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1
00:00:06,767 --> 00:00:08,500
- Previously on "Impastor"...
2
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:09,933
- Pastor Barlow knows more
about Ray's death
3
00:00:09,933 --> 00:00:11,200
than he's letting on.
4
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,333
- She doesn't have
anything concrete.
5
00:00:12,333 --> 00:00:13,367
- I need to know.
6
00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:14,600
Are we in this
together or not?
7
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,167
- I want you to run
for church president.
8
00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:20,233
- I worked with one of your
undercover boys, the "pastor."
9
00:00:20,233 --> 00:00:21,667
- Yeah, are we running
an undercover op
10
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:22,867
in Ladner that I
don't know about?
11
00:00:22,867 --> 00:00:24,633
- We have a murder weapon
in the car!
12
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,167
- I know we have a murder
weapon in the car!
13
00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:27,500
- You two
have a nice night now.
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,433
[James Hunter's
"Hand it Over"]
15
00:00:34,433 --> 00:00:36,167
- * And I hope you understand
16
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:37,733
* I won't try nothing
underhand with you *
17
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,367
- So do you want to talk
about what happened?
18
00:00:39,367 --> 00:00:40,733
- You mean burying the gun?
19
00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,967
- I mean the sex.
20
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:45,733
- Right, that.
21
00:00:45,733 --> 00:00:48,233
Alexa, we've been through
so much together.
22
00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:49,867
I think I just got caught up
in the moment
23
00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:52,033
and wanted to try something
I'd never done before.
24
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:54,600
- Didn't feel like you'd
never done that before.
25
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,533
- * From this love of mine
- Beginner's luck.
26
00:00:58,533 --> 00:00:59,733
- * Don't you know... *
27
00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:01,733
- Are you sure
you're not straight?
28
00:01:01,733 --> 00:01:04,400
- [chuckles]
- You don't have to be ashamed.
29
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,867
People will understand.
30
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,867
- Look, this is all
pretty confusing.
31
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:12,500
I think I just need some time
to sort things out.
32
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,667
- Okay.
33
00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:17,067
- * Whoa-oh-oh
- It was good, right?
34
00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:19,133
- [sighs]
So good.
35
00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:20,700
- * Hand it over right now
36
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:23,633
*
37
00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:25,733
- I had crossed the line
with Alexa.
38
00:01:25,733 --> 00:01:26,567
But why?
39
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:27,867
If I was just horny,
40
00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:28,967
that was one thing.
41
00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:30,267
But if I was falling for her,
42
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:32,300
then I was
in the danger zone.
43
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,567
So did you fix it?
44
00:01:33,567 --> 00:01:34,933
Do I have Internet again?
45
00:01:34,933 --> 00:01:37,100
- Yeah, you had a lot
of viruses on here.
46
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,367
I don't know what
sites you go to--
47
00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:39,433
- Mainly religious ones.
48
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,967
A lot of Old Testament stuff.
49
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,367
Some Young Testament too.
50
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:43,800
- [chuckles]
51
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,067
Oh, you.
52
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,467
But you're all set now.
53
00:01:46,467 --> 00:01:48,267
- Oh, thank you, Russell.
I owe you one.
54
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:49,533
- I'm so glad you offered,
55
00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:51,100
because there is something
you can do for me.
56
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,433
- Uh...
57
00:01:52,433 --> 00:01:53,867
- I want you to talk
to my little brother's
58
00:01:53,867 --> 00:01:55,500
little brother.
59
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,333
- Isn't your little brother's
little brother
60
00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:58,867
your little brother too?
61
00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:00,767
- Just for a couple weeks.
62
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,567
My little brother
is a Big Brother
63
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,467
to this kid named Austin,
and since my brother
64
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:06,767
is out of town,
I'm taking over.
65
00:02:06,767 --> 00:02:08,767
I want you to give him
some guidance.
66
00:02:08,767 --> 00:02:10,767
- Yeah, you know what,
the thing is, I'm really busy--
67
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:13,067
- Please, he's a foster kid.
He's had a tough life.
68
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,700
I mean, his parents
abandoned him.
69
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:15,967
Can you imagine?
70
00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:19,433
- Yeah, I could,
since it happened to me.
71
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,533
Okay, sure.
Bring him around.
72
00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:23,767
I'll throw the kid
a little wisdom.
73
00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:25,067
- Thank you so much.
74
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:26,467
Oh, by the way,
75
00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,400
left you a new screensaver.
76
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,867
[groovy music]
77
00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:37,500
*
78
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,333
- Oh, buddy, can I see you
for just a sec?
79
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,300
- Sure.
- [sighs]
80
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,967
There's something I need
to come clean about.
81
00:02:44,967 --> 00:02:48,267
Sheriff Graham asked me
to spy on you.
82
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,433
- She did? Why?
83
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:53,200
- [snorts] She has this
crazy notion
84
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,700
that you have something to do
with the Ray Florez killing.
85
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,333
He's the man who
burned your car.
86
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,333
- [scoffs]
87
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,167
That--that is--
88
00:03:00,167 --> 00:03:01,833
- Absurd, I know.
89
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,967
Can you think of a reason why
she would even say such a thing?
90
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,633
- Yes.
91
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:09,100
She feels I humiliated her,
92
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:12,600
so she's trying
to besmooch my character.
93
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,533
- Um, humiliated her how?
94
00:03:15,533 --> 00:03:17,167
- I told her Florez
would commit arson,
95
00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:18,633
and she failed to act.
96
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,100
I told everyone in town.
Now she's pissed about it.
97
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:24,133
- So she's trying
to get back at you by...
98
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:26,267
"besmooching" your character?
99
00:03:26,267 --> 00:03:28,433
Ugh. Buddy, that's awful.
100
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:31,867
- Dora, let this be
a lesson to you.
101
00:03:31,867 --> 00:03:34,833
Many, many things people
say about me
102
00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:36,333
aren't true.
103
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:39,433
[jazzy music]
104
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:46,567
*
105
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,233
- Hey, Buddy, just checking in.
106
00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:53,433
Give me a call
when you get a chance.
107
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,167
[sighs] Oh...
108
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:58,267
*
109
00:03:58,267 --> 00:04:00,367
- Just sign here and here,
110
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:01,700
and, Alden, while I have you,
111
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,567
I want to run
a church idea by you.
112
00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:06,633
- Well, this is not
the proper forum,
113
00:04:06,633 --> 00:04:08,333
but I guess continue.
114
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:11,667
- Okay, I think that we should
get a multimedia projector.
115
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:14,633
That way, we can display
song lyrics on a screen
116
00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:17,500
and not just be limited
to what's in the hymnal.
117
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,067
- You want to go off hymnal?
118
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,067
- Yes, I think
it's time we modernized.
119
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:22,733
- Not on my watch.
120
00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:27,333
What's next, some
Pink Freud laser show?
121
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,267
- I think that it's a really
good idea for the church.
122
00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:32,133
And if you don't agree,
then maybe we should have
123
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:33,267
a council vote on it.
124
00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:34,367
- Denied.
- You can't just--
125
00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:35,367
- No, no, no, no, no.
126
00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,367
Nope, I am president,
127
00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:37,500
and what I say goes.
128
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,500
- [exhales sharply]
129
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,067
- Good day.
130
00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,400
- Austin, tell the pastor why
131
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,533
you were suspended from school.
132
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:50,567
- This douchebag, Mike Redmond,
called me...
133
00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:52,167
Little Orphan Austin,
134
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,233
so I punched him.
135
00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:55,067
- Clearly, Austin
needs to learn
136
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,300
there are other ways
besides violence
137
00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:58,700
to deal with problems.
138
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,967
- Russell, could you
give us a minute?
139
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:05,300
[door closes]
Austin.
140
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,633
Fighting is not the answer,
141
00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:10,133
unless you know
you're gonna win.
142
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,233
Are you the strongest
kid in your school?
143
00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:13,700
- No.
144
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,467
- Then you got to learn
to fight with this.
145
00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:17,267
The next time someone
messes with you,
146
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,200
find a way to embarrass him.
147
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,633
- Should I be taking notes?
148
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:24,867
- My Mike Redmond
was Teddy Cole.
149
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,867
Ugh, he was always
picking on me,
150
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,967
but one time,
he passed out at a party,
151
00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:32,100
so I drew a Hitler mustache
on him,
152
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,933
and I wrote the word "Shitler"
on his forehead.
153
00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:36,167
[laughs]
154
00:05:36,167 --> 00:05:39,633
- Nice.
- Didn't wash off for weeks.
155
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:42,600
Remember, when you get
your shot at revenge,
156
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,333
make the most of it.
157
00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:47,333
- You know, they told me
you were different, but man.
158
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:48,467
- Hang on.
159
00:05:48,467 --> 00:05:50,833
I got to rip you
a new one.
160
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,800
If I ever see you
back here again,
161
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,833
there will be consequences,
young man!
162
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,867
- Okay, okay!
Take it easy, will ya?
163
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:03,600
- I like you, kid.
164
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,133
You remind me
of a young me.
165
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:06,767
So I'm gonna teach you
the ten words
166
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,433
that will get you
out of any trouble.
167
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:09,533
- Hit me.
168
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:12,067
- "I'm sorry.
169
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,867
"I was wrong.
170
00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:16,267
It will never happen again."
171
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:18,433
[upbeat music]
172
00:06:18,433 --> 00:06:20,433
Get out of here.
173
00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:27,200
*
174
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,400
- Well?
175
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,667
- I'm sorry.
176
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:31,367
I was wrong.
177
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:32,667
It'll never happen again.
178
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:35,233
- Oh, come here.
179
00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:39,767
*
180
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,933
- Oh, Buddy, good.
181
00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:47,700
I am thinking of running
for president.
182
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,367
- Of America?
183
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,833
- Of the church.
184
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:52,133
- Oh.
185
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:53,567
- Hilva helped me realize
that it is time
186
00:06:53,567 --> 00:06:55,133
that somebody run
against Alden,
187
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:57,233
but I don't want to do it
without your blessing.
188
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:59,600
- If you won, you'd still
do all my shopping
189
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,133
and all the other junk
you do around here?
190
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:02,733
- Of course.
191
00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:04,367
The only difference would be,
you'd see Alden much less,
192
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,067
and I'd be out of the house
a little more.
193
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,600
- Pretend to think.
Pretend to think.
194
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,900
Pretend to think.
195
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,533
All right, if that's
what you want.
196
00:07:10,533 --> 00:07:11,833
- So I can count
on your support?
197
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:13,500
- Absolutely.
- Ah, good.
198
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,100
Because I am tired of letting
that man walk all over everyone.
199
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,567
- We're talking
moral support, right?
200
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,233
Not actual work or anything.
201
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,067
[knock at door]
202
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,667
- Pastor.
203
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,633
- Oh.
204
00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:28,933
- I have a few more questions
205
00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:30,367
about the Ray Florez murder.
206
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,200
- Would you please stop
badgering this man?
207
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,100
- Dora, it's okay.
I got this.
208
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,200
- No. But if you're so convinced
that he did something,
209
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,900
why don't you just give him
a lie detector test,
210
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,467
and let's be done
with this nonsense?
211
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:43,300
- He won't agree to that.
- Of course he will.
212
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,533
Right, Buddy?
213
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:46,367
[suspenseful music]
214
00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:48,733
- The truth was,
I didn't kill Ray Florez,
215
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,167
so why not?
216
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:51,267
- All set.
217
00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:52,800
- Okay, just ask me
the big question,
218
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,333
and let's get this over with.
219
00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:55,933
- That's not how this works.
220
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:59,633
We ask a few questions
to establish a baseline first.
221
00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,067
Lionel?
222
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:03,400
- Is your name
Jonathan Barlow?
223
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,733
[dramatic musical flourish]
224
00:08:05,733 --> 00:08:06,767
- Yes.
225
00:08:06,767 --> 00:08:08,767
[whirring]
226
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:12,067
*
227
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,800
- Try another question.
- Are you a pastor?
228
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,600
- Of course.
229
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,567
[whirring]
230
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,600
[suspenseful music]
231
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,133
- Do you identify
as homosexual?
232
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,200
- Yes, I do.
233
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,300
[whirring]
234
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,833
- What the hell
is happening?
235
00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:33,167
- I'm sorry, Sheriff.
Something's off.
236
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:34,867
I-I-I can't establish
a baseline.
237
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:36,733
- Ask that question.
- It won't mean anything.
238
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,133
- Did you kill
Ray Florez?
239
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:40,433
- No.
240
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:41,800
- All right,
what does that mean?
241
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,533
Does that mean he's lying?
242
00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:44,733
Maybe he's an opposite guy.
243
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,967
- That's not a thing.
244
00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,267
I don't know what
this all means,
245
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:48,667
other than the machine's
not working.
246
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:51,133
- Guys, I'm a very busy man.
247
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:52,267
[whirring]
248
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:53,700
I volunteered to answer
your questions,
249
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,267
which no guilty person
would do.
250
00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:57,467
We're...
251
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:58,667
done here.
252
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:01,733
[upbeat music]
253
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:04,333
*
254
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,800
- Hello.
255
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,567
What--what is this?
256
00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:10,400
Some feeble joke?
257
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,767
- No. No joke, Alden.
258
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,333
I'm running against you.
259
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:14,633
- [scoffs]
260
00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:16,067
You and what army?
261
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:18,800
- This one.
- Mein Gott in Himmel!
262
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,367
- Hilva is my campaign manager,
263
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:21,533
and we are looking forward
264
00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:23,100
to a good, clean fight
between competing--
265
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,867
- We're gonna crush you
like a bug.
266
00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:26,100
- Mm-hmm.
- You don't scare me.
267
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,567
- Then why is
your eye twitching?
268
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,900
- 'Cause it has to stay open
to look at you!
269
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,533
There won't be a fight,
270
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:35,833
'cause I won't have to lift
a finger to beat you.
271
00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:37,867
Back it up, Otis.
You've got room.
272
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:41,067
[truck beeping]
273
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:42,867
Yeah, there.
Perfect.
274
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:45,867
[dramatic choral music]
275
00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:48,900
*
276
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:51,267
[metal clanking]
277
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:52,833
What in the--
278
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,933
this is
a no-skateboarding zone.
279
00:09:54,933 --> 00:09:56,300
- I don't see any sign.
280
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:59,267
- Only one sign you need
to see, mister.
281
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,967
Right there.
- Yeah, yeah.
282
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,567
Can I get my board
back now, old man?
283
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,533
- No, you may not.
284
00:10:04,533 --> 00:10:06,833
Obviously your parents didn't
teach you any manners,
285
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:07,867
so I will.
286
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:09,400
Now get out of here.
287
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,533
Go on...
288
00:10:11,533 --> 00:10:12,533
Tony Hawk!
289
00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:15,000
I know your name!
290
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,500
[door clicks and creaks]
291
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,567
- Hey, what are
you doing here?
292
00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:22,933
I said I needed some time.
293
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,400
- I'm here for
the council meeting.
294
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,000
- Oh.
295
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,333
Then why do you look so hot?
296
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,767
- [laughs] This is how
I always dress.
297
00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:31,267
- [sighs]
You know, I'm sorry.
298
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:34,900
I'm still--I'm working
through all the confusion.
299
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,700
And that cleavage
does not help.
300
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,767
- Buddy, I am
really into you,
301
00:10:38,767 --> 00:10:40,533
and I want to explore
where this could go,
302
00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:42,233
but I don't want to push you
into anything
303
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:43,733
that you're not
comfortable with.
304
00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:46,367
So take all the time you need.
305
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:49,800
- Is this some trick
to make me like you more?
306
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,433
- I should get
to that meeting.
307
00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:54,733
P.S., I'm not wearing
underwear.
308
00:10:54,733 --> 00:10:58,633
[lively music]
309
00:10:58,633 --> 00:11:00,133
- Okay, so let's begin.
310
00:11:00,133 --> 00:11:01,900
- Uh, I am church president,
311
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,500
and I say when we begin.
312
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:09,533
Proceed.
313
00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:10,533
- First up, the election,
314
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:11,733
which will be held Tuesday,
315
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:13,200
right after your
town hall speeches.
316
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,133
- My informal poll
shows Dora with a slight lead.
317
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,567
- Wait, no, uh,
how can that be?
318
00:11:18,567 --> 00:11:20,433
- Yeah, I thought
I'd be way ahead.
319
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:23,200
- The thing is, Alden, there
seems to be some voter fallout
320
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,900
from your situation with Ashlee.
321
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,333
- What about when Dora
had diarrhea?
322
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,567
Are they gossiping
about that situation?
323
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:32,067
- That was three years ago.
324
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,433
- The memory is still fresh.
325
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,233
- Okay, guys, let's
keep this mature.
326
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,067
- He started it.
- I did not.
327
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:39,267
- Oh, God, Austin
just got arrested
328
00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:40,600
for vandalism.
329
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,533
[dramatic organ flourish]
330
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:47,400
I can't believe Austin
would do such a thing.
331
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,067
- I'll bet Dora
got him to do it.
332
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:51,233
- Yeah, probably.
333
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,200
- Come on, Russell,
get up there.
334
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,633
Come on, higher.
Higher.
335
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,667
H-higher!
336
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:00,933
Yeah, okay.
337
00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:04,100
[lively music]
338
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,600
- What's gonna happen?
339
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,300
- It's your first offense.
340
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,267
I'll be surprised if we don't
walk out of here with a warning.
341
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,067
- We?
342
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,133
- Yeah, I know what it's like
to be in your shoes.
343
00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:19,500
I'm not gonna let you
go through this alone.
344
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,067
- We got a court date.
- For graffiti?
345
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:23,900
On a first offense?
346
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,233
Really? A court date?
347
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,767
It was just a silly prank.
348
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,133
- You call it a prank.
349
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,200
The law calls it
second-degree criminal mischief.
350
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,733
- Can't you just
let it slide,
351
00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:37,333
as a personal favor to me?
352
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:40,333
- [laughing]
353
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:41,433
That's good.
354
00:12:41,433 --> 00:12:42,933
It's almost as funny
as thinking
355
00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:44,667
a faulty lie detector test
356
00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,500
lets you off the hook.
357
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,233
- Okay, whatever
you think of me,
358
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:51,900
don't take it out on Austin.
359
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,433
Isn't there something
you can do?
360
00:12:53,433 --> 00:12:55,600
- Sorry, even if I wanted to,
I can't now.
361
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,433
The boy's in the system.
362
00:12:57,433 --> 00:13:00,500
[dramatic music]
363
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,933
*
364
00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:06,400
Why would he do something
so stupid?
365
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,533
- Kids.
366
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:13,567
- This has Alden's stench
all over it.
367
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:16,100
- You really think that
he would stoop to this?
368
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,433
- Ha!
369
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,800
You have no idea how low
that snake can go.
370
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,933
So how are you planning
to attack him in the debate?
371
00:13:25,933 --> 00:13:27,900
- I don't plan
on attacking him.
372
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:29,933
I plan on attacking the issues.
373
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:32,700
- You can't bring a knife
to a gunfight.
374
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:36,167
He's gonna push your buttons,
throw you off balance.
375
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,167
[solemn music]
376
00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:42,067
Here.
377
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:43,233
- What's this?
378
00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:45,333
- Ammunition.
379
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:46,767
It's a list of things
about Alden
380
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:49,067
that he would never
want made public.
381
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,733
- No, Hilva, I can't use this.
382
00:13:50,733 --> 00:13:52,067
That would not be proper.
383
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:53,900
- Oh, grow up,
Mary Poppins.
384
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,400
- Well, I'm sorry.
385
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,867
I want this election
to be classy.
386
00:13:57,867 --> 00:14:00,833
- Spoken like a loser.
387
00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:03,067
At least read number 14.
388
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:05,067
- [sighs]
389
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,567
Oh, ew.
390
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:09,067
- The doctors say
it's vestigial.
391
00:14:09,067 --> 00:14:11,500
But he can move it.
392
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,833
- [gulps]
393
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:14,233
[upbeat music]
394
00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:15,300
- Welcome, everyone,
395
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,700
to today's presidential debate
396
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,533
between Alden Schmidt
and Dora Winston.
397
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:21,100
Dora, you're up first.
398
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,233
[applause]
399
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:29,533
- Thank you.
Fellow congregants,
400
00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:32,333
I believe that it is
time for a change.
401
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,833
- Why? What's wrong
with our church?
402
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:37,467
- Nothing. I just think
we could use some improvements
403
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,233
like a new projection screen
404
00:14:39,233 --> 00:14:40,800
so that we can bring
the latest hymns.
405
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,700
- Wait, now, wait.
Now, who's gonna pay for that?
406
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,767
Banks don't take
fairy dust, you know.
407
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:47,500
- I actually thought
we could increase revenue
408
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,067
by renting out our chapel
for weddings.
409
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,833
- Weddings--the only thing she's
less qualified to talk about
410
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,100
than being president.
411
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:57,267
[laughter,
indistinct chatter]
412
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:59,433
- [mouthing words]
413
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:02,333
- Look, I just want
to make things better.
414
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,167
- For who? You?
415
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,367
We all know you don't have
much going on in your life.
416
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,933
Isn't that the real reason
you're running for president?
417
00:15:08,933 --> 00:15:12,633
- No, I am running because
I love Trinity Lutheran!
418
00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:14,500
- Friends, do we really
want a leader
419
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,167
whose closest companion
is her bird?
420
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,967
- [gasps] You leave
Scrunchie out of this!
421
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:21,433
- Can we trust her to focus
on the needs of this church
422
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:23,700
when she so desperately
needs a man?
423
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,133
- [gasps]
[crowd exclaiming]
424
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,867
- Yes, this church
was built on family values.
425
00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:30,300
Can we elect someone
426
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,333
who probably will never
even have one?
427
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,900
- Oh! Argh!
428
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,167
You take that back!
429
00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:39,067
- Ow, hey!
I--I said probably!
430
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,067
Ow!
431
00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:41,467
- Buddy, do something!
432
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,500
- I am. I'm watching.
433
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,900
- Work his kidneys!
434
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,133
Work his kidneys!
435
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:48,167
- Ow!
- [grunting]
436
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,200
- Oh, all right.
437
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,067
Thanks for coming over.
438
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:53,500
- [sighs]
439
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,733
So, uh, crazy day, huh?
440
00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:57,800
- Yeah, sorry Dora
lost the election.
441
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,333
But at least
she won WrestleMania.
442
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,500
- Sorry about Austin
getting arrested.
443
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,133
I know you were trying
to help him.
444
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:04,933
- I got a thing
for kids like that.
445
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,567
They have no parents,
nobody to look after them.
446
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,667
so they go through life alone,
always in trouble,
447
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:12,533
and never trusting anyone.
448
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:15,467
- Well, I'm glad
that he has you.
449
00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,733
[both chuckle]
450
00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:20,700
So what did you want
to see me about?
451
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:24,233
- Listen, I've had some time
to think things through,
452
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,333
and I've decided the best thing
453
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,700
is for us to stop
sleeping together.
454
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,333
- Okay, if that's
what you want.
455
00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:35,867
[upbeat music]
456
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:40,867
*
457
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,067
- Buddy!
458
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,567
The council meeting
is starting!
459
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,133
- Hey, guys, let's have
the, uh, meeting
460
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:52,333
in the dining room today.
461
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,700
- Why?
462
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,167
- Why?
463
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,067
Because there's a much
better view in there.
464
00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:59,133
Here you're just looking
at the staircase.
465
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:00,767
Plus you're closer
to the coffee.
466
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,300
All right, let's go.
467
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,867
I can't believe we're
even debating this.
468
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:05,200
- Oh, well, for heaven sakes.
469
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,967
- Come on, let's go.
Come on.
470
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:09,667
[upbeat music]
471
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:11,333
Yeah, look at this.
472
00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:12,967
This is a beautiful room.
473
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:16,100
*
474
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,733
- Sorry I'm late, everyone.
475
00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,367
- Hi.
476
00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:21,800
- You look a little ragged.
Rough night?
477
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,067
- I've barely slept a wink.
478
00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:27,567
- Well, I got stuff to do.
479
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,067
Enjoy the view.
480
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,567
- Oh.
481
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,067
- All right, let's get
down to business.
482
00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,833
- Um, actually,
before we begin,
483
00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:36,067
I just want to apologize
484
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:38,633
for my outburst
at the debate yesterday.
485
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:41,667
It was uncalled for
and rather embarrassing.
486
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,533
- Yeah, well, now,
I am partially at fault.
487
00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:47,600
I should not have been so,
uh--so honest.
488
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,967
- Also...
[sighs]
489
00:17:49,967 --> 00:17:51,400
I'm quitting the council.
490
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,500
all: What?
- No, what?
491
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,067
- I just feel
that my behavior
492
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:56,533
was unacceptable
for a church officer.
493
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,800
Therefore, I will be
stepping down
494
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,067
effective immediately.
495
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,400
- Denied.
- What? No.
496
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,933
You can't deny my resignation.
497
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:04,667
- I can and do.
498
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,133
Uh, may I have a word
alone, please?
499
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,400
- No, Alden.
- Could--
500
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,600
- Anything you have
to say to me,
501
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,100
you can say in front
of the council.
502
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,500
- Oh, good, I love being in
503
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,233
on other people's
private conversations.
504
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:17,933
- Now, Dora, I, uh...
505
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:19,967
I may not compliment you
often--
506
00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:21,933
- Or ever.
507
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:26,400
- But, look, everyone
in this room knows that you
508
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,467
are the backbone
of this council,
509
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,900
the one who--
who makes it all work.
510
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:34,667
For the good of the church,
I demand you stay.
511
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:37,100
- Demand?
512
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,433
- Ask.
513
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,333
- Say "pretty please."
514
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,100
- [sighs]
Don't push it.
515
00:18:48,933 --> 00:18:51,067
[stammering]
516
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,333
[sighs] Pretty please.
517
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,933
- Okay, I'll stay,
518
00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:58,333
on one condition:
519
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,633
that we get that
new projector screen.
520
00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:03,500
- Approved.
521
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,100
*
522
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,133
- Austin McCain?
523
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,767
- Your Honor,
524
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,900
my name is
Pastor Jonathan Barlow.
525
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,967
And I just want to say that
Austin is a good kid,
526
00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:23,933
a kid who's never
been in trouble before,
527
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:26,667
a kid who has ten words
he'd like to say.
528
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:30,300
- I'm sorry.
529
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,600
I was wrong.
530
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,400
It'll never happen again.
531
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,233
- If you let Austin go,
532
00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:37,833
I promise his entire
support group
533
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,067
will watch over him:
534
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,200
me, Russell...
535
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,667
and of course
the G-man Himself, Jesus.
536
00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:46,067
So what do you say,
Your Honor?
537
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,867
- Pastor, Mr. McCain has shown
a wanton disregard for property
538
00:19:49,867 --> 00:19:51,267
and the law.
539
00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:54,200
And quite frankly,
I did not buy his apology.
540
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,633
It sounded rehearsed.
541
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:58,833
Austin McCain, I hereby
sentence you to two years
542
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,600
at Murdock Juvenile
Detention Center.
543
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,333
[gavel bangs]
- Two years?
544
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:03,700
For a Hitler mustache?
545
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,533
- I can't believe
this is happening.
546
00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:07,633
- Bailiff, escort Mr. McCain
to the holding cell.
547
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,967
- Your Honor, this isn't fair.
548
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:12,667
- Another word from you,
and I will hold you in contempt.
549
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,400
- Come on, Buddy,
don't make it worse.
550
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,633
- Buddy!
551
00:20:15,633 --> 00:20:18,633
[tense music]
552
00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:23,100
*
553
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:25,267
- We've got to do something.
554
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,667
I'm going to get a lawyer.
555
00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:28,867
*
556
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:30,467
- [sighs]
557
00:20:30,467 --> 00:20:34,167
*
558
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:37,067
- FBI. Come with me.
559
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,567
I know who you are.
560
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,567
[upbeat music]
561
00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:52,500
*
38299
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