All language subtitles for Hold.The.Sunset.S02E04.The.Lemming.Family.1080p.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

# Have I the right to hold you?

# You know I always told you

# I've loved you from the very start

# Come right back
I just can't bear it

# I got some love
And I long to share it

# Come right back
Right back where you belong

# Oh, yeah
You belong. #

Did you, er, put up a sign here
last time?

I did. So you just work for the
same firm all the time?

I'll work for anyone,
I know no shame.

Oh...cos this is my third attempt.

Third agent? Yeah.

You're just a beginner.

There's plenty more out there.

ENGINE STARTS

I look forward to it...

Morning. Ah, morning.

Oh...look at you!

You beautiful thing!

He likes to pay his respects.

Oh, dog's graves.

A very old one.

You a church-goer?

Used to be. Not any more?

Not until the Church accepts
that all animals have souls.

Well, they'd never let us bury
our dogs here now.

Soul health and safety, eh?

DUGDALE CHUCKLES

Well, you've got a cat. Deidre.

With a soul? Oh, in abundance, yes.

We are far too arrogant
about all other species.

I mean, we are just another -
albeit, very ingenious - animal.

Amen to that. I better mention it
to the new estate agent

I spent the morning with.

Was he difficult? Pompous!

Pompous in a way
that animals never are, you know?

Just too...too self-important
to listen.

Yap, yap, yap, yap...

Well, good morning, everyone.
Thank you for coming along,

all ready to contribute
to the live performing arts, eh?

And nothing could be more live than
Methuselah -

the amazing, singing crocodile.

Actually, he's got a terrible voice.
He only gets away with it

because of his novelty value,
you know?

Anyway, Methuselah's now going
to give you a fantastic rendition

of the classic rock song,
Good Golly, Miss Molly.

And...go!

# Sweet Molly who lives
at the foot of the hill... #

No, no. No, no, no. No.
Wrong Molly.

I'm talking about the classic
rock song - Good Golly, Miss Molly.

OK? Go!

I don't do rock and roll,
it's beneath me.
CROWD LAUGH

Can you believe this?!

I have my pride.
Just get on with it!

We're going to lose
this lovely audience!

# In Dublin's fair city
where the girls are so pretty

# Twas there I first met
with sweet Molly Malone... #

Molly Malone? Who's Molly Malone?!

Would you just get on with it!

# As she drove her
wheelbarrow through streets... #

Would you shut him up?! I can't.

Once he's made his mind up,
I can't.

# Singing cockles and mussels
Alive, alive, oh

# Alive, alive, oh!
Alive, alive, oh!

# Saying, cockles and mussels,
alive, alive, oh... #

A-a-a-a-a-rgh-h-h-h...!

SCREAMING ECHOES

VOICE ECHOES: Your doctor says your
mother has severe mobility problems,

has almost entirely lost
the power of speech,

and is subject to fits of
uncontrollable rage.

Good grief!

That sounds really bad, doesn't it?

Erm...I mean,
when you say it like that...

I presume you don't have a regular
job? No.

Erm, I did do, but I had to give
it up. To look after your mother?

Yeah! Yeah...yeah.

SCREAMING FADES IN

..a-a-a-a-a-a-a-rgh!

CROWD LAUGHS

..a-a-a-rgh!

APPLAUSE

What happened to you?
Have you completely lost it?

Mrs Pool.

Who's she? She's the head honcho
from social services.

She was staring at me.

Did she give us anything?

She recognised me from when I
pretended that Queenie was my mum,

and I applied to be her carer.

Ah, see, that was another great
idea of mine...

..that you managed to balls up.

I could be prosecuted! What if she
thinks I'm sane and normal?

Roger...nobody is going to think
that of you. Ah...

PUPPET VOICE: That's right,
yeah, no-one.

No-one's going to think that.

Would you put that damn thing away?

What did we take?

£8.20p.

That's not enough for Wendy's
alimony, is it? No.

Poor Roger! Poor, poor Roger!

Oh, good morning, Mrs Pool!

Helen! Bright and early.

Yes. Well, I came in a bit early cos
I was hoping to leave a bit...

Maybe later in the day.

We had this middle-aged man
here last year,

who wanted to care for his mother,

and as I recall, the family
situation was rather complex.

I've just seen him by the river,
busking with an older man

and this...crocodile -
it was rather bothering.

Felicity told me
about the crocodile man.

Apparently, that whole family's
a bit SCARY.

This is Edith, my mum.
Hello, Edith!

Roger has to carry me
to the lavatory.

Yes. Normally, she's just
completely incontinent.

Roger, your mother's insisting
she's Queenie, the cleaning lady.

Mum! Don't say that.

I'm not your mum, and I can't
honestly say I'm altogether sorry.

Roger, I wonder if care in the home
would be adequate in this case?

You see how fickle men are.

When he thinks I'm Edith,
he wants to marry me.

When he thinks I'm a cleaning lady,
he doesn't.

PUPPET: Night-night, Felicity.

It was because of that family she
decided to leave!

That's an excellent example for you
of why it's vital for us

to remain impartial.

Compassionate...but impartial.

I know it's not always easy.

Felicity's report has to be here
somewhere...

She said they were all a bit quirky.

Quirky? If that was our yardstick
for not helping people,

we'd help no-one. Ah, here we are.

Ah...Auntie Joan.

You're still here?

I shall ignore that little jibe.

I've been on my own all day.
Where is everybody?

Out.
Ah.

Shopping, I expect?

There's an awful lot of shopping
goes on in this household.

I'm beginning to think your mother's
avoiding me.

What would she do that?

Roger, be a good chap.
Make a cup of tea?

Some toast?

I'm famished!

I think I've lost weight
since I've been here. Hm...

It's that muesli your mother buys,
it's making holes in my stomach.

It's like eating broken crockery.

WATER RUNS INTO KETTLE

You found a job yet?

Oh, thanks for asking.

A couple of years in the Army
would have sorted you out.

Yeah, I could have a gun
to shoot myself with.

Cleaning out the latrines.

A tour of duty...under heavy fire...

..in some pitiless desert somewhere.

Huh!

PHONE RINGS

Good morning.
My name is Helen Redfern,

I'm calling from the social
services department.

May I speak to Mr Roger Stevens,
please? Mr Stevens isn't here.

He's in Brazil.

Brazil? Yeah. Yeah, you know...where
the nuts come from.

But he's just been seen
performing in Twickenham?

Er...yeah. That-that... Yes.

But then...he had to go to Brazil...

..er, urgently.

Erm...oh! What did you want
with him?

We've been reviewing Mr Stevens'
application to be a carer

for his mother, and we've decided
that he might after all be eligible.

What? We're looking back at cases
where applicants may have been

put off by the bureaucracy, or
are reluctant to accept help

because they feel
they don't deserve it.

And you think that-that-that Roger
might still stand a chance?

Well, subject to further interview,
maybe.

Another interview? Since
Mr Stevens is in Brazil...

No, no, no! Wait, wait. Erm...

Oh, yeah! I think he said he's
coming back tomorrow.

Let me just check.
Yes, definitely.

Tomorrow?

Yeah, well, it was an emergency
visit. Right, OK.

I'll call again in two days' time.

How did that go?

Erm...

That was Derek. Yeah... Old friend.

Cor, what a joker!

Roger.
What?

Go to the chemist and get me
some corn pads.

Corn pads?

Look at this!

This is Wendy!
Wendy?

Well, she's done it,
she's written her book!

Good Lord! I TOLD you she'd been
going to the zoo,

doing research for
a children's book.

Well, do they have lemmings at
the zoo? Oh, come on!

Let's go and cheer her on.

They'd have to keep replacing them,
wouldn't they?

Do you read a lot? Yes.

What's your name? Ophelia.

Ophelia...

..thank you for buying my book.
I hope you enjoy it.

And I hope it's not patronising.

Oh, well...I hope it's not, too.

Is it an allegory? Well, er...

..probably.

Wendy, congratulations!

Edith! Phil!

Very good! Very good indeed.
Thank you.

Now, lemmings have got a tendency to
commit collective suicide

by throwing themselves off cliffs,
right? That's what people think.

Well, it's perfect bedtime reading
for small children.

It's a fallacy.
It's not true?

No, they're just migrating
in search of food.

They don't go looking for the edge
of a cliff on purpose,

but if one happens sometimes
to lie on their path...

But isn't that a bit of a
disappointment

for a bloodthirsty seven-year-old?

Phil, buy several copies.

Oh, no. Phil, don't. It's for kids.

Erm...it's absolutely not for you.

Not at all, so...

Several copies?
I don't have any cash.

Well, use your credit card.

Phil, really, honestly, I'll
bring a copy round.

Ah, so you found a publisher? Yes...

..me!

You published it? Is that difficult?

Erm, well, not really.
Sandra helped me.

Oh! Sandra lent you the money,
did she?

Has she told you?
No, no, I guessed.

So, did you get a good rate? Phil.

Hm? Buy ten copies.

Ten?! Yes, Christmas presents.
Absolutely perfect!

But we've just had Christmas...
Yes, well, there's another one

just around the corner.
Oh, yes, that's true.

Yes, I forgot about that one.
All right...

Wendy, this is wonderful!

I'm so impressed. Oh!
I do hope it goes well for you.

Thank you, Edith. Yes...

..JK Rowling, watch out! Ooh!

Good grief! What is it?

Well, this is all about us.

I thought it was about lemmings?
No, no, no. It's about us,

extremely thinly disguised
as Mr and Mrs Lemming.

Listen, "Evie and Bill Lemming
decide to move to somewhere

"warm and sunny
where the kitchen isn't damp."

My kitchen isn't damp!

Well, that's poetic licence.

"The return of the prodigal.

"Podger Lemming, the most unreliable
member of the family, leaves

"his wife and children and goes back
to live with his mum, Evie."

Good heavens!

And it goes on. Look, this is a
serious bit, er...

"Podger Lemming - with the help
of his dodgy friend,

"Baz the Burglar Lemming -
tries to cheat the social services

"and become a carer for his mother,
who doesn't need one."

She doesn't have much imagination,
does she? No, no...

But what if the social services
get wind of this?

Do you think she's done it on
purpose? Well, it's possible.

I mean, Roger does bring out

the most primitive urges for
retribution.

What are we going to do? Well,
hire a lawyer, spend a fortune

and get nowhere, or...

..do nothing and hope that
the Lemming Family

just sinks without trace.

Which is probably what will happen,
because, thankfully, it's...

..REALLY badly written.

Do they all run off a cliff
in the end?

Sadly, no.

Oh, why did she have to do this?
Why couldn't it be a nice, little

children's book about penguins and
kittens and butterflies?

I don't know.

Still, on a cheerier note,
I've had an offer on the house.

Really?! Phil! From Jack Dugdale?

No, no. But full asking price.

The trouble is, there's a chain.

But still, it's an offer. Yeah.
Things could be on the up!

Yeah. The only thing we have
to do now...

..is to get rid of your sister.

I mean, if I killed her, maybe Wendy
could write a whodunnit about it.

No, it wouldn't work -
too many suspects.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, the trouble with Joan is
she doesn't want to be on her own.

She couldn't cope. Not any more.

Neither can we.

Not after six weeks.

I know.

PHIL SIGHS
First, Roger...

..then Joan,
then a plague of lemming.

EDITH SIGHS

Darling, we've got to escape...

..before the waters close in
over our heads.

Mum...I've some good news!

Have you, dear? Where's Joan?

Oh, she went back to bed.

Erm, she thinks you're trying to
kill her off with inferior muesli.

Oh for goodness' sake!

Muesli would not be MY weapon
of choice.

I'd make her
a nice barbed-wire omelette.

The good news is...I got a call
from the social services office.

Oh, no! What about?

Well, they've decided, after all,
that I might be eligible

to be a carer. What?

A carer? What, for me?!

Yes, well, they're trying to
encourage people who might

otherwise be ashamed to ask.

Well, that hardly applies to you,
does it?

It's out of the question. We are not
going through all that again!

You'd be languishing somewhere
at Her Majesty's pleasure

if it wasn't for us.

Well, they got in touch with me,
I didn't do anything.

No! The answer is no.

Well, they're coming round to see us
on Friday morning.

You invited them? They insisted.

Look, if you're determined to pursue
a career as a professional liar,

then at least try to make SOME
of your lies slightly credible.

That would get you off
to a really good start(!)

Call them back and tell them.
Tell them what?

Tell them your mother doesn't need
a carer, and she's not prepared to

lie about it on your behalf!

And she doesn't need one.
Well, she doesn't have to...

..Queenie'll do that. Queenie?
Queenie's involved?!

Yeah, I gave her a call,
she's coming round.

Oh! Look...

Listen.... No!

And take that jigsaw off the table!

It's a Van Gogh! I don't care what
it is, it can't stay there.

Well, we can put a cloth over it.
No, we can't.

Well, it's too big
to put anywhere else.

Then you shouldn't have got it!

Well, I didn't know
it was going to be this big!

He went mad, you know? What?!

DOOR OPENS
Van Gogh - he went mad.
Is it any wonder?

I got an SOS from Roger. What's up?

What, he hasn't told you?
Sounded like good news.

Social services have come back,
they want to make me a carer.

I'm not impersonating Edith again,
if that's what you're thinking.

Thank you, Queenie.

Listen, it-it wouldn't be for long,
half an hour at most.

No! No! But they're on my side
this time!

It'll be like pushing at an
open door.

You've got to admire his sheer,
dogged denial of reality,

haven't you - yeah, this...

..pure boneheadedness.
It's a rare quality.

It's fraud!

Mum... Mum, I need the income!

I'm paying alimony, it's a...
it's a killer.

This would be perfect!

Don't be daft, Roger.
Out of the question.

Hello, Queenie.
Oh, hello, Joan.

How are you? Dreadful.
I don't know why I bother.

Nobody else seems to.

Oh!

Van Gogh. Didn't he cut his ear off?

Yes, he did. Do you know
anything else about it?

Should I?

Corn pads - two packs.

Oh...and some laxatives.
Just mention my name.

I'll be watching the telly.
Not that there's anything TO watch.

I don't know why they took the sheep
dog trials off, I used to love that.

Edith...

..let me know if I can give you
any advice on how to turn

all that shopping into something...

..edible.

Mum...please.

All right. We'll do it.

Do what? Have the social services
back.

What?! Roger needs a job!

Oh, thank you!

Edith! Are you sure, Edith?

I'm sure. Quite, quite sure.

You've read all the case notes?
Several times.

DOORBELL

And...try and participate a bit more
this time, Helen.

Make a contribution.

Righty-ho.

I'm Vivian Pool
from social services,

and this is my assistant, Helen.

And I'm Queenie Gale,
the cleaning lady.

And, sometimes, Mrs Stephens.

No. Come in.

Vivian and Helen
from social services.

Hello. I'm Edith, Roger's mother.

Oh, as well?

And this is Roger. Hello.

I expect you're very tired,
and it must be a bit cold for you.

What? After Brazil?

Oh, yes. Er...yes, yes, it is bit.
Yes, after Brazil!

This is Phil Parton.

My very good friend
and Edith's intended!

Not my intended, no.

That was over
once he took to the paper bags.

Please sit down. Tea, coffee?

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Joan, would you turn that off
and come over and say hello

to Vivian and Helen?
If you insist.

Nothing worth watching, anyway.

This is my sister, Joan.

Joan, this is Vivian and Helen
from social services.

Well, I hope you've come to stay.

This house is like a morgue most of
the time, everyone out shopping.

Vivian and I would like a quiet chat
on our own.

Hold on, Phil.

No, this way. Yeah...

HEAD THUDS
Oh. Oh, dear.

NERVOUS LAUGHING
And duck...yep.

Joan, could you go and give Queenie
a hand? A hand?

In the kitchen.

Right...

What's going on in there?
They're taking their time.

Mum seemed a bit strained...

..don't you think?

Funny, her changing her mind
like that. Yeah...

..not like her at all. Oh.

Ah, Queenie.

It's fixed. Fixed?

You're a carer.

I'm a carer? You're kidding.

No, it's official. Good Lord.

Wow!

Yeah. Thanks to your mum.

You better make a decent job of it.

Let's not set the bar TOO high. No.

Ah, well done, Roger.

Oh! Er...thanks.

There's a bit of paperwork to do,
you'll be getting a letter.

Oh, a letter?
Nothing very complicated.

Thank you, Edith. Thank you
very, very much.

Thank YOU, Vivian.

Goodbye, Joan. Yes, thank you.

Queenie. Bye!

Mr Parton.

Goodbye...Mr Parton.

Ta-ta!
HELEN SCREAMS

TV IS ON

Mum! You did it!

Joan, switch that off.

It's just for a trial period.

Oh. Yes, but if you're
satisfactory,

there's no reason it can't be
extended.

That's fantastic!

Ooh, well, not a lot...

..but it'll help if you're careful.

I'll top it up, if necessary.

You'll do that? Yes.
Why would you do that?

Because I'm naturally
a very giving and generous person.

Ha! Yeah, but...

No, no. No, hang on...

No. Wait...wait a minute.

No.

Mum!

He's grinning. That's bad.

That-that-that's very bad.

No. Please, Mum. No.

Mum!

You didn't think you'd get away
with being a carer for ME, did you?!

Not for Auntie Joan! Please!

This is known as a comeuppance.

With knobs on.

It'll do you good, Roger.

No, it won't! I can't do it.

Never. My destiny is not shopping
for corn pads!

Then, we're off to a good start.

THEY GIGGLE

Just be careful with that,
there's breakables in there.

Breakables? Yes, my picture frames,
my Royal Worcester china.

I didn't realise I'd brought so
much,

you must have thought I was coming
for months!

Ha! Wouldn't you!

Mum...

Roger, it's for the best.

Give it a try. Surprise us.

Oh... Oh.

Send us a card.

Just the one.

Absolute genius!

Oh, you're brilliant!

Two birds with one stone.

I love you to bits.

Fingers crossed. Give me a kiss.

Edith! Queenie!

Right on cue. You just missed them.
No, it's not that.

Switch the telly on -
Wendy's on, any minute.

What?

I felt like I wanted to set myself
the challenge of trying to write

a book that would engage children,
but I do think

that we have to accept that our
children are hooked on smartphones

and their computer games.
I know mine are.

But they're never going to stop
reading stories that they can

really relate to. Yes. Which happily
seems to be the case with

your new book - The Lemming Family.

Which has just been awarded
the prestigious Prendergast prize

for children's literature.
Wendy Stephens.

APPLAUSE ON TV

Good God!

That's wonderful. Clever girl.

And do stay with us, Wendy,
as we turn to a related subject

of funding for school libraries.

We're joined by Ken Burfield from
the Internet Education Trust. Hello.

And Vivian Pool who, in addition
to her role as regional director

of social services, also chairs

the Children's Educational Needs
Foundation.

Thank you both for coming in today.
My pleasure.

May I just congratulate Wendy?

Oh, thank you. I haven't read
your book yet, Wendy,

but I most certainly will.
I'm looking forward to it.

Well, it's really for children.

Mr Burfield...
TV TURNS OFF

We're sunk, aren't we?

That's it, we're sunk. Why?

Well, it's all in there,
it's all in the book, isn't it?

I mean - Roger's conspiracy, our
attempt to, sort of, cover it up!

I can see the headlines!

Lemming-gate!

A-a-a-agh! Oh...