All language subtitles for The Cleaner - 1x01

You should prepare yourself.

Where is it?

I told him what to expect...

Just show me.

Bloody hell, Ruth!

This is going to take ages!

I told your boss
it was a bad one.

It's 3 o'clock.
I'm supposed to be...

Curry night. I told them,
"He won't like this.

"It's curry night
at the White Horse."

It's on everything!

Look, it's on curtains,
bloody clock!

Who puts a white rug
in a kitchen?

Did Siegfried move here
after Roy died?

- Jesus! What happened?
- A woman killed her husband.

What with, a combine harvester?

Stabbed him 38 times.

Why?

To piss me off?

You only need five stabs.

Anything else is showboating.

Oh, you'll be all right,
you've got ages.

I'm a cleaner.

I'm not Jesus.

The naans come out at 7 o'clock
and they go stale very quickly.

I need to be sat down by 6.30
at the latest.

Well, there you go,
three hours.

And I'm up there later.

I'll get Mervin
to keep you a jalfrezi.

Do you think
this is a three-hour job?

I've not looked yet,

but I'd be willing to bet
there's blood on the ceiling.

- Yep! Hello!
- Oh, and also,

the models need doing.

They were his pride and joy,

- apparently.
- Why? He's dead!

Who's going to care?
His wife who murdered him?

Or am I being thorough
for a ghost?

You're just grumpy

cos you're on a promise from
the tattooed milf.

- No, I'm not.
- She'll be waiting for you,

no matter how late
you get there.

- I'm not seeing her any more.
- Aw. Why not?

I think it was cos I realised
that everybody calls her

the tattooed milf,
even her own mother.

She doesn't even have
that many tattoos.

You haven't seen her back,
mate.

It's all anchors
and sea monsters.

It's like shagging
a treasure map. Oh, God!

She's even got it
on the pot plants!

Oh, well, good luck, Mr Mop.

See you later...hopefully.

All right.

Right, Wicky.

Think curry.

Just think delicious curry.

(MUSIC THROUGH HEADPHONES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hello? Mr Policeman?
It's the friendly neighbour!

- Hello.
- Argh!

(SCREAMS)

- (SCREAMS)
- Hey!

- WICKY: How are you feeling?
- (SIGHS)

Yeah, I'm a little shaken,
but I'll live.

Honestly,
you're just like my boy,

running around, causing chaos.
(LAUGHS)

To be honest with you,

I was pretty pleased
that I kicked that high.

Ah! You boys and your karate!

Ah...

Well, I'd better get on.

Yes, dear.
I'm just waiting for my letter.

Your...?

Well, as I say to my boy,

what's an apology
without a letter?

It's like a burp in the wind,
huh? (LAUGHS)

You want me to write you
an apology letter?

The pie didn't kick itself out
of my hands now, did it, dear?

Why not?

Well, it came as
no surprise to me

that Mrs Bellingham
did this.

Never trust a woman
who doesn't bake.

I used to bring a pie round
every Tuesday

for poor Mr Bellingham.
And now look.

Not all women bake, though,
do they?

All women of my generation do.

It was drummed into us,

and if she's not baking,
what is she doing?

I guess
she's into other things.

Exactly what Myra Hindley said.

So...

Yo must be a policeman.
How exciting.

No, I'm here to clean up, so...

You're a cleaner?
What did I tell you?

The world is upside down.

Crime scene cleaner.

It needs a woman's touch.

Now, get me a mop,

and I'll do it.

- Name a stain!
- Pardon?

Name a stain
that's impossible to get out.

Beetroot on linen.

Pectinase.

- What?
- It's an enzyme

which breaks down pectin,

a polysaccharide found
in plant cell walls.

Used in conjunction
with hydrogen peroxide

and a microfibre brush,

I can get beetroot
out of anything.

And you know why?

Because I am a qualified
crime scene cleaner.

I can get dried blood out of
a white woollen carpet.

I can remove skull fragments

- from velvet.
- Ew!

So think on!

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Yeah, firm but fair.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Hello.

Hey!

Sorry.
I didn't mean to startle you.

I let myself in.

Has everyone got keys
to this bloody house?

Oh, gosh. I hope not. Um,
just me and our neighbour now,

- I think.
- It's all right.

At least you weren't carrying
a pie, I suppose.

Oh, no. I don't bake.

No. It was a source
of some...irritation

for my husband.

Oh...

You're the, um...?

Oh, this is...?

I'm the wife, yes.

Oh, I suppose
I should say "widow" now.

(LAUGHS)
Yes, I suppose you should.

I was just, um...

I was just going to go
and get some...murder.

- Some...?
- Some murder for the stab.

What am I talking about?

I was just going to go and fill
my bucket with blood.

For the murder stab.

Water!

Water to clean the stab a man
murder walls of all the blood!

Water!

(SHOUTS) Water for my bucket!

So, I'll go and do that,

and then maybe you and I
could have a nice cup of tea,

couldn't we?

(GUN COCKS)

I'm afraid I'm going to have to
ask you to stay.

If you don't mind awfully.

I would be delighted.

OK.

In the cupboard, please.

Oh.

In the cupboard.

No, I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm claustrophobic,

and I can see they've got
wool coats in there,

and I'm allergic.

It makes my throat go up
like a puffer fish.

- Seriously.
- Cupboard.

Look, how long
are you going to be?

Just collecting some things,
then I'll be on my way.

So, like, ten minutes,

or are you going to lock me in

and then wait for me
to be discovered?

Sorry, have you got somewhere
you've got to be?

Well, yeah.

You're being held at gunpoint

by a woman who you know has,
within the past 48 hours,

used her husband
as a knife block,

so do weigh up your answer
to this really carefully.

What is so important?

Well, it's nothing.
I was just...

I was just going to go to
the White Horse.

A pub?

- It's curry night.
- It's curry night?

Yeah. It's £5, and, honestly,

considering it's all cooked
by a white guy called Mervin,

it is delicious.

What, it's worth being
shot for? (LAUGHS)

You should come!

It's as many naans
as you can eat.

That's a mistake by Mervin.

I had nine last week

- before the madras came out.
- OK.

So you're refusing to get in
because of Mervin's naans?

- Let's get this over with.
- Hey, hey, hey, no!

I'll get in. I'll get in.
Lovely. It'll be nice.

You couldn't ring ahead, then,
could you?

And ask them if they'll put
some on one side for me?

If you look on Google,
it's the White Horse.

Don't go on the website,

because Mervin messed that up.

The link just takes you
to an abattoir.

In Poland.

I think it's Poland.

Either way,
the naans look weird.

Hello?

Oh, my God.
How dull must your life be?

Come with me.

Sit.

This church
has a little surprise.

Smoke?

Yeah.

Ah...

(EXHALES)

First time
I've ever done this in here.

He didn't approve of smoking.

No, of course he didn't.

That's why I liked hiding them
in his precious little models.

That was a minor act
of rebellion.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll, um...
I'll open the windows.

Oh, it's not that.

It's, um... It's all the...

Hmm? Oh, yes.

I do need to change.

Don't worry. I've no intention
of hurting you.

Mind you, I had no intention
of hurting my husband.

It's funny.

I, um...

I really don't remember
what happened.

You stabbed him.

38 times.

Goodness me.

- I was cross, wasn't I?
- Yes.

Five would have been plenty.

Hmm.

I mean...
Do you mind me asking?

Hmm?

What did he do wrong?

He made models.

No. No, I mean,
why did you kill him?

I know what you meant,

and my answer remains.

I don't understand.

Have you ever had a paper cut?

I don't think I ever have.

But do you know what?

There was a kid I went
to school with who used to

give them to himself
on purpose.

A cry for help?

Oh, no. He was just a nutter.

Last time I saw him, he was
riding round town on a dog.

A paper cut is, um...

It's small.

It isn't life-threatening.

But it really hurts.

It bleeds
for a really long time.

And that's what my marriage
was like -

a tiny paper cut...

...after tiny paper cut,

until, one day,

when I decided I'd bled enough,

it was his turn.

I believe the final straw was
the reordering of the fridge.

Hey?

Yeah. All of the bottles
re-arranged in height order.

It sounds silly, doesn't it?

But I opened the door

and suddenly I thought,

"I do not want the juice
at the top

"and the Yakult
at the bottom and..."

Well...

I know what you mean.

My ex, once,
she put all the DVDs

in alphabetical order,

and I ran her over
with the van.

- Did you?
- No!

Because I'm not a psychopath.

I'm not a psychopath.

I'm the treasurer of
the community centre.

Oh, right. Well, as long as
the coffee morning receipts

are in order,

who's going to begrudge you
a little bloodbath?

I see.

Upstairs.

I'm not going in the cupboard.

Upstairs!

Right, get in the bathroom.

Was that always an option?

Why did we have to go through
all that cupboard pantomime?

Please, don't be fooled
by my charming demeanour.

I'm on the edge.
I have little time. Get in.

(TUTS)

(GRUNTS)

Fucking sausages.

Hey!

Psst!

Hey, kid!

Psst!

Mama said
I'm not to talk to you.

What? Why?

Because you go around
kicking pies

out of people's hands.

Kid, I need your help here.

Oh, my God.

You got a problem?

No, no problem.

Listen. Lend me your phone.

I haven't got a phone.

I don't want square eyes,
thank you very much.

Can you go and ask your mum
if she'll...?

Um...Mum's not going to want
to help you, Mr Pie-Kicker.

That's what I wanted
to talk to her about.

Because of my silly behaviour,
I didn't get to taste her pie.

- Delicious pies.
- Yeah, yeah, delicious pie.

So, I was wondering

if she'd give me
a second chance

and bring me another pie.

You'd have to write her
a sorry letter.

- She's had a letter.
- (SHOUTS) Mum!

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

This is all there is.

This is the best I can do.

All done?

Yeah. Nearly.

Um...I need to use
the bathroom.

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Where are you going?

- You said you needed to use...
- I do.

You're gonna have to
stay in here.

Of course.

Of course you're gonna make me
watch you have a wee.

Turn around.

It's not a wee I need,
I'm afraid.

What?

No, you can't!

Not while I'm in here.

What, are you
under the impression

that women don't?

No, I'm perfectly aware
that women do.

I just don't wanna be in
the room when it comes out.

Well, tough.

I have been dancing to the tune
of man for 35 years.

If I need to defecate,

you can just damn well
stand there and listen.

Oh, yeah. Good. Good.

You carry on,

cos this is important,
isn't it?

This is like
when you won the vote.

Go on!

Poo your way into history.

- (PHH-HH-RRT!)
- Oh, for God's sake!

- Be quiet.
- Me be quiet?!

(PHH-HH-RRT!)

- (PHH-HHHT...RRT!)
- (CROAKS)

(BOTH SIGH)

(PHH-HH-RRT!)

(STRAINS)

Have you considered
this might just be gas?

No, I'm constipated.

It's hardly surprising -
I've been eating corned beef

in the woods for two nights.

That's what it is.

Oh, it's no good.

It's not gonna come
while you're in here.

Well, let me go outside, then.

- I won't run away, I promise.
- You will.

OK. I will run away.

But come on!

All right.

Stand outside. Go slowly.
But the moment you're outside,

you start talking. If you stop
talking for a second,

I'll start shooting.

Fine!

Talk!

What about?

I don't know. Anything.

All right.

There'll be three types
of curry tonight.

There'll be a madras
and a jalfrezi...

No, not about your curry.
I'm bored of your curry.

God, your world's
so fucking small.

I can't think!

Why not?

I don't know.

I suppose it's because
I'm being held at gunpoint

by a murderer
who's having a shit!

Sing, then.

Sing what?

I don't know.
It doesn't matter.

(MUMBLES NERVOUSLY)

# Why do...

# Why do I do just as you say?

# Why do I just give you
your way?

# Why do I sigh?

# Why must I try to forget?

# It must have been something
that lovers call fate

# That kept me saying
I had to wait... #

(HUMS ALONG)

# ...I heard them all

# Just couldn't fall
till we met... #

- (HUMS ALONG)
- # ...It had to be you

# It had to be you

WICKY: # I wandered around

# Finally found

# The somebody who

# Could make me be true

# Could make me be blue

# And even be glad

# Just to be sad

# Thinking of you

# Some others I've seen

# Might never be mean

BOTH: # Might never be cross

# Or try to be boss

# But they wouldn't do

# For nobody else

# Gave me a thrill

# With all your faults

# I love you still

# It had to be you

# Wonderful you

- # It had to be you... #
- (FIREWORKS EXPLODE)

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(TOILET FLUSHES)

- Success?
- Yes.

But, um, I'm afraid

you're going to have to
get back in there.

That's fine.
It's part of the job.

- I'm used to odours.
- Yeah.

(PANTS)

(SNIFFS)

Yeah.

I mean, fair play,
that's awful.

(THUDDING)

Ssh! Be quiet!

(BANGING)

- I told you to shut up.
- (GUN COCKS)

Oh, piss.

I thought it was weird.

I thought it was weird that you
stabbed him to death

when you had a perfectly good
gun in the house.

But this is...

One of his stupid models, yeah.

It's very good.

I didn't say
he wasn't good at models.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hello? Hello there?
I got your apology!

I have a pie!

I don't understand.

If he was that bad

- for all those years...
- I know.

- ...why didn't you just...?
- No, I know.

I had a chance of pushing him
down a huge flight of stairs

a few years ago,
but chickened out last minute.

No! I don't mean
why didn't you kill him sooner.

I mean, why didn't you
just leave him?

NEIGHBOUR: Hello!
I've accepted your apology!

Sunk cost fallacy.

What?

It's a term I learned
at business school

when I had my own ambitions...

...and before
I gave my life to him.

Well, what does it mean?

NEIGHBOUR: Hello?

What does it matter?
It's over now.

Do what you need to do.

Anyway... (SCOFFS)
...you wouldn't understand.

- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Hello?

(WICKY SIGHS)

- (SCREAMS)
- (DISH CLATTERS)

Try me.

Can I show you something?

Where are we going?

Have you ever heard
of the Dolomites?

Yes, of course.

It's where the castle is
with the man, isn't it?

Yeah. No, course you haven't.

It's a mountain range in Italy.

My grandfather,
he was from the region,

and when I was a little girl,

he used to tell me tales
of their beauty.

Crystal-clear lakes.

Air so pure you'd feel drunk
with every inhalation.

Um, around every corner,

a more godlike vista.

Anyway, in the months
leading up to my 50th birthday,

I dropped so many hints -

my longing to go there,
to breathe in that air.

I even took Italian lessons.

And...

Oh, God!

(WICKY GASPS)

Yeah.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

It took him months.

Barely saw him.

He'd creep into bed at night.

The stench of glue
will haunt me for life.

Well, it's sort of sweet.

He remembered
you liked the Dolomites.

What?

Well, it shows
he was listening, doesn't it?

Hey, for my mum's birthday
this year,

my dad bought her a telescope.

She's registered blind.

A lifetime following him around

from model convention
to miniature railway.

And the one chance
that he has to make up

for 35 years of disappointment

and take me
to the place of my dreams...

...and he makes me
a model of it?!

No!

This is all about him.

And anyway,

I want to live life.

I don't want to stare

at a mini polystyrene
version of it.

You married a nerd.

Why did you stay with a nerd?

Sunk cost fallacy, I told you.

If you invest a lifetime
into something,

pulling out means
that lifetime meant nothing.

Fine.
Why did you have to stab him?

Because I loved him.

OK.

OK, you're an absolute nut job.

Maybe.

Well, you're not going
to get away with it.

There'll be pictures of you
everywhere.

Oh, I've no intention
of getting away with it.

Tea?

Oh...

Ah!

I think you should
turn yourself in.

- Oh, I agree.
- You do?

Oh, yes. Bourbon?

Yeah.

I mean, I could put a pretty
strong argument together

for why I cracked,

but, no,
that's not my intention.

I committed an awful crime

and I must pay the price.

Fine. So what's with
all the packing, then?

Are they having pool parties
in prison now?

Well...

...since he died,
I feel amazing.

I see beauty everywhere.

I feel reborn.

So, no, I must go to prison,

I know I must,

but before that...

Well, I had wanted to go there.

To go where?

Dolomites!

I wanted to breathe in
that air

and swim in those waters

and feel for once...just once,
I wanted to feel alive.

In the moment - no past,
no future, just alive.

Just two weeks of pure freedom.

Cold gelato. Dry white wine.

Eating lemons
directly off the tree.

Oh...yes.

That does sound good.

Apart from the bit
about eating lemons.

Come with me.

What?!

- Come with me.
- Oh, you're...

Crazy. Yeah. I know.

Why would you want me
to come with you?

Oh, don't flatter yourself.
You're not my type.

Your life is going nowhere.

You're a single
50-year-old man, no children,

with a job you tolerate,
at best.

I'm very good at my job.

I'm actually seeing
a tattooed milf, so...

Oh...

Oh, God.

Tell me one thing
you've got to look forward to.

Just one.

Me and the lads are gonna see
Slack Sabbath.

Black Sabbath?

No, they're like them,

but...they're fat.

Live.

Live for once.

All right.

I will. Sod it.

Really?

Yeah. Why not?

The tattooed milf'll keep.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Um...I'll just get
the rest of my things.

You'll need some clothes.

Shall I, uh, drop you off
at your place?

We'll take my van. They won't
have put a port check

- on that yet.
- Good thinking.

I hope you like vino bianco!
(SHRIEKS)

I'm more of a beer man.

But those Continental lagers
are delicious!

I'm ready! I hope we find
somewhere where we can dance.

I'm sure we will.

I bought this for myself.

I never even showed it to him.

It's lovely.

Wait till you see when it's on.

It's lamé,
so it catches the light.

- Fancy.
- Hmm. Isn't it?

Listen, we've got to get going.
The sooner we're on the road,

- the safer it is.
- Yeah.

Sheila, by the way.

Hey?

My name.

- Stop!
- Get down!

Get down!

(SHOUTING FADES)

(SIGHS)