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1
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Okay, I'm ready for Vegas.
2
00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:19,168
Wait... hand sanitizer,
3
00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:20,837
Band-Aids, toilet seat covers.
4
00:00:20,839 --> 00:00:22,205
Yep, I'm ready.
5
00:00:23,714 --> 00:00:25,842
I'm proud of you, Lizzy,
being all spontaneous
6
00:00:25,844 --> 00:00:27,786
and going to Vegas on two weeks' notice.
7
00:00:29,356 --> 00:00:31,081
So I'll miss Suze Orman's TED Talk.
8
00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:33,028
I'll catch the highlights
on "Rachel Maddow."
9
00:00:34,219 --> 00:00:35,952
That's the gayest thing you've ever said.
10
00:00:37,222 --> 00:00:39,365
And that includes, "Luke, I'm gay."
11
00:00:41,154 --> 00:00:43,060
Viva Las Vegas, baby!
12
00:00:46,497 --> 00:00:48,532
Are you going to visit or to work?
13
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:52,536
I actually did work in Vegas.
14
00:00:52,538 --> 00:00:55,139
I was the top showcase girl
at Sapphire, which means...
15
00:00:55,141 --> 00:00:56,973
Oh, I think I know what that means.
16
00:00:58,443 --> 00:01:00,597
That I sold the most sapphires.
17
00:01:00,599 --> 00:01:02,247
It was a jewelry store...
18
00:01:02,249 --> 00:01:03,654
inside a strip club.
19
00:01:04,919 --> 00:01:07,020
I knew we'd end up there.
20
00:01:07,521 --> 00:01:09,753
I love that we're going back
to the place where it all began
21
00:01:09,755 --> 00:01:11,753
to celebrate our two-month anniversary.
22
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:12,357
Aww.
23
00:01:12,359 --> 00:01:13,490
It's cute that you're celebrating
24
00:01:13,492 --> 00:01:14,793
your two-month anniversary.
25
00:01:14,795 --> 00:01:16,599
You and a bunch of seventh-graders.
26
00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:19,964
And I'm so glad you
could come with us, Lizzy.
27
00:01:19,966 --> 00:01:22,099
What's more romantic than
sharing a junior suite
28
00:01:22,101 --> 00:01:24,735
with my new husband and
the woman he got pregnant?
29
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,974
Look at me. I got a lady on each arm,
30
00:01:28,976 --> 00:01:30,475
a suitcase full of Red Bull,
31
00:01:30,477 --> 00:01:32,745
and a two-for-one to
"The Vagina Monologues."
32
00:01:34,114 --> 00:01:35,815
That's playing in Vegas?
33
00:01:36,311 --> 00:01:39,318
No, actually, it's
"Rick's Vagina Monologues."
34
00:01:40,853 --> 00:01:42,754
He gets them to talk.
35
00:01:44,224 --> 00:01:46,889
Please tell me there's
audience participation.
36
00:01:49,261 --> 00:01:50,996
♪♪
37
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♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪♪
38
00:01:56,069 --> 00:01:58,068
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
39
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So this is where you got married
40
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,600
and perhaps contracted
41
00:02:00,602 --> 00:02:02,499
one or more of the "hepatie-tie."
42
00:02:03,412 --> 00:02:05,646
It is, but it didn't look like this.
43
00:02:05,648 --> 00:02:08,101
I mean, it didn't look
much better than this.
44
00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:10,247
Well, the good news is,
45
00:02:10,249 --> 00:02:12,285
I am no longer sad that
I missed your wedding.
46
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:14,969
Excuse me, sir...
47
00:02:15,547 --> 00:02:17,165
Ma'am.
48
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:20,028
What's going on? 'Cause
we got married here.
49
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,129
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, we did.
50
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:23,568
No, you didn't.
51
00:02:24,988 --> 00:02:27,958
None of the weddings that
happened here were legal.
52
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,521
Sorry, you got scammed.
53
00:02:29,762 --> 00:02:31,935
This place was a front for the mob.
54
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:34,152
This is messed up.
55
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,113
I can't believe this isn't a real chapel.
56
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:39,528
Yeah, what house of God
doesn't have a stripper pole?
57
00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:42,668
Luke, do you know what this means?
58
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,030
It means... I didn't miss your wedding.
59
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:47,169
And now I get to be your best man.
60
00:02:47,171 --> 00:02:48,434
And you get to have a real ceremony.
61
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,646
Wow, that's a large blood stain!
62
00:02:51,632 --> 00:02:54,200
Lizzy, my visa expires in a week.
63
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,448
If we're not married by then,
64
00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:57,116
I'll be exiled back to England,
65
00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:58,752
forever banished from this land.
66
00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:01,442
Would you just speak
American for one second?
67
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,656
I'll be sent back to England
68
00:03:03,658 --> 00:03:06,226
and put on a permanent no re-entry list.
69
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,761
Well, I love you, and I'm
not gonna let that happen.
70
00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:10,198
All right? We'll just get married again.
71
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,498
There's a chapel across the street, see?
72
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,134
Just past "Nude, Nude, Nude,"
73
00:03:14,136 --> 00:03:16,703
it says, "Wedding, Wedding, Wedding."
74
00:03:16,705 --> 00:03:17,938
Wait, you guys,
75
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:19,539
you have a week to get married.
76
00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:21,607
I mean, I could plan
something really nice for you.
77
00:03:21,609 --> 00:03:23,877
I have been called "the
organizer's organizer"...
78
00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:27,546
by me... to myself...
while I'm organizing.
79
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,818
I do kinda feel like I missed out
80
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:33,128
on some of that traditional wedding stuff.
81
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,855
I never got a chance to propose,
82
00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:36,857
or ask your dad for his blessing,
83
00:03:36,859 --> 00:03:39,604
or make bad decisions at a bachelor party.
84
00:03:40,495 --> 00:03:43,262
Dude, look at her, you're
marrying a bachelor party.
85
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,533
Aw, Lizzy, I'm touched...
86
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:47,635
and someday, you will be again, too.
87
00:03:47,637 --> 00:03:49,703
(mouthing silently)
88
00:03:49,705 --> 00:03:50,789
You know what?
89
00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:52,540
Let's do it right...
90
00:03:53,695 --> 00:03:54,808
starting now.
91
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,415
Prudence Merlizabeth Baines.
92
00:04:03,152 --> 00:04:05,423
- Will you marry me?
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
93
00:04:05,855 --> 00:04:07,221
Here's a ring.
94
00:04:12,095 --> 00:04:15,419
Luke, I'd marry you a thousand times.
95
00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:17,865
But let's try and cap it at two.
96
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,670
I'm sorry, can I have that ring back?
97
00:04:21,672 --> 00:04:23,334
That was my last peach one.
98
00:04:31,253 --> 00:04:34,156
Okay, the wedding
planning is in full swing.
99
00:04:34,157 --> 00:04:35,356
And remember when I said
100
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,801
I had something big a-brewin'?
101
00:04:36,825 --> 00:04:38,157
Lizzy, I know you're
pregnant, but I don't need
102
00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:40,029
to be on every part of your journey.
103
00:04:40,893 --> 00:04:43,295
No! You wanted to ask Prudence's dad
104
00:04:43,297 --> 00:04:44,764
for her hand in marriage.
105
00:04:44,766 --> 00:04:46,466
Well, someone is a bit
of an Internet sleuth
106
00:04:46,468 --> 00:04:48,201
and tracked down a Mr. Martin Baines
107
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:49,835
in Splitwick, England.
108
00:04:49,837 --> 00:04:51,303
Oh, wow, you found his number?
109
00:04:51,305 --> 00:04:53,072
No, that would be average "best man-ing."
110
00:04:53,073 --> 00:04:55,873
This little lesbo went to the market.
111
00:04:57,994 --> 00:04:59,323
Is this a riddle?
112
00:05:01,048 --> 00:05:03,616
I flew in Prudence's dad!
113
00:05:03,618 --> 00:05:04,951
His cab just got here!
114
00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:06,853
He is sitting on the couch right now!
115
00:05:06,855 --> 00:05:08,887
If I had a mic, I'd drop it.
116
00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:13,693
Oh, my God, I'm about to
meet my future father-in-law!
117
00:05:13,696 --> 00:05:15,128
What do I do? How do I look?
118
00:05:15,130 --> 00:05:17,630
- Do I curtsy?
- Yes, curtsy... no!
119
00:05:17,632 --> 00:05:19,599
Just relax, okay?
120
00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:21,167
Be your amazing self.
121
00:05:21,168 --> 00:05:22,969
Ask for his daughter's hand.
122
00:05:22,971 --> 00:05:24,471
And just remember that
you're supposed to get
123
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:26,640
your best man a gift, so cashmere will do.
124
00:05:28,843 --> 00:05:30,144
Thank you.
125
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:31,879
You really are the greatest best man.
126
00:05:31,881 --> 00:05:33,346
Yeah, I guess the key to being
127
00:05:33,348 --> 00:05:35,249
a great best man is being a woman.
128
00:05:38,927 --> 00:05:42,122
Mr. Luke, I'm Baines... Bad start.
129
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,723
Um...
130
00:05:43,725 --> 00:05:45,992
I'm Luke. It's a
pleasure to meet you, sir.
131
00:05:45,994 --> 00:05:47,629
Oh, please, call me Martin.
132
00:05:47,631 --> 00:05:49,430
Lovely home you have here.
133
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,664
I come bearing gifts.
134
00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:52,106
Here's an airplane blanket.
135
00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,471
And instructions for a water landing.
136
00:05:59,340 --> 00:06:00,707
Thank you.
137
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,679
Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it.
138
00:06:05,681 --> 00:06:07,014
I love Prudence.
139
00:06:07,016 --> 00:06:09,484
She makes me happier than I've ever been.
140
00:06:09,486 --> 00:06:11,684
And I want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
141
00:06:11,686 --> 00:06:13,854
So with your blessing, I'd like to...
142
00:06:13,856 --> 00:06:15,456
'Ello, love!
143
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,725
Martin! What are you doing here?
144
00:06:17,727 --> 00:06:19,994
- I flew your father in!
- That's not my father!
145
00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:21,996
- Well, I'm pretty sure...
- I'm her husband.
146
00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,585
- What?
- Come again?
147
00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:27,536
My ex-husband.
148
00:06:27,538 --> 00:06:30,171
No, husband... I never
signed the divorce papers.
149
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:32,173
- We're still married.
- Oh!
150
00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:37,846
This little lesbo went
to the wrong market.
151
00:06:41,218 --> 00:06:44,086
I'm so sorry I never told
you I was married before.
152
00:06:44,088 --> 00:06:45,820
But it's not something I'm proud of.
153
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,288
I was very young.
154
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,665
I was very young when I went through
155
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:51,078
my eyeliner phase, but
I showed you the picture!
156
00:06:53,295 --> 00:06:55,130
Well, I'm telling you now!
157
00:06:55,132 --> 00:06:56,967
And I was desperate
to get out of my house.
158
00:06:56,969 --> 00:06:58,567
We were really poor.
159
00:06:58,569 --> 00:07:01,669
I had to share a bed with
six of my seven sisters.
160
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,805
Beatrice slept standing up like a horse.
161
00:07:05,538 --> 00:07:07,416
Prudence, how could you not tell me?
162
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,412
I just wanted to erase the past
163
00:07:09,414 --> 00:07:11,008
and pretend it never happened.
164
00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,915
I thought I was divorced!
I signed the papers!
165
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:16,093
But, apparently, that wanker never did.
166
00:07:17,122 --> 00:07:20,423
That is something you
should maybe follow up on!
167
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:25,529
I know "I'm sorry" doesn't fully cover it,
168
00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:27,155
but if I had flown in your father,
169
00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:28,008
that would have been awesome!
170
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:30,133
Can we all just take a
moment to imagine that?
171
00:07:32,336 --> 00:07:34,004
Lizzy, how the hell did this happen?
172
00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:35,705
Prudence told me that her
father's name was Martin.
173
00:07:35,707 --> 00:07:37,610
So we can pass the blame around a little.
174
00:07:40,979 --> 00:07:43,479
I took "Baines" when I married him.
175
00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:46,116
And I kept it because my
maiden name was hyphenated,
176
00:07:46,118 --> 00:07:48,286
and it caused me a lot
of grief growing up.
177
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,250
What was your name?
178
00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:54,031
It was Prudence Merlizabeth
Hardmeat-Buttswallow.
179
00:07:58,157 --> 00:07:59,329
You know what?
180
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,000
Good choice.
181
00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:04,401
That's the stuff we would have learned
182
00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:05,635
if we spent our second date
183
00:08:05,637 --> 00:08:06,838
doing hand stuff in a movie theater
184
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,539
instead of getting married in Vegas.
185
00:08:10,243 --> 00:08:11,442
All right, I'm gonna handle this.
186
00:08:11,444 --> 00:08:12,844
I'm gonna get in his face.
187
00:08:12,846 --> 00:08:14,479
I'm gonna make him sign
those divorce papers,
188
00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:16,382
and I'm gonna put him on
the next plane out of here.
189
00:08:16,384 --> 00:08:17,681
Look, before you go out there,
190
00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:19,383
just know he's a bit shifty.
191
00:08:19,385 --> 00:08:20,886
He got kicked out of the
Splitwick Cricket Club
192
00:08:20,888 --> 00:08:22,588
for using a weighted wicket.
193
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,657
Okay, I heard "shifty."
194
00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:29,267
And I can handle him.
195
00:08:29,430 --> 00:08:31,264
Let's hope he can handle me.
196
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,997
That bent my fingernail all the way back.
197
00:08:36,402 --> 00:08:37,651
Don't!
198
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:40,203
All right, Martin, we need to talk.
199
00:08:40,205 --> 00:08:42,239
Actually, I need to
talk, you need to listen.
200
00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:43,742
Or there's a third
option... we could both talk
201
00:08:43,744 --> 00:08:45,377
at the same time and
see who listens to what.
202
00:08:45,379 --> 00:08:46,713
- What?
- What?
203
00:08:49,884 --> 00:08:52,750
See? That got us nowhere. So let me start.
204
00:08:52,752 --> 00:08:54,485
Pretty curious, isn't it,
205
00:08:54,487 --> 00:08:56,221
that your wife never told you about me.
206
00:08:56,223 --> 00:08:57,556
First of all, she's my wife.
207
00:08:57,558 --> 00:08:58,756
That's what I said, "She's my wife."
208
00:08:58,758 --> 00:09:00,126
So that's settled.
209
00:09:01,928 --> 00:09:03,729
No, it's not settled.
Prudence signed those
210
00:09:03,731 --> 00:09:06,624
divorce papers a long time
ago, and you should've, too.
211
00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:10,235
I let Prudence go once,
and now that I've found her,
212
00:09:10,237 --> 00:09:14,140
I am never letting her go again.
213
00:09:17,777 --> 00:09:19,516
Now, you go!
214
00:09:21,231 --> 00:09:23,450
Oh, I'll go. You're
gonna sign those papers
215
00:09:23,452 --> 00:09:24,918
or I'm gonna kick your ass.
216
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:28,488
Ooh, bad boy come to rough me up, eh?
217
00:09:30,356 --> 00:09:32,791
This'll be fun. You hit me, I hit you.
218
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:35,462
You hit me, I hit you.
You kick me, I kick you.
219
00:09:35,464 --> 00:09:37,697
Sorry, mate, sorry, mate.
Pint for you, pint for me.
220
00:09:37,699 --> 00:09:39,632
Let's just cut to the
end. First round's on you.
221
00:09:53,454 --> 00:09:56,323
Look, I printed up standard
British divorce papers.
222
00:09:56,325 --> 00:09:58,508
Cost me 15 quid, whatever that is.
223
00:09:59,313 --> 00:10:01,161
All we gotta do is get Martin to sign it.
224
00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:02,496
Yeah, good luck reasoning with the guy.
225
00:10:02,498 --> 00:10:05,266
He'll steal the watch
right off your... what?!
226
00:10:07,313 --> 00:10:08,636
I left it at home.
227
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,507
Dude's in a drinking
contest with himself...
228
00:10:19,524 --> 00:10:21,110
and he's gonna win.
229
00:10:23,148 --> 00:10:25,076
Look, that's why you
guys are all here, okay?
230
00:10:25,078 --> 00:10:27,680
To create a festive
atmosphere, so he gets so drunk,
231
00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:29,141
he doesn't even know what he's signing.
232
00:10:29,143 --> 00:10:30,703
Yes, but when it comes to drinking,
233
00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:32,280
no one can keep up with him.
234
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:34,329
He was once told by an angry
mob of football hooligans
235
00:10:34,331 --> 00:10:35,963
to please calm down.
236
00:10:37,743 --> 00:10:38,892
Okay, listen, I got this.
237
00:10:38,894 --> 00:10:40,126
He doesn't know that I'm pregnant.
238
00:10:40,128 --> 00:10:41,526
I will go shot for shot with him.
239
00:10:41,529 --> 00:10:42,962
Even if you weren't pregnant, your idea
240
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:44,930
of "raging" is late-night "House Hunters"
241
00:10:44,932 --> 00:10:46,365
and chardonnay on ice.
242
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,932
'Ello, 'ello!
243
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:52,071
Pints taste like a
possum's piss over here.
244
00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:54,206
So, we are switching to whiskey.
245
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,842
Ha-hoo! To Martin!
246
00:11:02,887 --> 00:11:05,201
Feel that one going down, don't you?
247
00:11:05,859 --> 00:11:07,859
Yeah... you do.
248
00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:12,030
Should we throw another one back?
249
00:11:12,032 --> 00:11:14,432
I like your style. But
hands off, love, I'm taken.
250
00:11:25,277 --> 00:11:27,480
Luke, you're not such a bad bloke.
251
00:11:27,482 --> 00:11:29,181
Thanks for keeping the missus warm for me.
252
00:11:29,183 --> 00:11:30,650
I wasn't keeping her warm for you.
253
00:11:30,652 --> 00:11:31,916
Oh, it's big of you to
admit you're impotent
254
00:11:31,918 --> 00:11:33,552
in front of everyone.
255
00:11:33,554 --> 00:11:35,954
Hey, I can get it up, I can get it way up!
256
00:11:41,495 --> 00:11:43,030
He can.
257
00:11:44,164 --> 00:11:47,866
(Martin laughing hysterically)
258
00:11:52,239 --> 00:11:53,672
Okay, I think he's drunk enough.
259
00:11:53,674 --> 00:11:55,708
He just exposed himself
to our neighbor's dog.
260
00:11:56,976 --> 00:11:58,605
Poor Coco.
261
00:11:59,213 --> 00:12:00,713
Look, sit him on the couch.
262
00:12:00,715 --> 00:12:02,581
I'll grab a pen and trick
him into signing the papers.
263
00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:05,018
(Martin laughing)
264
00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:15,162
Hey! Hey, Pru Pru, don't be shy.
265
00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:17,930
Come over here and let's
reenact our wedding night.
266
00:12:19,033 --> 00:12:20,968
How? You gonna sleep with my cousin
267
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:23,169
and then get into an
argument with a post box?
268
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:28,808
Darling, let's not fight
in front of company.
269
00:12:28,810 --> 00:12:30,211
You're the company, jackass!
270
00:12:30,213 --> 00:12:31,778
(scoffs)
271
00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:33,815
Just piss off, you bloody bastard!
272
00:12:36,518 --> 00:12:40,220
Oh, and, dude, I saw what
Coco saw, and I got you beat.
273
00:12:47,129 --> 00:12:49,696
I'm starting to think
Prudence doesn't like me.
274
00:12:50,447 --> 00:12:51,164
Which is a pity
275
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,221
'cause she's the only
woman I've ever loved.
276
00:12:53,813 --> 00:12:55,136
Yeah...
277
00:12:55,338 --> 00:12:57,338
Did you want to register to vote here?
278
00:13:01,644 --> 00:13:03,768
Can I vote for Prudence to love me?
279
00:13:04,211 --> 00:13:06,556
And less money for those bloody schools?
280
00:13:07,383 --> 00:13:09,817
Maybe it's time to move on from Prudence.
281
00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:12,254
I mean, you're a... catch.
282
00:13:14,722 --> 00:13:16,723
Nah, I'm... Am I?
283
00:13:18,385 --> 00:13:19,526
Do tell.
284
00:13:20,797 --> 00:13:23,720
Okay, um... well, you're tall.
285
00:13:23,722 --> 00:13:26,707
Hmm. And let's say, handsome.
286
00:13:27,902 --> 00:13:29,878
Aren't you my angel tonight?
287
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:31,371
Look, I'll be whatever
you want if you just
288
00:13:31,373 --> 00:13:33,042
sign these divorce papers.
289
00:13:35,544 --> 00:13:37,546
I've always been suspicious of women.
290
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:41,449
Like they're using me for something.
291
00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:42,918
But not a little something-something,
292
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,421
if you know what I'm... Sex.
293
00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:50,960
Oh, not gonna use you for that, nope.
294
00:13:50,962 --> 00:13:53,896
But I'm sure a lot of women
would be lucky to have you.
295
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:55,795
- Like you?
- Oh, boy.
296
00:13:57,661 --> 00:13:58,767
'Cause I've had my eye on you
297
00:13:58,769 --> 00:14:01,124
since you paid for my flight out here.
298
00:14:02,706 --> 00:14:04,708
Is it... (burps) mutual?
299
00:14:11,614 --> 00:14:13,817
I don't know. I, uh...
300
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,285
I can't really commit to someone
301
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,121
until I see their... signature.
302
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:20,139
(chuckling) You kinky devil.
303
00:14:21,525 --> 00:14:23,460
- You're about to.
- Okay.
304
00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:28,946
Hmm?
305
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,580
What do you mean you didn't get him
306
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,081
to sign the divorce papers last night?
307
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:47,260
Actually, I think Martin's moved on.
308
00:14:47,526 --> 00:14:48,351
On to what?
309
00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:49,541
'Ello, love! Oh.
310
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,002
Mwah. (slapping)
311
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,564
Be a dear...
312
00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:04,269
whip up some breakfast for
me while I powder my peter.
313
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:09,398
Sorry, Pruze. You snooze, you lose!
314
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:18,138
I was just trying to
encourage Martin to move on.
315
00:15:18,171 --> 00:15:20,656
Luckily, he passed out
before he could move onto me.
316
00:15:23,283 --> 00:15:25,583
Actually, this might work for us.
317
00:15:25,618 --> 00:15:27,252
He's not into Prudence anymore,
318
00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:30,289
so all you have to do is
pretend to be straight,
319
00:15:30,323 --> 00:15:32,626
lead him on until he signs the papers.
320
00:15:34,694 --> 00:15:36,161
Just a little bit of flirting.
321
00:15:36,196 --> 00:15:38,029
Second base, max.
322
00:15:39,532 --> 00:15:42,601
Luke, ew, no! That is not my wheelhouse!
323
00:15:42,636 --> 00:15:44,270
Uhh!
324
00:15:44,304 --> 00:15:46,205
Lizzy, if I'm not divorced and re-married
325
00:15:46,239 --> 00:15:48,107
in four days, I'm gone.
326
00:15:48,141 --> 00:15:49,543
You gotta take one for the team.
327
00:15:49,576 --> 00:15:51,510
I don't play for that team!
328
00:15:53,979 --> 00:15:56,715
Okay, you don't have to play,
just show up to practice.
329
00:15:58,718 --> 00:16:00,687
Ah, all cleaned up.
330
00:16:00,721 --> 00:16:03,722
I, uh, improvised a bidet
in there... hope that's okay.
331
00:16:05,393 --> 00:16:07,895
Last night was fun, eh? Whoo-hoo!
332
00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:11,130
All I can remember is this
one calling me handsome
333
00:16:11,164 --> 00:16:14,550
and then, uh, things got a little hazy.
334
00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:16,903
Did we...
335
00:16:16,937 --> 00:16:19,385
Yeah, Lizzy, did you...
336
00:16:21,576 --> 00:16:23,710
Yeah, um...
337
00:16:23,744 --> 00:16:25,160
We had...
338
00:16:25,846 --> 00:16:27,780
boy-girl sex.
339
00:16:30,418 --> 00:16:33,787
And it was the best
boy-girl sex I've ever had.
340
00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:37,190
Ooh, that's gotta sting, Pru.
341
00:16:37,224 --> 00:16:39,739
Remember when we had boy-girl sex?
342
00:16:42,864 --> 00:16:44,932
I just don't think I can be with you again
343
00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:46,967
in a heterosexual way...
344
00:16:48,769 --> 00:16:51,205
as long as you're still
married to Prudence.
345
00:16:53,207 --> 00:16:55,242
Sorry, Pru, but I always thought
346
00:16:55,277 --> 00:16:57,580
I could do better than you, anyway.
347
00:16:58,447 --> 00:17:01,382
I'm about to slap the
accent right out your mouth.
348
00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:05,353
I never loved you, Martin.
349
00:17:05,386 --> 00:17:06,755
I was only using you to get out
350
00:17:06,789 --> 00:17:08,757
of a bad situation at home.
351
00:17:08,792 --> 00:17:10,025
Why else would I marry you after only
352
00:17:10,059 --> 00:17:11,893
knowing you for three days?
353
00:17:14,096 --> 00:17:16,198
That's just the jealousy talking.
354
00:17:16,231 --> 00:17:18,833
Hey, Lizzy, fancy
another British invasion?
355
00:17:21,604 --> 00:17:23,479
I don't think so, Marty.
356
00:17:23,908 --> 00:17:27,209
'Cause you just divorced
your wife for a lesbian!
357
00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:28,844
Boom!
358
00:17:33,211 --> 00:17:36,033
Wait, so what I'm hearing is...
359
00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:39,254
I bagged me a lesbian?!
360
00:17:41,826 --> 00:17:43,791
That is quite a coup.
361
00:17:43,825 --> 00:17:45,227
I gotta go call me mates!
362
00:17:45,261 --> 00:17:46,307
No!
363
00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:48,998
No, that's not what I'm saying!
364
00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:50,934
There was no invasion!
365
00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:56,838
Oh, my God, I'm divorced! I'm so relieved.
366
00:18:00,344 --> 00:18:01,533
Are you all right?
367
00:18:02,744 --> 00:18:04,881
We also got married after a couple days.
368
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:09,051
Were you using me to get
out of a bad situation?
369
00:18:10,888 --> 00:18:14,389
Yeah, I know, totally gay. (chuckling)
370
00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:16,471
Well, not anymore.
371
00:18:17,294 --> 00:18:19,112
- You wanna say hi?
- No!
372
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:21,264
All right, talk to you later, mate.
373
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:22,765
So, here's what I'm thinking.
374
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,934
I move in here, we summer in Splitwick.
375
00:18:24,968 --> 00:18:26,270
I don't have much pride, so I'm happy
376
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:28,433
to stay home while you work.
377
00:18:29,373 --> 00:18:30,527
But I don't clean, I don't cook,
378
00:18:30,529 --> 00:18:32,308
and I definitely don't
want a bunch of stinky kids
379
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,901
ruining your better bits.
380
00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:39,883
Oh, you... you don't want kids.
381
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:41,151
No. (inhaling sharply)
382
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,320
Actually, that's gonna be a problem,
383
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:46,990
because last night when
we were doing the... sex...
384
00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:50,801
I'm pretty sure you got me pregnant.
385
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:54,431
What? Oh, no...
386
00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:00,904
I couldn't have put one
up your duff that fast.
387
00:19:02,786 --> 00:19:05,242
I'm just gonna go see if
I have a pregnancy test,
388
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:07,712
'cause I'm pretty sure I
got some stuff in my duff.
389
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,348
Okay, well, um...
390
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:13,717
fingers crossed it's just sour stomach!
391
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,221
Just a bit of the botty totty.
392
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:21,425
I'm... I'm sorry, Prudence,
I don't know what to believe.
393
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,828
First, you lied to me
about ever being married.
394
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,330
And then I find out
395
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:28,032
you married Voldemort
after three days also!
396
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:33,038
Our situation is completely different.
397
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,154
I married you after five!
398
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,442
Oh, two extra days!
399
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,312
Now I feel like a princess!
400
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:43,472
Luke, I understand you're angry.
401
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,617
Just let me explain.
402
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,119
There's nothing to
explain. This is a pattern.
403
00:19:47,154 --> 00:19:48,521
You marry the first sucker you meet
404
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,389
to solve your problems!
405
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:54,874
Did you marry me because you
were about to be deported?
406
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,397
Luke, I didn't use you
to stay in the country.
407
00:19:58,432 --> 00:20:01,967
I wanted to stay in the
country so I could be with you.
408
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,935
You know what we have is real,
409
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,710
and you know that I love you.
410
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,509
Is exactly what you would say
if you were using somebody.
411
00:20:10,978 --> 00:20:12,379
Luke, please!
412
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,679
You have to believe me.
413
00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:15,113
Actually, I don't.
414
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,084
I just have to get out of here.
415
00:20:19,787 --> 00:20:21,288
(door slamming)
416
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,589
This is a bunch of measuring spoons.
417
00:20:25,092 --> 00:20:26,827
These are my keys!
418
00:20:31,499 --> 00:20:35,268
Martin, someone's gonna be a daddy!
419
00:20:37,505 --> 00:20:38,906
Martin?
420
00:20:38,939 --> 00:20:40,968
Wow, that was fast.
421
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:44,412
Martin's gone!
422
00:20:44,446 --> 00:20:46,612
- So is Luke.
- What?
423
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,415
He's convinced I was using him.
424
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,329
He's really upset. He's just took off.
425
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,405
Where did he go?
426
00:20:53,572 --> 00:20:55,718
- I don't know.
- Ohh.
427
00:20:58,281 --> 00:21:00,281
So what you're saying is
428
00:21:00,774 --> 00:21:02,775
it's just you and me now.
429
00:21:09,744 --> 00:21:11,742
It's just you and me.
430
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,500
I'm gonna see how far Martin got. No?
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