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1
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,130
Thank you. Thank you.
2
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,599
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
3
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:19,146
Danke. Danke und willkommen
in der Grosse Tour
4
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,981
which this week
comes from Germany!
5
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:26,019
Ja. We're here. We're here.
6
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:31,159
Specifically...
Specifically, we are
in the city of Stuttgart.
7
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Except we nearly weren't.
8
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,564
Because one of your
local Green politicians
9
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,832
tried to ban us
from coming here.
10
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,469
I don't want to embarrass
the poor man on television.
11
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,837
So I've hidden his identity.
12
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,277
Yeah.
13
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,044
- Yeah.
- That's good.
14
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,448
That's appropriate.
15
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,184
I certainly don't want to
tell you his name.
16
00:01:57,185 --> 00:02:00,621
Which is... Andreas Kasdorf.
17
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,258
Uh...
18
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,727
Not a popular man.
But you elected him.
19
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:10,198
Anyway, he says that
we'd be unwelcome here
20
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,834
because this is a very
bicycle-friendly place.
21
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:18,472
It... It isn't. It's the home
of Mercedes and Porsche.
22
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:21,342
- And Germany...
- Exactly.
23
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,512
Germany...
24
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,649
Germany is the cradle
of the automobile.
25
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,818
The car was
actually invented here.
26
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,554
It's the last place on Earth
you can drive a car
27
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,790
as fast as it will go
on the motorway.
28
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,527
- It's true.
- All true.
29
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,630
This is a true fact.
This is a true fact.
30
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,232
The Germans are
the only people on Earth
31
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:48,369
who really know
how to make a car.
32
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,103
This is...
33
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,240
- It's a true fact.
- It's true.
34
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:54,442
I'll tell you a story.
35
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,243
There was a Mercedes engineer
36
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,912
and a Jaguar engineer
having dinner one night.
37
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,315
The Mercedes engineer
said, "Ve haf..."
38
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,716
Forgive the accent.
39
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,953
"Ve haf a quality test
at ze Mercedes factory.
40
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,557
Every night, ve take a car
off ze line at random.
41
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,726
Ve put a cat in it,
close ze doors.
42
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,296
If... When ve come back
in ze morning,
43
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,965
ve know the door seals
are vorking correctly
44
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,067
if ze cat has suffocated."
45
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,005
Nah.
46
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,774
The Jaguar engineer said,
47
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,643
"We've got something very
similar at our factory.
48
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,545
We take a car
off the line at random.
49
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,914
We put a cat in it.
We close the door.
50
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,883
And we know the car's
been built properly
51
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,019
if, when we come back
in the morning,
the cat hasn't escaped.
52
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,855
That is...
53
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,025
- True story.
- Yeah. True story.
54
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,560
The strange thing is,
55
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,729
it isn't just cars
that are built well here.
56
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,932
- It's absolutely everything.
- Except wine.
57
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,967
Yes, except wine. Sorry.
58
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,336
Well, come on!
59
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,306
- Now come on!
- You drink that stuff?
60
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,308
I wouldn't wash my hair in it.
61
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,676
Are you sure?
62
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,111
It is literally everything,
though.
63
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:05,479
German soft toys,
64
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,448
better than anybody
else's soft toys.
65
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,883
Cameras, kitchen appliances.
66
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,520
The Queen of England,
she's German.
67
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,555
She is. That's why
she's still working
68
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,758
even though she's a hundred
and forty seventeen years old.
69
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,461
There is no word here
for "that'll do".
70
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,931
There is no ambiguity
at all in Germany.
71
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,799
You certainly see this
with films.
72
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,569
The names you have
for American films.
73
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,171
I've got some here.
Remember Airplane?
74
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,106
Airplane, yes.
75
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,675
In Germany, it was called
76
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:38,512
The Unbelievable Journey
In The Crazy Airplane.
77
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,714
That is a comprehensive title.
78
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,115
You know where
you are with that.
79
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,951
What was Jaws?
80
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,987
The what? The Weisse...?
81
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,756
The White Shark.
82
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,424
It should have been
The Massive Shark
83
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,361
That Explodes Eventually.
84
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,496
You know where
you're going with that.
85
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,898
What was...
What was Basic Instinct?
86
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,600
Just not
87
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,703
A Brief Glimpse Of
Sharon Stone's Vagina?
88
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:05,238
- Shall we get on
with the show?
- Yes, good idea.
89
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,475
Because in tonight's
car programme...
90
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,479
Richard walks a dog.
91
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,015
James hangs around a gym.
92
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,951
And I say "Good shot."
93
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,554
Good shot.
94
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,122
But before all that,
I'd like to talk
95
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,792
about the original Honda NSX.
96
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,494
We have a picture of it here.
97
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,729
When that car
was launched in 1990,
98
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,531
it was considered remarkable
99
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,567
because it was fast
and exciting like a Ferrari,
100
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,703
but unlike a Ferrari
of the time,
101
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,171
it was also incredibly reliable
102
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,441
and very, very easy to drive.
103
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,676
Honda killed that car off
12 years ago.
104
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,546
But finally, they've come up
with a replacement.
105
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:49,417
So I've been down to our
track to see what it's like.
106
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,086
This is it.
107
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:58,025
It costs �138,000.
108
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:02,430
Around the same
as a Porsche 911 Turbo S.
109
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,465
And it has the futuristic lines
110
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:08,802
you would expect
of a rare-breed Honda.
111
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:13,674
Power comes from
a 3.5 litre twin-turbo V6.
112
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:17,778
Backed up by a squadron
of electric motors.
113
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:24,184
Together, they give
the NSX 573 horsepower.
114
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,319
So you would assume
the performance
115
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:29,957
is something to shout about.
116
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,492
Now, if you ask Honda
117
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,461
for the technical
information on this car,
118
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,464
they will email you
a file so enormous
119
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,198
that it actually
breaks the internet.
120
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:41,802
And yet, nowhere in it does
it mention the 0-60 time.
121
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,572
They simply refuse
to tell us what it is.
122
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,875
I know 0-60 times are
irrelevant in the real world
123
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,711
and they're rather childish,
but look, this is a supercar.
124
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,013
It's top trumps, isn't it?
It's important.
125
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,349
So I'm gonna find out what
it is for you using this.
126
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:58,852
It is a data-o-logger.
127
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,825
Right. Put it in Track mode.
128
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,494
Here we go. Launch control.
129
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,396
Foot on the brake.
Mash the pedal.
130
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,006
Phwoarh!
131
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,512
I'm not sure that was
quite as neck-snapping
132
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,679
as a Nissan GTR,
133
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,781
but it wasn't far off.
134
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,050
Let's see what I did.
135
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:35,288
3.2 seconds 0-60.
136
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:41,528
Which means it isn't quite
as fast as a McLaren 570S,
137
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,532
or a 911 Turbo S,
138
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,867
or a Ferrari 488 GTB.
139
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,769
That's why they're
not mentioning it.
140
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,806
Honda is happy
to quote the top speed.
141
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:57,578
Which is 307 Km/h.
142
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,146
But that too is slower
than its rivals
143
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,149
from Ferrari, Porsche,
and McLaren.
144
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,956
So has the new NSX got anything
145
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,724
in the performance department
146
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:14,061
that makes it rise above
its supercar peers?
147
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,998
Well, yes, actually.
148
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,801
Firstly,
there are the brakes,
which are fly-by-wire.
149
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,003
There is no physical
connection to the pedal.
150
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,038
That's because they
have to harvest energy
151
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,474
to recharge the battery system.
152
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,976
It's a much cleverer
version of that
153
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,911
than you get on the Porsche 918,
154
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,581
a car that costs
five times as much.
155
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,015
Then there's the hybrid system.
156
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,750
It uses not one electric motor,
157
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,919
as you might expect, but three.
158
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:42,856
And the way it uses them
is well good.
159
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,161
The one at the back
160
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,997
is the wingman
for the petrol engine,
161
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:53,601
filling the power gaps
when the turbos lag.
162
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:58,606
This gives the NSX ballistic
pick-up at any speed.
163
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:04,311
Look, instant shove.
It's lovely.
164
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,622
But it's the two at the front
that are the real party-piece
165
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,624
because they drive a wheel
166
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,226
each totally independently
of each other.
167
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,261
Which means this car has
168
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:25,098
a sort of space-age
four-wheel drive.
169
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,135
And that means
extraordinary things happen
170
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,337
when you throw it into a corner.
171
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,146
So, as you approach
a corner like this one,
172
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,081
computers are
measuring the speed,
173
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,652
they're measuring G-force,
steering input, and so forth.
174
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,253
They're adding power
to the wheel
175
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,889
or taking power away from
the wheel as it's needed.
176
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,661
Then you get perfectly flat,
perfectly controlled corners.
177
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,831
It is a bit like
driving a Honda Civic!
178
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,934
There are people who would say
179
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,270
that technology
like this in a car,
180
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,006
helping it feel secure,
will make it dull.
181
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,641
But it doesn't feel dull to me.
182
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,242
It feels tremendous.
183
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,881
I'm going fast and I'm relaxing.
184
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,749
What's wrong with that?
185
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,620
But the futuristic
four-wheel drive
186
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,590
isn't the only piece of
23rd-century engineering
187
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,292
on the NSX.
188
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,829
The aerodynamics,
for example, are so clever,
189
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,563
they can cool all the motors
190
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,134
while providing vast amounts
of grip-enhancing downforce
191
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:38,906
to the front and rear wheels.
192
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,074
And it does all this
without anything
193
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:45,012
as old-fashioned
as huge wings and spoilers.
194
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,993
It's not just the technology,
which is brilliant,
195
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,796
it's that that technology
is on this car.
196
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,765
Yes, we have hybrid supercars.
197
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,134
We have the LaFerrari,
the McLaren P1,
198
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,601
the Porsche 918.
199
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,403
But they're in the
million-pound bracket.
200
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:14,341
This is only an eighth
of the price of the LaFerrari,
201
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,409
and it's actually cleverer.
202
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,312
I love this.
203
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:22,115
I love the way it looks.
I love the sounds it makes.
204
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,918
I like the sophistication
of the hybrid drive.
205
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,419
I like the performance.
206
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,322
I like the steering.
I like the interior.
207
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,824
I really, really like it.
208
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,360
And I find myself
wanting one quite badly.
209
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,000
The original NSX made
owning a supercar
210
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,569
less painful and less expensive.
211
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:48,241
This has done the same
for the hybrid supercar.
212
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,411
It really is a worthy successor.
213
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,393
James, Honda...
214
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:10,263
Honda took ten years
to develop that car.
215
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,231
And?
216
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,400
Ten years is an enormous
amount of time
217
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,534
to do a car.
218
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,003
You can't criticise something
219
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,105
because people spent
too long on it.
220
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,074
People aren't gonna say
"I'm not gonna look round
Cologne cathedral.
221
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,443
They took 600 years
to build it!"
222
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,212
Ooh.
223
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,414
Anyway, I love it.
I love that car.
224
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,916
Anyway, look, we've heard
225
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,683
what you've got to say
about the NSX.
226
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,485
Now it's time to hand it over
227
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,154
to a man who thinks that...
228
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,057
Well, potted plants
are a Communist plot.
229
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,927
Yep. Here he comes.
It's the American!
230
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:48,501
Come to England.
Shit weather. Shit beer.
231
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,570
And he's off!
232
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,973
Clearly in a tremendous mood.
233
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,608
But it is very wet out there.
234
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,310
Wipers flapping away
235
00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:00,313
as he powers onto
the Isn't Straight.
236
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,681
Looking good.
237
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,983
Where I come from,
238
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,118
this thing's badge
is inaccurate.
239
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,220
Kind of like a loser's Cadillac.
240
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,189
And yet, strangely,
we're still waiting
241
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,959
for Cadillac's hybrid supercar.
242
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,461
Right, now,
flying into Your Name Here,
243
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,364
this really is a good day
to have four-wheel drive.
244
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,499
I'm sure even the American
can appreciate
245
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,202
the Honda's
hi-tech features.
246
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,871
What is this
Space Invaders shit?
247
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,439
Clearly not.
248
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,742
Right, full power
for the Isn't again.
249
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:33,313
Electric ain't for engines.
It's for lights and chairs.
250
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,183
He is not
a modern man, is he?
251
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,618
Right, carving through
the standing water.
252
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,587
Into Old Lady's House.
253
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,355
Slithering about a bit.
254
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:45,893
Now he's leaning on it
for the Unsettled section.
255
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,795
Past the hangars
and up to Sub Station.
256
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,964
Hard on those wi-fi brakes
257
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,933
for the second-to-last corner.
258
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,102
How's he gonna manage
through here?
259
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,070
Yes, stepping out a bit
under power.
260
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,738
Through Field Of Sheep,
261
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,308
keeping it tidy through
there, and across the line!
262
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,785
Right,
263
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,524
let's see now where the NSX
goes on our lap board.
264
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,192
Let's have a look.
265
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,997
- Oh.
- Oh, dear, James.
266
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,270
James.
267
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,307
Why didn't you tell us
it was very slow?
268
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:38,278
- It's streaming wet!
- So hang on a minute.
269
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,281
We've had a review from
a tortoise and a wet lap.
270
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:44,117
Which means we've
learnt precisely nothing.
271
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,953
Um... Yeah, you're right.
Nothing at all.
272
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,989
- Nothing at all.
- So let's move on.
273
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:53,260
Yes, let's do that by
popping some loose change
in the ticket machine
274
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,729
so we can park awhile
on Conversation Street.
275
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,973
OK, now...
276
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,975
- I've got some conversation.
- Good.
277
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,980
Last night at midnight,
there was alarm in Stuttgart.
278
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,515
The Green Party
that runs the city
279
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:20,187
asked everyone here not to
use wood-burning stoves
280
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,989
and not to drive
their car today.
281
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,558
- Why?
- Because of the smog.
282
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,365
Am I making this up?
283
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,401
There it is.
284
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,507
I can't...
285
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,909
I can't imagine
anything clearer.
286
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,911
That is... That is gin-clear,
287
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,289
but according to
the Green Party...
288
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,847
I'm not making this up.
289
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,092
You're all from Stuttgart, yes?
290
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,483
There is an alarm today
291
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,320
- because of the smog.
- Yes.
292
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,088
Where is it?
293
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:59,159
How clear is it on a good day?
294
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:02,762
- We've got a photograph here
of Beijing on now.
295
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,564
Let us compare and contrast
296
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:08,135
Beijing on a smoggy day
with Stuttgart on a...
297
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,869
- Not the same.
- ...a smoggy day.
298
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,405
Can I just ask,
what would you have done
299
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,041
if they'd have
actually ordered you
not to drive cars?
300
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,543
At the moment, it's an advisory.
301
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,354
If they said you are
banned from driving cars,
302
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,513
what would you have done?
303
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,150
Come on the train?
That's unbelievable.
304
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,651
But this is the thing
305
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,462
that we don't really
understand about Germany.
306
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,056
Once something becomes
a rule, it is a rule.
307
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,823
I once had a very
interesting conversation
308
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,192
with two friends of mine.
309
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:34,827
One is from California
and one is from Germany.
310
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,530
We were talking about
losing your driving licence.
311
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,667
The Californian said, "In
Germany, what would happen
312
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,536
if you lost your licence
and then you drove your car?"
313
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,738
The German said,
"No, you cannot do this."
314
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,642
He says, "I know
you're not supposed to,
315
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,244
but what if you did?"
316
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:54,081
He said, "No. You cannot
drive. You have no licence."
317
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,150
The Californian
went, "Yeah, man,
318
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,718
"but late one night, you just...
319
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,220
hell, you go for a drive."
320
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,854
The German went,
"It is impossible
321
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,590
to drive without a licence!"
322
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,093
- Impossible!
- Impossible.
323
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,566
There's an interesting thing
I discovered here.
324
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,304
On a motorway,
obviously you can drive
as fast as you like.
325
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,971
You get people
sometimes, not often,
326
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,807
cos your lane discipline
is unbelievable,
327
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,477
but sometimes they sit in the
outside lane just dawdling.
328
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,248
If you tailgate them... OK?
I've got the fines here.
329
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:32,119
You get a 400 euro fine,
two penalty points,
330
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,921
and a three-month ban
for tailgating.
331
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,989
- That is extreme. Ouch!
- Yes.
332
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,567
But if you overtake them
on the inside,
333
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,360
just go past them on the inside,
334
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:43,130
that's a 150 euro fine,
and one point.
335
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,464
Well, there you go.
336
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,133
No. This is where
it gets really good.
337
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:51,238
If you go on the hard
shoulder to overtake,
the emergency lane,
338
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:55,608
that's also one point
but only a 90 euro fine.
339
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,145
There's your answer.
That's what you do!
340
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,713
No, no.
341
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,519
No, because... Aha.
You may think that.
342
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,988
But if you fit your car
with blue lights,
343
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,623
flashing blue lights, basically,
344
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,592
you turn you car
into a police car,
345
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,562
you get... I've got
the point fines here.
346
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,565
20 euro fine
and no points at all!
347
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,502
What? You're joking!
348
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:26,639
- No, you don't understand.
- That is true.
349
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,176
That is very strange
to our ears.
350
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,978
Cos if you tried that
at home in the UK,
351
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,614
you would be charged
with impersonating
a police officer,
352
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:38,184
and you would never
get out of prison, ever.
353
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,353
People say Germans have
no sense of humour.
354
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,522
If you want to know
what no sense of humour is,
355
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,624
impersonate a policeman
in Britain.
356
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,793
Then you'll know
what no sense of humour is.
357
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:50,897
Right, that is the end
of Conversation Strasse.
358
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:57,770
We all like the idea of
a sports utility vehicle.
359
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,707
A car that can handle
the Australian outback
at the weekend
360
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:05,011
and then set a new
lap record at Hockenheim
on a Monday morning.
361
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,214
But even the German
car-makers
362
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,849
can't seem to make
the concept work.
363
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,951
We've got this from Audi.
The RS Q3.
364
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,420
Which is a dismal car.
365
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,389
BMW have the X4,
I think that's called.
366
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:17,824
Don't want one of those, either.
367
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,960
Mercedes have
this horrible monster.
368
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,629
They're all just rubbish.
369
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,231
And let me guess.
You have a solution.
370
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,699
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, God.
371
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,368
Yes, I do. A car
372
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:31,804
that is both sporty
and utilitarian.
373
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,240
This will be good.
374
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,742
Ye of little faith.
Watch this.
375
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:41,614
This is
a Land Rover Discovery
376
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,650
doing utilitarian things
377
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,253
in Britain's muddy underbelly.
378
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,491
And obviously
a machine like this
379
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:56,263
cannot possibly be
converted into a sports car.
380
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,433
Or can it?
381
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:06,506
First of all, we have to remove
this rather ungainly body.
382
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,608
You can't do that
with a modern car
383
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:11,911
because the body is the
chassis. It's the skeleton.
384
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,481
If you take it away,
you're left with nothing more
385
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,583
than a collection
of unjoined-up parts.
386
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,051
However, you can remove the body
387
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,387
on an old Discovery like this,
388
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,790
using nothing more
than one of these.
389
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,399
After just 40 minutes
390
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,501
with no help from anyone else,
391
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,337
I ended up with this.
392
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,313
Obviously
it's still utilitarian.
393
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,448
It will still wade
through rivers
394
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:51,418
and crawl its way
up muddy banks.
395
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,453
But now there's a...
396
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,588
a sporty flavour as well.
397
00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:02,562
Without the heavy body, it
feels nimble, agile, light.
398
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:10,637
If it weren't for the fact
that the windscreen is now
very close to my face,
399
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,773
it would feel like
a Lamborghini Gallardo.
400
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,678
The only real problem with this
401
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,847
is that Britain
is a police state,
402
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,450
and if I took this
on a public road,
403
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,685
I'd be stopped immediately
404
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,820
by the constabulary
who would point out
405
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,889
that I was contravening about...
406
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:33,526
4,870 different laws.
407
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,366
It's not warm, either.
408
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,902
Oh, no, that's stupid!
409
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,971
Happily, both these
problems would be solved
410
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:48,808
when I fitted it with
the body from a sports car.
411
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:56,082
And this is the sports car
I've gone for.
412
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:59,852
A 1978 MGB.
413
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:06,258
Highly-trained men
are now removing its skin
414
00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:08,461
which will then be mated
415
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:10,897
in a delicate two-hour
operation...
416
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:14,967
...to the internal organs
417
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:17,036
of the mud-plugging V8.
418
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:20,540
The following morning
419
00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:22,975
my incredible car was ready.
420
00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:36,122
It is incredible
421
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,959
that in a shed I have created
something which has...
422
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:44,897
eluded the combined might
of the motor industry.
423
00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:49,436
It is a proper
sports utility vehicle.
424
00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,137
I call it the MGD,
425
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,440
and now I'm going to find out
426
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,842
how well it works on a road.
427
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,722
This is... magnificent.
428
00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:14,794
And it is quick. Oh, yeah.
429
00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:19,699
To demonstrate just how quick,
430
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:21,468
I'm going to do a drag race
431
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,470
against the motor
industry's idea
432
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:24,971
of an SUV.
433
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,180
Little bit of play there.
434
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,152
Let's do this.
435
00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:45,858
Come on! Yes, look at this.
436
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,563
The 1.5-litre diesel...
437
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:57,136
...is no match
for the 3.9-litre V8 MGD.
438
00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:00,773
Come on, Pride of Britain!
439
00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:04,877
Yes! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
440
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,914
Ah... ah... ah.
441
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,749
Oh, God.
442
00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,018
The brakes don't work.
443
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,725
With the performance box ticked,
444
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:21,027
I continued my testing.
445
00:24:21,093 --> 00:24:25,031
In many ways,
the MGD puts me in mind
446
00:24:25,097 --> 00:24:28,034
of an Audi R8 Spyder.
447
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:31,638
I mean, OK, in the Audi,
the dials would work.
448
00:24:31,704 --> 00:24:34,406
And the switches.
And the brakes.
449
00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:36,442
And the steering.
450
00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:39,045
And it's a bit less
bouncy, but...
451
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:40,880
both of them
452
00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:43,315
are four-wheel-drive,
two-seater,
453
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:46,418
drop-head V8s.
454
00:24:46,553 --> 00:24:48,454
There is, however,
one very big difference
455
00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,556
between the two cars.
456
00:24:50,557 --> 00:24:52,759
You can't do this in an Audi.
457
00:24:59,465 --> 00:25:02,835
Oh, yes. Yes.
458
00:25:02,902 --> 00:25:07,139
Moments ago I was haring
round a handling track,
459
00:25:07,206 --> 00:25:08,240
and now look.
460
00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,011
It's brilliant.
461
00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:19,185
- Oh, no!
Not now, you bastard.
462
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:22,121
I mean, you wonderful thing.
463
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,123
Choke. Oh.
464
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,591
Yeah, that...
465
00:25:27,827 --> 00:25:30,596
It's on its shutdown thing.
466
00:25:30,597 --> 00:25:31,898
It's just to save fuel,
467
00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:33,866
it goes on two cylinders
sometimes.
468
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:39,438
Once the engine management
thingy had run its...
469
00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:41,473
diagnostic program,
470
00:25:41,608 --> 00:25:43,309
I was back on the move.
471
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,611
Here we go.
472
00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:50,082
Yes.
473
00:25:50,149 --> 00:25:54,253
Mighty four-wheel-drive
system hauling me up that.
474
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,689
What the hell?
475
00:25:56,756 --> 00:25:59,458
Argh! Aargh!
476
00:25:59,525 --> 00:26:02,294
I'm stopping. Stopping.
477
00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:08,000
Oh, Lord,
that is not right, is it?
478
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:18,144
As I got going
for the second time,
479
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:20,980
I realised
I'd been a bit of a chump.
480
00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:22,849
The mistake I've made,
of course,
481
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:25,451
is that I've introduced
you to this car
482
00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:26,919
before I've really tested it.
483
00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:29,055
That's not
what car-makers do.
484
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:31,257
They test a car and then show it
485
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:34,560
to the press and the public.
486
00:26:34,661 --> 00:26:36,021
I'm doing that
the other way round.
487
00:26:36,062 --> 00:26:38,130
I'm introducing this to you
488
00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:40,032
before I've done
the testing and...
489
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:47,139
Oh, for Christ's sake.
490
00:26:50,409 --> 00:26:52,278
You little beauty.
491
00:26:57,750 --> 00:27:00,720
Er, now, yes, what was I saying?
492
00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:07,994
I think the issue is
really you're watching
my workings-out here.
493
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,100
What you really want to see
is the finished product.
494
00:27:10,162 --> 00:27:12,198
That's what I should have done.
495
00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:15,034
Oh, Christ's sake.
496
00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:20,239
Right.
497
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:23,342
At this point, I decided,
for no particular reason,
498
00:27:23,409 --> 00:27:25,712
to scrap the MG idea
499
00:27:25,778 --> 00:27:27,980
and go for
something else instead.
500
00:27:31,383 --> 00:27:33,452
This is what I chose.
501
00:27:33,519 --> 00:27:36,255
A 1980s Mercedes SL.
502
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,825
Partly because
it's the very essence
503
00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,727
of quiet, urban restraint,
504
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,561
taste and elegance.
505
00:27:42,628 --> 00:27:47,199
It's a car that was driven
by Bobby Ewing in Dallas.
506
00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:49,368
Mostly, though,
I chose it because
507
00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:52,872
it would fit more snugly
on the Discovery chassis.
508
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:58,477
This time,
the men worked tirelessly
509
00:27:58,544 --> 00:27:59,979
for nearly a whole day
510
00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:01,380
to marry the two cars
511
00:28:01,447 --> 00:28:04,283
and the result was spectacular.
512
00:28:08,888 --> 00:28:11,457
It's a car
I have justifiably called...
513
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,093
The Excellent.
514
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,296
The internal organs
from a Landrover Discovery
515
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:22,802
mated to the beautiful skin
of a glamorous Mercedes SL.
516
00:28:22,869 --> 00:28:25,037
To create a vision of pure...
517
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:27,273
What's the word?
518
00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:29,608
- Rubbish.
- It's not rubbish.
519
00:28:29,675 --> 00:28:32,778
Did you paint it
with a brush or a bucket?
520
00:28:32,779 --> 00:28:35,848
It's got those headlights
that swivel when
you go round a bend.
521
00:28:35,915 --> 00:28:37,649
So they point at the road.
522
00:28:37,784 --> 00:28:39,385
OK, let me ask you this.
523
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:40,820
Which would you rather have?
524
00:28:40,887 --> 00:28:42,789
The Excellent or that Porsche?
525
00:28:42,822 --> 00:28:44,891
- That Porsche.
- Why?
526
00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:47,994
Because it's better
in every single way.
527
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:50,129
To prove my cynical
colleagues wrong,
528
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:53,032
I invited them
to go for a drive.
529
00:28:54,466 --> 00:28:56,068
Oh, kind.
530
00:28:56,135 --> 00:28:59,605
See? It's an optional extra
for the shorter gentleman.
531
00:28:59,671 --> 00:29:02,274
- Are you comfy, Hammond?
- No.
532
00:29:02,341 --> 00:29:04,811
- Is this as in as I can get?
- Yep.
533
00:29:06,212 --> 00:29:09,849
Right, listen to this.
534
00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:12,418
Oh, no, it moves!
535
00:29:16,622 --> 00:29:19,725
We'd only gone a few miles
before Richard and James
536
00:29:19,826 --> 00:29:21,560
completely changed their minds
537
00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:24,596
and realised that The
Excellent was the best car
538
00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:26,232
they'd ever been in.
539
00:29:26,298 --> 00:29:27,934
No, we haven't.
Stop saying things
540
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,435
in voiceover that aren't true.
541
00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:31,237
I thought you'd
changed your mind.
542
00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:33,272
No! Maybe a bit.
It's worse than I thought.
543
00:29:33,339 --> 00:29:36,708
- Can I put the heater on?
- That's not connected.
544
00:29:36,843 --> 00:29:38,110
- Is it not?
- No.
545
00:29:38,177 --> 00:29:40,212
- What's that dial down there?
- Speedometer.
546
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:42,148
Why have you got that one,
not that one?
547
00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:44,483
- That doesn't work.
- Has it got a fuel gauge?
548
00:29:44,550 --> 00:29:46,618
- Not as such.
- Has it got
a temperature gauge?
549
00:29:46,685 --> 00:29:47,987
Not really.
550
00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:49,889
There's a lot of wires
hanging out of the dash
551
00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:51,924
that aren't connected to things.
552
00:29:51,991 --> 00:29:53,993
You haven't given it
an interior.
553
00:29:57,396 --> 00:29:59,531
- I can see the road.
- I can as well.
554
00:29:59,598 --> 00:30:03,102
No, there's
a hole in the floor.
555
00:30:03,169 --> 00:30:06,305
While Hammond and May had
one or two minor issues,
556
00:30:06,372 --> 00:30:09,775
they both agreed that
if I were to put my car
into production,
557
00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:12,244
it would make me a fortune.
558
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,513
No, we didn't agree
to that, either.
559
00:30:14,580 --> 00:30:16,748
Look, I've
done the maths. Honestly.
560
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,584
The Discovery was �2,500.
561
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,820
Mercedes �4,500.
�7,000 for the work.
562
00:30:21,888 --> 00:30:26,192
That's 14,000 quid. I could
sell this for �120,000.
563
00:30:26,258 --> 00:30:27,927
- No, you couldn't.
- Yes, I could.
564
00:30:27,994 --> 00:30:29,761
A Cayenne Turbo is 120.
565
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:33,465
A Cayenne Turbo is a proper
car built by Porsche.
566
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:37,803
This is two scrap cars
glued together by a Muppet.
567
00:30:37,870 --> 00:30:39,838
It isn't designed
for people like you.
568
00:30:39,906 --> 00:30:41,707
What, people with eyes?
569
00:30:41,773 --> 00:30:43,742
People who can dress
themselves in the morning?
570
00:30:43,809 --> 00:30:47,013
I'll tell you exactly
who will buy this car.
571
00:30:47,079 --> 00:30:49,615
People who use
roundy-ended scissors.
572
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,150
Footballers.
573
00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:53,419
- No, they won't.
- Footballers like Ferraris.
574
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,421
Yeah, and Bentleys
and Range Rovers.
575
00:30:55,487 --> 00:30:58,057
- And Aston Martins.
- Not this thing.
576
00:31:03,229 --> 00:31:05,164
To prove them wrong again,
577
00:31:05,231 --> 00:31:10,469
I decided to head for
the nearby Chelsea
training ground.
578
00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:13,372
These are people
who understand cars,
not like you two.
579
00:31:13,439 --> 00:31:16,008
Yeah, they understand
cars, that's why they buy
580
00:31:16,075 --> 00:31:18,344
Range Rovers and Aston Martins.
581
00:31:18,410 --> 00:31:19,946
They buy those things
582
00:31:19,979 --> 00:31:21,947
cos they didn't know
that you could do this.
583
00:31:21,948 --> 00:31:24,450
- I like my car.
- It's shit.
584
00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:32,124
They're flocking to it,
aren't they?
585
00:31:32,191 --> 00:31:33,959
- You just watch.
- Do you mind
586
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,363
if I go and stand
next to something else?
587
00:31:37,429 --> 00:31:39,298
Soon some players arrived,
588
00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:41,633
which gave Richard
and James a chance
589
00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:44,370
to show off their
footballing knowledge.
590
00:31:44,436 --> 00:31:45,981
You're really tall.
You should play in goal.
591
00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:47,306
Yeah, I do, I play in goal.
592
00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:49,008
- I'm the goalkeeper.
- I know that.
593
00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:50,409
What part of Chelsea
are you from?
594
00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:54,080
- I'm from Belgium.
- Oh.
595
00:31:54,146 --> 00:31:56,348
How do you know
they're footballers?
596
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:57,849
Well, do you not recognise them?
597
00:31:57,984 --> 00:31:59,094
They're in football outfits.
598
00:31:59,118 --> 00:32:00,986
He doesn't recognise you.
599
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,854
Where's...
Where's Alex Ferguson?
600
00:32:02,989 --> 00:32:05,391
Why don't we ask him?
601
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:08,560
At this point I dismissed
my ignorant colleagues
602
00:32:08,627 --> 00:32:11,663
so that I could operate
the subtitle machine.
603
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,577
- Can you do keepy-uppy?
- Yeah.
604
00:32:27,713 --> 00:32:29,481
Take a shot at me.
605
00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:31,817
Well, that's ridiculous.
What can I do with that?
606
00:32:31,883 --> 00:32:33,219
You're supposed to jump.
607
00:32:36,188 --> 00:32:38,024
...flipping horrific.
608
00:32:38,057 --> 00:32:40,826
So you've butchered
a classic car?
609
00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:44,030
Right, watch this.
Little toss...
610
00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:46,032
No.
611
00:32:46,098 --> 00:32:48,500
You need to think of...
612
00:33:04,116 --> 00:33:05,917
- Ow.
- Saved.
613
00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,360
Having established
614
00:33:14,426 --> 00:33:17,063
that all top professional
footballers loved my car,
615
00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:19,198
we got back on the road.
616
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:23,169
Did you get any orders?
617
00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:24,503
I noticed that the car park
618
00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:26,438
was still full of
Mercedes G-Class.
619
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,307
- I saw that.
- Listen.
620
00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:31,210
I could put this
into an auction,
621
00:33:31,277 --> 00:33:33,412
one of those posh,
up-market ones,
622
00:33:33,479 --> 00:33:35,681
and it would sell for �120,000.
623
00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:37,483
It would not!
624
00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:40,286
To prove them wrong again...
625
00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:57,436
Gentlemen,
people are examining...
626
00:33:57,503 --> 00:33:59,438
Yeah,
they are the organisers.
627
00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:01,707
They're wondering
about their carpet.
628
00:34:03,309 --> 00:34:06,278
"Handcrafted by a renowned
British atelier...
629
00:34:06,345 --> 00:34:08,547
sympathetically marries
the chassis with..."
630
00:34:10,382 --> 00:34:13,585
- Did you write this?
- Course I wrote it.
631
00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:16,555
"The interior would benefit
from some minor attention."
632
00:34:16,622 --> 00:34:18,690
- Well, it would.
- With a hand grenade.
633
00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:20,259
Lot number 132.
634
00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,528
Soon the auction was under way.
635
00:34:22,594 --> 00:34:27,566
Ferrari 308 GTB, at �118,000.
636
00:34:27,633 --> 00:34:31,603
Lot number 127, start me
with this at 300,000.
637
00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:33,639
And many of the punters
were happy
638
00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:37,909
to pay six-figure sums
for the cars on offer.
639
00:34:37,976 --> 00:34:39,878
At 270,000.
640
00:34:39,945 --> 00:34:43,148
285 for the Countach.
641
00:34:43,149 --> 00:34:46,752
The Countach
just went for �285,000.
642
00:34:46,818 --> 00:34:48,387
I think I'm gonna sell
The Excellent
643
00:34:48,454 --> 00:34:50,156
for more than that.
644
00:34:50,189 --> 00:34:52,291
And then it was time.
645
00:34:52,358 --> 00:34:56,027
Moving on to lot number 138A.
646
00:34:56,162 --> 00:34:57,963
The Excellent.
647
00:34:58,029 --> 00:34:59,431
It's a fantastic handcrafted,
648
00:34:59,498 --> 00:35:01,767
very unusual machine,
as you can see.
649
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:03,068
I don't want you...
650
00:35:03,169 --> 00:35:07,005
Beautiful, stylish
Mercedes Benz coachwork.
651
00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:09,841
- Very unusual, unique...
- Unusual?
652
00:35:09,908 --> 00:35:12,077
Here for sale this afternoon.
653
00:35:12,178 --> 00:35:14,946
Start me
if you will on this at...
654
00:35:15,013 --> 00:35:16,982
�425.
655
00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:19,251
At �425...
656
00:35:19,318 --> 00:35:21,019
Any advance at 400?
657
00:35:21,086 --> 00:35:23,322
�500. 550 anywhere?
658
00:35:23,389 --> 00:35:25,357
- Somebody's bid?
- 600 here.
659
00:35:25,424 --> 00:35:27,326
650. 650. 700 now.
660
00:35:27,393 --> 00:35:29,528
We're rattling up.
661
00:35:29,595 --> 00:35:32,898
700 here. 700. 800 now.
662
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,933
Let's go for 1,000.
663
00:35:40,406 --> 00:35:42,674
Let's get going.
Come on, let's sell this car.
664
00:35:44,710 --> 00:35:46,678
- �1,000 here on my right.
- Are you bidding?
665
00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,014
- No.
- Jeremy, are you bidding?
666
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,516
2,000 if you wish.
667
00:35:50,582 --> 00:35:52,851
It's 2,000 and five.
Two, five.
668
00:35:52,918 --> 00:35:56,087
3,000 now. It's 3,000 here.
Three, five anywhere?
669
00:35:56,222 --> 00:35:58,123
Three, one.
670
00:35:58,224 --> 00:36:00,626
At 3,100.
671
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:02,694
�3,200.
672
00:36:02,761 --> 00:36:04,230
At �3,500.
673
00:36:04,263 --> 00:36:07,233
- It cost me 14,000.
- 4,000.
674
00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:09,401
At �4,000...
675
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:11,537
At �4,000, any more?
676
00:36:16,141 --> 00:36:17,843
At �4,000.
677
00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:19,445
Come and see us after.
678
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:21,347
You just lost ten grand.
679
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:23,915
He could have just
thrown it down the lavatory.
680
00:36:34,993 --> 00:36:36,695
It was rubbish.
681
00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:40,666
Hold on.
682
00:36:40,732 --> 00:36:43,669
- You were bidding
on your own car.
683
00:36:43,735 --> 00:36:46,405
Well, a bit. I just wanted
to get the ball rolling.
684
00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:47,806
But even then it didn't work
685
00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:49,975
because you only sold it
for four grand.
686
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,777
It cost you 14,000 to make
687
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,713
so you cost our production
company �10,000.
688
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:56,548
No, no, not true.
689
00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:59,284
- I put a reserve on it.
- What reserve?
690
00:36:59,285 --> 00:37:01,287
�100,000.
691
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,289
- �100,000?
- So it didn't sell at all,
692
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,425
which means you cost us �14,000?
693
00:37:06,492 --> 00:37:10,496
Well, yes, but we've
ended up with The Excellent.
694
00:37:10,562 --> 00:37:14,366
No, we're stuck
with The Excellent.
695
00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:16,402
It's really difficult to
know, working with you,
696
00:37:16,468 --> 00:37:19,004
things like this, is it ambition
697
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,773
or are you a lunatic?
698
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,410
Sadly there isn't time
to answer that question,
699
00:37:24,476 --> 00:37:28,347
because it's time to play
Celebrity Brain Crash.
700
00:37:35,887 --> 00:37:38,189
Our guest this week
is a local girl
701
00:37:38,324 --> 00:37:43,128
who is responsible
for one of my all-time
favourite pop songs,
702
00:37:43,194 --> 00:37:45,163
99 Red Balloons.
703
00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:47,399
She is a singer,
704
00:37:47,466 --> 00:37:49,435
she's an armpit hair enthusiast
705
00:37:49,501 --> 00:37:51,703
and she's
an all-round good sport.
706
00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:54,340
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Nena!
707
00:38:14,693 --> 00:38:17,763
- Where is she?
- I've got no idea. Um...
708
00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:21,433
Oh. Oh, no...
709
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:23,469
It's hard to see
through the smog,
710
00:38:23,535 --> 00:38:25,371
but yes, that is...
711
00:38:25,437 --> 00:38:28,640
- Oh, no.
- What's happened here is...
712
00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:30,376
Nena...
713
00:38:30,442 --> 00:38:33,044
yes, she's been
carried away by 99...
714
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,248
- ...red balloons.
- Oh, no.
715
00:38:37,383 --> 00:38:38,850
Bad.
716
00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:46,257
Does that mean
she's not coming on, then?
717
00:38:46,392 --> 00:38:48,760
Well, James, she's floated
up into the stratosphere,
718
00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:51,963
her eyelids have frozen over
and her lungs are inside out.
719
00:38:52,030 --> 00:38:53,932
So that is a no.
720
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:55,634
It's OK, though.
721
00:38:55,701 --> 00:38:58,236
We anticipated
that Nena may float away.
722
00:38:58,303 --> 00:39:01,039
We have a back-up plan.
We'll activate it.
You sit down.
723
00:39:01,106 --> 00:39:05,010
You see, the thing is...
that more and more stuff,
724
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:08,179
these days, is being powered
by rechargeable batteries.
725
00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:10,248
You know, phones, laptops.
That sort of thing.
726
00:39:10,315 --> 00:39:12,884
And this is giving the world
a bit of a problem.
727
00:39:12,951 --> 00:39:16,722
Because in Britain, our power
companies only produce
728
00:39:16,788 --> 00:39:20,426
five per cent more power
than we need.
729
00:39:20,459 --> 00:39:22,428
We're only just coping.
730
00:39:22,494 --> 00:39:24,896
It's actually worse
in the United States
731
00:39:24,963 --> 00:39:28,500
cos they produce 16% less
than they actually need,
732
00:39:28,567 --> 00:39:31,436
which means they have
to import electricity.
733
00:39:31,437 --> 00:39:33,739
So what is gonna happen
as more and more people
734
00:39:33,805 --> 00:39:36,074
are buying
and using electric cars?
735
00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:39,077
We're gonna need more power.
We may not be able to cope.
736
00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:40,612
The solution, you may think,
737
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,280
is to build more power stations.
738
00:39:42,347 --> 00:39:43,915
But if you even suggest that,
739
00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:45,551
weird-beard
environmentalists run around
740
00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:47,152
waving their arms
in the air, going,
741
00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:49,330
"What about the polar bear
and the bats and the newt?"
742
00:39:49,354 --> 00:39:52,458
Anyway, the point is
we are going to need
more and more power
743
00:39:52,491 --> 00:39:55,360
to charge the batteries in
our phones, laptops and cars.
744
00:39:55,461 --> 00:39:58,464
- Where are we
gonna get it from?
- This got us thinking.
745
00:39:58,530 --> 00:40:02,399
How much electricity could we
possibly generate every day
746
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:02,468
How much electricity could we
possibly generate every day
just during our normal lives?
747
00:40:02,469 --> 00:40:03,969
just during our normal lives?
748
00:40:04,035 --> 00:40:07,939
And what if we could
harness it in some way?
749
00:40:10,208 --> 00:40:13,078
This is
an office block in
the centre of London.
750
00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:17,215
Like many office blocks,
it has a revolving door,
751
00:40:17,282 --> 00:40:22,320
which spins constantly
as people come and go.
752
00:40:22,387 --> 00:40:25,957
So, why not simply connect
that door to a generator
753
00:40:26,024 --> 00:40:30,996
and turn all that spinning
into electricity?
754
00:40:31,062 --> 00:40:33,765
And it's not just
revolving doors, either.
755
00:40:36,201 --> 00:40:37,636
Many of us have dogs
756
00:40:37,703 --> 00:40:40,939
and every day we take
those dogs for a walk.
757
00:40:42,774 --> 00:40:45,511
A dog scampers hither
and thither, running ahead
758
00:40:45,577 --> 00:40:46,912
and snouting under hedgerows.
759
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:51,483
So why not attach it
to a trailer like this?
760
00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:52,951
Dog pulls the trailer along.
761
00:40:53,018 --> 00:40:55,621
Inside this wheel is a dynamo.
762
00:40:55,687 --> 00:40:58,023
It makes electricity,
goes along these wires
763
00:40:58,089 --> 00:40:59,024
and into this capacitor,
764
00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:01,026
and when that dial reads 100%,
765
00:41:01,092 --> 00:41:03,261
I'm charging my phone,
766
00:41:03,328 --> 00:41:04,630
So, dog's harnessed.
767
00:41:04,696 --> 00:41:06,932
That was easy.
Attached to the trailer.
768
00:41:06,998 --> 00:41:09,367
All I've got to do
is set her going.
769
00:41:09,434 --> 00:41:12,203
And I've even planned
for that. So, here we go.
770
00:41:12,270 --> 00:41:13,672
Fetch!
771
00:41:16,575 --> 00:41:18,143
Ah-haa!
772
00:41:18,209 --> 00:41:19,878
Yeah! Your favourite!
773
00:41:22,413 --> 00:41:24,616
Chase!
774
00:41:26,451 --> 00:41:27,886
Maybe this dog's broken?
775
00:41:27,953 --> 00:41:31,322
Meanwhile, back in London,
776
00:41:31,389 --> 00:41:33,091
James was charging his phone
777
00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:36,094
from a contraption he'd
fitted to the revolving door.
778
00:41:47,272 --> 00:41:50,208
And even Jeremy had decided
to get in on the action.
779
00:41:51,943 --> 00:41:54,412
This school
sports day,
780
00:41:54,479 --> 00:41:57,148
in my mind, is a power station.
781
00:41:57,215 --> 00:42:00,185
All we have to do is fit
the children with harnesses
782
00:42:00,251 --> 00:42:03,889
and I could have this
charged up in no time at all.
783
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:08,059
Here we go!
784
00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:09,394
Straightaway we can see
785
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:12,297
that charge is being produced.
786
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,799
Not much, but some.
787
00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:16,835
Come on, all of you!
Come on!
788
00:42:16,902 --> 00:42:20,305
Put your back into it!
Catch him! Chop-chop!
789
00:42:21,773 --> 00:42:24,743
This is the work of a genius.
790
00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:26,277
Back in the countryside,
791
00:42:26,344 --> 00:42:27,846
I'd mended my dog
792
00:42:27,913 --> 00:42:30,415
and things were going
well here too.
793
00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:33,384
As you can see,
the dog is now running,
794
00:42:33,451 --> 00:42:34,686
the wheels are turning,
795
00:42:34,753 --> 00:42:36,621
electricity is being generated.
796
00:42:36,622 --> 00:42:40,025
He's basically
a four-legged Sellafield!
797
00:42:40,091 --> 00:42:43,795
Sadly, however, in London,
it was the middle of the day
798
00:42:43,862 --> 00:42:46,698
and no one had been using
James's door.
799
00:42:49,034 --> 00:42:51,636
As a result,
his phone was dying.
800
00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:53,304
So he had to get radical.
801
00:43:08,219 --> 00:43:09,921
15%.
802
00:43:09,988 --> 00:43:11,690
Nice.
803
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,160
Apart from
a couple of hiccups...
804
00:43:15,226 --> 00:43:16,795
Go!
805
00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:23,568
You'll have to put a little
bit more effort in than that.
806
00:43:23,669 --> 00:43:25,904
...everything was going well.
807
00:43:25,971 --> 00:43:28,073
The power was flooding in.
808
00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:29,507
Oh, yes!
809
00:43:29,574 --> 00:43:31,710
25%.
810
00:43:31,777 --> 00:43:33,511
And we were forced to conclude
811
00:43:33,578 --> 00:43:36,682
that it had been a successful
day for all of us.
812
00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:39,685
Well, when I say all of us...
813
00:43:40,686 --> 00:43:41,920
No. Look, listen.
814
00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:45,891
I can see why you're
here. Um...
815
00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:48,794
Obviously, fitting
children with harnesses
816
00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:50,729
and then videoing them,
817
00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:52,297
and they're not my children...
818
00:44:01,873 --> 00:44:06,211
I got... I got 45% charge
in my phone.
819
00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:07,713
I got 41% charge.
820
00:44:07,779 --> 00:44:11,917
I got a different
sort of charge.
821
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:13,183
Anyway, since we had proved...
822
00:44:13,218 --> 00:44:14,786
well, Hammond and I
had proved...
823
00:44:14,853 --> 00:44:17,188
that it was possible
to charge up a telephone...
824
00:44:17,255 --> 00:44:21,026
I began to wonder
if we could charge up a car
825
00:44:21,092 --> 00:44:24,129
using nothing more than vanity.
826
00:44:26,264 --> 00:44:30,201
In London alone,
there are over 750 gyms,
827
00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:32,470
and every day they are
full of people
828
00:44:32,537 --> 00:44:35,140
picking things up
and putting them down again
829
00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:37,809
so they can be more attractive.
830
00:44:39,344 --> 00:44:41,813
So why not use
all this colossal effort?
831
00:44:42,748 --> 00:44:44,149
Let's harness it!
832
00:44:45,917 --> 00:44:48,386
And that's exactly
what we have done.
833
00:44:48,453 --> 00:44:49,988
Ten of the machines in this gym
834
00:44:50,055 --> 00:44:51,456
have been connected to a device
835
00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:54,225
which produces a smooth
flow of electricity
836
00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:58,229
that's sent outside to this
G-Wiz in the car park.
837
00:45:00,331 --> 00:45:02,868
Right now the battery is flat.
838
00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:04,569
So I'm going to plug it in
839
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:07,305
and then after eight hours,
we'll see how far I can drive
840
00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:11,009
on electricity that's been
generated in there.
841
00:45:24,956 --> 00:45:26,491
Come on, you're slacking.
842
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,043
Right. Unplug from the gym.
843
00:45:46,812 --> 00:45:48,814
Let's see how far we go.
844
00:45:55,386 --> 00:45:58,924
Look at this. This is epic
because I'm driving along
845
00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:01,827
in a car, sort of.
846
00:46:01,893 --> 00:46:03,494
No fossil fuel has been burned,
847
00:46:03,561 --> 00:46:05,063
and no atoms have been split.
848
00:46:05,130 --> 00:46:07,065
Nothing's been fracked up.
849
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,843
Look, there's a man
pushing that pushchair.
850
00:46:17,909 --> 00:46:20,045
Stick a little dynamo on that,
851
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:22,948
kid gets some fresh air,
I get more battery charge.
852
00:46:28,419 --> 00:46:31,089
It's difficult to see who
loses from this arrangement.
853
00:46:31,156 --> 00:46:33,624
I get a trip home,
effectively for nothing,
854
00:46:33,691 --> 00:46:36,862
the people going to the gym
feel good, look good,
855
00:46:36,895 --> 00:46:39,630
they become healthier,
the NHS saves money,
856
00:46:39,697 --> 00:46:40,899
cos people are less likely
857
00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:42,633
to have strokes
and what have you.
858
00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:45,136
If one person in a hundred
gets a free gy...
859
00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:51,542
Hang on.
860
00:46:55,780 --> 00:46:57,883
I was enjoying driving on pedal
861
00:46:57,916 --> 00:47:00,351
and cross-trainer power!
862
00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:06,958
And with that, I think
it's back to the tent.
863
00:47:12,697 --> 00:47:14,900
James... James May,
864
00:47:14,933 --> 00:47:17,903
how far did you get
865
00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:20,171
after eight hours of charging?
866
00:47:20,238 --> 00:47:22,907
Actually, it was
better than I expected.
867
00:47:22,908 --> 00:47:24,742
I did 21 miles.
868
00:47:24,809 --> 00:47:27,913
Hang on, though. To get
from our office in London
869
00:47:27,946 --> 00:47:29,814
to my home in nearly Wales,
870
00:47:29,915 --> 00:47:33,018
that's 130 miles, 21 miles at...
871
00:47:33,084 --> 00:47:35,120
So six stops at gyms,
eight hours a time,
872
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,521
and the actual driving,
873
00:47:36,587 --> 00:47:38,323
it would take me three days
874
00:47:38,389 --> 00:47:39,524
to get home!
875
00:47:39,590 --> 00:47:42,127
Or, Hammond, just an idea,
876
00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:44,996
you could maybe get
a petrol-powered car,
877
00:47:45,063 --> 00:47:46,931
put some petrol in it,
878
00:47:46,932 --> 00:47:48,466
and be home in two hours.
879
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:50,468
That's a better...
I'm gonna do that.
880
00:47:50,535 --> 00:47:51,937
Yes. So there we are.
881
00:47:51,970 --> 00:47:54,072
That's the future,
and it's made of petrol.
882
00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:56,207
So we've addressed that nicely.
883
00:47:59,044 --> 00:48:01,079
Moving on...
884
00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:05,783
Now...
885
00:48:05,850 --> 00:48:07,518
There are people
all over the world
886
00:48:07,585 --> 00:48:11,456
who believe we are permanently
on the verge of nuclear war,
887
00:48:11,522 --> 00:48:14,625
alien invasion or zombie attack.
888
00:48:14,692 --> 00:48:15,994
It isn't a niche thing.
889
00:48:16,061 --> 00:48:18,496
There's 120,000 of these
people at least.
890
00:48:18,563 --> 00:48:20,765
They call themselves preppers.
891
00:48:20,831 --> 00:48:22,433
- Morons.
- Shut up.
892
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,235
- Idiots.
- And these preppers,
893
00:48:24,302 --> 00:48:27,372
in order to prepare for
an extinction-level event,
894
00:48:27,438 --> 00:48:29,078
stock their homes
with essential supplies,
895
00:48:29,140 --> 00:48:31,242
they go out into the woods
and practise tactics,
896
00:48:31,309 --> 00:48:35,013
and they create what
they call bug-out cars.
897
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,423
They're brilliant.
Here is one. Look.
898
00:48:36,447 --> 00:48:38,583
- Look at that!
- Yeah! I know!
899
00:48:38,649 --> 00:48:41,519
- No, Hammond,
that is not brilliant.
- It is.
900
00:48:41,586 --> 00:48:44,655
Are you saying we can prepare
for a nuclear attack
901
00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:49,227
by putting some spikes
on the wheels of a Hyundai?
902
00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:50,861
What if the nuclear attack
903
00:48:50,996 --> 00:48:53,031
comes from the back
of the Hyundai?
904
00:48:53,098 --> 00:48:54,732
All you're gonna do
with that car
905
00:48:54,799 --> 00:48:57,568
- is snag your jumper on it.
- Oh, don't be so negative.
906
00:48:57,635 --> 00:49:01,006
In this show you have wasted
14,000 of our pounds
907
00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:02,773
on your stupid Mercedes car.
908
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,442
You have wasted all of our time
909
00:49:04,509 --> 00:49:06,111
with your sweat-powered
electric car.
910
00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:09,047
This is my thing.
Let me do it.
911
00:49:09,114 --> 00:49:11,482
You do realise
there's no such thing
912
00:49:11,549 --> 00:49:12,549
as a zombie, don't you?
913
00:49:12,583 --> 00:49:15,120
Don't spoil it for him.
914
00:49:15,186 --> 00:49:17,688
I like the idea
of being a prepper,
915
00:49:17,755 --> 00:49:21,359
so I thought I'd have a go
at making my own bug-out car.
916
00:49:28,299 --> 00:49:31,102
This is what I came up with.
917
00:49:34,039 --> 00:49:38,609
It started life as a VW
campervan, high-top version.
918
00:49:38,676 --> 00:49:41,846
But I've stripped it
of its hippie heritage
919
00:49:41,912 --> 00:49:44,582
to turn it into a vehicle
that can bare its teeth
920
00:49:44,649 --> 00:49:47,152
in a dangerous,
post-apocalyptic world.
921
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:53,091
And I love it!
922
00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:57,628
I'm so unbelievably
pleased with this thing.
923
00:49:57,695 --> 00:50:03,701
I feel invincible,
ready, prepared.
924
00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:05,536
Which is hardly surprising,
925
00:50:05,603 --> 00:50:08,106
given the modifications
I've made.
926
00:50:09,274 --> 00:50:11,142
At the front, a battering ram.
927
00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,544
You can be pretty sure
the roads won't be clear.
928
00:50:13,611 --> 00:50:15,946
The ram itself
is fitted with spikes
929
00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:17,982
for fending off zombies
at close quarters.
930
00:50:18,049 --> 00:50:19,150
Then, up top,
931
00:50:19,217 --> 00:50:20,918
a bank of powerful rally lights
932
00:50:20,985 --> 00:50:24,655
to cut through the murky soup
of a nuclear winter.
933
00:50:24,722 --> 00:50:27,758
Of course, not everyone
I meet will be friendly.
934
00:50:27,825 --> 00:50:30,027
So, up here...
935
00:50:35,933 --> 00:50:37,135
...weapons rack.
936
00:50:37,202 --> 00:50:38,436
Everything I need
937
00:50:38,503 --> 00:50:41,839
to defend myself against
cannibals and zombies.
938
00:50:41,906 --> 00:50:44,775
Round here, water. Essential.
939
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,478
Subtle stuff too.
I don't want to stand out,
940
00:50:47,545 --> 00:50:49,214
hence the camouflage paint.
941
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:50,715
But perhaps most importantly,
942
00:50:50,781 --> 00:50:52,750
the whole of my
bug-out campervan
943
00:50:52,817 --> 00:50:54,185
has been armour-plated.
944
00:50:55,186 --> 00:50:57,555
I really have thought of
everything!
945
00:50:57,622 --> 00:50:59,023
No, you haven't!
946
00:50:59,090 --> 00:51:01,359
All you've done is ruined
a perfectly good campervan.
947
00:51:01,426 --> 00:51:03,394
No, I haven't!
It's brilliant.
948
00:51:03,461 --> 00:51:05,263
It's bullet-proof all over!
949
00:51:05,330 --> 00:51:07,265
- Bullet-proof? Is it?
- Yes.
950
00:51:07,332 --> 00:51:08,866
- Is it?
- Yes, it is.
951
00:51:08,933 --> 00:51:11,369
- Oh, yeah, sounds like it.
- Tanks feel like that.
952
00:51:11,436 --> 00:51:14,605
OK, then, these are guns.
Use them.
953
00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:17,542
- What, on you?
- No, on the van. Shoot it.
954
00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:19,444
- Are we ready, gentlemen?
- Yes.
955
00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:23,214
Ha! Didn't go through!
956
00:51:23,281 --> 00:51:24,391
Just chipped the paint.
That's all you've done.
957
00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,551
- Yes. Hammond?
- Yeah?
958
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,153
What you're suggesting
is these aliens,
959
00:51:28,219 --> 00:51:31,021
they're going to travel
trillions of miles
960
00:51:31,156 --> 00:51:34,325
using a propulsion system
that we can't even conceive
961
00:51:34,392 --> 00:51:37,162
and then they're going to
try and take over the world
962
00:51:37,195 --> 00:51:39,364
using .177 air rifles?
963
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:41,832
Well, if they do,
I shall be ready for them.
964
00:51:44,235 --> 00:51:47,605
Especially given
what I've done in here.
965
00:51:47,672 --> 00:51:50,708
Inside, I've turned this
once-humble campervan
966
00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:54,512
into literally
the highest-tech
command centre imaginable.
967
00:51:54,579 --> 00:51:57,014
Up front,
carbon dioxide scrubbers,
968
00:51:57,081 --> 00:51:58,616
just like the ones on Apollo 13.
969
00:51:58,683 --> 00:52:02,420
They will purify the air,
even in case of radiation.
970
00:52:02,487 --> 00:52:06,824
And you can measure
that radiation on these
systems up here.
971
00:52:06,891 --> 00:52:09,294
Water. You may not
be able to find it.
972
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,396
Need to make it.
It's essential.
973
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:14,565
I've fitted a system
that recycles urine.
974
00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:17,702
Basically you do
your number ones up there.
975
00:52:19,204 --> 00:52:20,238
Operate the pumps.
976
00:52:20,305 --> 00:52:21,672
They send the results up,
977
00:52:21,739 --> 00:52:24,775
across, and into the water
purification system.
978
00:52:24,842 --> 00:52:29,280
It emerges from that as
purest drinking water.
979
00:52:33,751 --> 00:52:36,554
Food. I'm gonna need it.
I've got a chicken.
980
00:52:36,621 --> 00:52:38,856
It lays eggs.
They go in there.
981
00:52:38,923 --> 00:52:42,059
And perhaps best of all,
the p?t? de foie gras
982
00:52:42,126 --> 00:52:43,594
of the bug-out community...
983
00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:45,696
chicken soup.
984
00:52:45,763 --> 00:52:48,299
I love all this. Setting
out into the wilderness
985
00:52:48,366 --> 00:52:50,635
in my little house on wheels,
986
00:52:50,701 --> 00:52:55,139
knowing I've got everything
I need, whatever happens.
987
00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:57,642
What the...?
988
00:53:00,245 --> 00:53:03,047
Am I penetrating
his bulletproof armour?
989
00:53:03,248 --> 00:53:05,883
Yes. And his food.
990
00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:09,254
Oh! That's my own urine!
991
00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:14,158
- Are you two doing this?
- Yes, he is!
992
00:53:14,259 --> 00:53:17,562
I'd get out of the way
if I were you.
993
00:53:17,628 --> 00:53:19,697
The trouble with the chicken
is, it moves around,
994
00:53:19,764 --> 00:53:21,566
making this a...
995
00:53:23,268 --> 00:53:25,870
- Oh, good idea!
- Isn't it!
996
00:53:29,073 --> 00:53:30,541
Right, reloading, James.
Reloading.
997
00:53:30,608 --> 00:53:32,276
Oh, yes!
998
00:53:44,154 --> 00:53:46,291
- Good shot.
- Not bad, was it?
999
00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:49,860
Sort of game over now, really.
1000
00:53:49,927 --> 00:53:50,928
Hm.
1001
00:53:52,330 --> 00:53:53,631
Right...
1002
00:53:56,634 --> 00:53:58,436
It wasn't game over, though,
1003
00:53:58,503 --> 00:54:00,371
because I went back
to the drawing board
1004
00:54:00,438 --> 00:54:02,340
and started again.
1005
00:54:05,109 --> 00:54:07,412
Three months' work.
1006
00:54:07,478 --> 00:54:09,680
I've used the same basic
interior set-up,
1007
00:54:09,747 --> 00:54:12,383
but I've completely re-thought
the armour plating,
1008
00:54:12,450 --> 00:54:14,685
so that whatever
those two have...
1009
00:54:22,660 --> 00:54:25,896
Now, this is a Scimitar
light reconnaissance tank.
1010
00:54:25,963 --> 00:54:30,801
It's small, it's quite fast,
and it's quite manoeuvrable.
1011
00:54:30,868 --> 00:54:33,338
Its job is to skip around
the battlefield like a goat
1012
00:54:33,404 --> 00:54:35,340
and find stuff.
1013
00:54:39,544 --> 00:54:42,346
Now, look at Hammond, running
around in a mad panic.
1014
00:54:42,347 --> 00:54:44,882
He thinks I'm gonna
shoot him, but I'm not.
1015
00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:48,519
I'm just here
to mark him with a laser.
1016
00:54:48,586 --> 00:54:50,455
He's gonna shoot him.
1017
00:54:57,495 --> 00:55:01,499
Yes, this is a Challenger 2
main battle tank.
1018
00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:04,969
And this really is
a bug-out vehicle.
1019
00:55:05,035 --> 00:55:07,271
It's certainly a lot better
than, I don't know,
1020
00:55:07,372 --> 00:55:10,508
a Hyundai with spikes
on the wheels.
1021
00:55:10,575 --> 00:55:14,379
It'll totally protect its
occupants from radiation,
1022
00:55:14,412 --> 00:55:16,714
nuclear fallout, gas,
1023
00:55:16,781 --> 00:55:20,384
even a direct hit, thanks
to its incredible armour,
1024
00:55:20,385 --> 00:55:22,720
from any known
battlefield weapon.
1025
00:55:24,955 --> 00:55:26,591
Then there's this gun,
which is...
1026
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:29,694
there's no other word...
enormous!
1027
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,061
120mm.
1028
00:55:31,128 --> 00:55:32,730
And it could hit a target...
1029
00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:36,133
let's say
Richard Hammond's van...
1030
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:40,505
while the tank itself is doing
30mph over rough ground.
1031
00:55:41,972 --> 00:55:45,410
I think, though, today
I shall fire while stationary
1032
00:55:45,443 --> 00:55:47,945
because I want to
savour the moment.
1033
00:55:48,012 --> 00:55:50,881
OK, thank you, chaps.
If we could stop there...
1034
00:55:50,948 --> 00:55:52,182
Right, going down.
1035
00:55:52,249 --> 00:55:53,618
Roger. Going down.
1036
00:55:57,254 --> 00:55:58,656
Oh, dear!
1037
00:56:00,791 --> 00:56:04,462
I've loaded the gun with
a high-explosive shell.
1038
00:56:04,529 --> 00:56:06,096
It's a tracer shell,
so we'll be able
1039
00:56:06,163 --> 00:56:07,598
to monitor its progress
1040
00:56:07,665 --> 00:56:10,568
as it arcs toward the target.
1041
00:56:10,635 --> 00:56:12,770
Oh, Commander Clarkson,
this is fantastic!
1042
00:56:12,837 --> 00:56:15,139
I can see him right there.
Have you got him?
1043
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,807
Yeah.
1044
00:56:18,275 --> 00:56:19,510
You bastards!
1045
00:56:19,577 --> 00:56:21,946
Oh, just put him out
of his misery, will you?
1046
00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:23,147
Fire!
1047
00:56:37,995 --> 00:56:42,767
I'm not sure his bug-out
vehicle was quite as strong
1048
00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:44,702
as he may have
led you to believe.
1049
00:56:49,474 --> 00:56:50,908
Right...
1050
00:57:00,685 --> 00:57:02,119
Many months later,
1051
00:57:02,186 --> 00:57:05,055
I was ready to unveil
my third attempt...
1052
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:09,093
...an impregnable fortress.
1053
00:57:11,862 --> 00:57:13,097
Oh, yeah!
1054
00:57:15,065 --> 00:57:16,967
This is bug-out heaven!
1055
00:57:18,168 --> 00:57:20,638
I've used as my inspiration
1056
00:57:20,705 --> 00:57:22,973
the armoured personnel
carrier from Aliens,
1057
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:26,811
on the basis that if it can
protect Sigourney Weaver
1058
00:57:26,877 --> 00:57:30,080
from that metal bitey
thing with teeth,
1059
00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:34,118
it can keep me safe
from Jeremy Clarkson
and James May.
1060
00:57:34,184 --> 00:57:37,922
Underneath this beast
are the basic elements
of an Alvis Stalwart.
1061
00:57:37,988 --> 00:57:41,358
So it was already
armour-plated, amphibious,
1062
00:57:41,425 --> 00:57:42,793
massively powerful,
1063
00:57:42,860 --> 00:57:44,962
six-wheel drive
and four-wheel steering.
1064
00:57:51,201 --> 00:57:54,605
And what I've gone and done
is improve it.
1065
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:06,283
It's got a honeycombed
lattice work
1066
00:58:06,350 --> 00:58:08,452
of ceramic-steel
armour plating.
1067
00:58:08,553 --> 00:58:10,788
It's three times thicker
than the armour you'll find
1068
00:58:10,855 --> 00:58:14,559
on the turret of
an Abrams A1M1 tank.
1069
00:58:18,095 --> 00:58:22,967
In testing, I fired a 7.62
round at that hull,
1070
00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:25,870
and all it left
was a mark like that one.
1071
00:58:27,371 --> 00:58:28,939
This thing is incredible.
1072
00:58:34,011 --> 00:58:37,081
Whatever those two
are planning this time,
1073
00:58:37,147 --> 00:58:38,683
it won't work.
1074
00:58:38,749 --> 00:58:42,687
They won't be able
to damage my soup now.
1075
00:58:47,491 --> 00:58:48,826
Drone feed stabilised.
1076
00:58:48,893 --> 00:58:50,595
Vehicle spotted in the open.
1077
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:53,463
45 stand by to engage target.
1078
00:58:53,598 --> 00:58:55,600
45 stood to engage target.
1079
00:59:04,809 --> 00:59:07,845
This shell...
is twice as powerful
1080
00:59:07,912 --> 00:59:12,382
as the shell we fired
from the tank.
1081
00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:16,053
And it can hit a target
13 miles away.
1082
00:59:20,758 --> 00:59:22,292
Loading weapon.
1083
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:31,368
Hot room, gun loaded.
Gun ready.
1084
00:59:31,435 --> 00:59:32,703
Fire mission,
1085
00:59:32,770 --> 00:59:37,642
target number
Uniform Tango 1805.
1086
00:59:37,675 --> 00:59:39,744
Altitude 35.
1087
00:59:39,810 --> 00:59:42,847
Direction 4600.
1088
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:47,752
Gun target line 130.
Ready 68.
1089
00:59:47,818 --> 00:59:49,486
Command approve.
1090
00:59:49,553 --> 00:59:51,388
45. Engage.
1091
00:59:51,455 --> 00:59:54,659
Command approve. 45. Fire.
1092
01:00:00,898 --> 01:00:04,168
They're bored. They've
realised I'm unhurtable...
1093
01:00:05,535 --> 01:00:06,937
...and given up.
1094
01:00:08,372 --> 01:00:09,907
Five seconds to impact.
1095
01:00:09,974 --> 01:00:11,709
They probably think
it's really funny.
1096
01:00:11,776 --> 01:00:13,978
They probably think
I'm out here all...
1097
01:00:23,688 --> 01:00:25,856
45. Target destroyed.
1098
01:00:36,533 --> 01:00:38,669
Yeah.
1099
01:00:40,337 --> 01:00:42,072
Now,
1100
01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:44,775
we went through
the wreckage afterwards
1101
01:00:44,842 --> 01:00:48,378
and this is all that remains
of Richard Hammond.
1102
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:50,314
He's just dust,
and we know it is Hammond
1103
01:00:50,380 --> 01:00:53,784
because we found this
suspiciously white tooth...
1104
01:00:53,851 --> 01:00:56,553
...in it. That's...
1105
01:00:57,922 --> 01:01:01,058
- That's him.
- That's him.
1106
01:01:02,026 --> 01:01:04,294
So, there you are, preppers.
1107
01:01:04,361 --> 01:01:07,732
The tragic remains of Richard
Hammond are proof positive
1108
01:01:07,798 --> 01:01:10,801
that your hobby is
utterly pointless.
1109
01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:13,938
- You spilled him!
- Spilt him on the floor.
1110
01:01:14,004 --> 01:01:15,740
Now you've got him
all over your shoes.
1111
01:01:15,773 --> 01:01:17,808
I know. Even when he's dust,
he's annoying.
1112
01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:19,443
Anyway...
1113
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:20,789
On that terrible disappointment,
1114
01:01:20,845 --> 01:01:22,813
it is time to end.
1115
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:24,148
He's pretty much gone now.
1116
01:01:24,214 --> 01:01:25,515
Thank you very much
for watching.
1117
01:01:25,582 --> 01:01:27,217
See you next time. Goodbye!
1118
01:02:07,087 --> 01:02:10,434
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