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1
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,112
So, where are you off to tonight, Janey?
2
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,759
That looks like your
"seal the deal" third date outfit.
3
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,070
Mike, I find that really offensive.
4
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,118
It doesn't take me three dates
to seal the deal.
5
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,669
If you must know, I'm going to our
cousin Kirsty's hen night.
6
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,393
I've never understood hen nights.
7
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:39,951
Mike, it's an ancient ritual where women
get together to binge drink, grope men,
8
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,439
and generally act like idiots.
9
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,711
Isn't that your normal weekend?
10
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,791
No, I'm wearing devil horns.
11
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,559
Oh, now, Kenzo.
I'll be back late tonight, okay?
12
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,790
So, I want you to be a
good boy for Granddad.
13
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,110
I've made him promise
to look after you properly this time.
14
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,350
I didn't mind going
to the bookies for him.
15
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,638
He really shouldn't have
made you do that.
16
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,280
But he said the nag
was bound to romp home.
17
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,271
He used to use that line on me, too.
18
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,718
So, anyway, I have rented
your favourite cartoon for you.
19
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,393
And Granddad says
he'll watch it with you.
20
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,471
-Thanks, Mummy.
-Okay.
21
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,598
Mike, could you come back later?
You know, just to keep an eye on him?
22
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,919
Janey, Kenzo's eight,
he doesn't need two of us to watch him.
23
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,435
It's not me she wants you to watch.
24
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:25,317
Evening, all.
Is there a spring in my step? Yes.
25
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,516
Oh, do I have a date tonight? Yes.
26
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,958
Living the life
of an international playboy? Yes!
27
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,678
Is that toilet paper stuck to your shoe?
28
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:35,750
Yes.
29
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,160
So, you can't watch cartoons
with me tonight?
30
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,560
Sorry, little man.
31
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,837
This evening, I'll be having
a more adult version of fun.
32
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,471
I'm afraid being a Lothario
33
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,757
leaves little time
for watching things like cartoons.
34
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,353
It's a new one.
35
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,796
Can I borrow it from you later?
36
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:56,914
So, where'd you meet this girl?
37
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,560
Oh, where does one
meet the love of one's life?
38
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,837
A stolen glance, a chance encounter.
39
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,831
An impromptu sharing of an umbrella.
40
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,038
~The internet?
-Yes.
41
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,233
You ready, Mum?
Taxi should be here any minute.
42
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,789
What do you think? Too over the top?
43
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:14,950
Mum, it's a hen night.
44
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,190
The whole night's
going to be over the top.
45
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,432
In fact, maybe we should set up
a few ground rules.
46
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,512
You're going out with Sasha and me,
so things can get a little crazy.
47
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,672
Oh, don't worry, darling.
I won't spoil your fun.
48
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:27,909
I'll just stay for a few drinks
49
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,355
and then I'll shuffle off
to the old people's home.
50
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,114
That would be great.
51
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,955
Oh, and promise me one thing, darling.
Don't embarrass me too much.
52
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,514
I'm sorry, I can't do that, Mum.
53
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:41,036
Don't tell me you've hired some
cheap, tacky stripper.
54
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,950
- (TAXI HONKING)
-Taxi's here!
55
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,189
You know, actually,
I'm rather looking forward to tonight.
56
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,113
-It'll make up for my own hen night.
-why? What did you do on yours?
57
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,555
Ugh, mine was a total anti-climax.
58
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,678
I ended up in some cheap bedsit
with a headache and a Cup-a-Soup.
59
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,070
And I was the only one still conscious
after eight o'clock.
60
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,515
Oh, no, hang on.
That was my wedding night.
61
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,670
(JANEY LAUGHING)
62
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,594
(WILDLIFE PROGRAMME ON TELEVISION)
63
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,158
This is the life, eh?
64
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,436
Just me and you, eh, Kenzo,
just the lads.
65
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,151
Mano to mano bonding.
66
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,590
Spending the evening together
like a couple of good mates.
67
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,234
Pop your own.
68
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,000
Um, what do you think you're doing now?
69
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,278
Putting my cartoon on.
70
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,998
I don't think so.
71
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,390
Tonight, we're watching
the film of my choice.
72
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,349
But you promised Mum
that we would watch my cartoon!
73
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,592
My promises mean nothing!
Your mother knows that.
74
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,957
I want to watch my cartoon!
75
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,030
It's about time you developed
a more mature sense in cinema.
76
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,555
Tonight, I shall be watching
a piece of serious, high-octane cinema.
77
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,838
Not a silly cartoon
about a stupid talking rat.
78
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,870
My cartoon won an Oscar.
79
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,474
Your film's an over-produced remake
80
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,916
aimed at 12 year olds
with short attention spans.
81
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,031
What? What were you saying?
82
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,673
Where's Sasha? She's not usually late.
83
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,276
She probably went out and started
without me, the party animal.
84
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,309
Looks like she started
without you, all right.
85
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,470
What?
86
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:31,880
(BOTH SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)
87
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,156
Ohl Look at you! What happened?
88
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,278
Oh, I know.
These shoes don't go with this top.
89
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,149
Sasha, this is kind of a surprise.
90
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,312
You're telling me.
What do you think about tequila?
91
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,752
-You're sure you should be drinking?
-No, I mean as the baby name!
92
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:50,754
Oh, that's nice.
It already has memories for you.
93
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,594
-Now, where's the bride-to-be?
-Oh, she's here.
94
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,114
BOTH: Oh!
95
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,631
(HUMMING THE WEDDING MARCH)
96
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,670
Whoal
97
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,878
Kirsty, welcome to the
wildest night of your life!
98
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,439
(BOTH SCREAMING)
99
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,749
How does it feel?
100
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,998
He dumped me!
101
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,912
Well, this is going well.
102
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,752
(CRYING)
103
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,113
(CLEARING THROAT)
104
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,159
-Can I help you, sir?
-Oh!
105
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,956
Uh, I'm just looking for my date.
106
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,680
Ah! That must be her.
107
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:35,795
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
108
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,395
(SIGHING)
109
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,874
Excuse me.
110
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,110
Are you looking for a Roger?
111
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,560
I'm sorry, I...
I thought she was looking for a Roger.
112
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,074
(CLEARS THROAT)
113
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,549
Is anyone here looking for a Roger?
114
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,711
Let me show you to a table.
115
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,076
-Blind date?
-Yes.
116
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,753
Met her on the internet.
117
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,514
Although I haven't had much luck
meeting women like that.
118
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,479
There was one with the
screen name "Claire76."
119
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,310
I thought the 76
was the year she was born.
120
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,277
-It turns out, it was her age.
-Oh!
121
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,590
She'd had that screen name
for a long time.
122
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,274
And the next woman was lovely,
but, uh...
123
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,954
Having her probation officer there
really spoiled the mood.
124
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,316
(LAUGHING) Well, third time lucky.
125
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,434
No, it wasn't.
126
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,116
I ended up meeting
a 50-year-old pig farmer
127
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,759
-pretending to be a woman.
-Oh!
128
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,991
-I'm sorry.
-0h, no, no, no. Don't be.
129
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,037
He sent me a nice ham last Easter.
130
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,198
This film is rubbish.
131
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,240
Excuse me?
132
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,111
How can a film
about a man from the future
133
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,114
having a mutant virus injected
into his bloodstream be rubbish?
134
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,518
It's not realistic.
135
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,156
-It's just stupid.
-Ssh, please.
136
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,311
You're ruining the ambience.
137
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,993
(DOORBELL RINGING)
138
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,436
-Who could that be?
-I ordered you a pizza, Granddad.
139
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:03,954
You did what?
140
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,269
Why would you do that?
141
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,913
Well, I know how you like to eat pizza
and watch action films, so...
142
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,600
Oh, Kenzo.
143
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,272
You are... That's so generous.
Here. Here.
144
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,712
Oh, I feel really bad about
not letting you see your cartoon now.
145
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,311
-So, I can watch it?
-Not that bad.
146
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,676
-(DOORBELL RINGING)
-Yeah, all right, hang on.
147
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,435
Oh, see... Oh, no.
148
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,350
Oh... Yeah.
149
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,709
Hello?
150
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,029
Hello?
151
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,077
-It's not funny, Kenzo.
-Yes, it is.
152
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,754
Kenzo, who rang the doorbell?
153
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,878
1 paid my friend down the road
to ring it and then run off.
154
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,674
Well, I'm missing my film.
155
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,279
That's kind of the point.
156
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,273
Kenzo, look. I'm going to count to...
Kenzo?
157
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,354
I'm going to count to three,
and you will answer this door. Okay?
158
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,632
One, two, three.
159
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,918
I think it works better
if there's a threat at the end of it.
160
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,389
Kenzo, you open this door!
161
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,553
Do you hear me?
162
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,038
Kenzo! You will open this door.
Do you hear me?
163
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,190
-Kenzol
-Shush, you're ruining the ambience.
164
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,313
Look, Kirsty, tonight doesn't
have to be a celebration
165
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,357
of the last night of your freedom.
166
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,159
It could be a celebration of your...
Freedom!
167
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,278
-Yeah, who needs men, anyway?
-Clearly not you.
168
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,153
Now, listen, Kirsty, okay?
There are plenty more fish in the sea.
169
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,594
Neil loved fish.
170
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:44,230
Oh, come on, Kirsty.
Let a smile be your umbrella.
171
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,118
Neil loved umbrellas!
172
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,317
Why don't you tell us
what Neil didn't love
173
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,118
and we can come up
with better analogies.
174
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,918
Well, he clearly didn't love me.
175
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:55,749
Nice one, Mum.
176
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:59,356
All I'm saying is that
this is as bad as it's gonna get.
177
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,718
Aunt Susan, I've got 200 people turning
up to the Rose and Crown tomorrow.
178
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,997
Okay, well, then tomorrow's
as bad as it's gonna get.
179
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,710
And a honeymoon booked to Mauritius
with no one to go with.
180
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,918
Seel You're making tonight
look better and better.
181
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,229
(CRYING)
182
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,594
(LAUGHING)
183
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:22,913
Who forgot to lock the back door,
you silly boy.
184
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,877
Hey! Ha hal
185
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,397
Who forgot to lock the back door,
you amateur.
186
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,229
Kenzo?
187
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,473
Oh, God. Oi! Kenzo!
188
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,109
Kenzo!
189
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:43,909
Amateur.
190
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,673
So, what do you think happened?
191
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,956
-Sounds like he got cold feet.
-(GROANING)
192
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,634
I think someone should call Neil
and sort this out.
193
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,472
Trust me, it's better
if we stay out of this.
194
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,312
Kirsty's a strong girl.
195
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,277
All she needs is a shoulder to cry on.
196
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,319
Or a backside.
197
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,478
Fine. I'll call him.
198
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,674
Hmm.
199
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,993
What goes with crisps, cheese,
and jelly tots?
200
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,600
Ice cream.
201
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,590
Oh, that looks disgusting.
202
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,315
Who asked you?
203
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,870
Can you save me a little bit
of ice cream, please?
204
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,191
Sorry, I'm a growing boy.
205
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,915
Look, Kenzo, is there any chance
of letting me in to see my film?
206
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,671
Apparently,
there's an amazing twist in the middle
207
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,559
that comes as a complete surprise.
I really don't want to miss it.
208
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,110
Oh, when they found out that
the main guy was an alien all along?
209
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,120
Thank you.
210
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,873
(CLEARING THROAT)
211
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,399
-Can I get you another drink, sir?
-Oh, no. Roger.
212
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,269
Yes, I got that earlier from the whole
"Is anyone looking for a Roger" thing.
213
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,317
-Or at least I hoped.
- (LAUGHING)
214
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,074
Well, it's nice to meet you. Uh, um...
215
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,079
-So what do you do for a living, Roger?
-Oh, I'm a dentist.
216
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,876
-You?
-I'm a waitress.
217
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,831
Oh, sorry. Yes, yes, yes, of course.
218
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:47,311
-I'm sorry, I'm a bit nervous this...
-Don't be.
219
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,038
-You'll be okay.
- {LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
220
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,397
You're funny.
I've enjoyed talking to you.
221
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,430
Well, I don't like to brag, but, uh...
222
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,512
I have become quite proficient
in the art of conversation.
223
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,591
1 spend hours practising.
224
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,911
Which is hard when you live alone.
225
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,634
What have you got there?
226
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,399
I ordered pizza.
227
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,871
How did you pay for that?
You haven't got any money.
228
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,678
I know. But you do.
229
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,676
You gave him a good tip, too.
230
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,800
Thank you.
231
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,874
Mojito?
232
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,349
Oh, Sash, it's not really
the best baby name.
233
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,874
No. (LAUGHING)
234
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,917
I was going to buy you a drink.
235
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,832
Oh, Sash.
236
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,230
So, listen, about your mum.
237
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,073
Oh, I know, I know.
I knew a hen night wouldn't be her thing
238
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,798
but she insisted on coming.
239
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,678
No, actually I think she's pretty cool,
240
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,149
the way she's mucked in
and helped Kirsty out.
241
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,756
I wish my mum was like that.
She can be so embarrassing.
242
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,037
So her 50-minute lecture on how to use
a breast pump wasn't embarrassing?
243
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,033
No way! So...
244
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,634
Listen, when we go
to Alya Napa next month,
245
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,279
-I was thinking...
-Please, no.
246
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,237
-why don't we ask your mum along?
-0h.
247
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,197
Sasha, look. I love and respect my mum,
248
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,716
but if you invite her, there's no way
on this Earth that I'll be there too.
249
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,518
-Oh, I see.
-(SIGHING)
250
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,638
So, can I get her number?
251
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,030
Dad?
252
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,553
What are you doing outside?
253
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,596
I'm wishing upon a star, Mikey.
254
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,917
What the hell do you think I'm doing?
Kenzo's locked me out.
255
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,074
Little scamp.
256
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,280
Give me your key.
257
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,431
-Haven't got it.
-Oh, great.
258
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,440
So every time I want to be at home
and have a little privacy,
259
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,158
you just let yourself in.
260
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,313
The one time... The one time
I want your key and you haven't got it.
261
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,836
-It's called irony, Dad.
-Just ring the naffing bell.
262
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,350
Before you do,
when the kid answers the door,
263
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,671
step inside quickly so I can rush in,
take the kid by surprise.
264
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,359
You really do lead a sad and
peculiar life, don't you?
265
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,794
Just do it!
266
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,953
(RINGING DOORBELL)
267
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,549
-Who's there?
-It's Uncle Michael.
268
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:20,839
So, can I get you a drink?
269
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,309
Yeah, that would be great. Cheers.
270
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,115
-What are you watching?
-Cartoons.
271
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,315
Cool.
272
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,992
SUSAN: Thanks for coming, Neil.
273
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,913
1 know you're going through
a lot right now,
274
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,197
but I just wondered if this
is something we can talk through.
275
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,194
Because I find that so much can be
solved through communication,
276
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,477
a dialogue, an exchange of thoughts
and opinions, don't you agree?
277
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,400
Suppose.
278
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,279
Is it possible that you were just
overwhelmed by this whole thing
279
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,589
and got cold feet?
280
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,909
Don't know.
281
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,433
Well, let's just go
with that as a concept.
282
00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,673
I mean, the mere fact that you don't
know might mean you're just not sure.
283
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,831
-Is that right?
-Don't know.
284
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,197
What do you know, exactly?
285
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,914
I'm wondering how you managed
to string enough words together
286
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,230
-to finish with her.
-Oh, that was easy.
287
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:12,754
I texted her.
288
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,869
Well, aren't you the last
of the great romantics?
289
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,272
See, the thing is, I... I don't know
if I want to be married right now.
290
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,678
I just wonder if I can do any better.
291
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,714
Let me answer that for you. You can't.
292
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,835
I mean, look at me.
I'm a good-looking guy, right?
293
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,957
Iget a lot of attention.
294
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,319
I'm not sure I'm ready to take
myself off the market just yet.
295
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,391
-You're serious?
-Yeah!
296
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,833
I'm what the ladies refer to as a catch.
297
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,955
The thing about Neil
is he always seals the deal.
298
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,280
I'm sorry.
299
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,833
I'm just fighting the urge
to physically strike you.
300
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,960
What's in this sandwich again?
301
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,754
Cheese, crisps,
302
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,438
Jelly Tots and ice cream.
303
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,437
And just a dash of pepper.
304
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,713
Too much pepper?
305
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,477
No. Just the right amount.
306
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,392
You know, on no level
should this sandwich work...
307
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,437
But it does, doesn't it?
308
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,509
Totally.
309
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,839
So what's up with you
and my dad tonight?
310
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:32,835
Well, he wanted to watch his film
and I wanted to watch mine.
311
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,672
So I locked him out.
312
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,719
Fair enough.
313
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,997
Do you know when you're going
to let him in again?
314
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,514
How much longer is left of this cartoon?
315
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,554
Another hour.
316
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,278
Three hours then.
317
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,238
You know, it's funny.
318
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,596
Watching the mind games
you play with my dad,
319
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,638
and the physical ordeals
you put him through,
320
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,155
it takes me back to when I was your age.
321
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,914
-So sweet.
-Don't get soppy now.
322
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,556
No, no. I'm just saying...
323
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,795
It's nice to see similarities
with other family members.
324
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,440
Gives you something to bond over.
325
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,749
Michael.
326
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,716
If you don't let me in, I am going
to inflict so much pain on you,
327
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,871
you will see death as a sweet release.
328
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,996
A sweet release, you hear me?
329
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,758
It is nice, isn't it?
330
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,031
So you were married once?
331
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,315
Oh, yes.
332
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,550
She was a wonderful woman.
333
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,838
But relationships are such
finely-balanced nuanced things,
334
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,792
and we were moving in
slightly different directions.
335
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,519
What happened?
336
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,838
She became a nun.
337
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,355
What about you?
338
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,320
Well, I'm just looking for someone
who likes the same things I do.
339
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,199
Board games, long walks,
going to the zoo.
340
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,191
But I love those things.
341
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:03,714
-Really?
-Yes.
342
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,750
Ellie, look,
I know that this sounds silly,
343
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,036
but maybe things were meant
to work out like this.
344
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,760
-My date not showing up.
-I think you might be right.
345
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,114
Do you think... You and I...
346
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,237
I'm looking for a Roger.
347
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,277
I'm looking for a Roger.
348
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,353
Oh, let me guess. Vera?
349
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,590
I'll leave you to your date.
350
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,037
Wow. We're gonna have to do
something about that now, aren't we?
351
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,838
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes.
352
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,079
Well, it's nice to finally meet you.
353
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,198
I'm sorry I'm late.
354
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,033
I've not been well. I had to lie down.
355
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,350
I'm on antibiotics for fungus.
356
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,476
You're a quiet one, aren't you?
357
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,555
Oh, no.
358
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,234
No, I can't get anything off this menu.
359
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,357
I'll be sick at both ends.
360
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,517
You're making a mistake here, Neil.
361
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,479
You and Kirsty could be
really happy together.
362
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,757
Trust me. I know
how fulfilling a marriage can be.
363
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,271
Mostly by looking at other people's.
364
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,159
I suppose
what I'm struggling to understand here
365
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,356
is why you asked her to marry you
in the first place?
366
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,192
She's not too bad, I suppose.
367
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,600
Let me rephrase that.
368
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,513
What I'm struggling to understand
is why she said yes.
369
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,473
Look, Neil,
you've broken the girl's heart.
370
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,674
-Have I?
-Yes.
371
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,271
I mean, just look at her.
372
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,917
Don't you feel anything?
373
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,594
Yeah, Ido.
374
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,353
You're going to talk to her.
375
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,636
No. I need to use the toilet.
376
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,878
Why don't you flush yourself
while you're at it?
377
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,234
Well, you dodged a bullet there, Kirsty.
378
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,311
That man is a complete pillock.
379
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,629
-What did he say?
-I don't know.
380
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,037
I lost track of how many grunts for yes
and how many grunts for no.
381
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,714
Kirsty, you could do so much better.
382
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,358
-You think?
-Of course, you're worth 1@ of him.
383
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,510
To be honest with you, Kirsty,
384
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,874
the whole family's
been talking about this
385
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,031
for the past few months
and we all agree.
386
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,269
You're better off without him.
387
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,112
-He's dull.
-He's arrogant.
388
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,237
And he's a rubbish kisser.
389
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,594
Apparently.
390
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,270
Is that the best you've got?
391
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,472
(SIGHING) And you know...
392
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,949
Ever since I've known him,
he's never remembered my birthday.
393
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,396
-What a scum bag.
-Makes Ben look like Prince Charming.
394
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,438
You have no idea
what an understatement that is.
395
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:17,635
I'll tell you something.
396
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,757
I've been out
with a lot of losers in my time...
397
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,593
And you have no idea
what an understatement that is.
398
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,596
But this guy. This guy,
he's a complete waste of space.
399
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,435
You're right. He would never Lift
a finger around the house,
400
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,591
and try getting him to pay for dinner.
401
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,398
What a dead weight.
402
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,077
-To Kirsty.
-To Kirsty.
403
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,475
And her great escape from an arrogant,
self-obsessed troglodyte.
404
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,790
-ALL: To Kirsty.
-Yes.
405
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,555
I'll tell you what, Kirsty,
406
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,472
you are the luckiest woman
in the world tonight.
407
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,554
If you'd married him,
you'd be as big a loser as he is.
408
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,679
(CLEARING THROAT)
409
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,435
Listen.
410
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:02,838
So how about
we do this thing tomorrow then?
411
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,035
Okay.
412
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,109
But seeing you two kids together,
413
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,794
it's magic.
414
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,392
See you, Kenzo.
Thanks for inviting me over.
415
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,350
-See you, Dad.
-Shut up, Mikey.
416
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,874
What?
417
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,873
I'm trying to climb in
through the window
418
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,030
and be stealth like.
419
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:38,236
I'm using the element of surprise.
420
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,674
I can't hear you!
421
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,639
I said I'm trying to be stealth like
and climb in through the window.
422
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,233
-Come again?
-Push offl
423
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,276
All right, Dad. No need to shout.
424
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,509
Idiot.
425
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,278
You're becoming tiresome.
426
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,234
-Are you finished with these?
-Ah, yes.
427
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:05,719
No, I'm not.
428
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,636
Anyway, that's the freeing thing
about losing your toenails.
429
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,551
They grow back beautifully.
430
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,638
I hope. (LAUGHING)
431
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,358
(FAKES LAUGHING)
432
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,232
So, who gets the bill?
433
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,550
Oh, look at me, I've got alligator arms.
434
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,591
Oh, for someone who couldn't
eat anything off the menu,
435
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,115
you seem to have done rather well.
436
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,157
No, look, you're leaving
way too much of a tip.
437
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,436
Here, one, two, three.
438
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,311
It's, uh, very nice meeting you.
439
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,597
Oh, honey. Our night's not over yet.
440
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,869
(GASPING)
441
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,759
-I haven't shaved my pits for nothing.
-Yes.
442
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,193
Yes, of course.
443
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,519
-Hi.
-Did you forget something?
444
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,437
Yes. I forgot to ask you out
when I should've.
445
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,119
Would you like to go out with me?
446
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,074
Absolutely.
447
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,037
But there's one thing you should know.
448
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,431
I have all my toenails,
I hope that's not a problem.
449
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:18,874
Not at all.
450
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,389
Roger.
451
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,553
Does your bathroom have a window
or shall Ido it here?
452
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,839
(MUFFLED) We've had a bit
of fun tonight, Kenzo, okay?
453
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,949
So why don't you open the window?
454
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,238
Why should 1?
You wouldn't let me watch my cartoon.
455
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,955
Maybe we can come to
some little arrangement.
456
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,237
I could make it worth your while
if you let me in.
457
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,950
-Go on.
-I can be a very generous man.
458
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,633
I'm listening. What have you got?
459
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:57,036
-Depends what you want.
-Sweets, new football boots and a bike.
460
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,559
A good one though. Something classy.
461
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,074
How good are we talking?
462
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:06,393
Well, it's got to be a limited-edition
mountain bike with 14 gears.
463
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,835
You wouldn't accept a second hand model?
464
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,752
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
465
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:14,470
Oh, come on. They're very expensive.
I've had a bad month.
466
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,996
-Well, it's not my problem!
-Look.
467
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,991
You know my demands,
I put my offer on the table,
468
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,074
I can be a very reasonable man,
but I will not be held to ransom.
469
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,954
Fine. Stay out there then. I win.
470
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,398
I didn't want it to come to this, Kenzo.
471
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:29,629
To what?
472
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,839
I think you'll find your old granddad
still has an ace up his sleeve.
473
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,316
What if I were to smash the window?
474
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,273
You're bluffing.
475
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,159
-Oh, I am, am I?
-I think you are.
476
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,352
You think... Kenzo, you walk away and
I'm going to smash the window...
477
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,159
Kenzo, you walk away,
I'm going to smash the...
478
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,389
Kenzo!
479
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,793
A-hal
You didn't think I'd do that, did you?
480
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,033
Ha hal Now I'm in.
481
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,593
No, you're not.
482
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,669
(LOCK TURNING)
483
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:10,875
Hi.
484
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,998
Hey, Mum. Where's Grandma?
485
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:20,910
Well, Grandma drank a very fun drink
which made her very happy,
486
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,514
and as a result made her dance
very energetically.
487
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,749
Until some men came over to take her
to see some other men
488
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:27,910
to talk about what she'd done.
489
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,350
So she got drunk and arrested?
490
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,319
In a nutshell.
491
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,191
So, how was your evening?
492
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,351
-Pretty quiet really.
-Yeah?
493
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,192
Did you and Granddad enjoy your cartoon?
494
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,557
well, I did.
Granddad didn't really get to see it.
495
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,319
Really, why?
496
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,437
He fancied some fresh air.
497
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,590
Hmm.
498
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,272
So, where is he now?
499
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:56,873
He went to bed.
500
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,638
He tired himself out.
501
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,631
He's had a lot of excitement tonight.
502
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:04,955
(DOOR RATTLING)
503
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,189
BEN: Kenzo!
504
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,311
Is that your granddad?
505
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,311
He's probably just having a bad dream.
506
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,999
(DOOR RATTLING)
507
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,593
-Popcorn?
-Hmm.
508
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,719
BEN: Kenzo!
38248
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