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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Oh, Jerry, this is a bad day for me
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to have a wisdom tooth out.
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I got a whole big western sketch to write down at the office.
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Rob, will you relax?
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This is a simple extraction.
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Look, you've been putting this off for a couple of months.
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Now, it'll be over with, you'll be back at the office
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writing the sketch this afternoon.
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I got a Western sketch, uh, with a sheriff,
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cowboys and everything.
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Just relax.
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The pill has to take effect.
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It'll be all right. - It'll win an Emmy.
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Take it easy.
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Yeah, I'll be a sheriff in a Western.
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[clicking tongue]
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[music playing]
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Oh howdy, sheriff.
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Howdy, Buddy.
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Town peaceful while I was away?
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Yeah, didn't have a bit of trouble.
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Did you hear from my wife and boy?
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Yeah, they said they wanted to hear
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from you as soon as you got in.
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Better call 'em.
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Laura!
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I'm back!
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MILLIE: She's not home, Rob!
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This is Millie.
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Can I take a message?
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No, I'll call back!
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Bye!
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MILLIE: Bye!
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Gotta move closer to the office.
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Coffee hot?
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Yeah, it should be.
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It's been cooking since last Tuesday.
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Howdy, sheriff, and welcome home.
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Howdy, Ms. Sally.
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And here's your favorite fried chicken.
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Oh boy, and hominy grits.
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Oh, I don't know, about 40 or 50.
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Well, how are things at the saloon, Ms. Sal?
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Well, OK now.
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But last night, a couple of cowpokes
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really broke up the joint.
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I thought you said you didn't have any trouble.
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I didn't have no trouble, she did.
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Hey, tell me, sheriff, catch any of these fellows
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on this trip?
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Nope.
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Well, when you do, don't forget,
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I get that one and that one and that one.
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Boy, you sure ain't choosy.
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Oh, yes, I am.
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This one, that's the only one I want no part of, Big Bad Brady.
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[clattering]
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How come every time somebody mentions Big Bad Brady
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you drop a tray?
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I once ruled with Brady.
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When?
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When I was a gunslinger.
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You were a gunslinger?
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Yep.
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You were a gunslinger turned sheriff?
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No, my last job was parson.
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You were a gunslinger turned parson?
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No, when I quit being a gunslinger, I became a singer.
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A slinger turned singer.
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I hated all that violence, so I became a singer in a saloon.
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A singing parson.
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No, parson came later.
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Folks didn't like my singing, so I became
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a dancer, then a rancher.
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A slinger singer turned rancher dancer.
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Then you became a sheriff.
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- Don't forget the parson. - Yeah.
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No, it's easy, look.
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I was a slinger turned singer turned dancer turned rancher
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turned parson turned sheriff.
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Oh.
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When you became sheriff, you swore you'd get Brady, right?
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No, I swore to get Brady when I was a dancer.
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But then what can a dancer do to anybody?
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Yes, why'd you swear to get him?
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Because I wanted to rid the worst of everything
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that's mean and corrupt and ugly.
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Then you better save one of them bullets for my wife.
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Grab some sky.
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I wouldn't do that, sheriff.
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I can't.
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I couldn't find the key.
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Who are you and what do you want?
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That's Killer Cooley.
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How could you tell with my hat on?
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You forgot to cover the Ponderosa.
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So you're a Killer Cooley, eh?
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Right.
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Bad Brady's weak brother-in-law.
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Yeah, darn it.
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And I got a message for you from Bad.
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That ain't good.
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He wants me to tell you two things.
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First, he's coming to town.
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Over my dead body.
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That's the second thing.
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That don't scare me none.
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I can still handle these irons.
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Oh, boy.
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Sheriff, you keep forgetting, you ain't got no guns.
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A sheriff without guns?
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When I quit being a gunslinger, I hung up my guns.
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I ain't wore 'em since.
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You gave up gun fighting?
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No, I forgot where I hung 'em.
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I just looked everywhere, the basement, Ritchie's room.
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I don't know where they are.
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Well, you better find 'em, and by tomorrow noon.
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Why, by high noon?
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Because that's when Bad Brady is coming to town for the show.
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You mean the showdown, stupid.
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I mean, the show, Shorty.
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He wants to see a stage show.
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Oh, hey, I play the cello.
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Well, you better play it good, because he
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you don't like anybody in the show he's gonna kill 'em.
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Nobody's gonna want to be in the show
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if they know they're gonna get killed.
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That's the sheriff's problem.
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And if he don't get a good show together,
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there's only one person gonna get killed,
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and that's the sheriff.
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Are you scared, sheriff?
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Ms. Sally, I don't know the meaning of the word scared--
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terrified, panic stricken, I know all those.
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Howdy, Laura.
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Howdy.
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Oh!
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How was your trip?
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Fine, fine.
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How's the boy?
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Good, good.
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Fine, fine.
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Rob, you seem a mite fidgety.
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Is something bothering you?
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No, no, nothing wrong.
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Good.
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Making a pretty new dress?
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You like it?
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(SHAKILY) It's beautiful.
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Rob, there is something wrong.
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No, no, nothing's wrong.
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Well, good.
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I'm making this for the big social Sunday night.
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(SHAKILY) There ain't gonna be no social.
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Rob, are you trying to hide something from me?
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I've held it in as long as I can, Laura.
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What?
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(SHAKILY) Bad Brady's coming to town.
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Oh, no, Rob!
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Bad Brady's coming to town!
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- Now, now, woman. - Oh, Rob.
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[sobbing]
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No sense in the both of us crying.
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You're absolutely right, Rob, there's no sense in it at all.
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BOTH: [sobbing]
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Well, what's he coming to town for anyway?
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What do you think?
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You?
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What else would he want in this town?
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Well, he always did like me a little.
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No, honey, he wants me.
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I'm the one who deserted his gang.
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Well, don't you worry, Rob, we've run before
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and we can certainly run again.
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Well, I'm tired of running.
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You're not thinking of facing him, are you?
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May not have to.
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He wants to see a show, and if it's good,
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he'll just see the show and rob the bank and leave town.
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And if it isn't good?
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He'll kill everybody in it.
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Who's gonna want to be in a show like that?
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Well, if there ain't no show, he's just gonna kill me.
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Well, that seems fair--
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I mean, from his point of view.
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I'm going over to Sally's saloon
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and get some volunteers before they find out it's
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a suicide show.
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But Rob, you've been away for two weeks.
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Don't you want to see the boy?
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Can he sing or dance?
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No.
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He can wait.
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[laughing and yelling]
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Well, I reckon you heard about the show.
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Hi, Buck.
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Howdy, Frank.
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Howdy, Jesse.
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Howdy, James.
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Howdy, Doody.
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Howdy, Buddy.
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Howdy, stranger.
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Folks, I'd like to talk to you about the great show
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we're gonna put on.
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I know you'd all like to be in it,
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but I'm afraid we're going to have
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to cast this thing on a first come, first served basis.
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Well, I know you're disappointed.
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And we'll try to put as many of you in as we possibly can.
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So to keep this thing orderly, I think
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it'd be better if all the man lined up
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on this side of the room and all the ladies lined up over there.
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Actually, I have a better idea.
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You just stay and relax where you are and Ms. Sal
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and I will go from table to table.
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You'd rather line up, huh?
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All right, that's all right with me.
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All the men over here.
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Wait a minute, folks.
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Here-- All right, you want to line up outside, that's fine.
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OK, folks, all the men over there.
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Oh, that's a good idea.
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I'll come to your homes and talk to you about it.
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[gunshot]
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Well, I guess that leaves the three of us.
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Nope, just two.
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I got a cello concert in Dodge City.
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Well, Ms. Sal, I reckon I can count
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on you to sing a song for us.
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What, without a cello?
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A man desperately needs help and nobody'll help him.
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What kind of a town is this?
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Your average American town.
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I'm at the time in a man's life
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when he's got to make a, choice whether he's gonna fight
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or whether he's gonna run.
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I think he's going home to strap on his guns.
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Or lace up his sneakers.
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I ain't leaving.
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I ain't running no more.
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We ain't leaving town.
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I'm gonna face him.
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Rob, I do wish you'd stop saying that.
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Well, I ain't leaving.
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"Ain't" is what I wish you'd stop saying, Rob.
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The boy's beginning to pick it up.
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It sounds bad.
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Well, I aren't leaving town.
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You see that man?
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I wish I knew who that was.
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But if he was my pa, he wouldn't want me running.
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Oh, but Rob, I just don't want to be married to a dead hero.
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Would you rather be married to a live coward?
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I've loved every minute of it.
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In exactly one hour, Bad Brady's coming to town.
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And we'll be gone just as soon as I finish this dress.
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What are you fooling with that dress for anyway?
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It's my new traveling dress.
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Well, wear the one you got on.
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I can't, Rob.
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I wore this one the last time we ran away.
267
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,348
I can't wear it again.
268
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,350
Now, let me just check this length on you.
269
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,453
I just don't know what to do, whether to stay
270
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,822
or run or run or stay.
271
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,190
The hem is uneven.
272
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,224
I gotta go get the pins.
273
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,797
Mommy, mommy, the kids are all hitting me and saying daddy
274
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:38,998
is a sissy!
275
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,238
Mommy, daddy isn't a sissy, is he?
276
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:49,642
Of course, not son.
277
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:51,477
Daddy, you're wearing a dress.
278
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:54,647
It ain't what a man wears, boy, it's what's in his heart.
279
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,750
Is that a sissy in your heart, daddy?
280
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,452
Boy, who told you I was a sissy in my heart?
281
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,188
All the kids said you were afraid of Big Bad Brady.
282
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,292
Do you believe 'em, boy?
283
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,594
You look good in that dress, daddy.
284
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:11,063
All right, son, stop bothering your pa.
285
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:13,365
Go pack your bags, we're leaving town.
286
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,633
He is a sissy!
287
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,368
We're running!
288
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,637
We are not running!
289
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,905
Rob, where are you going?
290
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,341
I'm gonna go and find my guns.
291
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,076
- Oh. - Hi, Laura.
292
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:25,211
Hi, Rob.
293
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,980
Oh say, that's a pretty dress you're wearing.
294
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,486
Why is he wearing a pretty dress?
295
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,854
Oh, Millie.
296
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,456
Wear this yourself.
297
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,891
Laura, what's going on?
298
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:41,694
Millie, he's out there right now looking for his guns
299
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,262
because nobody in this rotten town
300
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:47,566
has guts enough to get up on a stage and face Bad Brady.
301
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,135
That's it.
302
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,737
Right, Rob should get on the stage and ride out of town.
303
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:52,905
No, I'm gonna get up on the stage.
304
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:54,140
Millie, where's my old costume?
305
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,241
You're dancing and singing costumes?
306
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,275
Yeah.
307
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,810
Millie, I'm gonna get up on that stage
308
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,278
and sing and dance my heart out for my man.
309
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:02,681
Oh, howdy, sheriff.
310
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:03,916
I was just packing your things.
311
00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:04,950
I ain't leaving.
312
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,018
Hey, can I have your things?
313
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,520
I ain't dying either.
314
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,821
You're gonna face Brady?
315
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,222
Help me find my guns, will you?
316
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,690
What are you gonna do if you can't find the guns?
317
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,058
I'll face him with my face.
318
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,528
That ain't too good against bullets.
319
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,629
Yeah.
320
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,564
Howdy, gents.
321
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:19,498
Who are you?
322
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,967
I sell guns.
323
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,202
Yeah, what do you got?
324
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,404
I got the best line in the territory.
325
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:29,942
Gosh, I hate to buy a gun for just one afternoon.
326
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,544
But these will last you a lifetime.
327
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,547
For him, that's one afternoon.
328
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,649
Yeah, just heft these babies.
329
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:37,616
They're beauties now.
330
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:38,751
Uh-huh.
331
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,052
Give 'em a little try out there.
332
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,720
I see.
333
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,589
Well, those are nice.
334
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:44,924
Do you have anything in black?
335
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,492
Most of my wardrobe is black.
336
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:50,796
No, haven't got any black.
337
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,765
Hey, how about a set of pearls?
338
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,099
Pearls would be perfect.
339
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,202
What else goes better with basic black?
340
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,239
Too fussy.
341
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,779
Well, here's a modest little gun you might find amusing.
342
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,615
Hey, try that out.
343
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:10,749
What do you--
344
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:12,151
Oh, it's nice, but it's not you.
345
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,520
Yeah, you know what I think is wrong,
346
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,255
it's the barrel is too short.
347
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,190
See, I have a long thigh-line.
348
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:25,064
Try this baby out.
349
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,498
Oh, that's pretty.
350
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,633
A beauty.
351
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:29,168
Looks a little expensive, though.
352
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,437
I can give you a deal on that, though, it's second hand.
353
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,738
Oh, really?
354
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:37,610
Used only once to kill a little old lady in Pasadena.
355
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,578
No thank you.
356
00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:40,913
Give me that back.
357
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,448
You're not gonna buy, you're just gonna look.
358
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,516
I haven't time for all this shilly-shally.
359
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,884
I'm a busy man.
360
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:49,355
I have to get on to Arizona by July, you know.
361
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,657
Look at that clock, it's 5 to 12:00.
362
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:52,858
I gotta get to that saloon.
363
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,193
Go ahead, sheriff.
364
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,327
When I find your guns, I'll bring them over.
365
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,362
Good thinking.
366
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,596
Good, if I'm late, start without me.
367
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,666
Will you hold it?
368
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:01,634
Now wait a minute.
369
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,935
The odds are 20 to 1.
370
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:03,869
Now who wants some action?
371
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:04,770
I want in.
372
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,005
[yelling]
373
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,506
20 over here. [interposing voices]
374
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:08,474
And another.
375
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,408
OK, I got you.
376
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,376
Hold it!
377
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:11,310
[whistles]
378
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,311
MAN: Right here.
379
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:15,247
You folks know gambling's illegal.
380
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:18,717
Come on, sheriff, let the folks have their fun.
381
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:20,286
What they betting on, Sal?
382
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,353
You.
383
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:22,288
Me?
384
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,290
Yeah, and your fight with Brady.
385
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,025
They betting on me to win?
386
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,928
No, on which way you'll fall.
387
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,664
It's 20 to 1 for backwards.
388
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,666
You want some of the action?
389
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,667
MAN: I want in!
390
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,002
[interposing voices]
391
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,737
How about you, Ben?
392
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,272
Folks!
393
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,273
Folks!
394
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,274
Attention!
395
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:43,008
Atten--
396
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,911
[piano playing]
397
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,179
[gunshot]
398
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:51,116
It's Killer Cooley.
399
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:52,518
And it's high noon.
400
00:15:59,091 --> 00:15:59,925
Hello, sheriff.
401
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:00,926
We meet again.
402
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:01,860
Yup.
403
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,195
Got a good show for me?
404
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:07,132
There ain't gonna be no show.
405
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,134
Did he say what I think he said?
406
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,336
- He said to-- - Shut up!
407
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,036
Yes, sir.
408
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,271
Go stand in the corner.
409
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,277
There's not gonna be no show, huh?
410
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:19,211
Nope.
411
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,779
I guess you know what that means.
412
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,014
Yep.
413
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,186
All right, sheriff.
414
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:28,387
Go for your guns.
415
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,089
OK.
416
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,124
Where you going?
417
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,592
Going for my guns. They should have been here.
418
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:34,960
Now, I don't know what's keeping 'em.
419
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,295
Hold it! You ain't going nowhere!
420
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:37,796
You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man, would you?
421
00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:39,998
That's one of my best things.
422
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,367
It's showtime!
423
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:42,101
Showtime?
424
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,435
What's going on here?
425
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,704
You came to see a show, there's gonna be a show.
426
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:46,805
Get out of here!
427
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:49,041
It better be a good one!
428
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,509
Maestro, please!
429
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:54,279
[MUSIC - JEAN LENOX AND HARRY SUTTON, "I DON'T CARE"]
430
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:59,151
(SINGING) They say I'm crazy, got no sense, but I don't care.
431
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:04,056
They may or may not mean offense, but I don't care.
432
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:05,824
You see, I'm sort of independent,
433
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,559
of a clever race descendent.
434
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:10,662
My star is on the ascendant, that's why I don't care.
435
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:11,964
[cheering]
436
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,332
Wait, just hold it!
437
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,533
Hold it!
438
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,635
Laura, you-- I want you to come down off of there
439
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:17,903
and you come down right now.
440
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,037
Hey, you!
441
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,939
You, you, you let that lady sing.
442
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,441
That ain't no lady, that's my wife.
443
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:25,344
Oh, Rob, please, please let me do this thing.
444
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,045
Laura, this is my fight.
445
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:27,980
I don't care.
446
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:28,881
[piano playing]
447
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,316
Not you.
448
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,285
Don't you realize that man's a killer?
449
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,686
Rob, I don't care.
450
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,587
[piano playing]
451
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,390
Will you stop!
452
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,260
Laura, I don't want you to sing.
453
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:46,698
If she don't sing, I'm gonna kill an innocent bystander.
454
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:49,134
Don't sing, honey.
455
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,135
[gunshot]
456
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,403
[groans]
457
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:58,544
That don't scare me none.
458
00:17:58,644 --> 00:17:59,611
[gunshot]
459
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,517
That don't scare me none either.
460
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:06,518
You're next.
461
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:07,686
(SINGING) Ya-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah.
462
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:08,620
[piano playing]
463
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,688
(SINGING) I don't care.
464
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:13,892
I don't care what they may think of me.
465
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:20,232
Men say I am plucky, so happy go lucky, so jolly and carefree.
466
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,167
I don't care.
467
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:26,104
I don't care if I do get the cold and stony stare.
468
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:29,675
If I'm never successful, it won't be distressful,
469
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,110
'cause I don't care.
470
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,011
Yeah!
471
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:35,547
[cheering]
472
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:36,315
Oh, Rob.
473
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,549
Rob, I saved your life.
474
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:38,250
I saved your life.
475
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:39,384
Isn't that wonderful?
476
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:40,953
What'd you think of the show, Bad?
477
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,255
One lousy chorus of "I Don't Care," you call that a show?
478
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,323
That's no show.
479
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,091
Hey, is this anything?
480
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:49,695
(SINGING) Every little movement has--
481
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,064
I guess not.
482
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:53,665
Good luck, Rob!
483
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,200
Well, this is it.
484
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,201
Hold it!
485
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,402
Who are you?
486
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:58,904
Deputy Sheriff Sorrell.
487
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:00,506
I hate lawmen.
488
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:01,707
Call me Buddy.
489
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,342
Put that away.
490
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:04,643
Sheriff, I got your guns.
491
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,878
- Oh, no. - Good.
492
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,146
Where'd you find 'em?
493
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,081
Your kid Ritchie was playing with 'em.
494
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,782
No wonder he's been losing all his friends.
495
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:14,052
Rob, if you put those guns on, I'll never speak to you again.
496
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:15,854
Probably not, but I got to.
497
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:16,855
Oh, Rob.
498
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,127
You're really going through with it, eh, sheriff?
499
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,364
I'm through running.
500
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,632
I'm through walking, too.
501
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:27,833
I can't do that.
502
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,135
Oh, Rob, you're out of practice, out of practice.
503
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,904
Let him practice, huh?
504
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,005
Go ahead and practice, it ain't
505
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,307
gonna do you no good nohow.
506
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:38,777
All right, you with the cards there,
507
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:42,014
throw a card up in the air.
508
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,282
[gunshot]
509
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:46,852
Are you ready?
510
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:47,786
Are you kidding?
511
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:48,687
Did you see that?
512
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:49,922
I need more practice.
513
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,456
Go ahead and take it.
514
00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,131
[gunshot]
515
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,132
[glass shattering]
516
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:04,102
[gunshots]
517
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,405
[glass shattering]
518
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:13,178
Hey, that's pretty good shooting, sheriff.
519
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:17,249
Not too good, I was shooting at the picture.
520
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:18,216
Can I get another minute?
521
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,718
No, you can't.
522
00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:20,552
Oh, Rob, please.
523
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:22,688
Please no, don't do it, please.
524
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,257
Listen Bad, if you ever had any feeling for me at all,
525
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:26,592
please spare this man.
526
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,961
I never had any feeling for you.
527
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:29,861
See that, honey?
528
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:30,963
I told you he wanted me.
529
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:31,997
Not even a little bit.
530
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:33,599
No, not at all.
531
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:35,934
Maybe your sister a little bit for a while there, but no more.
532
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,769
Make your move, Brady.
533
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:39,037
You make your move.
534
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,873
Shouldn't I make my move?
535
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:42,841
Yeah, good thinking.
536
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:43,842
Thanks, Rob.
537
00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:01,560
You, give me a little of that, [vocalizing]..
538
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,295
[suspenseful music] That's it.
539
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:04,563
Yeah, that's better.
540
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,167
Gotcha!
541
00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:10,535
Gotcha!
542
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,904
Well, that's not gonna work.
543
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,006
Back to back.
544
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,508
Right, back to back.
545
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:20,612
I'll count to three, then we draw and shoot.
546
00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:22,147
All right.
547
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:26,885
One, two, three!
548
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:27,919
[gunshots]
549
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:31,356
You didn't say to turn around.
550
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:32,491
You're supposed to tell us to turn around.
551
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:33,759
That was implicit!
552
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:34,960
I didn't--
553
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,094
I didn't mean to shoot him, I meant to shoot him.
554
00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:37,095
[gunshot]
555
00:21:57,282 --> 00:21:58,583
Hey, I did it!
556
00:21:58,684 --> 00:22:00,552
I outdrew him fair and square.
557
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,287
Did you see that? I was fast.
558
00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:03,288
He didn't have a chance.
559
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:04,389
His gun didn't even cock!
560
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:05,323
[gunshot]
561
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,225
OK, yes, it did.
562
00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:08,160
Ow!
563
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,094
Ow!
564
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:10,996
Oh, ow, ow!
565
00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:14,766
Gee whizz, does that hurt.
566
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,568
[groaning]
567
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:17,302
Ah!
568
00:22:17,402 --> 00:22:18,503
Oh!
569
00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:19,538
Oh, I'm shot. - Where'd it hit you?
570
00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:20,639
Where'd it hit you?
571
00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:21,373
Oh.
572
00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:22,541
In the shoulder.
573
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:24,309
All that noise for just a shoulder?
574
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:25,410
Somebody call a doctor.
575
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:26,845
All right, all right, all right.
576
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:27,779
My Rob!
577
00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:29,214
Hey, doc! Doc!
578
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:30,615
We don't have no doctor in this town,
579
00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:31,750
all we got's a dentist.
580
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:32,684
Hey, dent!
581
00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:33,785
Dent!
582
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:35,220
- Yes, Ms. Sally? - Over there.
583
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,254
Huh?
584
00:22:36,354 --> 00:22:37,723
Oh, oh, where are you hurt, pal?
585
00:22:37,823 --> 00:22:40,592
Oh, over here, dummy, he's already dead.
586
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,028
Yuck!
587
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:44,262
Jerry, can you save him?
588
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:45,831
I don't know, where are you hurt, pal?
589
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:48,100
Right there in the shoulder where the blood is leaking out
590
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,469
of that little hole.
591
00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:52,604
Well, I hope you're all satisfied.
592
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:55,674
Nobody would face Bad Brady but Rob, now he may die.
593
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,109
Are you satisfied? - Yeah, I am.
594
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,043
[interposing voices]
595
00:22:58,143 --> 00:22:59,077
Pretty good.
596
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:00,278
Let me see how he is.
597
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:01,246
Ah!
598
00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:02,681
Oh my gosh!
599
00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:03,915
Is that a bad wound, doc?
600
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:04,850
What wound?
601
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:05,650
Did you see that?
602
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:06,752
He's got an impacted tooth.
603
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:07,652
Let me see that.
604
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:08,387
Ah!
605
00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:09,921
Look at that!
606
00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:11,022
We gotta get you down to the office to take care of that.
607
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:11,823
In fact-- - Oh, no.
608
00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:12,557
Oh, yeah!
609
00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:14,159
[interposing voices]
610
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,328
No, no!
611
00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:17,396
No, no!
612
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:18,530
No, no!
613
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:19,464
Rob, Rob, now take it easy, Rob.
614
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:20,565
Relax. Relax, Rob.
615
00:23:20,665 --> 00:23:22,100
- What? - Rob, it's all over.
616
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,002
The tooth is out.
617
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:25,871
What are you gonna do about this bullet in my arm?
618
00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:27,839
What'd you do, have a dream, Rob?
619
00:23:27,939 --> 00:23:29,674
You wouldn't believe the dream I just had.
620
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,109
I just killed Alan Brady.
621
00:23:31,209 --> 00:23:32,277
Well, not soon enough.
622
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:33,812
His secretary called and said tooth
623
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,181
or no tooth, he wants that sketch done by this afternoon
624
00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:37,549
or he's gonna kill you.
625
00:23:37,649 --> 00:23:38,550
You know, that's no problem.
626
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:40,051
He wants a Western sketch.
627
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:41,553
I'll just use all that stuff I just had in that dream.
628
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:44,189
Rob, did you dream about World War I?
629
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:45,490
What?
630
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:48,360
Alan wants a World War I sketch instead.
631
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:49,928
Jerry, do I need another wisdom tooth out?
632
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:50,762
Yeah.
633
00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:52,531
Put me under and take it out.
634
00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:54,499
Rob, Rob, there's no guarantee that you're going
635
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:55,801
to dream about World War I.
636
00:23:55,901 --> 00:23:57,068
I don't care, even a rat like Alan Brady
637
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:58,570
can't expect a funny sketch out of a guy
638
00:23:58,670 --> 00:23:59,971
if he had two teeth out.
639
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:01,039
Come on, put me under.
640
00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:02,607
Take 'em all out and give me a nose job.
641
00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:05,477
Give me a haircut.
642
00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:09,748
[music playing]
643
00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:18,790
[theme music]
42880
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