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1
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:06,228
Congratulations,
Hudson High Class of 2004.
2
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,247
There she is. Fiona!
3
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,584
Bye.
4
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,085
- Hey.
- Hey!
5
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:32,212
- Hey, you.
6
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,718
- Congratulations, graduate.
- Thanks, baby.
7
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,596
And congratulations to you, Cooper.
8
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,389
Aww. Thanks, baby!
9
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,433
- Nice try.
- All right.
10
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:47,227
- See you at Wade's party tonight?
- See you then.
11
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:52,399
So, it's just you and me
for the entire summer.
12
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,069
Next year you graduate, join me
at college. Just like we planned.
13
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:59,615
- Scott, we need to talk.
- Yeah? About what?
14
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,909
About me dumping you.
15
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,243
Huh?
16
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:04,620
There he is!
17
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:08,415
The graduate
and his beautiful girlfriend. OK?
18
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:11,126
Smile, you two!
19
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:14,296
- Action!
- Dad, Mom, Grandma...
20
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,215
Uncle Moke... uh...
21
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,592
I'm gonna need a minute here, OK?
22
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,636
What do you mean,
you're dumping me?
23
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:24,306
I just can't take all the lying
and cheating on each other anymore.
24
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,684
What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.
25
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,811
I know. That's what makes this so hard.
26
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,730
You're looking good, you guys.
27
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:36,193
Scotty, it's not you.
It's me.
28
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,614
There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.
29
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,699
You're just so...
30
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,077
...predictable.
- Smile!
31
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,996
So, that's it.
32
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,873
Here's your letter jacket back.
33
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,458
Goodbye.
34
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,336
This isn't mine.
35
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:01,385
She's a keeper, huh?
Oh, wow.
36
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,595
Oh, my God.
37
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,266
Fiona!
38
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,816
Let's see that again.
39
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,362
Fiona!
40
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,906
- This is just so brutal.
41
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,326
And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.
42
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:30,539
- Fiona!
- Bert, get out of here.
43
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,708
OK.See you.
44
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,627
All right. Stay black, Bert.
45
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,714
"Fiona!"
46
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,716
Mail, motherfucker!
47
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,593
Hey, I got one from Mieke.
48
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,890
"Happy Herzlichen."
49
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:51,226
Still writing that guy?
I thought that was for German class.
50
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,396
Yeah at first, but we're
actually becoming good friends.
51
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,523
He's a really cool guy.
52
00:05:56,607 --> 00:06:01,945
"Dear Mieke, greetings
from your American pen pal."
53
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,615
Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals.
54
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,825
Listen to yourself, all right?
55
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:12,164
You met a "cool guy" on the "internet."
This is how these sexual predators work.
56
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:15,209
Next thing you know,
he'll want to "arrange a meeting"
57
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,420
where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back of his van,
58
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,256
and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.
59
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,841
Come on, let's go to Wade's.
60
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,385
All right.
Screw it. Let's go.
61
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,096
I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.
62
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,140
Auf wiedersehen, Mieke.
63
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,490
- What's up, losers?
- What's up, Jenny?
64
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,991
What's up, dude?
65
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,118
Sorry to hear about Fiona.
She's a whore.
66
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,995
That's very sweet of you.
Thanks.
67
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:55,457
Enough Fiona talk. Look around.
There's gotta be 100 drunk girls.
68
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:58,001
We should try to have sex
with every one of 'em.
69
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,003
Hello? Mixed company?
70
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,505
What?
71
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,257
- I'm a girl!
- No, you're not.
72
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:07,261
- You're just a cool guy with long hair.
- So, where's your evil twin brother?
73
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,263
Jenny!
74
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,764
There he is.
75
00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:14,226
Hey, Jamie.
In fine form, I see.
76
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:17,521
Why'd you get me
gin and tonic?
77
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,190
- I hate gin.
- You do?
78
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,110
You guys are the worst twins ever!
79
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,614
Chug! Chug!
80
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:33,078
- When are you guys taking off?
- Tomorrow morning.
81
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,873
Hey, Wade!
Great party, buddy.
82
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,418
Man, I am so excited!
83
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,962
A whole summer,
backpacking around Europe.
84
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:45,883
You should've come with us instead of
working for Dr. Dad, Scotty!
85
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,385
It's gonna be so awesome!
86
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:53,640
Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip
to maximize the fun!
87
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,767
You brought a guidebook to a party?
88
00:07:55,893 --> 00:08:00,022
- Do you wanna see my itinerary?
- Do you wanna see my balls?
89
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,441
You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?
90
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,193
Paris! I can't wait.
91
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,946
Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister,
Debbie, met a wealthy French guy,
92
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:11,033
and spent a month sailing
the Mediterranean on his yacht.
93
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,077
Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?
94
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:19,791
Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy?
That sounds a little gay.
95
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:23,128
It's not gay. I'm a girl.
96
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:24,963
- Kinda gay.
- A little gay.
97
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:29,092
I gotta piss like a pregnant woman.
98
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,888
Hey, listen up, everybody.
99
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:36,391
Gotta a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.
100
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,936
Going to play
a little song for you
101
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:43,315
about the nastiest, freakiest
little sex puppet I know...
102
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,193
Fiona.
103
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,160
This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.
104
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,253
" Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me
105
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,797
" Do it in my van every Sunday
106
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,716
" She tells him she's in church
But she doesn't go
107
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,719
" Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know
108
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,890
" Oh, Scotty doesn't know
109
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,852
" So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know
110
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,144
" Scotty doesn't know "
111
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:25,190
I hope we're just as popular
in college as we were in high school.
112
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,276
- We will be.
- I know.
113
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,320
Who needs more Chablis?
114
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:34,491
- Candy, wanna come with?
- No, I'll stay here.
115
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,912
Well, there's your R-rating
right there.
116
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,168
- Whoops!
117
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,253
Holy cow!
118
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,964
Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car!
119
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:53,218
" I can't believe
He's so trusting
120
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:58,974
" While I'm right behind you thrusting
121
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:01,685
" 'Cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
122
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,478
Cooper Harris, you're a pig!
123
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:06,815
Uh... Candy, you should
clean that off before you go.
124
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,610
Clean what off?
125
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,486
You got a little something on you.
126
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:17,367
- Where?
- Right there.
127
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,329
It's like a smudge,
or something.
128
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,956
Where?
129
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,669
It's like dirt, or something.
Just go like this.
130
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,131
Is it off?
131
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,008
No, keep rubbing it.
132
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:42,726
" I did it with her on his birthday
133
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,354
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
134
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,607
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
135
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:52,152
" Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know "
136
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,448
Mmm-hmm... mmm-hmm...
137
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,242
No, it's just not coming off.
138
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:00,827
What is it?
139
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:04,206
Maybe tree sap or something.
Try pinching it.
140
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,919
No, it's just not coming off.
I'll tell you what.
141
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,339
Lick your fingers,
get some saliva going.
142
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,715
Like this?
143
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,259
Yeah.
144
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,930
Again, not enough saliva.
145
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,236
- Is it off yet?
- Fine, I'll do it.
146
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,737
Come here.
147
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,531
Oh, my God! Candy!
148
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:40,200
Cooper!
149
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,163
Hey...
150
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:47,249
This isn't where I parked my car.
151
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:50,752
" Scotty doesn't know
152
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,305
Hey.
153
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:05,726
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
154
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,728
This band rocks!
155
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,771
- Yeah!
156
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,506
Mail, motherfucker!
157
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,264
Hey, Mieke.
158
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,724
"Dear Scott,
159
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:50,354
"I was very sad to hear about
your lady woman Fiona dumping you.
160
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:54,149
"Since you no longer have a girlfriend,
maybe I could come to America
161
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:58,695
"and we could get to know each
other better. Perhaps we could...
162
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,822
"zussamen."
163
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,951
What the fuck is "zussamen"?
164
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,376
"Arrange a meeting."
165
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,337
No, no, no! Come on!
Cooper was right.
166
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,464
This guy wants to have sex with me.
167
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:21,176
"Listen, Mieke...
168
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:23,929
"I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you,
169
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,723
"you sick, German freak.
170
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:30,060
"So please keep your hands
off my genitals,
171
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:34,648
"and never write to me again,
and don't come to America."
172
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,608
"Goodbye."
173
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,031
Oww.
174
00:13:55,794 --> 00:14:00,299
I'm never drinking again.
Oh, that's nice.
175
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,554
Bert, what are you doing?
176
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,264
Reading your email.
177
00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:09,308
Don't do that.
178
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,895
Why are you wearing my bathrobe?
179
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:15,063
Oh, I'm sorry...
180
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:18,442
but somebody pissed
all over mine last night.
181
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:24,656
Wow. I can't believe this German chick
wants to come here and hook up with you.
182
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,201
I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.
183
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,287
No, it says right here,
"trauriges madchen."
184
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,956
"I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona."
185
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,416
Fuckin' A, Scott.
186
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,420
I'm taking "Intro to German,"
and even I know that.
187
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:39,796
Come here.
188
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,882
He sent me a picture, retardo.
189
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,719
See? That's a picture of Mieke
and his cute cousin, Jan.
190
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,513
No, retardo.
191
00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:51,433
That's Jan, a man's name,
and that's not "Mike,"
192
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:54,353
it's "Mieke," a common
German girl's name,
193
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,271
similar to our Michelle.
194
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:59,942
I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come visit.
195
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,529
You didn't?
196
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,906
You thought she was a guy!
197
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:09,034
I'm getting the video camera! Ha!
198
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,912
What an asshole!
199
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,539
No.
200
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:14,790
No.
201
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,043
No!!
202
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,326
"Address blocked"?
"Email not delivered."
203
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,537
No... come on!
204
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,832
Hey, Mom made waffles.
205
00:15:56,915 --> 00:16:00,377
- What's going on?
- I'm in love with my penpal.
206
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,379
I'm in love with Mieke.
207
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,384
OK... OK.
208
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:11,513
You know what?
I was actually expecting this.
209
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:15,601
Frankly, I'm flattered
you picked me to come out to first.
210
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,604
And don't worry about
telling your folks, 'cause...
211
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,857
- I think they already know.
- No, you idiot. Mike is a girl.
212
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,358
No, no, I get it. Yeah.
213
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:28,071
He's the girl, and you're the girl,
and sometimes you're both the girl.
214
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,865
Right?
215
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,326
Right? That's hot.
216
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,871
But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.
217
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,874
Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.
218
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,960
Wow. Who's the hot chick?
219
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:45,172
That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke.
220
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:48,258
That's who you've been writing to
all this time?
221
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,594
Until last night,
when I took your advice
222
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:53,263
and told her to keep her
"hands off my genitals."
223
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:58,268
Given what we know now, that seems like
the exact opposite of what you want.
224
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:01,522
This is a total disaster.
225
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,649
Oh, come on. It's not that bad.
226
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,235
Though she is really hot.
227
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:09,655
You're not listening.
I don't even care what she looks like.
228
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,991
Mieke and I had this incredible bond.
229
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:16,662
I told her things
I couldn't even tell you.
230
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:18,163
Like what?
231
00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:21,208
- Nothing. It's a figure of speech.
- No, seriously. What?
232
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,044
- Nothing. The point...
- You like me better, right?
233
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:28,048
This girl is not only smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful,
234
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:31,593
but until I screwed up, she wanted
to come all the way to America,
235
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:32,886
just to be with me.
236
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:36,056
- So do something about it.
- What can I do?
237
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:39,268
She blocked her email account,
her phone number's not listed.
238
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,645
The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.
239
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,146
So go to Berlin.
240
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,067
I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.
241
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,111
- Why not?
- Because...
242
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,906
I just can't, OK? I'm supposed
to work for my dad this summer.
243
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,409
It looks good on
my med school application.
244
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,286
Oh, Jesus, Scotty!
245
00:17:57,369 --> 00:18:00,414
Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.
246
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,384
- I'm going to Germany.
- No...
247
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,803
we're going to Germany.
248
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,438
How are we going
to get to Germany?
249
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,024
Don't worry. I've got it covered.
250
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:32,529
- We're going to be couriers?
- Best way to get a cheap flight.
251
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:36,366
We just have to carry their packages,
then drop them off when we get there.
252
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:39,411
- My cousin did it going to India.
- Yeah?
253
00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:42,956
Of course, he ended up using
a public restroom in New Delhi
254
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,502
and they had to cut off his leg.
You know...
255
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:49,463
but he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.
256
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:52,716
OK, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.
257
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:56,970
But I can get you both
to London today for $118.
258
00:18:57,054 --> 00:18:58,055
Anything else?
259
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:02,935
Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall.
We can walk to Berlin from there.
260
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:06,522
- Cooper, England's an island.
- OK, swim. Whatever.
261
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:08,649
We'll take it.
262
00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:25,874
Hey. Thanks for coming with me.
263
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:28,919
I know you had that internship
at the law firm this summer.
264
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,421
Well, forget about the law firm.
265
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:34,883
And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.
266
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:37,553
This trip is
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
267
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:40,222
for me to broaden my sexual horizons.
268
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,808
What are you talking about?
269
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,143
I'm talking about crazy European sex.
270
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,688
Ah.
271
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:50,774
You know America was founded by prudes.
272
00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:53,318
Prudes who left Europe,
because they hated
273
00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:57,614
all the kinky, steamy
European sex that was going on.
274
00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:01,118
And now I, Cooper Harris,
275
00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:04,371
will return to the land
of my perverted forefathers
276
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:08,417
and claim my birthright,
which is a series
277
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:11,753
of erotic and sexually
challenging adventures.
278
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,800
You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?
279
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:18,594
It's my passion.
280
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,194
Come on, come on!
281
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:41,825
- The adventure begins.
- Welcome to jolly old England.
282
00:20:41,909 --> 00:20:45,454
Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.
283
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,457
- Oh.
- What is that?
284
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:51,251
It's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.
285
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,920
Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?
286
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,588
- Works anywhere.
- Yeah?
287
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,340
Excuse me.
288
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,301
Cooper here.
289
00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:01,303
Hello, Mr. Walters.
290
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:04,389
Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage.
291
00:21:04,473 --> 00:21:06,308
Um, hang on one second.
292
00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:14,733
No, sir, I can't find
the Gutterman file anywhere.
293
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:16,360
Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.
294
00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:18,320
I don't rest until I find it.
295
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,032
Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?
296
00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:25,244
They would've stopped paying me.
It seemed easier.
297
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,287
- So, where to?
- I don't know.
298
00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:31,166
First bus to Berlin doesn't leave
till tomorrow. What do you wanna do?
299
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:34,795
Got the Tower of London...
there's Buckingham Palace.
300
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,880
- Uh...
- There's no drinking age.
301
00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:38,799
- There you go!
- Come on.
302
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,970
- Hey!"The Fiesty Goat."
303
00:21:47,057 --> 00:21:48,350
All right!
304
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,228
What do you wanna...
305
00:22:00,946 --> 00:22:04,074
Soccer hooligans.
306
00:22:07,661 --> 00:22:10,122
Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car!
307
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:12,499
Oy!
308
00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:15,669
Who the bloody hell are you?
309
00:22:16,795 --> 00:22:21,133
This is a private members bar,
exclusively for the supporters
310
00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:24,178
of the greatest
football team in the world...
311
00:22:24,261 --> 00:22:26,763
Manchester United.
312
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,017
Now please, enlighten me.
313
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:31,602
Who the fuck are you?!
314
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:35,647
That is a good question,
and... Scotty?
315
00:22:35,731 --> 00:22:37,232
Huh?
316
00:22:39,818 --> 00:22:43,780
We're the Manchester United fan club...
317
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:45,657
from Ohio.
318
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:48,368
If you're Manchester United
supporters...
319
00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:51,163
sing the Manchester United song.
320
00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:54,666
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I'm not much of a singer...
321
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,628
- Sing!!
- " My baby takes
322
00:22:57,711 --> 00:22:59,755
" The morning train
323
00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:05,135
" He works from 9 to 5 and then
324
00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:08,931
" He takes another home again
325
00:23:09,014 --> 00:23:11,308
" To find me...
326
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:16,688
" watching the Manchester United
football team! "
327
00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:18,232
Eh?
328
00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:22,819
The best freakin' team
in all the land! Whoo-hoo!
329
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:30,828
Pretty good.
330
00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:33,163
- Pretty dang good, lads!
- Yeah!
331
00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:45,092
" My baby takes the morning train
332
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:49,221
" He works from 9 to 5 and then
333
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:52,975
" He takes another home again
334
00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:56,854
" To find me waiting for him
335
00:23:56,937 --> 00:24:01,191
" He's always
on that morning train "
336
00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:06,154
I've unblocked
your email address,
337
00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:09,241
but this Scott is not responding.
338
00:24:11,285 --> 00:24:13,495
He was the one.
339
00:24:15,539 --> 00:24:17,708
I was going to give myself to him.
340
00:24:18,834 --> 00:24:21,753
Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else...
341
00:24:24,882 --> 00:24:26,925
fraulein.
342
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:50,240
I'm never drinking again.
343
00:24:50,324 --> 00:24:51,825
Coop, wake up.
344
00:24:51,909 --> 00:24:54,578
Oh, man, that was a wild night.
345
00:24:57,372 --> 00:24:58,916
You think?
346
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:08,550
Scotty, where the hell are we going?
347
00:25:08,634 --> 00:25:12,596
Don't worry. If anything
bad happens, my parents will find us.
348
00:25:12,638 --> 00:25:15,807
Honey, where's Scotty?
349
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:20,729
- Cooper said they were going camping.
- Oh, that's nice.
350
00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:22,523
And where's Bert?
351
00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:24,900
Fuck if I know.
352
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:38,622
Hey!
How are you, you scalawag!
353
00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:41,250
Look, given the current
geopolitical climate,
354
00:25:41,375 --> 00:25:44,378
all European countries should
have a seat at the table.
355
00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:46,922
- Right.
- Except those fucking Ities.
356
00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:49,258
I hate them Italian bastards.
357
00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:51,301
- You know what I mean?
- Excuse me.
358
00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:52,678
Hello, boyo!
359
00:25:52,761 --> 00:25:57,015
- What the hell happened last night?
- You got steamed up, pissed as a fart.
360
00:25:57,099 --> 00:25:58,851
Too much sauce, son.
361
00:25:58,934 --> 00:26:00,185
Don't worry.
362
00:26:00,227 --> 00:26:03,105
We come and got ya,
so you wouldn't miss the trip.
363
00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:04,940
What trip?
364
00:26:05,023 --> 00:26:08,277
- Where are we going?
- What do you mean, where are we going?
365
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:11,405
We're going to see the Mighty
Reds do the frogs in Paris.
366
00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:12,447
Aren't we, boys?
367
00:26:12,531 --> 00:26:15,159
Yeah!
368
00:26:15,242 --> 00:26:16,952
Why are you yelling at me?
369
00:26:17,035 --> 00:26:19,454
So I tell the swamp donkey
to sock it
370
00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:22,499
before I give her a trunky
in the tradesman's entrance
371
00:26:22,541 --> 00:26:24,918
and have her lick me yardballs!
372
00:26:26,879 --> 00:26:31,717
Wow. You guys are on a completely
different level of swearing over here.
373
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:34,803
Coop? Cooper,
we're going to Paris.
374
00:26:34,887 --> 00:26:36,388
I know. Cecil told me.
375
00:26:36,471 --> 00:26:39,141
Mieke's in Berlin.
We're not going to Berlin.
376
00:26:39,183 --> 00:26:41,185
What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
377
00:26:41,226 --> 00:26:44,980
See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable Scotty talking.
378
00:26:45,022 --> 00:26:49,818
Relax. Paris is practically a suburb
of Berlin. It's a nothing commute.
379
00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:53,488
That's why France and Germany
have always been allies.
380
00:26:56,116 --> 00:26:58,702
The twins.
The twins are in Paris, right?
381
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:01,705
We can call them. They could help.
Let me see your phone.
382
00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:04,958
Okay, but I'm only supposed
to use this for business calls.
383
00:27:05,042 --> 00:27:06,835
Hey, don't...
384
00:27:24,228 --> 00:27:26,188
You're on the wrong side of the road,
385
00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:28,065
you snail-eating puffs.
386
00:27:28,148 --> 00:27:32,236
Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic
fucking garlic-breath tossers!
387
00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:34,488
Piss off!
Get in here and say that,
388
00:27:34,571 --> 00:27:36,865
you froggy Itie shities!
389
00:27:39,743 --> 00:27:42,287
- Fucking beep!
390
00:27:42,371 --> 00:27:45,415
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
391
00:27:45,499 --> 00:27:47,459
Get out of the way! Piss off!
392
00:27:55,551 --> 00:27:56,760
Hey, lads!
393
00:27:56,844 --> 00:27:59,429
That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on!
394
00:27:59,555 --> 00:28:01,974
Let's give this nancy
a fucking good kicking!
395
00:28:02,099 --> 00:28:04,434
Come on, lads, he's going off!
396
00:28:19,658 --> 00:28:22,411
All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.
397
00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:23,412
Look at that!
398
00:28:23,495 --> 00:28:25,414
There they are. Come on. Jenny!
399
00:28:25,497 --> 00:28:27,624
- Jamie!
- Hey!
400
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:28,667
Come here!
401
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:29,835
No, no. No, no, no!
402
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,588
- Scott, bienvenu a Paris.
- Thank you.
403
00:28:32,713 --> 00:28:35,215
- Is that a new camera?
- It isn't just a camera,
404
00:28:35,340 --> 00:28:37,259
this is a Leica M7.
405
00:28:37,301 --> 00:28:39,386
Uber-sensitive exposure settings,
406
00:28:39,469 --> 00:28:41,263
legendary cloth shutter system.
407
00:28:41,305 --> 00:28:43,974
- Let me see that thing.
- No can do.
408
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:47,102
I spent four years tutoring
lacrosse players to pay for it,
409
00:28:47,144 --> 00:28:50,147
so nobody touches my camera but me.
410
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,524
- It's like your wiener.
- No, it's not...
411
00:28:52,566 --> 00:28:54,651
- Jenny...
- Cooper, leave him alone.
412
00:28:54,735 --> 00:28:58,155
Wow, I can't believe you came
all the way to Europe for a girl.
413
00:28:58,238 --> 00:28:59,907
Wait, not just any girl.
414
00:28:59,990 --> 00:29:01,575
Show her the picture, Scotty.
415
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:04,453
She makes girls in our high school
look like walruses.
416
00:29:04,578 --> 00:29:06,705
I'm a girl from your high school.
417
00:29:06,788 --> 00:29:08,248
No, I mean "girl" girls.
418
00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:11,126
Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris!
419
00:29:11,210 --> 00:29:12,586
Let's go to the Louvre!
420
00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:14,505
To the Louvre!
421
00:29:49,081 --> 00:29:50,791
So, you guys wanna stay here,
422
00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:53,752
or should we check out
the huge line at the Eiffel Tower?
423
00:29:53,836 --> 00:29:57,798
Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted
syphilis two blocks from here.
424
00:29:57,881 --> 00:30:00,175
- Should we go?
- Can we please get out of here?
425
00:30:00,217 --> 00:30:03,262
- This guy's really creeping me out.
- Who, robot man?
426
00:30:03,387 --> 00:30:06,265
He's just trying to feed
his robot family.
427
00:30:06,390 --> 00:30:08,517
- I really don't like him.
- Why?
428
00:30:08,642 --> 00:30:11,937
Because he's doing this?
429
00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,772
OK, seriously, don't do that.
430
00:30:13,856 --> 00:30:17,025
Cooper.
Do not hate me.
431
00:30:18,819 --> 00:30:21,071
I am familiar with
over 600 dance moves
432
00:30:21,113 --> 00:30:23,240
and I am programmed to get...
433
00:30:27,286 --> 00:30:29,496
freaky.
434
00:30:41,258 --> 00:30:43,802
You're just upset because
people like me better.
435
00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:44,845
It's okay.
436
00:31:10,370 --> 00:31:11,622
Oh!
437
00:31:25,177 --> 00:31:27,179
Fight! Fight!
438
00:31:30,557 --> 00:31:32,935
Break the leg shot!
439
00:31:43,111 --> 00:31:44,571
Ha! Ha! Ha!
440
00:31:49,618 --> 00:31:51,703
Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
441
00:31:57,125 --> 00:31:59,628
- Ohhh!
- That was not cool.
442
00:32:24,945 --> 00:32:27,531
- Oh!
443
00:32:30,826 --> 00:32:32,536
Guys, let's go. Come on.
444
00:32:36,498 --> 00:32:39,918
Error! Error! Error!
445
00:32:40,002 --> 00:32:42,754
How cool is this?
446
00:32:42,838 --> 00:32:45,507
It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.
447
00:32:45,549 --> 00:32:48,260
- Why don't you come to Berlin?
- Umm, no.
448
00:32:48,343 --> 00:32:51,555
Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we go to different colleges.
449
00:32:51,638 --> 00:32:55,225
This could be the last chance the four
of us are together like this.
450
00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:57,186
Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?
451
00:32:57,269 --> 00:32:59,354
This should be the trip of a lifetime.
452
00:32:59,438 --> 00:33:01,690
There's no way we should split up.
453
00:33:01,773 --> 00:33:05,194
All right, this table
is now Europe, OK?
454
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,696
Excuse me.
455
00:33:07,738 --> 00:33:11,074
We are right here, in Paris,
456
00:33:11,116 --> 00:33:13,327
and I have got to get to Mieke,
457
00:33:13,410 --> 00:33:15,746
who is over here, in Berlin.
458
00:33:15,746 --> 00:33:18,749
If you come with us,
I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff
459
00:33:18,832 --> 00:33:20,918
to see along the way.
460
00:33:20,959 --> 00:33:24,171
- We can go to Denmark.
- I love Denmark.
461
00:33:24,213 --> 00:33:26,673
- We gotta hit Amsterdam.
- Definitely.
462
00:33:26,757 --> 00:33:29,551
And the cathedral at Cameret!
463
00:33:30,844 --> 00:33:32,846
- Yeah...
- Maybe. We'll see.
464
00:33:32,888 --> 00:33:36,934
- Whatever.
- If there's time.
465
00:33:37,059 --> 00:33:40,229
Come on! I really want you
to be there when I meet Mieke.
466
00:33:40,312 --> 00:33:41,438
Fine.
467
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,232
- Excellent!
- All right!
468
00:33:43,315 --> 00:33:46,276
- A toast!
- Yes!
469
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,445
- To Mieke!
- To Europe!
470
00:33:48,529 --> 00:33:49,905
To Europe!
471
00:33:49,988 --> 00:33:51,698
Merci.
472
00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:55,702
- Berlin, here we come!
- All right.
473
00:33:55,786 --> 00:33:57,329
Better let me hold on to those.
474
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,337
- What the hell is that?
- It's a traveler's money belt.
475
00:34:05,420 --> 00:34:07,631
Frommer's says
if you have one of these,
476
00:34:07,714 --> 00:34:09,466
no one can rob you of anything.
477
00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:11,051
Except your dignity.
478
00:34:11,176 --> 00:34:13,720
No, you just put that in your...
479
00:34:13,804 --> 00:34:15,138
wait, what?
480
00:34:15,722 --> 00:34:17,641
Come on, guidebook. Let's go.
481
00:34:20,185 --> 00:34:21,687
Check it out.
482
00:34:21,728 --> 00:34:24,273
European ass.
483
00:34:26,316 --> 00:34:27,943
What's up?
484
00:34:30,904 --> 00:34:34,158
Jesus, Jenny.
I thought you were some...
485
00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:36,827
girl. Come on. Platform 4.
486
00:34:36,952 --> 00:34:39,037
Thanks.
487
00:34:40,455 --> 00:34:41,665
Damn!
488
00:34:45,502 --> 00:34:47,546
I believe this is yours.
489
00:34:51,466 --> 00:34:54,636
Pleased to meet you.
My name is Christoph.
490
00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:57,306
- Jenny, let's go!
- Move it!
491
00:34:57,389 --> 00:35:00,350
Those are my friends.
We're supposed to go to Berlin...
492
00:35:00,392 --> 00:35:03,020
- Jenny!
- I'm coming!!
493
00:35:03,061 --> 00:35:06,481
So, it was really nice
to meet you.
494
00:35:06,565 --> 00:35:08,525
The pleasure was all mine...
495
00:35:10,235 --> 00:35:12,029
Jennifer.
496
00:35:56,031 --> 00:35:58,617
" Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me "
497
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:01,662
" Do it in my van on Sundays "
498
00:36:01,745 --> 00:36:04,122
" Tells him she's... "
What?
499
00:36:04,164 --> 00:36:07,584
You gotta admit,
it's a really catchy tune.
500
00:36:09,253 --> 00:36:12,965
" Tells him she's in church
But she doesn't go "
501
00:36:13,006 --> 00:36:16,385
" Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know "
502
00:36:16,468 --> 00:36:18,178
" Scotty doesn't know "
503
00:36:18,262 --> 00:36:21,181
- " Scotty doesn't... "
- Buongiorno.
504
00:36:24,601 --> 00:36:27,271
Buongiorno.
505
00:36:33,944 --> 00:36:37,197
You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.
506
00:36:37,281 --> 00:36:38,782
Huh?
507
00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:40,993
Ah! Si...
508
00:36:41,076 --> 00:36:42,619
Si.
509
00:37:15,486 --> 00:37:16,987
Pardon me.
510
00:37:17,070 --> 00:37:18,197
Eh?
511
00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:21,200
Ohhh...
512
00:37:21,283 --> 00:37:22,784
Scusi.
513
00:37:23,744 --> 00:37:25,787
Mi scusi.
514
00:37:50,145 --> 00:37:51,605
Hi.
515
00:37:51,688 --> 00:37:53,357
Buongiorno.
516
00:38:04,868 --> 00:38:08,664
- What the hell are you doing?
- Mi scusi, mi scusi.
517
00:38:08,705 --> 00:38:10,040
No! No, no, no!
518
00:38:12,626 --> 00:38:14,211
- Uh-oh.
- What?
519
00:38:14,294 --> 00:38:15,295
Big tunnel.
520
00:38:18,924 --> 00:38:22,511
Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?
521
00:38:22,594 --> 00:38:24,388
Who's touching me?! Scotty!
522
00:38:29,893 --> 00:38:33,522
Oh!
523
00:38:33,647 --> 00:38:35,440
Scusi.
524
00:38:58,213 --> 00:39:00,215
Buongiorno.
525
00:39:07,931 --> 00:39:10,475
Crans Sur Mer.
We change trains here.
526
00:39:12,269 --> 00:39:14,980
Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.
527
00:39:15,063 --> 00:39:16,732
What's there to see in this town?
528
00:39:16,815 --> 00:39:19,902
Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres.
529
00:39:19,943 --> 00:39:23,197
It's a monument to all the local
fishermen who were lost at sea.
530
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,408
Frommer's says it's supposed
to be..."quite moving."
531
00:39:26,492 --> 00:39:29,453
What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO?
532
00:39:29,536 --> 00:39:32,289
We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.
533
00:39:32,372 --> 00:39:34,291
I'm taking a nap.
534
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,418
Wake me up when the train gets here.
535
00:39:36,543 --> 00:39:39,630
Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.
536
00:39:39,755 --> 00:39:42,508
All right, we can't all
just lie around all day.
537
00:39:42,591 --> 00:39:45,385
We gotta experience
the culture firsthand.
538
00:39:45,469 --> 00:39:47,638
Let's go exploring!
539
00:39:50,307 --> 00:39:52,809
So, what's the etiquette on boners?
540
00:39:52,893 --> 00:39:54,811
Do I roll over and dig out
a hole for it,
541
00:39:54,895 --> 00:39:57,814
or is it cool to just let my flag fly?
542
00:39:57,898 --> 00:40:00,317
Wait, wait.
543
00:40:00,442 --> 00:40:03,028
Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked, too?
544
00:40:03,111 --> 00:40:04,780
Of course.
545
00:40:04,863 --> 00:40:06,365
Do you think you can go an hour
546
00:40:06,448 --> 00:40:08,450
without your currency colostomy bag?
547
00:40:08,575 --> 00:40:11,745
As long as this thing has
our money and passports in it,
548
00:40:11,829 --> 00:40:15,415
it's not coming off, and
my trunks won't come off, either.
549
00:40:15,499 --> 00:40:16,834
Come on.
550
00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:19,044
You came all the way to Europe.
551
00:40:19,086 --> 00:40:20,879
Can't wimp out now.
552
00:40:23,048 --> 00:40:24,174
OK.
553
00:40:24,258 --> 00:40:25,968
All right, on the count of three.
554
00:40:26,051 --> 00:40:27,177
Here we go.
555
00:40:27,261 --> 00:40:28,762
3,2,1...
556
00:40:28,846 --> 00:40:31,640
Look at Jamie's penis!
557
00:40:31,723 --> 00:40:33,559
Very funny. Very funny.
558
00:40:33,642 --> 00:40:34,852
All right.
559
00:40:36,603 --> 00:40:39,523
Let the crazy European
sex odyssey begin.
560
00:40:39,606 --> 00:40:40,816
- Here we go.
- Really?
561
00:40:40,899 --> 00:40:42,109
- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
562
00:40:45,362 --> 00:40:48,824
- Hello, ladies!
563
00:40:54,163 --> 00:40:57,124
- Ladies?
- Bitches?
564
00:41:03,672 --> 00:41:06,633
Eww! What a rip!
There's no nude girls here,
565
00:41:06,717 --> 00:41:08,844
Just guys like us
looking for nude girls.
566
00:41:08,927 --> 00:41:11,180
I don't understand.
567
00:41:11,221 --> 00:41:14,474
"Crans Sur Mer has one of the best
nude beaches on the continent.
568
00:41:14,558 --> 00:41:16,059
"However...
569
00:41:19,104 --> 00:41:21,231
"during the summer,
the European women
570
00:41:21,356 --> 00:41:23,817
"are chased away
by gawking male tourists,
571
00:41:23,901 --> 00:41:27,738
"so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists
head to the deserted beach
572
00:41:27,821 --> 00:41:30,115
"next to the Monument des Poissonieres."
573
00:41:46,256 --> 00:41:49,218
There's so many penises.
574
00:41:49,301 --> 00:41:52,721
Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.
575
00:41:52,846 --> 00:41:55,015
This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.
576
00:41:55,098 --> 00:41:57,601
It's the international house of sausage.
577
00:41:57,684 --> 00:41:59,061
Hey!
578
00:42:00,646 --> 00:42:03,857
- Thanks for waiting.
- You're not missing anything.
579
00:42:03,941 --> 00:42:05,359
It's all guys.
580
00:42:05,442 --> 00:42:08,362
At least the sun's out.
581
00:42:13,116 --> 00:42:15,536
" Dreams come true "
582
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,259
" I made my dreams come true "
583
00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:33,178
" My dreams come true "
584
00:42:36,098 --> 00:42:37,599
Holy crap!
585
00:42:37,683 --> 00:42:40,602
What? I thought this was a nude beach.
586
00:42:40,686 --> 00:42:43,689
No!!!
587
00:42:47,568 --> 00:42:49,027
- Huh?
- No.
588
00:42:49,111 --> 00:42:52,156
- What? What are you doing?
- Jenny, you gotta cover up.
589
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:53,991
Girl?
590
00:42:54,074 --> 00:42:55,200
Girl!
591
00:42:55,284 --> 00:43:00,164
Ooh, girl.
Girl... girl.
592
00:43:00,247 --> 00:43:03,000
Girl... girl...
593
00:43:03,083 --> 00:43:04,334
Run!
594
00:43:10,340 --> 00:43:12,384
- I'm not gonna make it.
595
00:43:12,426 --> 00:43:14,970
- Go on without me.
- All right. See ya.
596
00:43:18,599 --> 00:43:20,142
Chica! Chica!
597
00:43:27,399 --> 00:43:30,611
Chica! Chica!
598
00:43:40,537 --> 00:43:42,581
Reading Mieke's old emails again?
599
00:43:42,664 --> 00:43:44,166
Yeah.
600
00:43:45,834 --> 00:43:49,630
I have no idea what I'm going
to say to that girl when I see her.
601
00:43:51,256 --> 00:43:54,176
You know, she said
I might be the one?
602
00:43:54,301 --> 00:43:55,928
That's huge.
603
00:43:56,011 --> 00:43:59,515
I've never been "the one" before.
604
00:43:59,598 --> 00:44:03,310
Thought I was "the one" with Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?
605
00:44:03,435 --> 00:44:05,896
- 200.
- 200!
606
00:44:06,021 --> 00:44:08,357
Look, you got nothing to worry about.
607
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,860
You'll show up and sweep her
off her German feet.
608
00:44:13,612 --> 00:44:15,239
Thanks.
609
00:44:22,371 --> 00:44:24,706
Yeah.
610
00:44:24,790 --> 00:44:26,917
I will, won't I?
611
00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:30,587
I'm so sad and lonely.
612
00:44:30,629 --> 00:44:32,172
I'm so sad and lonely.
613
00:44:32,256 --> 00:44:34,591
I just wish someone
would show up
614
00:44:34,675 --> 00:44:37,344
and sweep me off
my German feet.
615
00:44:37,469 --> 00:44:40,097
Mieke! I'm here.
616
00:44:40,222 --> 00:44:41,807
Scotty!
617
00:44:41,932 --> 00:44:43,892
About that last email.
I'm so sorry...
618
00:44:43,976 --> 00:44:47,104
The past is the past.
You're here now.
619
00:44:47,145 --> 00:44:50,899
I've been saving myself for you.
620
00:44:50,983 --> 00:44:54,528
Let us make love
for one whole month.
621
00:44:57,573 --> 00:45:00,993
Touch me, Scotty.
622
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:04,663
OK.
623
00:45:23,223 --> 00:45:25,726
Oh, Scott...
624
00:45:25,809 --> 00:45:28,604
- Mi bello.
625
00:45:28,645 --> 00:45:30,397
Mi bello.
626
00:45:30,439 --> 00:45:32,900
Mi bello.
627
00:45:34,651 --> 00:45:36,904
Mi bello.
628
00:45:36,987 --> 00:45:38,989
Mi bello.
629
00:45:45,537 --> 00:45:46,580
Mi scusi.
630
00:45:50,375 --> 00:45:53,337
Mi scusi!
631
00:45:53,420 --> 00:45:56,548
" Hot stuff baby this evening "
632
00:45:56,632 --> 00:45:58,634
" Gotta have some hot stuff "
633
00:45:58,717 --> 00:46:01,637
" Gotta have some love tonight "
634
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:03,972
" Hot stuff "
635
00:46:19,947 --> 00:46:22,783
Guys, our train
doesn't leave till morning.
636
00:46:22,866 --> 00:46:25,869
- Where will we sleep?
- What do you mean, sleep?
637
00:46:25,953 --> 00:46:28,080
We can sleep on the train tomorrow.
638
00:46:28,163 --> 00:46:31,416
This is the best that could've happened.
We're in Amsterdam!
639
00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:34,586
This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe!
640
00:46:34,670 --> 00:46:35,838
Take a look at this.
641
00:46:39,049 --> 00:46:41,426
"Club Vandersexxx."
642
00:46:41,510 --> 00:46:44,471
"The red light district's
hottest sex club."
643
00:46:44,513 --> 00:46:47,224
We have to check it out.
Who's with me?
644
00:46:47,307 --> 00:46:48,725
I'll go.
645
00:46:48,809 --> 00:46:51,687
Fine. Since no one else
is willing to go,
646
00:46:51,728 --> 00:46:53,438
I'll just go myself.
647
00:47:08,412 --> 00:47:11,248
" I see "
648
00:47:11,331 --> 00:47:13,709
" You're waiting for me "
649
00:47:13,792 --> 00:47:18,589
This is definitely
where I parked my car.
650
00:47:20,757 --> 00:47:22,676
Hello there.
651
00:47:24,303 --> 00:47:26,597
Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...
652
00:47:26,722 --> 00:47:29,641
Amsterdam's most erotic club,
653
00:47:29,725 --> 00:47:33,020
where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.
654
00:47:33,103 --> 00:47:35,898
Also says I get
a free T-shirt with flyer.
655
00:47:38,817 --> 00:47:40,444
He's American.
656
00:47:40,527 --> 00:47:45,616
How sad for you to grow up
in a country founded by prudes.
657
00:47:45,699 --> 00:47:50,245
A country overrun
with crime and illiteracy.
658
00:47:50,329 --> 00:47:52,998
A country where a man
is forced to make sex
659
00:47:53,081 --> 00:47:55,000
to only one woman at a time,
660
00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:58,045
and one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.
661
00:47:58,128 --> 00:48:01,507
- It was horrible.
- I know.
662
00:48:01,632 --> 00:48:03,675
But you can come with me...
663
00:48:03,759 --> 00:48:06,803
and let the Vandersexxx begin.
664
00:48:11,099 --> 00:48:15,020
" Marijuana in my soul "
665
00:48:15,103 --> 00:48:17,022
" Your iguana in my hall "
666
00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:19,399
I can't believe
we're doing this.
667
00:48:19,441 --> 00:48:23,529
Don't worry.
Hash brownies are totally legal here.
668
00:48:23,612 --> 00:48:27,533
You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.
669
00:48:27,616 --> 00:48:31,161
" I like to smoke marijuana "
670
00:48:31,245 --> 00:48:33,872
- You wanna do this?
- Yeah.
671
00:48:39,169 --> 00:48:40,712
- Hi.
- Hi.
672
00:48:40,838 --> 00:48:42,756
I need a new battery for my camera,
673
00:48:42,798 --> 00:48:45,300
and while you're at it,
it could use a cleaning.
674
00:48:45,384 --> 00:48:46,927
Wow.
675
00:48:48,178 --> 00:48:50,013
Is that a Leica M6?
676
00:48:50,097 --> 00:48:51,473
Actually, it's an M7.
677
00:48:51,557 --> 00:48:53,809
It's got the built-in light meter.
678
00:48:54,518 --> 00:48:56,019
It's so beautiful.
679
00:48:56,895 --> 00:48:59,523
So sleek, so powerful.
680
00:48:59,606 --> 00:49:01,608
How's the new lens system?
681
00:49:01,692 --> 00:49:05,612
Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.
682
00:49:05,696 --> 00:49:08,198
You really know your cameras.
683
00:49:09,700 --> 00:49:11,160
And you're very cute.
684
00:49:11,285 --> 00:49:13,662
Me? Really?
685
00:49:13,745 --> 00:49:15,956
I'm going on break.
686
00:49:16,039 --> 00:49:18,917
I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.
687
00:49:19,001 --> 00:49:20,627
Would you like to join me?
688
00:49:20,711 --> 00:49:23,338
I don't smoke.
689
00:49:23,422 --> 00:49:32,848
Neither do I.
690
00:49:32,890 --> 00:49:34,433
Hold on, hold on.
691
00:49:34,516 --> 00:49:36,143
What is it?
692
00:49:36,226 --> 00:49:37,728
This is great!
693
00:49:37,811 --> 00:49:39,897
You're so innocent.
694
00:49:41,523 --> 00:49:43,901
Let's change that... shall we?
695
00:49:45,611 --> 00:49:48,280
What would you like me to do?
696
00:49:48,363 --> 00:49:50,741
Well... I don't really know...
697
00:49:50,824 --> 00:49:52,993
I guess I really
haven't done that much.
698
00:49:53,076 --> 00:49:56,663
I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars,
699
00:49:56,747 --> 00:50:00,626
and model U.N., advanced placement
classes, after-school tutor...
700
00:50:00,792 --> 00:50:03,378
...ing! Ah!
701
00:50:03,462 --> 00:50:07,090
Gosh, you really like cameras!
702
00:50:07,257 --> 00:50:11,053
Sometimes, we find our clients are
so overwhelmed with the pleasure,
703
00:50:11,094 --> 00:50:13,889
that they sometimes scream out,"no,"
704
00:50:13,972 --> 00:50:16,808
when really they mean,"yes."
705
00:50:16,892 --> 00:50:20,270
And this is why we have the safe word.
706
00:50:20,354 --> 00:50:22,981
The "safe word"?
707
00:50:23,065 --> 00:50:26,276
If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great,
708
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,612
you just use the safe word.
709
00:50:29,822 --> 00:50:33,242
Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.
710
00:50:33,325 --> 00:50:35,786
Yeah, right. Stop.
All right.
711
00:50:35,869 --> 00:50:38,956
We're going to start slowly,
712
00:50:39,039 --> 00:50:43,544
teasing you with a little
light erotic foreplay.
713
00:50:43,627 --> 00:50:46,255
Whee!
714
00:50:46,338 --> 00:50:48,841
Oh, yes, ladies!
715
00:50:48,924 --> 00:50:51,468
On, on, vandersexxx!
716
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,686
Hans! Gruber!
717
00:51:04,606 --> 00:51:05,774
Hi.
718
00:51:16,702 --> 00:51:19,955
So, are the girls coming back?
719
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,791
Administer the testicle clamps!
720
00:51:22,916 --> 00:51:24,710
- Huh? What? Hey!
721
00:51:31,133 --> 00:51:33,093
Safe word!
722
00:51:40,475 --> 00:51:43,312
What is that?!
That's not a word, it's a...
723
00:51:43,395 --> 00:51:46,148
"Fluggen-kliggin-kien?"
724
00:51:48,901 --> 00:51:50,736
Fluggen!!!
725
00:51:56,408 --> 00:51:58,410
- OK, mister, don't move.
- Excuse me?
726
00:51:58,494 --> 00:52:00,370
Shut the hell up!
727
00:52:00,412 --> 00:52:02,372
Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me.
728
00:52:02,372 --> 00:52:05,292
Oh, no... you're fine.
That's good. You're fine.
729
00:52:05,375 --> 00:52:07,544
Give me cash? You got cash?
730
00:52:07,628 --> 00:52:09,755
Take it all, you dirty girl.
731
00:52:09,838 --> 00:52:11,173
What?
732
00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:13,634
Your wallet! Focus!
733
00:52:14,718 --> 00:52:17,012
- Give it to me.
- Oh!
734
00:52:17,054 --> 00:52:18,931
Oh, I love you!
735
00:52:18,972 --> 00:52:21,475
I love you!
736
00:52:21,558 --> 00:52:26,271
I love you! I looove you!
737
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,244
What's so funny?
738
00:52:48,502 --> 00:52:51,755
I'm really hungry.
I think I've got the munchies.
739
00:52:51,839 --> 00:52:54,550
- Excuse me.
- Huh?
740
00:52:54,633 --> 00:52:58,262
It's hot in here. You hot?
'Cause I'm really hot.
741
00:52:58,303 --> 00:53:00,681
- So good.
- OK, I can't breathe! God!
742
00:53:00,764 --> 00:53:04,393
I'm freaking out! I think we got
a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out.
743
00:53:04,518 --> 00:53:06,562
I can't... I can't do this.
744
00:53:06,687 --> 00:53:10,232
I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know until halfway in.
745
00:53:10,315 --> 00:53:14,486
The girls never came.
The girls never came!
746
00:53:14,570 --> 00:53:17,406
I am freaking out!!
747
00:53:17,489 --> 00:53:21,201
- Everything all right with you?
- No, nothing's all right.
748
00:53:21,285 --> 00:53:23,412
You sold us a bad batch
of hash brownies.
749
00:53:23,453 --> 00:53:25,414
You're a bad Rastafarian.
750
00:53:25,455 --> 00:53:28,083
These are not hash brownies.
751
00:53:28,167 --> 00:53:29,459
Hmm?
752
00:53:31,128 --> 00:53:34,464
- What was that?
- We do not sell hash brownies.
753
00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:36,675
We're a simple Dutch bakery!
754
00:53:40,762 --> 00:53:43,348
Now put your clothes back on, white boy!
755
00:53:44,558 --> 00:53:47,394
Ow! Ow! Ow!
756
00:53:47,436 --> 00:53:49,188
"Fluggengegeholen!"
757
00:53:50,772 --> 00:53:53,358
Did you say fluggegecheimen?
758
00:53:53,442 --> 00:53:54,443
Yes! Yes!
759
00:53:54,526 --> 00:53:57,196
For the love of god,
fluggengecheimen!
760
00:53:57,279 --> 00:53:58,906
Are you sure?
761
00:53:58,989 --> 00:54:00,240
Yes, please.
762
00:54:00,282 --> 00:54:02,367
As you wish.
763
00:54:03,785 --> 00:54:05,954
Bring on
the fluggegecheimen!
764
00:54:09,041 --> 00:54:11,293
Wait... what?
765
00:54:11,376 --> 00:54:13,337
Uh-oh.
766
00:54:13,420 --> 00:54:16,673
No, no, no!
I didn't say fluggegecheimen,
767
00:54:16,757 --> 00:54:17,883
I said, uh...
768
00:54:37,903 --> 00:54:39,613
What'd you do last night?
769
00:54:41,824 --> 00:54:43,909
I don't want to talk about it.
770
00:54:44,034 --> 00:54:45,410
What did you guys do?
771
00:54:45,452 --> 00:54:47,496
Don't want to talk about it.
772
00:54:49,915 --> 00:54:53,627
- What is that?
- Free T-shirt.
773
00:54:58,131 --> 00:54:59,800
Hey, guys.
774
00:55:00,676 --> 00:55:02,678
What happened to you?
775
00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:04,388
I got robbed.
776
00:55:04,471 --> 00:55:06,640
It was awesome!
777
00:55:08,225 --> 00:55:12,771
Our money, passports, tickets...
Everything, gone!
778
00:55:14,064 --> 00:55:15,899
How the hell could this happen?
779
00:55:15,983 --> 00:55:19,069
We all go to Amsterdam, and
Jamie's the one who hooks up!
780
00:55:20,445 --> 00:55:22,322
For shame!
781
00:55:30,914 --> 00:55:33,375
Oh, that's me.
782
00:55:36,503 --> 00:55:38,213
Coop here. Sorry.
783
00:55:38,255 --> 00:55:41,133
Hello, Mr. Walters.
784
00:55:42,801 --> 00:55:44,803
You never got the Gutterman file?
785
00:55:44,887 --> 00:55:46,805
I told Humphrey to give it to you.
786
00:55:46,889 --> 00:55:51,018
That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.
787
00:55:51,143 --> 00:55:54,229
I'll tell Humphrey to report
to your office immediately.
788
00:55:54,354 --> 00:55:56,315
Bye.
789
00:55:57,816 --> 00:56:00,736
- This job's killing me.
790
00:56:11,413 --> 00:56:13,874
- Uh...
- Let me handle this.
791
00:56:13,916 --> 00:56:16,293
I speak bad German.
792
00:56:39,608 --> 00:56:42,402
- What did he say?
- He said he's driving.
793
00:56:42,444 --> 00:56:43,654
- Oh.
- Something.
794
00:56:43,737 --> 00:56:45,531
Jah.
795
00:56:49,159 --> 00:56:50,327
Berlin?
796
00:57:00,045 --> 00:57:01,964
- Berlin?
- Berlin!
797
00:57:07,302 --> 00:57:09,555
- He's going to Berlin!
- Awesome!
798
00:57:11,932 --> 00:57:14,977
- All right! Berlin!
- Come on, let's go!
799
00:57:23,402 --> 00:57:25,612
Next stop, Berlin!
800
00:57:47,885 --> 00:57:51,013
Beautiful!
We made it to Berlin.
801
00:57:51,054 --> 00:57:53,182
Jah. Berlin!
802
00:57:58,103 --> 00:57:59,855
- Bratislava?
- Yeah.
803
00:57:59,897 --> 00:58:01,899
Bratislava!
804
00:58:07,738 --> 00:58:10,657
Dear sweet mother of God.
805
00:58:10,741 --> 00:58:12,868
We're in Eastern Europe.
806
00:58:15,412 --> 00:58:16,538
Eww!
807
00:58:39,269 --> 00:58:41,146
Excuse me.
808
00:58:42,147 --> 00:58:43,941
Do you speak any English?
809
00:58:43,982 --> 00:58:46,944
You are Americans?
810
00:58:46,985 --> 00:58:48,362
Yeah.
811
00:58:48,403 --> 00:58:50,364
I love America.
812
00:58:51,448 --> 00:58:54,827
We just get "Miami Vice" on television.
813
00:58:54,868 --> 00:58:57,996
"Miami Vice" is number one new show.
814
00:58:58,080 --> 00:58:59,456
Yeah.
815
00:58:59,498 --> 00:59:02,751
Listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.
816
00:59:02,835 --> 00:59:05,546
Do you know if there's
a train coming anytime soon?
817
00:59:05,629 --> 00:59:09,049
Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.
818
00:59:12,845 --> 00:59:15,389
Stop! Hammer time!
819
00:59:15,514 --> 00:59:17,724
Enjoy Bratislava!
820
00:59:17,808 --> 00:59:20,227
It's good you came in summer.
821
00:59:20,310 --> 00:59:23,772
In winter, it can get very depressing.
822
00:59:24,398 --> 00:59:27,860
We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?
823
00:59:33,365 --> 00:59:34,908
Frommer's travel tip.
824
00:59:36,493 --> 00:59:38,162
I don't have anything.
825
00:59:38,245 --> 00:59:40,414
What? I got noth... fine.
826
00:59:47,171 --> 00:59:49,715
$1.83 American.
827
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:51,633
What are we gonna get with that?
828
00:59:57,472 --> 01:00:00,934
Gotta love that exchange rate!
829
01:00:02,060 --> 01:00:03,604
Ta.
830
01:00:07,649 --> 01:00:10,360
Hapi Djus.
831
01:00:10,444 --> 01:00:12,279
Teraz bez drenei.
832
01:00:12,362 --> 01:00:15,407
Hmm. Now with less pulp.
833
01:00:16,575 --> 01:00:18,410
Dinner is served.
834
01:00:18,494 --> 01:00:20,954
Would the masters care
for anything else?
835
01:00:21,079 --> 01:00:22,789
Think we're good. Thanks.
836
01:00:24,333 --> 01:00:26,919
Ah! A nickel!
837
01:00:29,046 --> 01:00:30,214
You see this?
838
01:00:31,215 --> 01:00:34,676
- I quit!
839
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:37,471
I open my own hotel!
840
01:00:45,187 --> 01:00:47,648
So, we got 27 cents left.
841
01:00:47,731 --> 01:00:49,858
What is there to do in this town?
842
01:00:56,782 --> 01:00:59,701
- " My Scotty "
- " Scotty, Scotty "
843
01:00:59,785 --> 01:01:03,372
" Scotty doesn't know "
844
01:01:03,413 --> 01:01:05,374
" Don't tell Scotty "
845
01:01:07,209 --> 01:01:09,378
- " Scotty doesn't know "
846
01:01:09,419 --> 01:01:11,505
This song sounds familiar.
847
01:01:14,132 --> 01:01:17,719
Jenny, lemme check your coat.
848
01:01:22,099 --> 01:01:24,101
- Hey!
- Jenny!
849
01:01:24,184 --> 01:01:27,563
That outfit is horrible!
Just take it off... now!
850
01:01:28,772 --> 01:01:32,359
No, but I will let you
buy me a drink.
851
01:01:32,484 --> 01:01:33,735
Excuse me!
852
01:01:35,195 --> 01:01:38,365
You are the woman from the Paris
train station, aren't you?
853
01:01:38,448 --> 01:01:40,200
- My name is...
- Christoph.
854
01:01:40,242 --> 01:01:41,869
Yes.
855
01:01:41,952 --> 01:01:43,579
What are you doing here?
856
01:01:43,662 --> 01:01:46,999
This is my place. My family owns
many nightclubs in Europe.
857
01:01:47,082 --> 01:01:50,252
I'd be honored if you'd join me
in my V.I.P.Room for a drink.
858
01:01:50,294 --> 01:01:52,129
Mmm-kay.
859
01:01:54,590 --> 01:01:55,841
Bye, Cooper.
860
01:02:02,973 --> 01:02:04,975
- What's that?
- It's absinthe.
861
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:07,352
Frommer's says it's
illegal in the States
862
01:02:07,436 --> 01:02:10,022
because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.
863
01:02:10,105 --> 01:02:12,316
They call it "the green fairy."
864
01:02:19,323 --> 01:02:21,992
My family has a yacht in the Aegean.
865
01:02:22,075 --> 01:02:25,412
Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.
866
01:02:25,454 --> 01:02:27,414
Oh, my God!
867
01:02:27,498 --> 01:02:30,751
We will swim with dolphins,
and sip champagne by moonlight.
868
01:02:30,834 --> 01:02:33,378
Oh, my God!
869
01:02:33,504 --> 01:02:36,465
We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.
870
01:02:36,548 --> 01:02:38,926
My wife makes the best sangria.
871
01:02:39,009 --> 01:02:40,928
Wait... what?
872
01:02:41,011 --> 01:02:42,513
Sangria.
873
01:02:42,596 --> 01:02:44,306
You take a good Spanish Rioja,
874
01:02:44,389 --> 01:02:46,642
and you put in slices of orange, and...
875
01:02:46,725 --> 01:02:49,311
No, wait.
You said you were married?
876
01:02:51,146 --> 01:02:54,233
You go around Europe
sleeping with every woman you meet?
877
01:02:54,316 --> 01:02:56,693
No, please, Jennifer.
It is not like that.
878
01:02:56,735 --> 01:02:58,654
I also sleep with men.
879
01:03:02,741 --> 01:03:05,369
I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.
880
01:03:05,452 --> 01:03:06,870
Me neither.
881
01:03:06,954 --> 01:03:08,664
Sober as a judge.
882
01:03:10,415 --> 01:03:11,458
How 'bout you?
883
01:03:11,583 --> 01:03:13,544
I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.
884
01:03:13,627 --> 01:03:16,213
This absinthe is bullshit!
885
01:03:16,296 --> 01:03:17,923
I hear you, my brother.
886
01:03:18,006 --> 01:03:19,842
I'm outta here.
887
01:03:19,925 --> 01:03:21,426
Excuse me.
888
01:03:21,510 --> 01:03:24,721
- Hey, so where's Christoph?
- Shut up.
889
01:03:46,493 --> 01:03:48,537
- Europe!
- Europe!
890
01:03:48,579 --> 01:03:52,166
- Whoo!
- Europe!
891
01:04:06,305 --> 01:04:07,723
So, tomorrow, Berlin.
892
01:04:07,806 --> 01:04:09,683
Tomorrow, Mieke!
893
01:04:16,607 --> 01:04:17,608
Check it out.
894
01:04:17,733 --> 01:04:20,068
No way!
895
01:04:20,152 --> 01:04:23,238
Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it!
896
01:04:23,322 --> 01:04:26,408
It's just so unfair.
I've been all over,
897
01:04:26,492 --> 01:04:30,037
looking for crazy European sex,
and he's the one who ends up...
898
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,164
- Oh, my God!
899
01:04:35,459 --> 01:04:39,254
That is some pretty fucked-up shit.
900
01:04:42,508 --> 01:04:45,802
Can you say,
"What the fuck did I do last night?"
901
01:04:59,358 --> 01:05:03,403
They really are the worst twins ever.
902
01:05:30,430 --> 01:05:32,683
That was a pretty wild night, eh?
903
01:05:33,767 --> 01:05:36,562
Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild.
904
01:05:39,148 --> 01:05:41,108
I know I was out of control.
905
01:05:41,191 --> 01:05:42,776
How about you guys?
Did you...?
906
01:05:42,860 --> 01:05:45,612
All right, look.
We were really drunk,
907
01:05:45,696 --> 01:05:48,115
things got a little crazy,
and Jamie...
908
01:05:48,198 --> 01:05:50,200
kissed me.
909
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:52,995
Let's just forget about it, 'kay?
910
01:05:53,162 --> 01:05:55,539
- Consider it forgotten.
- Never happened.
911
01:05:55,622 --> 01:05:57,166
Never happened.
912
01:05:57,291 --> 01:06:00,377
Fine. Let's just forget about it.
913
01:06:00,460 --> 01:06:02,171
It's not like you two had sex.
914
01:06:03,881 --> 01:06:05,966
- Have you had sex?
- Shut up, Cooper!
915
01:06:06,049 --> 01:06:08,844
Jamie, relax.
Cooper. Please?
916
01:06:08,927 --> 01:06:11,221
OK, fine. I'll give it a rest.
917
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:17,019
Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's?
918
01:06:21,106 --> 01:06:22,900
Oh, here it is. Bratislava.
919
01:06:23,025 --> 01:06:25,277
Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.
920
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,529
Oh, here's a fun fact.
921
01:06:28,864 --> 01:06:30,866
You made out with your sister, man!
922
01:06:30,991 --> 01:06:33,952
- Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- Like two dogs in heat.
923
01:06:37,372 --> 01:06:40,250
My friends, where is the beef?
924
01:06:42,461 --> 01:06:45,172
You go to Berlin?
I'm your ride.
925
01:06:45,214 --> 01:06:46,673
Hop in.
926
01:06:49,593 --> 01:06:53,931
" "99 Red Balloons"
927
01:07:13,408 --> 01:07:16,203
This is Mieke's
apartment building.
928
01:07:16,245 --> 01:07:18,622
Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.
929
01:07:20,123 --> 01:07:21,625
You'll do great, Scotty.
930
01:07:24,002 --> 01:07:25,504
Thanks.
931
01:07:45,566 --> 01:07:49,194
I came all this way.
I'm not gonna miss this.
932
01:07:55,159 --> 01:07:57,953
- Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!
- Stop.
933
01:08:10,048 --> 01:08:11,758
Hi, my name is Scott Thomas.
934
01:08:11,884 --> 01:08:14,178
I'm from America,
and I'm here to see Mieke.
935
01:08:14,261 --> 01:08:16,597
I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.
936
01:08:16,638 --> 01:08:18,098
Do you know where she is?
937
01:08:18,223 --> 01:08:20,184
She's gone for the summer.
938
01:08:33,822 --> 01:08:37,534
My daughter had intended
to spend the summer in America,
939
01:08:37,618 --> 01:08:40,245
looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.
940
01:08:40,329 --> 01:08:43,165
But several days ago,
she suddenly changed her mind.
941
01:08:43,290 --> 01:08:45,167
She would not tell me why.
942
01:08:45,209 --> 01:08:48,253
I think I know why.
943
01:08:53,467 --> 01:08:57,012
This is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.
944
01:08:57,012 --> 01:09:00,098
As I was saying,
she packed up her bag and left.
945
01:09:00,182 --> 01:09:02,851
- It was all very sudden.
- Do you know where she is now?
946
01:09:02,893 --> 01:09:06,271
She's always been
very interested in the classics,
947
01:09:06,355 --> 01:09:10,400
Greek and Roman literature, history,
and she's always enjoyed the ocean,
948
01:09:10,484 --> 01:09:13,612
so she found a program that
combines all her interests.
949
01:09:13,654 --> 01:09:15,322
Do you know where she is?
950
01:09:15,447 --> 01:09:19,910
She enrolled in a summer at sea
program, based in Rome.
951
01:09:19,993 --> 01:09:22,621
Rome.
952
01:09:22,704 --> 01:09:25,374
OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then.
953
01:09:25,415 --> 01:09:28,335
Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.
954
01:09:28,418 --> 01:09:32,005
Tomorrow her group boards a boat
and she'll be gone for the summer.
955
01:09:32,089 --> 01:09:34,842
She'll be quite unreachable.
956
01:09:35,717 --> 01:09:37,219
Unreachable.
957
01:09:43,642 --> 01:09:46,895
Mieke's tour group goes
to the Vatican tomorrow,
958
01:09:46,979 --> 01:09:49,106
then she gets on that boat
and she's gone.
959
01:09:49,231 --> 01:09:50,732
So, it's over?
960
01:09:53,110 --> 01:09:56,989
Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...
961
01:09:57,030 --> 01:09:59,366
you should probably call your parents,
962
01:09:59,449 --> 01:10:02,452
have them wire you
some money and go home.
963
01:10:02,578 --> 01:10:04,288
What are you gonna do?
964
01:10:05,455 --> 01:10:06,915
I'm going to Rome.
965
01:10:08,208 --> 01:10:10,252
I'll walk, I'll hitchhike,
966
01:10:10,335 --> 01:10:13,297
I'll swim if I have to,
but I'll get to Mieke somehow.
967
01:10:18,093 --> 01:10:19,636
Maybe that'll help.
968
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:21,138
Where'd you get all that?
969
01:10:21,221 --> 01:10:24,057
Wait. Where's your Leica?
970
01:10:24,183 --> 01:10:25,976
Sold it.
971
01:10:26,059 --> 01:10:27,644
What?
972
01:10:29,229 --> 01:10:32,024
You sold your Leica?
But you loved that thing.
973
01:10:32,107 --> 01:10:34,693
What about your Europe photo tour,
the chateaus?
974
01:10:34,776 --> 01:10:37,446
Chateaus have been there
for 300 years.
975
01:10:37,529 --> 01:10:39,281
Mieke's gone in 12 hours.
976
01:10:42,534 --> 01:10:46,705
Let's go! Frommer's says check in three
hours before international flights.
977
01:10:46,788 --> 01:10:48,874
Come here, guidebook!
978
01:10:48,957 --> 01:10:51,835
Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!
979
01:11:02,387 --> 01:11:03,972
" Be my girl "
980
01:11:04,681 --> 01:11:07,184
" Be my girl "
981
01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:08,852
" Are you gonna be my "
982
01:11:08,936 --> 01:11:11,730
" Girl, yeah "
983
01:11:11,814 --> 01:11:13,649
" Be my girl "
984
01:11:13,732 --> 01:11:16,235
" Be my girl "
985
01:11:16,318 --> 01:11:19,404
" Are you gonna be my girl "
986
01:11:24,159 --> 01:11:26,036
All right, summer at sea group.
987
01:11:26,119 --> 01:11:28,205
Our tour begins in the Vatican museum.
988
01:11:28,288 --> 01:11:30,290
This way, please.
989
01:11:37,714 --> 01:11:40,175
There it is.
990
01:11:45,681 --> 01:11:49,143
This entrance is
for private tour groups only.
991
01:11:50,978 --> 01:11:53,689
Oh... but we are
a private tour group.
992
01:11:53,772 --> 01:11:55,816
We've come all the way from America.
993
01:11:58,652 --> 01:12:01,488
That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.
994
01:12:05,909 --> 01:12:10,998
Si, I can tell.
How very, very sad.
995
01:12:11,081 --> 01:12:13,083
Yes, it is.
996
01:12:13,167 --> 01:12:15,460
But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?
997
01:12:15,544 --> 01:12:17,588
We've got a fantastic tour guide.
998
01:12:17,671 --> 01:12:20,465
- Right here.
- What? No...
999
01:12:23,177 --> 01:12:26,555
The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence
1000
01:12:26,638 --> 01:12:28,932
ever since the time
of Constantine the Great
1001
01:12:29,016 --> 01:12:30,642
of the 5th century A.D.!
1002
01:12:32,561 --> 01:12:34,521
- Oh.
1003
01:12:34,563 --> 01:12:38,400
OK... um... if you'll
all follow me, please.
1004
01:12:42,196 --> 01:12:44,781
Have a very special day
1005
01:12:44,865 --> 01:12:49,328
for a very special little man.
1006
01:12:49,411 --> 01:12:50,996
OK.
1007
01:12:52,831 --> 01:12:55,501
I can't believe that guy let us in.
1008
01:12:55,584 --> 01:12:57,336
What a retard!
1009
01:12:57,419 --> 01:12:59,046
- Let's find Mieke.
- Scusate.
1010
01:13:00,589 --> 01:13:03,675
One of our English-speaking
tour guides has called in sick.
1011
01:13:03,717 --> 01:13:06,804
Could you please take
these peoples also?
1012
01:13:08,764 --> 01:13:12,726
- How big is Vatican City?
-. 5 square kilometers.
1013
01:13:12,810 --> 01:13:16,730
- Who built the colonnades?
- Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.
1014
01:13:16,814 --> 01:13:19,191
- Where are the bathrooms?
- Floors 2,6 and 7.
1015
01:13:19,274 --> 01:13:23,070
Next I'll take you to where the
College of Cardinals elects a new pope.
1016
01:13:23,153 --> 01:13:26,323
When this happens, white smoke
is sent up from the Vatican.
1017
01:13:26,406 --> 01:13:29,660
- Here's a fun fact...
- Mieke must be around here somewhere.
1018
01:13:29,701 --> 01:13:30,702
Let's go.
1019
01:13:39,670 --> 01:13:42,381
Behind me is the appartamento papale,
1020
01:13:42,506 --> 01:13:45,926
or "papal apartment."
We're obviously not permitted.
1021
01:13:46,969 --> 01:13:49,930
Excuse me, miss. What is this?
1022
01:13:50,013 --> 01:13:51,682
That is the bell of San Marco.
1023
01:13:51,765 --> 01:13:54,143
When the pope dies,
the Cardinal Vicar of Rome
1024
01:13:54,226 --> 01:13:56,645
rings this bell to notify
the people of Rome.
1025
01:13:56,728 --> 01:14:00,440
Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.
1026
01:14:01,984 --> 01:14:05,654
Come on. I think I hear them.
1027
01:14:05,696 --> 01:14:07,197
Which way did they go?
1028
01:14:07,281 --> 01:14:09,533
That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.
1029
01:14:09,575 --> 01:14:11,410
Good enough for me.
1030
01:14:11,493 --> 01:14:14,913
Hey, check it out!
I wonder what this does.
1031
01:14:15,038 --> 01:14:19,001
It doesn't do anything,
it's a rope. Come on, let's go.
1032
01:14:19,126 --> 01:14:21,128
They got a lot
of old stuff here.
1033
01:14:28,719 --> 01:14:30,053
Dio mio!
1034
01:14:30,762 --> 01:14:33,015
The bell of San Marco!
1035
01:14:34,808 --> 01:14:36,727
The pope is dead!
1036
01:14:40,731 --> 01:14:41,857
Whoa.
1037
01:14:44,485 --> 01:14:46,278
She's not in here.
1038
01:14:46,361 --> 01:14:49,281
Let's go. We're definitely
not supposed to be in here.
1039
01:14:49,364 --> 01:14:51,533
Hey, check this out!
1040
01:14:51,658 --> 01:14:53,952
- I'm the pope!
- Cooper...
1041
01:14:54,036 --> 01:14:56,538
take off the pope hat.
1042
01:14:56,663 --> 01:15:00,918
- Oh, no. It's OK.I'm catholic.
- Take it off, goddamnit!
1043
01:15:01,001 --> 01:15:03,921
Oh, you took
the Lord's name in vain!
1044
01:15:04,004 --> 01:15:06,256
Only I can forgive
you now, my son.
1045
01:15:06,340 --> 01:15:08,008
Take that fudging thing off!
1046
01:15:08,091 --> 01:15:10,135
The pope breaks an open-field tackle.
1047
01:15:10,219 --> 01:15:12,805
It's a Hail Mary,
he catches at the 40...
1048
01:15:12,888 --> 01:15:15,098
the 30, the 20, the 10...
1049
01:15:15,182 --> 01:15:17,518
touchdown, Pope!
1050
01:15:18,644 --> 01:15:21,480
The pope makes a two-point conversion.
1051
01:15:21,563 --> 01:15:24,066
And oh, my Lord!
It's the Pope, eight,
1052
01:15:24,149 --> 01:15:26,568
and the heathens, nothing!
1053
01:15:28,195 --> 01:15:30,739
How's you, sucka?
1054
01:15:33,116 --> 01:15:35,035
Cooper, the hat! The hat!
1055
01:15:35,118 --> 01:15:36,495
The hat is on fire!
1056
01:15:36,578 --> 01:15:38,664
" We don't need no water
let the m... "
1057
01:15:38,747 --> 01:15:40,499
I'm not kidding! Look!
1058
01:15:41,166 --> 01:15:42,584
Oh, holy shit!
1059
01:15:43,794 --> 01:15:45,045
I don't want this!
1060
01:15:45,128 --> 01:15:47,256
Fireplace! Fireplace!
Go, go!
1061
01:15:48,924 --> 01:15:50,843
Whoa!
1062
01:15:57,933 --> 01:16:00,144
White smoke!
1063
01:16:00,227 --> 01:16:03,438
They've elected the new pope!
1064
01:16:06,024 --> 01:16:08,152
I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square
1065
01:16:08,235 --> 01:16:10,779
where the College of Cardinals,
in a surprise move,
1066
01:16:10,863 --> 01:16:15,492
has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very excited.
1067
01:16:15,534 --> 01:16:17,452
This is so strange.
1068
01:16:17,494 --> 01:16:21,206
Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.
1069
01:16:21,290 --> 01:16:23,458
We could be seeing
history in the making!
1070
01:16:23,542 --> 01:16:26,044
We could be seeing an arrest
in the making.
1071
01:16:34,011 --> 01:16:36,388
There she is. Mieke!
1072
01:16:38,974 --> 01:16:40,767
Hey! Stupid curtain!
1073
01:16:41,935 --> 01:16:43,812
Let me out!
1074
01:16:46,857 --> 01:16:48,859
Mieke!
1075
01:16:48,942 --> 01:16:51,069
It's the new pope!
1076
01:17:17,221 --> 01:17:20,140
What the hell...?
1077
01:17:24,853 --> 01:17:26,438
Mieke!
1078
01:17:29,274 --> 01:17:30,692
Hold on!
1079
01:17:36,573 --> 01:17:38,951
This is one crazy pope.
1080
01:17:47,626 --> 01:17:49,461
You!
1081
01:17:49,545 --> 01:17:52,589
Ferma! Stop! You!
1082
01:17:54,007 --> 01:17:58,470
You... and your retarded friend,
1083
01:17:58,554 --> 01:18:00,264
you're in big, big trouble.
1084
01:18:00,347 --> 01:18:01,431
Oy!
1085
01:18:04,393 --> 01:18:06,854
Take your mitts off them boys!
1086
01:18:06,937 --> 01:18:09,106
They're with me!
1087
01:18:10,816 --> 01:18:14,153
I've just about had enough
of you fuckin' ities!
1088
01:18:14,236 --> 01:18:16,446
But I am Swiss!
1089
01:18:17,865 --> 01:18:19,491
Them, too!
1090
01:18:25,372 --> 01:18:26,498
Now, bud...
1091
01:18:26,582 --> 01:18:29,501
you get in there, and you
say what you got to say.
1092
01:18:31,003 --> 01:18:33,255
Mieke. I'm here.
1093
01:18:33,297 --> 01:18:34,715
I made it.
1094
01:18:37,926 --> 01:18:39,761
Who are you?
1095
01:18:43,891 --> 01:18:47,311
What a fucking loser!
I'm gonna videotape this.
1096
01:18:48,729 --> 01:18:50,981
I'm Scott.
1097
01:18:51,023 --> 01:18:52,524
From Ohio?
1098
01:18:52,608 --> 01:18:56,195
Scott? Scott Thomas?
1099
01:18:56,278 --> 01:18:59,865
- Yes.
- From Ohio?
1100
01:18:59,948 --> 01:19:02,951
- What are you doing in Rome?
- I came here to be with you.
1101
01:19:03,035 --> 01:19:05,704
Listen, I just traveled
all the way across Europe.
1102
01:19:05,787 --> 01:19:08,207
I got chased by naked men.
1103
01:19:08,290 --> 01:19:11,835
I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.
1104
01:19:12,336 --> 01:19:15,923
I watched a brother
and sister make out.
1105
01:19:16,048 --> 01:19:20,093
I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...
1106
01:19:20,177 --> 01:19:22,304
so I could tell you one thing.
1107
01:19:25,098 --> 01:19:27,017
I love you, Mieke.
1108
01:19:27,100 --> 01:19:29,603
Aww...
1109
01:19:29,645 --> 01:19:32,397
We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?
1110
01:19:32,481 --> 01:19:35,400
I think...
1111
01:19:51,124 --> 01:19:53,961
Oh, Mike... Mieke!
1112
01:20:06,807 --> 01:20:09,393
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
1113
01:20:09,476 --> 01:20:10,978
I have cheated on my husband.
1114
01:20:11,061 --> 01:20:13,814
Do you think God will ever forgive me?
1115
01:20:13,897 --> 01:20:15,774
Oh, yes!
1116
01:20:15,858 --> 01:20:18,402
- Father?
1117
01:20:28,537 --> 01:20:30,372
This sucks.
1118
01:20:30,372 --> 01:20:34,126
I can't believe I'm the only one
who didn't hook up while we were here.
1119
01:20:34,209 --> 01:20:37,045
Europe is officially
the worst country on Earth.
1120
01:20:37,129 --> 01:20:38,589
I know.
1121
01:20:38,672 --> 01:20:42,217
I thought I'd at least get to
have some crazy European sex.
1122
01:20:45,929 --> 01:20:47,181
What?
1123
01:20:56,148 --> 01:20:58,275
- Scott, I have to go.
- OK.
1124
01:20:59,109 --> 01:21:01,737
My boat is leaving.
1125
01:21:01,820 --> 01:21:04,198
I still can't believe
you came all the way here,
1126
01:21:04,281 --> 01:21:05,741
just for me.
1127
01:21:05,866 --> 01:21:09,244
What can I say?
I'm very unpredictable.
1128
01:21:09,286 --> 01:21:11,997
Keep writing to me, Scott, OK?
1129
01:21:12,080 --> 01:21:13,582
Yeah, I will.
1130
01:21:22,841 --> 01:21:24,843
- Go.
- Bye.
1131
01:21:32,309 --> 01:21:34,728
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1132
01:21:34,812 --> 01:21:37,773
Whoo-hoo!
1133
01:21:37,815 --> 01:21:41,276
Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.
1134
01:21:41,360 --> 01:21:43,737
This was the best time of my life.
1135
01:21:47,491 --> 01:21:49,284
Excuse me.
1136
01:21:49,368 --> 01:21:52,830
You're the young man who gave me
that tour of the Vatican, aren't you?
1137
01:21:55,207 --> 01:21:58,293
- Listen, I'm very sorry...
- I just wanted to thank you.
1138
01:21:58,335 --> 01:22:01,713
You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic,
1139
01:22:01,755 --> 01:22:03,632
tour guide I've ever had.
1140
01:22:03,757 --> 01:22:05,384
Thanks.
1141
01:22:05,509 --> 01:22:07,678
But I'm not actually a tour guide.
1142
01:22:07,803 --> 01:22:10,639
I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.
1143
01:22:10,722 --> 01:22:13,559
Although I threw in a few things
Frommer's didn't know about.
1144
01:22:13,642 --> 01:22:15,435
How would you like to add them?
1145
01:22:15,519 --> 01:22:16,895
Excuse me?
1146
01:22:16,979 --> 01:22:19,982
That's my guidebook.
1147
01:22:25,279 --> 01:22:26,947
I'm Arthur Frommer.
1148
01:22:28,699 --> 01:22:30,492
It's amazing!
1149
01:22:30,576 --> 01:22:34,872
Frommer's is going to pay me to see
every museum and cathedral in Europe.
1150
01:22:34,955 --> 01:22:38,292
- That sounds so exciting...
1151
01:22:38,375 --> 01:22:41,211
for you.
1152
01:22:41,253 --> 01:22:43,547
I figured, since you're
going to be staying,
1153
01:22:43,589 --> 01:22:46,008
you might need this.
1154
01:22:46,049 --> 01:22:48,844
- A disposable camera.
- That's right.
1155
01:22:48,927 --> 01:22:50,095
Thanks, Scotty.
1156
01:22:50,179 --> 01:22:51,763
That's from both of us.
1157
01:22:59,980 --> 01:23:01,523
Hello, Mr. Walters.
1158
01:23:01,607 --> 01:23:03,275
I see.
1159
01:23:03,358 --> 01:23:05,944
Fired? Well, I...
1160
01:23:06,028 --> 01:23:09,948
Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...
1161
01:23:10,073 --> 01:23:12,784
goodbye, sir.
1162
01:23:12,910 --> 01:23:14,536
They had to catch you
eventually, right?
1163
01:23:14,661 --> 01:23:16,830
- No, they fired Humphrey.
- Shut up!
1164
01:23:16,914 --> 01:23:18,290
I got his office and a raise.
1165
01:23:18,373 --> 01:23:19,833
- No!
1166
01:23:19,917 --> 01:23:23,504
Flight 341
from Rome to Cleveland...
1167
01:23:23,587 --> 01:23:24,796
That's you guys.
1168
01:23:24,880 --> 01:23:27,299
- Have a good flight, everybody.
- Come here.
1169
01:23:30,093 --> 01:23:31,595
Be good.
1170
01:23:31,678 --> 01:23:35,098
- Oh! OK...
1171
01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:37,893
- Cooper, have a good flight.
- Be good.
1172
01:23:37,976 --> 01:23:39,061
Thanks.
1173
01:24:12,553 --> 01:24:14,012
I'm on it.
1174
01:24:23,063 --> 01:24:25,566
This still
counts as Europe, right?
1175
01:24:34,867 --> 01:24:36,451
"Dear Mieke,
1176
01:24:36,493 --> 01:24:39,329
"Greece sounds incredible.
1177
01:24:39,413 --> 01:24:41,331
"I just moved into my dorm room today,
1178
01:24:41,373 --> 01:24:44,126
"but I can't wait to see you
over Christmas break.
1179
01:24:44,209 --> 01:24:47,004
"This time I think
I'll fly to Berlin direct."
1180
01:24:53,844 --> 01:24:56,221
- Hello?
- Hey, buddy, how's college?
1181
01:24:56,305 --> 01:24:59,224
I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.
1182
01:24:59,308 --> 01:25:01,685
Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?
1183
01:25:01,768 --> 01:25:03,312
I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.
1184
01:25:03,395 --> 01:25:05,355
I'm thinking about majoring in German.
1185
01:25:05,439 --> 01:25:07,524
German? I've got a better idea.
1186
01:25:07,608 --> 01:25:09,985
Why don't you major
in not being such a woman?
1187
01:25:10,068 --> 01:25:11,612
So, how's Jenny?
1188
01:25:11,653 --> 01:25:13,489
Jenny... Jenny who?
1189
01:25:13,572 --> 01:25:16,325
I know a lot of ladies
named Jenny, they're all...
1190
01:25:16,408 --> 01:25:17,701
Ow!
1191
01:25:19,411 --> 01:25:21,038
Hey, Scotty, what's up?
1192
01:25:21,121 --> 01:25:22,331
Hi, Jenny!
1193
01:25:22,414 --> 01:25:24,458
How's Jamie doing with Frommer?
1194
01:25:24,541 --> 01:25:25,751
Oh, no.
1195
01:25:30,047 --> 01:25:32,007
Hold on.
1196
01:25:32,090 --> 01:25:34,009
Come here, robot!
1197
01:25:34,051 --> 01:25:36,053
Cooper, not again!
1198
01:25:37,179 --> 01:25:39,973
Hold on, this could be
my new roommate.
1199
01:25:45,604 --> 01:25:47,731
What's the freak look like?
1200
01:25:47,773 --> 01:25:51,235
Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.
1201
01:25:51,318 --> 01:25:53,403
Is he bigger than me?
1202
01:25:53,487 --> 01:25:56,323
I just got your last email.
What are you doing here?
1203
01:25:56,365 --> 01:25:58,492
Going to college.
1204
01:25:58,575 --> 01:26:00,953
You're going to college here?
1205
01:26:02,454 --> 01:26:04,289
- What dorm?
- This one.
1206
01:26:04,373 --> 01:26:06,750
Room 214.
1207
01:26:10,003 --> 01:26:11,797
How is this possible?
1208
01:26:11,880 --> 01:26:15,134
I guess they thought I was a guy.
1209
01:26:15,217 --> 01:26:19,096
Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?
1210
01:26:27,771 --> 01:26:29,898
Do I hear kissing?
1211
01:26:30,023 --> 01:26:33,110
Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?
1212
01:26:36,113 --> 01:26:37,573
Scotty?
1213
01:26:37,614 --> 01:26:40,409
Scotty? Scotty!
1214
01:26:40,450 --> 01:26:43,120
" Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me "
1215
01:26:43,203 --> 01:26:45,372
This happy ending is bullshit.
1216
01:26:45,414 --> 01:26:49,001
When does the fairy get laid?
I'm outta here.
1217
01:26:49,084 --> 01:26:51,420
" Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know "
1218
01:26:52,171 --> 01:26:56,133
" Oh, Scotty doesn't know "
1219
01:26:56,133 --> 01:26:58,552
- Catchy tune.
- Fuckin'-a, man.
1220
01:27:02,848 --> 01:27:06,143
" Fiona says she's out shopping "
1221
01:27:07,728 --> 01:27:12,441
" But she's under me
And I'm not stopping "
1222
01:27:12,524 --> 01:27:16,612
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1223
01:27:16,653 --> 01:27:17,821
Scotty doesn't know!
1224
01:27:17,905 --> 01:27:19,990
Hello, and welcome to
1225
01:27:20,073 --> 01:27:23,869
Amsterdam's finest and most
luxurious youth hostel.
1226
01:27:23,952 --> 01:27:25,412
Sounds great.
1227
01:27:25,496 --> 01:27:27,789
There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.
1228
01:27:27,873 --> 01:27:31,460
" I can't believe
He's so trusting "
1229
01:27:31,502 --> 01:27:34,838
Sorry.
1230
01:27:34,922 --> 01:27:38,258
" While I'm right behind you thrusting "
1231
01:27:38,342 --> 01:27:40,344
- Get it?
- She got it.
1232
01:27:40,427 --> 01:27:43,806
If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen,
1233
01:27:43,847 --> 01:27:47,601
I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.
1234
01:27:47,643 --> 01:27:51,230
You can also try hiding
your valuables...
1235
01:27:51,313 --> 01:27:52,940
in your anus.
1236
01:27:53,023 --> 01:27:54,525
Drink?
1237
01:27:54,608 --> 01:27:56,693
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1238
01:27:56,777 --> 01:28:00,030
" Scotty doesn't know
Don't tell Scotty "
1239
01:28:00,113 --> 01:28:02,658
I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, OK?
1240
01:28:02,741 --> 01:28:04,827
- Ready? Quit. Shut up.
1241
01:28:04,910 --> 01:28:07,496
Sorry. I know I fucked it up.
1242
01:28:07,579 --> 01:28:09,373
Yes! You take her hair...
1243
01:28:09,456 --> 01:28:13,335
and one strand at a time,
pull it out!
1244
01:28:13,418 --> 01:28:16,088
Use her like a humping post!
1245
01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:18,173
Jenny, this is Europe.
1246
01:28:18,215 --> 01:28:20,634
They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.
1247
01:28:22,219 --> 01:28:25,597
"Happy juice."
1248
01:28:25,681 --> 01:28:27,641
Show them something they haven't seen.
1249
01:28:29,226 --> 01:28:31,812
" Fiona's got him on the phone "
1250
01:28:31,895 --> 01:28:34,898
" And she's trying not to moan "
1251
01:28:34,982 --> 01:28:38,694
" It's a three-way call
And he knows nothing "
1252
01:28:38,777 --> 01:28:40,737
" Nothing, Scotty doesn't know "
1253
01:28:40,779 --> 01:28:43,574
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1254
01:28:43,699 --> 01:28:47,161
Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring,
1255
01:28:47,286 --> 01:28:51,748
or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated,
1256
01:28:51,874 --> 01:28:55,377
along with the valuables
you have hidden in your anus.
1257
01:28:55,460 --> 01:28:57,838
" So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know "
1258
01:28:57,880 --> 01:28:59,381
" Really want to go "
1259
01:28:59,465 --> 01:29:02,176
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1260
01:29:02,259 --> 01:29:05,554
" Scotty doesn't know "
1261
01:29:06,346 --> 01:29:10,058
" The parking lot, why not? "
1262
01:29:10,100 --> 01:29:12,686
" It's so cool when you're on top "
1263
01:29:15,689 --> 01:29:17,733
" Life is so hard
'Cause Scotty doesn't know "
1264
01:29:17,816 --> 01:29:19,902
" Scotty doesn't know "
1265
01:29:20,027 --> 01:29:22,654
Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers!
1266
01:29:22,779 --> 01:29:26,492
Go on, you gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!
1267
01:29:26,533 --> 01:29:28,785
Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!
1268
01:29:28,869 --> 01:29:31,288
Come on! Fucking come and have it!
1269
01:29:31,371 --> 01:29:33,081
You fucking beep?!
1270
01:29:33,165 --> 01:29:36,168
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
1271
01:29:36,251 --> 01:29:37,377
Fuck off!
1272
01:29:37,461 --> 01:29:39,379
Go on, you French bastards!
1273
01:29:39,463 --> 01:29:42,174
Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!
1274
01:29:42,257 --> 01:29:43,926
Go on out of it!
1275
01:29:44,009 --> 01:29:45,385
Fuck off!
1276
01:29:45,469 --> 01:29:47,179
I'm nackered.
1277
01:29:47,262 --> 01:29:49,306
- League supporters.
1278
01:29:49,348 --> 01:29:52,017
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1279
01:29:52,142 --> 01:29:54,728
- No, wait...
1280
01:30:00,234 --> 01:30:03,737
Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old.
1281
01:30:03,862 --> 01:30:05,989
" Gonna tell Scotty
Gonna tell myself "
1282
01:30:06,073 --> 01:30:10,536
" Scotty has to know
Scotty has to know "
1283
01:30:10,619 --> 01:30:12,704
" Scotty has to
Scotty has to go "
1284
01:30:12,788 --> 01:30:15,457
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1285
01:30:15,541 --> 01:30:17,709
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1286
01:30:17,793 --> 01:30:21,046
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1287
01:30:21,130 --> 01:30:25,884
" Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know "
1288
01:30:26,009 --> 01:30:28,887
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1289
01:30:28,971 --> 01:30:32,307
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1290
01:30:32,391 --> 01:30:37,104
- Scotty doesn't know!
1291
01:30:37,187 --> 01:30:39,064
Scotty's gotta go!
1292
01:31:39,500 --> 01:31:41,710
Is it off yet?
1293
01:31:41,793 --> 01:31:43,629
No, keep rubbing it.
91971
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