All language subtitles for harley.quinn.s03e09.720p.web.h264-cakes_Track03

[grunts] Bruce
isn't thinking straight.

Okay? He's outside doing
something awful with Frank.

Bruce sees 10 steps ahead
of everything he does.

Whatever he's doing,
he knows it'll be safe.

You know how depressed Selina
breaking it off has made him.

Oh, please.
He broke up with her.

Jesus! He's never gonna
say that he loves you, dude.

I'm slightly worried that

my extremely
realistic portrayal

of his murdered father

may have played
a small part in this.

Oh, wow. Is your next role
Sherlock Fucking Holmes?

Look, he's been
down in the dumps,

but Bruce would
never do anything

to put others in danger.

Well... [chuckles] I can't
believe I'm about to say this.

I'd love for you all to meet...

my parents.

[all gasping]

[theme music playing]

I see how this looks.

But it's just temporary.

A few more experiments
and I'm positive

I'll turn my zombie parents

back into my beloved,
very much alive parents.

Oh, I've got to get
him on the pod.

Let's get you down to the lab

to see if we can extract
that plant growth hormone

so you don't become another one
of Alfred's topiaries. [laughs]

-You did this.
-Bullshit.

Frank was only
supposed to resurrect

dead plants, not humans.

Billionaire bitch boy
obviously altered Frank

to bring back his dead parents

instead of just, you know,
dealing with his emotions.

Whoa! And I thought
I was the psychiatrist
in this relationship.

If you untie us,
I won't kill Bruce

in front of his dead parents
for what he did. Deal?

What she meant is we need
to figure out how far reaching

what Bruce did goes.

Free us so we can
figure out how to stop it.

We're not letting you go.
We can deal with it ourselves.

Oh, nards!

[grunting]

Ah, my wrists can breathe.

What the hell are you doing?

I know it's hard to hear,
but I think Bruce messed up.

No, that, that can't be.

There's a freaking
zombie horde outside.

Well, how many are there?

Hmm. I'd say
five, 10, maybe 20
football fields' worth.

Oh, my God. Frank is out there.

Hey, man. Dude to dude,

I'm not in this crew.
They basically tricked me.

So leave me out
of whatever justice

you're bringing them.
All right?

[zombies banging and growling]

Oh, my God.

They turned Frank
into a zombie.

No. No, I was just pretending
to be one to get here safe.

-[grunts]
-Never seen
a fucking zombie movie?

Yeah, she's still
making her way through

the fourth season
of that pottery competition.

-You like it too.
-Yeah. Okay. True.

[grunts]

We might want to do something
about Frank's friends here.

Frank, what happened?

That walking definition
of white privilege

planted me directly
into the root system

surrounding this house.

Roots reach out like sperms.

My shit went everywhere

bringing back all kinds
of dead assholes.

Well, how can we stop them?

All I know is stay
the fuck away
from their puke.

Oh, shit. Okay,
hypothetically speaking,

if, say, a friend happened

to come in contact
with said vomit,

what side effects
are we looking at here?

Psycho, are you
trying to tell us

that someone vomited on you?

What? No. [chuckles nervously]

Like I said, hypothetical
about a... Oh, fuck!

Oh, bit on the nose,
even for me.

Okay. I might have gotten
a little vomit on...

Fuck me in the
nasal urethra!

Okay. We gotta figure out
how to reverse this

before people
we actually care about

are turned into that.

[video game beeping]

So this is where
I do my actual job.

I'm basically
the last line of defense

Gotham has against total chaos.

I got my own spotlight.

I mean, whatever.

Mother, Father,
this is your grandson.

Damian, say hello to your soon
to be completely alive

grandmama and grandpapa.

[retching]

[video game beeping]

Teens, right?

Oh, right.
You died when I was eight.

Well, they're a handful.

Uh, do I want to know
what's going on down there?

Nope? Okay, great.

That's great.

[Clayface] The zombies are
headed for Gotham Central Park.

Jazzapajizza!

What? Jazz Fest got canceled
three years ago,

so they rebranded it
to a three day event.

And you know what? I love jazz.

Okay? Get over it.

Wait, Frank.

Are you saying that
every dead person in Gotham

may have been
brought back to life?

-It's possible.
-Ah-ha!

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have some errands to run.

I mean, it's clear the zombies
share DNA with the plants,

so there's reason to believe

that they're connected
to the green.

Maybe if I just go in there,

I can find a way
to control them.

No. No, no way.

The last time you went there,
you almost died.

What other choice do we have?

[sighs] I hate saying this,
but the Bludhaven
boner's right.

Plus, I know what
to expect now.

I've got this, peanut.

Who knew confidence
was my kink?

Okay, while I'm in there,
you and the bat freaks
try to stall them off.

And you're delegating.
Oh. I'm gonna need
to change my shorts.

[smooches] Oh. God, I love you.

I know. Now, go!

[inhales and exhales]

All right. Which way
to the Batcave?

What? What's this
Batcave you speak of?

Yeah, it sounds, um, scary.

Not someplace I'd like to go.

Guys, I know Bruce is Batman.

Bruce Vilanch is Batman?

Oh. Wow.
Jokes and crime fighting.

What a guy!

Oh. For fuck's sake.
I was just in his head.

He literally told me.

So you can either
keep this shit up

or we can go and save Gotham.

[sighs] Fine, this way.

[exclaims mockingly]

Remember, Harley,
you're in the Batwing,

which means
you're representing--

[Harley screaming]

[laughing]

This is awesome.

Now let's go stop
these undead dickheads.

We got this, Ive.

All right. You got this.

You know, I'm psyched
for Jazzapajizza too.

[laughs] If these zombies

stop me from seeing
a jazz legend

go off on his flugelhorn,
I'll lose my shit.

You better hurry
your ass up, Ivy.

Whoo!

Pamela, wait.

Alec, I'm kind of
in the middle of something.

So if you need to talk,
maybe Nora is available.

I'm here for you.

You know what?
I appreciate the support
on that. Thank you.

I can feel
your conflict inside.

I'm sorry. What are
you talking about?

The conflict of who
the real you is.
Good versus evil.

Which are you?

The green can give you
immense power.

Power that would make it
easy for you to help

or hurt this world,

to complete any plan
you can imagine.

I implore you
to use it for good.

Even a plan that was ruined
by a selfish billionaire?

Um, yeah.

Oh, boy,
I biffed that speech.

I think now would be
a great time to figure
your shit out.

We are seeing that
flugelhorn phenom!

[all groaning]

[screaming]

Okay. That's not
that many zombies.

[chuckles nervously] Oh, shit.

[cell phone ringing]

Hey, Harley, wait a second.

Are you in the Batwing?

Yeah. Long story.

Are you in the middle of some
ceremonial crap or something?

Yeah. Long story. What's up?

Gotham's swarming with zombies.

Ivy's in Wayne Manor,
stuck in the green,

I need you
to make sure she's okay.

Oh, you can count on me.

[toilet flushes]

All right, let's see
what this bad boy can do.

Hey, where the hell
are the missiles

or machine guns on this?

-There are none.
-And why is that?

We decided, as a family,
we don't believe in killing.

What, anyone?

What if it's Gwyneth Paltrow
and she's, like, eating a baby?

You know, or like
a massive asshole.

Not even massive... butt holes.

[sighs in exasperation]
Saying butt hole's
so much worse.

It paints a gross picture.
[sighs in disgust]

Whoa! Ivy, you dramatic
motherfucker!

What the hell
happened in there?

I found this energy,
this power and I entered it.

I became a part of it
and it became a part of me,

and it felt amazing,

like getting a massage
on mushrooms,

and also I realized I can
pull off a kitten heel.

Okay. Okay, but what's
with all the zombies?

I can control them.

Make them do Beyonce's
sick dance from homecoming.

I want to see these fools
pantomime all the horns.

I think that's maybe
like too much to ask.

But how about this?

[humming]

God damn, you need to get out.

All right. Let's stop the rest.

No. This is still my plan.

It's not exactly
how I saw it going,

but they're out creating
Eden with their vomit.

I can remake the city
exactly as I envisioned it.

That's not what
you told Harley.

Maybe check with her first.

Oh, she's gonna understand.
She wants this as much as I do.

Now, let's go

-terraform this motherfucker.
-[laughing]

No. Stop it, zombies.
Stop tickling. [laughing]

Get away from me!
Oh, that was too much.

Ivy? Ivy!

I told you guys
to wait downstairs.

I'm just grabbing a snack.

What are you doing in my house?

Wait, watch out.

There are two zombies
right behind you.

Those are my parents.

Well, they're zombies,
but they won't be much longer.

I know how this looks,
but I'm not crazy.

I just want to bring
my zombie parents back to life.

And what are you
doing in my house?

I was in here to help.

Do you know
what's going on out there?

-Jazzapajizza.
-Zombie apocalypse.

Wait. There are more undead
than just my parents?

Oh, yeah.
Look, I'm not judging.

We all handle
grief differently.

I mean, I've been off
this whole year

since my dad died,
and we weren't even that close.

I can't concentrate.

I've barely been journaling

and I killed another one
of my brothers.

Anyway, look, it takes time
to process these things.

Although, didn't your parents
die like a while ago?

Is 30 years a while?

Okay. Now I am judging.

It feels like you should be
much further along than this.

I mean, you're
obsessed about the past

and missing out on the present

and also starting
a zombie apocalypse.

Is it that bad?

Oh, my God,
it's the end of the world.

Gotham's falling.
We're all gonna die.

Give me your pen.
I wanna slit my throat.

-What have I done?
-[cat meowing]

I think your dad
just ate your cat.

And that cat looked expensive.

[Harley] Hey,
look at me out here

with you two
just saving the world
like a big old nerd.

As soon as Ivy has
control of those zombies

we'll have Gotham
cleaner than ever. Whoo!

[grunting]

So how many of these
do we need?

All of them.

What the hell?

[gasps]

[gasping]

Harley, what's going on?

It's like they found a purpose.

[gasps] They're
destroying everything.

Wait, not everything.

Mama Macaroni's?

[gasps] Ivy?

[audience cheering]

[laughs] Thank you.

How are we doing tonight?

All right. Yeah. All right.

Our next act was
booked last year.

But then some crazy clown
went a bit extreme

and got Jazzapajizza cancelled.

My bad. [laughs maliciously]

Anyway, it's my pleasure
to introduce Joey Q and
Centri-Flugel Force.

Jeez, that's tortured.

[audience cheering]

[playing jazz music]

[all screaming]

[music continues]

[laughs] Musicians can get
folks to scream in a way

I always tried to achieve
but I never could.

Hey, nobody touches Joey Q
and the Centri-Flugel Force.

Zombies and plants,
ghouls and greens,

it is my pleasure
to introduce to you

the Vine Vixen,
the Lady of Leaves,
your one and only queen,

Dr. Pamela Ivy.

Hello, Gotham.
Thank you. Thank you.

[chuckles] Yes.
Looking sexy tonight.

Look, for too long,
humans have killed us
for their convenience.

Cutting us down
to build their homes

or so they can feed
their unhealthy lust for meat

or taking a passing interest
in greening up their homes,

only to lose that interest,
letting us die

unloved in a corner.

They spit on us and piss on us.

It's time for us to spit back.

[plays melody]

For today,
we announce to the world

that Gotham City
is going green.

[woman screams]

[screams]

[grunts]

[gasps]

[Harley] Get somewhere
safe, Bats.

Oh. What the hell
are you doing, Ive?

[screams]

What the hell is going on?

It's Ivy.

Oh, shit.

-We have to take her out.
-By any means necessary.

What happened
to no killing things?

Sometimes we're forced
to make exceptions.

[sighs] All right,
let's do this.

Wait, wait.
Please, just let me
talk to Ivy.

Harley, I know you love her,
but I think we're past talking.

She will listen to me.

I know it.
Please give me 10 minutes

and this will
all be figured out.

Fine, but hurry the hell up.

-Hey, hey, she's good.
She's with me.
-[zombie grunts]

Holy shit, Ive,
you look hot as hell!

And I was so wrong
about the kitten heel.

[chuckles] Right? I know.
I was like, "What?"

It took me by surprise, too.

So, um, how you doing?

Honestly. Amazing.

I just have never
felt better about myself

than I do right now.
I mean, Harley, we're doing it.

Uh-huh.
And what exactly is "it"?

Our plan.

Look. We're turning
Gotham into Eden.

Mmm. [clears throat]
I don't know if this was,

like, totally what
the plan was.

No, I mean, it's not exactly
what we talked about.

Bruce fucked that up.

But then I realized
I can salvage it,

call an audible
and still basically

get the end result
that we wanted.

Look, the old me
would have given up,

but, Harls, you, you helped me
awaken the real me.

I mean, don't you see?

You, no matter what,
believed in me

and finally showed me
how to believe in myself.

You are the best thing
that has ever happened
to me on every level.

I love you so much.

And after this,
everything will be perfect.

[sighs wearily] Ivy, I'm...

I am so happy
you found that confidence

I always knew was inside of you

and it makes me
happier than anything.

But this, this is wrong.

It is not what we talked about.

Wait, what? What do you mean?

Like, this is Eden.
This is our plan.

-Our dream.
-Innocent people are dying.

That was not part of the plan.

Well, Harley, plans change.

You know, like,
that's what I'm doing.

This is what I want.

I'm sorry that
you can't get on board,

but I'm following through.

Something I always thought
that you wanted me to do.

Dear God! Why?

I thought I was over this.

Calm down.

Call Cherise.

She said to do this
for any therapy emergency.

-[cell phone ringing]
-[zombie grunting]

Cherise, I know you said
not to approach you
outside of sessions.

But I am having
a therapy emergency.

Ivy, I love you
and this might be your Eden,

but it's not mine.

[groans]

[both gasp]

Harley, you sacrificed
yourself for me?

I can finally forgive you
and move on.

Forget the stupid pasta maker.

-Harley!
-[screaming]

[Bruce] It's just Selina
breaking it off

and that movie about my dad.

I'm usually so good
at pushing my emotions down,

but this left me with
an excruciating emptiness.

Oh. It sounds like
a tough couple of weeks.

[sighs softly] Sure has been.

I just missed my parents
so much and thought
bringing them back

would give me
the closure I needed.

I didn't think it would lead
to a [sighs] zombie apocalypse.

It's an honest mistake.

But as much
as I wish it wasn't true,

my parents are dead.

I can't change that.

But I can fix this.

Wait. You don't have to.

No, I do.

I brought all this
upon the city.

It's my cross to bear.

Ironic, isn't it?

I spent the last 30 years

mourning the loss
of my parents,

and I'll spend the next 30

grieving their second death
at my hands.

Are you sure?
Because I'll do it for you.

Seriously?

You know,
I'd really appreciate that.

Uh, you're going
to want to look away
and cover your ears.

[screaming]

Harley, why did you do this?

I can't, I can't change
you back without...

Without undoing everything.

Oh. Thank God I was...

I was hoping that
was how it worked,

but I didn't know exactly what
the plant magic rules were.

-[screams]
-Harley!

[screaming]

Shit.

[sighs]

Are you okay?

[grunts]

Good.

Fuck!

[theme music playing]