All language subtitles for Rob And Romesh Vs s04e04 Restaurants Second Course.enng

The following programme contains

'Rom and I are trying
to open a restaurant.'

Ah, yes, lads.
Look at you two. (LAUGHS).

Ah, yes, lads.
Look at you two. (LAUGHS).

'We've got just two weeks

and it's harder
than we could've imagined.'

'Last week, with a lot of help...'

'Last week, with a lot of help...'

Look at that.
Yes, Rom, that one's perfect.

'..we found out
we could actually cook.'

Yes, Rob!
Well done. Well done.

'This week, though,
we're flying solo.'

I've got you a takeaway.
(LAUGHS)

'We've got just seven days left
till our restaurant doors open

'We've got just seven days left
till our restaurant doors open

and we've got a lot
to get through....

..before we face the critics
on our opening night.'

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, there's so
many tickets! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, there's so
many tickets! Oh, my God.

Whaahh!

'With a week to go, we needed
to come up with a plan fast

because we didn't even
have a menu yet.'

because we didn't even
have a menu yet.'

I've got an idea.

You should come round mine
and I'll cook for you

and then I'll go round yours,
you cook for me.

A bit Come Dine With Me,
and we can see where we're at.

A bit Come Dine With Me,
and we can see where we're at.

That's not a bad idea.

And then we sort of know what
we can do together, yeah? Yeah.

Rob's "Come Dine With Me"
plan was a good one,

but there was a kicker:

he'd invited two Michelin-starred
chefs for dinner tomorrow.

he'd invited two Michelin-starred
chefs for dinner tomorrow.

Our friend and guide Tom Kerridge
was back,

and with him was queen of Italian
cuisine, Angela Hartnett.

and with him was queen of Italian
cuisine, Angela Hartnett.

I'd drawn the short straw
and they were coming to mine first.'

I'd drawn the short straw
and they were coming to mine first.'

I'm planning on making
my mum's aubergine curry,

and she's given me, like, a recipe.

I don't wanna let the family down.
This aubergine recipe's

I don't wanna let the family down.
This aubergine recipe's

been passed down
from generation to generation.

She provided me with these
aubergines, by the way.

I've never seen
an aubergine like this in my life.

I've never seen
an aubergine like this in my life.

If...

If I was to sort of give
this, like, a genus,

I would call this, er,
Aubergine Dildarus Vulgarus.

I would call this, er,
Aubergine Dildarus Vulgarus.

'The timing of Rob's "Come Dine With
Me" event couldn't have been worse.

I was moving out
in a couple of days,

I was moving out
in a couple of days,

so cooking for two elite chefs
was the last thing I needed.'

Fry.

The whole bottle. Here we go.

Fuck!

Once the aubergines are fried...
Oh, fuck.

Once the aubergines are fried...
Oh, fuck.

'But it wasn't just my mum's
authentic Sri Lankan curry

I had in store for my guests.'

On Come Dine With Me they always do
a thing where, you know,

On Come Dine With Me they always do
a thing where, you know,

they have some, like,
crappy entertainment,

and it's a bit awkward
and everyone pretends they enjoy it.

So I thought, "Why don't I do
entertainment that is incredible?"

So I thought, "Why don't I do
entertainment that is incredible?"

So I've got
one of the best DJs in the game,

Yoda, to come and provide
entertainment at my house.

'In true Rob Beckett style,

he arrived just as I was
at a crisis point in my cooking.'

Hello, mate.
Hello!

Come in. Come in. Come in.
So, you alright?

Come in. Come in. Come in.
So, you alright?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good. Just come through.

It's very messy.
I'm in quite a critical situation.

This is exciting, isn't it?
Yeah, very exciting, yeah.

This is exciting, isn't it?
Yeah, very exciting, yeah.

Oi! Dude! Dude! Dude!

Do not, do not, do not...

You don't open somebody's fridge.
I do. You can't do that.

You don't open somebody's fridge.
I do. You can't do that.

No, you don't in my house. Sorry,
I'm just having a little look.

I like seeing in people's fridges.
Do you like hot sauce?

You've got that one,
with all the swear words on.

You've got that one,
with all the swear words on.

Yuzu, Holy Fuck, some Boom sauce.

Now that's what I say
when I ejaculate.

Now that's what I say
when I ejaculate.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Rom, what's going on with the house
situation? You've got a new house.

Yeah.
This is your old one.

You're in the middle of moving,
is that correct? That is correct.

Leesa's not very happy
about this happening today.

Do you want me to give this
a little stir? No! OK.

'And before Rob
could be any more annoying...'

'And before Rob
could be any more annoying...'

(LAUGHS)

There's someone here, Rom.
They're not here...

Are you not ready?

'..our Michelin-starred guests
had arrived.'

'..our Michelin-starred guests
had arrived.'

We can't just leave them outside.
Bloody fuck.

It's a good start.

Hey!
Hello, there. How are you?

Hey!
Hello, there. How are you?

Hi, guys. How you doing?
Look who it is.

Hello. Hello, how are we?
Nice to see you. Good.

Well, it smells nice.
Yeah, it does.

Well, it smells nice.
Yeah, it does.

It's, er... I'm doing my mum's
aubergine curry. Yeah.

A little bit of dahl, some starters.

Erm...and then an avocado
chocolate mousse.

Erm...and then an avocado
chocolate mousse.

Avocado chocolate mousse? Oh,
you're vegan, aren't you? Yeah.

Have you had avocado chocolate
mousse before? Never. No.

Have you had avocado chocolate
mousse before? Never. No.

I have.
Is it good?

Hmm.
(LAUGHTER)

You didn't really convince me
with that, Tom. "Hmm."

You didn't really convince me
with that, Tom. "Hmm."

I mean, this recipe might be
very different

to the one that I tried before.
Really?

Who did it for you before?

Who did it for you before?

I did it.
Oh, you did it? Yeah.

I've got to beat
Tom Kerridge at making this mousse.

That feels alright.
And my version was shit.

That feels alright.
And my version was shit.

Well, you might be able to show Tom
how it's done. No pressure.

OK, well, that's great news.
That's great news.

I'm gonna chuck this
chocolate in the bin. (LAUGHTER)

I'm gonna chuck this
chocolate in the bin. (LAUGHTER)

Er, so guys,
do you wanna head up to the...?

I've got DJ Yoda doing a little bit.
OK, cool. Take our water.

See you later, guys. Take care.
Thanks. See you.

See you later, guys. Take care.
Thanks. See you.

'My meet and greet
hadn't gone brilliantly,

so I needed Yoda to put on a show
and take the heat off me.'

(DJ SCRATCHING)

(DJ SCRATCHING)

(YODA PLAYS TRACK)

I can actually feel the vibrations.
Yeah. The neighbours must love it.

Yeah. No wonder he's moving.

Yeah. No wonder he's moving.

(LAUGHS).
If not, I'd get out of here.

Go!

I thought it was gonna be a great
idea having Yoda in my living room

I thought it was gonna be a great
idea having Yoda in my living room

but, essentially,
Yoda works better in bigger spaces.

(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)

Probably overdid it with the smoke.

Probably overdid it with the smoke.

Which one is it?
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)

Oh, my God!

Having him play at the sort of
volume he'd play at a nightclub

Having him play at the sort of
volume he'd play at a nightclub

was probably another mistake.

'The entertainment hadn't
gone down well.

In the kitchen things
weren't much better.'

I've burnt it.

I've burnt it.

'My plans were crumbling
faster than my poppadoms.'

I've gotta be honest, this
isn't three-Michelin star, is it?

I'm sat here with a bought-in
poppadom and a glass of water.

I'm sat here with a bought-in
poppadom and a glass of water.

'Cooking the curry was stressful
enough.' Oh, God.

'Luckily, I had back-up
for the starters.'

I don't think you can
ever have too many samosas.

I don't think you can
ever have too many samosas.

Done.

'I needed to plate up first,

'I needed to plate up first,

but we'd packed the crockery for the
move, so, as a final insult,

I was having to use paper plates.'

It feels like when you visit your
mate when he's recently divorced.

It feels like when you visit your
mate when he's recently divorced.

Yeah. (LAUGHS)
She took everything.

He bought a new sound system and
you've gotta sit here and nod,

He bought a new sound system and
you've gotta sit here and nod,

and not moan in case he cries.

OK, guys,
if you'd like to take a seat.

Yoda, I've got... Well, I haven't
actually got enough for you, mate.

Yoda, I've got... Well, I haven't
actually got enough for you, mate.

'DJ Yoda. Yoda. Yoda.'

Lovely table setting.
Yes.

What are we gonna do? Are we doing
papier mache and then... (LAUGHS)

What are we gonna do? Are we doing
papier mache and then... (LAUGHS)

It feels like I've gone back
to being seven.

Oh, my gosh. Because I haven't got
any. I'm moving, aren't I?

So everything's packed away.
Thanks.

So everything's packed away.
Thanks.

Feels like I'm at a posh festival.

OK, so this is...
Talk us through it.

This is Shanthi's Aubergine Curry

with Shanthi's Dahl,
er...Romesh's rice.

with Shanthi's Dahl,
er...Romesh's rice.

Right, cool. What's this flapjack?
(LAUGHS)

Is this er...
Is it a coconut flapjack?

Is this er...
Is it a coconut flapjack?

Which bits have you actually made
and which bits have you bought in?

OK, so have we made the aubergine
curry and the dahl, yeah? Yeah.

OK, so have we made the aubergine
curry and the dahl, yeah? Yeah.

OK, cool.
Those are the bits I'll try.

What do we think so far?
I like the curry, actually.

I like the aubergine.

I like the aubergine.

I love it.
Yes! Huh?

I love that aubergine curry.

Ha ha ha ha!
Mm.

I'm actually buzzing.

I'm actually buzzing.

I thought it was gonna be
absolutely awful. Yeah.

It looked horrendous.

(LAUGHS).

Didn't it? We weren't confident in
there, choking on those poppadoms.

Didn't it? We weren't confident in
there, choking on those poppadoms.

Yeah.
DJ set was cool, though.

DJ set was great.
Alright. That's good feedback.

DJ set was great.
Alright. That's good feedback.

Nah, it's a good thing. The bit
that you cooked is the best bit.

Yes, Romesh!

Yes!
Yes.

Yes!
Fuck you.

Yes!
Fuck you.

(LAUGHS)

'Rom had done well
with his aubergine curry

and our restaurant experts
liked Yoda too, but...'

We're waiting for the main event.
Oh, yes!

We're waiting for the main event.
Oh, yes!

Dessert?
Yeah.

'His vegan avocado mousse.'

There we go.
Thank you.

There we go.
Thank you.

Presentation's a bit...
It's almost like you've wiped it in.

It's still warm.
Yeah, well, listen, it's, er...

It is what it is, you know. Like
someone's had a shit in a glass.

It is what it is, you know. Like
someone's had a shit in a glass.

(LAUGHTER)

All I'll say, I've got three boys,
you've got three glasses. Enjoy.

(LAUGHTER)

The mousse, I don't think it
could've got a worse reaction,

if I just curled four shits out
into glasses and served them.

if I just curled four shits out
into glasses and served them.

Flavour-wise, I think it's great.

Texturally...
Awful.

Disaster. Texturally, it doesn't
feel like a mousse, does it?

No.
I wouldn't call it a mousse.

No.
I wouldn't call it a mousse.

Is there a different name
I could give it

that that would be acceptable as?
Human shit.

Well, can I just say,
thank you for saying "human?"

Well, can I just say,
thank you for saying "human?"

It was inedible.

The plastic spoons only
served to sort of highlight

The plastic spoons only
served to sort of highlight

the fact that that mousse, really,
you can't serve it to people.

'Overall, my "Come Dine With Me"
experience had been a mixed bag,

'Overall, my "Come Dine With Me"
experience had been a mixed bag,

but Mum's curry had saved the day,

so that was one dish sorted
for our restaurant menu.

I was dying to hear what
Rob had planned at his house.'

I was dying to hear what
Rob had planned at his house.'

So, I'm doing
a butter chicken curry. OK.

You don't eat the chicken.
That's a really good point.

I was gonna pick out the chicken.

I was gonna pick out the chicken.

Pick out the chicken?
He was gonna pick the chicken

out of the butter chicken.
Yeah.

And what's the problem with that?
How you gonna make the sauce?

And what's the problem with that?
How you gonna make the sauce?

Er...ghee.

But he's a vegan.
Yeah, but it's not butter, is it?

It's clarified butter.
It is butter.

Well, I think I've got
the vegan ghee.

Well, I think I've got
the vegan ghee.

You haven't!

You've literally...
What were you thinking?

I've got... I've got my pantry,
I'll sort it out.

I've got... I've got my pantry,
I'll sort it out.

So you're doing butter chicken.
Butter chicken curry

and then my dessert which
is sort of like Ferrero Rocher,

shortbread biscuit thing. So that's
two courses I can't have either of.

shortbread biscuit thing. So that's
two courses I can't have either of.

But do you know what? I wanna
impress you guys. (LAUGHS)

If it was a dietary...
Have you got dietary requirements?

If it was a dietary...
Have you got dietary requirements?

No. But Tom does.
Oh, what's yours? Shellfish.

That's great,
that's not in the curry.

But...
But if it was butter cod curry,

But...
But if it was butter cod curry,

I'd go,
"Whoa, he's allergic to shellfish."

Are you under the impression
that cod is a shellfish?

(LAUGHS)
Innit all the same thing?

(LAUGHS)
Innit all the same thing?

Yeah.
It's all a fish, innit?

How do I know what it lives under?

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

Let's get out of this shit hole.
(LAUGHS)

Thanks, Romesh.
Cheers.

Do come again
cos I won't live here next week.

Do come again
cos I won't live here next week.

(LAUGHS)

(TOM LAUGHS)

'In just a few days' time, we'll be
rocking the gastronomic world

'In just a few days' time, we'll be
rocking the gastronomic world

with the launch of our restaurant.'

Burnt it.

'Rom's attempt at his dishes...'

I love that aubergine curry.
Ha ha ha ha!

'..had mixed results.'

'..had mixed results.'

It looks like someone's
had a shit in a glass.

'Now it was time to showcase
my talents.'

Welcome.
Thank you.

Welcome.
Thank you.

'And I had a secret weapon
when it comes to cooking.'

I own a device that I like to call
the future of home cooking.

I own a device that I like to call
the future of home cooking.

Tell us, what's Thermomix making
for us today? (LAUGHS)

You've gone in guns blazing.
No, I'm honestly asking.

You've gone in guns blazing.
No, I'm honestly asking.

Sure. Sure. I've got a machine.
This is how I cook.

I'm showing you what I do and
I do it with this machine,

the same way as you used a hob.
Sure.

the same way as you used a hob.
Sure.

Listen, I've got this robot that
Rob's got that can make food in.

You don't use it to show off
your cooking skills.

It's like an iPad
and you press it,

and it just tells you what to do,
so tikka paste,

and it just tells you what to do,
so tikka paste,

stir it, and then it tells you
what to do.

What are we doing here?

Why is this a thing?

Why is this a thing?

Two Michelin-starred chefs
have come here for dinner

and you're showing them
what R2-D2 tells you to make.

'And it was becoming clear R2-D2 was
just the start of Rob's gadgets.'

'And it was becoming clear R2-D2 was
just the start of Rob's gadgets.'

I've never seen so many
gizmos in a kitchen.

I'm a gizmo guy. I like the way that
it's dribbling all down the front.

I'm a gizmo guy. I like the way that
it's dribbling all down the front.

(LAUGHTER)

'But thankfully the machines were
starting to turn on him.'

Nice head.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Do you want some beer with that?

Oh, my God!
That's...

You are joking.
(LAUGHTER)

You are joking.
(LAUGHTER)

There you go.
Back to the machine.

There you go, Ange.
Get it down you. Lovely.

Cheers. Can't wait. Ha ha!

(TOM LAUGHS).
Cheers.

(TOM LAUGHS).
Cheers.

Cheers.
Cheers.

To, er...machines.
Yeah.

So, guys, you know, in terms of,
like, assessing our cooking,

So, guys, you know, in terms of,
like, assessing our cooking,

obviously, I made stuff
from scratch. Yeah.

And Rob is being instructed by Sky
now what to do for his dish,

so will that sort of affect your
judgement in any way?

so will that sort of affect your
judgement in any way?

How did you, erm,
get here today, Rom?

A car. Why?
How did you find this address?

Erm, Sat Nav. Ever heard of that?

Erm, Sat Nav. Ever heard of that?

Yeah, but I'm not being assessed on
my ability to make a journey, am I?

We're analysing your cooking.

Fair point.
(LAUGHTER)

Fair point.
(LAUGHTER)

Why did you come up with that?

"Question, Romesh."

(LAUGHTER)
Quick question, Romesh.

(LAUGHTER)
Quick question, Romesh.

Here's an answer.
How do you send e-mails?

I thought I'd skewered then.
I felt like Paxman.

(LAUGHS)

'So, with my searing interview
over...'

'So, with my searing interview
over...'

So if you take your seats, I'll
bring dinner out in a second. OK.

'..it was time to put
the finishing touches to my curry.

'..it was time to put
the finishing touches to my curry.

prep the dessert and sort out the
small matter of Rom's dinner.'

I've obviously had
a bit of a nightmare

because Rom is vegan
and it's butter curry, innit?

because Rom is vegan
and it's butter curry, innit?

I thought ghee weren't butter,
but it is. So I've had a howler.

So I've ordered him
something from a takeaway.

I can't remember what it's called.
It was vegan.

I can't remember what it's called.
It was vegan.

Let me find it. Tavuk Guvec.

But the U's got two dots at the top
and the C's got a little squiggle.

But the U's got two dots at the top
and the C's got a little squiggle.

Some lovely art up there. What's
that you've got there, mate?

I got you a takeaway.

I was gonna pretend I cooked it but
you've seen it. Are you joking?

I was gonna pretend I cooked it but
you've seen it. Are you joking?

You've got some Turkish stuff.
Turkish? Yeah.

What have you gone for, Rob?
Just some vegan options.

What have you gone for, Rob?
Just some vegan options.

What vegan options?
Some bread. Lovely.

My favourite.
Fucking hell, why is it so massive?

My favourite.
Fucking hell, why is it so massive?

Did you think I was bringing
20 of my vegan friends?

I don't know why it's so big.
(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

There you are.
(LAUGHS)

Thank you so much.

I had a bit of a nightmare with the
rice. Well, I didn't, actually.

I had a bit of a nightmare with the
rice. Well, I didn't, actually.

It's alright. I think Romesh
has got a bit of spare food.

There you go.
Oh.

A bit of a difference
in portion sizes.

A bit of a difference
in portion sizes.

There you go.

There's more if you want it, but
I didn't wanna overload your plate.

(LAUGHTER)

Would anybody like coriander
for garnish?

Would anybody like coriander
for garnish?

I'm good.
No, I'd like some, that'd be lovely.

Yeah?
Yeah.

There we go.

There you are.
Thank you very...

There you are.
Thank you very...

(LAUGHS)
Looks good, Rob.

You wouldn't have minded
if I did that in the kitchen.

(LAUGHS) Let's all tuck in.
What do you think?

(LAUGHS) Let's all tuck in.
What do you think?

It smells really delicious.

How's the rice?

Solid. Yeah, the rice... The rice
isn't very... I left it too long.

Solid. Yeah, the rice... The rice
isn't very... I left it too long.

Cos I got distracted.
What do you think of the curry?

The curry is very good.
Oh, no.

Is it? It really is, actually.
I'm surprised.

Is it? It really is, actually.
I'm surprised.

I didn't think in that machine
it would work. But...

it was bought-in tikka paste.
Yeah.

All put together by a machine.
Who's making tikka paste?

All put together by a machine.
Who's making tikka paste?

Well, chefs.
OK.

(LAUGHS)
Fair point.

Certain people.

Certain people.

'So I might have cut
a few corners with my curry,

but I still had an ace
up my sleeve.'

Wow!

Wow!

'And that was my gold-leaf-topped,
chocolate, nutty balls.

Do you like?

Very good.

Very good.

Is that restaurant-level dessert?
Yeah, definitely.

So you should put that on.
So that should be on.

Aubergine curry, would you put that
on? Yeah, definitely.

There you go. I would say you've got
three dishes that are worthy.

There you go. I would say you've got
three dishes that are worthy.

So, you've got that chicken.

It's very, very nice.
Yeah.

And the aubergine, I think.
The chocolate mousse.

And the aubergine, I think.
The chocolate mousse.

No.
No, I'd swerve the chocolate mousse.

And then you've got pudding here.
Yeah.

You've just gotta decide what you're
gonna serve with the main courses.

You've just gotta decide what you're
gonna serve with the main courses.

OK.
I think, if you made, sort of, curry

in a way that's been the theme,
and do some great accompaniments,

in a way that's been the theme,
and do some great accompaniments,

that's all you need.
I don't think you need to go bonkers

and have loads of stuff.
OK.

That's good, that's encouraging.

You're two-thirds of the way
there. Thank you so much.

You're two-thirds of the way
there. Thank you so much.

And the final third
is impossible for us to achieve.

So great news.
(LAUGHTER)

That's great.
Yay.

That's great.
Yay.

(LAUGHTER)

'With menu ideas sorted, next
on our list, we needed a venue,

'With menu ideas sorted, next
on our list, we needed a venue,

and a few days later we found

something promising in a prime
location near London's O2.'

Oh, this is nice.
Ooh!

Oh, this is nice.
Ooh!

'To say it needed work
was an understatement.'

It's not as set up
as I thought it would be.

'But before any refurb could start,
we needed to make some decisions.'

'But before any refurb could start,
we needed to make some decisions.'

Name.
What do you mean, name?

Of the restaurant.
Oh, erm, how about this?

Of the restaurant.
Oh, erm, how about this?

Robandroms.

Rob and Rom.
As in poppadoms?

Yes, but you say it like poppadoms.
Robandroms.

Robandroms.
Would you like some Robandroms?

Robandroms.
Would you like some Robandroms?

That's fine, everyone.

Don't panic.
Would you like some Robandroms?

Perfect.
I can't...

Perfect.
I can't...

This is mental.
(LAUGHS)

Let's call it that. Robandroms.
Robandroms. That's the name.

Robandroms.
Cool.

Robandroms.
Cool.

Right, OK, so menu.
What are we good at? Curry.

Do my aubergine curry.
I love that aubergine curry.

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

That was a smash.
That was really good.

My butter chicken curry.
How big do those Thermomixers get?

I might just have to learn
to make it. OK, fine.

One of the problems is the rice.
Sure.

One of the problems is the rice.
Sure.

What's this flapjack?

Well I've thought about this.
Cos we've got two choices.

Yeah. We either sort of devote
ourselves in between now

Yeah. We either sort of devote
ourselves in between now

and the restaurant opening
to really nail the techniques

involved in making great rice.

Or we order it in. There's
a Wagamama's round the corner.

Or we order it in. There's
a Wagamama's round the corner.

At Copper
we were quite good at doing...

you know, the sea bass, the
cooking of the meats, or whatever.

Oh, God.
I think we should incorporate that.

Oh, God.
I think we should incorporate that.

You're doing the aubergine curry
that's vegan.

Yeah.
Then how about we do a meat option?

A Sri Lankan, sea bass,
aubergine curry?

A Sri Lankan, sea bass,
aubergine curry?

Yes, Rob!

OK, starters.
How about we do our own samosas?

We do a meat one and a vegan one.
Really easy.

We do a meat one and a vegan one.
Really easy.

All we need to do
is cut out a square of pastry.

OK, and where are you gonna get
the pastry square from? Jus-Rol.

And then dessert, the classic.

And then dessert, the classic.

Avocado, chocolate mousse?
No.

Chocolate, knobbly, hazelnut balls.
Wow!

Everyone liked them, didn't they?
The chefs liked them. Very good.

Everyone liked them, didn't they?
The chefs liked them. Very good.

Drinks. How about beer pump
at each table? Good shout.

Let's get 'em fucked.
Yeah, 100%.

Let's get 'em fucked.
Yeah, 100%.

OK, shots. Yeah.
Apply Sourz. Yeah.

Tick. Staff wise, shall
we just speak to Copper

and see if they can help us out?
We'll ask them to do us a favour.

and see if they can help us out?
We'll ask them to do us a favour.

OK, cool. So, that's that done.

Entertainment.
Yoda, is he still keen?

Yes, I think we should get him
because one of the things I hate

about curry houses, normally,
they're putting on the music

about curry houses, normally,
they're putting on the music

that people expect
in an Indian restaurant.

We should be moving beyond that.

Now, we need something that makes
everyone wanna come back,

Now, we need something that makes
everyone wanna come back,

the Instagram moment.

That's what life's about now.
I've got an idea.

When we bring out
the Ferrero Rocher, gold leaf bay.

That's a great shout.
Onto the Ferrero Rocher.

That's a great shout.
Onto the Ferrero Rocher.

OK, so there you go.
Have we sorted our menu, then?

Let's not get focussed on the food.
Let's focus on the full package.

Let's not get focussed on the food.
Let's focus on the full package.

We've got Instagram moment, good
entertainment, unlimited beer.

Every great restaurant
starts with food comes last. Yeah.

Every great restaurant
starts with food comes last. Yeah.

'Rob and I made curries
and they were good

and DJ Yoda performed
at my house and he was good,

so put those things together, it's
a hip-hop curry house.' Let's go.

so put those things together, it's
a hip-hop curry house.' Let's go.

So, yeah, I'm very excited about,
sort of, tapping into that niche.

'We were aiming to open

'We were aiming to open

London's first hip-hop curry house

with entertainment provided
by Rom's mate, DJ Yoda.'

'We had our concept and our menu.

Now, all we needed was supplies.

Now, all we needed was supplies.

With the meat and fish being
delivered tomorrow,

next on our shopping list were
the ingredients for our curries,

and I knew just the place.

and I knew just the place.

Home to the largest
Indian community in London,

we were in Southall to stock up
for our grand opening.'

we were in Southall to stock up
for our grand opening.'

OK, here we go. After you.

Why?
Oh, come.

(LAUGHS)
Mate.

We've come to a proper Asian
supermarket because this is

We've come to a proper Asian
supermarket because this is

where you get the best
fruit and vegetables.

Even, like, the most exotic rare
stuff you're gonna find here.

I'm finding this a bit overwhelming,
Romesh.

I'm finding this a bit overwhelming,
Romesh.

There's a lot of new things
here I've not seen before.

Well, they're just people, mate.

I've never seen
these aubergines before.

I've never seen
these aubergines before.

Look at these little fellas.
Those are shallots, aren't they?

Is it? Yeah.
I mean, you can't point at stuff

that you regularly find in Tesco's.

You don't get that in Tesco, mate.
It looks like King Kong's bollocks.

You don't get that in Tesco, mate.
It looks like King Kong's bollocks.

It looks like a fucking growth.
You'll have to have that cut off.

Hopefully, it's benign.

'There were lots
of ingredients to buy...'

'There were lots
of ingredients to buy...'

Do you want me to read it out?
Yeah, sure.

'..and helpfully I'd made a list.'

Where d'you wanna start?
Wat's on your list?

We've gotta get lots. We've got 50
people coming to the restaurant.

We've gotta get lots. We've got 50
people coming to the restaurant.

So, what did you do, you just
downloaded this off the Thermomix?

Yeah. Garlic, veg oil,
lemon, chilli... Lemon?

Yeah. Garlic, veg oil,
lemon, chilli... Lemon?

..powder.
You've not even put that plural.

I'm gonna get one big one.

(LAUGHS)
Greek yoghurt.

It doesn't sound very Asian.
What, Greek yoghurt?

It doesn't sound very Asian.
What, Greek yoghurt?

Yeah. Just say yoghurt,
cross out the Greek.

Right, just some yoghurt,
but, like, plain.

Yeah. Yeah, don't get Muller Corner.

I like Muller Corners.
Yeah.

I like Muller Corners.
Yeah.

(LAUGHS)
They're good, aren't they?

Why... Why does Rob's dish taste of
chocolate cornflakes and banana?

Why... Why does Rob's dish taste of
chocolate cornflakes and banana?

Basically, what you do is
you get the plate and you fold

the rice into the chicken.
(LAUGHS)

We should do that.
Do you know what?

We should do that.
Do you know what?

That was excellent work.

'It was time to get down to business

and I was gonna need a lot
of aubergines for my dish.'

No, no, no. Rob, Rob, Rob.

No, no, no. Rob, Rob, Rob.

Really? Those little ones?

I thought you liked...
Shall we get a few different ones?

Can you bag those up, actually?

Can you bag those up, actually?

OK, that was quite difficult to bag.

I think that's enough probably.
OK. Yeah, I think that's fine.

'Next on the list...'

Onwards.
'..spices.'

Onwards.
'..spices.'

Garam masala.

'And there were a lot of them.'

Mustard. Oh, we need black mustard
seeds. There's yellow.

Mustard. Oh, we need black mustard
seeds. There's yellow.

Mustard seeds, brown. Oh, my God,
so many colours. You're so close.

I would describe it as taking
a very poorly travelled mate abroad

I would describe it as taking
a very poorly travelled mate abroad

for the first time, is my experience
of taking Rob to the supermarket.

Is it in alphabetical order?

You seem to be under the impression
that I'm a tourist guide.

You seem to be under the impression
that I'm a tourist guide.

(LAUGHS)
Right, I'm just here with you.

I've never been in this shop before.

"Oh, my God, this is like
what you get in Tesco's."

Yeah, it's a Mars Bar.

Yeah, it's a Mars Bar.

What I would say, is in Tesco...
This is like a library of flavour.

(LAUGHS)
Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.
And it's all packaged the same,

Yeah.
And it's all packaged the same,

so there must be a system, and
I think it is in alphabetical order.

G. Yeah, I think it is.

They're like civilised, aren't they?
Come on. Come on.

They're like civilised, aren't they?
Come on. Come on.

"So they arrange it like we do?"
(LAUGHS)

It's not just randomly thrown
at the shelf? They read!

It's not just randomly thrown
at the shelf? They read!

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, some of those. What about
potatoes for your, erm, samosas?

Yeah, some of those. What about
potatoes for your, erm, samosas?

Do you want me to get them
for you? Yeah, can you?

What I wanna know is,

how were you surprised
by the weight of a sack of potatoes?

It's literally a saying.
I didn't expect it.

It's literally a saying.
I didn't expect it.

Fucking hell.

Rob Beckett surprised that a massive
sack of potatoes was heavy.

Oh, it's alright once it's on.
Elephants weigh more than you think.

Oh, it's alright once it's on.
Elephants weigh more than you think.

You take it then.

Just put it in the trolley.
No, give me your shoulder.

It's not that bad.

It's not that bad.

Oh, you wide-shouldered bastard.
Come on, then.

'With all our items sorted,
we headed to the tills.'

'With all our items sorted,
we headed to the tills.'

Yeah, I'll just keep doing this,
Rom, you just stand there.

Is that alright?
I'm just waiting to pay.

No biggie. Yeah, just stay there.
Alright.

Thank you very much.
Thanks so much.

Thank you very much.
Thanks so much.

Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.

I'll sort you out
for half of that money.

Yeah, you will, mate.

'For the past 24 hours, we've been
working with a design team

to give us a fighting chance of
being ready for our grand opening.'

to give us a fighting chance of
being ready for our grand opening.'

You know Christmas day?

And you've got six people coming,
and you just suddenly go,

"I haven't got enough chairs."
imagine that for 50.

"I haven't got enough chairs."
imagine that for 50.

'But it felt like we'd only
scratched the surface.'

The truth is, is that Rob and
I doing this alone is a mistake.

The truth is, is that Rob and
I doing this alone is a mistake.

And what I kind of get
slightly worried about

is that whenever we're doing
challenges like this,

Rob and I tend to turn
on each other.

But this is the first time that
we're in a high-pressure situation,

But this is the first time that
we're in a high-pressure situation,

but we'll both have weapons.

'And to make matters even worse,

'And to make matters even worse,

it turns out our signage

wasn't quite
what we were expecting either.'

Looks a bit like a, er, strip club.

Looks a bit like a, er, strip club.

It does, yeah.
No windows. Yeah.

Rob and Rom just with two aubergines
between their butt cheeks.

I think it looks great.
(LAUGHS

I think it looks great.
(LAUGHS

I've never known a restaurant you
can't see inside it before.

Do you know what I mean? It feels
a bit weird. You can't see in it.

Do you know what I mean? It feels
a bit weird. You can't see in it.

I've had a look at the sign
and it...it don't look good.

I love the name Robandroms,

I love the name Robandroms,

but it looks like
a two-man strip club.

You come in here, frosted glass,

curry and dicks, it's Robandroms.

That is a massive issue.
But then that makes it cool.

That is a massive issue.
But then that makes it cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exclusive.

You know what I quite like about
this sign? It's not flashing.

Like, from there, you can't see it.
You can't even see the sign.

Like, from there, you can't see it.
You can't even see the sign.

And you don't even know what this
is. Is there a menu?

No. Is there opening times? No.

No. Is there opening times? No.

Is there a website? Yeah. No.
No.

Is it a front for tax fraud?
Possibly.

Almost certainly, yes.

This is it, restaurant opening
night. We're open. Robandroms!

Oi, mate, pop over!
Robandroms.

Come and get your seabass,
aubergine, butter chicken! Let's go.

Come and get your seabass,
aubergine, butter chicken! Let's go.

(LAUGHS)

'With just four hours until service,
Rob and I

'With just four hours until service,
Rob and I

really needed to hurry up
and start the prep.'

Here we go.
Alright.

'And I couldn't wait
to get stuck in.

'And I couldn't wait
to get stuck in.

Oil or the wine?

Just so I know which
establishment to send you to,

Rehab or hospital.
That's oil.

Rehab or hospital.
That's oil.

OK.

So, how do we do this?
Samosas is easy, innit?

So what do we do?
Here we go.

So what do we do?
Here we go.

In the middle.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

This is a nightmare.

'Yes, making samosas is harder
than it looks.'

OK, I managed to make a Ku Klux Klan
samosa there.

OK, I managed to make a Ku Klux Klan
samosa there.

'Unless that is,
you take Rom's approach.'

I need more wine.

I need more wine.

He's gonna be so fucked.
Look, you've got two options:

get good at making samosas,
or have enough of this,

you don't give a shit. Up to you.

you don't give a shit. Up to you.

'Which sounded good to me.'

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

At what point...

What more visual cues,

What more visual cues,

apart from verbal,

can I give you to say
I'd had enough in my mouth?

(LAUGHS)

'We'd had our fill of filo.'

'We'd had our fill of filo.'

Let's get these in the oven.

Right, what's next?

'It was time to prep our mains.'

'It was time to prep our mains.'

How do you think this is going?

Well, so far,

we've sliced one aubergine and half
an onion and fucked 40 samosas.

Look, the filling's lovely.

Look, the filling's lovely.

Yeah.
They just may look a bit whacky.

Yeah.
Where'd you get these aubergines?

Aren't they normally thicker and
girthier? But these are Sri Lankan.

Aren't they normally thicker and
girthier? But these are Sri Lankan.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(CREW LAUGHING)

(CREW LAUGHING)

Is that what they're like?
I wish.

Show me what you've got.

Just genuinely show me
what we're dealing with here.

Just genuinely show me
what we're dealing with here.

I need to carve this a bit.
OK, so we need to be thinner?

Yeah. Here we go.
Oh, it looks like a pencil.

Cor, that's horrible. And is it that
pointy at the end? Yeah.

Normally, when I'm sort of just...

when I go swimming,
I put a little cork on the end.

when I go swimming,
I put a little cork on the end.

Anyway, that's wasted, innit, so...
(LAUGHS)

'With that little matter
taken care of,

we could get down
to some serious cooking.'

I've got the allspice
and the onion in there,

I've got the allspice
and the onion in there,

now Tom Kerridge's secret weapon.

So how are you feeling
about tonight?

I think we should bail.

I think we should bail.

I think we might just have to get
pissed and ride it out. Ride it out?

How are we gonna ride it out?
They're coming, aren't they?

How are we gonna ride it out?
They're coming, aren't they?

I'm being serious, we can't do it.

We actually can't do it.
This butter's not melting.

(TENSE MUSIC)

'Rom was getting cold feet...

..but there was no way
I was letting him bottle it...

..because after a monumental
final push from the team,

the restaurant was looking amazing.

Especially the Apple Sourz.

In 30 minutes,
guests would start arriving

In 30 minutes,
guests would start arriving

and our brave front-of-house team

needed a briefing
from Chef Rob and Chef Rom.'

Hi, guys.
Hello. Hiya.

Hi, guys.
Hello. Hiya.

Thank you for joining us at
Robandroms. Very excited. Big night.

Thanks for helping us out,
coming out on opening night.

Any questions? So, can you tell me
how long the dishes take to come out

Any questions? So, can you tell me
how long the dishes take to come out

just in case
we've got people waiting?

I think I feel comfortable
with you saying, "Today."

Today?
Tonight. This evening, yeah.

Today?
Tonight. This evening, yeah.

Before bed.

We react to what the food's doing.

That means we can't give
a really super specific time.

(LAUGHS)
OK. That's it.

(LAUGHS)
OK. That's it.

Good luck, everyone! Let's go.
Stop fucking about.

This is the hardest thing
we've had to do, easily.

Cos there's gonna be actual people
coming and they're gonna want food.

They don't give a shit that we're
off the telly if they're hungry.

They don't give a shit that we're
off the telly if they're hungry.

'Tonight, Rom and I
are opening a restaurant.

It's been two long weeks.'

It's been two long weeks.'

Aaah!

'We've learnt a lot,
mostly from our mistakes.'

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

'But now,
we could finally say, Robandroms,

the UK's first hip-hop curry house,
was officially open.'

(INSTRUMENTAL OF "MOVE ON UP"
BY CURTIS MAYFIELD)

'We were set.'

I'll start getting poppadom plates
ready, yeah? All right.

I'll start getting poppadom plates
ready, yeah? All right.

'Rom was on poppadom duty
and I was making myself busy too.'

Rob, where's the wine?

'The dining room was filling up

and the beer pumps
were going down a treat.'

I'm quite enjoying this
at the moment.

Are you?
Yeah, not cooking.

Are you?
Yeah, not cooking.

This is as hard as it gets.
(LAUGHS)

Right, Romesh.
Huh?

How you getting on with
the poppadoms? Yeah, fine.

How you getting on with
the poppadoms? Yeah, fine.

Stop eating poppadoms,
you greedy bastard.

'But it wasn't all cheeky wine
and poppadoms

because we were in
for a surprise visit.

because we were in
for a surprise visit.

Two of the most feared food critics
in the business.

Jay Rayner and Grace Dent
had arrived to review us.'

Jay Rayner and Grace Dent
had arrived to review us.'

OK.

Rayner! Rayner!

Jay Rayner's in. Yes, Rayner.

Jay Rayner's in. Yes, Rayner.

I'm just gonna stick
some samosas in the oven.

Shit!

(LAUGHS).
I'll leave that one.

(LAUGHS).
I'll leave that one.

Dress that as much as you can, mate.
That's chef's dinner.

That's fucking dogs' dinner, mate.
(LAUGHS)

Oh, he's on fire.

Oh, he's on fire.

Fuck!
What happened?

What happened?
Burnt.

Burnt my finger.
Already?

Burnt my finger.
Already?

What's this?
Is that the water?

Ooh, I haven't drank
this kind of thing for years.

'The aperitives haven't gone down
well with the critics,

but we were on top of it
in the kitchen.'

but we were on top of it
in the kitchen.'

Where are you with samosas, chef?
Nearly done.

This is going well so far.

How you doing, chefs?
The white bowls are ready to go out.

How you doing, chefs?
The white bowls are ready to go out.

They're getting cold,
those meat samosas.

'We got the starters
out in decent time,

but we'd have to wait to find out
what people thought.'

but we'd have to wait to find out
what people thought.'

Erm, I think I got the better
end of... Well, I don't know.

(LAUGHS) Yours looks about four
times bigger than mine.

(LAUGHS) Yours looks about four
times bigger than mine.

Is that just an entire lamb
cutlet, like, wrapped roughly?

There's a lot of rubble on my plate.

It's actually...pretty authentic,
it's pretty nice.

It's actually...pretty authentic,
it's pretty nice.

Yeah, it's alright. It's alright.
(LAUGHS)

I actually think
that was pretty good.

I actually think
that was pretty good.

Yeah Thank you.
Thank you.

Clean plates coming back?
Clean plates? Yeah.

Clean plates coming back?
Clean plates? Yeah.

Are they eating it?
Everyone's eating it so far, yeah.

Everyone's eating it.

Everyone is eating it.

'We were off to a good start,

'We were off to a good start,

but we wanted to hear
the critics' verdict.'

(ROMESH RINGS SERVICE BELL)

Go out and speak to 'em.
I'm gonna go and have a chat.

'Rob was feeding me to the lions...

'Rob was feeding me to the lions...

while he hid in the kitchen.'

Good evening, guys.

Romesh Ranganathan. Well done.
Very Good, thank you.

Romesh Ranganathan. Well done.
Very Good, thank you.

Are you enjoying yourselves
so far?

It's a really, really interesting
evening so far.

'While Rom worked his charm
on the critics,

'While Rom worked his charm
on the critics,

I was getting peckish.'

Tell me how you made the samosas.
Erm, potato. Which one did you have?

Tell me how you made the samosas.
Erm, potato. Which one did you have?

I had the veggie one.
Peas,

cumin, er, garam masala...

cumin, er, garam masala...

Did you make the lamb ones
or was that Rob?

That was Rob.
You can chalk that up as a victory

to you on the veg samosas.
Great.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

I've got to say, I am really
impressed by how authentic it feels.

I've got to say, I am really
impressed by how authentic it feels.

Great. Thank you for having us.
Thank you for joining us.

Enjoy the chutney.
Thank you.

'It hadn't been as bad as I thought,
and I could stick one on Rob.'

'It hadn't been as bad as I thought,
and I could stick one on Rob.'

They hated the lamb samosas, mate.

Thought they were shit.
Oh, really? Yeah.

Right. No, stop drinking. Right.

'Job done on the starters.'
Oh, shit.

'Now we had the mains
to worry about.'

Oh, fuck!
What is it?

Oh, fuck!
What is it?

Aubergine curry and a sea bass.

'But that was just the beginning.'

Oh, my God!
(LAUGHS)

Oh, my God!
(LAUGHS)

There's so many tickets. Oh, God.

Rob, you've got one,
two, three, four, five...

..nine, ten, eleven,

..nine, ten, eleven,

12, 13, 14, 15, 16 tickets.

I've got no sauce at the moment,
Rom. Have you not?

Stone fucking cold.

Stone fucking cold.

I think they're probably
going through

an awful lot of stress
at the moment.

This is the most stressful thing
for any actual professional chef.

This is the most stressful thing
for any actual professional chef.

'And 20 minutes later, Rob's cold
sauce wasn't the only problem.'

That looks so raw.
Yeah, it needs longer.

That looks so raw.
Yeah, it needs longer.

'Our timings were miles off.

Rob's chicken was taking forever

and we were still missing
a key ingredient.'

and we were still missing
a key ingredient.'

Where's the fucking wine?
Why, have you ordered it?

Yeah, where is it?
(LAUGHS)

The one thing I don't think
they've necessarily recognised

The one thing I don't think
they've necessarily recognised

is selling out the Apollo
and feeding a lot of people

at the same time
are not the same thing.

'Diners were starting
to get restless.'

'Diners were starting
to get restless.'

Rob , have you got
any dishes ready yet? No.

Mate, I'm having a really bad time.

There's four chicken on this one.
I'm having a really bad time.

There's four chicken on this one.
I'm having a really bad time.

Rice is here!
OK, quiet. Just...

Is there another back door
that you can come to? No?

Is there another back door
that you can come to? No?

'Now the rice was here,

I could finally start plating up
my curry and sea bass.'

I could finally start plating up
my curry and sea bass.'

Right, do me a favour, go out there
and shout, "Who wants sea bass?"

Yeah.

Who wants sea bass?

'It might have been unconventional,

but at least my orders
were going out.'

Why have you got them to shout?
It looks like we're losing control.

Why have you got them to shout?
It looks like we're losing control.

Worry about your chicken, you knob.

How long on those chicken, chef?
How long on those chicken?

There's three chicken coming.

There's three chicken coming.

To give you some context, that's
been the case for about 40 minutes.

Mind your backs. Mind your backs.

OK, we've got two chicken,
table four.

OK, we've got two chicken,
table four.

'It had taken nearly 45 minutes,

but Rob's first two mains
finally touched down.

but Rob's first two mains
finally touched down.

But so far, they were the only
two that had gone out,

But so far, they were the only
two that had gone out,

and there were still a lot
of unhappy customers waiting.'

I need another four chicken,
please, Rob.

Four chicken.
Table nine are still waiting.

Rob, seriously, what's going on,
mate? I'm struggling.

Rob, seriously, what's going on,
mate? I'm struggling.

Right,
can we just start doing sweeps,

making sure people have drinks.
Thank you very much.

'I had massively underestimated
the cooking time of the chicken,

and to make matters worse,
the critics were losing patience.'

I'm quite bewildered
how it can be so bad.

I'm quite bewildered
how it can be so bad.

Because it's quite simple,
the things that they're cooking.

The critics' table are very,
very unhappy. OK.

The critics' table are very,
very unhappy. OK.

Well, we'll have to just do
what we do, I dunno.

Let's make it work. You need to
dish them... Oh, you fucking... Rom.

Let's make it work. You need to
dish them... Oh, you fucking... Rom.

What? That will lose all the heat
out of that.

They need to go on there and then
that needs to go back in the oven.

I'm not telepathic. I don't
know that's how you're doing it.

I'm not telepathic. I don't
know that's how you're doing it.

Did you think that was gonna
get in lengthways?

All the heat's coming out of it,
you silly arse.

'I was close to a meltdown.'

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

'But eventually...'

Can you send that
to the critics table, please?

'..we managed to get their dishes
out just an hour and a half late.'

'..we managed to get their dishes
out just an hour and a half late.'

Chicken.

OK.

Thank you.

I don't wanna be paranoid
about food poisoning,

I don't wanna be paranoid
about food poisoning,

but, erm, I am going in to check.

Yeah, it's alright.
That's not cooked, is it?

Yeah, it's alright.
That's not cooked, is it?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Excuse me.
How you doing?

Excuse me.
How you doing?

It's raw.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

We'll get that rectified for you
straightaway.

Uh, chefs?
Yes.

We've just had, er, the critic send
back a raw fish. What the fuck?

We've just had, er, the critic send
back a raw fish. What the fuck?

'Somehow, I'd undercooked the fish,
and to make things worse...'

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

..our little delivery hack
had been rumbled.'

Guys, this is the last of the rice!

The last of the rice!
Thank you so much.

Try and shout a little quieter next
time, please, for fuck's sake.

Try and shout a little quieter next
time, please, for fuck's sake.

That's Wagamama rice.

'And the critics weren't
the only ones complaining.'

'And the critics weren't
the only ones complaining.'

Very tasty but it's cold.
Very tasty but it's cold?

Can we have that recooked
and replated, please.

Can we have that recooked
and replated, please.

They want it replated?
Recooked and replated.

Everything's coming back.

This is hell. I'm going now.

'The critics had seen enough.'

They've left.

They've left.

Fair enough.

'And they weren't alone.

But we still had an ace
in the hole.'

(DJ YODA SCRATCHES)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

'DJ Yoda was just
what everyone needed.'

'DJ Yoda was just
what everyone needed.'

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

That's gone down well.
Apple Sourz and Yoda.

Do you know what I'm saying?

'With people drunk
and probably still hungry...'

'With people drunk
and probably still hungry...'

Thank you so much.

'..it was time
for our knockout blow.'

Yeah!

Yeah!

Jay Rayner and Grace Dent left,

but everyone else stayed
and had a great time.

but everyone else stayed
and had a great time.

Let me tell you something.

Any restaurateurs out there, get
some Apple Sourz on those tables

because it lowers everybody's
level of expectation.

because it lowers everybody's
level of expectation.

Yes, this chicken's underdone
and I'm probably gonna be shitting

through the eye of a needle
for about a week,

through the eye of a needle
for about a week,

but I don't care,
I've got Apple Sourz in my system,

and I'm probably gonna shag
that person. Here I am!

'We put on a show but now Robandroms
was officially closed.'

I'm exhausted.

I'm exhausted.

Well done, mate.

Go on, stick your head under there,
Go on, ready?

Not yet, not yet.
OK, ready? Yeah, now.

(LAUGHS)

Ugh.
So, what do we think?

Look, we've done it.
We cannot do that again.

Look, we've done it.
We cannot do that again.

No. We've gotta look
at the bottom line as well.

The gold leaf
and the gold stuff we did. Yeah.

We spent £300 on gold.
Are you joking?

Tell you what, though, it was like
some sort of freshers' party.

Tell you what, though, it was like
some sort of freshers' party.

I know that we think we ran
a restaurant, but, essentially,

we ran like a Faliraki cafe,
didn't we?

we ran like a Faliraki cafe,
didn't we?

That's the truth. The food was shit,

we put beer fountains on the table,

and we wandered around sprinkling
gold dust like we're Greek waiters.

and we wandered around sprinkling
gold dust like we're Greek waiters.

I think we tried
to make the food too nice.

We should've just
gone like beans on toast.

We should've called it
Get Fucked, Get Full. Yeah.

I think you and I, Faliraki.
Yeah?

I think you and I, Faliraki.
Yeah?

Bar near the strip.
Yeah. Robandroms.

Poppadoms when you get inside,

undercooked fish if you want it.

undercooked fish if you want it.

We'll do Apple Sourz, DJ Yoda
and regret. I wouldn't regret that.

Well done, mate. Well, erm...

Well done, mate. Well, erm...

shall we tidy up?
I think we're done here.

Shall we have a little blast
on that? Pardon?

Go on, do you wanna have one
more go? Course you do.

It's best to leave in style.

Ready?

OK, that was a little bit too much.

(LAUGHS)

J-KWON: Tipsy

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy...

Everybody in the club
getting tipsy...

AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk

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