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00:00:01,314 --> 00:00:05,003
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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Nobody say a word.
3
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,723
- Ruth, I really...
- Shut the fuck up.
4
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:35,702
♪ I'm so high and so dry
I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
5
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:39,206
♪ Just blow some gage
Come around babe ♪
6
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,541
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
7
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:45,445
♪ I'm so high and so dry
I'm way up in the sky ♪
8
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:48,548
♪ The world seems light
And I'm so right ♪
9
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,651
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
10
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,287
♪ I'm gonna plop my nickel
In a slot machine ♪
11
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,622
♪ And play my solid sender ♪
12
00:00:55,689 --> 00:01:00,427
♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie Q
'Cause I'm on a bender ♪
13
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:05,332
♪ I'm so high and so dry
I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
14
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,368
♪ I got my roach around
I can't come down ♪
15
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,437
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
16
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,176
Is everybody okay?
17
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,277
- Yeah.
- All good.
18
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,344
Jenny, you good?
19
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:19,845
Yeah, I'm good.
20
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,682
I'm not good.
21
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,487
I feel like I should be
whispering in front of the scary men,
22
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,122
but I don't think I am.
23
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,727
I think that fourth shit-ball
really messed you up.
24
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,296
Oh, really?
Because I had three more after that.
25
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,270
I can't go to jail.
26
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,206
I'm like catnip for lesbian prisoners.
27
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:52,579
Look... Look at this ass.
They will eat it alive.
28
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,351
Maria, you're not going to jail.
It's a shakedown.
29
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,439
They get some bullshit
pretext to come in
30
00:01:59,478 --> 00:02:01,846
and take the weed and
the money, okay?
31
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,825
But they're not getting the money,
32
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,794
because you figured out
a brilliant way to hide our cash.
33
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,430
Which I was going to implement tomorrow.
34
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,835
Fuck a duck.
35
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,438
Oh, God.
36
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,857
Me tick-tick's boomeranging
like a bogan's
37
00:02:20,882 --> 00:02:22,833
joggles on the first
day of Commonade.
38
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,948
Pete, I don't know
what you're saying,
39
00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:28,806
but I think you're
having a panic attack.
40
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,551
The DEA raided my compound when I was 7.
41
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,920
Just a young joey in the pouch of life.
42
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,427
Listen, man,
I've lived through worse than this.
43
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,494
Stay with me.
44
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,396
Thanks, mate.
45
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:44,931
You're a real Bloomin' Onion.
46
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,468
How can they do this? Weed's legal.
47
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,837
State legal, federally illegal.
48
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:54,408
So, we exist in a gray zone
where they can still fuck us.
49
00:02:54,499 --> 00:02:56,468
And if you've ever been
fucked in your gray zone,
50
00:02:56,507 --> 00:02:58,242
you know it's no picnic.
51
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,651
You're inappropriate
at the most inappropriate times.
52
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:06,953
I know how this works.
53
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,196
Any second now,
54
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:12,459
the head agent, who I assure you
will be some roided-up meathead...
55
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,362
is gonna charge through that door
barking orders.
56
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,697
Pardon me, excuse me.
I'm sorry, pardon me.
57
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,499
I have to get through. Thank you.
58
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,335
Hey!
59
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,974
You must be Ruth Whitefeather Feldman.
60
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:29,608
What a name!
61
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,646
I'm Special Agent Barry Schwartz.
62
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:37,317
I like to say,
the government made me an agent,
63
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,420
but my mother made me special.
64
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,492
- Are you a Muppet?
- Shhh!
65
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:02,876
What a beautiful day.
66
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,912
Oh, best roof camping ever.
67
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:09,349
Hell, yeah, I slept like a stoned baby.
68
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:14,254
It's so pretty up here.
Way better than that shithole Yosemite.
69
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,555
Fuck Yosemite, baby.
70
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,591
Oh, hey, come look at the view.
71
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,393
I can see all the way
to the Ken-Taco-Hut.
72
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,628
Oh, man.
73
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,264
Oh, damn, look at all those cops
buying weed today.
74
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:26,398
Dank...
75
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:27,801
those are feds.
76
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,402
Oh, shit.
77
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:32,005
Look at all those feds
buying weed today.
78
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,275
No, no, no! Ruth is getting raided.
79
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,310
Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
80
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,046
What if they find us?
They're gonna kill the black guy first.
81
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,948
Hey, don't worry about it, baby.
82
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,985
They got Travis
and Carter to choose from.
83
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,052
Oh!
84
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,022
So, I guess we're just stuck up here?
85
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,391
Like those assholes on the space station.
86
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:56,062
No, no, no, cool it, okay? Calm down.
87
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,799
We'll just... We'll just hang out here.
88
00:04:58,865 --> 00:04:59,866
- You know?
- Right.
89
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,067
We'll get high.
90
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:04,571
Maybe we'll bone a couple of times,
and call it a day.
91
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:08,308
Oh. So, it's like a regular day,
but outside.
92
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:10,811
Oh, shit.
93
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,913
My lighter's not working.
Can I use yours?
94
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,781
Yeah, no doubt. I got it right here.
95
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,449
Oh, oh, I left it at home.
96
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,698
How you guys doing?
Are those tight? They look tight.
97
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,434
You know,
I was reading somewhere that the wrist
98
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,103
is the most delicate joint in the body.
Isn't that weird?
99
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,572
I'd have guessed knee.
100
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,639
Well...
101
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,508
Fellas, could we cut them loose?
102
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:42,808
You see?
103
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,444
We're reasonable people.
104
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,990
Excuse me, sir?
May I approach the bench?
105
00:05:47,021 --> 00:05:48,600
Okay.
106
00:05:48,718 --> 00:05:50,892
Hi, um.. I'm Maria Sherman.
107
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,885
I'm just a customer
with a family and
108
00:05:52,910 --> 00:05:54,945
a sterling reputation
in the community.
109
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,123
And I'm willing to do anything
to preserve that.
110
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,694
Anything.
111
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,498
I'm sorry, ma'am,
but I've got a job to do.
112
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,133
No, no, I'm... I'm just saying that...
113
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,837
I have a job I could do as well.
114
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:17,021
Thank you, but I'm a happily married man,
115
00:06:17,107 --> 00:06:19,459
and I like the one I get on my birthday.
116
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:24,483
Okay...
117
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,753
- I need to speak to the owner.
- Yeah, that's me.
118
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,990
I'm a co-owner. So, if you wanna
harass somebody, start with me.
119
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,056
No, no, no.
120
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,993
Nobody's gonna harass.
121
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,996
We'll talk, we'll kibitz, we'll schmooze.
122
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,565
He's not gonna talk to you,
and neither am I.
123
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,734
Ah! You just did.
124
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:42,936
Don't feel bad.
125
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,038
You've been Schwartzed.
126
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:46,972
Come on.
127
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:49,709
You think he's gonna crack?
128
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,012
No, he's good. Black don't crack.
129
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,751
Guys, I don't wanna alarm anybody,
but I am dying.
130
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,921
You're not dying, you're just...
131
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,623
- shitballing.
- No.
132
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,527
No, I'm dying. I'm gonna die a virgin.
133
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,098
Okay, a butt virgin.
134
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,471
Come on, sun.
Don't be an asshole, light this shit.
135
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,677
It's never gonna light it now,
you called him an asshole.
136
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:24,778
Oh, man.
137
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,548
How did that dipshit
from Cast Away make fire?
138
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,851
I don't know.
He had a dumb-ass volleyball to help him.
139
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,454
Man, I was gonna pack a volleyball.
140
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,692
What about other movies?
Come on, we gotta think.
141
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,593
- Well, in Hunger Games...
- Right.
142
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,997
Katniss is on fire
because Cinna designed her a dress
143
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,599
with a flaming train
for The Parade of Tributes.
144
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,834
That's crazy.
145
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,604
- Oh, shit.
- What?
146
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,941
Did you just hear what I said, Dank?
147
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:59,980
I just remembered plot details
from a movie I saw years ago.
148
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,249
Holy shit, I remember that.
149
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:06,686
Oh, my God. We're getting not high!
150
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:07,988
Oh, okay, okay.
151
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,956
We gotta get this fire started.
152
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,125
- I know, I got it.
- Yeah, what is it?
153
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,261
- I'm gonna rub these sticks together.
- You know how to do that?
154
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,597
I watched Survivor all the time
in college.
155
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,632
Holy shit, I went to college!
156
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,274
So, you're working with your mom.
That's nice.
157
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,178
My dad wanted me
to join him at the shoe store.
158
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,646
He still does.
159
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,851
He calls me last week, 85 years young,
God bless him, says to me:
160
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,954
"Son, as long as people have feet,
161
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,822
they're gonna need shoes."
162
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,826
Why are you here?
163
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,661
Shoe-store trivia.
164
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,831
The little thing you step into
to measure your feet?
165
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,901
That's called a Brannock Device.
166
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,304
Why are you here?
167
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,876
All right, not a small-talker.
I appreciate that.
168
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,108
Well, if you must know,
169
00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:08,490
a certain YouTube video
has come to our attention.
170
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:10,950
Couple of your friends
171
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,953
seen handing out some of your cannabis...
172
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,623
to people of insufficient age.
173
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:18,992
That's not so good.
174
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,728
Those fuck-sticks.
175
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:29,235
Oy, don't go all buggaro
taking my Sheilas, you wallaby lickers!
176
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:34,674
Pete, Pete. Yelling at these guys
in fake Australian is not gonna help.
177
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,295
Why do you talk like that anyway?
178
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,280
Don't know. Good ask.
179
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,883
Do you remember when it started?
180
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,219
I don't wanna talk about it.
181
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:49,122
You know, in therapy,
182
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:52,225
I've learned that sometimes
it's better to talk about things
183
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,060
instead of keeping them buried.
184
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,727
Buried?
185
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,767
Freeze! Police search warrant.
186
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,902
- They're raiding the compound.
- Stay in your room, Pete.
187
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,209
I have to get my plants.
188
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,706
No, stay in your room
and keep watching the movie.
189
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,213
Take the back and fan out.
190
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,878
That's not a knife.
That's a knife.
191
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,279
That's not a knife.
192
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:14,847
That's a knife.
193
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,316
That's not a knife.
194
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:17,951
That's a knife.
195
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:19,919
That's not a knife.
196
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,788
That's a knife.
197
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,360
That's Crocodile Dundee.
198
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,333
- What?
- That's a line from the movie.
199
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,703
The movie I watched while I was hiding.
200
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,039
Oh, my God, Carter.
201
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,075
That's not a knife.
202
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,210
That's a breakthrough.
203
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,182
You gotta get me out of here.
I'll do anything.
204
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,856
Anything.
205
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,795
Why don't I take
a rain check on that?
206
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,334
Agent Sanchez.
207
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,203
There's always a Sanchez.
208
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:14,007
- Yeah?
- Agent San... Oh.
209
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:16,175
Ooh. I like your pretend dick.
210
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,081
My friend Maria here, she's a patient
and she's very frightened.
211
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,450
I mean, could you just check her ID
212
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,920
- and send her home, okay?
- License.
213
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,055
Um, about that picture,
214
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:30,722
it's baby weight.
215
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,225
Plus, I had just eaten a cake.
216
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,032
I'm not gonna make it, Jenny.
217
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,801
Just leave me here to die.
218
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,005
Look, I was almost a doctor,
219
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:48,441
and I'm not gonna let you die on me,
you son of a bitch!
220
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,877
Olivia,
221
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,779
I want you to put your right foot in.
222
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,950
Great. Remember
that right foot you just put in?
223
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,451
- Yeah.
- I want you to take it out.
224
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,986
- But I'm so scared.
- Do it!
225
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,089
I want you to put your right foot in,
226
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,259
and this time, goddamn it,
I want you to shake it all about!
227
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,895
Yes, yes!
228
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,897
Yes!
229
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:17,770
Look, all I need is something
to show my boss, so I can say:
230
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,273
"Marjorie, here's what I confiscated.
231
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,377
I've done my job.
Case closed, it's Miller Time."
232
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,182
That's an old reference,
you're too young.
233
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,250
What do you wanna confiscate?
234
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:34,354
You know, the weed, your assets.
235
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,189
- Cash.
- Yes.
236
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:41,327
Assets. It's a cash business,
I know you've got a safe somewhere.
237
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,071
And don't tell me it's this safe,
238
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,399
because this safe is filled with Snapple.
239
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,069
Peach Mango-steen.
240
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,139
What is that,
Bruce Springsteen's fruity cousin?
241
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:58,211
Oh, come on, Travis, that's funny.
Even Sanchez liked it.
242
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,381
Look, I don't know anything about a safe.
243
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,983
Ugh. You're killing me here, Travis.
244
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:07,954
Now I gotta threaten you
with jail time for distro to a minor.
245
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,522
Ooh.
246
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,924
Slugs have four noses.
247
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:15,927
So...
248
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,099
where's the safe?
249
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,934
I don't rat.
250
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:24,836
Travis...
251
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,019
That's good.
252
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,325
You're not like your mother.
253
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,829
You're not some firebrand
out to stick it to the man.
254
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,532
You're not cut out for jail.
255
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,370
Yeah, you're right. You know,
my mother and I are very different.
256
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,438
You know, we don't...
257
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,874
see eye to eye on a whole lot.
But there is...
258
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,143
There's one thing we do agree on:
259
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:06,612
Fuck you.
260
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:14,387
Oy, the language.
261
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,036
My goodness, I am so not high right now.
262
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,573
- Why is my hair like this?
- I don't know.
263
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,946
That is so much more sensible.
264
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,012
Yeah.
265
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,052
You know, now that we mention it,
this smells terrible.
266
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:50,990
I wish we had something to read up here.
267
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,393
Oh, I would kill
for a Wall Street Journal right now.
268
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,330
You know, speaking of finance,
269
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,978
I think it's time we
lay out a realistic
270
00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:02,359
five-year plan for
our future together.
271
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,637
I mean, five years?
Isn't that a tad shortsighted.
272
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,940
We should do ten years at least
in this uncertain environment.
273
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,442
I mean, no offense, darling.
274
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,043
None taken, love.
275
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:18,384
So, I'll focus on selling
my jewelry on Etsy
276
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,920
and you can get
your teaching certificate.
277
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:21,987
Huh.
278
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,223
You know, if I can just reach one child.
279
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,458
Oh, just one.
280
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:27,125
Just one.
281
00:15:31,111 --> 00:15:32,265
I'm feeling good.
282
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,700
I'm feeling really good
about where we're at, Dabby.
283
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:36,302
Me too, Steve.
284
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:45,478
- We should write some of this down, no?
- Oh, yeah, that's smart.
285
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,613
- Oh, here's a pencil.
- Okay.
286
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,715
Do you have something to write on?
287
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,251
We could write on this matchbook.
288
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,722
- Steve.
- Yeah?
289
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,491
Are you pulling my leg?
290
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,716
How are you gonna write a ten-year plan
291
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:03,740
on a matchbook, you silly goose?
292
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,466
It'd be a really fun challenge.
293
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:10,036
We could write around the words here.
Write on this empty flap there.
294
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:13,272
We could write on this empty flap.
We could move these matches and...
295
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,011
Go, go, go.
296
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,547
Yes, you got this, baby.
297
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,249
You got this, baby.
298
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:24,684
Yeah, light that shit.
299
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,185
Yeah, light that shit.
300
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,386
Oh, yeah.
301
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,256
Mind if I hit the head?
302
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:31,723
Yeah.
303
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:33,359
Dope-ass rifle.
304
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:35,393
AR-15?
305
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,698
Collapsible stock, single-point sling...
306
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,200
vertical foregrip.
307
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,035
Did three tours in Iraq.
308
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,104
Thank you for your service.
309
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:49,308
No, no, thank you
for protecting vets, like me,
310
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,144
from the medicine
that might actually help us.
311
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,220
I'm gonna go pee-pee now.
312
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,263
Well, I'm done with junior here. Ruth...
313
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,163
you're up next.
314
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,698
I didn't rat.
315
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,268
That's my boy.
316
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,701
That's my boy.
317
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,272
That's my boy in there.
That's my son, Pete.
318
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,173
Oh, this ought to be good.
319
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:24,810
Hi, yeah, let the gentleman through.
320
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,282
Peter, my son. Heh.
321
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,751
Hi.
322
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:35,054
I'm Tae Kwon Douglas
from Intensity Plus Fight School.
323
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,825
What's wrong with him?
324
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,795
He gets kicked in the head a lot.
325
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,600
Okay, well, I'm Special Agent Schwartz
326
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,769
of the Drug Enforcement Administration.
327
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:51,337
What can I do for you?
328
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,706
Well, it's simple, really.
329
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,408
I run the dojang next door,
330
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:58,711
and my son Pete and I were playing
a little stickball in the alley.
331
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:02,615
And I hit a pop drive right through
the back door of this opium den...
332
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,284
and Pete followed the ball in here.
333
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,152
Good hustle, son.
334
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,356
You made your old man proud.
335
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,445
Let's get you back
to the house now
336
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,584
for a couple of
ice-cream sodas, huh?
337
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:19,198
- Douglas...
- I told you not to call me that, son.
338
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:20,665
Kids.
339
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,168
Douglas, Douglas.
340
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,437
I appreciate you trying to help me,
341
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,572
but I wanna stay here.
342
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,574
This is my family.
343
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,846
Pete, you could be in real trouble here.
344
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:36,247
I'll be okay.
345
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,251
As a wise man once taught me,
346
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:43,122
when you choose a path,
you have to walk it with intensity...
347
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:44,856
plus.
348
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,329
- Wait a minute. Was that me?
- Yeah.
349
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,232
That was good.
350
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,401
Sir, this was a nice moment.
351
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,638
Hearts were warmed,
but I'm gonna have to ask you to go.
352
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:00,806
- I...
- It's okay.
353
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,377
Okay.
354
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,153
Ruth...
355
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,325
take care of my boy.
356
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,634
Well, he's fun. Come on, Ruth.
357
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,369
Maria Sherman?
358
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:31,436
Yes.
359
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,739
- We ran your ID.
- Oh, great. Thank you.
360
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,242
Bye, guys! Stay strong.
361
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,913
- You're under arrest.
- What? Why?
362
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,749
You've got
seven outstanding moving violations.
363
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,752
But I had my housekeeper do
my online traffic school.
364
00:19:47,841 --> 00:19:48,854
Come with me.
365
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:53,459
Oh, my God. I'm... I'm being arrested
and they aren't. This isn't fair.
366
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,728
Hands off the side-boob, Sanchez!
367
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,800
Ruth Whitefeather Feldman.
368
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,969
You know,
you're something of a legend at the DEA.
369
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,738
You want a Snapple?
370
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:06,872
Kiwi-strawberry.
371
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,209
Let's get to it.
372
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:11,676
Okay.
373
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:15,414
We're here today
because two young people,
374
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,783
Gabby Shapiro and Steve Dankerson...
375
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,552
Those fuck-sticks.
376
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,620
Oh, so you know them.
377
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:26,358
Well, it seems that they made a video
that clearly incriminates Travis.
378
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,861
He's looking at five to ten.
379
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:30,896
So, even if he beats it...
380
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,766
he's now got it on his record.
381
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,772
You miserable fucking prick.
382
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:43,743
How do you live with yourself?
383
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:46,377
Hm?
384
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:49,548
How do you go home every night...
385
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,318
and look yourself in the mirror?
386
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:59,658
Knowing that you're part
of this corrupt, stupid,
387
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:03,262
pathetic, outdated, insidious...
388
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,431
cluster-fuck.
389
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,500
The war on drugs.
390
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,570
Who are you helping?
391
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,409
And then you threaten my son?
392
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,880
A good, decent kid.
393
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,382
He's never been in any trouble.
394
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:28,854
What, you got a quota on
young black men you gotta send to prison?
395
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,389
He's your one for the day.
396
00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:33,358
Good job.
397
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:35,628
Go home to your wife,
398
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:37,830
tell her what a hero you are.
399
00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:41,801
If you're finished with your big speech,
400
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:45,504
please keep in mind that I could
have Travis in jail in 45 minutes.
401
00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:47,406
So, again, Ruth...
402
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,341
where is the money?
403
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,344
Where's the fucking money?
404
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,428
Oh, shit.
405
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:15,534
You didn't have to sledgehammer it.
406
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:17,603
Just push on my nose, it pops open.
407
00:22:18,103 --> 00:22:19,839
But the thing about a sledgehammer,
408
00:22:19,905 --> 00:22:23,075
once you bother schlepping it somewhere,
shame not to use it.
409
00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:26,378
- Hey, Mom, you okay?
- Yeah.
410
00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:28,547
- I told them.
- What? Why?
411
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:30,549
They were gonna arrest you.
412
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:34,085
Oh.
413
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,455
Beautiful stack work.
414
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:40,693
Lot of these raids, you open the safe,
it's disgusting.
415
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,127
You almost don't wanna take it.
416
00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:43,628
Gentlemen, take it.
417
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:45,898
This is evidence.
418
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,833
- You'll get a receipt.
- Bullshit.
419
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:50,970
We're never gonna see that money again.
You're gonna get a Lexus.
420
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,738
You know, I don't like the Lexus.
421
00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,840
I mean, it's nice and all,
but let's face it,
422
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,775
it's just a fancy Toyota.
423
00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:59,612
You know what I test-drove the other day?
424
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:00,879
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
425
00:23:02,519 --> 00:23:03,749
You see?
426
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:06,385
This brought you closer together.
427
00:23:06,452 --> 00:23:08,387
Everybody wins.
428
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,993
And that's the story
of how we weren't high.
429
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,563
- The scariest 15 minutes of our lives.
- Hell, yeah.
430
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:21,467
We came this close to joining a gym,
I shit you not.
431
00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:23,702
Yeah, oh, my God, yeah.
432
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:28,407
So, the lesson for all of you,
especially any kids who may be watching:
433
00:23:28,674 --> 00:23:30,643
don't not be high.
434
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:35,648
Perfect advice. Life is too long,
you gotta make the least of it.
435
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:38,851
Yeah, yeah.
And if you ever go roof camping,
436
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:41,854
make sure to pack a volleyball.
437
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:48,160
I'm about to smoke
the shit out of your ass, Wilson.
438
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,728
Oh, yes.
439
00:23:59,505 --> 00:24:01,974
Little baby boy
440
00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:04,677
Gazing up above
441
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:09,715
Listen to your Mama's words
Sung to you in love
442
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,518
We are doomed, we are doomed
443
00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:15,054
We are born to be entombed
444
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:19,658
We are doomed, doomed
Doomed, doomed, doomed
445
00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:23,829
You're gonna grow so fast
446
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:26,131
And when you are a man
447
00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:29,635
Please recall your Mama's words
448
00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:31,503
Every time you can
449
00:24:31,704 --> 00:24:34,206
We are doomed, we are doomed
450
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:37,009
We're conceived to be consumed
451
00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:41,246
We are doomed, doomed
Doo-be-doo-be doomed
452
00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:44,983
Oh, we are doomed, we are doomed
453
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,820
It can safely be assumed
454
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:51,790
We are doo wah diddy dum diddy
455
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:54,827
Doomed
456
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,999
And that's the lullaby
you used to sing to Travis?
457
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:04,870
He was a very happy baby,
he needed a reality check.
458
00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:08,741
Thought I left a bag
of the new weed in the car.
459
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,809
Just enough for six joints.
460
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:12,945
What did you name this one?
461
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,080
I didn't get a chance.
462
00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:17,683
Maybe Stinky Tea?
463
00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:19,685
Crocodile Dunweed?
464
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,521
I've Got A Kush On You...
465
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:23,588
OG?
466
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:26,959
Nana's Fudge Swirls?
467
00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:29,194
No, that shit-ball has sailed.
468
00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:31,930
How about The Worst?
469
00:25:32,297 --> 00:25:35,567
In honor of the worst day
we've ever had here.
470
00:25:36,769 --> 00:25:38,270
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
471
00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:10,134
Do you see that?
472
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:13,304
I do.
473
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:16,208
I see it.
474
00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:20,179
We all see it.
475
00:26:31,723 --> 00:26:33,592
Pete, hit the green light.
476
00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:15,460
Oh, man.
477
00:28:15,961 --> 00:28:19,298
That show's bullshit, man.
That's not what it's like to get high.
478
00:28:20,165 --> 00:28:21,833
Yeah, for one thing, man...
479
00:28:22,734 --> 00:28:25,103
- joints were way too small.
- Yeah.
480
00:28:25,771 --> 00:28:27,439
Whoa, when'd you roll that, man?
481
00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:29,341
I thought you rolled it.
482
00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:31,977
No, it's in your hand, man.
483
00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:35,147
- Oh, that's my hand?
- Yeah.
484
00:28:37,182 --> 00:28:38,750
Oh, shit, man, look.
485
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:40,051
What?
486
00:28:40,919 --> 00:28:42,387
Far out, man.
487
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:45,290
Hey, man, we got chips.
488
00:28:45,757 --> 00:28:46,858
You got any guac?
489
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,061
Yeah, we got guac, man,
490
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:51,330
but we don't have any chips.
35478
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