All language subtitles for What We Do in the Shadows 408 English

but we're just getting started.

Which is fitting because we are
in the city that never sleeps.

Although, Toby here could use
a little more beauty sleep.

- Ouch, Bran.
- What?

Uh, we're twins, remember?

Hey, brothers.
Can't live with 'em...

Uh, I think you forgot to say,
"Can't live without 'em."

- Who says I forgot?
- Uh-oh.

Anyway, Bran and I
have seen the worst...

- Of the worst...
- ...of home disasters,

but today, we are here
in Staten Island...

...ready to take on our
toughest renovation yet.

- I'm Bran Daltry.
- And I'm Toby Daltry.

- And we're...
- The Daltry Brothers.

- And this is...
- Go Flip Yourself.

and this knucklehead over here
is my brother Toby.

Now, we may not get along
all the time,

but one thing we do agree on

is turning people's
dream homes into reality.

Home to the world famous
Staten Island Ferry,

a blossoming real estate market,

and the Daltry Brothers'
toughest challenge yet.

Yikes, what a mess.

Hey, don't be so hard
on yourself, you knucklehead.

Bran, I'm talking
about the house.

Take a look.
You got crumbling statues.

- I see them.
- You got overgrown lawn,

- and...
Mm-hmm.

What am I smelling?
Is that sulfur?

Yeah, I'm getting notes
of, uh...

...decomposing animals.
Pee-yew-y.

Yeah, I think someone should
call an exterminator, too.

Hey, it's nothing a little
brotherly love can't fix,

- so...
- Whoa.

- Look out. Wow.
- What is that?

That is a big bone.

Yeah, I hope the big dog
that buried this one

- is a friendly fella.

Now, the owners
of this house have

- no idea that here.
- Doesn't matter.

They were told to keep
the door unlocked,

so that the "power company"
could "check the meter."

And y'all know what that means.

It's ambush time!

- Come on.

Okay.

Who's ready to get down
and dirty

and a little bit flirty?

What the ?

- Am I on Go Flip Yourself?
- Yes, you are.

My name's Laszlo.
I'm such a fan.

- My name's Bran. Ah.
- I know who you are.

- Initially, the twins aspect...
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- ...confused me slightly.
- It does a lot of people.

- And then I watched
three seasons...
- Yeah?

...and then I realized that, uh,

- you're both very different.
- Sure.

In posture and personality.

We need to fix this house.

Tell me about it.
I sent my tape in months ago.

their hands full with the

quirky owners and decor
of this mixed-up mansion.

All right, guys, so little bit
of a hiccup out the gates.

My brother Toby's
a little under the weather,

so he's gonna sit this one out.

I mean, typical Toby, right?

Leaving all the hard work
for this guy to do.

But when they saw
how down we were

about Toby taking a sick day,

the owners of this house--

and I'm just gonna
say this about them--

they are very spiritual people.

They led me and the whole crew
on a very special

guided meditation, you know,
just to re-center us.

And you will forget
that Toby is dead,

and that he was murdered by me.

A girl has got to eat.

And, instead, you will think

that he is just
temporarily sick.

Hashtag it worked.

So, now...

...we got to get back
to the task at hand,

and, oh, boy, it's a doozy.

Plus, we just want Toby
to be proud of this episode

when he sees it, after
he shakes off the mild flu.

8,474-square-foot home,

it was love at first sight.

And that was so long ago,
they say

they can't even remember
when they first moved in.

But since then,
things have changed.

Railroad employee
and part-time graphic designer,

- Laszlo...
- I wish I could get this

printer to work.

that lacks adequate storage
space for him and his nephew

- Colin.
- Bang!

What have I told you
about touching my hat?

- Pow!
- To be blunt,

this house is a hole.

And I think only
Bran and Toby are capable

of helping us
"embrace our space."

- Go on, bugger off.
- To quote the brothers
themselves,

from episode 113,

"Midcentury Mess,"

"This house is all kinds of

Frank Lloyd Wrong."

with a passion for cooking,

but without enough space

- in their cramped kitchen.
- Sorry.

And they can't seem
to agree on how to make

their master bedroom
their happily ever after.

So, yes, we are
technically newlyweds,

but it feels like we've
been together forever.

I would describe my style

as French country

meets shabby chic.

And I would describe my style

as French country
meets shabby chic.

But I also like modern.

I like to have an indoor sink,

a floor that is not dirt.

Me, too. I like everything
that he likes.

So, if he says that
we need a change...

Change is not always
a good thing.

I mean, sometimes,
you make too many changes,

and then, before you know it,

you realize what
you thought you wanted

is, in fact, very annoying.

running a successful nightclub,

and when they come home
to these cramped

- living quarters...
- Where is the thing?

The thingy-thing. The thing
that controls...

- ...the heat at the nightclub.
- A thermostat key.

- Right?
- Yes.

It's on a chain
around your neck.

Nice try.

- Whew, this is a big house.
- Yeah.

Okay, guys, let's talk about

design options
within your budget.

- Great.

How much are you guys
comfortable spending

in order to give
this old house a...

...facelift?

All of it.
All our life's savings.

- Whatever you need,
you knucklehead.
- You're the knucklehead.

- You're the knucklehead.
- Who you calling a knucklehead?

- Look at this.

- Where'd you get that shirt?
- What?

Where-Where'd you get
your shirt?

From a shop. off.

Okay, we're getting
a little off track here.

Let's focus, guys,
'cause, clearly,

this living room
is not working for anyone.

What the is that
supposed to mean? Some of us

happen to like
waterlogged mahogany

and soaking wet pillows
that smell of cheese

- and moldy stuffed bears.
Thank you.
- Yeah...

Clearly, we're not nuts
about the full-size tree

that fell through
the wall.

Left a gigantic hole

where raccoons and squirrels
can just come and go

and nest in our furniture, so...

I don't know, I don't mind it.

As you can see, I
gave that a bit of a trim

using the Milwaukee M18 Fuel
Lithium-Ion chainsaw,

used in your commercials.

"Milwaukee,
nothing but heavy duty."

Home renovations can be
an emotional process.

- Let's do it.
- Now, I have to convince
the owners that

we're not here to destroy
their memories,

we're here to help them
make new ones.

Okay, guys,
here's what I'm thinking.

And, boom, we knock out
all the walls.

Make an open concept
first floor.

It's gonna create much better
flow and, most importantly,

it's gonna bring in tons
of natural light.

- I love it, it's perfect.
- Thank you.

- I don't think that's perfect.
- And...

we can also get rid of this
dated and awkward storage

and replace it
with a master

his-and-hers mega-closet. Yeah.

- Fantastic.
- With custom shelves

for all of Nadja's shoes
and her doll.

Plus, a dedicated hat wall

with hat racks for all

of Laszlo's dope hats.

That cannot be our house.

You're right,
that cannot be our house.

- This fella is the knackers.
- Thank you.

Now, let's talk about
that unfinished attic.

I think we should reimagine it

as a spacious master suite

slash love nest
for Nandor and Marwa.

It doesn't matter how many
changes you make to something.

- The novelty
eventually wears off.
- Mm.

- I agree with my husband.

But I do like

that sign about home
being where the wine is.

- Okay. There is another option.
- Me, too.

In this option,

you can keep
your current bedroom...

Mm.
- ...and we reimagine the attic

as a dedicated
"man cave" for Nandor.

- Man cave?
- Yeah.

What is a man cave?

Man cave is where
you do your man stuff.

So, there are no women allowed
in this man cave?

Hey, it's your space up there,

- you do with it what you please.
- Great.

Guess what?
I hate all of that. That attic

is full of very precious,
treasured memories

of us putting all
of our trash up there.

Also, we do not need
a wall of hat hooks.

Laszlo only has one hat,
and it's bloody cursed!

Correction, my darling,
I have five hats.

I have the one
she's referring to,

which she doesn't like
for some unknown reason.

- It's actually very cool.
- I'm sure it is.

It might be made out of witch
skin and has an asshole on it,

but I look fantastic wearing it.

And another is a yellow ballcap

with the message across it,

- "Absolut Aces..."
- Ooh, where'd you get that?

...which was a gift
from the 2006 movie premiere

of the movie

- Smokin' Aces.
- You know the film?

- I love it. It's classic.
- Well, I've never worn it.

Where you going, Nadja? I got
something special for you, too.

Check this out.
No home would be complete

without a serene master bath
fit for a queen.

I don't care about any of this.

Uh, do you care
about a gold toilet?

Bang!

A gold toilet?

Queen's got to have her throne,
am I right, guys?

You can't even take a .

I will take a
if I want to take a .

Stop trying to water down
my brand.

I've given the owners
a lot to think about.

Now it's time to let them
talk it over.

I really don't think

this kind of public exposure
is good for us.

I really think that
we should just let these guys

paint a wall or two
and get them out of here.

"These guys"?

Bran and Toby are artisans.
They're craftspeople.

Toby is dead, okay?

And it's only a matter of time
before someone notices.

No, are you not paying attention

to my very
comprehensive hypnosis?

And no one watching this footage

will notice
that we are vampires.

Not the editors,

not the editors' assistants,

not the sound mixers,

not the, uh...

Who else is there?

Color correctors,
current executives,

Standards & Practices

occasionally looks
at a rough cut.

A producer's girlfriend named
Wendy one time gave notes,

and now she gives notes
on all the cuts.

- Then there are...
- Okay, okay, I get it.

Yes. All of those nerds, too.

Also you will put the bit
that I am saying in now

as a flashback and then
cut back to the main story

of whatever else is going on.

I don't know.

I have a really bad feeling
about this.

Do you think that home
is really "where the wine is"?

I want it to be accurate
for my man cave.

Yes, I agree.

There's a surprise.

Now, I think we all know
what to do.

All right, gang, you've had
time to think it over.

And now it's decision time.

Are you ready
to "embrace your space"?

Or do you want to tell this
son of a B to "go flip off"?

There's just no storage space
for me to do my business.

Let me get this... Oh, sorry.

A gold toilet?

I have a really bad feeling
about this.

Um...

We've decided to...

Embrace our space!

Yes! That is music to my ears.

I promise you're gonna
love this place

so much more
when we're finished with it.

And we're gonna
up your curb appeal

by re-sodding the lawn

and the backyard

Oh, re-sodding, hey?

Y-You're gonna dig
up the-the backyard?

Yeah, I'm an expert
at landscaping.

Meanwhile, my brother

likes to spend his time
manscaping.

- Boom!

- I don't know what that means,
but Toby, right?

Yeah, he gets it. All right,
what are we doing standing

around here? We've got
to get to...

- Let's go!
- Hey! Get to work!

This gang, they keep
some pretty unusual hours,

working for the railroad
and owning the nightclub.

So we're gonna pull some
all-nighters here, you betcha!

Yeah!

Guillermo, go for it!

Yeah, love it!

Yeah! Wow!

- Hey!
- Bran!

Wow, man cave
really coming together, huh?

- Yes.
- I'm almost finished over here,

then moving onto the door,
honey.

Don't forget to put
the lock on it.

You got it, honey.

Uh, check out this bar.

What?

This is
an entertainer's dream.

Nandor, I want you
to picture this right now, okay?

The guys are over.
They're hanging out.

- Okay, I am picturing it.
- Mm-hmm.

I could be over here
at the bar counter.

And then one of the guys would
come right behind me and...

Yeah, mm-hmm.

We could put a little skylight
in the floor there,

and look through it
and see Guillermo on the toilet.

Oh, no, we don't need
a skylight in the bathroom.

Nonsense, clear sight lines
are what buyers are looking for

these days, right, Bran?

Hey, who's the host
of this show, this guy or me?

I love it.

You know what I also love?
Look at this distressed wood.

I mean, it's giving everyone
the shabby chic look

that I know that you love...

- Meets French country.
- Thank you very much.

And how about
the whimsical seating?

Have we talked about it yet?
I don't think we have.

- Get down in it, brother.
- This?

- That's for you.
- No.

- This is your throne.
- It's not a dog bed?

Give it test spin right now.
You're gonna love it.

- No, he doesn't really get
comfortable so eas--
- Here we go.

- Oh!
- How perfect is that?

- Pretty perfect, Bran.
- Yeah!

Bran got a call from the City
Building Inspector's office

about the permits,
and the news was... not good.

No, no, I understand.

It's just that we've done
over 150 of these renovations,

and this issue has
never come up before.

to fight with you, okay?
I'm sorry,

but that's just where
the situation currently stands.

All right? So you're just gonna
have to take it up with--

- Son of a B!
- Sir?

Oh, guys...
I'm so sorry to report this.

But I just got off the phone

with the City Building
Inspector's office.

- And I've got some bad news.
- Bad news?!

I just got off the phone

with the City Building
Inspector's office.

And I got some bad news.

- Bad news?
- I'm afraid so.

Apparently Guillermo's room does
not meet the legal requirements

to call it a room.
The legal term is

"hidey hole"
or a "rat's studio."

That's okay,
I really don't mind.

What the does that mean?

I'll tell you what
the F it means, L-Train.

It means that we gotta now
reallocate this budget

to get Guillermo's room
up to code.

No, no, no. No one needs
to make a big fuss.

his room.

What the are
our options, B-boy?

Well, I love the passion.
I'm gonna get on that couch,

and show you what we got, okay?

Open this up, and show you guys
what I worked up. Gather in.

Now if we eliminate
Nadja's gold toilet...

- Eat !
- Hang on a second.

If we eliminate it,
we can open up that wall,

and create a ventilation system
for Guillermo.

What the is this,
Club Med?

We need the gold toilet!

Hang on a second, 'cause
we're also going to have to...

eliminated Nandor's
custom sign that says,

- "Home is where the wine is."
- Get !

Because then we could then
close the open septic tank,

which apparently is pooling
underneath Guillermo's bed.

Well, I guess
if there's no other way...

Meanwhile,
Marwa's got a surprise

that even I haven't seen yet.

but Marwa was working
around the clock.

You think he's ready?

- You ready? Let's do it.
- Ready.

And voilà!

Okay, all right.

- Wow.
- Wow!

Are you looking at this?
Incredible.

- Wow.
- Tiny plant, hello.

Look at this, decorative balls?

- You can't go wrong with those.
I love balls.

- I love balls, too.
- I love balls, too.

And who wants to belly
up to the bar?

Saddle up, giddy up!
Let's get up to the bar.

John would've
loved those.
- Right.

I love how the colors

on the rug are just playing
with the new hardwoods,

And then look
at the hoop right there.

Do you like it, honey?

Do I like it?

I really love it.

- Yes!
- I think it's so great!

Wait! Before you sit down,

let me make sure that the beans

are in the optimal position
for you.

Perfect. Can you...

make sure I did
a good job on the door?

I put a special lock
on there for you,

because I know how much
you love your alone time.

Looks pretty good to me.

The chevron pattern

and the wood grain
on this thing,

it's just beautiful. Okay.

- I see you are trying out
the, uh, the lock action.

It's, uh...

- Marwa?
- It's soundproof, too.

You know, Bran, there was a time

me and Marwa,
we liked very different things.

- Mm-hmm.
- But then I made a wish

that we would like
the same things.

Now I think
that wish has come true.

I also think perhaps that

Marwa has been building
this man cave for herself.

Yeah.

Down to the wire.
Crew is in there...

We're putting the finishing
touches on the house

for the big reveal,
and I cannot wait

to show the owners
their forever home.

All right, you knuckleheads,
are you ready

to find out

if this house is a flip
or if it's gonna be a flub?

- We're ready to flip.
- It's gonna be a flip.
it's gonna be a flip.

All right, everyone...
remove your blindfolds!

That is not our house.

- That is not our house.
- It's not.

You're looking the wrong way,
that's our neighbor's house.

- This way.
- Oh, right, got ya.

Well?

- Hmm.
- This looks... the same.

All right, guys, what are we
waiting for? Let's get inside

- and bam, bam, bam!
- Let's do it.

- Let's go! Let's go!

Come on in, and check out

your brand new dream home!

Yeah!

Everybody grab a figurative
straw and drink it in.

Right?

I'm speechless myself, gang.

Guys, get in the nooks
and crannies. Check it out!

Ew...

- Huh?
- Wait, I thought you said
you were going to completely...

Bran, I'm starting to think
that this flip might be a flub.

- What the ?!
- There's still

- sewage under my bed.
- That was a permitting issue.

There's still a tree
in the fancy room!

Give my Bran boy a chance.

What are you talking about?!
This was his chance!

Guys, we're not finished yet.

'Cause the ol' Bran man
saved the best for last.

Follow me. Come on, gang.

You know, I might move in,
I love this place so much.

Ready?

I'm gonna welcome you
to your brand-new

walk-in closet.

- Yeah!

- Come here.
- Bring it in. Ooh!

Someone's excited.

Wait a second, I thought
this was supposed to be

a "his-and-hers" closet?

Change of plans, sweetie.
Live with it.

- What the ?
- Hold on a second.

Where the is
my witch's skin hat?

Who gives a ?

You mean this witch's skin hat?

Oh! Ha-ha!

Simon the Devious,
I knew it was you.

- You bastard.
- No, you didn't.

Oh, .

- Bran, do something.
What do you want me to do,

ya knuckleheads?

- That's clever.
- I was talking to Bran.

You idiot, I am Bran.

What have you done with Bran?

Bran never existed.

It's always been me.

- So you mean...?
- Yes.

You...?

Did I create, pitch, sell

and produce 150 episodes
of Go Flip Yourself

for the sole purpose
of regaining access

to your home
here in New York City

that I might take
what is rightfully mine,

this witch's clit of a hat? Yes.

Yes, I did.

What, all those episodes,
all those marathons,

all those bedsheet sets

in the Daltry Brothers'
Daltry Living line?

Yes, it was all me. Well...

we partnered with Kohl's
for the Daltry Living line.

- Sellout!
- But the rest of it, all me.

All that just
for stealing my hat?

- Yes.
- Wow.

hell!

Well, I had a little help
from my friends.

You remember my crew?

Big Vlad.
Blavglad the Exsanguinator.

- Oh, these pricks.
- Gunthrapple.

Wesley Sikes.

The Freak Sisters. Mr. '50s.

Evil Steve.

The wickedly talented
Adele Dazeem.

- Hello there.
- Freakfest Tony.

Hi, Tony, nice to see you again.

- The Silent One.
- Hey, guys, how's it going?

Just gonna keep it silent
for now, thank you.

He Who Shall Not Be Named...
but it's Greg.

His name is Greg.

Desdemona the Shrieker.

That guy I still don't know.

And of course, the king himself,

Elvis.

Yeah, I always pretty good
with a hammer.

- Not very good with friendship.
- Traitor!

Ronaldo the Elder.

There he is,
and who could forget

Ken the Zombie
of my Former Accountant.

Yes, he's also

the COO
of my production company.

And of course, my sound guy...

Count Rapula.

- No...
- Oh, not this guy...

- No. No!

- Okay, very good.

Thank you, Count Rapula.
I think we all get it.

Well, I killed Toby.

So looks like
one of your crew

is dead.

Well, actually, Toby
wasn't one of our crew.

He was a regular guy.

He was a Navy flight instructor

with...
I want to say three?

- Three children
without a father.
- Sad.

Well done!

Took me a while to get
to know him, earn his trust.

And then I pitched him the show.

And then I paid for him to study

design, architecture,

- and construction skills.
Wait.

Why didn't you just find
someone who already knew

how to build houses?

'Cause for a show like this,
it's all about "it factor."

You really are
the most devious bastard

in New York City.

Well, we're not
in New York City.

We're in Staten Island.

- Which means
you're not worth .

You come in here, you pinch
my hat, you destroy my house

and you con me
into spending $2,000

- on these poufs.
- 2,000...?

I like the poufs.

Does no one like the poufs?

I don't mind the poufs.

You see, you're a dickhead
'cause you've just shown

your face onscreen, which means
this episode, Brainiac,

- cannot be televised.

Do you have any ideas
who my viewers are?

They're people in airports
and hospital waiting rooms.

I once showed
a gaping, open asshole

for ten seconds,

- and I never heard
a word about it.
- Yes.

it was Episode 73, "Ramshackle
Ranch," I do believe.

- You really watch the show.
- I do, yes.

- Oh, that means the world to me.
- Who cares?

Anyway, I've got
your witch's hat,

and I've got signed
release forms from each of you,

so you can expect
to see this episode

airing around the clock
about two years from now.

- All right, let's roll, crew!

- Whoa!

Get away!

- Go on!

Later, losers.

Ow! me!

- Stupid prick can't even fly.
- It's the hat.

- It's not the hat.
- Reckon that hat's got
some bad hoodoo in it, huh?

There's nothing wrong
with the hat, Elvis!

Later, losers-- ow!

Hello? You can go, too.

The job wasn't easy, but
the owners couldn't be happier.

...thought he was dead.

I can't believe
he came back for that.

- What are you doing?

You got what you want.

- off.
- This is disgusting!

Okay, but we still need to get

the pre-credits button.

What makes you think
we give a

about the pre-credits button?

It's just, if you don't,
you won't get

your full payment
for the episode.

I think it comes out
to, like, $1,200.

- Oh, is it?
- Ooh, not too shabby.

is that now that Laszlo's
cursed hat is finally gone,

the fire that's always going on
in the boiler room has gone out.

Yes!

And the sewage flooding
in the basement

has dried up somewhat.

Thank you, Go Flip Yourself.

And I'm pleased to report the
raccoons have stopped

under the sofa.

Well... most of them have.

On the next
Go Flip Yourself,

Bran takes on his toughest
challenge yet.

And the electric stove top
wasn't really

working for you, was
it Amanda?

- I mean, it worked.
- And that's why all

the real restaurant chefs--
say it with me--

BOTH
...only cook with gas.

Yeah! All right, let's fire

this baby up and make some

of your world-famous spaghetti,
huh?

- Let's do it.
- Let's do it!