All language subtitles for The tuxedo

Come on. WOMAN: [ON PHONE]
Central Security Agency.

This is Wallace. Operation Big
Drip is cresting Level Two.

I need Devlin now.
I need him now. WOMAN: Hold, please.

No, no, don'’t put me
on hold! Mother f...

[GRUNTING]

WOMAN: Hello, Agent Wallace. I need
your nine-digit security code, please.

Hello? Agent Wallace?

Agent Wallace?
[PHONE BEEPS]

Agua la vista, baby.

[INAUDIBLE]

JIMMY: Hello,
my name'’s Jimmy Tong,

and I was wondering if
there'’s anything I could say

that would convince you
to have a lunch with me.

MITCH: [HIGH-PITCHED]
Oh, Jimmy, you'’re so cute.

Let'’s go back to your
apartment and mate like donkey.

JIMMY: You got me
nervous again.

It'’s just a salesgirl.

To you, but, to me,

I dream of her
before I ever saw her.

No, that there! That!

Shh.
That is the line.

Go tell her that.
That line.

Listen.

Hi. My name
is Jimmy Tong.

When I see you,
I have a wet dream.

Is that what I say?

No, no, you know,
just ask her out to lunch now,

and later,
we work out that line.

But hurry up, man.
We be wasting time, man.

Come on.
We have to drive.[SIGHS]

MITCH: And whatever you do,
do not be yourself.

Just joking.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

WOMAN: Thank you so much.
MAN: You'’re welcome. Goodbye.

I can do it. Hi.
My name'’s Jimmy Tong.

Okay... [EXHALES]

Hi.
Hi.

Pretty colors.

Will you excuse me
for just one moment? Okay.

[SIGHS]

Ah...

Just between us guys,

you don'’t come around here
for the art, do you?

[SIGHS] Who would?
[CHUCKLES]

Uh, let me, as owner
of this gallery,

give you a little bit
of friendly advice.

Don'’t waste any time.

You go over there,
and you ask Jennifer out.

You think so?
Yes.

That way,
she can say "no,"

and we can get on
with our little lives.

Thank you
for your advice.Yeah.

Hello. My name Jimmy Tong.

What can I say to convince you
to have lunch with me?

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANS]

Oh!

I'’m sorry.
Are you hurt?

I'’m... I didn't...

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

Come here,
you little runt.

Ah!

Hi. Hello.

[GRUNTING]

[HORN HONKING]

MAN: Get back here!
Come here!

Where'’d you go?
Where are you?

[SCREAMING] Sauer...
sauerkraut or sauercrop? Sauerkraut?

[YELLING]
Ow!

MITCH: Hey!
Hey, wait. What the...

Hey! I just
washed that car.

What the hell
wrong with you, boy?

Want I jam this in
your ass and break it?

You want a go?
Come down here.

Whoa, hey, hey, whoa.
Not the face, not the face.

[TIRE IRON CLANGS]

Hey, I just
want to talk.

Hey, hey, you do that
there, man. You do that...

Oh, you'’re scared now.
[CLUCKING]

Just go and get yourself
some training wheels!

Go get a tattoo
of a chicken! Go!

I thought all your
people know karate.

Not everybody Chinese
is Bruce Lee.

MITCH: Just calm yourself,
Jimmy. Calm yourself.

Just not my day.

Whoo! Wow.

Do you think you can get
me to 70 Fleming Street?

Of course.
Wait a second.

[BLOWING]

You Jimmy Tong?
That'’s who I am.

Who are you?
WOMAN: The name is Steena.

So, how come
you drive so fast?

JIMMY: More fares.

Mmm. Is that why you had your license
suspended nine times for speeding?

But no accidents.

Do you remember
where I'’m going? 70 Fleming.

Get me there before I finish putting on
my makeup, and I'’ll double the meter.

You serious?

Do I look like
I have a sense of humor?

Okay.

[UPTEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

Hurry, open the gate!

Hey, Jimmy!
Ho-ho-ho!

[IN CHINESE]
Lazy ass! Open the gates!

[IN CHINESE] I'’m on my coffee break.
Shut up, old man!

It'’s Jimmy,
you fool.

[IN CHINESE] Don'’t
run over the chickens!

[IN ENGLISH]
You drive too fast!

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I will get wild
I will get wild ♪

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I will get wild
I will get wild ♪

Yeah, I got mascara and eyeliner left.
You got five blocks.

[SIREN WAILING]

[HORNS HONKING]

[SIGHS] Don'’t tell me
you'’re slowing down.

[HORNS HONKING]

You know, you drive
like an old woman.

[UPTEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES]

Hm!

You'’re not scared,
are you?

[HORN HONKING]

[CARS HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

♪ I got mad skills
I will get wild ♪

Whoa!

♪ I will get wild
I will get wild ♪

DOORMAN: [BLOWS WHISTLE]
Hey, you!

What do you think
you'’re doing?

Back off, buddy.
She'’s mine.

Oh, it'’s you, miss.

Well, you lived up to your reputation.
The job is yours.

I have a job.
A good one.

Oh, yeah? How much do you
make at this good job?

$475 a week,
plus tips.

How would you like to make $2,000
a week, plus room and board?

When do I show up?
Tomorrow morning, 7:00 a.m.

You'’ll be driving
Clark Devlin, Mr. Tong.

DOORMAN: Good day, miss.

Now, you!
Out of here!

STEENA: Good morning,
Mr. Tong.

You put your face on
without me, huh?

Please, have a seat.

Those are the house rules.
Memorize them.

Especially number one.

JIMMY: "Never talk
directly to Mr. Devlin."

If you'’ve any questions,
you'’ll find all the answers in there.

And if I were you,
I'’d get rid of the mildew on the chin.

My soul patch?
[SNICKERS] Yeah.

JIMMY: You like working
for this Devlin guy?

I don'’t work for him.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[ENGINE IDLING]

I'’m not a professional driver,
but I'’d always believed

that thing
you'’re staring into

is designed for the monitoring
of traffic, not passengers.

Am I wrong?

While I'’m really enjoying
our time together,

shall we try moving?

DEVLIN: [ON PHONE] Wallace
has been my partner for years.

Something'’s
happened to him.

He wouldn'’t
just disappear.

Now, you get your job done,
and find my partner.

MAN: [ON PHONE]
So tell me how.

DEVLIN: You'’re the head of an intelligence
agency. Why don'’t you be intelligent?

MAN: I don'’t understand
what you'’re talking about.

DEVLIN: Why don'’t you call me back when
you do understand what I'’m talking about.

[SIGHS]

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO]

Did we just take
the Balsam Road exit?

Of course. You have to
take the surface street.

Sorry.

Did you get a copy
of the rules?

Did you read them?

Jimmy, let me tell you
something, my friend.

I hate the rules.

Take Grant Boulevard all the way.
The lights are timed.

Thank you.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

And, Jimmy,
crank the music up.

Yes, sir.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

MAN: Deputy Director Chalmers,
ladies, gentlemen,

I present to you
Special Agent Wallace.

Deceased two days,
14 hours,

five minutes,
approximately. CHALMERS: Pretty interesting.

Why don'’t you tell me
a little about him?

Well, in simplest terms,
he drowned in his bathtub.

Contusion here suggests
he hit his head,

fell prone,
unconscious.

The man infiltrated
a Serbian death squad

with not even
a scratch. [SCOFFS]

He goes down
in a bathtub? Life'’s a bitch.

You want to put him
back in the fridge?

DEL: He didn'’t drown, sir.

He was murdered.

Does that make life
a little less bitchy?

And you would be?

That'’s Del Blaine, sir.

She'’s having
a filter installed

between her brain
and mouth next week.

So, you don'’t think
he drowned?

Well, sir, there was water in his
lungs, but the pulmonary vein

was filled with
collapsed platelets,

indicative of dehydration.
He died of thirst.

Thirst. And it wasn'’t
just city tap water.

The mineral profile fit
a high-end bottled water,

but what was really weird was,
it contained a strain of bacteria

that I, so far, haven'’t been
able to culture. [CHUCKLES]

Anyway, uh,
didn'’t mean to interrupt.

Ooh, the woman seems
to know a lot about water.

Yeah. She thinks she knows
a lot about a lot of things.

You know, we have a special
situation in the field.

I think we could use your talents.
You interested?

When do I start?
You ever hear of Clark Devlin?

Rumors and innuendo.

STEENA: Del, I could tell you a
thing or two about Clark Devlin.

Uh, you think we could keep our minds
out of the gutter for about a second?

Meet me upstairs
in an hour.

You might just become
Clark Devlin'’s next partner.

DEVLIN: I'’m gonna need that Gerris
marginalis as soon as possible.

WOMAN: Yes, my contacts in Guatemala
have what you'’re looking for, I'm sure.

Good. And, meanwhile,

I'’ll take one of these
beautiful Uticella marginalis.

DEVLIN: Just gorgeous.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Now, you'’re gonna call me?
Is your phone number on file?

DEVLIN: I'’m having a bit of trouble
with the phones for the moment.

It might be better if you
dropped it off yourself.

It may take a while.

Well, why don'’t you familiarize
yourself with the route.

There'’s a little gathering
at my house tonight,

a fundraiser for
the Natural History Museum.

I would so love
to have you.

[MOUTHING]

Should I send a car?
I drive myself.

Admirable. 8 o'’clock.

And, uh, be sure not to wear
anything too distracting,

or no one will get
their checkbooks out.

[SIGHS]

How did you learn
to be so smooth?

I'’ve seen the way you drive.
You have the same instincts I do.

You lack confidence.

The girl in the art gallery'’s
not beyond you, you know.

You know about her?
Every time we leave the house,

we go by the art gallery
and slow down.

You just need
a little polish.

I'’ll never be
a Clark Devlin.

Don'’t tell anyone
this, Jimmy,

but there'’s a lot less to
Clark Devlin than meets the eye.

I'’ve got a couple of good lines,
and a couple of very expensive suits.

Apart from that,
we'’re exactly the same.

How about a couple
hundred million?

Trust me. 90% of it
is the clothes.

The other 10%?

The other 10% is in there.
You'’ve got plenty of it.

Oh. Mr. Devlin,
can I ask you a big favor? Yeah?

Can I stop wearing my hat?

All right.
Thank you.

No, just stay smooth.
Remember, smooth.

Thank you.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Steena, Devlin.

This driver, this Jimmy,
I like him.

Let'’s get him
a proper suit.

Something sexy.
You pick it out.

All right. Always a delight
talking to you, too, darling.

Home, James.

Absolutely, Mr. Devlin.

[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[GRUNTS]

Watch your step.
Thank you, sir.

[HUMMING]

[SIGHS]

This definitely
not a rental.

Hello. My name'’s
Clark Devlin.

Would you like to dance?

Would you like
to dance? [CHUCKLES]

"Admirable."

There is just one rule.
[GASPS]

Never touch my tuxedo.

I didn'’t.

Good. Don'’t.

Yes, sir.

Jimmy,

get the car.
Let'’s go for dinner.

Yes, sir.

What'’ll you have?
It'’s my treat.

Anything.

All right. Two Whoppers,
hold the onion, extra ketchup.

Toast the bottom bun only,
medium well done.

Two large fries,
extra well-done.

Two chocolate milkshakes,

however the chef likes.
That'’s it.

WOMAN: [ON SPEAKER] Your order'’s ready.
Pull forward.

That'’s pretty quick.
It'’s fast food. Anything else?

Yeah. I'’ll have a personal
pizza, crispy crust.

He doesn'’t eat out much.
They don'’t serve pizza at Burger...

New item, huh? Do you
have a chicken chow mein?

Thank you.

Jimmy?
Yes?

It'’s a drive-through.
Let'’s drive. Watch out!

[BEEPING]

Watch it, man!

Sorry, pal.

Let'’s go.

Why are we running away
from a skateboard?

I think it'’s
probably a bomb.

[LAUGHS] I thought
you said "a bomb."

What do you mean,
a bomb?

[HORNS HONKING]

[HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[HORN HONKING]

[HONKING]

No good. Out!

Mr. Devlin!
Move!

[BEEPING]

[BOMB POWERING UP]

Jimmy, you okay? I'’m fine.
You okay, boss?

Yeah. Yeah, [CHUCKLES]
all in a day'’s work.

Look.

Oh, damn.

Mr. Devlin.
You got any aspirin?

Who did this to you?
Water Stri...

Walter Strider?
He'’s the one?

Water stri...

Walter...
Walter Strider.

DEVLIN: No, no police.
Okay.

Uh, I need an ambulance
right now. His name is...

Trust nobody.

JIMMY: Uh, his name is...

Brad Dillford.

Wear it.
Wear...

Boss! Boss!

[SIRENS WAILING]

Hold on, boss. You'’ll be fine.
I'’ll take care of you.

Wa...

Stri...
Huh?

NURSE: Sir! Oh!

Please wait
in the waiting room. JIMMY: Okay.

I will find
Walter Strider. Hey, hey!

I'’m sorry.

I promise.

[SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE]

MAN: What do you want
my mother'’s maiden name for?

Last time she was in here,
I was born.

I'’m sure my dad had something to
do with it. At least I hope so.

WOMAN: Dr. Angelo?
Where is Dr. Angelo?

Dr. Angelo.
Are you Dr. Angela?

Dr. Angela.
Dr. Ang...

Hey! There'’s no smoking
in a hospital.

I was nervous.
How is he? He might be here a while.

You might want to get him some things
from home, in case he comes to.

Oh. He had this
clutched in his hand.

I don'’t know
if it means anything.

[WOMAN ON PA] Orderly with
wheels to the front desk.

I do need Dr. Angelo.

Dr. Angelo...

Dr. Angelo is
on holiday today.

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

[SEAGULLS CRYING]

LUNDEEN: I'’ll tell you,
I'’m pretty excited.

I mean, nervous, but, uh, I'’m excited.
I'’m pumped, you know.

I knew I was doing good work
for Banning International,

but I didn'’t know Mr. Banning would
be taking so much notice of me so soon.

I'’ll say this though,
when I'’m CEO of this place,

I won'’t be having
my headquarters

in the bottom of a boat,
you know what I mean?

DR. SIMMS: Why did you
choose Mr. Lundeen?

He questioned
my growth projections.

[ELEVATOR CLANGING]

No, that'’s not it.

I don'’t like his hair.

LUNDEEN: Mr. Banning.

So, word filtered down to me
that you don'’t share my optimism

about our company'’s future.

Oh, no.
Actually, I just...

Drink?
Oh, yes, thank you.

I just felt that
to meet your projections,

pretty much every person on Earth would
have to drink only Banning Springs water.

Yes, indeed.

Water, Mr. Lundeen,
comprises 60% of your body.

BANNING: Don'’t you
find it incredible

that two hydrogen atoms
and an oxygen atom

can combine to create
something so beautiful,

so useful,
so essential?

I find water
to be miraculous.

BANNING:
Do you think I'’m silly?

Not at all.
[CLEARS THROAT]

DR. SIMMS:
Feeling thirsty? Yes. [COUGHS]

You'’re helping me out by being
a guinea pig for a new product.

Oh, I see.
What a brilliant idea.

Water that makes you
thirsty. What'’s in it?

Salt?
[HEART BEATING]

There'’s no
profundity in salt.

Oh, no. Bacteria.

Once ingested, its DNA will
instruct your cells'’ cytoplasm

to spill electrolytes into your
bloodstream, causing dehydration.

[GROANING]

It'’s virulent, but,
unfortunately, it'’s too fast.

Way too fast. As we speak,
your internal organs are shriveling.

Ah! BANNING: You'’re
becoming as dry as,

well, as dry as
your limited imagination.

Gentlemen, fetch the vacuum,
won'’t you? Thank you.

JIMMY: "Schiffer, Schwartzkopf,
Sondheim, Springsteen..."

No Strider.

[BLEEPING]

Wow.

[BEEPS]

Huh.

[COMPUTERIZED MALE VOICE] Welcome
to the Tactical Uniform Experiment.

Tuxedo recognizing new user.

Mapping user'’s
neurological structure.

Activate wristwatch
for desired function.

Demo. Okay, show me.
Uh-oh.

[MALE VOICE] Caution:
demolition mode.

The Tuxedo will consider any object
a target and act to destroy it.

[EXCLAIMING]

[GASPS]

Oh, what'’s happening?

[MALE VOICE] Exit the
demolition mode immediately.

Whoa!

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Burn, baby, burn

♪ Disco inferno
Burn, baby, burn

♪ Burn the mother down

♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪

[GRUNTING]

MAN: [ON INTERCOM] Mr. Devlin, is everything all right?

This is Jimmy. I think Mr. Devlin
wants you to clean his room tomorrow.

It'’s a little bit messy.
I think he threw the party.

Should I send
someone up now? No. Maybe after he leaves.

Very good.
[RINGING]

Ahh!

[GROANS]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Are we on?

Are we on what?

I take my work
seriously, Mr. Devlin.

So, please stop using
that ridiculous accent.

What? What accent?
DEL: [ON PHONE] All right.

You'’re the senior officer.
I'’ll play it however you want.

Deitrich Banning is holding
a meeting with water CEOs.

The Agency wants us to find
out what he'’s planning.

What about Walter Strider?

Who is he?

I don'’t know.
You tell me.

Okay.

So, we will meet tomorrow, V-15, 10:00.
I'’ll be wearing a gray suit.

Your code is "nice rack."

[LAUGHING] I'’ll respond,
"I forgot my bra."

That passes
for humor around here.

JIMMY: 10:00, V-15.

What'’s the cross street?

Very funny.

[CLEARS THROAT]

May I join you?
Uh, yeah.

Nice rack.

[PUNCH LANDING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Mr. Devlin, there'’s
been a change of plans.

But I'’m here already.
Where are you?

Don'’t get all
pissy about it.

They just told me, so I'’m telling you.
We'll meet tonight, 8:00, Pier 17,

base of the silo,
and forget the password.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, now you tell me. Oh, hey,
there he is. Oh, my God, that'’s him.

I got to go.
The guy in the rain coat.

See you tonight. Sorry.
WOMAN: Get him!

COP: Stop!
WOMAN: Get back here, you creep!

[EXHALES]

So, we'’ve got five minutes
to get into position.

I secured the rooftop. The equipment'’s
good to go, and I just have to say,

it is such an honor to be
working with the legendary...

Clark Devlin?

I'’m Del Blaine.
[SHAKES HANDS]Have we met before?

No.
Good.

Okay, Del Blaine, let'’s do
what we'’ve come here to do.

I'’ll follow you.

Ladies first.

Okay.

Couple of details changed from
what was in the file. You read it?

The files are crap.
Uh, give me the short version.

Deitrich Banning'’s holding a meeting
of international water company CEOs.

We think he'’s trying to force them
into selling their companies to him.

Where are you going?
Huh? I'’m thinking.

We had Agent Wallace working undercover
at his bottled water factory.

That is, until last week.
Wallace calls us on his cell phone

to tell us that the operation had reached
critical mass, and, suddenly, wham! Dead.

As you requested,
a Kleinholz bolt-action 9mm,

titanium folding stock with
20-time infrared sniper-scope

and counterweighted
micro-rifled barrel.

[SIGHS] My favorite gun.
But I don'’t kill people anymore.

Killing?
You'’re planting a bug.

It was all
in that "crap" file.

Go look through
your binoculars.

[BLEEPING]

They'’re arriving. Ready?

It'’s critical we get a listening
device in Banning'’s meeting.

[SCOPE BLEEPING]
DEL: Range, 962 feet.

Aim for the briefcase.

Should be a piece
of cake for you, sir.

[MAN SCREAMING]
[SHIP HORN BLARING]

You kind of missed.

[BLEEPING]

In the year 2001,

$35 billion worth of bottled
water was consumed worldwide.

Today, bottled water costs
more per gallon than gasoline.

We, my friends,
are the new oil barons.

[BANNING ON RADIO]
We, at Banning Springs,

have developed
a new filtration process

that would protect your assets against the biological holocaust that'’s coming.

Looks like we got company.
CSA would be my bet.

You'’ve heard what I have to say.
Now I'’d like to hear you.

How much is this plan
gonna cost us?

It won'’t cost you a penny,
out of pocket.

All I ask is to become your
slightly-more- than-equal partner.

DEL: Banning says he'’s got the only
process to make their water safe.

But to use it, they'’ve got to
give him half of their companies?

He'’s trying to muscle these guys
into selling their companies to him.

[BLEEPING] DEL: Banning says that
their water sources are in danger.

Something about everyone being defenseless
against four deadly forms of bacteria.

[JIMMY GRUNTING]

I can barely make out what he'’s saying.
Do you want to listen to this?

What do you think
that means, sir? Del Blaine!

Yeah, I'’ll be
there in a minute.

Yeah, I'’d really like
some help up here, sir.

Del Blaine!
DEL: Do you hear me, sir?

I know this is not as exciting
as most of your missions,

but could you humor me with
just a little professionalism?

I would really
love some help...

What are you doing?

What'’s with the jumpy-jumpy?
Take off your headphones!

What?
Your headphones!

Okay, chapter six
of the training manual.

Unarmed assailant,
frontal attack. Begin!

Stomach, head!
Stomach, head!

[SNARLS]
[WHIMPERS]

[SCREAMS]

God!
What'’s my name! Yeah!

You okay? Oh! Oh.
Where the hell have you been!

DEL: Stop pushing!
MAN: Ow! My hand!

Ahh!

[SQUEALING]

Yeah! Not bad.

Sir? Sir,
are you okay, sir?

Don'’t let go! Don't!
No, no, no, let go! [SCREAMS]

DEL: You'’re
ripping my sleeve!

[SCREAMS]

No, no. No,
not, not my...

Ahh!
Sir!

My ring.

[SCREAMING]

Oh, my God!
Oh, my...

This was not
part of the plan.

Del Blaine?

Del!
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[WHISPERS]

[BEEPS]

Confidence.

Del...

[MUTTERING] Moron...
Not in the manual.

Ugh! Creep!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Del Blaine! Stop!

[SHRIEKS] Ah!
Get off of me!

Why didn'’t you stop?

What the hell is wrong with you!
How do you fall off a building

and end up... Oh!
[EXHALING SHARPLY]

You okay?

[BOTH EXHALING SHARPLY]

Would you stop that?

JIMMY: It'’s okay.

DEL: I am in the car
with a psychopath.

We are not safe.
Are you upset?

Why would I be upset?

I'’ve always wanted to
begin and end my career

with a big fat failure!
Thank you very much, Mr. Devlin.

It'’s my first time.

I mean, every mission
is like my first time.

It'’s so difficult
being Clark Devlin.

Oh.

Sorry.

[SCREAMS]

Ahh!
[COUGHING]

I didn'’t do that.
What is wrong with you!

I'’m not
who you think I am. Stay away!

I'’m a little over-amped myself
right now. Let'’s just call it a day.

Get some rest
and medication. What?

We'’ll be
in communication.Oh.

I don'’t have
your phone number!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

DEL: Who am I kidding? I have no idea
what I'’m doing or why I'’m doing it.

STEENA: I felt the same way when
I took my first field assignment.

Then I met Clark Devlin and life
just got a whole lot better,

and a little
more complicated.

MAN 1: One sec.
Can we get a close...

MAN 2: How do we pan... MAN 1: Yeah.
Just, uh, hit the second button there.

DEL: Everybody warned me
he was unorthodox,

but he'’s way irrational,
bordering on nutso.

MAN 1: We'’ll just get, uh... That'’s
it. There, yeah. That'’s it, there.

MAN 2: Yeah. Look at that.
MAN 1: Move it over. Over just a bit.

He'’s getting under your skin,
isn'’t he? He got under my skin once,

and I'’m still feeling it.

Yeah, you told me.
What about his English?

Oh, I can never understand
half of what he says,

but don'’t you just love
his accent?

She can'’t hear anything
from here, can she? No, I don'’t think s... Whoa!

God, I wish I was still
back in the field.

[COCKS GUN, EXHALES]

How do you like me now?

She'’s got issues, man.
MAN 2: Holy...

MAN 1: Can your, uh...
Can your girlfriend shoot, uh...

MAN 2: A groin
out of a target?

Let'’s go. Let's get
our nails done.

Okay.
STEENA: Have a nice day, boys.

WOMAN: [ON PA]
Dr. Angelo, Dr. Angelo...

They ran out of
"Get well soon."

You said to wear this,
but I don'’t know.

Being a Clark Devlin
is not easy.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[LINE RINGING]

Hello.
DEL: So, Mr. Devlin,

how are you feeling today?

Not so good,
I'’m afraid.

DEL: You'’ve got a few hours
to pull yourself together.

What do you mean? [SIGHS] After
the fiasco of planting the bug,

I'’d say we have
only one choice:

Level One surveillance.

In other words...

Infiltration. Banning'’s gonna
be at the Lanford Hotel tonight

entertaining three of his partners.
Chalmers has agreed

to get us
at the next table.

Is this a black-tie event?

No. But I'’m sure
you'’ll wear whatever you want.

Maybe we can
find Walter Strider.

Meet you there at 8:00.

DEVLIN: Water... strider...
What?

Water...
Mr. Clark Devlin.

Strider...

What are you doing?
Huh? Uh, he needs help.

Security! Security!

[SOUL BALLAD PLAYING]

♪ At last

♪ My love has come along

♪ My lonely days are over ♪

JIMMY: Del Blaine.
Hey.

I know how partial you are to that monkey
suit of yours, so I got gussied up.

Good job.
You gussy very well.

Ooh, and here'’s a little
something for you. Hmm?

Oh.

Thank you. Sorry, I don'’t
have anything for you.

It'’s a video camera.
Shh. Act normal.

We don'’t want
everybody to know.Sorry.

Ah. Good evening.
Good evening.

Uh, name, please.
Name?

JIMMY: Um...

Lincoln.
[CHUCKLES]

Washington.
[CHUCKLES]

Washington.

You'’re a billionaire and you try
to grease the guy with 7 bucks?

You think I have
money to throw away? You on the list?

[SIGHS] Perfect.
Let me talk to him.

No. You know what,
we'’ll do this my way.

I'’ve got a T-135
disorientation module.

You just stand there.

Hi. Could you hold this
for me? Aw, thanks.

Now, where did I
put those tickets?

What'’s happening,
Snowman? What'’s happening?

What'’s happening,
Snowman? What'’s happening, Snowman?

Hey, what'’s happening?

SNOWMAN:
Hey, how you doing, baby?

Oh, hey.

I can'’t believe it.

James Brown.
The Godfather of Soul.

Hello.
BROWN: What'’s happening?

Forgive us for bothering you.
We came to see your show and...

Yes, she forgot
to make reservations. Don'’t worry about it.

I can get tickets
for the front row for you.

Oh! Thank you
very much, Mr. Brown.

See? The things work out.
BROWN: One more thing I'’d like to say.

It'’s not the in thing today to
give compliments to a young lady,

but I just got
to let you know that

you got a nice rack.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Brown. Enjoy the show.

Whoa! [GROANS]

[GASPS]
What is wrong with you!

He fell down by himself.

You killed James Brown.
No, he'’s fine.

He'’s not fine.
And Banning is gonna leave.

Don'’t panic.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Are you praying?

Miss Cleo told me
this would happen.

$4.99-a-minute
Miss Cleo? Just go out and tell them

Mr. Brown is not here.
There will be another act.

Nice to meet you. [SIGHS]

EMCEE: [IN DISTANCE]
And right about now,

it is style time!
[CROWD CHEERING]

If you will, ladies
and gentlemen,

introducing the hardest-working
man in show business,

ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Dynamite, James Brown!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Uh, ladies and gentleman...
MAN: What'’s going on!

Mr. James Brown will not
be appearing tonight

due to unforeseen
circumstances,

but stay right where you are,
because the Lanford Hotel

is really proud to present
the Last Emperor of Soul.

And, um, well,
here he is.

[CROWD GROANING]

Hi. Hi, everybody.
Good evening.[LAUGHS]

How are you tonight?
MAN: Go home!

[BOOING] JIMMY: Who wants
to get funky tonight?

Go ahead
and make it funky. Yeah.

[SINGS GET UP [I FEEL LIKE BEING A SEX MACHINE]]

♪ Get up
♪ Get on up

♪ Get on up y'’all
♪ Get on up

♪ Get on up
♪ Get on up

♪ Stay on the scene
♪ Get on up

♪ Like a sex machine
♪ Get on up

♪ Get on up
♪ Get on up

♪ Stay on the scene
♪ Get on up

♪ Like a sex machine
♪ Get on up

♪ Wait a minute
Shake your arm

♪ Then use your form

♪ Stay on the scene
like a sex machine

♪ You got to have the feelin'’ Sure as you'’re born

♪ Get it together
Right on, right on

♪ Right on, right on
♪ Right on, right on!

♪ Right on, right on
♪ Right on, right on!

♪ Right on, right on
♪ Right on, right on!

♪ Right on, right on
♪ Right on, right on! ♪

[CROWD GASPS]

[WOMAN SQUEALS]

[SCREAMS]

[EXCLAIMING]

Ooh!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[MUFFLED MUSIC, CHEERING]

Good God!

I saw you have
fun up thereUgh. I was blending.

That'’s what agents do.
Would you please stop?

I'’d like to get to Banning's
table before morning.

Whoa! Hey,
slut, thanks.

I hate celebrities
who brush off their fans.

Banning'’s girlfriend
has been drinking, okay?

She might be able
to tell... Clark! Yes.

Stop. Get on the scene,
sex machine.

MAN: Great job, man.
Hi.

Hi. Good evening.
Hello.

Well, we'’re all vaguely honored
you could join us, I suppose.

Singing is my
favorite type of music.Admirable.

[CHUCKLES]

Regrettably, this is
my vacuous fiancee.

I think her name
is Cheryl something.

Charmed. I could
look at you all day.

[CHERYL GIGGLES]

You ever dance
unprofessionally, Emperor?

Let'’s see
what I can do.

JIMMY:
Oh. Excuse us. Of course.

[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

Do you know
how to mambo? I hope so.

Whoo! [LAUGHING]

[SLOW JAZZ PLAYS]

Hmm.

A '’92 Dasani. Gentle bouquet
with a hint of vinyl polychloride.

Earthy, yet ethereal.

Cheers.

Oops. I spilled.

JIMMY: You and Banning seem very close.
Tell me about his work.

I don'’t want
to talk about him.

I want to talk about you.
You'’re such a handsome devil.

So are you.

BANNING: When I can'’t sleep at
night, which is quite often,

I step into my laboratory
and I play.

It'’s not work,
you see.

It'’s glorious,
wet play.

Well, maybe I can
come over and play.

That would be very nice.

The thing is I...

I have a small problem
trusting people.

I don'’t know if I can trust
myself with you, Deitrich.

Well, maybe we can come up
with a way for you to pro...

Her name'’s Del Blaine.
She'’s CSA.

Oh, bloody hell.

He drives a BMW,
registered to Clark Devlin.

You told me you dealt with
Devlin with the skateboard bomb.

Yeah, well, he looks
pretty alive to me.

MAN: Pretty good dancer.

All over Cheryl.
You want me to do something about that?

No. Maybe the rancid tart might
actually be of some use for once.

Get the boys, would you?

Whoo!
I am so bushed.

I'’m sorry, you'll have to excuse me.
Unfortunate interruptus.

So, my long streak of love, here
is the key to the hospitality suite

should you feel the need
to spend the night. Goodbye.

Well, I think I'’ll just go up
to room 72, excuse me... 68,

and take a long,
hot bath in room 7268.

Good night.
Good night.

[CHUCKLES]

And once again,
we end up with nothing.

I can get her to talk.
And say what?

Oh, Emperor, would you
sign my bra?

Oops! I'’m not wearing one.
[GIGGLES MOCKINGLY]

What is it with you and bras?
She has information.

Oh, right, and that'’s why you
have to go up to her hotel room.

You have never seen my work.
This is what Clark Devlin does best.

Can I go home?
No, you have to cover me.

With what,
a shot of penicillin? Huh?

Fine. I'’ll be
waiting by the pool.

Oh, wait. What'’s her
room number again?

[MIMICS CHERYL] 7268.
7268, 7268, 7268...

[SENSUOUS R&B MUSIC PLAYING]

[HIGH-PITCHED] Yoo-hoo!

Cheryl!

CHERYL: Hey, you little devil.
What kind of bubbles do you like?

Little or big?

Hang it for me, will you?

Hmm.

So, I know you can dance,
but what else can you do?

Get on the bed.
I'’ll show you.

[GIGGLES] Oh!

Okay, Mr. Devlin,
let'’s see your magic.

CHERYL: [ON SPEAKER] Oh! Oh, my
God, your hands are like a machine.

Oh, I am never working
with him again.

So, tell me about Deitrich'’s
good friend, Walter Strider.

[MOANING] Oh! Never heard of
him, but I know Dry Martini.

Maybe someone should mix us
a couple. Y-O-U spells "you."

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

You'’re smart.
CHERYL: Really?

And a good speller.
[LAUGHS] Thanks.

I graduated top two-thirds
of my sixth grade class.

What a gentleman.

Look, it'’s
Cocktail Barbie.

Take your clothes off
and stay. I like my clothes on.

Kinky boy.
Where did you get that pin?

CHERYL: Oh, Deitrich.

Want to have
a closer look? Huh?

I'’m sorry. Look at the time.
I got to go.

Oh, Emperor.
[SCREECHES, LAUGHS]

Where are you going?
Oh, Emperor! What are you doing?

[GASPS]

[EXCLAIMING]

Where are you going,
you naughty boy?

I adore romance
when it'’s rough.

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH YELLING]

[CHOKING]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLS]

Get back here!
You'’re dead meat! Come on!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[GIGGLING]
[PANTING]

Take a bath. Oh, yes,
because I'’ve been a dirty, dirty girl.

[KISSES]

Go fill the tub.
Do you like it with bubbles?

Hot bubbles.
Oh, yippee! [SCREECHING]

[HIGH-PITCHED]
Yippee! Go![SCREAMS EXCITEDLY]

[CHERYL SINGING] ♪
Tiny bubbles in my wine

♪ Makes me feel fine ♪

Come on, her voice
reminds me of my mother.

CHERYL: Is that room service?

[GRUNTING]

What'’s happening?

CHERYL: What'’s going on under
those cute little boxers of yours?

Yah!
Oh!

CHERYL: Emperor,
the bubbles are perfect.

Come to mama, Emperor!
Coming!

Oh!

DEL: Help!

[DEL SHRIEKS]

[GASPS]

MAN: Say good night,
agent!

Del Blaine. Del Blaine.

[MAN SCREAMING]

Sorry.

CHERYL: Emperor!
This is not what I signed up for!

She'’s in there
taking a bath. What happened to your nose?

[GASPING]

Sorry!
Honeymooners.

Yes, some things
never change. Ooh. Emperor!

Emperor, come back!
Please!

[DOOR JARRING]
Huh? Ooh.

Go! Get going.

DEL: Ouch!
Can'’t you do anything?

Why are you so mad?
Oh, gee, let me think.

Because big, ugly men
are trying to kill me?

Because I got stuck with a millionaire
playboy dilettante for a partner?

You don'’t care
how you make people feel.

I happen to be an extremely
sensitive person.

[GROANS]

Okay, you think you know feelings.
Look at me.

How do I feel?

Sick.
Sad.

What about now?

Constipated.

Creepy.
Horny.

[LAUGHS] Is funny.

Is angry.

Haa! Is crazy.
You know nothing.

This is why you don'’t
have a boyfriend.

No wonder you didn'’t get
anything from Banning.

Oh. Right, I didn'’t
get anything from Banning,

except where
his friggin'’ lab is. Where?

Let'’s see if the great master
agent can figure it out.

Banning said he sometimes
has trouble sleeping. Big secret.

All men have
trouble sleeping. Sometimes, at night,

he goes down
and works in his lab. He sleeps in his lab?

He sleeps in his bedroom.
His lab'’s in his bedroom?

No.
Get your facts straight.

His lab is at his house,

his casa,
where he lives, get it?

Excellent.

You passed the test.
I put in a good word with the boss.

Well, let'’s go see
Chalmers tonight.No. Keep him out of this.

Just you and me.
You know, if you'’re so good at this,

why don'’t you tell me
something about me.

Okay.

You have big crush on me,

and I know your name
is Del Blaine.

First of all,
you wish,

and my real name
is Delilah.

Delilah?

Suits you.

Hey...
Hmm?

[MOANING]

Oh, Emperor!
JIMMY: Hey!

Oh, God, Clark,
isn'’t anything sacred?

Ow! Rug burns
are so sexy! It'’s the driver. [LAUGHS]

Thank you.
Invitations? Oh, yes.

Why don'’t you
offer him 5 bucks?

I have them somewhere.

Nice party, huh?
[CHUCKLES]

DEL: So, you'’re the strong, silent type.
That'’s the whole bouncer package.

[BEEPING]

DEL: I didn'’t mean
your package. Thank you, Dr. Schwartz.

Shalom.
Come, darling.

Product launch, my ass.
Let'’s go find Banning's lab.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ In the music
In the music

♪ In the music
In the music

Let'’s go.

♪ In the music
In the music

♪ In the music

♪ In the music
In the music

♪ In the music
In the music ♪

DEL: Are you trying to get me alone?
Where'’d they go?

Don'’t tell me the great Clark
Devlin can'’t come up with an answer.

Although, he can
walk on water.

It'’s a trick, right?

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

Come on.

Wow! Mr. Devlin
likes insects, too. DEL: What?

Oh. I mean, sometimes I speak
of myself in the third person.

Hmm. Del Blaine thinks
you'’re a freak.

DR. SIMMS: Have you
cleaned the tanks?

JIMMY: What are they
doing down there? DEL: I don'’t know.

When you'’re done here, you can go and
sweep the tunnels. Don'’t use the blower!

I can tell the difference,
and don'’t touch the tequila

for me and Mr. Banning.
[CHUCKLES]

Whatever you say there,
Dr. Simms. Yes, Dr. Simms.

DR. SIMMS: Louder!
BOTH: Yes, Dr. Simms.

We better hope the little
ones follow the queen.

If they don'’t, the stock
is gonna be worthless.

Follow the queen? Huh?
Have you seen Cheryl?

Maybe he'’s gay.
Cheryl? No.

MAN: Man, let'’s get out of here.
Let'’s go have a smoke.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey. How did you...

Ugh. Whatever.

JIMMY: Look at this.

[AIR HISSING]
[BLEEPING]

He'’s pinpointed
the national reservoirs.

JIMMY: He'’s going
to poison the water?

Not with that stuff.
It'’s too detectable,

and there'’s
government safeguards.

Let'’s check out
the computer.

Now, you'’re thinking.

[DEVICE BLEEPING]

Who are they?
They shouldn'’t be in the lab.

Let'’s go.

Oh, my God.
Oh, your God what?

DEL: DNA recombinant microbes
carrying a T-4 genome.

English.

Genetically induced
hydrogen-oxygen barrier.

Normal person'’s English.
DEL: Dehydrating water.

Drink it, you'’ll
shrivel up and die.

But the big question is,
how is he possibly gonna

introduce it
into the water supply?

[DOOR OPENING]
I think we better go.

Quick, over there,
by the wall.

Nobody here.
Let'’s check the hatchery.

DEL: You'’re on my foot.

What was that about?
Shh. Go!

How did they miss us?
What, are they blind?

Don'’t look up my skirt.

[R&B MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Absolutely.

♪ Baby, you send me

♪ Set adrift on
memory bliss of you

♪ The camera pans
the cocktail glass

♪ Behind a blind
of plastic plants

♪ I found the lady
with the fat diamond ring

♪ Then, you know I can'’t
remember a damn thing ♪

Banning'’s got the bacteria,
but has to transport it

from his lab to the water.
There'’s no way he can. Maybe with airplanes.

Not possible. Besides, even if he
could get it to a reservoir undetected,

an alarm would trigger the second
the surface of the water is broken.

You'’re really smart.

It'’s an act. I'm an
inexperienced girl

who'’s trying to
bluff her way through. You are?

Come on, stop humoring me.
Just be honest.

Honest? All right. You think
I'’m the great Clark Devlin.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yeah, hello?

Steena, I can'’t
talk right now.

Yeah. Yeah,
I can handle it.

Bad news?
Can we go somewhere and be alone?

Sure.

I didn'’t know you
were so strong. Take off your clothes.

Let'’s not do
anything we'’ll regret. Take off your clothes.

What'’s happening?
I knew the second I met you

you weren'’t Clark Devlin. Now, take off
the tuxedo, it doesn'’t belong to you.

I wanted to tell you,
but I just didn'’t know how.

Take off your clothes.

[TOILET FLUSHING]
What is that?

Hey! You, out here!
Whoa! Okay.

Take the clothes.
Okay.

Slow down. My name is Jimmy Tong.
I'’m Mr. Devlin's driver.

He asked me to
find Walter Strider.

I don'’t want to hear
any more of your lies.

Give me the watch
and the shoes.

Where'’s Clark Devlin? How'’d you think
you were gonna get away with this?

Things happened. I decided to
go with the flow. [CHUCKLES]

What about the underwear?
They'’re mine.

I mean, my roommate.

Jimmy. Suits you.

These are
my roommate'’s, too.

Go finish your business.

Excuse me.

Have you seen
the Emperor? No.

Impolite to leave without
saying goodbye to the host.

I was just looking
for Deitrich. I'’ll take you to him.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Like a big terrier
with a little rat.

I think she was
down in the lab.

Well, at least your interest
in water was genuine.

Look, I'’m here because of you. You
wanted to know if I could be trusted?

I bet this tux
is just your size.

Thank you.

[BLEEPING]

We got a positive location
on Blaine, sir.

MAN: [ON RADIO] How long
till we get to her? Twenty minutes.

I'’ve transmitted
the coordinates.

JIMMY: Dear Mr. Devlin,

I did the best I could,
but it wasn'’t good enough.

I did not find
Walter Strider for you.

I also lost your tuxedo.

I'’m sure you will
get it back.

I guess I will go back to being
what I was before I met you.

Water strider.

Water strider.
Water strider! Stupid!

BANNING: My beautiful
little darlings. DEL: Gerris maginatus.

Species native to Southeast Asia.
Commonly known as the water strider.

Walter Strider.

Yes, the water strider.
Very good. Very good.

Well, it'’s brilliant.
They touch down on the reservoirs.

Their little feet
transfer deadly bacteria

without breaking
the surface of the water,

so no alarms sound, and it looks
like a nasty little trick of nature.

Fortunately, there is one drinkable
water source. [MOCK GASPS]

Yours.
[LAUGHING]

Deitrich, you'’re a genius.
Too bad it won'’t work.

Oh! You so wrong.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong.

It will work because my plan is perfect.
Sorry, Mr. Banning,

it'’s your plan, and mine,
and it'’s ours.

Shut up. Explain.
Oh. Alrighty.

The life cycle of the Gerris
maginatus begins with mating,

something Dr. Simms is not
personally familiar with.

Anyhoo, the insects
swarm to fresh water,

where fertilized eggs are then deposited
on the underside of lotus leaves

and hatch into larvae.

Yes. Spare me the
Discovery Channel blather.

[SNICKERING]

Tell me
why it won'’t work. Yes, tell us.

Why it won'’t work? This is the
northern hemisphere, correct?

You incubated insects native
to the southern hemisphere.

So, simply,
it is too cold

for them to mature sexually,
much like Simms here.

Therefore, they won'’t mate.
Therefore, they won'’t seek out water.

Is this true?
No.

I knew a girl once, in
college, quite well. Very well.

And then you
remember cousin Doris? No, Simms, the bugs.

The bugs. Oh! You'’re not
gonna believe this hoochie,

are you, Mr. Banning?
Oh, yeah?

Ask him if I lied
about the tuxedo.

This tuxedo is...
It'’s all right. It's...

All right? That is the most incredible
piece of technology on the planet.

And I am laying it
in your big, hot hands.

Mr. Banning,
release the bugs.

Go ahead.
Do what he tells you.

You might have a chance at second
prize at a junior high science fair,

but you can forget your
dreams of world domination.

Slip into it, Deitrich.
See how it feels.

DEVLIN: The other 10% is in there.
You'’ve got plenty of it.

Hey, Dr. Schwartz.

Tell your boss
Clark Devlin is back.

[GUNS COCKING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[SIGHS]

Drapes nicely.

[BLEEPING]

Well, it certainly puts
a spring in one'’s step.

Happy to have lightened your
loafers, Deitrich.

One question:
why are you doing this?

[ALARM BLARING]

Hey, what the hell is this? This is the
moment where 50 CSA commandos storm in,

take you, your pretentious
accent, your jackass sideburns

to the Federal pen
where, guess what?

All they serve is highly
chlorinated tap water.

Presenting Clark Devlin.
[GROANING]

Have I told you how amazing you look
in this tuxedo? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Ugh.

Simms, prepare for release.
With pleasure, sir.

[COMPUTERIZED FEMALE VOICE] Hatchery
doors opening. Water sources targeted.

Pods will begin releasing
striders in five minutes.

[BLEEPING]
Maturation level 85%.

[GROANS]
Why are you here?

I'’ve come to save you.

That'’s great. What about the big
guys with the big guns? [GASPS]

[GROANS] For years,
I'’ve heard about you.

Now we finally meet, I find
that the great Clark Devlin

is nothing more than an
ordinary man who'’s about to die

an extraordinary death.
You'’re right,

except for one thing.
My name'’s Tong.

James Tong.

Whoa!

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

You okay? Uh, Jimmy,
is there something you want to tell me?

Later.

Oh. You'’ve got
a good suit as well.

[GRUNTS]

All right!

[GROANS]

Let go!

[SCREAMS]

[YELLS]

[SCREAMING]
[BLOWS]

[GRUNTS]
Ahh!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[FEMALE VOICE] X-4 genome bacteria-induced
water striders 100% mature.

Bacteria drop sites
identified. Pods now opening.

What are you doing?
No! No!

She'’s ruining everything.

[FEMALE VOICE] Electrical malfunction.
Hatchery doors disengaged.

Ah! I knew girls
like you in high school. Yeah? Did they do this?

Mmm-hmm. They did.

DR. SIMMS: Mr. Banning,
you must open the hatch manually.

Sod off. [FEMALE VOICE]
Manual hatch release required.

Manual hatch release required.

[GRUNTING]
Rotate valve counterclockwise to open hatch.

[GRUNTING]

BANNING: Get off.

Bloody open!

[FEMALE VOICE] Manual
procedure complete.

Hatchery doors opening.

[GRUNTS]

Airborne striders
awaiting queen release.

[HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS]

[FEMALE VOICE]
Hatchery doors opening.

Clark! I mean,
Jimmy, help me!

I'’m busy.
[BANNING SCREAMS]

[FEMALE VOICE] All mature
striders ready for release.

Bacteria-laced microbes
fully activated.

[CHOKING]

His head'’s about to explode.
Look at him.

Look at him!

You might know a few tricks,
but you'’re just a sad, pathetic man.

[SCREAMS]

Smoking is bad
for your health.

You okay? Yeah, duh.
By the way, nice going.

Now millions of people are gonna die of
dehydration. You left the hatch open.

JIMMY: They'’re not
flying away.

Yeah, what are
they waiting for?

They are waiting
to follow the queen.

[FEMALE VOICE] Airborne
striders awaiting queen release.

DEL: Oh, my God.
For once, you'’re right.

The queen is gonna
lead the striders

to freshwater sites
all over North America.

Quick, grab it
before it'’s released.

[FEMALE VOICE] Queen strider disengaged. Alert!

Queen strider disengaged.
[ALARM BLARING]

Let'’s go.

MAN: He'’s got
the queen! Oh!

[DEL SHRIEKING]

[YELPS]

You dropped it.

[BUZZING]

[WHIMPERS]

Don'’t move!

Ah!

Ooh! [EXCLAIMING]

[MUFFLED SCREAM]

[GIGGLING]

[BUZZING]

Ow.
[NECK CRACKS]

[SCREAMING]

[GAGGING]

[LOUD BUZZING]

DEL: Sir, excuse me,
I deserve to see this.

Ugh.

[ALARM BLARING]

Trouble.

Okay, okay, make hustle, ladies.
Let'’s go. Let's go.

Watch out, Aqua Lung.
Oh! Oh!

Hey, pal, nice suit.

It'’s okay, kitten.
Everything'’s gonna be all right.

It'’s not okay.
You just decked the hero.

I'’m a genius, and I can
testify for a piece of immunity.

Also, I'’m from
a neutral country... Shut it.

Well, looks like
we got here just in time.

Oh, to what?
Take credit? Oh, you'’re hilarious, Blaine.

Winton Chalmers, CSA.

I spearheaded the operation
that took down Deitrich Banning.

I bet you'’re Jimmy Tong.
Here'’s your tuxedo. You happy now?

I will be when I get it
safely back to headquarters.

By the way, Blaine, not a bad job
for your first time in the field.

Well, I didn'’t
do it alone.

She always says
nice things about me.

You finally do something
right, you deserve the credit.

Well, sir, it'’s an honor to help
the United States of America.

I feel exactly
the same way, soldier.

Don'’t think you're
gonna be able to get away

with a bureaucratic
pat on the butt, do you?

Well, I'’m hoping to.
[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMS]

Ooh! Man down, people.

[GASPING]

Well, there is one thing
you can do for me.

And that would be?

STEENA: All right,
tracking systems locked on.

Anybody screws up,
and your ass is mine.

Block off this end
of the street. MAN: Roger that.

T minus 30 and counting.
Is everyone in position?

MAN: [ON RADIO]
Manhole agent up.

STEENA: Flower lady,
hot dog vendor, go.

Replace hot dog vendor.
Come on, hustle. Let'’s go.

MAN 2: [ON RADIO] Bird Three, the street is secure. Uh-oh. Bike messenger.

STEENA: Hostile forces moving in.
Go on, Randall, take him out.

MAN 3: [ON RADIO]
Roger. T-14 descending.

MAN 4: [ON RADIO] Advance
lead operation vehicle.

[GROANS]

STEENA: Bring in the package
as soon as I cross.

MAN: Roger that.
STEENA: Hustle, people.

MAN: The package
is on the move.

All right, ladies and
gentlemen, it'’s show time.

How'’s our package?

I forget what to say.

DEL: Look,
you can do this! Focus!

[SIGHS]
Go!

Huh?
Go!

MAN 1: Package dropped.
MAN 2: Roger. Target locked.

Jimmy, what do you say?

The name'’s Tong.

James Tong.

I'’m the man.
I'’m the man.

STEENA: Del, did you tell him to say that? DEL: No. Well, sort of.

STEENA: Oh, God.
DEVLIN: Come on, ladies, relax.

He'’s just
pumping out pheromones. STEENA: Clark, Shut up.

DEVLIN: I do believe I'’m
in charge of this operation.

STEENA: The package
is locked on target.

Why did you
wear those pants?

DEVLIN: He'’s stopping.
DEL: What'’s he stopping for?

DEVLIN: Use the door, Jimmy.

MAN 1: He'’s breathing heavy.
MAN 2: Have you seen her?

MAN: He'’s out of his league,
if you know what l mean.

[MEN LAUGHING]

DEVLIN: A hunter.
MAN: It'’s the gallery owner.

STEENA: Quiet.
DEL: Nice.

STEENA: Clark, please,
would you focus? He'’s about to speak.

Open your mouth.

Hi.
Hi.

That'’s the girl?

She'’s not that pretty.
STEENA: Jimmy, smile, come on.

DEVLIN: Move on to
something else, quick. He doesn'’t look so good.

He doesn'’t look so good.
He doesn'’t look so good.

He, doesn'’t look so good.
Clark, give him a line.

Steena, shut up.
DEVLIN: Just look deep into her eyes...

DEL: Clark, no. MAN: He looks
like he'’s hyperventilating.

Don'’t listen to them.
Listen to me.

I can'’t think with you
screaming in my ear.

STEENA: Everybody calm down.
Not you, her.

No, no, her, her.

Look deep into her eyes,

and tell her you had
a dream about her last night.

Clark, be quiet.
Del, will you shut up?

Uh...

I hate to say this, Jimmy, but don'’t
take advice from women about women.

DEL: Shut up.
The voice is screaming in my ear.

Hey, if you can hear me,
wipe that look off your face.

Remember me? Hooters.
Soul patch.

Okay, I'’m gonna have
to ask you to leave.

I'’m the love of my life...
DEVLIN: No, no! No, no!

You'’re the love
of my life.

DEVLIN: Never tell
them you love them, Jimmy.

Can you have
dinner with me?

Get out.

Pretty sure he crapped
his pants, people.

JIMMY: I just want
to have dinner. Get out, now.

JIMMY: Lunch?

Now!
Oh!

STEENA: All right, we'’re
terminating this mission.

Pack it up
and roll home.

I think I blew it,
Mr. Devlin.

Jimmy, I wrote the book
on this stuff. Trust me.

You didn'’t blow it.
You outgrew her.

Maybe.
DEVLIN: Tell you what.

Take the weekend off.
First thing Monday morning,

we'’ll head somewhere
with interesting prospects.

How about Monte Carlo?
Sounds good. Thanks, Mr. Devlin.

Thanks, everybody.
MAN: It'’s okay, Jimmy.

MAN 2: There'’s a lot of fish, Jimmy. Hang in there, buddy. MAN: Next time.

Well, if you were trying
to get her to notice you,

mission accomplished.

What are you planning for the second
date? Running at her with a knife?

It'’s difficult for me.
What is so hard?

You just have to say
something like,

"Excuse me, you want
to go get some coffee?"

When I around beautiful
women, I can'’t talk.

Sure. Beautiful women.
You know, a real knockout.

Like the beautiful lady
in the gallery.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

What'’s wrong?
Nothing.

What?
You can'’t tell how I feel?

You look sad.
No.

Sick?
No.

Constipated?
No.

A little.
Tell me, what'’s wrong?

It'’s just, no guy would ever do anything
for me like what you did for her.

Or tried to do.
You know why?

Because you are
a pain in the butt.

Yeah, nice working
with you, too.

Hello. Delilah, excuse me.

You want to have a coffee?

I only drink
organic green tea.

Eh! Wrong answer.

You'’re never gonna have
a boyfriend.

Fine. Coffee.

I love coffee.
You learn quick.

Is that your happy face
or your horny face?

I tell you later.

[GET UP [I FEEL LIKE BEING A SEX MACHINE]PLAYING] ♪ One, two, three, four!

♪ Get on up

♪ Get up now

James. James Tong...
[LAUGHING]

DIRECTOR: Cut.

Uh...

Couldn'’t tell you what I'’m
about to say. [CHUCKLES]

MAN: Purse!
[LAUGHTER]

I'’m sorry.

Uh?

[LAUGHTER]

The bird
hit the guy.

Huh? WOMAN: Is this
a bunch of crap?

Is this a bunch crap?

WOMAN: Bunch of crap.
Okay.

You think I'’m speak
very good English?

What'’s in your head
flies out your mouth.

What'’s in your head fly from your
mouth. What'’s in your mouth...

DIRECTOR: That'’s okay. Cut.

No wonder. This is why
you don'’t have a boyfriend.

That'’s...
[LAUGHTER]

That'’s... Thought...

Frog?
Fraud.

[LAUGHING]

Look at her ugly face.
Every time I look...

Every time,
she just like this.

How can I act?

Can we do
a single on me? No!

[MUMBLING] Ah!

No, no, no. Cut! Cut!

This man
will take us to the lab. Who?

[LAUGHING]

Let'’s... [LAUGHING]
DIRECTOR: Cut.

I got the happy
partner over here.

Jimmy. What do you...
[LAUGHING]

She smile the whole movie.
Waste the film, waste the time.

What is she doing?

♪ Hit me ♪
Oh, no!

You'’re fast.
But I'’m faster.