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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Well, I just can't get over it.
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You know, when I saw the moving van pull up
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and then I saw you get out of the car, I said to myself,
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I do not believe this.
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When the door opened and you came out, and I said to Fred,
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I don't believe.
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Isn't it wild? Gosh.
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How long has it been?
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Oh, since grammar school.
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But let's not count the years.
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No, let's not.
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What was it?
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The seventh grade?
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No, you were a year ahead of me.
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No, you were a year ahead of me.
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- No. - Yes.
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Don't you remember?
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I was a year ahead of you in dancing school.
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You were a year ahead of me in grammar school.
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Oh, that's right.
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Hey, hey, what was the name of that math teacher?
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Oh, you know. You know, the tall guy.
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He looked like Fred MacMurray. - Oh, yeah.
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What was his-- - Yoo-hoo, Laura, I--
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Hi, Millie.
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Oh, I didn't know you had company.
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Oh, you haven't met our new neighbor, have you?
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No.
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Millie Helper, this is Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Hi.
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- Mary Jane Staggs. - Which one?
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Oh, Staggs now. It used to be Gibbs.
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Oh.
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Mary Jane and her husband just moved into the place next door.
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Yeah, I know. I saw the moving van.
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Titan Van and Storage.
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Hey, I like your dining room set.
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Thank you.
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Millie, you ought to hear something.
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What?
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I mean, it's just such a wild coincidence.
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Mary Jane and I went to grammar school together.
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She is my very best friend.
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Oh, small world.
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Fine.
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MILLIE: What's fine?
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Our old math teacher, Mr. Fine.
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No, Mr. Klein.
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Mr. Theodore [inaudible] Klein.
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- Right, right, right. - Yes.
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I'm surprised you didn't remember it earlier, Laura.
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You had such a crush on him.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, I guess it's over now.
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I couldn't even remember his name.
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Remember that big heart that somebody
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painted on the gym wall?
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Laura Meehan loves Mr. Klein.
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LAURA: Yeah.
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Did you ever find out who did it?
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I did.
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[laughter]
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How about that--
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LAURA: Did you continue taking lessons with him
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after I moved away?
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No.
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Gee, you know the Parker place was vacant for so long.
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Jerry's sister was interested in it for a while.
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Oh, we love it.
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Did you keep up your dancing?
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- Jerry's my husband. - Yeah.
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I did it professionally before I got married.
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Oh.
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You haven't met him yet.
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Mary Jane?
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What?
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Jerry, my husband, the dentist--
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you haven't met him yet.
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Oh, no, but I'm looking forward to it.
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Did you know, Laura, before I got married,
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I was almost a Rockette.
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No kidding.
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Listen, I took dancing, too.
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That's marvelous.
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You know, military, tap.
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Of course, when I was waiting for the big time--
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well, tap was out.
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Well, I worked in a few clubs.
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Actually, I wasn't that good.
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I never got any farther than the Ted Mack auditions.
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You didn't know this dancing's the reason I met Rob.
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MARY JANE: Oh.
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Yeah.
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I was in a USO show, and Rob was in the army at the same time.
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I was there when they met.
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Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Laura Meehan.
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Millie Helper.
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Well, I got to go. - What are you talking about?
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You just got here. - Yeah, I know.
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I got to go.
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I just came over to borrow some cream.
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Oh.
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Oh, Millie, I just used it.
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Oh, I guess I just used the last of it in my coffee.
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Well, that's OK.
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I'll see you.
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MARY JANE: Bye, Lily. - Millie.
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Millie. MARY JANE: I'm sorry.
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It's OK.
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See you, Mil.
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Bye.
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Lily Jacobs.
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Oh, yes.
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Laura, do you remember the pajama party?
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LAURA: And her brother came into the room.
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[interposing voices]
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[laughter]
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Oh, my.
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We're going to spend a month reminiscing.
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You know that.
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[banging]
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Millie, I asked you not to bother me.
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I have a patient.
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I know it I've got something to tell you.
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PATIENT: [mumbling]
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Right in the middle of Mr. Soberman's mouth?
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It's important.
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Millie, I have to save that man's molar.
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I'm your wife.
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PATIENT: [mumbling]
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It's all right, Mr. Soberman.
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It's all right. Just sit there.
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Let the cement set.
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I'll be right with you.
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What is it, Millie?
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Well, if you really want to know,
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Laura doesn't have any cream for your coffee.
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Well, don't you want to know why she doesn't
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have any cream for your coffee?
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Because the new neighbor used it all.
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Laura gave her your cream.
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Millie, what are you jabbering about?
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Oh, you don't understand.
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Laura's neglecting me.
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Nobody's neglecting you.
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Oh, I knew you'd say that.
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Ever since that woman moved in, she's
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been monopolizing Laura's time.
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She just moved in yesterday.
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Well, she was over there last night.
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I saw them through the window.
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Millie, you're not only childish.
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You're a peeping Tom.
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Well, all I know is Laura's my oldest friend.
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And that woman is breaking up our friendship.
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[grumbling] You want to know something?
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You are being ridiculous.
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You really are.
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Now, I'm trying-- I'm trying to save that man's tooth.
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He's got a cavity the size of a pothole.
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And you're talking about nothing.
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MR. SOBERMAN: I think I swallowed a piece of cotton.
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You see? You see?
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Even Mr. Soberman thinks you're ridiculous,
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and he's loaded on Novocaine.
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Save some for me because I feel very hurt.
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Honey, I'm home.
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LAURA: I'm in the kitchen.
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I'm in the living room.
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I'm in the living room, too.
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Hey, guess what.
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- You don't want to kiss me. - No.
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Huh?
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I was just going to kiss you.
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Well, I certainly deserve it.
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Why?
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Look what Alan Brady gave me.
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Tickets?
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Four to the hottest musical front row center in this town.
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Oh, Rob, "The Solid White Zebra."
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Yep.
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We better call Millie and Jerry, huh?
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Oh, no, honey.
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They hate musicals.
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They love musicals.
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Well, they hate Thornton Alsbury.
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- Right. - Yeah.
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Remember when we took him to see "Love Me, Love Me"
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and Jerry sat there the whole thing going [inaudible]..
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I'll never forget it.
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I was never so embarrassed in my whole life.
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Yeah.
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But you ought to call them and ask them, anyway.
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I think we'd be doing them a favor if we don't, honey.
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I mean, think about the last time,
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just because we invited them, and they felt obligated.
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Yeah, you're probably right.
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[doorbell ringing]
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I'll get it.
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Those are priceless as gold.
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- Yeah. - Hi.
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Hi, Rob.
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Mary Jane told me to return your screwdriver,
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but I'm returning it anyway.
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How's that for a neighbor?
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- That is perfect. - I know it.
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- Hi, Fred. - Hi, Laura.
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How's the unpacking?
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Still packed.
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Ooh! - What?
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What?
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A couch.
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Yeah?
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Without a bunch of cartons on it.
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Can I sit on it?
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Please, do.
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Hey, did you get your stereo hooked up?
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Yeah, boy, am I stupid.
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You know, I bet you I have 100 screwdrivers of my own,
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and I can't find one darn screwdriver.
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Would you believe it?
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Where's Mary Jane?
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She's in the tub soaking, saying,
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have I got cartons to unpack.
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Well, moving is so depressing.
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You know, I have a mind to grab her out of the bathtub
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and take her to a movie.
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You better wrap her up in a sheet first.
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Would you like a drink?
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- Yeah, is it in a glass? - Yeah.
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We haven't unpacked our glasses yet.
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I've been drinking out of a faucet like this
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all the time, walking around like that.
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I'm not kidding. - Hey.
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What?
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Would you like to go to the theatre?
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I've got a couple of extra tickets
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to "The Solid White Zebra."
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- Oh, boy. - All right.
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They're yours.
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Oh, boy.
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Wait a minute.
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Before I go, "oh, boy" again, how much are they?
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They're nothing.
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No, no nothing.
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No nothing.
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Those are expensive tickets.
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I can't expect you to go paying expensive money for me,
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you know.
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I don't want to be known as a sponger
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around the neighborhood.
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Oh, by the way, Mary Jane wants to borrow a sponge.
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The sponges are OK, but, uh, taking your theatre tickets,
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I cannot permit it.
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I got these for free.
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Then I can permit it.
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What else do you have around here that's free?
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LAURA: Fred, would you like soda in your drink?
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Is it free? LAURA: Yeah.
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Well, then put in some.
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Put in a lot of some. Is it free?
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I like-- I'll take anything.
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I don't even drink.
271
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,016
Well, I've got to hand it to you, Millie.
272
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,417
That was one of the rottenest dinners
273
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,853
you ever cooked in your life.
274
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,254
Sure, be funny.
275
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,523
We're losing our best friends, and you're trying to be funny.
276
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,758
Millie, I'm not being funny.
277
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,493
I'm really-- I'm nauseous.
278
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,861
Why'd you put in that gravy?
279
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,029
Oh, who cares?
280
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:43,963
Well, I do.
281
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,565
I may need an antidote.
282
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,099
Oh, come on, Millie.
283
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,502
We're not losing anybody's friendship, especially Rob's.
284
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:50,837
Well, you believe what you want.
285
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,306
All I know is that man is over there right now,
286
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,640
and you are not.
287
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,741
That's because they're trying to be neighborly,
288
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,076
and that's what we should be doing.
289
00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:58,744
Oh, I'd die first.
290
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,914
Millie, you are in deep emotional trouble.
291
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,115
I know it.
292
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,384
You can't possibly be worried about Rob
293
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,719
and Laura's friendship.
294
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,855
I'm just reading the handwriting on the wall.
295
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,523
It's your own handwriting.
296
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:11,991
Well, they're like twins.
297
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,393
They just gossip about people I never even heard of.
298
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,028
Millie, honey, they're old friends.
299
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,097
Yeah, and old friends are the best friends.
300
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:19,398
They're excluding us.
301
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,867
You're excluding us.
302
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,302
Well, I can't just invite us over there.
303
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:24,737
We'll invite them here.
304
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,805
Make a-- a gesture.
305
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,006
Cook a dinner Friday night.
306
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:27,840
Invite them all here.
307
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,442
We'll get to be good friends.
308
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,244
Hey, you know, maybe that's not a bad idea.
309
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,778
It's a great idea.
310
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:33,880
So why don't you get over there and invite them right now?
311
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:34,814
Just like that?
312
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,415
What do you mean, just like that?
313
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,284
Well, I can't go barging into people's houses just like that.
314
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:41,087
Millie, you're one of the best bargers in the country.
315
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,422
Well, I only barge where I'm welcome.
316
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:48,060
Well, I feel welcome, so I'll barge in.
317
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,062
[laughter]
318
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:52,465
[doorbell ringing]
319
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,433
Anybody home?
320
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,801
- Spaghetti. - I can't believe it.
321
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:56,536
Hi.
322
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:57,436
[interposing voices]
323
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:58,838
Hey, Jerry.
324
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,540
I didn't know I was that funny.
325
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:01,707
No, you're not. You're not.
326
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:02,842
It's-- it's just--
327
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:03,609
[laughing]
328
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:04,810
One of Fred's stories.
329
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,012
- Oh. - A guy [inaudible].
330
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:06,946
Yeah?
331
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:07,747
Yeah, go on.
332
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,148
This guy has a [inaudible].
333
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,783
Jerry, you had to be here.
334
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,185
Well, I would have been here, but nobody called me.
335
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,253
What's up, Jerry?
336
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:15,521
Well, what do you mean?
337
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:16,889
Well, I mean, what'd you come over for?
338
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:17,957
Do I have to have a reason?
339
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,592
Well, now, you look like you're
340
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:20,726
going to tell us something. - Oh, well, uh, yeah.
341
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:21,928
I want to ask you something.
342
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,095
Well, if you want any of the tools,
343
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,697
you're going to have to go to Fred.
344
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:25,731
He's got all them, including your electric drill.
345
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:26,832
Oh, is that yours? Listen.
346
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,267
Thanks, you know. - Oh, that's OK.
347
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,468
You're welcome to it.
348
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,736
No, what I wanted to ask you-- well,
349
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:31,771
Millie and I wanted to invite all of you
350
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:32,672
over for dinner Friday night.
351
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:33,573
Oh, wonderful, Jerry.
352
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,807
No, it's not wonderful.
353
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:35,942
- What do you mean? - Did you forget?
354
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,376
We're going to a show Friday night?
355
00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:38,277
Oh, what show?
356
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,679
Oh, gosh, I forgot.
357
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,280
We got tickets to "Sold White Zebra" Friday night.
358
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,848
Oh.
359
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,317
Well, I guess it'll have to be just and the missus, Fred.
360
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,385
We'll have to have fun without old Rob and Laura here.
361
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,387
Oh, well, we're going to the show, too.
362
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:49,555
Oh, same show?
363
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,390
Yeah, we're-- we're Rob's guests.
364
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,959
Oh, that's-- that's terrific.
365
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:53,893
It's free, too.
366
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:54,627
It's free.
367
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,528
That's nice.
368
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,696
It's real neighborly.
369
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:57,897
Listen, Fred, Jerry would have had
370
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,498
first crack at those tickets.
371
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,000
The only thing, lucky for you, is he hates Thornton Alsbury.
372
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,301
Yeah, what else don't you like?
373
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:03,736
I'll take anything [inaudible].
374
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,037
Well, I guess, uh, Millie and I
375
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,106
will just have to have a intrafamily dinner
376
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:08,074
party or something.
377
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,342
Hey, Jerry.
378
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:10,710
Maybe we could all stop by for coffee after the show.
379
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,044
No. No, no, it's all right, Laura.
380
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:13,946
I think maybe we'll call the Steins or something.
381
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,715
You know, and we'll go to a movie, somewhere.
382
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:16,882
I'll see you later, right?
383
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:17,650
Yeah.
384
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:18,718
Oh, wait-- wait a minute.
385
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,319
I've got to go.
386
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:22,254
I've gotta-- Mary Jane can't get out of the bathtub without me.
387
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,289
Why?
388
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,256
I forgot to unpack the towels.
389
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,191
Listen, I'll see you later.
390
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,092
OK.
391
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,127
So long, Fred.
392
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,161
Hey, Rob.
393
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,763
Was Jerry mad at us?
394
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,064
Now why should he be mad?
395
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:33,566
He said himself you couldn't pay him to go
396
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,035
to a Thornton Alsbury play.
397
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:39,171
Maybe we ought to have asked him, anyway.
398
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,373
Yeah.
399
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,340
You know something?
400
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,708
He's jealous.
401
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:43,976
He just-- just so he could turn us down,
402
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,645
he would like for us to ask him.
403
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,279
He's jealous of the new neighbors probably.
404
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,848
Oh, Rob, that's silly.
405
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,850
Well, it's Jerry.
406
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,052
I can understand it in a way, though.
407
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,787
Fred was here a long time tonight.
408
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:55,888
He feels kind of left out.
409
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,590
I helped Fred move last night.
410
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,158
I loaned him Jerry's electric drill.
411
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,459
You know something?
412
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,628
Millie was acting awfully strange the other day, too.
413
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,030
How can you tell?
414
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:09,135
Well, I-- she just hardly said a word, you know?
415
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,336
Yeah.
416
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,737
Because I didn't let her.
417
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,773
How can you stop Millie from talking?
418
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,374
By not listening.
419
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:18,611
Mary Jane and I were so busy reminiscing, we-- you know.
420
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:19,578
But of course.
421
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,713
They ought to understand.
422
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:21,814
I mean, for crying out loud, it's
423
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:24,116
awfully juvenile on their part.
424
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,751
It's just such a silly situation, Rob.
425
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,353
How'd we get ourselves in the middle of it?
426
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,954
Oh, it's easy.
427
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:31,757
Mary Jane lives on one side, and Millie lives on the other side.
428
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,192
I've got an idea.
429
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,727
Why don't we give our tickets to Millie and Jerry
430
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:35,694
and let the four of them go?
431
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:36,595
No good.
432
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:38,164
For two reasons.
433
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,799
First of all, I'm not going to cater to their childishness.
434
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,267
And secondly, I want to see the show.
435
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,068
OK.
436
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,170
Come up with a better idea.
437
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,605
Are you-- you willing to give up your trip to Italy?
438
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,174
Why?
439
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,675
Well, I'm going to try and get a couple of more tickets.
440
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,777
That's just about what it's going to cost.
441
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,345
Well, it would be worth it anyway.
442
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,480
I don't know.
443
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,815
I bet the first day off the boat,
444
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,616
I meet four Italians I like better than Jerry.
445
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,551
I'll do it.
446
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,752
I'll try.
447
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:04,423
Honey, I'm home.
448
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:07,793
In the kitchen, dear.
449
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,428
Boy, you'll never guess--
450
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:10,463
whew!
451
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,630
What are you doing?
452
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,132
Pressing garlic for the Caesar salad.
453
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,202
For the-- boy, no wonder they stabbed him.
454
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,571
Whew!
455
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:22,108
Honey, how much would you say Millie's
456
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,576
friendship is worth to you?
457
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:24,610
Oh, come on, Rob.
458
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:25,811
You can't put a price on that.
459
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,247
Try, uh, $42.50.
460
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,215
$42.50?
461
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,015
Yeah.
462
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,184
You paid a scalper $42.50?
463
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:34,753
He wanted $50, but I got him for $42.50 and two tickets
464
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,155
to "The Alan Brady Show."
465
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,757
Rob! $42.
466
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,091
Honey, what's the difference?
467
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,359
We saved the neighborhood from a civil war.
468
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:41,594
Call Millie.
469
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,828
I can't call Millie.
470
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,296
She's in the shower. - How do you know?
471
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,965
Because I've been calling her all day.
472
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:48,334
And every time I do, Patty says that's where she is.
473
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,970
That's stupid to give the same excuse every time.
474
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,605
It's just Millie's subtle little way
475
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,740
of hinting that she's mad.
476
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,774
Have you seen Jerry today?
477
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:56,909
Oh, yeah, I've seen Jerry.
478
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,144
He hasn't seen me.
479
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,146
He's been playing at fixing the fence.
480
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,114
You know, those two are about half crazy.
481
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:05,751
Jerry!
482
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:06,819
Would you come over here a minute?
483
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,354
JERRY: I'm fixing the fence!
484
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,288
[banging]
485
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:10,089
ROB: Fix it later.
486
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,157
I've got a little surprise.
487
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,591
JERRY: OK.
488
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,059
These will straighten him out.
489
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,497
Yeah, Rob, what's the big surprise?
490
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:20,099
I was just wondering if you had made your movie
491
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:21,433
date with the Steins yet.
492
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,968
No, why?
493
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:25,704
Well, uh, would you like to go to the theatre with us?
494
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,705
What's the matter?
495
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:27,573
Did you and the Staggs, uh--
496
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:28,541
No, no.
497
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,542
The Staggs are all going.
498
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,010
We want you to go, too.
499
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,478
No, it just happens that another couple of tickets
500
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,079
fell into my lap.
501
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,581
Oh, gee, I don't know.
502
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,149
You-- you don't know?
503
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:40,586
Jerry, these things don't just fall in your lap.
504
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:41,787
Come on, Jerry.
505
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:42,888
We really want you to go.
506
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,056
Oh, thanks, Laura.
507
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,591
And I really do appreciate it, Rob.
508
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:46,926
It's just that-- well, I'd hate to think that you're doing
509
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,260
this because you feel guilty.
510
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,495
I don't feel--
511
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,664
well, maybe I do feel guilty.
512
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:52,932
And I think it's because we accidentally
513
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,466
hurt your feelings, did we?
514
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,701
Oh, come on, Rob.
515
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,136
You think we're so childish to be
516
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,904
hurt by anything so childish?
517
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,340
Then how come Millie's been in the shower all day?
518
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,376
Well, you know how childish Millie is.
519
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:05,277
Oh.
520
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,745
Then you'll go?
521
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:07,713
Well, I don't know.
522
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,014
I mean, you see, I--
523
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:10,549
well, how do we know that we're going to get
524
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:12,218
along with your new friends?
525
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,619
They're not our new friends.
526
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:15,087
They're our new neighbors.
527
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,323
Well, our new neighbors have only been to your house.
528
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,524
[doorbell ringing]
529
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:19,925
I'll get it.
530
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,493
Jerry, if you'll just give the Staggs a chance,
531
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:22,795
they're great people.
532
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:23,863
Well, I don't know.
533
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:24,930
We'll see.
534
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:25,864
LAURA: Rob!
535
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,366
Look who's here.
536
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:28,901
It's Fred Staggs, our new neighbor.
537
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,469
Oh, you don't have to announce me so formally.
538
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,638
Just say here, comes Fred Staggs again.
539
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:33,906
Oh, I returned your, uh, drill.
540
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:34,807
How's that for neighborly?
541
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,008
That's my drill.
542
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,343
If you use these on your patients,
543
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,877
I don't think I'm going to ever come to see you.
544
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,846
I'm just kidding.
545
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,715
Hey, you know, I did the dumbest thing today.
546
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,049
I hooked my speakers out of phase.
547
00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:45,517
Would you believe it?
548
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,452
Huh?
549
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,553
- My stereos. - Oh.
550
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,021
Hey, I was supposed to help you with that.
551
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,222
How did you do it wrong without me?
552
00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:51,724
[laughter] - I don't know.
553
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,325
Look.
554
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:54,393
If you ever need any help with your tweeters or your woofers,
555
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,194
you call on old Jer.
556
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:55,928
Oh, yeah?
557
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,162
You're a hi-fi bug, huh?
558
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:57,963
Oh, no.
559
00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,198
I just have some components.
560
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,766
Some compon-- he's got more equipment
561
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,401
than Gemini control over there.
562
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:03,335
No kidding.
563
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:04,403
What do you have?
564
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,171
Well, I've got a [inaudible] amplifier
565
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,974
and a Rufus turntable, and I've got the Palmer 3X speakers.
566
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,043
You have the Palmer 3Xs?
567
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:12,278
Those great big jobbers.
568
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:13,012
Woo, woo.
569
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:14,513
Yeah, wow.
570
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:17,850
I've just got those little [inaudible] But a Palmer 3X?
571
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:18,784
Wow.
572
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,119
I'd love to hear them.
573
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:21,220
Hey, Jerry, why don't you bring him over there
574
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,521
and give him listen. Would you?
575
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,123
Well, if you want, I could fire them up.
576
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,457
If you like. - Oh, I'd love it.
577
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:26,425
Are you kidding? - OK.
578
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:27,493
Listen.
579
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,727
Hey, I got this one recording, you know,
580
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:29,995
the train Albuquerque Express.
581
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:30,996
You can hear the fireman snoring, it's so--
582
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,231
Oh, I-- oh, wait a minute.
583
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:33,432
I've got to call my wife, tell her I'm
584
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:34,566
going over to your house, OK? - No.
585
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,768
Go ahead, Fred.
586
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,036
I'll call her for you. - Oh, thanks.
587
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:37,970
Hey, do you know-- have you heard that one
588
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,104
where the boat explodes?
589
00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:40,439
JERRY: Yeah, and the people fall--
590
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:43,108
[interposing voices]
591
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,244
Rob, are you ever a smart man?
592
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,313
Yeah, you noticed then, huh?
593
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,580
Gee, I'm sorry I spent the money now.
594
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,049
I could have got those two guys together
595
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,550
with a cheap record album.
596
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:52,951
Hey, Mary Jane? Listen.
597
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,353
Fred just asked me to call you and tell you
598
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,822
he's going next door to the Helpers to talk sound.
599
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:57,923
Yeah.
600
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:58,991
Hmm?
601
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,326
Well, I don't know.
602
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:02,961
There are a lot of good fabric places in town.
603
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,263
Hey, you know what?
604
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,432
You know who knows more about fabrics
605
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,701
and all that kind of thing than anyone else?
606
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:09,802
Millie.
607
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,171
Millie Helper.
608
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,572
Well, she's practically a decorator.
609
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:14,606
Yeah.
610
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:15,808
Why don't you give her a call?
611
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:16,809
Hey, better yet.
612
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,377
Why don't you go over there?
613
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,211
No problem.
614
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,813
Rob will be glad to sit for you.
615
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,081
Oh, I will?
616
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:23,415
Don't be silly. Don't thank me.
617
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:24,817
What are neighbors for? See you.
618
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:25,951
For getting people into trouble.
619
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:26,985
What did you volunteer me for?
620
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,287
I wanted to read the paper.
621
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,321
Well, you can read the paper over there.
622
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:30,723
Not in my underwear, I can't.
623
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,192
You don't read the paper in your underwear here.
624
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:34,626
I could if I wanted to.
625
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,162
Rob, if a little thing like babysitting
626
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:40,999
will get those kids together, it's a small price to pay.
627
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:44,370
[horns]
628
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,104
What was that?
629
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,672
That's stereo feedback.
630
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:49,842
The mating call of two hi-fi bugs who just found each other.
631
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,076
And you mated them.
632
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,381
Honey, have we got any other playing cards?
633
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,015
These are full of something blech.
634
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,584
Oh, that's chocolate syrup.
635
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,219
Gee, Ritchie was supposed to wash those when
636
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,854
he finished playing with them.
637
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,523
Well, I'll do it.
638
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,091
You know, dear, I feel kind of badly
639
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,595
about not inviting the Staggs over tonight.
640
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,662
Well, honey, listen.
641
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:11,897
Things are going too good.
642
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:13,499
I think we ought to antagonize Millie
643
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,067
and Jerry by dragging the Staggs in here on our regular bridge
644
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,068
night. - Yeah, you're right.
645
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,569
Things are going well.
646
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:18,804
You know, Mary Jane told me that they're going to let,
647
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,272
uh, Jerry do their teeth.
648
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,807
Oh, boy, that's wonderful.
649
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,809
Nothing makes Jerry happier than a new mouth to fill up.
650
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:24,977
[laughter]
651
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,478
Hey, I don't understand something.
652
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,380
We can afford two cars and two bathrooms
653
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,882
and only one deck of cards.
654
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,216
Well, darling, that's the whole idea of plastic ones.
655
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:32,184
You only need one deck.
656
00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,352
[doorbell ringing]
657
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:34,086
Come in.
658
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,687
It's open.
659
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,789
ROB: Hi.
660
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,090
Hi.
661
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,291
ROB: Just in time to help me dry the cards.
662
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,326
And I made your favorite, guacamole dip.
663
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,062
Hey, how come you two are so formal?
664
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,530
Oh, I knew we should have called.
665
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,265
Well, who knew they'd be going to so much trouble?
666
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,066
Making dip and washing cards.
667
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,234
What's going on, you guys?
668
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,869
Well, we wanted to know if you'd go
669
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,271
to the decorators show with us.
670
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,472
Oh, no, not tonight.
671
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,807
Let's go tomorrow night. - Yeah, come on.
672
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,208
Grab a towel and help me dry.
673
00:17:56,308 --> 00:18:00,112
Well, uh, when I said us, I didn't mean just us.
674
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,182
Oh, the, uh, Staggs are part of us?
675
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,584
Well, she just pleaded with me to come with her.
676
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,087
Yeah, she called me this morning and asked me to go,
677
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,221
but I said no. - Come on.
678
00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:10,722
Why don't you guys go with us, huh?
679
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,890
Well, no, Jer.
680
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,492
I really had my heart set on bridge.
681
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,828
Well, listen, there'll be other nights.
682
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,762
Uh, we really gotta run.
683
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:17,996
Yeah.
684
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,164
Tomorrow night's the big night, right?
685
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:20,566
The show and dinner.
686
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:21,733
Yeah, and I promise not to go [blowing raspberry]
687
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,968
at the play. LAURA: OK.
688
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:24,269
Come on. We'd better get going, huh?
689
00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:25,237
We don't want to keep the Staggs waiting.
690
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,271
You know what they say.
691
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,706
Never keep the Staggs at bay.
692
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,007
LAURA: Oh.
693
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,743
Come on.
694
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,546
Oh, dear.
695
00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:35,614
[laughs]
696
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,616
Well, it looks like the Helpers
697
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,618
and the Staggs are really hitting it off.
698
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:40,953
Yeah.
699
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,021
I'd-- I'd say that all that initial strangeness is past.
700
00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:44,256
Oh, yeah.
701
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,824
I don't think we'll be troubled by any
702
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,626
of the pettiness that marked any of their earlier meetings.
703
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:52,097
I think they're well on their way to a good solid friendship.
704
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,532
Oh, yeah.
705
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:54,967
I think, uh, they're legitimately
706
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,502
fond of each other.
707
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,737
And I think, uh, they're not doing it just to please us.
708
00:18:58,837 --> 00:18:59,938
No, no, no.
709
00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:01,039
I think they genuinely like each other.
710
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,174
Oh, yeah.
711
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:03,175
I wouldn't be surprised if they
712
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,443
get to be very, very close.
713
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:05,444
Oh.
714
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:06,945
I wouldn't be surprised if they asked
715
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:09,882
us to move our house so they could put theirs together.
716
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,552
Wouldn't surprise me.
717
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,953
Hey, Rob?
718
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:18,357
Hey, let's not get as childish as Millie and Jerry did, huh?
719
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,360
I mean, we haven't lost anybody's friendship.
720
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:25,030
And even if we have, who needs them?
721
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,598
We still have each other. - Yeah.
722
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,000
We don't have to play bridge, anyway.
723
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:28,934
We can play gin.
724
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,202
Yeah.
725
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:31,537
These cards aren't plastic.
726
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:39,011
So there goes the whole evening, huh?
727
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:39,945
No.
728
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:41,513
No.
729
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:43,382
We can still sit here and eat guacamole and play Go Fish.
730
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,452
What time is it?
731
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,988
11:43.
732
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:52,157
Well, maybe we ought to just order and forget about them.
733
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,059
Maybe we ought to just leave.
734
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,060
I can't, Rob.
735
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,061
I'm starving.
736
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:57,563
I didn't eat all day.
737
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,131
I wish we'd stopped and had a hot dog
738
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,632
or something before the show.
739
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:03,802
We could have if Mary Jane and Millie had been on time.
740
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:04,937
You know what burns me up?
741
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,271
I'll tell you what burns me up.
742
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,607
We had to sit way in the back in those $42 seats,
743
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,576
and you gave them the four together down front.
744
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:11,276
Why?
745
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,878
No, I didn't.
746
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,413
You heard Jerry say he couldn't tape record from that far back.
747
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,682
He said, my mini tapie won't pick up that far.
748
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:19,851
Well, his mini tapie picked up more than my mini ears.
749
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,587
I didn't hear one single song.
750
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,055
I didn't even hear the orchestra.
751
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:23,989
[sighing]
752
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:25,591
Where could they be?
753
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:30,062
Probably stopped on the way to record street sounds.
754
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,029
There they are.
755
00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:32,030
Swell.
756
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:34,833
- Hi. - Hi.
757
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:35,734
Hi.
758
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,003
You been waiting long?
759
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:39,638
Well, the show got out at 11:10.
760
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,473
The cab ride was five minutes.
761
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,141
It's now almost 12.
762
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,376
Oh, Laura, please.
763
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:45,544
I'm in no mood for that tone of voice.
764
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:46,612
You may as well get used to it.
765
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:48,447
That's the tone for the evening.
766
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:50,015
What are you so sore about?
767
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:51,783
You're sitting in here, nice and cozy in a warm restaurant.
768
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:53,619
We've been sitting out in a cold cab with the meter running,
769
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,622
waiting for a couple of drunks to come out of a bar.
770
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:57,322
What drunks?
771
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,358
Fred and Mary Jane.
772
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:00,659
Mary Jane?
773
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,061
I just can't believe that about Mary Jane.
774
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,831
Well, they were drunk.
775
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:06,765
Where are they?
776
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,133
In a bar.
777
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,901
Well, you mean they jumped out of the cab and ran in a bar?
778
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,837
Practically. We were riding down 48th Street.
779
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,006
And Fred yells out the window, Hey, Philly Reese,
780
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,407
and jumps out of the cab.
781
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:16,675
Who's Philly Reese?
782
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,410
Some dumb guy he played football with.
783
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:20,078
He thought he saw him run into a bar
784
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:21,279
and so he ran in after him.
785
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:22,714
And then Mary Jane ran in after Fred.
786
00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:24,916
And we're sitting out in the car like two dummies.
787
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,251
Hmm.
788
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,552
Well, that just doesn't sound like Mary Jane.
789
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,087
You mean, they never came out?
790
00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:31,290
Oh, they came out but just to tell us to go on our way.
791
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,557
LAURA: You mean, just like that?
792
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:33,625
Yeah, just like that.
793
00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:35,460
Well, it wasn't just like that.
794
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,996
I mean, they came out and asked us if we minded if they
795
00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:39,264
spent the evening with Phil.
796
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,332
And we said no.
797
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:41,600
I'm sure glad we did.
798
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:42,634
I'd much rather be with you two guys than
799
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,836
with those two drunks any day.
800
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:45,871
They weren't drunks.
801
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:46,805
They're drunks.
802
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:48,540
They went into a bar, didn't they?
803
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,076
Well, Jerry, not everyone who goes into a bar is a drunk.
804
00:21:51,176 --> 00:21:53,478
I just hate a guy who's out with one couple and switches
805
00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:55,113
to another couple in the middle of the street.
806
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:56,682
In my book, that's not a real friend.
807
00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,116
Well, don't be too harsh on him, Jerry.
808
00:21:58,216 --> 00:22:00,952
After three days, nobody qualifies as a real friend.
809
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,255
Yeah, well, that's one thing you wouldn't do with me, Rob.
810
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:06,058
There are very few people like me.
811
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,259
Or me.
812
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:08,660
Boy, I'd never do a thing like that.
813
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,395
Boy, was I right about them.
814
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:12,331
You were also right when you said old friends
815
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:13,365
are the best friends.
816
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:15,934
And I was right when I--
817
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,536
When you what?
818
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:20,238
When I put the snacks and the guacamole in the refrigerator.
819
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,506
They're closing this place. Come on.
820
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:23,108
Let's go back to our house and eat, huh?
821
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:24,209
Well.
822
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:25,944
How about those crumbs, huh?
823
00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:27,546
Well, come on, Jerry.
824
00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:29,181
They don't qualify for crumbs, either, after only three days.
825
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:30,816
He's so quick to judge.
826
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,818
Hey, your honor, here's a good question for you.
827
00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:35,187
How much do you tip a waiter for 10 bread sticks
828
00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,522
and two glasses of water?
829
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:38,957
Do you, uh, come here often?
830
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:39,858
Never.
831
00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:41,126
Then stiff 'em.
832
00:22:41,226 --> 00:22:42,561
That's why you're my best friend.
833
00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:44,162
Next to you, I got a lot of class.
834
00:22:44,262 --> 00:22:45,464
[laughing]
835
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:50,402
[doorbell ringing]
836
00:22:50,502 --> 00:22:51,370
My gosh.
837
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:52,537
It's 1:00.
838
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:53,572
- It's probably the Staggs. - Yeah.
839
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,073
They probably want to make up.
840
00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:57,242
There's nothing to make up for.
841
00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:58,210
Hi.
842
00:22:58,310 --> 00:22:59,578
Listen, we feel terrible.
843
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:00,912
Gosh, we're really sorry about what happened.
844
00:23:01,012 --> 00:23:02,280
But, you know, Phil and Fred haven't
845
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:03,882
seen each other for years.
846
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:06,017
I haven't seen this guy since we had a huddle at the Orange
847
00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:06,952
Bowl seven years ago.
848
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,053
We feel sick about it.
849
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:09,388
- Oh, no. - We understand.
850
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:10,922
- Hey, why don't you come in? - No, we can't.
851
00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:12,657
We've got a babysitter that charges triple after 12:00.
852
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:13,992
Can you believe that? LAURA: Oh.
853
00:23:14,092 --> 00:23:15,427
But we'd like all of you to come to our house
854
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:16,695
for dinner next Thursday night.
855
00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:17,896
Phil Reese and his wife are coming over.
856
00:23:17,996 --> 00:23:19,297
Oh, well, that's our bridge night.
857
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:20,532
We can't come. MARY JANE: Oh.
858
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,033
He's a wholesale shirt manufacturer.
859
00:23:22,134 --> 00:23:23,168
We'll come.
860
00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:24,136
We'll play bridge on Friday night.
861
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:25,070
Good.
862
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,104
Listen.
863
00:23:26,204 --> 00:23:27,406
We'll expect you on Thursday.
864
00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:29,274
Yeah, I'll see you la-- oh, wait a minute.
865
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:30,575
Jerry, your mini tapie.
866
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:32,310
- Hey, it came out pretty clear. - Real nice.
867
00:23:32,410 --> 00:23:33,445
I'll see you later. - OK.
868
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:34,713
- See you later. - I'm sorry.
869
00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:35,680
We're sick about it. - That's all right.
870
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:36,414
- OK. - Goodnight.
871
00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:37,182
Goodnight.
872
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:38,350
Hot dog.
873
00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:39,551
I missed this whole thing, Jerry.
874
00:23:39,651 --> 00:23:41,153
Will you play it for me?
875
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,155
And you were the one who was making fun of that little mini
876
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,890
tapie all night long.
877
00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:45,924
Making fun of this?
878
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:47,259
Well, I'm going to show you something.
879
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,427
You-- you just watch.
880
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,694
I've got this whole show on tape.
881
00:23:49,795 --> 00:23:51,129
We'll start right from the beginning.
882
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:51,930
Yeah. It's all set.
883
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:53,365
Ready? And--
884
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:54,833
[music playing]
885
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,301
MAN (ON TAPE): (SINGING) Mother, Mother, tell me true.
886
00:23:56,401 --> 00:23:58,403
Why do moo cows go moo-moo?
887
00:23:58,503 --> 00:23:59,471
And the horses go neigh-neigh?
888
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:00,372
Hey, what's that?
889
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:02,140
The heck, you say.
890
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,844
Father, Father, Mother lied when she said that you had died.
891
00:24:05,944 --> 00:24:07,813
But here you stand before my bed.
892
00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:13,685
You couldn't do that if you're dead.
893
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:14,920
Is that in the show?
894
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:15,620
Sure.
895
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,322
That's a hit song.
896
00:24:17,422 --> 00:24:19,758
Remember what he said about Thornton Alsbury's plays?
897
00:24:19,858 --> 00:24:22,661
You know, [blowing raspberry].
898
00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:25,530
[all blowing raspberries]
899
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:35,707
[music playing]
61522
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