All language subtitles for Safe.Men.1998.DVDRip.XviD-FRAGMENT.ENG.HI

[Man Narrating]
Apart of me still believes
Eddie and I could have been...

one of the more popular
recording acts
of the mid-to-late '90s.

But it's clear to me now
that things happened the way
they did for a reason.

[Both Grunting Rhythmically]
Sometimes
when a man is lost,

his situation needs to get
worse before it can get better.

- [Screaming]
- [Screaming]

My name is Samuel,
and this was my situation.

[Man #1] Time?
[Man #2] 9:42.

Spin left five degrees.
Spinning. Spinning.

And back a revolution.

Backing, backing.

It's so good
to be us.

'Cause we da men.

What?
We're the men.

We're good men
for this job.

It's us, baby.
It's all
about us.

We gonna get it on!
Yeah!
We're gonna turn
this mother out!

Time?
9:47.
Would you focus, please?

I'm focusing.
Well, I'm focused.

Back off, Mitchell.

You hungry?
I'm starving.

Me too.
I'm Hamlisch.
What does that mean?

I'm starvin'
like Marvin.

Hamlisch, the composer.
He wrote
"They're Playing Our Song."

Why don't you
make the call?
All right.

I'm gonna make the call.
[Phone Beeping]

[Phone Rings]
Casa de Taco.
Thirty minutes or it's free.

[Man]
Okay. Philip will be ringing
your doorbell at exactly 10:17.

Let's do this on my count.

In five, four,

three, to the two, one,
and synchronize.

All right. We're locked
and loaded over here.
We'll see ya in 30.

## [Both Vocalizing]

# Bring it on up with me #

# I'm bringing it
on up #

##[Vocalizing Continues]

10:13, Frank.
Spinning,
spinning.

[Both Whispering]
And let it rain.

You sick bitch!

Your head's up
in goddamn Skylab.
Now we're in a situation.

This is not
a situation.
It's 10:14, Frank.

Get your eyes
on the prize.
It isn't
a situation.

F.Y.I. It is
a situation.

[Mitchell]
What are you doing?

I'm going freestyle.

#Yeah, put ya hands
in the air #

#And wave 'em like
you just don't care #

#Let me hear ya say, Oh #

# Oh #
# Oh #

- # Oh #
- # Oh #

# Oh ##
All right.!

[Bell Ringing]

10:16:33.

Come on, honey.
Tell me something good.

[Bell Ringing]

[Both Harmonizing]
# Friendship #

# Friendship ##

16:38, Francis.

We're home.

Let's go get some tacos.

[Electronic Beeping]
[Breathing Heavily]

Sorry about that, kid.

#I once had a life
Or rather #

#Life had me #

#I was one among many #

# Or at least I seemed to be #

#But I read
an old quotation #

#In a book
just yesterday #

#Said gonna reap
just what you sow #

# The debts you make
you'll have to pay #

# Can you get to that #
# Can you get #

#I wanna know #
#I wanna know #

#I wanna know
if you can get to that #
# Can you get #

# Can you get #
# Can you get to that #

#I wanna know
if you can get to that #

#I recollect
a- with a-mixed emotions #

#All the good times
we used to have #

#But you were
makin'preparations
for the comin'separation #

#And ya blew
everything we had #

# When you base your love
on credit #

#And your lovin'days
are gone #

# Checks you sign
with "love and kisses later"#

# Come back signed
"insufficient funds"#

# Get to that ##

You know what, Samuel?
That is what we've been doin'.

We've been
kidding ourselves.

Th-Th-That's not true,
Eddie.

Nobody cares.
Do you understand that?

I'm singing
my fucking heart out,

and the audience
is literally giving me nothing.
Eddie.

Eddie, it is a Polish tradition
to show appreciation
through silence.

We're dealing with
a cultural difference.

Did you think this
was a positive career move?

Is that what's
going through your head?

At the time, it seemed like
a good chance...

for some exposure
in the international community.

What, the matching slacks
and sweaters?

They just kind of add
to our whole mystique,
right?

Yeah, they do, Eddie.
Yeah.

The people like to see
the outfits.

It shows that some thought
went into the act.
Some preparation.

There's a look
that people get
when they're seeing something...

they've never
seen before.

We rocked
these fucking Polish tonight.

We frea�We freaked
these people out.

This lodge knew that they were
seeing the Simon and Garfunkel
for the millennium.

They had the look.

But you know what,
Sam?

Arthur Garfunkel
knew the words to his songs.

Okay, Sam?
Garfunkel knew the words.

I'm going through
a minor lyric situation
right now.

It doesn't go any deeper
than that.

Yes, it does, Sam.
We are a two-person group,

- and one of us
doesn't know the lyrics.
- I know the words.

- I know the words, Eddie.
- Show me.

- What?
- Dire Straits'
"Walk of Life."

Prove me wrong.
[Scoffs]

"Walk of Life."
You want me to sing
"Walk of Life."

# Here-Here comeJohnny
He's down in the kitchen #

# He's makin' breakfast
all the live-long day #

# He's got the action
Reaction #

# Oh, yeah
The boy can play #

# Hesitation, devotion
You turn it
on the nighttime #

#Time at the end
of the day #

#And you do the walk
You do the walk of life #

#You do the walk of life ##

Those aren't
the words.
No, they're not
the words, Eddie.

They're not even
close to them.
No, they're
different words.

You know, five years
is such a long time to go
without some kind of reward.

- [Mouthing Words]
- It's a long fucking time.

Thank you.
He's not talking to you.

[Frank] Tough safe.
I wanna carry the bag.

You cannot carry the bag.
But you said it was heavy
and I asked you to carry it.

Let me tell you something.
You watch me,
What?

One day you're gonna be
ready to carry the bag, okay?

All right.

What are you doin'?

Uh, breakin' tradition.
You can't
break tradition.

Look, man. [Sighs]
I'm not in the mood
for a sloe gin fizz.

If you want one,
go and get it yourself.

I'm going to look like
a fucking asshole if I go
into this bar alone...

and order myself
a sloe gin fizz.

I know it's breaking tradition,
but I don't feel like I can go
through with it tonight.

She's not gonna take you back,
all right. Move on.

- But Hannah's the only one
that I care about.
- There are a ton of ladies...

in this town dying
to get into your trap.

I know, man.

Now, raise it up!

Give me somethin' sky high.

- Okay.
- I'm not thirsty.

Damn it!

They come in here
just about every night,

order a couple of
sloe gin fizzes.

Always carryin'
a duffle-type ofbag, huh?

[Man #1] That's right.

You don't remember any more
what they look like?

[Man #1]
In my condition, friend,

some days, I can hardly
remember my first name.

I hear that one,
old school.

All right.
I appreciate the help.

Get yourself
something imported.

Put that dime
towards a decent haircut,
thick man.

[Muttering]
Take your money.

All right.
Fine, pal.

Sam, I could eat
20 to 25 cocktail shrimp
in a single sitting,

and people are giving me
a quarter to a fifth
of my total shrimp capacity.

It is an insult.

See, that's interesting,
because I've always viewed
the appetizer...

as just sort of a teaser
to the main course.

No, I think it's different
when you're talkin'
about shrimp.

Shrimp aren't filling.
They're a snack food.

Hey, you guys talkin'
about shrimp?

Is that something
that you have a problem with?

No. No. No.
I just overheard your argument.
I thought it was a good one.

See, check this out.
I go to a party,
right, with a raw bar.

Now, I'm eatin' 30 shrimp,
maybe more,

dependin' how I'm feelin'
that particular day.

You know,
I'm dousing those fuckers
with the cocktail sauce too.

Now, I go to a restaurant,
some monkey suit's bringing
me five shrimp.

He's charging me eight bucks
for the pleasure.

I mean, I need that
like I need a fuckin'broom
shoved up my ass.

You know?
[Laughing]

Okay. You convinced me,
I'm not ordering shrimp cocktail
anymore.

I could go get myself
a hand job for eight bucks.

Hey, how ya doin'?
Veal Chop.

- Uh-uh.
- No, it's�
it's like a nickname.

Oh, cool.
I-I'm Samuel.

Samuel.
[Smacks Lips]

- Eddie.
- Eduardo.

Hey, it's good
to meet you gentlemen.
I'm very sorry to interrupt.

It's just, you know,
it's like...

all the little things in life
that really get to me.

And for every
shrimp cocktail rip off,
there are 150 swindles...

just like it.

The system is trying
to fuck you any chance you get.

- So, you know what I do?
- What?

I fuck right back.
[Laughing]
[Laughing]

Ooh.
Hey, what line of work
are you guys in?

Ooh. We're actually
in business for ourselves.
We have a�

I don't think we really
have to get into that
right now.

Oh. [Smacks Lips]
Hey, enough said.
All right.

Hey, let me get you guys
a couple of refreshers.

What are you
workin' on there, huh?
Sloe gin fizzes?

Sure, if you�
Yeah, we'll have
a couple of sloe gin fizzes.

I'll be right back.
Okay, two sloe gin fizzes
comin' up.

Ah, but that's
what I'm sayin'.

Carpe diem.
Take the bull
by the horns and twist.

- You're right.
- You think I'm gonna wait
for my ship to come in?

Bullshit!
I'm gonna sail out to sea
the first chance I get.

Really?
You don't seem like
the seafaring type to me.

- Meaning what?
- Meaning when
opportunity presents itself,

well, I'll bet
you pussy out
just like the rest of us.

- "Veal Chop."
- [Both Chuckling]

Strong words,
teddy bear.

But, let me try to
talk to that there.

- You mind hearing
a little story?
- No, not at all.

Good. 'Cause I think
you're gonna like this story.

- What about me?
- Everyone is gonna love this
story. This is a good story.

See, a couple of months ago
a buddy of mine,

a male nurse,
he starts to work for this
old, eccentric type of guy.

Now, one day, my guy is doing
some light dusting
around the basement,

and he finds that
this old coot has a safe.

Now, my buddy, he knows
that I am up for anything.

So he says to me, "Hey, Chop,
why don't you break into
Pappy's?" All right?

They call him Pappy.
"Why don't you
break into Pappy's house...

and see what he's got
in that little safe ofhis?"

So I break in the house, right?
About 6:00 in the p.m.,

'cause Pappy goes to bed
at, like, I don't know,
4:00 in the afternoon.

I crack that safe,
which is as easy as
opening a can of Fresca,

and gentlemen,
it is raining cash in there.

Man, I'm talkin'�
l-I could make, like,

a six-foot hoagie sandwich
outta all the dough
that is sittin' in that safe.

I mean, this guy� this guy,
he's like one of these guys�
He saved up, like,

90 years worth of paychecks
and they'rejust sittin'
in that little unit,

waitin'to be taken.
[Smacks Lips]

Now, ya see,
the only problem is...

all I brought
for transportation is...

like, a little
backpack-type of thing.

But, now, if I'd had that
kind of valise�
[Chuckles]

Oh, gentlemen,
I would be a whole heck of a lot
richer than I am right now.

By the time I get home,
I flip on Dr. Quinn,
Medicine Woman,

and I'm holdin' $36,000 dollars
and Methuselah doesn't even know
he's missin' the dough.

Jesus Christ.

You cracked this guy's safe
and you made $36,000 dollars?

You have to remember, right,
I'm gonna split it up
with my buddy, right?

So, after tax time, yeah.

I'm lookin' at $21,600
in hot, hard cootchie-coo.

So, why don't you
go back for more?

Eduardo, here's the twist.
And you're not going to believe
this. Are you ready, Eddie?

All of the sudden my buddy
has to go out of town
for a family-type situation.

Asks me if I'll look after Pappy
while he's gone, you know,

it's just a temporary
kind of thing.

You know, I figure,
look, I've done my share
of male nursing in the past,

and it's the least
I can do for the old guy,
you know.

Considering I just stole
40 grand of his
hard-earned female deer.

[Laughs]
And I'm gonna take more...

the next chance I get.!

- So, you're in?
- Oh, I'm in. [Smacks Lips]
But I'm out.

Apparently, gentlemen,
there's a phenomenon that
develops in male nurses�

it's called
Lawrence Nightingale Syndrome.

- I've heard of that.
- You haven't heard of that.

Yeah, well see, what happens
is you become attached
to your patients...

on an emotional level.

And that is
what starts happening
when you meet Pappy.

Let me show you
something here.

Oh, yeah.
Pappy.

It's Pappy.
He's a real sweet, old man.

You know, his wife died
a couple of years ago,

you know, so he's real
lonely and whatnot.

Well, a lot of times,

he'll just be lying there
in a-a�

in a puddle
of his own make.

I just kind of cradled him
and stuff, ya know.

- You couldn't
steal from Pappy?
- No, I could not, Sambo.

[Veal Chop]
No, I could not.

Thanks.

Oh, Pappy!

So, I mean,
that's where I'm at right now.

My buddy's still out of town
for another three weeks, right?

And I'm livin'
in this old guy's house,

I'm sniffin' up the fumes
of a fucking fortune...

my Goddamn conscience
won't let me touch.

[Sighing]

[Veal Chop]
God bless Pappy.

Who knows how long that
old fucker's gonna hang on.

And there's $311,000 dollars
just sittin'in that safe,

waiting for a man named...

Da Chop.
[Smacks Lips]

# Yeah, baby #

#Hey, babe #

# You just say
that tears are runnin'#

Who'd care for
another spirit?

[Groaning]
He's setting us up.
He's not setting us up.

He's got
Lawrence Nightingale Syndrome.

The guy gets 50 percent
for giving us an address.

Hey, we don't know
Veal Chop.

We don't even know
if his name is
Veal Chop.

It's not his name.
It's a nickname.

Like, you know, Meat Loaf.
Wait, you don't see
anything morally wrong...

by stealing money
from this old guy?

I'm not trying to upset you,
but your father's a crook.

Why are you grilling me
on the moral angle?
You know why.

'Cause you come
from a good family.
[Sighs]

I mean, do you have any idea
what your parents would think if
they knew you stooped to this?

My fucking parents haven't
called me since we did our act
at my Dad's 60th birthday party.

They think
I'm a freak.

We're not thieves,
Eddie, we're singers.

And I like to think of Pappy
as a very generous
patron of the arts.

Hey, don't kid yourself. If we
do this thing, we are thieves.
We're not thieves.

This isn't quite as simple
as Mr. Veal Chop described.

Come on, Sugar.
Open sesame.

I think we should
get outta here.
All right.

Give me a second here,
I'm close.

Let me get in there.

It's open.

It's wide open.
Look at that.
It's open.

- It's open?
- Pappy?

Time to make the doughnuts,
gentlemen.

[Breathing Heavily]
Shit!

You're not happy?

What did I say to you?
I said, "Veal Chop
is setting us up. "

You walked right into this house
without too many any arguments,
if I recall correctly.

[Eddie]
I said, "Sam, Veal Chop
is setting us up.!"

What the fuck
is your real name,
anyway?

It's Veal Chop.

Listen, Veal Chop, I think
I speak for Eddie here�
Hey, don't speak for me.

This is�This is clearly
a misunderstanding.

So I think you should probably
get Pappy out here.

And we can all
just sort this thing out.
We can just walk away.

You know what, Sam?
I'm actually
not gonna let you go.

See, 'cause if I let you go,

my boss'll
get very upset with me.

And when he gets upset,
terrible things start to happen.

[Breathing Heavily]
Who the hell do you work for?

You wanna know
who I work for?

Me.

- My name is Bernie Gayle.
- You're Big Fat Bernie Gayle.

Mm. I really prefer
people not use the fat part.

Okay.

The important thing
is you recognized me.

Well, there's not
too manyJewish gangsters
in Providence.

Oh, no.
There are a couple of us.

Look.
I could talk all night.

But I'd really like
to get in a steam bath
before dinner.

So, here's the thing
with this whole thing.

I think we can all agree
that there's no Pappy.

And, since there's no Pappy,
then this is clearly my home.

- Are you not a male nurse?
- Sorry, son.

This is my home.
And you broke into it.

And, now, it's time
for a little payback.

Sir, uh, I'm not tryin'
to be a dick here.

But what are you�
what are you talking about?

You broke into my house
and tried to steal from me.

- You tried to take
what is mine.
- [Groans]

You tried to make me
look like a fuckin' idiot.

This had nothin'
to do with you.

Do you think you can take
from Big Fat Bernie Gayle?

- Is that what you think?
Because you cannot.
- I thought you were Pappy.

You cannot take
from the home...

where my late wife and I
raised the child that I love.

- [Gasping]
- You cannot upset
the natural order...

of the way things work...

- by stealin'from me
or Pappy or anyone else.
- [Groans]

- I work!
Do you understand that?
- Please.

- I fuckin' work!
- Please!
Please, God! Please!

Eh, I'm not gonna kill ya.

[Crying]

I said, I'm not gonna kill ya.
Relax.
He's not gonna kill you.

I love you,
Big Fat Piggy.
I love you. I love you.

Shut up!
He said he's not
gonna kill us.

Christ!
For somebody in your field,
you act like a fuckin' sissy.

- What?
- These are
the legendary safe men?

These are the guys, yeah.
[Scoffs]
Hmm.

The what?

You're not gonna come clean,
are you?

- Why do you think
we set you up?
- Um, 'cause�

Now, you have a debt
to pay off.

Is there a better commodity
than two guys...

who can crack any safe
in the city of Providence?

Oh, we're not safecrackers.

Well, you sure could've
fuckin' fooled me.

Cracking into that fine piece
of finished finery
in the other room.

It was open.

[Sighs]

Thank you,
Eddie.

You left the safe open?
It was an accident.

How can I know
these guys are the guys
if you left the safe open?

How am I gonna
know that?
I don't know.

You and I are going to have a
discussion about responsibility
after you dispose of these two.

We're the best.

What was that?

It's not our fault
that Veal Chop
left the safe open.

We're the best.

Big, they had the duffel bag,
the drinks. They kept�

You guys are the guys?

We're the best.
We're good.

[Grunts]

To repay your debt to me,
I'm gonna give the two of you
one week...

to crack three safes
of my own personal choosing.

And if you don't do this,

then we are going
to find ourselves...

in a very
uncomfortable situation.

Uh, Mr. B-Big F� Bernard.

I'm gonna suggest
that we all just, like,
go out for a late supper.

Maybe a couple of sambucas.
And just forget about
this whole thing.

I'm gonna go take a shit,
then I'm gonna have a shvitz.

Chop, is it too much
to ask you to tell these guys
where the first safe is?

[Laughs]
I didn't mean
to leave it open, Big.

- Uh�
- I've had it
up to my tits with you.

Mazel tov, gentlemen.
Best of luck.

[Samuel Sniffing, Whispering]
What do you think?

Huh? Huh?
[Sniffing]

It's too pungent.

What is this?
Is this peppermint?

No, that's actually
a really mild mandarin orange.

And your name is?
Sherry.

Sherry, where am I finding
country jams?

Country jams and preserves
are just to your left.

Apricot or raspberry?

Whatever, Sam.

I kinda feel
like everybody does raspberry,

so maybe we should
go with apricot.

Raspberry has a fuller flavor
at this time of year.

[Whispers]
That's a good point.

All right.
I think we're good.

And you can put this together
nicely with crepe paper and
ribbon and stuff?

We're gonna make it
look superspecial, sir.

Great. So, it's going
to a Bernard Gayle...

at 119 Hope Street,
which is�

- Can I talk to you
for a minute?
- What's goin'on?

This man is in the Mafia, Sam.
Do you understand that?

He's not gonna
let us off the hook...

because we send him
a fucking basket
of sundry goods.

He's in theJewish Mafia.

I'm sure that's
much more like a club
than an actual organization.

[Scoffs]
Let me explain somethin' here.

You and I are pussies.

We don't have a chance
of cracking one safe,
let alone three.

[Whispers] Which is why�
But you know
who can do stuff like that?

Tough guys.
Guys that Veal Chop
thought we were.

- [Clears Throat]
How much?
- [Whispers] Sixteen.

Which is why
I think we should see...

how he responds
to the gift basket and then
play it out from there.

No. You're gonna
have to call him and tell him
that we can't do it.

Why can't you
just call your fucking father
and ask him for some help?

Don't turn this into a thing
about my father. All right?
I'm not.

I just don't see
why you can't call him.
Because it's just not an option.

Well, I don't feel comfortable
calling Bernie. So, it's going
to a Bernard Gayle.

Call him, Sam.
[Whispers] Don't!
[Whispers] Back off.

- [Whispers] Bitch.
- Ow.!

So, it's going
to a Bernard Gayle. Okay.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

Hello.
Hi. Who's this?

This is
Big Fat Bernie GayleJr.

Well, hello Little Big Fat.

Can you put Big Fat
Bernie Gayle Sr. On the phone?
Okay.

Daddy! Telephone.

[Shouts]
No shouting
in the house, Bernard.

[Phone Beeps]
Yeah.

Hi, Bernie. It's Samuel.
Who?

The safe guy from last night.
What is it?
I'm exercising.

Listen. Eddie and I
talked it over...

and we really think
that because
of the Pappy technicality...

and the... scheduling
and everything...

we're gonna kind of pass
on doin' the safe thing.

Samuel, I'm gonna
put you on hold
for a minute here.

[Whispers] I'm on hold.
[Whispers] Oh.

[Phone Beeps]
If you don't crack
the safes,

I'm gonna come over to where
you live, I'm gonna
saw both your legs off,

then I'm gonna beat you
over the head with the stumps.

[Samuel Narrating]
At this point, I was frightened
like a little infant.

Though Eddie's father
was some kind
of master criminal,

he and I were
singer-songwriters.

And our situation hadjust taken
a turn for the worse.

[Whispers]
See the skylight?

Hey! Hey.
What?

I can't believe you.
What?

What's goin' on
back there?
Nothin'. Nothin'.

Why would you
wear that tonight?
I'm not wearing it.

Sam... I could feel it
back there.

If you had to deal
with like half of the shit...

that I've been through
in the past year,

you'd strap on
one of these fuckers.

Just like me,
you'd strap it right on.

[Grunts]
Let's open the fucking skylight.

I wanna get off now.
[Man On Phone]
Okay. Um, why?

Because I'm tired...

and I wanna make
some juice...

and we're not
going out anymore?

[Man]
Okay. I-I hear that.
I hear that.

Uh, so, then,
maybe I should probably
call you back in the morning.

[Woman]
You know what? I don't think
that's a good idea.

[Man]
Well, what if I still like you
more than just a friend?

Frank, you really don't need
to deal with this anymore.

I'm sure Mitchell would love
to hear about your problems.

I'm wearin' a mustache now.

Wow.
That's really great.
It's growin' in pretty well.

Frank, I'm gonna very gently
put down the receiver now.

It's gettin'pretty thick
and hairy and stuff.
I'm hanging up the phone.

Really? Okay. 'Cause, um�
Did you get my gift basket?

Yes.
I thought you'd
be into, like,

the mustards and
the peppercorn salami and shit.

- It was really nice, Frank.
- Maybe you could use it
in your cookin'or�

I'm gonna talk to you
some other time. Okay?
Say hi to Mitchell.

Maybe in the near future we
could go on a picnic. Hello?
[Dial Tone]

I'm getting close.
I can taste it.

Oh, I'm chafing like an idiot.
Shh. Be quiet
for a second.

[Grunts]

What are these, polyester?

I got a good price
on a polycotton blend.

Damn. Do you realize
how high these are riding?

They're irregular.
Yes.

I am chafing
like a fucking idiot.

It's like grated parmesan
between my legs.
Hey. Hey.

[Samuel Whispering] You think
I don't chafe? You think
I don't feel the high ride?

I don't know what you feel.
I chafe. I'm sick,
I'm chafing so much.

Plus, I'm wearing a
fake fucking ass over my ass.

But that's not what I'm thinking
about at this particular
moment in time.

Well, I am thinking about
the thigh-high chicken parmesan
sandwich between my legs.

Well, you should
be thinking about�
Maybe I don't�

I can't think
about this stuff�
Well, good God.

Hello.
Hey.
Hi.

- How are you?
- I'm pretty good. I just
came down for a fruit drink.

Okay, then.

Um, you guys are breaking into
my dad's safe.

No. [Scoffs]
This is not�This is�
This is different.

Well, from over here
it kinda looks like
you're tryin' to crack the safe.

Okay. Here's the thing.
We are cracking the safe.
[Laughs]

But it has
no personal connection
to you at all.

It's not about you.

It's about us
and stuff we're dealing with.

Even though
that's really a relief,

- I feel like maybe I should
go wake up my dad.
- Don't do that.

- You don't think
I should wake him up?
- I think it's beneath you.

You know what
I'm saying?

I feel like�
like you win and we lose,

and there's nothin' more
to say.

Um�

- Hannah.
- Samuel.

Hi. This is Eddie.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hey.

Uh, there's no way�
[Scoffs] No.

- What?
- No. It's ridiculous. I just
had a question. I was�

- What?
- There's no way
that you could just give us...

the combination
to the safe?

I'm not gonna tell you
the combination to the safe.

Uh, I'm sorry. That was
a really stupid question.

We should go.

- Okay.
- Right there?

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys want some juice
or something for the road?

We should go. But I'd love
to take a rain check.

I can't.

- You're involved with someone.
- No. I try
not to date thieves.

[Scoffs, Whispers]
I'm not a thief. We're not�

My dad works with thieves.
And my last boyfriend
was a thief.

Is your dad a cop
or something?

- No, he's a fence.
- What's a fence?

You're breaking into my house
and you don't know
what a fence is?

They operate
kind of like a s-store.

Um, thieves will
bring in, uh,

stolen merchandise,

uh, sell it to a fence,

who, in turn, sells it back
to, uh, educated consumers,

who know they're purchasing
quality, albeit hot, products...

at a competitive price.

Okay. Because I thought
you were talking about
a-a lence.

That's a little different.
What's a lence?

They're, uh,
woodworking, primarily.

- So, what do you do?
- My dad's store
is on Wickendon Street.

That's where I work.

Well, so, then you're
a fence too?

No, I'm a chef. I make
homemade hors d'oeuvres...

and I kinda pass 'em
around the store
throughout the day.

- That's really cool.
- I enjoy it.

Yeah. So, let me go over
a couple of things here.

Actually, I really kinda
want you guys to go.

Okay. No.
Because that� Okay. Hey.
Okay. No. Let's go.

Bye.

Sorry.

[Bernie Yelling]

You're killing me!

[Both Grunting,
Yelling]

[Grunts, Gasps]

[Laughs Nervously]

Hey, we're back, Bernie.
[Speaking German]

[Speaks German]
[Laughs]

[Both Continue
Speaking German]

He rousts me
a couple of times a week.
I love it.

- Oh, nice.
- Helps keep the weight down.

Where's the loot?

Uh, here's the thing.

There was this daughter,
and she almost caught us.
It was a real fluke.

They couldn't crack
the safe.

[Chuckles] Whoa.
It's not that we couldn't
crack the safe,

it's just that we never really
got the chance.
So you didn't crack the safe?

- Nope.
- Well, according to the rules
of gangster etiquette,

I could, you know, kill you.

You don't want to do that.

Oh, no.
I didn't say I would.

I was just thinkin'
out loud here.
But there is a saving grace.

I know that daughter.
Set her up on a date
with Veal Chop once.

I tried to put my tongue
in her mouth.
She punched me in the penis.

She's got a thing for bad guys.
It's like forbidden fruit.
Turns her on.

- Not Veal Chop actually?
- Fuck off, Eddie.

The point is,
she's got a sixth sense
when thieves are around.

Without some kind
of telekinesis,

there is no way
that she could've known
that we were in that house.

Eddie and I were tomcats
in there. We were invisible.

I'm gonna let you go
with a stern warning this time.

But if you screw up
on the next two safes,
then I'm gonna kill ya.

Let's get these guys outta here.
BernieJr. Has a Hebrew lesson
at 5:00.

Oh, yeah.

My kid is getting
bar mitzvahed on Saturday.

Hey. Hey.
Have you got a suit picked out?
Oh.

You're not gonna believe
this kid.
He worships his daddy.

The kid insists
on wearing a sweat suit.

- Really. Oh.
- Eh, we're gonna do
a theme type of thing.

You know, father and son
in matching workout gear.

All Sergio Tacchini.

Wow.
Wow. That's fantastic.

Yeah. Great. Yes.

- Is it nylon?
- Stop kissin' my ass,
Samuel.

Chop,
[Clears Throat]

Do you think
you can learn these two guys
where the next safe is?

It's done and "doner."

Why can't you
just say fucking "Yes"
when I ask you a question?

[Whispers]
Sorry.

[Man]
You are gonna love this haircut.

Just love it.
Look at this.

Do you guys want some gravlax
on a bed of beef tartar?

This looks good.
Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that looks terrific.
Oh.

T-Tryin' to rob your house.
You came in.

- Samuel. Hi.
- Hannah. Hi.

- What are you doin' here?
- Um, I thought you said
to come by.

No.

Oh, 'cause I came by.

Is this your dad's store?
Um, yeah. Sort of.

You guys can stop pretending.
That's a good piece of fish,
Hannah.

It makes a nice sandwich.

No. Come in.
You should see our place.

Okay.

Psst. Who's the hippie?
I have no idea.

##[Woman Singing Aria]
[People Talking
Indistinctly]

Holy shit.

Here, take a gravlax.
Oh, thanks.

[Woman] Oh, my God.!
I think it's Phil Bradford.

These are fantastic.
Thank you.

They're going over
pretty well.

I've already moved
over 80 of them, and it's
not even lunchtime yet.

Oh. That's a�
That's a lot.

That's a good number.
Yeah.

So, I'm sorry
about the other night.

No. I feel bad.
I totally screwed up
you guys' break-in.

Well, on those lines,
would you be interested
in casually dating?

Hannah, sweetie. Do you think
we could move some more
of the gravlax before lunch?

- I've got people
starving inside.
- Yeah.

I'm kinda in the middle
of something right now, Dad.

This is Sam.
Sam, this is my dad,
Good Stuff Leo.

- Is he a crook?
- Honestly, Dad.

Sorry.
Hello, Samuel.
Hi, Good Stuff.

Hello. I love your store.
That's very nice.

Feel free to browse
when you're done
flirting with my daughter.

Okay.
Sweetie.

When you get a minute,
it wouldn't kill you
with the salmon.

Let's go out. Just like
a friend type of thing.

- So, tonight?
- [Laughs]
Whoa.

Tonight? I, uh�
Actually, I can't do it tonight.

- Because you're
robbing someplace.
- Please. I'm insulted.

Tomorrow my dad and I are having
a bunch of people over
to celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

- What's that.
- It's theJewish New Year.

I guess it would be sort
of harmless if you came to that.

Okay. Very cool.

Bye, Sam.
Okay.

Good luck
with your next robbery.

Oh, I told you, I'm done�
l-I have a function tonight.

I'm not robbing anymore.

I'm serious.
Okay.

I'm an honest man.

Okay.
Okay.

All right.
Okay.

[Grunts]

[BernieJr.
Reciting Hebrew]

[Veal Chop]
Baba-ba-ba-ba.
All right.

This is your
Torah portion, B.J.

Now don't be afraid
to push it a little bit.
All right?

Listen to me
for a second.

[Reciting Hebrew]
Join me.

[Together,
Reciting Hebrew]

Bring it up
a little higher.

Emphasize the�
[Hocking] Go for it.

[Together,
Reciting Hebrew]

We've got a long way
to go here, Beej.

Ooh, ooh, aagh.

Aagh!
Sweet shot!
[TV: Crowd Cheering]

Whoo!

[Chuckling]
So you psyched
to become a man?

I don't know.
Your mom would
have been real
proud of you.

I guess so.

[Sighs]
Your dad's pumped up.

He's been...
a little on edge
and stuff.

You know,
it's weird.

Sometimes I feel like,
you know,

he thinks I'm no good
or whatever, you know.

Okay.

You're a lucky fuck,
BernieJr.

Fuck.
All right.
Shit.

That's game.

Good convo,
big man.
Bye, Veal Chop.

[TV: Male Sportscaster,
Indistinct]

[TV: Whistle Blows]
Hey.

What say you call me
by my real name.

All right.

All right.
Now, can you keep
a secret?

Yeah.
Yeah?

It's Sasha.

[Bell Ringing]
All right.

Okay. I've got
to give your dad
a liniment rubdown.

Adios,
tough turf.
Bye, Sasha.

All right.

All right.
Here we go.

Spinning the dial�
What?

Uh, three revolutions.

Spinning,
spinning,
spinning...

and nothing.

Fuck.
Okay.
Not a problem.

Going back two spins
to the left and�

Wait a minute.

Wait one good
goddamn second here...

Eduardo, because...
it is�

What?

No, it's nothing.
Shit.

[Sighs]

They're geniuses.

They're
not geniuses.
The raccoon is
hands down...

the smartest animal
in the entire
animal kingdom.

That's fact.
People acknowledge
that shit.

It's not smarter
than a pig.

It's in
a different league
than the pig.

I just don't think it can
be smarter than a pig.
[Clicks]

I heard the click.

All right. Okay. All right.
Uh, "First pin being engaged."

Three more and we're
home free.
Okay.

Contact.

You're getting
a little bit excited
out here, aren't you?

I'm not getting excited.
It's just...
nice to hear a click.

This is an animal
that's gonna walk up
to your driveway,

know exactly
when you're asleep.

They're nocturnal
by nature.

No, man.
This genius knows
when you're asleep.

He knows how
to untie your trash.

How to separate
the edible products
from the nonedibles.

He's doing
all kind of work
with the recycled shit.

It's the fucking bomb.

I read in Omni last month
that there's
a guy in Finland...

who taught his pig
how to speak Finnish.

A pig is
a smart little bastard,
Frank.

Nobody's arguing that.

But the raccoon's
a genius.

#Who heard
the second click #

# I heard
the second click #

#You heard
the second click #

[Together]
#We heard
the second click ##

Come on, Frank.
Don't be shy.

Okay. For me,
it'd be Farrah Fawcett,

Jaclyn Smith, and then
who's the one that replaced
Farrah, the first one?

Tanya Roberts.
Yeah, that's my pick.
Tanya Roberts.

Given the choice,
I'd make love
to Farrah Fawcett first.

Then KateJackson
because I always found her
very sexually attractive.

And last?
My last angel would be...
the last angel, Shelley.

What the hell
was her last name?
Uh... Duvall.

No, that's not right.

Shelley.

Shelley.

We're done.
Okay.

Let's go get
a sloe gin fizz.

Shelley Hack.

What did you say?
What?

Shelley Hack.
Don't call me
Shelley Hack.

No, you just
called me
Shelley Hack.

I didn't say
anything close
to Shelley Hack.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
that you did.

Jaclyn Smith.

What?
What?

Why did you just call me
Jaclyn Smith?

I didn't just call you
Jaclyn Smith.

Look, get over it, okay?
I didn't call you Shelley Hack.

I heard you say her name
very clearly.

Oh, yeah.
Well, I didn't. Okay?

KateJackson.

You know,
I'm glad that we're not
gonna crack this safe.

Why?

Because that means
somebody's gonna
kill you.

Yeah, well,
they're going
to kill you too.

Yeah. Well, you give
and you take, Samuel.
You give and take.

[Bernie]
I'm not fuckin'kiddin'anymore.

I'm going to kill
the both of you
right fuckin' now.

Do you think that I care
that my kid is standing
next to me?

I don't give a fucking shit!
It's good for him to see this.

Let him learn
a thing or two
about tough love.

- Bernie, please, just give us�
- Shut up, Sam, you assless fuck.

Please.

[Sighs]

I'm giving you guys two days
to break into the next safe.

And if you don't do that,
then I'm going to shoot you
so hard through the skull...

that your cock is gonna
go spinning around
like a fuckin' Skil saw.

Understood?

No.

- What?
- I honestly...

don't get the part
about the saw.

It's a metaphor.

- I don't get that.
- It's a little vague.

It is?

All right.
I'm sorry.

I'll make it clearer
next time.

Just clarify it
a little.

Hmm?

Oow!

[Gasps]

Why didn't you
kill those guys,
Daddy?

Because, BernieJr.,
those are men with balls
the size of casaba melons.

- I don't follow, Big.
- Open your eyes, Chop.
[Slurping]

My office guy said they
made off with $67,000 bucks.

[BernieJr.]
How come they didn't tell you
about it?

They are true thieves,
BernieJr.

When you crack
a tough safe
like they just did,

they're not going
to part
with the goods.

They're too connected
to it.
Oh.

[Bernie Chuckles,
Snickers]

- [Playful Growling]
- Hey, uh, Big,

do I get fitted out
for a sweat suit too?

You see
a third tailor here?

[Mutters] No.
[Bernie]
Honey, how do your pants fit?

Well, they're kind of tight
on my tushie.

Herman,
keep 'em like that.

Let the ladies know
he's a Gayle.

Hey, uh,
you gonna be back
in 15 minutes?

Less. I'm gonna give Hannah
a quick hello. I'm gonna take
a lap around the party.

I'm gonna get a light supper
and then I'm out.

When you, uh, come back,
we're gonna prepare
for the next safe.

Yeah. And you're
definitely sure that's
the best thing to do?

It is just the only
thing to do, Sam.

These fucking guys
are gonna kill us...

if we come back
to them empty-handed
a third time.

Okay.
Guys like Bernie
do not play around.

Okay, give me ten minutes
to say hi to Hannah,

and then I'll come back and
we'll do a little preparation.
Fine.

I'll be back in a minute.

I'm gonna wait right here.

[Approaching Footsteps]
I'm, you know�

I've got some things
in the works.

We have projects,
primarily.

I'm just, uh,

you know,
talking to Eddie.

Would you like, uh�
You want a Halls?

You look very nice.
That's a very nice dress.

Hey. Hey.
Hey.

Thank you.

Come in.
Everybody's out back.

Hey.
You remember
the house, right?

You understand, I am in
a kind of a business where...

I'm constantly getting
shipments of merchandise�

merchandise that I'm not,
uh, in control of, per se,

but merchandise that I'm gonna
try and move off of my shelves
nevertheless.

Sam knows what you do
for a living, Dad.

Six days a week I'm moving
serious swag outta my store
onto the street,

and I pride myself
on my ability to do this.

The man is good, Samuel.
He's good at what he does.

[Leo]
Ayear ago, this shine
I used to deal with, uh�

Guy's been down on his luck.
He's working at a pants factory.

He comes to me.
He's been manufacturing
slacks, all kinds,

uh, Sansabelts,
Chinos, whatnot.

He swiped a carton
of slacks.

The good stuff,
not any of that, uh,
polycotton bullshit.

I say, "Fine."
He says, "There is a catch."

Seems these slacks
had been discontinued.

The material they're made out of
has been found to be flammable.

The pants
are flammable?
They were flammable.

So who cares?
'Cause usually what that
means is that, uh,

it didn't pass
some government regulation,
something like that.

But you're not really
gonna have a problem
with the pants.

So, I buy the carton.
I put the word out
on the street.

Good Stuff Leo's
got designer slacks
at a major discount.

The buzz is big.
All of a sudden a lady comes in,
a regular customer of mine.

She comes in and she tries on
the slacks.

Now this lady has
what you call a...

funny kind of a figure.

- [Man] Funny-figured?
- Yes. She's, uh�

She's funny-figured.
She tries on these slacks.

On her
these slacks look great.

They look great, she loves 'em,
she buys a pair.

Two weeks later she tells me
she's never felt better.

She's wearing those pants
three, four times a week.

I am so moved by her happiness
that I invite her here...

to celebrate Rosh Hashanah
with us just like
we're doing now.

Hannah smoked her fish.

I made a couple
of other dishes.

Bob and Harry are there.
Cousin Ira is here,
the whole gang.

This lady comes,
let's call herJoyce.

Joyce comes and she brings
a package of Kobe steaks
as a thank you.

She's wearing the pants.
And you know what?

- She looks great.
- She looked really good.

All right. Make fun.
Make all the fun you want,
people.

The fact is,
this woman looks terrific.

Those pants, they fit her
like a second skin.

We're having a fantastic party.
The food's good.
The company's good.

She's kissing me.
She's hugging me.
She's so happy.

Leo, Leo, let me make you
another steak.

No, I tell her.
Joyce, I can't.
But the truth is...

that Kobe steak,
it cuts like butter.

I wouldn't mind
another piece of that beef.

So she insists.
She goes over and she
fires up the grill.

It's one of those grills,
the gas grills like
everybody got now, uh,

with a butane tank
underneath.

She fires up the grill,
she turns to me,
she points to the pants,

she gives me�
so help me to God�a thumbs up
in appreciation of the pants,

when all of a sudden,
Samuel, I don't know�

There must have been
a little spark or something,
because that's it.

- What?
- Poof!

[Explosion]
She explodes.

She explodes, Samuel.
The woman goes up...

in a ball of flames, and I swear
to God I think to myself,

I don't know, at that moment,
it's got to be nothing but...

the pants.

So you ask if I've ever
killed someone.

The answer is yes and no,
Samuel.

I once sold a woman a pair
of exploding slacks.

Did I know they were
gonna ignite?
Of course not.

But to some people...

it's as bad as if I pulled
the trigger.

Hannah, sweetheart,
when you get a chance...

you'll talk to
your cousin Ira.

He's having
emotional problems.

[Man's Voice]
Eddie, if you're reading this,
I'll know you've arrived.

Just remember, the last click
is always in your heart.

Love, Dad.

Mmm. Mmm.

Sam.
Hmm?
What's up?

Are you wearing
some kind of padding?

No, maybe just
pretty thick boxers.

Hey.
Why are you wearing
padding around your ass?

I'm not. I'm just�
I just� Like a really thin
layer of foam.

It's nothing.

[Embarrassed Laugh]
I have a� I have a very...

small, uh, butt.

My old girlfriend
used to tease and
ridicule me about it.

You don't find the size
of it to be�

Do you find the size of it
to be silly?

This may come as a shock
to you, but I think your
padded ass is silly.

Your real one is just...

small.

Oh, yeah?

# Baby come back #

#Any kind of fool
could see #

#There was something
in everything about you #

#Baby come back #

#Listen, baby #

#You can blame it all
on me #

#I was wrong and I just can't
live without you #
What are you doing here?

Frank, turn the music off.
# I was wrong and I just
can't�## [Clicks Off]

That's how I'm felling,
Hannah.

Please don't do
this right now.

Who's this guy?

This is Sam.
Sam, this is Frank.

- Sweet 'stache, man.
- Thanks, bro.

- You can't be here.
- Are you having sex
with this guy?

[Whispering]
Actually�

All right. I gotta go.
I don't have to feel bad
about this, you know.

- We're not together anymore.
- Okay, you're right.

This actually works out much
better for me.

Good Yontif.

##[Resumes]

# How I wish to God
that you were here #

# Baby come back
Oh, baby #

#Any kind of fool
could see ##

[Veal Chop]
What are you doing?

- Reading.
- You should be studying
your Torah portion, man.

- I should?
- You know how bad that's gonna
look if you screw that up?

No.

You're supposed
to be becoming
a man tomorrow.

Now, that's a big deal,
B.J.

You mess up during
that ceremony...

and your dad is going
to have a heart attack.

- He will?
- Definitely, dude.

Hey, is that girl from your
social studies class
still coming?

The one that you've been
crushing on?
Denise Schneider?

Sweet Denise Schneider.

She's still coming?
Yeah.

- You better know that
Torah portion cold.
- Okay.

Now, you get to work,
you lazy little baboon.

[Laughs]
I'm just kidding.
All right.

Now, I am gonna check
on you in a few, though.

[Clicks Tongue]

Bye, Sasha.

[BernieJr.
Chanting In Hebrew]

Sure you want
to do this?

Let's go.

[Chanting Continues]

[Chanting Continues]

This guy is sick.

Yeah, his choice
of venue...

is definitely...

questionable.

[Click]
Okay, first click.

##[Organ]

[Click]
Ahh.
Second click.

One more, baby.
A little bingo here.

Give me a little bit
of bingo.

Go check 'em out
downstairs.
All right.

[Eddie's Dad]
Eddie, remember...

the last click is always
in your heart.
[Bell Dings]

##[Singing In Hebrew]

[BernieJr.]
#Hear, O Israel #
[Lock Clicking]

#The Lord our God #

# The Lord is one #

## [Continues]

[Clicks]

[Relieved Sigh]

[Congregation Applauding]

[Sighing]
Oh, boys.

[Laughing]
Yes.

Oh, yes!
Oh, baby!

[Screams Excitedly]
Whoo!

##[Rap]

#Shake it #

# Yeah
Ah, you lookin'sweet, baby #

# Yes, indeed #
You doing great,
sweetheart.

Shake your booty there,
B.J. Baby.

Where you goin', fats?
Need a minute here
to deal with these guys.

# Go, go swing #
Come on, little Bernie.

Victor is helping BernieJr.
With some moves...

for his bar mitzvah party
tomorrow night.

Ah, sweet.
He looks good.
Ah, he's all right.

- So, I'm really proud
of you guys.
- You doubted us.

Chop, what'd I say when they
wouldn't pay me after
the second safe?

"Veal Chop, those two guys
have nuts the size
of casaba melons.

- They're the best."
- [Bernie Laughing]

Choppy was worried that
you weren't the guys.

- Hey, I didn't know.
- That's why I am
the boss man, Chop Shop.

That is why
I am the boss.
All right.

You know, uh,
I gotta tell you, though,

I'm a little upset
with the two of you.

Why?
Why?

You withheld a very important
piece of information from me.

- What's that?
- You sing!

- [Chuckling]
- The guy I buy
my kielbasa from,

Yanosh, he tells me
he booked you into his lodge
about a week ago.

- Yes, we do sing a little.
- Hey, let me cut to the chase.

Like I said, tomorrow night
I'm throwing BernieJr.
His bar mitzvah party.

I got Victor lined up
with the dancing�
a couple other surprises.

So, I was kinda thinking
here, you know�

He looks up to you guys,
with you guys being
safe men and all.

So, maybe ifhe knew
you were gonna perform
at his bar mitzvah party�

make him feel
a little more secure.

Sure, man, we'll sing
some songs.
Let's do it.

Thanks, guys.
Thank you.

##[Continues Indistinctly]
Oh, oh, oh. I forgot.
Uhm, there's one last thing.

- Victor!
- #Walk and walk that
that thing #

All right, Victor, enough.!
Turn this crap off.

- # Uh, just pimp limp
and pimp limp ##
- Like I said,

Bernard Jr. Became
a man yesterday.

To celebrate this occasion,
there's a very special gift
I would like to give him.

We can't crack
another safe.

I want you to crack
one more safe.
Please, Bernie.

Why? You only cracked
one safe.
Yeah, but it was a good safe.

Yeah, but that was only
a test of you abilities,
this one is the kahuna.

We'll get you one more safe,
but then we're gonna really have
to break the cord.

It's completely understood.
Now, as luck would have it,

the gift for BernieJr.
Resides in the office safe
of a man named Good Stuff Leo.

Uh, all right,
look.

Let me tell you something,
you big fat bitch.

- Sam.
- Whoa, let me do this.

I totally understand
what your kid is going through
right now.

I was pretty awkward
in middle school as well,

and if you want us to sing
at the party, we'll be happy
to perform.

But as far as the safes go...
that's it, okay?

We're the best, Mr. Gayle.
We gave you the goods
and now we're done.

Unlike Mr. Veal Chop here,
we're not your
little cabana boys.

What the fuck
is that supposed�
Chop!

You both are gonna break
into Leo's safe...

and steal a very
special cup for me,

because if you don't,
you're both gonna find
yourselves extremely dead.

And this time, I am not
fuckin' shitting.

I'm sorry, okay?

I clearly didn't understand
the whole situation.

It's okay.

She does this thing
with white fish...

where she just kind of
lightly smokes it.

It's so, uh�
[Sighs Heavily]

It's really delicious?
Yeah, it's really
delicious.

[Samuel Narrating]
Thanks to a strange
and fairly awful twist of fate,

I now found myself caught
between the twoJewish gangsters
in Providence.

Though I can't say I looked
forward to telling Hannah...

that someone was gonna kill us
if we didn't rob her dad's safe,

I hoped, naively perhaps,
that she would understand that...

my return to crime was
a situation beyond my control.

# Tell me something good #

# Tell me that you love me
Yeah #

# Tell me something good #

# Tell me
that you like it ##

[Whispering] Okay.
Get a chair. Sam, get a chair.
Sure. Okay.

So I've got something
pretty serious
on my mind.

What's up, bro?
Thinking about
leaving town.

[Beeps]

[Clicking]

So once I factored in
my desire for warm weather,

I sort of settled
on Key West.

Yeah, good town, Frank.
Lovely country.

[Eddie]
Hey, this could be it.

It's that it?
That's not a cup. That's more
like a shot glass or something.

[Eddie]
I mean, it's a cup.
Essentially, a cup.

- [Samuel]
What's that over there?
- That's a cup.

Listen, it's not like
I'm definitely going, man.

I'm just thinking
about it.
I know, Frank.

[Samuel Whispering]
I got it.

Hey, man.

Uh, Pappy?
Oh, hi! Hi!
Who the fuck are you?

I know who I am, guy,
but what I don't know
is who you are.

Frank?

What's up, bro?

This is the guy
I told you about.
Hannah's new boyfriend.

They beat us to the Cup.

Okay. What are we
holding here?

You didn't fucking know
you were stealing
the Stanley Cup?

No, we knew.
Yeah.

- She told me she wasn't
dating thieves anymore.
- I just�

I guess I always
just assumed
we were the best, man.

[Sobbing]

Ah!
Fuck!

[Both Yelling
Indistinctly]

Careful, those slacks
are flammable.

All right.
Good score, guys.

Great score, man.
Give me some juice.
Ow!

Ow!

Ow.
Sweet 'stache.

Thanks, bro.
Let's go, Mitchell.

Hey! You take good care
of her, all right?

She broke up with me.

- What?
- Yeah. I told her
I had to crack into...

her dad's safe and she�
she broke up with me.

Hey, maybe we should,
you know, leave...

and let these guys
have their time, 'cause�
Wait a second, wait a second.

[Samuel Narrating]
It was at that moment
that I thought of a plan.

Do you guys know
Big Fat Bernie Gayle?

- I went to high school
with Sasha.
- Who?

- Veal Chop.
- Bernie's intern.

[Samuel Narrating]
And for the first time
since I can remember...

- Can I ask you to hang out
for a minute?
- I had a clear vision...

of the right thing to do.
This idea just kinda ran
through my head.

Sure, Sam.

It's '94.
The Rangers win
the championship.

They're taking the Cup
with them all over town.

Benefits, rallies.
Jamborees.

The works. One night,
it's the goalie,

Mike Richter, it's his turn
to take the Cup.

So, he's at the Palladium
dancing away,

passing the Cup around
like crazy.

He goes to take a shit,
puts the Stanley Cup right
in front of him in the stall.

Some shine, one of Leo's guys,
happens to be in the city
that night,

steals the Stanley Cup
from right between
Richter's legs.

[Samuel Chuckling]
So you've set this entire thing
up for us to steal from Leo,

and give the Cup
to BernieJr?

Yes, Samuel. Yes.

He's a raccoon, this guy.
He's quick.
He's a genius.

BernieJr.
Ioves hockey.

The kid is obsessed
with it.

Legend has it that
the Cup is sitting
in Leo's safe.

So, that's where
you guys came in.

I'm gonna have it put
in a Lucite casing,

present it to BernieJr.
After the party...

in a kinda private-like
type of setting.

[Veal Chop]
Maybe I could, uh, help
prepare some finger foods.

Mm. You call
my Lucite guy.

Hey, he's coming the day
after tomorrow.
Not to worry.

We got it.
The Cup's in the safe.

I love this guy.
He gets upset because...

he thinks I pay more attention,
uh, to Little Big Fat,
you know.

Don't you.
Ooh, you big baby.

Yeah, right.
I guess, I guess.
Yeah.

Beep, beep! I know
you're gonna hate me, but
I really need you out of here.

Guys, be right back. I gotta
deal with my coordinator.
[Sighs]

Hey, how's it going?

Hey.
You're good people, Sam.

Come here.
Come here.
Yeah.

[Sighs]
Come on, Eddie.

Come on. Try a little
tenderness, huh?

Eh, eh.

[Both Laughing]

Here, take this.

What the shit is this?
It's nothing.

It's just a little present.
A little present
for me.

Hey, Eduardo.
Huh?

Whoa. Man!

Oh, Eddie.
These are nice, man.

Whoa, Big!
Hey, look at the slacks
Eddie gave me.

Oh. Wow! Wow!
Look at that.

Oh, that's a nice
weave, Eddie.
Yeah.

I guess
I'm kinda touched,
you know.

Danke sch�n, Eddie.
You're welcome.

Come here.
Come here.

There's a lot of love
in this room right now.

[All Laughing]

[All]
Whoa! Hey!

Leflore, listen to me.
[Leflore]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

No, no, no.
Listen to me.
That was my last job.

No, that was not your last job
because this is your last job.

I'm hemming now.
And when the time is right,

I'm gonna help you open
that tailor shop.

All right.
You want 'em dead?

[Sighs]
No, I need
these guys alive.

That's no fun.

I am sensitive to the fact
that it is less enjoyable
for you, but, uh,

Hannah was romantically involved
with one of them, so�

[Laughs]
Big surprise.
Yeah, right. Big surprise.

Can I break something
at least?
Yeah, fine.
Break something.

Only, uh, make it something
that you don't use every day.

The coccyx?
Coccyx? Can't you do
like a shinbone or something?

All right, collarbone.
There you go, baby.
Collarbone.

You know why I love you.
I'm the best.

That's right.
'Cause you're the best.
Thanks, Leo.

I'll speak to you tomorrow.

[Clicks Off]

[Victor]
From the floor to the ceiling,
how ya feeling?

From the bris to this,
he can't miss.

From the Wailing Wall
to the social hall...

to all of y'all,
welcome to Bernie GayleJr.'s...

big b-mitzvah bash.

Bring it on.
#Bust it #

##[Hip Hop]

#Next day's function
High-class luncheon #

#Food is served and you're
stone-cold munchin'#

#Music come forth
People start to dance #

#But then you ate so much
you nearly split your pants #

#A girl starts walking
Guys start gawking #

#Sits down next to you
and starts talking #

#Says she wanna dance
'cause she likes to groove #

#So come on, fatso
andjust bust a move #

# Oh, oh, yeah, oh #

# Oh, oh, yeah, oh #
Hey. What?

##[Continues
Indistinctly]

I was actually thinking
about not going
out there tonight, Sam.

Chill out 'cause
it's about that time...

for the Gayle family
all-stars.

Kicking things off
is the man behind the man...

spreading the Ten Commandments
of love from above.

Nobody laugh
on the baby calf,

show your love
for Ve-e-eal Cho-o-op!

[Crowd Cheering,
Whistling]
Come on, baby.

Frank and Mitchell
asked if I wanted...

to join up with them.

Really?
Yeah.

Get together
and do some safes.

##[Continues]

[Crowd Chanting]
Veal Chop! Veal Chop!
Veal Chop! Veal Chop!

Veal Chop! Veal Chop!
Veal Chop!

Uh, you had a really
good plan, Sam.

You think they'll� they'll
bring the Cup back to Leo?
Definitely.

You're telling me that
you took this
from Bernie Gayle's house?

Yeah. Um-hm.
A- A-And you're giving
it back to me.

You don't want nothing
in return for it?

Here. Here you go.

- How did you know
the Cup was at Bernie's?
- I guess, like, intuition?

- Sam told us.
- What?

Nothing.
That guy, Sam,
he told us.

Samuel told you to take
the Cup from Bernie Gayle...

and bring it back to me?

- Yes.
- Oh, shit!

What?

Leflore.

I'm taking the car.

Stand up and wail...

for Big Fat Bernie Gayle!

[Crowd Cheering]
##[Resumes]

So, hey, I'll just take off.
[Chuckles]
Okay. Okay.

I may just
go congratulate
BernieJr.

All right.
Okay.

Hey, do you�
do you wanna�

[Chuckles]
What? You want
a hug or something?

Yeah, it be okay.
[Chuckles]
Okay.

# Well, those cars
never seem to stop coming
Work and work #

#Keep those rags
and machines humming #

#And work and work
my fingers to the bone #

Stop. [Chuckles]
I stopped wearing
the ass.

You're gonna be fine.

All right.

Well, I'll see ya.
Okay. I'll see ya.
[Laughs]

[Victor]
And finally�

Can we bring it down,
please?

Shh!
Come on, come on.

# Yesterday
he became a man #

#And tonight
he takes the stand #

# Won't you give him
a h-h-hand ##

You the man.
You the man.

Who the man?
You the man.

Tonight,
like a phoenix,

he rises through
the arena floor.

Leflore.

- I want you to put
the mallet down.
- I can't do that, baby.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I give to you...

the one and only...

Little Big Fat himself,

Bernie GayleJr...!

[Crowd Cheering]

Leflore, would you please
listen to me?

- This is between
me and your dad, Hannah.
- Leflore!

You like this guy?

I really like him a lot.

All right, baby.
Thanks.

- B.J., yes!
- [Cheering Continues]

[Victor]
And now, baby Bernie,
would you grab that...

special someone
as you take the floor...

for your first dance
as a man.

Hey!
Hey.
Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please help me
welcome the honorable...
Hey.

Mr. Bernard Gayle
the second.

Come on, little Bernie.
Did you get the�

#I'm lying alone
with my head on the phone #

# Thinking of you
till it hurts #

#I know you hurt too
But what else can we do #

# Tormented and torn apart #

I'm not really
a good dancer.
#I wish I could carry #

# Your smile in my heart #

#For times when my life
seems so low #

#It would make me believe
what tomorrow could bring #
[Samuel Narrating] As Hannah and I...

# When today #
swayed on the dance floor,

#Doesn't really know #
I thought about
the last seven days.

#I'm all out oflove #
About Little Big Fat,

#I'm so lost without you #
who had recently
become a man.

#I know you were right #
And Veal Chop,
even though he might suffer...

#Believing for so long #
a minor explosion
in the next few weeks,

#I'm all out oflove #
seemed so touched
by his role...

#I'm so lost without you #
in this Gayle family
celebration.

#I know you were right #
And Bernie the fat man
who had gotten us...

#Believing for so long #
into this situation
to steal the Cup...

#I'm all out oflove ##
that has since been returned
to its rightful owner.

And though I could no longer
speak for Eddie,

who had gone off
to fulfill his destiny,

of all things, I think that
right then and there...

for the first time
in a long time,

I actually felt safe.

#Shake it, shake it #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now
Show 'em how we do it now #

#Let's show the world
we can dance #

#Bad enough
to strut our stuff #

# The music gives us a chance #

# We do more out on the floor #

# Groovin'loose
or heart to heart #

# We put in motion
every single part #

#Funky sounds wall to wall #

# We're bumpin'booties
Havin'us a ball, y'all #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

# We got the rhythm tonight #

#All the rest know
we're the best #

# Our shadows crash
in the light #

# Twistin', turnin'
We keep burning #

#Shake it high
or shake it low #

# We take our bodies
where they wanna go #

#Feel that beat
Never stop #

# Oh, hold me tight
Spin me like a top #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

# There's nothing more
that I'd like to do #

# Than take the floor
and dance with you #

#Keep dancin'#

#Let's keep dancin'#

#Shake it, shake it #

#Shake it, shake it #

# Groovin'loose
or heart to heart #

# We put in motion
every single part #

#Funky sounds wall to wall #

# We're bumpin'booties
Havin'us a ball, y'all #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing #

# Yeah, yeah #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

# Yeah #

#Shake it
Show 'em how we do it now #

# Yeah #

#Shake it
Shake it #

#Shake it #

#Doo, doo, doo, whoa #

#Shake it #

#Doo, doo, doo, whoa #

#Shake your groove thing #

#Shake your groove thing #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Let's get on down #

#Show 'em how we do it now
Show 'em how we do it now #

# Ooh #

#Show 'em how we do it now #

#Shake your groove thing #

#Shake it, shake it #

#Shake it, shake it
Ah, bumpin'booty now #

#Shake it, shake it #

#Shake it, shake it
A little freaky now #

#Shake it, shake it #

#Ah, shake it, shake it
Ah, shake it, shake it #

#Ah, do it to it, y'all ##

Hey, how are ya?