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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,669 - (clangs) - NANDOR: Huh? 2 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,510 Guillermo? 3 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,183 Guillermo! 4 00:00:26,486 --> 00:00:28,290 - Boo! (chuckles) - (screams) - NADJA: The child 5 00:00:28,323 --> 00:00:29,693 who clawed his way out of the abdomen 6 00:00:29,726 --> 00:00:31,262 of our dead friend Colin Robinson 7 00:00:31,296 --> 00:00:33,400 has reached that wild age. 8 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,037 - (Colin laughs) - NANDOR: That's mine. You'll take it off 9 00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:37,542 - this second. - Catch me, catch me! (grunts) 10 00:00:37,576 --> 00:00:39,780 - He's a very active lad. - (Colin laughs) - It feels like weeks 11 00:00:39,813 --> 00:00:41,416 since I had had a good day's slumber. 12 00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:44,322 Fucking little guy. (grunts) 13 00:00:44,355 --> 00:00:46,226 - This ruckus never seems to end. - (Colin laughing) 14 00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:47,562 He's very loud, and unlike us, 15 00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:48,764 he does not sleep during the day. 16 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:50,802 Nor does he sleep during the night. 17 00:00:50,835 --> 00:00:52,706 - When does he sleep? - I don't think he does. - (glass breaks) 18 00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:55,110 Never a dull moment with that scalawag. 19 00:00:55,143 --> 00:00:57,649 - NADJA: I'm pretty sure he must be part demon. - LASZLO: Nonsense. 20 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,418 He's all boy. 21 00:00:59,452 --> 00:01:02,191 ♪ A-well a-everybody's heard about the bird ♪ 22 00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:05,163 - ♪ B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word... ♪ - (playing discordant notes) 23 00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:08,136 - NANDOR: We tried to distract him by buying him toys. - (Nadja hisses) 24 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,440 But he just breaks the toy and plays with the box. 25 00:01:10,474 --> 00:01:12,812 Which he then sets on fire. 26 00:01:12,846 --> 00:01:14,348 LASZLO: Ah, well, at least 27 00:01:14,382 --> 00:01:15,685 he's not showing signs of being a bore 28 00:01:15,718 --> 00:01:17,288 or an energy vampire. 29 00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:18,724 He has a very curious 30 00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:20,093 - and inquisitive mind. - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 31 00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:21,597 LASZLO: Gizmo, shut the fuck up! 32 00:01:21,630 --> 00:01:24,235 We're doing a piece to camera. As I was saying, 33 00:01:24,268 --> 00:01:26,172 he has a very inquisitive and curious mind. 34 00:01:26,205 --> 00:01:28,711 That is just a very nice, bullshitty way of saying that 35 00:01:28,744 --> 00:01:30,815 - if we leave him unsupervised for even one moment... - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! No! 36 00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:32,585 ...he runs down to the bloody flooded basement 37 00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,155 and wreaks havoc. 38 00:01:34,188 --> 00:01:35,490 For no good reason at all. 39 00:01:35,525 --> 00:01:37,161 - (Colin grunts) - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 40 00:01:37,194 --> 00:01:39,298 - (Colin laughs) - Colin! - LASZO: No, 41 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:40,568 I think there's method in his madness. 42 00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:41,837 - (thudding) - What we're seeing 43 00:01:41,870 --> 00:01:43,239 are the early, tentative explorations 44 00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,110 of maybe a sculptor 45 00:01:45,143 --> 00:01:47,114 - or an architect. - Or a psychopath. 46 00:01:47,147 --> 00:01:48,450 - (glass breaks) - GUILLERMO: He's got a weapon! - Maybe it's... 47 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,452 - (Colin shouts) - He's got a weapon! 48 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:50,755 - Whoa! - (Nandor grunts) 49 00:01:50,788 --> 00:01:53,226 I'm gonna get you! (grunts) 50 00:01:54,395 --> 00:01:56,499 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 51 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,871 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 52 00:01:58,904 --> 00:02:01,476 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 53 00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:04,215 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 54 00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:07,221 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 55 00:02:08,624 --> 00:02:11,664 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 56 00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:14,402 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 57 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,707 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 58 00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:19,445 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 59 00:02:19,478 --> 00:02:21,282 ♪ ♪ 60 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,535 GUILLERMO: But he needs to go to school 61 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,371 so he can burn off some of this energy 62 00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:35,344 and learn structure and be around normal kids his own age. 63 00:02:35,377 --> 00:02:36,914 - But he's not a normal kid. - NADJA: Mm. 64 00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:39,251 He's a singer, he's a dancer, he's an entertainer. 65 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,555 - He's got the magic. - (footsteps running overhead) 66 00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:42,291 - (glass breaks) - (Colin laughs) 67 00:02:42,324 --> 00:02:43,928 - You've got to do something! - LASZLO: What about you? 68 00:02:43,961 --> 00:02:45,698 - Have you been to a school? - I have. 69 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,504 Actually, I happened to go to public school 70 00:02:48,537 --> 00:02:49,906 when I was little, and look at me. 71 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,910 - I turned out fine. - (Nadja and Laszlo laugh) 72 00:02:51,944 --> 00:02:53,313 LASZLO: Great plan. 73 00:02:53,346 --> 00:02:54,783 Send Baby Colin Robinson to a school, 74 00:02:54,816 --> 00:02:56,185 and he ends up like you. 75 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,856 NANDOR: I have been thinking. 76 00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,862 Perhaps the answer is to send Baby Colin Robinson 77 00:03:00,895 --> 00:03:03,501 to a performing arts school 78 00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:06,272 where they just pretend to learn reading and writing 79 00:03:06,305 --> 00:03:07,509 and math, but at least they're out of the house 80 00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:09,613 for, like, eight hours of the day. 81 00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:12,952 What's going on here, then? 82 00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:15,525 - Where? - NADJA: Have you had a haircut? 83 00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:17,261 Why? Have you had a haircut? 84 00:03:17,294 --> 00:03:20,200 LASZLO: Have you been watching Star Trek? 85 00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:24,876 Let's not, uh, focus on looking at me, 86 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,379 okay, and focus on the big issue, 87 00:03:26,412 --> 00:03:28,551 which is the Baby Colin, correct? 88 00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,220 NADJA: Okay. What if we send him 89 00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,525 to a very selective private school so he doesn't 90 00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:33,728 have to worry about rubbing shoulders 91 00:03:33,761 --> 00:03:35,430 with street tramps and dullards? 92 00:03:35,464 --> 00:03:37,401 No. We have plenty of good public schools here, 93 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,506 - and they're free. - I thought you were doing the accounting. 94 00:03:39,539 --> 00:03:41,409 Isn't the nightclub swimming in the trillions? 95 00:03:41,442 --> 00:03:44,014 No, we need that money to fix the house. 96 00:03:44,048 --> 00:03:46,520 And I wouldn't say "trillions." No, definitely not. 97 00:03:46,553 --> 00:03:48,256 How much money have we made this month? 98 00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:50,360 (inhales) Have to, like, crunch the numbers. 99 00:03:50,393 --> 00:03:53,333 - Top of my head, I don't... - Hold on a second. Nandor, 100 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,437 - why don't you rub your genie? - NANDOR: He is a djinn. 101 00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,408 LASZLO: Well, whether he's a djinn or not, give him a rub, 102 00:03:57,441 --> 00:03:59,378 make a wish and we can clean this bullshit up. 103 00:03:59,412 --> 00:04:00,648 NANDOR: Well, I cannot do that. 104 00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:01,784 - LASZLO: Why? - Because I only have 105 00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:03,353 a very limited number of wishes, 106 00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:05,457 - and I cannot be wasting them. - NADJA: Selfish. 107 00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,261 And anyway, I already asked him. 108 00:04:07,294 --> 00:04:11,603 - (Nadja gasps) - And he said that he is legally prohibited 109 00:04:11,637 --> 00:04:14,509 from doing any kind of house stuff. 110 00:04:14,543 --> 00:04:15,878 Bummer. 111 00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:17,949 Of course I could ask the djinn 112 00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:20,287 to make all of our troubles with the house disappear. 113 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,059 But it's a very slippery slope. 114 00:04:23,092 --> 00:04:24,896 Are you sure you haven't had a haircut? 115 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,399 NANDOR: First we fix the house. 116 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,969 Then it's like, "Oh, Nandor, 117 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,541 can you wish for a new rug?" or some shit. 118 00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:32,846 And before you know it, all of my wishes will be used up, 119 00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:36,285 and I will have no more wishes left to make a global impact. 120 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:39,024 Which is what I plan on focusing on next: 121 00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:41,028 philanthropy. 122 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:42,832 - (Djinn grunts) - Hey. 123 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,368 You rang? 124 00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:46,339 I did? Oh. 125 00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,042 It was an accident. 126 00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:50,515 So, uh, you are satisfied 127 00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:52,317 with the results of your last wish? 128 00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,656 Would you excuse us for just a moment? 129 00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:56,092 Philanthropy stuff. 130 00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:58,463 (whispers): So, about my last wish. 131 00:04:58,496 --> 00:05:01,670 I think the removing of the wrinkles around the eyes 132 00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:03,541 was a success, yes? 133 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,010 I live to serve. 134 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:07,816 Uh, however, I feel like the smoothness of the skin 135 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,986 is now drawing some attention 136 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:12,424 to some bagginess under the eyes. 137 00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:15,063 - Hmm. Come. Come, let me see? - See here? 138 00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:16,733 - ("Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland" playing on piano) - (indistinct chatter) 139 00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:21,543 ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland ♪ 140 00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:25,985 ♪ Under the silvery moon ♪ 141 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,628 - ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland. ♪ - (feedback screeches) 142 00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,132 - (indistinct chatter) - Shit. Not again. 143 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,036 - COLIN: Hey, guess what? Do you guys have YouTube? - What? 144 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:37,040 And have you seen the new MrBeast video 145 00:05:37,074 --> 00:05:39,546 where he makes the world's largest elephant's toothpaste? 146 00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:42,484 - GIRL: No. - GIRL 2: What the fuck are you talking about? 147 00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:44,021 We may look as children, 148 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:47,094 but we're 143 years old. 149 00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:49,866 Oh, okay. S-Sorry. 150 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,739 It's all right, boy, they don't know what they're missing. 151 00:05:52,772 --> 00:05:55,143 Come on. Let's get on with the job in hand. 152 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,582 Now I come to think of it, 153 00:05:57,615 --> 00:05:59,519 I suppose schooling isn't such a bad idea 154 00:05:59,553 --> 00:06:00,855 as long as he can have some japes 155 00:06:00,888 --> 00:06:02,625 and tomfoolery with his young cohorts. 156 00:06:02,659 --> 00:06:04,563 - NANDOR: Oops. - NADJA: My love, it will be very good 157 00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,633 for him and very good for us. 158 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,537 Yeah, but none of this public school shit. 159 00:06:08,571 --> 00:06:10,975 - NADJA: Mm. - He's gonna be amongst the elites like I was. 160 00:06:11,008 --> 00:06:12,645 Well, I got some brochures here 161 00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:15,585 on some very impressive private schools 162 00:06:15,618 --> 00:06:17,555 in the area. Here you go. 163 00:06:17,589 --> 00:06:20,026 - NANDOR: Hmm? - I'm just gonna put it down here. 164 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,630 Well, you can forget this one. Doesn't have a cricket field. 165 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:24,034 - Or even a whipping post. - Good point. 166 00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:25,938 NADJA: And what do you pose as a better solution? 167 00:06:25,972 --> 00:06:29,044 Well, I would say, um... 168 00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:32,552 Uh... this one looks good. 169 00:06:32,585 --> 00:06:34,154 - That's, uh, that's a receipt. - Oh. 170 00:06:34,188 --> 00:06:36,158 - (Sean grunting) - COLIN: Put me down, you idiot! 171 00:06:36,192 --> 00:06:38,029 - SEAN: Stop struggling, you little rascal. - (Colin grunting) 172 00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:39,164 - Oh, no. - Ugh. - COLIN: You hurt my stomach, 173 00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,501 - you dummy. - Good little guy. 174 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,570 - NADJA: Baby Colin! - Whoa. 175 00:06:41,603 --> 00:06:42,137 COLIN: Nice try, asshole. 176 00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:43,874 My back. 177 00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:45,811 Little nephew found his way over to my house again. 178 00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:47,080 I caught him in the garage, 179 00:06:47,114 --> 00:06:49,084 knocking, uh, holes in the drywall 180 00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:51,523 - with a ball peen hammer. - A thousand apologies to you, Sean. 181 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:53,527 What's this? You sending the little guy to private school? 182 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:54,796 GUILLERMO: Yeah, we're thinking about it. 183 00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:56,032 Oh. Well, you better add 184 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,169 Helen Country Day School to the list 185 00:06:58,202 --> 00:07:00,908 'cause you're talking to an HCD grad right here. 186 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:04,649 Really? Well, there you go. That's where the boy shall go. 187 00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:05,885 Yeah, I can help you with that. I happen to be 188 00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,555 very tight with the headmaster. 189 00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,058 Don't you think that's a rather hasty decision? 190 00:07:09,091 --> 00:07:10,995 Sean went there, and look how he's turned out. 191 00:07:11,028 --> 00:07:12,932 - Right. - LASZLO: Tuck his trousers in and everything. 192 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:16,740 I've never been more cocksure of any decision in my life. 193 00:07:23,186 --> 00:07:24,889 Is everybody ready? The headmaster's gonna be here 194 00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:26,627 in ten minutes! 195 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,631 And remember, you're just a regular human being 196 00:07:28,664 --> 00:07:30,501 who likes to do regular human things. 197 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,170 You are not a vampire, 198 00:07:32,204 --> 00:07:33,807 and if... Oh, no. 199 00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:36,680 Ta-da! 200 00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,517 Well... 201 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:42,792 "A" for effort on the whole looking human aspect, but no. 202 00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,963 - (Nadja sighs) - Go upstairs and change into whatever your least vampirey 203 00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:46,900 vampire attire is. 204 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,804 - But that is this. - LASZLO: Yes. - GUILLERMO: That is this? 205 00:07:48,837 --> 00:07:51,543 - This is that. - NADJA: Okay, try this. 206 00:07:51,576 --> 00:07:54,048 (American accent): Oh, I love pizza so much. 207 00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:56,152 That's pretty good. 208 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:58,524 - (Nadja chuckles) - We have some water for... 209 00:07:58,557 --> 00:08:00,193 Wait, what happened? I thought you were gonna change. 210 00:08:00,226 --> 00:08:01,930 (normal voice): I couldn't find anything else to wear, 211 00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:03,534 - Guillermo. Just leave it. - GUILLERMO: Okay, okay. 212 00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,070 It's fine. You look great. Okay, let's do this. 213 00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:06,807 - (doorbell rings) - Oh! Here they are. 214 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,844 Now, don't you worry, big man. You just do exactly 215 00:08:08,877 --> 00:08:09,946 - what we rehearsed, all right? - COLIN: Mm-hmm. 216 00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:11,717 SEAN: Guys, here he is. 217 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,921 The man of the hour, Headmaster Warren. 218 00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,691 - NANDOR: Hi. - (Nadja chuckles) - SEAN (chuckles): Yeah. 219 00:08:15,725 --> 00:08:17,127 Now, back when I was in school, 220 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,532 he was nothing but a loser guidance counselor, 221 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,202 but he really helped me 222 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:24,174 set some more realistic goals for college. 223 00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:25,811 A four-year program isn't for everyone. 224 00:08:25,845 --> 00:08:29,218 But you turned out to be a fine young man, Sean. 225 00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:31,823 - Talking of fine young men, uh... - WARREN: Oh! 226 00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,961 - And this must be Colin. - LASZLO: Go on. 227 00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:35,598 Hello, young man. 228 00:08:35,631 --> 00:08:38,102 It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. 229 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:39,839 - And guess what? - What's that? 230 00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:43,079 I'm a remarkable smart lad who can sing and dance, 231 00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:45,618 and I never watch YouTube, 232 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,688 - and I never pound holes in the wall using a hammer. - LASZLO: Ah! 233 00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:49,224 - Okay! (laughs) - LASZLO: Off you go, Colin. 234 00:08:49,258 --> 00:08:50,895 I think we've had enough of that. 235 00:08:50,928 --> 00:08:52,598 - It's your bedtime, I think. - GUILLERMO: Please. 236 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,703 - Please, take a seat. - Oh, out of the mouths of babes. 237 00:08:54,736 --> 00:08:58,209 - NADJA: Oh, so human of him. (chuckles) - NANDOR: Yes. 238 00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,614 WARREN: So, uh, my apologies 239 00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:01,850 for not being fully up to speed, 240 00:09:01,883 --> 00:09:05,123 but, uh, who exactly are the parents? 241 00:09:05,156 --> 00:09:07,628 Uh... 242 00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:08,964 - LASZLO: Yeah. - NADJA: Uh... 243 00:09:09,899 --> 00:09:12,037 When I click my fingers, 244 00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,274 you will enter a trancelike state 245 00:09:14,308 --> 00:09:17,013 where you will hear nothing or see nothing. 246 00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:19,118 I will then click my fingers once more, 247 00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,155 and you will regain consciousness, 248 00:09:21,188 --> 00:09:23,761 remembering nothing of this pause. 249 00:09:23,794 --> 00:09:26,867 - (snaps fingers) - We really should have figured this out before they came. 250 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,637 Who are we gonna say the parents are? 251 00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:30,273 Let's just say that I'm the mother and you are the father. 252 00:09:30,306 --> 00:09:32,144 - Good idea. - LASZLO: That won't work, my darling. 253 00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:34,148 - I've already told him I'm the boy's uncle. - Shit. 254 00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:36,118 Fine, I will be the father. 255 00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,655 - Looking like that? - Yes. 256 00:09:37,688 --> 00:09:39,124 - Better than nothing. - Well, look at him. 257 00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:40,895 - NADJA: Laszlo, get over it! - LASZLO: Come on. 258 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,899 - NADJA: Ouch! Nandor. (clears throat) - Sorry. 259 00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:44,034 - (snaps fingers) - (laughs) 260 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,005 Yes, hello. 261 00:09:46,038 --> 00:09:48,009 We are Colin's parents. I am Nadja. 262 00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:49,879 I carried him to full term. 263 00:09:49,913 --> 00:09:52,819 Yes, and I am Matthew. 264 00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:55,624 Well, I'd love to ask you a few questions 265 00:09:55,658 --> 00:09:57,695 - about yourselves and Colin. - NANDOR: Mm. 266 00:09:57,728 --> 00:09:59,198 Yes, and we can answer those questions 267 00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,335 because we are very much Colin's parents. 268 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,738 - (chuckles) - NANDOR: Yes. 269 00:10:02,772 --> 00:10:04,274 And I am Matthew. 270 00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:05,811 Okay. 271 00:10:05,845 --> 00:10:08,015 - So, uh, let's get into it. - (zipper rasps) 272 00:10:08,049 --> 00:10:10,888 How old is Colin? 273 00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:12,758 - Twelve. - Forty-two. 274 00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,328 - Sixteen. - One. 275 00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:15,965 - (whispers): He's nine years old. - Nine! 276 00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:17,802 - ♪ He's nine. ♪ - Nine. 277 00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:19,639 Okay, great. (chuckles) 278 00:10:19,672 --> 00:10:22,377 Is everybody going to be staying for this next part, as well? 279 00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:24,081 I mean, usually, 280 00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:25,818 - it's only the... - (snaps fingers) - NADJA: I think 281 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:27,387 he thinks it's weird that it's not just me and Nandor. 282 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:28,924 - Matthew. - LASZLO: I think it's weird 283 00:10:28,957 --> 00:10:30,393 he wants you two alone in a room. 284 00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:32,130 Well, if everyone's staying, then I should stay, too. 285 00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:33,366 - You know, for human guidance. - (Nadja groans) 286 00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,803 Fine. I will fix this. 287 00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:36,640 - (clears throat) - (snaps fingers) 288 00:10:36,673 --> 00:10:38,944 - (Nadja chuckles) - ...uh, parents 289 00:10:38,977 --> 00:10:41,348 - who do the interview. - NADJA: Good point, yes. 290 00:10:41,382 --> 00:10:43,787 But I would like to say that we're all going to stay 291 00:10:43,821 --> 00:10:45,691 because we very much think of everyone 292 00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:47,695 - in this room as members of the family. - NANDOR: Mm-hmm. 293 00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,732 So, please, meet our butler 294 00:10:49,766 --> 00:10:53,105 - and our groundskeeper. - I'm the groundskeeper, by the way. Ha! 295 00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:56,412 (chuckles): Okay, then. One big, happy family. 296 00:10:56,445 --> 00:10:58,282 Everyone helps out here. 297 00:10:58,316 --> 00:11:01,121 - There's a lot of love in this family. - NANDOR: Mm. 298 00:11:01,155 --> 00:11:02,390 In fact, there's so much love, 299 00:11:02,424 --> 00:11:03,727 apparently, you're with Nandor now 300 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,230 and Laz doesn't mind? 301 00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:07,267 (chuckles): I mean, you know, it's no judgment. 302 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,971 What's the word for what you guys are? It's... 303 00:11:09,004 --> 00:11:10,808 - Polyamorous? - SEAN: Oh, 304 00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:12,110 I was thinking filthy hippies, 305 00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:13,847 but, uh, like I said, no judgement. 306 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,718 - Right, Mr. Warren? - (snaps fingers) 307 00:11:15,751 --> 00:11:17,822 - NADJA: Fuck's sake. - Of course this is a disaster. 308 00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:19,993 - He knows we're married, my darling. - NADJA: Let's just say 309 00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:21,963 that I am the mother and Laszlo is the father. 310 00:11:21,997 --> 00:11:24,268 - Who am I going to be? - You're the groundskeeper now. 311 00:11:24,301 --> 00:11:25,838 - Keep up. - (Nandor groans) - GUILLERMO: Come on. 312 00:11:25,871 --> 00:11:27,875 - Go, go, go, go, go. Careful. - I can see. 313 00:11:27,909 --> 00:11:29,879 Careful, the camera. Stop. No. 314 00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:32,284 - Stop. Ready. - Okay? 315 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,756 - (snaps fingers) - (Nadja laughs) 316 00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:37,260 WARREN: So, uh... 317 00:11:37,294 --> 00:11:39,298 I'm sorry. Uh... (chuckles) 318 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,870 - Where was I? - NANDOR: I don't know. 319 00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:44,976 I am just Matthew, the groundskeeper. 320 00:11:50,788 --> 00:11:51,957 (Nadja crying) 321 00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:53,426 And there Colin was, 322 00:11:53,459 --> 00:11:55,831 just perched on the top of the tree 323 00:11:55,864 --> 00:11:58,035 like a little snake. 324 00:11:58,069 --> 00:12:00,106 But not a snake. (sniffles) 325 00:12:00,139 --> 00:12:01,442 A real human baby. 326 00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:04,381 Very normal human baby. 327 00:12:04,414 --> 00:12:05,985 And we had no choice 328 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:09,157 but to, um, take him in, crying. 329 00:12:09,191 --> 00:12:10,861 That is very odd. 330 00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:13,533 - But really quite beautiful. - NADJA: Yeah. 331 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,802 WARREN: We consider it a positive 332 00:12:14,836 --> 00:12:16,405 to support family structures 333 00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:19,044 that at one time might have seemed unorthodox. 334 00:12:19,077 --> 00:12:21,750 In fact, I'd venture to say 335 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:26,125 we have families far less traditional than yours. 336 00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:28,797 - (snaps fingers) - Shit. We aren't different enough. 337 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,466 We need a weirder family structure. 338 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,070 The more unorthodox we are, 339 00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:33,774 the more chance we have of getting him in. 340 00:12:33,807 --> 00:12:35,410 No, I think we're doing fine with the adoption angle. 341 00:12:35,443 --> 00:12:37,180 - We need to be gay. - (Nadja gasps) 342 00:12:37,213 --> 00:12:39,852 No, there's plenty of gay parents out there. 343 00:12:39,886 --> 00:12:41,823 Trust me. Gay is in. 344 00:12:41,856 --> 00:12:43,994 Gay is hot. I want some gay. 345 00:12:44,027 --> 00:12:45,898 Gay it's gonna be. Nandor? 346 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,402 - (snaps fingers) - As you can see, we're Colin's two dads. 347 00:12:48,436 --> 00:12:52,077 Wonderful. You know, our school is quite proud 348 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:54,081 of our acceptance of family structures 349 00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:56,251 - that at one time might... - Yeah, can I stop you there? 350 00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:58,957 You need to know that we're very gay for each other. 351 00:12:58,991 --> 00:13:00,226 NANDOR: Completely gay. 352 00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:02,330 We are like two French trombones. 353 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,936 And this guy? I ream him nightly. 354 00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:06,405 NANDOR: And I'm always sucking him off. 355 00:13:06,438 --> 00:13:08,142 They are like, "Come, it's dinner! 356 00:13:08,175 --> 00:13:10,146 Stop sucking off your gay husband!" 357 00:13:10,179 --> 00:13:12,852 (chuckles) Which is amusing, 'cause I am dinner. 358 00:13:12,885 --> 00:13:15,156 - And I just carry on reaming him. - (whispering): Nadja. Nadja. 359 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:17,360 Sexually. You must understand that. 360 00:13:17,394 --> 00:13:20,333 Hey! You got a problem with these guys being gay? 361 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,003 - I will ream you. - (normal voice): No. 362 00:13:22,037 --> 00:13:24,041 - No, I don't have a problem. - SEAN: You better not. 363 00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,844 'Cause I don't mess with homophobes. 364 00:13:25,878 --> 00:13:27,280 - It's the 20th century now. - Thank you for that, Sean. 365 00:13:27,314 --> 00:13:29,151 - Well said. - Please just freeze them. Okay? 366 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,854 - Oh, for fuck's sake. (snaps fingers) - Appreciated. 367 00:13:30,888 --> 00:13:32,558 What'd you do that for? That was going great. 368 00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:34,461 If you're gonna do this, just hold hands and act normal. 369 00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:37,400 Stop talking about your explicit sexual activities. 370 00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,104 - LASZLO: Why? - Jealous. 371 00:13:39,137 --> 00:13:40,507 (snaps fingers) 372 00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:42,077 Y-Your relationship aside, 373 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,214 could you tell me a little bit about Colin? 374 00:13:44,247 --> 00:13:46,352 Oh, yes. Yes, they can. 375 00:13:46,385 --> 00:13:48,089 Yes. 376 00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:49,625 We can. 377 00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:52,163 LASZLO: Yeah. Um, Colin is a... 378 00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:54,067 - NANDOR: Um... - LASZLO: Yes. 379 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,403 - Give us a minute. - WARREN: Okay. 380 00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:57,173 Colin... 381 00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:59,411 - He... - LASZLO: Colin... 382 00:13:59,444 --> 00:14:03,486 - Uh... - Colin is a bright and energetic boy 383 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,023 who's eager to make friends. 384 00:14:05,056 --> 00:14:06,893 His favorite number is 31. 385 00:14:06,926 --> 00:14:08,462 His favorite color is brown, 386 00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:11,536 and he loves both classic stage and movie musicals. 387 00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:15,176 - He's actually quite a gifted singer and performer himself. - WARREN: Wow. 388 00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,213 For a non-parental figure, 389 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,484 - you sure seem to know a lot about Colin. - (Nadja snaps fingers) 390 00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,589 You bragging about all your Colin Robinson knowledge 391 00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:23,459 is making all of us look like skata. 392 00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:25,597 But no one was saying anything, so I had to say something. 393 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,467 Now he's going to think we're those absentee parent types 394 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,970 who know nothing about their children 395 00:14:29,004 --> 00:14:30,473 and let the nanny do all the work. 396 00:14:30,507 --> 00:14:33,012 - Yeah, well, you are. - NADJA: Fine. 397 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:35,149 You want to be king of Baby Colin Robinson? 398 00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:37,353 - (Nadja snaps fingers) - GUILLERMO: So, has it been hard 399 00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:40,293 raising Colin alone by myself 400 00:14:40,326 --> 00:14:43,365 as a single parent? Yeah. 401 00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:44,902 Perhaps that's why we're so close. 402 00:14:44,936 --> 00:14:47,541 We only have each other in this cold, 403 00:14:47,575 --> 00:14:50,146 - scary world. - NANDOR: Could I interest you in some 404 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:52,350 refreshments? Uh... 405 00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:53,687 Potato chips, some eggs, 406 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,524 cigarette, or perhaps a nice, ripe 407 00:14:55,557 --> 00:14:57,895 banana. 408 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,567 WARREN: Uh... 409 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:02,638 - Did that upset you? - I'm sorry, what? 410 00:15:02,671 --> 00:15:05,176 WARREN: Well, you look a little, uh, surprised, or maybe 411 00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:06,613 troubled by what 412 00:15:06,646 --> 00:15:08,115 - Guillermo just said. - NANDOR: No. 413 00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:10,319 That's just... allergies. 414 00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:12,691 This is how I look when I get my allergies. 415 00:15:12,725 --> 00:15:14,595 (stifled sneeze) 416 00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:16,465 WARREN: You know, one of the parents at our school is a 417 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,937 top-notch allergist. I could put you in touch with him. 418 00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:20,273 - Yes. - WARREN: A very nice family. 419 00:15:20,306 --> 00:15:23,446 Uh, his wife is a wonderful actress, 420 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,984 but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to mention her name. 421 00:15:26,018 --> 00:15:27,555 - Absolutely, no. - SEAN: Oh, go ahead. 422 00:15:27,588 --> 00:15:29,024 - Tell us. - No, no. - (overlapping chatter) 423 00:15:29,057 --> 00:15:30,126 SEAN: Come on. 424 00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:31,529 Let's just say that you would 425 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:34,502 recognize her from... 426 00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:37,307 more than a few episodes of Law & Order. 427 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,977 Law & Order. I was going to say... 428 00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:40,113 NADJA: (snaps fingers) Okay. 429 00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:41,248 I know what's going on here. 430 00:15:41,281 --> 00:15:43,252 It's as clear as day. 431 00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:45,991 This motherfucker is a starfucker. 432 00:15:46,024 --> 00:15:48,195 What? No, I don't think that's what he meant. 433 00:15:48,229 --> 00:15:49,966 NADJA: Yes, that is what these schools want. 434 00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,603 They want the famous parents, so they can be like, 435 00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:53,974 (mumbles) "I couldn't possibly 436 00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,276 "say anything, but 437 00:15:55,309 --> 00:15:57,080 "Lionel fucking Barrymore's kids 438 00:15:57,113 --> 00:15:59,451 might just go here." (mumbles) 439 00:15:59,484 --> 00:16:02,725 Nadja's right. He fucks stars. 440 00:16:02,758 --> 00:16:04,394 Where can we find a celebrity, and fast? 441 00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:06,131 LASZLO: Well, this is Staten Island, 442 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,739 which is a veritable playground for the glitterati. 443 00:16:09,772 --> 00:16:12,143 (Nadja laughs) 444 00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:13,445 This way. 445 00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,517 So, yeah, as long as it's SAG minimum, 446 00:16:15,551 --> 00:16:17,086 I'm down for anything. 447 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,088 Who's this guy? 448 00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,126 Shut up. (clears throat) 449 00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,563 (laughs) 450 00:16:21,596 --> 00:16:23,633 It is actually very interesting you say that 451 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,171 because, uh, Colin's father here, Mr... 452 00:16:26,205 --> 00:16:28,209 Sal Vulcano, 453 00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:30,714 is a very famous actor also. 454 00:16:30,747 --> 00:16:33,485 I wouldn't consider what I do acting, but... 455 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,423 LASZLO: This is Colin's father, 456 00:16:35,456 --> 00:16:39,097 you know, the guy from Incomprehensible Jesters. 457 00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:41,401 - Impractical Jokers... - Nobody cares. 458 00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,105 Just sit there silent. 459 00:16:43,138 --> 00:16:45,276 So, Sal here is Colin's father? 460 00:16:45,309 --> 00:16:46,345 - NADJA: Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 461 00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:48,249 Or... 462 00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:51,021 (chuckles) I'm sorry, it's been a long day, 463 00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:53,058 and my memory isn't what it once was. 464 00:16:53,092 --> 00:16:54,394 (laughter) 465 00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:57,033 Whoa. Who the hell is that guy? 466 00:16:58,737 --> 00:17:01,576 - It is me, Nandor. - SEAN: Oh, no, no. 467 00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:03,045 You're not Nandor. 468 00:17:03,078 --> 00:17:04,549 Okay, fine, fine, I am not Nandor. 469 00:17:04,582 --> 00:17:06,786 I am... Adolfo, 470 00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:08,422 the butler or some shit. 471 00:17:08,455 --> 00:17:10,192 - Yeah, all right. - Right. 472 00:17:10,226 --> 00:17:13,365 So... who exactly are the parents here? 473 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,637 - (laughs) Shit. - (snaps fingers) 474 00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:18,610 Uh... I'm not sure I get the joke of the bit. 475 00:17:18,643 --> 00:17:21,114 - (neck cracks) - (grunts) Laszlo! 476 00:17:21,148 --> 00:17:22,450 - (muffled scream) - Woops. 477 00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:23,452 LASZLO: Prick was getting on my nerves 478 00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:24,454 with his jibber-jabber. 479 00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:26,191 We'll drain him later. 480 00:17:26,225 --> 00:17:27,728 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you can hypnotize them 481 00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:29,565 for them to freeze and forget everything, 482 00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:31,569 wouldn't it be easier to just hypnotize Headmaster Warren 483 00:17:31,603 --> 00:17:33,205 into allowing Colin 484 00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:35,443 into the school without all this play-acting? 485 00:17:35,476 --> 00:17:37,447 Did this bitch 486 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:38,850 just say what I think he said? 487 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,787 - He did. - Are you off your tits, boy? 488 00:17:40,821 --> 00:17:42,858 - What? - NANDOR: He is. - NADJA: Exactly. 489 00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:44,762 We are in far too deep now, baby. 490 00:17:44,795 --> 00:17:46,331 The only way forward 491 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,670 is to stick to the plan. 492 00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:51,743 NADJA: Little Colin has so many hobbies, 493 00:17:51,776 --> 00:17:53,580 it's just very hard to keep track. 494 00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:56,218 Yeah, he definitely loves his big little head, you know? 495 00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:57,655 It's always bobbling all around. 496 00:17:57,688 --> 00:17:59,659 - Like yours, honey. - (laughs) 497 00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:01,796 This one and that one, they're all bobbling. 498 00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:04,502 DOLL NADJA: The pain of childbirth is nothing 499 00:18:04,535 --> 00:18:06,438 compared to the pain of child rearing. 500 00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:08,142 That's beautifully said. 501 00:18:08,175 --> 00:18:10,514 It's definitely not easy being a single mother, 502 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,118 but I love Baby Colin, my son. 503 00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:16,224 What the actual fuck is that? Is that a talking doll? 504 00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,464 So, um, please to tell me a little bit 505 00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:21,168 about Colin's hobbies? 506 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,337 Who is Colin? 507 00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:25,242 Colin is our son, my darling. 508 00:18:25,744 --> 00:18:27,447 LASZLO: Just to be clear, old-timer, 509 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,317 I'm not always the sucker, and he's 510 00:18:29,351 --> 00:18:30,520 not always the reamer. 511 00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:32,156 Though, he does ream me nightly. 512 00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:34,461 Adolfo, you dirty dog. 513 00:18:34,494 --> 00:18:36,899 Wait a second, haven't we already done this one? 514 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,803 Hello. 515 00:18:41,509 --> 00:18:42,845 - LASZLO: Seany! - OTHERS: Hey! 516 00:18:42,878 --> 00:18:44,247 Yo, Lasz. 517 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,418 (skunk chittering) 518 00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:48,757 You know what? I'm not doing this. 519 00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:50,126 - (Laszlo sighs) - GUILLERMO: Baby. 520 00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:54,735 I'm sorry to cut this short, but my head is killing me. 521 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:57,608 Oh, you, too? I got, like, the mother of all migraines. 522 00:18:57,641 --> 00:18:59,144 - (chuckles) - WARREN: Anyway, it's been 523 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:01,716 a most informative evening. (chuckles) 524 00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,653 So, uh, do you have Colin's transcripts? 525 00:19:03,687 --> 00:19:06,693 What? (stammers) What's that? 526 00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:09,264 His transcripts from his previous school. 527 00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:11,234 - He's never been to school... - I'll have them sent over tomorrow. 528 00:19:16,679 --> 00:19:18,550 GUILLERMO: So, yeah, I pulled a few strings to get 529 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,221 the guidance counselor from my old school to work up 530 00:19:21,254 --> 00:19:22,725 a fake transcript for Baby Colin. 531 00:19:22,758 --> 00:19:24,361 You know, not really happy about dipping 532 00:19:24,394 --> 00:19:25,831 into the nightclub fund for it, 533 00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,400 or the whole bribery thing in general, 534 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:28,770 but it's what's best for the child. 535 00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:31,576 Anyways, uh, I'm gonna go for a little walk, 536 00:19:31,609 --> 00:19:34,481 and I'll catch you guys back at the house, okay? 537 00:19:40,761 --> 00:19:43,566 (car beeps) 538 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,670 (muffled music playing) 539 00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:48,475 (music stops) 540 00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:50,580 (speaking Spanish) 541 00:19:56,692 --> 00:19:58,362 You take care of that, all right? 542 00:19:58,395 --> 00:20:00,600 (speaking Spanish) 543 00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:11,321 Hey, guys. 544 00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:13,593 Uh, what's up? (laughs) 545 00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:16,398 I thought we wrapped for me, I was wrapped for the day. 546 00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:18,268 This isn't what it looks like. 547 00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:20,372 I mean, sure, yes, I've had, you know, 548 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:21,876 access to more cash lately, 549 00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:23,813 ever since I became the bookkeeper for the club, 550 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,416 but... 551 00:20:26,819 --> 00:20:28,723 I know I shouldn't be stealing 552 00:20:28,757 --> 00:20:30,292 from the club, and I'm not stealing. 553 00:20:30,326 --> 00:20:31,461 I was just putting some cash aside 554 00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:32,931 to pay myself. 555 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,334 It's not even about me. 556 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,737 It's about family, okay? 557 00:20:35,771 --> 00:20:37,908 I just happen to have two families 558 00:20:37,941 --> 00:20:39,545 I got to take care of, huh? 559 00:20:39,578 --> 00:20:41,014 Just like you have a family. 560 00:20:41,047 --> 00:20:43,419 No? 561 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,657 I'll put it right there. 562 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,466 No takers? 563 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,036 LASZLO: Pick it up, lad! 564 00:20:52,069 --> 00:20:53,573 That's it. 565 00:20:53,606 --> 00:20:55,042 - Come on. Baby! - NANDOR: Power through. 566 00:20:55,075 --> 00:20:57,413 - Oh! - This is embarrassing. 567 00:20:57,447 --> 00:20:59,451 These kids need to watch some more Dream Team footage 568 00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:00,754 and then play like that. 569 00:21:00,787 --> 00:21:02,056 - Shut up bitching. - (hisses) 570 00:21:02,089 --> 00:21:03,693 LASZLO: He's doing a marvelous job. 571 00:21:03,726 --> 00:21:04,795 NADJA: Well, after all our hard work, 572 00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:06,632 Baby Colin did not get accepted. 573 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,672 Apparently, Headmaster Warren suffered a massive stroke 574 00:21:09,705 --> 00:21:11,542 only hours after meeting up with us. 575 00:21:11,576 --> 00:21:13,412 The reason for that is most human beings 576 00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:15,550 can only take seven hypnoses per hour. 577 00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:18,422 That man went through 428. 578 00:21:18,455 --> 00:21:20,426 So we didn't have to start all over again, 579 00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:22,396 we decided to enroll Baby Colin 580 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,367 in every community sports league 581 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,469 we could think of. 582 00:21:25,504 --> 00:21:27,073 The volleyballs, softballs... 583 00:21:27,106 --> 00:21:29,310 - LASZLO: And large balls. - NADJA: Baseballs, 584 00:21:29,344 --> 00:21:30,379 sports balls... 585 00:21:30,412 --> 00:21:32,350 Human stuff. 586 00:21:32,383 --> 00:21:33,987 They're obsessed with balls. 587 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:36,057 Kill them! Kill them dead! 588 00:21:36,091 --> 00:21:39,698 - Don't you think we might be pushing him a little too hard? - No. 589 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,502 This is essential for his college application. 590 00:21:41,536 --> 00:21:42,938 Plus, he's having a great time. 591 00:21:42,971 --> 00:21:45,376 NANDOR: Put it in the basket! 592 00:21:45,409 --> 00:21:46,679 (cheering) 593 00:21:46,712 --> 00:21:48,448 That's my boy! 594 00:21:48,482 --> 00:21:50,319 - NADJA: Yes, Colin! - LASZLO: Time for hockey. 595 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,421 Okay. 596 00:21:52,925 --> 00:21:54,929 NADJA: And now, finally, the boy's 597 00:21:54,962 --> 00:21:57,701 too tired to be such a little shit. 598 00:22:00,507 --> 00:22:02,711 NANDOR: So, ultimately, I realized 599 00:22:02,744 --> 00:22:05,784 I have been completely ruining my life 600 00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:06,786 and my face. 601 00:22:06,819 --> 00:22:08,857 What is ironical is that 602 00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:10,827 I was only doing this to make myself 603 00:22:10,861 --> 00:22:12,998 look better for my wife Marwa. 604 00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:15,469 This was for her, not for me. 605 00:22:15,504 --> 00:22:17,073 So, back to one? 606 00:22:17,106 --> 00:22:18,442 NANDOR: Yes, 607 00:22:18,475 --> 00:22:20,412 if you would be so kind. 608 00:22:20,446 --> 00:22:21,582 I live to serve. 609 00:22:21,616 --> 00:22:22,985 NANDOR: Yes, you do. 610 00:22:23,018 --> 00:22:24,655 Oh! 611 00:22:27,393 --> 00:22:28,663 Kind of tickled. 612 00:22:28,696 --> 00:22:30,432 - I say, Nandor... - NANDOR: Yeah? 613 00:22:30,466 --> 00:22:32,905 ...you really need to quit with the plastic surgery. 614 00:22:32,938 --> 00:22:33,907 You look insane. 615 00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:36,444 Ha, ha. Very funny, Laszlo. 616 00:22:36,478 --> 00:22:38,148 - No reaming for you tonight. - Oh. 617 00:22:38,181 --> 00:22:40,887 No reaming, no sucking, no tickling, 618 00:22:40,921 --> 00:22:42,658 - no fingering, no fucking. - (chuckles) 619 00:22:42,691 --> 00:22:44,828 And don't even think about scritchy-scratching 620 00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:47,433 on my door like a little horny squirrel. 621 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,505 You can bury your own nuts. 622 00:22:49,538 --> 00:22:51,609 ♪ ♪ 623 00:22:57,621 --> 00:22:58,790 GUILLERMO: Tonight's take. 624 00:22:58,823 --> 00:23:01,061 Oh, and a very good night indeed. 625 00:23:02,898 --> 00:23:04,568 It's all there. 626 00:23:04,602 --> 00:23:07,373 - Thank you, Guillermo. - Okay. Yeah, you're welcome. 627 00:23:15,189 --> 00:23:16,424 (sighs) 628 00:23:16,458 --> 00:23:19,097 This is not what it looks like. 629 00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:21,802 No. It's exactly what it looks like. 630 00:23:21,836 --> 00:23:23,138 - (laughs) - Oh, um, 631 00:23:23,171 --> 00:23:24,642 if you tell anyone this, 632 00:23:24,675 --> 00:23:26,779 I will kill you and your entire family, 633 00:23:26,812 --> 00:23:28,683 and I will invite all your friends to their funeral, 634 00:23:28,716 --> 00:23:31,989 and then I'll kill all of them, too, so... your choice. 635 00:23:32,023 --> 00:23:33,927 ♪ ♪ 636 00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:38,527 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48529

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