All language subtitles for Harley.Quinn_.S03E06.720p.WEB_.x265

Okay. I got the almond
milk for Benecio.

Ah!

Ah!

Always with the dead ends.

Why are you still chasing me?

I'm a different person now.

I haven't been in a
dark alley in forever.

Come on, I'm a stay-at-home dad.

I mean, I'm not their "Dad."

I'm not trying to replace him.

Unless one day they asked
me.

I mean, that would
mean the world to me.

You know, we missed you
at the school bake sale.

All the parents took a vote.

Your lemon squares sucked
and you're gonna die.

Que paso, corazon?

Did you have another
Debbie nightmare?

Yes.

Aww... mi amor.

Did you have the chorizo dream?

No, she didn't try
to cut off my penis,

and serve it at a
book fair again.

But I haven't had a decent
night's sleep in weeks.

Bethany... this Debbie may be
my most challenging enemy yet.

Good morning, Janice.

How is the most beautiful
school receptionist?

- Oh, you!

Oops! Let me turn this off.

I was just sneaking
my shows.

But who needs TV when you've got

Gotham City's most infamous
criminal mastermind

turned sane bartender
turned back into unhinged

but now equally
charming psychopath.

Janice, please.

I'm just plain ol' Benecio
and Sophia's stepdad.

Speaking of, do you
have the student list

for the new Spanish
dual immersion program?

It's so important to us that our
kids get a bilingual education.

Well, I'm not really supposed to
show this list until next week.

- I don't know...
- Mmm.

Oh, you know, I
can't say no to you.

Here it is.

Ah...

- Morning!

The New Spanish dual
immersion student list.

I think we're all very
excited to see that

Madison and McKenna
got in, am I right?

Am I right?

Your kids got in?

Now we're gonna know if the
maids are talking about us

when we're on
vacation in Cancun.

And I can't help
it if I have connections

on the election board.

Better luck next year,

or as my maid says,
"escupo en tu comida."

You've
got to be kidding me.

You wasted $400 million on ads!

And another million
on custom Pez?

- People love Pez.
- No one loves Pez.

You don't need
this stuff to win.

In the debates, you can
just tell people directly

your plans for Gotham
and what you stand for.

Also, I've been
meaning to ask you.

What do you stand for?

Well, it's, um...

I...

Don't worry your
pretty little heart.

I'll teach him how to
trail off like a pro.

- Ha!

Are you still upset about
the dual immersion program?

Yes, it's so unfair!

This program would really help
the kids embrace their heritage.

You know, one time, I picked
Benecio up from soccer practice,

- and I heard some other kids mocking his name.

This program would
offer him something

I can't give him.
More self-confidence.

The opportunity to feel a
sense of pride in his name.

A great boost on his transcript

for when he applies to
early admission at Oberlin.

Always you with Oberlin.

Dinnertime!

Hey, mister,
that's strike two.

You pop off like that again,
we're gonna cross swords.

I'm all about changing
Gotham for the better.

And if I'm lying, may
God strike you down.

You know the rules.

There's no TV during dinner.

I think we just saw someone die.

Sure did, buddy.

So, say we couldn't get into
the dual immersion program.

What's another thing you
guys are interested in, huh?

Uh, what about art or soccer?

It's never too early to get
into kinesiology, Benecio.

Uh, can I just go by "Ben"?

I don't want to
stand out in school.

That's it! Debbie is gonna get
a tire iron straight into the...

Bethany, no, trust me.

I know how to deal
with arch enemies.

I'm cooking up something
extra special for Debbie.

Hey, Debbie.

Nice parking spot.

So, you're a VIP, huh?

Uh, yes, I am.

Because I have a
very important job.

And I need a very
important spot.

- What do you want?
- Listen,

I just wanted to show

my appreciation for
you, and all you do.

It's arroz con pollo
from mi casa to su casa.

Mmm-hmm. And is that
an ethnic dish, or...

It sure is "ethnic."

Speaking of racist,

I couldn't help but think

about the dual
immersion program,

and how amazing it would be if
you could pull some strings.

Oh, I see.

So you and your
strong smelling dish

are trying to bribe
me. Is that it?

Is that what you're
trying to do? Bribe me?

Strong smelling?

No.

It's just that there
are only 24 spots

in the program for all of
Gotham's school district,

and I know you have
friends on the committee.

Mmm. Oh, okay.

So, you're threatening me, then.

Didn't you use to
blow things up?

Oh, no...

That was over a year ago?

That's the old me.

The only thing I'm
blowing up here

is your waistline
with my yummy dish.

Aw... I think it's so cute

that you're out here trying
to do stuff for your kids.

It's a adorable.

I so wish I could help you,
but it's just out of my hands,

and I guess it's out
of your hands, too.

Whose hands would
you say it's in?

Well, the city sets the budget,

so I'd take it up with
them or the mayor.

Oh, but no, I
guess he just died.

Oh, boo-hoo.

Well, I guess you're just
gonna have to go down

to City Hall and
file a complaint.

Oh, I'll file a
fucking complaint.

Oh, my God, there
were bones in this.

Whoo! We did it!

Dad! Congrats on being
the only candidate

to not die tonight.
But don't you think

it's a little premature
to be celebrating?

Barbara, the opposition is dead.

Winning by default
is a bigger victory

than I could have dreamed of.

Boo!

Dad, you still
haven't even figured out

your plan for Gotham.

Gordy, remember your
trail off training?

I'm glad you asked that.

- I guess the...
- Dad.

I know you love Gotham,

and there are tons of things
that are important to you.

So just make that the plan.

What do you even
believe in, Dad?

As Reagan once said,

uh...

The old Joker is back.

Get two cameras on him.

Where's the chopper cam?

Attention, Gotham City.

I've had it with your shit.

I tried being a villain
that didn't work.

I tried being a good stepdad.

That didn't work.

I tried meditation
and then... Actually,

that almost worked

until the app I was
using started charging.

Yet the city remains
a hateful asshole.

That's why things are
going to change right now!

He's pointing it at me!

I'm running for mayor!

Less than 24 hours ago,

Joker announced he
was running for mayor.

Today, we are following Joker

and his goons to
the Gotham Bank.

For what? We're not sure.

I'm Suave with Thrice TV.

Can you tell us what
you're doing here today?

Some mayoral candidates
take bribes from big money.

I'm skipping the bribe part,
and just taking the money,

and giving it back
to the citizens.

Here's your money shot!

Oh, wow. Ha!

Hey, what do you hope to
accomplish as mayor of Gotham?

Well, to start,

education reform.

Every child should
have the choice

to be in a dual immersion
class and be bilingual.

I also want free
universal health care.

Do you think Arkham would
have a three-year wait list

if everyone had access to
free mental health services?

And the rich one-percenters
are gonna pay for it all.

Big changes are gonna happen.

Damn it, Gary.

I said we're not
doing the stupid

Reservoir Dogs thing.

You want the rich
to pay for all this?

Are you like a socialist?

I'm not like a socialist.

I am a socialist.

And together, we're
gonna fix this city.

I'm sorry. I thought
you were ready for that.

We locked eyes,

I... You were looking
right here. Wh...

This is our money! Our Gotham.

This, this has to be
some sort of trap.

It's Joker, for crap's sake.

He's Batman's arch-enemy,
and I'm Batman's best friend.

Hmm.

I just thought it
should be said.

I just don't get it.
Why do people love him?

Because he has good policies.

Jesus, you need to start
wearing bangles or something

'cause I never know
when you're in a room.

Joker's preaching policies

like free health
care, free tuition.

Oh, God, is my own daughter
some kind of Jo-Bro?

They prefer to be called
"Sane Clown Posse,"

and I'm not a Jo-Bro.

What we need to do
is fight dirtier than

we've ever fought before.

Do something truly diabolical.

No, I'm drawing a line.

Dad, I believe in you.

A mayor needs policies

and to be able to
make decisions.

Well, I want you to make
a decision right now.

Fire Two-Face as your
campaign manager.

If you don't, I
can't support you.

It's him or me.
You got to choose.

Nepotism.

Oh, man! What is it with women
in this family and ultimatums?

Dad, choose!

Babs, sweetie. Things
aren't so black and white.

There's shades of gray,
I don't have to choose

Two-Face or you, I can
choose Two-Face, then you.

I'm so close to winning!

I've never said that before.

The ends will justify the means,

- I swear.
- It's crazy.

She's so quiet, you
can't even hear her walk.

Okay, when we talked
to Joker's hostages,

- some of their comments were...
- Dad, can you...

Kids stop, they're
talking about me again.

I wasn't gonna vote before.

But after hearing
about his plans

for universal health
care, I will now.

Also, he's kind of hot.

- Oh, moi?

Did you hear that, honey?

People think I'm hot.

Yeah, he's kind of
hot in like a David...

Augh! But... David
who? Spade? Tennant?

Cono. No TV at
the dinner table.

This was your rule, remember?

You wanted us to talk
like a family, remember?

Yes, yes, yeah.

Yes, yes.

So, does anyone else want
to talk about their day?

Today, the teacher said
that dinosaurs died out

because they didn't
have religion.

That's exciting.

You want to know
something else exciting.

My favorite toilet read,
Vanity Fair called!

Radhika, the editor
wants to feature me

in her series about
political game-changers.

Me, a political game-changer.

Dad, you're still coming to my
soccer game tomorrow, right?

What? Oh, the game! Oh!

I'm sorry, buddy. I can't.

I have the big campaign
parade tomorrow.

I have to put my focus on
the important stuff first,

then you guys.

Whoops, I mean,
you guys are first,

always first. I'm
doing all this

for you and the kids because
you always come first.

Well, I'm done
eating. Gotta go.

Joker! Joker!

Okay, boys.

- Let them have it.

Change is happening!

Damn it, Gary.

- I love you!

Two-Face, perfect timing.

You calling to concede?

What? How'd
you know it was me?

Um, we used to work
together, like a lot.

Oh, well, yeah, I'm
just surprised you kept my number

after all we've been
through, you know?

Did you, like, want something?

I'm about to give my speech.

Oh, yeah. No, I just
thought that you should know.

- I have your son.
- What?

Dad,
please come get me.

If you ever want
to see him alive again,

come to the abandoned
amusement park alone.

And in case, I'm not
being clear here,

I have kidnapped your son
and I'm holding him hostage.

Yeah, I got that.

Sorry. I'm... I'm used to
spelling things out for Gordo.

You probably don't
need... anyways.

Uh, okay, bye.

Joker! Joker!

Joker! Joker!

I'm coming, Benecio!

Okay, I'm here.

- Where's the bomb threat?
- Bomb threat?

I never said anything on
the phone about a bomb...

Whatever. You're here.

Yes, I am. Whoa! Hey,
Two-Face, what is this?

It's Joker's step-son.

Once Joker sees we have his kid,

we can make him drop
out of the race.

If he refuses, I press the
start button on the coaster,

and Benny here is gonna find out

why this place shut down.

- What?

You kidnapped an innocent kid
and are threatening murder?

Two-Face, crimes like these

are considered
especially heinous.

- You have to let him go.
- No fucking way.

We can't go back now
because we're in too deep,

and I'm trying to keep
up above in my head

instead of going under!

Instead of going under!

I'm sorry. Sum 41 was playing
in the car on the way here.

I love that band.

But we're still doing this.

- I trusted you.
- Why?

Why do you keep trusting me?

My name is Two-face.

I almost feel like
you're trolling me.

Being Two-Faced is what I do.

It's pretty straightforward.

I kidnap kids.
I poison mayors.

Poison... poison mayors?

Did you kill the mayor?

I had to take action because
I'm trying to win you this race.

Do you think he died just
because he was impaled by a pole?

He was taut for 62.

That guy had cum gutters.

I'm here. No, Beth, I'm
sorry, but you can't come.

I promise I'll get
Benny back safe.

Just get Sophia to
your sister's house.

No, no, not your
brother's place.

Because he smokes and
Sophia has asthma.

That's why. Well,
someone there smokes.

I know I smelled something.

Look, I got to go.

I love you. Bye.

Where the hell is Benecio?

Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm doing
fine. Thank you for asking.

We can chitchat when you
give me back my step-son.

Drop out of the race. And
I'll let your kid go free.

If you refuse, I'll
press this button,

- and Benecio is gonna take off...

on these broken tracks.

Wow, Gordon, I didn't take
you for a child murderer.

No shit.

I am Jim Gordon, and I do
not approve this message.

You four-faced son of a bitch.

Okay, I'll drop out.

- You think I made a hard choice?
- Dad!

Wrong.

I'm only running for
mayor for my family,

and I'll quit for my
family just as easily.

Wow, I didn't even stop
drinking from my family.

Well, I did. But then I
started drinking again,

but it wasn't as much.

I'm sorry. I've been a bit
of a... well, of a douche.

- I love you.
- Uh-huh.

- Let's go home.
- I don't think so.

What do you think you're doing?
You said you would let him go.

- Why would you lie?
- Seriously?

You're making this
really not fun for me.

"Two-Face" is my name.

And if Joker is still alive,
he will always be a threat.

You will be mayor and
I will be DA again.

So that's what
this is all about.

You act like you care, but deep
down, you're as dark as me.

I mean, look where we are.

Now, step back and let
me take care of this.

- No!

Shit! Shit! Gordon,
do something!

Superman! Dad, we're saved!

Oh, no. It's just Gordon,
keep screaming, son.

- Joker, grab my hand!
- Yes.

Gordon!

Shit! Hold on!

- Benny. Benny! Oh!

Thank God!

You're okay. Physically.

Mentally, this is messed up.

Gordon, no! Don't kill him.

I have to. He's done too much.

Look, no one wants to kill
Two-Face more than me,

But killing him
won't solve the problem.

It'll just make things worse.
That's not what you do.

You're Commissioner
Gordon, remember?

You make things better.

My God, you're right. Whoa!
You really have changed.

You're the kind of step-dad I wish I
could be for my own biological daughter.

I just want to be someone
my family can be proud of.

I already am proud of you, Dad.

You called me "Dad"?

I've been calling you "Dad."

I called you "Dad" like, three
times on the roller coaster.

Not that it'll make much
of a difference for you,

but I'm gonna drop
out of the race.

You should be mayor.

Really? You mean it?

Yes.

Congratulations, Mr. Mayor.

Gordon, I don't
know what to say.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's pretty wild, but
it's for a brighter future.

Being Commissioner ain't so bad.

I look forward to
working for you.

No, no, no, no, no.

My first act as mayor is
dismantling the police department.

You're out of a
job.

Sorry. Let's go, Benecio.

Should've killed me
when you had the chance.

Ahh! Watch the faces.

All right, I dropped Sophia off.

Now let me at him. He's gonna be a
"No-Face" when I'm done with him.

Oh, good. Your mother found us.

Ooh! And it's Tuesday.
Let's get tacos!

David Boreanaz!

I bet that's the David
that she said I look like.

Barbara, I'm sorry.
I choose you.

From now on, it's always you.

There's a
new dawn on Gotham City.

There's no limit to what we do.

Like Miss Walter do.

- Like I do.
- Like I do.

Like we do!

Como yo lo hago.

Like we all do!

I am your mayor, and I
approved this message.

Joker! Joker!

- Joker! Joker!

Ah, I'm so glad
we're home.

Wait. What the...

We were gone for four days.

Morning!

You're in my spot.

Correction.

I'm your nightmare now, bitch.