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1
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:02,736
- SIR?
[echoing]
2
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:05,406
SIR, SIR.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,874
THERE YOU ARE.
4
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:09,543
HE'S CONSCIOUS.
5
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,844
SIR, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
6
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,047
- ARE YOU AN ANGEL?
- NO.
7
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,815
- ARE YOU A DEVIL?
8
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,983
- NO.
9
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,318
- THEN EAT A BAG OF DICKS.
10
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,986
- OH, WELL,
THAT IS VERY KIND, SIR,
11
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,223
BUT WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO ACCEPT GRATUITIES.
12
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,226
- JUST CLOSE THE GARAGE DOOR AND
LET ME FINISH WHAT I STARTED.
13
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,827
- WELL, IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
YOU LEFT THE SKYLIGHT OPEN.
14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,995
- I COULDN'T FIND THE BUTTON.
15
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,098
- WELL, HOW HARD DID YOU TRY,
SWEETIE?
16
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,999
W--I'M STARIN' RIGHT AT IT.
WE PAINTED IT ORANGE.
17
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,334
- MOM!
18
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,035
- LAST TIME,
HE TRIED TO HANG HIMSELF.
19
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,537
TIED THE ROPE TOO LONG.
20
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,372
JUMPED OFF THE WORKBENCH
AND BROKE BOTH OF HIS ANKLES.
21
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,907
THE NEIGHBOR KID
FOUND HIM HANGING THERE.
22
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,342
- MOM, SHUT UP!
23
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,843
- DON'T YOU TALK TO
YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT.
24
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,212
- STAY OUT OF THIS,
WOULD YOU, LARRY?
25
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,214
- AND IF YOU "REALLY" WANT
TO COMMIT SUICIDE,
26
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:49,049
YOU DON'T DO IT TWO BLOCKS
FROM AN AMBULANCE COMPANY!
27
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:52,220
GET YOUR OWN PLACE,
NOT NEAR AN AMBULANCE COMPANY.
28
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,854
IT'S GODDAMN RIDICULOUS.
29
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,089
- SIR--
- NOW THE WHOLE HOUSE
30
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,857
IS GONNA SMELL
LIKE EXHAUST FUMES.
31
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,025
- SIR--
32
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,260
- AND YOU RUINED
MY GOOD GARDEN HOSE,
33
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,561
SO MY RHODODENDRONS
ARE GONNA DIE!
34
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,363
- SIR!
- WHAT?
35
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,098
- NOTHING.
36
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:07,067
- SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE
CLEANING THE GODDAMN CAR!
37
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,070
FRICKIN' KID NEVER FINISHED
A THING IN HIS LIFE!
38
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,372
- DO YOU THINK
HE'LL BE HOME FOR DINNER?
39
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,207
I NEED TO KNOW
HOW MUCH HAM TO THAW.
40
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:16,076
- AT LEAST MY KIDS DON'T TRY
TO KILL THEMSELVES ALL THE TIME.
41
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,146
- THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY SELL WEED,
LARRY.
42
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,583
IT'S GOOD SH--, ACTUALLY.
43
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,118
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
44
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:27,288
[funky music]
45
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:34,595
*
46
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,340
[radio static]
47
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,444
- THAT MUST'VE BEEN A PRETTY
SCARY CALL FOR YOU, HUH, BRIAN?
48
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,246
- YES, IT WAS.
49
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,114
THAT GUY'S STEPDAD HAD
SOME SERIOUS ANGER ISSUES.
50
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,017
- OH, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT THE KID, FUTURE BRIAN.
51
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,452
- FUTURE BRIAN?
52
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,087
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
WE'RE CALLING HIM.
53
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,355
SEE, FUTURE BRIAN
IS LIKE YOU IN TEN YEARS--
54
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,424
SINGLE, LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS
IN THE BASEMENT.
55
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,092
- SPOOKY.
- YOU GOT TO MOVE, BRO.
56
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,960
- CUT THE CORD.
- YOU A GROWN-ASS MAN.
57
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,430
- YOU AND FUTURE BRIAN EVEN
DRIVE THE SAME CAR, A SUBARU.
58
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,664
COULD IT GET ANY SPOOKIER?
59
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,201
- HEY, HOLD YOUR HORSES HERE,
FELLAS.
60
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,136
FIRST OFF, I DRIVE AN OUTBACK.
HE DRIVES A FORESTER.
61
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,305
IT'S A VERY DEPRESSING MODEL.
62
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,772
- MY MISTAKE.
TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
63
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,774
- PLUS HE PROBABLY MOVED
BACK IN WITH HIS PARENTS.
64
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,976
I NEVER MOVED OUT.
THAT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
65
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,278
- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF,
BRIAN?
66
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,113
- SERIOUSLY, BRO.
GET OUT ON YOUR OWN.
67
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,448
DITCH THE DEAD WEIGHT.
68
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,949
- SEE?
THAT RIGHT THERE.
69
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,651
THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.
70
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,787
I'M AFRAID OF THE DECLINING ROLE
OF THE AMERICAN FAMILY, OKAY?
71
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,457
I'M AFRAID OF LOSING
THE GENERATIONAL BONDS
72
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,660
THAT TIE US ALL TOGETHER.
73
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,195
AND RENT.
74
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,297
I'M REALLY AFRAID
OF PAYING RENT.
75
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:46,534
IT'S A BIG, IRRESPONSIBLE,
AND ENDLESS FINANCIAL HOLE.
76
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,302
YOU GUYS OWE ME 37 CENTS
BY THE WAY.
77
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,570
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR THE M&Ms.
78
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,971
- OH, COME ON.
- CHICAGO NORTH 911.
79
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,307
DOMESTIC SHOOTING,
3540 RACINE.
80
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,409
- AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING.
- GO!
81
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,511
- PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
POLICE ON SCENE.
82
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,681
SHOOTING VICTIM TRAPPED
ON FRONT PORCH LOSING BLOOD.
83
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:04,017
[dog barking]
84
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,086
[emergency radio chatter]
85
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,555
- HEY.
86
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,257
FEMALE ON THE PORCH
HAS BEEN SHOT AT LEAST ONCE.
87
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,491
- SHE'S BLEEDIN' PRETTY BAD.
88
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,993
- SHE AIN'T MOVIN' EITHER.
89
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,495
- SHOOTER'S HER EX.
90
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,996
HE'S LOCKED AND LOADED
ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
91
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,431
- HOW MUCH TIME WE GOT?
92
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,566
- HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR'S
ABOUT TEN MINUTES AWAY.
93
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,000
ANIMAL CONTROL ABOUT THE SAME.
94
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,369
I'D LOVE TO GET A LOOK IN THERE
95
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,670
AND SEE HOW MANY WEAPONS
HE'S GOT ON HIM.
96
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,171
[dog barking]
97
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,172
BILLY, GET MY BINOCULARS.
98
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,674
- YEAH, GOT IT.
99
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,242
- HOW'S YOUR DAY BEEN, GUYS?
- MEH.
100
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,210
- WELL, WE SAVED
BRIAN'S DOPPELGANGER
101
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,012
FROM KILLING HIMSELF.
- HE IS NOT MY DOPPELGANGER.
102
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,347
- HE'S AT LEAST A DOPPEL.
- WE CALL HIM FUTURE BRIAN.
103
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,616
- A CASUAL RESEMBLANCE AT BEST.
- HOW CASUAL?
104
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,685
- HE LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS
AND DRIVES A SUBARU.
105
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,420
- OY.
- IF HE WAS REALLY SUICIDAL,
106
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,389
HE WOULDN'T DRIVE A CAR
WITH SUCH GOOD GAS MILEAGE.
107
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,390
- THIS JUST IN:
BRIAN'S CHEAP.
108
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,191
[gunshot, ricochet]
109
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,626
- COME ON!
110
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,727
[dog barking]
111
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,362
- YOU COULD PROBABLY
GET A ONE-BEDROOM
112
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,563
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
FOR A PRETTY DECENT PRICE.
113
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,365
- GO AHEAD AND LAUGH,
BUT DID YOU KNOW
114
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,634
THAT FINANCES ARE THE NUMBER ONE
CAUSE OF MARITAL DISCORD?
115
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,536
- KNOW WHAT NUMBER TWO IS?
- WHAT?
116
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,605
- BULLETS.
117
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,540
[Billy shouting indistinctly]
- OH! NO!
118
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,042
LET ME GO!
- HOLY SH--!
119
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,243
- HEY, LET ME GO!
120
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,545
[thud]
- OH, MY GOD!
121
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,314
- [grunts]
- HE'S DOWN!
122
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,549
[man shouting indistinctly]
SHUT UP, MAN!
123
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,284
ALL CLEAR.
124
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,419
- GOOD JOB.
[applause]
125
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,421
- HE'S DOWN.
ALL CLEAR.
126
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,122
THERESA, I USED THE THING!
127
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,426
I USED THE THING
WE LEARNED IN CLASS!
128
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:21,295
- GET THE STRETCHER.
- HEY, GET THE STRETCHER.
129
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:24,231
[dog barking]
- [moans]
130
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,301
OH, GOD.
- SIT. SIT.
131
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,236
SIT.
GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL.
132
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,504
- WHEN'D YOU BECOME
THE DOG WHISPERER?
133
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,139
- HEY, I'M A BLACK MAN, JOHN.
134
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,308
WHERE I GREW UP, WE HAD SO MANY
PIT BULLS RUNNING AROUND,
135
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,609
WE THOUGHT THEY WERE
FRIGGIN' SQUIRRELS.
136
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,578
- OKAY, MISS,
HELP IS HERE.
137
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,513
- [groans]
- GOOD, GOOD.
138
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,114
VERY MANAGEABLE.
- WHA--YOU SURE?
139
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,083
- SURE I'M SURE.
IT'S A FLESH WOUND.
140
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,585
IT MIGHT'VE NICKED THE BONE.
YOU'RE GONNA GET A COOL SCAR
141
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,086
AND SOME PRETTY DECENT PAIN
PILLS OUT OF THE DEAL.
142
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,121
BRIAN, GAUZE.
- [shrilly] AAH! AAH!
143
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,357
OH, GOD!
144
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,991
THERE'S A SPIDER
ON MY GODDAMN ARM!
145
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,025
SOMEBODY GET IT!
146
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,260
- I'VE BEEN SHOT,
147
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,595
AND I DIDN'T EVEN SCREAM
THAT LOUD.
148
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,630
- OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD,
OH, MY GOD!
149
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,098
- STAND STILL.
- GET IT, GET IT, GET IT!
150
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,333
- I GOT IT, OKAY?
- OOH, IS IT OFF ME?
151
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,434
IS IT OFF ME?
OOH, DID YOU GET IT?
152
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,169
- HEY, RELAX NOW, HANK.
RELAX.
153
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,637
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GONNA
PUT IT DOWN HERE.
154
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,439
- NO, NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
155
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,307
BREAK OFF SOME OF ITS LEGS
SO IT WON'T COME BACK AT ME.
156
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,141
BREAK OFF SOME OF THE LEGS.
- HEY, LAST TIME I HEARD
157
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:09,477
SOMEONE SQUEAL LIKE THAT,
158
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,112
IT WAS ME.
I WAS 13 AT A HANSON CONCERT.
159
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,614
- OOH, OOH.
160
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,783
AHH!
161
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,786
HOO, THANK YOU, JESUS.
HOO, HOO.
162
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,955
- [laughs]
163
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,792
- IT WAS AS BIG AS MY HEAD.
- OKAY, PRINCESS.
164
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,494
SPEAKING OF YOUR HEAD, YOU KNOW
WHAT WE GOT TO GET YOU NOW?
165
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:29,329
- A DRINK?
- NO, A TIARA.
166
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:33,333
[laughs]
- GOD.
167
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,038
- SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS.
THEY CAN KILL YOU.
168
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,507
- NOT A DADDY LONGLEGS.
[laughs]
169
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,808
- WELL, IT WASN'T WEARING
A GODDAMN NAMETAG!
170
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:41,809
- I'M AFRAID OF BEES.
171
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,477
- ME, TOO.
NOT A FAN, NOT A FAN.
172
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,545
- JUST KIDDING, ASSHOLE.
GOD, YOU'RE A MESS.
173
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,646
I DON'T HAVE ANY FEARS.
174
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,147
- BULLSH--.
- I DON'T.
175
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,749
I'M SCARED OF THE BIG THINGS.
176
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,418
CANCER, TERRORISM, BEN AFFLECK
BEING A LOUSY BATMAN.
177
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,219
- DON'T WORRY, MAN.
HE'S GONNA CRUSH IT.
178
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,721
- EVERYBODY'S
SCARED OF SOMETHING.
179
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,656
I'M SCARED OF LITTLE PEOPLE.
- MIDGETS?
180
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,859
- I'M NOT SCARED OF THE WHOLE
MIDGET--JUST THE HANDS.
181
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:03,497
SO SMALL AND SOFT,
LIKE THEY COULD JUST GRAB YOU
182
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:06,767
AND YOU'D HARDLY FEEL IT.
183
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,769
LIKE A WHISPER.
184
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,774
I'M ALSO NOT VERY
FOND OF WIDE OPEN SPACES.
185
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,609
PRAIRIES AND STUFF LIKE THAT?
MM-MM.
186
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,445
MAKES ME FEEL SO INSIGNIFICANT.
187
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,347
YOU EVER BEEN TO
THE GRAND CANYON, BILLY?
188
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,749
DON'T GO.
189
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,585
IN THE GRAND CANYON,
YOU ARE THE MIDGET.
190
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,687
- MICROPHOBIA, BRIAN.
191
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,623
THAT'S WHAT YOUR FEAR IS CALLED,
FEAR OF ALL THINGS TINY.
192
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,358
- LIKE JOHNNY'S DICK.
[laughter]
193
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,260
- HEY, DON'T GET MAD AT ME, BRO,
JUST BECAUSE A FEW HARMLESS BUGS
194
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,896
MAKE YOU SCREAM
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
195
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,865
HERE'S YOUR FRIES, BRO.
196
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,199
- AAH!
[laughter]
197
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,369
NOT FUNNY, BRO!
NOT FUNNY!
198
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,704
- THERE ARE ONLY THREE THINGS
199
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,706
TO BE GENUINELY AFRAID OF
IN THIS WORLD.
200
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,709
ONE, THE MARS COMPANY
WILL STOP MAKING TWIXES.
201
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,545
TWO, MY EX-WIFE.
AND THREE, ZOMBIES.
202
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,380
- YOU'RE SCARED OF ZOMBIES?
203
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,482
- YOU'RE NOT?
204
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,449
- WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS, BILLY?
205
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,384
- I DON'T GOT NONE, BRO.
206
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,119
- MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART.
- YEAH, FEAR'S USELESS.
207
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,888
- THAT'S RIGHT.
GO HIGH, BILL.
208
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,724
- YOU WEREN'T AFRAID TODAY?
- NO, BRO.
209
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,225
LIKE, TRY TO PUT YOURSELF
IN MY POSITION.
210
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,327
LIKE, I'M WALKING
INTO THIS PLACE.
211
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,830
GUY'S, LIKE, MAD CRAZY, RIGHT?
212
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,799
HE'S GOT A GLOCK.
HE'S DRUNK.
213
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,567
I'M TALKING, LIKE,
SPEAKING IN TONGUES DRUNK.
214
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,968
[babbles incoherently]
215
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:18,405
WHAT'S THE WORST THING
THAT CAN HAPPEN?
216
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,574
GET INSIDE MY HEAD.
217
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,409
- SO I'M THINKING LIKE YOU.
218
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,511
- EXACTLY.
219
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,580
LIKE, WHAT WAS I THINKING
220
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,750
WHEN I WALKED IN THERE?
221
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,785
- NOTHING?
222
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,923
- SEE?
- MM.
223
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,424
MM-HMM.
224
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,828
- * GA-TO-RADE
GA-TO-RADE, YEAH *
225
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,596
- GO HIGH, BRO.
- IS THAT A BEE?
226
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,865
- PSST!
- [laughs]
227
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,634
- HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BILLY'S RIGHT.
228
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,769
GUNFIRE'S JUST PART OF THE JOB.
YOU CAN'T FEAR IT.
229
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,470
YOU JUST GOT TO LIVE
IN THE MOMENT.
230
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,772
- SAME THING ON THIS JOB.
231
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,206
IN THE HEAT OF THE BATTLE,
YOU JUST REACT.
232
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,708
- EXACTLY.
233
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,977
YOU KNOW, MY BIGGEST FEAR
ISN'T BEING SHOT.
234
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,879
MY BIGGEST FEAR IS BEING
INVOLVED WITH A GUY
235
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,214
WHOSE BIGGEST FEAR
ISN'T ME BEING SHOT.
236
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,616
- UH-HUH.
237
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,617
NOW YOU'RE SCARED.
LOOK AT HIS EYES.
238
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,452
- NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
239
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,521
LET ME EXPLAIN.
I KNOW WHAT MY MAIN FEAR IS.
240
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,456
MY NUMBER ONE FEAR
OF ALL FEARS
241
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,359
IS THAT YOU MIGHT
GET SHOT SOMEDAY.
242
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,794
I'M SO AFRAID OF IT.
- HMM.
243
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,362
- EVERY SINGLE DAY,
I'M SO AFRAID OF IT
244
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,330
EVERY DAY WHEN YOU GO TO WORK
THAT--THAT I SUBLIMATE IT.
245
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,699
- OH, YOU SUBLIMATE IT.
- YEAH.
246
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,133
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DO.
I SUBLIMATE IT.
247
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,402
WHICH IS WHY EARLIER
IN THIS FEAR CONVERSATION,
248
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,471
I DIDN'T SAY THAT THAT WAS
MY NUMBER ONE FEAR OF ALL FEARS
249
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:30,377
BECAUSE I HAD SUBLIMATED IT
SO HARD...THAT I...
250
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,845
THIS ISN'T GONNA FLY IS IT?
- NOPE.
251
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,982
- HEY, YO.
CHECK THIS OUT.
252
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,350
- [laughs]
253
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,819
- YOU KNOW WHAT I FEAR?
254
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,654
NOT FULFILLING MY POTENTIAL.
255
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,757
SEE, BILLY'S ACTUALLY
ALREADY REACHED HIS.
256
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,226
ME, I HAVEN'T.
- MM-HMM.
257
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,396
- MY ONE DREAM IS TO WORK
FOR THE FBI IN WASHINGTON.
258
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:50,864
SOMETIMES I'M AFRAID
IT WON'T WORK OUT,
259
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,701
THAT I'LL, YOU KNOW,
TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT.
260
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:57,004
THAT IS WHAT
I AM REALLY AFRAID OF,
261
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,840
GROWING OLD AND LOOKING
BACK AT DREAMS
262
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,341
THAT I NEVER MADE COME TRUE.
263
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,276
- MM.
- HMM.
264
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,446
- THAT AND THE SUN.
265
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,716
- HELIOPHOBIA.
SURPRISINGLY COMMON.
266
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,351
- MY SKIN BURNS AND PEELS IF
I FALL ASLEEP WITH THE IPAD ON.
267
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,253
THAT IS WHY IF
THEY EVER STOPPED MAKING
268
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,956
HYDRAMAX LAVENDER
REJUVENATION,
269
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,691
I WOULD FREAK OUT
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
270
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,359
[laughs]
- HMM.
271
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,394
- WHAT IS THAT FACE?
272
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:25,298
- THEY DISCONTINUED THE CREAM.
273
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,367
- THE ACTIVE PLUS FORMULA?
274
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,302
- I'M SO SORRY, "T."
275
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,038
- HANK, PLEASE JUST TELL ME
YOU'RE MESSING WITH ME.
276
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,607
- I'M NOT MESSIN' WITH YOU.
IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
277
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,575
THEY JUST WASN'T SELLIN'
ENOUGH OF 'EM.
278
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:39,046
- HOLY SH--!
279
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,781
BILLY, WE GOT TO GO.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
280
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,382
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M GONNA DO?
281
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,484
I'M GONNA GO STORE TO STORE,
TRY AND FIND MYSELF A JAR.
282
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,886
[horn honks]
283
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,754
- [laughs]
284
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,056
- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
285
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,658
- HEY!
- YO!
286
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,059
HEY!
- OH, THIS GUY.
287
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,461
[chuckling]
288
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,596
[honking]
289
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,833
- HEY! THANKS FOR NOTHING,
SCUMBAGS.
290
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,669
- BYE.
291
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,804
- WHO WAS THAT GUY?
292
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,572
- THAT'S THE GUY WHO TRIED TO
COMMIT SUICIDE IN THE GARAGE.
293
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,840
NOT VERY THANKFUL.
294
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:07,975
- YOU GUYS DRIVE THE SAME CAR.
295
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:11,845
[laughter]
296
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:16,950
- THEY REALLY DIDN'T
CHARGE YOU FOR THAT?
297
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,819
- THEY NEVER DO.
298
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,854
WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE
WHO'S ABOUT TO MAKE A PURCHASE,
299
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,923
YOU JUST SAY, "EXCUSE ME, SIR,
I BELIEVE I HAVE THE SNIFFLES,"
300
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,658
AND THEY WILL GLADLY GIVE YOU
301
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,794
A CUP OF HOT WATER
WITH LEMON AND HONEY.
302
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,595
- AND YOU GONNA DRINK THAT?
303
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,932
- AFTER A VISIT FROM
OUR FRIENDS AT LIPTON TEA.
304
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,703
ANOTHER BENEFIT FROM LIVING
AT YOUR--HOLY COW, I CALL DIBS!
305
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,971
- DIBS ON WHAT?
306
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,440
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU REALLY THAT CHEAP?
307
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,441
- NOT CHEAP, MY FRIEND.
308
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,810
LUCKY.
309
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,611
- BRIAN.
- WHOO!
310
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:50,117
[laughter]
311
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,452
- MAC'S BACK SCRATCHER ATTACHED
TO AN OLD RIG ANTENNA.
312
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,721
GO HIGH, BRO.
313
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,155
GO HIGH.
- EH.
314
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,123
- DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING.
315
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,491
- [grunts]
- HUH?
316
00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,827
- CHICAGO NORTH
AMBULANCE NEEDED,
317
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,161
CORNER OF NORTH SHORE DRIVE
AND EAST GRANT.
318
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,730
- AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING.
- [laughing]
319
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,998
LET'S ROLL.
320
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,403
[siren blaring]
321
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,176
- CASH BEAT US.
322
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,685
- WOW.
SO SAD.
323
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,690
- MAN, THIS--
THIS IS HEARTBREAKING.
324
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,827
- WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF?
325
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,428
THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE.
326
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,064
- DYING?
327
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,598
I LIVE AS LONG
AS THAT LADY DID,
328
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,167
I'D BE HAPPY
TO TAKE A DIRT NAP.
329
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,401
- NOT HER, NUMBNUTS.
330
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,204
HIM.
331
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,707
- WHAT?
332
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,743
- NEVER MIND.
LET'S GO.
333
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,453
- WHAT?
334
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:01,755
- I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
335
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,690
- WHY YOU GIVING ME THAT LOOK?
- WHAT LOOK?
336
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,192
- YOU SEE THAT LOOK, BRIAN?
337
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,128
- I SEE A LOOK.
NOT SURE WHAT IT IS.
338
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,529
- IT'S THE "I KNOW SOMETHING
YOU DON'T KNOW" LOOK.
339
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,064
I'VE SEEN IT A MILLION TIMES,
340
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,700
EVERY TIME HE THINKS
HE'S ABOUT TO PSYCHOANALYZE ME.
341
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,602
I'M NOT AFRAID OF BEING
LEFT ALONE, DR. PHIL,
342
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,603
IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU'RE GETTIN' AT.
343
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:17,905
- OKAY.
344
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,372
- WHY WOULD I BE AFRAID
OF BEING LEFT ALONE?
345
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,974
- BECAUSE YOUR FATHER
LEFT YOU AND YOUR MOTHER
346
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,542
WHEN YOU WERE 13.
YOU NEVER GOT OVER IT.
347
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,544
- BUT WE TALK NOW.
348
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,213
ISSUE RESOLVED,
Q.E.D, ASSHAT.
349
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,915
AND ALL YOUR IDEA,
I MIGHT ADD.
350
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,783
- YOU THINK IT'S RESOLVED,
BUT IT'S NOT.
351
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,151
IT'S BEEN SUBLIMATED.
352
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,054
THAT SH-- SCARS DEEP TO
THE BONE, SLAP DICK.
353
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,456
- HE'S RIGHT, JOHNNY,
ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL SCARRING.
354
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,725
THE SLAP DICK THING
I'M NOT REALLY FAMILIAR WITH.
355
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,161
- WHEN MY DAD SKIPPED OUT ON ME,
HE DID ME A FAVOR.
356
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,562
HE GAVE ME A GIFT.
357
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,730
- WAS IT A BIKE?
358
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,166
- WHAT? NO.
- NO?
359
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,069
- IT'S THIS HARD OUTER SHELL I
USE TO DEFLECT PAIN AND SADNESS.
360
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,072
- MM, BIKE WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER.
361
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,942
- TURTLE SHELL.
TURTLE SHELL.
362
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,644
PAIN, TROUBLE--
BOUNCE RIGHT OFF.
363
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,579
- THERESA LEAVES YOU.
- PING.
364
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,014
- I MOVE TO MIAMI.
- PING.
365
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:03,083
- OKAY.
WE SHALL SEE.
366
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:03,917
- WE SHALL.
- YEAH, WE SHALL.
367
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:04,918
- MM-HMM.
- MM-HMM.
368
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,286
- HUH-HUH.
- WATCH.
369
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,787
- STOP.
370
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,789
- I HAD A TURTLE ONCE.
- AND?
371
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,758
- HE RAN AWAY.
DIDN'T GET FAR.
372
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,762
MADE IT TO THE DRIVEWAY WHERE MY
DAD ACCIDENTALLY RAN HIM OVER.
373
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:21,101
DEFINITE EMOTIONAL
SUBLIMATION THAT DAY.
374
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,503
- PING.
375
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,771
- WOW.
THAT'S COLD-BLOODED.
376
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,874
- WOW.
377
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,909
- THE BOY LOST HIS TURTLE
AND YOU TALKIN' ABOUT "PING."
378
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:36,116
- GOT YOU A PRESENT.
- WHY?
379
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,851
- BECAUSE THERE WASN'T A SPIDER
IN MY LOCKER WHEN I OPENED IT.
380
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,619
- OH, I SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THAT!
381
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,889
- IT'S THAT SKIN CREAM
THERESA USES.
382
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,223
BUDDY OF MINE WORKS
IN A BEAUTY SUPPLY HOUSE.
383
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,026
GOT THE LAST JAR
LEFT IN THE ENTIRE MIDWEST.
384
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,195
- OHH, SMELLS JUST LIKE HER.
385
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,230
- BECAUSE SHE SMEARS IT ON
THREE TIMES A DAY.
386
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,331
YOU THOUGHT SHE SMELLED
LIKE THAT NATURALLY?
387
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,133
- I DON'T KNOW.
388
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,334
- YOU KNOW I WASN'T BORN
SMELLING LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN.
389
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,969
HAVE TO BUY THAT SH--.
390
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,070
- THIS IS REALLY GONNA HELP ME
PATCH THINGS UP WITH HER.
391
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,471
THANKS.
- EXACTLY.
392
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,807
NOW, YOU SHOULD START
THINKING ABOUT HER MORE
393
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,641
BEFORE SHE STARTS
THINKING ABOUT HER PARTNER.
394
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,510
- OH, SHE'S NOT INTO BILLY.
395
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,979
HE'S LIKE THE BOTTOM RUNG
IN A BAG OF HAMMERS.
396
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,315
- HE'S A SHOCKINGLY HANDSOME GUY
397
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:12,219
WHO SPENDS ALL DAY WITH HER
AND TACKLES INSANE, DRUNKEN,
398
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,221
HEAVILY-ARMED
GIRLFRIEND SHOOTERS.
399
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,356
YOU'RE A SELFISH PRICK
WHO DIDN'T EVEN THINK
400
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,758
TO MENTION HER ON YOUR LIST
OF THINGS YOU FEAR.
401
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,327
- HE'S A PASTE EATER.
402
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,329
- MM-HMM, WHOSE COCK
IS BIGGER THAN SEATTLE SLEW'S,
403
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,365
AND SHE'S SEEN IT.
404
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,869
PING.
405
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,240
- SHOOT.
406
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,211
[chuckles]
407
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,520
[knocks]
408
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,389
THERESA,
WHY IS YOUR DOOR O--
409
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,261
"T"?
410
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,768
[fake laughs]
411
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:05,973
OKAY, NICE JOB, HANK.
412
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,075
GREAT DETAIL.
413
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,810
VERY, VERY IMPRESSIVE.
414
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,412
[chuckles]
415
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,281
[gasps]
416
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,216
OH!
417
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,784
OHH!
418
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:21,321
THIS IS LIKE THAT SAPPY
SANDRA BULLOCK LAKE HOUSE MOVIE
419
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,256
YOU LOVE SO MUCH
WITH THE LETTERS.
420
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:27,260
THE ONE THAT YOU CRY AT EVERY
TIME IT'S ON CABLE, PRINCESS.
421
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,398
I'M GONNA READ IT NOW.
[chuckles]
422
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,633
DEAR KEANU.
[laughs]
423
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,568
JUST A LITTLE--JUST A LITTLE
TRIBUTE THERE, HANK.
424
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,771
OH, YEAH, YOU ACTUALLY
GOT THERESA TO WRITE IT.
425
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,273
THAT--WELL, THAT'S
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
426
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,941
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
427
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:45,845
UM, "I'M SORRY YOU HAVE
TO FIND OUT THIS WAY,
428
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,982
BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH
TO TELL YOU THIS IN PERSON."
429
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,817
GREAT OPENING.
430
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:51,784
MWAH!
431
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,120
GREAT OPENING.
432
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,522
"TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY
ON THE FORCE.
433
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,124
"JUST TALKING ABOUT
MY POTENTIAL AT LUNCH
434
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,825
"REALLY GOT ME TO THINKING
ABOUT MY LIFE
435
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,127
"AND WHAT I'M DOING WITH IT.
436
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,628
"AND I'M NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER.
437
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:05,865
AND THERE'S NOTHING KEEPING ME
HERE IN CHHHHICAGO."
438
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,868
[weak chuckle]
439
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,437
HEY, GUYS?
440
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,306
ALL RIGHT, HA-HA-HA.
441
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,342
GUYS?
442
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:23,283
AHA!
443
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,785
HOLY SH--.
444
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,687
HOLY SH--,
HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--,
445
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:28,721
HOLY SH--,
HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--.
446
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,956
NO, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
447
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,125
THIS ISN'T REAL.
THIS ISN'T REAL.
448
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,061
"'CAUSE AS YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS
DREAMT OF JOINING THE F.B.I.
449
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,528
I TRIED TO BRING IT UP
A COUPLE TIMES LAST WEEK--"
450
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:36,863
THERESA, GET TO THE POINT.
451
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:40,467
"AND SINCE YOU NEVER
REALLY LISTENED TO ME...
452
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,970
I'VE DECIDED TO TEST FOR
AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE F.B.I."
453
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,205
WHAT?
454
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,574
"AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS IN D.C."
WHAT?
455
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,176
"THIS COULD BE MY DREAM JOB.
456
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,643
"PLEASE BE HAPPY FOR ME.
THIS WASN'T AN EASY DECISION.
457
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,979
YOU CAN CALL ME AT
MY NEW CELL NUMBER, 202--"
458
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,881
AH-HA-HO.
459
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:59,018
UM, THIS...
[phone beeping]
460
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,188
IS NOT FUNNY.
461
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,922
ALL RIGHT, I'M CALLING
THE NUMBER NOW, HANK,
462
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,157
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
463
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,858
I KNOW YOU'RE
IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
464
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:09,496
[line ringing]
IT'S RINGING.
465
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:13,566
ONCE, TWICE--
466
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,102
- HEY.
- HEY, THERESA.
467
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,769
- THIS IS SPECIAL AGENT...
- THIS HAS BEEN REALLY FUN--
468
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,205
- TRAINEE THERESA KELLY.
YOU CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE HERE
469
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,939
AND I'LL RETURN IT
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
470
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,041
- NO.
[phone beeps]
471
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:34,521
HELLO?
472
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,423
[mutters]
473
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,858
I EVEN GOT YOU--
474
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,094
STUPID.
475
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:49,402
[sniffs]
476
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:53,373
OH, THERESA.
477
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,408
[sighs]
478
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:04,951
OH, YOU STUPID, STUPID...
479
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,920
STUPID JOHNNY.
480
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,290
OOH.
481
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:13,160
MY PRETTY...BABYFACE
482
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,394
BA-BOOBEDY-BOO.
483
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,096
[sighs]
484
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:20,099
[groaning]
OHHHHHHH......
485
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,901
[laughter]
486
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,138
- YEAH!
- SUCKER!
487
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,906
- BOO-BOOBEDY-BOO!
488
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,408
WHO--WHO'S THE PRINCESS NOW,
BABY?
489
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,243
- MAN, LOOK HOW SHINY HE IS.
- WHOA!
490
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,078
- OH, THIS IS GONNA LEAVE
SOME EMOTIONAL SCARS.
491
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,247
- OH, YEAH.
- I GUESS I DESERVED THIS.
492
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,250
- YES, YOU DID.
493
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,085
- WHAT DID YOU DO
WITH ALL YOUR STUFF?
494
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,920
- BILLY'S COUSIN HAS
A FURNITURE MOVING COMPANY.
495
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,589
THEY OWED HIM A FAVOR.
496
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,424
BILLY, THEY BETTER NOT BE
SELLING THAT FURNITURE, MAN.
497
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,159
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA SELL IT.
498
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,461
WHY WOULD THEY SE--
BECAUSE WE'RE PUERTO RICAN?
499
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:51,464
OH, DANG.
THAT'S SO RACIST.
500
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,304
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S A REALLY GOOD POINT.
501
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,971
I'MA MAKE A QUICK PHONE CALL
AND JUST MAKE SURE
502
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,106
THAT WE'RE ALL
ON THE SAME PAGE.
503
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,674
- I THOUGHT YOU'D REALLY LEFT.
504
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,610
- THAT'S WHAT
MAKES IT SO FUNNY, BRO.
505
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,478
PAYBACK IS A BITCH.
506
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,446
PING.
507
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,114
[laughter]
508
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,116
- OHH...
509
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,118
HEY, JUST FOR THE RECORD,
510
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,322
I'M NOT MOVING
ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON.
511
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,625
AWW.
512
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,560
- THAT FEELS GOOD.
513
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,568
- OH...MY...GOD!
514
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,171
THIS STUFF
IS, LIKE, THE BEST CREAM.
515
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,544
- WHAT'S WITH THE HAT, BRO?
516
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:38,311
DUCK HUNTIN'?
517
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,879
- THE SUN, MAN.
518
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:40,980
THERESA'S RIGHT.
IT'S OUR ENEMY.
519
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,649
- SO NOW YOU GOT A NEW FEAR.
520
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,151
- JUST THAT LITTLE BIT OF THAT
$8 MILLION LOTION I RUBBED ON
521
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,019
REALLY GOT ME THINKING
ABOUT THE AGING PROCESS.
522
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,355
- NO, MY PEOPLE DON'T AGE,
REMEMBER?
523
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,556
BLACK DON'T CRACK.
524
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,690
- HEY, LOOK,
I GOT YOU BREAKFAST.
525
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,992
- MM.
526
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,160
IS THERE A FAKE SPIDER
IN HERE?
527
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,696
- WHAT?
NO, I'M DONE WITH THAT.
528
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,831
HEY, MAN, DID YOU GET
THE SCORE OF LAST NIGHT'S GAME?
529
00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,666
I CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT ON MY--
530
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,167
- AAH!
531
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,836
- [laughs]
532
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,937
- WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?
533
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,240
- JUST A LITTLE PAYBACK,
BUDDY.
534
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,375
- ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU GUYS.
535
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,176
THIS IS THE END, OKAY?
536
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,511
FEARS ARE ALL TOO REAL,
537
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,679
AND I THINK WE LEARNED
A VALUABLE LESSON
538
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,047
ABOUT THAT
THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.
539
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,015
AM I RIGHT?
540
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,116
- I GUESS.
541
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,351
- YEAH.
542
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,186
- NOW LET'S
YOU TWO SHAKE HANDS,
543
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,854
AND THAT'LL BE THE END
OF THE SHENANIGANS.
544
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,956
both: SHENANIGANS?
- WHAT CENTURY ARE YOU FROM?
545
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:27,927
[horn honks]
546
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,429
- WAS THAT HIS ASS
OR HIS FACE?
547
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,630
- THAT'S DEFINITELY ASS.
548
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,265
[loud crash]
549
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,866
- OH, FUTURE BRIAN'S
STEPDAD IS RIGHT.
550
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,434
HE NEEDS TO MOVE FARTHER AWAY.
551
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,103
BRIAN, TAKE THE RIG.
552
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,204
- COOL.
553
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,606
COOL, MY FIRST TIME DRIVING.
554
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,541
HEY!
- WHAT?
555
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:44,311
- THERE'S NOT A MIDGET HIDDEN
SOMEWHERE IN THE RIG, IS THERE?
556
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,212
- ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
557
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,448
[laughter]
558
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,121
- ALL RIGHT, MIDGET.
559
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:57,390
LET ME TELL YOU
HOW THIS IS GONNA GO.
560
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,727
WE CAN DO THIS THE BIG WAY...
561
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,463
OR THE LITTLE WAY.
562
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:07,800
[laughs]
563
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,936
AN OBVIOUS CHOICE, MIDGET.
564
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:17,510
[hip-hop music]
565
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:24,784
*
39853
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