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Thank you.
2
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,978
Hello, and welcome
to The Grand Tour,
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which this week
comes to you from Nashville!
4
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There it is.
5
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It was er... It's a city that
was named after General Nash.
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Big war hero,
kicked the British out.
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He got er...
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You ended up with
independence. And how's
that working out for you?
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I only ask because we were
looking the other day
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at the bestselling cars
in America these days.
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This is the top five.
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There you go, that's
independence... working well.
13
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Toyota, Honda, Toyota,
Nissan, Honda.
14
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So what is actually made
in Detroit these days, then?
15
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Er... Well, mostly
they just grow sustainable
organic peace beans.
16
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,191
It's just women with
armpit hair growing kale.
17
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,625
That's all
that's going on there...
18
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,228
municipal farms
for the community.
19
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,830
Now, the reason
we've come to Nashville
20
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,499
is very simple, in fact.
21
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,601
It's because I've been
to all 50 of the US states,
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but I'd never been here before.
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And what a town!
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Yeah.
25
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,443
- Love it.
- Who knew?
26
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,512
- We are loving it.
- Who knew?
27
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,214
It is a great place,
we're loving it,
28
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,948
and the music is amazing.
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Loving that... very much.
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00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,653
- Well...
- What?
31
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,488
- Not really.
- Mate, you can't...
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This is known as Music City USA.
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- That's what it is.
- But it isn't, is it?
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00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,361
Because Detroit is.
35
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,596
Oh, no. Listen... No.
36
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,232
It is.
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00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,699
Motown... Motown
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is just three minutes
of jangly nonsense.
39
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,103
- Oh, come on, Hammond!
- It is!
40
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,605
Hammond, it just isn't!
41
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,006
You cannot possibly say that.
42
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Country and western music
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00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,543
is designed
to make you miserable.
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Motown is designed
to make you happy.
45
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,414
No, he's absolutely right.
Motown is happier music.
46
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,949
I mean, take something like
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00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,151
Martha Reeves
"Dancing In The Streets", OK?
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00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:06,753
Listen to how happy
the words are.
49
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:10,022
"Every guy, grab a girl,
everywhere around the world."
50
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,259
Isn't that what Donald
was telling us to do?
51
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,332
Well, he was, wasn't he?
He did. He did.
52
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,501
No, he said,
"Every guy, grope a girl."
53
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,270
A very different thing.
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00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,505
Detroit isn't just Motown.
Bob Seger's from Detroit.
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It's just housewives' music.
56
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,642
- Ted Nugent
- Mad!
57
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,011
- Iggy Pop.
- Ridiculous.
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00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,179
- Madonna.
- Annoying.
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00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,847
- Eminem.
- Can't sing.
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00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,783
- Alice Cooper.
- Ridiculous again.
61
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,618
- Half of The Eagles.
- Which half?
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00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,388
- Glenn Frey.
- I don't like that half.
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00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,891
Nashville. Right, what's come
out of here? Miley Cyrus.
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00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,125
Brilliant!
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00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,030
- You just said that
out loud on television.
- I did.
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00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,032
And...
And The Allman Brothers.
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00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,101
Never heard of them.
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00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,503
You have.
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00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,837
The Allman Brothers,
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00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,639
they had that one hit,
instrumental.
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00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,441
- What was it called?
- Jessica.
72
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,475
Jennifer.
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00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,743
Oh, I hated that.
74
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,312
You never hear it
any more, do you?
75
00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,413
No. Rubbish.
76
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,747
Weirdest thing.
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,148
Weirdest thing.
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00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,317
- Oh, hello.
- A message.
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00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,584
Oh, sorry.
80
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,185
This is a message
from Mr Wilman.
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00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,387
We've gone a bit off topic.
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00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,888
He might be cross.
We have a bit.
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00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,990
There is a car thing here
we ought to talk about.
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00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,728
It's called coal rolling.
Are you familiar with this?
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00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,896
It has its origins in a sport
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00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,699
where people go with their
pickup trucks into a field
87
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,201
and see who can tow
the heaviest thing.
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00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,138
- Yep. Oh, yep.
- We've got some footage
here of it happening.
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00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,041
Look at that!
The man in a pickup truck
towing a heavy thing.
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00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,609
There you go.
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00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,645
Things you will never hear
said at that event:
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00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,880
"Got to rush, lads. I'm
late for a poetry reading."
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00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,183
That's truck number three...
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00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,718
Bernie Sanders, everybody.
95
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,421
Anyway, the thing is,
they worked out
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00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:49,922
they could pull
more heavy things
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00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,359
if they fiddled with the ECU
on the diesel engines,
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00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,561
because that would
generate more power,
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00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,596
and, as a by-product,
more smoke,
100
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,498
cos that's why it's
called coal rolling.
101
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,734
And now, various kids
have started to do it
out on the highway.
102
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,703
What they do is go
out on the street
103
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,638
and then do it when they
overtake a Toyota Prius.
104
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,575
Look at this. Here we go.
105
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:12,679
Oh, for God's sake!
Really?! Oh, come on!
106
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,447
Really?!
107
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,949
- Now, I...
- That's just...
108
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,019
I just... I know,
I know I shouldn't say this.
109
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,121
But every time
I overtake a Prius,
110
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,724
I always think,
"I could do this in fourth...
111
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,493
"but I'm gonna use
second instead
112
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,461
to annoy them even more."
113
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,063
You do know
you are 56 years old?
114
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,433
- Yeah, but I've got
a mental age of nine.
- Oh, yeah.
115
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,935
- Shall we get on with
the show?
- Yeah, it's time.
116
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,640
On with the show.
In our car show this week...
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00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,677
James runs over a sun lounger.
118
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,781
Richard has a beer.
119
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,984
And I go on a thing.
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00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:55,121
Jesus!
121
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,456
Anyway, before all that,
122
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,924
we've been having
a bit of a debate.
123
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,127
You see, I say you don't
need to buy a BMW M3
124
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:06,198
because for �11,000 less
you can have a Jaguar XE S,
125
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,934
which is nicer to drive,
126
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,336
more comfortable
and just as fast.
127
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,071
- It isn't just as fast.
- Yes, it is.
128
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,874
- No, it isn't.
- They both do 155mph.
129
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,645
Yes, because the BMW
has been electronically
limited to 155.
130
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,346
The Jag is just... limited.
131
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,214
Sorry to interrupt.
132
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,883
It's just that both my
colleagues are wrong.
133
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,753
Because if you want a small,
fast saloon car,
134
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,254
what you absolutely
have to have...
135
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,689
If you're gonna start going on
136
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,258
about that Alfa Romeo
Giulia Quadrifoglio,
137
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,795
I am gonna stab you
in the eye with this pen.
138
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,630
- No, he's...
- A number of times.
139
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,232
He's right. Alfa Romeo
have not made a decent car
140
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,134
for 30 years.
141
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,470
- Erm...
- "Erm" nothing,
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00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,171
because we need to get
back to the point.
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00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,473
James and I have decided
144
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,808
it was time to sort out
this Jaguar-BMW debate
145
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,145
with a proper old-school
road test in Scotland.
146
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,757
Hello, and welcome to Wales,
147
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,894
where I've come with all of
our film crews and this,
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00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:14,568
the brand-new Alfa Romeo
Giulia... Quadrifoglio.
149
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,936
I think.
150
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,304
Whatever.
151
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,509
Let's get on now
and see what's what.
152
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,516
Now, for this to be
a proper Alfa Romeo,
153
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:33,352
there must be...
something wrong with it.
154
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,554
Think about it.
155
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,523
A person
who's kind to his mother
156
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:41,127
and punctual and sober and
well-dressed, he's an Audi.
157
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,831
And nobody
wants a friend like that.
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00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,767
If you're going to form
a relationship with a car,
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00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,369
if you're gonna develop a bond,
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00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,539
it's got to have
human qualities.
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00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,707
And if it's gonna have
human qualities,
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00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,844
it's got to have faults.
163
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:02,049
And this car, I'm delighted
to say, has a big one.
164
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,219
I don't know quite how
they've managed this,
165
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,388
but it's not very easy
to get out of.
166
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,591
You've got this pillar here,
then the wheel here,
167
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,225
and there isn't enough of a...
168
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,729
of a gap between the two.
169
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,231
Hang on a minute. Hang on.
170
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,869
How Alfa Romeo is that?
171
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,572
They put the door in the
wrong place. It should be...
172
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,040
It should be further back.
173
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,710
That is brilliant.
174
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,780
There's more, too.
175
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,015
It's not a particularly
handsome car.
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00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,750
The wheels are too small.
177
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,185
And for some reason,
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00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,287
they've chosen to make the front
179
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,289
look like a Wolseley.
180
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,426
Now, in the recent past...
James is quite right...
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00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,795
Alfas have had their faults
182
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,997
and then no good bits
to compensate.
183
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,499
They've just been
wrong-wheel-drive Fiats
184
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,901
with the word "Fiat" crossed out
185
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,770
and "Alfa Romeo"
written in in crayon.
186
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,939
That, though...
187
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,909
...that's
a very different animal.
188
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,811
This is a fabulous car,
189
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,412
an epic car.
190
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,514
Probably
because it's the love child
191
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:46,687
of the same man who
engineered the Ferrari 458.
192
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,964
He's given it
a carbon-fibre propshaft,
193
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,266
a carbon-fibre roof,
194
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,001
a carbon-fibre bonnet,
195
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,570
a proper limited-slip
differential,
196
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:08,274
telepathic steering
and a clever gearbox.
197
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,010
But the most impressive bit
of this car
198
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:15,615
is its turbocharged
2.9L V6 engine.
199
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,587
An engine that wobbles
when you close the door.
200
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,023
That is brilliant.
Look at that.
201
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,927
You don't get that sort of
thing from an Audi, do you?
202
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,796
Ferrari, which, of course,
203
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,764
is part of the same company
as Alfa Romeo,
204
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,632
is very keen to point out
205
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,369
that this is not the engine
they use in the California
206
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,271
with two cylinders removed.
207
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,107
They say
it's a complete coincidence
208
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,643
that both engines have the
same bore/stroke and V-angle.
209
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:49,749
They're adamant that this is
all Alfa Romeo's own work.
210
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,184
So, there we are.
211
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,421
It is, then.
212
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,727
And what work it is.
213
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:05,497
You get 503 brake horsepower.
214
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:10,738
That is 60 more than you get
from a BMW M3. 60!
215
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,976
It's 175 more
216
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,544
than you get from that Jag
217
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,147
that James would be
droning on about now,
218
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,784
had I not stepped in
and saved the day.
219
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,220
And then there's
the way it revs.
220
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,827
Ha!
221
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,566
Most turbocharged engines are
a bit wheezy at the top end,
222
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:44,036
but because
the twin-scroll turbo in this
223
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,406
is mounted in the V
of the engine...
224
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,209
...just like it is
in a Ferrari California,
225
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,844
coincidentally,
226
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,646
the rev counter is still a blur
227
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,083
right up to the red zone.
228
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,370
This engine is...
229
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,706
...it's a masterpiece.
230
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,509
An absolute gem.
231
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,080
So, while this may
look like a Wolseley,
232
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,083
it certainly doesn't
go like one.
233
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:38,391
It has a top speed,
in fact, of 307 km/h.
234
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,594
What this car is
235
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,997
is a Ferrari...
236
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,434
...wearing
four-door sensi-panties.
237
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:54,606
And that brings me onto
this car's party piece.
238
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,444
At normal speeds, it's very
quiet and very civilised.
239
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,579
And even though
it's running on wheels
240
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,615
that appear to have come off
the bottom of a sofa,
241
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,884
it's very comfortable,
242
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,853
even if you push this,
243
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,122
you put it in
bumpy-suspension mode.
244
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,725
The only setting
I haven't yet tried
245
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,395
is this one... "race".
246
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,330
But I think I should.
247
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,498
Sadly, however,
248
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,767
before I found somewhere
to try it out,
249
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,603
I received a telephone call.
250
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,978
Oh, no. What?
251
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,381
- Hammond.
- Have you got our
film crew somewhere?
252
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:39,218
- Yes, I have.
- Are you using them
to film an Alfa?
253
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,987
- Yes, I am.
- Where are you?
254
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,222
- Wales.
- Wales?!
255
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,391
You can't just arrange
that we go to Scotland
256
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,026
and then disappear off to Wales.
257
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,427
I didn't tell you
to go to Scotland.
258
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,897
You decided to go
to Scotland on your own.
259
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,900
We've come
all the way to Scotland
260
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,401
to do this with these two cars.
261
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,337
This is the test.
You trying to shoehorn...
262
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,306
It's wonderful there are
Alfa Romeos in the world.
263
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,341
That's a lovely thing
that we can all...
264
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,910
It doesn't matter
how good you think
265
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,711
the Alfa Romeo is.
This is a car programme.
266
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,514
Concepts, dreams,
imagining things.
267
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,050
...Scotland, with two cars
that are credible, relevant,
268
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,919
important, work and are real.
269
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,421
They were still
shouting at me as I arrived
270
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,924
with all of the film crews
at our track.
271
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,691
...itch, that
you've managed to scratch
272
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,927
over the last ten years.
273
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,461
I don't know how. Why...
274
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,530
It's breaking up!
275
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,599
Oh, I've lost you!
276
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,975
Race mode.
277
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,946
Here we go.
278
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,492
In race mode, everything
is in a tensed-up state:
279
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,862
the throttle response,
the gearbox, the steering.
280
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,566
And the traction control is off!
281
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,254
This has now been transformed
282
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,656
from something
that was brilliant...
283
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,594
into something
that is sensational.
284
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:41,573
Of course, you'd never drive
in race mode on the road,
285
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,477
in the same way
you'd never take your
wristwatch into space.
286
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,617
But it's nice to know that it
would still work if you did.
287
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,319
And this does.
288
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,155
Oh, boy, this does.
289
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:03,162
I've always said you can't
be a true petrolhead
290
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,132
until you've owned
an Alfa Romeo.
291
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,899
And the trouble is,
I've always known
292
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,335
there's no Alfa Romeo
293
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,472
a true petrolhead
would actually want to buy.
294
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,041
There is now, though.
295
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,144
Oh, there is now.
296
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,592
And so I decided
to do something
I've never done
297
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,196
with any car I've ever
filmed in my entire life.
298
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,298
I decided,
when the test was over,
299
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,668
to go to the nearest
Alfa Romeo dealer...
300
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,337
...and buy one.
301
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,128
What?
302
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,234
- What?
- You total cock.
303
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,835
You stole our film.
304
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,337
Well, not really.
305
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,606
You didn't actually buy one,
did you?
306
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,341
Well, no, cos I couldn't
make my mind up
307
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,775
between that and the 4C.
308
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,811
It was like watching an ape
return to its cage
309
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,680
and finding there was
an apple and a banana.
310
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:31,117
"Oh, I like apple,
but I like bananas.
311
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,285
So do I want the apple
or a banana?"
312
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,653
You would
have had both, obviously.
313
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,188
Hammond, that car is brilliant,
314
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,956
and it only costs �60,000.
315
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,526
Yeah, but honestly, Jeremy,
that doesn't mean anything.
316
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,128
If Alfa Romeo
launched a dog turd,
317
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,262
you'd say it was brilliant.
318
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,030
It is! I'm not making it up!
319
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,134
You heard it. You saw it.
It's a fantastic car.
320
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,568
Anyway, listen, we must find out
321
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:54,440
how fast the Quadri-thingy
goes round the Eboladrome.
322
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,841
That, of course,
means handing it over
323
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,277
to a man who thinks
that tennis is something
324
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,679
that was invented by Stalin.
325
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,781
He's actually
a local boy this week,
326
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,150
from the next state along.
327
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,017
It's the American!
328
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,289
There he is.
329
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,557
And even he will enjoy
330
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,159
this magnificent machine,
331
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,526
I'm sure of that.
332
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,762
And he's off
with a glorious bark
333
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,898
and a pop
from that sensational V6.
334
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,066
Oh, it's wet!
335
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:25,471
OK. Alfa Romeo Julie Quad Bike
336
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,173
something or another.
337
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,209
I can't say it,
can't pronounce it.
338
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,478
I don't really like driving it.
339
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,381
Oh, for God's sake!
340
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,451
So, the tall one thinks
this is a good car.
341
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,788
I still think he was dropped
on his head as a child.
342
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,057
Yeah, but at least
I don't wear a cowboy hat
to weddings.
343
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,795
Right, now,
powering majestically
into Your Name Here.
344
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,731
This could be the single
greatest lap we'll ever see.
345
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,266
What are you on about?
346
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,501
It's beautifully balanced,
347
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,835
hard on the power.
348
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,637
A bit of a wobble there!
Some oversteer,
349
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,971
but it was designed to do that.
350
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,507
No, it wasn't!
351
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,008
Stop saying things, Hammond.
352
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,210
I'm busy.
353
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,744
This is just a BMW
354
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,913
for people
who like fancy coffee.
355
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,683
No, it's a BMW for people
with taste and discernment.
356
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,285
No, it's a BMW for idiots.
357
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,586
Hammond, be quiet!
358
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,087
Look at the way it's dealing
359
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,923
with Old Lady's House.
360
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,591
Almost no problems at all.
361
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,227
Now he can really turn it up
362
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,428
for the sprint to Substation.
363
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,663
Such power! Such pedigree!
364
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,266
- Such bollocks.
- Just be quiet!
365
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,000
Just two corners left.
366
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,737
Glorious poise in the rain
through there.
367
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,938
Field Of Sheep.
368
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,274
Another master class
in suspension control.
369
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,675
And across the line!
370
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,480
- Well, come on, then.
- Well, no...
371
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,014
Come on. What did it do?
372
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,816
- What?
- Time.
373
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,252
No, it was wet,
374
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,053
so there's no point
putting it on the board.
375
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,688
It'll just wear the computer out
376
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,490
- for no reason.
- Get on with it!
377
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,259
- We haven't got time!
- Get on with it!
378
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,860
I'm gonna do it.
Let's look at the time.
379
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,830
Time for Jeremy's
Alfa Quadriplogio.
380
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,133
That's not quick, mate!
I'm sorry.
381
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,469
That's rubbish!
382
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,704
In the dry,
it would have done a 1:15.
383
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,306
- No, it wouldn't.
- Yes, it would.
384
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,674
- No, it wouldn't.
- It would!
385
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,376
There's no point arguing anyway.
386
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,210
He's got the Alfa Romeo
thing out of his system,
387
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,179
which is good,
because it's time now
388
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,714
for us to enjoy a gentle stroll
389
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,485
along the sunlit sidewalks
of Conversation Street.
390
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,562
- That's a good one.
- I like that one.
391
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,898
It is. Right, now...
392
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,402
OK. And we start with this.
393
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,537
It's the new Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
394
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,707
- For God's sake!
- This is important news.
395
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,311
It's not important news.
It's niche news for morons.
396
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,446
It's not!
It's a superb car,
397
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,780
because you can have it
398
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,649
with the same
500 horsepower engine
399
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,518
that you get
in the Quadriplegio.
400
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:55,487
And with that... with that
you get four-wheel-drive.
401
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,823
So that one will work
in the wet, will it?
402
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,191
Hammond,
when somebody has a baby,
403
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:01,727
OK, do you go up to it and...
404
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,395
"Oh, look at my new
baby that I've...
405
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,963
Eurgh! It's really ugly!"
406
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,965
Well, only if it's ugly.
407
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:10,336
You see, you can't be cruel
about Alfa Romeos.
408
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,837
- Yes, I can.
- They're trying so hard!
409
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:14,573
Well, let's just move it on.
Forget the Alfa, then.
410
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,042
Now, we should talk
about where we are,
411
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:21,212
OK, Tennessee, because
this is the bestselling
vehicle in the state.
412
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,582
OK.
413
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,151
Yeah, we've got a picture
of the police car.
414
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,087
And an ambulance.
415
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,822
- And a hearse.
- Yeah.
416
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,892
I'm detecting...
detecting a theme here.
417
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,661
The pickup truck,
I think I'm right,
418
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:37,929
is very popular in this
neck of the woods, yes?
419
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,898
I'm sure you may
be amazed to hear
420
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,368
they really haven't
caught on at all in the UK.
421
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:44,002
I mean, almost nobody has one.
422
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,671
You hardly see them,
which is a shame,
423
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:47,406
because I love a pickup truck.
424
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,375
- Yeah, we know.
- I like a truck.
425
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,676
You know?
426
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:53,278
I can say that here.
I can say that here.
427
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,515
That's fine, you can say
that, but they're not
actually very sensible.
428
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,883
Look, mate,
that's not everything.
429
00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,785
Anyway, you drive around
in your Ferrari, OK,
430
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:02,020
and happily put up with
the compromises
that that imposes.
431
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,255
So you put up with the cost,
the inconvenience,
432
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,792
and it's not very comfortable
because it's a fast car.
433
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,127
Same with a pickup.
You put up with compromises:
434
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:11,129
the weight, the size,
the fuel consumption...
435
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,431
But what's the upside?
436
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,165
It's a pickup truck!
You can use it...
437
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,601
You can put logs in it
438
00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:18,404
and tow... tow trees
out of the woods with it.
439
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,971
You could put a bear in it.
440
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,974
Hammond, you work...
you work in the media!
441
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,810
The only thing you have to
put in the back of a vehicle
442
00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:27,312
are invitations to gala lunches.
443
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:28,580
- Well...
- That's all you ever do.
444
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,115
The problem,
actually, in Britain
445
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:31,917
with a pickup truck...
I'm sorry to admit this...
446
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:34,853
is that if you pulled up
at a set of traffic lights
447
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,422
and you had your cement mixer
448
00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:37,856
and your chainsaw in the back,
449
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,991
they would be stolen
immediately.
450
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,193
Anything left
in the open in Britain,
451
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,730
it's like nuts at a party,
you just help yourself.
452
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:46,932
So why doesn't that happen here?
453
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,934
Who's got a pickup truck here?
454
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,302
- Holy cow!
- That's unbelievable.
455
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,705
When you go shopping
and put things in the back,
456
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,807
why doesn't someone
just help themselves?
457
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,543
Because they shoot them here.
458
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,447
Well, there is that.
459
00:23:01,448 --> 00:23:05,884
There is that.
Thank you, Donald!
460
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,853
But why... Have you ever
had anything stolen
461
00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,455
when you were at a red light?
462
00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:11,322
Never? Has anyone
ever had anything...?
463
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,024
- No.
- No?
464
00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:14,493
I thought this was
supposed to be
465
00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,361
crime-ridden in America.
466
00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:17,563
Maybe people are honest.
467
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:18,997
I don't know, it's possible.
468
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,031
If I was in Britain
469
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:21,500
and saw a pickup truck
with a lawnmower,
470
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:22,802
"I'll have that."
471
00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:27,473
Now, yesterday we went to erm...
472
00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:29,274
It was like a big
classic-car museum,
473
00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:32,210
just out of town here,
where you could also
buy the exhibits.
474
00:23:32,211 --> 00:23:34,580
- It's great fun.
- It was a fantastic day out.
475
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:35,814
Really enjoyed ourselves
in there.
476
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,315
I mean, it was full
of, you know,
477
00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:38,884
Mustangs and Camaros and stuff.
478
00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:40,686
Stuff like this.
We've got a picture
479
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,320
of this sort of thing...
'60s and '70s stuff.
480
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:45,891
Now, we know that cars like
this are horrible to drive.
481
00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:46,892
Terrible.
482
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,660
But they're tremendous
to look at.
483
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:52,363
There was so much joy
in car design back then,
484
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:54,165
and you see it
in that car there.
485
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:56,568
It actually made us slightly
sad in a way, though,
486
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,870
because as we were
leaving, we suddenly
started wondering,
487
00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,572
"Well, what are they gonna
put in that museum
488
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:02,240
in 40 years' time?"
489
00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:03,374
- Yeah.
- What?
490
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,543
The Nissan-bloody-Juke.
491
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:05,844
Exactly.
492
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,579
I don't want to look
at that now.
493
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,081
- No, exactly.
Or the Dodge Dart.
494
00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,918
Well, what child's gonna
say, "Oh, Daddy!
495
00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:16,321
Daddy, let's go and
look at the 40-year-old
Dart in the museum"?
496
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:17,789
Nobody is!
497
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,224
It's true that car design
498
00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:20,391
has become so dreary lately.
499
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:21,793
And I think part of it,
500
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,695
it's almost as if
the people who design cars
501
00:24:23,696 --> 00:24:25,263
don't actually like
cars that much.
502
00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,265
Exactly. But they did then.
You can tell.
503
00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,001
There was a Cuda in there
next to a Plymouth Fury,
504
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:33,104
and I just stood for about an
hour, just soaking them in.
505
00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,674
I saw a 1966 Cadillac.
506
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:37,275
We've got a picture
of it here. Look.
507
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:38,810
Now, what I like about this
508
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,646
is that the bloke
who designed the bonnet,
509
00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,413
he thought, "I've finished
with the bonnet.
510
00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:43,915
I'll do the grill."
511
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,551
But he didn't tell
the blokes doing the wings,
512
00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,953
and they kept going, so it
goes like another foot.
513
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,822
No, but this is fantastic
with a fantastic-looking car.
514
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,224
The Buick Riviera, they had
one of those in there.
515
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:54,660
- Look at that!
- That is glorious!
516
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:55,927
I had one of those
517
00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,629
as a toy when I was little.
518
00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:59,297
If you put your finger
over the back window,
519
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,032
it flashed its lights.
520
00:25:01,033 --> 00:25:02,568
And you just look and you go,
521
00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:04,870
"How can Buick have gone
from doing that
522
00:25:04,871 --> 00:25:06,805
"in, what, 30-40 years,
to doing this,
523
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:08,173
whatever this brown..."
Look at...
524
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:10,441
How have they done that?!
525
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,143
And it's the same as Chevrolet.
526
00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:14,379
There was an Impala
in there, 1960.
527
00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:16,948
Look at that!
That is exciting not moving!
528
00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,117
That's a Chevy
Impala from the '60s.
529
00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:20,952
Let's have a look at one
from today.
530
00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:22,588
Oh, for God's sake!
531
00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:24,856
How do they even have the
nerve to call that an Impala?
532
00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:26,324
Because it isn't one.
533
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,693
I was looking at a Corvette,
534
00:25:27,694 --> 00:25:28,894
a '70s Corvette.
535
00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:29,995
That's the C3 model,
536
00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:31,462
if you're a Corvette nerd.
537
00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:32,698
This was a car that was driven
538
00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:33,999
by all of the astronauts.
539
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,602
- Exactly.
- And Dirk Diggler.
540
00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:37,869
Yep.
541
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:39,605
Ah, so it's a car
542
00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:41,773
for porn stars and astronauts.
543
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:44,009
- What a strapline!
- What car is there today
544
00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:45,911
that could be driven by
porn stars and astronauts?
545
00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,113
- There isn't one.
- An Alfa!
546
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:50,649
An Alfa?!
547
00:25:50,650 --> 00:25:52,851
Actually, he's right!
548
00:25:52,852 --> 00:25:55,687
No, astronauts
have to get there.
549
00:25:55,688 --> 00:25:57,155
He's right! That's exactly
550
00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:59,357
- what the Quadriplegio is!
- No!
551
00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:02,694
For porn stars and astronauts,
which is what I am.
552
00:26:02,695 --> 00:26:04,062
Now, I would like to have
553
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:07,298
a conversation about
the N?rburgring.
554
00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:08,900
- Go on.
- Because this is important.
555
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,401
Last year, I was delighted.
556
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,203
The people who run
the N?rburgring in Germany,
557
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,040
they said they were gonna
ban car manufacturers
558
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,042
from setting lap records there.
559
00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:19,845
Sorry, why were you
delighted about that?
560
00:26:19,846 --> 00:26:21,146
Because that's
an excellent idea.
561
00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:23,248
If you make a car
that is excellent
562
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,116
for doing a fast lap
of the N?rburgring,
563
00:26:25,117 --> 00:26:27,919
it would be useless as a car
everywhere else in your life.
564
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,388
It's like... It's like
setting your house up
565
00:26:30,389 --> 00:26:31,657
to play Laser Quest.
566
00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:33,992
It will be brilliant
for playing Laser Quest,
567
00:26:33,993 --> 00:26:35,560
but it'll be rubbish
for a dinner party
568
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,895
because it's full of lasers,
569
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:38,363
darkness, fog
and music that goes...
570
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:40,666
...and people running around
571
00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:41,833
thinking that they're
in Star Wars.
572
00:26:41,834 --> 00:26:43,168
Or you could get a dog...
573
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:45,103
You could train a dog
as an attack dog,
574
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,673
which is fantastic
if you own a scrapyard
575
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,140
and you need
the dog to guard it,
576
00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,010
but take it home as a pet,
it will eat your children.
577
00:26:52,011 --> 00:26:53,444
It's completely useless.
578
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,046
That's what happens
579
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:56,882
when you set a car up
for the N?rburgring.
580
00:26:56,883 --> 00:26:58,583
This isn't really
a conversation, James.
581
00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:01,219
No, I think we've
accidentally turned down
Rant Lane this week.
582
00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:02,688
Well, there's more.
583
00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:03,855
- He's off again.
- No, no.
584
00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:06,357
But the thing is,
the bad news in all this
585
00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:07,693
is that they've decided
586
00:27:07,694 --> 00:27:09,560
that they will allow
car manufacturers
587
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:11,229
to set lap records again.
588
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,164
Well, that's good.
589
00:27:12,165 --> 00:27:13,799
- No, it's bad!
- OK.
590
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,200
Think of the cars
that have come out recently
591
00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:17,002
that we've driven
that have been developed
592
00:27:17,003 --> 00:27:18,804
so that they would go fast
around the N?rburgring.
593
00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,706
BMW M4 GTS,
594
00:27:20,707 --> 00:27:22,741
you can't deny it,
it's a terrible car.
595
00:27:22,742 --> 00:27:24,743
Nissan GT-R,
the Track Edition,
596
00:27:24,744 --> 00:27:26,277
that is a terrible car.
597
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:29,547
Even SEAT...
the SEAT Leon Cupra 280,
598
00:27:29,548 --> 00:27:32,217
that's got a hatchback
record for going around
the N?rburgring,
599
00:27:32,218 --> 00:27:33,618
and it's rubbish!
600
00:27:33,619 --> 00:27:35,453
The N?rburgring ruins cars.
601
00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:37,455
I'm developing an app
for the smart phone
602
00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:38,757
called Bomb The N?rburgring
603
00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:40,625
where you guide
a Dornier 17 over it
604
00:27:40,626 --> 00:27:42,227
and blow it up.
605
00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:44,095
What are you doing
on this programme?
606
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:45,596
Talking sense!
607
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,398
Good question.
I don't know.
608
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,268
We have this old woman who
has a baking show in Britain.
609
00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:51,770
She's called Mary Berry.
610
00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:53,571
It would be...
You probably know her.
611
00:27:53,572 --> 00:27:54,940
It's probably the same
612
00:27:54,941 --> 00:27:56,942
as her saying, "I hate cakes!"
613
00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,109
Yes.
614
00:27:58,110 --> 00:27:59,610
Mary Berry would agree with me,
615
00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:00,979
because if she made a cake
616
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,748
that had been developed
on the N?rburgring,
617
00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,083
someone would put
fried onions on the top
618
00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:07,318
and completely ruin it.
You'd have a Victoria sponge
619
00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:09,855
with onion on the top
for no reason!
620
00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:11,422
James, you know
you're weird, don't you?
621
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,324
That's not weird. That's
the most sensible thing
622
00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:14,960
that's ever been said
on this show.
623
00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:16,461
- You are weird.
- I'm not weird.
624
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,764
He is weird! We were coming
through the airport
625
00:28:18,765 --> 00:28:20,165
here the other day,
coming through Chicago,
626
00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:22,167
and he went,
"Jeremy, smell my jacket."
627
00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:23,401
He said what?!
628
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:24,870
- Yeah.
- He did.
629
00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:26,637
He said, "Smell my jacket."
I said, "Why?"
630
00:28:26,638 --> 00:28:29,107
He said, "Because it smells
of old record players."
631
00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:32,010
- Mate, that is weird.
- But it did!
632
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,345
You know record players
don't smell of anything?
633
00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:35,781
They do. Old ones do.
634
00:28:35,782 --> 00:28:37,115
They smell of old
record players.
635
00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:38,884
Who knows what they smell like?
636
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:40,451
- I'd like us...
- The decaying...
637
00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:41,787
I'd like us to move it on
638
00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:43,254
because it's getting scary now.
639
00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:44,790
That's not the record player!
640
00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,057
What are you on about?
641
00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:47,793
Does anybody have
an old record player,
642
00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:49,060
or anything old electrical?
643
00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:50,361
They smell, don't they?
644
00:28:50,362 --> 00:28:52,063
Has anybody ever smelled
an old record player?
645
00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:54,099
Really? You think you have?
646
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,834
You've smelled an old...
647
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:57,236
God, strewth!
648
00:28:59,371 --> 00:29:02,640
Did it have a wax cylinder on
it, your old record player?
649
00:29:02,641 --> 00:29:05,010
They smell like old plastic
and warm rubber.
650
00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,311
Yeah, exactly.
651
00:29:06,312 --> 00:29:09,215
That smells like a party
at James's house.
652
00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:13,019
You're actually talking
to Thomas Edison there.
653
00:29:16,055 --> 00:29:17,455
In person.
654
00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:18,857
Well done, sir.
655
00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,458
Now, as we're told
656
00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:23,161
almost every day
these days, really,
657
00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:26,331
the world's coral reefs
are all dying.
658
00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:29,200
And we're told that this
is the fault of the car.
659
00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,436
Well, since we host a car show,
660
00:29:31,437 --> 00:29:34,239
we thought it would be
our duty and responsibility
661
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,108
to do something about it.
662
00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:47,485
Here in the Caribbean,
all appears to be well.
663
00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,520
But under
the shimmering blue sea,
664
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:52,524
there's just miles
and miles of sand.
665
00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:56,128
It's an underwater desert.
666
00:29:57,930 --> 00:29:59,697
And even when
you do find a reef,
667
00:29:59,698 --> 00:30:02,835
most of the coral
is dead or dying.
668
00:30:06,839 --> 00:30:08,206
Thirty-eight years ago,
669
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:10,141
the local government sank a ship
670
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,979
to encourage the coral
to come back.
671
00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:15,981
And it's working.
672
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:18,484
It's already an oasis of life.
673
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,455
And that gave us an idea.
674
00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:27,592
Why use a ship as the hub
or your coral reef?
675
00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:30,661
Why not use cars?
There are millions of them.
676
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,264
So that's exactly what we've
done. We've got five cars.
677
00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:35,200
And rather than go
through all the expense
678
00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:37,102
and complication
of recycling them,
679
00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:38,904
we've stripped them,
taken the engines out,
680
00:30:38,905 --> 00:30:41,372
removed the paint,
and they're ready
to go in the sea.
681
00:30:41,373 --> 00:30:43,408
This really does
make perfect sense,
682
00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:45,243
because when the car
is in the water,
683
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:46,544
it will start to corrode,
684
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:47,946
and that attracts all the things
685
00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:49,380
that help the coral grow.
686
00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:51,616
And then the car itself
just rusts away
687
00:30:51,617 --> 00:30:53,118
to absolutely nothing.
688
00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:54,886
So this one, which started life
689
00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:56,121
as a pretty horrible Peugeot
690
00:30:56,122 --> 00:30:57,422
and was always a terrible car,
691
00:30:57,423 --> 00:31:00,825
will eventually become
a beautiful coral reef.
692
00:31:00,826 --> 00:31:02,961
And all this happens
quite quickly.
693
00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:04,462
So in just a few years' time,
694
00:31:04,463 --> 00:31:07,098
the BBC will be able to make
a wildlife documentary
695
00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:08,733
just in this wheel arch.
696
00:31:08,734 --> 00:31:09,968
Anyway, we've got the cars.
697
00:31:09,969 --> 00:31:11,136
I've got a crane.
698
00:31:11,137 --> 00:31:12,503
All we need now is a boat,
699
00:31:12,504 --> 00:31:14,172
which is a job
we gave to Jeremy.
700
00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:15,440
That's his responsibility.
701
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:17,275
He'll have overdone it,
won't he?
702
00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:20,045
Well, he'll have made a
statement of some sort, so...
703
00:31:20,046 --> 00:31:22,480
Freight ship.
Full-on freight ship.
704
00:31:22,481 --> 00:31:23,950
Or a tanker.
705
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,394
Oh. He hasn't overdone it.
706
00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:38,330
Is that him?
707
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:42,133
What is the point of that?
708
00:31:42,134 --> 00:31:44,270
Will you come and tie it up?
709
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:51,676
That's the worst boat
I've ever seen. That's awful!
710
00:31:51,677 --> 00:31:54,345
- What's the matter with it?
- Well, it...
711
00:31:54,346 --> 00:31:57,148
We gave you $5,000
to buy a boat.
712
00:31:57,149 --> 00:31:59,084
Boats are expensive!
713
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:00,986
You didn't spend
all five grand on this.
714
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,653
- That is not a five thou...
- Yes!
715
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,022
I've got toothache. Be kind.
716
00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,557
Irrelevant.
That is not a $5,000 boat.
717
00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:08,793
- It is!
- It's barely a boat.
Look at it!
718
00:32:08,794 --> 00:32:11,096
It's brilliant!
You'll get a car on this.
719
00:32:11,097 --> 00:32:13,464
- Er... Where?
- On the back!
720
00:32:13,465 --> 00:32:15,400
- Who did you buy it from?
- A man.
721
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:17,768
- Was he laughing?
- No, he wasn't.
722
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:19,304
- Can I come aboard?
- No.
723
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:22,040
I don't think it can take two.
724
00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:23,274
Look! It's terrible!
725
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,675
Instead of just standing there,
726
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:27,412
criticising a man
who's got toothache,
727
00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:31,049
why don't you go and get
a car on the crane
728
00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:32,351
and start loading it?
729
00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:39,557
Soon, our first car was ready
to be lifted onto the boat.
730
00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:42,127
It's just nice to be putting
something back, really.
731
00:32:42,128 --> 00:32:44,129
It genuinely is.
It's a little old Corsa,
732
00:32:44,130 --> 00:32:45,896
and it's gonna be full of coral.
733
00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:47,465
Mr Coral coming, swimming along.
734
00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,833
"Ooh, there's something
to latch on to."
735
00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:49,900
Then his friend comes along.
736
00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:51,169
His friend comes along.
737
00:32:51,170 --> 00:32:52,870
This is a genuinely
brilliant idea.
738
00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,872
That doesn't fill me with...
739
00:32:54,873 --> 00:32:56,107
total confidence.
740
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,915
Down a bit! Down!
741
00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,884
You'll have to...
742
00:33:06,885 --> 00:33:08,386
Boom out!
743
00:33:08,387 --> 00:33:10,121
Is that the sign for "boom out"?
744
00:33:10,122 --> 00:33:12,890
That. Yeah, that.
745
00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:15,093
It's like being guided
by The Village People.
746
00:33:15,094 --> 00:33:16,861
It's working now. Unless...
747
00:33:16,862 --> 00:33:19,097
On! On!
748
00:33:19,098 --> 00:33:21,199
- The next danger...
- You're really helping.
749
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,102
- I've got the guideline.
- Right, go!
750
00:33:29,775 --> 00:33:32,843
- Down a bit, James.
- Watch for the wind.
751
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,279
Hammond,
can you swing it around?
752
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,746
Do you want me to swing it?
753
00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:37,082
Yeah, try and get it...
754
00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,284
Oh, shit!
755
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:41,919
Who pulled that?
756
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,456
We've got to save the car!
It's a reef! Save it!
757
00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:47,325
Oh, it's gone! It's gone!
758
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:48,726
Who pulled the...
759
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,661
That's to release it,
you Muppet!
760
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,697
Well, I thought
it was a guide rope.
761
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,167
No, I steer it!
You just release it
when it's on there!
762
00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,568
He told me to steer it.
763
00:33:57,569 --> 00:33:59,304
He said,
"Pull the rope to steer it."
764
00:33:59,305 --> 00:34:01,372
This is a �400,000 crane!
765
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:03,308
Why would you steer it
with a piece of string?!
766
00:34:03,309 --> 00:34:04,809
It's got all these
knobs and buttons.
767
00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:08,146
I steer it, you release it!
768
00:34:08,147 --> 00:34:10,115
So that's a quick release?
769
00:34:10,116 --> 00:34:11,483
- Yes!
- Got it.
770
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,855
What if we just said
we only had four cars?
771
00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:20,325
So we've taken four cars,
removed the engines
772
00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,127
and the paint, and they're ready
to go in the sea.
773
00:34:22,128 --> 00:34:25,330
- We'll do that piece
to camera again.
- Yeah, yeah.
774
00:34:25,331 --> 00:34:28,266
The thing is, why use a ship
as the hub of your reef?
775
00:34:28,267 --> 00:34:29,834
Why not use cars?
There are millions.
776
00:34:29,835 --> 00:34:33,271
So we've taken four cars,
removed the engines,
777
00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:37,208
stripped them down
and they're ready
to go in the sea.
778
00:34:37,209 --> 00:34:38,976
And then James...
Oh, yeah.
779
00:34:38,977 --> 00:34:40,511
And then... And then,
780
00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,647
this Peugeot
was no good as a car,
781
00:34:42,648 --> 00:34:46,151
but will be... but the coral
will just stick to it,
782
00:34:46,152 --> 00:34:47,818
oxidising and algae.
783
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,154
Doesn't take very long.
784
00:34:49,155 --> 00:34:51,889
One day, BBC documentary,
wheel arch.
785
00:34:51,890 --> 00:34:54,392
Yeah, from just four cars.
That's all we had.
786
00:34:54,393 --> 00:34:56,327
Four cars. That's all
you need for a reef.
787
00:34:56,328 --> 00:34:58,062
Right, here's the boat
we've selected.
788
00:34:58,063 --> 00:34:59,365
It's a little bit damaged.
789
00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:02,967
With the release rope stowed,
790
00:35:02,968 --> 00:35:05,736
we managed to get
the first of our four cars
791
00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:09,275
onto the boat, which had
come with a broken roof.
792
00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,043
Yeah. Oh, yes!
793
00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:15,313
- Yes!
- Yeah!
794
00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:17,948
Good! Result.
795
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,786
And then we had to
secure it in place.
796
00:35:23,189 --> 00:35:25,556
I don't understand
ratchet straps.
797
00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:28,826
Er... There's water
coming into the boat.
798
00:35:28,827 --> 00:35:31,696
- No, there was some in
when I bought it.
- It's leaking.
799
00:35:31,697 --> 00:35:34,332
There's always a bit of water
in the bilges.
800
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,767
It's why boats have bilge pumps.
801
00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,469
No, it's coming in.
802
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:41,206
It's not just like it's in,
it's coming in.
803
00:35:41,207 --> 00:35:43,541
- Well, there's none here.
- There's holes! It's leaking!
804
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:47,378
Oh, shit! No, there is!
Well, attach us to the crane.
805
00:35:47,379 --> 00:35:49,214
Er...
It's gone down.
806
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,316
It has gone...
It is going down.
807
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,050
If you attach us to the crane,
808
00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,319
it won't sink, will it?
809
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,653
We're tied on.
810
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:58,656
James, can you
just take the slack?
811
00:35:59,626 --> 00:36:01,492
Sadly, James misunderstood
812
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,960
this simple instruction.
813
00:36:02,961 --> 00:36:04,962
Oh, the whole thing
814
00:36:04,963 --> 00:36:06,231
has collapsed at the back!
815
00:36:06,232 --> 00:36:07,565
Oh, dear God!
816
00:36:07,566 --> 00:36:09,467
Wait! Stop!
Whoa! Whoa! What?
817
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:10,935
It's falling over!
818
00:36:10,936 --> 00:36:12,537
James, it's falling!
819
00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:13,971
- What do you want?
- Holy Mother of God!
820
00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,908
It's going down!
Abandon ship! Save yourself!
821
00:36:21,247 --> 00:36:22,780
Catch it, James!
822
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,549
Save it!
823
00:36:24,550 --> 00:36:25,816
Stop!
824
00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:27,752
What are you doing?
825
00:36:27,753 --> 00:36:29,520
Oh, God.
826
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,622
The French Secret Service
827
00:36:31,623 --> 00:36:35,260
didn't do a job as good as this.
828
00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,894
I'm not talking to any of you.
829
00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,829
No. Come on,
it was May's fault.
830
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:40,265
You bought a crap boat,
831
00:36:40,266 --> 00:36:42,267
you put an idiot spaniel
on the crane,
832
00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:44,269
and, also, think
what we were gonna do
833
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:45,636
for the conception of the car.
834
00:36:45,637 --> 00:36:47,272
People would love the car.
They would see it
835
00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,475
as a friendly,
coral-loving thing.
836
00:36:50,476 --> 00:36:51,842
You're swimming
like an old woman.
837
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,579
I don't like being
in the bloody water!
838
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:59,550
Fact! I'm not comfortable!
I'm from Birmingham!
839
00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:01,786
Having sunk a boat and two cars
840
00:37:01,787 --> 00:37:03,888
where the cruise liners
normally park,
841
00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:08,926
the port authorities
suggested we go away.
842
00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:11,629
So we took
our three remaining cars
843
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,097
to a nearby marina,
844
00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,599
built ourselves a raft,
845
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:15,966
and hired a boat
846
00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:17,769
which had a crane on the front.
847
00:37:22,308 --> 00:37:23,541
- May!
- What?
848
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:26,076
You're not operating the crane.
849
00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:28,346
You are operating the crane.
850
00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:29,380
Yeah.
851
00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:30,581
I'd just like to point out
852
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:32,317
that I've been fired from a job
853
00:37:32,318 --> 00:37:33,484
that I was doing perfectly.
854
00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:35,520
Meant that.
855
00:37:35,521 --> 00:37:37,855
I can't get the crane
working. Is there a switch?
856
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:40,358
Don't come to me for help.
I'm rubbish at cranes.
857
00:37:40,359 --> 00:37:43,528
I didn't, did I? Did I?
858
00:37:43,529 --> 00:37:46,465
Soon, we were ready
to load our first car.
859
00:37:48,033 --> 00:37:49,099
You're miles away!
860
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,200
You've got to be spot-on.
861
00:37:50,201 --> 00:37:51,669
I can only lift it to there.
862
00:37:51,670 --> 00:37:53,904
This way, this way,
this way, this way.
863
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:55,940
No, up, up, up.
864
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:58,142
I can't... Jeremy,
you'll have to go back.
865
00:37:58,143 --> 00:38:00,645
I can't do it if you keep
moving the boat!
866
00:38:00,646 --> 00:38:03,180
If I want to go backwards,
I should go that way.
867
00:38:03,181 --> 00:38:05,015
Right, this way. You've
got to... I can't move it...
868
00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:06,451
I can't go
that way! He's driving!
869
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:08,619
I can't move it!
870
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,622
Why don't we pick it...
Oh, God.
871
00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:14,825
Where are we going?!
872
00:38:14,826 --> 00:38:17,495
The bad things...
It's the wind!
873
00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,364
Why are we over here?
874
00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:20,698
Wind!
875
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:23,434
Here he comes!
This is it! This is it!
876
00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:25,470
We're coming in hot!
877
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:27,071
Stop... chasing me
with the bloody crane!
878
00:38:27,072 --> 00:38:28,706
May, will you do something
quickly in your life?
879
00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:31,075
I'm going to kill him!
880
00:38:31,076 --> 00:38:33,778
Here we go! Yes!
Run away! Run away!
881
00:38:34,714 --> 00:38:36,548
We have hooked the apple!
882
00:38:38,784 --> 00:38:40,785
- In a bit, in a bit.
- We are good.
883
00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:43,389
We are so good,
it's almost incredible.
884
00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:46,925
Now we had our eye in...
885
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:51,429
Oh, Jesus.
886
00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:55,700
...loading the second car
was the work of a moment.
887
00:38:55,701 --> 00:38:57,769
- We're on.
- Oh, my God! Yes.
888
00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:01,572
That's it. That'll do.
889
00:39:01,573 --> 00:39:05,075
This is the manliest thing
I've ever done.
890
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,812
I'm just gonna rest
my big balls on my crane.
891
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,520
With our raft full,
892
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:16,921
we headed out to the spot
893
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:19,123
identified by marine biologists
894
00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:23,193
as having the perfect depth,
current and temperature
895
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,796
for a reef to form.
896
00:39:26,297 --> 00:39:27,832
Release the reef!
897
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:30,134
- Yes!
- There it goes!
898
00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:32,437
- The reef is born!
- That's our reef!
899
00:39:32,438 --> 00:39:34,905
- Sink!
- Come, coral! Come!
900
00:39:34,906 --> 00:39:38,443
Yeah!
901
00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:40,545
- Go!
- Yes!
902
00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:43,448
Oh, I'm pleased with that!
903
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,616
The Peugeot 206.
904
00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:46,952
That is brilliant.
905
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,489
Next, we had to anchor
the cars in place,
906
00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:55,693
which was a job for the only
qualified diver among us.
907
00:39:55,694 --> 00:39:57,763
He'd even brought
his own equipment.
908
00:39:59,598 --> 00:40:01,365
Right. Back a bit.
909
00:40:01,366 --> 00:40:02,533
Back... That's on my nose.
910
00:40:02,534 --> 00:40:04,034
Stop moaning!
911
00:40:04,035 --> 00:40:05,170
Ow!
912
00:40:17,182 --> 00:40:18,516
If he were a heart surgeon,
913
00:40:18,517 --> 00:40:20,184
he would turn up
with an old leather bag
914
00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:22,186
with a saw and hammer in it,
wouldn't he?
915
00:40:22,187 --> 00:40:24,288
"I'm ready to do your
operation. Here I am."
916
00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:31,228
It's like his old table with
his Bakelite telephone on it.
917
00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:33,832
- Yes.
- "Hello. Hammersmith 37 here."
918
00:40:35,567 --> 00:40:37,301
James's suit was so old,
919
00:40:37,302 --> 00:40:40,404
it didn't come with
air tanks, so, annoyingly,
920
00:40:40,405 --> 00:40:43,475
it was our responsibility
to keep him alive.
921
00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:47,878
How long
have we got to do this for?
922
00:40:47,879 --> 00:40:50,280
Well, for as long
as he's done there.
923
00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:52,918
- Honestly, I'm exhausted.
- I'm getting dizzy.
924
00:40:54,319 --> 00:40:55,953
We should keep going.
925
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:58,022
No. Look, there's a generator.
926
00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,090
Why don't we just
connect it to the generator?
927
00:41:07,232 --> 00:41:08,398
Now. Now.
928
00:41:08,399 --> 00:41:10,100
- Yeah.
- You're an idiot.
929
00:41:14,072 --> 00:41:16,575
Life-saving air.
930
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:19,845
Oh, there we go.
931
00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:23,081
On. And relax.
932
00:41:41,099 --> 00:41:42,133
Nearly!
933
00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,830
Come in, James.
934
00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:15,900
When our colleague
finally surfaced...
935
00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:17,903
he was very angry.
936
00:42:19,771 --> 00:42:22,072
That was nowhere near
the cars. Nowhere near.
937
00:42:22,073 --> 00:42:23,908
What was nowhere near the cars?
938
00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,276
You might as well have
dropped me off the coast
of Los Angeles!
939
00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,646
- I couldn't even see them!
- Just stop. Stop.
940
00:42:28,647 --> 00:42:30,247
What do you...
What do you mean?
941
00:42:30,248 --> 00:42:31,916
How did you manage...
You're the boat expert,
942
00:42:31,917 --> 00:42:33,283
as you're forever telling us.
943
00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:35,085
How did you manage
to put the cars there
944
00:42:35,086 --> 00:42:37,822
and then move the boat
about 91 meters away?
945
00:42:37,823 --> 00:42:39,089
- We drifted.
- We drifted a bit.
946
00:42:39,090 --> 00:42:41,759
- Have you done the job?
- No.
947
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,828
- What?
- The cars are not anchored.
948
00:42:43,829 --> 00:42:45,129
Because when I got there,
949
00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:48,465
your drifting, stupid,
orange biscuit-tin boat
950
00:42:48,466 --> 00:42:49,734
yanked me back off it!
951
00:42:49,735 --> 00:42:51,101
We don't have an afternoon
952
00:42:51,102 --> 00:42:53,037
to just throw away
while you go paddling.
953
00:42:53,038 --> 00:42:55,807
You're saying... I'm gonna
have to do it, aren't I?
954
00:42:57,643 --> 00:43:01,747
Soon, James Bond
was ready to go in the water.
955
00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:05,983
- Do I look like Roger Moore?
- Yeah, you do.
956
00:43:05,984 --> 00:43:08,853
- You do, yeah. Yeah.
- Roger Moore,
the greengrocer.
957
00:43:08,854 --> 00:43:12,356
- Let go. Yes!
- Yay!
958
00:43:12,357 --> 00:43:15,525
I've just handed
Jeremy a welding iron.
959
00:43:15,526 --> 00:43:17,062
Oh, dear God.
960
00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:24,869
I'm not sure I trust Jeremy
to do welding.
961
00:43:24,870 --> 00:43:26,971
I wouldn't trust Jeremy
962
00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:30,274
to watch a YouTube guide
to welding.
963
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:33,410
- Oh!
- What's that?
964
00:43:33,411 --> 00:43:35,913
- That's gone wrong.
- Jeremy?
965
00:43:35,914 --> 00:43:37,716
Badly, horribly wrong.
966
00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:46,256
Ah!
967
00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:48,693
- How did that go?
- Very well.
968
00:43:48,694 --> 00:43:49,760
- Did it?
- Oh, yeah.
969
00:43:49,761 --> 00:43:51,161
- Did it?
- Yeah.
970
00:43:51,162 --> 00:43:52,296
That was all...
971
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:53,965
They are not going
anywhere in a hurry.
972
00:43:58,369 --> 00:44:01,305
We headed back to shore
for an agreeable dinner,
973
00:44:01,306 --> 00:44:04,574
happy that our important
environmental work
974
00:44:04,575 --> 00:44:06,812
was, at last, going well.
975
00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:14,985
But are the coral starting now?
976
00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,620
- Yeah.
- So they're down there now.
977
00:44:16,621 --> 00:44:20,024
- A bit of coral's gonna...
- Yeah, it will have done.
978
00:44:20,025 --> 00:44:21,391
It's not a big coral reef,
979
00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:23,260
but it's the start
of a coral reef.
980
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,262
Well done, chaps.
We have done...
981
00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:26,964
I don't clink glasses,
as you know,
982
00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:29,299
but we can raise a glass
to our success today.
983
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:30,936
Yes. Well done, us.
984
00:44:34,205 --> 00:44:36,173
Maybe that's what
Volkswagen were doing...
985
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,241
building a reef.
986
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:39,409
That could be it.
That could be it.
987
00:44:39,410 --> 00:44:43,213
We're gonna pick up
our important marine biology
work later on.
988
00:44:43,214 --> 00:44:47,417
But now it's time to play
Celebrity Brain Crash!
989
00:44:54,659 --> 00:44:56,093
That doesn't get any better.
990
00:44:56,094 --> 00:44:57,995
That really doesn't get
any better, that sting.
991
00:44:57,996 --> 00:45:01,331
But anyway,
my guest tonight is from...
992
00:45:01,332 --> 00:45:03,067
Well, how can I describe it,
really?
993
00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:04,301
...the second biggest
994
00:45:04,302 --> 00:45:06,203
and most important
part of the world,
995
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:09,774
the Northeast of England.
996
00:45:09,775 --> 00:45:11,341
Oh, come on!
997
00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:12,810
Well, hello?!
998
00:45:12,811 --> 00:45:14,611
Mark Knopfler, Paul Rodgers,
999
00:45:14,612 --> 00:45:17,547
Gordon Sting, a couple of
people out of Little Mix.
1000
00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:20,317
- Lindisfarne. Mm, lovely.
- Yes, Lindisfarne.
We'll gloss over that.
1001
00:45:20,318 --> 00:45:22,853
But then we've also got...
...the main man.
1002
00:45:22,854 --> 00:45:26,791
The man we have
lined up for you,
he is the lead singer
1003
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:29,794
of the biggest rock band
in the world, AC/DC.
1004
00:45:29,795 --> 00:45:32,262
Ladies and gentlemen,
Brian Johnson!
1005
00:45:34,099 --> 00:45:35,699
- There he is!
- There he is!
1006
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:37,267
There he is! Here he comes!
1007
00:45:37,268 --> 00:45:40,004
What are we gonna
talk to him about?
1008
00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:42,272
- Well, he's taken up
motor racing.
- Yeah.
1009
00:45:42,273 --> 00:45:44,541
- He's got a new TV show.
- Yes, on the road.
1010
00:45:44,542 --> 00:45:46,176
He's on the road.
1011
00:45:46,177 --> 00:45:48,078
I'm gonna talk to him
about being at the front
1012
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,814
of the world's
biggest rock band.
1013
00:45:49,815 --> 00:45:51,816
- Where is he?
- He's Brian Johnson.
1014
00:45:51,817 --> 00:45:53,417
- Here he comes!
- Oh, there he is!
1015
00:45:53,418 --> 00:45:56,320
- There he is.
- The man himself.
What a legend!
1016
00:45:56,321 --> 00:45:58,956
I can't... I've always wanted
to meet him. I'm thrilled.
1017
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,324
- Yeah.
- That is a legend. Proper...
1018
00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,259
- Oh, hello.
- Oh, hello.
1019
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:03,627
- What?
- Oh, my...
1020
00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:06,730
Oh, God!
1021
00:46:09,367 --> 00:46:12,402
- We killed him.
- We've killed Brian Johnson.
1022
00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:14,538
That's...
1023
00:46:14,539 --> 00:46:16,706
OK.
1024
00:46:16,707 --> 00:46:18,275
Brian Johnson has been run over
1025
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:21,411
by some people who think
they are playing football.
1026
00:46:21,412 --> 00:46:23,647
But they're not.
It's not football, is it?
1027
00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,049
Cos they don't use their feet.
1028
00:46:25,050 --> 00:46:26,683
That's not football.
1029
00:46:26,684 --> 00:46:29,253
That's just people dressing up.
1030
00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:32,122
- That's...
- We play football.
1031
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:34,091
- We play football.
- Yeah, with our feet.
1032
00:46:34,092 --> 00:46:35,860
We play football.
1033
00:46:35,861 --> 00:46:37,694
- Soccer! It's soccer!
- What?!
1034
00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:39,563
It's not soccer!
It's football that we play!
1035
00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:44,468
It's 6.75 billion people in
the world call it football!
1036
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:47,371
You can moan and shout
all you like.
1037
00:46:47,372 --> 00:46:49,306
The fact is, we're British
and we edit this show,
1038
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,875
and you'll just get cut out.
1039
00:46:50,876 --> 00:46:52,277
You will.
1040
00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,945
This is a rugby ball!
1041
00:46:54,946 --> 00:46:56,146
Look on the screen.
1042
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,447
They're only playing
1043
00:46:57,448 --> 00:46:59,917
with the padding
they were born with!
1044
00:46:59,918 --> 00:47:01,618
This is not a football!
1045
00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,453
They call it football.
1046
00:47:07,358 --> 00:47:11,596
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
1047
00:47:13,932 --> 00:47:15,299
So...
1048
00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:18,568
Brian Johnson
has been run over by erm...
1049
00:47:18,569 --> 00:47:21,638
...some supremely brave
and talented footballers.
1050
00:47:26,744 --> 00:47:28,778
Er...
1051
00:47:28,779 --> 00:47:31,015
Does that mean
he's not coming on, then?
1052
00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:32,782
Well, James, he's been hammered
1053
00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:34,218
to the thickness of an envelope
1054
00:47:34,219 --> 00:47:37,087
and his spine is now
a jigsaw, so that is a no.
1055
00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,622
Fine.
1056
00:47:38,623 --> 00:47:40,925
Right, so what are we
gonna do to fill the time?
1057
00:47:40,926 --> 00:47:41,926
I've got nothing.
1058
00:47:41,927 --> 00:47:43,193
We could get back
1059
00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:44,995
to our important
marine biology work.
1060
00:47:44,996 --> 00:47:46,696
- Plan. Do it.
- Yes, let's do that.
1061
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,165
So when we left the action,
1062
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,334
erm... I'd successfully
1063
00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:52,702
welded two cars to the seabed,
1064
00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,138
and that was good.
1065
00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:56,941
Yeah, and we pick up
the action the next day,
1066
00:47:56,942 --> 00:47:59,344
as we go back to finish the job.
1067
00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:05,015
On our way to get the last car,
1068
00:48:05,016 --> 00:48:06,383
we stopped at the reef site
1069
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,319
to make sure everything was OK.
1070
00:48:10,388 --> 00:48:11,489
Tom Daley!
1071
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:20,597
I don't like it.
1072
00:48:20,598 --> 00:48:22,200
Oh. Oh.
1073
00:48:25,303 --> 00:48:27,972
And after a few moments
in the water,
1074
00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,774
we discovered it wasn't.
1075
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:33,978
Where the bloody hell
are they? There's the buoy.
1076
00:48:33,979 --> 00:48:35,545
This is the wrong place.
1077
00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:37,247
Yes, that marks the spot.
1078
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:39,249
They're just not here.
1079
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,419
Why did we trust you
to fix them in place?
1080
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:44,654
- I didn't... Listen.
- Of all people.
1081
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:46,590
Well, I don't understand it,
1082
00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:48,558
cos I don't normally
make a mess of...
1083
00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:50,594
Oh, you must have made
a good job of it.
1084
00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:51,628
That's why they've gone!
1085
00:48:51,629 --> 00:48:53,397
There is evidence,
or a lack of it,
1086
00:48:53,398 --> 00:48:55,399
to suggest you can't weld.
1087
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,167
- Oh, shit.
- Maybe a shark...
1088
00:48:57,168 --> 00:48:59,236
- Er...
- What?
1089
00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:01,705
- What?
- Look.
1090
00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,273
Oh, brilliant!
1091
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:04,874
How the hell
did they do that, though?
1092
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:07,577
You know this current
that's whizzing us about?
1093
00:49:07,578 --> 00:49:10,714
Look at them!
They're not gonna make
a reef, are they?!
1094
00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:12,449
Well, maybe it could be
1095
00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:14,751
like a play area
for the privileged.
1096
00:49:14,752 --> 00:49:16,020
Some rusty cars?
1097
00:49:16,021 --> 00:49:17,154
That doesn't work, does it?
1098
00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:18,389
No.
1099
00:49:21,226 --> 00:49:23,360
Obviously,
we had to retrieve them,
1100
00:49:23,361 --> 00:49:25,095
which meant moving the raft
1101
00:49:25,096 --> 00:49:27,232
to the stern of our crane boat.
1102
00:49:29,334 --> 00:49:31,135
James, have you untied that end?
1103
00:49:31,136 --> 00:49:35,539
Yeah. Get ready to catch
this rope. Here we go.
1104
00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,874
Pull it along a bit and get
it sort of squared up.
1105
00:49:37,875 --> 00:49:39,543
I'll have a nice ride.
1106
00:49:39,544 --> 00:49:42,046
Right.
Repositioning raft.
1107
00:49:44,382 --> 00:49:46,283
That's a reassuring noise.
1108
00:49:46,284 --> 00:49:50,487
Er... Where...
Where's that come from?
1109
00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:51,821
James. James.
1110
00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:53,623
- What?
- What's that doing
over there?
1111
00:49:53,624 --> 00:49:55,059
What's what doing?
1112
00:49:55,060 --> 00:49:56,693
All this bamboo's come off.
1113
00:49:56,694 --> 00:49:58,128
What have you untied?
1114
00:49:58,129 --> 00:50:00,364
I've untied the piece
of string at the front.
1115
00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,601
But, look, half the craft
is disappearing.
1116
00:50:04,602 --> 00:50:07,737
As the raft
was disintegrating fast,
1117
00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:10,507
we had to get it
to shore quickly.
1118
00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:12,510
Firing up the machine!
1119
00:50:15,246 --> 00:50:17,881
Sadly, though,
Jeremy's turn of speed
1120
00:50:17,882 --> 00:50:19,783
only made things worse.
1121
00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:21,951
Power! Power! Come on!
1122
00:50:21,952 --> 00:50:23,254
Slow down!
1123
00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:26,923
It's falling apart!
1124
00:50:26,924 --> 00:50:29,559
- Look, he's going down!
- Slow down!
1125
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,029
Slow!
1126
00:50:39,470 --> 00:50:42,339
You can't put cars
on that, can you?
1127
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:44,808
After we'd rescued James,
1128
00:50:44,809 --> 00:50:47,711
he stupidly suggested that,
to solve the problem,
1129
00:50:47,712 --> 00:50:50,814
we should ruin
everyone's holiday.
1130
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:03,493
I think these people
should move out of the way.
1131
00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,563
My plan was to tow the cars
off the beach
1132
00:51:06,564 --> 00:51:10,134
and back to the harbour
so we could start again.
1133
00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:14,037
Which meant I'd need the help
of the man from Atlantis.
1134
00:51:14,038 --> 00:51:17,241
Hold my hand! There! There!
There! Now, let me go.
1135
00:51:17,242 --> 00:51:18,675
Yeah, that's me.
You have to let...
1136
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:21,978
Oh, mind my arm!
Let me go now. I'm fine.
1137
00:51:21,979 --> 00:51:23,214
I don't like it!
1138
00:51:27,685 --> 00:51:29,320
Move!
1139
00:51:36,194 --> 00:51:39,829
Hammond, tie both of them to
this and give me a thumbs up.
1140
00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:42,065
If James gets those
onto the road,
1141
00:51:42,066 --> 00:51:43,767
all the way back up to
the harbour,
1142
00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:47,437
build another raft,
get them loaded on...
1143
00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:50,275
...bring them back,
it's gonna take days.
1144
00:51:53,544 --> 00:51:55,812
- OK.
- Don't stand near the back.
1145
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:56,813
The brakes don't work.
1146
00:52:00,518 --> 00:52:02,187
Yeah!
1147
00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:17,435
- Well, now what?
- That was rubbish.
1148
00:52:18,803 --> 00:52:21,638
I then said we should
use my brilliant boat
1149
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:24,441
to tow the cars back
to the reef site,
1150
00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:26,644
which would be quicker
and easier.
1151
00:52:32,116 --> 00:52:35,051
They're in the water!
1152
00:52:36,921 --> 00:52:39,223
Ha-ha! Power!
1153
00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:40,691
Power! Come on!
1154
00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:44,228
Yes!
1155
00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:46,931
Eat my boat, James May!
1156
00:52:49,900 --> 00:52:51,034
Come on!
1157
00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,807
Victory is the boat's!
1158
00:53:00,110 --> 00:53:02,313
James May's hopeless plan...
1159
00:53:04,148 --> 00:53:05,450
What was that?
1160
00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:10,320
With two rusty Peugeots
in his swimming area
1161
00:53:10,321 --> 00:53:12,656
and his beach furniture
in ruins,
1162
00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:15,024
the hotel manager had had enough
1163
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,761
and ordered us to leave.
1164
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:22,666
We'd now lost four cars,
a boat and our raft.
1165
00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:25,969
But on the plus side,
we still had one car left,
1166
00:53:25,970 --> 00:53:30,006
and most importantly,
the crane boat.
1167
00:53:30,007 --> 00:53:32,977
But that night,
there was bad news.
1168
00:53:37,515 --> 00:53:41,451
The man who owns it
is not best pleased with us.
1169
00:53:41,452 --> 00:53:44,388
- Because?
- He has off-hired it.
1170
00:53:44,389 --> 00:53:47,291
- We've not got
the crane boat?
- No.
1171
00:53:47,292 --> 00:53:50,794
- That was the most
useful thing we had.
- Yeah.
1172
00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:54,664
So what can we possibly do
with a Land Rover?
1173
00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:57,066
- Well...
- Well, what?
1174
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,403
If I can be positive...
1175
00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,004
The Land Rover's
largely aluminium,
1176
00:54:01,005 --> 00:54:04,308
which is actually even better
for creating a reef.
1177
00:54:04,309 --> 00:54:05,575
- True.
- But it's on the land!
1178
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,811
Yes, it is true.
The Land Rover is...
1179
00:54:07,812 --> 00:54:09,946
It's irrelevant.
We've lost everything else.
1180
00:54:09,947 --> 00:54:11,849
Yes, but it's good if...
1181
00:54:14,319 --> 00:54:16,119
I've had a brainwave.
1182
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,555
Oh, God.
1183
00:54:20,391 --> 00:54:22,359
And so, the next morning,
1184
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:24,761
the people of Barbados
were treated
1185
00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,496
to the magnificent spectacle
1186
00:54:26,497 --> 00:54:28,965
of a Land Rover
gliding majestically
1187
00:54:28,966 --> 00:54:30,567
on a bed of inner tubes
1188
00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:33,337
across the Caribbean Sea.
1189
00:54:33,338 --> 00:54:36,072
Here we are on our final car,
and it's a classic.
1190
00:54:36,073 --> 00:54:37,641
It's a Series I Land Rover.
1191
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:39,476
No, it's a Series II.
1192
00:54:39,477 --> 00:54:41,345
It's a Series I. The lights
are close together.
1193
00:54:41,346 --> 00:54:43,212
No, it's got the barrel
rolls on the doors.
1194
00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:44,581
It's a Series II.
1195
00:54:44,582 --> 00:54:45,982
- That makes it a Series II?
- Yeah.
1196
00:54:45,983 --> 00:54:47,851
I thought Series Ils
had the lights angled.
1197
00:54:47,852 --> 00:54:49,653
I think we're getting
stuck on this.
1198
00:54:49,654 --> 00:54:51,655
- It's a Land Rover.
- It's an old Land Rover.
1199
00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:53,089
The good thing about it is
1200
00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:54,791
it corrodes much less
quickly than the steel car.
1201
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:57,361
We've also glued these limestone
tiles to it,
1202
00:54:57,362 --> 00:55:01,465
because porous limestone is
the perfect base, foundation,
1203
00:55:01,466 --> 00:55:03,467
for coral to start a reef.
1204
00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:06,770
This is a coral-reef-making
machine.
1205
00:55:06,771 --> 00:55:09,806
In fact, the only fly
in the ointment
1206
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:12,776
was its propulsion system.
1207
00:55:12,777 --> 00:55:15,545
- Can I go a bit faster?
- No!
1208
00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:17,681
It's filling with
water the faster you go.
1209
00:55:17,682 --> 00:55:19,115
We'll sink it
in the wrong place.
1210
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:22,552
This is our last car,
our last chance.
1211
00:55:22,553 --> 00:55:25,722
They're bleating on.
"Oh, don't go too fast!"
1212
00:55:25,723 --> 00:55:28,392
You're going faster
again, Jeremy!
1213
00:55:28,393 --> 00:55:30,927
You're pulling it under!
1214
00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:32,496
Relax!
1215
00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:33,963
Am I the same species as that?
1216
00:55:33,964 --> 00:55:35,164
No.
1217
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,166
Jeremy, don't sink it
1218
00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:39,002
before we get there!
1219
00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:41,805
Mother of God!
Have you seen that?
1220
00:55:41,806 --> 00:55:43,407
- What?
- Guys, look!
1221
00:55:43,408 --> 00:55:46,611
- Oh, my God!
- Holy cow! Look at it!
1222
00:55:47,712 --> 00:55:49,446
That is phenomenal!
1223
00:55:49,447 --> 00:55:51,681
Yeah! Racing!
1224
00:55:51,682 --> 00:55:54,651
Jeremy, you're going to
sink us! Don't race it!
1225
00:55:54,652 --> 00:55:57,721
Catch the... Oh, I haven't
got time for these two.
1226
00:55:57,722 --> 00:56:00,791
Right. Let's go catch
that sailing boat!
1227
00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:04,929
Oh, brilliant!
1228
00:56:17,107 --> 00:56:18,476
Watch this, sunshine.
1229
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,648
That is the fastest thing
I've...
1230
00:56:24,649 --> 00:56:26,617
Why is it faster than me?
1231
00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:38,495
They're so good, breeze is
beating brake horsepower.
1232
00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:40,130
I cannot keep up with it.
1233
00:56:44,469 --> 00:56:47,370
When do we drink our own urine?
1234
00:56:47,371 --> 00:56:49,073
Look at that thing now!
1235
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,549
Bloody Nora!
1236
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:08,192
That is just... fabulous!
1237
00:57:15,966 --> 00:57:19,202
I could have buzzed around
this amazing machine all day,
1238
00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:22,672
but there was still important
environmental work to do.
1239
00:57:22,673 --> 00:57:24,908
So, reluctantly, I broke off
1240
00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:27,712
to rejoin
my stranded colleagues.
1241
00:57:31,882 --> 00:57:33,817
- Are you all right?
- Well, no!
1242
00:57:33,818 --> 00:57:36,419
We've just been left
to drift in a Land Rover!
1243
00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:39,022
Fortunately for you, none of
these ceramic tiles is loose,
1244
00:57:39,023 --> 00:57:40,891
otherwise I'd chuck it
at your head.
1245
00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,667
Do you know, I think
it actually handles better
1246
00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:52,101
than it does on land.
1247
00:57:52,102 --> 00:57:55,171
Soon, we will reach
the reef site,
1248
00:57:55,172 --> 00:57:57,173
puncture the inner tubes,
the Land Rover will sink,
1249
00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,243
and it will become
a safe haven for cod
1250
00:58:00,244 --> 00:58:03,948
and haddock and... bream.
1251
00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,351
Eventually, we reached the site
1252
00:58:08,352 --> 00:58:11,556
and said about scuttling
our reef machine.
1253
00:58:19,463 --> 00:58:21,631
Fire!
1254
00:58:21,632 --> 00:58:24,101
- Yes!
- Yes!
1255
00:58:28,338 --> 00:58:30,439
Here we go!
1256
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,475
Down! Sink!
1257
00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:33,778
Whoo!
1258
00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:44,821
In truth, all great
environmental projects
1259
00:58:44,822 --> 00:58:47,023
are beset with problems.
1260
00:58:47,024 --> 00:58:50,193
And ours, through no fault
of our own, except James's,
1261
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:51,295
was no exception.
1262
00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:56,901
Save it! Stop!
1263
00:59:03,608 --> 00:59:05,241
So, in the end, our new reef
1264
00:59:05,242 --> 00:59:08,778
wasn't quite as spectacular
as we'd hoped.
1265
00:59:08,779 --> 00:59:10,246
But it was a start,
1266
00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:12,448
and one day it'll be
the core of something
1267
00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:14,618
a thousand miles long...
1268
00:59:14,619 --> 00:59:16,485
a new and beautiful home
1269
00:59:16,486 --> 00:59:19,990
for the cod and the haddock
of the Caribbean.
1270
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:46,282
Thank you so much.
1271
00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:48,852
And a very big thank you
to the government of Barbados
1272
00:59:48,853 --> 00:59:50,353
for helping us with that film.
1273
00:59:50,354 --> 00:59:53,289
And we'd just like to say
no coral was damaged
1274
00:59:53,290 --> 00:59:55,058
while we were building our reef.
1275
00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:59,062
No. Or, if we're
perfectly honest, created.
1276
00:59:59,063 --> 01:00:01,097
However, we came back
with a brilliant idea.
1277
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:02,966
You see, we liked it
in the Caribbean.
1278
01:00:02,967 --> 01:00:04,868
Our crews liked it
in the Caribbean.
1279
01:00:04,869 --> 01:00:06,870
So we thought it would be
a good idea, next week,
1280
01:00:06,871 --> 01:00:08,171
to make a film
1281
01:00:08,172 --> 01:00:10,874
comparing the motoring
cultures of the French,
1282
01:00:10,875 --> 01:00:12,375
the Dutch
and the British Islands.
1283
01:00:12,376 --> 01:00:14,410
- Yeah, it was a great idea.
- Brilliant idea.
1284
01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:15,812
But Mr Wilman, our producer,
1285
01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,714
he decided it wasn't
a brilliant idea,
1286
01:00:17,715 --> 01:00:19,215
and that, instead,
1287
01:00:19,216 --> 01:00:21,184
we should go to northern
France with three old cars
1288
01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:23,286
and drive around in the rain.
1289
01:00:23,287 --> 01:00:25,054
So that's what
we're actually doing.
1290
01:00:25,055 --> 01:00:27,156
And on that
terrible disappointment,
it's time to end.
1291
01:00:27,157 --> 01:00:28,792
Thank you so much for watching.
1292
01:00:28,793 --> 01:00:31,394
Thank you for coming.
See you soon. Take care.
1293
01:00:31,395 --> 01:00:33,097
See you next time.
1294
01:01:12,054 --> 01:01:15,547
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