All language subtitles for The.Twelve.Tasks.of.Asterix.1976.FRENCH.1080p.BluRay.x265-VXT_2_English

The Twelve Tasks of Asterix

[Narrator:]
In the year 50 B.C., all Gaul,
now known as France,

was covered with
impenetrable forest,

where calm, peace,
and quiet reigned supreme, only the birds....

But, hey, wait a moment!
Wait a moment!

Uh, I said the year 50 B.C.!

Right, thank you.

In the year 50 B.C., all Gaul was
covered with impenetrable forests,

where calm, peace, and
quiet reigned supreme.

Julius Caesar,
after much fierce fighting,

had at last succeeded in
conquering Gaul,

intending to set the seal of Romans
civilization on his latest conquest.

Yes, all Gaul, now known as France,
was occupied by the Romans.

Well, no not quite!

For somewhere in Armorica,
a little village was...

still holding out against the invaders.

The little village surrounded by
Romans legions.

The brave people of this village.
But do I really need to introduce them?

Hands up, anyone in the house
who hasn't met them yet!

Oh, I see! All right!

I'll make the introduction.

This big hut is the home of the
undisputed chief of the village,

The formidable Vitalstatistix.

Darling! Please darling,
it's me who would be on that shield!

I'm the chief, after all!

I have got to go out shopping,
you can have the shield back later.

And meanwhile, you can
tidy the place up a bit.

It's like a wild boars sty!
Come on, you two!

[Narrator:]
And this is Cacofonix, the village bard,
people don't always appreciate his talents,

sometimes express their
feelings in a tactful delicate way.

Ah!

[Narrator:]
Ah! Here comes Dogmatix,

the village mascot and a great friend of
Obelix, the menhir delivery man.

Catch ye, Dogmatix, Dogmatix,
doggy, doggy!

I'm teaching him to retrieve
menhirs, Asterix.

He could be a big help in my work.

You know, Obelix. It isn't that I don't
think that dog's very intelligent.

But I do sometimes wonder if
he is rather small to carry menhirs.

[Narrator:]
The voice of reason you have just
heard belongs to the renowned Asterix!

The best warrior in the village!
The famous Asterix whose adventures,

on sale in the world best bookshops,
had been translated into every language.

Salute! Guten tag!
Hello! Hi!

[Greeting in different languages:]
Konnichiwa! Luv-Jak!
Ko-bo-la-co! Ta-mi-ni! Ko-ne-bei-na-lu!

[Narrator:]
But you may well ask how did this
little village with its handful...

of warriors managed to keep holding out
against the all powerful Roman invaders?

Well, that was thanks to the magic potion
brewed up by the Druid Getafix,

which gave superhuman strength to
those who were lucky enough to get it.

Oh, no, Obelix! No!

The potion has had a
permanent effect on you!

You know you fell into the cauldron
when you were a baby.

"Fell into the cauldron
when you were a baby."

Yo! Some Romans!

Centurion, what is good
to have another go?

You know what those Gauls will do to us.

That lot, they're simply not human!

Maybe, but those are Caesar's orders.
Who knows?

Perhaps it will be different this time.
Watch that gate!

I'm on the line!

Bien, bien, bien be!

Bien, bien, bien be!

Form square!

Forward!

Very humiliate a new wound to you!

Oh-Oh-Oh!

"Join the army," they said!
"It's a real man's life," they said!

"Real man's life"! Huh!

Uh, It didn't turn out so very different
from usually, Centurion?

- No! No, not very.
- I know rather a good joke...

"Post equitem sedet atra cula."
"Black world behind the horseman."

Right! These Gauls will make
Latin a dead language...

if Julius Caesar would insist
on fighting them.

Those Gauls simply aren't human, Centurion.
They just are not human!

You're right!
They're not human!

Ordinary mortals couldn't resist
the might of the Roman army.

I told you so.

They might be gods, we haven't
a hope of defeating the gods!

I'm going to Rome to tell Caesar.

The gods are against us!

They're Gods! You say this crazy
Gaulish villagers are Gods?

What a laugh!

But Caesar, we do have to admit that...

these Gaulish villagers
can keep your army obeyed.

In my opinion,
the time has come for us to adopt...

a realistic approach to the situation.

If the Gods are against us, we're done for.

While seeking to follow
a constructive line,

I hope nonetheless to be by objective,

and I have therefore come to
the following conclusion.

It's no good trying to fight gods.

Let us suppose to look
on the bright side,

we've only got to deal with
demi gods.

Well, even so, it's still an
extremely unpleasant predicament.

Huh!

To take an example, Hercules.
Anyone willing to take on Hercules?

Hercules? Gods or demigods!
I, Caesar, will show you cowardly...

old counselor that those half-wits
are only mortal, very mortal!

Bruto, stop playing about that knife,
you'll end up hurting somebody!

But how are you going to show us that
those Gauls aren't Gods, after all, oh Caesar?

Well, first, I shall
visit them myself,

and I should put them to certain tests which only the gods could perform.

And if they really are Gods
then I should give in.

But if they are just men,
ordinary human beings,

they'll have to face
the anger of Caesar!

And by Jupiter, I can tell you,

they'll finish up inside the lions
in the circus!

Get that chariot
and let us call for ready!

I think I heard a bell, Darling,
will you go and see who is there?

Julius Caesar is outside,
he wants to see you.

- Julius Caesar, the Julius Caesar?
- Himself!

Right, a towel for my feet,
fetch me shoes!

Let everyone know, Asterix!

Where are those shoe pairs?
I got go?

Yes, here I come!
Coming!

Leave them to me,
leave them to me!

No, calm, Oblix!
Let the Chief have a word.

- Ave, village Chieftain!
- Alright, Caesar, what are you doing here?

I have come to make a suggestion.

Your defiance of me
is bad for my reputation!

In Rome, they're beginning
to laugh at me.

They are saying a hand of half wits
can hold the Roman army obeyed.

Really? Watch your language jar,
by Toutatis!

But some people say
you must be gods.

- Us gods?
- Us gods?

Yes, gods! And if that is so,
then I will admit defeat.

But if you are only men...

then you're going to have to give in
to my power and accept our laws.

And just how for me and my friends suppose
to prove whether or not we're really gods?

- I wonder if you've heard of Hercules?
- Oh, Hercules the grocer?

No, no!
The God Hercules!

He performed 12 difficult tasks
with commitments to the Olympus

It's seen the gods saw that
he must be one of them.

These 12 tasks,
what were they?

1. He strangled the Nemean Lion.
2. Killed the Lernian Hydra.

3. Caught the Erymanthian boar alive.
4. Hunted down the stag with the brazen feet.

5. Shot the Stymphalian bird
with his bow and arrow.

6. Tamed the bull on the Island of Crete.
7. Killed Diomedes.

8. Conquered the Amazons.
9. Cleaned the Augean stables in a day.

10. Killed Geryones.
11. Stole the golden apples of the Hesperides, and...

12. Set Theseus free from Haydees.

And you want us to do
all these daft things,

just to show whether or not we're gods?

No, not exactly.
That's all a bit is out of date now.

With my consultant's help,
I've drawn up a new set of tasks for you.

Only gods could hope to perform
all of these huge tasks.

If you succeed,
I'll bow myself fairly deep.

But if you fail in even one,
then you will have to give in.

- It's a Deal?
- You bet your life, it's a deal!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Right! These tasks will
take you to Rome.

Caius Tiddlus!

Caius Tiddlus will act as
your guide along the way,

and he'll see that the tasks are
fairly performed.

He's the most trustworthy
man, and very honest.

So, if you should succeed,
Rome will surrender.

If you fail in a single task, then you will
all become slaves of Rome.

Okay, we'll have it done.

- Ave!
- Good!

Oh, you poor fools!

You really think Caesar would surrender
and let you become masters of Rome?

Come to think a bit, perhaps
we got a bit carried away.

Eh, your magic potion
will help us out, Old Druid?

Sure we'll have
lots of fun, by Toutatis!

Lots of fun!

Well, Asterix is the cleverest man
among us, and Obelix is the strongest.

So you two must be
only ones likely to succeed.

May Toutatis hear you!

Here is a gourd
full of magic potion, Asterix.

Mind you use it well!
You're going to need it!

Oh yes,
we're going to need it!

- Well then, are we up?
- We're up.

Funny, I wonder why Cacofonix hasn't
shown up to sing us a farewell song.

[Task 1:]
Hi, now for the first task,
follow me, will you please?

This is Asbestos,
just back from Marathon.

He was champion runner
at the Olympic Games.

He can run faster than a horse,
faster than the storm wind...

when it howls through the trees.

One of you will have to
beat him in a race.

You'll do it, Asterix!
You're a lot faster than me.

You're faster than a hoarse wind howling through the trees.

All right!

We'll be waiting for you on the other side
of this forest, on the finishing line.

It's on your mark, starts when all the
sand runs out of the hour glass.

Well, fancy this, you are a real Olympic
champion, that's very interesting.

You know, we have athletics
in the village, too.

But obviously, as we all
get some of the magic potion,

it is not very exciting.
Uh-huh!

Are you listening to me?

Right! I was saying it's
not very interesting, because...

we all get there at once and we have
to draw lots for the winner.

You notice that I don't need to drink
any magic potion before a race.

Because I've always been
a very fast runner.

I say, you are not very chatty, are you?

Hey, wait for me!

Uh! I think I 'd better take
a little magic potion after all.

The village's future is at stake.

Hello there, not a bad start!
Not bad at all!

You really took me by surprise!

I got held up a bit back there in the forest
because I stopped to pick the mushrooms.

See? I like to pick flowers, too.

Look, aren't they beautiful?

Hey, if you like apples I know a good place
over there which has a good tree.

Funny, the racer
improves his profile.

That seems it to be the first of your
tasks performed quite successfully.

So now for the next one.

Verses the Persian, the most amazing
javelin thrower the world has ever seen.

[Task 2:]
His javelin will cross the seas and oceans.
This is your second task.

Throw the javelin further than Verses.

War! It means war!

Now this time Asterix, let me!

All right! But throw it well,
as far as you can.

Just you watch!

Second task performed,
and now for the next one.

[Task 3:]
You are going to face
Cylindric the German.

No wrestler or gladiator
has ever beaten him.

Cylindric the German will come in
that way, you must wait for him here.

Look at the size of those gates,
he must be big Cylindric the German.

Good!
I like them big and strong.

- That's him, Cylindric the German?
- Why? He isn't big at all!

Oh, I like them big! Hey, suppose we
give him some magic potion?

Good day!

[Speaking in German accent:]
Which of you two gentlemen first,
or both of you at once, maybe ja?

I'll go first, and finish him off at once
and then we go on to the next task.

All right, but watch out, there must be
a catch; he's got some funny clothes on.

Yeah, the robe don't make the druid!

- Oh, the fat gentleman first, ja?
- I am not fat!

- Very very good, the fat one first.
- Listen, you--

I say, what a splendid way to fight!
I've never seen anything like it.

Ach ja, I have learned it on my travels,
long long travels far away.

- You'd like to have a go, ja?
- Uh, yes sorry!

It's easy. You have only to use
the man's own strength to get him down.

The stronger he is the better for you.

Easy, easy! You just say that
because you're strong!

Nein, nein, word of honor,
try yourself, here take my hand.

Put your foot right on the stomach,
then raise it backwards.

Ja, ja, good, bend down!
Ja, ja, harder harder! Ja, ja!

- Like this?
- Ja, ja, very good kungfu!

You get the idea!
Harder! Harder!

Ja, practice, well done!

Ja!

Ja! Ja! Ja!
Ver' gut!

Wasn't I really good?

Very good,
but it's a little bit soft, nein?

Good! The next ding thing,
when you have got me on the ground,

you take advantage that I'm dizzy
and you jump on me, ja.

Like that?

Good, sure!
You take hold of my arm like this.

And then you pull.
You tie a knot.

That's good!
And now the other arm.

That's excellent!
And what will you think comes next?

The leg, right leg!

Wunderbar, left leg!
Fantastic!

And so you can see
now I can't move at all!

Why you have....
You have....

You have beaten me, mein her?

They've got through
the first two tasks all right.

Not bad, but it proves nothing.

Rome is not Gaulish yet.

They've not had much to cope with so far.
Now, however, the next task!

They will have to face the priestesses
of the Isle of Pleasure.

Ha ha ha ha ha....

I never knew there was a lake here.

[Task 4:]
Well, there is! And you have
to get across it. That's your next task.

I shall go and wait
on the other side, right?

Of course to think conceivable,
you should succeed.

There is a boat over there.
Bon voyage!

I call this test a piece of cake.
We'll reach the other side in no time.

We'd better be careful though,
you never can tell.

Uh! The lake's calm!
The boat doesn't seem to leak.

[Charming voices]

Oh, they sing better than Cacofonix.

Welcome to the Isle of Pleasure,
we were expecting you, this way.

Nice little place you've got!
But who are you, Miss?

Never mind who we are, don't worry!
Give yourself up to pleasure.

This way, we're going to show you
all over our island.

And now you've seen our island,
the island you will never leave again.

Your lightest wish shall be
our command, forever and ever!

What would you like, bold warrior?

- Some food.
- Some food?

Why not, I'm starved, dancing out
in the open makes me hungry.

You're here on the Isle of Pleasure.
The chief priestess herself asked...

you what you would like,
and you ask for food?

Of course, eating is a great pleasure!

This is the Isle of Pleasure, isn't it?

All right, we can provide
nectar and ambrosia.

Nectar? No fair, no fair!
Oh, no! None of that boring old stuff!

I want a nice wild boar,
wild boar is very tasty.

You call nectar and Ambrosia boring?
But that is food for the gods themselves.

Well, are you god or aren't you?

I suppose we may be
gods but we eat wild boars.

But.... But there aren't any
wild boars on this island.

What?
There aren't any boars?

And you expect me to stay
with you for good?

You must be off your head!

Get lost fatty, you really think I'd
lower myself to do your cooking?

- Why not washing up, too?
- And the housework?

- Fetch shoes!
- Push off, get out!

You bet your life,
I'll get out!

Not one wild boar and they dare to call this the Isle of Pleasure! Suck pleasure!

Come on, Asterix!
There's nothing here for us.

Never mind him!

We'll give you pleasure such as
the gods enjoy on Olympus, oh warrior!

Asterix!

[Task 5:]
And the next task will
take place in that temple.

- What do we have to do in there?
- You will be required to look deep...

into the dreaded eyes of the Iris,
the great Egyptian magician.

By Osiris and by Apis, look at me,
look into my eye!

You have turned into a cat!
By Osiris and Apis, a cat! That's right!

By Osiris and by Apis,
there's a dear good pussy cat in!

Nice little fur, off you go,
good pussy cat!

Next, please!

By Osiris and by Apis, look into my eyes!
You have turned into a bird.

Yes, a bird!
By Osiris and by Apis, a bird!

- You saw that?
- Yes, he was flying low, we'll have rain.

Next!

What's all this about?
Oh, yes I remember now.

And which of you who is about
to undergo my special treatment?

Bearing in my mass,
my appointment book is very full.

- I'll have a go.
- All right, seat yourself just there, could you?

Ready then?
I'll begin.

By Osiris and by Apis, look at me!
Look!

- How do you do all that with your eyes?
- Silence, concentrate, please!

By Osiris and by Apis, look at me,
look in my eyes!

By Osiris and by Apis, you
have turned into a--

What, I wonder?

A wild boar! You Gauls
are very fond of wild boar.

Lets start again!
By Osiris and by Apis, look in my eyes!

You have turned into a wild boar!

- Yes, a wild boar!
- Can you light one of them up at a time?

Ah-yah!
I'm concentrating!

Where was I?
A wild boar.

You are a wild boar! A wild boar!
Do you hear? A wild boar!

It must be very useful
for reading in bed!

Silence!
I start again.

You are a wild boar,
by Apirsi and Osaris, I read you!

By the authority from Rhepatri.

Set all by Orisis...! Oh mama!
You repeat after me:

I am a wild boar!
A wild boar!

You are a wild boar!
You are a wild boar!

That's right!
I am a wild boar!

A wild boar!
A wild boar!

No! No! No!

He seems made me hungry
going on about wild boar.

What's more, it's lunchtime.

[Task 6:]
Well, that's lucky,
because your next task...

will be to eat every morsel of a meal
prepared for you by Manycanfix.

The great chef of the Titans.

No mortal man has ever got through
one of his enormous meals!

But you will have to eat it all down
to the last crumb. Bon apetit!

Ah, an interesting kind of task at last,
it's my turn now, right?

Ah-ha!
No doubt about that!

[In foreign accent:]
Ha, you are expected, Monsieur!

Alors! Sit down, and I'll bring in
the banquet right away!

- What's this?
- Oh, this I have invented myself!

It shapes like wood cheeps that
grow in the ground.

I haven't yet found the right name.

Ze geese!

Geese ees good,
because zey are fat!

Ze nice flock of muttons!
Made for the hungry wolf!

Ze great Titanic omelette!

Eight dozen eggs!

Ze 'ole school of fish, that teaches
you what is like to eat well!

The ox, look at him!
He will melt in your mouth!

Ze cow, it might less tasty,
but it's much more delicate!

Ze veal, because to separate
the family that would not be right.

A muffin of caviar,
large kind, et vie demond.

And a piece of toast to go with it.

Ze camel! Zis you will like,
and it comes with good stuffing too.

And before we start on the next course,
the elephant whipped body!

Did he eat everything?

Yes, he ate everything!

I have nothing left in my kitchen!
Oh god, I will have to shut my shop!

Did anyone see which way
the chef went?

He walked out,
but I'd only had a few starters!

What's on earth all this?

What's up with you, my fellow,
now you're fitting in that extremely silly way?

I'm only get silly?

I am going to get ready
to be ruler of Rome, am I?

Ruler of Rome, heh!
Well, honestly!

You see, when my lads get up on
those tasks successfully,

we'll all be setting off for Rome.

For Rome? Do you really think
Rome will ever be Gaulish?

I think you are counting your wild
boar piglets before they are hatched.

- You think so?
- Yes. Yes. Why don't you all go home?

That's right, run along, will you?
Leave us alone!

You--
You don't think they will win?

Caesar is mighty! He has made a pact
with the powers of darkness.

Only the gods know what dreadful dangers
Asterix and Obelix may still have to face.

[Task 7:]
And now you must go inside
the cave of the beast.

- The cave of the beast?
- Uh-huh.

And what is this beast like?

I have no idea, no one
has ever come out alive.

Well, nice to have known you!

- Coming Obelix?
- Why not? the place looks quite interesting.

- How many then?
- Eh? Oh, two!

Watch out there, get down!

- Hey, Asterix!
- Yes I know! We shall have rain
when the birds fly low.

Not really, Asterix! We can keep
nice and dry inside this cave.

Fifteen all.

Excuse me please, Sir,
are we right to the beast?

So you might at least answer
when I ask a question.

People has known many of ghostly things!

Huh, beast may off case!

If they think they can frighten us,
they are wrong!

Because everyone knows that
we fear only one thing,

which is the sky falling on our head.

Shhhh! Watch out!

What might that be?

I have no idea, but I am
really getting rather fed up.

We seem to have been
in this cave quite some time.

- Come to think of it! What is the time?
- It's about twelve noon.

Don't say you're hungry again already!

Why shouldn't I be hungry?
I'm always hungry at twelve noon.

I could eat anything at all!
Do you hear me? Absolutely anything!

The beast!

I hope you will forgive my curiosity,
but the beast, what was it like actually?

Very tasty, waiter I'd like a drink.

A drink sent to you right a way!

Those people seem very odd,
by Toutatis!

They've all been in the place
that sends you mad.

The place that sends you mad?

[Task 8:]
Yes, and you'll have to go in there as well,
that's your next task.

- What do we have to do in this place
that sends you mad?
- Oh, nothing much!

You have to obtain a certain permit
which will then allow you to the next task.

I see! Nothing but a simple
administrative formality?

That's right, a formality,
a simple formality!

You merely have to ask for
permit number A38.

All right, Obelix!

- Desk!
- What is it?

We want a copy of
permit number A38.

Want to register a galley now?
They sent you to the wrong place.

You need to ask at the Habor Masters
all the way down at the port.

What? Ay!

No, uh, we don't want to register a galley,
we want a copy of permit number A38.

That port, you'll find it at the other
place of town, it's down by the seaside.

We don't want to go to the port,
we want a copy of permit number A38.

- Eh?
- Permit number A38!

There is no need to shout!
What manners!

What do you think you are,
by Jupiter?

Apply at window number one, left hand
corridor, last door on the right, got it?

- Last door on the right?
- Last door on the right?

- There is no door on the right.
- Uh! He must have got it wrong!

Lets try the door opposite.

And who gave you permission
to come into my office?

- Oh, well! We're looking for window one.
- Consult the floor plan on the 6th floor.

Close the door. Impertinent!
Now, where were we, Miss Anica?

These stairs are pretty steep.

Carry on!

- This one?
- No this is the 4th floor; we want the 6th.

Ah, this is the plan.

- Can't make it out at all!
- I know, here the case!

Window number one is on the ground
floor, last corridor on the right.

- What is your business?
- We just want a copy of permit number A38.

You have been misdirected,
you have to apply window number 2.

- Next door to this one?
- No, that one is window 8.

I thought window 8 puts number 2!
Ask the front desk!

But, but!....

Where's window 2?

I've already told once
the port is down by the sea side!

- But I don't want the port, I want--
- Now, gentlemen, just calm down.

Someone is trying to work, and
what is the problem, may I ask?

I have no idea, Mr. Plivexanding!
They keep jabbering a lot of nonsense!

We are...
We are looking for window 2.

Window 2, where exactly
did they put that one?

Last time anyone saw it, it was somewhere on the
3rd floor, corridor B, door 6. Mr Plivex, Sir!

Well, there they are, gentleman!

There was nothing
to get so tough with that!

- We seem to be getting somewhere now.
- Mmmm, I'm not all that confident.

So eventually she bought some material from a
Phoenician trader to redecodate her cubiculum.

But how strange, how odd!

Oh, well, you know, huh,
the kind is old stuff to show off.

She can't even afford to keep a slave!
- Uh, Miss...

So, that Iberian claiming that she preferred
to do her house work herself!

But I know that her
husband's financial situation...

- Excuse me?
- What? Can't you see I'm busy?

Where was I?

See a nice suit circulation!

Oh, yes! Poor old Claudius!
You know he worked up...

a nice little business building site.

- Well, Dear, the--
- Excuse me, Miss!

Why don't you a little bit
loudly say what you want?

Permit number A38!

- Have you filled in a blue form?
- A blue form?

- No!
- Then how do you think to get permit A38?

- Where can I get hold of this blue form?
- Window one.

I'll be in there!

That's the idea. That viaduct
is the first gust of wind crashed.

Did it collapse?

Nothing left but some ruins. Still they
look picturesque in the country.

She's at lunch but you could apply
at window 75, ask him down other there.

You are responsible for whatever
you has been done!

Fill in this form then you'll be able
to get the pink form.

- What pink form?
- The one you need in order to get...

permit A38, window 12, second floor
staircase B, corridor J.

You need the yellow form, window 7 on
5th floor, staircase K, corridor W.

Get the green form, window 14 on the
first floor, staircase F, corridor T.

Get the blue form, window 36 on the
6th floor, staircase B corridor C.

Get the valid form,
window 42, corridor....

Stop it!

Calm down, Obelix, Calm down!

There, there, calm down!

We shall never get out of here, Asterix,
the magic potion won't be any help to us here.

We'll go mad,
and we'll be Julius Caesar's slaves.

Not if I know it!

Uh, no! It's true the magic potion
not any good in here.

But I know what. I can fight them
with their own weapons, you watch this.

Is this where I get the permit A39?

Don't you mean A38?
No, the permit A38--

No, no, no no! What I want is permit A39,
as stipulated in the new circular B65?

Do you mean we would have circular B65?
Wait, check!

Hear, we have to check the B65.

Huh? Circular B65?
The one about 10 late last night.

Not me, we shall have to find out from...

the head of filing systems of material
not yet coordinated.

It's on the 5'th floor,
staircase Z, corridor B now.

The office has moved to the second floor,
staircase H, corridor N, shall we go?

Yes, come on!

Circular B65, about permit A39?

No. The messenger sent you provisional material must have forgotten to let us know!

That's on ground floor,
staircase 2, corridor U.

What? The new circular?
I haven't even been told!

Now, I'm serious.
I just hate non-timing materials.

- Where is he?
- Lets go and ask down at the desk.

- Calm down, quiet, quiet!
- Please, sir...

I'm very busy just now,
what are you after?

Permit number A38!

All right, and kindly leave!
Some people here try to work!

Ave Caesar,
morituri te salutant.

Yes Caesar, they performed
them all, even that last task.

Hercules himself would
have failed that.

Uh, I must admit they are remarkable,
but they haven't yet got to Rome.

I have 7 special treats installed for them,
there is no need to worry!

By Mercury, we shan't
be seeing a little Gaulish village...

becomes the capital
of the Roman world!

We can proceed
with the rehearsal now.

Well, I guess so, Ceasar!
The rehearsal is just about over.

[Task 9:]
Let's see what's next on the list.
Oh, yes, you'll have to cross this canyon.

Walking across that invisible thread
that you do not see there.

Walk along an invisible thread?

Why don't we cross down below?

I can see a small river
and the water looks calm.

Yes, but in fact that little river
is full of crocodiles.

Lots of many sacred crocodiles,
they were a present given to Caesar...

by the Egyptian head of state,
Queen Cleopatra.

They are very savage creatures
and very voracious.

Yes, I don't like crocodiles.
I tried them once, they were stringy.

Come on, Asterix!

Oh, all right! I suppose
we should have to.

- You coming?
- You start, I'll follow

Here we go!

[Task 10:]
Your next tasks is to make
the ascent of this mountain.

At the top you must look for
the old man of the mountains.

And what do we have to do
with this old man of the mountains?

The old man of the mountains
will ask a difficult riddle.

You will have to answer correctly.
If you get it wrong, the results...

will be quite fatal. I mean as far as
you're concerned of course.

Why can't this old man come
down here to ask his riddle?

Come on, don't be a lazy bones!
Here we go!

There must be a marvellous
view from up here.

Hey, I've run out of mountain side.

I expect that because you've got to the top,
the old man can't be far away.

Would you be the old man
of the mountain, old man?

Hey, I am the old man of the mountain.
Have you miserable mortals...

come to ask for the riddle?

Oh, well! I'm glad we haven't been
climbing the wrong mountain.

Come on, ask your riddle,
old man of the mountains.

It's not very warm up here,
by Toutatis!

One moment!
Do you know, foolish men,

that if you fail to give me
the right answer,

you will be plunged instantly
into the eternal depths of hell?

After climbing all this way, not likely,
I 've got better things to do.

Come on, the riddle.

So be it, mortals, follow me!
Ah, mine!

You ought to take a trip to the
seaside, do you good!

Oh, please, presumptuous mortals,
one of you, eyes blind folded,
must inform me.

But there is still time to go back.

Oh, go on, ask your riddle!

One of you two will have to tell me
which of these two piles of laundry...

has been washed with Olympus,
the god's detergent.

This one
It's silkier, softer.

Yes, you have got it right!

Sure enough this pile
is much softer, gentler, whiter.

The gods do their washing
with Olympus which washes whiter...

and leaves your hands so, so soft!

O, ye gods,
did you hear that?

This mortal has given the right answer.

O, ye gods, did you hear that?
Reply!

Did you hear that, reply!

[Jupiter:]
Yes, all right!
We can all hear you.

Those Gaulish lads are pretty good.

You must admit, too, Olympus really does
wash whiter and leaves your hands soft,
ever since soft.

- Ok! We get the idea!
- You military man.

- Silence, by me!
- But listen, oh, Jupiter!

Do these Gauls who are doing so well,
get a place up here, too?

We're rather short of space,
as it is.

Quiet!
We don't let all and sun ray lie apart.

And to be honest,
I'm getting fed up with them!

Getting fed up!

Rome's over there,
not far away.

[Task 11:]
But before you're allowed inside,
you have to spend the night on this plain.

Spend the night on this plain?

Ah, good idea!

I feel a bit tired after
those tasks, I need a sleep.

Yes! But I ought to warn you that all
who have dared to spend the night...

on this plain before you
have died of fear. It is called...

the Plain of Departed Spirits.
Well, good night!

Be back delight expression!

What do you suppose
happens on this plane?

Oh, I don't know and I don't care!

We must be fit and well tomorrow to
enter Rome to tackle our last task.

Lets go to sleep now.

There's no need to go further.
We'll be all right here.

- You! You're sure?
- Uh-huh! Good night, Obelix.

Good night, Asterix.

Fall in!

Good! Some Romans!
All those Roman just for me!

Forward march!

Don't make so much noise,
we don't want wake up Asterix!

Form a triangle!

A heart!

A diamond!

A spade!

A cubs!

Away!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha....

I now chop off your head,
poor mortal!

We are departed spirits.
Yes, we are ghosts,

who had stayed at cursed battle field
where we were massacred...

because of the greedy
and massive of men.

And at this witching hour,
we take revenge by making...

all those who dare to spend
the night here die of fear! Ha, ha, ha, ha....

Obelix, what's going on around here?
What's all this row about?

Please, don't be angry, Asterix! they're
only trying to keep...

their spirits up because they all got parted
by some witches and mad men.

Oh, no! You gonna got it all wrong!
I'll explain.

Listen, actually, we are
departed spirits, and--

I couldn't care who you are,
do you know what the times is?

- Yes. Oh, no! Do please listen.
- No, you can just listen to me!

We've run a big race,
we've been throwing the javelin,

we've been wrestling, we've been hard
to play priestesses, magicians,

big meals and beasts, cival servants,
crocodiles, and we need a good nights sleep.

You can keep your spirits up,
but kindly don't keep us up, huh!

- Please, Sir, you must excuse him.
- Obelix, come here!

Oh, do listen!
We're only ghosts!

Quiet!

Get up, you are expected!

But, where are we?

You are in Rome, outside Julius Caesar's
palace. Caesar is expecting you.

I bet that something funny going on here,
or the Romans have learned to build very fast.

Oh, what does it matter?
Come on then, soldier, take us to your leader!

- So, here you are in Rome, at last.
- Yes, here we are, Julius.

Caius Tiddlus has told me
all about you journey.

Yes, oh Caesar! They have
managed to perform all talks,

overcome all problems and
succeeded every time.

You can not be denied, Gauls,
The Gods have kept you alive.

And this is where your luck runs out,

since it's unthinkable for you to
become masters of Rome!

[Task 12:]
The last task of all will be the circus,

where you will be massacred along
with the other Gauls from your village.

Here we are, everyone!

So this is Rome.
Frankly, I'm disappointed.

I think the time has come
to give you a little music.

Look!
Look at what I've seen!

Kiriasfix!

Ave Caesar!
The Gauls request audience.

It's the lads.

Here they are!

- Here they are!
- Just look, they've all come, Dogmatix.

You Gauls!
Quiet!

Do you know where you are?
Silence!

Silence, I said!
Silence!

You are all slaughtered for
the amusement of my people!

And then nothing at all!

Nothing will cast a shadow
on my triumph!

Guards!

Well then, well then,
which is it?

Good-- Thats's for the gladiators, that one for the ones goes next.

That is okay. That is for Fulvia,
I wonder what he's doing in there...

That one for the lions.

Let me do it!
I'll be happy to lend you a hand.

Have you ever been to come to Rome?
They got the knowledge, little one!

- Caesar's just arrived!
- What a great big crowd!

Roll up everyone, it's ready!

He gives them the magic potion,
but I can't have any.

[Announcer:]
Will the owner of the carriage parked in front
of ours seek to talk to the building office,

as it is causing an obstruction?

- I hope everything is ready.
- Yes, oh Caesar!

Just to start, these unhappy Gauls
will have to face...

the fiercest of our gladiators,
and rarely fail any survivors.

Well, well, well, I'll take it,

with account of the wild beasts,
with the lions and tigers,

panthers and bears,
and even elephants.

A wonder ful program!
The audience will love it!

All right!
You can bring out the gladiators!

Ave Caesar!

I think we should all get ready,
it will soon be our turn.

Good! I'm going in first and you all
follow me and keep in line, please!

There're going to be people there watching us,

so lets show some dignity.

And why should you go first?

I'm your chief, that's why
I should go in first!

But we've been doing all the work
haven't we, Asterix?

- Somebody has turn for the fun now.
- That's right! Some people will get the luck.

- So you let me find I worthed.
- We'll join you!

Who said "Excuse me"?
Everyone stand back!

- You see my fist right here?
- You see my foot right here?

- We go to all that covered and you stupid--
- Stupid yourself, Fatty!

Oh, Asterix,
he called me "Fatty"!

You can drag the Gauls on now.

- Leave them to me! Leave them to me!
- No, we won't! No, we won't!

Won't such way!

- I'll smack your face!
- You Just try it!

- Shut up!
- Go on, try it! You just try it!

Oh, run away!

Let me have one! Let me have one!

Hello!

Huh? Hello!

- Hee-hee-hee! I've won!
- You won what?

Up here! Up here!

Pass him, please!
Pass him!

Ow, ow! I've injured myself!
Ow, ow, ow!

Ow! I'll going to be--

Jolly good, jolly good, that's right!
Oh yes, I like this!

Obelix, take this!

Pass it on!

Who want to throw that cup of pie, huh?
Who threw that pie?

Come on now, cheaty!
Ha ha ha! Oh, oh!

Wild beasts!
Bring on the wild beasts!

I regret the Gauls
making children laugh!

They will ruin the circus!

Stop that!
Will you stop!

You Gauls, you performed those
twelve tasks I set you,

you've succeeded in every one of the
difficult tasks which I go up for you.

So you must be gods!

And it's no good trying
to fight against gods.

You are indeed masters!

I leave my fate and that of Rome
entirely in your hands.

[Narrator:]
With great magnanimity, the Gauls
allowed Julius Caesar

to retire to a little country villa
to live there in peace and quiet,

far from the responsibilities of the past.

Julius, your dinner is ready!

What a really wonderful cook
you are, Cleopatra Dear!

[Narrator:]
As for our friend Caius Tiddlus, he was
allowed to choose his own reward...

for his good and faithful services.

And at last, back in Gaul,
in the little village which is now...

the center of the known world,
our friends reunited,

celebrated their return
with a banquet under the stars.

Have we really become
the masters of Rome?

Lets face it!
This is only a cartoon film, hee-hee-hee-hee,

and anything goes.

Anything goes?

VictorR – 09/07/2013.