Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,248 --> 00:00:04,118
[keys jingle]
2
00:00:06,122 --> 00:00:07,592
[dramatic musical sting]
3
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:08,661
- Hello?
4
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,634
Erwin?
5
00:00:12,869 --> 00:00:14,472
[ominous music]
6
00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:15,508
Oh, God.
7
00:00:15,575 --> 00:00:17,144
Uh, I can see you.
8
00:00:17,211 --> 00:00:18,548
Get out of there.
- [breathing heavily]
9
00:00:18,614 --> 00:00:20,284
- Hey, I'm running late
for after-school pickup,
10
00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:23,390
so let's hurry this up.
- Bring me to the Antichrist.
11
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,628
- Honey, I gotta bring myself
to the Antichrist, all right?
12
00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:26,564
So what's your thing?
13
00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,333
You need her blood
for eternal life?
14
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,603
Gonna use her as a vessel
15
00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:31,372
to rule your shitty realm,
what?
16
00:00:31,439 --> 00:00:34,846
- Burn her skin and eat
her bones for ultimate power!
17
00:00:34,913 --> 00:00:36,049
[chuckles]
- Okay, sure.
18
00:00:36,115 --> 00:00:38,554
- [screeches]
19
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,994
You shall die by my hands,
puny mortal!
20
00:00:42,061 --> 00:00:44,098
Antichrist body will be mine!
21
00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:45,267
[laughing]
22
00:00:45,334 --> 00:00:47,104
[sizzling]
[roars]
23
00:00:49,442 --> 00:00:50,578
[groans]
24
00:00:52,682 --> 00:00:54,452
[squelching]
- [Laura grunting]
25
00:00:54,519 --> 00:00:55,989
Fuck!
26
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:58,260
I forgot about this coupon.
Ugh.
27
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:01,232
[dark dramatic music]
28
00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:04,438
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com
29
00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:08,514
[gasps] Chrissy.
God damn it, Laura.
30
00:01:08,581 --> 00:01:10,652
- Oh, mother, you are alive.
LAURA: Hey.
31
00:01:10,718 --> 00:01:11,921
CHRISSY: Wow.
- Hey, I was about
32
00:01:11,987 --> 00:01:13,223
to come get you.
33
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,927
Finally got groceries.
You hungry?
34
00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,697
- No, I ate with Amanda.
She made a salad
35
00:01:16,764 --> 00:01:18,400
with something called
an heirloom tomato.
36
00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:20,304
- Who the hell is Amanda?
37
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:21,840
- She's a cool mom
who drove me home
38
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,513
because my actual mom
was nowhere to be found again.
39
00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:26,382
- Isn't Amanda a fucking peach?
CHRISSY: She is.
40
00:01:26,449 --> 00:01:27,686
She knows the nutrients
you're missing
41
00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:29,188
based on the color
of your aura.
42
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,491
She's, like, literally a witch.
43
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,061
- No, I'm literally a witch.
44
00:01:32,127 --> 00:01:33,598
- Anyway, I'm in a rush.
45
00:01:33,664 --> 00:01:35,200
- For what?
- Back to School Night.
46
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,604
- That's for parents, right?
47
00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:38,406
Why didn't you remind me?
- Oh, is that my job,
48
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,676
to remind you of things
49
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,947
any moderately-invested parent
would know?
50
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,316
You want me to do
your taxes too?
51
00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:44,853
Apply for a loan?
- Okay. Okay, Jesus.
52
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:45,989
- Anyway, you hate that stuff,
53
00:01:46,055 --> 00:01:47,692
parents ogling over
their kids' art projects.
54
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,362
- Yeah, I'd rather jam a knife
up my asshole.
55
00:01:49,428 --> 00:01:50,598
CHRISSY:
You're off the hook then.
56
00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:52,836
Plus, Amanda said
she'd cover for you.
57
00:01:53,804 --> 00:01:56,275
- She did, huh?
58
00:01:56,342 --> 00:01:57,779
You know what? I'm gonna come.
59
00:01:57,846 --> 00:01:59,215
- 'Cause you're threatened
by Amanda?
60
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:00,685
- No, because I'm your mother,
61
00:02:00,752 --> 00:02:02,354
and I should be there
to support you.
62
00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:05,495
[soft tense music]
63
00:02:05,561 --> 00:02:06,530
- Fine.
64
00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:08,099
Just promise
you won't make a scene.
65
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,736
LAURA: Uh, hello?
- And just be chill, okay?
66
00:02:09,803 --> 00:02:11,105
- I'm chill, baby.
67
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,143
Chill, chill, chill, chill,
chill, chilly-chill, chill.
68
00:02:13,209 --> 00:02:14,746
- You have ground beef
in your hair.
69
00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:20,792
♪♪ ♪♪
70
00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:23,296
GOSSY: Hiya, miss.
I'm Gossy the Gopher.
71
00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:24,866
Welcome to Back to School--
- [grunts]
72
00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:26,336
- [Gossy yells]
- If you ever touch me again,
73
00:02:26,402 --> 00:02:28,139
I turn you
into a true crime doc series,
74
00:02:28,206 --> 00:02:29,509
understand?
- Mom!
75
00:02:29,576 --> 00:02:31,346
GOSSY: [laughing nervously]
Okay, quite a grip.
76
00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,316
- I'm gonna age ten years
tonight because of you.
77
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:34,553
I can feel it in my bones.
- Honey, look,
78
00:02:34,619 --> 00:02:36,790
that lady's feeding her child
like a baby bird.
79
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,395
CHRISSY: That's Amanda,
and it's called nature bonding.
80
00:02:39,462 --> 00:02:41,399
If you watched anything
other than Top Deer Hunter,
81
00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:43,269
maybe you'd have heard of it.
LAURA: Well, I can't wait
82
00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:45,073
to meet this headband
with a smile.
83
00:02:45,140 --> 00:02:46,677
- Hey there, Chrissy babe.
84
00:02:46,744 --> 00:02:49,448
You must be Laura.
- Oh, my God, I am. Hi.
85
00:02:49,516 --> 00:02:51,587
And you must be Amanda.
AMANDA: Uh, yes.
86
00:02:51,653 --> 00:02:53,824
- Chrissy babe won't
stop talking about you.
87
00:02:53,891 --> 00:02:55,695
It's like she has a defect.
88
00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:58,601
[both laughing]
89
00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:00,303
- She is the best.
LAURA: Yeah.
90
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,740
- All of her teachers
think so too.
91
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:05,113
- Oh, you're-you're discussing
my daughter with her teachers.
92
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,517
How thoughtful of you.
93
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:08,486
- As a PTA president,
I make sure to communicate
94
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:10,457
with the teachers and children.
95
00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,127
I--wh-what can I say?
I love helping.
96
00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:14,331
- Oh, I'm glad you have all
the time in the world to help,
97
00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,735
what with me having
to work full-time.
98
00:03:15,802 --> 00:03:17,806
[laughs]
AMANDA: Oh, hon, we all work.
99
00:03:17,872 --> 00:03:19,710
But as mothers,
our real job is taking care
100
00:03:19,776 --> 00:03:21,580
of our kids, right?
101
00:03:21,647 --> 00:03:23,517
- You should come
to a PTA meeting sometime.
102
00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:25,888
- We've sent you multiple
messages about joining.
103
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,792
- I'll be there with bells on
when I'm done
104
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,763
protecting my daughter
from the dark forces
105
00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,332
that threaten her
and all of human existence.
106
00:03:31,399 --> 00:03:32,535
- Girl, it's so great
107
00:03:32,602 --> 00:03:34,238
that you feel like
you're doing a good job,
108
00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:35,474
but Chrissy here,
109
00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:37,377
and I do feel like
I have to speak for her,
110
00:03:37,444 --> 00:03:38,914
she wants some normalcy.
MOM 1: Okay?
111
00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:40,718
MOM 2: I say that all the time.
- Mom, don't.
112
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,354
- Look at the painting
she made.
113
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,158
It's clearly a cry for help.
114
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,396
[person screaming]
115
00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:48,099
AMANDA: Have you considered
getting Chrissy therapy?
116
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,368
- Oh, fuck you!
[all gasp]
117
00:03:49,435 --> 00:03:50,838
Fuck all of you.
I'm not listening
118
00:03:50,905 --> 00:03:53,410
to a bunch of participation
trophy moms telling me
119
00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:55,548
that my kid needs therapy
because she can't paint!
120
00:03:55,615 --> 00:03:58,153
News flash:
they all suck at it!
121
00:03:58,219 --> 00:03:59,923
None of this matters.
[all gasp]
122
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,325
GOSSY: [clears throat]
Ma'am, let's chill
123
00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:02,562
in front of the students--
[groans]
124
00:04:02,629 --> 00:04:04,298
MOM 3: Oh, God.
MOM 4: No, not Gossy.
125
00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,235
- You're unstable.
- I don't give a shit
126
00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:07,906
what you
and these other moms think.
127
00:04:07,972 --> 00:04:09,041
Suck on my clit!
128
00:04:09,108 --> 00:04:10,812
[all gasp]
MOM 5: Language.
129
00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,385
SATAN IN CADAVER:
Reverse ribbed condoms
130
00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:15,721
for his pleasure.
- [speaks language]
131
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,692
- Cologne that smells
like a wet dog.
132
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:18,861
[chuckles]
- [speaks language]
133
00:04:18,928 --> 00:04:20,197
- A cadaver so juiced
134
00:04:20,263 --> 00:04:22,234
it'd make Joe Rogan
cream his pants.
135
00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:23,871
- [sighs]
[speaks language]
136
00:04:23,938 --> 00:04:26,910
- And I'm ready for another one
of Baka's bachelor parties
137
00:04:26,977 --> 00:04:29,616
where we murder dumb humans
just for kicks.
138
00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:30,651
- [sighs]
139
00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:31,787
- Don't give me that look.
140
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:34,091
Every week it's Dad this,
Dad that.
141
00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:35,227
What about the boys?
142
00:04:35,293 --> 00:04:36,697
Baka's badass.
143
00:04:36,763 --> 00:04:38,534
This is his tenth marriage,
you know.
144
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,209
- These guys are
my actual friends
145
00:04:43,276 --> 00:04:44,746
who I haven't seen
in centuries,
146
00:04:44,813 --> 00:04:46,984
so don't embarrass me
with your weird snake shit.
147
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:50,056
- Bro!
- Baka!
148
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,225
[grunts]
149
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,296
Oh, yeah.
[both laughing]
150
00:04:53,363 --> 00:04:54,800
Looking sharp, baby.
151
00:04:54,866 --> 00:04:55,802
- Oh, man, I missed you.
152
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,806
- Yo, Mabel,
had some work done, huh?
153
00:04:57,872 --> 00:04:59,308
- Peeled off
a supermodel's face.
154
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,511
Now it's my mask.
155
00:05:00,578 --> 00:05:03,116
SATAN:
And Bogey, you're still--
156
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:05,555
- [giggles] Unmedicated
and ready to mingle.
157
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,191
- Where'd you get
that human skin suit,
158
00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,961
the Micro-Penis
Men's Warehouse?
159
00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:11,065
- Yeah.
I used your employee discount.
160
00:05:11,132 --> 00:05:12,535
[laughter]
161
00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:14,438
Sitcom style banter.
MABEL: ♪♪ Micro-penis ♪♪
162
00:05:14,506 --> 00:05:16,309
- And how about
this son of a bitch?
163
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:17,444
Tenth time's a charm,
am I right?
164
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:18,747
- Come on.
165
00:05:18,814 --> 00:05:20,585
You know I'm gonna eat her.
[chuckling]
166
00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:21,520
- Of course
you're gonna eat her.
167
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:22,589
- I'm gonna eat my wife.
168
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,158
SATAN: Munching.
- [Baka growling]
169
00:05:24,225 --> 00:05:25,895
- Whoo, whoo!
[laughter]
170
00:05:25,962 --> 00:05:27,397
- You finally did it.
171
00:05:27,464 --> 00:05:28,868
You birthed the Antichrist,
172
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,470
you old son of a bitch.
SATAN: That's right.
173
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,040
Straight shooter
right here, baby.
174
00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:33,409
MABEL: Strong little spermies.
175
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,146
- Better not get soft
on us now.
176
00:05:35,213 --> 00:05:36,617
- Hell no, you dumb asshole.
177
00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:38,186
Would a softy do this?
178
00:05:38,253 --> 00:05:39,288
- [speaks language]
[laughter]
179
00:05:39,355 --> 00:05:40,725
- I hit my own driver.
180
00:05:40,791 --> 00:05:42,261
That's pretty wacky, right?
181
00:05:42,327 --> 00:05:43,764
I'm unhinged.
182
00:05:43,831 --> 00:05:46,369
- Good, because when
Maximus Dawnus begins,
183
00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:48,072
you boys know
what that means, right?
184
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,809
- Doing badass shit forever.
- My mom's boyfriend will see
185
00:05:49,876 --> 00:05:52,047
that I'm really not a fuck-up!
- Yeah! Back on top, baby.
186
00:05:52,114 --> 00:05:54,251
- Like I was
with your moms last night.
187
00:05:54,318 --> 00:05:57,257
[laughter]
- You dirty dog.
188
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,496
LAURA:
Oh, my God. Apologize?
189
00:05:59,563 --> 00:06:01,600
She accused me
of being a bad parent.
190
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:03,102
- You ever think
she might be right?
191
00:06:03,169 --> 00:06:05,608
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- You forget to pick me up.
192
00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:07,077
First time you come
to a school event,
193
00:06:07,144 --> 00:06:08,179
you beat up our mascot.
194
00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:09,516
- That asshole needs to learn
195
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:10,651
how to respect
personal boundaries.
196
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,154
- You're incapable
of putting my needs
197
00:06:12,221 --> 00:06:13,557
ahead of your insane ego.
198
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,661
- You have no idea
how much I do for you.
199
00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:17,832
- Amanda does much more
in her day for her kids
200
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,070
than you've ever done for me.
- What?
201
00:06:20,136 --> 00:06:21,974
- And you'll never be
a normal mom if you keep...
202
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,476
- [Laura yells]
- Flying off the handle
203
00:06:23,544 --> 00:06:25,347
at inappropriate times.
204
00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,717
I'm done. I'm out.
205
00:06:26,783 --> 00:06:28,486
- Fine. Fine. Be out.
206
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,158
I'm gonna--I'm gonna
stop being angry
207
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:34,231
and prove to you I can be
a more normal mom than Amanda
208
00:06:34,298 --> 00:06:35,400
or any of those assholes.
209
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,536
- You're off to a great start.
210
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,540
Normal mom throwing
a normal glass of whiskey
211
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:39,910
at the normal wall
after being asked
212
00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,780
to leave school grounds.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's me.
213
00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:44,485
Mrs. Normal.
Normal, normal--
214
00:06:44,552 --> 00:06:45,922
These are anger leeches,
Darlene.
215
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,959
Instead of blood,
they suck out rage.
216
00:06:48,026 --> 00:06:49,796
I'm gonna beat those mothers
at their own game
217
00:06:49,863 --> 00:06:51,098
and make Chrissy happy
I'm her mom.
218
00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:53,336
- I'm not sure
if out-momming is the thing
219
00:06:53,403 --> 00:06:54,673
to win over a teenager's heart.
220
00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:56,309
I always found
listening to be--
221
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,578
- All right, shut up.
Tell me a story.
222
00:06:57,645 --> 00:06:59,849
- Really? Okay. Gosh.
Where do I start? Okay.
223
00:06:59,916 --> 00:07:01,687
I was talking
to my friend Darlene.
224
00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,289
Long story.
I was at a speed dating thing,
225
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,561
and I was like, "Wait,
your name is Darlene too?"
226
00:07:05,628 --> 00:07:07,431
And she was like,
"Hell yeah, bitch!"
227
00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:09,134
[laughs]
So keep that in mind for later.
228
00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:10,905
- Get to the fucking point!
- Oh, yeah.
229
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,911
My chiropractor,
Seong-Mi Darlene--
230
00:07:13,978 --> 00:07:15,815
in Korean, it's also Darlene.
- [groans, sighs]
231
00:07:15,881 --> 00:07:17,852
- So there we were,
three Darlenes in a bar--
232
00:07:17,919 --> 00:07:20,156
[laughs]
That's the start of a joke.
233
00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,194
Wow. That shit really works.
234
00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,166
[leech squelching]
235
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:29,542
So anyways, I found out
my chiropractor was
236
00:07:29,609 --> 00:07:31,178
in the Magic Mike prequel,
237
00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,016
Magic Michelangelo.
[leech squelching]
238
00:07:33,082 --> 00:07:35,588
[laughter and chatter]
239
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,492
JENNY: And so I told her,
it's called Lexapro
240
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,994
not Lexa-rookie for a reason.
241
00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:40,698
[chuckles]
CHRISSY: Hey, everyone.
242
00:07:40,765 --> 00:07:42,602
What's, uh--what's going on?
243
00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:43,837
- Oh, hi, sweetie.
244
00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:46,643
I asked Amanda
and the other moms over
245
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:50,350
so I could...apologize.
[leech squelching]
246
00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:54,926
My behavior last night
was inexcusable.
247
00:07:54,993 --> 00:07:55,895
- Uh-huh.
248
00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:57,364
- Your mom told us
you vocalized
249
00:07:57,431 --> 00:07:58,767
your need for her to be better.
250
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,640
It was your strength, Chrissy,
that's shown her she can.
251
00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,610
- My strength?
She said that?
252
00:08:03,677 --> 00:08:06,248
- I understand now
that you more than anyone
253
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:09,054
have been affected the most
by my behavior.
254
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,058
I trust you to make
your own choices,
255
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:13,864
and I hope you will trust me
to support them.
256
00:08:13,931 --> 00:08:16,469
- Uh, okay.
257
00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:17,972
Will you support my decision
to buy
258
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,943
those Jessica Simpson
ankle boots?
259
00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:23,016
[dramatic musical sting]
[leech squelching]
260
00:08:24,652 --> 00:08:30,096
- [strained]
Here you are, Chrissy.
261
00:08:30,163 --> 00:08:31,633
[groans]
262
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,973
And I'd love to volunteer
for the PTA,
263
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,612
that is, if the offer's
still on the table.
264
00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:38,881
- Of course it is.
- Sure.
265
00:08:38,947 --> 00:08:40,918
- Oh, I'm here
for this moment, ladies.
266
00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:42,588
I haven't seen
this much personal growth
267
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:43,957
since Ruby went to rehab.
268
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,462
- [chuckling]
I used to eat couch cushions.
269
00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:48,132
[laughter]
270
00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:49,301
ERWIN: Hmm.
271
00:08:49,368 --> 00:08:51,773
She's pouring rosé,
volunteering her time.
272
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,476
Something weird's
going on here.
273
00:08:53,544 --> 00:08:55,113
- Oh, for sure.
274
00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:57,084
But it's working out for me.
- [grunts]
275
00:09:02,528 --> 00:09:06,102
[clanging]
276
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:07,237
- [gasps]
277
00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,644
Hello?
278
00:09:10,711 --> 00:09:12,882
Harold?
279
00:09:12,949 --> 00:09:14,351
Still polishing
our blood diamonds
280
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,855
at this hour?
281
00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:17,124
Ah!
282
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:21,500
[panting]
283
00:09:21,566 --> 00:09:23,704
[screams]
284
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,610
BOGEY: Oh, it burns so good.
[moans]
285
00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:28,514
- Is this
an "eat the rich" thing?
286
00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:30,283
Are you AOC?
287
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,822
[eerie music]
288
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,224
- Hi.
- [screams]
289
00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:35,460
- [cackling]
290
00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:36,696
- [gurgling]
291
00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:39,769
[laughter]
292
00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:42,174
- [wheezing]
- Check this shit out.
293
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,411
[mimicking Harold]
Oh, dear, wine and cheese.
294
00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:45,681
Tax havens.
295
00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,484
Okey dokey, artichokey.
296
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:48,921
- My turn, fuckers.
297
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:50,791
Time to get inside
of some meat sacks.
298
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:51,993
- Oh, this is
what it's all about.
299
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:54,031
- I'm tent-poling already.
- [moaning]
300
00:09:54,098 --> 00:09:55,501
SATAN IN GRANDMA:
Hey, look at me.
301
00:09:55,568 --> 00:09:56,837
I'm bad grandma.
302
00:09:56,903 --> 00:09:58,574
I have loose hips.
303
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,376
I'm ready to fill up this hole.
304
00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:01,378
[gurgling]
305
00:10:01,445 --> 00:10:02,882
[laughter]
306
00:10:02,949 --> 00:10:04,519
Now let's shake things up.
307
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:07,023
[rumbling, rattling]
308
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,994
- [screaming]
309
00:10:09,061 --> 00:10:12,000
[rumbling]
310
00:10:16,643 --> 00:10:19,114
[glass shatters]
311
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:20,818
[crying]
312
00:10:20,885 --> 00:10:22,154
- The fuck, dude?
313
00:10:24,659 --> 00:10:26,295
- An incidental death
doesn't count.
314
00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,865
We all know that.
- Yeah, that's true, but--
315
00:10:27,932 --> 00:10:29,168
- You guys keep going.
316
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,438
I'm gonna go outside
and bury it, uh, a-alive.
317
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,679
[ominous music]
318
00:10:34,746 --> 00:10:36,182
What the hell
are you looking at?
319
00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:39,154
You never seen a guy stuff
a live girl in a trunk before?
320
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,860
- I'm saving it for later.
321
00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:43,296
Are you gonna yap my ear off
all night?
322
00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,772
[laughter]
323
00:10:47,839 --> 00:10:49,408
- You say anything,
I'll turn you
324
00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,646
into a pair of snakeskin boots.
SNAKE WITH ARMS: Yeesh.
325
00:10:51,713 --> 00:10:53,817
- That was fucking awesome,
Bak!
326
00:10:53,884 --> 00:10:55,086
BAKA: Yeah!
MABEL: On to the next stop.
327
00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:56,355
Frat house!
BAKA: Yeah!
328
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,758
BOGEY: Whoo-hoo!
MABEL: Murder. Torture.
329
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,927
- Let's binge-butcher
some Homo sapiens.
330
00:10:58,994 --> 00:11:00,230
- Butts. Delicious.
BAKA: Murder. Torture.
331
00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:01,833
- Hey. Yeah, right.
[laughs nervously]
332
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:04,004
BAKA: Let's do this, baby!
MABEL: Tight frat butts!
333
00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:07,010
- ♪♪ Doo, doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo ♪♪
334
00:11:07,077 --> 00:11:09,716
Oh, don't mind if I do.
335
00:11:09,782 --> 00:11:12,387
[crunching]
336
00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:14,258
[water running]
♪♪ Oh, I'm in the shower ♪♪
337
00:11:14,324 --> 00:11:17,965
♪♪ I'm showering
after eating a cookie ♪♪
338
00:11:18,032 --> 00:11:19,969
♪♪ And then-- ♪♪
[pipes rattle, water stops]
339
00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:21,773
Huh?
340
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,742
ERWIN: Chrissy!
- [yelps]
341
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,177
Ah, sorry, Erwin.
342
00:11:24,244 --> 00:11:25,514
I didn't know
you were doing, uh...
343
00:11:25,581 --> 00:11:26,583
whatever you were doing.
344
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:28,554
- Apologizes, Chrissy Feinberg.
345
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,256
I was just having
my biannual bath
346
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,158
when the water went out.
347
00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:32,662
- Yeah. I know.
Did my mom forget
348
00:11:32,728 --> 00:11:34,097
to pay the utility bill
or something?
349
00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:35,233
- [chuckling]
350
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,370
Your mother's been
off the grid for years.
351
00:11:37,437 --> 00:11:38,774
She runs things her own way.
352
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,376
- Ah. Okay.
353
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:42,247
So how do I get
the water back on, then?
354
00:11:42,314 --> 00:11:45,220
- [laughing]
355
00:11:45,286 --> 00:11:47,257
To replenish the water supply,
356
00:11:47,324 --> 00:11:48,894
descend
into the haunted well...
357
00:11:48,961 --> 00:11:50,463
- Whoo!
ERWIN: Place rod in dirt,
358
00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:53,069
then ingest
wet, scaled vertebrate.
359
00:11:53,135 --> 00:11:54,973
- Sorry, buddy.
ERWIN: Don't worry.
360
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:56,610
Frat boys do it all the time.
361
00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:59,414
- [gags]
Terra Lacrimae!
362
00:11:59,481 --> 00:12:00,985
[water bubbling]
363
00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:02,922
It worked! Yeah, motherfucker!
364
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,260
[chuckles] Oh!
365
00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:07,632
[whimpers]
- [roars]
366
00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:09,702
- [screams]
367
00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:13,142
[growls]
368
00:12:15,581 --> 00:12:18,687
[gasping]
369
00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:21,660
- [humming]
Excuse me.
370
00:12:21,726 --> 00:12:22,695
[gulps, sighs]
371
00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:24,899
- Whoa. That was a lot.
372
00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,468
At least the water's back.
373
00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:27,772
- [Erwin chuckles]
374
00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:29,609
Your mother's been
distracted as of late,
375
00:12:29,676 --> 00:12:31,713
so you might have to take care
of her other chores.
376
00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:33,282
- Oh. Was this in your ass?
377
00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:35,788
- That list is more or less
the recurring responsibilities
378
00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:37,457
with which
I've seen her preoccupied.
379
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:39,929
- And why are you tracking
my mom like that?
380
00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:42,334
- For when I escape.
381
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,340
[intense music]
382
00:12:45,406 --> 00:12:46,509
♪♪ ♪♪
383
00:12:46,576 --> 00:12:49,114
Ooh, sprinklers!
[chuckling]
384
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:52,020
- Well, if she can do this
day in and day out, so can I.
385
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:55,126
- [laughing] I'm being watered!
386
00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:58,199
- Oh, Amanda, you have chosen
387
00:12:58,265 --> 00:13:00,537
the exact perfect grouping
of vegetables.
388
00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:02,775
- I know.
- Holy dick! Look!
389
00:13:02,842 --> 00:13:03,844
[all gasp]
390
00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:06,248
- Laura, this is beyond.
391
00:13:06,315 --> 00:13:07,885
When did you ever
find the time?
392
00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:09,121
- We're moms.
393
00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:11,793
When do we find time
for anything?
394
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:12,728
Am I right?
[all agreeing]
395
00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,331
JENNY: Yas, queen. Yas.
396
00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:15,834
GINGER: I don't keep clocks
in my house.
397
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:18,039
- Come on,
us moms are passing out condoms
398
00:13:18,105 --> 00:13:20,043
at the make-out point,
or as the kids call it,
399
00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:21,378
Penelope Michael's house.
400
00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:22,948
- Okay.
I'll be right behind you.
401
00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:24,552
Just gotta clean up.
402
00:13:24,619 --> 00:13:26,488
JENNY: What is retrograde?
403
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,729
[leeches squelching]
404
00:13:30,531 --> 00:13:32,467
ERWIN: Trimming the garden
is essential.
405
00:13:32,535 --> 00:13:34,438
- [yelps] You dick.
406
00:13:34,505 --> 00:13:36,375
ERWIN: Use hedge shears
to trim plants.
407
00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:37,678
- [yelling]
408
00:13:37,745 --> 00:13:39,916
ERWIN: Also use hedge shears
to stay alive.
409
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:40,918
[warbles]
410
00:13:40,984 --> 00:13:42,555
- [Chrissy yelling]
411
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:43,990
ERWIN:
Once you've gripped the Raiju,
412
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,462
you must act fast--
they eat flesh.
413
00:13:46,529 --> 00:13:48,533
Grab the current clamps
and place them on each nipple,
414
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,702
and voilà.
415
00:13:49,769 --> 00:13:51,005
Electricity.
416
00:13:51,071 --> 00:13:53,309
[current buzzing]
417
00:13:55,781 --> 00:13:56,916
[cheering]
[music thumping]
418
00:13:56,983 --> 00:13:58,620
FRAT BRO:
Who wants to see my dick?
419
00:13:58,687 --> 00:14:01,291
- All right, boys, highest
body count wins starting...
420
00:14:01,358 --> 00:14:02,695
FRAT BRO 2:
We're gonna be alive forever!
421
00:14:02,762 --> 00:14:04,932
- Now!
- [screams]
422
00:14:04,999 --> 00:14:07,705
[all screaming]
423
00:14:07,772 --> 00:14:09,041
- I'd like to pledge...
424
00:14:09,107 --> 00:14:10,978
to kill every last one of you.
425
00:14:11,045 --> 00:14:12,915
- Oh, shit, let's make 'em
chug their own blood.
426
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,317
- Come on, Saty, do that
427
00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:16,221
organ reorganizing trick
you used to do.
428
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:17,457
- Give 'em butthole mouths.
429
00:14:17,525 --> 00:14:18,894
- Oh, right, right,
right, right.
430
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,664
One ass mouth coming up.
431
00:14:20,731 --> 00:14:22,535
MABEL: Run, boys, run.
432
00:14:22,601 --> 00:14:24,037
[dramatic music]
433
00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:26,676
- Oh, no, you don't.
434
00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:27,912
All right, here we go.
435
00:14:27,978 --> 00:14:29,014
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
436
00:14:29,081 --> 00:14:30,149
Come on. Come on. Do it.
437
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:31,218
Do it. Do it. Do it.
438
00:14:31,285 --> 00:14:33,155
Poke it. Just poke through it.
439
00:14:33,222 --> 00:14:35,728
Poke through it.
Just poke it, motherfucker.
440
00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:37,397
[groaning]
441
00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:39,000
[glass shatters]
I can't do it.
442
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,671
I can't even kill
some soon-to-be
443
00:14:40,738 --> 00:14:42,407
LinkedIn thirst trap.
444
00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:45,012
MABEL: Chug, chug, chug, chug.
- Chug! Drink that shit!
445
00:14:45,079 --> 00:14:46,014
Whoo!
MABEL: Deep throat.
446
00:14:46,081 --> 00:14:47,718
Deep throat. Deep throat.
447
00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:48,854
- Fucknabbit.
448
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,191
- Yo, is this a prank, bro?
449
00:14:53,095 --> 00:14:54,934
- Didn't I tell you
to shut the fuck up?
450
00:14:56,536 --> 00:14:58,607
- Look, the devil doesn't
get twisties.
451
00:14:58,673 --> 00:15:01,345
He twisties the necks
of worthless flesh bags
452
00:15:01,412 --> 00:15:03,650
with his cool,
sociopathic friends.
453
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:09,428
- Oh, we got
Snakey Fucking Freud over here.
454
00:15:10,864 --> 00:15:12,768
- Oh, I should get
massively loaded.
455
00:15:12,835 --> 00:15:14,371
That'll help.
[laughter]
456
00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:16,041
- Whoo!
- I set a new record, dog.
457
00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:17,210
Where were you?
458
00:15:17,277 --> 00:15:19,014
- Uh, I wa--I was
doing normal shit.
459
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,553
Murder, et cetera, et cetera.
460
00:15:21,619 --> 00:15:23,723
- Murder et cetera?
461
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,093
My man!
- Hey,
462
00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:26,295
there's an orphanage
up the block.
463
00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,798
BOGEY: Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
464
00:15:27,865 --> 00:15:29,034
BAKA: Yeah!
BOGEY: Let's fucking rip
465
00:15:29,101 --> 00:15:29,869
some kids' hearts out.
MABEL: Slice 'em up!
466
00:15:29,936 --> 00:15:31,205
Here we go!
467
00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:33,008
- I love a white wine
I can see through.
468
00:15:33,075 --> 00:15:33,977
- Cheers to us.
469
00:15:34,044 --> 00:15:35,914
- Yes, to us.
470
00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,283
AMANDA: Cheers, ladies.
471
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,856
Next week, we should really
organize a protest
472
00:15:39,922 --> 00:15:42,026
for organic lunches
at the school.
473
00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:44,097
- Ooh! A can drive
for can-do attitudes.
474
00:15:44,164 --> 00:15:45,968
- Yes.
- Ladies, ladies,
475
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,505
I polled the kids
around school,
476
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,107
and they said
what they'd want most
477
00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:50,677
is to go to school
without fear.
478
00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:53,182
So I made them
adrenal gland calming stickers.
479
00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:54,317
JENNY:
Laura's a goddamn genius.
480
00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,253
RUBY: What did we do
before you?
481
00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:56,388
GINGER: I just came.
482
00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:00,964
[flies buzzing]
483
00:16:01,031 --> 00:16:04,337
- [Chrissy retching]
484
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,078
[sighs]
485
00:16:08,145 --> 00:16:09,414
KID 1: Yeah!
KID 2: Whoo!
486
00:16:09,481 --> 00:16:11,051
[bells dinging]
[laughter]
487
00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:14,124
- Enjoy it!
Youth doesn't last forever!
488
00:16:14,826 --> 00:16:16,729
- She must be going
through a lot of stuff.
489
00:16:16,796 --> 00:16:20,469
[quirky music]
490
00:16:20,537 --> 00:16:23,209
- [screams]
- Kill Antichrist.
491
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,745
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
492
00:16:24,812 --> 00:16:26,381
Whoa!
493
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,820
- Huh. Checkmate.
494
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,624
CHRISSY: Fucking get--
495
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:32,528
- Ah, monster of the week.
496
00:16:32,595 --> 00:16:33,497
Check.
497
00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:35,634
- [screaming]
[monster growling]
498
00:16:35,701 --> 00:16:38,439
[shouting unintelligibly]
499
00:16:38,507 --> 00:16:40,042
[shrieking]
500
00:16:40,109 --> 00:16:41,946
Mom! Mom, help!
501
00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:44,117
- Aw, my little
Chrissy Wissy Poo's
502
00:16:44,184 --> 00:16:45,888
fighting her own monster.
503
00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:49,060
I wish I could help, but I have
to prepare for the potluck.
504
00:16:49,127 --> 00:16:50,664
Tear out his heart, honey.
505
00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,100
Kill him and whatnot.
506
00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:53,603
[monster snarls]
507
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:56,609
- [yelling]
508
00:17:00,082 --> 00:17:04,291
[gasping]
509
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,696
Mom, what the fuck
is going on, and where are you?
510
00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:08,667
I could have died
a million times today.
511
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:10,036
I should be out playing.
512
00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:12,508
I'm 13, and I had to feed
toenails to a goblin
513
00:17:12,575 --> 00:17:14,277
to get the gas back--
[gasps]
514
00:17:14,344 --> 00:17:16,181
[screams]
[leeches squelching]
515
00:17:16,248 --> 00:17:18,520
What is happening?
516
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:19,555
- Oops.
517
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,158
Should have locked
the door, sweetie.
518
00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:23,095
It's ocupado.
CHRISSY: What the hell is--
519
00:17:23,162 --> 00:17:24,632
[laughter]
520
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:25,934
[indistinct chatter]
521
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,036
- You go, girl.
522
00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:28,607
- [Laura screams]
523
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,009
GUY 1: What's happening?
Are they gonna kill us?
524
00:17:30,076 --> 00:17:31,546
GIRL 1:
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
525
00:17:31,613 --> 00:17:33,516
- You gonna just
stand there and watch?
526
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:35,219
Your whole bit is
that you got arms.
527
00:17:35,286 --> 00:17:36,455
Fucking help me.
528
00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:43,235
[indistinct chatter]
529
00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:46,041
BAKA: What's the haps, Satan?
SATAN: Huh? Oh.
530
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,678
- Holy fuck.
Sweet air. Sweet air.
531
00:17:47,745 --> 00:17:50,416
- Hey, that's the nun you said
you were about to disembowel.
532
00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:52,588
- Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I wa--I was, uh--
533
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,157
- And that's the teen
from before.
534
00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:55,661
TEEN: Hi.
- You didn't bury her alive.
535
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,465
- Did you save her life?
536
00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:00,303
- Ah, fuck it.
I don't care anymore.
537
00:18:00,369 --> 00:18:02,440
Yeah, I didn't kill her.
- Ha! I knew it.
538
00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:05,112
The rumors about
the Realm of Realms were true.
539
00:18:05,179 --> 00:18:09,487
Satan's turned
into a soft, little baby.
540
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,391
[fake crying]
- I'm not soft.
541
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,128
I don't enjoy
this shit anymore.
542
00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:15,066
Destroying realms is epic.
543
00:18:15,132 --> 00:18:16,869
These murder games
are just dumb.
544
00:18:16,936 --> 00:18:18,005
And so are all of you.
545
00:18:18,072 --> 00:18:20,376
I figured that out
all by myself.
546
00:18:20,443 --> 00:18:21,779
- You really called it, Baka.
547
00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:24,417
Satan is a huge wussy,
flabby pussy.
548
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,723
- If you guys knew I was lame,
why did you invite me out?
549
00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:29,394
- Because, dumbass,
you're our meal ticket.
550
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:30,664
You thought we'd been
hanging out with you
551
00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,601
all these centuries
because we like you?
552
00:18:32,668 --> 00:18:33,603
Hell no!
553
00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,941
- But if our meal ticket
is expired...
554
00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:37,043
- Then it looks
like we're gonna
555
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,715
have to find
another way to eat.
556
00:18:39,782 --> 00:18:41,118
[roars]
557
00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:42,420
Agh!
558
00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:44,492
- [hisses]
- Aah!
559
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:45,627
Oh, fuck.
560
00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:48,733
To perish by the very means
I live by.
561
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,236
Oh, the irony!
562
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,106
A true ouroboros.
563
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,743
[muffled] No!
564
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:55,179
[dramatic music]
565
00:18:55,246 --> 00:18:57,483
- [screeches]
566
00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:58,853
[yells]
567
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,191
- How's that for soft, bitches?
BAKA: Oh, it burns.
568
00:19:01,258 --> 00:19:02,628
- Let's get the fuck
out of here.
569
00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:03,930
BAKA:
What a horrible way to go!
570
00:19:03,997 --> 00:19:04,965
- Me drive? How come?
571
00:19:05,032 --> 00:19:06,101
BAKA: I'm being digested...
572
00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:07,504
- [whimpers]
- Oh, right.
573
00:19:07,571 --> 00:19:09,240
Right, right.
BAKA: By a fucking snake!
574
00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:10,443
- Oh, that smells delicious.
575
00:19:10,510 --> 00:19:11,546
- Guys, you need to go.
576
00:19:11,612 --> 00:19:12,981
My mom is--something is wrong.
577
00:19:13,048 --> 00:19:14,552
- What exactly do you think
is wrong with her?
578
00:19:14,618 --> 00:19:15,821
And do you mind
if I record this?
579
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,457
Let's get her canceled.
I mean help.
580
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,994
- I don't care
about the stupid potluck,
581
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,398
and my mom shouldn't either,
and that's why I'm--
582
00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:22,668
LAURA: Hello, ladies.
583
00:19:22,735 --> 00:19:24,104
[eerie music]
584
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:25,306
[all gasp]
585
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,542
JENNY: Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ.
586
00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:28,680
- This is the grossest shit
I've ever seen.
587
00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:31,118
- All of you look gorge,
per usual.
588
00:19:31,184 --> 00:19:32,353
- What are those things?
589
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:33,990
Why are they all over you?
590
00:19:34,057 --> 00:19:35,627
- These are my anger leeches.
591
00:19:35,694 --> 00:19:37,230
We are all one. We love anger.
592
00:19:37,296 --> 00:19:38,933
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, anger.
593
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,804
- Mom, you have to take them
off of you.
594
00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:42,508
- But we are here for you,
child.
595
00:19:42,574 --> 00:19:44,979
Your mother has given us
the gift of her anger.
596
00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:47,450
In turn, we have given her
the gift of freedom
597
00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:49,020
from her pain, her body.
598
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,423
MOMS: Aww.
- Not aww!
599
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,160
This shit stops right now.
600
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:55,399
- What the--
AMANDA: Ha!
601
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,336
This is how you've been
one-upping me, huh?
602
00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:59,074
You see this, ladies?
603
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:00,376
She's a cheater.
604
00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:01,879
- You cannot hurt us, child,
605
00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:03,917
unless you wish
to hurt your mommy.
606
00:20:03,983 --> 00:20:06,154
Do you really want to hurt her
more than you already have?
607
00:20:06,221 --> 00:20:07,691
- Chrissy, your mom loves you.
608
00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:10,196
Everything she does is for you,
including cheating.
609
00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:12,033
- Fuck you, Amanda.
[all gasp]
610
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,903
Please, snap out of it
and be a bitch again.
611
00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:16,208
You are so much better
than all of these shitty moms.
612
00:20:16,274 --> 00:20:17,911
- If by better,
you mean she has
613
00:20:17,978 --> 00:20:20,751
a mind-altering
substance abuse issue,
614
00:20:20,817 --> 00:20:22,654
then sure, she's better.
615
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,459
You know what? Fuck you!
Fuck your mom!
616
00:20:25,527 --> 00:20:27,798
You have no idea how I have
to take it up the tailpipe
617
00:20:27,865 --> 00:20:29,067
day in and day out.
618
00:20:29,134 --> 00:20:31,338
I do everything for every one
of my goddamn family!
619
00:20:31,405 --> 00:20:33,175
Your mom isn't better than us.
620
00:20:33,242 --> 00:20:35,312
She's got it easy,
and I'd fucking kill
621
00:20:35,379 --> 00:20:36,949
to be in her shoes right now.
622
00:20:37,016 --> 00:20:40,924
[leeches squelching]
623
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,530
- Well, I heard your husband's
thinking about leaving you,
624
00:20:43,596 --> 00:20:45,433
so you might get your wish
soon enough,
625
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,003
at least
that's what Jenny said.
626
00:20:47,069 --> 00:20:48,405
- You shitting me?
627
00:20:48,472 --> 00:20:50,710
After I bought you
that rose jade quartz roller?
628
00:20:50,777 --> 00:20:52,948
- I didn't ask for it.
- You fucking needed it!
629
00:20:53,015 --> 00:20:54,952
- You make your son eat
out of the palm of your hand
630
00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:56,789
because he's the only thing
you can control.
631
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,260
- Oh, fuck you, Jenny!
- Oh, fuck you, Amanda!
632
00:20:59,327 --> 00:21:01,766
[both grunting]
633
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:03,970
[leeches squelching]
634
00:21:04,037 --> 00:21:06,007
- [sighs]
635
00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:08,378
Chrissy, why are these cunts
in my house?
636
00:21:08,445 --> 00:21:10,015
- Oh, shit.
You're coming back.
637
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,118
What else pisses you off?
638
00:21:11,184 --> 00:21:12,453
Let's hear it!
639
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,224
- My life is not my own!
640
00:21:14,290 --> 00:21:16,361
Someone slap me
so I can feel something!
641
00:21:16,428 --> 00:21:18,132
[leeches squelching]
642
00:21:18,198 --> 00:21:20,469
♪♪ ♪♪
643
00:21:20,537 --> 00:21:22,340
- I'm tired of having
to hide my anger
644
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,877
because it puts people off!
645
00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:26,448
- Just because you breastfed
your kid until he was four
646
00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:28,385
doesn't make you
a better mother than me!
647
00:21:28,452 --> 00:21:31,592
- I haven't slept
more than four hours in years!
648
00:21:31,659 --> 00:21:32,928
- I don't even have a kid.
649
00:21:32,995 --> 00:21:34,464
I just love groups!
650
00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:35,834
- I killed the family cat.
651
00:21:35,901 --> 00:21:37,971
- I look at myself
in the mirror, and I punch it!
652
00:21:38,038 --> 00:21:40,276
RUBY: A pumpkin is
the most basic, lazy,
653
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,411
Halloween costume for a baby.
654
00:21:41,478 --> 00:21:42,981
GINGER: I want to break shit!
655
00:21:44,284 --> 00:21:45,452
- Mom, help.
656
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,823
There's too many.
657
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:47,825
- Chrissy?
658
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:49,093
I feel hungry...
659
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,564
for kicking some ass.
660
00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:52,433
- Thank God, cause this shit
really sucks.
661
00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,204
Get it? Ha! Not the time.
662
00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:56,474
[leeches screeching]
663
00:21:56,542 --> 00:21:58,245
- I'm sorry
about all of this, Chrissy.
664
00:21:58,312 --> 00:21:59,782
I bet you wish
I was still nice.
665
00:21:59,849 --> 00:22:01,619
- Fuck nice.
I'd take the psycho
666
00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:03,823
real version of you
over the nice one any day.
667
00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:04,992
I need you.
668
00:22:06,127 --> 00:22:07,831
[leeches chittering]
669
00:22:07,898 --> 00:22:10,570
- [chanting]
670
00:22:10,637 --> 00:22:13,075
- Die, mothersuckers!
671
00:22:13,141 --> 00:22:14,945
[glass shatters]
672
00:22:16,214 --> 00:22:17,551
[all sigh]
673
00:22:17,618 --> 00:22:19,254
- Oh, that was
really something.
674
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,659
- Okay, everyone, please get
the fuck out of my house.
675
00:22:21,726 --> 00:22:22,828
- At least you said please.
676
00:22:27,436 --> 00:22:29,140
- [sighs]
Can I ask you something?
677
00:22:29,207 --> 00:22:30,409
- [speaks language]
678
00:22:30,476 --> 00:22:32,046
- We spent all night
beating up on you,
679
00:22:32,113 --> 00:22:34,718
giving you noogies,
pissing in your hat,
680
00:22:34,785 --> 00:22:36,889
and you still saved me.
681
00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:38,025
how come?
682
00:22:40,964 --> 00:22:42,333
- Shit.
683
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,970
I friend.
684
00:22:49,515 --> 00:22:51,318
- Are you quoting Paula?
685
00:22:51,384 --> 00:22:52,888
You tacky son of a bitch.
686
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:55,292
You're ribbing me,
you cheesy fuck.
687
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:56,562
[both laugh]
688
00:22:56,629 --> 00:22:58,800
- [Baka groaning]
689
00:22:58,866 --> 00:23:00,369
- Your mind's in the gutter.
690
00:23:00,436 --> 00:23:01,906
Where it should be,
if you're a snake.
691
00:23:01,973 --> 00:23:03,408
[both laugh]
- [Baka groaning]
692
00:23:03,475 --> 00:23:05,513
PAULA:
♪♪ I take two steps forward ♪♪
693
00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:08,151
BRUCE:
♪♪ I take two steps back ♪♪
694
00:23:08,218 --> 00:23:11,424
BOTH: ♪♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪♪
695
00:23:11,492 --> 00:23:13,563
♪♪ And you know
it ain't fiction ♪♪
696
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,234
BRUCE: ♪♪ Just a natural fact ♪♪
697
00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:20,677
BOTH: ♪♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪♪
698
00:23:20,744 --> 00:23:22,313
PAULA: ♪♪ Who'd-a thought ♪♪
699
00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,350
BRUCE: ♪♪ We could be lovers? ♪♪
700
00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:26,021
♪♪ She makes the bed ♪♪
701
00:23:26,087 --> 00:23:28,793
PAULA:
♪♪ And he steals the covers ♪♪
47012
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.