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ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show!
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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( BACKGROUND SINGING )
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He's at it again!
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Honey, will you go make up his bed?
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All right.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ♪ Hello roses hello dew
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♪ Hello bluebird
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Hi. Hi, Jerry.
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Hi, Stace. Hi ya, Burford.
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It's nap time.
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Look, what do you want to hear?
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Sit down right here. You got any requests?
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How about sleepy time in the den?
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Oh, that's a good one.
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♪ When it's sleepy time in the den... ♪
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Nap time.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ♪ It's nap time in the
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♪ It's nap time in the
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Hi, Laura.
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Bed's all made up.
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Oh, good. I'll trade you a banjo for a pillow.
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No, I better keep it. I might want to play myself awake.
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Excuse me.
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Quiet out there I'm trying to go to sleep.
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Hey, that's a funny guy.
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Is he always that funny around the house?
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Uh, only sometimes, Jerry.
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Is he, isn't he going to do anymore?
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Uh, no, that's it.
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Isn't he going to come out?
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Uh, no.
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What's going on?
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Sit down, Jerry.
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Rob, do you think you ought to tell him?
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Tell me what?
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Look, Jerry, if I tell you,
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will you please not spread it all over the neighborhood?
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I promise. what?
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Well, didn't you notice that my brother Stace
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was acting a little strangely just now?
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Well, yeah, but I thought he was joking.
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Well, yeah, he was joking, all right,
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but he was also acting that way because he has a problem.
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Problem?
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Yeah, and he thought he had it licked, too,
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but obviously he hasn't.
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Well, what's his problem?
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You just saw it!
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What did I see? What?
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Jer, you just saw a demonstration of sleepwalking.
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You mean, your brother's a sleepwalker?
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One of the greatest sleepwalkers in history.
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You mean that just now Stacey was...
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BOTH: sound asleep.
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Rob, are you asking me to believe
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that your brother just did that whole funny bit for me
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while he was asleep?
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Well, it's true. Laura, is he kidding?
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No, he's not kidding, Jerry.
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What do you suppose causes it?
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Well, he's gonna be
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released from the Army where he's been safe and secure,
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and he's gonna have to go out into the world,
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and he wants so much to be a comedian
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and he just doesn't have the confidence to be one.
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Confidence?
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He looked pretty confident to me.
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Oh, well, when he's asleep, he's confident,
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but when he's awake, he's a scared rabbit.
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He's got to audition for Alan Brady tomorrow,
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and he's got to do it awake.
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Can he perform like that when he's awake?
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Oh, no, he can't.
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That's hard to believe.
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Hey, how can you tell when he's sleepwalking?
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Oh, well that's easy
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when he's asleep, he's outgoing.
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He calls everyone Burford
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and he doesn't wear his glasses,
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and when he's awake, he's shy and timid.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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there he goes again.
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He sure sounds funny.
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Are you sure he's not awake?
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No, he's asleep.
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If only he could be that good when he's awake.
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You mean, he doesn't know how he is
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when he's asleep?
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He's never heard himself!
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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hey!
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Honey, will you plug this in?
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Jerry? Yeah.
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Get that stool and put it out in the middle of the floor.
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Plug it in why? Just plug it in.
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Your seat's right there in the middle of the floor.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ( BACKGROUND SINGING )
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hey, Stace... Hi ya, Burford.
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It's showtime.
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Oh, good.
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It's showtime, and I'm your favorite performer.
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Okay, everybody around the stage.
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Everybody get around here, make a big circle,
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and I'll play a little banjo songbook.
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What's that?
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Oh, we're broadcasting, Stace.
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Oh, good. Hi, Mom.
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( CHUCKLES )
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for my first number, I'd like to do
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a medley of banjo songs
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that you don't get a chance to hear on the banjo too often,
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and you can all be pretty glad of that.
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And here it is.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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♪ Well won't you come home Bill Bailey ♪
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♪ Won't you come home?
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♪ I moaned all day long yeah
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This fella goes up to a guy on the street
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and he says, "Say,"
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he says, "can you give me 15 cents for a sandwich?"
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And the guy says, "I don't know
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let me see a sandwich.
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( CHUCKLES )
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on the street.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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♪ Well won't you come home bill bailey ♪
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♪ Won't you come home?
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♪ I moaned all day long yeah
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♪ I'll do the cooking, honey.
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♪ I'll pay the rent.
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♪ I know I done you...
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...goes up to a guy in the street, and he says, "Say,"
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he says, "say, can you give me 15 cents for a sandwich?"
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And the guy says, "I don't know
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let me see a sandwich."
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♪ Bill Bailey won't you please come home ♪
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( CLAPPING )
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huh! Is that good? Yeah.
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Stace, that's the way you sound when you're asleep.
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Now I want you to sound that way when you're awake.
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Would you please try it once?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Just try it.
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Okay.
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I'll see what I...
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ♪ Hm, hm, won't you... Won't you... ♪
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♪ Come there, come on, come on, hm, hm... ♪
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♪ Won't, won't you come... Won't you come ♪
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Could I hear it again, Rob?
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Oh, sure, Stace.
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Won't you come home,
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Bill Bailey, won't you come home?
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I moaned the whole day long.
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Okay.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ♪ Won't come on
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♪ Come here won't...
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ♪ Come on home
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♪ Come here come on hm won't you... ♪
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♪ Won't you come, won't
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I don't think he's gonna come home, Rob.
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Hey, I just remembered.
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I've got company for dinner tonight.
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I don't want to keep them waiting.
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Hey, uh, Stace good luck on your audition, huh.
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Everything will be just fine.
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See you later.
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( DOOR CLOSES )
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i, I don't, uh, think I'm ready to audition, Rob.
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Doggone it, Stacey. You're a funny guy.
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Yeah, asleep I'm a riot.
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I don't care asleep or awake
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Stace, that was you on the tape.
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That was you at the party the other night.
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You were great!
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Yeah, I'm great on tapes and at parties,
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but not for auditioning for big stars like Alan Brady.
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Rob, I, I, I really appreciate
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what you're trying to do,
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but I just can't go through with it.
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Stace, the other night, here in the living room,
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you were fabulous.
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Yeah, but I was asleep, and I wasn't doing an audition,
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and it was a party.
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Yeah...party.
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Believe me, Rob, we'd both be better off
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if we'd call this whole thing off.
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Can't even keep my foot tapping right to the music...
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I'm not gonna call off the audition.
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Rob, maybe you better.
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I don't think you're ever gonna get him downtown
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to that audition.
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All right, honey, we'll get Alan Brady out here
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and audition him in the living room.
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Well, darling, what difference does it make where it is?
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The point is he's too frightened.
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Honey, he might just bust out of it.
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Somewhere deep inside of that boy is a real performer,
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and when a performer gets up in front of an audience,
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those little adrenal glands
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start pumping confidence into him.
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What audience?
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We are gonna throw a barbecued rib dinner party
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tomorrow night.
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We're gonna have a few neighbors in,
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we're gonna entertain, you and I,
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and we'll get Buddy and Sally to do something...
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And you know where Alan Brady is gonna be sitting?
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Right in his penthouse playing poker
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it's his poker night. I forgot.
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How could we get him up here?
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Uh, honey, you start defrosting ribs.
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I'll think of something. I'll get him up here.
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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You guys try to understand, for this party to be a success,
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I've got to have Alan Brady there.
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But why? All he does is sit around and smoke cigars
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and kick his feet on the coffee table.
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Yeah, and wait for us to entertain.
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Well, it's for a good cause.
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What, are you running a benefit or something?
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Yeah, you might call it a benefit
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to help wipeout sleepwalking.
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Rob, do you really think
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your brother will stop walking in his sleep
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if he auditions for Alan tonight?
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Well, he might since his doctor thinks
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that the somnambulism is a symptomatic manifestation
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of a compulsive frustration.
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You gonna let him talk to me like that?
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Rob, does that mean that Stacey is too chicken
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to audition when he's awake?
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That's right, so tonight what we're gonna try to do is
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force the issue on him.
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Oh, why didn't you say so?
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Symptomatic frustration.
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What kind of talk is that for a comedy writer?
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Yeah, you keep that up,
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you'll wind up on a hospital show.
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Rob, Rob, I just left Alan's office...
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I wish you just left this one.
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Mel, what did he say? Will he come tonight?
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Well, I, uh, haven't asked him yet.
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You see, when I went into his office,
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he was on the phone trying to arrange
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his weekly poker game.
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Well, did he arrange it?
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Oh, not yet.
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No, four of his regulars dropped out.
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They were going to a party.
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I know, I invited them to my house.
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He replaced them
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at least he replaced three of them.
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He still needs one more.
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You know he won't play unless he has six hands.
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Six hands...
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Reminds me of a boyfriend I once had.
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Mel, there is still a chance then
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that the game might be called off, huh?
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A very, very slight chance.
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Yeah, well, don't worry.
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Alan will get another hand
264
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,296
as long as he has a cringing brother-in-law
265
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,732
who's so afraid of his job, he keeps "Yes, sir,"
266
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,600
"I'll marry your sister," "I'll play poker,"
267
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:57,270
"I'll do anything you want." Right, Goldilocks?
268
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:01,107
Hey, Mel, is that it?
269
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:02,208
He asked you to play poker tonight?
270
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:04,610
Well...yes, he did.
271
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,612
Well, Mel, I asked you to my place first.
272
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:07,914
And I'm a witness.
273
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,282
Yeah, but he's a coward.
274
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,784
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
275
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,653
Just because Mel is Alan's brother-in-law
276
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,354
doesn't mean he'd do an unethical thing
277
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,923
like accept a poker invitation
278
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,758
after he promised to come to my house.
279
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,726
He wouldn't do a thing like that, would he?
280
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,028
All: Oh, yes, he would.
281
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:25,898
Get me Alan Brady.
282
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:26,666
Oh, this I gotta see.
283
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,668
Don't worry, he'll chicken out.
284
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:31,304
Alan, about uh, tonight's poker game
285
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,272
well, I called--
286
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:36,008
that is, I, you see, Alan I have a, a...
287
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,044
That's telling him, curly. I...
288
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,747
I already accepted an invitation to Rob Petrie's,
289
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,016
and I won't be able to play poker with you tonight.
290
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,788
Well, I, I don't know, Alan.
291
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,389
He's right here. Ask him yourself...
292
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,258
He wants to know why he wasn't invited.
293
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,160
Oh.
294
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:55,795
Hi, Alan. Yeah, well, listen.
295
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,129
As a matter of fact, I was gonna invite you,
296
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,031
but you usually play po--
297
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:01,067
wa-- I'd love to have you.
298
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,902
Oh, fine, Alan.
299
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,403
Bye.
300
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,305
Mel, thanks a million. You did it!
301
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,273
Naturally.
302
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,442
I'm not as ill-equipped to handle situations
303
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,410
as some people think I am.
304
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,980
Not ill-equipped, overequipped, blubber mouth.
305
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,050
What time would you like me to be there, Rob?
306
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,418
How about just as we're leaving?
307
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,190
Mel, about 8:30.
308
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,425
I'll be there. yuck!
309
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,396
( DIALING PHONE ) better call Laura
310
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:31,397
and tell her the boss is coming.
311
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,799
She may want to repaint a room or something.
312
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,136
Did you ever notice that whenever Mel comes into a room,
313
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,337
the whole world brightens up...
314
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,072
Not here, the world.
315
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,310
Honey hey, it's all set.
316
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:45,911
Alan will be there tonight, and uh,
317
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,780
Buddy and Sally have promised to do something.
318
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,915
ALL: ♪ By the light of the silvery moon ♪
319
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,150
♪ Moontoodoon....
320
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:53,085
They've started already.
321
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:55,721
See you soon. bye.
322
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,324
Now, what else can we do to help besides performing,
323
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,825
you know, and getting Stacey up to entertain?
324
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,794
Nothing, let's just hope that he stays awake
325
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,763
and doesn't start the sleepwalking bit again.
326
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,031
Well, leave that to me, Rob.
327
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,265
When Sally Rogers sings,
328
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:09,035
nobody sleeps and nobody walks.
329
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,303
( PLAYING PIANO ) ♪ All my dreams are over
330
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,305
♪ And now I'm wide awake
331
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:18,978
♪ With a lonesome feeling and a constant ache ♪
332
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,315
♪ Living with my memories just for oldtime's sake ♪
333
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,452
♪ Crying my heart out for you
334
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:30,956
♪ Well I hope you'll be my tender in your next affair ♪
335
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:35,061
♪ Trust you'll think of me dear when you've time to spare ♪
336
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:39,265
♪ Hoping you'll be happy is my only prayer ♪
337
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:42,768
♪ Crying out my heart for you
338
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:47,506
♪ Your heart may ache you friends may forsake you ♪
339
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,777
♪ Sometimes it happens that way ♪
340
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,779
♪ But I'm so for you
341
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:58,017
♪ I'll always adore you I love you I love you ♪
342
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,052
♪ What more can I say?
343
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:04,423
♪ I was just a scholar made for you to teach ♪
344
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:08,527
♪ Searching for someone someone I couldn't reach ♪
345
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:12,565
♪ But now I'm just a pebble on a lonely beach ♪
346
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:17,136
♪ Crying out my heart for you
347
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:21,173
♪ Your heart may ache you friends may forsake you ♪
348
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:27,446
♪ Sometimes it happens that way but I'm so for you ♪
349
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,250
♪ I'll always adore you I love you love you love you ♪
350
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:33,552
♪ What more can I say?
351
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,890
♪ I was just a scholar made for you to teach ♪
352
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:41,927
♪ Searching for someone someone I couldn't reach ♪
353
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:45,898
♪ But now I'm just a pebble on a lonely beach ♪
354
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,367
♪ Crying out my heart for you
355
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,302
♪ There's no need to tell you ♪
356
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:55,841
♪ For I am crying out my heart for you ♪
357
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,080
( applause )
358
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:10,422
hey, now, boss, boss,
359
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,590
she's not throwing kisses at you
360
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,025
she's just in love with her hands.
361
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,360
Aw, come on.
362
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:15,528
Where else you gonna get singing writers?
363
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,329
Hey, or cello playing writers?
364
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,531
You brought your cello!
365
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,431
Good.
366
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,566
( CROWD SHOUTS )
367
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,102
All right. Give me a chair, hard head.
368
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,904
( indistinct ) right here.
369
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,273
Good. Hey, you say you want some entertainment?
370
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,440
You say you want a little music?
371
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,375
You're gonna get as little as possible.
372
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,342
Here we go.
373
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,243
Tada!
374
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,612
Peanuts! Popcorn! Chewing gum! Candy!
375
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,680
A prize in every package!
376
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:37,449
Stolen refrigerators! Get 'em while they're hot!
377
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,450
Oh, darling, I love you.
378
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,053
You're the only woman in all the world for me.
379
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,021
And I love you, darling.
380
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,956
You're the only man in all the world for me.
381
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,458
Folks, you've just been listening to Adam and Eve.
382
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,294
I'm gonna do a joke for the boss's tailor.
383
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,929
Somebody ask me to stand up.
384
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:51,063
All: Stand up!
385
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:51,964
Okay, all right.
386
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,599
This, this is the boss's tailor, see.
387
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:54,733
And a fellow goes in to buy a suit,
388
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,468
and he's looking at himself in the mirror like this,
389
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,437
and the jacket's hanging way down like this,
390
00:13:58,470 --> 00:13:59,505
and the tailor is over his shoulder.
391
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,507
He says, "How do you like the suit?"
392
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:02,641
The guy says, "Pretty good, but what's this hanging down?"
393
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,110
Ah, what are you worried about the hanging down here
394
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:06,478
just pull the jacket up like this,
395
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,180
hold your chin over the lapel like that,
396
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,515
it's gorgeous, see.
397
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,083
So he's walking down the street like this,
398
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,484
and a friend of his meets him.
399
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,652
He says, "Where'd you get this suit?
400
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:17,056
What, did they give you a ukulele with it or something?"
401
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,090
"What's the matter with it?"
402
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:19,658
He says, "Look how it flares out on the side."
403
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,627
This he doesn't even notice either.
404
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:22,728
Back to the tailor.
405
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:23,529
He says, "What are you worried about the flare now
406
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,231
if you take the jacket like that,
407
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:26,232
hold your hand across your stomach
408
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:27,666
gorgeous, gorgeous."
409
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,268
Now he's walking down the street like this.
410
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:30,469
( CHUCKLES )
411
00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:31,370
he meets another guy, and the guy says,
412
00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:33,005
"Run for the hills with that suit, kid.
413
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,975
They're gonna capture you."
414
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,042
"What's the matter with it?"
415
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,644
He says, "what's the matter? The pants are too long!"
416
00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:39,545
Back to the tailor.
417
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,446
"What are you worried about the pants
418
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:44,250
you hold 'em like this gorgeous, gorgeous."
419
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:45,384
Now get this.
420
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,486
Gorgeous is walking down the street like this, see,
421
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:49,355
and two doctors go by.
422
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,456
One of them looked over. ( CHUCKLES )
423
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,524
he says, "I don't know what's wrong with that fella
424
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,093
but don't the suit fit nice."
425
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:55,394
( APPLAUSE )
426
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,400
Don't be discouraged, don't be discouraged.
427
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,501
There's a lot of fun coming up
428
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:04,370
because everybody's gonna get up and do something.
429
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,337
Huh, how about it?
430
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,406
But first, something for the music lovers.
431
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,174
You ready? All righty.
432
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,343
Excuse me, excuse me.
433
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,412
He's the only guy in the room with taste.
434
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,316
There goes another one. Must be an old Indian trail
435
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:19,318
running through here.
436
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:20,286
What's going on in the kitchen?
437
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:21,353
Oh, I'm sorry, Buddy.
438
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,521
Laura asked me to check her ribs.
439
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,123
Oh, when you get through, doctor,
440
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,424
I've got an ingrown toenail...
441
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,662
Can you play something, Buddy?
442
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,397
All right. Something classical.
443
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,500
Tchaikovsky's Second Movement for Nonpayment of Rent.
444
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,669
( PLAYS CELLO )
445
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,638
Hey, Stace. What are you doing in here?
446
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,340
You're missing all the entertainment.
447
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,242
Yeah, I know.
448
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,277
Uh, Laura and I are gonna do something pretty soon.
449
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,380
Who else is gonna entertain?
450
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,749
Well, uh, anybody who'd like to get up
451
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,583
and do something.
452
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,652
Uh, if you'd like to get up, you can.
453
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,621
Uh, I don't, Rob. I, I really don't.
454
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,790
Look, Stace, tonight might be the perfect time.
455
00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,358
It's just a party.
456
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:00,793
Alan Brady is nice and relaxed.
457
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:02,194
He doesn't expect anything.
458
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:04,263
Now if you got up and did your act...
459
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,364
I couldn't, Rob.
460
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,099
Look, would you mind if I went to my room
461
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,801
and stretched out for a little bit?
462
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,469
Uh, Stace.
463
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:12,237
You're, uh, not gonna go to sleep, are you?
464
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,806
No, don't worry. I won't embarrass you, Rob.
465
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:18,210
I'm, I'm too upset to sleep and too tired to walk.
466
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,079
I'm sorry I let you down, Rob.
467
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,180
Look, you're not letting me down,
468
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,681
you're letting you down.
469
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,916
Nah, I can't help it.
470
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:27,720
I'll, I'll go in the back way so I won't disturb your guests.
471
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,324
( APPLAUSE )
472
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,030
and folks, to think
473
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:39,665
I only studied for five years in London,
474
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,234
10 years in Paris, and 15 years in vain.
475
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:45,404
Now what would you like me to play?
476
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:47,039
Yeah, how about playing some pinochle?
477
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,808
What key?
478
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,177
Hey, look who's back. How's your wife's ribs?
479
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,245
Hmm.
480
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,414
Now before I play this next sensational number,
481
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:56,548
I gotta put a little rosin on the bow.
482
00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,686
I know this chicken fat don't seem to hold anymore.
483
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:01,653
Where is he?
484
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,256
He's in his room. He's not gonna perform.
485
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,125
That was the whole idea of the party, wasn't it?
486
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,793
Yes, and he knows it.
487
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,128
All right, now here comes
488
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:10,596
the big, flashy finish, you ready?
489
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,830
( PLAYS CELLO )
490
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,470
( APPLAUSE )
491
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,811
Thank you, Zorro.
492
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,346
Kemosabe...
493
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,152
Well, that concludes
494
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,254
our little series of Shakespearean plays.
495
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:36,755
And now, back to the entertainment.
496
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,458
We have a young, talented soldier here who is--
497
00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:40,392
( CLEARS THROAT )
498
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:44,229
uh, uh, oh, no, we don't have a young...
499
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,131
But we do have his not-too-young
500
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:47,800
and not-too-talented older brother
501
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,168
and his very lovely wife
502
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,270
who just had her ribs checked.
503
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,705
They have chosen a medley of about 42,000 son--
504
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,673
what are you gonna sing?
505
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,475
I don't know, what would you guys like to hear?
506
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,143
How about "Mountain Greenery?"
507
00:17:58,177 --> 00:17:59,411
Oh, what wonderful taste, honey.
508
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,446
They want "Mountain Greenery."
509
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,614
Not really. Yeah.
510
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,750
Hey, Jerry, can we have some stools?
511
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:05,818
( indistinct ).
512
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,386
Okay, get the stools out here.
513
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,154
All right, fellas, we're gonna sing,
514
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,355
uh, "Mountain Greenery."
515
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,224
What are you gonna play?
516
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:16,295
( MUSIC PLAYING )
517
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,297
♪ Mountain greenery
518
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:23,435
♪ Oooh what scenery in our mountain greenery ♪
519
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,370
♪ Where God paints the scenery
520
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,273
♪ Just two crazy people together ♪
521
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,408
♪ Always together
522
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,376
♪ When you love your lover
523
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,512
♪ Let blues skies be your coverlet ♪
524
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:36,682
♪ When it rains we'll laugh at the weather ♪
525
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,650
♪ And if you're good ♪ And if I'm good
526
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,652
♪ I'll search for wood ♪ You'll search for wood
527
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,788
♪ So you can cook ♪ So I can cook
528
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:43,956
♪ While I stand look
529
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:45,657
♪ While you stand by just looking ♪
530
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:49,728
♪ Beans could get no keener reception in a beanery ♪
531
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:53,599
♪ Bless our mountain greenery home! ♪
532
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,567
♪ In a mountain greenery where God paints the scenery ♪
533
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,603
♪ Ooowee ooowee ooo what scenery ♪
534
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,673
♪ Just we two crazy people together ♪
535
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:05,744
♪ While you love your lover let blue skies be your cover ♪
536
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:09,248
♪ And when it rains we'll laugh at the weather ♪
537
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:09,815
♪ And if you're good
538
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:10,749
♪ And if I'm good
539
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:11,650
♪ I'll search for wood
540
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:12,885
♪ You'll search for wood
541
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,853
♪ So you can cook ♪ So I can cook
542
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,288
♪ While I stand look
543
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,923
♪ While you stand by just looking ♪
544
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:21,860
♪ Beans could get no keener reception in a beanery ♪
545
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:25,964
♪ Bless our mountain greenery ooh, what crazy scenery ♪
546
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:29,568
♪ Bless our mountain greenery home ♪
547
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,004
♪ Beedoobee beedoobeedoodoo ♪
548
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,574
♪ Beedoobeebee
549
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:36,875
( APPLAUSE )
550
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:46,018
Okay, folks, that's, that's just about it.
551
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:47,853
No, that's not quite it, Burford.
552
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,855
( indistinct )
553
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,523
( APPLAUSE )
554
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,692
I haven't played my banjo for your guests, yet.
555
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,294
Hi, guests.
556
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,295
Hi, Mr. Burford. How are you?
557
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:57,362
Aha, how are you?
558
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:58,864
I like your show, but you need me.
559
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,465
Hahaha!
560
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:01,533
Folks, I'd like to do--
561
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,835
I do what we call a banjo playing act.
562
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:04,770
Now, I figure it's my act,
563
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:07,639
and I can call it what I want to call it.
564
00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,274
( STRUMMING BANJO ) ♪ Won't you come home
565
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,976
♪ Bill bailey won't you come home? ♪
566
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:13,312
♪ I moaned all day long
567
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,346
♪ Yeah
568
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,049
♪ I'll do the cooking honey I'll pay the rent ♪
569
00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:19,351
♪ I know I done you wrong
570
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,452
♪ Yeah yeah yeah
571
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,587
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have with us tonight,
572
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,990
one of the newest rock 'n' roll singing sensations.
573
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,992
Here he is, the new teenage rage,
574
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,627
Skid Row.
575
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:29,928
You'll have to ...take centerstage here.
576
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:30,862
Get that outta
577
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,698
give me a little rock 'n' roll music, okay.
578
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,399
A little rock 'n' roll music. Hey, is he asleep?
579
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,834
He sure is!
580
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,003
( MUSIC PLAYING )
581
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,038
( APPLAUSE )
582
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,477
( indistinct )
583
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,319
( indistinct )
584
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,622
I wanna say to y'all, I wanna say to y'all...
585
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:57,889
I wanna say... Hold it there,
586
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,558
we ain't ready to sing yet.
587
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,330
I wanna say, uh, I wanna say, uh, I wanna say, uh,
588
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:07,466
what, what do I wanna say?
589
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:09,434
I wanna say I want to do a number
590
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,672
a number here from my latest album
591
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,107
called "Music to Strip Cars by".
592
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:17,409
They had, uh,
593
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:20,445
( CHUCKLES ) oh, Rob, he's funny.
594
00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:21,380
I wish he was awake.
595
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:24,116
I wanna say one thing to all you parents
596
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,617
the way I feel about a lot of you parents
597
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:27,586
been telling your teenage daughters and sons
598
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,988
not to listen to this kind of music,
599
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,590
and I don't like that.
600
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:34,726
Everybody that listens to music has got their--ah
601
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,495
everybody has got--
602
00:21:38,163 --> 00:21:39,631
everybody that listens to music got their own
603
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,133
everybody has got their own opinion.
604
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:42,367
Eh, has got their own opinuh, opinyun,
605
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:46,605
have got their own opin--, yer have got their own opinyun,
606
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:51,576
I got my, uh I got my opinyun,
607
00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:54,513
and you got your opin--opinyun.
608
00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:56,948
The way you feel. The way I, uh I don't think,
609
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,885
I don't think you outta listen to Leonard Bernstein.
610
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:02,421
( indistinct )
611
00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:03,622
from my album,
612
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,490
a little number go, uh, it go,
613
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:06,792
uh, somethin' like this...
614
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:07,826
( PIANO PLAYING )
615
00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:09,695
it go exactly like this.
616
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:16,735
♪ Well we're gonna rock rock rock ♪
617
00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:19,037
♪ Everybody's gonna roll roll roll ♪
618
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:21,473
♪ Everybody's gonna go go go ♪
619
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,041
♪ Everybody what a hand you're gonna give me ♪
620
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,109
♪ When you see the way I shimmy ♪
621
00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:25,744
♪ Gonna rock rock rock gonna rock rock rock ♪
622
00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:27,979
♪ Everybody's gonna ( indistinct ) ♪
623
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:29,981
♪ Roll roll roll gonna rock rock ♪
624
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,016
♪ Yeah ( indistinct )
625
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:34,853
For my next number...
626
00:22:34,886 --> 00:22:37,456
I'm gonna, I'm gonna do another ballad...
627
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:43,829
Bleh, and here it is my biggest hit of all...
628
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:44,896
( PLAYS PIANO )
629
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:49,668
♪ My heart told me that I should get a wife ♪
630
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:55,173
♪ My heart said I was in a rut, oooh ♪
631
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:59,478
♪ My heart told me that I should get a wife ♪
632
00:22:59,511 --> 00:23:03,782
♪ I wish my heart would keep its big mouth shut! ♪
633
00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:07,886
♪ Oh, I got me some winners ♪
634
00:23:07,919 --> 00:23:10,722
♪ And I won't keep on singin' that kind o' music ♪
635
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:14,226
♪ And you can tell Elvis and Ricky to stay outta my way ♪
636
00:23:14,259 --> 00:23:16,728
♪ Because I'm begging you tonight here baby ♪
637
00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:17,929
( indistinct )
638
00:23:17,963 --> 00:23:19,898
( APPLAUSE )
639
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:37,149
Rob, Rob, Rob! Uh, I'd like--
640
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:39,684
Rob, I want that boy to do that on our show.
641
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:40,886
You think you could arrange that?
642
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:42,154
Oh, of course he can.
643
00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:43,922
Well, I, I, I'm not, uh, I, I don't know.
644
00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:45,757
Oh, sure you can Alan wants him.
645
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,192
Well, I'll, I'll talk to him, Alan.
646
00:23:47,225 --> 00:23:49,127
You do that. I like that boy!
647
00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:50,061
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
648
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,163
Ahahaha.
649
00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,731
( MUSIC PLAYING )
650
00:23:55,801 --> 00:23:57,769
Hot, hot dog!
651
00:23:57,803 --> 00:23:59,504
Hey, hi ya, Burford. How was I?
652
00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:00,772
Well, you were very good.
653
00:24:00,806 --> 00:24:02,507
You want to lie down for awhile, Stace?
654
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,076
I'm not a bit tired, Laura, and you know what else I'm not?
655
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:05,944
What?
656
00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:07,879
I'm not asleep, Rob.
657
00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:09,915
You're not? W-when did you wake up?
658
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,950
I was awake for that whole audition.
659
00:24:11,983 --> 00:24:13,952
You mean, you weren't sleepwalking out there?
660
00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:16,555
No, I was wide awake, and I was good!
661
00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:18,123
Well, how in the world did you do it, Stace?
662
00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:20,258
Well, I made up my mind last night
663
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,893
I was going to listen to that tape recorder,
664
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:23,962
and I listened to it and made up my mind
665
00:24:23,995 --> 00:24:26,865
I was gonna impersonate myself and be like me.
666
00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:28,066
ROB: Well, that was--
667
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,037
that was a great impression of yourself.
668
00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:34,039
Listen, you know, I think you got this sleepwalking licked.
669
00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:36,775
If you can do an impersonation of this guy when you're awake,
670
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,143
you won't be doing him in your sleep!
671
00:24:38,176 --> 00:24:39,878
You know Alan Brady said you were terrific.
672
00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:41,613
He wants you to be on his show.
673
00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:42,681
Hot dog!
674
00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:43,748
You think you can do it?
675
00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:45,750
Guys, I can do that guy anyplace!
676
00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:46,618
( STRUMMING BANJO )
677
00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,119
♪ Won't you come home Bill Bailey ♪
678
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,554
♪ Won't you come home...
679
00:24:49,588 --> 00:24:50,522
( STRUMMING BANJO )
680
00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:57,996
♪ I know I done you wrong
681
00:24:59,898 --> 00:25:03,001
( APPLAUSE )
682
00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:40,572
( MUSIC PLAYING )
49346
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