All language subtitles for Home.Economics.S02E16.720p.WEB.x265-MiNX

- Chapter 23.

Tom and Marina were living
every parent's nightmare.

Their babysitter had quit.

And they were now so busy that
they didn't even have time

to shop for the weekly
Hayworth brunch.

- How are
the bacon and eggs coming?

- Uh, bacon and egg?

There was only one left
in the fridge.

- Ooh, bacon and egg.
Wow, you went all out.

- We do have store brand
toaster pastries.

- Works for me.

- Careful, it's hot.

- Is this one per kid,
or like Vegas buffet?

- These were a dollar a box.

- I'm gonna grab an extra one
of these bad boys for JoJo.

We're meeting up later
to plan our Iceland trip.

She wants to see an elf.

- Oh, honey, remember when
we used to travel together?

- Ugh.

- Our only date night
this month is meeting

with our mortgage broker

to talk about refinancing
our house.

Jealous?
- Oh, yeah, that reminds me.

Connor, can Lupe watch our kids

just while we're
between babysitters?

- Anything to help restructure
your debt

with more favourable terms, Tom.
- Thanks.

- Ooh.
- Bon appétit.

- Gretchen, are you excited
to audition

for the school musical?
- You wanna be Annie?

- Connor, I can't just give
my niece the lead

because I'm the director.
- Yeah, no, of course not.

Wink, wink.

- Okay.
- I'm a little nervous.

I don't know if I'm that good.

- Oh, well,
I didn't have confidence

when I was your age either

'cause your grandmother's
criticisms really did

a number on me.

But anyone can sing if you just
believe in yourself.

Do you believe in yourself?

You're gonna be great.

- I have been practicing
a little song

for the audition. Wanna hear it?

- Yes!
- Yeah.

- Of course we do.

- Yes!
- Yay.

- Wow, you did that.

- Yes.
- That was...

- It happened.
- Something.

- You did it!
Feels like it filled the room.

- I didn't know you could get
so loud, honey.

- Influencers,
the time has come.

Ria and Jake, as losers
of the Best Angle challenge,

you're at the bottom two.

- Now we'll find out who will
turn off their ring light

and delete their account.

- I'm sorry, Jake,
but you've been unfollowed.

- Please make your way
to the fire bridge

for your exit selfie.

The rest of you can return
to Influencer Lagoon.

- What do you think?

- Think it was a mistake
to vote off Jake.

I mean,
he had a rare combination

of brains and biceps.

- Well, this is crazy,

but they want me
to be on next season.

- What?
I didn't know you applied.

- It was months ago,
and I totally forgot about it.

But it's kind of a big deal.

Last season's winner dropped
her own clothing line

and is now frenemies
with Kylie Jenner.

- That's... that's a good thing,
right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- The thing is,
they want me there next week.

In Borneo.
- Oh.

So what about
our trip to Iceland?

- We just postpone
till the fall.

It's just a few months away.

- A few months?

We haven't even been together
a few months.

- Yeah, and there's no contact
with the outside world.

- Hmm.

Wait, are they all sleeping
in one giant bed?

- Yeah, it's called
the "charging matt,"

and it gets smaller every week.

And...

You know, forget it.

- Well, do you want to do it?

- I was in a different place
when I applied.

It was before we got together,
and I...

I don't want to screw this up.

- Well, I'm also on team
"Don't Screw This Up."

- Hey, guys.
I'm just here to help Gretchen

with her audition for tomorrow.
Is she upstairs?

- Yeah, um, you really think
you can help her?

- Anything's possible
if you work hard enough.

- Little G can do anything
she puts her mind too.

- She gets that from me.
- Exactly.

- But to be clear,
she's a terrible singer, right?

- Let's just say
there's room to grow.

- Pay stubs. Tax returns.
Credit report.

Crossing "getting documents
for the mortgage broker"

off of the list.

And that's the end of the list.

- Actually, the email said we
need two copies of everything.

- Adding "making copies"
to the list.

I'll just have to find time
between my Costco run

and walking slowly
into the ocean.

Why did we ever want
to become adults?

- So that we could eat cake
whenever we wanted.

Look, if these guys are gonna
be fixing the floor all day,

I can't work here.

- Why don't you go write
at the café?

- Well, that's full
of all those losers

that are working
on their "novels."

I guess I could go to Ashburn.

Used to work
at that library all the time

before we had kids.

- That is such
a beautiful campus.

God, I miss college.
- I miss college!

Right? Oh, so much fun.

Late night with the boys,
cracking open some cold ones

and talking about
Billy Shakespeare.

- Mm, my college experience
was less about literature

and more about getting lit.

They used to call me
Marina Tequila.

- Wow. Classy.

- Remember having absolutely
no responsibilities whatsoever?

- Ugh.

- My to do list was just
a list of boys.

Right?

Wait, what?

"As Tom looked over
the documents

"for the mortgage broker,

"he felt the burdens
of adulthood suffocating him,

pulling him down
into a murky abyss."

- Yo, thanks for watching
my stuff, man.

- Oh, no problem.

By the way, "Sister Carrie"
is an amazing book.

- Yeah, I'm reading it
for 20th Century Lit.

Dreiser is dark.

- So bleak, but so honest,
right?

- You know,
I'm writing a paper right now

about whether the characters
can escape the social class

they're born into.

- Well, they can.
But at what cost?

It's actually big question
in the novel I'm working on.

- Oh, word? Are you taking
Intro to Creative Writing?

You think I'm in
Intro to Creative Writing?

No, I'm, uh...

I'm actually
in Advanced Creative Writing.

Yeah, it's pretty tight.

- Bro, that class is so hard
to get into.

You must be really good.
- Word, word.

Well, I mean, you know,
for a student.

Which I am.

Just a college student
who loves college life.

- Well, hey, you know,
some buddies and I,

we're gonna go get some beers

and play Settlers of Catan
in the quad.

If you wanna join, you can.

- Oh, I should probably
finish this chapter.

Uh, for class.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it.

You do you, bro.

You know what? Screw it.
I'm gonna blow it off.

We're college kids, right?

We got all the time
in the world.

- Dope.
- I mean, we're young.

We can set the world on fire,
right? Party time.

- Yeah, well, you know.
Just gonna play Settlers.

- Oh, dope, dope, dope,
dope, dope, dope, yeah.

Let's just...
Let's build some roads.

- Hello, influencers.

You've all gotten pretty good
at influencing people.

- But what about animals?

Inside this tent
are eight horses,

nature's original influencers.

- It's time to double tap
some hooves

and get these manes on fleek.

- Let's giddy-up and give these
horses a glow up of a lifetime.

- You watching
"Influencer Lagoon"?

- Only to remind myself
how stupid it is.

I mean, there's this challenge

where you have to match a filter

with a moment in history.

And someone actually picked
Velancia

for the Boston Tea Party.

- Oh, crazy.
- Right?

- Yeah.

Are you sure you don't want
to be on this show?

- Totally. I'm happy
with my decision to stay.

- But?

- I mean, yes, the exposure
could supercharge my career

and get my hat line
off the ground, but...

my heart says I should
stay here with Connor.

You said it yourself.
It's a silly reality show.

- True, but what do you want?

- D, I have made my decision.

I'm fine with it.

Please don't say anything
to Connor.

I don't want him to feel guilty.

Promise.
- Okay. I won't say anything.

- Are they giving that horse
a makeover?

- It makes a difference, right?

That was so great, sweetie.

Good job.

Okay, that was decent.

- I was going to say
"not horrendous,"

but your description works.

- I'm proud of her.

I mean, she's probably
not Annie material, but...

Oh, definitely not.

- All right,
she wasn't that bad.

- Look, I know I am just
your humble assistant director,

for some reason known
only to God,

but you can't cast Gretchen
as the lead.

Even if she could hit
a high C above middle E.

- Why?

- It's kind of an unspoken rule
that the children

of Windmount's more
financially generous parents

get the lead roles.

And your brother isn't exactly
in their league.

- Wait, what?
That is ridiculous.

- I know.

Private equity
doesn't bring in the dough

like it used to.

- No, no,
that policy is ridiculous.

Wait, so I have to set aside
lead roles

for Constance Pinterest
and Alessandra Nintendo

because their parents make
more money?

- I hate that you have
the voice of an angel.

- Tom, where are you?
I'm outside the library.

- I'm sorry. I totally spaced.

I know it sounds weird,
but I'm actually hanging out

with some college kids.
They're pretty cool.

They're from "The Quill."
- What?

- It's a literary magazine.
- No, Tom, that's not what I...

Look, I just dropped
the kids off at...

- Tino, head up!
- We have to go home.

We have to change, and we have
to get to the mortgage broker.

- Uh, yeah, you got it.

Uh, look, first, you wanna
come through

and say what's up?
We're in Strauss Hall, D21.

- Wait, what? You're in a dorm?

- Yeah, I'll drop you a pin.
But be cool.

Their RA's, like, a real jerk.

I'm just kidding.
You're the best, Xander.

- Fight me, bro.
- What?

All right, I'll check you later.

- Oh!
- Yes!

Tommy, my man.

- Tom?
- Oh, sweet, babe. You came.

- Okay, what is going on?

I mean, besides you having
a midlife crisis?

- These kids actually think
that I'm a real student.

- Honey,
you're almost 40 years old.

- I have a boyish charm.

- And an inability
to grow facial hair.

We need to go do
important things.

Grown up things. Our mortgage.

- Boring.

- Hey, Tommy.
Hey, you're up, man.

Hey, hey.
- Hey.

- Who is this?
- This is my wife.

Uh...

My wife!

No, I'm just kidding.
This is my girlfriend.

Or like, a girl I've been
chilling out with.

It's Marina, right?
- Huh.

- Dope.
Are you, like, a grad student?

- No. No, I...
- She's a senior. Like me.

She took a gap year.
Couple gap years.

- Couple?

- Tell you what,
I'ma catch up with you later.

Okay, don't flip any cups
without me, okay?

All right. That's a good guy.

- Tom, we have to go, okay?
We have to go to the meeting.

Then I have to go buy
a new nightguard.

We have to pick up the kids
from Lupe.

And we have to find
a new sitter.

There's laundry.
- Mm-hmm.

- Wow, that is a such
a depressing list of things.

- Or you don't have to do
any of that.

'Cause we're college kids.

Right? Marina Tequila?

Marina! Marina!

- That's the girl
I've been chilling out with.

- Let's get lit!
- Let's get lit!

- Ah, that's some cheap tequila
and I love it!

Aw, best friends forever?

You were right... hanging out
with people half our age

is kinda fun.

I just signed up
for student council.

- Jeremy just asked me to
dinner with his grandparents.

I can order anything I want.
- This is wild.

And the night is still young.
- And so are we.

Ah!

- If you think about it,

how would we even test
simulation theory?

Any sufficiently sophisticated
simulation

would be designed to evade
such a test.

- Dude,
you're scaring me right now.

- Dude, I know.

- You have to leave Pre-Law.
Okay, trust me.

You go into law thinking
you're gonna make a difference,

but then one day someone steals
that Chinese chicken salad

from the fridge,
and then you realise

you've been at the office
for 18 hours straight.

- Hey, you gotta
film this on my phone.

For our friend Camilla.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- She'll love this.

- Hey, what... what is this?

Are you married?

- No, those are some kids
we, like,

we've been chilling with.

- Turn the music off. Lights on.

You're not students?

- We're students...

Of the world.

- All right, fine.
You caught us.

We're in our late 30s.

- Oh, my God.
I think I'm gonna be sick.

- Actually,
I think I might be too.

Can't do keg stands
in your late 30s.

- Stop saying it.

- My wife!
- No.

- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Kids'll be down in a second.

- Great.

So crazy how JoJo was almost
on a reality show, right?

- I know.

Glad she decided
to stay, though.

- Yeah,
she said she wanted to stay.

That's definitely what she said.

You know,
I know you love brownies,

so I decided to make you some.

- Ho ho ho ho, nice!

Yeah.

Mmm.

Wow, these are, um...

Whoa.

- You like?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- They, um...

They might be
your best batch yet.

- Really? Whoa.
Thank you for saying that.

I did put a pound of salt
in there.

- Is that what that is?
- Yeah.

You know, it's interesting.
These are bad brownies.

But you said you liked them.

It's almost as if sometimes

people say things
they don't mean

so that the people
they care about feel good.

- So you knew they were bad?

- That's besides the point.

Let's say
I didn't know they were bad.

- How would you not know
they were bad?

You just told me you put
a pound of salt in them.

- Okay, so what I'm trying
to point at

is that you lied to me
about liking the bad brownies

to spare my feelings.

Because you didn't want
to hurt me.

- Oh,
it's not about the brownies.

It's about JoJo.

- Okay, I wasn't sure
if we were gonna get there.

- She only told me
she didn't want to go

'cause that's what she thought
that's what I wanted to hear.

- The important thing is that

I didn't say anything.

These are saltless.

- Oh.

You only made
one of the good ones?

- Yeah, well,
I already made my point.

- Okay, I got caught up
in the moment.

And I kinda lied about being
a college student.

- Super cringe, bro.
Big perv energy.

- All right, well,
I didn't do it to be cringe

or perv.

I... I didn't lie
about being a writer.

Honestly, I wrote
"Jeremiah's Plan."

Of course, you guys are busy
reading Jonathan Franzen,

Not Tom Hayworth.

- Wait, you're Tom Hayworth?

Author of "Farther Moons?"

- Yeah, that was my debut novel.

- Dude, I love that book.

That's awesome.
You're... you're a real writer.

That's legit. Hey, he's legit.

- Oh, wow, thanks, Cody.

That actually means a lot.

And I know you must think
I'm some kind of weirdo.

But my wife and I,
we just wanted one break

from being boring adults.

We're usually very responsible.

Yeah, there is a reason

why I stopped being
Marina Tequila.

Kari, thank you so much.

You're so sweet.
And responsible.

Hey, you wouldn't be interested

in doing any babysitting,
would you?

- I am pretty good with kids.
- Hmm.

- Hey. How were the auditions?

- Terrible.

I can't cast Gretchen
in the lead

because Connor doesn't make
enough money.

- Connor, the guy with the lawn
in the middle of his house?

- Mm-hmm... apparently
it's the Windmount way

to dole out parts
based on income level,

so Gretchen
never stood a chance.

- Well, she's also not
a great singer.

- Yeah, okay, she's Orphan
Number Six material, at best.

But still,
she deserves a fair shot.

I just, I wanted these kids
to believe

that they could do anything
if they worked hard enough.

But I guess I was just naive.

- Well, someone's always gonna
be disappointed

when there's like twenty kids
auditioning for three leads.

- What if they were all leads?

- So apparently there are
no elves in Iceland?

I mean, on some level,
I always knew.

But I still feel
really disappointed.

- Yeah, that sucks.

Hey, I wanted to give you this.

- Oh, cute!
Is this for our trip?

Aw, fancy lotion because you
know I don't like to be ashy.

And a snake bite kit?

Do they have a lot of snakes
in Iceland?

- They do in Borneo.

- Connor, I told you
I'm not doing the show.

- Yeah, because
that's what you think I want.

- Okay, sure, there's a part
of me that wants to go.

But our relationship...
- Our relationship is great.

But this is your dream.

I wouldn't be a good boyfriend
if I stood in the way of that.

Don't worry about me.
What do you really want to do?

- I wanna go.

- Then you should go.

- So what does this mean?
We're breaking up?

- No. We're not breaking up.

We just...

gonna be apart
for who knows how long?

On a different continent
with no way to communicate.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure
that's breaking up.

- Yeah,
I just didn't want to say it.

- I can't believe I'm going.

- Mm.

You're not going tonight.

- So basically,
it's a fictionalised version

of my family...
It's three siblings

at three different
economic levels.

- Dude, I'm gonna read the hell
out of that when it's done.

- Oh, thank you.
- Hey.

You know, if you're interested,

I heard that there was
a guest lecturer position

in the writing department.

It'd be really nice to have
a real author teaching,

you know?
- Oh, well, yeah.

I'll look into that. Thank you.
- Yeah.

And if you guys are up to it,
we're gonna go to the rooftop

and eat
like 200 chicken nuggies.

- Ah, thanks, but I think we're
gonna pass on the nuggies.

- Sweet.

- You know what? I feel lighter.

And that's not just
because I threw up a bunch.

But you were right.

We needed this escape.

- Okay, what's going on in here?

Escape. Escape.

- Yeah, go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Screw you, pig!

- How'd it go breaking
the news to Gretchen?

- Oh, she took it very well.

Especially since, uh,
she's the lead.

- What? She can't be the lead.

- She can
if every kid is the lead.

- Sarah, it's called "Annie,"
not "Annies."

There's only one lead.

- Which is why we are no longer
doing "Annie"

and will now be doing
an original musical

which I will write
where every part is the lead.

- Oh, boy.

- It's called "Unsung She-roes:

Groundbreaking Women
from Sacagawea to Sotomayor."

- Wait, shut your sweet mouth.

This might actually
be a great idea.

- Yeah?

- More leads means more parts
for rich kids.

The school could soak even more
out of the parents.

- Oh, no, no, no. I don't want...

Looks like
the cafeteria is getting

a sushi bar.

- Okay, did you just come up
with that?

- Fantastic. Yes.
I look forward to meeting you.

Hey, you know that
guest lecturer position?

I got an interview.

Looks like Tommy's going
back to college.

Again.
- Shh!

- They're announcing the cast.
- Oh.

- Coming up next season,

we have a huge batch
of verified hotties.

- Including a bae from the Bay
who came to slay.

- I'm JoJo, and I am not here
to make friends.

I'm here to make followers.

Ooh!

- Go, JoJo.

- Oh, no, she better watch out
for Lil Taytay.

- Come on, she can take Taytay.

- I would look out for Amber.

- Okay, so we're committed to
watching this show every week?

Because great.
'Cause... 'cause I want to.

'Cause it's so good.
It looks so good.