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1
00:00:05,828 --> 00:00:07,996
- None of your business, Elaine!
2
00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:11,500
All: No!
3
00:00:22,511 --> 00:00:25,681
- Oh, sorry about that.
- A ring stain?
4
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,375
I have a bad habit
of just putting my drink
down on the table.
5
00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:31,186
Bad habit?
Put your drink down
on the wood?
6
00:00:31,228 --> 00:00:35,232
- Look at that stain you made.
- Well, we'll just sand it
off or something.
7
00:00:38,110 --> 00:00:39,445
Do you respect wood?
8
00:00:42,948 --> 00:00:43,782
I...
9
00:00:44,992 --> 00:00:46,827
- Guess so.
- Oh my god.
10
00:00:47,035 --> 00:00:49,121
You had a cup like that
at Julia's party.
11
00:00:49,371 --> 00:00:52,374
You left the ring stain
on Julia's table.
12
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,585
She blamed me
the whole time,
but it was you.
13
00:00:54,751 --> 00:00:57,004
- Well, it's no big deal.
- You're right.
14
00:00:57,296 --> 00:00:58,672
It is no big deal.
15
00:00:59,882 --> 00:01:01,258
Having said that,
16
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,387
I would love for you
to call Julia and tell her
you left the ring stain.
17
00:01:05,512 --> 00:01:07,514
- I'm not calling Julia.
- Yeah, just tell her that...
18
00:01:07,556 --> 00:01:10,350
That you were the one
who left the stain
on the antique table.
19
00:01:10,434 --> 00:01:11,768
- Hold it one second.
- I'm not gonna do that.
20
00:01:11,852 --> 00:01:13,259
- Yeah, come on.
- I'm not doing that.
21
00:01:13,284 --> 00:01:16,339
- No, I want you to talk to her.
- I don't want to talk to Julia.
22
00:01:16,762 --> 00:01:21,028
- Cheryl, hold on one second.
- Oh my god, I am not talking
to Julia.
23
00:01:21,153 --> 00:01:22,236
- I'm not doing this.
- Hey, Jules!
24
00:01:22,261 --> 00:01:25,175
- Show was fantastic.
- What was I thinking?
Why would I come here?
25
00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:28,368
I'm not talking to Julia.
I said no
26
00:01:28,535 --> 00:01:29,703
and you don't listen to me.
27
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,538
Oh wait, hold...
Hold on, okay.
28
00:01:31,622 --> 00:01:34,958
Cheryl, wait one second!
No no, I think she left
the ring stain. Hold on.
29
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:38,128
- Hey, what the hell
are you doing?
- Leaving, Larry.
30
00:01:38,378 --> 00:01:39,922
- Huh? Why?
- Why?!
31
00:01:40,047 --> 00:01:42,216
Yeah.
Cheryl!
32
00:01:43,452 --> 00:01:44,843
Cheryl.
33
00:01:56,355 --> 00:01:59,399
Man: Larry, I know divorce
is painful, but this is
a fantastic deal.
34
00:01:59,608 --> 00:02:01,568
It's not only the best deal
I'm gonna get for you,
35
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:03,820
it's the best deal that
anybody's gonna get for anybody.
36
00:02:03,904 --> 00:02:06,240
You're gonna keep your house,
you're keeping all
your property.
37
00:02:06,365 --> 00:02:07,783
You know?
I know that's
important to you.
38
00:02:07,908 --> 00:02:10,661
- I gotta be a good guy.
- Yeah, you will look like
a good guy here.
39
00:02:10,702 --> 00:02:12,579
- But I don't really want
to be a good guy here.
- I know.
40
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:14,063
- You know that, right?
- Yes.
41
00:02:14,126 --> 00:02:16,041
- Okay, yeah.
- This is what I do.
42
00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:19,545
You're coming out ahead
in this deal and she's
coming out behind.
43
00:02:19,628 --> 00:02:21,985
Imagine like a Dutch
apple pie, right?
44
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:25,300
The filling, the real meat
of the pie, is everything
you're getting.
45
00:02:25,425 --> 00:02:28,637
And the top of the pie
that looks so nice
46
00:02:28,762 --> 00:02:30,889
is what she's getting.
She's just getting
the appearance.
47
00:02:31,014 --> 00:02:34,184
Yeah, but I really like
that crumbly stuff on the top.
48
00:02:34,309 --> 00:02:35,769
No, everybody does.
Yeah, it's delicious.
49
00:02:35,852 --> 00:02:38,814
I like that more than the pie.
I would rather get that
50
00:02:39,439 --> 00:02:41,650
- than the pie.
- Yeah, I know, but it's...
51
00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:43,443
But that's just...
That's a part of it,
52
00:02:43,569 --> 00:02:46,029
but the real... it wouldn't be
a pie without the filling.
53
00:02:46,113 --> 00:02:48,532
- Yeah, but it's
my favorite part.
- So let's switch it.
54
00:02:48,574 --> 00:02:52,119
She's getting
the filling and you're getting
the razzle-dazzle that is
55
00:02:52,202 --> 00:02:54,538
- the brown crumbly stuff.
- The delicious brown
crumbly stuff.
56
00:02:54,621 --> 00:02:55,914
- Yeah, yeah yeah.
- The cinnamon.
57
00:02:55,956 --> 00:02:57,583
It's a good deal.
It's ready to be signed.
58
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,251
Everything's going
to be fine, Larry.
59
00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:00,669
You came to the right place.
60
00:03:01,545 --> 00:03:04,339
You know what, Berg?
I like the cut of your jib.
61
00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:06,717
Uh, thank you
very much, captain.
I appreciate that.
62
00:03:06,842 --> 00:03:09,636
Cheryl and her lawyer
are going to be here
in a matter of minutes.
63
00:03:09,803 --> 00:03:13,223
You don't have to, but it might
not be a bad idea for you to
stick around for that meeting.
64
00:03:13,974 --> 00:03:17,185
- No, I'm gonna go.
- Okay, fair enough.
Okay.
65
00:03:17,352 --> 00:03:19,396
- You're welcome to stay.
- I like this desk.
66
00:03:19,605 --> 00:03:21,857
- You have a lot
of room under here.
- Yeah, it's nice.
67
00:03:21,982 --> 00:03:23,609
It'd be a good desk
to get blowjobs under.
68
00:03:23,734 --> 00:03:26,403
That's not why I bought it,
but let's call it
a happy accident.
69
00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:30,782
- Okay, Berg.
- Larry, don't worry so much.
70
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:32,618
- It's a good deal.
- Okay, I'm not going to worry.
71
00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:34,411
I'm gonna leave it
in your hands.
I trust you.
72
00:03:34,536 --> 00:03:36,038
- You should.
- I have a lot
of confidence in you.
73
00:03:36,079 --> 00:03:37,789
- All right, see you, Larry.
- See you around.
74
00:03:39,791 --> 00:03:40,917
Cheryl: Larry.
75
00:03:41,835 --> 00:03:44,171
- Oh hey.
- Hi.
76
00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:46,923
- Hey. Good to see you.
- Hello.
77
00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:49,301
- Good to see you.
- This is David Rabinowitz,
78
00:03:49,384 --> 00:03:51,094
my attorney.
This is Larry David.
79
00:03:51,178 --> 00:03:52,054
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
80
00:03:52,304 --> 00:03:54,014
You hired a bald man, huh?
81
00:03:54,139 --> 00:03:56,933
Uh, that was a coincidence.
82
00:03:57,017 --> 00:03:59,102
I didn't really go
after a bald man.
83
00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:02,356
You know, you should
have recused yourself.
84
00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:04,149
We can't go up
against each other.
85
00:04:04,274 --> 00:04:06,318
- It's a code.
It's in the bald code.
- Is it?
86
00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:09,529
- Yes, it is.
- Oh, I do need to come by
and pick up some stuff.
87
00:04:09,613 --> 00:04:11,573
- Oh, you want to get
the bedding and everything?
- Yes.
88
00:04:11,657 --> 00:04:13,408
I'm giving her
the bedding.
See?
89
00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:15,827
- You don't like the bedding.
- I like the bedding.
90
00:04:15,952 --> 00:04:18,205
And the pillows.
I'm giving you
all those pillows.
91
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:20,624
- Yeah, you like...
you want that, right?
- Yeah, but
92
00:04:20,707 --> 00:04:23,043
you don't like
those pillows either.
93
00:04:23,168 --> 00:04:26,421
I know, but I could
charge you for them
if I wasn't being fair.
94
00:04:26,546 --> 00:04:29,132
- You could charge me
for the pillows?
- Yes, isn't that right?
95
00:04:29,549 --> 00:04:31,093
- I'm not sure.
- Technically.
96
00:04:31,176 --> 00:04:32,636
Technically.
Correct, okay?
97
00:04:32,928 --> 00:04:35,597
- Okay.
- Your bald lawyer
says technically yes.
98
00:04:35,972 --> 00:04:39,142
And I can call you bald.
It's like black people
calling each other nigga.
99
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,895
- "Hey, baldy," you know?
- Okay, let's... it's better
if you don't.
100
00:04:42,062 --> 00:04:43,689
- Okay.
- I think you're
crossing boundaries
101
00:04:43,814 --> 00:04:45,440
- that shouldn't be crossed.
- Okay.
102
00:04:47,484 --> 00:04:50,737
- What are you doing?
- I'm practicing a tic
I'm working on.
103
00:04:52,948 --> 00:04:56,284
You know, for dating.
I'm just wondering if she'll
point it out, that's all.
104
00:04:56,368 --> 00:04:57,786
And that's what you do
on your dates?
105
00:04:57,869 --> 00:05:00,122
- Yeah, I'll just
keep going like this.
- You make up a tic
106
00:05:00,205 --> 00:05:02,450
- to see how long your...
okay, um...
- Yeah.
107
00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:05,043
What would you think if
you were sitting across from
somebody going like this?
108
00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:09,047
If he was doing it
on purpose, I would think
he was an asshole.
109
00:05:09,131 --> 00:05:11,550
Only because I told you
because you know who I am.
110
00:05:11,675 --> 00:05:14,261
But if you didn't know me
and we had just met,
111
00:05:14,386 --> 00:05:16,555
and then all of a sudden
you're sitting across
from me and I'm going...
112
00:05:17,681 --> 00:05:19,808
Okay, that doesn't work.
I don't think you should
do that.
113
00:05:19,891 --> 00:05:22,340
Wh... why not?
Huh?
114
00:05:22,396 --> 00:05:24,271
- Let's go.
- It's just a social experiment.
115
00:05:24,396 --> 00:05:25,994
- Cheryl: I'll text you.
- All right, nice to meet you.
116
00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:27,107
Rabinowitz:
Nice meeting you.
117
00:05:29,109 --> 00:05:31,445
Larry:
I got the sharpest
Jewish divorce lawyer in town.
118
00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:32,904
- He's terrific.
- Jeff: You like Berg?
119
00:05:33,029 --> 00:05:35,490
- I like him a lot, yeah.
- Oh, you know what?
You and I ever split up,
120
00:05:35,615 --> 00:05:37,367
let me tell you something,
we get a divorce,
121
00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:40,120
50-50.
you take whatever
50% you want.
122
00:05:40,245 --> 00:05:42,289
I'll take what's left.
No arguing,
123
00:05:42,414 --> 00:05:44,750
- no negativity.
- What, are you fucking
kidding me?
124
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,794
You think we're gonna have
a nice divorce if we
ever get divorced?
125
00:05:47,919 --> 00:05:50,839
No fucking way.
I'm taking you for
everything you have, mister.
126
00:05:50,922 --> 00:05:54,176
I'm taking your balls
and I'm thumbtacking
them to the wall.
127
00:05:54,301 --> 00:05:57,220
You're gonna get nothing
out of it. You mention
the "D" word once
128
00:05:57,387 --> 00:06:00,223
in your fucking life,
you'll rue the day
you ever met me.
129
00:06:06,684 --> 00:06:09,900
Okay.
I've got some
great news.
130
00:06:10,442 --> 00:06:13,612
Guess where the Funkman
is going for three weeks.
131
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:15,739
- Miami?
- London!
132
00:06:15,947 --> 00:06:17,991
- London!
- Oh ah!
133
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,285
- How about that?
- On business, how great
is that?
134
00:06:20,368 --> 00:06:21,828
- Wow, that's fun.
- Are you going?
135
00:06:21,953 --> 00:06:23,663
- No.
- Oh, really?
136
00:06:23,747 --> 00:06:26,666
- She doesn't like to travel.
- I don't go on business trips
with him.
137
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,126
- Have you ever been there?
- No.
138
00:06:28,251 --> 00:06:31,880
Oh my god, you should go.
It's really beautiful
this time of year.
139
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,466
- Hmm, really?
- Yeah!
140
00:06:34,591 --> 00:06:36,301
- London!
- Maybe I should go, Marty.
141
00:06:36,426 --> 00:06:39,054
No, it's cold.
Right now it's cold
and foggy and dangerous.
142
00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:41,932
They have gangs over there
and everything else and I'll
be doing business.
143
00:06:41,973 --> 00:06:44,726
I never travel with you.
I think it's a great idea.
I'm going.
144
00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:46,812
- Let's talk about...
- Thank you.
145
00:06:47,604 --> 00:06:50,023
That's decided.
I'm in.
146
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,235
Um...
147
00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:56,780
- What's everybody
getting for lunch?
- Fish chowder.
148
00:06:56,905 --> 00:06:58,990
Gonna have some sort
of light salad.
149
00:06:59,115 --> 00:07:01,171
- I'm not that hungry.
- I think I'm gonna
get the buffet.
150
00:07:01,196 --> 00:07:03,537
- All right.
- All right.
I'll be back.
151
00:07:04,412 --> 00:07:06,039
- The fish chowder's yummy.
- Larry!
152
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:07,707
- Hey, Joe.
- Larry, how are you?
153
00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:09,584
- Pretty good.
- Susie: Anna!
154
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:11,837
- Oh my god, how are you?
- Right right right,
this is Anna.
155
00:07:11,962 --> 00:07:14,381
Hey, this is...
you know Joe O'Donnell,
the owner of the Dodgers.
156
00:07:14,506 --> 00:07:16,591
- Yes.
- Hi, everybody.
I didn't want to interrupt.
157
00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:18,846
- Nice to meet you.
- Anna and I did pilates
together.
158
00:07:18,846 --> 00:07:20,846
- How are you?
Things going good?
- Great great, yeah.
159
00:07:21,012 --> 00:07:23,348
Did you speak to Andy today?
Our fearless attorney?
160
00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,392
- We have the same
divorce lawyer.
- Oh yes!
161
00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:26,935
Oh, the fun we're having.
162
00:07:27,561 --> 00:07:29,980
- How's it going with you?
- Well...
163
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:32,399
You know,
it's complicated
to say the least.
164
00:07:32,524 --> 00:07:35,569
The team is...
The team's an asset
165
00:07:35,694 --> 00:07:38,029
and it's kind of a little
precarious right now.
166
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:40,532
I think he'll
come through for us though.
I'm pretty confident.
167
00:07:40,699 --> 00:07:42,993
- Yeah, he's good.
- By the way, would you be...
168
00:07:43,076 --> 00:07:45,287
Would you be interested
in coming out, sitting
in a box with me?
169
00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:47,163
- Oh, that'd be fun.
- We can commiserate,
170
00:07:47,247 --> 00:07:49,082
discuss why the hell we got
married in the first place.
171
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,543
Yeah, I'd be interested.
172
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:53,336
- Yes.
- Oh, we should tell them.
173
00:07:54,296 --> 00:07:58,633
Joe's 13-year-old daughter
Kyra is going to be knocking
on your doors possibly.
174
00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,886
- Look out!
- She's selling
Girl Scout cookies.
175
00:08:00,969 --> 00:08:02,971
- It's the last week.
- She's going for the record
this year.
176
00:08:03,054 --> 00:08:04,806
- She was close.
- We're in, right, Jeff?
177
00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:07,058
I'll be slamming the door
in her face. I hope that
doesn't bother you.
178
00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:09,728
- Oh come on, give her a break.
- We're sending her
to you first.
179
00:08:09,795 --> 00:08:11,255
She's coming.
Be prepared.
180
00:08:11,438 --> 00:08:14,207
- Take care, everybody.
- Nice to see you.
181
00:08:17,819 --> 00:08:19,988
- Oh, okay!
- Huh?
182
00:08:20,155 --> 00:08:21,531
- There you go.
- You loving that?
183
00:08:21,573 --> 00:08:24,743
- That is beautiful.
- I told you the buffet, man.
184
00:08:24,826 --> 00:08:27,096
- Boy, did we do
the wrong thing.
- Shrimp?
185
00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:31,333
- Crab legs, shrimp, potatoes.
- I'm still a little bit hungry.
Can I take a couple potatoes?
186
00:08:31,416 --> 00:08:32,792
- Help yourself.
- Funkhouser: Look at that.
187
00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:35,337
- Take a crab leg.
Absolutely.
- Are you sure?
188
00:08:35,462 --> 00:08:37,839
- Take some shrimp too.
- I'll take two shrimp.
There we go.
189
00:08:37,881 --> 00:08:39,549
- Thank you.
- Take three.
You want three?
190
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:40,800
No, two's plenty.
That's all I want.
191
00:08:40,926 --> 00:08:44,179
- Funkhouser: When you
go back, get me some.
- Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt.
192
00:08:44,304 --> 00:08:48,183
Um, but you can't take
from the buffet
193
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:50,226
and share with someone
who's ordered off the menu.
194
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:53,647
So unfortunately we're
going to have to charge you
for an additional buffet.
195
00:08:53,772 --> 00:08:56,107
- It says it's all you can eat.
- It's all you can eat.
196
00:08:56,191 --> 00:08:58,068
What's the difference
if I give it to
somebody else?
197
00:08:58,193 --> 00:09:00,320
Because then he's eating it.
It's all he can eat also.
198
00:09:00,403 --> 00:09:03,949
I wasn't going to make
a second visit. This is it.
This is my only plate.
199
00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:06,693
- But how am I to know that?
- It doesn't say that
you can't...
200
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:09,829
Excuse me, maybe I can help.
Hello, I'm Hiriam Katz,
201
00:09:09,955 --> 00:09:12,165
attorney-at-law.
maybe I can straighten
this out.
202
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,793
First of all, in your implied
contract with this man
203
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:17,712
there is nothing that
allows you to restrict what he
does with your product
204
00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:20,966
after he purchases it,
so he can do whatever he wants
with the food.
205
00:09:21,091 --> 00:09:24,636
And secondly, if you suspect
that he's stealing another
buffet from you,
206
00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,680
you'd have to be able
to establish prior intent.
207
00:09:26,805 --> 00:09:28,640
Now can you prove prior intent?
208
00:09:29,557 --> 00:09:30,684
I didn't think so.
209
00:09:30,809 --> 00:09:33,645
So in the absence of that,
I'm afraid there's really
nothing you can do
210
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:37,232
except probably apologize
to these people and maybe
buy them a round of drinks.
211
00:09:37,607 --> 00:09:38,692
Hmm?
212
00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:42,278
I'm sorry and...
213
00:09:43,113 --> 00:09:45,073
I'd be happy to get you
a round of drinks.
214
00:09:45,156 --> 00:09:47,033
Apology accepted.
That won't be necessary.
215
00:09:47,158 --> 00:09:48,576
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
216
00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:51,579
I hope you don't mind.
I hate to see people
ripped off that way.
217
00:09:51,663 --> 00:09:54,040
So I thought I would dive in.
I am Hiriam Katz,
218
00:09:54,165 --> 00:09:55,583
attorney-at-law.
Here's my card.
219
00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,503
Enjoy your brunch.
220
00:10:02,465 --> 00:10:04,592
Hey, how about O'Donnell
inviting me to sit in his box?
221
00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:06,261
That's some cool shit.
Let me tell you something.
222
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,430
- This is gonna be
great for us, man.
- I know.
223
00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:10,348
This is better than...
Excuse me?
224
00:10:10,473 --> 00:10:12,142
- It's great for us.
- Great for us?
225
00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:14,853
- It's great for me.
- The hookup always comes
with a plus one.
226
00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:16,896
- There's no plus one here.
- I get hooked up,
227
00:10:17,188 --> 00:10:19,441
- you get
hooked up all the time.
- You've never gotten a hookup!
228
00:10:19,524 --> 00:10:21,484
I got plenty of hookups, Larry.
You don't see them.
229
00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:23,111
You don't notice
the small shit, Larry!
230
00:10:23,194 --> 00:10:25,572
What small shit?
There hasn't been
any small things.
231
00:10:25,697 --> 00:10:26,823
It's the small things, Larry.
232
00:10:26,948 --> 00:10:29,242
- There's no plus one.
- There's always a plus one.
233
00:10:30,201 --> 00:10:32,328
Hi, is this Larry David's house?
234
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:35,999
- This is Larry David.
- Oh, hi. I'm Kyra,
Joe's daughter.
235
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,792
- Kyra O'Donnell!
- Yeah.
236
00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:39,210
- Hey.
- Hey.
237
00:10:39,461 --> 00:10:42,630
- Um, do you like
Girl Scout cookies?
- I find them abhorrent.
238
00:10:42,756 --> 00:10:44,466
- But come in.
- Okay, cool.
239
00:10:44,841 --> 00:10:47,677
Um, so we're in stock
on a lot of the cookies.
240
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:49,137
- Okay.
- Which is good news.
241
00:10:49,304 --> 00:10:51,848
Um, we have Thank U
Berry Munch cookies.
242
00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:54,142
Oh, Thank U Berry Munch, ooooh.
243
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:56,653
Th-th-th-thank u
berry munch.
244
00:10:57,099 --> 00:10:58,788
We have the Tagalongs.
245
00:10:58,788 --> 00:10:59,773
- Tagalongs.
- Yeah.
246
00:11:00,413 --> 00:11:02,233
We have the...
247
00:11:02,317 --> 00:11:04,444
You know what?
I'm not even interested.
248
00:11:04,694 --> 00:11:07,280
Give me five boxes
of each of them.
249
00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:09,157
- Really?
- Yeah, what do you
say to that?
250
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,659
- That's awesome.
- Huh? Not bad, right?
251
00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:14,204
Okay, yeah.
Um, well, you could just
take a look at that.
252
00:11:14,329 --> 00:11:16,915
All right.
Now you see, these Samoas,
253
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,625
that looks pretty good actually.
254
00:11:18,792 --> 00:11:21,002
It's covered with caramel,
rolled in toasted coconut.
255
00:11:21,086 --> 00:11:22,837
'Cause I'm a huge coconut guy.
256
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:26,674
Everything okay?
257
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:32,597
I, uh, think I just had
my first period.
258
00:11:35,975 --> 00:11:39,145
Okay.
That's... yeah.
259
00:11:39,229 --> 00:11:41,689
Okay, so that's no problem.
260
00:11:41,815 --> 00:11:44,025
That's no problem at all.
You know why?
In fact,
261
00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:46,820
I got an ex-wife
and I was married
262
00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,072
and she's a woman.
She left stuff upstairs
263
00:11:49,155 --> 00:11:50,824
that's going to be
very valuable to you.
264
00:11:50,949 --> 00:11:53,451
I'm going to run up
and get it. You stay
right here. Don't move.
265
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:55,787
Okay, don't worry.
You had it in the right place.
266
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:57,872
I'm not kidding.
I got this.
I got this.
267
00:11:58,832 --> 00:12:01,042
Stay right there.
I'll be right down.
268
00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:02,877
Ok-kay.
269
00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:06,131
Okay, got it.
270
00:12:06,881 --> 00:12:09,759
Here you go, all right.
271
00:12:12,428 --> 00:12:14,013
All right, good luck.
272
00:12:15,306 --> 00:12:18,309
Um, I don't really know
how to use one of these.
273
00:12:19,227 --> 00:12:22,522
Oh, okay, all right.
There's instructions here.
274
00:12:24,107 --> 00:12:26,067
Um...
275
00:12:28,111 --> 00:12:30,363
Okay okay.
276
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:32,490
"If you're using a tampon,
you'll see that"
277
00:12:32,574 --> 00:12:35,201
the plastic applicator
is made of two tubes.
278
00:12:35,535 --> 00:12:37,537
- One..."
- What do you mean
"plastic applicator"?
279
00:12:37,662 --> 00:12:39,289
I don't know what this is.
280
00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:43,710
I just don't get
what you're saying.
281
00:12:44,878 --> 00:12:46,629
Oh okay.
282
00:12:46,838 --> 00:12:49,799
"Hold the applicator lightly
on the outer insertion tube
283
00:12:49,883 --> 00:12:52,302
at the grip location with your
thumb and middle finger."
284
00:12:52,552 --> 00:12:53,930
- What the fuck?
- Lightly?
285
00:12:54,966 --> 00:12:56,065
- What do...
what am I supposed to...
- Wait a second.
286
00:12:56,121 --> 00:12:58,308
"Gently slide the applicator
all the way into your vagi..."
287
00:12:58,433 --> 00:13:00,226
How do I know
if I'm doing it right?
288
00:13:01,644 --> 00:13:04,689
I've never used one
of these and I'm really
frustrated right now.
289
00:13:04,814 --> 00:13:07,108
Oh, okay!
290
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,860
I got it.
I got it.
291
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,446
Look, it pushes it out.
292
00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:13,698
- Are you sure you're reading
the right directions?
- No, listen to me.
293
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:17,118
Listen to me.
Take the inside where
the string is
294
00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:20,038
and push it...
Push it.
295
00:13:20,747 --> 00:13:22,380
- Push it?
- Push it.
You'll see a cotton...
296
00:13:22,405 --> 00:13:24,959
- What are you talking about?
- You'll see a cotton piece
come out.
297
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:26,377
Okay, that doesn't
make any sense.
298
00:13:26,461 --> 00:13:28,004
- Can you talk
a little slower?
- Okay.
299
00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:29,589
- There's a tube, right?
- Yes.
300
00:13:29,631 --> 00:13:31,841
- There's an outer tube
and an inner tube.
- Inner tube?
301
00:13:31,925 --> 00:13:33,885
Put the outer tube
in your vagina.
302
00:13:34,302 --> 00:13:37,347
- And-and...
- I don't know what I'm doing.
I've never done this before.
303
00:13:37,472 --> 00:13:38,640
Take the...
304
00:13:39,641 --> 00:13:42,665
Take the outer tube,
take your thumb and
middle finger...
305
00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:46,147
- Wait, what?
- And push that tube
forward.
306
00:13:46,314 --> 00:13:49,108
- It comes out of the plastic!
- Wait, that seems wrong.
307
00:13:49,192 --> 00:13:52,403
Look, it came
out of the plastic.
I'm holding it!
308
00:13:52,737 --> 00:13:54,412
- Okay...
- You got it?
309
00:13:54,412 --> 00:13:56,866
I think so.
I think I got it.
310
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:58,284
All right!
311
00:14:17,011 --> 00:14:19,222
Larry:
So I'm at a light on Bundy
and San Vincente,
312
00:14:19,347 --> 00:14:21,182
guy pulls up next to me
on a motorcycle,
313
00:14:21,266 --> 00:14:23,810
- guess who it turns out to be.
- Portia de Rossi.
314
00:14:23,893 --> 00:14:25,103
- Huh-uh.
- Who?
315
00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:27,939
- Andrew Berg, my lawyer.
- Really? On a motorcycle?
316
00:14:28,064 --> 00:14:30,441
Yeah.
What is a Jew doing
on a motorcycle?
317
00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,860
I never recall ever seeing
a Jew on a motorcycle.
318
00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:35,697
- Did you ever want
to get a motorcycle?
- I once got on a motor scooter
319
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:37,615
and got about 30 feet and fell.
320
00:14:37,699 --> 00:14:39,450
- Motor scooter?
When did this occur?
- I was in college.
321
00:14:39,492 --> 00:14:41,160
- Oh, you were in college.
- Yeah.
322
00:14:41,286 --> 00:14:43,401
So you had a big 'fro
on a motor scooter?
323
00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:46,561
- Yes, yeah.
- It's not this Larry
on the motor scooter.
324
00:14:47,109 --> 00:14:48,334
It's young Larry
with the big 'fro.
325
00:14:48,459 --> 00:14:50,128
Right, it's 'fro Larry.
'Fro...
326
00:14:50,545 --> 00:14:54,590
Well, good afternoon,
General Petraeus.
It's lovely to see you.
327
00:14:54,674 --> 00:14:56,175
Funny funny funny.
328
00:14:56,259 --> 00:14:58,511
- And I thank you
for your service.
- Ha ha ha ha.
329
00:14:58,594 --> 00:15:01,180
This happens
to be very in.
John Varvatos...
330
00:15:01,306 --> 00:15:02,765
- Really?
- His entire
fall collection...
331
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:05,184
- Is that right? Camouflage,
is that the new thing?
- Is camouflage.
332
00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:06,853
Yes.
listen, you know,
I gotta tell you something.
333
00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:09,272
You better go
over to O'Donnell
and apologize.
334
00:15:09,397 --> 00:15:12,692
- Why, what did I do?
- You're teaching his daughter
how to put in a tampon?
335
00:15:13,151 --> 00:15:15,403
- He's very upset about it.
- Oh, come on!
336
00:15:15,486 --> 00:15:17,322
If her nose is running
and she needed a tissue,
337
00:15:17,405 --> 00:15:18,906
I would have
given her a tissue.
Same thing.
338
00:15:19,032 --> 00:15:21,117
No, not the same thing.
It's inappropriate.
339
00:15:21,242 --> 00:15:23,161
- It's a tampon.
- What are you talking about?
340
00:15:23,244 --> 00:15:26,414
- The girl was having
her period in my house.
- It's not my issue, Larry!
341
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:28,750
It's his issue.
I'm just the messenger.
342
00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:30,543
Don't kill the messenger,
as they say.
343
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:32,754
- I wouldn't mind
killing the messenger.
- Yeah, I bet.
344
00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:35,131
Say those things when
you really love me.
345
00:15:35,298 --> 00:15:37,425
- I think the whole
thing is crazy.
- You know what?
346
00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:39,802
- I don't think he's gonna
give you those tickets.
- Really?
347
00:15:39,969 --> 00:15:42,430
- That's so ridiculous.
- So go apologize.
348
00:15:42,597 --> 00:15:45,016
- What's the big fucking deal?
- I'm gonna go over there
and talk to him.
349
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,602
- Hi, Marty.
- Hi, Susie.
350
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:50,897
Well, look who's here.
It's the big Funk.
351
00:15:51,105 --> 00:15:53,107
You are a colossal prick.
352
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:54,650
Do you know that?
353
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,626
- Boy, I'm really
getting it today.
- You think it's funny?
354
00:15:57,743 --> 00:15:59,322
- What did I do?
- Let me tell you something.
355
00:15:59,405 --> 00:16:02,033
You ruined
my whole vacation.
You had to butt in
356
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,077
and tell Nan to go on my trip.
357
00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:06,621
- I'm sorry.
- I could have
had three weeks
358
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,623
working and being alone.
359
00:16:08,748 --> 00:16:10,333
I was curious as to why
she wasn't going.
360
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:12,168
Why don't you just go with her?
Why don't you bring her?
361
00:16:12,293 --> 00:16:15,171
I'm bored!
Everywhere I go with her
we don't look at each other,
362
00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:17,632
she talks over me.
I want to be alone.
363
00:16:17,757 --> 00:16:19,592
I want to get the chance
to spread my wings.
364
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,512
- Why don't you get a divorce?
- I'm too lazy.
365
00:16:29,378 --> 00:16:32,522
Coming!
Yes, may I help you?
366
00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:34,565
I'm here to see
Mr. O'Donnell.
367
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:37,235
- Larry David.
- Mr. O'Donnell here,
368
00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:41,072
but he give me
special instruction
not to open the door for you.
369
00:16:41,197 --> 00:16:43,074
What?
Wait a second.
370
00:16:43,574 --> 00:16:45,284
What do you mean he
doesn't want to see me?
Why?
371
00:16:45,576 --> 00:16:48,371
Mr. O'Donnell say you did
bad thing to Miss Kyra.
372
00:16:48,496 --> 00:16:50,081
- A bad thing?
- Yes.
373
00:16:50,164 --> 00:16:51,874
Oh no no no no no.
374
00:16:51,916 --> 00:16:54,293
I didn't do anything bad
to Miss Kyra.
375
00:16:54,377 --> 00:16:57,422
I close door.
Mr. O'Donnell say, "Larry David,
close door on him."
376
00:16:57,505 --> 00:16:58,589
What? Hold it.
Wait a second.
377
00:16:58,714 --> 00:17:00,633
I'm supposed to go
to the baseball game
with him.
378
00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:03,845
- You have ticket?
- No, but he asked me
if I was interested
379
00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:05,346
and I said I'd be
very interested.
380
00:17:05,471 --> 00:17:07,014
Interested doesn't mean ticket.
381
00:17:07,098 --> 00:17:09,016
Yeah, interested means ticket!
382
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:10,852
I'm interested,
I have no ticket.
383
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:13,521
Gardener interested,
chauffer interested,
384
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,606
cook interested...
Cook more interested than me,
385
00:17:15,731 --> 00:17:17,108
he has no ticket!
386
00:17:24,532 --> 00:17:25,908
- Larry: No.
- I can't have them?
387
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:27,577
- No.
- That's where you
draw the line?
388
00:17:27,702 --> 00:17:29,912
- I love those.
- No.
389
00:17:29,996 --> 00:17:31,289
What?
Put those back.
390
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:33,541
You don't even
know what they are.
Do you know what they are?
391
00:17:33,624 --> 00:17:35,918
I don't care.
You're not coming up here
and stealing those!
392
00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:38,129
- Those things.
- Yes.
393
00:17:39,213 --> 00:17:41,507
Well, okay, if you change
your mind, let me know
and I'll...
394
00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:43,801
- I will, I'll let you know.
- I will return them
immediately.
395
00:17:43,926 --> 00:17:47,597
- I'll let you know.
- I know, it's kinda weird
we're gonna actually
396
00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:50,725
- sign the papers, right?
- Yeah, we're gonna sign
those papers.
397
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:53,311
- I'm fine with it.
- You know, a lot of people,
after they get divorced,
398
00:17:53,394 --> 00:17:55,730
they look at their marriage
like it was a waste of time?
399
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,356
- I don't think so.
- I don't either.
400
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,691
To me, it's kind of
like public school.
401
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,902
You went to school,
you got through it
402
00:18:01,235 --> 00:18:03,404
- and now you move on.
- What'd you learn?
403
00:18:03,738 --> 00:18:05,990
I wouldn't be tongue scraping
if it wasn't for you.
404
00:18:06,032 --> 00:18:09,577
- Look what you taught me.
- And that's what you're taking
away from our marriage.
405
00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:12,788
- Yes.
- Okay, I'm glad you're
taking something with you.
406
00:18:12,872 --> 00:18:14,749
- Hey, before you go.
- Yes?
407
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,709
Do you think
there's any chance
we could have sex?
408
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,711
- Um, no.
- Come on.
409
00:18:19,086 --> 00:18:21,214
What's the difference?
Honestly, think about it,
410
00:18:21,339 --> 00:18:23,466
what's the difference?
Let's just do it.
Come on.
411
00:18:23,549 --> 00:18:25,635
What have I done?
Name one thing I've done
412
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:27,178
that makes you think I want
to have sex with you.
413
00:18:27,237 --> 00:18:29,504
- Well, um...
- I'm talking to you?
414
00:18:29,529 --> 00:18:31,265
Yes, you're talking to me.
415
00:18:31,349 --> 00:18:33,851
- That's all you need?
- Yeah. When there are women
in this bedroom,
416
00:18:33,935 --> 00:18:36,270
it seems crazy if
I don't at least offer.
417
00:18:36,395 --> 00:18:38,731
Oh, I meant to tell you...
This is interesting...
418
00:18:38,898 --> 00:18:40,691
- You know your attorney?
- Andrew Berg!
419
00:18:40,733 --> 00:18:43,277
Andrew Berg went
to high school with Julie
420
00:18:43,402 --> 00:18:45,950
at St. Christopher's.
They actually sat next
to each other...
421
00:18:45,975 --> 00:18:49,450
Wait a second.
How could Andrew Berg
422
00:18:49,909 --> 00:18:51,994
go to St. Christopher's?
Isn't that a Catholic school?
423
00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:52,950
Yeah.
424
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:57,667
I saw him on that motorcycle
425
00:18:57,833 --> 00:18:59,293
the other day.
426
00:19:02,046 --> 00:19:04,173
- Oh well.
- Girls: Hi!
427
00:19:04,257 --> 00:19:06,592
- Good afternoon.
- Hello. Good afternoon.
428
00:19:06,717 --> 00:19:09,136
So we're troop 205
and we're here to collect
429
00:19:09,262 --> 00:19:11,671
the money
from the cookies, Mr. David,
430
00:19:11,906 --> 00:19:13,766
that Kyra said you were
interested in buying.
431
00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:17,436
First of all, I commend you
on the demographics.
432
00:19:17,562 --> 00:19:19,105
All:
Thank you.
433
00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:22,650
A black, an asian and...
Are you a Jew perchance?
434
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:26,153
- Uh, no.
- Oh okay, still,
435
00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:27,196
wonderful.
436
00:19:28,053 --> 00:19:31,367
Regarding the cookies,
there's been a change
of plans.
437
00:19:31,826 --> 00:19:33,953
Sorry to say,
438
00:19:34,745 --> 00:19:36,247
I no longer want them.
439
00:19:36,622 --> 00:19:38,666
But Kyra said you were
interested in buying them.
440
00:19:38,791 --> 00:19:41,085
I was interested and now,
441
00:19:41,168 --> 00:19:43,504
as a result
of some difficulties
with her father,
442
00:19:43,588 --> 00:19:45,298
- I'm no longer interested.
- What?
443
00:19:45,339 --> 00:19:47,008
- You're not getting
any money from me.
- You can't do that!
444
00:19:47,049 --> 00:19:49,844
- Be a gentleman.
- I am a gentleman, young lady!
445
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,554
- Oh no, you're not!
- A real gentleman...
446
00:19:51,637 --> 00:19:53,639
- Would give us the money.
- Would give us
the money, yeah.
447
00:19:53,723 --> 00:19:55,266
- I am a gentleman...
- No, you're not!
448
00:19:55,391 --> 00:19:57,351
- Yes, I am a gentleman.
- You can't just do that!
449
00:19:57,435 --> 00:19:59,186
- Yes, yeah, I'm doing it.
- No!
450
00:19:59,228 --> 00:20:00,396
You go talk to Joe O'Donnell.
451
00:20:00,479 --> 00:20:02,513
Ask him why there's not
going to be any cookies!
452
00:20:03,179 --> 00:20:04,847
Oh, too bad!
453
00:20:06,152 --> 00:20:07,153
Jerk!
454
00:20:07,361 --> 00:20:09,113
Berg:
Hey, look who's here!
455
00:20:09,363 --> 00:20:10,948
- Hello, Berg.
- How are you feeling?
456
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,200
I'm feeling okay.
So, Berg,
457
00:20:13,284 --> 00:20:15,703
I was talking to Cheryl
and she told me
458
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,205
that a friend of hers
459
00:20:19,081 --> 00:20:20,833
went to high school with you.
460
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,586
- Really?
- Yes.
461
00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,713
I think the name
of the high school was...
462
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:29,814
- St... Christopher's.
- St. Christopher's,
that's correct.
463
00:20:29,947 --> 00:20:31,719
That is my alma mater, yes.
464
00:20:31,844 --> 00:20:35,431
Didn't know that they took Jews
at St. Christopher's.
465
00:20:35,556 --> 00:20:38,601
Oh, well, they don't.
I mean, why would they?
466
00:20:38,934 --> 00:20:41,228
- Oh, I'm not...
I'm not Jewish.
- Oh!
467
00:20:41,437 --> 00:20:43,689
- You're not.
- Did you think I was Jewish?
468
00:20:44,398 --> 00:20:45,775
Oh... yes, I did.
469
00:20:45,964 --> 00:20:47,985
- Because of Berg!
- Yes, because of Berg.
470
00:20:48,069 --> 00:20:49,320
- Because of Berg.
- Yes.
471
00:20:49,445 --> 00:20:51,697
- I've often wondered
would people...
- Really?
472
00:20:51,822 --> 00:20:53,991
- Think that.
- Yes, and you did nothing
473
00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:57,370
- to perpetuate that, did you?
- Well, no, I mean...
474
00:20:57,787 --> 00:20:59,455
Well, I'm not sure
what you mean.
475
00:20:59,538 --> 00:21:02,500
Oh, how about on my birthday?
"Mazel tov, Larry."
476
00:21:02,625 --> 00:21:04,752
Well, you're Jewish.
It's only respectful.
477
00:21:04,835 --> 00:21:07,630
On the high holy days,
I said, "hey, you going
to temple, Berg?"
478
00:21:07,755 --> 00:21:10,383
- And you went, "no."
- Right, 'cause I'm not Jewish
479
00:21:10,508 --> 00:21:12,051
so why would I go to temple?
480
00:21:12,134 --> 00:21:14,303
Right, like, "I'm a Jew,
but not a practicing Jew."
481
00:21:14,387 --> 00:21:17,181
- Oi, Larry, with this...
- Oi! Again! See?
482
00:21:17,306 --> 00:21:19,100
- It's an expression.
- There's another...
it's an expression?
483
00:21:19,141 --> 00:21:20,518
- It's an expression
that people use.
- What is this thing?
484
00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:22,645
A shofar.
Why is this on your desk?
485
00:21:22,770 --> 00:21:25,856
People give me gifts.
They'll give me like...
that for my desk
486
00:21:25,981 --> 00:21:27,441
or the mezuzah
that's on the door.
487
00:21:27,566 --> 00:21:29,360
- What are you, by the way?
- I'm Swedish.
488
00:21:29,485 --> 00:21:32,488
I got a Swede lawyer?
She's gonna get everything!
489
00:21:32,571 --> 00:21:35,491
You got a good lawyer.
You got the best lawyer, Larry.
490
00:21:35,741 --> 00:21:38,703
- I'm sorry, Berg.
- It's a shanda, Larry.
491
00:21:39,412 --> 00:21:40,871
I got sweded.
492
00:21:43,082 --> 00:21:44,959
So did you know Berg
was a Swede?
493
00:21:45,084 --> 00:21:47,086
I thought he was Jewish.
He seemed Jewish.
494
00:21:47,169 --> 00:21:49,213
When he first met me,
he called me a big macher.
495
00:21:49,296 --> 00:21:51,590
- He said macher?
- "Maher," wait, there's more.
496
00:21:51,674 --> 00:21:53,134
- With that pronunciation?
- Macher.
497
00:21:53,259 --> 00:21:55,970
- He had the whole "ch".
- Wow, he's so devious.
498
00:21:56,095 --> 00:21:58,055
And then he'd call me
maybe once a month
499
00:21:58,139 --> 00:22:00,015
and ask me if I wanted
to go for a nosh.
500
00:22:00,307 --> 00:22:02,309
"Come on, let's go for a nosh.
It'll be good."
501
00:22:02,476 --> 00:22:05,104
I'll tell you one thing,
I'm not signing any papers
until I get a new lawyer.
502
00:22:05,271 --> 00:22:07,106
That guy's got a scam going.
503
00:22:07,483 --> 00:22:08,691
Oh, see that?
504
00:22:08,774 --> 00:22:10,735
- Did you just win?
- Yeah.
505
00:22:11,026 --> 00:22:12,153
Game over again.
506
00:22:12,403 --> 00:22:13,612
He just won.
507
00:22:14,155 --> 00:22:18,075
- Come in, it's open.
- L.D.!
508
00:22:18,242 --> 00:22:20,494
Guess who's getting a divorce.
509
00:22:20,661 --> 00:22:23,414
- What?
- Martin Norton Funkhouser.
510
00:22:23,748 --> 00:22:25,166
- Really?
- And it's because of you!
511
00:22:25,249 --> 00:22:27,710
That man and I were talking
about the London trip...
512
00:22:27,835 --> 00:22:29,920
- Yeah?
- I started to realize,
"wait a minute.
513
00:22:30,045 --> 00:22:33,007
If I did go to Europe
without her, I'd come back
514
00:22:33,132 --> 00:22:36,218
"and it would be 20 more
years of boredom."
515
00:22:36,343 --> 00:22:39,138
So I said to Nan,
"look, let's get a divorce."
516
00:22:39,388 --> 00:22:40,598
She said okay.
517
00:22:41,098 --> 00:22:43,017
I'm gonna be single!
518
00:22:43,517 --> 00:22:45,561
- You and me!
- Wow.
519
00:22:45,644 --> 00:22:46,896
- Is that great?
- My man.
520
00:22:46,979 --> 00:22:48,773
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
521
00:22:48,898 --> 00:22:50,858
You know what you do
when you get a fucking
divorce?
522
00:22:50,983 --> 00:22:53,110
Ride around and bump the horn
and shit like motherfuckers
getting married.
523
00:22:53,194 --> 00:22:55,600
- What a great idea.
- God damn right.
524
00:22:55,671 --> 00:22:58,240
- Put cans on your car,
beep your horn.
- "Just divorced."
525
00:22:58,365 --> 00:23:00,409
- Larry: "Just divorced."
- I'm excited I'm single.
526
00:23:00,534 --> 00:23:02,328
Get out there
and get some new ass,
know what I'm saying?
527
00:23:02,703 --> 00:23:04,580
You done ran that other ass
in the ground, right?
528
00:23:04,705 --> 00:23:06,457
Uh, I don't want to talk
about my wife like that.
529
00:23:06,540 --> 00:23:08,751
You ran that ass in the ground
and you're moving on, right?
530
00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:10,961
I didn't run any...
we had a nice marriage
for 20 years.
531
00:23:11,045 --> 00:23:13,297
- No, you ran
that ass in the ground.
- I don't run people's ass
532
00:23:13,422 --> 00:23:15,090
- in the ground.
- All men do.
533
00:23:15,216 --> 00:23:18,528
It's not a negative thing
to run an ass in the ground.
That's all.
534
00:23:18,575 --> 00:23:20,429
Leon:
You ran that shit in the groud
like a rent-a-car.
535
00:23:20,513 --> 00:23:22,431
- What's with you?
- What do you mean
what's with me?
536
00:23:22,556 --> 00:23:25,518
- What are you so glum about?
- It's just that everybody's
537
00:23:25,601 --> 00:23:27,394
getting a chance to get
divorced except me.
538
00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:29,563
You get divorced,
you get divorced,
539
00:23:29,647 --> 00:23:31,148
you don't even need
to get divorced.
540
00:23:31,357 --> 00:23:33,818
Even the owner of the Dodgers,
O'Donnell, he gets a divorce.
541
00:23:33,901 --> 00:23:35,528
Larry:
Shit, I just
realized something.
542
00:23:35,611 --> 00:23:39,156
O'Donnell's got the Swede.
I should really tell him
about Berg.
543
00:23:39,281 --> 00:23:41,367
- What's wrong with Berg?
- He's not a Jew.
544
00:23:41,492 --> 00:23:43,035
- He's a Swede.
- He is?
545
00:23:43,452 --> 00:23:45,371
I was at his house for Hanukah.
546
00:23:47,754 --> 00:23:49,708
- He's a Swede?
- A Swede.
547
00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:52,878
- You're kidding me?
- No, he's a Swede.
548
00:23:53,045 --> 00:23:54,296
I just...
I mean...
549
00:23:54,672 --> 00:23:57,037
I knew there was something
that didn't add up
about that guy.
550
00:23:57,069 --> 00:23:59,301
- It's true.
- He took me for a ride,
that's what he did.
551
00:23:59,385 --> 00:24:01,470
- Unbelievable.
- I do appreciate you
552
00:24:01,595 --> 00:24:03,264
coming in here to tell me this.
553
00:24:03,430 --> 00:24:04,932
I mean, you didn't
have to at all.
554
00:24:05,057 --> 00:24:06,767
Especially considering what
happened with my daughter.
555
00:24:06,851 --> 00:24:09,937
- I felt I had to tell you.
- I don't know what
I'm gonna do now.
556
00:24:10,020 --> 00:24:12,273
I mean, I am fighting
for everything here.
557
00:24:12,356 --> 00:24:15,359
I could lose this
entire organization.
This whole team!
558
00:24:15,442 --> 00:24:17,403
I got a lot at stake myself.
559
00:24:20,948 --> 00:24:22,116
You know what?
560
00:24:23,534 --> 00:24:25,160
I got just the guy.
561
00:24:27,121 --> 00:24:29,456
- You sure you're really Jewish?
- I'm the real deal.
562
00:24:36,922 --> 00:24:38,549
- How fun is this?
- How great is this?
563
00:24:38,757 --> 00:24:40,301
Two single guys at a ballgame
564
00:24:40,384 --> 00:24:42,219
and we're sitting
in the owner's box.
565
00:24:42,303 --> 00:24:43,135
I know.
How about that?
566
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,556
Can you believe that stupid
remark you said to me
567
00:24:45,723 --> 00:24:47,641
- changed my life
for the better.
- Isn't it incredible?
568
00:24:47,766 --> 00:24:49,852
Oh, I love you!
How is that lawyer?
569
00:24:49,977 --> 00:24:51,896
- Hiriam Katz, he's fantastic.
- He must be great.
570
00:24:51,937 --> 00:24:54,690
He redid my entire
divorce settlement.
You've got to use him.
571
00:24:54,773 --> 00:24:56,442
- I will use him.
- Names please.
572
00:24:56,567 --> 00:24:58,777
Larry David, Marty Funkhouser.
573
00:25:00,279 --> 00:25:02,448
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Your names are not
on the list.
574
00:25:02,740 --> 00:25:04,241
No no no.
575
00:25:04,909 --> 00:25:07,077
Larry David. I'm a friend
of Joe O'Donnell's.
576
00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:09,455
Oh, Mr. O'Donnell
no longer owns the team.
577
00:25:09,793 --> 00:25:12,041
- What?
- He lost it in the divorce
578
00:25:12,166 --> 00:25:13,918
so his wife owns it now.
579
00:25:14,376 --> 00:25:16,921
- He lost it in the divorce?
- Yes sir.
580
00:25:17,087 --> 00:25:19,840
Didn't you recommend
Hiriam Katz to O'Donnell?
581
00:25:20,758 --> 00:25:23,385
And you used Hiriam Katz
for your divorce?
582
00:25:24,762 --> 00:25:27,097
Oh my god!
He's meeting with Cheryl's
lawyers right now!
583
00:25:27,181 --> 00:25:29,892
They're gonna
finalize the papers.
I've got to get over there.
584
00:25:41,987 --> 00:25:44,156
- You've reached Hiriam Katz.
- Voicemail!
585
00:25:44,323 --> 00:25:46,158
This guy doesn't
have an assistant.
586
00:25:47,368 --> 00:25:48,535
Katz, it's Larry.
587
00:25:48,619 --> 00:25:50,871
Don't sign anything.
I'm on my way up to your office.
588
00:26:00,339 --> 00:26:03,258
Asshole!
You cost me the Dodgers.
589
00:26:08,554 --> 00:26:10,182
He hit me.
590
00:26:14,687 --> 00:26:18,023
Don't worry.
I think I've got something
that will stop the bleeding.
591
00:26:18,774 --> 00:26:20,234
- I think it's working.
- It's doing the job.
592
00:26:20,401 --> 00:26:21,716
- Thank you so much.
- I think you're
gonna be fine.
593
00:26:21,818 --> 00:26:23,946
- Larry?
- Take care.
594
00:26:24,947 --> 00:26:27,825
What is in your nose?
595
00:26:28,617 --> 00:26:29,994
It's a tampon.
596
00:26:31,036 --> 00:26:33,747
Well, I got hit in the face.
What was I supposed to do?
597
00:26:34,581 --> 00:26:36,291
- It stopped the bleeding.
- Okay.
598
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:39,837
Um, so you know, I just
signed the papers.
599
00:26:39,962 --> 00:26:41,547
And I got the house
600
00:26:41,679 --> 00:26:44,450
so you have 24 hours
to vacate the premises.
601
00:26:44,450 --> 00:26:47,261
- What? You got the house?
- We should go.
602
00:26:47,344 --> 00:26:48,679
You're not supposed
to get the house!
603
00:26:48,762 --> 00:26:50,848
He gave up my house,
that idiot!?
604
00:26:51,265 --> 00:26:54,101
What?
Cheryl, that's not fair!
605
00:26:54,351 --> 00:26:55,477
Cheryl!
606
00:26:56,937 --> 00:26:58,564
Excuse me,
do you have a scissor?
607
00:26:58,814 --> 00:27:00,607
I need to cut the string here.
608
00:27:09,074 --> 00:27:11,910
I don't want to move, man.
I don't want to uproot again
609
00:27:12,036 --> 00:27:14,663
and I gotta
move to a new house now.
I like this house, man.
610
00:27:14,788 --> 00:27:17,916
- Yeah, I like it too.
- Everything I did in this
house, man, is a memory to me.
611
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,210
All the bitches I had
in here, man.
612
00:27:20,294 --> 00:27:22,046
Fucking two bitches in your bed.
613
00:27:23,756 --> 00:27:24,798
What?
614
00:27:25,049 --> 00:27:26,216
Fucking two bitches in your bed.
615
00:27:26,341 --> 00:27:28,052
You had sex with two women
in my bedroom?
616
00:27:28,177 --> 00:27:30,721
Fucking right I did!
How you gonna fuck bitches
617
00:27:30,763 --> 00:27:34,600
- in a twin bed.
- I don't want you
having sex in my bed!
618
00:27:34,725 --> 00:27:37,644
You know what, Larry?
You done fucked that shit up!
You know why?
619
00:27:37,728 --> 00:27:40,439
Because you got that
bullshit-ass lawyer who
got us kicked out of here.
620
00:27:40,564 --> 00:27:43,233
You picked
that fucking lawyer.
You fucking my shit up.
621
00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:45,736
Okay, you know what?
We got a half hour to get
out of here.
622
00:27:45,861 --> 00:27:48,322
I suggest you go pack up
and bring your stuff down.
623
00:27:48,405 --> 00:27:50,699
- Fuck you, Larry.
- Fuck you, Leon.
624
00:27:53,494 --> 00:27:55,454
Hi, Mr. Larry David,
625
00:27:55,579 --> 00:27:57,331
we have your cookies
that you ordered.
626
00:27:57,456 --> 00:27:59,083
- Oh ho ho.
- We are here
for our money
627
00:27:59,166 --> 00:28:01,543
- then we'll leave you alone.
- Oh, that's very interesting.
628
00:28:01,668 --> 00:28:03,879
I have a vague recollection,
629
00:28:04,213 --> 00:28:05,798
correct me if I'm wrong,
630
00:28:06,131 --> 00:28:07,674
of canceling my order.
631
00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:10,594
- You already ordered them.
- Really?
632
00:28:10,719 --> 00:28:12,638
You know what?
I got news for you.
633
00:28:12,763 --> 00:28:14,640
- I don't even like
Girl Scout cookies.
634
00:28:16,643 --> 00:28:19,228
All right, don't scream at me.
I'm not gonna be intimidated
635
00:28:19,353 --> 00:28:21,855
by a bunch of Girl Scouts.
I can tell you that.
636
00:28:21,939 --> 00:28:24,691
Okay, this discussion is over.
637
00:28:25,192 --> 00:28:27,319
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
53280
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