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1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,690
Sometimes I use things
from the future to...
2
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:06,220
Make them like me more here.
3
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:07,820
My name's Jason Bourne.
4
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:09,060
I'm tom cruise.
5
00:00:09,130 --> 00:00:10,630
This is magic Johnson.
6
00:00:10,690 --> 00:00:12,830
I wrote you another song.
7
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,600
Super pathetic.
You ready to go to the future?
8
00:00:27,850 --> 00:00:29,810
Bet you miss 1775?
9
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,110
Not really.
10
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,610
Picnicking with you
is even better
11
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,020
in the future.
12
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,520
What is this called again?
13
00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:36,790
That's spray cheese.
14
00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:38,020
It's inspired by cheese.
15
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,790
And your neighborhood
is so lovely.
16
00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:42,460
There isn't even
a children's graveyard.
17
00:00:42,530 --> 00:00:43,730
Yeah.
18
00:00:43,790 --> 00:00:45,053
One of the cool things
about the future
19
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:46,860
is that most kids live.
20
00:00:46,930 --> 00:00:48,400
I love that.
21
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:49,700
Me, too.
22
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:50,930
Clink. Clink.
23
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,730
The only thing that would
24
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,840
make this moment
even more perfect
25
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:57,010
is if you sang me
one of your songs.
26
00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,370
Okay. This one's about...
27
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:05,380
A flying crucifix!
It's the end of days!
28
00:01:05,450 --> 00:01:09,120
Babe, that's just a plane.
That's an airplane.
29
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,060
All right,
a lot's different in 2017.
30
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,560
Let's review. Picture one.
31
00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:18,060
Car. Very good.
32
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:20,660
Picture two? Cat. We had those.
33
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,200
Great, so you'll know
what they are.
34
00:01:22,270 --> 00:01:23,500
Picture three?
35
00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:25,070
Asian person. And?
36
00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:27,170
What do we say when
we see an Asian person?
37
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,770
Nothing. Nothing.
There's nothing...
38
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,440
There's nothing about
seeing an Asian person
39
00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,910
that I need to comment on. It's
totally normal. Really good.
40
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:36,110
I am really proud of you.
41
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,510
You've been
studying really hard.
42
00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,850
I have a great teacher.
43
00:01:41,950 --> 00:01:43,350
All right, I have to go to work.
44
00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:47,090
I really wish
I could go with you.
45
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:49,790
All right.
46
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,060
Let's give it a whirl.
47
00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:01,070
What if I was to tell you,
mentee,
48
00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:03,000
that this is a victory sauna?
49
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:04,970
Your name
50
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,410
is being bandied
around for tenure.
51
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,510
Wait, for real? Yes.
52
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:13,150
Well, how does one theoretically
seal the proverbial deal?
53
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:16,150
You're gonna be
under intense scrutiny.
54
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,350
You've got to walk
55
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,790
and talk,
56
00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,250
a-and even hand me that water,
57
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,460
as someone who is tenure-worthy.
58
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:26,260
Very good.
59
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:31,070
You know, I wasn't always
Dr. Theodore Anthony Cobell.
60
00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:33,800
I used to be "Ted Tony."
61
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:35,770
Then I got tenure
62
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,570
and I murdered Ted Tony.
63
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:39,640
Message received.
64
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,510
And now come talk to me
while I shower.
65
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,750
So, this is where I eat lunch.
66
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,520
Daniel,
67
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,820
that woman is
holding a skateboard.
68
00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:54,020
How do you know what
a skateboard is?
69
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,723
Do you think I wasn't listening
when you told me
70
00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:57,260
of all your inventions?
71
00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:58,690
So, I call it the panini press.
72
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,430
Basically you take any food
on the planet,
73
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,960
you can heat it, flatten it.
74
00:03:03,030 --> 00:03:04,200
And it's delicious.
75
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,670
So my new invention is a mask.
76
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:10,210
Right, when you put it on,
people think you're a gorilla.
77
00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:15,840
The next book I'm writing
picks up five years
78
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:17,480
after Tokyo drift left off.
79
00:03:17,550 --> 00:03:18,880
Dominic finds out that Letty
80
00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:21,080
has been murdered.
81
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:22,650
Was she working undercover, too?
82
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,920
You never know
83
00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:25,950
with these guys.
They're too fast,
84
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:27,760
and they're way too furious.
85
00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:28,990
I can't believe it.
86
00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:31,760
Your inventions are everywhere.
87
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,030
That man is even wearing
your Beats by Dan headphones!
88
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,370
Let's go say hi.
No, no, no. You know what?
89
00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:40,200
I'm blowing up.
90
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:41,633
They're telling me work
is done for the day.
91
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,900
Just got an e-mail.
92
00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:45,840
Another wonderful
creation of yours.
93
00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:47,580
Um, let's go home.
94
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,240
Quickly, out the side door.
95
00:03:52,050 --> 00:03:55,050
That wasn't overwhelming
or scary at all.
96
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,143
And I loved seeing all the
different colors walls can be.
97
00:03:57,150 --> 00:03:58,920
Yeah, walls can be whatever.
98
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,820
No.
99
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:02,590
There's an emergency at work.
100
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:05,230
I have to go... back.
101
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:07,700
Okay. I'll miss you.
102
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,093
I'll miss you, too.
Perhaps you can
103
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,100
sing me one of your songs
104
00:04:10,170 --> 00:04:11,323
to think of while you're gone.
105
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,930
Deb, the thing about my songs...
106
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,440
You're such an amazing talent.
107
00:04:15,510 --> 00:04:17,270
It's as if you read
my private thoughts
108
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,770
and put them
to wondrous melodies.
109
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,510
Well, here are some more
of your thoughts.
110
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,830
Is that enough? No? Okay.
111
00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:51,640
Daniel, you're a genius.
112
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,370
All right, see you at 5:00.
113
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,610
Byesies. Byesies.
114
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,550
Byesies.
115
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,510
As Robert Oppenheimer once said,
116
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,310
"now I am become death,
117
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,210
the destroyer of worlds."
118
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,510
You know what that means?
119
00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:09,350
Pop quiz!
120
00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:11,020
Hey, hey, hey.
121
00:05:11,090 --> 00:05:12,583
If you don't have haters
in this job, it means
122
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:15,320
you're not doing it right.
123
00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:17,520
Chris, I need to talk to you.
124
00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:19,160
I need to talk to you.
125
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,530
Our heater's fine, thank you.
126
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,760
Chris. What are you doing?
127
00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:25,600
Get out. It's very important.
128
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,930
Okay, this is a classroom.
129
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,340
They're taking a quiz.
130
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,670
Is it a hard quiz?
131
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:32,110
Is he a hard professor?
132
00:05:32,170 --> 00:05:33,510
I bet he's hard, but he's fair.
133
00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,060
Okay, you know what?
Let's go outside.
134
00:05:35,110 --> 00:05:36,980
If he's hard, it's because
he cares about you.
135
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:40,350
He cares about you enough that
he wants to challenge you. Out.
136
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:42,113
What could possibly justify
you interrupting my class?
137
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,950
Chicks, brother. My god.
138
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:45,743
Can you please just be
normal for one second?
139
00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:48,220
Okay, so Deb and I are
at this really weird stage
140
00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,953
in our relationship
where I've been lying to her
141
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,320
the whole time about everything.
142
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,330
And I'm about to be found out.
143
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,953
What are you asking me?
Well, I guess I'm not...
144
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,330
Really asking a question,
per Se.
145
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,663
More trying to engage you
in a dialogue.
146
00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:00,200
Well, what have you been
lying about?
147
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,700
I maybe told her that I invented
148
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:04,670
most aspects
of modern society and...
149
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:07,010
Pretty much every work of art
and kind of every song.
150
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,833
Well, it sounds like
you have two options.
151
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,780
Option one being that
you tell her the truth
152
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:13,550
and she probably leaves you.
Pass. Can't do that. Option two?
153
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:16,343
She finds out on her own and she definitely
leaves you. Nah, can't do that either.
154
00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:17,920
Maybe I'll Truman show her.
155
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:19,290
Create a whole fake world
156
00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:21,390
under the guise
of reality television.
157
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,660
Chris?
158
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,020
Hello, Dean.
159
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:25,860
Chris, I just peeked
in your classroom.
160
00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:27,423
All their students
have their phones out
161
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,030
playing "poke-a-hey-Mon go."
162
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,500
I will get back
in there immediately.
163
00:06:31,570 --> 00:06:33,270
Surprise! What is this?
164
00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:34,670
Did you hunt,
165
00:06:34,740 --> 00:06:36,440
farm, and...
166
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,100
Woodwork a chair?
167
00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:40,540
Your song inspired me
to make a loving gesture.
168
00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:43,580
I trapped everything
myself in yon woods. Deb,
169
00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:47,210
kids play in yon woods. Well, children
know to be on the lookout for traps.
170
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,350
And those candles
are quite lovely...
171
00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:52,090
What are they made out of? Crushed
butterflies and squirrel lard.
172
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:55,120
I fashioned the
squirrel pelts into a cushion.
173
00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:57,720
And the bones into a tiny piano.
174
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:05,630
That is so cool. And what a way
to honor that squirrel.
175
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,900
You're amazing. Piffle.
176
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,740
Your inventions are
far superior to this.
177
00:07:10,810 --> 00:07:12,770
That's kind of why
I-i-i think we should talk
178
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,010
about my inventions.
179
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,270
Let's eat.
180
00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,940
Before the roasted
possum gets cold.
181
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,380
I only wish
182
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:21,450
I had my butter churn
to make fresh butter
183
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,020
to complete the meal.
You know what?
184
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,780
We have a time machine.
185
00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:26,050
Let's go get it.
186
00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:43,800
Right.
187
00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:45,670
That's why I don't use
this thing inside.
188
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,410
I hope you won't think
this too forward, but...
189
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,080
Can we go out tonight?
190
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,740
Sure, yeah.
191
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:53,110
Let's go out.
192
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,810
I've waited
all my life for this.
193
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,180
In 1775 women
weren't allowed in taverns.
194
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:58,513
Unless, they were,
of course, whores.
195
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,990
Of course.
196
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,690
Although we should get you
something to wear.
197
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,790
I don't know what you
should wear, but I do know
198
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,083
it's not
a 200-year-old housecoat
199
00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,530
covered in squirrel's blood.
200
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,460
Right. Okay.
201
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,793
Here's everything in my closet
that could possibly
202
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,070
be considered lady clothes.
203
00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:13,470
I have PJ pants,
204
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:14,870
my girliest sweater, my octomom
205
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:16,763
Halloween costume
if you cut off the baby dolls.
206
00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:18,470
Mama. I got my "big
baby" Davis Jersey.
207
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,910
You could...
208
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:22,180
Belt it.
209
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,510
I like the green.
210
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,850
Nice. Green looks good on you.
211
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,920
Do you have any beet juice?
212
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,480
Girl...
213
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:33,520
I got better than beet juice.
214
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:35,190
And you just want
to smoke it out.
215
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:38,190
You're just kind of
smearing it and smudging it...
216
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:39,930
Don't blink.
217
00:08:39,990 --> 00:08:41,630
Stop blinking.
218
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,900
I'm not blinking.
219
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,560
You're blinking.
220
00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:45,800
No. Go, go.
221
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:47,230
Do it.
222
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,040
Do you want your eye
to be smoked or not?
223
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,140
So, this is a bar.
224
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,550
Hey, cute shoes.
225
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,450
I like your front teeth. Hey.
226
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,450
Daniel,
227
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,013
they have one of your
televisions here.
228
00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:08,190
So they do.
229
00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:10,620
Very cool. Hey, Chris.
230
00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,223
Hey, look, it's Chris,
you remember Chris
231
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,690
from when we all time-traveled.
232
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,800
Yeah. What are y'all doing here?
233
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,500
What am I doing here?
234
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:18,870
I live a block
235
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:21,270
from this place.
What are you doing here?
236
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:22,933
No one else from the
college comes to this place.
237
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:24,200
Yeah, exactly.
238
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,040
Trivia night with townies?
239
00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:28,910
I always dominate.
What is trivia night?
240
00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:32,210
It's a contest of knowledge.
Nerds arguing about dumb stuff.
241
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,380
This will be a grand exchange
of ideas just as I imagined.
242
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,080
What was the primary
unit of time
243
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:39,250
in the Mayan calendar?
244
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,790
Yes? Day.
245
00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:42,790
Correct. Yes!
246
00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:44,190
In 1787, Levi Hutchins
247
00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:45,460
invented the first...
248
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:47,530
Alarm clock. Yes.
249
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,053
Heating up, boy! What ship was sunk
bringing the U.S. into world war I?
250
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:51,860
Lusitania. Damn Yankees.
251
00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,670
Trotsky! Yes.
252
00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:55,300
I know this one...
Michael Jordan!
253
00:09:55,370 --> 00:09:56,800
No. Carbon dioxide.
254
00:09:56,870 --> 00:09:58,300
I was close.
255
00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:01,510
You're right.
You're always right.
256
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:04,180
Riboflavin is
the scientific name
257
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,550
for what vitamin? Riboflavin?
258
00:10:06,610 --> 00:10:08,680
R-I-b-e-o... Vitamin...
259
00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:12,690
I'm gonna go get us another
260
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,720
pitcher of beer. Round two
261
00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:16,720
after the break.
Chris, may I ask you something
262
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:17,990
about Dan?
263
00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,090
I know he's brilliant, but...
264
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,130
Why doesn't he seem
to know anything?
265
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,700
There's different
kinds of smart.
266
00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:26,200
No, there aren't. Okay,
267
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:28,430
it's time for
a pop culture round.
268
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,270
Pop culture.
Right in Dan's wheelhouse.
269
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,510
Who sings
270
00:10:32,570 --> 00:10:34,710
this song?
271
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:40,210
Finally, one I know!
272
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,780
No, Deb, no,
y-you don't know it.
273
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,780
Dan chambers, my boyfriend!
274
00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:46,050
Idiot!
275
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,320
It's Cher.
276
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:48,850
Who the hell's Dan chambers?
277
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,090
What a dummy.
278
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,260
Well, at least
you were honest with her.
279
00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:57,230
You're really cute.
280
00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:00,230
Deb? Deb?
281
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:08,820
Hey, Deb?
282
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,020
I know this banana is yours,
283
00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:12,120
but I was really looking forward
to opening it.
284
00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:14,520
I hope you'll have the decency
to let me take it.
285
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,360
Take it where?
Where are you going?
286
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:18,220
Why are you wearing
your travel bonnet?
287
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,183
I'm moving into the woods.
288
00:11:19,190 --> 00:11:20,330
Yon woods?
289
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,960
Yes, yon woods. Deb,
290
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:23,460
please, listen. I gave up
291
00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:26,570
everything... my family, my
sisters... because I trusted you.
292
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,830
Have you even done
293
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,600
one of the great things
you've claimed?
294
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:32,240
Yes, I saw all
the fast and furiouseses.
295
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,340
I saw the seventh one
seven times.
296
00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:37,010
Good-bye, Daniel. No, no. Wait, wait.
Look, I wanted
297
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,480
to tell you the truth. I just...
I couldn't figure out how.
298
00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:42,850
I... I turned myself
into someone
299
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,480
that I thought
you would like because...
300
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,420
I didn't think
you'd like the real me.
301
00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:47,920
No one ever has.
302
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:51,560
I fell in love
with Cher's words, not yours.
303
00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:54,360
He knows me better than you do.
304
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,470
Hello?
305
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:16,550
What type of man
do you want to be, Chris?
306
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:18,180
Dr. Cobell?
307
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:19,820
Wait. What are you doing here?
308
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:22,520
You gave me a key...
For emergencies.
309
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,590
What's the emergency?
310
00:12:23,630 --> 00:12:25,160
Tenure!
311
00:12:28,730 --> 00:12:31,970
Okay. I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
312
00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:35,400
I tell you you're going
to be under intense scrutiny.
313
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:38,540
I tell you you must watch
the company that you keep.
314
00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:40,340
And how do you respond? By
315
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:43,540
traipsing about with-with
Dan Dan the heating man.
316
00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:45,910
No, we only talked a
couple of times. Well,
317
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:50,150
the Dean tells me he interrupted
you in quite a hallway rumpus.
318
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,650
That gossipy bitch.
319
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,750
That gossipy bitch bandied
your name for tenure.
320
00:12:54,820 --> 00:12:56,260
And I suggest
321
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,260
if you want it,
you fall in line!
322
00:12:58,330 --> 00:12:59,430
Am I clear?
323
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:00,930
Yes, Dr. Cobell.
324
00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:06,300
Hey, dude.
So, Deb moved into the woods.
325
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,930
I need you
to come help me find her.
326
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,940
Dan, you know I like you.
327
00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:11,640
Yeah, I love you, Chris. Right.
328
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:13,740
I'm up for tenure,
and things are getting weird
329
00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,440
between me and my mentor.
330
00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:17,340
People are watching me.
331
00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:18,550
Watching you?
332
00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:20,380
Shh.
333
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:23,320
I get what's going on.
334
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:25,443
You don't want to be seen
with Dan Dan the heating man,
335
00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:26,890
takes a pee in a garbage can.
336
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,320
I hadn't heard that second part.
337
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,590
Well, it's part of it, and
it wasn't a garbage can.
338
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,960
It was a recycling
bin, but it's okay.
339
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:34,390
You're friend-dumping me.
340
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:36,600
No. Tenure is my Deborah.
341
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:39,600
I've wanted it since I was
18, and I am so close. Yeah.
342
00:13:39,670 --> 00:13:41,130
You know what, Chris?
343
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,640
Good luck.
344
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,270
I think you're going to
make a really great tenure.
345
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:48,070
That's not how it works. Dan?
346
00:13:48,140 --> 00:13:51,280
I'm gonna go see
my real friends.
347
00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:54,450
Short service today,
Just eight hours.
348
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,120
I am completely full
of holy fervor.
349
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:59,290
John Hancock! Sam Adams! Dan!
350
00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:00,620
I'm shocked to see you here.
351
00:14:00,690 --> 00:14:02,490
You told me your religion
was phish concerts.
352
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,120
It's an emergency.
353
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:05,390
I have a problem with Deborah.
354
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,923
Daniel, you've come
to the right place.
355
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,100
Outside of a church?
356
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,200
Where better
to receive erotic counsel?
357
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:12,830
From two of
358
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:15,030
the world's most
accomplished lovers.
359
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,370
I have drunk deeply
of Aphrodite's waters.
360
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,610
And I once
361
00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:21,210
saw an ocelot pubis.
362
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,540
Hello,
363
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,280
reverend.
364
00:14:24,350 --> 00:14:25,780
I just need
365
00:14:25,850 --> 00:14:28,110
some advice.
If I lost Deb, I really...
366
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,273
I don't know what I would do.
367
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,790
Love, thy fair and foul demon.
368
00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:34,620
Why must you torture Dan so?!
369
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:36,520
Take me instead!
370
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:37,820
Easy, brother.
371
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,460
Dan, what gestures have you made
372
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:41,330
to win back Deborah's heart?
Well,
373
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,563
I went out to the edge of
the woods and cried really loud,
374
00:14:43,570 --> 00:14:45,093
hoping that she would hear me
and come out.
375
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,530
That's lame.
376
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,040
I'm not surprised
you're losing her.
377
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,470
So what do you suggest I do?
When I was
378
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:53,170
courting my beloved,
379
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,180
there was another competing
for her affections,
380
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,940
a suitor she preferred openly.
381
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,380
He sent her a carriage
382
00:14:58,450 --> 00:15:01,380
filled with a thousand roses.
383
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:02,480
What'd you do?
384
00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,320
I drowned him in a distant well
385
00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:06,490
and told no one.
386
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,620
Okay.
387
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,560
Well, I don't think
she has another suitor,
388
00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:12,430
so I wouldn't even know
who to drown.
389
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,430
The point is, get creative!
390
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,063
What does she like?
Well, actually, she likes
391
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,423
these little songs
I've been singing to her.
392
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:21,330
Then you must become
the greatest singer
393
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,100
she has ever known.
394
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:26,110
Give her... the performance
of a lifetime.
395
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:28,210
The performance of a lifetime.
396
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,110
I think I know exactly
what to do. See, I've...
397
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,450
No, no. Don't
398
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,950
say it out loud. Part of
399
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,680
the magic is never
checking it with anyone.
400
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,180
You're right.
401
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:41,120
I'm going to do it
and not check it with anybody.
402
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,490
Hey, we're doing great, too.
403
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,260
Yeah, our revolution's
coming along.
404
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:47,160
Toxic narcissist.
405
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:02,210
Clear eyes, full hearts.
406
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,180
I'm Cher.
407
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,420
Deb?
408
00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:19,260
Deb?
409
00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:21,390
Deb?!
410
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,430
I have a treat for you.
411
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:27,070
Deborah? Deb, where are you?
412
00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:28,430
Deb?
413
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,540
Aah, Deb!
414
00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:35,210
Deb?!
415
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,040
Anyone?!
416
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:39,380
The police?!
417
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:40,680
Mom?!
418
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:45,700
I do not like where this is going.
Two Jimmys is too many Jimmys.
419
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,350
Deb?
420
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,580
Deb? Hey.
421
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:53,750
What are you doing?
422
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:56,090
Guys, right?
423
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,090
Is this about Dan?
424
00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,730
How did you guess?
425
00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:02,260
Because Dan is literally
the only person you know.
426
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:04,260
He was.
427
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:07,700
When I uncovered his lies, I
went into yon woods to reflect.
428
00:17:07,770 --> 00:17:11,270
Then I went back
to reconcile, and he was gone.
429
00:17:11,340 --> 00:17:13,410
He never came back.
430
00:17:13,470 --> 00:17:15,070
I think he left me. No, no, no.
431
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:16,340
I just saw Dan yesterday,
432
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,043
and he was going into
the woods to find you.
433
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:21,510
He could be lost in there!
Maybe.
434
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:23,680
We have to go find him!
Deb, I don't think
435
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,020
I should be involved, you know.
436
00:17:25,090 --> 00:17:27,690
This is, like, a complicated
situation for me.
437
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,360
He went back
to 1775 to find you.
438
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:33,230
Yeah, but when we went back
in time, I barely knew Dan,
439
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:35,730
and now he'll be costing me
my chance at my dream job.
440
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,260
So this is about money.
441
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,530
And status.
442
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,200
I'm shocked
you find those things
443
00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:41,730
more important than friendship.
444
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,270
Look, I like Dan, you know?
445
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:45,200
I really do.
446
00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:48,140
Well, he idolizes you.
447
00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:51,210
When we're together,
you're all he talks about.
448
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,110
No, all he talks about is you.
449
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:58,580
Fine. Let me cancel
this tinder date I'm on.
450
00:17:58,650 --> 00:17:59,750
Beth?!
451
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:02,250
Nope. I'm out.
452
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,290
Daniel?! Dan?!
453
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,660
Daniel chambers?!
454
00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:20,440
Daniel?!
455
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:26,750
Daniel?!
456
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,580
Hey!
457
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,220
Down here!
458
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,820
He must have fallen
in one of my traps.
459
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:33,350
Over here!
460
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:34,920
Daniel.
461
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,720
I'm sorry, ma'am. No, no.
462
00:18:36,790 --> 00:18:38,320
No, no, it's me. It's Dan.
463
00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:39,490
Hi, Deb.
464
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:40,860
Why are you dressed like that?
465
00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:41,860
I'm Cher.
466
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:42,760
My god.
467
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,230
Cher sang
468
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,630
"if I could turn back time,"
469
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,700
but I did turn back time...
For you.
470
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:49,430
This is so gross.
471
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,333
Can you shut up for a second?
'Cause I'm kind of, like,
472
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:52,603
working on a
relationship. Thanks.
473
00:18:52,610 --> 00:18:54,710
So I dressed up as Cher
474
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,710
and wrote a song for
you, and I came out here
475
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,510
and fell in this trap.
476
00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:01,050
I realized I made
a horrible mistake.
477
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,820
Because I don't even know
what Cher looks like?
478
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:08,220
So there were
a few mistakes made.
479
00:19:08,290 --> 00:19:10,290
I've been drinking
my own breast water
480
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,680
to survive. If you
didn't teach me
481
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:12,890
about pine needles as foods,
482
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,323
I wouldn't have even
made it an hour.
483
00:19:14,330 --> 00:19:15,660
Yes, you would have.
484
00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:17,723
Chris, don't talk down to me
because I'm a pit person.
485
00:19:17,730 --> 00:19:19,100
Let's get
486
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:20,170
you out of there.
487
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:21,400
Whoa!
488
00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:24,100
I know it's hard
489
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:27,410
for us to communicate, but...
You must love me to have done
490
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,910
whatever... confusing
gesture this was.
491
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:34,610
Deb... I don't always
know what I'm doing,
492
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,780
but I know I'd do
anything for you.
493
00:19:37,850 --> 00:19:39,950
And send.
494
00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:41,220
Chris?
495
00:19:41,290 --> 00:19:43,760
You're out here looking
for your missing bro.
496
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:46,560
I think that means
that we are friends.
497
00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:47,893
It means I'm glad
you're not dead.
498
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,630
That's the definition
of friends.
499
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,000
Can we leave?
500
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,470
I fell in a pit,
ate only pine needles,
501
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,170
and I still gained four pounds.
502
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,410
Maybe you'd gained it
before the pit? No.
503
00:20:00,470 --> 00:20:01,710
I checked before I left.
504
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,340
I wanted to see how much I
weighed as a girl. Well,
505
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,210
I'm going to go to sleep.
506
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,480
Right. Yeah.
507
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,380
Good night.
508
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:13,650
Good night. Good night.
509
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:18,820
Yes?
510
00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:21,460
Do you still want to hear
that song I wrote for you?
511
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:23,830
Yes. Good.
512
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:28,330
I know we're all made up, but...
I worked really hard on it.
513
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:50,520
I love it.
514
00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:52,160
Thanks. Don't steal it.
35559
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