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1
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:16,755
There you are.
2
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,990
Well, it's very romantic of you
to take me out to dinner.
3
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,229
I know.
4
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,870
Hey, don't ever say I don't try and
put a little spark into our marriage.
5
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,635
-You, my darling, are worth it.
-Oh, thank you.
6
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,909
And what a great idea to have
a quick drink here
7
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,957
before we go to the nice place
you promised.
8
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,997
Your table, Mr Harper.
9
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:40,110
Please tell me this is not
the nice place you promised.
10
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:44,831
Oh, come on, you'll love it here. It's
one of those new trendy gastro pubs.
11
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,556
-(SIGHING) Oh, yes.
-Oh, yes.
12
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,834
And on tonight's menu we have
13
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,558
-pie and chips...
-BEN: Mmm-hmm.
14
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,789
-Steak and chips...
-BEN: Mmm-hmm.
15
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,838
Chicken and chips,
and tonight's special...
16
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:58,869
Chips.
17
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,193
Ready salted or...
18
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,557
It's traditional British cuisine.
19
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,870
It's like you research new ways
to disappoint me.
20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,236
I know. Cheers!
21
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,834
-Ben Harper?
-Hey!
22
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,951
-Ooh...
It is, isn't it?
23
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,316
Look, if it's a writ, just serve it.
24
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,399
You're Tony Harper's son, aren't you?
25
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,438
Your dad was a great guy.
26
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,630
-Really?
-Yeah.
27
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,074
When I was younger,
I used to come in here,
28
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,071
watch him play darts.
Best I've ever seen.
29
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,677
Any of that genius rub off on you?
30
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,876
Not when it comes
to booking restaurants.
31
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,674
Eat your nuts.
32
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,513
Well, we've got an opening on our team,
and hey,
33
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,399
it'd be an honour to play
with the son of Tony Harper.
34
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,595
You do play, don't you?
35
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,471
Well, I have been known to throw
the odd arrow or two, yes.
36
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,279
I mean, I like to keep up
the Harper tradition of excellence.
37
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,432
Yeah. well, that's great.
Really looking forward to it.
38
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,910
You've never thrown a dart in your life.
39
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,874
Just because your father was good
at darts, doesn't mean you have to be.
40
00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,635
1 forgot to mention, we practise
down here three nights a week.
41
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,434
Really? Three nights a week?
42
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,119
There's something
to be said for genetics.
43
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,635
(PANTING)
44
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,514
-Where's Grandma?
-We went for a walk
45
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,160
and I raced her back from the corner.
46
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,275
Where is she?
47
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,829
(PANTING HEAVILY)
48
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,279
-Who won?
-I thrashed her.
49
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,279
I'll get you next time. (COUGHING)
50
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,795
-How about right now?
-Okay.
51
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,998
I'll race you up the stairs.
52
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,434
On your marks,
53
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,840
get set,
54
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,314
Someone's out of shape.
55
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,114
Which is odd, ‘cause you look great.
56
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,833
-Don't you have a new job to go to?
-It's not till tomorrow.
57
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,519
Can't you check the route?
58
00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:01,039
Yay! Another victory for the Menaces.
Who's the man? Yeah, baby!
59
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:09,152
Another victory for the Menaces.
Who's the man? Yeah, baby!
60
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,910
Don't tell me,
your darts team won again.
61
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,992
Won? Susan, I was on fire.
62
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:19,631
I was like a darts god walking among
the mere mortals of today.
63
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,473
I was like Zeus
throwing lightning bolts.
64
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,471
I won £2 on the fruit machine.
65
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,752
Maybe I'll come and watch you
next time you play.
66
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,434
Idon't think that's gonna happen.
I don't need the bad luck.
67
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,193
Oh, so you consider me bad Luck.
68
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,350
Darling, I've not won anything
69
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,750
for 30 years
and I've been married to you for...
70
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,399
(INHALING DEEPLY) 30 years.
71
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,394
-There is one other common link.
-Hmm?
72
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,754
Don't you start your new job today?
73
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,554
-It's tomorrow.
-Is it?
74
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,674
-Did you check the route?
-Fine.
75
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,673
I can take a hint.
76
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,834
Clearly not.
77
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,714
-JANEY: Hi.
-Hi, darling.
78
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,599
Oh, Mum, thanks so much
for babysitting Kenzo.
79
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,239
I'm really looking forward to tonight.
80
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,754
Hey, do you guys
know anywhere good to eat?
81
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,275
As a matter of fact, Janey,
I know a very good place to eat.
82
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,398
-No, you don't.
-No, I don't. Susan, door!
83
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,195
-Wait! Mum's opening doors for you?
-Oh, yes, Janey.
84
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,272
This is my darting hand.
I can't afford to overwork it.
85
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,430
-What about your other hand?
-Hmm?
86
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,830
He overworked that at university.
87
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,475
Thanks for that.
88
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,080
Dad, I didn't know
you were any good at darts.
89
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:24,838
Good? She... Good? Phenomenal, Janey,
is the only word to describe me.
90
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,831
I can think of a few more.
91
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,318
You know, I think it's my destiny
to win this darts trophy,
92
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,437
following my father's footsteps.
93
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,840
Oh, wow.
94
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,636
Dad, what's it like
to feel proud of your father?
95
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,553
Janey, you have no idea.
96
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,279
No, I don't.
97
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,589
(BLOWING)
98
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,071
Mum, how do you put up with it?
99
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,231
Because when he's focused on his darts,
100
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,550
he's not interested
in what I'm spending money on.
101
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,159
This is Dad we're talking about.
102
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,150
So, darling,
103
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,434
my friend Gloria has a personal trainer.
104
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,397
I was thinking of hiring him myself.
105
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,629
Yeah, nice.
106
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,473
-It's £100 an hour.
-Lovely.
107
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:07,790
Wow!
108
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,635
Mum, it's amazing how you can take
advantage of him being distracted.
109
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,075
-Is he really that thick?
-Oh, yes.
110
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,231
-You really look great tonight, darling.
-0hh!
111
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,550
That dress really brings out
the colour of your eyes.
112
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:20,710
Oh, thanks, Mum.
113
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,314
-Could you take the rubbish out for me?
-Sure.
114
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,519
Hang on a sec.
115
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,034
Where do we keep the bin bags again?
116
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,469
-{SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
-Inhale.
117
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,914
(INHALING DEEPLY)
118
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,909
Exhale.
119
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,234
I always thought personal training
was a little more strenuous.
120
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,355
(SCOFFING)
121
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,034
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) You must not think
of me only as your personal trainer,
122
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,919
I'm also your life coach.
123
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:54,598
And in order to have a sound body,
first we must have a sound mind.
124
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,870
It's just I have been breathing
on my own for over 5@ years.
125
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:02,033
Really? And you have been doing it
all wrong.
126
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:07,353
Listen to the music as you breathe.
127
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,678
Andre, if you think I'm just
one of those women
128
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,674
-who wants company for an hour...
-Breathe.
129
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,472
-It's just that...
This
130
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,995
is your rebirth, Susan.
131
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,990
Listen to the music
132
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,231
as you breathe, hmm?
133
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:31,959
It's peaceful.
134
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,119
It's tranquil.
135
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,952
It's only £10.
136
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,880
-That sounds reasonable.
-Hmm.
137
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,600
And breathe the incense, huh?
138
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,036
This is essence of white orchid,
139
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,551
grown high in the Himalayas
140
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,429
by Tibetan monks who have abandoned
all worldly concerns
141
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,831
and live a pure and aesthetic life.
142
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,312
It's £17.50.
143
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,311
-I'll take two.
-Hmm.
144
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,279
Oui, Susan.
145
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,789
oul.
146
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,916
Yeah. Look, I'm sorry, fellows.
147
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,311
How was I to know the son of Tony Harper
would be terrible at darts?
148
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,392
I was a patient of his once.
149
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,598
He gave me three injections,
all in the wrong place.
150
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,433
That should have been a warning sign.
151
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,709
Look, I'm the captain.
152
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,757
I'll tell the Lloud-mouth pillock
he's off the team.
153
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:35,596
Hey! Another victory for the Menaces.
Who's the man?
154
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,798
Yeah, baby! Give me five, Gus.
Grizzly Gus.
155
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,316
0'Brien-ator! And big...
156
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,393
Phew! Hi, Martin, all right?
Whose round is it?
157
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,596
Gus, good man,
on your bike, come on. I'm parched.
158
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,638
Lager top, please. Thank you. Thank you.
(CHUCKLING)
159
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,592
So, boys, what are we talking about?
160
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,355
Oh, just about how to eliminate
the team's main weakness.
161
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,472
Say no more.
I've been expecting this for a while.
162
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,030
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
163
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,599
Leave it with me. I'll deal with this.
164
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,154
Okay, O'Brien, you're out.
165
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,760
It's not O'Brien.
166
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,429
It's not... It's Gus. It's Gus.
167
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,877
I'll tell him.
I'll let him know gently. Gus!
168
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,076
-It's not Gus either.
-Yeah?
169
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,275
Ohl
170
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,432
Bit confused. Bit confused. Martin...
171
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,118
You don't want me to talk to you
about you, do you?
172
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,999
No. Give me the shirt, Harper.
173
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,037
~The shirt?
-You heard. You're off the team.
174
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,996
-What do you mean "off the team"?
-Look, no more discussion.
175
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,879
You're no longer a Menace,
at least not in this respect.
176
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,234
Come on, give me the shirt.
177
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,630
No. Hang on, this shirt's
the only thing I came in.
178
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,836
Look, your replacement needs it.
Francesca?
179
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,673
-What?
-{IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) I am Francesca.
180
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,991
-I am.
-Oh, good.
181
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,879
This is my replacement?
This is, yes.
182
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,109
(STUTTERING)
183
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,077
Go home, little man.
184
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,397
-Can we talk about this?
-Time for talk is over.
185
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,030
-Give shirt and go.
-You wouldn't be interested in a swap?
186
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,791
-No. Fine, look, if you...
-Shirt!
187
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,109
Hey, hang on.
188
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,676
Okay. Great. That's so good.
Thank you very much. Okay, guys.
189
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,630
Got the message.
See you, guys. Thank you, mates.
190
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,472
-I bet you could use a drink.
-Yeah, yeah.
191
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,314
-Hot toddy. (CHUCKLING)
-Sorry, no shirt, no service.
192
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,720
Hop it, fleshy.
193
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,639
(CHANTING) Om.
194
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,190
Susan?
195
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,074
I thought you had darts tonight.
196
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,957
-And a shirt on.
-It's my skipper Martin.
197
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,235
(SCOFFING)
198
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,709
Said I was the weak link in the team.
199
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,032
-That's terrible.
Tell me about it.
200
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:11,076
He's kicked me off the team
and had me replaced by a...
201
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,030
Woman.
202
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,909
I tell you, Susan,
203
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,833
the looks on their faces
as I crept out of that pub,
204
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,072
it was the most embarrassing
moment of my life.
205
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,278
They took your memory, too?
206
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,799
I'd really set my heart
on that championship trophy.
207
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,035
AW...
208
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,873
I know.
209
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,157
My dad would have been so proud.
210
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,311
Oh, Ben.
211
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,392
I'm not gonna throw another dart again.
212
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,073
Oh, I'm sorry.
213
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,599
Well, maybe
214
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,078
you can find a new hobby
that will take you
215
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,879
out of the house once or twice a week.
216
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,519
I don't know.
217
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:59,629
I mean, the thought of you
moping around this house
218
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,877
every night of the week...
219
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,713
-I know. Oh, thank you, darling.
-Hmm.
220
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,360
Hey, you really do care, don't you?
221
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:09,875
Yeah.
222
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,920
That's it.
223
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,432
So the relaxation mat was £60,
the physio-ball was £25
224
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,875
-and the heated neck-wrap was £40?
-Mmm-hmm.
225
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,073
Oh, and the Nepalese foot cream was £17.
226
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,189
Oh, of course.
227
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,629
Oh, namaste.
228
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,989
Namaste.
229
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,709
And the cheque?
230
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,437
Oh, of course. (CHUCKLING SHEEPISHLY)
231
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,715
Merci.
232
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,759
Now you have everything you need
to achieve inner peace.
233
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,196
-I'm homel
-Wanna bet?
234
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,756
You must be the lucky husband, huh?
235
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,958
Never thought of putting those
two words together, but thank you.
236
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,149
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
237
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,594
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
238
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,195
Hello, Ben.
239
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,997
-Oh, goodbye, Roger.
-I need to talk to you.
240
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,189
I heard about the Menaces,
dropping you like a bad habit.
241
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,519
News travels fast, eh?
242
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,276
Well, you did wander around shirtless
and drunk for two days.
243
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,034
Everybody saw it... Pecker up, Ben.
244
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,794
I bring news
that will brighten your day.
245
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,999
-What's your good news, Roger?
-My friend, Big Jerry, has died!
246
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,515
Really? That's why
you're in a good mood?
247
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,230
Big Jerry was on my darts team,
Roger's Jollies.
248
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,114
-Roger's Jollies?
-Too macho?
249
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:37,071
-Surprisingly, yes.
-So, what do you say, then, Ben?
250
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:41,279
Care to join our swashbuckling band
onboard the good ship Jolly Pop?
251
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,555
(CHUCKLING)
252
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,080
Tell me, this Big Jerry,
did he kill himself?
253
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,952
-Please say yes, Ben.
-Hmm, nah. I don't know.
254
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,510
Well, if you don't, then...
255
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,638
I guess we'll have to forfeit
our match tonight
256
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,950
against the Menaces.
257
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,599
The Menaces?
258
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,317
You're playing the Menaces?
259
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,394
Yeah.
260
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,600
Yeah, I'm not going to give up
my chance of sticking it to Martin.
261
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,231
You've just found
your last Jolly, Roger.
262
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,278
Oh, great. Try this on.
263
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,158
Your very own
Roger's Jollies team shirt.
264
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,992
That's good, but it really smells, Roge.
265
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,754
Oh, that's just Big Jerry.
He died in that shirt.
266
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,356
-And you didn't wash it?
-Yes, we did. Ten times.
267
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,552
It was a couple of days
before they found the body.
268
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,517
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
269
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,591
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I know this guy.
270
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,672
Hey, Martin,
ready for our big match, then?
271
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,553
(SIGHING) Harper, do I need to get
a restraining order?
272
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,109
-I told you, you're off the team.
-I'm not in your team.
273
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,477
-I'm in Roger's Jollies.
- (LAUGHING)
274
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:55,349
You may laugh, but we have
just found ourselves a place
275
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,714
in next week's tournament.
276
00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,236
-They let everyone into the tournament.
-Oh, really? well, nevertheless,
277
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,754
we're gonna win that trophy.
278
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,239
Care to put your money
where your mouth is?
279
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,153
Don't mention money. It's dirty.
Idon't like the way it tastes.
280
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,389
-Look, I meant...
-I know what you meant.
281
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,518
I was being glib.
100 quid says I win it all.
282
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,829
-You're on.
-You're on.
283
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,797
Yoo-hool Ben? Over here.
284
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,919
(EXHALING WITH DISGUST)
285
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:22,074
Ben, meet the other Jollies.
This is Amos and Junior.
286
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,594
Amos, Junior.
287
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,637
I'm Amos and he's Junior.
288
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,672
Mmm. Junior.
This is a little ironic, isn't it?
289
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,793
Junior being an extremely old man.
290
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:37,317
No, no, no. We call him Junior
because his father was Big Jerry.
291
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:42,634
The man who died is the father
of this extremely old man?
292
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,669
-Big Jerry was 102.
-What... Oh, really?
293
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,074
Attention, please.
Tonight's pre-tournament friendly
294
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,073
takes place between the Menaces
and Roger's Jollies.
295
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,391
-Yay. Let the games begin.
-{PEOPLE APPLAUDING)
296
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,117
Hang on. Harper can't be a Jolly
until he's passed the initiation.
297
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,714
-What's the initiation?
-First, shake our hands.
298
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,074
Yeah. Right.
299
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:07,155
-So, what's the initiation?
-That's it. You're in.
300
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,480
Come on, Junior.
301
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:19,189
So, this exercise will help you to get
in touch with your inner chakra.
302
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,031
You know, I've been doing
everything you asked, Andre,
303
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,872
but I'm still not feeling any fitter.
304
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,392
Perhaps we should check your progress
in your exercise diary, yeah?
305
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,955
Exercise diary?
306
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,395
You don't have
one of my exercise diaries?
307
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,236
Helen Mirren
writes in hers all the time.
308
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,238
-Helen Mirren?
-Yes.
309
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:40,553
She needed help to get rid of her...
Um... How do you say?
310
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,593
Bingo wings. Hmm?
311
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,630
-Maybe I should get an exercise diary.
-Mmm-hmm.
312
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,554
Hi, Mum. I've just died
313
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:51,755
and gone to heaven.
314
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,717
Andre, this is my daughter Janey.
315
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,519
Andre's my personal trainer.
He's from Nice.
316
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,109
(PRONOUNCING IT LIKE THE CITY)
Nice to meet you.
317
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,191
-What did you come over for?
-Who cares?
318
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,637
-Janey.
-I mean, your mixer.
319
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,277
I need it, you know, to mix.
320
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,314
In the kitchen. Get it and get out.
321
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,193
-Janey?
-okay.
322
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,679
Okay, okay, okay.
323
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,354
(MICHAEL CRYING OUT)
324
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,515
Michael? What are you doing here?
325
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,399
He was watching through the door.
He has a chair set up and everything.
326
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,675
Has he?
327
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,317
Well, I'm sure you're both
far too busy to stay a minute longer.
328
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,311
-Actually, I'm free all evening.
-Me, too.
329
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,073
-Out!
-But your mixer?
330
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,950
Use your tongue.
It's sticking out far enough.
331
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,354
Bye, Andre.
332
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,159
It was nice (PRONOUNCING IT LIKE
THE CITY) while it lasted. (GIGGLING)
333
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,915
Tough crowd.
334
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:45,715
(CROWD CHEERING)
335
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,916
Double 20. The Menaces win!
336
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,149
(CHEERING)
337
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,356
So, Ben, about our little wager.
338
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,158
Maybe you should just give me
the money now, eh?
339
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,278
Unless you still think you can win
the tournament. (CHUCKLING)
340
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,153
We were so close at the end.
341
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,629
Close? Roger, we lost by five sets.
342
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,838
His highest double was a three
and he broke a window.
343
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,990
But the important thing
is that we all had fun.
344
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,991
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
345
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,720
-we'll do better next time.
-Not with me, you don't.
346
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,552
I've had enough of this humiliation.
347
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,270
Stick your Jollies. Goodbye, good luck
and good riddance.
348
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,759
(SNIFFING)
349
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,112
Ugh! That smells worse that it did
when it was on the corpse.
350
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,195
Ohl
351
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,835
You know,
352
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,355
I'm glad I gave up this darts lark.
353
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,798
Not really my sort of crowd.
354
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,440
I mean, it's hardly
the sport of kings, is it?
355
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,240
All your chums at the polo club
will be thrilled.
356
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,789
What are you doing here?
Aren't you supposed to be at work?
357
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,950
I quit my job.
358
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,110
-What?
-What?
359
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,480
What happened?
360
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,520
It just didn't do it for me.
361
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,110
Didn't do it for you?
That is ridiculous.
362
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,111
That's the best job you've had in ages.
363
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,315
Do you even know what it was?
364
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,158
That's not the point. You can't just
give up something after two days.
365
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,596
-why not? You did.
-That's entirely different.
366
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,673
No, it's not. It's the Harper way.
367
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:09,875
It's like you always say,
368
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,759
"when the going gets tough,
the Harpers get back on the sofa."
369
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,717
(CHUCKLING) Can you believe that?
370
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,113
It's what he's been seeing
since he was 10.
371
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,079
The only thing you've stuck at, Ben,
is the thing you absolutely hate.
372
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,195
Marriage.
373
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,234
Dentistry.
374
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,955
You can't even stick at a darts team.
375
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,032
Don't you think your father
had bad games? But he didn't give up.
376
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:36,078
No, but he wouldn't have hit the light
above the board, would he?
377
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,120
So how's Michael going to learn
if he sees you give up?
378
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,197
You know, maybe I have the ability
to win this tournament.
379
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,673
I mean, I may not have my dad's skill
380
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,513
but I certainly have
his fighting spirit.
381
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,313
You know what I'm gonna do?
382
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,789
I'm going to get this team together.
I'm going to mould them,
383
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,440
mould them into champions, for my father
384
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,318
-and my son. Yeah.
-That's my boy.
385
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,233
-Now, what do we do about Michael?
-He'll sort himself out.
386
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,835
(CHANTING) Om.
387
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,111
(CLANKING, RICOCHETING)
388
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,074
Therel You see that?
Look at this. (CHUCKLING)
389
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,279
(DRILL BUZZING)
390
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,030
Oh, that's all right.
Come on, come on. Move, move, move.
391
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,789
(GROANING)
392
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,075
You all right? What's the matter?
393
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,309
It's hurting.
394
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,198
~The pain.
-Come on. Come on. Out!
395
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,116
Move, move. Come on. Move.
396
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,271
-Here. All right.
-(GROANING)
397
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,318
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the stuff.
398
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,514
Yeah, that'll do now. That'll do now.
399
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,793
(ALL CHEERING)
400
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,474
Now, listen to me, lads. Listen.
401
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,032
We can win this tournament.
402
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,517
The only thing to fear
403
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,160
is fear itself.
404
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,198
-And losing it.
-What about the humiliation?
405
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,352
-I don't like spiders.
-Oh, shut up. Shut up. Shut up!
406
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,909
Let's just focus
on the semi-final, shall we?
407
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,514
Now, to win it, we've got
to practise and practise and practise.
408
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,432
Now, come on. What's the matter now?
409
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:30,354
We're sick of practice, Ben.
My whole life is darts now.
410
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,159
I'm literally throwing darts
in my sleep.
411
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,878
And the neighbours aren't happy.
412
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,394
(TEARFULLY) Their cat lost an eye.
413
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,869
Oh, please, Roger.
The momentum is with us.
414
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,793
Right, now look,
to play like winners, we...
415
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,830
-ALL: Think like winners.
-Yes!
416
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,995
Somebody wake Junior up
and tell him what I've just said.
417
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,713
Hey... Um...
418
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,509
Excuse me. I know that guy.
419
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,831
(IN LONDON ACCENT) Oh, and give me 10
more cases of that vanilla yoghurt.
420
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,480
Yeah. Oh, don't worry.
421
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,153
I'll slap a Nepalese
foot cream label on it.
422
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,151
These soppy bints will buy anything.
423
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,800
(SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYING)
424
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,076
I'm sorry to disturb you, darling.
425
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,839
A bit of bad news.
426
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,117
Your personal trainer,
427
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,397
he's... Well, a bit of a con man,
I'm afraid.
428
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,233
-Yeah. Not even French.
-Oh, Ben.
429
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,590
I knew this would come, eventually.
430
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,677
-You're jealous.
-No, no. Not jealous.
431
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,320
I've just overheard him
boasting about ripping you off.
432
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,359
You're talking absolute nonsense.
He's my spiritual shaman.
433
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,956
Really? Well, your spiritual shaman
was seen smoking a fag
434
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,599
and downing a lager top.
435
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:53,117
(CHUCKLING) I actually heard him
calling you a soppy bint,
436
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,555
-in an English accent, I might add.
-(CHUCKLING)
437
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,758
-I just don't believe you.
-Ooh, Nepalese foot cream.
438
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,478
Hmm, I wonder what this tastes like.
439
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,233
-Are you out of your mind?
-Mmm.
440
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,637
Vanilla yoghurt.
441
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,399
What a lying sack of horse manure!
442
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,596
-I'm not lying.
-No, not you, him.
443
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,793
I feel such an idiot.
444
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,678
I spent a fortune on all this stuff.
445
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,274
All right, calm down.
It can happen to the best of us.
446
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:25,034
Ooh, I wonder what's he's put in the...
Ooh, face scrub.
447
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,111
Let's have a taste of this.
448
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,952
Ididn't get that from Andre.
449
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,916
Double 12! Roger's Jollies wins
450
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,753
and going to tonight's final
against the Menaces.
451
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,479
(CHEERING)
452
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,158
Let's do our song, crew.
453
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,674
ROGER'S JOLLIES:
# Jollies, jollies, jollies
454
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,795
-No. No. No.
-# Jollies, jollies, jollies #
455
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,314
-Michael, can we talk?
-# With a jo-jo here
456
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,799
# And a jo-jo there
457
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,279
# Here a jo
# There a jo
458
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:55,395
# Everywhere a jo jo
459
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,471
ALL: # jollies, jollies, jollies #
460
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,234
Hey, it really means a lot to me
that you came all this way
461
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,596
to cheer on your good old dad.
462
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,069
Yeah. That, and it's a pub.
463
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,079
I was thirsty.
464
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,718
I wouldn't have killed you
just to lie a bit.
465
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,714
Well, if I helps you, you did inspire
me to go back to my job today.
466
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,269
-Great! How did it go?
-I lost my temper and got fired.
467
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,314
Well, that's the Harper way.
468
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,799
-Hey, Harper.
-Hmm?
469
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,473
Ready to lose that money yet?
470
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,471
(CHUCKLING) I'm not
going to lose, Martin. You are.
471
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,313
Yeah. Well, I'm a reasonable man.
472
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,391
Maybe, if you like,
we can call off the bet?
473
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,792
No way. I've got you where I want you.
You Menaces are going down.
474
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,918
-Yeah.
-You want to up the ante, Harper?
475
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,991
-Let's do it.
-Okay. Come on, then.
476
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,913
-Let's say 200 quid.
-400.
477
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,035
-Hmm?
-You're on.
478
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,995
Oh, thanks for coming round
at such short notice, Andre.
479
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,869
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Oh, but of course,
Susan. It is only an extra £40 charge.
480
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,114
Namaste.
481
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:55,240
It's just that I've been reading up
482
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,118
on some of the techniques
you've been using
483
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,918
and I thought I'd like to try
one out on you.
484
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,311
-Oh, but of course, yes.
-Ah. Please. Please. Take a seat.
485
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,509
(CLEARING THROAT)
486
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,910
-And close your eyes.
-All right.
487
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,195
Now, this is a mindfulness exercise
488
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,954
and I thought you might like to work it
into your regime
489
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,317
or as you say in France, régime.
490
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:24,714
Now, I want you to think about something
very, very peaceful.
491
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,874
Like a lake
492
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:28,834
or a pond
493
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,319
or a stream.
494
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,437
And now I want you to visualise
being tied up with a skipping rope
495
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,516
and having your own physio-ball
inflated inside you.
496
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,958
(CHUCKLING) But, I do not understand.
497
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,159
Well, me and a few other soppy bints
you've been ripping off
498
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,629
will be happy to explain it to you.
499
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,797
(CRYING OUT)
500
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,069
Namaste.
501
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,309
(ANDRE CRYING OUT)
502
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,594
Two-minute warning.
Two minutes to tonight's final.
503
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,514
We have one more win
and we'll win this championship.
504
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,911
Look at that. We're wrecks!
We've lost our Jollies.
505
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,751
Just focus. Focus.
506
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,750
There are defining moments in every
man's life and this is one of them.
507
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,913
I want you, you, you to look deep inside
yourselves and see what you're made of.
508
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,994
What we do tonight in this pub
will echo in eternity!
509
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,116
-And I've got 200 quid at stake.
-400.
510
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,998
-Four...
-You know, Ben,
511
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,236
when I was at school and I got nervous,
I'd always have to go to the toilet,
512
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,472
but, after your inspiring speech,
513
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,154
as an adult, I realise that...
514
00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:45,795
-(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh, no.
-Oh, Roger.
515
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,440
Ladies and gentlemen, let's play darts.
516
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,158
(CROWD CHEERING)
517
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,679
Yes! Yes!
518
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,509
(CHEERING)
519
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,194
(CHEERING)
520
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,109
ALL: Yeah!
521
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,635
I crush you and I was drunk.
522
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,672
That is why I am so giggly.
523
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,350
Could you just get in here
and stop polishing your trophy?
524
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,675
Isn't she a beaut?
525
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,833
I still can't believe you won. You guys
must have played an amazing game.
526
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:46,073
Amazing. I'm telling you, Susan, you
had to be there. Imagine the scene.
527
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,956
I'm standing there at the oche.
528
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,477
The whole weight of Roger's Jollies
on me shoulders.
529
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,437
I take the arrows. I knew what it would
take to win that trophy.
530
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,591
Would you just get on with it
and tell me what really happened?
531
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,957
Well, Immigration burst in
and arrested my replacement, Francesca.
532
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,830
Apparently they got an anonymous
tip-off that she was here illegally.
533
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,072
-What are the chances?
-I know.
534
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,390
So, the Menaces had to forfeit
the trophy, you see,
535
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,551
and we won automatically.
536
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,757
So, basically you had someone
kicked out of the country
537
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,558
for the sake of a plastic trophy?
538
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:22,994
And 400 quid.
539
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,040
Result.
540
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,751
You really are amazing.
541
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,034
Seriously.
542
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,671
If you'd any conscience at all,
you wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
543
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,955
(SNORING)
41535
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