All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S08E08 - Renewal.eng.SDH

HOLT: Lastly, on a personal note,

as many of you know, Kevin
and I have recently reconciled.

Noice. Somebody's getting some.

It's true. I am.
Now, when we originally wed,

we didn't know how long
gay marriage would be legal,

so we had a somewhat rushed ceremony.

Do you, Kevin… Yes.

And do you… Yes, yes, we do!
We're married.

Kevin has always regretted it, so
we're having a vow renewal ceremony.

This time, we're
pulling out all the stops.

It will be a truly extravagant affair.

Oh, how extravagant are we talking?
Champagne pyramid?

Destination wedding? Celebrity officiant?

We got the salad forks.

Can you believe it, a second fork?
Who do we think we are? [LAUGHS]

Oh, no.
You're shocked at how garish it is.

Now I don't even wanna tell you the
other surprise I have in store for Kevin.

Wait, let me guess.
You're getting bread plates?

Don't be absurd. We're not crazy.
No, the big surprise is…

I'm retiring from the NYPD.

Wait… What?

Why did you lead with the salad forks?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

You're leaving the NYPD?

My preoccupation with
my job has been a point

of contention with
Kevin for some time now.

I wanna show him that
our relationship comes first.

But, sir, it's too
soon for you to retire.

We didn't even get to do
one final cool case together.

The last thing we worked was finding

that kid's missing mitten.

I thought that was
rewarding and poignant.

It was boring as crap!

What were you hoping for otherwise?

I'm so glad you asked.
We hunt down a serial killer,

stare death in the face,
and then in the final battle,

you save my life and I say to you,

"How can I ever repay you?" And you say,

"You already have."

Then you jump on your motorcycle,

drive off, never to be seen again.

I don't have a motorcycle, but Kevin and
I did just purchase recumbent bicycles.

[BLEEP] you, Captain Holt. Anyway,

I already have a cool final
case that I'm working on.

The police reform
proposal that Santiago and I

have been toiling over
for these past six months

Oh, my God, I didn't
even think about Amy.

She's gonna be devastated.

Which is why I made sure
she wasn't here when I told you.

I need Santiago
laser-focused on this proposal.

We can tell her after
we turn the report in.

Hopefully, you can keep the
news to yourselves for now.

Sir, she's my wife. I can't lie to her.

What about that time you spent $1
,000 on a Patrick Ewing Top Shot?

That wasn't a lie.
I just didn't tell her.

But she's gonna be happy about it,

because that Top Shot is currently worth…
Oh, no.

I will keep your secret for $992.

Deal. Great! Let's lie to my wife.

Ah, hello.
Thank you for coming early to help out.

There's a lot to do since we
decided to go so over-the-top.

I mean, look at the napkins.
We're going with a pretty whimsical fold.

Lengthwise.

That is… Funny.

The intent was whimsy, not humor.

Now you have me doubting everything.
Where's… where's Raymond?

PERALTA: You know what? I'll go find him.

I got something I wanna ask him anyway.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

There you are. Why are you hiding?

Oh, I was just looking at pornography.

I felt an urgent need to
watch some men taking a bath.

What?

Okay, fine, you caught me.
I was checking my email.

And that's worse than watching porn?
Much worse.

Kevin can't know I'm
working on our special day.

But I just received an email from
my contact at One Police Plaza

about our reform proposal.

Ah, yeah, speaking of that,

now that the report is done, can
you please tell Amy you're retiring?

I don't like lying to her.

So then you told her about the Top Shot?

I didn't need to because I
traded it for an investment

in The Rock's new cryptocurrency,
which is currently worth…

Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?

We can't tell her. Things aren't settled.

The brass is having a closed-door
meeting today about our reform proposal,

but apparently, the union is gonna
claim that we fudged our numbers.

That's crazy. Amy would never
fudge numbers. She loves numbers.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Sometimes
I think she loves them more than me.

Stupid numbers, think they're so great.

I'd love to see numbers give you a baby.

I'm gonna check those
CompStat numbers right now.

I'm just gonna click on
this video link entitled,

"Handyman fixes squeaky
door, [BLEEP] customer."

Oh, my God.

What? This isn't correct.

Somebody changed these since last night.

Wait…

I bet O'Sullivan hacked into the system.

Do you know what this means?

They're trying to kill police reform!

Jake and Holt have a final case.
Yep. Mm-hmm.

Two equally important sets of stakes.

He claims you messed with the numbers?

That son of a bitch!

I would never fabricate numbers.
I love numbers.

Numbers can't be a
father to your child, Amy.

-So what are we gonna do?
-PERALTA: I have a plan.

We can prove that O'Sullivan changed
the CompStat numbers if we find this.

DIAZ: What is that, a bed?
No, that's a cheese grater.

It's his computer. Obviously, I
should have had Terry do the drawings.

Fortunately, I know how to
find his personal computer

thanks to his YouTube
rants about the NHL.

O'SULLIVAN [ON PHONE]:
This is "Islanders Talk,"

and today's topic.
Can hockey have female fans?

Yeah, he's not a good person.

Anyway, those videos are taken in
the "man cave" in O'Sullivan's basement,

so that's gotta be where his laptop is

Holt and I will be infiltrating
his house and retrieving it.

How are you gonna get past him?
He won't be home.

We're gonna lure him out
using his one weakness.

Rare Billy Joel memorabilia sale?

Oh, that's nice, dear. Ah.

O'Sullivan will meet with an
ex-roadie named Geronimo Rodriguez,

who will actually be an
undercover Terry Jeffords,

our resident Billy Joel superfan.

It was one time!

You caught me lip-synching
to Uptown Girl one time.

Nope, he's your favorite
singer, everybody knows it.

And you're the only one
O'Sullivan hasn't interacted with.

If he stumps you,
Santiago will be nearby,

feeding you Billy Joel
facts into your ear.

You guys need to keep him busy and
then use a piece of fake memorabilia

to get a fingerprint we
can use to unlock his laptop.

What am I doing?
You, Charles, and Scully will be here,

distracting Kevin and making
sure he doesn't know Holt's working.

And, uh, who will be on Cheddar duty?

I mean, can't we just
distract him with a bone?

Bone?

-Bone?
-[SOFTLY] Yeah.

[YELLING] Bone?

Cheddar's not some street rat.
This is never gonna work.

Yes, it will. Just give me 90 minutes,

and I promise I will get you
back in time for your vows.

Fine, but if there are any
complications, I pull the plug.

The ceremony is too important.
Kevin cannot find out what we're up to.

He won't. I promise.

KEVIN: Raymond?

What are you all doing in here?

Um… Peralta's watching porn. What?

What? Peralta's watching a handyman

repair a squeaky door and
then [BLEEP] his customer.

Is that true, Jake?

[SOFTLY] Yes.

I wish I could say I was surprised.

Told you it was a great cover.
Not for me!

Okay, if we wanna get past O'Sullivan's
ma, we need undercover personas.

I'm thinking you will be Maxwell Maxwell,

international playboy
and black ops specialist.

He'd had affairs on every continent,
but his true mistress is danger.

I thought you learned your lesson
about turning police work into movies.

Yeah, I did, but this is
a movie about reform.

I mean, isn't that a
movie you'd wanna see?

The only movie I wanna see
is called The World of Mosses.

It's a documentary about
the world of mosses.

It sounds bad.

Now, we will go in dressed as gas
company employees named Mitch and Henry.

Ugh. At least tell me I'm Henry.

Hello, ma'am. We're from the gas company.

My name is…

Mitch.

Okay, this is how we'll get O'Sullivan's
print. Fast-drying dental resin.

O'Sullivan touches this, leaves
an imprint, and we have a mold,

which we use to make a fake finger
that will fool 99% of biometric scanners.

Pretty sweet, right?

I gotta say, I thought Holt retiring

would crush your mood, but it hasn't.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Wait. Holt's retiring?

You knew that.

He said he would tell you when
you handed in your reform proposal,

and you handed it in, and he told you.

No, he didn't.

Okay, well, then I just told you.
But you're still taking it well.

-Amy?
-[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

O'Sullivan just texted.
He'll be here in three. You gotta hide!

Um…

I'm just gonna pick you up and
carry you like furniture, okay?

Look alive. Kevin's on your six.

-Do you know where Raymond is?
-SCULLY: Yes, I do.

He's, um…

Come on, Scully. Think of something.

Think of something. What does that mean?

Cheddar did it. Cheddar, I know you
wanted us to go with the other vase.

I have a different aesthetic
sense than you, and it's my day.

Sorry you had to witness that.
I will get a broom.

Scully, tail him.

Well, that should
keep him busy for a bit.

That was smart, but I don't think we
should mess with Cheddar too much.

Why not? He's an animal.
Animals can be very vengeful, Rosa.

Is this about Lieutenant… Of course
it's about Lieutenant Peanut Butter!

So here's the shutoff to the main line.

Thank you very much, ma'am.

Okay, to get into the basement,
we're gonna have to distract her,

so here's what I'm thinking.

Maxwell Maxwell turns on the charm.

Unbutton your jumper
and say, "The thing about

gas lines is, the
pressure builds and builds

"and it just needs a little… release."

[MOANS]

You don't have to make that sound,
but if I were you, I definitely would.

No one will be talking about release
or making the sound of a rodent in labor.

It was a sensuous moan, but fair enough.

We just have to get the laptop
so I can get back to Kevin.

You will simply approach her and say…

Ma'am, I need to check your
water heater in the basement

to make sure there's no leaks
or blockages to the gas line.

You should maybe come back later when
my son is home. He's better at this stuff.

Oh, it's just a quick check.

The answer is no.

Sorry about him.

He's a little abrasive.

The name is Maxwell… Maxwell.

Carol.

You see, the thing about gas lines is,

-the pressure just builds and builds.
-[MOUTHING]

Sometimes… it just needs a little

-release.
-[MOUTHING]

[HOLT MOANS]

Well, we wouldn't want that. You can
go down to the basement now, Mitch.

Yeah, sounds good. Have fun, you two.

TERRY: Amy, look alive. He's here.

You the guy selling the memorabilia?
Oh, yeah.

Where did you get this stuff?
I used to haul amps for him.

Yeah? Which tours?

The, uh… You know…

Oh, Terry, I'm not ready to say goodbye.

I'm Not Ready to Say Goodbye tour.

Never heard of that one. You haven't?

That's weird.
Maybe you just weren't paying attention.

Sorry. I'm on Billy Joel's wiki now.

I've done other tours too, like, uh…

Innocent Man and The Bridge.

Okay. What's in the box? Phew.

An early draft of the lyrics
to We Didn't Start the Fire.

"Eisenhower, vaccine, side
salad, mixed greens." What is this?

Well, I guess, while
he was writing the song,

he must have accidentally
included his lunch order.

Anyway, that's 10K. Ugh…

What's the sticky stuff? Yes.

I grabbed that out of the
trash in his dressing room.

It must be gum. Look, I'm so sorry.

Just let me have that back. Uh-uh.

Not so fast. This has been
in William Martin Joel's mouth.

His tongue touched this.

Wait. What's happening?

What's this, now? That is $10,000.

And I'm keeping the gum.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[SCOFFS] A grown adult with a man cave.
This is so embarrassing.

Oh, my God, he has root beer on tap!

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Okay, everything is all…
What am I looking at?

Your friend here was very
clumsy and he spilled on himself.

Well, we got everything we needed,

but I can wait if Maxwell
needs a little more time to dry off.

No, no, no, I'm all dry now.
We can leave.

Oh, wait, let me give you my number.

I only have the landline, so if my
son, Frankie, answers, hang up.

He gets a little jealous.

Not to worry Miss O'Sullivan.

Maxwell Maxwell is
nothing if not discreet.

Not discreet enough.

Okay look, I don't know
what kind of freaky stuff

you guys are into,
but I want no part of it.

Let's just try to stay calm.
I think you're making a big mistake here.

No I'm not. He called me Miss O'Sullivan.

That was my name three marriages ago.

I'm Carol Shaughnessy now.

If he's calling me Miss O'Sullivan,

it's 'cause he knows who my son is

and you're up to something.

Carol, baby.

Don't "baby" me.
Get down in the basement.

Well, I always like going down.

I said, move. I'm calling my son.

Feel like she considered it.

We're locked in.

If she gets in touch
with O'Sullivan, it's over.

Wait.
She said she doesn't have a cellphone.

That means if we can tie up her landline,

she can't call anyone.

Hey! What did you do with the phone?

Smart. But we're still trapped down here.

Does that smile mean you know a way out?

Oh, no. I was just thinking about how you
were about to hook up with that old lady.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT] But no,
yeah, we're totally screwed.

[BARKING]

That's odd. He only barks like that
when he's worried about Raymond.

Oh, Cheddar is not worried about Holt.

I saw him eat a shrimp
off a platter earlier.

I bet he just wants more.

Hmm.
Cheddar doesn't usually indulge in shrimp.

He considers it bougie.

Speaking of indulging, the gray
boutonniere should have arrived by now.

Oh, Lord.

See. Cheddar almost blew our cover.

I told you not to mess with him.

Charles, he smelled food
and he wanted to eat it.

He's a dog, not a super-villain.

I don't know.
He's really staring you down right now.

Oh, yeah? Watch this. Yeah.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOG WHIMPERING]

Sucker.

Wait, wait, I want that back.

I was only selling the lyrics.

If I knew about the gum, I
would have charged you more.

Ah, a bunch of bunk.

You set a price, I hit the bid.
End of story.

Terry, if we don't get that fingerprint,
we won't be able to open his laptop

and they'll kill our reform program.

Please… I really need that gum.

You beg all you want. A deal is a deal.

Oh, God. It's all falling apart.

Everything good in my life… Look.
You don't understand how special this is.

…happened when he showed up.
You don't deserve to have this…

Jake is only the mostly mature man

that he is because of Holt, so…

So no, no, no

our son will grow up in a broken home.

Oh, my God, enough!

You need to move on.

BOTH: Are you talking to me?

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

You need to move on.

From Captain Holt? From Billy Joel?

It's not healthy to have your
entire identity wrapped up

in another person.

BOTH: I know but…

Raymond Holt taught me everything.

Billy Joel taught me everything.

Look what it's doing to you.

Just look at yourself right now.

I guess I am kind of
messing up this mission.

I could use the money for the bank

so they don't take my ma's house.

Thank you, Terry.

Thank you… Geronimo Rodriguez.

All right, look, all's not lost.
I have the laptop.

We just need to get in touch
with someone from the Nine-Nine

so they can get us out of here.

Give me your phone.
I left it back at the venue,

so Kevin couldn't track
it and know I was gone.

Use yours. Mine's dead.

I used up all the battery
mining for MetsCoin.

It's the first cryptocurrency
that is also the Mets.

I don't know what
I'm doing in this space.

Use the landline. Call Santiago.

Great idea. Okay.

Just one problem.
I don't know her number.

How could you not know
your own wife's phone number?

It's saved in my phone.

Stupid smartphones, making me so dumb

by giving me the world's
knowledge at my fingertips.

Well, I don't know anyone's
phone number either.

Except for Kevin's and
obviously we can't call him.

How do you not know
a single phone number?

I've literally watched
you memorize the entire

terms and conditions
agreement for a credit card.

True. But to make room for
important information like that,

I regularly purge my
brain of useless facts

like phone numbers or the
names of people's children.

But you know the name of my son, right?

The little guy has his mother's eyes.

Rough night with the little guy?

Oh. Hello there, the little guy.

How did I never see that?

Am I a bad detective?

We don't have time to go into that.

It would've been much faster
to just say, "No, you're great'."

What are we gonna do?

All right. Look, there's one number I
still have memorized that could help.

My middle school friend
Mikey J's old landline.

Do you have any reason to believe
that Mikey J still resides there?

Well, we were in a ska
band together in high school

so I'm thinking the odds are good.

Okay. Here's your resin, do your magic.

You're not gonna scold me
for almost ruining the mission?

No, Amy. I get it.
But look, you don't need Holt to succeed.

You are the most capable person I know.

Thanks, Terry.
Now let's get this mold to Jake and Holt.

What are you doing?
I thought you could carry me again.

It was very comforting.

Okay.

Thank you, Terry. I love you.

Have you seen Cheddar?
The officiant is wondering

how he'd like to be introduced.

No. I haven't seen him.

Cheddar.

I have a bad feeling about this.
Cheddar is up to something.

Come on.

[CHEDDAR BARKING]

-Oh, no!
-KEVIN: Cheddar.

Oh, hi, Kevin. I found Cheddar.

Oh, my God. Raymond is on a case.

You sick son of a bitch.

[SCOFFS] Come on, Mrs. Joseph.
I was at your house all the time.

Remember? You caught us wearing your
bra so we could practice unclasping them?

Hello? Hello?

What? You have no idea
what it's like taking bras off.

You had it so easy growing up gay.

The ceremony is about to start

and O'Sullivan is about to
come home and catch us.

It seems the reform proposal
is as dead as my marriage.

I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

I was so desperate for us to
have one last cool case together

that I forced you into this.

No, Jake. The truth is, I enjoyed it.

I had fun being Maxwell Maxwell.

Yes. I knew it was a good idea.

But I hate myself for it.

Damn it. I interjected too soon.

That makes me scared
that I'm not ready to retire.

No matter how much I want to.

For Kevin's sake.

I mean, clearly, there's a part of
me that still wants to work cases.

What if I'm making the wrong choice?

It's completely understandable
that you feel that way.

You've devoted your whole life to this.

It's who you are.
But you're also Kevin's husband.

What would you do? [SCOFFS]

I'm not sure.

But I know that when things are
hard, I talk them through with Amy.

And just being with her,
looking into her eyes,

everything that seems so
complicated becomes simple.

And then, I just know.

[DOOR CLOSES]

What's that? It's O'Sullivan.
He's coming home.

MAN: NYPD. Step away from that door.

Wait. That voice.

Neighbors reported seeing two
men enter from an unmarked van.

Then heard yelling.

There's been a misunderstanding, Officer.

You are under arrest, punk.

You jags are so screwed.

[WHISPERING] I love your hat.

Kevin, I'm sorry.

I will never forgive
myself for working today.

I want you to know that this will be
my last assignment for the NYPD.

I'm retiring.
That seems like an extreme reaction.

No. I want this. For us.

That's not for us.
I never wanted you to give up your career.

Putting our relationship
first doesn't mean

you can't have
anything else in your life.

It just means prioritizing
me over stupid little stuff.

Like returning lost mittens to dumb kids.

No. That actually sounds quite rewarding.

Really?
This reform program is not a little thing.

It could fundamentally change the police.

I just wish you had told me so
I could've helped from the start.

I'm so sorry. Apology accepted.

Now, let's get that laptop
to One Police Plaza.

No. There's something I need to do first.

We're gathered here to affirm the
marriage of Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner.

We don't have to do this.

Everyone who's not family has
already gone home and we need to hurry.

No. This is important.

Kevin Cozner.

When we first got married, I thought
of it primarily as a legal contract

which is why I memorized the
entire Federal Tax Code 301.7701 -18.

Definitions pertaining to marriage.

And yet he can't remember Mac's name.

But I finally learned
what marriage really is.

It's not something you can memorize

or an equation you can solve for.

It's the feeling you get

when you look in your partner's eyes,

and that feeling is all that matters.

Which is why I will now purge

tax code 301.7701 -18 from my memory

so that I will now have room

to remember this moment forever.

It's done. Oh, baby.

Raymond Holt, do you promise
to continue to live in this marriage

for richer, for poorer through
sickness and in health,

as long as you two both shall live?

I do. And Kevin…

Yes, yes, we're still married.
We really have to go.

I've just come back from One Police
Plaza, and I have some good news.

The union voted and O'Sullivan is out?

No. He was re-elected for life, which
I didn't think was technically possible.

But the good news is,

the Commissioner has approved
our police reform program

and we will be implementing it city-wide.

City-wide? That's amazing.

HOLT: Yes. I know it is exciting.

But there's no
guarantee that it will work.

There's a lot of resistance to change.

Nevertheless, it's our duty to try.

Because if we don't,
then we are truly lost.

Which is why I will not be retiring.

I have been appointed Deputy
Commissioner of Police Reform.

Wow! Congratulations, sir.

Thank you. And since I don't want work
to consume my life, and this is a big job,

so I will need some help

which is why I like to
bring you along, Santiago,

with a well-deserved promotion to Chief.

If you're interested. Wait. What?

I'm gonna be a Chief?

Terry, you might wanna step aside
'cause there's a dork dance a-coming.

[EXCLAIMS] Yes! Gonna be a Chief.

We share a marital bed.

[SIGHS] He's down. Good.

So, what do you think about this new job?

I think you gotta take it.

I mean, first of all, it's a huge
promotion. So, cha-ching.

But more importantly,

it's the culmination
of all your hard work

and a chance to make a real impact.

And also, cha-ching.
What's with all the cha-chings?

Oh, no. You bought something dumb.

No.

I invested in something dumb.

It's an NFT of Michelangelo
from the Ninja Turtles eating pizza.

But not to worry.
Because it's currently worth…

Oh, no. What happened to TurtleBucks?

Jake, I'm serious.

I don't know if I can do this
job and still be an equal parent.

I mean, who's gonna pick
up Mac on the odd days

and who's gonna bathe
him on the even days

and who's gonna do the cooking
and who's gonna figure out…

Ames, we will figure all that stuff out.

How can you be so sure?

I just know.