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1
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:12,103
HERE YOU GO, BABY.
LET ME SEE THE TOOTH.
2
00:00:12,226 --> 00:00:13,836
YEAH!
3
00:00:13,965 --> 00:00:15,225
LET'S DO ANGELINA JOLIE.
4
00:00:15,357 --> 00:00:17,017
ATTA GIRL!
5
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,485
OKAY!
6
00:00:20,618 --> 00:00:23,358
I'M OFF TO MY SOAP OPERA CONVENTION.
7
00:00:23,487 --> 00:00:26,057
COME GIVE ME A HUG,
YOU LITTLE TOOTHLESS WONDER!
8
00:00:26,183 --> 00:00:28,363
BUT I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GO AWAY.
9
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,397
OH, I KNOW, SWEETIE,
BUT IT'S PART OF MY JOB.
10
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,271
THIS IS WHEN MY FANS
GET TO MEET ME...
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,060
AND BERATE ME FOR BEING
A SOULLESS GOLD DIGGER, OKAY?
12
00:00:35,183 --> 00:00:37,273
HEY, DON'T SELL
YOURSELF SHORT, HONEY.
13
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,270
THEY ALSO HATE YOU
FOR EMBEZZLING MONEY
14
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,710
FROM THE FORT PATINA FALLS ORPHANAGE.
15
00:00:40,835 --> 00:00:44,485
GOOD THING THAT ORPHANAGE
WAS JUST A FRONT FOR THE MOB.
16
00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,628
[laughing]
17
00:00:46,748 --> 00:00:49,008
THANKS FOR WATCHING, SWEETIE.
18
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:50,710
OKAY, MY HOTEL INFO.
19
00:00:50,835 --> 00:00:51,875
AND I ALSO ASKED KEVIN
TO GIVE YOU A HAND
20
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,230
WITH JOE AND JANIE.
- WHY?
21
00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:54,708
I WAS JUST GETTING
THE HANG OF THEM.
22
00:00:54,835 --> 00:00:57,625
NO, HE'S NOT.
23
00:00:57,748 --> 00:00:59,048
WELL, EMILY'S GOING
TO MATTHEW'S PROM
24
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,494
ON SATURDAY NIGHT,
25
00:01:00,618 --> 00:01:02,748
AND YOU NEED TO FOCUS
YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION ON...
26
00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:04,539
UGH! I LOOK HIDEOUS!
27
00:01:04,661 --> 00:01:07,051
OUR LITTLE PROMZILLA.
28
00:01:07,184 --> 00:01:09,014
SHE'S OUT OF HER MIND.
29
00:01:09,140 --> 00:01:10,270
SHE'S UP THERE STARING
IN THE MIRROR LIKE,
30
00:01:10,401 --> 00:01:13,971
"MY EARLOBES ARE GINORMOUS!"
31
00:01:14,097 --> 00:01:17,317
"MY HAIR'S SO STUPID!"
32
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:22,145
YEAH, THAT WAS DADDY, SWEETIE.
33
00:01:22,271 --> 00:01:25,061
SHE'S A FRESHMAN
GOING TO THE JUNIOR PROM.
34
00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:26,924
THIS IS A REAL-LIFE FAIRYTALE
FOR HER.
35
00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:28,753
THIS IS HER--HER MOMENT.
36
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,360
WHY AM I SO GASSY!
37
00:01:32,488 --> 00:01:35,018
- PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US.
- OH!
38
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:37,270
IT'S ONLY A COUPLE OF NIGHTS.
AND I'M SORRY.
39
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,921
BECAUSE I WAS HOPING
SHE'D PICK OUT HER DRESS
40
00:01:39,053 --> 00:01:40,793
BEFORE I LEFT,
BUT SHE COULDN'T DECIDE.
41
00:01:40,923 --> 00:01:42,363
SHE SAID THE WOMAN
AT THE DRESS SHOP
42
00:01:42,488 --> 00:01:43,968
WAS "OUT TO DESTROY HER."
43
00:01:44,098 --> 00:01:45,278
SO NOW YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER.
44
00:01:45,401 --> 00:01:48,491
YEAH,
BUT "I DON'T WANT TO."
45
00:01:48,619 --> 00:01:50,579
YOU JUST NEED TO FOLLOW
THESE VERY CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS.
46
00:01:50,706 --> 00:01:53,006
NOW, WHEN EMILY ASKS
HOW SHE LOOKS IN THE DRESSES,
47
00:01:53,141 --> 00:01:55,581
YOU SMILE,
YOU SAY SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL,
48
00:01:55,706 --> 00:01:56,926
AND YOU SWIPE
THAT CREDIT CARD.
49
00:01:57,054 --> 00:01:59,184
DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE.
50
00:01:59,315 --> 00:02:00,885
YOU WILL OPEN UP
A CAN OF CRAZY
51
00:02:01,011 --> 00:02:02,011
FOR WHICH THERE IS NO LID.
52
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:04,321
- OKAY, NOW...
- ALL RIGHT?
53
00:02:04,445 --> 00:02:06,445
WHAT PART ABOUT "'PLEASE DON'T
LEAVE US' DID YOU NOT GET?"
54
00:02:06,575 --> 00:02:07,965
[horn honks]
55
00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:09,748
- OH, THAT'S ME.
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD-BYE.
56
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,050
- I LOVE YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU BE SAFE, HONEY.
57
00:02:11,185 --> 00:02:12,575
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT.
58
00:02:12,706 --> 00:02:14,446
OH! HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND,
YOU SOULLESS GOLD DIGGER.
59
00:02:14,575 --> 00:02:15,835
OOH!
60
00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:17,667
MARCUS, YOU WATCHED.
61
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:19,973
I LOVE MY STORIES!
62
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,058
BYE, EMILY.
I LOVE YOU.
63
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,835
I HAVE A FREAKIN' MUSTACHE!
64
00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:27,627
[laughs nervously]
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
65
00:02:27,749 --> 00:02:30,619
[distant stomping]
66
00:02:32,707 --> 00:02:34,707
- IT'S COMING!
- DAD!
67
00:02:34,836 --> 00:02:39,316
COME WITH US
IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
68
00:02:39,446 --> 00:02:41,366
DO YOU SEE THIS PIMPLE FORMING
BETWEEN MY EYES?
69
00:02:41,489 --> 00:02:43,139
NO.
70
00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:44,362
THAT'S BECAUSE MY EYEBROWS
HAVE FINALLY MERGED
71
00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:45,929
INTO A BUSHY UNIBROW!
72
00:02:46,054 --> 00:02:49,184
BETWEEN THAT AND MY MUSTACHE,
I'M BECOMING GRANDMA!
73
00:02:50,968 --> 00:02:52,318
[laughing hysterically]
74
00:02:52,446 --> 00:02:54,616
THIS IS ONE DAY
I DO NOT ENVY YOUR LIFE.
75
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:57,630
MARY'S NOT GOING TO THE PROM.
76
00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:02,010
[distant stomping]
77
00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:03,362
YOU FEEL THAT?
- YEAH.
78
00:03:03,489 --> 00:03:05,449
EMILY!
79
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:07,016
- CARLOS ASKED YOU TO THE PROM?
- YES!
80
00:03:07,142 --> 00:03:09,182
BUT NOW I ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS
81
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:12,105
TO FIX THIS RIDICULOUSLY LONG
GIRAFFE NECK.
82
00:03:13,837 --> 00:03:15,967
THANKS FOR PASSING THAT DOWN, DAD.
83
00:03:19,489 --> 00:03:21,919
WE NEED DRESSES!
84
00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:25,230
[sighs] LIKE NOW!
85
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,310
WE SHOULD'VE LEFT
WITH THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
86
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:34,620
[upbeat pop]
87
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:42,630
โช
88
00:03:56,708 --> 00:03:59,318
SMILE,
"YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL,"
89
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:02,147
SWIPE.
90
00:04:02,273 --> 00:04:03,753
SMI--
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
91
00:04:03,882 --> 00:04:05,672
I'M REHEARSING MY LINE.
92
00:04:05,795 --> 00:04:07,795
DAD?
HELP ME!
93
00:04:07,925 --> 00:04:11,105
HELP US ALL!
AHH.
94
00:04:13,708 --> 00:04:15,888
SO...
HOW DO I LOOK?
95
00:04:16,013 --> 00:04:19,623
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
96
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,531
MOM TOLD YOU TO SAY THAT,
DIDN'T SHE?
97
00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:27,924
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
98
00:04:28,056 --> 00:04:30,496
SHE DID.
99
00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,141
WELL, I WANNA KNOW
WHAT YOU THINK, DAD.
100
00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:33,624
[gasps]
101
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:35,971
I KNEW IT!
YOU THINK I LOOK KNOBBY.
102
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,710
LIKE I'M ALL ELBOWS
AND KNEES.
103
00:04:37,838 --> 00:04:40,798
I'M SO CONFUSED
RIGHT NOW.
104
00:04:40,925 --> 00:04:43,235
I LOOK LIKE A BABY DEER
STUFFED INTO A DRESS, DON'T I?
105
00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:48,575
[gasps]
I KNEW IT!
106
00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:50,318
NOW, I GOTTA FIND
SOMETHING ELSE!
107
00:04:50,448 --> 00:04:52,798
[sighs]
108
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,575
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
AND DON'T SAY I LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
109
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,279
NICE?
110
00:04:58,404 --> 00:05:01,054
YOU DON'T THINK
I LOOK BEAUTIFUL?
111
00:05:03,274 --> 00:05:04,934
DOES THIS SAY
I'M TRYING TOO HARD,
112
00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:06,446
OR NOT HARD ENOUGH?
113
00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:08,708
YES.
114
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,493
- HOT.
- EW.
115
00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:23,269
FABULOUS!
116
00:05:23,404 --> 00:05:24,804
EW.
117
00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:27,366
YES!
THIS IS THE ONE!
118
00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:30,491
FINALLY ONE THAT I LOVE!
119
00:05:32,404 --> 00:05:34,454
[audience ohs]
120
00:05:34,578 --> 00:05:36,408
DON'T MOVE.
121
00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:39,845
MAYBE THEY WILL FORGET
THAT WE WERE HERE.
122
00:05:39,970 --> 00:05:42,580
[laughs]
YOU LOOK GREAT.
123
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,319
SO DO YOU.
124
00:05:44,448 --> 00:05:47,098
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE
WE CAN BOTH WEAR THE SAME DRESS.
125
00:05:47,231 --> 00:05:48,711
[laughs]
126
00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:53,453
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST KEEP LOOKING.
127
00:05:53,578 --> 00:05:55,618
GOOD CALL.
128
00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:58,282
both: HELP US!
129
00:05:59,536 --> 00:06:02,536
LIKE NOW!
130
00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:11,883
NOT REALLY A GOLD DIGGER.
131
00:06:12,014 --> 00:06:14,414
AND I WASN'T REALLY
IN A COMA.
132
00:06:14,536 --> 00:06:17,836
BUT I'M ABOUT TO SLIP INTO ONE
RIGHT NOW.
133
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,110
WE ARE NOT GONNA GET
ANY ACTION TODAY.
134
00:06:20,231 --> 00:06:23,191
SANTIAGO {\an8}ALWAYS GETS ACTION.
135
00:06:23,318 --> 00:06:25,188
[clicks tongue]
136
00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:31,755
MAN, OUR SHOW SUCKS.
137
00:06:31,884 --> 00:06:33,274
OR IT COULD'VE BEEN THE...
[clicks tongue]
138
00:06:33,405 --> 00:06:34,495
THING.
139
00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,063
- NO.
- YEAH.
140
00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:47,149
YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME.
141
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,276
I'M SORRY,
BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
142
00:06:48,405 --> 00:06:50,145
YOUR PARENTS
HAVE TRUSTED ME TO BABYSIT YOU,
143
00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:52,326
SO I'M NOT TAKING
ANY CHANCES.
144
00:06:52,449 --> 00:06:54,579
THAT'S WHY
YOU WOULDN'T LET ME
145
00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:57,370
SHARPEN MY CRAYON.
146
00:06:57,492 --> 00:07:00,232
HEY, UH, JOE'S BEEN TAKING
A WHILE IN THE BATHROOM.
147
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:02,103
UH, YOU THINK HE'S OKAY, OR--
148
00:07:02,232 --> 00:07:05,412
I AM NOT HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.
149
00:07:05,537 --> 00:07:06,927
OKAY.
150
00:07:07,058 --> 00:07:09,928
[laptop chimes]
OH!
151
00:07:10,058 --> 00:07:11,978
HEY, KEVIN.
JUST CHECKING IN.
152
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:13,452
HOW ARE THE KIDS?
- ALIVE AND WELL.
153
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,800
BOTH OF THEM.
154
00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:18,627
WELL, THAT IS THE GOAL.
155
00:07:18,753 --> 00:07:20,013
[thud]
- OW!
156
00:07:20,145 --> 00:07:21,105
WHAT WAS THAT?
157
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,402
UH, NOTHING.
158
00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:23,887
JOE'S JUST WATCHING
THE ANIMAL CHANNEL.
159
00:07:24,015 --> 00:07:26,455
YEAH, JOE!
OWLS ARE AWESOME!
160
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,630
OKAY, BYE NOW.
161
00:07:29,754 --> 00:07:31,494
JOE, ARE YOU OKAY?
162
00:07:31,624 --> 00:07:33,884
YEAH, I JUST TRIPPED OVER
MY OWN FOOT.
163
00:07:34,015 --> 00:07:36,285
ARE YOU FEELING DIZZY,
SHORT OF BREATH?
164
00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:39,016
'CAUSE I CAN OPEN AN AIRWAY
WITH A CRAYON!
165
00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:41,755
NOT WITH PURPLE YOU'RE NOT!
166
00:07:41,885 --> 00:07:46,495
- KEVIN, I'M FINE.
- MAYBE YOU'RE IN SHOCK.
167
00:07:46,624 --> 00:07:48,574
YOU SHOULD JUST SIT AND I'LL
GET YOU ANYTHING YOU NEED.
168
00:07:48,711 --> 00:07:50,461
ANYTHING?
169
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:52,100
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
170
00:07:52,232 --> 00:07:54,142
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
171
00:07:54,276 --> 00:07:55,356
I SHOCKED
AT HOW TENDER IT IS.
172
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:57,153
[groans]
173
00:07:57,276 --> 00:08:00,496
I'LL TAKE SOME POPCORN
AND A SODA.
174
00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:03,974
AND MAYBE PUT ON A MOVIE
WHEN YOU GET BACK.
175
00:08:04,103 --> 00:08:08,113
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
176
00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:11,013
OW! I JUST TRIPPED OVER
JOE'S OTHER FOOT!
177
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,890
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I STILL DON'T HAVE A DRESS!
178
00:08:20,016 --> 00:08:21,106
THEY SAID THEY HAD
TO CLOSE THE SHOP
179
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,323
TO GO HOME
AND "FEED THEIR CHILDREN?"
180
00:08:23,451 --> 00:08:25,231
HA.
I MEAN, WHO DOES THAT?
181
00:08:25,364 --> 00:08:27,104
THE RETURN OF PROMZILLA.
182
00:08:27,233 --> 00:08:29,933
OOH, LOOK AT THE TIME.
183
00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:31,329
YOU CAN'T TELL TIME.
184
00:08:31,451 --> 00:08:33,451
I CAN TELL
WHEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE.
185
00:08:36,190 --> 00:08:38,320
EMILY, YOU--
186
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,281
YOU REALLY WANTED
TO WEAR THAT DRESS, DIDN'T YOU?
187
00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:42,147
YOU CAN TELL ME.
MARY'S NOT HERE.
188
00:08:42,277 --> 00:08:43,887
IT WAS THE ONLY ONE
I LOVED, DAD.
189
00:08:44,016 --> 00:08:45,586
AND MARY SHOULD'VE
GIVEN ME DIBS.
190
00:08:45,712 --> 00:08:47,452
I GOT ASKED TO THE PROM FIRST,
191
00:08:47,581 --> 00:08:51,281
AND MATTHEW AND I HAVE BEEN
A COUPLE FOR 102 DAYS.
192
00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:52,497
AND IF WE'RE REALLY
GETTING TECHNICAL,
193
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:54,285
I HAVE BLUE EYES.
194
00:08:54,407 --> 00:08:58,057
AND THAT AQUAMARINE DRESS
TOTALLY MADE THEM POP.
195
00:08:58,190 --> 00:08:59,500
IT'S JUST I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED
196
00:08:59,625 --> 00:09:01,495
MY FIRST PROM WOULD BE
LIKE A FAIRY TALE.
197
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,145
[scoffs]
SO MUCH FOR THAT.
198
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,547
AW, WAIT. EMILY.
199
00:09:05,668 --> 00:09:08,018
EMI--
[sighs]
200
00:09:13,799 --> 00:09:14,929
[surprised] MARCUS?
201
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,840
[curious] DAVID?
202
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,713
[suspicious] MARCUS?
203
00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,852
[irritated] DAVID?
204
00:09:20,973 --> 00:09:23,543
[disappointed] MARCUS.
205
00:09:23,668 --> 00:09:26,928
[disdainful] DAVID.
206
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,850
EMILY REALLY WANTS
THAT DRESS.
207
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:32,663
MARY REALLY WANTS
THAT DRESS.
208
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,099
THERE'S ONE PROBLEM, MARCUS.
209
00:09:34,234 --> 00:09:35,804
THE STORE SAID
THERE'S ONLY ONE DRESS LEFT.
210
00:09:35,929 --> 00:09:37,629
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED,
211
00:09:37,755 --> 00:09:41,055
MADE-IN-TAIWAN,
AQUAMARINE DRESS STAND-OFF HERE.
212
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,890
MARCUS.
213
00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:54,807
- DAVID.
- MARCUS.
214
00:09:54,929 --> 00:09:55,839
- OH!
- MAR--
215
00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:57,373
AHH!
216
00:09:57,495 --> 00:09:58,665
AH.
AH, AH, AH.
217
00:09:58,800 --> 00:09:59,850
YOU CANNOT WIN, DAVID.
218
00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:02,843
YOU'RE TOUCHING MY HAIR.
SECURITY!
219
00:10:02,974 --> 00:10:04,284
SECURITY, THAT--
220
00:10:04,408 --> 00:10:06,098
I'M TV'S DAVID HOBBS,
221
00:10:06,234 --> 00:10:08,284
AND THIS NON-CELEBRITY STRANGER
IS STEALING MY DRESS!
222
00:10:09,582 --> 00:10:10,722
[grunting]
223
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:12,623
WHOA! WHOA, WHOA!
224
00:10:12,756 --> 00:10:14,716
[mumbling]
- IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?
225
00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:16,543
YEAH, IT WEARS OFF
IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.
226
00:10:16,669 --> 00:10:18,239
OH, OKAY, GOOD.
227
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:22,368
CAN I BORROW THAT?
228
00:10:22,495 --> 00:10:23,675
[grunts]
229
00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:29,156
THAT'S COLD, DAVID.
THAT'S COLD.
230
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:35,282
both: AHH!
231
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,500
THANKS FOR THE SUNDAES.
232
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:42,756
I JUST HOPE I DON'T GET HURT
CLEANING MY ROOM.
233
00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:47,027
YEAH, AND SOMETIMES
I TRIP ON MY POINTY TOYS.
234
00:10:47,148 --> 00:10:50,018
NO, NO, WAIT.
I'LL DO YOUR CHORES FOR YOU.
235
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:52,108
THAT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.
236
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,755
[laptop beeps]
- OH.
237
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,417
THAT'S YOUR MOM
ON THE COMPUTER AGAIN.
238
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:57,500
JUST...STAY PUT.
239
00:11:01,974 --> 00:11:03,884
- WHERE'S EMILY?
- DAD!
240
00:11:04,018 --> 00:11:07,638
[distant stomping]
241
00:11:07,757 --> 00:11:09,317
THAT'S OUR CUE!
242
00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:10,633
AAH!
243
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,147
GO! SAVE YOURSELF!
244
00:11:17,757 --> 00:11:20,237
WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN?
245
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:21,846
DAD, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HAIR?
246
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:23,975
YEAH, I KNOW, RIGHT?
UNCLE MARCUS!
247
00:11:24,105 --> 00:11:25,325
WHAT SMELLS LIKE
IT'S BURNING?
248
00:11:25,453 --> 00:11:27,763
UNCLE MARCUS!
249
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,668
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THE GIRLS
250
00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:32,591
THE "PRESENT"
YOU HAVE IN THE BAG?
251
00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:34,494
BECAUSE
"I DON'T WANT TO."
252
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,327
DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO?
253
00:11:36,453 --> 00:11:39,113
AAH! AAH!
254
00:11:39,236 --> 00:11:41,196
HE PRIED THAT OUT OF
MY TREMBLING HANDS
255
00:11:41,323 --> 00:11:44,623
AT THE DRESS SHOP
AFTER HE HAD ME TASERED!
256
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:49,283
DAD, DIDN'T YOU HEAR
THE DEAL MARY AND I MADE?
257
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:50,890
YEAH, DAD,
DIDN'T YOU HEAR HER SAY
258
00:11:51,019 --> 00:11:52,499
WE WERE GONNA GET
DIFFERENT DRESSES?
259
00:11:52,627 --> 00:11:55,937
DID ANYBODY HEAR ME SAY {\an8}
I WAS TASERED?!
260
00:11:56,062 --> 00:11:57,672
HEY, LOOK, IF ANYBODY
SHOULD HAVE DIBS ON THAT DRESS,
261
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,241
IT'S EMILY.
262
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:01,407
SHE'S BEEN SEEING
MATTHEW PETERSON FOR 102 DAYS,
263
00:12:01,541 --> 00:12:03,201
AND THIS DRESS
MAKES HER EYES POP.
264
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,843
BUT AQUAMARINE
IS MARY'S BIRTHSTONE,
265
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,805
AND SHE'S BEEN WAITING
78 DAYS FOR CARLOS TO ASK HER.
266
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:10,061
AND THIS JUST IN...
267
00:12:10,193 --> 00:12:11,983
HER FATHER WAS RECENTLY {\an8}
TASERED!
268
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:16,281
78 DAYS FOR CARLOS TO ASK?
269
00:12:16,410 --> 00:12:17,800
SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
270
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:21,151
AND 102 DAYS?
SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOU.
271
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,630
YOU KNOW WHAT,
WEAR THE STUPID DRESS.
272
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:24,288
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO GO ANYMORE.
273
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,020
ME NEITHER.
274
00:12:27,149 --> 00:12:29,059
HOPE YOU DIDN'T NEED
THE RETURN RECEIPT.
275
00:12:29,193 --> 00:12:31,203
HMM. HMM.
[grunts]
276
00:12:31,323 --> 00:12:34,233
MMM!
277
00:12:36,236 --> 00:12:37,936
HEY, MARCUS.
MARCUS!
278
00:12:38,063 --> 00:12:39,543
- WHAT?
- THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYBODY?
279
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,021
[grunting]
280
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:48,193
UH...DAVID?
281
00:12:48,323 --> 00:12:50,413
HI, HONEY.
282
00:12:50,541 --> 00:12:53,281
UH...ABOUT HOW MUCH
OF THAT DID YOU HEAR?
283
00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:55,500
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN OUR SHOW.
284
00:12:55,628 --> 00:12:57,848
MM.
285
00:12:57,976 --> 00:13:01,066
IS THE ONE WITH
THE WIND-BLOWN HAIR THE VILLAIN?
286
00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:05,288
IN THIS EPISODE, YES.
287
00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:09,846
I'M SORRY, DAVID.
288
00:13:09,976 --> 00:13:11,016
I-I NEVER ACCOUNTED FOR
289
00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:13,240
TWO PROMZILLAS
AND ONE DRESS.
290
00:13:13,368 --> 00:13:15,678
BUT YOU AND MARCUS,
YOU NEED TO FIX THIS!
291
00:13:15,802 --> 00:13:17,632
THE MAN ATE MY RECEIPT.
292
00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:19,628
AMY, IT'S HARD
TO COME BACK FROM THAT.
293
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,928
KEVIN!
GO GET MARCUS.
294
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:27,976
SERIOUSLY, GUYS, YOU'VE GOT
A LOT OF MEMORIES TOGETHER.
295
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:30,187
DO YOU REALLY WANNA RUIN
THIS ONE FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS?
296
00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:32,414
AMY, IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.
297
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,502
THE GIRLS AREN'T TALKING
TO EACH OTHER EITHER.
298
00:13:34,629 --> 00:13:36,809
KEVIN?
299
00:13:41,498 --> 00:13:44,148
YOU GIRLS HAVE SPENT
YOUR WHOLE LIVES TOGETHER.
300
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,761
AND YOUR FATHERS
HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE.
301
00:13:46,890 --> 00:13:48,630
LIKE THE FIRST DAY YOU MET.
302
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:50,539
I WANT Y'ALL TO WATCH SOMETHING.
303
00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:54,676
- WE DID IT!
- AH...
304
00:13:54,803 --> 00:13:56,633
BOOM!
305
00:13:57,716 --> 00:13:59,196
READY?
306
00:13:59,324 --> 00:14:01,064
OOF!
307
00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:04,675
[babies crying]
OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
308
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:07,193
OKAY.
OKAY.
309
00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,149
THE FIRST TIME WE LEFT YOU
ALONE WITH YOUR FATHERS...
310
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,330
[toy squeaks]
311
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,636
HUH? HUH?
312
00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:20,059
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
313
00:14:20,195 --> 00:14:22,765
THE FIRST TIME
YOU HAD SOLID FOODS...
314
00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:24,720
TCH, TCH, TCH, TCH.
315
00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:32,329
[laughing]
316
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,976
HA HA HA HA!
317
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,636
- DAVID!
- WHAT?
318
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,940
SHE STARTED IT.
319
00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:44,364
[both laughing]
320
00:14:44,499 --> 00:14:46,109
AND FINALLY...
321
00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:48,028
THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
322
00:14:50,195 --> 00:14:53,075
- YOU READY?
- I THINK SO.
323
00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:55,285
JUST GLAD WE HAVE
EACH OTHER.
324
00:15:06,325 --> 00:15:07,545
- [sniffles]
- SHOULD WE LEAVE
325
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:12,333
BEFORE WE START CRYING?
- UHH. MIGHT BE TOO LATE.
326
00:15:12,456 --> 00:15:14,976
YOU GIRLS HAVE HAD
A LOT OF FIRSTS TOGETHER.
327
00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:18,379
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MISS OUT
ON YOUR FIRST PROM?
328
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,680
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!
329
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:27,234
THE GOLD DIGGER'S LAPTOP
IS DOWN TO 10% POWER!
330
00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:31,147
I'M SORRY, MARE-BEAR.
331
00:15:31,283 --> 00:15:32,813
ME TOO.
332
00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:34,324
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU.
333
00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:39,117
SHOULD WE HUG TOO, MAN?
334
00:15:40,891 --> 00:15:42,241
HUG THE MAN!
335
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:43,200
OH...
336
00:15:44,804 --> 00:15:47,804
[tearfully]
I NEED TO CALL MY BROTHER.
337
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:52,596
OKAY. THANKS.
338
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,498
THERE'S NOTHING IN OUR SIZE
AT ANY OF THE OTHER STORES.
339
00:15:55,631 --> 00:15:57,461
WHO ARE WE KIDDING?
IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE PROM.
340
00:15:57,587 --> 00:15:59,067
WE'LL NEVER FIND DRESSES.
341
00:15:59,196 --> 00:16:01,506
HOLD IT.
WAIT. WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
342
00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:02,721
MARCUS.
- MM-HMM.
343
00:16:02,848 --> 00:16:04,108
- LOOK AT THIS.
- ACCESSORIZE A LITTLE BIT.
344
00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:06,239
THAT IS...FABULOUS.
345
00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:07,850
I'D DATE HIM
IF HE WORE THIS DRESS.
346
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:11,765
OH, IT'S ALL GOOD, MAN.
347
00:16:11,892 --> 00:16:13,762
WE'RE FRIENDS.
WE MADE UP.
348
00:16:15,848 --> 00:16:18,938
GUYS, STOP, PLEASE.
WE JUST WON'T GO.
349
00:16:19,066 --> 00:16:21,506
WHAT? NO, NO, EMILY,
DON'T DO THAT.
350
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:23,151
PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP.
351
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,243
SORRY, DAD, BUT THIS
ISN'T YOUR TV SHOW
352
00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,770
AND LIFE DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE
A FAIRY TALE ENDING.
353
00:16:28,892 --> 00:16:31,022
WE'LL WAIT IN THE CAR.
354
00:16:33,544 --> 00:16:36,284
WHAT DID WE DO
IN OUR SPECIAL PROM EPISODE?
355
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,153
AH, LET'S SEE.
HMM, WELL...
356
00:16:38,284 --> 00:16:41,764
SOMEONE DIDN'T GET TASERED IN
A DRESS SHOP--THAT'S FOR SURE!
357
00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:43,812
THAT ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN
PRETTY FUNNY.
358
00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:46,365
SERIOUSLY, MAN, COME ON,
OUR JOB AS DADS
359
00:16:46,501 --> 00:16:48,681
IS TO MAKE OUR DAUGHTERS'
DREAMS COME TRUE.
360
00:16:48,805 --> 00:16:52,115
WHO DO WE KNOW THAT WE CAN CALL
TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN FOR US?
361
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,418
GOT IT.
362
00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:02,148
UH--UH--
I SAID WE GOOD.
363
00:17:02,284 --> 00:17:03,944
WHY YOU KEEP
EYEBALLING ME, BRO?
364
00:17:09,719 --> 00:17:12,199
DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
365
00:17:12,327 --> 00:17:13,457
- DAD?
- YEAH.
366
00:17:13,588 --> 00:17:16,158
WHAT, EXACTLY, DO YOU THINK
WE DREAM ABOUT?
367
00:17:16,284 --> 00:17:18,244
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
368
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,721
WHEN YOU SAID
YOU'D PULL SOME STRINGS
369
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:21,669
WITH YOUR WARDROBE PERSON,
370
00:17:21,806 --> 00:17:24,156
I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE
ATTACHED TO A TIME MACHINE.
371
00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:25,754
YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
372
00:17:25,893 --> 00:17:28,023
LIKE FAIRY PRINCESSES.
373
00:17:28,153 --> 00:17:30,243
ONLY SAD.
374
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:35,032
JOE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
AND BE HONEST.
375
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,234
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE NOT.
376
00:17:37,371 --> 00:17:39,371
YOU LOOK GREAT!
377
00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:41,201
[flatulence]
378
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,850
DAD, I REALLY
APPRECIATE ALL THIS,
379
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,590
BUT THERE'S NO WAY WE ARE GOING
TO THE PROM LIKE THIS.
380
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,599
EMILY, LISTEN,
381
00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:53,979
YOUR MOM SHOWED US THOSE
GREAT MOMENTS FROM YOUR LIFE,
382
00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:57,201
AND THE ONE MOMENT
THAT I MISSED OF YOU
383
00:17:57,328 --> 00:17:59,328
THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK
384
00:17:59,459 --> 00:18:02,249
IS THE MOMENT OF YOU TAKING
YOUR FIRST STEP.
385
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,502
THAT IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME
MOMENT.
386
00:18:06,546 --> 00:18:08,156
AND SO IS THE PROM.
387
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:09,935
SO PLEASE...
388
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,897
PLEASE DON'T MISS THAT.
389
00:18:15,589 --> 00:18:18,509
HE'S RIGHT.
WE HAVE TO GO.
390
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,063
IN THESE?
391
00:18:24,633 --> 00:18:25,943
OH--ARE THEY FIGHTING?
392
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:29,117
I DON'T KNOW.
DON'T MOVE.
393
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,679
WE CAN TOTALLY
MAKE THIS WORK,
394
00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:35,497
BUT WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
395
00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:38,463
LET'S CALL THE BOYS
AND HAVE THEM MEET US THERE.
396
00:18:38,589 --> 00:18:41,379
[chuckling]
397
00:18:41,502 --> 00:18:42,892
SEE?
398
00:18:43,025 --> 00:18:45,205
SEE? SEE? WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
399
00:18:52,894 --> 00:18:54,944
THEY'RE NOT YELLING AT US.
400
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,238
YEAH, MAN.
IT'S COOL.
401
00:19:04,199 --> 00:19:08,069
EMILY...
402
00:19:08,199 --> 00:19:09,859
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
403
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:11,801
THIS TIME
I BELIEVE YOU.
404
00:19:11,937 --> 00:19:14,817
AND, DAD, NO MATTER
HOW CRAZY THIS GOT
405
00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:16,717
OR HOW CRAZY I GOT,
406
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:19,120
JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU.
407
00:19:20,634 --> 00:19:23,074
YOU'RE WELCOME.
408
00:19:23,199 --> 00:19:25,159
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE FUN,
BABY GIRL.
409
00:19:25,286 --> 00:19:26,806
MAKE SURE YOU DO IT
GANGNAM STYLE...
410
00:19:26,937 --> 00:19:29,327
STOP THAT, STOP THAT.
411
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,730
OH.
OKAY.
412
00:19:32,721 --> 00:19:34,111
YOU READY?
413
00:19:34,242 --> 00:19:35,632
I THINK SO.
414
00:19:35,764 --> 00:19:38,034
I'M JUST GLAD
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
415
00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:55,289
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
416
00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:06,110
HEY, KEVIN.
417
00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:07,903
WHERE ARE
THE LITTLE FAKERS?
418
00:20:08,026 --> 00:20:10,596
OH. THEY'RE SAFE NOW.
419
00:20:10,721 --> 00:20:12,201
both: MOM!
420
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:14,890
FINALLY, YOU'RE HOME!
GET US OUT OF THIS.
421
00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:17,286
WHEN KEVIN TOLD ME
ABOUT ALL YOUR INJURIES,
422
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,637
I WAS SO WORRIED!
423
00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:21,674
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE ALL IN ONE PIECE.
424
00:20:21,808 --> 00:20:24,558
AND READY FOR SHIPPING.
425
00:20:24,677 --> 00:20:26,107
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, KEVIN.
426
00:20:26,243 --> 00:20:28,593
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO UNPACK MOMMY.
427
00:20:28,721 --> 00:20:31,681
UNPACK US FIRST!
428
00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:33,028
YEAH, IN A BIT.
429
00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:35,206
WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!
430
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:37,070
[flatulence]
431
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,850
GREAT.
NOW IT'S TRAPPED IN HERE!
432
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:43,450
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