Welcome to the North Pole!
1291
00:54:26,497 --> 00:54:28,664
And what do you want for
Christmas?
1292
00:54:28,666 --> 00:54:29,667
(SQUEALING)
1293
00:54:34,939 --> 00:54:36,372
Oh, I didn't miss it. Hi!
1294
00:54:36,374 --> 00:54:38,640
Right there.
This is a great shot.
1295
00:54:38,642 --> 00:54:41,176
- Are you getting it, honey?
- Yeah, I got a good one.
1296
00:54:41,178 --> 00:54:42,547
That's a great shot.
1297
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,212
BRAD: Thank you, Santa.
1298
00:54:44,214 --> 00:54:45,548
- SANTA: You're welcome!
- Hi, honey.
1299
00:54:45,550 --> 00:54:47,048
What about you, big brother?
1300
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:49,785
I'm sure you've been good.
What's on your list?
1301
00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:51,821
DYLAN: I kind of want
1302
00:54:51,823 --> 00:54:53,222
a 20-gauge shotgun,
1303
00:54:53,224 --> 00:54:54,957
so I can go turkey hunting
with my El Padre!
1304
00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:56,624
What the heck?
Where'd he come up with that?
1305
00:54:56,626 --> 00:54:57,859
Did he just ask for a firearm?
1306
00:54:57,861 --> 00:55:00,028
Sure did! 20-gauge. Kid knows
his guns.
1307
00:55:00,030 --> 00:55:01,863
Kurt, we've already been through
this. Dusty and I...
1308
00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:03,865
Yeah, it is final. That's it.
It's not happening.
1309
00:55:03,867 --> 00:55:06,035
Really? Because I don't remember
being part of that discussion.
1310
00:55:06,037 --> 00:55:09,705
Or am I just some little obedient wife
who does whatever the men folk say?
1311
00:55:09,707 --> 00:55:11,807
Yeah, that doesn't seem quite
fair to me.
1312
00:55:11,809 --> 00:55:12,674
Oh, piss off, Kurt.
1313
00:55:12,676 --> 00:55:14,676
Honey, he's talking about a gun.
1314
00:55:14,678 --> 00:55:17,379
If I may, can I just
1315
00:55:17,381 --> 00:55:20,783
have a word with my grandson?
1316
00:55:20,785 --> 00:55:24,486
I just want you to fully
understand what you're asking for.
1317
00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:27,990
To take a gun into the
wilderness,
1318
00:55:27,992 --> 00:55:30,559
find an animal living free,
1319
00:55:30,561 --> 00:55:32,761
and take away its life.
1320
00:55:32,763 --> 00:55:34,865
So that it can never
breathe or run
1321
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:38,633
or play ever again.
1322
00:55:38,635 --> 00:55:40,736
Now, is that
what you really want?
1323
00:55:40,738 --> 00:55:42,470
Yes.
1324
00:55:42,472 --> 00:55:44,973
- No. I don't want to do that.
- Ah.
1325
00:55:44,975 --> 00:55:47,109
You have a good heart, Dylan.
1326
00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:48,977
I'll do it! I'll kill a turkey!
1327
00:55:48,979 --> 00:55:50,714
Can I shoot one? Please?
1328
00:55:51,749 --> 00:55:54,015
I'll have one shotgun, please,
Santa.
1329
00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:55,818
And gobs and gobs of bullets.
1330
00:55:55,820 --> 00:55:57,986
No, no, no, cupcake.
No, I'm sorry.
1331
00:55:57,988 --> 00:56:01,926
No, the men do the hunting.
You ladies cook what we kill.
1332
00:56:02,292 --> 00:56:03,495
Excuse me?
1333
00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,062
Yeah, excuse you?
1334
00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:09,064
Here, turkey, turkey, turkey!
1335
00:56:09,066 --> 00:56:10,298
Be patient, sweetheart.
1336
00:56:10,300 --> 00:56:11,533
The decoys are right
around the corner.
1337
00:56:11,535 --> 00:56:12,834
KURT: This is nice, huh, Dust?
1338
00:56:12,836 --> 00:56:15,604
You and me, the fresh air.
Just like old times.
1339
00:56:15,606 --> 00:56:17,071
What do you mean
"just like old times"?
1340
00:56:17,073 --> 00:56:18,374
You only took me once, Dad.
1341
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:19,542
DON: Jeez, I don't know.
1342
00:56:19,544 --> 00:56:21,577
Are you sure this is a good
idea, Sara?
1343
00:56:21,579 --> 00:56:23,511
Megan is a strong
independent woman.
1344
00:56:23,513 --> 00:56:25,615
If she wants to help thin
the wild turkey population
1345
00:56:25,617 --> 00:56:27,816
so that they don't starve to
death in the winter,
1346
00:56:27,818 --> 00:56:29,519
that is her right
by the Second Amendment.
1347
00:56:29,521 --> 00:56:31,519
Boy, you bought into
that real quick.
1348
00:56:31,521 --> 00:56:33,055
I mean, I think for Megan,
1349
00:56:33,057 --> 00:56:35,557
this is less about wildlife
conservation and more about bloodlust.
1350
00:56:35,559 --> 00:56:38,593
Looks like somebody picked
the wrong day to be a turkey.
1351
00:56:38,595 --> 00:56:41,263
KURT: Keep your elbow down
and cradle the stock, okay.
1352
00:56:41,265 --> 00:56:42,330
Yeah, I get it.
1353
00:56:42,332 --> 00:56:43,999
Can I shoot the damn thing
or not?
1354
00:56:44,001 --> 00:56:45,600
Yeah, that's the spirit.
1355
00:56:45,602 --> 00:56:47,202
DUSTY: Take a deep breath,
1356
00:56:47,204 --> 00:56:50,675
and then squeeze that trigger
as you're letting it out.
1357
00:56:51,943 --> 00:56:53,908
Megan, are you sure
this is what you want to do?
1358
00:56:53,910 --> 00:56:55,711
- (SHUSHES)
- DON: Let's name it.
1359
00:56:55,713 --> 00:56:57,446
She's not gonna kill it if it
has a name.
1360
00:56:57,448 --> 00:57:00,182
- Yes! Gertrude.
- Sam? Tom?
1361
00:57:00,184 --> 00:57:01,515
Billie Holiday! No.
1362
00:57:01,517 --> 00:57:02,917
- Elijah.
- Elijah!
1363
00:57:02,919 --> 00:57:04,854
- DON: Elijah, run home!
- KURT: Stand your ground, kid.
1364
00:57:04,856 --> 00:57:05,720
Save yourself, Elijah!
1365
00:57:05,722 --> 00:57:07,022
Take the shot, kid.
Take the shot.
1366
00:57:07,024 --> 00:57:08,223
BRAD: No, Elijah has feelings!
1367
00:57:08,225 --> 00:57:09,491
Take the shot!
1368
00:57:09,493 --> 00:57:11,327
- (MEGAN SCREAMS)
- (GUN FIRES)
1369
00:57:11,329 --> 00:57:12,597
Oh, God!
1370
00:57:12,963 --> 00:57:14,028
Dad!
1371
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:16,332
Oh, my God. Honey, are you okay?
1372
00:57:16,334 --> 00:57:17,399
- BRAD: Kurt!
- Dad, Dad, are you all right?
1373
00:57:17,401 --> 00:57:18,767
I'm okay. She just winged me.
1374
00:57:18,769 --> 00:57:20,336
I'm sorry, El Padre! I'm sorry.
1375
00:57:20,338 --> 00:57:22,937
That's okay, kid. I've been shot
worse than this plenty of times.
1376
00:57:22,939 --> 00:57:24,707
DUSTY: Make your scarf
into a tourniquet.
1377
00:57:24,709 --> 00:57:26,475
Wrap it around his shoulder.
1378
00:57:26,477 --> 00:57:27,975
Lift his legs!
1379
00:57:27,977 --> 00:57:30,147
- You'll be fine, sweetheart.
- I'm gonna bleed out.
1380
00:57:37,854 --> 00:57:39,087
Wow.
1381
00:57:39,089 --> 00:57:40,321
Two for two.
1382
00:57:40,323 --> 00:57:41,591
Makes getting shot worth it.
1383
00:57:41,593 --> 00:57:43,292
Get the birds, Brad.
1384
00:57:43,294 --> 00:57:45,493
God! I don't know
who this child is.
1385
00:57:45,495 --> 00:57:46,964
You get that one.
1386
00:57:53,704 --> 00:57:54,705
(SIGHS)
1387
00:57:55,439 --> 00:57:57,406
What? I know, okay?
1388
00:57:57,408 --> 00:57:59,542
It's on me.
I'm the worst mom in the world.
1389
00:57:59,544 --> 00:58:03,511
I put a gun in my daughter's hand,
and then she nearly killed somebody.
1390
00:58:03,513 --> 00:58:05,816
She's gonna be scarred for life.
1391
00:58:06,350 --> 00:58:07,482
MEGAN: Hi!
1392
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,484
I just shot a turkey and a man.
1393
00:58:09,486 --> 00:58:11,189
Guess which one's dead.
1394
00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:18,993
Okay, fine, maybe
she's a little too unscarred.
1395
00:58:18,995 --> 00:58:20,030
Jeez.
1396
00:58:24,767 --> 00:58:26,401
- You all right?
- Yeah, good.
1397
00:58:26,403 --> 00:58:29,037
All right. So, listen, the doctor said
everything is gonna be all right.
1398
00:58:29,039 --> 00:58:31,040
He just wants to keep you
for a couple of hours
1399
00:58:31,042 --> 00:58:32,207
to watch your blood pressure.
1400
00:58:32,209 --> 00:58:33,776
I'm fine. Where's my pants?
1401
00:58:33,778 --> 00:58:35,711
Hey. I forgot. Nothing ever
hurts you.
1402
00:58:35,713 --> 00:58:37,278
Why don't we just round up all
the nurses?
1403
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,381
We can bring them in here.
1404
00:58:38,383 --> 00:58:39,582
You could do some
pushups for them,
1405
00:58:39,584 --> 00:58:40,749
maybe bench press the couch
a little bit,
1406
00:58:40,751 --> 00:58:41,984
prove you're still a tough guy.
1407
00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:44,319
- Still tough enough to lick you, Junior.
- (SCOFFS)
1408
00:58:44,321 --> 00:58:45,586
- Was that a scoff?
- I didn't scoff.
1409
00:58:45,588 --> 00:58:46,854
Yeah, I heard you scoff just
then.
1410
00:58:46,856 --> 00:58:48,089
All right, I scoffed. So what?
1411
00:58:48,091 --> 00:58:49,792
Why, because you think
you can lick me, right?
1412
00:58:49,794 --> 00:58:51,593
I never said I could lick you,
but I could whoop you for sure.
1413
00:58:51,595 --> 00:58:52,761
Now we're talking!
1414
00:58:52,763 --> 00:58:54,196
Come on. Best out of three
falls, come on.
1415
00:58:54,198 --> 00:58:55,763
Hey, cut it out, okay? I'm not
gonna wrestle an old man
1416
00:58:55,765 --> 00:58:57,600
whose ass is hanging out
of his hospital gown.
1417
00:58:57,602 --> 00:58:58,934
Greco-Roman style. Best way.
Come on.
1418
00:58:58,936 --> 00:59:01,269
Hey, Great Santini, I'm not
gonna do this, all right?
1419
00:59:01,271 --> 00:59:03,039
- Cut it out. Get some rest.
- All right.
1420
00:59:03,041 --> 00:59:04,640
Hey!
1421
00:59:04,642 --> 00:59:06,674
That's one, candy-ass.
1422
00:59:06,676 --> 00:59:08,444
Now you're gonna get whipped,
old man.
1423
00:59:08,446 --> 00:59:09,714
Come on. Bring it on.
1424
00:59:11,249 --> 00:59:12,250
(THUDDING)
1425
00:59:14,684 --> 00:59:17,285
- Tap out!
- Nah. I can keep going all night, kid.
1426
00:59:17,287 --> 00:59:19,622
You hear that heart rate?
You can set your watch to it.
1427
00:59:19,624 --> 00:59:21,524
Yeah. 'Cause ice water
only flows at one speed, huh?
1428
00:59:21,526 --> 00:59:23,292
That's right, pal.
Now go to sleep.
1429
00:59:23,294 --> 00:59:25,974
You know I came in to say something
nice, but now you can forget it.
1430
00:59:26,564 --> 00:59:27,897
What nice thing?
1431
00:59:27,899 --> 00:59:29,031
No. Forget it.
1432
00:59:29,033 --> 00:59:31,332
You know,
when that gun went off,
1433
00:59:31,334 --> 00:59:32,501
I thought you were a goner.
1434
00:59:32,503 --> 00:59:33,702
There's something that we never
say that
1435
00:59:33,704 --> 00:59:35,344
one of us should say before it's
too late.
1436
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,040
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
1437
00:59:38,042 --> 00:59:39,508
Yeah? Like... Like what?
1438
00:59:39,510 --> 00:59:42,044
No, I'm not gonna say it now, but
maybe you want to say something.
1439
00:59:42,046 --> 00:59:44,145
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, yeah?
1440
00:59:44,147 --> 00:59:46,714
Seems like you might want to
get something off your chest.
1441
00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:47,783
No. Nothing comes to mind.
1442
00:59:47,785 --> 00:59:49,017
But if you want to say
something,
1443
00:59:49,019 --> 00:59:50,486
I'm not gonna stop you or
anything.
1444
00:59:50,488 --> 00:59:51,553
No, I'm good.
1445
00:59:51,555 --> 00:59:52,720
But you might wanna
unburden yourself
1446
00:59:52,722 --> 00:59:54,089
before you bust
that frickin' machine.
1447
00:59:54,091 --> 00:59:57,559
Yeah. Well, if I was gonna say
something, and I'm not...
1448
00:59:57,561 --> 00:59:58,761
What are you gonna say?
1449
00:59:58,763 --> 01:00:00,328
But if I was, I might want to
tell you that I...
1450
01:00:00,330 --> 01:00:01,830
- BRAD: Hello?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1451
01:00:01,832 --> 01:00:02,631
Wait, it's Brad! Don't...
Don't say it! Don't say it.
1452
01:00:02,633 --> 01:00:03,765
BRAD: Knock, knock!
1453
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:05,033
Time out on three, okay?
One, two, three.
1454
01:00:05,035 --> 01:00:06,037
Hey, Brad.
1455
01:00:06,637 --> 01:00:07,836
What's going on?
1456
01:00:07,838 --> 01:00:09,638
Hey. Am I interrupting
something?
1457
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:11,307
- What? No, nothing.
- No, we're fine.
1458
01:00:11,309 --> 01:00:12,506
Why are you being so weird,
Brad?
1459
01:00:12,508 --> 01:00:14,142
BRAD: Just seems
a little awkward in here.
1460
01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:15,377
(SNIFFS)
1461
01:00:15,379 --> 01:00:17,211
Oh, gosh.
It smells like a bullfight.
1462
01:00:17,213 --> 01:00:18,814
So, look, guys,
1463
01:00:18,816 --> 01:00:20,982
I'm not here to tell you I told
you so,
1464
01:00:20,984 --> 01:00:22,019
even though I did.
1465
01:00:22,785 --> 01:00:24,319
I've just been thinking that
1466
01:00:24,321 --> 01:00:26,687
we've had a lot of tensions
as of late, and I thought
1467
01:00:26,689 --> 01:00:29,124
maybe we could use
a Dads' Night Out. Right?
1468
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:31,660
Yeah. So what are we thinking,
Brad?
1469
01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:33,160
Strip club?
1470
01:00:33,162 --> 01:00:35,531
Even better.
1471
01:00:35,533 --> 01:00:39,334
Look, it's a cute tiny monkey
on your back.
1472
01:00:39,336 --> 01:00:40,338
(ALL LAUGHING)
1473
01:00:43,106 --> 01:00:46,143
Give us all the money in the
drawers and all the lollipops.
1474
01:00:48,412 --> 01:00:50,144
(LAUGHING MOCKINGLY)
1475
01:00:50,146 --> 01:00:51,849
Guys, I can't keep up.
1476
01:01:01,358 --> 01:01:02,557
I'm gonna hit the head.
1477
01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:04,359
- I'll get us a couple more drinks.
- KURT: Sure.
1478
01:01:04,361 --> 01:01:06,961
Hey, am I crazy or are you guys
having a good time?
1479
01:01:06,963 --> 01:01:08,564
I don't know.
I think we kind of are.
1480
01:01:08,566 --> 01:01:11,533
- That's wonderful, Dusty!
- Thanks, Don.
1481
01:01:11,535 --> 01:01:13,468
I told you we'd rub off
on you two.
1482
01:01:13,470 --> 01:01:15,236
In this room right now,
1483
01:01:15,238 --> 01:01:18,506
there's a man who,
despite his advancing years,
1484
01:01:18,508 --> 01:01:20,845
is apparently an improv ninja.
1485
01:01:21,446 --> 01:01:23,011
Brad, you didn't.
1486
01:01:23,013 --> 01:01:25,781
I did. I so did!
1487
01:01:25,783 --> 01:01:28,182
Don Whitaker, ladies and
gentlemen!
1488
01:01:28,184 --> 01:01:30,651
All right. All right.
1489
01:01:30,653 --> 01:01:32,189
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
1490
01:01:33,124 --> 01:01:34,658
You are the greatest.
1491
01:01:36,794 --> 01:01:39,261
ACTRESS: Don!
Let's hear it for Don!
1492
01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:40,828
We're gonna play
a little "Arms Akimbo."
1493
01:01:40,830 --> 01:01:41,997
Do you know that one?
1494
01:01:41,999 --> 01:01:43,332
- Of course I do!
- Awesome.
1495
01:01:43,334 --> 01:01:44,665
They're gonna love this.
1496
01:01:44,667 --> 01:01:47,602
- Can somebody do my Velcro?
- Yes.
1497
01:01:47,604 --> 01:01:49,604
He's got tiny little girl arms!
1498
01:01:49,606 --> 01:01:51,138
(CROWD LAUGHING)
1499
01:01:51,140 --> 01:01:54,809
DON: Okay. We're gonna do a scene,
and we need some suggestions.
1500
01:01:54,811 --> 01:01:56,511
Can you suggest an animal?
1501
01:01:56,513 --> 01:01:57,912
- MAN: Raccoon!
- BRAD: A panda!
1502
01:01:57,914 --> 01:01:59,781
DON: Raccoon, good! All right.
1503
01:01:59,783 --> 01:02:01,783
And, sir, what is your
profession?
1504
01:02:01,785 --> 01:02:03,184
MAN: I'm a dermatologist.
1505
01:02:03,186 --> 01:02:06,388
DON: And finally we need
a human relationship.
1506
01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:07,522
Oh! Father and son!
1507
01:02:07,524 --> 01:02:09,357
A healthy father and son
relationship.
1508
01:02:09,359 --> 01:02:10,961
Or how about a divorce?
1509
01:02:12,162 --> 01:02:14,129
Now you're getting in the
spirit, Dusty.
1510
01:02:14,131 --> 01:02:15,464
Yes. Okay. We're taking
"divorce."
1511
01:02:15,466 --> 01:02:16,731
That's all we need. Give it up!
1512
01:02:16,733 --> 01:02:18,436
That's really dark.
1513
01:02:19,236 --> 01:02:20,135
KYLE: Oh, come on, babe.
1514
01:02:20,137 --> 01:02:21,903
Just a little fun before
he gets here.
1515
01:02:21,905 --> 01:02:23,138
No. Stop it. I told you, okay?
1516
01:02:23,140 --> 01:02:25,841
No canoodling until
the divorce is finalized.
1517
01:02:25,843 --> 01:02:27,712
- It's not right.
- Come on.
1518
01:02:28,146 --> 01:02:29,245
Knock, knock.
1519
01:02:29,247 --> 01:02:32,316
He has no idea what
he's walking into!
1520
01:02:33,383 --> 01:02:35,116
You're home!
1521
01:02:35,118 --> 01:02:36,254
Yes.
1522
01:02:37,287 --> 01:02:38,423
Where were you?
1523
01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:43,057
I took our raccoon to the
dermatologist.
1524
01:02:43,059 --> 01:02:44,626
He got two
of the suggestions already.
1525
01:02:44,628 --> 01:02:46,127
He's on fire!
1526
01:02:46,129 --> 01:02:48,397
Aren't you even gonna address
the strange man in your home?
1527
01:02:48,399 --> 01:02:51,667
Yeah, bro, don't you even
want to know who I am?
1528
01:02:51,669 --> 01:02:53,401
I know who you are.
1529
01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:55,136
KYLE: Don, if you'll excuse me,
1530
01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:57,140
I think I'm gonna start
giving it to your wife.
1531
01:02:57,541 --> 01:02:58,673
Shut up!
1532
01:02:58,675 --> 01:03:01,410
Just shut up with
that kind of talk!
1533
01:03:01,412 --> 01:03:04,412
When we met on that flight,
I was really nice to you.
1534
01:03:04,414 --> 01:03:08,816
I listened to you tell your
stupid story over and over again,
1535
01:03:08,818 --> 01:03:11,187
and I complimented your hat!
1536
01:03:11,189 --> 01:03:12,190
(ALL LAUGHING)
1537
01:03:14,091 --> 01:03:16,792
- Brad, we have to stop this.
- He's killing!
1538
01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:18,026
Don't you see what's happening?
1539
01:03:18,028 --> 01:03:20,028
I do. I see a room of people
laughing at my father.
1540
01:03:20,030 --> 01:03:21,162
- It's amazing.
- Okay.
1541
01:03:21,164 --> 01:03:24,301
- Have some water.
- No, I don't want water.
1542
01:03:27,370 --> 01:03:28,636
Oh!
1543
01:03:28,638 --> 01:03:29,772
DON: I don't want water!
1544
01:03:29,774 --> 01:03:31,540
I want my wife back.
1545
01:03:31,542 --> 01:03:35,676
And I want our Sunday brunches
at the Cracker Barrel.
1546
01:03:35,678 --> 01:03:38,080
Braddie, we've got to get him
off the stage.
1547
01:03:38,082 --> 01:03:40,952
All you needed was
somebody to listen to you,
1548
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,752
and all I do is talk.
1549
01:03:43,754 --> 01:03:45,086
On and on and on.
1550
01:03:45,088 --> 01:03:48,993
When am I ever gonna learn
to shut my big fat mouth?
1551
01:03:49,526 --> 01:03:50,528
Ooh.
1552
01:03:51,028 --> 01:03:52,163
Ginny.
1553
01:03:53,763 --> 01:03:54,966
Ginny.
1554
01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:57,198
My sweet Ginny.
1555
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,870
Why is he using
my mom's real name?
1556
01:04:02,405 --> 01:04:03,940
Hey, Dad?
1557
01:04:04,542 --> 01:04:06,277
Is this true?
1558
01:04:07,778 --> 01:04:09,781
Are you and Mom divorced?
1559
01:04:11,647 --> 01:04:13,850
I wanted to tell you, Brad.
1560
01:04:17,254 --> 01:04:20,424
Son, you're home
from summer camp!
1561
01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:25,128
I don't go to summer camp,
I'm a grown man. Okay?
1562
01:04:25,729 --> 01:04:27,431
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
1563
01:04:29,399 --> 01:04:31,832
Why are you laughing?
I'm not part of this! Okay?
1564
01:04:31,834 --> 01:04:35,370
You are a part of this family, and
you will respect your parents.
1565
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:36,504
- Yeah.
- Shut up!
1566
01:04:36,506 --> 01:04:37,604
- Brad.
- Just shut up.
1567
01:04:37,606 --> 01:04:38,973
Let me out of this bit!
1568
01:04:38,975 --> 01:04:40,975
What about him?
Is he still around?
1569
01:04:40,977 --> 01:04:42,877
Do I have a stepdad?
1570
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,345
(CROWD LAUGHING LOUDLY)
1571
01:04:44,347 --> 01:04:47,918
Stop doing that to me!
I'm a paying customer!
1572
01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:50,053
Brad, let's go.
1573
01:04:51,321 --> 01:04:52,824
Come on.
1574
01:05:01,631 --> 01:05:04,332
Will you please just go out
there and talk to him?
1575
01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:08,102
He won't talk to me,
and I don't blame him.
1576
01:05:08,104 --> 01:05:10,440
You know, it's not really all
your fault.
1577
01:05:11,608 --> 01:05:13,441
You can't blame Dusty.
1578
01:05:13,443 --> 01:05:17,080
He couldn't have known about Ginny and
me when he made that improv suggestion.
1579
01:05:19,115 --> 01:05:21,850
- You did know!
- It was pretty obvious, Don.
1580
01:05:21,852 --> 01:05:23,618
A guy your age either joins
an improv group
1581
01:05:23,620 --> 01:05:25,019
because his wife left him,
1582
01:05:25,021 --> 01:05:26,754
or his wife left him because he
joined an improv group.
1583
01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:29,790
- So you did it on purpose?
- No! Well...
1584
01:05:29,792 --> 01:05:31,459
Well, yeah. All right? I did.
1585
01:05:31,461 --> 01:05:33,794
You and Brad are all lovey-dovey
and smug about your relationship.
1586
01:05:33,796 --> 01:05:35,196
I mean, you make out every
chance you get.
1587
01:05:35,198 --> 01:05:36,897
Meanwhile, my dad's ditching out
on me.
1588
01:05:36,899 --> 01:05:38,432
Maybe I got a little jealous,
all right?
1589
01:05:38,434 --> 01:05:40,002
Look, I didn't think
you were gonna freak out
1590
01:05:40,004 --> 01:05:42,336
and spill your guts to a room
full of drunken skiers!
1591
01:05:42,338 --> 01:05:44,305
- Hey. What is wrong with you?
- What? I didn't...
1592
01:05:44,307 --> 01:05:46,140
Go out there
and fix this right now.
1593
01:05:46,142 --> 01:05:47,445
- Go!
- All right.
1594
01:05:52,316 --> 01:05:53,749
Are you serious?
1595
01:05:53,751 --> 01:05:55,051
I'm keeping this.
1596
01:06:13,671 --> 01:06:14,672
(GRUNTING)
1597
01:06:17,374 --> 01:06:18,575
Are you okay?
1598
01:06:20,243 --> 01:06:21,245
Uh...
1599
01:06:21,845 --> 01:06:23,912
My parents are divorced.
1600
01:06:23,914 --> 01:06:25,316
Oh. Mine, too.
1601
01:06:25,615 --> 01:06:27,082
Sucks.
1602
01:06:27,084 --> 01:06:29,850
- Yeah.
- I think it was my fault.
1603
01:06:29,852 --> 01:06:33,522
- Was yours your fault, too?
- I don't know. I hope not.
1604
01:06:33,524 --> 01:06:35,923
I just found out last night.
When did you find out?
1605
01:06:35,925 --> 01:06:38,660
- I was a baby.
- When you were a baby?
1606
01:06:38,662 --> 01:06:41,432
Maybe it was your fault.
Were you a difficult baby?
1607
01:06:41,964 --> 01:06:43,665
I don't know.
1608
01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:46,535
You know what? Your lack of specifics
leads me to believe it was your fault.
1609
01:06:46,537 --> 01:06:49,236
No, no, no! You were not
a difficult baby, sweetheart.
1610
01:06:49,238 --> 01:06:50,939
Brad, dude, what are you
telling the kid?
1611
01:06:50,941 --> 01:06:53,274
Come on, man. I know
you're upset about last night.
1612
01:06:53,276 --> 01:06:54,943
All right? I'm sorry
about what happened, okay?
1613
01:06:54,945 --> 01:06:56,410
I didn't mean to give
that improv suggestion.
1614
01:06:56,412 --> 01:06:58,345
It just... It just kind of
slipped out.
1615
01:06:58,347 --> 01:06:59,481
(SIGHS)
1616
01:06:59,483 --> 01:07:01,917
- Know what, Dusty? It's okay.
- Really?
1617
01:07:01,919 --> 01:07:03,584
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Brad.
1618
01:07:03,586 --> 01:07:05,921
Look, why don't you come in and talk
to Don? He's feeling a little...
1619
01:07:05,923 --> 01:07:08,125
BRAD: Oh, my gosh.
I wonder who that could be?
1620
01:07:08,925 --> 01:07:10,428
What a nice truck!
1621
01:07:18,401 --> 01:07:19,468
ADRIANNA: Daddy!
1622
01:07:19,470 --> 01:07:23,303
- What are you doing here?
- Come on. What am I doing?
1623
01:07:23,305 --> 01:07:25,640
I want to celebrate Christmas
with my perfect little girl.
1624
01:07:25,642 --> 01:07:29,077
Don't you want to spend the holidays
with your one true real dad?
1625
01:07:29,079 --> 01:07:30,444
ADRIANNA: Yeah, come on!
1626
01:07:30,446 --> 01:07:32,381
- Let's come see the cabin.
- Hey, Roger.
1627
01:07:32,383 --> 01:07:33,684
It's so cool!
1628
01:07:35,986 --> 01:07:37,118
Come on, hurry.
You're going too slow.
1629
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:38,486
ROGER: I'm coming, sweetheart.
1630
01:07:38,488 --> 01:07:40,955
You invite him all the way up
here just to get back at me?
1631
01:07:40,957 --> 01:07:42,258
Yeah, I did.
1632
01:07:44,061 --> 01:07:47,428
- WOMAN: Bye, Kurt! Call me!
- Yeah, next time I'm in.
1633
01:07:47,430 --> 01:07:49,062
(LAUGHING)
That's her dad, yeah?
1634
01:07:49,064 --> 01:07:51,299
Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)
1635
01:07:51,301 --> 01:07:52,834
And you invited him,
too, didn't you?
1636
01:07:52,836 --> 01:07:54,368
I sure did, yep.
1637
01:07:54,370 --> 01:07:59,339
I don't know what I missed,
but this is getting good, boys.
1638
01:07:59,341 --> 01:08:01,575
- I like your style, Brad.
- Hey, hey, hey.
1639
01:08:01,577 --> 01:08:02,579
(LAUGHING)
1640
01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:05,948
You're opening up the harbor,
Brad.
1641
01:08:05,950 --> 01:08:08,482
The harbor is wide open,
and it's Fleet Week!
1642
01:08:08,484 --> 01:08:10,885
All right, good. 'Cause I got a
few boats that want to set sail.
1643
01:08:10,887 --> 01:08:11,986
Yeah, good. So do I.
1644
01:08:11,988 --> 01:08:13,655
You favor little Griffy
over my kids.
1645
01:08:13,657 --> 01:08:14,957
What? I do not!
1646
01:08:14,959 --> 01:08:16,290
He gets to sleep in your bed
all the time.
1647
01:08:16,292 --> 01:08:17,424
Megan and Dylan never get to.
1648
01:08:17,426 --> 01:08:19,127
You want them to sleep
in my bed with me?
1649
01:08:19,129 --> 01:08:21,029
God, no! Don't you ever think
about it!
1650
01:08:21,031 --> 01:08:22,297
I'm not thinking about it!
1651
01:08:22,299 --> 01:08:23,464
- You brought it up.
- Good! You better not.
1652
01:08:23,466 --> 01:08:24,866
- BOTH: Shut up!
- Hey, you shut up.
1653
01:08:24,868 --> 01:08:26,668
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!
1654
01:08:26,670 --> 01:08:29,270
Okay. Well, he's not gonna be part of that
special thing we got planned tonight,
1655
01:08:29,272 --> 01:08:30,570
if that's what you're thinking.
1656
01:08:30,572 --> 01:08:32,074
Oh, yeah?
So you're gonna tell Adrianna
1657
01:08:32,076 --> 01:08:33,607
that everyone's invited
to that "special thing"
1658
01:08:33,609 --> 01:08:35,612
we have planned for tonight,
except her dad.
1659
01:08:42,186 --> 01:08:44,354
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
1660
01:09:12,915 --> 01:09:16,450
BRAD: Hey. Five more minutes
and I get to be Joseph.
1661
01:09:16,452 --> 01:09:19,320
You're not the right type
to play Jesus' dad, Brad.
1662
01:09:19,322 --> 01:09:22,323
He wasn't Jesus' dad,
he was Jesus' stepdad.
1663
01:09:22,325 --> 01:09:24,260
And I'm exactly the right type.
1664
01:09:25,027 --> 01:09:26,261
You'd better stop hitting me
1665
01:09:26,263 --> 01:09:27,628
with that shepherd stick, Brad.
I'm warning you.
1666
01:09:27,630 --> 01:09:29,631
Brad's right.
Let him be Joseph.
1667
01:09:29,633 --> 01:09:31,065
Thank you, Roger, I appreciate
that.
1668
01:09:31,067 --> 01:09:32,499
It's Brad's turn, Dusty.
1669
01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:34,302
Dad, don't break character.
1670
01:09:34,304 --> 01:09:35,637
And stop trying to butter me up.
1671
01:09:35,639 --> 01:09:38,440
- Can we show some decorum?
- I'm showing decorum.
1672
01:09:38,442 --> 01:09:40,743
You guys, zip it!
You're gonna wake up Baby Jesus.
1673
01:09:44,247 --> 01:09:45,445
That's it. Give me the beard.
1674
01:09:45,447 --> 01:09:47,114
Don't touch my Joseph beard,
Brad!
1675
01:09:47,116 --> 01:09:48,449
- Give him the beard!
- Dad, stay out of it!
1676
01:09:48,451 --> 01:09:50,084
Can we have some respect for the
Nativity?
1677
01:09:50,086 --> 01:09:51,453
Cut it out!
1678
01:09:51,455 --> 01:09:54,422
This is stupid.
I don't even get it.
1679
01:09:54,424 --> 01:09:57,292
Why go on a trip when
Mary's about to have a baby?
1680
01:09:57,294 --> 01:09:58,659
What's so damn important
1681
01:09:58,661 --> 01:10:00,962
you got to go to Bethlehem
in the middle of the night?
1682
01:10:00,964 --> 01:10:03,163
There was a census, okay? We
covered that in Sunday School.
1683
01:10:03,165 --> 01:10:05,335
Megan, what is going...
1684
01:10:06,236 --> 01:10:07,968
Did you get into the eggnog?
1685
01:10:07,970 --> 01:10:09,271
Hey. Who's up for some IHOP?
1686
01:10:09,273 --> 01:10:10,771
Yeah, that kid's pickled all
right.
1687
01:10:10,773 --> 01:10:13,143
Mom, you're pretty.
Can we go to IHOP?
1688
01:10:13,777 --> 01:10:14,976
I'm sorry, folks.
1689
01:10:14,978 --> 01:10:16,611
Having some technical
difficulties.
1690
01:10:16,613 --> 01:10:19,980
Great, Dad. Now you've broken
the fourth wall!
1691
01:10:19,982 --> 01:10:21,848
None of it's real, folks.
1692
01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:23,251
I want to go wait in the car.
1693
01:10:23,253 --> 01:10:25,153
Give me the keys, Brad!
1694
01:10:25,155 --> 01:10:27,355
No, I am not giving you
the keys to the car,
1695
01:10:27,357 --> 01:10:29,557
because you're drunk
and you're a child.
1696
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:34,229
Nobody likes your dumb,
stupid Brad voice.
1697
01:10:34,231 --> 01:10:36,097
And you smell like pumpkins!
1698
01:10:36,099 --> 01:10:38,565
- And you're a mean drunk.
- Kid's got an arm.
1699
01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:41,269
Drunk nine-year-old.
Real nice parenting.
1700
01:10:41,271 --> 01:10:42,840
You better watch it, Roger.
1701
01:10:44,607 --> 01:10:45,472
(CROWD GASPING)
1702
01:10:45,474 --> 01:10:47,007
Adrianna! Are you okay,
sweetheart?
1703
01:10:47,009 --> 01:10:48,449
Is she okay? Is she...
What is she...
1704
01:10:49,845 --> 01:10:51,245
(CHUCKLING)
1705
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:53,181
SARA: Oh. What a shock. Now we
know where Megan got the eggnog.
1706
01:10:53,183 --> 01:10:54,949
You always assume
she's the bad influence.
1707
01:10:54,951 --> 01:10:57,485
Maybe your daughter plied
my daughter with alcohol.
1708
01:10:57,487 --> 01:11:00,588
Maybe your daughter's that way
because her mother is a shoplifter.
1709
01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:02,656
Shoplifter.
1710
01:11:02,658 --> 01:11:04,726
Sara, we've been working on
the shoplifting thing, okay?
1711
01:11:04,728 --> 01:11:06,328
But that has nothing
to do with Adrianna
1712
01:11:06,330 --> 01:11:07,529
being such a little nightmare
all the time.
1713
01:11:07,531 --> 01:11:08,963
My daughter is not a nightmare!
1714
01:11:08,965 --> 01:11:10,097
Come on, Adrianna.
1715
01:11:10,099 --> 01:11:11,333
DUSTY: No, sweetheart,
I didn't mean that.
1716
01:11:11,335 --> 01:11:13,066
- Honey!
- ROGER: Hey.
1717
01:11:13,068 --> 01:11:15,736
- What'd you call my daughter?
- He called her a nightmare.
1718
01:11:15,738 --> 01:11:17,939
Hey. I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a heathen.
1719
01:11:17,941 --> 01:11:19,040
Let's take this outside.
1720
01:11:19,042 --> 01:11:20,408
Yeah, let's step
outside the manger.
1721
01:11:20,410 --> 01:11:21,609
He called her a nightmare.
1722
01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,744
- ROGER: Here we go.
- DON: Now, now, boys,
1723
01:11:23,746 --> 01:11:25,413
we can't just leave!
1724
01:11:25,415 --> 01:11:28,281
Joseph and the Innkeeper
rumble outside the manger!
1725
01:11:28,283 --> 01:11:29,818
Make the first move, Innkeeper.
1726
01:11:29,820 --> 01:11:30,985
Kick his ass, Joseph!
1727
01:11:30,987 --> 01:11:33,154
We are not going to do this
in front of the children!
1728
01:11:33,156 --> 01:11:35,623
Now, what kind of fathers are
you, anyway?
1729
01:11:35,625 --> 01:11:36,792
That's rich!
1730
01:11:36,794 --> 01:11:39,793
Coming from a guy who lies to
his son for six months.
1731
01:11:39,795 --> 01:11:42,931
Maybe that's why everyone thinks
your stories are so "delightful,"
1732
01:11:42,933 --> 01:11:44,799
because they're all lies!
1733
01:11:44,801 --> 01:11:46,467
Sara, get the kids out of here,
okay?
1734
01:11:46,469 --> 01:11:49,637
Happily. I don't want them
watching this anyway.
1735
01:11:49,639 --> 01:11:51,539
Have fun, morons!
1736
01:11:51,541 --> 01:11:54,476
- Pancakes, bitches!
- Do not say "bitches."
1737
01:11:54,478 --> 01:11:55,677
Kids are gone. Let's go.
1738
01:11:55,679 --> 01:11:57,913
I'm not hitting a guy dressed
like Joseph.
1739
01:11:57,915 --> 01:11:59,247
The beard's off, Roger.
1740
01:11:59,249 --> 01:12:00,914
How many excuses
you want to pull out, man?
1741
01:12:00,916 --> 01:12:01,982
Now it's on.
1742
01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:03,584
- You know what, Brad?
- Don!
1743
01:12:03,586 --> 01:12:04,785
Yes, I lied!
1744
01:12:04,787 --> 01:12:07,989
Because whenever there's
anything wrong in your life,
1745
01:12:07,991 --> 01:12:10,024
if it isn't roses and rainbows,
1746
01:12:10,026 --> 01:12:11,592
you completely fall apart.
1747
01:12:11,594 --> 01:12:13,660
I thought we had an honest
relationship!
1748
01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:15,262
Oh, yeah? Brad,
I bet you never told him
1749
01:12:15,264 --> 01:12:17,265
about that procedure
you had last year, did you?
1750
01:12:17,267 --> 01:12:18,533
Oh, my God. What procedure?
1751
01:12:18,535 --> 01:12:20,936
It was nothing,
just some benign tissue.
1752
01:12:20,938 --> 01:12:24,070
How about that? You're both a
couple of lying sacks.
1753
01:12:24,072 --> 01:12:25,239
And, you!
1754
01:12:25,241 --> 01:12:26,473
From the minute you got here,
1755
01:12:26,475 --> 01:12:28,944
you've been nothing but
mean and sarcastic.
1756
01:12:28,946 --> 01:12:30,278
Well, you know what, Kurt?
1757
01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:32,012
- F you!
- Dad!
1758
01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:33,614
That's right. Forget you!
1759
01:12:33,616 --> 01:12:35,949
Attaboy, swami.
Throwing down F words.
1760
01:12:35,951 --> 01:12:37,918
Not the F word, but an F word,
and that's a good start.
1761
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:40,055
Now, come on, give me the
finger, big boy. Come on.
1762
01:12:40,057 --> 01:12:41,556
- Come on.
- ROGER: Hey! Hey!
1763
01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:43,491
Are we gonna still fight
or what?
1764
01:12:43,493 --> 01:12:45,760
Roger brings up a good point.
Let's get the momentum back.
1765
01:12:45,762 --> 01:12:48,329
Come on, Roger. Get some!
Let's get in there!
1766
01:12:48,331 --> 01:12:50,765
- Come on!
- No, no, no, no, no!
1767
01:12:50,767 --> 01:12:54,636
If you lay one hand on each other,
whether the kids are here or not,
1768
01:12:54,638 --> 01:12:57,437
it will negatively impact them.
1769
01:12:57,439 --> 01:12:59,910
All right.
I'm not gonna lay a hand on him.
1770
01:13:01,911 --> 01:13:03,244
DON: What are you doing?
1771
01:13:03,246 --> 01:13:05,846
Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.
Snowball fight.
1772
01:13:05,848 --> 01:13:08,917
I've got some Nerf guns
in the back of my car.
1773
01:13:08,919 --> 01:13:10,150
Want me to get them?
1774
01:13:10,152 --> 01:13:12,320
I pitched triple-A for the Red
Sox in their farm system, Roger.
1775
01:13:12,322 --> 01:13:13,387
Don't say I didn't warn you.
1776
01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:14,591
Take your best shot.
1777
01:13:19,729 --> 01:13:21,061
Dad!
1778
01:13:21,063 --> 01:13:22,598
Don, I'm sorry!
1779
01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:25,466
That sucks.
1780
01:13:25,468 --> 01:13:27,537
- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, it was all right.
1781
01:13:30,406 --> 01:13:32,074
Hey, no fair.
That's an ice ball.
1782
01:13:32,076 --> 01:13:33,374
You bet it is.
1783
01:13:33,376 --> 01:13:35,275
You know, you throw that
and we are no longer co-dads.
1784
01:13:35,277 --> 01:13:36,544
I'm way ahead of you, dickhead.
1785
01:13:36,546 --> 01:13:37,712
You know, from now on,
1786
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:39,213
we'll just act like
a normal blended family
1787
01:13:39,215 --> 01:13:40,280
with me hating your guts.
1788
01:13:40,282 --> 01:13:41,982
The kids will never know,
1789
01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:44,151
because I'm too good of a dad to ever
throw their stepfather under the bus.
1790
01:13:44,153 --> 01:13:46,187
But that's right where
you're gonna be, Brad.
1791
01:13:46,189 --> 01:13:47,855
Under my bus.
1792
01:13:47,857 --> 01:13:50,857
Well, guess what, I'm gonna celebrate
you morning, noon and night
1793
01:13:50,859 --> 01:13:53,394
because it's the right thing to
do in front of the kids.
1794
01:13:53,396 --> 01:13:55,396
But just know the way
I really feel about you
1795
01:13:55,398 --> 01:13:57,598
is you can suck a fart, Dusty.
1796
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:00,504
A wet, greasy fart.
1797
01:14:02,805 --> 01:14:05,940
You gonna keep pump-faking that thing
or you gonna take a shot, Brad?
1798
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:07,275
Huh?
1799
01:14:07,277 --> 01:14:10,544
What? What? Huh?
1800
01:14:10,546 --> 01:14:12,213
He's never played sports ever.
1801
01:14:12,215 --> 01:14:14,047
Maybe it's stuck to his hand.
1802
01:14:14,049 --> 01:14:15,051
Oh! Oh!
1803
01:14:16,318 --> 01:14:18,388
Huh? Huh?
1804
01:14:25,262 --> 01:14:26,660
That's what I thought.
1805
01:14:26,662 --> 01:14:28,262
You know what, Dusty,
you're not worth it.
1806
01:14:28,264 --> 01:14:29,864
Come on, Dad.
1807
01:14:29,866 --> 01:14:30,765
(GROANS) Good.
1808
01:14:30,767 --> 01:14:32,169
Psych. You're totally worth it!
1809
01:14:33,970 --> 01:14:35,069
Dad!
1810
01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:36,238
(LAUGHS)
1811
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:39,306
- That was an ice ball.
- Treating your dad like that!
1812
01:14:39,308 --> 01:14:40,641
Dad.
1813
01:14:40,643 --> 01:14:42,545
Look, it was an accident.
1814
01:14:45,549 --> 01:14:47,347
Go ahead, Roger.
1815
01:14:47,349 --> 01:14:48,951
Brad was right the first time.
1816
01:14:50,019 --> 01:14:51,522
You're not worth it.
1817
01:14:52,054 --> 01:14:53,355
(DON GROANS)
1818
01:14:53,357 --> 01:14:55,457
Dang! Right down my neck!
1819
01:14:55,459 --> 01:14:56,894
ROGER: Don! Sorry! Sorry!
1820
01:14:57,861 --> 01:15:00,593
That guy's like a snowball
magnet.
1821
01:15:00,595 --> 01:15:02,765
You were right about everything.
You happy now?
1822
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:05,365
Dusty,
1823
01:15:05,367 --> 01:15:07,437
I do like being right.
1824
01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:13,173
Hey, is that
your baby in there?
1825
01:15:13,175 --> 01:15:14,240
Griffy!
1826
01:15:14,242 --> 01:15:15,510
(CRYING)
1827
01:15:15,512 --> 01:15:18,346
I know. I know, sweetie.
It's okay, it's okay.
1828
01:15:18,348 --> 01:15:19,946
I know, I know.
1829
01:15:19,948 --> 01:15:23,019
This was Dusty's idea.
I never wanted to do this.
1830
01:16:00,622 --> 01:16:02,859
Hey, Brad. That one's mine.
1831
01:16:03,792 --> 01:16:05,862
- Oh, is this bag yours?
- Yeah.
1832
01:16:12,067 --> 01:16:13,704
Sara? Sara!
1833
01:16:29,152 --> 01:16:31,221
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
1834
01:16:35,491 --> 01:16:37,124
- Oh, my gosh.
- Ew.
1835
01:16:37,126 --> 01:16:38,961
What is going on here?
1836
01:16:43,432 --> 01:16:44,565
What's happening, Officer?
1837
01:16:44,567 --> 01:16:46,834
Avalanche hit the highway
up ahead.
1838
01:16:46,836 --> 01:16:48,637
It's gonna take a few hours to
clear it,
1839
01:16:48,639 --> 01:16:51,105
so follow the traffic back
into town, all right?
1840
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:53,740
What caused the avalanche?
Was it all the snow?
1841
01:16:53,742 --> 01:16:54,876
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
1842
01:16:54,878 --> 01:16:57,345
snow had something to do
with the avalanche.
1843
01:16:57,347 --> 01:16:59,049
Keep it moving!
1844
01:17:03,186 --> 01:17:06,654
Well, I guess we could stop
and have lunch to kill time.
1845
01:17:06,656 --> 01:17:08,721
On Christmas Day?
1846
01:17:08,723 --> 01:17:10,525
What's gonna be open?
1847
01:17:10,527 --> 01:17:11,762
I don't know.
1848
01:17:14,930 --> 01:17:16,799
(CHOIR SINGING
CHRISTMAS CAROL)
1849
01:17:17,867 --> 01:17:20,135
(CHUCKLES) Oh, look at that!
1850
01:17:20,137 --> 01:17:22,104
Looks like everyone
had the same idea.
1851
01:17:35,050 --> 01:17:37,584
Oh, no.
Everything's sold out.
1852
01:17:37,586 --> 01:17:38,852
Well, I guess we could see
Missile Tow.
1853
01:17:38,854 --> 01:17:40,154
What's that about?
1854
01:17:40,156 --> 01:17:41,422
It's Liam Neeson.
1855
01:17:41,424 --> 01:17:43,958
He's a tow truck driver who's on
his way home for Christmas
1856
01:17:43,960 --> 01:17:46,694
with his kids and
happens along some terrorists
1857
01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:48,529
who've hijacked a mobile ICBM.
1858
01:17:48,531 --> 01:17:49,797
So he hooks it to his rig
1859
01:17:49,799 --> 01:17:51,699
and has to get it to NORAD
before Christmas morning.
1860
01:17:51,701 --> 01:17:53,334
I hear it's really good!
1861
01:17:53,336 --> 01:17:55,836
I don't know, Brad, it's PG-13.
1862
01:17:55,838 --> 01:17:58,839
I don't really care
for the salty language.
1863
01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:00,274
Well, it has cute
little kids in it.
1864
01:18:00,276 --> 01:18:01,374
I mean, how dirty can it be?
1865
01:18:01,376 --> 01:18:02,610
Besides, you love Liam Neeson.
1866
01:18:02,612 --> 01:18:03,677
I do.
1867
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,413
- Let's just give it a shot.
- Yes!
1868
01:18:05,415 --> 01:18:06,713
Looks very heroic.
1869
01:18:06,715 --> 01:18:09,218
- I'll say that much.
- SARA: I mean, really. Man!
1870
01:18:11,121 --> 01:18:13,687
The front row? I don't know,
Brad.
1871
01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:15,288
- What about the...
- Dad, please stop!
1872
01:18:15,290 --> 01:18:16,457
It's gonna strain your eyes.
1873
01:18:16,459 --> 01:18:17,961
We don't have a choice,
all right?
1874
01:18:19,629 --> 01:18:21,365
DYLAN: Look, it's Mom and Brad!
1875
01:18:22,432 --> 01:18:23,897
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1876
01:18:23,899 --> 01:18:25,939
LIAM NEESON: Santa's got
a present for you bastards.
1877
01:18:28,771 --> 01:18:31,038
- (GUNSHOT)
- (MAN GROANS)
1878
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:32,775
(LAUGHING)
1879
01:18:35,378 --> 01:18:37,912
You're impounded, asshole.
1880
01:18:37,914 --> 01:18:40,213
- BOY: You did it, Daddy!
- GIRL: You killed them all.
1881
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:43,583
LIAM NEESON: No, kids.
We did it. We killed them all.
1882
01:18:43,585 --> 01:18:44,785
Together.
1883
01:18:44,787 --> 01:18:46,686
CHILDREN: We love you, Daddy.
1884
01:18:46,688 --> 01:18:48,588
LIAM NEESON: I love you, too.
1885
01:18:48,590 --> 01:18:51,762
The only thing that matters
to me in this crazy world
1886
01:18:52,195 --> 01:18:54,162
is you kids.
1887
01:18:54,164 --> 01:18:56,497
And I'm sorry that your
holiday was ruined
1888
01:18:56,499 --> 01:18:58,665
by those godless mother...
1889
01:18:58,667 --> 01:19:00,301
(DIALOGUE DISTORTS)
1890
01:19:00,303 --> 01:19:02,272
(AUDIENCE GROANING)
1891
01:19:05,308 --> 01:19:06,339
ROBERTO: Sorry, folks.
1892
01:19:06,341 --> 01:19:08,074
Looks like we're having
a bit of a power outage.
1893
01:19:08,076 --> 01:19:10,311
We don't know when
the power's gonna come back on,
1894
01:19:10,313 --> 01:19:13,047
so you guys are all welcome
to stay in here or in the lobby.
1895
01:19:13,049 --> 01:19:15,716
The DOT wants everybody to stay
inside and off the roads,
1896
01:19:15,718 --> 01:19:17,287
so we might be in here
for a while.
1897
01:19:19,789 --> 01:19:22,256
You know, I bet this is
because of the snow, too.
1898
01:19:22,258 --> 01:19:23,393
Gee, Dad, you think so?
1899
01:19:25,996 --> 01:19:27,931
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
1900
01:19:50,085 --> 01:19:51,718
DON: I need to use the gent's.
1901
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:53,186
Brad, do you need to go tee-tee?
1902
01:19:53,188 --> 01:19:54,855
Dad, don't say that in public!
1903
01:19:54,857 --> 01:19:56,125
- Just go.
- All right.
1904
01:19:58,495 --> 01:19:59,729
Is he still looking at me?
1905
01:20:01,429 --> 01:20:02,629
Yes.
1906
01:20:02,631 --> 01:20:04,901
Is he doing that one look that
he does? You know, like...
1907
01:20:06,836 --> 01:20:08,936
- Is he doing that look?
- Yeah.
1908
01:20:08,938 --> 01:20:11,208
Where he doesn't blink? Yeah.
1909
01:20:12,575 --> 01:20:13,777
Yep.
1910
01:20:14,343 --> 01:20:15,810
You know,
1911
01:20:15,812 --> 01:20:17,211
when I said that
1912
01:20:17,213 --> 01:20:19,680
Brad was turning you into
something that you're not?
1913
01:20:19,682 --> 01:20:22,615
Maybe, you know,
what I really meant to say
1914
01:20:22,617 --> 01:20:24,418
was that
1915
01:20:24,420 --> 01:20:27,156
Brad's turning you
into something that I'm not,
1916
01:20:27,523 --> 01:20:29,022
a good dad.
1917
01:20:29,024 --> 01:20:30,223
(SCOFFS)
1918
01:20:30,225 --> 01:20:32,126
No? No, that didn't
do it for you?
1919
01:20:32,128 --> 01:20:33,327
Come on.
I thought it was pretty good.
1920
01:20:33,329 --> 01:20:35,229
That whole speech
was in the movie we just saw.
1921
01:20:35,231 --> 01:20:36,663
- Was it?
- Yeah. Word for word.
1922
01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:37,964
Dramatic pauses and all.
1923
01:20:37,966 --> 01:20:39,132
Liam Neeson just said that.
1924
01:20:39,134 --> 01:20:41,802
It must've been in my
subconscious.
1925
01:20:41,804 --> 01:20:43,169
I'm gonna go drain the lizard.
1926
01:20:43,171 --> 01:20:44,174
Yeah. Yeah.
1927
01:20:49,144 --> 01:20:51,779
Whoa!
That is a very impressive
1928
01:20:51,781 --> 01:20:54,317
watch. Is that a Rolex?
Mine's a Casio.
1929
01:21:00,255 --> 01:21:01,258
(SIGHS)
1930
01:21:04,294 --> 01:21:06,293
You know what, Kurt?
1931
01:21:06,295 --> 01:21:07,227
When we first met,
1932
01:21:07,229 --> 01:21:10,097
I was so excited about
our being co-grandpas.
1933
01:21:10,099 --> 01:21:13,436
And now everybody's miserable!
And my son won't forgive me.
1934
01:21:14,638 --> 01:21:16,305
You know what you and Brad
really need?
1935
01:21:17,305 --> 01:21:18,772
Oh, no.
1936
01:21:18,774 --> 01:21:21,574
I'm not taking any advice
from the likes of you.
1937
01:21:21,576 --> 01:21:22,845
No, thank you.
1938
01:21:26,348 --> 01:21:27,917
Okay, what do we need?
1939
01:21:30,987 --> 01:21:33,253
- Hey! Adrianna's here!
- ADRIANNA: Megan!
1940
01:21:33,255 --> 01:21:34,387
Hi!
1941
01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:37,057
- I can't shake this guy.
- I can't shake this guy.
1942
01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:38,559
- You guys got stuck here, too?
- ADRIANNA: Yeah.
1943
01:21:38,561 --> 01:21:42,262
And, Dylan, look who else
got stuck. Your girlfriend!
1944
01:21:42,264 --> 01:21:43,698
MEGAN: We should put her under
the mistletoe.
1945
01:21:43,700 --> 01:21:44,765
ADRIANNA: Yeah!
1946
01:21:44,767 --> 01:21:46,937
- Come on, stay under.
- Stay.
1947
01:21:49,839 --> 01:21:52,042
You like that girl, don't you?
1948
01:21:52,642 --> 01:21:53,844
Hmm.
1949
01:21:54,277 --> 01:21:55,176
Well,
1950
01:21:55,178 --> 01:21:58,579
who knocked down a pin
all by himself?
1951
01:21:58,581 --> 01:22:00,713
- I did?
- Damn right, you did.
1952
01:22:00,715 --> 01:22:02,784
Now go in there
and pick up that spare.
1953
01:22:02,786 --> 01:22:04,621
Here she is, Dylan!
1954
01:22:05,688 --> 01:22:07,557
It just doesn't seem right.
1955
01:22:09,357 --> 01:22:10,223
Brad?
1956
01:22:10,225 --> 01:22:12,629
Dad, I really don't want to...
1957
01:22:13,528 --> 01:22:14,529
Jeez.
1958
01:22:14,531 --> 01:22:17,498
We're gonna settle this
physically, like men!
1959
01:22:17,500 --> 01:22:19,967
And when it's all over, we're
gonna feel a whole lot better.
1960
01:22:19,969 --> 01:22:22,102
At least somebody's
taking my advice today.
1961
01:22:22,104 --> 01:22:23,803
Cut it out! This is child abuse!
Honey, help me!
1962
01:22:23,805 --> 01:22:25,405
Don't be such a snowflake.
Fight back!
1963
01:22:25,407 --> 01:22:26,673
Hey, guys, come on,
knock it off.
1964
01:22:26,675 --> 01:22:27,740
You're making a scene,
all right?
1965
01:22:27,742 --> 01:22:29,042
Yeah, Don, lean on him!
1966
01:22:29,044 --> 01:22:31,581
Engage me, son,
for the sake of our male bond.
1967
01:22:33,915 --> 01:22:35,517
No, wait, wait, look. Look!
1968
01:22:36,051 --> 01:22:38,153
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
1969
01:22:40,356 --> 01:22:41,992
What's he doing?
1970
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:49,797
Oh, my God. He's going in
for his first kiss.
1971
01:22:49,799 --> 01:22:51,397
Look, she's standing
under the mistletoe.
1972
01:22:51,399 --> 01:22:53,066
Oh, my God. Where's my phone?
Where's my phone?
1973
01:22:53,068 --> 01:22:54,735
Oh, my God, where's your phone?
1974
01:22:54,737 --> 01:22:56,037
Brad, where's your phone!
1975
01:22:56,039 --> 01:22:59,172
Okay, it's right here.
Right here. Yeah. Yeah.
1976
01:22:59,174 --> 01:23:01,610
Look how brave he is.
She's all yours, buddy.
1977
01:23:02,745 --> 01:23:04,012
Unless she's
got a boyfriend.
1978
01:23:04,014 --> 01:23:05,312
In that case,
there's always the Friend Zone.
1979
01:23:05,314 --> 01:23:06,547
No, there's nothing wrong
with the Friend Zone.
1980
01:23:06,549 --> 01:23:07,714
Guys, he's not going
in the Friend Zone, okay?
1981
01:23:07,716 --> 01:23:08,781
Look at that smile.
She likes him.
1982
01:23:08,783 --> 01:23:10,487
KURT: Yeah, she wants a kiss.
1983
01:23:37,580 --> 01:23:39,012
My God, he kissed his sister!
1984
01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:40,716
Congratulations, you lucky gal.
1985
01:23:42,183 --> 01:23:44,818
I did it, El Padre!
I kissed the girl I like!
1986
01:23:44,820 --> 01:23:47,888
Yeah! Attaboy! (LAUGHS)
1987
01:23:47,890 --> 01:23:51,292
Did you just kiss your sister?
You sick kid!
1988
01:23:51,294 --> 01:23:52,360
Stepsister.
1989
01:23:52,362 --> 01:23:54,128
I mean, still not okay,
I know that.
1990
01:23:54,130 --> 01:23:56,163
What? No, no, wait, he's just
a little confused, all right?
1991
01:23:56,165 --> 01:23:57,864
It's no surprise
when you look at who raised him.
1992
01:23:57,866 --> 01:23:59,632
Adrianna, come on.
We're going home.
1993
01:23:59,634 --> 01:24:01,601
Wait, wait, Roger,
you can't go out in that storm.
1994
01:24:01,603 --> 01:24:04,672
I was an alternate for Season 3
Ice Road Truckers.
1995
01:24:04,674 --> 01:24:05,675
I'll be fine.
1996
01:24:07,143 --> 01:24:08,578
That was their best season.
1997
01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:10,945
I got this.
1998
01:24:10,947 --> 01:24:12,445
Wait a minute.
Roger, hold up, man.
1999
01:24:12,447 --> 01:24:15,182
No. From now on, I don't want
you anywhere near my daughter.
2000
01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:16,917
I don't want anything to do
with any of you people!
2001
01:24:16,919 --> 01:24:19,052
Look, I never wanted to be
family with you, either, Roger.
2002
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:21,821
Just like Brad never wanted to be
family with me, did you, Brad?
2003
01:24:21,823 --> 01:24:23,557
No. Not at all. I hated your
guts.
2004
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:25,726
In fact, I still kind of do
right now.
2005
01:24:25,728 --> 01:24:27,060
Yeah. Me, too, Brad.
2006
01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:28,796
But we're all connected
by these kids.
2007
01:24:28,798 --> 01:24:30,230
No one's going anywhere.
2008
01:24:30,232 --> 01:24:32,165
- You gonna stop me?
- If I have to, yes.
2009
01:24:32,167 --> 01:24:34,437
Yeah, right. You couldn't stop
a clock, you weak tit.
2010
01:24:35,603 --> 01:24:37,039
The hammer.
2011
01:24:40,108 --> 01:24:41,674
You know what, Adrianna?
2012
01:24:41,676 --> 01:24:45,081
You're not gonna like this, young
lady, but this is long overdue.
2013
01:24:48,483 --> 01:24:49,486
I love you.
2014
01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:53,119
- That got me.
- Got me, too. Right here.
2015
01:24:53,121 --> 01:24:54,355
What the hell did you just say?
2016
01:24:54,357 --> 01:24:55,855
You heard me.
I said, I love my stepdaughter!
2017
01:24:55,857 --> 01:24:58,159
And I meant it. I should've said
it a long time ago,
2018
01:24:58,161 --> 01:25:02,165
but I was afraid to put myself out
there and risk getting rejected.
2019
01:25:02,564 --> 01:25:03,631
Sweet.
2020
01:25:03,633 --> 01:25:05,466
You know what?
2021
01:25:05,468 --> 01:25:08,171
Adrianna, you're gonna spend
Christmas with your mom, okay?
2022
01:25:10,139 --> 01:25:12,306
You're not leaving us, Roger.
2023
01:25:12,308 --> 01:25:14,044
'Cause I love you, too.
2024
01:25:16,178 --> 01:25:18,279
- You take that back!
- Nope. I can't.
2025
01:25:18,281 --> 01:25:19,413
Can't take it back now.
2026
01:25:19,415 --> 01:25:21,381
Everybody heard it.
It's out there.
2027
01:25:21,383 --> 01:25:24,252
- Everybody hear it?
- CROWD: Yeah.
2028
01:25:24,254 --> 01:25:25,919
You're her dad,
you made her who she is,
2029
01:25:25,921 --> 01:25:29,089
and despite her currently harboring a
fair amount of resentment towards me,
2030
01:25:29,091 --> 01:25:31,324
I love her, so that means
I love you, too.
2031
01:25:31,326 --> 01:25:33,293
And I've never been too good
about saying it,
2032
01:25:33,295 --> 01:25:34,995
but I'm gonna follow Brad's
example,
2033
01:25:34,997 --> 01:25:36,263
who I also love.
2034
01:25:36,265 --> 01:25:38,498
Now you're just saying things
to choke me up.
2035
01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:39,600
Brad! Cut it out.
2036
01:25:39,602 --> 01:25:41,735
- I'm trying.
- I'm a hot mess here.
2037
01:25:41,737 --> 01:25:43,503
- Don, please!
- You've got to understand,
2038
01:25:43,505 --> 01:25:45,539
when it comes out of nowhere
like that,
2039
01:25:45,541 --> 01:25:46,440
what do you expect?
2040
01:25:46,442 --> 01:25:47,708
- Stop!
- I'm stopping.
2041
01:25:47,710 --> 01:25:49,209
- I'm currently stopping.
- We're...
2042
01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:51,544
Yeah, guys. Cut it out,
you're embarrassing me.
2043
01:25:51,546 --> 01:25:52,913
I love you, Brad.
2044
01:25:52,915 --> 01:25:54,716
And I love Karen, I love Sara,
2045
01:25:55,684 --> 01:25:56,718
and I love my kids.
2046
01:26:00,290 --> 01:26:01,524
I...
2047
01:26:04,826 --> 01:26:06,760
I might need a little more
time with that one.
2048
01:26:06,762 --> 01:26:07,928
Sure, understood.
2049
01:26:07,930 --> 01:26:09,863
But we're making progress.
Maybe for your birthday.
2050
01:26:09,865 --> 01:26:11,030
Yeah.
2051
01:26:11,032 --> 01:26:12,866
You know. Unless you
want to say anything?
2052
01:26:12,868 --> 01:26:14,502
- Anything at all?
- DON: Say it, Kurt.
2053
01:26:14,504 --> 01:26:16,503
- Now's the time.
- Just say it, Kurt.
2054
01:26:16,505 --> 01:26:17,637
DUSTY:
You want to say anything?
2055
01:26:17,639 --> 01:26:19,440
BRAD: It's not that bad.
Just say it.
2056
01:26:19,442 --> 01:26:22,110
- You can do it.
- Do it.
2057
01:26:22,112 --> 01:26:25,012
Nah, the birthday's a good
target. Good target.
2058
01:26:25,014 --> 01:26:26,913
All right, Roger,
what do you say?
2059
01:26:26,915 --> 01:26:29,719
It's not too late to spend
Christmas with your family.
2060
01:26:36,759 --> 01:26:38,361
(CROWD GROANING)
2061
01:26:41,531 --> 01:26:43,299
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2062
01:26:48,838 --> 01:26:51,508
♪ It's Christmastime
2063
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:56,211
♪ There's no need to be
afraid, Roger
2064
01:26:57,179 --> 01:27:00,013
♪ At Christmastime
2065
01:27:00,015 --> 01:27:03,449
♪ We let in light and we
banish shade
2066
01:27:03,451 --> 01:27:05,386
Damn, that's my favorite
song of all time.
2067
01:27:05,388 --> 01:27:09,824
♪ And in our world of plenty
2068
01:27:09,826 --> 01:27:14,061
♪ We can spread a smile of joy
2069
01:27:14,063 --> 01:27:17,797
♪ Throw your arms around the
world
2070
01:27:17,799 --> 01:27:20,669
♪ At Christmastime
2071
01:27:22,271 --> 01:27:24,206
♪ But say a prayer
2072
01:27:26,274 --> 01:27:28,775
♪ Pray for the other ones!
2073
01:27:28,777 --> 01:27:30,843
I'll play this in August,
I don't even care.
2074
01:27:30,845 --> 01:27:32,879
♪ At Christmastime
2075
01:27:32,881 --> 01:27:38,552
♪ It's hard, but when you're
having fun
2076
01:27:38,554 --> 01:27:43,490
♪ There's a world outside
your window
2077
01:27:43,492 --> 01:27:47,528
♪ It's a world of dread and
fear
2078
01:27:47,530 --> 01:27:52,132
♪ Where the only water
flowing is
2079
01:27:52,134 --> 01:27:55,869
♪ The bitter sting of tears
2080
01:27:55,871 --> 01:28:00,141
♪ And the Christmas bells
that ring there
2081
01:28:00,143 --> 01:28:03,877
♪ Are the clanging chimes of
doom
2082
01:28:03,879 --> 01:28:07,250
♪ Well, tonight thank God
it's them
2083
01:28:07,883 --> 01:28:10,553
♪ Instead of you ♪
2084
01:28:11,120 --> 01:28:12,921
Yes! Fantastic!
2085
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:19,528
He heard it!
2086
01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:30,005
Come on, Roger.
2087
01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:34,208
Look. Yes, we're all stuck here,
2088
01:28:34,210 --> 01:28:36,176
but we're with our loved ones.
2089
01:28:36,178 --> 01:28:38,278
I'm not. I came alone.
2090
01:28:38,280 --> 01:28:39,846
Okay, well,
2091
01:28:39,848 --> 01:28:42,415
he came to the movies alone on
Christmas, and that's a little sad.
2092
01:28:42,417 --> 01:28:44,586
♪ That's a little sad! ♪
2093
01:28:45,420 --> 01:28:46,954
But you're not alone, sir.
2094
01:28:46,956 --> 01:28:50,290
I mean, think about it. We come
to the movies all the time.
2095
01:28:50,292 --> 01:28:52,426
We sit with hundreds of people.
2096
01:28:52,428 --> 01:28:56,163
And we laugh together,
we cry together,
2097
01:28:56,165 --> 01:28:58,498
but we never look at each other,
do we?
2098
01:28:58,500 --> 01:29:01,467
Brad, it's not a microphone,
it's a mallet. See?
2099
01:29:01,469 --> 01:29:03,503
- They can hear you.
- You can still hear me, right?
2100
01:29:03,505 --> 01:29:05,038
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
2101
01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:06,973
Take a look at each other.
2102
01:29:06,975 --> 01:29:08,641
- That's right.
- Hi.
2103
01:29:08,643 --> 01:29:11,645
BRAD: Give a hug.
Give an embrace.
2104
01:29:11,647 --> 01:29:15,414
What we have here are the makings
of a really great Christmas party.
2105
01:29:15,416 --> 01:29:17,150
We have a Christmas tree.
2106
01:29:17,152 --> 01:29:19,319
We have music and snacks.
2107
01:29:19,321 --> 01:29:21,187
We have Christmas spirit.
2108
01:29:21,189 --> 01:29:22,623
We have mirth.
2109
01:29:22,625 --> 01:29:23,757
We have snow!
2110
01:29:23,759 --> 01:29:25,859
DUSTY: You know who doesn't
have snow?
2111
01:29:25,861 --> 01:29:28,398
I'll bet he knows who doesn't
have snow, don't you?
2112
01:29:30,899 --> 01:29:33,068
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
2113
01:29:34,036 --> 01:29:36,203
I know where there isn't snow.
2114
01:29:36,205 --> 01:29:40,306
♪ And there won't be snow in
Africa
2115
01:29:40,308 --> 01:29:43,045
♪ This Christmastime!
2116
01:29:44,914 --> 01:29:50,620
♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?
2117
01:29:53,121 --> 01:29:54,588
Merry Christmas!
2118
01:29:54,590 --> 01:29:56,326
Merry Christmas, folks!
2119
01:29:57,826 --> 01:30:01,729
♪ Feed the world
2120
01:30:01,731 --> 01:30:05,966
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2121
01:30:05,968 --> 01:30:08,101
♪ Feed the world
2122
01:30:08,103 --> 01:30:09,904
What?
2123
01:30:09,906 --> 01:30:12,873
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime ♪
2124
01:30:12,875 --> 01:30:14,975
"Sara.
2125
01:30:14,977 --> 01:30:16,976
"Beautiful and smart.
2126
01:30:16,978 --> 01:30:19,745
"The mom that everyone loves"?
2127
01:30:19,747 --> 01:30:22,718
Oh, my God.
She's basing a character on me!
2128
01:30:23,251 --> 01:30:24,454
(GIGGLING)
2129
01:30:26,487 --> 01:30:28,657
(ALL CONTINUE SINGING)
2130
01:30:57,420 --> 01:30:58,921
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
2131
01:30:59,554 --> 01:31:00,787
DUSTY: All right, guys.
2132
01:31:00,789 --> 01:31:02,021
We're not gonna see them again
till Easter,
2133
01:31:02,023 --> 01:31:03,757
so everybody say good-bye
to El Padre and Pop-Pop.
2134
01:31:03,759 --> 01:31:05,659
- Bye, Dylan.
- Good-bye, El Padre!
2135
01:31:05,661 --> 01:31:07,026
Hey, next time you want
to shoot a guy,
2136
01:31:07,028 --> 01:31:10,029
don't just wing him,
go for center mass, okay?
2137
01:31:10,031 --> 01:31:11,066
Good-bye, Adrianna.
2138
01:31:13,335 --> 01:31:15,368
I don't want you to go, Pop-Pop!
2139
01:31:15,370 --> 01:31:16,602
- Really?
- Yeah, really?
2140
01:31:16,604 --> 01:31:17,971
Sure. Of course, he gets a hug.
2141
01:31:17,973 --> 01:31:21,074
Maybe you can call me and tell
me more Pop-Pop stories.
2142
01:31:21,076 --> 01:31:22,609
I would love to!
2143
01:31:22,611 --> 01:31:25,012
Oh. And I also signed you up
for SeniorMatch.com.
2144
01:31:25,014 --> 01:31:27,413
It's a dating website
for old people like you.
2145
01:31:27,415 --> 01:31:29,017
Thank you, sweetie.
2146
01:31:29,718 --> 01:31:31,619
Honey, it's your mom texting.
2147
01:31:31,621 --> 01:31:33,387
They're just getting
off the plane.
2148
01:31:33,389 --> 01:31:34,820
I'd better go
before they get here.
2149
01:31:34,822 --> 01:31:36,856
I don't want to make anything
awkward.
2150
01:31:36,858 --> 01:31:39,193
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, big man.
2151
01:31:39,195 --> 01:31:41,798
- Love you.
- I love you, too, Brad.
2152
01:31:42,831 --> 01:31:45,034
Hey, well, yeah,
you have a good flight.
2153
01:31:58,447 --> 01:32:00,413
Yeah, let's not get that going.
2154
01:32:00,415 --> 01:32:01,647
I agree. You've got to start
that younger.
2155
01:32:01,649 --> 01:32:02,848
We missed that window.
2156
01:32:02,850 --> 01:32:04,116
I really appreciate the gesture.
2157
01:32:04,118 --> 01:32:05,252
You do? Then okay.
2158
01:32:05,254 --> 01:32:07,454
- Hey. I'll see you, kid.
- See you soon, yeah.
2159
01:32:07,456 --> 01:32:08,855
Yeah, bye, kid.
2160
01:32:08,857 --> 01:32:11,527
- Are you coming, Pop-Pop?
- Come on, Captain!
2161
01:32:12,059 --> 01:32:13,827
Bye, Dad.
2162
01:32:13,829 --> 01:32:15,829
You know, Don,
I've been thinking.
2163
01:32:15,831 --> 01:32:17,431
You don't need a dating app.
2164
01:32:17,433 --> 01:32:19,731
What you need is a wingman.
2165
01:32:19,733 --> 01:32:21,368
I switched our flights to Vegas.
2166
01:32:21,370 --> 01:32:23,470
New Year's at Caesar's,
fix you right up.
2167
01:32:23,472 --> 01:32:25,605
That sounds wonderful!
2168
01:32:25,607 --> 01:32:27,607
Where are we connecting through?
2169
01:32:27,609 --> 01:32:29,677
Don't start with me, Pop-Pop.
2170
01:32:29,679 --> 01:32:31,878
Hey, Braddie.
Don't be nervous now.
2171
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:35,815
You are the kindest, most gentle
and honest guy I know.
2172
01:32:35,817 --> 01:32:38,485
And whoever your mother
brings down that escalator,
2173
01:32:38,487 --> 01:32:40,087
he's gonna love you,
you hear me?
2174
01:32:40,089 --> 01:32:41,224
Grandma!
2175
01:32:45,361 --> 01:32:46,963
Is that Sully?
2176
01:32:47,528 --> 01:32:49,062
Wait, wait, who?
2177
01:32:49,064 --> 01:32:50,296
DUSTY: Sully Sullenberger.
2178
01:32:50,298 --> 01:32:53,132
The guy who saved 155 passengers
on the miracle on the Hudson!
2179
01:32:53,134 --> 01:32:54,935
Clint Eastwood made
a frickin' movie about it.
2180
01:32:54,937 --> 01:32:56,802
Wait. We watched it at your
house, it was awesome!
2181
01:32:56,804 --> 01:32:58,271
Right. Tom Hanks
and Aaron Eckhart.
2182
01:32:58,273 --> 01:32:59,772
I really enjoyed it.
2183
01:32:59,774 --> 01:33:02,545
That guy is a national hero,
and he's gonna be your stepdad.
2184
01:33:02,911 --> 01:33:03,843
Wow. Amazing.
2185
01:33:03,845 --> 01:33:05,846
I bet you he gets free flight
vouchers.
2186
01:33:05,848 --> 01:33:07,847
And maybe get us some vouchers!
2187
01:33:07,849 --> 01:33:08,882
Maybe.
2188
01:33:08,884 --> 01:33:11,551
Well, don't make him wait.
Go say hi. Go! Go!
2189
01:33:11,553 --> 01:33:12,755
MEGAN: Grandma!
2190
01:33:14,223 --> 01:33:16,355
You must be Brad.
2191
01:33:16,357 --> 01:33:17,423
Nope.
2192
01:33:17,425 --> 01:33:19,359
- No, Brad.
- You're not my dad!
2193
01:33:19,361 --> 01:33:20,592
Brad, no, that's a mistake!
2194
01:33:20,594 --> 01:33:22,529
I don't care how
many lives you saved!
2195
01:33:22,531 --> 01:33:25,033
You'll never replace him,
do you hear me?
2196
01:33:27,335 --> 01:33:29,136
Brad, he's so nice! Come back!
2197
01:33:29,138 --> 01:33:33,142
You only have one good story,
my father has a million!
2198
01:33:35,611 --> 01:33:37,713
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2199
01:35:06,969 --> 01:35:12,439
♪ 103.6
The Panda ♪
2200
01:35:12,441 --> 01:35:14,339
You're listening to
Jason Sinclair at the Panda,
2201
01:35:14,341 --> 01:35:16,909
and I've got a little holiday
recipe for you tonight.
2202
01:35:16,911 --> 01:35:20,012
Two cups of eggnog,
one serving of silk pajamas,
2203
01:35:20,014 --> 01:35:22,716
and a heaping helping of a
loved one.
2204
01:35:22,718 --> 01:35:25,351
And I'm gonna add a pinch of
smooth jazz
2205
01:35:25,353 --> 01:35:27,119
on the Panda.
2206
01:35:27,121 --> 01:35:28,687
And I have one question
for you.
2207
01:35:28,689 --> 01:35:29,955
Do you know what time it is?
2208
01:35:29,957 --> 01:35:32,193
♪ It's Christmastime
2209
01:35:33,762 --> 01:35:38,230
♪ There's no need to be
afraid, Roger
2210
01:35:38,232 --> 01:35:44,906
♪ At Christmastime We let in
light and we banish shade
2211
01:35:46,375 --> 01:35:51,043
♪ And in our world of plenty
2212
01:35:51,045 --> 01:35:55,248
♪ We can spread a smile of joy
2213
01:35:55,250 --> 01:35:58,717
♪ Throw your arms around the
world
2214
01:35:58,719 --> 01:36:01,256
♪ At Christmastime
2215
01:36:03,392 --> 01:36:05,161
♪ But say a prayer
2216
01:36:07,429 --> 01:36:11,664
♪ Pray for the other ones!
2217
01:36:11,666 --> 01:36:14,200
♪ At Christmastime
2218
01:36:14,202 --> 01:36:19,839
♪ It's hard, but when you're
having fun
2219
01:36:19,841 --> 01:36:24,778
♪ There's a world outside
your window
2220
01:36:24,780 --> 01:36:28,847
♪ It's a world of dread and
fear
2221
01:36:28,849 --> 01:36:33,419
♪ Where the only water
flowing is
2222
01:36:33,421 --> 01:36:36,291
♪ The bitter sting of tears
2223
01:36:37,392 --> 01:36:39,359
♪ And the Christmas bells
2224
01:36:39,361 --> 01:36:41,261
♪ That ring there
2225
01:36:41,263 --> 01:36:45,198
♪ Are the clanging chimes of
doom
2226
01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:48,936
♪ Well, tonight thank God
it's them
2227
01:36:48,938 --> 01:36:52,475
♪ Instead of you
2228
01:36:53,875 --> 01:36:57,843
♪ And there won't be snow in
Africa
2229
01:36:57,845 --> 01:37:00,782
♪ This Christmastime!
2230
01:37:02,417 --> 01:37:07,790
♪ The greatest gift
They'll get this year is life
2231
01:37:08,423 --> 01:37:10,623
♪ Life, life
2232
01:37:10,625 --> 01:37:14,761
♪ Where nothing ever grows
2233
01:37:14,763 --> 01:37:18,233
♪ No rain nor rivers flow
2234
01:37:19,335 --> 01:37:25,908
♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?
2235
01:37:27,809 --> 01:37:29,609
♪ Here's to you
2236
01:37:29,611 --> 01:37:32,044
♪ Raise a glass for everyone
2237
01:37:32,046 --> 01:37:33,646
♪ Here's to them
2238
01:37:33,648 --> 01:37:36,083
♪ Underneath that burning sun
2239
01:37:36,085 --> 01:37:41,323
♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?
2240
01:37:57,273 --> 01:38:01,173
♪ Feed the world
2241
01:38:01,175 --> 01:38:05,512
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2242
01:38:05,514 --> 01:38:09,449
♪ Feed the world
2243
01:38:09,451 --> 01:38:13,753
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2244
01:38:13,755 --> 01:38:17,857
♪ Feed the world
2245
01:38:17,859 --> 01:38:21,994
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2246
01:38:21,996 --> 01:38:26,199
♪ Feed the world
2247
01:38:26,201 --> 01:38:30,503
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2248
01:38:30,505 --> 01:38:34,406
♪ Feed the world
2249
01:38:34,408 --> 01:38:38,845
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime
2250
01:38:38,847 --> 01:38:42,716
♪ Feed the world
2251
01:38:42,718 --> 01:38:49,258
♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime again ♪
2252
01:38:52,559 --> 01:38:55,361
You know. Last year, the folks
at St. Benedict's, they...
2253
01:38:55,363 --> 01:38:56,963
They had a... A modern-dress
Nativity.
2254
01:38:56,965 --> 01:39:00,667
Everybody hated it at first, but you
know the folks at St. Benedict's,
2255
01:39:00,669 --> 01:39:02,235
they got back at 'em, all right.
2256
01:39:02,237 --> 01:39:05,137
They won the prize for most
original.
2257
01:39:05,139 --> 01:39:08,574
Then, of course, you have
the Maplewood Christians.
2258
01:39:08,576 --> 01:39:13,248
They had a kind of friendly
competition with the Nazarenes,
2259
01:39:14,049 --> 01:39:17,583
and took all their hay
last year.
2260
01:39:17,585 --> 01:39:19,521
Yeah, you just try setting up
2261
01:39:20,621 --> 01:39:22,654
a Nativity without hay.
2262
01:39:22,656 --> 01:39:24,525
Merry Christmas, fellas!
2263
01:39:29,375 --> 01:39:34,375
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard
2263
01:39:35,305 --> 01:39:41,536
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