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1
00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:08,492
HERE YOU GO!
2
00:00:08,616 --> 00:00:11,446
[overlapping shouting,
screaming]
3
00:00:11,573 --> 00:00:12,743
STOP IT!
4
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:16,408
STOP THIS MAYHEM!
5
00:00:16,531 --> 00:00:17,831
MR. HOBBS!
6
00:00:17,966 --> 00:00:19,976
WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THIS?
7
00:00:20,097 --> 00:00:25,147
I'D BE HAPPY TO.
8
00:00:25,272 --> 00:00:26,662
NOTHING SAYS
"FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL"
9
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,014
LIKE A SMILEY FACE PANCAKE.
10
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:31,142
DAD, I'M STARTING
SEVENTH GRADE.
11
00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:34,803
I MAY BE A LITTLE OLD
FOR SMILEY PANCAKES.
12
00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:36,225
SON, YOU KNOW
THAT EUPHORIC FEELING
13
00:00:36,361 --> 00:00:37,281
YOU GET ON YOUR LAST DAY
OF SCHOOL?
14
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:38,494
YEAH.
15
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,622
WELL, AS A PARENT,
YOU GET THAT FEELING
16
00:00:40,753 --> 00:00:42,973
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
17
00:00:43,102 --> 00:00:45,752
THIS IS FOR ME.
18
00:00:45,885 --> 00:00:47,885
[laughs]
- GOOD MORNING.
19
00:00:48,016 --> 00:00:49,236
JOE, I TEXTED YOU
A LIST OF DOS AND DON'TS
20
00:00:49,364 --> 00:00:51,104
FOR YOUR FIRST DAY
AT THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME.
21
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:54,143
OH, THANKS.
22
00:00:54,278 --> 00:00:57,838
"DON'T TELL ANYONE
YOU'RE MY BROTHER.
23
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:03,374
DO TELL PEOPLE
I'M NOT YOUR SISTER."
24
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,067
EMILY, HELP YOUR BROTHER OUT.
25
00:01:05,193 --> 00:01:08,713
FINE. EXPECT AN EMAIL
FROM AN "IDA NOYA."
26
00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:10,545
OOH, I'M OPEN
TO MEETING NEW PEOPLE.
27
00:01:10,672 --> 00:01:12,592
MM, SHE SOUNDS EXOTIC.
28
00:01:12,716 --> 00:01:13,676
HELLO!
29
00:01:13,803 --> 00:01:14,933
IT'LL BE FROM ME.
30
00:01:15,064 --> 00:01:16,494
"I-DUN KNOW-YA."
31
00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:20,110
SURE, YOU DO,
I'M YOUR BROTHER.
32
00:01:20,239 --> 00:01:22,979
JUST READ IT, JOE!
33
00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:24,810
CAN I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
34
00:01:24,936 --> 00:01:25,806
I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
35
00:01:25,936 --> 00:01:27,806
AS A KINDERGARTNER...
36
00:01:27,936 --> 00:01:29,066
[imitates drumroll]
37
00:01:29,198 --> 00:01:30,198
JANIE HOBBS!
38
00:01:30,328 --> 00:01:32,078
[cheers and applause]
39
00:01:32,199 --> 00:01:35,629
GOOD MORNING,
FELLOW SCHOOL GOERS.
40
00:01:35,764 --> 00:01:38,334
HOW ABOUT
A FIRST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL PANCAKE?
41
00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:40,551
THANKS, DADDY, BUT I CAN GET
MY OWN BREAKFAST.
42
00:01:40,678 --> 00:01:42,378
I'M A BIG GIRL NOW.
43
00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:43,765
GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
OUR LITTLE GIRL'S GOING
44
00:01:43,897 --> 00:01:45,077
OFF TO SCHOOL.
45
00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:46,852
- ME NEITHER.
- [sighs]
46
00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:48,074
IT'S ALL HAPPENING SO QUICKLY,
I JUST--
47
00:01:48,202 --> 00:01:49,072
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH MYSELF.
48
00:01:49,202 --> 00:01:50,732
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO EITHER, HONEY.
49
00:01:50,854 --> 00:01:52,544
YOU'RE PLAYING GOLF
WITH MARCUS.
50
00:01:52,681 --> 00:01:55,121
I'M PLAYING SO MUCH GOLF.
JUST HOLD ME, PLEASE.
51
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:58,427
I-I GOT 36 HOLES TODAY.
[laughs]
52
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,422
[upbeat pop music]
53
00:02:01,553 --> 00:02:09,563
♪
54
00:02:21,165 --> 00:02:23,035
HERE WE ARE.
55
00:02:23,165 --> 00:02:24,775
[high-pitched]
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
56
00:02:24,905 --> 00:02:26,605
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
57
00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:28,472
[normal voice] WANT ME
TO SHOW YOU AROUND A LITTLE BIT?
58
00:02:28,601 --> 00:02:30,211
IT'S OKAY, MR. HOBBS.
59
00:02:30,341 --> 00:02:32,961
I GOT THIS.
60
00:02:33,081 --> 00:02:36,381
[flatly]
OH. HELLO, CHARLOTTE.
61
00:02:36,516 --> 00:02:38,306
CHARLOTTE'S GONNA SHOW ME
THE ROPES, DADDY.
62
00:02:38,429 --> 00:02:39,389
OH, NO, SWEETHEART.
63
00:02:39,516 --> 00:02:40,476
I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR THE ROPES.
64
00:02:40,604 --> 00:02:41,734
THEY'RE VERY DANGEROUS.
65
00:02:41,865 --> 00:02:44,775
UM, IT MEANS
I'M GONNA SHOW HER AROUND.
66
00:02:44,909 --> 00:02:46,869
I KNEW THAT.
67
00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:48,267
JUST MAKING A JOKE.
68
00:02:48,388 --> 00:02:50,648
[laughs]
DADDY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
69
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:53,650
I DON'T SEE IT.
70
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,570
WHY ARE YOU EVEN
IN KINDERGARTEN AGAIN
71
00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:57,174
THIS YEAR, ANYWAY?
72
00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:58,953
THEY TOLD MY PARENTS
I NEEDED TO WORK
73
00:02:59,086 --> 00:03:03,706
ON MY "SOCIALIZATION SKILLS."
74
00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:07,656
NOT THAT IT'S ANY
OF YOUR BUSINESS.
75
00:03:07,783 --> 00:03:09,393
COME ON, CHARLOTTE,
SHOW ME THE ROPES.
76
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,563
OH, CHAR, HONEY, WHAT HAVE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT THOSE ROPES?
77
00:03:11,697 --> 00:03:13,577
STAY AWAY: THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
78
00:03:13,697 --> 00:03:15,827
KNEW THEY WERE REAL.
79
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:17,869
MADE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF.
80
00:03:18,003 --> 00:03:19,143
[class bell rings]
81
00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:21,874
ALL RIGHT, ORANGE BLOSSOMS,
82
00:03:22,004 --> 00:03:23,744
THE FIRST BELL MEANS
"HEAD IN THE DOOR
83
00:03:23,873 --> 00:03:26,873
AND FIND YOUR SEAT
ON THE FLOOR."
84
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:29,095
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
85
00:03:31,006 --> 00:03:32,746
COME ON, LET'S SIT TOGETHER.
86
00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:34,485
OH, NO-NO, NO-NO, JANIE.
87
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:38,535
YOUR SEAT IS OVER THERE
BETWEEN JACK AND JORDAN.
88
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,350
I WANNA SIT
NEXT TO MY BEST FRIEND.
89
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:43,096
WELL, NOT ONLY ARE WE HERE
TO LEARN, JANIE,
90
00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:46,616
WE'RE ALSO HERE
TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
91
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,278
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
92
00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:50,621
I WANNA SIT HERE, DADDY.
93
00:03:50,749 --> 00:03:53,529
I'M AFRAID THE STUDENTS ARE
ASSIGNED SEATS ALPHABETICALLY.
94
00:03:53,663 --> 00:03:55,623
JANIE: J.
95
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,880
CHARLOTTE: C.
96
00:03:58,011 --> 00:03:59,581
OH, YEAH, WELL,
97
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:04,977
[stammers] LET'S SEE
IF I CAN FIX THIS, OKAY?
98
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,580
WHY DON'T WE, UM, WORK
A LITTLE MAGIC
99
00:04:08,709 --> 00:04:12,019
WITH THIS MARKER HERE, AND...
100
00:04:12,145 --> 00:04:13,405
WATCH THIS.
101
00:04:13,536 --> 00:04:16,456
WOW.
102
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:22,190
SEE, NOW, UM, "CANIE" CAN SIT
WITH "CUH-HAR-LOTTE."
103
00:04:22,321 --> 00:04:24,191
OH, "CUH-LEVER."
104
00:04:24,321 --> 00:04:25,581
BUT NO.
105
00:04:25,712 --> 00:04:26,622
[class bell rings]
106
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:28,106
OKAY, PARENTS.
107
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,195
THE SECOND BELL MEANS "TIME
TO SAY YOUR LAST GOOD-BYES
108
00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:34,543
AND HEAD BACK OUTSIDE."
109
00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:35,671
- DADDY!
- YEAH?
110
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,891
DON'T GO.
111
00:04:38,019 --> 00:04:39,629
YEAH, BUT DADDY HAS TO GO, SWEETHEART.
112
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,889
BUT IF I CAN'T SIT NEXT
TO "CUH-HAR-LOTTE,"
113
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,410
I WANNA GO WITH YOU.
114
00:04:44,542 --> 00:04:47,852
[moans]
115
00:04:47,978 --> 00:04:50,288
YOU KNOW, MAYBE--MAYBE I CAN
STAY FOR A LITTLE BIT, OKAY?
116
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:54,284
AND I'M SURE MRS. ROTHSCHILD
IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.
117
00:04:54,414 --> 00:04:57,114
BE REASONABLE, WOMAN!
118
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:03,460
MY DAUGHTER NEEDS ME,
LOOK AT HER.
119
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:04,760
THE ONLY PARENT ALLOWED
IN THERE WITH THE TEACHER
120
00:05:04,894 --> 00:05:06,024
IS THE ROOM MOM.
121
00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:08,376
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE ROOM MOM?
122
00:05:08,504 --> 00:05:11,034
UH, IT'S A LONG
AND INVOLVED PROCESS.
123
00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:12,327
YEAH, FIRST
YOU HAVE TO BE NOMINATED
124
00:05:12,461 --> 00:05:14,291
THEN SECONDED, THEN VETTED,
125
00:05:14,419 --> 00:05:16,209
LOT OF PAPERWORK,
BACKGROUND CHECKS,
126
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:17,762
AND FINALLY WE VOTE.
127
00:05:17,897 --> 00:05:19,727
- I'LL DO IT.
- GOOD ENOUGH.
128
00:05:19,854 --> 00:05:20,684
ALL IN FAVOR OF THIS GUY?
129
00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:24,771
OKAY, GREAT.
130
00:05:27,117 --> 00:05:29,077
[nervously]
WE'RE TOO SMALL.
131
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:32,554
AT OUR LAST SCHOOL,
WE WERE THE TALLEST KIDS.
132
00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:34,253
NO, WE WEREN'T!
133
00:05:34,379 --> 00:05:36,859
TALLEST IN THE SHORT GROUP.
134
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:38,858
HOW WILL WE SURVIVE?
135
00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:42,338
[message alert plays]
136
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,817
OH, I JUST GOT A MESSAGE
FROM MY SISTER.
137
00:05:43,946 --> 00:05:44,946
THIS SHOULD HELP.
138
00:05:45,077 --> 00:05:47,157
OR MAKE IT MUCH WORSE.
139
00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:50,475
EITHER WAY, WE STILL GET
TO LOOK AT YOUR SISTER.
140
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:57,039
OKAY, HERE ARE THE BASIC RULES
FOR NEW-SCHOOL SURVIVAL.
141
00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,917
LEARN TO IDENTIFY THE FOLLOWING:
142
00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:02,556
YOU GOT YOUR JOCKS, GEEKS,
143
00:06:02,689 --> 00:06:05,609
ARTISTS, RAPPERS,
144
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,123
FINGER-GUNNERS,
145
00:06:07,256 --> 00:06:08,866
FLIRTS, WANNABES,
146
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,084
MAYBES, WORKER BEES, BANDIES,
147
00:06:11,213 --> 00:06:12,473
DRAMATISTS, DAPPERS,
148
00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,614
HIGH-FIVERS, AND EURO-STYLERS.
149
00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:16,735
IF YOU ENCOUNTER
ANY ONE OF THESE,
150
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:19,996
ALWAYS ANSWER A QUESTION
WITH A QUESTION.
151
00:06:20,127 --> 00:06:22,527
YOU BLEND AND YOU BEND.
152
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:25,129
AND YOU NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT.
153
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,479
LOVE YA!
154
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:27,957
I WAS NEVER HERE.
155
00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:32,136
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
156
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:35,131
[cool jazz music]
157
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:41,271
♪
158
00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:49,391
all:
YEAH.
159
00:06:49,525 --> 00:06:51,225
[violent string orchestra music]
160
00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:54,752
EYE CONTACT,
I MADE EYE CONTACT!
161
00:06:59,831 --> 00:07:03,271
MAN, I CANNOT BELIEVE
HE STOOD ME UP!
162
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:05,527
YEAH, WELL, IMAGINE
HOW I FEEL.
163
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,358
SO YOU THINK HOW YOU FEEL
IS WORSE THAN HOW I FEEL?
164
00:07:08,485 --> 00:07:10,535
UH, YEAH.
165
00:07:10,659 --> 00:07:12,659
I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT
THE DEPTH OF MY DISAPPOINTMENT
166
00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:14,531
IS GREATER THAN YOURS.
167
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:18,320
LOOK, I WAS GONNA PLAY
36 HOLES OF GOLF WITH THE MAN!
168
00:07:18,444 --> 00:07:22,664
AND WE WERE GONNA MAKE
FONDUE TOGETHER.
169
00:07:22,793 --> 00:07:24,093
FONDUE? YOU'RE JUST
MAKIN' THAT UP.
170
00:07:24,228 --> 00:07:25,668
- YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
- NOT FONDUE.
171
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,183
[overlapping argument]
172
00:07:27,315 --> 00:07:28,405
WHAT--HEY.
173
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,143
GUYS, I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
174
00:07:30,273 --> 00:07:31,323
BUT GUESS WHAT?
[door closes]
175
00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:33,447
YOU'RE LOOKING
AT THE NEW ROOM MOM!
176
00:07:33,577 --> 00:07:36,107
HE GOT THE TEACHER
TO LET ME SIT WITH CHARLOTTE!
177
00:07:36,230 --> 00:07:39,100
YEAH, THE OLD HOBBS CHARM
GOES A LONG WAY.
178
00:07:39,231 --> 00:07:41,491
NOT AS FAR AS YOU THINK.
179
00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:44,323
[doorbell chimes]
180
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:50,848
[sighs]
THESE ARE FOR YOU.
181
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,012
[grunts]
182
00:07:52,146 --> 00:07:54,316
CONTACT LISTS, SCHOOL RULES,
183
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,542
FOOD ALLERGY SPREADSHEET,
EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED.
184
00:07:56,669 --> 00:07:57,759
NEED FOR WHAT?
185
00:07:57,887 --> 00:08:00,017
YOU'RE THE NEW ROOM PARENT,
RIGHT?
186
00:08:00,148 --> 00:08:01,148
YEAH.
187
00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:03,359
I HAD THE JOB LAST YEAR.
188
00:08:03,496 --> 00:08:05,586
THEY HAD A ROOM GRANDMOTHER?
189
00:08:05,715 --> 00:08:09,725
I'M 32.
190
00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:14,065
THIS IS WHAT THE JOB DID TO ME.
191
00:08:14,195 --> 00:08:17,195
GOOD LUCK!
192
00:08:25,545 --> 00:08:27,195
I'M BEING HUNTED.
193
00:08:27,328 --> 00:08:29,988
I'M SURE YOU'RE
NOT BEING HUNTED.
194
00:08:30,111 --> 00:08:31,501
I MADE EYE CONTACT, EMILY.
195
00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:33,943
EYE CONTACT!
196
00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:35,678
JOE, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.
197
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,378
YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS.
198
00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:38,764
ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GET BACK
TO CLASS.
199
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:42,765
EYES DOWN.
200
00:08:42,896 --> 00:08:45,026
SHE'S RIGHT.
201
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,727
PROBABLY JUST IMAGINING THINGS.
202
00:08:46,853 --> 00:08:49,633
[violent string orchestra music]
203
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:53,907
YOU AND ME NEED TO HAVE
A LITTLE FACE TIME OF OUR OWN.
204
00:08:54,028 --> 00:08:56,588
HEY, LOOK, THE JANITOR!
205
00:08:56,725 --> 00:09:00,075
YOU CAN RUN,
BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!
206
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:03,335
ACTUALLY, YOU CAN HIDE
BUT YOU CAN'T RUN
207
00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:06,556
'CAUSE THERE IS NO RUNNING
IN THE HALLWAYS!
208
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,210
YES, MRS. KOGEN,
209
00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:14,647
I'M AWARE THAT YOUR SON CHARLIE
HAS A PEANUT ALLERGY.
210
00:09:14,772 --> 00:09:17,252
YES, I'M--
I'M WRITING IT DOWN NOW.
211
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,512
"PEANUT ALLERGY,"
RIGHT, I GOT IT.
212
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,953
I'M GONNA SEND A GROUP EMAIL
SO EVERYBODY'S HAPPY
213
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:23,818
AND EVERYBODY...IS HAPPY, OKAY?
214
00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:26,168
HERE WE GO.
215
00:09:26,297 --> 00:09:27,687
YOU'VE GOT SENT MAIL.
216
00:09:27,819 --> 00:09:28,999
ALL RIGHT?
217
00:09:29,124 --> 00:09:30,644
THANK YOU--YOU--
ALL RIGHT,
218
00:09:30,775 --> 00:09:32,735
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
GOOD-BYE.
219
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,343
PLEASE, EVERYBODY,
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
220
00:09:36,473 --> 00:09:37,433
SO?
221
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,090
[laughs]
HOW WAS THE BIG DAY?
222
00:09:39,213 --> 00:09:41,693
IT WAS GOOD,
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
223
00:09:41,821 --> 00:09:42,911
OH, NO, DAVID.
224
00:09:43,039 --> 00:09:44,909
YOU DID NOT ASK
TO BE ROOM MOM, DID YOU?
225
00:09:45,039 --> 00:09:47,689
NO, HONEY, I WAS ELECTED.
226
00:09:47,823 --> 00:09:50,523
OH, SWEETIE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR.
227
00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:52,129
HAD KEVIN DO SOME RESEARCH
ON WHAT IT TAKES
228
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,478
TO BE AN EFFECTIVE ROOM MOM.
229
00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:55,786
AND WE CAME UP WITH THREE
VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.
230
00:09:55,911 --> 00:09:59,691
TIME, SENSITIVITY, AND TACT.
231
00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:03,515
AND HOW MANY OF THOSE
INGREDIENTS DO YOU HAVE?
232
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:05,732
TWO?
233
00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:07,699
ZERO,
HONEY.
234
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:10,657
THE ANSWER IS ZERO.
235
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,574
ALL RIGHT, DON'T PANIC,
236
00:10:12,697 --> 00:10:13,827
BUT YOU'RE RUNNING
A BAKE SALE MEETING
237
00:10:13,958 --> 00:10:14,918
TOMORROW MORNING.
238
00:10:15,045 --> 00:10:16,695
NO! NO, NO-NO, NO!
239
00:10:16,829 --> 00:10:18,359
I CAN'T DO THAT!
240
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:19,221
I HAVE GOLFING
WITH MARCUS TOMORROW!
241
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:20,571
WE'RE PLAYING 36 HOLES!
242
00:10:20,699 --> 00:10:22,179
I CAN'T DO A BAKE SALE!
243
00:10:22,308 --> 00:10:23,258
CALM DOWN, AMY.
244
00:10:23,396 --> 00:10:25,446
TAKE IT EASY.
245
00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:26,570
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
246
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:27,830
I KNOW
HOW I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS.
247
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,011
GONNA HANDLE IT
JUST LIKE I HANDLED MY SHOW.
248
00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:32,486
I'M GONNA TELL EVERYBODY EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO,
249
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:35,144
THEN EXIT STAGE LEFT
TO A STANDING OVATION.
250
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,697
WATCH.
251
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,753
DADDY, CAN CHARLOTTE STAY
FOR DINNER?
252
00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:41,917
NO.
253
00:10:42,051 --> 00:10:44,061
GOOD, I DIDN'T WANT TO.
254
00:10:44,182 --> 00:10:47,402
FINE, THEN YOU'RE STAYING.
255
00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:53,712
GUYS, I PROMISE YOU,
THIS WILL TAKE FIVE MINUTES.
256
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,276
YES, WE CAN PLAY SOME GOLF.
257
00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:57,832
FOLLOWED
BY FONDUE AFTER, RIGHT?
258
00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:01,407
YES, AND...WHAT?
259
00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:03,233
THOUGHT YOU WAS MAKING
THAT UP.
260
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,320
- NO, I WASN'T, I TOLD HIM.
- FINE.
261
00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:05,537
HE WAS ASLEEP
WHEN I TOLD HIM...
262
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,615
- FINE.
- BUT HE KNOWS.
263
00:11:06,752 --> 00:11:10,052
- FINE.
- HE KNOWS SUBLIMINALLY.
264
00:11:10,187 --> 00:11:14,497
OKAY, WHO'S READY FOR
AN AWESOME BAKE SALE MEETING?
265
00:11:14,623 --> 00:11:16,893
RIGHT?
[laughs]
266
00:11:17,015 --> 00:11:19,185
NOW PLEASE ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE--
267
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,460
YOU KNOW HIM
AS AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD--
268
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:24,751
BUT NOW HE'S YOUR BRAND-NEW
KINDERGARTEN ROOM MOM,
269
00:11:24,886 --> 00:11:26,546
MR. DAVID HOBBS!
270
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,449
[merry music plays over device]
271
00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:31,463
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, KEVIN.
272
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,843
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
273
00:11:32,974 --> 00:11:34,844
I'LL MAKE THIS SHORTCAKE
AND SWEET.
274
00:11:34,975 --> 00:11:36,025
[music stops]
275
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,240
[laughing]
THANK YOU, OKAY.
276
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:40,277
AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE
SOME ASSIGNMENT SHEETS
277
00:11:40,411 --> 00:11:41,501
FOR EVERYBODY.
278
00:11:41,628 --> 00:11:42,628
JUST PASS THOSE AROUND
IF YOU WOULD.
279
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,760
AND YOU'LL SEE ON THESE SHEETS
280
00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:46,550
THAT YOU ALL NOW
HAVE A BAKING BUDDY.
281
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,543
all:
OH.
282
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,284
MEETING ADJOURNED.
283
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:50,803
AND I'M TAKING THESE SWEET BUNS
OUT THE DOOR.
284
00:11:50,935 --> 00:11:52,985
UH--UH, HOLD ON.
285
00:11:53,109 --> 00:11:54,589
I CAN'T WORK WITH GWEN.
286
00:11:54,718 --> 00:11:56,368
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T WORK WITH ANYBODY.
287
00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:58,072
HEIDI.
288
00:11:58,197 --> 00:12:00,457
HEY, I'VE HAD
YOUR LEMON SCONES, LADY.
289
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:04,109
AND, TRUST ME, THEY'RE
MORE LIKE STONES.
290
00:12:04,243 --> 00:12:06,333
SPEAKING OF STONES,
291
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:09,120
I BROKE A TOOTH EATING ONE
OF YOUR BROWNIES. YEAH.
292
00:12:09,244 --> 00:12:10,894
OH, GREAT, FINE.
293
00:12:11,026 --> 00:12:11,936
I WON'T MAKE BROWNIES.
294
00:12:12,069 --> 00:12:13,639
I WON'T MAKE ANYTHING.
295
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:17,556
- PROMISE?
- PIPE DOWN, PHIL.
296
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,770
YOU'RE SO SMUG
JUST BECAUSE YOU DRIVE A HYBRID.
297
00:12:19,897 --> 00:12:23,507
[overlapping chatter]
298
00:12:23,637 --> 00:12:25,427
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY,
EVERYBODY! HEY!
299
00:12:25,551 --> 00:12:27,641
JUST TAKE IT EASY, CALM DOWN.
300
00:12:27,769 --> 00:12:29,549
INSIDE VOICES.
301
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,032
WHAT ARE WE, SIX?
302
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:33,731
"WHAT ARE WE, SIX?"
303
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:36,557
SHE'S MAKING FUN OF ME!
304
00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:38,114
YOU'RE YUCKY!
305
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,420
- YOUR FAMILY HAS LICE.
- [gasps]
306
00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:43,774
THAT'S YUCKY TIMES INFINITY.
307
00:12:43,902 --> 00:12:46,082
OH, IT WAS DANDRUFF!
MY HOUSE HAS HARD WATER!
308
00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:47,647
OH, OH, OH--
309
00:12:47,773 --> 00:12:50,293
HEY, THERE'S A BOWL OF PEANUTS
ON THE TABLE!
310
00:12:50,426 --> 00:12:54,216
[overlapping chatter]
311
00:12:57,557 --> 00:12:59,557
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE,
ROOM MOM.
312
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,479
[overlapping shouting]
313
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,350
WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM, MARCUS.
314
00:13:11,473 --> 00:13:14,163
HE'S ALREADY GONE, KEVIN,
LET HIM GO.
315
00:13:20,736 --> 00:13:22,476
MR. HOBBS.
316
00:13:22,606 --> 00:13:27,086
WORD'S OUT YOUR MEETING
DIDN'T GO SO VERY WELL.
317
00:13:27,216 --> 00:13:28,696
YOU KNOW,
VICE-PRINCIPAL BLACKBURN,
318
00:13:28,824 --> 00:13:30,874
I THOUGHT FOR SURE
THAT THE BAKING BUDDY IDEA
319
00:13:30,999 --> 00:13:32,559
WAS A WINNER.
320
00:13:32,695 --> 00:13:36,705
WELL, YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE
TO WATER, MR. HOBBS.
321
00:13:36,826 --> 00:13:39,786
GO ON.
322
00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:43,224
BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE IT DRINK?
323
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:46,520
WITH THE OTHER
KINDERGARTEN PARENTS.
324
00:13:46,654 --> 00:13:48,834
IT'S A METAPHOR?
325
00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:53,229
THEY HATE EACH OTHER?
326
00:13:53,352 --> 00:13:55,392
AS MUCH
AS I HATE TO ADMIT THIS,
327
00:13:55,526 --> 00:13:58,136
I-I THINK I'M IN OVER MY HEAD,
328
00:13:58,266 --> 00:14:00,136
SO I'M GONNA--
329
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:03,566
I'M GONNA TURN IN
MY ORANGE BLOSSOM LANYARD.
330
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:05,442
HO-HO, GOOD ONE.
331
00:14:05,571 --> 00:14:07,831
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST QUIT
BEING A ROOM PARENT?
332
00:14:07,963 --> 00:14:09,143
YOU DON'T QUIT, HOBBS!
333
00:14:09,268 --> 00:14:10,658
WE HAVE A BAKE SALE TO PUT ON!
334
00:14:10,790 --> 00:14:14,450
DIAL IT BACK, MIRIAM.
335
00:14:14,573 --> 00:14:17,483
- 'COURSE THERE IS ONE WAY OUT.
- YEAH?
336
00:14:17,618 --> 00:14:19,798
YOU COULD FIND
YOUR OWN REPLACEMENT.
337
00:14:19,922 --> 00:14:21,312
MY REPLACEMENT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
338
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,535
THESE PEOPLE
WON'T EVEN BAKE CUPCAKES!
339
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,532
WELL, THEN I GUESS YOU BETTER
PUT YOUR LANYARD BACK ON.
340
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,540
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE,
ROOM MOM.
341
00:14:44,363 --> 00:14:47,403
JUST PLAY IT COOL, ELLIOT.
342
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:49,887
[high-pitched]
HE'S COMING THIS WAY.
343
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,575
REMEMBER, EMILY SAID ANSWER
QUESTIONS WITH QUESTIONS.
344
00:14:52,712 --> 00:14:55,982
HEY...NEWBIES.
345
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,363
WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND?
346
00:14:58,495 --> 00:15:02,285
UH, WHERE'S {\an8}YOUR FRIEND?
347
00:15:05,802 --> 00:15:06,982
OKAY.
348
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:08,755
YOU WIN THIS ROUND.
349
00:15:08,889 --> 00:15:14,379
BUT THIS ISN'T OVER.
350
00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:15,409
IT WORKED!
351
00:15:15,543 --> 00:15:19,943
LET'S TELL JOE.
352
00:15:20,065 --> 00:15:20,975
I HEARD.
353
00:15:21,108 --> 00:15:22,848
[snickers]
354
00:15:22,979 --> 00:15:25,979
[grunting]
355
00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:34,680
WORD ON THE PLAYGROUND
IS YOUR PIES ARE $25.
356
00:15:34,807 --> 00:15:37,767
LITTLE PRICEY, AREN'T THEY?
357
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,115
IT MIGHT SEEM THAT WAY,
CHARLOTTE, BUT...
358
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:43,903
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY SIGN YET.
359
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,286
WHAT DO YOU THINK NOW?
360
00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:47,378
I DON'T KNOW.
361
00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:48,635
I CAN'T READ.
362
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:51,076
IT SAYS, "BUY A PIE,
THROW A PIE."
363
00:15:51,202 --> 00:15:55,902
OH, THIS HAS DISASTER
WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
364
00:15:56,029 --> 00:15:57,859
[scoffs]
THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
365
00:15:57,986 --> 00:16:01,776
ANYONE'S GONNA SPEND 25 BUCKS--
366
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,510
BEST $25 I EVER SPENT.
367
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,380
WHOO! HA-HA!
368
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:08,339
OH, IT'S ON!
369
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,517
[sighs]
YEAH.
370
00:16:14,859 --> 00:16:16,599
[overlapping chatter]
371
00:16:16,729 --> 00:16:18,119
OKAY.
372
00:16:18,251 --> 00:16:22,651
[scattered screaming, shouting]
373
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,117
STOP IT!
374
00:16:32,254 --> 00:16:34,734
STOP THIS MAYHEM!
375
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:35,813
MR. HOBBS!
376
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:37,910
WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THIS?
377
00:16:38,037 --> 00:16:43,527
I'D BE HAPPY TO.
378
00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:45,388
MR. HOBBS.
379
00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:49,647
YOU ARE THE WORST ROOM PARENT...
380
00:16:49,779 --> 00:16:51,699
EVER!
381
00:16:51,823 --> 00:16:55,083
GUILTY.
382
00:17:02,565 --> 00:17:04,085
HELLO, JANITOR MOSEY.
383
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:07,398
[violent string orchestra music]
384
00:17:07,522 --> 00:17:08,872
WHAT DID YOU DO
WITH THE JANITOR?
385
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:10,521
THANKS TO BUDGET CUTS,
386
00:17:10,653 --> 00:17:12,043
THE JANITOR DOESN'T WORK
ON THURSDAYS,
387
00:17:12,175 --> 00:17:17,175
SO I BORROWED HIS BROOM.
388
00:17:17,307 --> 00:17:19,877
SO EMILY HOBBS
IS YOUR SISTER, HUH?
389
00:17:20,003 --> 00:17:21,963
MY SISTER?
HA, GOOD ONE.
390
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:23,530
NO WAY I'M RELATED TO HER.
391
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:25,396
LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE.
392
00:17:25,526 --> 00:17:27,916
I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS MY SISTER.
393
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,488
IT'S OKAY, JOE.
394
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,003
YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL
PICKING ON A NEW KID?
395
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,185
SCARING HIM
INTO SNEAKING AROUND THE HALLS
396
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:34,700
AND HIDING IN HIS LOCKER?
397
00:17:34,832 --> 00:17:35,702
WHAT, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
398
00:17:35,832 --> 00:17:37,922
EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THAT.
399
00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:40,060
YOU GOT THIS ALL WRONG.
400
00:17:40,181 --> 00:17:41,921
I-I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO HIM.
401
00:17:42,051 --> 00:17:43,221
YOU JUST WANTED TO TALK?
402
00:17:43,356 --> 00:17:44,576
[scoffs]
YOU'RE PATHETIC!
403
00:17:44,703 --> 00:17:46,103
THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH,
404
00:17:46,226 --> 00:17:48,396
PICKING ON AN INNOCENT, WEAK,
DEFENSELESS--
405
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,710
NOT TO MENTION CLUELESS--
406
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:50,795
EMILY, HE GETS IT.
407
00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:53,183
WELL, NOW YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DEAL
408
00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:54,575
WITH JOE HOBBS' BIG SISTER.
409
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:57,536
AND WHEN I'M DONE
TEARING YOU APART, GREGGY-BOY,
410
00:17:57,663 --> 00:18:00,103
YOU'RE GONNA WANNA HIDE YOURSELF
IN A LOCKER!
411
00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:01,579
SO IF YOU WANNA TALK...
412
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:02,577
[locker door bangs]
TALK TO ME INSTEAD!
413
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:05,367
OR DO YOU NOT HAVE
THE BISCUITS?
414
00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:06,921
OKAY.
415
00:18:07,056 --> 00:18:10,406
UM, I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO HIM
ABOUT YOU.
416
00:18:10,535 --> 00:18:13,625
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU
FOR TWO YEARS NOW.
417
00:18:13,753 --> 00:18:15,143
WHEN I HEARD YOU HAD
A BROTHER IN THE SCHOOL,
418
00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:17,365
I FIGURED HE'D BE MY WAY IN.
419
00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:18,973
REALLY?
420
00:18:19,102 --> 00:18:20,932
YOU'VE HAD A CRUSH ON ME?
421
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,229
NO, NOT ANYMORE.
422
00:18:22,364 --> 00:18:25,064
YOU ARE
[falsetto] SERIOUSLY SCARY.
423
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,240
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
424
00:18:26,364 --> 00:18:28,584
SOMEBODY BARFED
IN THE CAFETERIA.
425
00:18:28,713 --> 00:18:33,713
I HAD TO BORROW THIS UNIFORM
ON FISH TACO DAY!
426
00:18:33,844 --> 00:18:35,244
WOW.
427
00:18:35,366 --> 00:18:37,846
THAT TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TURN.
428
00:18:37,975 --> 00:18:39,195
THANKS FOR HAVING MY BACK, EMILY.
429
00:18:39,324 --> 00:18:41,674
[sighs]
YOU'RE WELCOME.
430
00:18:41,802 --> 00:18:44,502
BUT, REMEMBER,
IT'S IDA.
431
00:18:44,629 --> 00:18:47,319
SORRY, STRANGE PERSON
I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE.
432
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:56,808
[overlapping murmurs]
433
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,066
[guffaws]
434
00:18:59,197 --> 00:19:01,807
I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY
TO GET A COUPLE OF THINGS
435
00:19:01,937 --> 00:19:06,637
TO TAKE BACK TO THE SET, BUT--
WOW!
436
00:19:06,764 --> 00:19:08,414
WHAT HAPPENED?
437
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,467
WELL, UH, FOR STARTERS,
I GOT FIRED.
438
00:19:11,592 --> 00:19:14,552
SEEMS YOUR HUSBAND
HAS REALLY DONE IT.
439
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:17,249
WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT,
UH, REALLY CUT OUT
440
00:19:17,375 --> 00:19:18,415
FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
441
00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:20,639
NO, I MEAN
HE'S REALLY DONE IT!
442
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:22,857
BROKEN THE RECORD
FOR THE MOST MONEY RAISED
443
00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:24,375
BY A KICK-OFF BAKE SALE.
444
00:19:24,507 --> 00:19:25,717
[chuckles]
- SERIOUSLY?
445
00:19:25,855 --> 00:19:27,815
YOUR PLAN WAS INGENIOUS!
446
00:19:27,943 --> 00:19:29,473
SERIOUSLY?
447
00:19:29,595 --> 00:19:32,725
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
NOT FIRED AFTER ALL.
448
00:19:32,857 --> 00:19:34,247
SERIOUSLY?
449
00:19:34,378 --> 00:19:36,298
BUT IT IS--
IT IS QUITE APPARENT
450
00:19:36,423 --> 00:19:39,253
THAT YOU DON'T REALLY WANT
THIS POSITION.
451
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:43,039
SO IN APPRECIATION
OF YOUR, UH, SUCCESS,
452
00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:45,682
I'M PREPARED TO RELEASE YOU.
453
00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:46,995
OH!
454
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,640
OH, YES! BLESS YOU.
455
00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:50,083
THANK YOU!
456
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:51,948
OH, NO, THANK YOU.
457
00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:55,037
COME ON, MIRIAM,
LET'S GO COUNT OUR CASH AGAIN.
458
00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,295
DADDY, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
459
00:19:57,427 --> 00:19:58,817
EVEN CHARLOTTE SAID
460
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,609
YOU'RE THE BEST ROOM PARENT
SHE'S EVER SEEN.
461
00:20:01,732 --> 00:20:02,952
SHE DID?
462
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,080
DON'T GET CRAZY,
I'VE ONLY SEEN TWO.
463
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,606
I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT YOU'RE A ROOM PARENT.
464
00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:12,824
NOW I HAVE MY TWO BEST FRIENDS
IN CLASS WITH ME.
465
00:20:12,952 --> 00:20:17,042
OH.
466
00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:22,170
THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.
467
00:20:22,301 --> 00:20:26,821
WELL, I GUESS I CAN
GIVE UP MY FREEDOM
468
00:20:26,955 --> 00:20:29,225
A LITTLE WHILE LONGER
FOR THAT BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL.
469
00:20:29,347 --> 00:20:30,827
MM.
470
00:20:30,956 --> 00:20:33,646
SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED
FOR THE CARNIVAL NEXT MONTH?
471
00:20:33,782 --> 00:20:36,042
WHAT?
472
00:20:36,173 --> 00:20:37,873
CARNIVAL?
473
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,390
SERIOUSLY?
474
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,990
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