All language subtitles for the.dick.van.dyke.show.s02e20

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranรฎ)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,776 [MUSIC - THEME, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW'] 2 00:00:09,876 --> 00:00:13,179 ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show. 3 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,382 Starring Dick Van Dyke. 4 00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:22,355 Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 5 00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:25,325 Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 6 00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:34,167 [spooky music from the tv] 7 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,709 Oh, Rob, please turn this program off. 8 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:43,743 It scares me. 9 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,178 Honey, not during the climax. 10 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,614 Well, can't you watch it in the living room? 11 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,748 Go back under the covers. 12 00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:49,783 Oh. 13 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,754 [spooky music continues] 14 00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,793 Rob, I can still hear that weird music. 15 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,094 Shh, honey, please. 16 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,532 MAN ON TV: Why are you staring at me? 17 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,267 Evelyn, your eyes. 18 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,202 What's happened to your eyes? 19 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,538 Why do you looking at me that way, Evelyn? 20 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,273 No. No. 21 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:14,274 No! 22 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:15,308 No! 23 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,980 LAURA: Rob, I can still hear it. 24 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,615 All right, honey, you win. 25 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,823 It'll be over in a second. 26 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:33,927 Just a minute, just a minute. 27 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,528 Ah! 28 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,530 Ugh. 29 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,898 [gasping] 30 00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:40,467 All right, honey, it's all over. 31 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:41,201 Not quite. 32 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,871 I'm still breathing. 33 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,073 I'm sorry, I was just trying to block out the music. 34 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,508 Did it work? 35 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,511 Beautifully, but you also blocked out my oxygen. 36 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,981 If you had been Colak you wouldn't need any oxygen. 37 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:55,982 Colak? 38 00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:57,150 Yeah, the guy in the movie. 39 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,651 I don't think I saw that part. 40 00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,353 Well, saw the part where the pretty housewife bought 41 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,855 the bag of walnuts, didn't you? 42 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,057 Yeah, I saw the part where she started shelling them. 43 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,492 Yeah, did you see when she started 44 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,093 open that strange looking walnut? 45 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,596 No, that's when that crazy music started, 46 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,798 and I went under. 47 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:16,469 She opened it up, and there was no nut in there. 48 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,305 It was just a thing about like the size of a grape. 49 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:21,374 All that crazy music for a grape? 50 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:22,842 Well, it wasn't really a grape, honey, 51 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,311 it was a strange looking object, and it gave off a glow. 52 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,814 [weird whistling] 53 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:28,748 You know what it was? 54 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,550 I'd rather not know. 55 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,319 ROB: It was a particle of absorbitron, a chemical element 56 00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:34,854 from the planet Twilo. 57 00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:39,292 You see this Colak was an emissary from the planet Twilo. 58 00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,828 Rob, I would rather not know anything about the planet 59 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:42,962 Twilo, or Colak. 60 00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,532 I think the whole thing is silly. 61 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,900 Silly? 62 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,901 You just didn't see it. 63 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,302 This was done beautifully. 64 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,338 You see, the planet Twilo sent this emissary Colak 65 00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:55,542 down to Earth to get us to stop fooling around up in space. 66 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,277 And he tried to get in the UN building, 67 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,212 and they threw him out. 68 00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:00,513 You know what he looked like? 69 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,248 No, I don't want to know. 70 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,553 Well, what did he look like? 71 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:12,158 Real scary, and he spoke with an English accent, 72 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,295 and he looked like Danny Thomas. 73 00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:21,401 Darling, there's nothing scary looking about Danny Thomas. 74 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:22,969 I think he's kind of cute. 75 00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:27,273 You wouldn't think he was so cute if he had four eyes. 76 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,608 Four eyes? 77 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:29,943 Yeah. 78 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,512 All Twiloites have two in the front and two in the back. 79 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,480 And this Colak kept the ones in back hidden 80 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,782 by letting his hair grow over them, 81 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,184 and whenever he wanted to peek out of them 82 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,752 he'd scratch his head like that. 83 00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:42,121 Hello there. 84 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:45,024 Oh! 85 00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,292 And you know what he did? 86 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,627 I don't want to hear. 87 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,429 He took activated walnuts and put 88 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,030 them in all the bins in supermarkets 89 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:51,965 around the country. 90 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,166 Oh, Rob, that's enough. 91 00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:54,534 And you know what happens if anybody 92 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,302 opens one of those walnuts? 93 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,437 I don't want to know. 94 00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,806 Well, honey, it's not that scary. 95 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,875 Anybody who was exposed to the rays from the absorbitron 96 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,712 slowly take on the characteristics of Colak. 97 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:08,147 So everybody ends up looking like Danny Thomas, 98 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,182 and that's the end of the story. 99 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,950 Fine, good night. 100 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:14,520 No, honey, that's not all. 101 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,322 They not only get an extra set of eyes, 102 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:20,126 but they lose their imagination and their thumbs. 103 00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,828 Why? 104 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,164 Because, without thumbs and without our imagination, 105 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,633 we Earth people couldn't possibly 106 00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:29,702 build the things that threaten the existence of Twilo. 107 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,171 Oh, I'd hate to run into one of those walnuts myself. 108 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,608 (ACCENTED VOICE) Why, without my thumbs, I couldn't type. 109 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:44,751 And without my imagination, I wouldn't have a sense of humor. 110 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,254 Wouldn't I be kind of a strange looking comedy writer? 111 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,456 I think you're kind of a strange comedy writer 112 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:51,958 right now, Boris. 113 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,159 Good night. 114 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:54,127 Oh, come on, let me finish, honey. 115 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,361 No. 116 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,903 Oh, honey, that reminds me. 117 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,472 I forgot to tell you something I've been meaning to tell you. 118 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:07,674 What is it, dear? 119 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,978 Twiloites only eat walnuts. 120 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,546 Oh, Rob! 121 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,481 Yeah, and besides, they don't breathe any air. 122 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,016 All they breathe is water. 123 00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:20,119 And this Colak would start suffocating about twice a day. 124 00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:21,921 Oh, water, water, water. 125 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:22,855 Water. 126 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,957 Rob, stop it. 127 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,293 Oh, Rob, are you trying to give me nightmares? 128 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,294 Nightmares? 129 00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,762 It was just a movie, honey? 130 00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:31,531 I'm going to wake up screaming tonight, I know it. 131 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:35,768 I'm going to wake up screaming, and it'll be all your fault. 132 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:39,372 Honey, you just set the alarm for an hour from now. 133 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,506 That's right. 134 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:42,342 If Colak and his activated walnuts 135 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,676 are going to come after me in my dreams, 136 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,411 I'll be saved by the bell. 137 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,082 Good night. 138 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,116 Good night. 139 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,192 [weird whistling] 140 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,493 Oh, Rob! 141 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,869 (ACCENTED VOICE) Would you care for a walnut, my dear? 142 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,307 OK, OK, you did it. 143 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:19,078 You just blew homemade waffles for breakfast. 144 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:19,979 (ACCENTED VOICE) Waffles? 145 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,181 What are waffles? 146 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:23,483 I only eat walnuts. 147 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,620 Good, because that's all you're 148 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,921 going to get from now on. 149 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:29,956 Walnuts. 150 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,784 Honey, guess what I found in the living room? 151 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,353 A dead horse. 152 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:01,854 That's not very funny. 153 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,791 Well, I guess I don't have much of a sense of humor. 154 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,527 Oh, getting your morning breath of fresh air? 155 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,464 Naturally. 156 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,899 OK, you win. 157 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:13,699 You win. 158 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,967 Here are your walnuts back. 159 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,335 My walnuts? 160 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,337 Yeah, the ones you strewed all over the living room floor. 161 00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,239 Now, why would I do that? 162 00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:21,874 Because I teased you last night. 163 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,411 Oh, Rob, you know I don't do silly things like that. 164 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,446 Well, if you didn't do it, then who did? 165 00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,615 Well, maybe it was Colak, or one of his friends 166 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,250 from the planet Twilo. 167 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,185 Hi, Daddy! 168 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,119 Hi, Rich. 169 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,387 You have your breakfast? 170 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,856 Yeah, I had a nice bowl of hot walnuts. 171 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:40,193 Here's your lunch, dear. 172 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,062 Hurry, you'll be late for school. 173 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,664 Oh, boy. 174 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,799 A bag of walnuts. 175 00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,901 Yay! 176 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,970 Well, what's for breakfast, darling, fried, 177 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,371 poached, or scrambled? 178 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,339 Scrambled, please. 179 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,007 OK. 180 00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:56,042 One or two? 181 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,786 Why don't you have more than two, dear. 182 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,554 They're awfully small today. 183 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:15,795 All right. 184 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:16,529 OK. 185 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:17,663 I'll eat at the office. 186 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,232 Oh, Rob, darling, wait. 187 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,001 I hate to see you go off without having something to eat. 188 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,669 Now that is a little bit more like it. 189 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,105 Here, you can eat this on the way to work. 190 00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,910 You're not going to fix me any breakfast, are you? 191 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,778 Darling, I offered to fix your breakfast. 192 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,280 All right, all right, have your fun. 193 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,815 Have fun. Enjoy yourself. 194 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,353 Hi, gang. 195 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,454 Sorry I'm late. 196 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:42,455 I'm sorry I'm short. 197 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:45,358 I'm sorry I'm single. 198 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,460 What kept you, Rob? 199 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,962 A house full of walnuts. 200 00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:52,265 Well, Buddy, shall I say it, or shall we both say it? 201 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,432 I think we ought to both say it. 202 00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:56,936 BOTH: A houseful of walnuts? 203 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,105 Laura was getting even with me this morning because I 204 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,140 scared her last night. - You scared her? 205 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,041 What'd you do? 206 00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:03,910 Show up? 207 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,845 I was pretending that I was this guy 208 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:07,580 Colak who breathes water. 209 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,981 Oh, yeah. 210 00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,317 The four eyed monster they threw out of the UN. 211 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:12,785 He came from the planet Twilo. 212 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,453 You see that picture? 213 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,988 No, they make a picture out of that? 214 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,194 Last night on television. 215 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,362 No. 216 00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:26,866 I was at the UN the day it happened. 217 00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,068 Listen, if this guy didn't have those four eyes, 218 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,970 I'd have married him. 219 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,772 What's this got to do with walnuts? 220 00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,341 Oh, well you see, all these creatures on the planet Twilo 221 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:36,242 only eat-- 222 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:40,246 [cracking] 223 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:41,213 What was that noise? 224 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,915 What noise? 225 00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:44,450 I heard a noise just now. 226 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:45,451 I heard it too. 227 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,153 It's like walnuts cracking. 228 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,055 Yeah. 229 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:49,755 Well, I don't know. 230 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:50,823 Where'd it come from? 231 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:51,791 It might have come from me. 232 00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,025 I just cracked a couple. 233 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,463 All right, Buddy. 234 00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,665 Who put you up to eating walnuts? 235 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,703 Well, if you must know, I switched from pistachios. 236 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:04,603 I always eat walnuts. 237 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,572 Doesn't everybody? 238 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,808 Rob, are you all right? 239 00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,377 I'm not sure until I find out where Buddy got the idea 240 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:12,545 of eating walnuts just now. 241 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:13,646 Why does it have to be an idea? 242 00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:15,314 I was hungry. I like walnuts. 243 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:16,215 Come on, Buddy. 244 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:17,750 Where'd you get them? 245 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,019 What's the difference? 246 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,287 Did Laura call you this morning 247 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:22,355 and tell you to eat walnuts? 248 00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,360 Why are you guys looking at each other? 249 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,694 Rob, wouldn't you look at a friend 250 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,496 if another friend asked you if his wife called 251 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:33,699 and told him to eat walnuts? 252 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,767 Now, come on. 253 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,569 Where did you get the walnuts? 254 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,604 Our guest star gave them to me. 255 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,072 Well, I don't know. 256 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,275 I didn't think Laura was that mad at me, to go to such 257 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,277 a complicated practical joke. 258 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,179 I don't understand it, it's not like her. 259 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,248 Rob, I hate to interrupt you while you're 260 00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:51,183 talking to yourself, but can we get down to work, please? 261 00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:52,818 I have a very important luncheon engagement. 262 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:54,887 How about we do the spot for the guest? 263 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,055 You know, get that out of the way. 264 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,090 The best idea you've had all day. 265 00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,158 What do we do? 266 00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:07,266 Well-- all right, who put that in there? 267 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,200 Colak. 268 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,569 Colak. 269 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,504 Oh, come on. 270 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,039 Let's open the show. 271 00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:14,707 How about using it for an opening a good boy girl number. 272 00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,375 I don't think the TV world is quite 273 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:20,479 ready for a boy girl number sung by Alan Brady and Danny Thomas. 274 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,351 Danny Thomas? 275 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,787 Is Danny Thomas the guest star this week? 276 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,622 You told us about it. 277 00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:30,656 I did? 278 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:31,857 SALLY: Sure, don't you remember? 279 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,159 You even put a reminder in the drawer. 280 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,969 See? 281 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,005 You guys are very, very thorough. 282 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,339 Oh, come on, let's get to work. 283 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,208 I'm not going to work with you or anybody else 284 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,843 until you guys promise me to stop fooling 285 00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:53,245 around trying to scare me. 286 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:55,815 Should we stop fooling around and trying and scare him? 287 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,785 Rob. 288 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:03,122 BOTH: We'll stop fooling around trying to scare you. 289 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:06,025 Knock it off. 290 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:09,495 I can't figure out how I forgot Danny Thomas was on the show 291 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,363 this week. 292 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:12,331 You know, funny thing. 293 00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:13,332 Yeah. 294 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:14,867 Yeah, I know a funny thing. 295 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,403 A nearsighted turtle falling in love with an army helmet. 296 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,243 [forced laughter] 297 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,179 Cut it out! 298 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,684 Now look, you guys. 299 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,285 I don't know what you're trying to do. 300 00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:34,720 I don't know what you're trying to do me, but the joke is over, 301 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:35,654 you understand that? 302 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,056 The joke is over. 303 00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:39,492 I'll tell Laura how good you were, all right? 304 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,693 Now if it's not too much trouble, 305 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:43,496 may we please get down to work? 306 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,232 Rob, if I didn't know you better, 307 00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:48,567 I'd swear you've lost your sense of humor. 308 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,939 Why did you just say that? 309 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:56,075 Maybe swallowed some absorbitron. 310 00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,476 You did see that movie, didn't you? 311 00:12:57,576 --> 00:12:59,512 No, I told you, I was at the UN. 312 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,546 Remember dollface. 313 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,850 Something strange here today. 314 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,585 Hi-ho, everybody. 315 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,554 Oh boy, Mel, am I glad to see you. 316 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:09,722 Mel, look. 317 00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:10,890 I want to ask you a question, I want 318 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,192 a straight answer from you. 319 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,595 Who is this week's guest star on the show? 320 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,598 Why, Danny Thomas. 321 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,034 Did my wife tell you to put Danny Thomas on the show? 322 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,102 No, no. 323 00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:24,503 As a matter of fact, she was against it. 324 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:25,538 She wanted Colak. 325 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:30,776 Did Laura tell you to say that? 326 00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:32,678 She did, didn't she? 327 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,113 Did you tell him to say that? 328 00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,781 They told you to say that, didn't they? 329 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:36,782 Huh? 330 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,883 You guys are putting me on. 331 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,018 You're putting me on. 332 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:41,554 Now Rob, pull yourself together. 333 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,988 You look terrible. 334 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,890 Here, this will make you feel better. 335 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,226 Take two of these with a glass of air. 336 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,995 Ah! 337 00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:52,932 I thought you guys were my friends. 338 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,401 Buddy, how's about we work on the opening monologue. 339 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,435 Of course, pal. 340 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,445 Don't forget, Rob, thumbs up. 341 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:15,688 Something is wrong here. 342 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,557 Something's wrong. 343 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:19,925 There's three possibilities. 344 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,028 Either Laura and the gang are playing a very 345 00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:26,098 elaborate practical joke on me, or 346 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:32,872 I'm having a horrible nightmare, or it's really happening to me. 347 00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,873 Wait. 348 00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,609 It can't really be happening to me, 349 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,578 because I still got my thumbs. 350 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,352 I'm all right. 351 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:06,338 [weird droning] 352 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:13,412 I've got to be dreaming. 353 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:16,982 I'm having a dream. 354 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:17,916 That's all. 355 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,485 I'm just having a dream. 356 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,252 I'll wake up. 357 00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,655 I'll wake up pretty soon. 358 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,723 I know I'm having a dream. 359 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,159 That hurt. 360 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,194 Never hurts in a dream. 361 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,329 LAURA (ON PHONE): Hello? 362 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:33,565 Laura I want you to do me a favor. 363 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,967 Sure, darling. 364 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,503 Go in the bedroom, pull down the covers on my bed 365 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:38,504 and see if I'm there. 366 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,043 Rob, darling, I don't have time for jokes. 367 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,078 I have a walnut roast in the oven. 368 00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:47,880 All right, all right. 369 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,481 All right, now you win. 370 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,617 You and your friends have scared the pants off me, I admit it. 371 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:52,685 Are you happy? 372 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:53,986 Have you still got your thumbs? 373 00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,321 Yes, I have. 374 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,955 There's not much you can do about that, is there? 375 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:57,890 [chuckling] 376 00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:58,957 Now that's enough. 377 00:15:59,058 --> 00:15:59,892 Laura-- 378 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,393 [click] 379 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:02,428 Laura? 380 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,167 Why is she doing this to me? 381 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,936 That's it, it's got to be a dream. 382 00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:12,171 Must be a dream. 383 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,139 She wouldn't do this to me. 384 00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:17,142 So I'm-- I'm just dreaming. 385 00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,611 All right, then I'll do some work. 386 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,613 I'll do some work and I'll just get my mind off it. 387 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:22,614 I'll wake up. 388 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:30,823 [whining] 389 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:31,924 All right, that's enough. 390 00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:32,825 That's enough. 391 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,059 This is too much. 392 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,698 [whining continues] 393 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,180 I beg pardon. 394 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,083 Could you tell me where I might find Robert Petrie? 395 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,188 Who are you? 396 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:04,523 Who do you think I am? 397 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,295 Danny Thomas? 398 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,464 What is a Danny Thomas? 399 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,669 Then who are you? 400 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:18,704 Guess. 401 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:28,647 [whistling] 402 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:41,260 Uh, why are you here? 403 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,663 I've merely come to see what the last remaining Earth 404 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,632 person looks like. 405 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,367 The last? 406 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:51,537 Look at me, look at me, I still got my thumbs. 407 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,305 Now, you get out of here Danny or Colak 408 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,206 or whatever your name is. 409 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,708 You get out of here. 410 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,743 Very well. 411 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:01,980 Oh, look. 412 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,115 Where? 413 00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,451 You have a stain on your necktie. 414 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,852 What? 415 00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:07,786 I don't see a stain. 416 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:11,323 Oh, there it is. 417 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,558 How did you see it from there? 418 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:16,728 I have a perfect 20/20 20/20 vision. 419 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,734 (SINGING) La dee da da. 420 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,203 Da dee da da. 421 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,318 I must be dreaming. 422 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,253 Either that, or I'm in the Twilo Zone. 423 00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:45,257 I must be dreaming. 424 00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:46,825 It's not really happening to me. 425 00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:51,763 Because if it's really happening to me, and I was a Twiloite, 426 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,933 and the absorbatron was really working, 427 00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:58,270 I wouldn't have any thumbs, and I've got my thumbs. 428 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:05,777 Ah! 429 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:10,582 Oh, no! 430 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:11,950 I got to get home. 431 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,319 I got to go back to a little bed before that I alarm goes off 432 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:15,287 and I never wake up. 433 00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:16,788 Laura! Laura. 434 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:17,856 [inaudible] 435 00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,428 Laura, Laura? 436 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,464 Did you [inaudible] yet? 437 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:26,732 Laura? 438 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,734 Laura, where are you? 439 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:29,935 Laura? 440 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,471 Danny Thomas put nuts in my head. 441 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:33,872 Laura! 442 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:34,973 Laura, where are you? 443 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,157 Laura. 444 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:53,492 Darling. 445 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,861 What are you doing home from work so early? 446 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:59,965 Laura, you gotta help me. 447 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:01,667 I'm having a nightmare. 448 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,002 I can't wake up. 449 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,037 You're having a nightmare? 450 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:06,071 Yeah. 451 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,674 Now look, I'll gone, all gone. 452 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,542 Oh, how cute. 453 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,644 Laura, Laura, you gotta help me get my thumbs back. 454 00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:13,378 Hit me. 455 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,613 Hit me and wake me up. 456 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,114 Darling, I will hit you with pleasure, 457 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,716 but it won't get you back your thumbs. 458 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:18,784 Well, come on hit me. 459 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,018 Hit me before grow another pair of eyes. 460 00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:29,828 Felt good, but they're still gone. 461 00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,163 Oh, my. 462 00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:34,299 All this exercise, I'm a little out of breath. 463 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:38,570 What you doing? 464 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,505 Getting a drink of fresh air. 465 00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,547 You're a Twiloite. 466 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:54,386 Robert, do you know you have a stain on your tie? 467 00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,254 Yeah, Colak told me. 468 00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:58,090 How did you know? 469 00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,691 I do wish you wouldn't point. 470 00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:02,761 It's so impolite. 471 00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:03,729 Laura. 472 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,765 My name is not Laura, it's Lolack. 473 00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:10,335 Lolack of Twilo. 474 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,170 I see you! 475 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,405 Yuck! 476 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:18,577 That's not possible. 477 00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,179 My eyes, don't touch my eyes. 478 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,147 Oh no. 479 00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:24,283 I got-- I got to wake up. 480 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,318 I got to get out of this nightmare. 481 00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:28,220 I got to wake up. 482 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,922 I got wake up. 483 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,625 [laughter] 484 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,997 I got to wake up! 485 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:39,998 Ahh! 486 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,214 [alarm ringing] 487 00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:57,949 I gotta-- I gotta-- 488 00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,719 oh, oh, oh, wait. 489 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:01,620 Wait. 490 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,654 Wait. 491 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:05,424 What are you doing here? 492 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:06,658 What are you? 493 00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:08,326 I had a nightmare and fell out of bed. 494 00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:09,594 I heard a scream. 495 00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:10,929 Oh, I must have screamed. 496 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:12,264 Oh, what a nightmare. 497 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,499 What a night-- I dreamed that I was a Twiloite. 498 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,601 And I lost my sense of humor and my thumbs. 499 00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:17,602 Oh! 500 00:22:19,971 --> 00:22:22,741 I dreamed that Danny Thomas was chasing me and throwing 501 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,243 walnuts at me, and every place he hit me I'd lose the thumb 502 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,578 and grow an eye. 503 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:30,415 Oh, I wish it were morning. 504 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,117 Do you wish it were morning? - Yeah. 505 00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:33,151 So scared. 506 00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:35,120 Oh, try and go get some sleep. 507 00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,555 No, I'm just scared. 508 00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:39,491 I know you are, I can feel your trembling. 509 00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:40,992 Well what'll we do? 510 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:42,060 I don't know. 511 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,962 Sit here and twiddle our thumbs. 512 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:53,205 Rob? 513 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:54,439 Hm. 514 00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:56,608 I can't sleep, can you? 515 00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:57,609 No. 516 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,048 You want to watch some TV? 517 00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:08,320 Might as well. 518 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,588 OK. 519 00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:12,090 I'll see if I can get insomnia theater. 520 00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:15,093 Oh, good. 521 00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:16,528 [music playing] 522 00:23:16,628 --> 00:23:20,365 MAN ON TV: One, two, and there, one, two, and there. 523 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:22,167 Who in the world does exercises 524 00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:23,368 at this time of night? 525 00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:24,603 This guy does. 526 00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:30,442 Darling, who's that good looking man with the beard? 527 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:31,843 I don't know. 528 00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:34,146 MAN ON TV: Would you guess that there are 200,000 529 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,148 bumblebees on this man's face? 530 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,149 Oh! 531 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,655 MAN ON TV: Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Dorothy Lamore 532 00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:45,157 in "The Road to Singapore." 533 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:46,525 Well, that can't scare you much. 534 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,895 MAN ON TV: That's tomorrow night at 2 o'clock. 535 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:53,865 Now back to "The Werewolf From Outer Space." 536 00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:54,866 Oh! 537 00:23:58,003 --> 00:24:00,138 MAN ON TV: And now from a supine position 538 00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:08,213 starting with the right leg, and 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2-- 539 00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:18,056 [MUSIC - END THEME "THE 540 00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:20,258 DICK VAN DYKE SHOW"] 36168

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.