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1
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,100
Last night, I woke up
2
00:00:13,101 --> 00:00:15,368
with one of
those 3:00 a.m. panic attacks,
3
00:00:15,369 --> 00:00:17,671
realized our "One Year Fertility Break"
4
00:00:17,672 --> 00:00:18,772
had turned into three
5
00:00:18,773 --> 00:00:22,810
and now I am way closer to 40 than 30.
6
00:00:24,145 --> 00:00:25,346
Yeah.
7
00:00:26,547 --> 00:00:28,548
We're like "That Couple with No Kids"
8
00:00:28,549 --> 00:00:29,649
in a family neighborhood.
9
00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:33,186
The neighbors kind of think
we're pitiful and weird,
10
00:00:33,187 --> 00:00:34,321
which is ridiculous,
11
00:00:34,322 --> 00:00:36,456
because we're objectively
so much better than them.
12
00:00:36,457 --> 00:00:37,557
But we're ready to try again.
13
00:00:37,558 --> 00:00:38,592
Totally. Yeah.
14
00:00:38,593 --> 00:00:40,560
We wanna do this.
We're... We're all in.
15
00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:42,262
We are all in this time.
16
00:00:42,263 --> 00:00:44,097
[woman]: How often are you having sex?
17
00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:45,665
Excuse me?
18
00:00:45,666 --> 00:00:46,600
How often are we having sex?
19
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:47,801
Uh...
20
00:00:47,802 --> 00:00:48,869
I mean, to be hon--
21
00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:50,370
we've been off our game
a little bit lately.
22
00:00:50,371 --> 00:00:53,106
I've been working crazy hours
on this huge pitch,
23
00:00:53,107 --> 00:00:55,208
for a fancy new theater
at The Hamilton School,
24
00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:56,143
where Jack works?
25
00:00:56,144 --> 00:00:57,711
- She works...
- So the last month...
26
00:00:57,712 --> 00:00:59,312
isn't really an accurate representation
27
00:00:59,313 --> 00:01:02,149
of how often we... have...
28
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,483
intercourse. Ahem.
29
00:01:03,484 --> 00:01:04,518
Right. And also,
30
00:01:04,519 --> 00:01:06,620
I've been having this, like,
31
00:01:06,621 --> 00:01:09,322
persistent kind of acidy thing
in my stomach here...
32
00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:11,258
That's... it's kind of a problem.
33
00:01:11,259 --> 00:01:12,359
Maybe the fact that
I'm talking about it
34
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,493
so incessantly
35
00:01:13,494 --> 00:01:14,628
is another factor
36
00:01:14,629 --> 00:01:18,064
in why we're not reaching
our potential, I guess.
37
00:01:18,065 --> 00:01:21,134
I'd say we do it, uh...
38
00:01:21,135 --> 00:01:23,837
1.5 times a week?
39
00:01:23,838 --> 00:01:26,306
I mean, not that we have
fractional intercourse,
40
00:01:26,307 --> 00:01:27,707
She means...
41
00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:28,808
we have it, like, six times a month.
42
00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:30,577
- [woman]: Hmm.
- She-- she wrote it down.
43
00:01:30,578 --> 00:01:32,679
- Is that more than--
- [woman]: Okay, got it.
44
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:33,880
That means we're doing well?
45
00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:35,115
That's pretty good, right?
46
00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:37,150
Yeah, that's pretty good
I would say, right?
47
00:01:37,151 --> 00:01:38,151
I mean, what's your--
48
00:01:38,152 --> 00:01:39,152
National average?
49
00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:40,553
Yeah, we're doing good, right?
50
00:01:41,822 --> 00:01:43,457
[duck quacking]
51
00:01:44,225 --> 00:01:50,063
[♪]
52
00:01:50,064 --> 00:01:51,831
[birds twittering]
53
00:01:51,832 --> 00:01:55,335
[♪]
54
00:01:55,336 --> 00:01:56,904
Sorry.
55
00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:06,346
[woman]: Trakarskys!
56
00:02:06,347 --> 00:02:08,081
How'd it go?
57
00:02:08,082 --> 00:02:10,584
The doctor asked us
how often we had sex
58
00:02:10,585 --> 00:02:11,651
and we lied.
59
00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,386
With disturbing specificity.
60
00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:14,354
[man]: Oh, you gotta lie.
61
00:02:14,355 --> 00:02:16,423
Like I'm gonna tell
the whole neighborhood
62
00:02:16,424 --> 00:02:18,258
we haven't had sex in two months?
63
00:02:18,259 --> 00:02:19,559
Well, you just did.
64
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,361
[neighbor]: Yoo-hoo!
65
00:02:21,362 --> 00:02:23,096
Oh, boy.
66
00:02:23,097 --> 00:02:24,264
Party time
67
00:02:24,265 --> 00:02:26,533
for the Real Housewives
of Hawthorne Heights!
68
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:27,734
Hey... Lori.
69
00:02:27,735 --> 00:02:28,735
Whoo!
70
00:02:28,736 --> 00:02:30,770
[Lori]: Okay, carry on.
71
00:02:30,771 --> 00:02:33,406
Why would she be coming
to Jenna Weeden's divorce party?
72
00:02:33,407 --> 00:02:35,642
They used to work together
or something.
73
00:02:35,643 --> 00:02:37,911
You're gonna change
before we go out, right?
74
00:02:37,912 --> 00:02:40,914
Nobody under 40's gonna hit on
that biz-cas bullshit.
75
00:02:40,915 --> 00:02:41,948
Hey what are you doing?
76
00:02:41,949 --> 00:02:43,383
Wanna crack a couple beers,
watch a game,
77
00:02:43,384 --> 00:02:44,484
maybe get some pizza?
78
00:02:44,485 --> 00:02:48,655
Um... no, I gotta read over
some college essays, so.
79
00:02:48,656 --> 00:02:50,323
Is it because he's crying?
80
00:02:50,324 --> 00:02:51,658
Do I actually
have to answer that question?
81
00:02:51,659 --> 00:02:52,692
It's called teething, okay?
82
00:02:52,693 --> 00:02:54,294
He's trying to get teeth.
83
00:02:54,295 --> 00:02:55,795
Imagine that for the first time.
84
00:02:55,796 --> 00:02:57,631
Making teeth.
85
00:02:57,632 --> 00:02:58,632
It's a big deal.
86
00:02:58,633 --> 00:02:59,966
Yeah. Thank you, honey.
87
00:02:59,967 --> 00:03:05,305
[♪]
88
00:03:05,306 --> 00:03:06,406
[dog barking]
89
00:03:06,407 --> 00:03:10,845
[football game plays on television]
90
00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:15,916
What the hell?
91
00:03:17,318 --> 00:03:18,385
What?
92
00:03:18,386 --> 00:03:20,520
Are you jacking off to football?
93
00:03:20,521 --> 00:03:21,521
[turns TV off]
94
00:03:21,522 --> 00:03:22,756
No!
95
00:03:22,757 --> 00:03:25,392
That is so fucked up.
96
00:03:25,393 --> 00:03:26,459
I was just--
I was just cradling it.
97
00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:28,995
It's okay,
98
00:03:28,996 --> 00:03:30,864
because we...
99
00:03:30,865 --> 00:03:32,332
are about to do some intercourse.
100
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:37,270
[♪]
101
00:03:37,271 --> 00:03:38,472
You ready for this?
102
00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:42,776
Meow!
103
00:03:42,777 --> 00:03:44,010
[♪]
104
00:03:44,011 --> 00:03:45,745
Do you know why...
105
00:03:45,746 --> 00:03:47,948
Jenna got divorced?
106
00:03:48,816 --> 00:03:49,949
I couldn't pick Jenna out of a lineup,
107
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,685
so I have no idea
who you're even talking about.
108
00:03:51,686 --> 00:03:54,020
Well, when the divorce party
went "predictably dark--"
109
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:55,021
[thud!]
110
00:03:55,022 --> 00:03:56,423
Oh, my God.
111
00:03:56,424 --> 00:03:57,424
You have to have some
water or something.
112
00:03:57,425 --> 00:03:59,459
She said they fell deeply
113
00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:02,329
"out of lust and deeply into like."
114
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,764
You air quote so much
when you're drunk.
115
00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,366
Does that sound familiar to you?
116
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:07,667
Oh, yeah? You like that?
117
00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:08,668
I don't know.
118
00:04:08,669 --> 00:04:09,769
That's good,
119
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:12,806
'cause it is about to get
real dirty up in here.
120
00:04:12,807 --> 00:04:13,873
Can you even hear what you're saying?
121
00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,875
Can you even hear yourself?
122
00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:16,910
Can you?
123
00:04:16,911 --> 00:04:18,011
Yeah.
124
00:04:18,012 --> 00:04:19,546
I can hear you.
125
00:04:19,547 --> 00:04:20,881
What does that even me?
126
00:04:21,982 --> 00:04:24,262
Oh, God. Did you smoke
the entire pack of cigarettes?
127
00:04:26,053 --> 00:04:28,021
Did you eat an entire bag of Funions?
128
00:04:28,022 --> 00:04:29,823
Of course not.
129
00:04:29,824 --> 00:04:30,824
There's till some left, I think.
130
00:04:30,825 --> 00:04:31,858
Good...
131
00:04:31,859 --> 00:04:35,028
'cause this is raw.
132
00:04:35,029 --> 00:04:36,730
This is cigarettes
and Funions and shit.
133
00:04:36,731 --> 00:04:39,933
Come here. Come here. Slap me.
134
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:40,934
What?
135
00:04:40,935 --> 00:04:41,935
- Spank me.
- Spank you? No.
136
00:04:41,936 --> 00:04:42,936
Pull my hair and spank me.
137
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:44,404
This is seriously what you want?
138
00:04:44,405 --> 00:04:45,638
Spank me. Come on.
139
00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:46,740
What are you talking about?
140
00:04:46,741 --> 00:04:48,541
Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me.
141
00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,710
- [slap] Like that.
- I'm not doing it.
142
00:04:50,711 --> 00:04:51,845
- Try!
- I'm not doing it.
143
00:04:51,846 --> 00:04:54,615
Ow! What the fuck?
144
00:04:55,549 --> 00:04:57,617
It was like a sexual atrocity.
145
00:04:57,618 --> 00:05:01,521
Seriously, arms were flailing,
and breath was stinking.
146
00:05:01,522 --> 00:05:03,056
We should've filmed it
for an abstinence PSA.
147
00:05:03,057 --> 00:05:06,626
Ah, the venerable cycle
of masturbation.
148
00:05:06,627 --> 00:05:08,328
I don't think that's a thing.
149
00:05:08,329 --> 00:05:09,896
Oh, no. The less you get it on,
150
00:05:09,897 --> 00:05:10,997
the more you jack off.
151
00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:12,632
The more you jack off,
the less you get it on.
152
00:05:12,633 --> 00:05:14,067
Well, maybe that is a thing.
153
00:05:14,068 --> 00:05:16,836
Shit, bro, you okay?
154
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:18,705
I don't know, man. It's like...
155
00:05:18,706 --> 00:05:20,340
Is it really that serious?
156
00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:22,041
I think it might be.
I think it is that serious.
157
00:05:22,042 --> 00:05:23,643
I mean, we love each other.
158
00:05:23,644 --> 00:05:25,912
That's-- it's not a like,
it's a love situation.
159
00:05:25,913 --> 00:05:27,013
That's not the problem at all.
160
00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:29,449
We're, like,
trying to manufacture passion,
161
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:32,519
and it's resulting in me
getting a fucking black eye.
162
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,520
I would love to blame it
163
00:05:33,521 --> 00:05:35,655
on two years
of, like, robotic baby sex,
164
00:05:35,656 --> 00:05:36,756
but even before that,
165
00:05:36,757 --> 00:05:38,397
it wasn't like it was "9 1/2 Weeks."
166
00:05:41,896 --> 00:05:42,896
Can you say something, please?
167
00:05:42,897 --> 00:05:43,897
I may or may not
168
00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:46,633
have done something
in another dimension
169
00:05:46,634 --> 00:05:48,535
that no one in this universe
could ever know about.
170
00:05:48,536 --> 00:05:50,603
It's like a tree
171
00:05:50,604 --> 00:05:51,671
falling in the forest,
172
00:05:51,672 --> 00:05:53,740
except it's my dick
going into another woman.
173
00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:54,774
You had an affair?
174
00:05:54,775 --> 00:05:56,509
Hey, shh! No, no. It's too messy.
175
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,378
God.
176
00:05:58,379 --> 00:05:59,779
Why don't you yell it, huh?
177
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:01,114
I was startled.
178
00:06:01,115 --> 00:06:02,916
Because the legally deaf woman
on the other side of that bridge
179
00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:04,118
can hear it.
180
00:06:05,653 --> 00:06:07,654
So... you were with a hooker?
181
00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:09,656
No. I'm talking about an escort.
182
00:06:09,657 --> 00:06:11,124
What's the difference?
183
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:12,125
- No penetration.
- What?
184
00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:13,626
No penet--
is that even a thing?
185
00:06:13,627 --> 00:06:14,828
Okay, okay.
186
00:06:14,829 --> 00:06:17,964
Sometimes, there's penetration, okay?
187
00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:20,633
But there's not supposed to be, right?
188
00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:21,568
That's why they can advertise.
189
00:06:21,569 --> 00:06:23,803
12, I don't know, something like that,
190
00:06:23,804 --> 00:06:24,838
sites here in Portland alone.
191
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,673
When's the last time you guys made out?
192
00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,608
If I stuck my tongue in Emma's mouth,
193
00:06:28,609 --> 00:06:30,043
she'd probably just crack up laughing.
194
00:06:30,044 --> 00:06:31,211
You do it with someone you don't know,
195
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:34,013
someone who doesn't laugh
when you get your sexy on.
196
00:06:34,014 --> 00:06:35,648
This actually worked for you?
197
00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:37,383
You took this back into your bedroom?
198
00:06:37,384 --> 00:06:39,152
Fuckinay right I did.
199
00:06:39,153 --> 00:06:43,691
This is a lot for me to process
over fuckin' hot cocoa.
200
00:06:44,658 --> 00:06:46,459
[Female TV host]:
On today's Home Seekers,
201
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,761
zookeeper Amanda
and her accountant husband...
202
00:06:48,762 --> 00:06:51,164
Oh, God...
203
00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:52,899
Oh, God.
204
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:56,569
Homer, lock it down, buddy.
205
00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:58,172
Unbelievable.
206
00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:05,111
I have officially hit the age
where a hangover lasts 24 hours.
207
00:07:05,112 --> 00:07:07,647
[female TV host]: We've got
our work cut out for us.
208
00:07:07,648 --> 00:07:09,015
[male TV host]: One thing
I know about women,
209
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:11,718
they never stop talking about
bathtubs or closets.
210
00:07:11,719 --> 00:07:13,086
If I hear that line one more time,
211
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:15,088
"Where do your clothes go?"
212
00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:16,122
I'm going to--
213
00:07:16,123 --> 00:07:17,824
[female host]:
I'm going to piece together
214
00:07:17,825 --> 00:07:19,759
why you never got married.
215
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,895
[male host]: Claw-footed tub,
authentic Victorian staircase...
216
00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:23,096
What are you doing?
217
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:24,631
[sighs]
218
00:07:24,632 --> 00:07:27,567
I just thought maybe
we could, you know...
219
00:07:27,568 --> 00:07:29,202
Are you seriously
proposing sex right now,
220
00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:31,905
when I'm one pug fart away
from regurgitating vital organs?
221
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,641
Suddenly over it.
222
00:07:39,647 --> 00:07:41,682
If I die, know that I loved you.
223
00:07:44,919 --> 00:07:46,954
Love you more.
224
00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:50,290
[chimes]
225
00:07:52,092 --> 00:07:53,192
What kind of monster
226
00:07:53,193 --> 00:07:56,696
lets a guy pay her 400 bucks
to treat him like shit?
227
00:07:56,697 --> 00:07:58,865
You don't look like you're begging.
228
00:07:58,866 --> 00:08:00,033
You don't realize
229
00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:02,135
what kind of a bargain
you gave that dude.
230
00:08:02,136 --> 00:08:05,705
He can have any woman,
any thing he wants...
231
00:08:05,706 --> 00:08:07,206
except not getting what he wants.
232
00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:08,207
Crawl.
233
00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,677
[♪]
234
00:08:10,678 --> 00:08:11,811
Until you.
235
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:13,046
Izzy Silva.
236
00:08:13,047 --> 00:08:14,147
His angel of denial.
237
00:08:14,148 --> 00:08:16,583
Okay, Nina, that actually didn't suck,
238
00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:18,685
but do you have any idea
how guilty I felt?
239
00:08:18,686 --> 00:08:19,852
This morning,
240
00:08:19,853 --> 00:08:21,688
there was a homeless guy
outside of our apartment,
241
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,122
who asked me for a cigarette.
242
00:08:23,123 --> 00:08:24,924
So I gave him 80 bucks,
243
00:08:24,925 --> 00:08:27,026
hugged him, and said, "God bless you."
244
00:08:27,027 --> 00:08:29,696
I've never said that
to anyone in my life before.
245
00:08:29,697 --> 00:08:31,064
"God bless you?" Who says that?
246
00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:32,165
I am so disappointed in you, Iz.
247
00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,733
Translation:
248
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:36,002
you don't want to float
my half of the rent again.
249
00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:37,870
Si, senora.
250
00:08:37,871 --> 00:08:38,972
[sighs] Fine.
251
00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:40,807
One more week.
252
00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,241
There's my little hooker.
253
00:08:42,242 --> 00:08:44,143
We're escorts. It's different.
254
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,979
Oh, right, absolutely.
255
00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,981
It is different.
256
00:08:47,982 --> 00:08:50,883
- That's what you told me.
- It is. Don't worry about it.
257
00:08:50,884 --> 00:08:53,653
I texted you, like.
20 times last night...
258
00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:55,322
Oh.
259
00:08:56,123 --> 00:08:57,757
Oh, my God, I think
I just sprouted ovaries.
260
00:08:57,758 --> 00:08:58,758
You did?
261
00:08:58,759 --> 00:09:00,126
Yeah.
262
00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:02,128
I think I'm officially the
chick in this relationship.
263
00:09:02,129 --> 00:09:04,063
That is so fucking sexist, Andy.
264
00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:07,234
Both genders pursue that
which retreats from them.
265
00:09:08,902 --> 00:09:10,670
Oh, so you're baiting me, huh?
266
00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:11,671
Oh, get over yourself.
267
00:09:11,672 --> 00:09:14,808
You free tomorrow night, Andrea?
268
00:09:17,177 --> 00:09:20,514
Don't fuck with me,
I'm menstruating, okay?
269
00:09:22,883 --> 00:09:24,350
Yes, I'm free.
270
00:09:24,351 --> 00:09:25,351
[professor]: Because of
the complicated nature
271
00:09:25,352 --> 00:09:27,587
of rationalist thinking...
272
00:09:27,588 --> 00:09:28,688
[text alert sounds]
273
00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:31,290
[professor continues faintly]
274
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:33,092
Who is it?
275
00:09:33,093 --> 00:09:34,894
Another hubby lost his mojo.
276
00:09:34,895 --> 00:09:36,596
Easy-peasy. Bread and butter.
277
00:09:36,597 --> 00:09:41,668
[♪]
278
00:09:41,669 --> 00:09:43,202
[cell phone rings]
279
00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:44,270
It's probably not fair,
280
00:09:44,271 --> 00:09:46,673
but I kinda wanna pop you
in the other eye.
281
00:09:46,674 --> 00:09:48,341
You do? Why?
282
00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:50,143
I don't know.
I'm missing our old apartment,
283
00:09:50,144 --> 00:09:51,144
living downtown,
284
00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:52,211
being in the middle of everything.
285
00:09:52,212 --> 00:09:53,579
Why? Is there something else
286
00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:55,648
I should be violently enraged about?
287
00:09:55,649 --> 00:09:57,583
No. No. I can't think of anything.
288
00:09:57,584 --> 00:09:58,851
Are you drunk already?
289
00:09:58,852 --> 00:10:00,353
Maybe a little bit.
290
00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:02,021
Get drunker. You sound weird.
291
00:10:02,022 --> 00:10:03,222
I'll be home around 9:00.
292
00:10:03,223 --> 00:10:05,358
Okay. Have fun. I love you, weirdo.
293
00:10:05,359 --> 00:10:08,195
I love you more.
294
00:10:09,396 --> 00:10:11,631
Fuck. What the fuck am I doing?
295
00:10:11,632 --> 00:10:13,500
Oh, my God.
296
00:10:16,737 --> 00:10:18,872
Okay, this can be undone. Undo it.
297
00:10:21,075 --> 00:10:23,043
This is, um...
298
00:10:23,844 --> 00:10:25,878
Something came up at work.
299
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:26,879
I have to cancel.
300
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,915
Something...
301
00:10:28,916 --> 00:10:31,818
Something came up at work.
302
00:10:31,819 --> 00:10:33,853
Very sorry.
303
00:10:33,854 --> 00:10:35,989
I have to cancel.
304
00:10:37,825 --> 00:10:40,193
...And send.
305
00:10:41,829 --> 00:10:42,829
[knocking]
306
00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:43,763
[woman]: Fred, are you in there?
307
00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:45,698
Um, no.
308
00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:46,833
[text alert sounds]
309
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,035
Funny.
310
00:10:51,972 --> 00:10:53,940
- Hi, you.
- Hi.
311
00:10:53,941 --> 00:10:56,242
Um, so I haven't exactly
312
00:10:56,243 --> 00:10:58,277
settled on a formal
cancellation policy,
313
00:10:58,278 --> 00:11:00,346
but this is definitely not it.
314
00:11:00,347 --> 00:11:02,048
You need to get paid.
315
00:11:02,049 --> 00:11:03,116
I really do.
316
00:11:03,117 --> 00:11:04,951
- Could you just wait a second?
- Yep.
317
00:11:04,952 --> 00:11:06,819
[sighs]
318
00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:09,188
I'm sorry. Something came up at work.
319
00:11:09,189 --> 00:11:11,458
I had a...
320
00:11:12,426 --> 00:11:15,294
Um... um...
321
00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,496
It's a long story.
322
00:11:19,399 --> 00:11:20,466
Here it is.
323
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:23,303
You are so not a Fred.
324
00:11:24,271 --> 00:11:25,338
What do you mean?
What's-- what's wrong with Fred?
325
00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:26,339
I have an Uncle Fred.
326
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:27,373
Okay.
327
00:11:27,374 --> 00:11:30,009
Oh, my God. My scalp is sweating.
328
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,690
Can you see that from here? The way--
329
00:11:32,312 --> 00:11:33,312
What do I owe you?
330
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:34,953
So what was your excuse to the wife?
331
00:11:35,983 --> 00:11:37,183
My wife?
332
00:11:37,184 --> 00:11:38,785
Your wife. Yes.
333
00:11:38,786 --> 00:11:41,355
Um... Happy hour?
334
00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:44,791
Well, you have a mini-bar.
335
00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:45,725
I do?
336
00:11:45,726 --> 00:11:47,361
Yep.
337
00:11:57,104 --> 00:11:58,171
So when did you know
338
00:11:58,172 --> 00:12:01,174
you wanted to be
a high school counselor?
339
00:12:01,175 --> 00:12:04,243
I'm not a high school
counselor, first of all.
340
00:12:04,244 --> 00:12:07,313
I am Assistant Dean,
Head of Student Services.
341
00:12:07,314 --> 00:12:08,848
Oh...
342
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,016
Yup.
343
00:12:10,017 --> 00:12:11,017
Sorry. That's very different.
344
00:12:11,018 --> 00:12:12,418
It's a big difference, yeah.
345
00:12:12,419 --> 00:12:13,820
Is it?
346
00:12:13,821 --> 00:12:15,688
Kind of like the difference
between prostitute and escort.
347
00:12:15,689 --> 00:12:16,823
Mm.
348
00:12:16,824 --> 00:12:18,057
Okay, well,
349
00:12:18,058 --> 00:12:20,259
as clearly stated on my profile,
I don't screw my clients,
350
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,295
so, yeah, it is very different.
351
00:12:22,296 --> 00:12:23,796
You can answer the question now.
352
00:12:23,797 --> 00:12:27,400
I was kind of a hot mess
in high school,
353
00:12:27,401 --> 00:12:28,501
and...
354
00:12:28,502 --> 00:12:29,936
Don't look at me like that.
355
00:12:29,937 --> 00:12:31,304
This isn't--
this is a true story.
356
00:12:31,305 --> 00:12:34,307
I wasn't too popular
with the faculty, really,
357
00:12:34,308 --> 00:12:35,541
except for this one counselor,
358
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:37,410
and she was really great,
and she kind of saved me--
359
00:12:37,411 --> 00:12:39,011
Fred, this sounds like a story
360
00:12:39,012 --> 00:12:40,880
that you've told
at a few dozen barbecues.
361
00:12:40,881 --> 00:12:42,148
Why don't you give me the real shit?
362
00:12:42,149 --> 00:12:43,349
Ouch.
363
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:45,451
My father was a cheating asshole
364
00:12:45,452 --> 00:12:46,819
in a V-neck sweater,
365
00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:48,788
so my bullshit detector
is, like, wicked sensitive.
366
00:12:48,789 --> 00:12:50,890
So you're an escort with daddy issues?
367
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:51,824
That's so rare.
368
00:12:51,825 --> 00:12:53,025
Blow me, Fred.
369
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:55,662
Well...
370
00:12:58,031 --> 00:12:59,098
I know what you were saying before,
371
00:12:59,099 --> 00:13:01,000
by the way, about, like, your family,
372
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,368
because my family, also, was, like...
373
00:13:02,369 --> 00:13:04,503
a quiet little corner of hell.
374
00:13:04,504 --> 00:13:07,840
Mine was shiny perfection
right up until it wasn't.
375
00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:09,208
Yeah, Mom's been on
376
00:13:09,209 --> 00:13:10,576
the Geese 'n' Oxy diet ever since.
377
00:13:10,577 --> 00:13:11,944
Is that something I should know?
378
00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:16,115
Vodka and pain pills.
Yeah. I'll never be like her.
379
00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:18,384
So instead, you just do this?
380
00:13:18,385 --> 00:13:19,352
Hmm?
381
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:21,113
Just kind of like an emotional tourist.
382
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:25,759
Damn, Fred. That's...
That's pretty good, actually.
383
00:13:30,397 --> 00:13:31,397
I'm Jack, by the way.
384
00:13:31,398 --> 00:13:32,832
I can't do this any longer.
385
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:34,200
It's Jack Trakarsky.
386
00:13:34,201 --> 00:13:35,835
Jack Trakarsky.
387
00:13:35,836 --> 00:13:37,103
I'm Izzy Silva.
388
00:13:37,104 --> 00:13:38,371
Izzy Silva.
389
00:13:38,372 --> 00:13:40,332
I've never told a client
my full name before.
390
00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:47,947
[both talking at once]
391
00:13:47,948 --> 00:13:48,948
It's a long handshake.
392
00:13:48,949 --> 00:13:50,150
Yeah.
393
00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:53,386
It might be the light beer,
394
00:13:53,387 --> 00:13:57,023
the craft beer, the vodka,
and the wine talking,
395
00:13:57,024 --> 00:13:59,158
but...
396
00:13:59,159 --> 00:14:00,960
I don't think that I stayed
397
00:14:00,961 --> 00:14:02,529
just because you have a mini-bar.
398
00:14:04,064 --> 00:14:05,231
No?
399
00:14:05,232 --> 00:14:07,199
You're not too old or too annoying.
400
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,234
So...
401
00:14:08,235 --> 00:14:09,235
Thank you.
402
00:14:09,236 --> 00:14:10,169
I figured there are worse ways
403
00:14:10,170 --> 00:14:12,104
to avoid doing a sociology essay.
404
00:14:12,105 --> 00:14:15,375
And you are also unhideous.
405
00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:19,578
You think I'm unhideous?
406
00:14:19,579 --> 00:14:21,181
That's cool.
407
00:14:22,983 --> 00:14:24,584
Do you wanna make out?
408
00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:27,954
Shit. Sorry.
409
00:14:27,955 --> 00:14:31,157
Nope.
410
00:14:31,158 --> 00:14:32,425
I sound crazy.
411
00:14:32,426 --> 00:14:34,060
I promise I won't boil your rabbit.
412
00:14:34,061 --> 00:14:36,329
I don't have a rabbit, so you can't.
413
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,296
I have a pug.
414
00:14:37,297 --> 00:14:38,531
Who boils a pug?
415
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:39,999
I'm not a monster.
416
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,235
Do you have a cat, though?
417
00:14:43,337 --> 00:14:45,238
No, I don't have a cat.
418
00:14:55,582 --> 00:14:57,249
Um...
419
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,250
oh, shit.
420
00:14:58,251 --> 00:14:59,185
We're-- we're over.
421
00:14:59,186 --> 00:15:00,519
I'm sorry. I should--
422
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,721
Thank you.
423
00:15:02,956 --> 00:15:06,660
So I guess you better
make a move on me now, right?
424
00:15:08,395 --> 00:15:11,931
That's the hole in your game,
isn't that what you said?
425
00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:13,833
Show me what you got.
426
00:15:15,135 --> 00:15:16,903
Um...
427
00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:19,706
Okay.
428
00:15:21,508 --> 00:15:22,575
I mean, come on,
429
00:15:22,576 --> 00:15:24,010
we're never gonna
see each other again, right?
430
00:15:24,011 --> 00:15:25,945
Okay. Okay.
431
00:15:25,946 --> 00:15:27,246
Um... I'm bringin' it.
432
00:15:27,247 --> 00:15:29,015
No. Don't say that.
433
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:31,251
It's been a while for me.
434
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:34,921
Um...
435
00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:37,923
Hi.
436
00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:39,625
Hi.
437
00:15:39,626 --> 00:15:41,795
You're like a unicorn.
438
00:15:43,497 --> 00:15:46,065
Okay...
439
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:48,434
that's not what I was going for, but...
440
00:15:48,435 --> 00:15:50,503
we can keep going.
441
00:15:50,504 --> 00:15:52,972
No, I mean you're the rare girl
that looks better up close.
442
00:15:52,973 --> 00:15:54,006
Like, the closer I get to you, it's--
443
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:56,075
No, that-- that was nice.
444
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:57,276
- Was it?
- Yeah.
445
00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:00,312
You're nice, I think.
446
00:16:00,313 --> 00:16:02,282
Sorry.
447
00:16:12,192 --> 00:16:17,230
[♪]
448
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:28,808
[♪]
449
00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:37,383
[fabric tears]
450
00:16:37,384 --> 00:16:38,451
- Fuckinay.
- No, it's fine, it's fine.
451
00:16:38,452 --> 00:16:40,719
It's my roommate's. Keep your focus.
452
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,488
[♪]
453
00:16:42,489 --> 00:16:43,656
I'll pay for that--
454
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:45,391
No, it's--
Shush.
455
00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:49,528
[♪]
456
00:16:49,529 --> 00:16:51,197
I'm sorry. This is not--
457
00:16:51,198 --> 00:16:52,665
That was way too far.
458
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:54,500
Jesus, I can't do this.
What's wrong with me?
459
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:55,501
No, you know, I--
460
00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:57,303
It's all good. This is my bad.
461
00:16:57,304 --> 00:16:59,338
The booze and the unicorn line
definitely factored in, but--
462
00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:01,207
you know what,
463
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:02,641
let's take it back.
464
00:17:02,642 --> 00:17:03,742
Let's pretend this didn't happen.
465
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:05,478
- Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
466
00:17:05,479 --> 00:17:06,645
[cell phone rings]
467
00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:07,847
This is my wife.
468
00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:11,183
I'm gonna go.
469
00:17:11,184 --> 00:17:12,685
Yeah.
470
00:17:12,686 --> 00:17:13,887
Hey, babe.
471
00:17:15,188 --> 00:17:17,690
No. I...
472
00:17:17,691 --> 00:17:20,460
I'm going to be home...
473
00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:30,804
Okay, so...
474
00:17:31,705 --> 00:17:34,140
All right. I love you more. Bye.
475
00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:35,341
Fuck.
476
00:17:43,216 --> 00:17:46,185
[Emma]: Are you fucking kidding me?
477
00:17:46,186 --> 00:17:47,119
I came clean!
478
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,654
Don't I get points for coming clean?
479
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:49,788
"Points?"
480
00:17:49,789 --> 00:17:51,090
I don't know.
481
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,558
You want fucking "points"?
482
00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:53,726
You get points for admitting
483
00:17:53,727 --> 00:17:55,661
to scarfing down the second half
of my panini,
484
00:17:55,662 --> 00:17:57,630
not for confessing
to spending happy hour
485
00:17:57,631 --> 00:17:59,131
in a hotel room with a hooker!
486
00:17:59,132 --> 00:18:00,132
She's an escort.
487
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:01,467
Oh, great.
488
00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:03,736
She's an escort, okay?
489
00:18:03,737 --> 00:18:05,504
She's, like, getting
her Master's in psychology, so.
490
00:18:05,505 --> 00:18:07,173
Mm-hmm.
491
00:18:07,174 --> 00:18:08,874
Sex was never
part of the agenda, I swear.
492
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:10,743
I made sure it wasn't.
493
00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:11,744
It said it right in the profile.
494
00:18:11,745 --> 00:18:13,680
You're a fucking idiot.
495
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:16,248
Are you...
496
00:18:16,249 --> 00:18:19,518
figuring out ways to kill me?
497
00:18:19,519 --> 00:18:21,754
Tell me more.
498
00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:23,856
Tell me more about
this fascinating young lady.
499
00:18:23,857 --> 00:18:24,890
It's not about her.
500
00:18:24,891 --> 00:18:26,993
Oh, so you did find her fascinating.
501
00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:30,463
I don't know. I mean--
502
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,499
That was well said, Jack.
503
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,935
Let me rephrase the question...
504
00:18:39,239 --> 00:18:40,540
Did you like her?
505
00:18:44,377 --> 00:18:45,311
Oh, my God.
506
00:18:45,312 --> 00:18:46,779
This has nothing to do with her.
507
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,616
This is about us, okay?
508
00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:56,855
Did anything happen?
509
00:18:56,856 --> 00:18:59,558
We didn't have sex.
We absolutely did not have sex.
510
00:18:59,559 --> 00:19:01,360
That's not what I asked, Jack.
511
00:19:01,361 --> 00:19:02,695
Did anything happen?
512
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:06,599
I want you to tell me precisely
what you did with that girl.
513
00:19:07,934 --> 00:19:12,171
We made out, for, like, a brief time...
514
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,572
and then I snapped out of it,
515
00:19:13,573 --> 00:19:15,675
and I--
and that was it, it was over.
516
00:19:26,953 --> 00:19:29,088
Show me.
517
00:19:29,956 --> 00:19:30,956
Show you what?
518
00:19:30,957 --> 00:19:32,191
I want to see her.
519
00:19:32,192 --> 00:19:34,260
Honey, that's not a good idea.
520
00:19:34,261 --> 00:19:35,995
Show me.
521
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,300
Are you serious?
522
00:19:41,301 --> 00:19:42,502
Do it.
523
00:19:48,808 --> 00:19:50,776
I think maybe we should
talk about this.
524
00:19:50,777 --> 00:19:52,846
Do it.
525
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:54,947
[Emma]: I made him show me
what she looked like.
526
00:19:54,948 --> 00:19:55,948
[Carmen]: And did he?
527
00:19:55,949 --> 00:19:57,316
Yeah.
528
00:19:57,317 --> 00:19:58,484
Eventually.
529
00:19:58,485 --> 00:19:59,652
Was she a total skeeze?
530
00:19:59,653 --> 00:20:02,488
Actually...
531
00:20:02,489 --> 00:20:04,357
she looks...
532
00:20:05,458 --> 00:20:06,959
exactly like what she is--
533
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,460
a grad student from Colorado.
534
00:20:08,461 --> 00:20:09,795
Look at her skin.
535
00:20:09,796 --> 00:20:10,796
Make it bigger.
536
00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:12,431
It's perfect.
537
00:20:12,432 --> 00:20:13,732
Do you ever see that movie "Mask"
538
00:20:13,733 --> 00:20:15,367
with Eric Stoltz in the '80s?
539
00:20:15,368 --> 00:20:17,408
It's like a Doppelganger.
Turn it away. Please.
540
00:20:18,338 --> 00:20:19,538
You're a good friend.
541
00:20:19,539 --> 00:20:20,539
I try.
542
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,007
I hate her!
543
00:20:22,008 --> 00:20:23,842
- You wish he hadn't told you?
- I don't know.
544
00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:26,645
Probably.
545
00:20:26,646 --> 00:20:28,926
I mean, it's worse than
if he just fucked her, right?
546
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,684
He met up with her, he liked her,
547
00:20:31,685 --> 00:20:34,019
he confided in her...
548
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:36,755
he made out with her--
they made out.
549
00:20:36,756 --> 00:20:38,691
We don't make out anymore.
550
00:20:38,692 --> 00:20:40,326
It's so...
551
00:20:40,327 --> 00:20:41,593
intimate.
552
00:20:41,594 --> 00:20:44,496
He practically sprinted home
to confess at your bedside.
553
00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:46,966
I mean, who does that, right?
554
00:20:48,968 --> 00:20:50,336
Oh, fuck.
555
00:20:50,337 --> 00:20:53,005
He took relationship advice
from his loser brother?
556
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:54,874
Was John Mayer out of the country?
557
00:20:58,378 --> 00:21:00,480
So what are you gonna do?
558
00:21:09,022 --> 00:21:12,125
So which one of you
lovely ladies is Lola?
559
00:21:14,561 --> 00:21:15,762
Well...
560
00:21:25,772 --> 00:21:28,340
Okay, Lola...
561
00:21:28,341 --> 00:21:29,742
tell me something about yourself.
562
00:21:29,743 --> 00:21:30,843
What're you into?
563
00:21:30,844 --> 00:21:32,745
What's... what's... What's your jam?
564
00:21:32,746 --> 00:21:33,746
What's my jam?
565
00:21:33,747 --> 00:21:34,947
I don't know.
566
00:21:38,351 --> 00:21:40,052
Okay...
567
00:21:40,053 --> 00:21:43,422
Can I be honest with you?
568
00:21:43,423 --> 00:21:44,423
I'm a little drunk.
569
00:21:44,424 --> 00:21:46,325
No shit. Really?
570
00:21:46,326 --> 00:21:48,627
Okay, but here's the thing--
571
00:21:48,628 --> 00:21:50,763
I usually--
I usually get drunk,
572
00:21:50,764 --> 00:21:52,498
because I get so nervous
before these things,
573
00:21:52,499 --> 00:21:53,799
but you are my first lady date,
574
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,568
so I got, like, double--
575
00:21:56,569 --> 00:21:57,769
double super nervous.
576
00:21:58,972 --> 00:22:00,173
Well, you're doing well.
577
00:22:02,008 --> 00:22:04,376
Wow, you are really pretty.
578
00:22:04,377 --> 00:22:06,011
Okay...
579
00:22:06,012 --> 00:22:07,614
For my age?
580
00:22:08,648 --> 00:22:11,517
And very angry.
581
00:22:11,518 --> 00:22:14,120
Are you shrinking me now, Izzy?
582
00:22:15,355 --> 00:22:17,323
Wait. What? How did you--
583
00:22:18,358 --> 00:22:19,959
Never mind.
584
00:22:29,569 --> 00:22:30,636
Do you ever read a book
585
00:22:30,637 --> 00:22:32,597
and you know exactly
what's on the next page?
586
00:22:34,307 --> 00:22:37,743
There are zero surprises...
587
00:22:37,744 --> 00:22:38,811
you know,
588
00:22:38,812 --> 00:22:43,115
and you think,
"I must've read this before."
589
00:22:43,116 --> 00:22:47,086
But... no way,
because it just came out.
590
00:22:51,724 --> 00:22:53,292
I'm gonna go.
591
00:22:54,994 --> 00:22:56,061
I helped make this mess,
592
00:22:56,062 --> 00:22:58,697
- and I'm gonna go home and--
- [object drops]
593
00:22:58,698 --> 00:22:59,765
What was that?
594
00:22:59,766 --> 00:23:01,000
Oh, you dropped your--
595
00:23:02,335 --> 00:23:04,103
Oh.
596
00:23:04,938 --> 00:23:06,639
Surprise.
597
00:23:07,841 --> 00:23:09,141
Can you be cool?
598
00:23:09,142 --> 00:23:11,310
Yeah.
599
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:15,547
A little cooler than that,
600
00:23:15,548 --> 00:23:16,882
because you look like somebody
601
00:23:16,883 --> 00:23:18,684
who's getting a foot job
under the table.
602
00:23:18,685 --> 00:23:20,987
I am getting a foot job
under the table.
603
00:23:27,894 --> 00:23:29,027
Hi.
604
00:23:29,028 --> 00:23:30,229
Am I doing it right?
605
00:23:32,031 --> 00:23:33,065
Do you want me to stop?
606
00:23:33,066 --> 00:23:36,034
Shit, am I freaking you out?
607
00:23:36,035 --> 00:23:37,202
This was Nina's idea
608
00:23:37,203 --> 00:23:38,203
and then you said you had
no surprises in your life,
609
00:23:38,204 --> 00:23:40,873
and that made me really sad, actually,
610
00:23:40,874 --> 00:23:42,374
and have I mentioned
that I'm pretty drunk?
611
00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:45,110
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to stop blathering
612
00:23:45,111 --> 00:23:48,247
and look me in the eye.
613
00:24:13,673 --> 00:24:18,344
[♪]
614
00:24:21,581 --> 00:24:23,216
Okay.
615
00:24:27,487 --> 00:24:28,687
Are you okay?
616
00:24:32,926 --> 00:24:35,260
I don't think so.
617
00:24:35,261 --> 00:24:38,130
But-- but--
618
00:24:38,131 --> 00:24:39,832
Lola!
619
00:24:48,074 --> 00:24:49,308
Lola?
620
00:24:51,511 --> 00:24:52,811
I just wanted to make sure--
621
00:24:52,812 --> 00:24:54,546
Make sure you got paid?
622
00:24:54,547 --> 00:24:56,548
No.
623
00:24:56,549 --> 00:24:59,751
I was actually... worried about you.
624
00:24:59,752 --> 00:25:00,953
Oh, the venerable hooker
with a heart of gold.
625
00:25:00,954 --> 00:25:03,356
Lucky me. Take it.
626
00:25:04,257 --> 00:25:06,592
A, I am not a hooker,
627
00:25:06,593 --> 00:25:08,226
and B, you called me,
628
00:25:08,227 --> 00:25:10,228
so...
629
00:25:10,229 --> 00:25:12,098
My name is Emma.
630
00:25:12,899 --> 00:25:15,167
Hi, Emma.
631
00:25:15,168 --> 00:25:18,137
I'm Jack's wife.
632
00:25:19,005 --> 00:25:20,206
Okay...
633
00:25:22,141 --> 00:25:23,842
Minibar Makeout Guy from last night?
634
00:25:23,843 --> 00:25:25,277
What?
635
00:25:25,278 --> 00:25:26,612
Yeah.
636
00:25:26,613 --> 00:25:28,847
Why would you do this?
637
00:25:28,848 --> 00:25:30,749
He liked you.
638
00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:32,852
I wanted to find out why.
639
00:25:33,653 --> 00:25:35,388
Well, did you?
640
00:25:37,290 --> 00:25:40,326
I mean, find out why he liked me?
641
00:25:42,662 --> 00:25:44,096
Yeah.
642
00:25:46,165 --> 00:25:47,900
Unfortunately, I did.
643
00:25:54,007 --> 00:25:56,209
I like you right back, Emma.
644
00:26:02,081 --> 00:26:03,181
So, I'm... I'm just gonna...
645
00:26:03,182 --> 00:26:05,518
Izzy?
646
00:26:09,322 --> 00:26:14,460
[♪]
647
00:26:22,101 --> 00:26:26,405
[♪]
648
00:26:30,176 --> 00:26:32,011
Surprise.
649
00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:43,322
[♪]
650
00:26:47,727 --> 00:26:48,794
Hi.
651
00:26:48,795 --> 00:26:51,163
Oh...
652
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:55,200
Are you eating here, or?
653
00:26:55,201 --> 00:26:57,236
No, I... You know what, it's--
654
00:26:58,071 --> 00:26:59,071
Interesting fact--
655
00:26:59,072 --> 00:27:00,072
it turns out
656
00:27:00,073 --> 00:27:01,073
four out of five Griffin grad students
657
00:27:01,074 --> 00:27:02,875
actually live in this building, so--
658
00:27:03,976 --> 00:27:04,976
Plus, I saw
659
00:27:04,977 --> 00:27:06,745
your name on the directory
660
00:27:06,746 --> 00:27:07,913
in the foyer.
661
00:27:07,914 --> 00:27:10,015
I've been pushing the button non-stop.
662
00:27:10,016 --> 00:27:11,951
Okay.
663
00:27:15,788 --> 00:27:16,722
Can we sit down for a sec?
664
00:27:16,723 --> 00:27:18,958
Yeah, sure.
665
00:27:22,695 --> 00:27:23,628
I love my wife.
666
00:27:23,629 --> 00:27:25,831
I really do.
667
00:27:25,832 --> 00:27:27,733
Just so you know that.
668
00:27:27,734 --> 00:27:30,102
And I, um...
669
00:27:30,103 --> 00:27:31,436
She's one of the few things in my life
670
00:27:31,437 --> 00:27:34,173
that I'm actually sure of.
671
00:27:35,441 --> 00:27:37,275
Jack, I was your escort.
672
00:27:37,276 --> 00:27:39,077
You don't have to break up with me.
673
00:27:39,078 --> 00:27:40,438
You just don't call me again.
674
00:27:42,081 --> 00:27:44,750
- Right, right.
- Right?
675
00:27:44,751 --> 00:27:47,987
Um...
676
00:27:51,991 --> 00:27:54,893
I like you, like, a lot,
677
00:27:54,894 --> 00:27:57,096
and... we can't have that, so.
678
00:27:59,465 --> 00:28:01,299
I don't know when I'm gonna
stop thinking about you.
679
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:04,370
I just really, really hope it's soon.
680
00:28:06,439 --> 00:28:08,407
That's what I wanted to...
681
00:28:16,182 --> 00:28:22,321
[♪]
682
00:28:25,124 --> 00:28:26,826
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
683
00:28:30,062 --> 00:28:31,196
[Jack]: The reason why I hired you
684
00:28:31,197 --> 00:28:33,265
is to save my marriage, actually.
685
00:28:33,266 --> 00:28:34,499
I don't think
686
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,768
I'm like the other guys
that hire you, to be honest.
687
00:28:36,769 --> 00:28:37,803
I came to this
688
00:28:37,804 --> 00:28:38,837
with, like, really...
689
00:28:38,838 --> 00:28:40,205
good intentions.
690
00:28:40,206 --> 00:28:42,107
That sounds so crazy.
691
00:28:42,108 --> 00:28:48,114
[♪]
692
00:28:55,188 --> 00:28:56,188
My marriage is in this,
like, weird place.
693
00:28:56,189 --> 00:28:57,155
Hey.
694
00:28:57,156 --> 00:28:59,825
Hey.
695
00:28:59,826 --> 00:29:01,226
I really don't talk about it
with anyone,
696
00:29:01,227 --> 00:29:02,294
but for some reason,
697
00:29:02,295 --> 00:29:04,062
I feel comfortable talking
about it with you.
698
00:29:04,063 --> 00:29:06,865
[♪]
699
00:29:06,866 --> 00:29:08,167
What's that about?
700
00:29:09,936 --> 00:29:11,137
You're beautiful.
701
00:29:12,338 --> 00:29:13,505
Yeah? [laughs]
702
00:29:13,506 --> 00:29:15,073
What's rockin' your world hardest,
703
00:29:15,074 --> 00:29:17,243
my Pebbles' 'do or my thermal socks?
704
00:29:17,977 --> 00:29:21,346
I thought that this might help...
705
00:29:21,347 --> 00:29:23,949
in my wife and I's situation.
706
00:29:23,950 --> 00:29:25,451
I'm sorry.
707
00:29:28,287 --> 00:29:29,555
So am I.
708
00:29:36,195 --> 00:29:37,663
What're you doing?
709
00:29:39,932 --> 00:29:40,932
Can I turn this off?
710
00:29:40,933 --> 00:29:42,467
What're you doing?
711
00:29:42,468 --> 00:29:43,969
This is gonna take
longer than three minutes.
712
00:29:43,970 --> 00:29:45,103
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
713
00:29:45,104 --> 00:29:46,238
Yeah?
714
00:29:46,239 --> 00:29:49,375
Although probably no more than eight.
715
00:29:51,277 --> 00:29:53,278
Are we seriously gonna
do it on the kitchen floor?
716
00:29:53,279 --> 00:29:55,181
Mm-hmm.
717
00:29:59,418 --> 00:30:01,320
I'll take that as a yes.
718
00:30:04,590 --> 00:30:09,127
What the fuck?
719
00:30:09,128 --> 00:30:10,596
Izzy?
720
00:30:19,405 --> 00:30:21,273
Oh, my God!
721
00:30:23,876 --> 00:30:25,644
What the hell happened?
722
00:30:26,512 --> 00:30:27,512
You're what happened.
723
00:30:27,513 --> 00:30:29,514
What? What the hell did I do?
724
00:30:29,515 --> 00:30:32,117
Listen to me closely, Nina.
725
00:30:32,118 --> 00:30:33,585
I quit.
726
00:30:33,586 --> 00:30:37,022
Yup. I'm serious this time, okay?
727
00:30:37,023 --> 00:30:39,391
I'm done getting tangled
in people's lives,
728
00:30:39,392 --> 00:30:41,426
and if you try to talk me out of it,
729
00:30:41,427 --> 00:30:42,627
I will snap,
730
00:30:42,628 --> 00:30:44,396
like, go the fuck off.
731
00:30:44,397 --> 00:30:45,430
Do you understand me?
732
00:30:45,431 --> 00:30:47,098
Yup.
733
00:30:47,099 --> 00:30:48,834
Yeah. Roger that.
734
00:30:53,005 --> 00:30:54,339
I'm very resentful
735
00:30:54,340 --> 00:30:56,341
that I don't have
a fucking solid door right now.
736
00:30:56,342 --> 00:30:57,909
You chose that room!
737
00:30:57,910 --> 00:30:59,778
Stop talking to me!
738
00:31:06,485 --> 00:31:08,486
[sighs]
739
00:31:08,487 --> 00:31:09,855
What're you thinking?
740
00:31:13,326 --> 00:31:14,527
I met Izzy today.
741
00:31:15,995 --> 00:31:16,962
What?
742
00:31:16,963 --> 00:31:19,231
We made out.
743
00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,870
After she gave me
a footjob under the table.
744
00:31:29,175 --> 00:31:30,408
And I probably should've told you this
745
00:31:30,409 --> 00:31:32,043
a long, long time ago,
746
00:31:32,044 --> 00:31:34,079
but, um...
747
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:35,881
she wasn't my first girl.
748
00:31:38,451 --> 00:31:40,753
Or my second.
749
00:31:44,256 --> 00:31:49,027
♪ I see the world
through brand-new eyes ♪
750
00:31:49,028 --> 00:31:53,231
♪ I see the light reflecting bright ♪
751
00:31:53,232 --> 00:31:57,102
♪ From the faces and the things I see ♪
752
00:31:57,103 --> 00:31:58,570
♪ Oh, now I see ♪
753
00:31:58,571 --> 00:32:02,574
[♪]
754
00:32:02,575 --> 00:32:06,044
♪ And it's up to me
to see it all through ♪
755
00:32:06,045 --> 00:32:09,614
♪ But it's easy with you ♪
756
00:32:09,615 --> 00:32:11,683
[♪]
757
00:32:11,684 --> 00:32:14,152
♪ Na, na, na... ♪
758
00:32:14,153 --> 00:32:18,156
♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na ♪
759
00:32:18,157 --> 00:32:22,260
♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na ♪
760
00:32:22,261 --> 00:32:24,662
♪ Na, na, na... ♪
761
00:32:24,663 --> 00:32:27,399
[♪]
762
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,169
♪ And it's up to me
to see it all through ♪
49659
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