All language subtitles for The Partridge Family s03e20 Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex.eng

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ and spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ we get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

What are you doing?

Making a time capsule.

Danny partridge pictures,
Danny partridge autographs,

fan-magazine interviews
with Danny partridge.

I figure future historians

are gonna want to know what
Danny partridge was really like.

I can't imagine why.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. You're awful cheerful.

Well, finals are next week,

and today the teachers
told us how we're doing.

Well, I guess from your
attitude, you're doing okay.

Mr. Grisbee has me
a little low in biology,

but I know I can
make it up on the final.

You're not doing
well in biology?

Mom, I'm not doing
badly. See, I'm smiling.

If I were really in trouble,
I'd come in looking like...

Like that.

Keith? I don't
want to talk about it.

What's wrong?

I don't want to
discuss it now or ever.

If anybody calls,
I'm not at home.

And I may not be
down for dinner.

He's really upset.

Do you think he's
failing a subject?

He's doing great in Spanish.

Just yesterday, I
heard him say "Taco."

he's doing okay in history
and math and chemistry.

Well, there's no point
in guessing about it.

I'm going to go and
have a talk with him.

The only other courses he's
taking are physics and... uh-oh.

Uh-oh what?

There's only one other
course that he could be flunking.

No wonder he's so upset.

What course?

Mom, I think america's
heartthrob is flunking sex education.

(Knocking on door)

Come in.

I brought you something to eat.

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

Keith...

Are you having a
problem at school?

Keith.

(Sighing) Yeah.

Is it your sex education class?

That does it. I bet there are
billboards up all over town.

"see the big dummy
flunk sex, " Right?

Are you really
flunking sex education?

Mom, it's not funny.

It's a required course.

If I flunk it, I don't graduate,

and that means no
college next year.

Oh.

I didn't realize.

But, Keith, nobody
flunks sex education.

I know. I've done all the work.

Old man grisbee's just
out to get me, that's all.

I just can't believe he'd
prevent you from going to college

because he doesn't like you.

Mom, the man is gonna
flunk me. He told me so.

And I honestly don't deserve it.

Well, then I'm going to
get to the bottom of this.

I know you don't
like me interfering,

but if he's as prejudiced
as you say he is,

I'm going to have
a talk with him.

Good.

Good? You mean you
want me to interfere?

No, but I've tried everything
else. Worth a shot.

Well, I'm pleased you
think I might be able to help.

Oh, I don't think you can help.

Maybe you can find
out why he hates me.

(School bell rings)

Mr. Grisbee?

Let me guess. Mrs. Avers.

No.

Mrs. Hacker? No, I'm...

Mrs. Partridge.

How did you know?

I know the students I'm failing.

Now, if your name began with an "A,
" I would have guessed you right off.

Mr. Grisbee, I want to
talk to you about Keith.

And I'd like to
talk to you, too.

But unfortunately, I have a faculty
meeting in exactly five minutes.

My son is failing this class,
and I'd like to know why.

Very simple.

His work is below par, so
I graded him accordingly.

Keith seems to think that
there's another problem.

I see. The other
problem being me?

Mrs. Partridge, I do not grade my students
on how much I like or dislike them.

Are you saying
you don't like Keith?

I'm saying it doesn't matter.

You want Keith to pass, I
suggest you get him to study.

Study his gluteus
Maximus off. His what?

Ask Keith. I don't
think he'll know, either.

Will somebody please tell
me what this is all about?

Laurie, do you really think
mom has a chance with grisbee?

Oh, sure. Really?

No.

Hey, will somebody
please talk to me?

My wish has finally been
granted. Shirley, I've...

Keith, he is definitely
not a sweet man.

You struck out.

On three pitches.

Okay, what did he say?

He said you're flunking his class
because your work is below par.

Honey, tell me honestly. How well
are you really doing in that class?

Mom, I talked to some
of the kids in Keith's class,

and they think grisbee's
coming down on him pretty hard.

Keith: There, you
see? Excuse me?

Could I ask one teensy question?

Sure.

What class is he failing?

Anatomy. Sex education.

(Snickering)

Reuben.

I'm sorry, Shirley. But it's
like hearing that Marcus welby

flunked germs.

If he doesn't pass that class,
he won't be able to go to college.

Oh. I didn't know
it was that serious.

Look, kid, I'm a bachelor.

I've been, you know, around.

So if there's anything you'd
like to know, just ask the old pro.

Okay.

Name seven functions of the
female reproductive system.

They teach you that kind
of trash in public school?

Look, it could be worse.

Even if he does flunk, he can
make it up in summer school.

No, he can't.

Not unless you want to forget
all about the summer tour.

We may have to.

Look, there's a
week till that final.

I'm going to score
so high on that test

that grisbee will
have to pass me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have some work to do.

I just can't believe it.

Keith partridge
flunking sex education.

Well. He and I finally
share something in common.

Reuben, they didn't teach sex
education when you went to high school.

Yeah, I know, but
I flunked it anyway.

(Knocking on door)

Come in.

Hi, stranger. Haven't seen
much of you in the past few days.

Yeah, I know.
I've been studying.

I know.

I wish you wouldn't
stay up all night, though.

You're going to be
a physical wreck.

There's only two more
days left till that test.

And old man grisbee
may have it in for me,

but I'm going to make it
really tough for him to flunk me.

Honey, I wish I could
help you with this.

I'm afraid this time
you're on your own.

You did your best.

Get to bed early.
You need some sleep.

Yeah. I'll go to bed as
soon as I finish this chapter.

Maybe the next.

You know, you used to draw those
pictures when you were nine years old,

only the parts weren't labeled.

Mom, please, it's embarrassing.

Night, hon. Night, mom.

I was waiting for mom to leave.

I wanted to talk
to you man to man.

You're about five years early.

I know you're in a bind, and I
sympathize with you. I really do.

Well, thanks, Danny.

That's why I brought you this.

Playpen magazine?

Let's face it, it's
filled with visual aids.

Besides, there is a quiz in here
called, "What's your sex IQ?"

the page is turned down.

All the pages are turned down.

Well, this issue had a
lot of interesting articles.

Here it is.

The first question. What
qualities do you like in a girl?

I said I like girls
that chew gum.

Won't talk about it.

Suppressing your
emotions isn't good.

Question seven relates to that.

When intellectual discussion
about sex comes up,

do you a, join the conversation,
or b, change the subject?

Out.

Changes the subject.

Okay, let's move on
to the next question.

Does sexual
frustration, make you...

Danny: According to this
scientific test, you're a weirdo.

(Alarm clock ringing)

Keith. Keith, wake up.

Sunday is my only day to sleep
in and you've blown it for me.

What time is it? 9:00.

9:00? My alarm was supposed
to go off half an hour ago.

Believe me, it went off.

What do you mean?
It couldn't have.

I've been here the whole time.

Okay, okay. It
didn't ring in here.

But down the hall? Murder.

Thanks for waking
me. I've got to study.

Where's my textbook?

Here it is.

Oh, you're going over the review
test at the end of the chapter.

Yeah.

Do you want me to quiz you?

It'd give you
someone to talk to.

Okay, thanks. I appreciate that.

Let's see.

"the internal reproductive organs vary
greatly between a male and a female.

"name and explain the
function of each variant organ."

well, that's easy.

Well?

I can't tell you that.

Keith, it's printed
in the textbook.

Laurie, I appreciate the
fact that you want to help,

but it's just not going to work.

Why not?

Well, because there are certain
things a guy just cannot discuss

with a girl,
especially his sister.

Keith, I'm going to be taking
this course next semester.

Fine. If you do, I'll break
your leg. Thanks for the help.

It was really, really, really
nice of you. I appreciate it.

When you get married, you're
going to have a boring honeymoon.

You're terrible
at show and tell.

Morning everybody.

Mom, can I have some
coffee? I'm still not awake.

Oh, look who's
here? Sleeping ugly.

I'll ignore that because I
haven't got the strength to hit you.

What would you like
for breakfast, honey?

Oh, I don't think I'll
have any breakfast.

I want to get to school early

so I can get in some
last minute studying.

Keith. Mom, I'm all right.

I'm going to do
great on that test.

I'm sure you will, honey.

And to show I support your
self confidence 100 percent,

I've got a little
present for you.

Well, thanks, Danny. What is it?

My lucky rabbit's foot.

Here's my four-leaf clover.

Here's my lucky Indian charm.

Thanks.

All right.

Don't you have a lucky charm
you want to give me, too?

Yes, but I don't
think it'll work for you,

especially in a sex
education class.

Okay, why?

Well, I always have good luck

when I wear my pink knit dress.

Good luck, brother.

Thanks. Goodbye, mom.

Goodbye, love.

Hi, how'd the
test go? Very fast.

You didn't do well?

Mom, I went to school
early this morning to study,

and I found this great place underneath
a tree far away from everybody.

You didn't.

I just woke up.

Did you explain
that to Mr. Grisbee?

I tried, but he
wouldn't listen to me.

He was giving a
test to another class.

I'm supposed to see him
today at 3:00. That's good.

But there's no sense in going.
He'll never let me make it up.

Keith, you know you
can do well on that test.

Mom, I've never been so
sure of an a in my entire life.

Then see Mr. Grisbee
and convince him of that.

Maybe you're right. I've worked
too hard not to at least give it a shot.

I'll just march right in
there and tell him the truth.

So, I was driving to school,
this morning with herky molina,

and he accidentally
ran over a chicken.

That's why I missed the test.

Really?

Yeah, see, the police
showed up, and, well, naturally,

we had to fill out accident
reports and everything,

and me being an eyewitness
and all, I had to stay.

You don't believe me, do you?

Would you?

No.

I guess I just didn't think
you'd believe the truth, that's all.

You're probably right.
But try me anyway.

All right.

I've been cramming night and day to get
an a on this test so you'd have to pass me.

I even came to school early
this morning to study some more.

And I fell asleep.

And that's the truth.

I think I liked the
chicken story better.

Wait a minute. Let me
prove I'm telling the truth.

Give me that test now.

All right.

But you don't mind if I don't
give you the same test, do you?

I mean, you could have
discussed it with your friends.

Fair enough, Mr. Grisbee.

I hate suspense. Now, did
you pass the test or didn't you?

Like I said, Reuben,
I don't know.

He didn't grade
it in front of me.

Reuben, you have asked
him that at least 10 times.

I think that's enough.

All right, sorry. Sorry, Keith.

Just between the test and the
tour, I guess I'm overly anxious.

It won't happen again.

(Telephone rings) Do
you think you passed it?

Reuben! Sorry.

Hello? Well, yes, Mr. Grisbee.

Yes. All right.
Tomorrow at 10:00.

Right. Thank you. Goodbye.

Did I pass?

He didn't say.

He wants to talk to
both of us tomorrow.

Well, that does it.

That does what?

No teacher calls your
mother in to say you passed.

I didn't call you in here to tell you
that Keith got an a on the exam.

(Sighing) I figured that.

Why are we here?

You once asked me why
Keith was failing my class.

Keith seems to feel it's
because I don't like him.

Right, Keith?

Well, I have seen other people's
work, and I do think mine is better.

Keith's right about that. But I
don't grade on content alone.

I also grade on
effort and attitude.

Mrs. Partridge, Keith has a
good mind, but he won't use it.

He does a minimum of
work, just enough to slide by.

In all fairness, Mr. Grisbee,
that is only your opinion.

No, I've talked to
the other teachers.

They know Keith isn't
doing all that he could.

But they let him get away
with it because they like him.

And you don't.

My job is not to like him.

It's to see that he knows
the full extent of his abilities.

Now, if I fail in that,
I fail as a teacher.

And that strikes home
to me, Mrs. Partridge.

I see.

I was purposely hard on Keith to
force him to do the best he could.

And I think it
worked, partridge.

You got an a on the test.

Then I'll pass?

Yeah. You'll get
a b for the course.

I have to apologize
for my methods.

I don't usually
frighten my students,

but I had a feeling
that you needed

a jar into reality.

Mr. Grisbee,

I never thought I'd thank a
teacher for being rotten to me.

But thank you.

Those are nice
words to hear, Keith.

Maybe being a teacher isn't
a total study in futility at that.

I think we both
owe you an apology.

So do I.

And, uh, here's mine.

What's that?

Oh, it's a note.

Whether I passed or not,

I was going to give
this to the principal.

Basically, it says
that you're unfair.

And right now, I'm
really sorry I wrote it.

Don't!

Did you sign that? Well, yeah.

Then don't tear it up.

My nieces have been driving
me crazy for your autograph.

You got it.

All singing: ♪ I
can't sleep at night

♪ I ain't been eating right

♪ just seeing you
and me together

♪ together

♪ well, I've been skipping
down the cobblestones

♪ talking to myself alone

♪ sleeping by the telephone

♪ and I like it

♪ and I like it

♪ ever since we
talked that night

♪ flying like a summer kite

♪ my mama says
I ain't been right

♪ I believe it ♪ I believe it

♪ got myself together
if I say so myself

♪ love is going to get me by

♪ Jack and the beanstalk
climbing all the way

♪ to the beautiful sky

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ to the beautiful sky
♪ I'm in love with you

♪ to the beautiful sky
♪ I'm in love with you

♪ I can't sleep at night

♪ I ain't been eating right

♪ just seeing you
and me together

♪ together

♪ together

♪ got myself together
if I say so myself

♪ love is going to get me by

♪ Jack and the beanstalk
climbing all the way

♪ to the beautiful sky

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ 'cause it means I'm in love

♪ 'cause it means I'm in love ♪

(applauding)

And he passed the test, so you can
stop worrying about the summer tour.

Well, I am glad to hear that.

Is this his textbook?

Can't you tell by the pictures?

I just can't believe they're allowed
to teach this stuff in public schools.

Oh, come on, Reuben.

The class doesn't
promote sex. It explains it.

It helps them to deal
with their feelings.

The main thing it does
is open up their minds.

Yeah.

My mind was opened
when I was nine.

Yeah, did I ever tell you
about penny wentworth?

Happily, no.

Well, penny wentworth and I...

Mom? How do I look?
Does everything match?

Oh, you look great. Got
a special date tonight?

Well, yeah, kind of.

No kidding. Who
you going out with?

Greely winger.

What? You're not going
out with greely winger.

What's wrong with greely winger?

She's going out with greely
winger over my dead body.

Fine with me.

I repeat, what's wrong
with greely winger?

What's wrong with greely winger?

I'll tell you what's
wrong with greely winger.

He was in my sex
education class.

So what?

He got an a.

You always wanted me to
go out with a students before.

You said that they
were bookworms.

Yeah, well, he's been worming in the
same book I have, and he's better at it.

At least I don't worry when
you go out with Lorraine price.

And what's that
supposed to mean?

Well, the two of you
are perfectly matched.

She knows nothing
about sex, either.

Now, wait just one
moment, young lady.

Lorraine price doesn't even
shake hands on the first date.

That's not true. We shook a lot!

Oh, she's loosened up.

Oh, yeah. Well, at least she
wouldn't go out with greely winger.

You're right, Shirley.

This course has really
opened up his mind.

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