All language subtitles for Michael Everyday s01e09 Ridicule.eng

[classical music playing]

Oh.

Happy publishing day.

So, you want to celebrate with a Bellini?

I've been thinking about the font again.

Oh, God, David, we've been through this.

Serifs. What was I thinking?

-Well, you th--
-I haven't earned serifs. It's arrogant.

You thought the sans serifs font
were too slick.

They are, they are.

They're a younger man's font.

Okay, you're insane.
You're going insane.

What's going on with your face?

-Oh, is it noticeable?
-Yes.

Um, a bit.

It's seborrhea dermatitis.
It's caused by an over-production of oil

in the presence of Malassezia,
which is an irritating yeast--

Okay, stop. You're making me sick.

This face thing, is it stress-related?

Yes, yes, yes, stress is a trigger.

Okay, okay, just be happy. Please!

You wrote a book. A beautiful book.

And today, some sad, frightened person
is gonna walk by a bookstore,

see it in the window,

and at that moment his or life
is gonna change completely.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

-["Gotta Get Up" by Harry Nilsson plays]
-[alarm clock buzzing]

♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪

♪ Gotta get home
Before the morning comes ♪

♪ What if I'm late?
Got a big day ♪

♪ Gotta get home
Before the sun comes up ♪

♪ Up and away
Got a big day ♪

♪ Sorry can't stay ♪

♪ I gotta run, run, yeah ♪

♪ Gotta get home
Pick up the phone ♪

♪ Gotta let the people know
I'm gonna be late ♪

[birds singing outside]

You seem distant. Unbalanced.

[Michael sighs] It's just, um...

The book came out.

It's really happening. It's out there.

I feel, um... I don't know,

sick.

Have you been taking the bugleweed?

Yeah. I don't think it's kicked in yet.

Huh... It's been two weeks.

You know, I'll put you on some
peppermint tea for the nausea.

We could go with willow bark,

but I'm reluctant to pull out
the big guns yet.

Yeah.

Have you called Dr. Storper yet?
Or written him?

-No.
-Michael,

there is a chakra chord
between the two of you.

It is very powerful, but blocked, yes?

-Yeah.
-And it's become apparent to me

in our work together
that my job is to help you

remove this blockage.

How?

Bugleweed.

Gratitude.

Dr. Storper has done
a lot of good for you.

You need to express
your gratitude to him.

Only through being grateful
for how far we've come

can you leave room
for more blessings to flow.

To quote Oprah, which I rarely do.

What do you think about that?

[sighs] I don't know. Uh...

He's moved on. I'm sure he doesn't even
think about me anymore.

What's so special about him?

-Nothing.
-A whole book.

You barely move your pen when I'm here.

-I, I'm afraid to speak.
-{David] Why?

Well, you'll put me in a book
like you did this poor boy.

I would never put you in a book,
Mrs. Bronfman.

Why? Because I'm old? And crazy?

No! You're not old.

-You wrote in a hurry, huh?
-Why do you say that?

-Typos.
-What?

Page 47. Uh, "there."

T-H-E-I-R is spelled

"T-H-E-R-E."

And, uh, another one on page 70.

And, uh, worst of all, Miguel's name
is spelled wrong.

Look.

"Migule."

It's unacceptable.

-How many typos?
-Three.

-Give me a break.

-We have to reprint.
-Of course. And we'll charge

the 2,000 existing copies
to your credit card, shall we?

Francesca!

David, this is Francesca,
our publicist.

Hi. Do you like your website?

-What website?
-Davidstorper.com.

You should check it out.
The graphics are fantastic.

You click on your face,
and you go into your brain

through your ears.

-Oh, my God!
-Do you Tweet?

I don't want to Tweet!

It's my job to make the whole world
know David Storper.

That ain't gonna happen unless you Tweet.

[David breathing rapidly]

-Are you having a stroke?
-No, it's a yeast thing.

I think, um...

I ca...

Excuse me.

[David mumbling]

Aw, David.

Don't make me Tweet.

Oh, God. You're having some sort
of breakdown, aren't you?

Possibly.

I feel like I'm on fire.

Jesus!

Oh, my God. Is there a cream for that?

You don't think I've tried the cream?
The cream does nothing!

Okay, okay, you just need to relax.

Maybe I can get you a massage.

-Can't. I'm ashamed. Ashamed of the rash.
-Okay.

Okay, well, we're gonna have to do
something before the launch,

otherwise you're going to explode.

Ah, the launch.
Oh, my God. I'm such a fraud.

Oh, David, come on.
Every author thinks they're a fraud.

-It's normal.
-No, I... You don't understand.

I wrote a book about a successful
therapeutic relationship

without my patient's consent,
and when it came out, he fell apart,

now he won't talk to me,
won't return my calls.

I'm a fraud, and everybody's
gonna know that.

That's why the skin
is peeling off my body.

-It's the curse of the book!
-[cell phone vibrating]

Maybe it's him.

Hello?

Hi, Dr. Storper? My name is Judy Song.

I'm Michael Dyer's therapist.

I was wondering if perhaps
you'd come by my office

for a little chat.

I think it's important to get
the two of you talking again.

Would you be open to a meeting?

I'd be open to that, yes.

[Judy] Excellent.

I didn't think you'd come.

Why wouldn't I?

Um, how are you?

I'm fine.

Well... I've been worried
about snakes lately.

[new age world music playing]

Is... something wrong with your face?

Oh, it's, uh, nothing. It's a yeast, uh...

It's nothing.

[speaking foreign language]

Oh.

Look at the two of you together.

I'd like to have a quick chat
with Dr. Storper.

Is that okay with you, Michael?

So, you're a-- Oh.

A cognitive behavioral therapist?

I'm a psychiatrist.
I have a mixed practice.

I also do classical talk therapy
and dialectical behavioral therapy,

psychodynamic therapy-- whatever works.

Mm, same with me.

My specialty is polarity therapy,

but I will use primal scream,
somatic focusing, dousing--

whatever works.

-You're not a doctor.
-I'm a naturopath

-and a wellbeing coach.
-So I should call you... Coach Song?

You can call me Judy, Dr. Storper.

How's Michael?

He's stopped riding the bus,
he's washing his hands a lot,

his snake phobia has come back.

Now, I know you have made great progress
with him over the years,

but your recent... poor judgment

has disturbed his charkas.

Fragile things, are they, chakras?

I think it would be a good idea

if the both of you address
some of these issues together.

Yes, I agree.

I'd be happy to return
to therapy with Michael.

Here. With me.

No, no, no. That's not gonna work.

Why?

Because your techniques are not ones
that I have any respect for.

Sorry. Can't say it any other way.

Seborrhea dermatitis.

-Yes.
-I've got something for that.

Kava-kava. It's an ayurvedic remedy.

Open your mind, Dr. Storper.

What have you got to lose?

That you haven't lost already, I mean.

Michael's gonna offer,
and you are gonna accept his hand.

Okay, Michael, offer your hands.

Great. David, accept his hand.

Great. Now...

Root chakra tone.

[tone resonating]

[awkwardly] Ah...

[all three] Ma...

Good. From the root, from the root.

[clang]

Releasing all the tension.
Release all the tension.

Good, good, good, good, good.

Release, release. Good!

Good, good, good, good, good,
good, good, good, good, good.

Drawing, drawing, drawing,
drawing, freeze.

Okay, and now, now, now,

let's remove sight. Continue on.

-[all] Ahh...

[ding]
-Ha-ha-ha!

-[Michael] Ha-ha-ha!
-David?

[David] Ha-ha-ha!

[Michael] Ha-ha-ha!

Roll around, roll around, roll around.

-[David and Michael] Ha-ha-ha!
-[Judy] Good, good, good,

good, good.

Where's your laughter?
Let it roll out of you!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Keep on going back.
Give me the weight, give me

the weight. Keep on going--

-Ah!
-Oh, sorry. Okay, okay, okay,

we're not that balanced.

Okay. Here's what I'm seeing.

The two of you have very
different styles of relating.

Dr. Storper, you are...

A tiger. When things get tough,
your claws come out, and you fight.

Michael, you're a turtle.

You retreat into your shell,
and you stay there

until the screaming has stopped.

-Am I right?
-I guess, yeah.

-Yeah.
-I'm curious, what led you

to that conclusion?

The rolling around, or the coloring?

Okay, here's what I'm gonna suggest.

I think the two of you should go out

on a date,

to give you a chance to relate
to each other as people,

not therapist and client.

And where will we go on this date,

considering that we're
not actually a couple,

which would preclude, say, dancing?

Yeah, I don't want to dance with him.

I was thinking perhaps a movie.

Hmm?

-[phone ringing nearby]
-[people typing]

-You're reading books, bro?
-Yeah, I read books occasionally.

No, you shouldn't do anything but work.

The campaign is not
the only thing on my plate.

I'll give you the slogans
when they're done. Now, just...

get off my back.

You're killing me, cowboy, you know that?

I've seen this guy here before.

At the office.

-He's a doctor?
-I guess.

A crazy people doctor?

A psychiatrist, yes.

Well, cowboy...

Thank you.

Oh, are you gonna be okay with this?

The actual movie, I mean.

-Why? Are there spiders in it?
-No, I checked.

It's just that in the past
you've had some anxiety.

No, no. I'm fine.
I've come a long way with Judy.

I've made real progress.

Good. Okay, then.

[Michael panting]

I couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

Five seconds. You lasted five seconds.

People were breathing.

Judy's a flake. You know that, right?

I'd go so far as to say
that she's dangerous.

I want you to come back so that

-we can continue our process.
-No, I'm fine with Judy.

You checked the lock
on the car door seven times

on the way here, you thought
you saw a snake in a tree--

-you're regressing.
-Yeah, so that's her fault?

She's partly responsible for that, yes.

At least she didn't write
a book about my life

and stick her picture on the back cover.

That's why I'm a wreck,
not because of Judy.

Look...

I'm grateful for everything
that you've done for me, Dr. Storper.

I am.

But the fact is, I trusted you
with my deepest secrets,

and you turned around and told
the whole world about them.

Next time, write your own damned story.

It is our story, Michael.
It's our book. Yours and mine.

I'm sorry I lied, but it's out there,

and neither of us can move forward

until we take ownership of it.

Now, the launch is on Tuesday.

I would like you to come.
I think it would help you.

You mean you think it'll help you.

[audience cries] Oh!

He wants me to come to the launch.

What do you think about that idea?

Well, I hate it. I'm afraid of the book.

And there's gonna be
hundreds of copies there,

and people are gonna be
reading it and laughing.

The thing you fear the most
has no power;

your fear of it is what has the power.

Is that Oprah again?

I'm sorry. She's just... so wise. Michael,

your prana is in turmoil.

Nothing is flowing.

Now, how would you feel
to a round of therapeutic touch?

Yeah, uh...
I wouldn't like that at all.

Oh, okay.

Judy, this relationship isn't working.

-It's only been three weeks.
-Yeah, well...

I don't think Oprah's that wise,
and the bugleweed is giving me the runs.

Well. Huh.

Uh, well, it doesn't surprise me

that you wear the millstone
of Western medicine around your neck

after 15 years with that man.

It's just that I'm used to dealing
with my issues in a way that have...

nothing to do with energy flow or God.

How?

By popping pills that dull your
senses and make you impotent?

No,

by experiencing my fear in a safe,
controlled situation.

With Dr. Storper.

[laughs]

Oh, well, that is gonna be
difficult in this case,

because your fear is Dr. Storper.

You're afraid that Dr. Storper sees you
as an object of ridicule,

and that he wrote the book
so that everyone can laugh along with him.

And, you know what? He's a jerk,

so it's not an entirely irrational fear.

-[sighs]
-Boy, you got a pretty short fuse

for a naturopath.

Okay, you know what?
Off you go. Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck facing that prick
without bugleweed.

You know him, you love him:

the irrepressible Larry Blunt.

-[man] Yeah! Woo!
-[cheering and applause]

-Cut the crap.
-[audience laughing]

That's the message of my book.
It's simple.

If you're overweight, stop eating.

If you're in debt, stop spending.

If you're stressed out, stop lying.

Lying is the number one cause of stress.
Did you know that?

-I'm not lying here.
-[audience laughing]

Now, in my book,
I tell you a lot of different anecdotes...

Oh my God!
Look at your face!

That is such a terrible greeting.

Okay, no, you have to come with me.
Let's go fix your face.

[whispering] Go!

How's it hanging...

Miguel?

Yeah, I read the book.

Most of it.
It's dense but I skimmed

and got the gist, and the gist is...

the book is about you.

N... no, it isn't.

Yes, it is, bro.

You wear hoodies in July,
you write your name on mugs and cutlery,

you're afraid of the hole punch.

It's totally you, bro.

So, what are you gonna do?

I... am not going to do anything.

If you do your work.
If you don't do your work, however,

I will personally buy a copy for everyone

in the Communications Department,
including Mr. Renn.

-I don't think you would sink that low.
-I would.

Like a stone, I would sink that low.

[Mr. Renn's wheelchair whirring]

I'll tell Mr. Renn right now.

-You can't.
-I will.

No!

[both grunting]

Write some solid elder abuse slogans,
and do it soon,

or everyone will know that you are Miguel.

And I know you don't want that.

There. That's better.

I look like a transvestite.

Okay, Larry's done.

-You're up.
-I can't face those people.

I won't.

Okay, all right, uh...
what is, uh-- how would you say it?

Your worst... imagined thingy?

That everyone will
stand up and point at me

and call me a liar, all at once,
in unison,

and then they'll start hissing.

Hissing. Well, you know that's
not gonna happen, right?

Sammy,

I, I can't go out there and pretend
that I'm Oliver Sacks.

I can't lie anymore.

Okay, well, tell the truth, then,
if it makes it easier.

You're not Oliver Sacks,
but you're no Larry Blunt either;

you're a good doctor.
You're the real deal.

And, need I remind you, I have a lot
invested in this book too, okay?

So grow some balls,
get out there, and sell it!

...in behavior cognition... retraining.

Oh!

There he is. He was in the bathroom.

Dr. David Storper.

[scattered applause]

[David clears his throat]

Hello. Uh, thanks for coming.

Um, Miguel Tuesdays and Thursdays is
my first and only book. Um...

Why did I write this book?

Because I feel that
cognitive behavioral therapy

can be an effective, um...

[man coughs]

To tell you the truth, I wrote this book
because I was in the middle of a divorce--

I still am and I needed something
to take my mind off the lawyers.

-[door chimes]
-Uh, in a very real sense,

I didn't write this book at all,
it was written, uh, by Mi-- Miguel.

He lived it, told me about it,

and, and, and...

I repeated his words
into a digital recorder.

I wish--

I wish that my life were compelling

and inspired enough
to fill a book, but it isn't.

Uh, I am interesting only by association.

So, I invite you to read this book,

the story of a man with many fears,

who happens to be the bravest man I know.

Uh, anything special
you'd like me to write?

Just write, "To Miguel."

Are you the guy?

The guy in the book?

Yeah. Uh, I'm... Miguel.

Can I get a picture
of the two of you together?

It's the guy.

-Okay.
-[camera beeps and clicks]

[camera beeps and clicks]

Thank you.

What is it about snakes, exactly?

Well, they look like other things,

like rope, and... garden hoses.

-So you think you see them--
-More than I probably do,

but I'm not sure.

Because you're afraid to check.

No. I don't want to touch a garden hose,
in case it's actually a snake.

-So it's a seasonal fear.
-Yes.

I have no problem with snakes
in the winter.

And if one slithered across
the floor right now,

what would be your imagined reaction?

I would jump up in the chair
and scream like a little girl.

-[Michael sighs]
-[bell tolling outside]

Your face looks better.

Yes, it's the, um... kava-kava.

Who knew?

[whimsical music playing]

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