Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:23,059 --> 00:00:24,589
Lotta shit happened
this season, people.
2
00:00:24,593 --> 00:00:25,803
Lotta shit.
3
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,250
So much shit, I'm compelled
to recap that shit for you.
4
00:00:28,251 --> 00:00:30,291
Also, I tested very well
as a character,
5
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,861
so the producer
would like to shoehorn me
6
00:00:31,861 --> 00:00:33,231
into the show
whenever possible.
7
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,225
Okay. Oh, man.
8
00:00:35,232 --> 00:00:36,932
This season's
been compellin' as fuck.
9
00:00:36,935 --> 00:00:38,195
Lots of twists and turns.
10
00:00:38,268 --> 00:00:40,268
Cable ACE Award-winnin' stuff.
11
00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:41,338
When we last left off,
12
00:00:41,405 --> 00:00:43,735
that tiny rat bastard,
Dr. Psycho,
13
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:44,803
had betrayed Harley.
14
00:00:44,804 --> 00:00:46,534
Turns out,that tricky motherfucker
15
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,230
was in cahootswith the Riddler.
16
00:00:48,229 --> 00:00:50,009
And, with the helpof some bullshit technology
17
00:00:50,014 --> 00:00:51,354
straight out of a comic book,
18
00:00:51,415 --> 00:00:53,845
they now control a armyof blood-sucking parademons,
19
00:00:53,917 --> 00:00:56,087
courtesy of Darkseid.
20
00:00:56,088 --> 00:00:57,258
Dark-side? I don't know
how to pronounce that shit.
21
00:00:57,255 --> 00:00:59,255
So, now, the only way
Harley can stop Psycho
22
00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:00,688
is with the help of
the Justice League.
23
00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:02,389
[gulps] But wouldn't you
fucking know,
24
00:01:02,393 --> 00:01:04,633
they're trapped in
the Queen of Fables' storybook.
25
00:01:04,695 --> 00:01:06,295
Remember that shitfrom Season 1?
26
00:01:06,364 --> 00:01:07,974
Look at how intricately woven
27
00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:09,225
this storytellin' shit is.
28
00:01:09,299 --> 00:01:11,399
Peabody Award-level shit here.
29
00:01:11,468 --> 00:01:12,998
Further complicating
matters is,
30
00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:15,409
the only motherfucker
who knows where that book is,
31
00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:16,542
-is the Joker.
-[coughs]
32
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:18,342
But, that dude's
a khaki-wearin' amnesiac,
33
00:01:18,409 --> 00:01:19,679
who's somehow whiter now
34
00:01:19,743 --> 00:01:21,953
than when he wasthe color of paint primer.
35
00:01:22,013 --> 00:01:23,283
And now, our heroine,
36
00:01:23,281 --> 00:01:24,311
Ms. Harley Quinn,
37
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:25,846
has gone against
her better judgement,
38
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,722
and has dumped the Jokerback into acid
39
00:01:27,719 --> 00:01:29,389
to jog thatmotherfucker's memory,
40
00:01:29,453 --> 00:01:30,953
so he can find the storybook,
41
00:01:31,022 --> 00:01:32,192
free the Justice League,
42
00:01:32,256 --> 00:01:34,156
and take down Psycho
and his fuckin' army.
43
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,224
[whoops]
44
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:36,925
This is some
George R.R. Martin,
45
00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:38,227
Emmy Award-winnin' shit.
46
00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:39,460
Now, get yourself some popcorn,
47
00:01:39,463 --> 00:01:40,563
and let's watch.
48
00:01:40,632 --> 00:01:44,682
[suspenseful music playing]
49
00:01:50,207 --> 00:01:52,757
[gurgling softly]
50
00:01:57,981 --> 00:01:59,331
[hissing]
51
00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:06,571
[laughing maniacally]
52
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,160
[groaning]
53
00:02:12,229 --> 00:02:13,499
[Harley grunting]
54
00:02:15,332 --> 00:02:17,002
[shouting]
Where's the fucking book?
55
00:02:17,534 --> 00:02:19,774
[theme music playing]
56
00:02:21,972 --> 00:02:23,682
[Dr. Psycho laughing]
57
00:02:23,741 --> 00:02:27,711
Begin the taking
of Gotham City!
58
00:02:28,312 --> 00:02:30,052
[ominous music playing]
59
00:02:30,848 --> 00:02:31,978
[screeches]
60
00:02:34,085 --> 00:02:36,645
-[whimpering]
-[screeching]
61
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,199
[whimpering]
62
00:02:38,823 --> 00:02:39,863
[screams]
63
00:02:40,991 --> 00:02:41,991
[all screaming]
64
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,127
[snarls]
65
00:02:45,963 --> 00:02:47,063
[screeching]
66
00:02:49,967 --> 00:02:51,097
[Riddler] Riddle me this...
67
00:02:51,168 --> 00:02:52,638
[inhales] Oh.
68
00:02:53,169 --> 00:02:54,209
What's the next move?
69
00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:55,235
-Not a riddle.
-[gasps]
70
00:02:55,306 --> 00:02:57,436
This whole, uh, sidekick thing
71
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:59,613
has made me real rusty
with my rids.
72
00:02:59,676 --> 00:03:02,946
God! Get me Darkseid.
73
00:03:03,014 --> 00:03:05,014
Oh. You want me to get him.
74
00:03:05,081 --> 00:03:06,311
Oh. Sorry.
75
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,822
My phone doesn't have
an inter-dimensional data plan.
76
00:03:08,819 --> 00:03:09,839
Good lord!
77
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,010
[sarcastically]
Some assistant you are.
78
00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:12,224
Give me my phone.
79
00:03:12,223 --> 00:03:13,443
Okay, Ds.
80
00:03:13,441 --> 00:03:15,531
Deadshot, Deathstroke,
Dee Dee, Doctor Aesop,
81
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,896
Doctor Death,
Doctor Hurt, Doctor Trapp,
82
00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:19,125
Doctor Rabinowitz...
83
00:03:19,129 --> 00:03:21,399
What is
Doctor Rabinowitz's
super power?
84
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,000
Skin care.
He's my dermatologist.
85
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,100
I get adult acne.
86
00:03:24,168 --> 00:03:25,698
Here it is. Oh!
[chuckles]
87
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,710
-I put him under The Darkseid.
That's what's wrong.
-[phone beeps]
88
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:28,811
[ringing]
89
00:03:28,873 --> 00:03:31,743
[Joker] What the fuck
is your problem, Harley?
90
00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:33,540
I should kill you for that.
91
00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:34,650
Good. You're back.
92
00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:35,845
Now, where's
the Queen of Fables' book?
93
00:03:35,847 --> 00:03:37,507
You had it in the tower,
the tower collapsed.
94
00:03:37,514 --> 00:03:38,554
What happened to it?
95
00:03:38,616 --> 00:03:40,046
What happened to it?
96
00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:42,186
What happened to me?
97
00:03:42,252 --> 00:03:44,862
Oh, God! Oh, no.
98
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:45,923
Oh, shit.
99
00:03:45,956 --> 00:03:47,006
What are you doing?
100
00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:48,727
[nervously]
I'm starting to remember.
101
00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:54,845
[ominous music playing]
102
00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:02,438
[monitor beeping]
103
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:06,107
[cheerful music playing]
104
00:04:07,878 --> 00:04:09,528
[inaudible]
105
00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:24,692
[puppy whimpering]
106
00:04:27,331 --> 00:04:28,801
[puppy barking]
107
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,466
[puppy barking]
108
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:37,611
-[tires screeching]
-[crashes]
109
00:04:37,608 --> 00:04:40,158
[cracks knuckles]
110
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,590
What did I become?
111
00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:50,623
A suburban dad.
Who gives a shit?
112
00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:52,017
Where's the fucking book?
113
00:04:52,089 --> 00:04:53,219
I'm not helping you!
114
00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:54,390
You're the whole reason
115
00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:56,159
I ended up spending
six months of my life
116
00:04:56,161 --> 00:04:57,301
in khaki shorts,
117
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,500
a Hawaiian shirt,
118
00:04:58,562 --> 00:05:00,672
and a cell phone clipped
to my belt!
119
00:05:00,665 --> 00:05:02,465
Yeah. Thought you might
say somethin' like that,
120
00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:03,941
which is why
I'm not giving you a choice.
121
00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:05,865
You can't tell me what to do!
122
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:06,870
I'm the Joker,
123
00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:09,870
Gotham's clown prince of crime.
124
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:10,874
I'm gonna--
125
00:05:10,874 --> 00:05:12,784
Blow up if you don't
help me find the book.
126
00:05:12,776 --> 00:05:14,046
Before you came to,
127
00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:15,545
I put a bomb in your head,
128
00:05:15,612 --> 00:05:17,422
and I got the clicker
right here.
129
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:18,782
Hey! That's my bit.
130
00:05:19,283 --> 00:05:20,653
[beeping]
131
00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:23,862
[growls] Fine.
132
00:05:23,922 --> 00:05:26,922
I guess we're going
to Bethany's house.
133
00:05:27,257 --> 00:05:29,157
[Batman] I lost communication
with the Batplane
134
00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,161
around Wayne Tower.
135
00:05:30,161 --> 00:05:32,331
Master Wayne,
you know you don't have
to narrate for me.
136
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,401
I'm quite adept
at context clue.
137
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,104
If I can just get
a glimpse of it.
138
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:37,898
I can use
the city surveillance systems
139
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:38,741
and track it.
140
00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:40,805
-There! No.
-[clicking]
141
00:05:40,872 --> 00:05:42,942
No. No.
142
00:05:43,007 --> 00:05:45,837
No. No. No. No.
143
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:46,910
[clicking]
144
00:05:48,211 --> 00:05:49,611
Computer. Enhance.
145
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,810
[Alfred] We have a new OS.
146
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:52,282
All you have to do is say,
147
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,690
"Hey, Batcomputer,"
148
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,390
and then whatever
you want it to do.
149
00:05:55,452 --> 00:05:57,092
Hey, Batcomputer.
150
00:05:57,088 --> 00:05:58,458
Zoom in on picture.
151
00:05:58,523 --> 00:05:59,663
Joker's back,
152
00:05:59,723 --> 00:06:01,323
and Harley's with him.
153
00:06:01,391 --> 00:06:02,861
They must be behind this.
154
00:06:03,593 --> 00:06:06,763
It's time
for Batman to... return.
155
00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,431
[sternly] No, Master Wayne.
156
00:06:08,499 --> 00:06:10,429
Come on, Alfred. I am ready.
157
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,770
Oh, I'm not worried about you.
158
00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:14,236
I just haven't had a chance
to disinfect the Batsuit.
159
00:06:14,305 --> 00:06:16,505
Fine. Okay. Clean the suit...
160
00:06:16,574 --> 00:06:17,984
[softly] then Batman begins.
161
00:06:18,309 --> 00:06:19,709
Again.
162
00:06:19,776 --> 00:06:23,226
[ominous music playing]
163
00:06:25,615 --> 00:06:26,845
[screeching]
164
00:06:27,685 --> 00:06:29,415
All right.
This all looks perfect to me.
165
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:30,590
Can we go to
the dress fitting now?
166
00:06:30,588 --> 00:06:32,158
Babe, let's
at least have Debbie
167
00:06:32,223 --> 00:06:33,263
show us around.
168
00:06:33,257 --> 00:06:34,287
What's the rush?
169
00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,698
[nervously] What?
There's no rush.
There's no rush. I'm chillin'.
170
00:06:36,699 --> 00:06:39,399
So, I heard one of you
loves to fondue.
171
00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,773
Fon-do I ever!
172
00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:43,704
Fon-damn it!
173
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:45,667
Oh. We'll figure out
a fix for that.
174
00:06:45,737 --> 00:06:47,497
Babe, are you sure
175
00:06:47,504 --> 00:06:49,014
you don't wanna
postpone the nupties?
176
00:06:49,007 --> 00:06:50,767
You know,
just until we get the whole
177
00:06:50,774 --> 00:06:53,784
"unpredictable flying demons"
sitch figured out?
178
00:06:53,845 --> 00:06:57,675
Like, I'm not even sure
I can kite down the aisle
179
00:06:57,682 --> 00:06:58,682
in these conditions.
180
00:06:58,682 --> 00:06:59,682
No! Absolutely not.
181
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,045
I'm ready to
move forward with my life
182
00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:02,252
and leave some things behind.
183
00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:03,622
And, if we don't
do it right now,
184
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:04,860
those things might
catch up with us,
185
00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:05,855
and we can't have that.
186
00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:07,689
[hesitatingly]
And... also, like...
187
00:07:07,692 --> 00:07:08,732
I wanna marr...
188
00:07:08,793 --> 00:07:10,563
You know, like,
love and marr...
189
00:07:10,627 --> 00:07:11,897
I wanna do that thing with you.
190
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:14,733
[crying] That was
really touching.
191
00:07:14,798 --> 00:07:15,868
Thank you for saying that.
192
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:17,234
I don't care what Psycho does,
193
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,520
this wedding is happening.
194
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:21,109
So, this, of course,
is where we'll
put the-- [gasps]
195
00:07:21,572 --> 00:07:22,842
[cell phone ringing]
196
00:07:22,906 --> 00:07:24,706
[Debbie on phone]
...the photo booth.
197
00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:26,706
We'll have all kinds
of silly props like
198
00:07:26,778 --> 00:07:28,578
a sign that says "YOLO."
199
00:07:28,646 --> 00:07:30,116
It'll be hilarious.
200
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:32,622
See, honey?
We're in great hands.
201
00:07:32,684 --> 00:07:35,424
[Joker] I can't believe
I spent six months
202
00:07:35,485 --> 00:07:38,315
being some
loser suburban stepdad.
203
00:07:38,389 --> 00:07:39,819
God damn it!
204
00:07:39,891 --> 00:07:42,861
I'm watering
the whole neighborhood.
205
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:47,064
Get the fuck back!
206
00:07:47,064 --> 00:07:48,604
Hold on!
It's not what it looks like.
207
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:49,828
Well, it looks like
he's the Joker,
208
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:50,874
you're Harley Quinn,
209
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:52,039
and you're here to rob me.
210
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,038
Two out of three. Not bad.
211
00:07:53,038 --> 00:07:54,538
We're not here to rob you.
212
00:07:54,538 --> 00:07:55,538
There's a book.
213
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:56,980
A big, fairytale book.
214
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,081
It's hers. She needs it back.
215
00:07:59,076 --> 00:08:00,606
You're gonna
have to elaborate, clown.
216
00:08:00,677 --> 00:08:01,947
[groans]
217
00:08:02,012 --> 00:08:04,312
You found me
in the rubble of Wayne Tower.
218
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,314
We fell in love.
219
00:08:05,348 --> 00:08:06,668
I read your kids stories
220
00:08:06,668 --> 00:08:08,718
out of what I thought was
just a regular fairytale book,
221
00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:10,786
but it was really
an evil fairytale book.
222
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:12,555
And it turns out
I was actually the Joker,
223
00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:13,557
but I lost my memory,
224
00:08:13,557 --> 00:08:15,187
then she threw me back in acid.
225
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:16,564
Now, I'm the Joker again.
226
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:17,627
[speaking Spanish]
227
00:08:17,694 --> 00:08:19,334
I dated the Joker
for six months?
228
00:08:19,396 --> 00:08:20,556
That's fuckin' ridiculous.
229
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,830
Is it any more ridiculous
230
00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:23,499
than pointing
that gun at my face?
231
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:26,667
The gun you think little Sofia
and Benicio don't know about?
232
00:08:26,737 --> 00:08:29,207
The gun you've never
loaded or shot
233
00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:30,614
in your life?
234
00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:31,608
[growls]
235
00:08:31,675 --> 00:08:33,945
Soy yo, pudding.
236
00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:35,754
Mi corazon.
237
00:08:35,812 --> 00:08:36,852
[lock clicking]
238
00:08:37,981 --> 00:08:40,881
-[groans]
-[insulting Joker in Spanish]
239
00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:44,855
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
240
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,663
Give me the book,
or I'll kill you.
241
00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:47,894
You're not killin' anybody.
242
00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:49,458
So, nothing we had was real?
243
00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:50,927
The trip we took
to the mountains,
244
00:08:50,928 --> 00:08:53,358
the walks we took at night
after the kids were asleep,
245
00:08:53,431 --> 00:08:55,331
The Sopranos rewatch we did?
246
00:08:55,399 --> 00:08:58,339
I guess. I mean,
I did kind of enjoy those.
247
00:08:58,402 --> 00:08:59,742
But, I didn't know who I was!
248
00:08:59,803 --> 00:09:01,043
I'm the Joker!
249
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,865
Obviously, I'm not
going to date
250
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:04,741
some suburban mom!
251
00:09:06,677 --> 00:09:07,807
That was a little harsh.
252
00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,179
I'm the fucking Joker!
253
00:09:09,246 --> 00:09:11,546
[chuckles] I mean, come on!
I mean, seriously.
254
00:09:11,615 --> 00:09:12,775
I thought we had something.
255
00:09:12,783 --> 00:09:14,503
But, if you're too much
of a coward to try,
256
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,520
then here's your book.
257
00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:21,021
[dramatic music playing]
258
00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:30,496
[screeching]
259
00:09:31,735 --> 00:09:33,235
[shouting in Spanish]
260
00:09:35,605 --> 00:09:37,475
-[Harley] Shit!
-No shit.
261
00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:40,854
[call waiting music playing]
262
00:09:40,912 --> 00:09:42,552
[giggles] What's he saying?
263
00:09:42,613 --> 00:09:43,913
[shushes] I'm still on hold.
264
00:09:43,981 --> 00:09:45,951
[on phone] Who interruptsDarkseid's quest
265
00:09:45,950 --> 00:09:47,990
for the anti-life equation?
266
00:09:48,052 --> 00:09:50,022
Uh, it's...
[clears throat]
267
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:52,117
[in deep voice] ...Dr. Psycho.
268
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:56,030
Ah. The dwarf whocalled Wonder Woman a slur
269
00:09:56,094 --> 00:09:57,964
that even I dare not utter.
270
00:09:58,028 --> 00:09:59,998
God! That was, like,
two years ago!
271
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:02,665
Also, "dwarf"
is considered a slur.
272
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:04,627
Just FYI.
This isn't Wizard of Oz.
273
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:06,241
[Darkseid]
Darkseid does not care.
274
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:07,438
[sarcastically] Yeah.
Why would you?
275
00:10:07,438 --> 00:10:08,898
Okay, so, Mr. Darkseid, sir,
276
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:11,279
I have recently
taken over Gotham City
277
00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:14,752
after organizing
all your parademons, and--
278
00:10:14,812 --> 00:10:16,182
What is your request?
279
00:10:16,181 --> 00:10:18,451
Okay, I'd like that deal that
you made with Harley Quinn.
280
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,250
The one that said
if she took over Gotham,
281
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:22,617
you'd help her
take over the world.
282
00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:25,957
Darkseid is...late for a meeting.
283
00:10:26,024 --> 00:10:27,794
All right.
I'm gonna make this quick.
284
00:10:27,859 --> 00:10:28,989
When I was a little boy,
285
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,863
my mother brought meto the county fair.
286
00:10:30,861 --> 00:10:32,001
There was a Ferris wheel.
287
00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:33,302
A big, beautiful thing,
288
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:35,368
and you had to bea certain height to ride it.
289
00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:37,066
And, of course,I was too short.
290
00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:38,467
But, my motherwould always say,
291
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,000
[in high-pitched voice]
"Patience, Eddie.
292
00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:42,674
I'm sure next yearyou're gonna be big enough."
293
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:43,743
Let me tell you right now.
294
00:10:43,807 --> 00:10:45,577
The next year rolled around,
295
00:10:45,576 --> 00:10:47,776
and I hadn't gotten any taller.
296
00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:49,145
Years went by.
297
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:53,024
I hung upside downfrom my ankles for hours.
298
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:55,053
I took growth hormones.
299
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:59,090
Anything to ridethat big wheel in the sky.
300
00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:00,587
I never did get there.
301
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:01,658
But, then, one day,
302
00:11:01,725 --> 00:11:04,095
somethin' veryunexpected happened.
303
00:11:04,162 --> 00:11:06,332
[giggling] All those people
304
00:11:06,398 --> 00:11:07,968
fell to their death!
305
00:11:08,032 --> 00:11:09,802
[all screaming]
306
00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:12,736
[growling] And it was a rush!
307
00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:15,113
I thought it was so satisfying
308
00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:17,813
to watch all those people die!
309
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:19,605
And, that's when
I decided to hate women.
310
00:11:19,677 --> 00:11:21,777
I'm not sure that tracks.
311
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,816
But, you get
where I'm comin' from.
312
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,950
[Darkseid] I will endthis transmission now.
313
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:27,547
[softly] Wait! Wait! Wait!
314
00:11:27,618 --> 00:11:30,248
Most insomniacs who
stay up all hours of the night
315
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:32,922
doing deep dives on Wikipedia
would tell you
316
00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:35,960
that 87% of apocalyptian
business transactions
317
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:37,957
are fueled by revenge.
318
00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:40,398
So, I was thinking--
319
00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:41,399
-[laughing]
-What?
320
00:11:41,399 --> 00:11:43,599
Why are you
looking at me all weird?
321
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:44,938
I just read your mind.
322
00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:47,043
What? That's creepy, man.
323
00:11:47,105 --> 00:11:51,975
Sir, what if I bring you
the head of Harley Quinn?
324
00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:53,413
I mean, she did break the terms
325
00:11:53,477 --> 00:11:55,177
of her
original agreement with you,
326
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,475
and it seems like a good reason
to want her dead.
327
00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:59,518
[Darkseid] You wouldvanquish the woman
328
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:00,518
who betrayed me?
329
00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:02,623
[chuckles] Yeah! Of course.
330
00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:05,460
I mean, we're already
in the process of that.
331
00:12:05,456 --> 00:12:06,656
We're mid-vanquish.
332
00:12:06,662 --> 00:12:09,362
Bring me the headof Harley Quinn,
333
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,630
and the Earth...
334
00:12:11,229 --> 00:12:12,759
is yours.
335
00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:15,200
[excitedly] Yes! Fuckin' sweet!
336
00:12:15,265 --> 00:12:17,995
-I mean, it will be done.
-[cell phone beeps]
337
00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:21,568
Oh. Soon, the whole world
338
00:12:21,572 --> 00:12:24,172
is gonna bow before me.
339
00:12:24,241 --> 00:12:27,351
Bring me Harley Quinn!
340
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:28,712
[screeches]
341
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,350
God, your calves are huge!
342
00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:32,349
[squeaking]
343
00:12:32,615 --> 00:12:33,985
[screeching]
344
00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:35,222
[music playing on speaker]
345
00:12:38,222 --> 00:12:39,522
[Poison Ivy] What do you think?
346
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:44,328
I think this is
highly against protocol.
347
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:46,025
If my mother saw me seeing you
348
00:12:46,029 --> 00:12:47,369
in that dress
before the wedding,
349
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:49,095
she would say something
very passive-aggressive
350
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,300
that would bring me to tears.
351
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,538
Where is Harley?
352
00:12:51,535 --> 00:12:53,135
She should be here. Not me.
353
00:12:53,203 --> 00:12:55,073
What? Forget about Harley.
She was busy,
354
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,642
and I don't have
any other friends,
so you're up.
355
00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:59,079
Babe, did you and Harley
get into a fight or something
356
00:12:59,143 --> 00:13:00,543
at the ol' bach partay?
357
00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:02,881
It just feels like
you've been different
since then.
358
00:13:02,947 --> 00:13:04,777
What? No.
We're, like, totally fine.
359
00:13:04,782 --> 00:13:05,902
[stammering] We just... She...
360
00:13:05,899 --> 00:13:07,619
She's just got her things,
and I've got mine.
361
00:13:07,618 --> 00:13:10,188
It's a classic case of, like,
people just, you know,
havin' things
362
00:13:10,187 --> 00:13:11,817
that they do away from people.
363
00:13:11,822 --> 00:13:13,422
Plus, she's like
not good at this stuff.
364
00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:14,794
You know, it's like, you are.
365
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,092
You are good
at this kind of thing.
366
00:13:16,094 --> 00:13:18,304
You are right about that.
367
00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,703
[inhales] Okay. Um...
[clicks tongue]
368
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,800
Are you totally set on cream?
369
00:13:22,866 --> 00:13:23,866
What? What do you mean?
370
00:13:23,899 --> 00:13:25,639
-The... Isn't this just white?
-Nope.
371
00:13:25,702 --> 00:13:27,672
-[screeching]
-Oh, shit!
372
00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:29,238
[grunts]
373
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:31,438
[screeching]
374
00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:34,849
[speaking slowly]
We don't speak your language.
375
00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,712
Is there another way
376
00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:39,184
we can communicate?
377
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,750
You do know
that speaking louder
378
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,390
will not help them
understand you.
379
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:43,723
It... might.
380
00:13:45,755 --> 00:13:47,015
What the fuck?
381
00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:48,761
Shit nuts with a can!
382
00:13:48,826 --> 00:13:49,956
Oh, my God!
383
00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:51,401
I wasn't even sure
I wanted a backless dress,
384
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,595
and now I'm stuck with it.
385
00:13:52,663 --> 00:13:53,873
Yeah. I was gonna say,
386
00:13:53,931 --> 00:13:56,671
a backless halter...
is a little rural.
387
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:57,744
[growls]
388
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,503
[growling] I've had it!
389
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:02,872
I didn't care when
they were taking giant dumps
390
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,140
all over the fuckin' city,
391
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:07,078
but this is
a $13,000 Vera Wang!
392
00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:09,484
[nervously] Uh...
Okay. Thirteen...
393
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:12,518
So, you know,
are we doin'
the traditional thing
394
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,147
where the bride's parents
pay for the wedding?
395
00:14:14,152 --> 00:14:15,652
Dr. Psycho's dead.
396
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,720
Hold my hair.
397
00:14:16,787 --> 00:14:18,017
Yeah. Sure, honey.
398
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:21,689
[menacing music playing]
399
00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:24,460
[suspenseful music playing]
400
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,370
[Harley shouts] Get down!
401
00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:28,902
[screeching]
402
00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:31,696
We're not going
to find this book.
403
00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:33,299
Ugh. This sucks!
404
00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,143
Why don't you just
blow my head up right now?
405
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:36,409
[angrily] It's your fault
we're here.
406
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:37,878
If you hadn't been
an asshole to your ex,
407
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:38,935
she wouldn't have
chucked the book
408
00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:40,502
into the jaws of a parademon.
409
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,650
She chucked the book
410
00:14:41,712 --> 00:14:43,082
because she's loca.
411
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:45,077
She's got it tattooed
on her lower back
412
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:46,919
next to a Tweety Bird.
413
00:14:46,984 --> 00:14:49,254
Although, we did have
some good times.
414
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,750
Great. Uh, I don't give a shit.
415
00:14:50,754 --> 00:14:51,794
Let's find the book.
416
00:14:51,788 --> 00:14:52,718
[squelching]
417
00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:54,894
I might actually say
418
00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:57,098
it was the
most fulfilling relationship
419
00:14:57,095 --> 00:14:58,195
I've been in.
420
00:14:58,196 --> 00:15:00,496
Jesus Christ!
Are you gettin' sentimental?
421
00:15:00,565 --> 00:15:02,095
Where was that
when we were dating?
422
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:04,496
You fell in love with me
when I was famous.
423
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:07,708
When I looked like this.
[chuckles]
424
00:15:07,772 --> 00:15:08,942
Bethany fell in love with me
425
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:11,305
when I was just
a square-looking barback
426
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,705
with not a lot of prospects.
427
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:15,508
Uh, that wasn't the real you!
428
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:17,623
[shouting] You had forgotten
what a piece of shit you are!
429
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:20,585
I can't believe
you were ever a therapist.
430
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,490
I'm starting to wonder,
431
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,956
did I screw
something up good
432
00:15:26,957 --> 00:15:28,457
with me and Bethany?
433
00:15:28,525 --> 00:15:29,555
Probably not.
434
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,259
Just seeing you toss away
your chance at Ivy has...
435
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,760
Has got me thinking
about my own love life.
436
00:15:34,831 --> 00:15:37,031
I mean, I don't wanna
biff it like you did.
437
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,840
Hey! I told Ivy how I felt,
438
00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:39,836
and she didn't feel that way.
439
00:15:39,836 --> 00:15:40,836
[shouting] And end of story!
440
00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:41,907
Water under the bridge!
441
00:15:41,905 --> 00:15:43,235
Right. Right.
442
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,840
[sarcastically]
The screaming about it at
the mere mention of her name
443
00:15:45,842 --> 00:15:47,582
certainly backs that up.
444
00:15:48,211 --> 00:15:53,021
[screeching in distance]
445
00:15:53,017 --> 00:15:54,177
Fuck, yeah!
446
00:15:54,451 --> 00:15:55,801
[snoring]
447
00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:02,489
Look at these hideous monsters.
448
00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:05,899
Oh, Bethany and I
used to cuddle just like that.
449
00:16:05,962 --> 00:16:08,272
God, we could just
sit on the couch
450
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:10,402
and talk about nothingfor hours.
451
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:13,437
We just got each other.
452
00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:15,444
She always had my back.
453
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:16,606
[sentimental music playing]
454
00:16:17,908 --> 00:16:19,178
Good God!
455
00:16:19,243 --> 00:16:20,453
That's true love.
456
00:16:20,511 --> 00:16:22,111
Then you can't just give up.
457
00:16:22,179 --> 00:16:23,409
Love's a risk.
458
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,050
It may not always
go in your favor,
459
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:26,345
but if it's true love,
460
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,187
you have to fight for it.
461
00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:29,722
[belches]
462
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:31,318
That is foul.
463
00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:33,059
Ugh! Let's get
the hell outta here.
464
00:16:33,124 --> 00:16:37,174
[suspenseful music playing]
465
00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,299
[growling]
466
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:42,025
Maybe it's T. rex rules.
467
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,870
If we don't move,
they can't see us.
468
00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:46,274
[screeching]
469
00:16:46,336 --> 00:16:48,306
Yeah. I'm pretty sure
they can see us.
470
00:16:48,373 --> 00:16:49,713
[growling and screeching]
471
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:51,240
[grunts]
472
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:53,538
I can't run
in fucking wingtips.
473
00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:55,411
[screeching]
474
00:16:59,116 --> 00:17:02,716
[dramatic music playing]
475
00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:05,689
[shrieks]
476
00:17:07,892 --> 00:17:08,962
[Joker yelps]
477
00:17:10,094 --> 00:17:11,564
[shrieks]
478
00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:14,963
[screeching]
479
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:37,988
[Joker grunts]
480
00:17:38,789 --> 00:17:40,589
[both panting]
481
00:17:40,924 --> 00:17:41,924
[screeching]
482
00:17:44,461 --> 00:17:48,261
Nice knowin' ya, Mistah J.
483
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,043
[screeching]
484
00:17:51,102 --> 00:17:55,072
[dramatic music playing]
485
00:17:55,071 --> 00:17:57,141
So, you're all
in league with Psycho,
486
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,838
and you've
gotten back with Joker.
487
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:00,040
Oh for two, idiot.
488
00:18:00,111 --> 00:18:01,351
Jesus, Bats.
489
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:02,812
Your time out of the game
490
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,475
has really made
your detective skills
go to shit.
491
00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:06,579
[Batman] I doubt that.
492
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:07,724
[Harley] We're trying
to save the city.
493
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,219
Psycho's mind-controlled
my crew
494
00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:10,317
and all the parademons.
495
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,420
And, in order to stop him,
496
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:12,992
we're trying
to free the Justice League
497
00:18:13,057 --> 00:18:14,757
-from Queen of Fables' book.
-Oh.
498
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:17,926
[growls] Oh!
That is not the book.
499
00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:20,374
What? Then the actual book is--
500
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:21,771
[shouting] Still at Bethany's!
501
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,203
Looks like we're
takin' a detour to suburbia.
502
00:18:24,268 --> 00:18:26,098
Bats, tell Zatanna
to meet us there,
503
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:27,200
and bring her wand.
504
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,140
-Who's Bethany?
-My girlfriend.
505
00:18:29,207 --> 00:18:31,807
-What?
-My ex-girlfriend!
506
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:33,409
I'll explain on the way.
507
00:18:36,012 --> 00:18:37,112
[screeching]
508
00:18:37,181 --> 00:18:39,451
Okay. You're tellin' me
509
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,017
that Harley and Joker
510
00:18:41,018 --> 00:18:42,848
were in the goddamn nest,
511
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:45,091
but escaped with Batman?
512
00:18:45,155 --> 00:18:46,455
[screeching]
513
00:18:46,523 --> 00:18:49,533
And, they're headed east
in the fuckin' Batplane?
514
00:18:49,594 --> 00:18:51,434
-[screeches]
-Northeast. Whatever.
515
00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:53,196
Shit! What the hell
are we gonna do?
516
00:18:53,263 --> 00:18:55,803
-Batman was supposed
to be out of commission!
-[crashing]
517
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:57,967
Hey, Psycho!
518
00:18:58,035 --> 00:18:59,835
You tiny-dicked asshole.
519
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:02,174
I was tryin'
to just sit this one out,
520
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,540
but you screwed with
my goddamn wedding.
521
00:19:04,608 --> 00:19:07,478
So, either ground
your goddamn parademons
522
00:19:07,545 --> 00:19:09,245
until the "I do's" are done,
523
00:19:09,313 --> 00:19:11,213
-or so help me--
-Oh!
524
00:19:11,281 --> 00:19:15,091
Actually, I'm so happy
you came, Ivy.
525
00:19:15,152 --> 00:19:18,152
I was really
in need of a friend.
526
00:19:18,221 --> 00:19:20,121
[whirring]
527
00:19:21,491 --> 00:19:23,891
[Batman] So, you, the Joker,
528
00:19:23,961 --> 00:19:26,531
were in a relationship
with a nurse practitioner.
529
00:19:26,597 --> 00:19:29,227
Technically, she was
in nursing school.
530
00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:31,439
And you professed
your love to Ivy.
531
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,671
Ugh! Still don't know
why you brought that up.
532
00:19:33,671 --> 00:19:34,541
Oh, my God!
533
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:35,868
It came up organically.
534
00:19:35,869 --> 00:19:38,239
It would've been awkward
if I didn't say anything.
535
00:19:38,308 --> 00:19:41,578
Look, we need to get that book
before Psycho kills us all.
536
00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:45,045
No. This is mine to do.
537
00:19:47,952 --> 00:19:49,092
[knocking]
538
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,120
Didn't I tell you
to fuck off and get lost?
539
00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:55,663
Yes. Yes, you most definitely
said both of those things,
540
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:56,727
but, um...
541
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:59,955
I just can't stay away, Beth.
542
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,971
You know, I thought
I had the perfect life
543
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,365
before I met you.
544
00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:07,244
Maiming, killing,
causing general chaos.
545
00:20:07,305 --> 00:20:08,965
I thought I had it all.
546
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,010
But, now, I realize...
547
00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:13,205
I was missing something.
548
00:20:13,277 --> 00:20:16,347
Love is what
makes life worth living.
549
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:20,083
So, Joker went through
some changes over
the last few months.
550
00:20:20,151 --> 00:20:23,021
I don't wanna blow
what could be a great thing.
551
00:20:23,086 --> 00:20:24,916
Like a friend of mine did.
552
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,223
I still have the remote
to blow up your fuckin' head.
553
00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:29,490
I wanna give this a shot.
554
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,860
[speaking in Spanish]
555
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,070
[gasps] Oh, baby!
556
00:20:34,131 --> 00:20:35,131
We need that book.
557
00:20:35,199 --> 00:20:37,709
Jesus! Read the fucking room!
558
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,790
[suspenseful music playing]
559
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,480
[both gasp]
560
00:20:50,548 --> 00:20:52,418
[weakly] Thank Hera!
561
00:20:52,482 --> 00:20:54,052
That place was hell.
562
00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:56,517
[softly] They made us listen
to the same songs
563
00:20:56,587 --> 00:20:59,757
[breath shudders]
over and over again.
564
00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:02,234
[trembling] Too soft.
Too hard. Never just right.
565
00:21:02,292 --> 00:21:04,032
Never just right.
566
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:05,896
So, in summary,
567
00:21:05,896 --> 00:21:07,526
we have to take down
the parademon army
568
00:21:07,598 --> 00:21:08,868
and get to Dr. Psycho.
569
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:10,473
No time to waste!
570
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,395
[grunting and groaning]
Sorry! It's been a minute.
571
00:21:13,471 --> 00:21:15,971
I should probably
get back to Central City.
572
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,240
[groans]
573
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:23,376
I'll go make some coffee.
574
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,548
So, is this your new life?
575
00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:25,748
You're gonna go coach
a little league team
576
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,290
and get ice cream
after the game?
577
00:21:27,351 --> 00:21:28,821
[chuckles] No!
578
00:21:28,886 --> 00:21:31,456
Little Benicio's
lactose-intolerant.
579
00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:34,391
Look, lots of dads
are serial killers.
580
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,329
I'm not gonna change who I am.
581
00:21:36,394 --> 00:21:38,464
I just have
a better reason to kill.
582
00:21:38,528 --> 00:21:41,068
I am in love!
[laughing]
583
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,773
Now, it's your turn.
584
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,798
I told you, I tried.
It didn't work.
585
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:45,704
Ivy said no.
586
00:21:45,703 --> 00:21:47,703
Are you prepared
to live with that?
587
00:21:47,771 --> 00:21:49,871
I'm prepared for anything.
588
00:21:51,742 --> 00:21:54,382
Ivy! What're you doing here?
589
00:21:54,444 --> 00:21:57,054
I've got something to tell you.
590
00:21:57,115 --> 00:21:58,675
I am going to kill you.
591
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,590
[dramatic music playing]
592
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,322
-Damn! That shit was tense.
-[groans]
593
00:22:02,385 --> 00:22:03,715
See, now, this show is a comedy
594
00:22:03,788 --> 00:22:06,288
that combines both humor
and dramatic tension.
595
00:22:06,356 --> 00:22:07,986
-Can I get a Chiron?
-[buzzer sounds]
596
00:22:08,058 --> 00:22:09,288
See you all next week.
597
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,629
Same Frank time,
598
00:22:10,694 --> 00:22:12,004
same Frank channel.
599
00:22:12,063 --> 00:22:14,373
I'm gonna get some popcorn
in anticipation.
600
00:22:14,432 --> 00:22:16,232
Hey, Chaz.
Hook a brother up!
601
00:22:16,299 --> 00:22:18,229
-[laughs]
-[slurping]
602
00:22:18,301 --> 00:22:19,701
[spits] There's butter on this!
603
00:22:19,770 --> 00:22:21,110
[shouting] What the fuck, Chaz?
604
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,613
I'm watchin' my cholesterol.
605
00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:25,780
[theme music playing]
39823
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.