All language subtitles for cIII.2022.__en-

When I was a young boy.

Into the city to see
a marching man.

He said, son,
when you grow up.

The same.

He said.

Will you?

Yeah.

Portable egg and cheese, portable egg
and what?

Pork roll, egg and cheese, pork roll, egg and what?

Excuse me yo,

is anybody working
or you know what you want or what?

Yeah can I get 3 snuggums pre rolls?

$100 even.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You looking at me?

And that's how we did it
in the 90s, son.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're whistling
is affecting your carrying.

Pretty nifty planning.

The fuck out I will cause
nifty is slang for NFT,

which is a non fungible token in our world.

Our world.

Oh my God, I knew it.

You belonged to one
of these religious death cults

where they all wear sneakers to bed
before they killed themselves for the last time.

Randall, I'm not in a religious death cult.

Blockchain.

Coltrane and I are cofounders
of the Christian Crypto club.

This is either a Lord of the rings thing
or a Jesus thing.

Blockchain says
that Jesus saves souls,

that we buy souls.

This is pretty clever word play

because fantasma change
cryptocurrency unit is called the Soul so.

You are killing me this morning,
you nut.

Ohh shit, huh?

I think I get it now.

Get what?

NFT's and crypto?

No, not that Beanie baby bullshit.

Talking about this pair of Puds.

Looks like Alias has got
his own silent Bob.

This is quite a hand job.

What?

Jesus, these Gen Z
kids are fucked.

Ohh, what a surprise.

Randall's taking the Lord's
name in vain again.

Mr Godde, please stop
calling me Mr Dante.

You're 36 years old and not for nothing,

but how's it taking
the Lord's name in vain.

If I don't pray to your Christian God?

If you don't pray to God,
then who do you pray to?

When I'm at my lowest,
I always pray to Crom.

Who's crumb?

That's Conan the Barbarians God.

You know what, Randall?

I really wish you didn't worship
all your false comic book idols

and satanic superheroes.

Batman, The Avengers, Wonder Woman.

AOC.

Come on, man,
give Crum a chance.

You may not be all woke

and shit like Jesus, but homeboy
is pretty metal for a deity.

Well, jerks on here, Randall,
because there's only one God.

Yeah, what about Thor?

Thor the God?

Thor is a fictional character,
flies through outer space.

So is your good Sir.

Dante has God as the living.

Christ.

Randall is God is the living
dead with all that gothy shit.

Like drink my blood.

That's fucking vampire talk,
Mr.

Duncan.

Oh no.

My name is Foo Foo
and this is between you 2.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Freeze.

What the fuck are these?

Cuts no shit, but what are they doing here?

I thought we could sell them.

Are you?

See?

Who the fuck flies
kites anymore?

Lots of people.

Kids today love flying kites.

Kites are cool.

What century is this Ben Franklin?

And what kind of kid in this day and age
would be remotely interested

in buying or flying a fucking kite?

Did you see they have
Jesus on them?

Uh, well, all the kids
love Jesus.

Who in their right mind is gonna

buy when you're creepy Christ kites?

I would.

You did like 30 times and they're
gonna sell some online.

Online, the only way anyone on the Internet

would care about this old timey bullshit

is if you shot a tik T.O.K

trying to jam one of those Jesus
kites up your Christian dickhole.

Hassle, thank you know Randall,

I don't think there's anything
particularly metal about blasphemy,

Shaw, blasphemy and biting off
a bats head or his metal as it gets.

There were two men who were crucified
with Jesus Randall, Holy Father,

a good thief and a bad thief.

If they were caught, I'd say
that makes them both bad thieves.

But bad thieves said, if you will really
dishonored gold,

get us down from here and save us.

So why is this guy
called the bad thief?

Call him the practical thief
with common fucking sense.

Ah, but the good thief said Jesus did no wrong,

whereas we are but thieves.

What the fuck are put thieves?

Well then, the good thief said.

Jesus, Remember Me in your Kingdom.

And Jesus said to the good thief,

today you shall be with me in paradise.

Paradise is a strip club.

It's not a strip club, Randall.

It's heaven.

So the moral of your never ending story
is even in heaven.

It's all about who you know.

The moral of the story is,
if you didn't go to heaven

as a guest of Jesus like the good thief,

where did the bad thief go?

Randall?

Not that I want to prolong your sermon,

but how is it blasphemy to remind a guy
he's the son of God?

Maybe the bad thief thought Jesus had
a Bourne identity thing going on.

Like Jesus fell off a boat,
hit his head, and caught amnesia.

He was born in a Manger.

Now he's born again.

Matt Damon is Jesus born
in the born Nativity.

Heavenly Father,
I beseech thee, please smite this braying heretic.

You're OK.

Oh, something's wrong.

It gets my breath.

Stop teasing me.

Not teasing, I.

I can't get my breath, man.

Really?

Should I try mouth stuff?

What is this, a Tinder date?

Get off of me, he said.

You can't breathe.

I can breathe.

I just.

I can catch my breath.

What are you doing with your arm?

I'm trying to breathe.

You're really pretty, Randall.

We opened the door.

Mr Dante.

I need an ambulance at the quick stop.

Doctor lane.

Didn't you just say too much?

Fucking movies,
that's all.

Wow.

If you know what's wrong,
then I guess I can go home.

Are you the doctor?

I'm the doctor.

Doctor ladenheim.

I'll be your savior this evening.

What in the fuck?

I apologize for my wardrobe.

I just came from my costume ball.

Listen, don't.

I'm OK.

I just.

I can't catch my breath is all.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad
would you say your pain level is?

My pain level is like a -.

3.

You're doing it all wrong.

You're supposed to be a lot of pain
when you have a heart attack.

Then I had a heart attack.

No, that's not what I said.

You misunderstood me.

I'll think.

Christ, you're having a heart
attack right now as we speak.

A massive one.

So we have to act pretty quickly.

I just wish I wasn't so hungover.

I'm kidding.

I'm going to go get all glammed
up for our big date

and I'll see you in the OR.

Look at me.

And there's going to be fine.

Alright, good.

Alright.

He's not going to make it.

Jesus, could someone page
the good witch?

What's next?

A fucking munchkin?

Little bits travel and a haircut.

2 bits.

I see that you meant Doctor Ladenheim,

and she wants me
to prep you for surgery.

Surgery?

No, the doctor just said
I'm going to the ER, right?

Which is short for operating room
where they do surgery.

She got to get into your heart.

Is the doctor going
to crack his chest open?

Fuck, no, no, no.

She's going through a camera,
through his femoral artery,

up to his ticker,
through a very small incision.

And where she make this incision?

In the groin?

The groin?

Come on dry.

Gonna shave you or I get
to shave you,

depending on how much you love your job
and I love mine.

So as the wife says at 10:00
PM after Dateline every single week.

Love your pants.

I'm going to shave your groin, Sir,

so I wonder where to 1st
can we establish geography?

Like where's the groin to you?

There's a growing to me.

This is a metaphysical question.

We're running out of time
here to save your life,

so come on, let's go.

Can you avert your eyes, block your ears
and sing something, please.

Ohh, forgot.

What do you want me to sing?

Not you.

Him.

Alright, alright.

Here's the deal, Nurse Jackie.

You got a really small Dick.

OK, I I promise you, it's nothing
I've not seen before.

Because I I work in Pediatrics.

If I take off my underwear,
everyone in the ER is gonna

see my little Dick.

Including my friend here who thinks
I got a giant cock is.

I've been lying to him about
it since we were 12.

Is this a long fable, Aesop?

I'll tell you what.

I'm going to give you
a little more privacy.

Well, thanks for that.

Unfortunately, this is the first you can go,

but we do have a waiting room
that's right down this hall.

I'll be right here
when you get out, man.

You got this.

We got an e-mail.

Monster.

Blood pressure
is 100 problems.

Why is it still got
his underpants on?

How am I supposed to get
to a spiral artery

if he's wearing squeezy?

I told him, but he's got
some vanishing issues.

Like Doc, I got a really small
Dick.

I'm trying to save your life
and you're worried about your little Dick?

We don't have time for this.

Whoa.

Oh my.

No, it is not alive praying
to God to smite Randall.

So Jesus attacked his heart
and my command.

Randall's mother
had heart trouble, too.

I gotta make Jesus reverse this.

Praying for God's sake.

For my sweet savior
here you're gentle servant,

spare the heretic.

I damned in jest.

Remember the words
of the good

Jesus did no wrong,
whereas we are pet thieves.

Uh-huh.

What's up, doc?

I can tell by your very subtle tattoo
that you're a superhero fan,

so you might appreciate this.

Uh-huh.

You know, they have a name
for the type of heart attack

you're having right now.

Really?

OK.

They call it the Widowmaker.

Now, doesn't that sound like some bad guy
that Ranger Danger has to fight?

Well, they call it
the widowmaker because in 80% of the cases

when there's 100% occlusion,

like what you have now,
hands down, patient always dies.

Always.

Off fuck.

But don't worry.

You're gonna be in the 20%
because keeping you alive

is good for my branch.

Now, if you excuse me,
I'm gonna go full around here.

A little crotch, and I'm gonna
make a little magic,

but I could use all the help that we can get.

So if you remember any prayers
from when you were a kid,

now would be a terrific time
to dust those off.

Are you there, Crum?

It's me, Randall.

Please don't let me die.

He won't answer me.

After all this time.

To putting my life to God.

Jesus has abandoned
all of us at quick stop.

I think Jesus was always more
of a Wawa guy.

Yeah, you know what I think?

I think I wasted
my life living it.

Bullshit.

I've been calling fairy tales faith

and pledging fealty
to fictional fucking Phantom.

And for what?

In my darkest hour, when I need him most,
the Lord, the holy ghosts me.

Well done.

How well that made-up Jesus jive.

Save Randall this night.

And I will swear
my soul to you.

Sweet Satan?

Satan, buddy?

No, I mean, isn't he kind of like
the optimist prime of evil?

You don't have to condescend to me.

You can just say Megatron, I'm
kind of a Transformers virgin.

Well,

I'm an actual virgin, so I know
Satan's going to want my soul.

For what?

And by its sex, probably.

Do you have any Lube?

No.

I don't deserve Luke.

Take me, Satan.

Jesus grew up your payments
for your concubine.

I have to fuck Satan,
and that's when I shit you not.

Luke fucking Skywalker shows up.

Uh-huh.

And I'm talking about the young fuckable Luke
from return of the Jedi,

not the Grand Torino.

Get off my lawn loop
from the Last Jedi.

Quick, hard update,
Mr Graves.

During your thorough retelling
of the Star Wars show,

the Mandalorian season 2,

I was able to get the stent in place.

So this is where I need your help.

Now I'm gonna open the stent,

and all you have to do is tell me
when you feel the pressure lets up.

Alright, let's do this.

Make dreamy.

This is the way.

The way to what?

From the mandalorian.

The Star Wars show.

OK, listen, we need to hit pause
on your pop culture references for a minute,

just until we open the stent
on 3123.

Oh holy shit, how you fucking
breathe again?

Does this mean I'm going to live now?

Yes, because I'm an amazing doctor.

You're a better doctor

than Doctor Strange
and Doctor that has combined Doctor Who.

Ohh no, I don't watch that show.

But I might start now because
I'm fucking alive.

There's a Chinese say
thank you, Doctor.

Thank you for saving my life.

You're like the Batman of heart surgery.

Yeah.

With great power comes
great responsibility.

What the fuck was that?

You're alive.

You're alive.

Are you OK?

That was a heart attack.

I'll take another one.

But she was easy, OK?

You must be on a lot
of drugs right now.

No, they didn't give me
nothing in there.

I had to do the whole thing sober.

He's high as a kite on fentanyl kite imagery.

Very cool.

See you, Randall.

Kites are in the air.

Stop with the fucking kites.

One more thing, Mr Graves, since you
were really preoccupied about it so much.

Show that you wasted
time and nearly died.

Your penis is not that small.

It's not that big,
but it's not that small.

Hmm.

That's the best news
I've heard all day.

Is he going to be OK?

How do I help?

Well, if you care about him,

you'll gem a vegetable down his throat.

The guys got more cholesterol
than his arteries than blood.

Got it.

From now on, I'm only gonna order him food
off the vegan menu at movies.

Him and you.

Me.

If you're around his age,
eat the same diet as your friend.

You might want to get
your heart checked out, too.

Will do.

But here's something I want you
to keep an eye out for.

As regards to Randall,

middle-aged men tend to go
through a depression.

He had a heart attack.

Now your friend might sound
react differently now

because he's come face to face
with his own mortality.

So for the next few months,

do whatever you can do
to help Randall keep his spirits up, alright?

My bill is in the mail.

Judge.

I brought you here.

Thanks.

Can't believe you're still awake
after the day you've been through.

I can't sleep.

There was only a 20% chance
I was gonna make it

out of that OR live tonight.

Alright.

Now I figure I've got a 5050
chance of dying anytime

I leave my apartment.

But today?

Who was an 80%
chance everything for me.

Was just gonna stop.

There was an 80% chance you

and I were never going
to talk about Star Wars again.

It was an 80% chance.

I would never know
for a medical fact.

I got a normal sized Dick.

You always said it was huge.

I was gonna miss a lot of shit
if you didn't call that ambulance today.

You saved my life, man.

Wish I had a life worth fucking saving.

Come on, man.

What are you talking about?

When I was lying there wondering
if I was going to die.

I saw the whole movie of my life
flashed before my eyes.

You know what?

It sucked.

I always thought Holt.

And my life was building
towards something.

Turns out it was just the hospital.

What are you talking about?

We built our own business, so I Co
own a convenience store.

Big deal.

I've never went
anywhere outside of Jersey.

I never fell in love like you.

If I had dropped dead tonight,

only you and Elias would
remember I even existed.

I mean, look at me, man.

I'm almost 50.

Just sit around and watch the same
stupid movies over and over.

The fuck is wrong with me?

Hello.

You know so much about all that stuff,

I always thought you could
have made a cool movie.

Holy shit.

You're right.

I could make a pretty cool movie.

I've been watching movies
all my life.

I've seen all these people
telling their stories

and never once thought
about trying to tell mine.

Well, fuck that, man.

Since I almost died tonight,

now I know I'm living on borrowed time,

so no more watching movies
because when I get out of here.

I'm gonna make your movie.

A movie?

Don't you have to go
to film school or something?

It's like 75 G's a year
to go to NYU film school.

And you know what those kids pay
all of that money for?

Don't know.

To watch movies.

I worked in a video store for 20 years

where I sat around and watch
movies all day, too.

So basically, I went
to my own film school.

Just because you've seen every movie
ever made doesn't mean

you can make any kind of movie at all.

Tell Dad to Quentin Tarantino.

Ohh, now you're Quentin
Tarantino.

I'm not saying I'm gonna
make a movie as good as him.

I'm not good at sex either,

and that doesn't stop me
from trying to get laid.

Do you want to shoot a movie here
at the quick stop?

Yeah, I've seen convenience stores in flicks before,

but I've never seen an entire flick
set in the convenience store.

Because who'd wanna watch
that with my life?

And I barely want to live in?

This movie is meant to memorialize my life,

and since I spent the last 30 years
of my life working here,

I'm working.

I got plenty of convenience stories
to put into a screenplay.

The convenience store has been titled,
well, what kind of convenience stories

are we talking about here?

The topic with the 2020
was beautiful and you like the casket?

You knocked the casket over.

I did.

Well, that's the scene now.

Or about the time the old guy

was jerking off
in the bathroom and dropped dead.

That's totally a scene,
man.

I mean, all the shit you and I have said
sitting at this counter.

These are all scenes now, man.

How about the time you burned
the store down?

Is that going to be a scene?

I'm still pretty sure terrorists did that.

Hey, Motley crew neck.

Anyone in your Christian crypto club
got a non crypto camera we can borrow?

It's called the Crimson Crypto Club.

Now our first drop
is going to be all crypto kites.

I'll put that shit away.

Elon muskrat.

What do you guys need a camera for?

Brenda wants to make a movie.

Like a pornography movie?

No, like a movie movie.

One with actors
and screenplay and crafty.

What's crafty?

That's where the crew
hangs out in practices.

Witchcraft, you little devil
worshipper.

Craft is where you find
all the food on set.

But if you're shooting in here,
I guess the whole store is crafting.

What's the movie gonna be about?

It's gonna be about an hour
and a half.

I hate long movies.

It's about him working here.

Wow.

Meta never seen a whole movie set
in a convenience store before, right?

Thank you.

I'm going to fill the script
with all the weird shit me

and Dante have ever said
or seen around here over the years?

Oh, she put in that stuff?

Used to say about the Death Star
contractors it sued by Disney.

Besides, I don't want this movie
to be about other movies.

I want it to be about me.

It's my flick.

So I want to write about
the things that I do like,

like how we play hockey on the rooftop.

I've never seen that done
in a movie or a TV show,

even though it's
just fucking practical.

Remember that fight
where I hit you in the face

with the bread?

That could be a scene by the time
I spilled water on that whole guy?

That's like the fucking opening scene.

Ooh, I got an idea.

Maybe Jane silent Bob
could be characters.

That is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard.

Well, you're still gonna
have to get them involved

if you wanna set any of the scenes
in your old video store.

Alright, watch
the registered dog.

We gotta go talk to
the Warner Brothers.

What the fuck, man?

We heard you died.

Almost.

What happened is I was taking
a shit in the high grass

when a rattlesnake came up and bit me
right on the asshole.

But like the good friend he is,
Dante sucked the poison out.

See, it happened
to them too, man.

Listen, when we thought you were dead,
man, I felt really, really bad.

Because of all the time I've
been hanging out in front of the store and stuff,

I forgot to give you something.

Dental school me and veggie Dick
rented that shit in 1994,

but we never watched it
because we didn't have VCR.

But now you could put it
on the shelf in the video store.

Ohh yeah,

the video store
closed 10 years ago.

It didn't.

This was the video store.

Oh yeah, I'm getting senile
and shit right there.

So listen, how much we owe
you filet fees?

Uh-huh.

Well, I'd say a dollar a day
for what, 2628 years it's like.

Approximately $10,220.

Can you rewind?

$10,220.50.

You take crypto.

You guys got crypto?

Now, if you never watched it,
why was it not rewound?

Hey, asshole, I said.

We didn't have a VCR.

We watched it.

We held it up to the light.

Listen, we'll squash
your giant late fees

on the 28 year old copy of dental school.

You'll let us shoot
a movie in here?

Ohca pornography movie?

No, it's not a porno movie.

Sex sells sun

and I'm always buying because
I am the clit commander.

Snooty bitches.

Goodnight 37.

That's not a scene, Randall.

Stop writing it right now.

37 cannot go in your movie.

You've got the fuck up.

It's night time.

Inconvenience?

It's the story of my life.

168 pages, full of Dick jokes
set in a convenience store

written one night.

Maybe you don't tell people
that last part.

I thought you want to call
it convenience stories.

Yeah, that shit sounded
too precious.

Who am I, Wes Anderson?

Not based on this script.

There is only one return,

and it ain't of the King's
of the Jedi.

Hey, he said that same thing
about our trend that day.

That guy threw up in movies
and you made me clean it.

And everything in the script is something
either me or someone I know said.

I just made-up new names.

What am I,
some kind of writer?

Yes, blockchain would like to understand

why the two girls are into this Dan T character

when the Randy character is much funnier.

Randy's been asking himself
the same question as whole life.

What's wrong with Dan Tate?

Read his first CNN, page 37.

Are you kidding me?

I'm in this convenience store
way more than you,

but I don't come into your convenience store

moving to page 37,

I had a lot of exposition to do.

Enter Dante,

a hideous fucking chud
of a man.

What the fuck?

Well, maybe Dan T's not you.

Do you ever think of that?

Dan T's hideous fucking

shut of a beard doesn't suggest Tony Stark

so much as a male crack or who is cosplaying
as Tony Stark,

but that's just in the screen direction.

Nobody actually calls Dan TA hideous
fucking Judd to his face.

Dude, I can't believe you made me sign
a nondisclosure agreement

only to read that I'm not even one
of the main characters

in the story of your life.

I mean, I knew it was never the Luke,
but I thought it was at least the hand.

Oh, come on.

I'm the Han
and the Luke, right?

And who am I?

The chewy.

I think Elias is more
of the chewy.

No.

Unless this is.

Require then, on the landowner.

He's the lobot.

I'm not even the robot.

Which ones?

Lobot, he's the one with the headphones

who looks like a dad
who's trying to be DJ, the bald fucker from Desmond

who never says nothing,
the whole movie.

Wouldn't that make silent Bob
the robot now with Jay and Silent Bob

are clearly the C3PO and R2D2.

I mean, they've been here
since the first movie,

which was the last time they were cool,

but they've been with the franchise so long
they still give them cameos

and put them on the lunch boxes.

So if I'm not Luke Han a chewy Lando,
the droids are the lobot.

Who the fuck am I in your Star Wars Princess?

Fucking Leia?

No, you're the deck.

Who the fuck is Jack?

He's Luke Skywalker's tail gunner
in the Battle of Hoth.

You know, the guy who's ready
to take on the whole empire himself

until the empire kills the shit out of him.

Did Jack even get an action figure not
in the classic Kenner line?

No.

Because because he was deemed
unimportant to the story.

But that's just bullshit, man.

Without Dak, Luke
could have never.

Like that was the only guy
that's like.

I mean, Dak was plucky
as shit, man.

Just like you.

I have a question
about the script.

Great.

More fucking notes.

Go ahead.

Yes, I have a problem with the fryer fuck character

who I believe is supposed to be me.

Fryer fuck loves Jesus

to what appears
to be an unhealthy degree.

And.

And Elias is a born again Satanist
because it was Satan who saved you.

When my prayers fell on the deaf ears
of Jesus, the giant jerk off.

Alright, listen up, Friar fuck.

I get that you just broke up

with your boyfriend Jesus recently

and clearly you're going through some culture
and cosmetic stuff because of it.

But for the 1st 36 years of your life

you were into Jesus
to an unhealthy degree.

And that's the Elias that I based Fryer fuck on then.

This script is based on lies.

Welcome to the movie biz.

There's no truth in this art.

Jesus, everyone's a critic.

So what do we do next?

What are you asking Dak for?

Well, I can't do this alone.

I need a producer.

That's your job.

Me?

What do I know about producing?

Come on.

I'm already writing and directing.

I can't do everything, man.

Alright, what does a producer do?

Just build us a schedule,

keep us under budget, secure DP,
and most importantly, find US financing.

What?

I gotta get money too?

How much we talking about here?

Like 25 grand, $25,000?

Well, technically it's 27,575,

but it'd be way more
if we were in Canada.

Where the fuck am I supposed
to find that kind of money from?

We can buy that kind of cash.

What?

How?

We launch our crypto kite NFT's next month
so the Crimson Crypto Club

could have a lot of money to invest
if the crypto kites fly.

Again with the fucking kites guys.

We need real loot
to make a real movie.

Not sure.

Make pretend matrix money,
you fucking kite fucker.

I'm sick and tired of the kite
killing attitude around here.

Anyway, back to the budget.

What if we took out a loan
against the store?

A loan?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why don't we just slow down a minute
and think about this first?

Slow down?

I almost died, man.

It doesn't get any slower than that.

I'm not getting all Dante about this.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're the guy who can never decide
whether to shit or get off the pot.

Well, I don't have time
for that anymore.

For now on, I'm gonna shit bricks,
or what's the point of being here?

So come on, man.

Get behind me when I shit.

For once, so I can what?

Wipe your ass.

You know, I don't wanna
get all Dante about this,

but find someone else to take your shit.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Here he is.

The escape artist.

I sit on your grave.

Did we have that movie
with the video store?

I spit on your grave, pigs.

You spit on my grave in a dream.

You better wake up and apologize.

Ah.

So this is a dream?

If it is, then you need
to learn to dream bigger.

I mean, really, this
is the best that you can do.

A cemetery.

You can't dream us into.

Sex?

On the beach.

In Hawaii.

I could want to have sex with me
now I'm an old man.

I'll have you know that being dead
on me increases your sex drive.

The dead lift to fuck.

So you have sex in the afterlife?

Hell yeah.

There is nothing to do
in heaven except fuck.

That's what makes it happen.

Can't believe my wife's
having sex with dead people.

Famous dead people.

I'm on the celebrity circuit now.

Bullshit.

Name one famous person
you fucked in heaven.

One.

OK.

Boots with the ghost
of Cleopatra, Sir, and Miles Davis.

And Frederick Douglass together.

George Washington what?

Carver,

you know how much
I love peanut butter.

True.

Who else?

Carl Sagan, Ohpa real thinker.

Malcolm X.

Malcolm, Triple X and I'm sure
you're letting them all go.

Ask them out.

Yeah, they're famous.

You think I want this, don't you?

You carrying the torch for me?

I told you how I feel
about romantic love things.

Ohh I remember.

You were very convincing.

Hmm.

Right up until the day I proposed.

We only knew each other
for like 15 minutes.

You've been mourning me
for like 15 years.

So what do you want me to do?

You want me to just forget about you?

You were all I ever dreamed about.

Both of you.

No.

God, I'm so alone.

I know.

Losing me and grace.

Broke.

But you don't know
how lucky you have it.

The Book of Life is closed
for the two of us.

But you?

Can still turn a page.

You get to keep writing
the story of your life.

What bother without you?

Because there are more tales
to tell Hicks.

As long as you're alive.

You can always start
another chapter.

To live while you can,
love while you can.

God damn it.

Dream bigger.

That all sounds pretty romantic.

Coming from a girl who doesn't believe
in romantic love,

I don't believe in romantic love.

That's my girl.

But I do believe in you.

Hey, I want to thank you guys
for having me here today.

I've always wanted to be an actor.

Nice.

I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

I'm supposed to be here today.

You know, that was gonna
keep oht.

I'm not even supposed to fucking
be here till fucking day,

Fox ohshita.

By the power of Greyskull,
I'm not supposed to be.

Hey, hey, I'm Joe.

I'm 45 years old, recently divorced,

and I figured I'd get
this shit going.

I think this must be here today.

Damn it.

no

Lion face.

Umm.

I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

What about me?

I'm known professionally as
Boston John.

That's a non diploma

Robert De Niro and my mom.

Good mood star,
you know, saying goodbye.

close your eyes.

Just close.

I'll just didn't listen.

Ready?

All right.

I have nipples, Greg.

Could you milk me?

Fuck as one bitch all day?

Can you give me one?

Like shorts and egger?

I'm not even supposed to be here today,
but can you work Pacino?

That shit?

Where will I see the God
damn sailboat?

That came from a real deep
personal place.

I have a BFA and theater background.

Actor as an actor
with a a theatre background.

I was classically
trained in New York.

Have you actually thought
about going musical with this?

Because it could be.

I'm not even supposed
to be the day.

Kickball teams and snaps.

Jazz hands.

That's beautiful, man.

Freddie Prinze junior.

I'll fuck anything that moves.

Wait, wait a minute, man.

Is this a porno?

I'll fuck anything that moves.

I'll fuck anything that moves.

I'll fuck anything that moves.

But that's all in your face.

Let me try like this.

Hold on.

Can I borrow your underpants
for about 10 minutes?

I'll fuck anything that moves

and fool I always carry on my check
that I fuck anything that moves.

It sounds like the guy by weight from,

you know, this movie needs
these these nuts.

Can I just offer you a piece
of advice?

You want description between your hand,
like an old lady that says curse words.

Holy shit, who wrote
this garbage?

His mother should be ashamed.

The fuck?

He's auditioning for silent Bill.

I don't know if you know Sound of Music

that the marionettes
were the best part of that

and I think that's why they won Oscars.

It's worth thinking about maybe
doing a whole movie with marionettes.

Take your heart, pills, tin man.

Hey,

so how's it going
with the financing?

Raise my money yet?

If it's your money, then
how come I have to raise it?

That's Hollywood.

You finish reading this script last night
and it's funny, right?

It's funny.

But it was like my entire life
flashed before my eyes.

My life flashed
before your eyes.

I was glad you left
some stuff out.

So which one of these guys
gets to play me?

All the guys are too young
and hot to play you.

What the fuck?

And nobody's nearly funny enough
to play mini.

So then what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna play my part myself.

Yeah.

All right already,
we're closing.

Gee whiz, why?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Straight men were closed.

That's me, Randall.

Huh.

Cool.

Blade Runner.

I like that.

Thanks.

What's a Blade Runner?

Can we get back to you acting in a movie

that you're directing even though
you've never acted in

or directed a movie before?

It worked for Orson Welles.

You're not an actor.

Neither was Howard Stern.

But he acted in the movie
about his life.

If you call that acting,
you think you can do better.

Better than Howard Stern
did in private parts.

It's not a highball.

Great.

Because you're playing Dan T what?

No, no, no, I'm not.

I can't act.

You're as good as any of the.

Jokers we saw at the audition.

Besides, if I'm gonna play me,
you gotta play you.

You have to do this.

Mr Dan T, for God's sakes,
please stop calling me Mr Dan T.

That's another thing.

Fuck all the fake names.

What is this shit?

Mad Magazine Randall is playing Randall,
Dante is playing Dante,

AKA Mr Dante, and Elias's playing Elias.

I'm in the movie too.

Yep.

And as a Satanist playing a Christian,
you gotta act the most.

It's my very own.

Dance.

To transform and transform,
you shell bumblebee

as soon as Mr Dante secures
our fucking financing.

Yo, it's too bad
you didn't marry that Emma.

Check the one with the big clit.

Why?

Don't you like some kind
of car wash errors or something?

Can you focus?

Even if we do play ourselves,

you still gotta cast all
the customer parts.

Why am I casting customers

to say all this stupid shit

when I still see the real customers

who said all this stupid shit
in the 1st place?

Come in here every day.

They can do it.

Oh my God, you can't just.

Turn regular people
into movie stars.

Knowing.

Snowing, snowing.

Smoke their weed.

Smoking weed pack.

Harass my good man.

Time to kick back, drink some beers,
and smoke some weed.

You own a whole weed store?

Hey, Randall,
I've got an idea.

What if Jay and Bob
play Jay and Bob?

Well, we can ask him,
yo.

Use guys.

Wanna be in my movie.

OHA, pornography movie.

It's not a porno movie.

It's the movie
we're shooting in your store.

That movie you still ain't done?

We haven't even started yet.

I don't know.

Who would we be
playing in this movie?

Well, it's these two characters
I kind of based on.

You and Maggie Simpson.

Here, check out your first scene.

These are real actors,
but they are real fucked up

and I could work with that.

This doesn't sound like me at all.

What are you talking about?

All this shit in there is all the stuff
I've personally heard you say around here.

I do not talk like this, man.

Why do you have me saying stupid shit
like snoochie booches all the time?

I'll tell you what you guys
play yourselves in the movie.

I'll let you guys be in charge
of crafty too.

So what's crafty about?

Well, in addition to being
the Comic Relief in the movie,

you'd also be in charge
of all the food on set.

Ohh, we learned about food prep back

when we ran the fucking cock smoker.

Wasn't that place just a drug front?

No, we had drugs in the front
and drugs in the back.

So if Alice is playing Elias
and these dopes are playing themselves,

who are we going to get to play Veronica?

Well funny you should ask
because earlier today

I sent the script to someone

who will be absolutely
perfect to play Veronica.

Who the fuck do you people think you are?

Veronica?

What is this filth?

What is this giving me tawdry trash
that makes me out to be so sloppy?

Sex maniac.

It's just a movie I'm making about my life

and I thought it'd be fun
for you to play yourself in it.

Ohh, you did?

Yeah, and you are fucking sick.

Hey, watch it
with my artistic expression.

Artistic expression.

That's my life.

It's my Life OK,
everybody calm down.

Geez.

Oh, come on.

You would have killed me.

The film.

In college.

You majored in drama.

I minored in drama.

I majored in oral surgery.

All hail the queen of oral
fuck you surgery.

You didn't let me finish.

And I'm not gonna let you
finish this film either.

Not with me as a character.

I'm not some fucking joke you get
to tell in your dirty little bee movie.

YouTube strip mall.

Soderberg, I see myself
more like retails.

Richard Linklater, you wanna
do this?

Fine, but leave me out of it.

Unlike either of you,

I've got a grown up job,
and unlike either of you,

I've got a family.

I'm so sorry.

I.

Please don't cry.

It's just shit day.

Two cancellations.

My ex calls to tell me that he's not
putting our daughter's car on his insurance,

and so now somehow she pissed at me.

When I see you.

And see the chat,
it's OK.

Really?

Hey, Ronnie.

If Randall told me he was going
to send you the script,

I would said no way.

But now I'm glad he did.

It's really nice to see you even
under the circumstances.

And you look great.

You look way younger than I do.

Yeah, yeah.

How young you think they look?

You don't look a day over.

37.

So.

You wanna fuck?

Washed out.

You think this means
Veronica's in?

I think it means Dante sure is.

Silent Bob, you are a rude motherfucker,
but you are cute as hell.

Silent Bob.

Motherfucker.

Put your cutest hell.

Brought the cat, Randall.

Perfect.

We don't want him going
anywhere near a litter box

until we're ready to shoot.

So you're gonna
have to hold him all day.

But I'm allergic to cats.

You gotta suffer for your art, man.

But it's not my heart.

It's your art.

Shouldn't you be the one
doing the suffering?

I didn't suffer enough
when I almost died from a heart attack,

which, I might add,

was after a heated exchange about kites.

My allergies have made me immune
to your emotional blackmail.

Check
out this actin

solid Bob.

Motherfucker.

But you're cute as hell.

Very natural and subtle.

I like it.

So how are you feeling today?

Well, I feel like that kid that worked in the video store,
fully fluent in the language of cinema.

It's like I was born to direct.

No bro, I mean you had
a heart attack last month.

Ohh that.

No, I feel fine.

How do you feel today after your Range
Rover sleepover last night?

Stop it.

When I said to be your producer,

I didn't mean produce a late
in life child unwilling producer.

I didn't ask for this job,
but I am doing it.

So I have a meeting today
about money.

Fucking A that's produced JJ
and I found you a cinematographer.

What may I present to you?

Shooter Bob.

Silent Bob's going to be our DP shit share.

We all going to be doing DP.

DP is the name of the job,
said it was cinematographer.

The cinematographer is the DP man.

Don't be acting like,
you know all the industry slang shit.

Me?

It's all baby.

The only ones here
have actually been on a movie set twice.

Come on.

Yes, he's an unconventional choice,

but you are an unconventional filmmaker
making an unconventional film.

Yeah.

You want me to entrust the story
of my life to the quiet place?

He has some really nice shots
on his Instagram.

Come on, give me
a chance, man.

Maybe he speaks the language
of cinema like you do.

The guy never speaks at all.

OK, so we just scouted in here
and the colors are fucking ugly.

So softball wants to shoot
the whole movie.

And black and white.

Schindler's list.

Black and white.

Is he nuts?

No.

I'm a fucking filmmaker,

and any filmmaker worth their salt

would know that the colors in this place
are fucking ghastly.

The only way you could deal with them

is to neutralize them
by going in black and white,

which will also kind of act
as a commentary

on the soulless nature of commerce
while subliminally giving the audience

the impression that they're watching our heroes

from the perspective of an imaginary store
security Cam.

That's what I was thinking.

That's what an artist thinks,
but it's up to you.

However, I'm shooting
in black and white, right?

Shooting it at all the fuckers.

That's right.

Jesus, he looks fat.

You're not on mute, Emma.

I know, so hello?

Hi you.

How's Florida?

Full of assholes, but at least
it's not jersey.

What do you want, Dante?

OK, this is gonna
come out of left field,

but

I was hoping I could

borrow some money.

Fuck.

No, it's not for me.

It's for Randall.

Ohh, then double fuck no.

He had a heart attack,
Emma.

Good.

I hope he dropped dead.

He didn't.

So he needs the money
for a for the hospital bills.

Randall doesn't have any insurance,
so the fuck.

What?

Even if I wanted to help, which I don't,

I'm not giving Randal
Graves any free money.

Emma, please.

You and I once promised
that if we ever needed help,

we'd always be there for each other,
no matter what.

That was before you cheated on me
at a fucking donkey show.

Goodbye, Dante.

No, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

Please Emma.

I'm desperate here.

You don't have any collateral
if I have to.

I can sign over my half
of the quickstop as collateral that shithole.

What's all this about?

We're making a movie.

No shift the pornography movie.

What was that?

Take 21 nights.

It's going to take my auteur friend here
21 nights for him

to cinematically suck his own Dick.

In a row.

Inconvenience?

I don't get it.

See 10, take one.

Cat Wrangler.

All right, let's go.

And.

Action.

Holy shit.

We got poop.

And action fuck.

What are you waiting for?

Dance?

I ain't doing this
with all these fucking people watching.

Oh my God.

Cut the talents
being a little bitch.

Can you guys wait
in the video store?

I'll run the camera.

There.

You happy?

I cleared this set.

So fucking dance, man.

You fucking dance,
bitch and action.

What the fuck, JoJo?

Siwa.

Look at this fucking
guy looking at us.

He's not even paying attention.

She whiz.

You have to go inside too,
cook.

Who the fuck's going to run the camera,
push the button and walk away.

Oh my God.

Alright.

Action, I guess.

Alright, now hold on to the counter
and I'm going to pull.

OK, here we go.

Action.

Yeah.

John?

Nice job, nice work.

We're doing the same.

Let's get the sticks over there, alias you
with us the same thing.

We're just kind of coming over here.

We're going to stay on the side.

Acts.

You know there are 1,000,000 fines
in the world, dude.

Millions of fines.

What the hell man?

That's not the line.

There's a million fine
looking women in the world, dude.

There are a billion behinds
in this world, dude.

Whoa, not billions of behinds
1,000,000 fine looking women.

You know they're killing swines
in the world, dude.

Jesus fucking Christ.

You're not acting.

Fuck.

I will do it myself.

You know, there's a million fine
looking women in the world too, but.

They're not bringing lasagna at work.

Most of them
should cheat on you.

All about even.

Fuck.

Well, that's in your seat belt.

It's gonna be a bumpy night.

So that's it?

He doesn't love you anymore.

He loves Caitlin.

And he told you all this?

Pretty much all except
the latent homosexuality.

But what the fuck, man?

We're making a movie here.

It's nothing compared to how
my cousin Walter died.

He broke his neck.

That's embarrassing.

He broke his neck
trying to suck his own Dick.

Holy shit, man.

Is that shit true?

Are you nuts?

Shut the fuck up.

We're shooting a scene here.

What the hell is this?

The story needs little action,

so I added a scene where Coe

comes in to rob the place at the end,
and in the process you get jobs.

No way.

I'm not letting you kill me
off in the third act.

What if there's a sequel?

A sequel?

What am I, a heck?

Coe producer says.

I gotta cut your scene, man.

Yo, I'm still paying a play, right?

I'm guessing well early for that.

I've been reading the paper
in my whole life,

and the only time I've seen my name

and it was under the headline
local grocer as massive heart attack.

So I thought,
in your official capacity as producer,

maybe you can get a cub reporter
over here to do a story

about your director and action.

I assure you were open.

I don't get it.

Some savages are always
sticking gum in the locks.

So I wrote it into the script
to be the reason the shutters

are closed all day.

That way we could shoot at night
and pretended.

Stay out.

Fucking hate how
fake Hollywood is.

I don't appreciate your ruse,
ma'am.

I beg your pardon?

Your ruse.

You're cutting attempt to trick me.

Time I rank here.

You'll be missed.

Screw you.

You're not allowed
to rent here anymore, yeah.

God.

Nice work.

Nice work.

OK, now just give me 10 minutes
and then I'll be ready to do mine.

You're what?

Sorry.

This is the last time I read here.

I don't get it.

She wanted to do one as Lucy.

I'm going to have a better ending.

I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off,

finds out Vader's father's
hand gets frozen,

take away by Boba Fett.

It ends in such a down note cut.

But what happened, Hun gets frozen
and taken away by Boba Fett.

I said that.

No, you said Han gets frozen.

Taken away by Boba Fett.

You left out the end
when I come in now, Randall.

Not yet.

Thomas, go back out.

You could blame Dante
for ad Lib and all over my movie.

Like you, Seth fucking Rogen.

Oh my God.

I left out one word.

Every word is sacred.

From the writer.

This isn't writing.

It's a bunch of shit that happened
for real in my life.

My life.

Do I come in now and not yet.

Thomas back.

Ohh man.

Thomas fucked up again.

Stop fucking shit up, Thomas.

They fuck up,
would you say to my father?

How about I fuck
your shit up?

You fucking fuck hole,
motherfucker.

That is the jazziest thing
I've ever heard or seen in my life.

And actually.

What's your long?

By this time you are alone.

Looks like this.

So once you put the cigarettes
back and try some gum instead.

Here.

Chuy's gum.

Try this.

Oh my God.

That reeks.

God, what is that?

What happened to the model of the lung
I gave you?

I'm a method actor.

I ditched the model
along for this trip.

I got it.

Food down.

Jesus.

I used my power of stagecraft
to see that stomach as a lung method.

And your Dante Hicks?

You went to the same school?

He played hockey, yeah.

How did you know that?

He's still going out with her?

Now she's getting married to you?

No, to an Asian design major.

You know what?

Cut, cut, cut.

I can't abide
by this racist shit.

Racist?

How the hell is it racist?

Just look at all this fucking lack of diversity

and calling some guy
an Asian design major.

It just feels racist.

That's not racist.

The guy literally majored
in Asian design.

Are you sure?

Wasn't he a Asian student
who was also a design major?

He was a passionate student
of Asian design.

It just so happens he himself
was coincidentally Asian.

Take it easy, man.

So where are we going to shoot
the donkey show scene

where it happened?

Movies.

Our movies?

Yeah.

How we supposed to get in?

I got the locations department
of working on it.

Something in my hair.

Can you get it?

Hey, where in the movie
suit, man?

I'm just trying
to see what you want.

How bad?

I just want to see Miss Sally
double Dutch.

I just want to see Miss Sally.

Fuck it.

Young girl.

Right now you can't.

Took it to the.

Walking.

How do you walk a walking
down the street?

Let's go.

I just wanna see.

I just wanna see.

I just want to see Miss Sally well.

Now what?

I can't go inside.

Of course you can.

We had the best times
of our lives in that place

until one of our lives ended.

It's just a building, just a building
I haven't been inside since.

Suits you.

I'm sorry.

Turn the page.

You can do this baby.

School.

Don't go.

Randall, this is Lisa and her daughter.

Lisa Lisa goes to high school
at Henry Hudson Regional.

Ohh, and this is my husband Lando
who can go straight to hell.

I'm so mad at you.

Don't say a damn.

Where?

The whole night.

Don't even think words.

We're gonna shoot a movie in a minute,

so I gotta chase you guys out of here.

Oh, OK.

My bad.

I guess you don't want press
be a little YouTube video then.

Did you say press?

Mr Dante asked them to come here
to cover the chute.

So you're saying little Lisa is high school?

Lisa, don't call her.

Melissa, you better not call me
Big Lisa High School.

Lisa writes for the high school newspaper,
and her parents are the chaperones.

Fucking great, even though one parent

just came out of the strip
club tonight,

spending all my $5 bills
that I got at bingo, bitch.

Hey, produce your sunset
so lights camera action.

He looks drunk.

He looks like he needs
a piece of butter and bread.

Ohh, it's cold in here.

Alright, look, I realize going to movies
might have hit your heart,

but you just take off.

We couldn't even shoot
the donkey show.

Big deal.

The fuck is wrong
with you, man?

Try thinking of somebody
other than yourself for once.

Myself.

OK, we're going to shoot this scene

because the kid from the high school
newspaper and her mom are waiting.

Thanks for understanding the assignment on that one,

but since you showed up here shitfaced

and ruined, tonight before we even
had a chance to roll,

we're gonna reshoot.

Is tomorrow.

So get your selfish ass out there on that cooler
and let's pretend for a minute

you've actually been helpful on my movie,

which is like the only thing
I ever asked you to do for me,

and only after I almost dropped
dead from a fucking heart attack.

You're fucking unbelievable, man.

Come on.

Inconvenience.

See 137?

Take one.

Are they showing up?

I see a lot of white.

I don't see the black and action.

The.

no

Toronto, Toronto, Toronto Toronto,
Toronto, Toronto, Toronto,

Toronto, Toronto, Toronto.

Salsa shark.

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

Man goes into Cage, Cage goes into salsa,
sharks in the salsa, our shark.

Oh, what?

What's with you, man?

You haven't said anything
in like 20 minutes.

What the hell is your problem?

This life?

This life?

I'm stuck in this pit on my day off.

Dealing with every backward
ass fuck on the planet.

I smell like shoe Polish and my girlfriend suck
36 Dicks, 37.

Couple your ears, baby girl.

Why the fuck
are they cursing like that?

You need to shit or get
off the pot.

How are you talking
about talking about this thing?

You have this inability
to improve your station in life.

Fuck you.

It's true, man.

You sit there and blame life
for dealing your cruddy hand,

never once accepting responsibility
for the way your situation is.

You better leave me
the fuck alone, man,

because you're comfortable, right?

This is the life of convenience.

For you, and any attempt to change
it would shatter the pathetic

microcosm you fashioned for yourself.

Man, if you weren't such
a fucking coward, ohh

would you shut the fuck up?

That's not the line, man.

What are you doing?

My whole life you've been running
your mouth 1,000,000 miles an hour

and saying absolutely nothing.

I gotta listen to you talking
about everybody and everything.

You think as if the world's waiting
for you to weigh in.

Nobody fucking cares.

Oh, real nice, pal.

Get me all worked up.

Because it's not like
I had a heart attack and almost died.

I almost died from a heart attack.

Did I not mention that a couple
of 1000 times yet?

Fuck you.

Hey, everybody, look at me.

I'm the boy who lived.

So I gotta make a movie
all about what a relentless fucking asshole

I am to everybody.

They ever met.

Especially my so-called
fucking friends.

We're not friends anymore, man.

You could fucking
believe that shit.

Good.

Yeah, because if we're not friends,
I don't have to worry anymore.

What?

The cold, hard truth.

My junior poor widdle heart.

But don't worry
about me, pal.

I'll be just fine.

So since I can be
completely honest with you,

ohh, please be completely honest.

You think you deserve a movie?

Yeah.

What did you ever do in life
but watch it and mock it?

What have you ever fucking done?

I have a life.

I was this close to happily ever after
and then one drunk driver later.

My movie's over.

Forever.

No happy ending, no sequel.

Not even a third fucking act.

Just fuck you.

And ohh, by the way, fuck
you.

Credits.

But hey.

What's that compared to?

A heart attack?

I mean, shit.

You could have almost died, right?

Yeah.

Some of us did die.

Some of us have been dead
inside ever since.

But then, just when I'm able
to walk into this place

without wanting to kill myself every day,

you have an idea.

You want to make a movie
about your life?

Oh, and you you've been
very clear about that.

It's your life.

We'll get this you self-centered,
gaping wound of a human being

with your insatiable fucking ego.

The fuck.

Your life.

Is my life.

I've been there
with you the whole time.

And since you know how hard
that life's been on me.

Did it ever occur to you?

That maybe I didn't want to relive
that fucking life.

So I quit.

It's your producer.

And I quit.

As you are fucking friend.

Because I'm not even supposed to.

No, that's what I call.

Come on, everybody.

OK, drinking,
make stinky get up.

Dante.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Don't they?

Wake up, man.

Hey, calling ambulance.

Wake up, man.

Gotta gotta.

Dante.

Excuse me, we're we're
we're looking

alright already.

God, they just brought our friend
and his name is Dante Hicks.

He's the drunk guy that collapsed
at the quick stop.

The first responder said he's having
a heart attack.

OK, OK.

You need to wait out there Sir.

Someone will be by to tell you more
as soon as we know more.

Thank you.

This is where I first rejected Jesus.

Yeah, and now look
what's happened.

So weird to be back here.

Tell me about it.

Alright, look, I'm gonna get
outta here.

Call me as soon as they say
something, alright?

Wait.

What?

Where are you going?

I'm gonna go work
on my movie, man.

Your movie?

Yeah.

I mean, it's almost done.

It's not like I'm doing Dante
any good sitting around here.

I might as well
go work on my movie.

Are you kidding me?

Even now?

Even now what?

Ohh, my movie.

My movie.

Everybody make my movie
because it's so important,

neither the time nor the place,
to do an impression of Chris Nolan.

I'm doing an impression
of you, Randall.

We're in the hospital.

That's stating the obvious.

No, the obvious statement right now
would be never mind the movie.

My best friends in the hospital.

It's just a heart attack.

I had one.

He'll be fine.

Fuck you, Randall.

Fuck you.

Come on.

God, man, I used
to look up to you.

So much.

But you're the worst,
you know that?

The worst in the world.

Mr Dante made your movie happen.

I made my movie happen.

I had the idea to make the movie.

I wrote the script, and I'm
the God damn director.

I made this movie happen.

It was all me.

Oh, it was all you, huh?

Yeah.

Take off your stupid mask, Randall.

Yeah, because I remember Mr
Dante doing everything.

He even called his ex fiance,
who hates his guts.

He put up his half of quick stop.

Just to get you the money
to make your stupid movie.

Wait a minute.

Don't they got the money
from my movie from Emma Blue ER7 content

I didn't know about Emma.

I just found out I didn't know.

Security.

All right, get off on me.

Where are you going?

Skip.

james

Cancel.

Pass the time.

I think it needs more weed.

Hey I need your help with Dante.

Who's Dante?

Fuck do you mean Dante?

The other guy, the guy in
the quick stop who's not me.

Wait, I thought his name was Sergio
and his name is Sergio.

It's fucking Dante.

Are you gonna help me or not?

Anything for our boy,
Sergio.

I need to sneak into the hospital
to get to Sergio,

so I want you guys to create
a very subtle distraction.

I see you.

Dante.

Hey, man.

I figure since you're
just laying around here.

Heart attack.

Copycat.

You got time to watch
our first movie?

Huh?

You're going to see I was way off
with that stupid shit, I said at the store.

I never, never would have made
this movie without you.

I never could do anything
without you.

Here, man, I'm here.

Let's watch the movie.

This is the way I see you.

You're the main character
in my Star Wars.

You have the deck.

You've always been the Luke,

so you're the hero of my movie too.

Who will be my 8 year old daughter?

I can't get on.

Neither.

So.

I

took care of it.

My love.

There is.

OHS.

Hello.

But not.

That's.

Tell care.

Charlie?

That was the best movie I ever saw.

It's not over.

Don't you want to see how it hurts?

I trust the director.

He wasn't just my favorite filmmaker.

It was my best friend.

To Karen both.

To come.

My love.

What's going on?

OK.

Hey.

Hi, don't fucking leave me, man.

Don't leave me.

And that's when the good thief said.

Jesus did no wrong.

Whereas we are but thieves.

What the fuck about these?

I don't know if any
of you know this, but.

I'm a satanist.

And while I may be the devil's
concubine.

I still believe in heaven.

Because Mr Dante was.

The best person
that I ever knew.

I believe he's
in heaven right now.

Just like the good thief.

Sundays inferno.

no

Dundee?

Glad to see you, Elias.

hmm

I.

I thought a lot
about what to say here today.

I was going to pull
from the eulogy

that Kurt gave Spock
in the wrath of Khan, but.

I've always been more of a Star Wars fan,
so I should say something like.

May the force be with you
or this is the way.

But I think instead of quoting a movie,

I'd like to paraphrase the departed.

And by the departed,
I mean Dante Hicks,

not the Scorsese picture.

That was pretty perfect right up until
that stupid shot of the rat at the end.

So in the words.

Of the best guy I ever knew.

You're not even supposed
to be here today.

Come on in here,
you little butt thief,

and assume your new position.

That this was Mr Dante's spot.

Yeah, well, after all this time
of being my biggest and only fanboy,

I'd say you earned it.

Besides, I told you way back

when we worked in movies,
when Dante's gone,

you're gonna be my new best friend.

Who the fuck else
am I gonna hang out with?

You and me, buddy.

Oh, look who it is, Mr.

Big ship.

Well, look who it is, missus.

Big clit.

Classy.

How am I not surprised?

I was surprised to see at the cemetery
you flew up for Dante.

Well, he did almost marry the man.

And if I had PS, he wouldn't have died
of a heart attack before he was 50.

Yeah, because after a year with you,
he had killed himself.

I think I heard you had
a heart attack.

And I right.

That must really fuck with you.

Dante's dead, but you're still here.

I guess it's true
what they say, Randall.

Only the good die young.

To what do I owe the pleasure
of your entirely unwelcome visit?

I loaned Dante 30 grand

and he put his half
of the store up as collateral.

Now he's gone, and if you can't
pay me back,

I own half this shithole.

I'll fix my click now, motherfucker.

Ohh my sweet Satan,

lend your might to the meek
and deliver us from this succubus.

This guys are flying.

I repeat, the kites
are flying talks.

Yes.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

What?

The kites are sold out.

The fucking kites.

God.

The kites.

The Crimson kite NFT's.

The ones we minted
for the Crimson Crypto Club.

Blockchain put them
on sale last night

and they all sold out.

So?

The two of us just made one million,
one million, $1,000,000.

I just cashed out $1000
just to flex and buy sex.

What do you do with your money,
Biggie?

I'll never be able to earn
my place behind this counter,

but now I can buy it.

Here's your sucking blood money.

Now get the hell out of our store.

Well played, clerks.

Sorry about the mess,
that was from Star Wars.

I only said it cause you

and Mr Dante used to talk
about Star Wars.

Long time ago.

In a Galaxy far, far away.

Holy fuck, that's a lot of money.

You wanna buy some weed?

Can't someone buy?

Ohh the weeds.

Just 10 grand.

What?

That's gonna get you higher

than Godzilla's asshole you'll
wear those kites at?

Right.

This way valued customer.

Oh yeah.

Oh, sure, here man.

I'm from New Jersey.

I don't expect too much
if the world and

I would adjust.

Time from New Jersey.

Don't talk that way.

I watch too much TV.

I was young.

Girls from New Jersey
have that great big hair.

They're found in shopping malls.

I will take you there.

I'm from New Jersey.

K