All language subtitles for Rob And Romesh Vs s04e02 The West End.enng

The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

'Rom and I are back.'
I'm liking this, Rom.

You're a bit close to the edge
- there. - I was a bit.

'Ready to throw ourselves
into the most weird...'

Argh!
- Boom. - Do it!

'..and wonderful worlds.'

Here he is, yeah.
Oh yeah.

'Together...'
Easy peasy.

'..we're going on a journey
of discovery.'

He's in!
Argh! Argh!

'..to find out what we like...'
That is white wine.(LAUGHS)

- Oh, my God.
- Right, when's curtain - up?

'..and what we don't.'

Ah.
Oh, God, don't make that noise.

Come on, worse than a kilometre.
There's an idea.

'This week...'
Look at this.

'..we're taking on musicals
in London's West End.'

Are you nuts?
'Our aim...'(CHEERING)

'..to land a role in a blockbuster
show.' Did I get the part?

'With help from Samantha Barks
from Frozen the West End musical

we might just stand a chance.'

- Oh, my God, this is exciting.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna sing like Elsa.
'But then again we might not.'

♪ (HIGH) Let it go

♪ Let it go
- Down there. - Why am I so high?

This week, Romesh, back in
the saddle. West End musicals.

Our mission is to get into
- a West End musical. - Yeah.

You excited about that?
You love musicals.

OK, so without judgment.
You're talking quite loud.

- Yeah.
- It's the West End. OK, you're projecting.

♪ Let me tell you
what I think about musicals

OK, alright.

One of the games I started
doing with Leesa and the kids.

Is like we pretend we...
Turning down work and being there.

Huh, what? No, she's not into that.
She's not into that.(LAUGHS)

I've just spent a month with them
and she's fucking...

Yeah?..she's actually
booking me work.(LAUGHS)

Anyway... I like sometimes, um,
it's a bit embarrassing to admit.

Sometimes you pretend
you're in a musical.

Oh, my God. But how?
Um...

You turn the heating up
and overcharge everyone? (LAUGHS)

So we just sort of go like...

♪ Kids, it's time for breakfast
(LAUGHS)

Mate.
Do you want cereal or toast?

♪ I tell you which cereal the one
that daddy likes the most

♪ It's Rice Krispies I love

♪ Rice... ♪

(LAUGHS) I do that.
Do they respond?

Every now and again. Horrified.

Know what I wanna get out of this?

- Go on.
- I want to become the full package. Rom

I wanna be able to sing and dance.

Tell me what you think
in the package you've already got.

What is the full package?
I don't know.

I didn't bring up full package,
you did.

- So what is in a full package?
- I just want to... I wanna be more bookable.

Know what I mean? I think
if I got ripped on top of it

I could be a leading man in
- Hollywood.Sure.You reckon? - Yeah.

I also think you could be the most
famous black woman in the world.

If we were gonna stand a chance
of getting into a musical

and fulfil Rob's dream of becoming
the full package,

whatever that meant,

we needed to do our research,
so we headed

to the heart of theatre land
to meet a West End superstar.

♪ Let it go, let it go...

Samantha Barks is currently starring
as Elsa in Frozen the Musical.

♪ Let it go, let it go... ♪

She'd agreed to take time out
of her busy schedule.

Awesome, lovely to meet you.

So we could find out what it takes
to make it in musical theatre.

We're trying to see what it's like
- to be in the West End. - Yeah.

To perform. What are the
key attributes you've gotta have

to be a good West End performer?

Bearing in mind our starting
point is a low level of skill.

I think...
Like low.

The basics
is you've gotta look after yourself

cos musical theatre performers
are athletes.

Like eight shows a week.
Oh, for fuck's sake.

You can't do the athlete stuff.
You have to get into...

Thought this was a nonsport one.
This is one of the shows

that I thought, it doesn't matter.

It's not sport. Now you
- say they're athletes. - They are.

How many performances
are you doing a week?

Eight. Eight shows a week.
That's more than there's days.

That's quick maths.
(LAUGHS)

Yeah, I mean, forget that
question but, yeah, so eight a week.

Keep this, keep this moving.
(LAUGHS)

- Eight a week.
- That's more than - seven.

- Seven days.
- So on three days we do two shows.

Now is it true you need to be
a triple threat,

singing, dancing and acting?
No.

Or can you...
- No. - No.

- No.
- There are some roles - that require a triple threat.

Like Chicago or something like that
but then there are loads of roles

that you definitely don't
have to be a dancer for.

Not only had Samantha given us hope

but she was gonna extend her
hospitality one step further

and give us a singing lesson.

We can run through some
exercises. Things that help me.

It's about getting
your voice warm and ready.

And it will really help you
when you get onto a stage.

Oh, my God, this is exciting.
Yeah.

I'm gonna sing like Elsa.

Or not. (LAUGHS)

OK, so we've got Adam here, who's
gonna help us with vocal warm-ups.

- Hello.
- So you're feeling up for it?

Yes, sure, yeah.
Yeah.

Here we go.
(RISING AND FALLING) Ah

♪ (RISING AND FALLING) Ah

OK, let's go.
You back off, I'll take this.

What, you both have a go?
No. I'll do it.

Alright, OK. Here we go.

You have to, you have to physically
push me out of the way.

♪ (HIGH) Ah

Has he gone a bit high?
He started high.

But maybe that's my USP.
You can al...

Doesn't sound like
you can hear the keyboard.

I'll sing the beginning with you
to make sure we're on the right...

Let's start together
and then you leave me.

OK.
Like the relay race.

♪ Ah
Ah

Better. Yes.

This ain't helping.
This ain't helping.

Let's go again.
And again, yeah.

And...

♪ Ah
(LAUGHS)

Let's go again, back in.
Back in, let's go back in.

Straight back on the horse.
Ah

I don't know
why that's happening.

And then we go again, shut up.

♪ Ah
No.

You go.

He is one of
the worst people musically

I've ev... I've ever encountered
in my life. Ever. Ever.

(HUMMING TUNELESSLY)

I have seen animals blessed
with more natural rhythm than Rob.

- How should you stand?
- Posture - upright.

How's that?
- A bit much. - Oh.

You'll be relaxed but you wanna
be like, you know, straight back.

Straight back.

Everything we do involves
- a straight back. - Straight back.

OK. I'm ready.

(LOW) Ah

Nailed it.
That's annoying.

Nailed it.
First one.

Silky silky man.

That was beautiful. Yeah.
Thank you. OK, cool.

Wanna sing Let It Go?

- Do we?
- Yeah. Let It Go. Honestly? Frozen. Yeah.

- Yes.
- I'd say, look, on my current form, no.

Let's give this a go.

OK, here we go.
Thank you.

Thank you very much.
So we're gonna go...

The snow glows white
on the mountain tonight.

I can't believe we're
doing this in front of her.

Why are you getting in my head?
Sorry.

Last thing you need.
She does it.

- I know.
- Started doing the lyrics.

What do you want me to do?
You've not been shown how.

Live in fear?
I think a bit of fear would be good.

OK.
Just a smidge.

So we're gonna go from...

OK, here we go. Two, three and...

♪ Don't let them in,
don't let them see

♪ Be the good girl
you always have to be

♪ Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know

♪ Well, now they know

♪ Let it go, let it go

♪ Can't hold it back any more

♪ Let it go, let it go

♪ Turn away and slam the door

♪ I don't care
what they're going to say

♪ Let the storm rage on

♪ The cold never bothered me
anyway ♪

Let's go with that.
Oh, my God.

That was amazing.

You, Adam, you not so much
but you were great.

OK, good luck. You go first.

You've got your posture,
- you're vocally warm. - Posture.

You don't want it
to hurt your throat.

That's when you're singing badly.
- Sing from here. - OK.

And... Don't let them in,
don't let them see

♪ Be the good girl
you always have...

(LAUGHS)
Conceal, don't feel

♪ Don't let them know (GOES HIGH)
Oh.

(VERY HIGH) Well, now they know

♪ Let it go

♪ Let it go
Down there.

Why am I so high?

♪ Let it go

(VERY HIGH)
Turn away, slam the door

♪ I don't care

♪ What they're going to say

♪ Let the storm rage on

♪ The cold never bothered me anyway
And you made it through.

You know what made it the most
- charming? Applauding himself. - Yeah.

Know the other thing I've noticed?

Singing Rob Beckett
went to private school.

Why are you singing
like the Snowman?

Look, look. Look, look, guys.

This is so mad.

It was at times beautiful.
Thank you, Samantha.

It was angelic in a way
I was surprised by.

It was nice, though.
- Really? - Yeah.

Aled Jones-y.
Yeah, it was.

Now what are you gonna do, some bog
- standard version? - Yes. I think so.

♪ Let it go, let it go

♪ Can't hold it back any more

♪ Let it go, let it go

♪ Turn away and slam the door

♪ I don't care
what they're going to say

♪ Let the storm rage on

♪ The cold never bothered me
anyway (VOICE QUAVERS) ♪

Wow.
- Thank you. Thank you. - Great.

- Well done.
- Thanks, thank you.

That was brilliant.
- Was it? - Yeah.

Yeah, that was brilliant.

Obviously mine was dreadful

but that was still shit.
No, but I liked...

Let's be honest here.
That was absolute...

if I hadn't have been here,
that would've been dogshit, surely?

I have to be honest.
I cannot see a world

in which Rob and I comfortably go
into a West End prod...

I, I, I can't visualise a West End
production that would

allow us with the level of skill
that we've got to get involved.

Well, thank you so much, guys.
Yeah, thank you.

Adam, Samantha.
No worries.

Cheers. We'll take these.
We'll take these.

Yeah, you can have it.
Don't wanna waste paper.

Do I think I'm
ready for the West End?

No. Is it gonna stop me?
Absolutely not.

Rom and I are trying to
break into a West End musical.

We've met Samantha Barks from Frozen

who's tested our vocal talent
or lack of it.

♪ I don't care
what they're going to say ♪

Clearly we weren't going to be
the next Elsa and Anna,

so Samantha sent us to an event
in London's Trafalgar Square

to take a look at some more options.

So this is West End live.
Yeah.

It's basically a little tiny
sample of every single musical.

Oh, so it's like a buffet.
- Yeah, it's like a buffet. - Yeah.

We'll try things from the buffet.

And decide which thing
we'd like as a main course.

So potentially some of this will be
shit but some will be lovely.

Some of it you taste and go,
- I'd love some more. - Yeah.

Other stuff you never want again.

You go, urgh.
- You go, don't have that. - Yeah.

It's shit.
- Too eager, too earnest. - OK.

- It's disgusting.
- But it might be - delicious.

And then we, then we could...
I'm, I'm hungry now.

(SINGS AFRICAN LANGUAGE)

For me, this is perfect.
I'm a big fan of tapas.

I'm a big fan of canapes.
Great, innit?

Little bit.
Before you get bored, new one.

Now That's What
I Call Musicals basically. This is.

♪ Here I go again on my own

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

We were hoping one of these musicals
was our ticket into theatre land.

All we had to do was
find one that suited us.

But I'd already spotted an issue.

♪ Summer's here and the time is
right for dancing in the street

We can't do this show.
We can't sing.

I don't think we can
do any of these shows.

♪ When out in New Orleans

We are nowhere near earnest enough
to take part in a musical.

I knew it'd be tricky, the technical
skills and singing and dancing.

What I didn't realise is that our
faces were gonna be an issue.

♪ Every guy grab a girl...

They have to be like,
this is the only show

I'm ever gonna perform ever.
That's the problem, innit.

- That's difficult.
- They're not honest. They do what the show is.

So like if they just came out
and went, oh shit day for it.

Yeah, like this guy on the right,

he might have just shit himself
before he came on

but he's gotta just
put that behind him

and just really go for it, you know.
He's very...

See the second one from the right,

his other half might have
left him before he came out.

You wouldn't know.
No.

Cos he's dancing in the street,
- he doesn't give a crap. - Exactly.

(CHEERING)

I think they give standing ovations
a bit easier here, don't you?

Well, I mean, we would both agree
with that

as two people that have never got
a standing ovation in our lives.

Have I told you the trick
that I tried to do, didn't work.

I tried to do one.
Tell me what you tried.

Apparently Lee Evans used to go
and sha... That's what I did.

(LAUGHS)

You lean over and try and shake...
And they have to stand up.

You lean over and shake
the first row's hand.

They stand up to shake your hand,
everyone follows.

And I did it and one bloke stood up,
shook my hand and then sat down.

♪ We're one of a kind,
no category, too many year...

And as the shows kept on coming,

it was pretty clear we had little
chance of getting a standing ovation

in the musical world either.

I mean, it's possible, Rob,
that we watch all of West End live

and then just do
a conclusion chat where we go,

turns out being in a musical's
- really difficult. - Yeah.

We ain't got a hope in hell.

Here's A League Of Their Own repeat.

I think the episode's done.

Uh, where do we go from here?

I can't sing or dance. That is key.

West End Live felt like
a massive step backwards

and we were in need of some help.

Luckily we had a West End
superstar on our side.

Samantha had pulled some strings and
bagged us an audition at the Lyceum.

Home to a musical sensation,
The Lion King.

(MAN SINGS "CIRCLE OF LIFE")

Disney's award-winning musical
has been blowing away audiences

for over 22 years,
so this was a huge opportunity.

Oh, this is a lovely theatre,
- isn't it? - It is.

We were here to meet resident
director Michael O'Donnell,

the man who held our West End
fate in his hands.

- Hello.
- Hello, you two. Rob, Romesh. Nice to meet you, Michael.

Welcome to the Lyceum.
Oh, thank you.

Thank you. It's an amazing theatre,
- innit. - Yeah.

Have you seen The Lion King?
I have. I came with my kids.

What did you think?
Loved it.

I came with my wife when our
marriage still had some magic in it.

Oh, OK.He will do this.
Before we had kids.

So I hear you want to audition?
Well, yeah, we'd love to be in it.

The idea is us to be
in a West End show, so...

- Is it?
- Hopefully we've got the skills to pay the bills.

We'll take a look. Here's my idea.
See if it works for you.

We'll take you through a few paces
of different roles

and we'll see what fits you best.
- That make sense? - Yeah, sure.

- Brilliant.
- But first I would like to take you up to a fantastic view.

I'd love for you to go up Pride Rock
and take a look at the pridelands.

Can I go up?
Please go.

Are you being... Can I lift him up
and... I wouldn't do that.

It doesn't get
much bigger than this.

Lion King, West End,
been running for over 20 years.

Look at this,
oh, it's quite high, isn't it?

If we're gonna break through
as West End stars, this is it.

We're going in, we're going in hard.

(BOTH CALL OUT)

(SINGS)

- Good, innit?Yeah.
- I know what role you're not gonna do now,

so why don't you come down and
- we'll audition you. - No problem.

Right. Ro... Ro... Romesh.
Calm down.

OK, this is...
alright, OK, you win.

With a cast of over 50 performers,
Michael had a lot to choose from.

And he was starting us off with two
of the biggest roles.

So the first thing we're gonna
look at are a few acting roles.

Of course you recall Timon and
- Pumbaa from the show. - Sure.

Classic double act.

I'd love to introduce to you
Timon and Pumbaa.

Oh, yes.
Here we go, this is Jamie and Mark.

These guys are in rehearsal gear,

so they might be able
to show how it works.

Alright, well, uh, the back of
- the head is used by my hand. - Yeah.

And then I've got a trigger here
to use this hand

so you can just move him around.

He's waiting. Waiting for a bus.
It's so good.

Big, big nose action
with Pumbaa. And using the legs.

Oh, right.(LAUGHTER)
Oh, yeah. I like that.

The tongue comes out as well.

- There it is.
- Oh, yeah. There's his tongue.

How could I forget the tongue.
Careful with that, would you?

So how are you gents
with American accents?

Great. Perfect.
- Really? - We're gonna see.

They're like New Yorkers.

Yeah, we got it, we got it.
We'll give you those scripts.

Who's Timon and who's Pumbaa?
Huh.

Based on the eyes
I'd say I could be a Timon.

And then based on the size... I
could be a Pumbaa.

Great, thanks, guys. Why don't you
puppet down, get out of those?

Oh, is that what it's called?
Puppet down.

After our pride rock fail, we needed
to pull off something special

if we were gonna stand a
chance with Timon and Pumbaa.

- You be Timon, I'll be Pumbaa.
- I'll be Timon, OK.I'm bigger than you.

Timon, you'd better come look,
I think it's still alive.

Alrighty, what have we gotta here?

Jeez, it's a lion. Run, Pumbaa,
- move it. - What the fuck was that?

You've got a little New Jersey and
you went into Texas a little bit.

He basically veered from New York
to the Deep South, so...

(NEW YORK) It means no worries
(SOUTHERN) for the rest of your days.

Like that. I mean, what I
was doing there was,

was no more exaggerated than how Rob
was actually playing it for real.

Hey, Timon, you'd better come look.
I think it's still alive.

Alrighty, what-a we gotta here?

Pumbaa, are you nuts?
You're talking about a lion.

Are you doing this in... Sorry.

Is that serious, what you're doing?
Yes.

If he was playing Timon

as having multiple personality
disorder, he smashed it.

How about if we move on?

You'll play Timon.
- You'll play Pumbaa. - Sure.

And I will read in for young Simba.
OK. OK, here we go. Timon.

You OK, kid?
I guess so.

Hey, where're you going?
Nowhere.

Gee, he looks blue.
Let's say brownish gold.

No, no, I mean he's depressed.
Oh.

Kid, what's eating you?

I thought I was good as Pumbaa.

Rob was dreadful as Timon.

Bad things happen, you can't
do anything about it, right?

- Right.
- Wrong.

If I took my kids to watch
The Lion King

and Rob was playing Timon,
my kids would cry.

Rob's accent performance
was an abomination.

And it was a miracle we were still
in the theatre, let alone on stage.

Thankfully,
Michael was a patient man.

What I think we should do now is
- some singing. - Sure.

So you know the song Hakuna Matata.
Do we? Come on.

Right, so I thought it'd be fun

to have Kayi Ushe come out
who's playing adult Simba.

Oh, yes.

Hi. Rob and Romesh.

We're gonna try bits from Hakuna.

Then we'll go into the end of
the song when you sing.

- What do you think?
- Perfect.

Great. So do you wanna give Romesh
his intro?

Yeah, he's gotta do
the classic young warthog line.

He has to.
This is your big moment.

I've got it.
This is what people want.

- Let's do it.
- Take Pumbaa here. Why, when he was a young warthog.

♪ When I was a young

♪ Warthog

- Thanks.
- That was very good. That felt good.

I think that was pretty good.
I must say.

If I don't get Pumbaa, it's, I would
say, 95% Rob Beckett's fault.

♪ Hakuna Matata, hakuna matata,
hakuna matata

♪ Hakuna matata,
hakuna matata, hakuna matata

♪ It means no worries
for the rest of your days

ALL:
It's a problem-free philosophy

What I'm hoping is Michael

sees some kind of like
rough diamond kind of quality

to what we were doing
and thinks, know what,

they're not the finished article

but there's something
about these boys.

Off the stage. There we go.

And when I say boys,
I mean me, Rob's shit.

What a guy.
I love this guy.

♪ Hakuna matata, hakuna... ♪

(LAUGHTER)

Right, when's curtain up?

Smashed it.
Let's get on this show.

We're attempting to land a role
in a blockbuster musical.

And after getting our foot
in the door with The Lion King...

Welcome to the Lyceum...
Oh, thank you.

..it felt like
we were getting closer.

But then Rob
stuffed our first big audition.

Can't anything about it, right?

Right.
Wrong.

Incredibly, show director
Michael O'Donnell

was willing to give us another shot.

So we were heading to
the rehearsal studio

to try out as dancing lionesses.

Nice, ladies.
Thank you. Brilliant.

Rob and Romesh, this is Chico
and Stephanie.

- They're both dance captains.
- Lovely - to meet you.

They'll take you through learning
some of the choreography.

Up to it?
If you want an honest answer,

we're up for it.
Up to it is a different thing.

What do you need to be good at this?
- Well, you need to be fit first. - OK.

You need to do exercise every day.

You need to drink water.
You need to sleep well.

How about regularly eating snacks
off your own naked torso? That...

OK.Picking Pringles
- out of your own navel? - Yeah.

You're warmed up then.
We're ready to go.

Oh, you warmed up, OK?
So let's start.

- Shall we do it?
- OK. Good luck.

So we're just go straight in.
Straight away in.

Are we really...
- Yes. - OK.

- What?
- Come on, step forward. Which way do we stand?

As far as dance instructors go,

Chico didn't come across as the kind
that likes to hang about.

Wow. Ooh.
So put your hip forward, yes.

That's gonna be your first position.

Yeah, second position gonna be
this position, so you go... ha!

- To the outside.
- Sorry, I feel this is all happening so quick.

I feel like
- I've been sold a timeshare. - No.

Chico has this method
where he shows you a move.

He's so used to, people pick it up
and then you move on.

He just kept showing us a move
and then we would do something

that looked nothing like the move
and he'd go, right, next one.

You'd go, hold on a minute, mate.
You need to be like... ha!

- Oh, right.
- And... - Ha.

Ha.
OK. Fifth position.

It was absolutely bananas.

And then you're going down
here and one more. Oh, God.

It felt like
I'd just dropped some acid.

(HISSES)
Oh.

He goes, "That's the dance done."
I thought, what just happened?

There was a lot to learn and so far
we'd mastered none of it.

You first. Go.

Oh, my God. You.

What, what do you mean,
"Oh, my God?"

See, that's better. Cos
you're like... You need to attack.

But my lioness
is not sure about the hunt.

No, do it again. I help you.

This sister needs her
confidence picking up.

Go from here.
And step step step. Up.

- Yes.
- That's better.

Go on.
Good.

(HISSES)
Right. Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)

- Too much.
- I think we might wanna go on to something else.

What do you think?
We've mastered this.

This was an option.
This was a great try.

Can I ask you an honest question.
Do you see any potential in us?

Oh. (LAUGHS)

To be honest, that laugh sounded
like a nail in the coffin

for our lioness roles.

And when we saw what Michael
had planned

for our third and final audition,

it felt like the lights had gone out
on our West End debut.

This is Gabi. He's one
of our giraffe in the show.

Do you know what,
that reassures me,

cos we've got quite similar
- physiques. - Yeah. Now I've seen you.

I can't imagine I'll
have any problems.

- Does it look easy?
- No.

I have never encountered a situation
where the logic is,

you're shit on the ground,
let's get you in the air.

So who wants to go first?

I'll go first.
I don't mind going first.

It's the opposite of scaffolding
someone's learning.

You're supposed to see
if they can do the easy bit,

then move on to the difficult bit.

What's happened today is, you're
really crap at that easier thing,

so we're gonna give you
a harder thing to do.

OK. So how do I stand?
Just slowly. Yeah. Yes.

Whoa. OK. Just hold that.
Ah.

Don't die yet, I ain't paid
my mortgage. I need this show.

Go on, go on, you can do it.

It's the circle of life.

I need the step ladder. Oh.

It just feels like we're searching
through the world of wildlife

to find an animal that we're
actually gonna be OK at portraying.

We're sort of moving down the food
chain till eventually we're gonna,

I dunno, Rob and I are gonna be
playing caterpillars or something.

There we go.
Sit down.

(CHEERING)
You've done it!

Did I get the part?
Uh, let's see how Rob goes.

Yes, Beckett.

Oh, God.

Yes.
There we go.

I'm happy to be the giraffe
in the production.

However, it's supposed to be
the opening bit.

You see the big sun.
We're in Africa.

Why are there four blokes trying
to keep that giraffe up?

Ladder, is that behind me?
- Yeah. - Yeah. Oh.

There we go. Yes!(CHEERING)
- Thanks, guys. So hard. - Really good.

I think obviously he got several
steps with the giraffe,

which I think, you know,
uh, no offence, Romesh,

but that was a great first go.

I'm really pleased for him.

Let's meet on stage and we'll
give you our decision.

How about that?

It was fair to say our day with
The Lion King hadn't gone well.

And more importantly, our mission
to get into a West End show

looked to be in trouble.

So with our auditions done, we were
heading back to the stage,

where we were
fully expecting Michael

to slam the door
on our West End dream.

Rob, Romesh, thank you so much
for all your work.

You've worked really, really hard.
It's been such a joy to see

your acting, your dancing,
your puppet work.

I think we've found the right role
for you for the show.

We're gonna be in the show?
You will be in the production.

You've made it. Would you like to
know what you're going to play?

Yes, please.

You're going to play the wildebeest
in The Circle Of Life.

- What do you think?
- Wow, it's a bit leftfield. We've not even...

We haven't even
auditioned for that so.

No, so, that's great, I think, yeah.

It's in the iconic number
of the show.

Are we allowed on the stage?
You will be on the stage.

We're on the stage. Shall we sing?
Yes, you will be singing.

Dancing?
A little bit of dancing, yeah.

Commensurate with your talent.
- Gonna be in a West End show. - Yes.

I'll see you guys bright and early
tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.
Thank you very much.

Get off, get some sleep tonight.
OK, cheers.

Exciting, innit?
Yeah, very exciting.

So we'd landed a role
we hadn't even seen yet.

And tomorrow we'd be finding out
exactly what that entailed.

But for now we could say Rom and I
were actually going to perform

in one of the West End's
biggest musicals.

Rom and I have landed roles in West
End sensation The Lion King.

You're going to play the wildebeest
in The Circle Of Life.

Since its debut in 1997,

it's dazzled over
100 million people worldwide.

And now we were privileged enough
to be a tiny part of that magic.

We'd arrived at the theatre early to
prepare for our roles as wildebeest.

And there was a surprise waiting
for us in the entrance hall.

Big moment, look.
There we are, oh, ensemble.

Oh, yeah, look at that.
It is amazing to be in the show

but I felt my Pumbaa
was quite good.

And if I'm being honest with you, I
felt your Timon was sort of insane.

It took away
from my Pumbaa a bit.

Oh, you're a little proud Pumbaa,
- are you? - Not a little proud Pumbaa.

Alright, how about this,
- we get up there. - Yeah.

- We're wildebeest.
- Yeah.

You rip your head off and scream
"When I was a young warthog..."

- Proud of your Pumbaa.
- Always fancied burning my bridges with Disney.

I think today might be
- the day I do it. - Right.

- Alright, let's do it.
- Let's find out - what wildebeest do.

Rob's enthusiasm was about
to take a nose dive

when he found out
what we were doing first.

Hi, so what we're gonna do
now, we're gonna teach you

some singing and it's your lucky day

cos your singing's gonna be
in South African today.

Musical director Simone Manfredini

and principal singer
Thenjiwe Nofemele

were going to guide us through

the iconic opening number
The Circle Of Life.

I want you to repeat after me,
very simple. "Ingonyama".

Ingonyama.
Ingonyama.

Nengw' enamabala.

God.
- Nengw' enamabala. - See.

Feels like it's
the last thing I say on telly.

Nengw' enamabala.
Nengw' enamabala.

- There you go.
- Nengw' enamabala. Nengw' enamabala.

So ingonyama.
- Ingonyama. - Ingonyama.

Nengw' enamabala.

Nengw'.
- Enamabala. - Enamabala.

Shall we play it from the third...
The third chord.

The moment you hear
ingonyama nengw' enamabala...

We jump in.
- You jump in. - You jump in. Yes.

This is the third one.
The third one.

♪ Nants ingonyama bagithi baba...

(SING INTRO IN TURN)

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala
Now.

ALL: Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala...

♪ But the sun rolling high
through the sapphire sky

♪ Keeps great and small
on the endless round

♪ It's the circle...

Oh. You are unbelievable. That was
incredible. That was unbelievable.

Do you know when I think it peaked?

It's when I got out of breath
and I stopped singing.

Think we're ready for the show?

Um, you might survive today.
I, uh, I dunno.

Survival? I didn't think
that was under question but OK.

You need lots of energy.
For the singing. It's a musical.

But you are ready to go.

Thank you, there you go.
Love it.

Pep talk. You've gotta learn to lie
- like this guy.Boss man. - Yeah.

I'll see you later.
Thank you.

Thank you, well done.
Lovely to meet you.

It was finally time to try on
our costumes

and it's fair to say we looked more
ridiculous than we'd expected.

Oh, it's horrible. It's like
watching you being born.

I'm a pretty girl.

Now we were looking like wildebeest,
sort of,

dance instructor Chico had to get us
moving like one.

You're gonna be the first one,
you're gonna be the second, yeah.

OK.I'm first.

So rock side by side.

Yes, and then you can shake
the head up and down.

And you go to the side. Other side.

What do we need to do
- with our faces? - Yes.

- Yeah?
- Of course you need to make like, you know, smiley face.

Yes.
OK.You good?

We'd got the basics but now Chico
wanted to walk us through our role.

Be careful,
you're gonna knock that...

I feel like we've been kidnapped.
I know, it's mad, innit.

We'd have to dance our way down
the aisle through the audience.

Little bit more. OK, stop there.

And onto the stage as part of
a procession of dancing animals.

And go. Uh-oh.

Don't go like too much this way,
so you get up on the steps.

Oh, it's up... And then you go wing
one, two, three, wing four.

Oh, that way, sorry. I thought I was
- coming through the front wing. - Yeah.

OK. Shall we go back down?

So at no point are we...
Are we only ever this way?

We only ever have our back
to the audience.

The truth is
they only ever see our arses

in this whole thing, don't they?
Yeah.

The part that we have in this
I've now discovered

is to leave the performance.

I'm starting to realise why
we've been cast as these.

That is what we do. Our part in The
Lion King is to exit The Lion King.

We've seen what we had to do but now
we had to put it into action.

Because Chico was calling
some cast for a run through.

- Ooh.
- Wildebeest coming through. Wildebeest coming through.

Wildebeest coming through, guys.

I haven't... I don't think
I've got the rhythm for this.

Are you...
I haven't got the rhythm for this.

No, you have. Rob.
- Yeah? - We have to get this right.

(SINGING)

Oh, God, it's so dark.

You got this, yeah?
Shut up. Go upstairs.

- Yeah.Fourth left.
- Fourth left.

Ooh.

Wait. After "life"...

♪ It's the circle of life

And step.

(SINGING)

Keep shaking to the sides.

To the sides.

No, no, no, no.
That's the third, that's the third.

Wait and then you stay here.
- Wrong one.Stop there. - Rob.

- Fucked it.Rob.
- Wing four. Rob, that was the third one.

I was looking at the wrong one.
It's the fourth.

I know. I got distracted
- by the cheetah. - It's so simple.

That's the point of rehearsals.
You learn what to do.

Have you got this?
Yes, I have got this. Stop it.

I'm just saying.
I'm double-checking.

We've got this, haven't we, Chico?
Yes, got it.

- Rob.What?
- Seriously, are you gonna - be alright with this?

Did you know you were going wrong?

All I did wrong was the left,
weren't it?

Yeah, I just went down the wrong one
but I'm learning.

It's alright for you,
you just follow me.

But you can't do that tonight.

What happens if you do that tonight?
You threw me.

I'm not trying to throw you. I'm
trying to say to you it's important.

He got angry with me for saying
to him, have you got this?

"Yeah, I've got it."

He kept turning around angrily
and then he takes the wrong left.

Four, that's all you've gotta do,
count to four.

How do you not do that?
Actual wildebeest could do that.

You have got it?
I have got it.

OK. It's just that...
I walk up there.

Up the stairs on "life".
- Yeah.Fourth left. - Yeah.

Also, no-one out there knows I'm
supposed to be going fourth left.

Good point. But
the other animals think you are.

Oh, God. Well, they'll be
left out in...

You'll crash into a fucking giraffe.
That's the point I'm making.

True.
It's just heavy this, innit?

Yeah, but that doesn't mean you turn
off early cos you're knackered.

I don't know what's gonna happen.

If he goes third,
I'm not following him.

I'm breaking from the pack
and I'm gonna go to the correct one

and then make sure everybody knows
he cannot count to four.

A few hours later,
the theatre was filling up.

Soon we'd be taking to the stage.
Yeah, we're ready.

Is that alright?
- We've got this. - Perfect.

Thumbs up?
Yeah.

Thumbs up from Rafiki.

It's Zazu. Sorry, mate.

I knew it wasn't Rafiki.

Enjoy this.

Because we're gonna be at Doncaster
pantomime for Christmas

in about ten years' time.
Doing this as an actual horse.

The stage was set
and the magic was about to begin.

It was up to us not to
break the spell.

(INTRO TO THE CIRCLE OF LIFE)
Oh, my God, here we go.

(SINGING)

I've got my phone
in my pocket on loud.

No, you haven't.
No.

Stand by...
Ah.

♪ Ingonyama...

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala...
You ready?

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

Right, Rob,
fourth left, fourth left.

Fourth left.

Fourth. Rob, move, we've gotta go.

We'd had a false start

but moments later
the unsuspecting audience

could see us in all our glory.

Two rhythmless singing wildebeest.

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

Romesh, get down.

Romesh, it's too close.

Except wildebeest one
wasn't singing.

Rob had bottled it, so I was
trying to fill in for two.

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

Elephant's up,
elephant's going up.

It's a quick elephant, innit? Never
seen anything move that fast.

♪ Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

We'd made it to the stage on cue
but after we'd forgotten to sing,

I wasn't gonna leave Rob
to his own devices for the exit.

Rob, fourth left,
fourth left. Fourth.

- Yes, Rob.
- Did I do it right? Rob, yes, mate.

- Did I do it right?Yes.
- I, I... So funny seeing people in there.

Romesh was right up my arse.

You were so up my bum like...

It was so much slower
than I thought it was gonna be.

- It was so slow.
- Halfway through I had to stop. Oh.

Oh, that was so much fun.
Oh, I don't think I moved enough.

- I didn't.
- Do you know that side to side? Completely out the window.

Did... you just walked
along with it?

I tried to but I
felt like I lost it completely.

I couldn't... I broke
into a fit of laughter

cos there was just little kids
looking at me and I was going... oh.

We were just sort of walking,
and I kept hearing, ah look.

- Yeah.
- Ah. And me going, Romesh, get back.

Someone, someone did go...
I saw them cos they looked at me

and they looked at you.
They were going, ah.

Then they've gone... and then they
looked at me and saw you and went...

And I'm going...

Oh, that was amazing.

(SINGING)

So we'd done it and as Rafiki lifted
a newborn Simba

for all the animals to admire,

we had some time on our hands
before the curtain call.

How do you think we've done
on our West End experience?

I don't think
it could've gone better.

Uh, it could've gone better.
No, it couldn't.

Yeah, it could've gone better.

Do you know what I wanted out of
this? Triple threat. I'm on five.

I don't know what that is. Quin...

The only threat you've made is
to health and safety.

- What's five?
- Quintuplet. - Thank you.

What's your five things?
Singing, dancing, acting.

You can't sing, Rob, you can't sing.

Shut up. Comedy, stilt walking,
singing, dancing, acting.

Quintuplet threat.

I've had a great time.
Me too.

I love kicking back waiting
for the old wave at the end.

Yeah.
Well, it's not a wave, a bow.

One of the least well earned bows
in the history of showbusiness.

If it's there I'll take it.
Absolutely.

You'll ask for an encore knowing
you. You'll come back out.

"In case you didn't know
it's been me Rob Beckett.

I've been a wildebeest
the whole time. Hello."

Not ruling it out.

You only live once.

The performance
was coming to an end.

And naturally Rob led the way

for our borderline
fraudulent curtain call.

♪ The circle of...

♪ Life ♪

Oh, my God, it's so dark.
It's so dark.

We've done it, Rob. We did it, mate.
We did it, yeah.

Rob. We're West End stars, mate.
We're West End stars.

- We smashed it.Whoo.
- We smashed it. Yeah, these guys...

The hyenas! Whoo!

This is great. Oh, Pumbaa.

This feels...

Rob, you feel good?
Oh, loving it, mate.

Feel like
I'm at an animal wedding.

We did it Rob. We did it,
- we're West End stars. - Yes, yes.

We're West End stars.
Yes, come on.

Rom, watch your horns.

Whoo.

(FINALE)

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