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1
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:20,362
Mmm... Mm-hm?
2
00:00:20,407 --> 00:00:22,477
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
3
00:00:23,927 --> 00:00:25,645
Place to ourselves, eh?
4
00:00:27,167 --> 00:00:30,204
Soft jazz, a glass of wine...
5
00:00:31,447 --> 00:00:33,358
What could be better?
6
00:00:34,407 --> 00:00:36,398
Evening, breeders!
7
00:00:36,447 --> 00:00:40,565
Our son coming home
drunk from a gay bar.
8
00:00:42,447 --> 00:00:44,915
What makes you think I'm drunk?
9
00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:47,322
You don't live here any more.
10
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,323
OK, I'm a little drunk.
11
00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:54,278
Michael, we appreciate
that you are interested
12
00:00:54,327 --> 00:00:56,238
in exploring your new lifestyle,
13
00:00:56,287 --> 00:01:00,041
but you are out night after night,
drinking yourself senseless,
14
00:01:00,087 --> 00:01:03,841
enjoying yourself in some gay bar
with no responsibilities,
15
00:01:03,887 --> 00:01:07,562
answerable to no-one, coming back
to a house that you've supposedly left
16
00:01:07,607 --> 00:01:11,043
- and taking out whatever you want.
- What's your point?
17
00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:14,602
What do you mean, my point?
The point is why can't I do that?
18
00:01:14,647 --> 00:01:18,003
I mean, not, not,
not the gay part, but...
19
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:19,321
I just wanna have fun!
20
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:22,165
What happened to the ''place to ourselves,
the wine, the music''?
21
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,005
Yeah, but night after night, Susan?
22
00:01:25,047 --> 00:01:26,844
(MOBILE RINGS)
23
00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,163
Hello?
24
00:01:31,207 --> 00:01:34,199
Yes.
25
00:01:34,247 --> 00:01:38,035
What do you mean, you have my phone?
You can't have, I'm talking on it!
26
00:01:38,087 --> 00:01:40,681
Wait, this one's red.
27
00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,206
I'll be right down.
28
00:01:44,247 --> 00:01:46,681
I'm up, I'm up.
29
00:01:46,727 --> 00:01:48,957
Michael, you are in no condition
to go anywhere.
30
00:01:49,007 --> 00:01:51,805
Besides, it's late, and the streets
are dangerous at this time of night.
31
00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:55,476
You could be killed. ...Ben, you go.
32
00:01:55,527 --> 00:01:57,961
- Thanks, Dad.
- What, me?!
33
00:01:58,007 --> 00:02:00,123
- In a gay bar?!
- Why not?
34
00:02:00,167 --> 00:02:01,964
Hello? Ben Harper in a gay bar?
35
00:02:02,007 --> 00:02:04,202
It'd be like putting a dog
on a meat wagon.
36
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:12,321
Would you be the dog
or the meat wagon?
37
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:16,679
Susan...I've just had a bath,
I'm covered in cologne.
38
00:02:16,727 --> 00:02:19,878
This specimen of manhood
walking into a gay bar
39
00:02:19,927 --> 00:02:22,122
would be like a red rag to a bull.
40
00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:24,681
- I think I'm gonna throw up.
- Me too.
41
00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,037
It's all right, you can go in.
42
00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:42,647
It says ''no exceptions''.
43
00:02:42,687 --> 00:02:45,360
Well, not no exceptions.
44
00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,966
- Can I get you something?
- Oh, offering me a drink?
45
00:03:04,007 --> 00:03:06,362
Yes, I'm a bartender, it's what I do.
46
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:10,640
I hate to disappoint you,
but actually I'm straight.
47
00:03:10,687 --> 00:03:12,996
OK. Would you like a drink?
48
00:03:13,047 --> 00:03:15,845
Look, let's cut through the flirtation
and the sexual tension, shall we?
49
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:18,481
Which is rather uncomfortable for me,
only end badly for you.
50
00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:22,156
Truth is, I'm just here
to retrieve my son's phone.
51
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,879
Ah! I need to see some ID.
52
00:03:23,927 --> 00:03:26,361
Ah, thank you, thank you, thank you.
53
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,523
Hardly old enough to have a son.
54
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,922
No, I just want to check
you're Michael's dad.
55
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,956
Here's my bus pa...driving licence.
56
00:03:40,327 --> 00:03:42,397
- There you go.
- Thank you.
57
00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:48,164
- Would you like a drink?
- Oh, you don't give up, do you?
58
00:03:48,207 --> 00:03:50,641
Since you won't leave it alone,
I'll have one beer, OK?
59
00:03:50,687 --> 00:03:52,643
- One beer.
- Ten quid. Thanks.
60
00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:54,962
I suppose it's good for business
61
00:03:55,007 --> 00:03:57,123
when a man like me
has a beer here, hm?
62
00:04:00,927 --> 00:04:03,043
- Change?
- What change?
63
00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:07,358
That's it,
keep on walking, keep on walking...
64
00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:11,924
Hello, is this seat free?
65
00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:14,481
Ah, ha-ha, here we go again.
66
00:04:14,527 --> 00:04:20,682
Um, yes, this seat is available,
but unfortunately I'm not.
67
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,763
Truth is, I'm straight.
68
00:04:22,807 --> 00:04:24,479
So I can take it?
69
00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,201
Back to the wall,
keep smiling, keep smiling.
70
00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:37,599
Excuse me, can I ask you something?
71
00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:40,798
Oh, I think I know where this is going.
72
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:43,361
- Look, the reality is...
- Is your name Stephen?
73
00:04:43,407 --> 00:04:45,682
St... Er, no, Ben.
74
00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:48,241
Oh, thank God! I was set up
75
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:51,518
on a blind date here with a Stephen
and I was afraid you were him.
76
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:55,242
No offence. You just never know
what your friends are thinking, right?
77
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,121
ID. No exceptions.
78
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:09,045
Oh, thank you very much(!)
79
00:05:10,247 --> 00:05:12,124
Where you going, hot stuff?
80
00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:22,363
- How was the bar?
- Fine!
81
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:27,476
- Everything go all right?
- Susan, can we,
82
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,279
just for once in our lives, go to sleep
83
00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:31,682
without having
some interminable discussion?
84
00:05:31,727 --> 00:05:34,002
You didn't get hit on, did you?
85
00:05:34,047 --> 00:05:35,605
Can we just drop this?
86
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,045
- I don't know why you're laughing.
- Oh, I think you do.
87
00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:42,760
Susan, as I am not gay myself,
would it not be
88
00:05:42,807 --> 00:05:44,763
rather irrational and egotistical of me
89
00:05:44,807 --> 00:05:48,641
if I were upset that a bunch
of gay guys weren't interested in me?
90
00:05:48,687 --> 00:05:50,837
Yes, you would be irrational
and egotistical.
91
00:05:50,887 --> 00:05:52,923
Anyway, maybe it's just my clothes.
92
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:54,446
I don't know,
maybe they're too baggy.
93
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,876
Oh, this is truly ridiculous,
even for you, Ben.
94
00:05:56,927 --> 00:05:58,519
Maybe it's the shirt -
95
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,956
- should've tucked it in.
- Maybe you should've sucked it in.
96
00:06:04,647 --> 00:06:07,115
May I remind you
that you're heterosexual?
97
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,283
Too much so, most of the time.
98
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,158
So why would you care
if men didn't notice you?
99
00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:13,163
No, no, no, it's just
the principle of the thing.
100
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,926
But hang on, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
you know, you're on to something.
101
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:18,527
Yeah, yeah, of course, that's it!
102
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:21,843
They weren't into me
cos I'm too straight!
103
00:06:23,487 --> 00:06:26,559
I ooze heterosexuality.
104
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:30,361
It's practically seeping
out of my every pore.
105
00:06:31,447 --> 00:06:33,722
Care to prove it?
106
00:06:35,287 --> 00:06:36,766
Nah, you're all right.
107
00:06:39,647 --> 00:06:42,286
Mummy, can I go outside and play?
108
00:06:42,327 --> 00:06:45,524
- Absolutely not.
- Is it because I've been bad?
109
00:06:45,567 --> 00:06:48,365
No, it's because you're so good!
110
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:51,604
- I'm not following you.
- That makes two of us.
111
00:06:51,647 --> 00:06:54,207
I'm just trying to keep him safe, Mum.
112
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,920
People are speeding
through this neighbourhood.
113
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,958
I'll tell you what this street needs -
speed bumps!
114
00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:01,805
That's a good idea. You should
petition the council for that.
115
00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,405
You know, I should.
116
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:06,405
Yeah, I'll petition the council
and demand that they put in speed bumps
117
00:07:06,447 --> 00:07:08,756
for the safety of our children.
118
00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:11,799
Oh, God, listen to me.
119
00:07:11,847 --> 00:07:13,838
When did I become responsible?
120
00:07:13,887 --> 00:07:16,447
Janey, it goes with the territory
of being a good mother.
121
00:07:16,487 --> 00:07:18,955
I'm a ''good mother'' now?
122
00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:22,397
Don't worry, it stops when you get
the white wine out of the fridge.
123
00:07:22,447 --> 00:07:26,963
But I used to be cool and hip.
Oh, God, I just said ''hip''.
124
00:07:27,007 --> 00:07:31,478
What's happened to me? I'm turning
into a sad, old suburban housewife like...
125
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:34,440
Like who, dear?
126
00:07:36,007 --> 00:07:38,077
Just lost my train of thought.
127
00:07:38,127 --> 00:07:39,765
- Shield your eyes, everyone.
- Why?
128
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:42,844
Ow! Hey, babies!
129
00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:46,084
Ladies and gentlemen...Bono!
130
00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:49,802
Just thought I'd youth-en up
the old image a bit, you know?
131
00:07:49,847 --> 00:07:51,803
Gotta stay hip, eh, Mikey?
132
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:55,965
Gotta stay cool. What do you think
of your granddad, eh, Kenzo?
133
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:57,486
What?
134
00:07:57,527 --> 00:07:58,721
What's the matter with him?
135
00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:01,042
He's scared of clowns.
136
00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:03,806
He's too young to appreciate style.
137
00:08:03,847 --> 00:08:05,121
All right, Ben, what's going on?
138
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:07,556
You're never too old
to be with it and trendy, Susan.
139
00:08:07,607 --> 00:08:09,996
Does this have anything to do
with last night's little crisis?
140
00:08:10,047 --> 00:08:12,322
Sorry, no idea what
you're talking about.
141
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:16,440
Hey, Mikey, why don't you and I go out
tonight and celebrate your birthday?
142
00:08:16,487 --> 00:08:20,275
- My birthday was four months ago.
- Perfect. No problem. Come on.
143
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:22,795
Why don't we go to that bar
you like so much?
144
00:08:22,847 --> 00:08:24,280
The gay one?
145
00:08:24,327 --> 00:08:27,000
It's not! Is it? Really?
146
00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:28,526
Oh, please...
147
00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:31,161
OK, as a father, Mikey,
it's very important
148
00:08:31,207 --> 00:08:33,277
that I support you in all your endeavours.
149
00:08:33,327 --> 00:08:36,399
- Oh, you're so unselfish(!)
- Mock all you like, Susan,
150
00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:41,237
but I will support my son,
no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
151
00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:48,962
- I think I'll just go and change, Mikey.
- Do.
152
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,406
- Mum...
- Hm?
153
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,166
...if you'd had an affair,
154
00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:55,596
and he's not my real dad,
155
00:08:55,647 --> 00:08:58,115
now would be a great time to tell me.
156
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,637
I thought you said
you were going to change.
157
00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:10,723
I tried, but I couldn't get
out of them, OK?
158
00:09:12,407 --> 00:09:15,638
You know, Dad, it's weird to think
that all the way through my childhood,
159
00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:19,521
I wanted you to come camping with me.
Now you are...
160
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,005
Look at this -
that is style, look at that.
161
00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:26,720
What's his story, then?
162
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,442
- Hi, there, sexy.
- Haven't heard that for a while.
163
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:34,162
Not surprised, Granddad,
I was talking to him.
164
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,004
Give me a call, yeah?
165
00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:43,404
What's that all about?
166
00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:45,403
He gave you his card. What is...?
167
00:09:45,447 --> 00:09:49,122
Youth, is it, that sells here,
does it, the hot commodity, youth?
168
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:52,239
What happened to life experience,
you know, sophistication?
169
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:54,755
Says the man
in the tight yellow T-shirt.
170
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,558
Talking of tight,
171
00:09:58,607 --> 00:10:00,962
I think I need to get another drink -
give us a hand.
172
00:10:04,927 --> 00:10:07,202
(MOBILE RINGS)
173
00:10:09,127 --> 00:10:11,721
- Hello?
- Michael, what's happening down there?
174
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:15,885
Dad's standing there
looking like a traffic cone,
175
00:10:15,927 --> 00:10:19,442
- and everyone's avoiding the accident.
- Has anyone hit on him yet?
176
00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,717
Somebody spilled a beer on him.
Does that count?
177
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,564
Michael, you know your father.
178
00:10:23,607 --> 00:10:26,883
His ego is hurting right now, as usual.
179
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,839
If no-one's paying him any attention,
he's going to get it into his head
180
00:10:29,887 --> 00:10:31,718
that maybe he's not attractive.
181
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,280
But he's not attractive.
182
00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:36,080
Just do me a favour
and get someone to hit on him.
183
00:10:36,127 --> 00:10:37,082
What?!
184
00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:38,765
Trust me,
he's not going to leave that place
185
00:10:38,807 --> 00:10:40,525
until somebody makes a play for him.
186
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,239
Just to clarify,
187
00:10:42,287 --> 00:10:46,963
my mother's asking me to find
a gay man to hit on my father?
188
00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:49,043
Ask one of your friends to do it.
189
00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:51,123
Oh, that makes it better.
190
00:10:56,647 --> 00:11:00,196
I've finished. Yay!
191
00:11:00,247 --> 00:11:01,839
I think I'll kill myself now.
192
00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:06,357
That road is getting worse out there.
193
00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:08,477
A little old lady
nearly got knocked down.
194
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:12,202
Now, if we had speed bumps,
I would have been going much slower.
195
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:15,125
Well, at least
you're doing something about it.
196
00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:18,955
Yes, I am. I've been collecting
all the data, doing my research.
197
00:11:19,007 --> 00:11:21,601
By the time I finish my presentation,
Mum, they won't be able to say no.
198
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,603
- I'm proud of you, darling.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
199
00:11:23,647 --> 00:11:26,957
But ''traffic'' is spelt with two Fs.
200
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,123
Janey, Janey,
I've gotta talk to you.
201
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:33,159
- What?
- Oh, please, Sasha, do come in.
202
00:11:33,207 --> 00:11:35,482
I've managed to score us tickets
203
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:38,325
to the Elle Magazine Style Awards party!
204
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:40,085
Sasha, you're the best!
205
00:11:40,127 --> 00:11:44,166
You have no idea what I had to do
to get these tickets.
206
00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:46,562
Oh, I could take a wild guess.
207
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:49,599
I'll pick you up Thursday night at eight?
208
00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:51,603
Great.
209
00:11:51,647 --> 00:11:53,558
Excuse me, excuse me.
210
00:11:53,607 --> 00:11:57,156
Isn't Thursday the evening
you're petitioning for the speed bumps?
211
00:11:57,207 --> 00:12:00,438
Oh, yeah...
Don't they meet every month?
212
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:04,116
Janey, you'd rather go to a party than
do something for the safety of your son?
213
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:08,001
Well, Kenzo's got to learn
not to play in traffic anyway, so...
214
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:10,680
OK, fine.
215
00:12:10,727 --> 00:12:12,638
Sorry, Sasha.
216
00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:14,405
Oh, that's all right,
I'm sure I'll manage to find
217
00:12:14,447 --> 00:12:17,484
somebody else to dance with
Jude Law and Orlando Bloom.
218
00:12:17,527 --> 00:12:18,437
I'm free.
219
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:23,920
Well, I am.
220
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:31,245
Ah, there you are, Mikey, Mikey,
ha-ha. Sorry, I've gotta leave -
221
00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:33,482
nipples beginning to chafe.
222
00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:34,926
Let's give it a few more minutes.
223
00:12:34,967 --> 00:12:38,596
Sorry, Mikey, I'm beginning
to lose all sensation in my legs.
224
00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,319
Well, hello, there.
225
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:41,959
Oh, yeah, yeah. Talking to him, I suppose?
226
00:12:42,007 --> 00:12:45,363
I didn't know he was there.
No, I'm talking to you.
227
00:12:45,407 --> 00:12:48,001
Oh! Really?
228
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,246
I've had my eye on you for some time.
229
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:52,925
Yeah, OK, fine.
230
00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:55,527
Er, little awkward, OK.
231
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:59,958
I'm only here to support my gay son.
232
00:13:00,007 --> 00:13:01,565
And, er, the truth is, I'm straight.
233
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:03,677
I like a challenge.
234
00:13:03,727 --> 00:13:05,604
Here's my number. Call me.
235
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,799
Er. Sorry, here's my, um...
236
00:13:12,847 --> 00:13:15,725
Here's my card. Just call me, OK?
237
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:18,600
If you need, er, dental work.
238
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:20,319
- Dental work?
- Yeah.
239
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,278
Oh! Understood.
240
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:30,116
Susan. Susan! Wake up, wake up!
241
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,236
- No, wake up, wake up, wake up!
- No.
242
00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:32,481
No, wake up, wake up!
243
00:13:32,527 --> 00:13:33,926
Look, Susan, look at me.
244
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:36,276
Look at me, Susan.
245
00:13:36,327 --> 00:13:41,447
For a man my age, I am amazingly
well-preserved, am I not?
246
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,318
Like a mummy.
247
00:13:46,087 --> 00:13:49,159
So, how was tonight's foray
to the gay bar?
248
00:13:49,207 --> 00:13:50,686
Tragic, Susan, it was tragic.
249
00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:54,003
Just as I feared, one of the poor fools
just threw himself at me.
250
00:13:54,047 --> 00:13:55,924
Oh, really?
251
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:58,481
Yeah, yeah, yep, wouldn't let me leave
until he gave me his card.
252
00:13:58,527 --> 00:14:01,564
It's just...it's sad, so sad.
253
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,563
Can we put this to bed now?
254
00:14:03,607 --> 00:14:07,361
- I mean, the little crisis, I mean?
- Well, I tell you what, babe.
255
00:14:07,407 --> 00:14:09,602
I guess I've still got it, huh?
256
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:11,797
I never probably lost it.
257
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,165
Hey, care to fool around?
258
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:20,165
Wait a minute,
let me get this straight...as it were.
259
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:26,278
Now you're in the mood for it, having
been validated by the gay community?
260
00:14:26,327 --> 00:14:29,319
Well, say what you will,
they do have taste.
261
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,679
My milk shake brings all
the boys to the yard.
262
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,402
Oh, please!
263
00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:45,925
Are you going
to take those trousers off?
264
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,844
I can't.
265
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,355
(DOORBELL RINGS)
266
00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:51,999
Who can that be at this hour?
267
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:55,039
I don't know. Do the fashion police
make house calls?
268
00:14:55,087 --> 00:14:58,523
Probably Michael,
forgotten where he lives again.
269
00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:01,081
I'm going to go down
and give him a piece of my mind.
270
00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:06,125
- Well?
- Give us a hand.
271
00:15:07,687 --> 00:15:09,166
Thank you.
272
00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:16,279
All right, get in here, get upstairs,
273
00:15:16,327 --> 00:15:19,524
I don't want to hear another word,
just get yourself into bed!
274
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:20,556
Steady, tiger.
275
00:15:20,607 --> 00:15:22,484
Rupert.
276
00:15:22,527 --> 00:15:25,087
I followed you home! Too much?
277
00:15:25,127 --> 00:15:26,116
Yep, yep, far too much.
278
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:29,284
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
279
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,318
Rupert, Rupert, this is very flattering,
280
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,517
and of course
I understand your infatuation,
281
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,320
it's perfectly natural, actually,
understandable, logical even...
282
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,164
Sorry, getting sidetracked...
283
00:15:38,207 --> 00:15:41,085
Ah, here's the thing, I'm married
284
00:15:41,127 --> 00:15:44,324
- and I have a wife upstairs right now.
- Out of the way, that's good.
285
00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:45,641
No, no! It's not good.
286
00:15:49,807 --> 00:15:52,116
Fine, go to her.
But you'll be thinking of me.
287
00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:55,842
I will now.
288
00:15:57,807 --> 00:16:00,002
- He actually came to the house?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, wouldn't leave.
289
00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:03,642
He stayed on the porch all night
and gave a medley of show tunes.
290
00:16:03,687 --> 00:16:05,439
I thought he was rather good.
291
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:07,318
He's been texting me all morning.
292
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,484
- The man is insane.
- Not necessarily.
293
00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:12,597
He could have unlimited texting.
294
00:16:12,647 --> 00:16:16,686
Oh, very funny, very... I'm glad
you're taking this seriously.
295
00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:17,716
(BEEPING)
296
00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:20,235
Oh, he's here again, he's here.
Look, look, look, look, look!
297
00:16:20,287 --> 00:16:23,359
''Have a good day at work...honey.''
298
00:16:23,407 --> 00:16:27,036
I must say, for a stalker,
he's a lot warmer than my wife.
299
00:16:29,327 --> 00:16:31,443
Michael,
you have to talk to your friend.
300
00:16:31,487 --> 00:16:33,398
- He's not my friend.
- What?
301
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:36,325
He's just some random guy
who said Dad looked nice.
302
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:39,359
I didn't know
he was going to be insane.
303
00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:41,921
The clues were there.
304
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:46,006
OK, here we go. Right, morning.
305
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,163
What seems to be the problem?
306
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:49,435
I can't stay away.
307
00:16:49,487 --> 00:16:51,284
- Rupert!
- Ben!
308
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,124
What are you doing here?
309
00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:56,159
I booked an appointment. It was
the only way I could get to see you.
310
00:16:56,207 --> 00:16:58,402
Look, look Rupert,
I know why you're doing this.
311
00:16:58,447 --> 00:17:01,405
It's perfectly understandable.
I'm a handsome man.
312
00:17:01,447 --> 00:17:04,519
But you're reacting to the physical
appearance, the outward shell.
313
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:08,196
You know, the...the...
flawless outward shell.
314
00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:12,877
No, it's not that. This is far more
than just physical attraction.
315
00:17:12,927 --> 00:17:14,883
I can tell you're deeply unhappy.
316
00:17:14,927 --> 00:17:17,566
- What?
- I can see it in your eyes.
317
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:19,165
There is something missing in your life.
318
00:17:19,207 --> 00:17:21,163
You see that, do you?
319
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,756
And your marriage. Your wife
doesn't appreciate the real you.
320
00:17:26,687 --> 00:17:27,722
Well, that is true.
321
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:31,077
Why are you so against
having someone care for you?
322
00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:33,118
The thing is...
323
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,236
I'm not.
324
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,040
Let's go to my place in Italy
for a few days...
325
00:17:37,087 --> 00:17:38,202
No! No, no, no, no. No.
326
00:17:38,247 --> 00:17:40,966
No. No. What part?
327
00:17:41,007 --> 00:17:42,998
Tuscany.
328
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:46,642
Oh, very nice. Lovely.
329
00:17:46,687 --> 00:17:50,396
No, I'm sorry. No, sorry, Rupert,
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
330
00:17:50,447 --> 00:17:52,165
Fine, I'll go,
but I'm not giving up.
331
00:17:52,207 --> 00:17:54,198
One thing.
332
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:55,726
This place in Tuscany...
333
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,564
Yes, darling?
334
00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:00,440
Never mind.
335
00:18:07,567 --> 00:18:11,765
Janey! You'd better hurry or you're
going to be late for your meeting.
336
00:18:11,807 --> 00:18:13,559
Coming, Mum.
337
00:18:13,607 --> 00:18:15,404
Well, wish me luck.
338
00:18:15,447 --> 00:18:17,802
- Want to hear my speech?
- That's what you're wearing?
339
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,405
Yeah.
340
00:18:19,447 --> 00:18:22,086
Janey, you need
to present a certain image.
341
00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:24,641
You should be wearing an outfit
that says, ''Take me seriously,''
342
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,247
not, ''Take me. Seriously.''
343
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,683
Listen, Mum, I am going to the meeting,
344
00:18:29,727 --> 00:18:32,446
but straight afterwards
I'm going to the party.
345
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,921
Oh, Janey, you can't seriously
be putting a party
346
00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:38,118
with Orlando Bloom before your son?
Where are your priorities?
347
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:41,716
My priority is and always has been
the safety and wellbeing of my son,
348
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:43,883
Orlando... Kenzo.
349
00:18:43,927 --> 00:18:48,000
Look, Mum, I've thought about
everything you said, but I realise
350
00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:51,562
there's no reason why I can't be
a good mother and have a good time.
351
00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:54,519
I don't have to choose.
I can multitask and have it all.
352
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:55,716
(DOORBELL RINGS)
353
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,246
Have you really thought
all this through?
354
00:18:57,287 --> 00:18:59,517
- Course I have.
- Oh.
355
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:03,886
There she is!
356
00:19:03,927 --> 00:19:06,395
(THEY SCREAM)
357
00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:08,881
Are you ready for the hottest party
of the year?
358
00:19:08,927 --> 00:19:11,316
Of course!
359
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,483
It is on!
360
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,995
We are about to meet
the sexiest men in London!
361
00:19:16,047 --> 00:19:18,003
Come on!
362
00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,766
Oh, by the way,
there is one small stop we have to make.
363
00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:23,799
Oh, well, I don't care,
as long as there's lots of men there.
364
00:19:29,407 --> 00:19:32,285
All those in favour of approving
the minutes of the last meeting,
365
00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:34,716
please signify
by raising their right hand.
366
00:19:38,527 --> 00:19:40,722
The motion is carried unanimously.
367
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:44,555
And the minutes from the last meeting
as recorded by the recording secretary
368
00:19:44,607 --> 00:19:47,724
are now approved and will be entered
into the permanent record.
369
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,803
Make a note of that for me,
will you, please?
370
00:19:51,247 --> 00:19:54,398
What?
I said there'd be men here, didn't I?
371
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:05,356
- These are for you.
- Oh, how nice!
372
00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:09,086
They're from your stalker,
aren't they?
373
00:20:09,127 --> 00:20:12,164
They're still flowers.
Susan, come on, I don't know what to do.
374
00:20:12,207 --> 00:20:14,038
He came to the surgery today.
375
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,555
I mean, I can't shake the guy off.
376
00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:19,201
Well, relax.
377
00:20:19,247 --> 00:20:21,920
I'm getting involved.
378
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:24,276
What?
379
00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:28,206
He phoned earlier, and I invited him
round for a drink and a bite to eat.
380
00:20:28,247 --> 00:20:30,602
Brilliant!
You're going to poison him.
381
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:35,045
I'm not going to poison him.
I'm going to talk to him.
382
00:20:35,087 --> 00:20:38,966
- Ah, good - slow death.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
383
00:20:39,007 --> 00:20:40,963
Susan, please,
you can't invite that madman
384
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,237
round to our house, he's insane.
385
00:20:43,287 --> 00:20:44,925
- Rupert!
- Susan!
386
00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:47,197
- Come in.
- Ben!
387
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,726
Oh!
388
00:20:48,767 --> 00:20:51,201
It's so good of you to come, Rupert.
389
00:20:51,247 --> 00:20:53,477
Please sit down, relax.
390
00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:56,041
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- That would be lovely.
391
00:20:56,087 --> 00:20:58,840
This is a very civilised way
for you to handle things, Susan.
392
00:20:58,887 --> 00:21:01,082
There's certainly no reason
why you and I can't get on
393
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:04,324
just because your husband and I
have a connection.
394
00:21:05,887 --> 00:21:09,641
Of course. I would never stand in the way
of my husband's primal needs.
395
00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:13,675
Ben and I have always
had an open relationship.
396
00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:16,958
News to me.
397
00:21:17,007 --> 00:21:19,077
Such a wonderful attitude.
398
00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:23,245
After all, just because we're both
interested in this magnificent beast...
399
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,482
He's talking about me.
400
00:21:29,527 --> 00:21:31,245
I know!
401
00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:33,482
And he has a house in Tuscany.
402
00:21:33,527 --> 00:21:36,997
It would be absurd if you and I
got into some kind of catfight.
403
00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:39,607
One I would win, by the way.
404
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,517
Not sure about that.
405
00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:45,603
The thing is, Rupert,
406
00:21:45,647 --> 00:21:48,559
I feel there's a lot you may not know
about the man you've fallen in love with.
407
00:21:48,607 --> 00:21:52,805
- Like what?
- Oh, so many, many things.
408
00:21:52,847 --> 00:21:57,159
- So I've decided to educate you.
- Oh.
409
00:21:57,207 --> 00:21:59,198
Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
410
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:02,764
This is our wedding day.
411
00:22:02,807 --> 00:22:04,399
- Lovely.
- Mm-hm.
412
00:22:04,447 --> 00:22:07,598
And here we are on our honeymoon.
413
00:22:07,647 --> 00:22:10,366
And here we are lying on the beach.
414
00:22:10,407 --> 00:22:12,637
Ooh, who's got a hairy chest!
415
00:22:12,687 --> 00:22:14,518
He's lying on his stomach -
that's his back.
416
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,966
Oh, sweet Jesus!
417
00:22:18,607 --> 00:22:22,361
And that is why I, as a concerned mother,
beg the council
418
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:26,685
to install these inexpensive and most
necessary speed bumps on Lancaster Road,
419
00:22:26,727 --> 00:22:29,036
for the protection of our children.
420
00:22:29,087 --> 00:22:33,683
I trust you will do the right thing
and I trust you will do it quickly.
421
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:39,522
Can we go now?
422
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:43,116
Miss Harper, this is a major decision
that will need thought and care.
423
00:22:43,167 --> 00:22:46,557
Installation of speed bumps
on the road in question, while desirable
424
00:22:46,607 --> 00:22:50,043
from a safety point of view,
may require further analysis.
425
00:22:50,087 --> 00:22:52,317
Kill me now.
426
00:22:52,367 --> 00:22:57,805
And do you have any facts and figures
showing the statistical breakdown
427
00:22:57,847 --> 00:23:01,920
of the amount of traffic flowing through
Lancaster Road subdivided by hour?
428
00:23:01,967 --> 00:23:03,958
Oh, for God's sake.
429
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:05,565
Yes, yes, I do.
430
00:23:05,607 --> 00:23:07,484
Just give me a moment...
431
00:23:07,527 --> 00:23:09,358
And do you have you any schematics
432
00:23:09,407 --> 00:23:13,366
showing the size, width and height
of the proposed bumps?
433
00:23:13,407 --> 00:23:15,716
Yes, yes, I do. Just bear with me.
434
00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:19,157
I can show you exactly
what they look like.
435
00:23:23,767 --> 00:23:25,883
I see.
436
00:23:25,927 --> 00:23:27,679
All those in favour?
437
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:32,120
The proposal is carried unanimously.
438
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:36,126
Really? Wow, thank you!
439
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:38,556
No, thank you.
440
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:46,679
And this video was taken
at the last wedding we attended.
441
00:23:46,727 --> 00:23:50,197
I just wanted you to see
what Ben looks like when he's dancing.
442
00:23:50,247 --> 00:23:52,442
I was trying to do the moonwalk.
443
00:23:52,487 --> 00:23:54,364
They called the paramedics, Ben.
444
00:23:54,407 --> 00:23:57,365
Look, I know
what you're trying to do, Susan,
445
00:23:57,407 --> 00:24:00,479
but Ben and I are soul mates,
and I'm very much looking forward
446
00:24:00,527 --> 00:24:01,960
to getting to know the person
on the inside.
447
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:04,043
Thank you, Rupert.
448
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:07,317
Good idea.
449
00:24:07,367 --> 00:24:10,518
Let's learn about Ben on the inside.
450
00:24:10,567 --> 00:24:13,365
Tell me, Rupert,
who's your favourite artist?
451
00:24:13,407 --> 00:24:16,001
Well, um, I love Matisse,
452
00:24:16,047 --> 00:24:18,402
but Renoir's later works
really speak to me.
453
00:24:18,447 --> 00:24:19,960
Oh, that's a fine choice.
454
00:24:20,007 --> 00:24:22,885
- And yours, Ben?
- Uh..
455
00:24:22,927 --> 00:24:25,316
What, favourite...favourite artist? Uh...
456
00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:27,927
Oh, if I had to pick one, er...
457
00:24:29,687 --> 00:24:32,076
Yeah, that guy,
forgot his name, you know...
458
00:24:32,127 --> 00:24:35,005
he...he's the one that did
the dogs playing poker.
459
00:24:37,167 --> 00:24:40,842
Because, I mean,
the detail's amazing, cos, you know,
460
00:24:40,887 --> 00:24:42,957
the dogs are actually wearing hats.
461
00:24:45,087 --> 00:24:47,043
Disappointed?
462
00:24:47,087 --> 00:24:49,806
Try getting it for Christmas.
463
00:24:49,847 --> 00:24:52,919
What about modern art?
What do you think of Chagall?
464
00:24:52,967 --> 00:24:55,640
Yeah, brilliant in Under Siege,
but he's no Van Damme.
465
00:24:58,167 --> 00:25:03,195
Talking of films,
let's look at Ben's DVD collection.
466
00:25:03,247 --> 00:25:06,000
Here we are.
467
00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:10,438
Oh! Gigi, West Side Story,Gone With The Wind.
468
00:25:10,487 --> 00:25:12,557
No, no, no, those are mine.
Ben's are at the back.
469
00:25:14,967 --> 00:25:18,039
Jeremy Clarkson's Extreme Machines.
470
00:25:19,207 --> 00:25:21,596
That's what you'll be cuddling up to
on a Friday night.
471
00:25:21,647 --> 00:25:22,682
Oh, Ben.
472
00:25:22,727 --> 00:25:26,481
Now, let's talk about leisure time.
473
00:25:26,527 --> 00:25:29,758
What do you like to do
on a typical Sunday, Rupert?
474
00:25:29,807 --> 00:25:34,005
Oh, I love to sniff around a farmers'
market and browse antique shops,
475
00:25:34,047 --> 00:25:37,596
and then possibly treat myself
to a long lunch in a brasserie.
476
00:25:37,647 --> 00:25:40,764
Ben, what do you like
to do on a Sunday?
477
00:25:40,807 --> 00:25:42,320
- You're holding it.
- Hmm?
478
00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:43,641
Argh!
479
00:25:44,727 --> 00:25:48,402
All right, kick with what foot you like,
but when Jezza...
480
00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:51,484
Jezza hits the gas
on a Bugatti Veyron,
481
00:25:51,527 --> 00:25:55,315
I defy anyone
not to get a tingle up their legs.
482
00:25:55,367 --> 00:25:56,720
Believe me, Rupert,
483
00:25:56,767 --> 00:26:00,396
when I first met Ben,
I went through the same disappointment.
484
00:26:00,447 --> 00:26:02,244
Don't make the same mistake I did.
485
00:26:02,287 --> 00:26:04,084
He's not going to change.
486
00:26:04,127 --> 00:26:07,358
He's not? ...You're not?
487
00:26:07,407 --> 00:26:10,877
Honestly, Rupert,
you're dodging a bullet.
488
00:26:10,927 --> 00:26:13,760
Now, tell me, what farmers' market
do you like to go to?
489
00:26:13,807 --> 00:26:16,480
Oh, there's a wonderful one
in Cobham.
490
00:26:16,527 --> 00:26:19,599
Oh, yes! Do you know the bread place
on the corner?
491
00:26:19,647 --> 00:26:23,322
Oh, isn't their ciabatta
just the right side of moist?
492
00:26:24,887 --> 00:26:28,641
Sometimes I spend a whole day there.
I'm surprised I haven't seen you there.
493
00:26:28,687 --> 00:26:31,326
- Well, maybe next Sunday?
- Oh, that would be lovely.
494
00:26:31,367 --> 00:26:34,086
Oh, look at the time!
I'm so sorry, I must dash.
495
00:26:34,127 --> 00:26:35,276
Oh, must you go so soon?
496
00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:36,521
I'm going to the opera at Covent Garden.
497
00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:39,206
- Oh, what are you seeing?
- I'm seeing Cosi Fan Tutte.
498
00:26:39,247 --> 00:26:41,715
- It's my favourite!
- Oh, that's my favourite!
499
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:44,565
Well, maybe see you Sunday. Bye!
500
00:26:53,047 --> 00:26:55,720
Your stalker seems nice.
501
00:26:57,287 --> 00:26:59,596
I'm sorry things didn't work out
between you two.
502
00:26:59,647 --> 00:27:02,559
Huh, I don't care. I don't care!
503
00:27:02,607 --> 00:27:04,086
I'm not gay.
504
00:27:05,887 --> 00:27:08,276
- Ben, are you crying?
- No, no. No.
505
00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:13,801
Just got something in my eye.
506
00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:17,525
(DOORBELL RINGS)
507
00:27:18,767 --> 00:27:19,836
Yeah...
508
00:27:19,887 --> 00:27:22,447
Oh, Rupert! I knew you'd come back.
509
00:27:22,487 --> 00:27:24,682
I'm not here for you. ...Susan?
510
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:26,046
Rupert.
511
00:27:26,087 --> 00:27:27,486
What's going on here?
512
00:27:27,807 --> 00:27:30,685
- Rupert's taking me to Tuscany.
- Tuscany?
513
00:27:30,727 --> 00:27:32,126
Just for two days.
514
00:27:32,167 --> 00:27:34,635
You walk out of this door now,
you're never coming back!
515
00:27:34,687 --> 00:27:37,360
- It's only two days.
- I was talking to Rupert!
40385
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