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1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:03,544
(Inhales)
2
00:00:13,950 --> 00:00:15,588
What now?
3
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:19,828
- You, sir, are an abomination.
- Really? Well, you're an American.
4
00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:23,306
- I've never been so insulted.
- I see. You should get out more.
5
00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:25,102
Do you treat all your patients like this?
6
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,344
Like what?
7
00:00:26,390 --> 00:00:29,621
I came here because this surgery
is part of the Cavitex chain.
8
00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:32,343
I expected their usual
high standard of customer service.
9
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:35,462
Well, let me tell you something
about Cavitex, shall I, my dear?
10
00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:38,661
They are the dental equivalent
of a fast-food service.
11
00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:41,702
It's a matter of time before they have me
selling super-sized fillings
12
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,468
out of a drive-thru wearing a paper hat.
13
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,660
Being American,
I suppose that would appeal to you.
14
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:47,541
Is there a complaints form?
15
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:50,150
No, sorry.
Ran out of those the week they arrived.
16
00:00:50,190 --> 00:00:53,068
I can see why.
You are a disgrace to your profession.
17
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:54,907
That's so kind. Thank you so much.
18
00:00:54,950 --> 00:00:57,339
Enjoy your Cavitex smile.
19
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,499
Ah, good.
20
00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:00,744
Ben. Ben.
21
00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:03,509
There's a woman coming in.
She works for Cavitex.
22
00:01:03,550 --> 00:01:07,463
She's an American and she's pretending
to be a patient to evaluate us.
23
00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:10,707
So be really, really, really nice to her.
24
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,024
Oh!
25
00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:14,789
I am so glad I caught you in time.
26
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,422
What?
27
00:01:17,470 --> 00:01:21,941
It's Mr Griffiths' way of evaluating
all Cavitex employees.
28
00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:26,427
Listen, you box of frogs.
When did you find this out?
29
00:01:26,470 --> 00:01:28,028
About three hours ago.
30
00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:31,665
There was this bird on the ledge building a nest.
31
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:33,701
I became mesmerised.
32
00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:35,706
Roger, come here.
33
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,388
- Hug?
- Nope.
34
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:55,547
Yeah, I miss you too, Mum.
35
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:58,104
Yeah, Kenzo's staying at his dad's.
36
00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:01,064
That's not fair.
37
00:02:01,110 --> 00:02:03,021
Just because a child's away,
38
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:05,823
doesn't mean a mother has to immediately
go out and get drunk.
39
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,138
You did?
40
00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:11,623
Every time?
41
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:13,785
Oh.
42
00:02:13,830 --> 00:02:16,344
So that's why I spent summers at Grandma's.
43
00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:19,745
OK. See you next week. Bye.
44
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:23,869
You done with the phone?
45
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:27,380
I need to get on with arranging
Saturday night's event of the season.
46
00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:28,658
What's that?
47
00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:29,904
You and the loser brigade
48
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,703
going to watch all the Star Wars films
in sequence?
49
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,900
No.
50
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:37,942
We're skipping The Phantom Menace.
51
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,982
My weekend's going to be
a little more exciting than that.
52
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:44,147
What? You and the slapper squad
piling into a pink limo,
53
00:02:44,190 --> 00:02:46,181
to go to the nearest trashy nightclub,
54
00:02:46,230 --> 00:02:49,700
where they're doing a two-for-one on any
alcopops the same colour as plutonium?
55
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,149
No.
56
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:55,829
Actually, yeah, that is pretty much it.
57
00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:59,749
Is no one going to ask me
about my weekend plans?
58
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,668
So, Alfie, what are you doing?
Being Welsh?
59
00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:07,100
I'm aware I may not be
the most popular man in town,
60
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:09,539
but I have a strong social network
61
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,150
made up of those
who appreciate my quirky ways,
62
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:14,909
and enjoy my company,
thank you very much.
63
00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:16,668
(Message alert)
64
00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:19,463
Oh, apparently he's busy this weekend.
65
00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:23,628
(Man) Ahem!
66
00:03:26,270 --> 00:03:27,988
- Hello, Harper.
- Hm?
67
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:31,909
Ah. Mr, er, Griffith. Hello!
Good. Nice to see you.
68
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:35,260
I'm checking the comfort of the chair.
Very, very important.
69
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:39,223
Above all,
safety is paramount for the patients.
70
00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:42,865
That's good, very good, because I care, you see.
71
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,140
Clearly, Harper, it's time we had a word.
72
00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:49,388
I've just spoken to Jessica Richards.
She's my customer relations manager.
73
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,661
It's hardly fair to attack me
over what some American woman,
74
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:55,588
with possible mental health issues,
might have made up about me.
75
00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:58,463
She said you had the worst attitude
she'd ever encountered.
76
00:03:58,510 --> 00:03:59,943
Really?
77
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,469
The worst?
78
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:05,865
And, unfortunately, it's not just her.
79
00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:09,186
Ever since Cavitex has taken over,
we've received numerous complaints
80
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:11,698
that you're surly, rude and patronising.
81
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:15,538
To be fair, I received a lot of those complaints
before you took over.
82
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,388
- You don't like me, do you, Harper?
- Y...
83
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:23,548
You know, like...
"Like" is a very emotional word.
84
00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:27,587
You're not much of a team player.
Why aren't you wearing your uniform?
85
00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:30,428
- I find it tight... in the crotch.
- It's a tunic.
86
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,109
It's a... Ah!
It's the way you wear it, is it? OK.
87
00:04:33,150 --> 00:04:36,301
Look, Harper,
you're a Cavitex employee now.
88
00:04:36,350 --> 00:04:39,148
You have to learn to do things
the Cavitex way.
89
00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:42,307
So, I'm going to teach you a lesson.
90
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,659
What, you're going to beat me up, are you?
91
00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:45,904
(Chuckles) No.
92
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:47,941
No.
93
00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:50,550
No. I'm going to send you on
a training course this weekend.
94
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,421
We call it the Cavitex Academy.
95
00:04:52,470 --> 00:04:57,624
It's for the induction of new recruits,
but it's also useful for erm, disappointments.
96
00:04:57,670 --> 00:05:00,025
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you,
97
00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:03,187
because there's no way in hell
that I'm going back to school.
98
00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:04,868
Thank you and goodbye.
99
00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:07,140
Absolutely. Not a problem.
We'll just fire you.
100
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,179
Fire away.
101
00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:11,700
I've got my surgery, my patients,
and I've got my reputation.
102
00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:14,628
No. We own your surgery
and your patient roster.
103
00:05:14,670 --> 00:05:17,184
OK, well, I've got my reputation.
104
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:23,025
- This weekend, you said?
- Absolutely, yes.
105
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,346
This is ridiculous.
106
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:29,302
As if I'm a bad employee. Huh!
107
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:33,138
How dare they wake you
from your office-hours nap to tell you that?
108
00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:37,342
Listen, I've not been sleeping well
since your mother left, OK?
109
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:39,460
You always complain that she snores,
110
00:05:39,510 --> 00:05:41,785
steals the covers,
kicks you in her sleep.
111
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:44,628
At least shouting at her used to relax me.
112
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:46,581
Who the hell are these people?
113
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:50,020
Who the hell are these people
to tell me how to run a dental practice?
114
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,947
I've been doing it for 25 years.
115
00:05:51,990 --> 00:05:54,140
Dad, you just have to play the game.
116
00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:56,784
Tell them what they want to hear.
Just fake it.
117
00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,422
Act like you respect them.
118
00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:01,143
Oh, really? Fake it?
Mm-hm. For two whole days?
119
00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:04,227
- We've done it with you for years.
- OK... OK, fine.
120
00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,420
I'll tell you something, though.
121
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:08,903
I'm really...
122
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:11,463
...going to miss you two.
123
00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:14,307
You see? I can fake it.
124
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:18,262
Are you two going to be OK
without me or your mother here?
125
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:20,426
(Laughing) Come on, Dad.
How old are we?
126
00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:22,301
Ha-ha-ha! You...
127
00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:26,741
Seriously, Dad, how old are we?
128
00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:41,989
Did I miss anything?
129
00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:45,100
What the hell are you doing here?
130
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:47,823
I asked to come.
This is my fourth time.
131
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,100
They give you a free pencil case at the end.
132
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:52,505
The better question is,
what am I doing here?
133
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:54,905
I am a professional dentist
and look at this lot.
134
00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:57,510
Look at them.
Like a bunch of rank amateurs.
135
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,223
Actually, they're all new employees.
136
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:04,900
The only people here for "re-education"
are you and Herman.
137
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:08,943
Apparently, he's got a bad habit
of reading x-rays upside down,
138
00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:11,788
removing the wrong teeth
and then infecting the patient.
139
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,548
Hello, Herman.
140
00:07:14,590 --> 00:07:15,989
Hermie!
141
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,305
(Game show-style voice)Ladies and gentlemen,
142
00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:22,069
put your hands togetherand welcome to the stage
143
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:27,104
Cavitex UK's general manager,Mr Martin Griffithl
144
00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:29,061
(Cheering and whooping)
145
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,425
Hello, Mr Griffith!
146
00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:38,030
(Whooping continues)
147
00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:40,664
Yeah! Yeah!
148
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:45,465
You walked into this room dentists
but you're going to walk out of here
149
00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:49,503
valued team members of the
Cavitex Corporation. Whoo-hoo!
150
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:52,781
I hope you're all excited
and raring to go.
151
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:53,865
(All) Yeah.
152
00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:56,219
- I can't hear you.
- (Yelling) Yeah!
153
00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:59,068
- I still can't hear you.
- Yes!
154
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:02,466
Take your bloody headphones off!
155
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,744
We have got
a great weekend planned for you,
156
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:10,863
but first, to get this party started,
and to get you all out of your seats,
157
00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:13,470
will you welcome
the bear with the brushitude.
158
00:08:13,510 --> 00:08:14,659
Bristles!
159
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:16,701
(Cheering and applause)
160
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,186
That bear a friend of yours, Rog?
161
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:34,619
Quite the opposite, Ben.
162
00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:39,346
I was once the Cavitex spokesbear
until that usurper replaced me.
163
00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:40,869
Now, I'm going to make him pay.
164
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:46,025
Did you come here to get revenge
on a man in a bear costume?
165
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:48,061
(Chuckles)
166
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,742
Wouldn't that be slightly crazy?
167
00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:56,180
Roger, did you come here to get revenge
on a man in a bear costume?
168
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:58,141
Essentially, yes.
169
00:08:59,390 --> 00:09:03,065
Oh, Michael, I was hoping to see you.
170
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:07,501
I was wondering if maybe you'd like me
to attend your Star Wars evening,
171
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:10,348
as an act of kindness on my part?
172
00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:12,108
No.
173
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:16,746
I'm willing to have dog hair glued to me
as a makeshift Chewbacca outfit.
174
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,860
(Growls like Chewbacca)
175
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,389
Feel free to do that.
176
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,866
But, film night's cancelled.
Me and the guys had a big falling out.
177
00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:27,140
Oh, nothing serious, I hope.
178
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:30,182
There was an argument about
the theoretical storage capacity
179
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,902
of the Millennium Falcon.
180
00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:34,510
- Who would argue about that?
- I know.
181
00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:37,745
The answer's so obvious.
182
00:09:39,350 --> 00:09:42,467
I can't believe this.
My friends have just cancelled on me.
183
00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:45,786
I get a night to myself
and end up staying home alone.
184
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,866
Yeah, me too.
185
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:49,821
Wait a minute.
186
00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,987
If we're all staying in together alone,
187
00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:56,943
why don't we all stay in
together together?
188
00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:00,781
One of my friends must be free.
189
00:10:00,830 --> 00:10:03,025
Please, God, answer.
190
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:11,346
Now, will you welcome our customer relations
manager, Jessica Richards.
191
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:21,260
Oh, great.
192
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,423
Whoo!
193
00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:26,426
Hey, everybody, great to be here.
194
00:10:26,470 --> 00:10:30,509
I've been visiting a selection of Cavitex dentists
as an undercover patient...
195
00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:32,541
It's her word against mine.
196
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:36,742
...and we used hidden cameras
to record what happened.
197
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,745
Oh, I am screwed.
198
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:44,783
Let's look at the dos and don'ts
in client relations. Lights, please.
199
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:49,503
Good morning.What seems to be the problem today?
200
00:10:49,550 --> 00:10:51,142
Come on in.
201
00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:56,825
Notice the warm smile
and sincere greeting.
202
00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,906
And now, how not to do it.
203
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,986
Right, so what's your problem, hm?
204
00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:10,022
Come on, come on, sit down.
205
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,140
Next, putting the patient at ease.
206
00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:16,584
Now, just relax,but if you feel uncomfortable at any time,
207
00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:19,064
just raise your little hand and I'll stop.
208
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:21,908
So, you are a Yank.
209
00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:25,749
Not your fault entirely, is it?
210
00:11:25,790 --> 00:11:29,783
And finally, respecting the patient's intelligence.
211
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,906
It's a fairly simple procedure,
212
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:37,262
but if you have any questions at all,feel free to ask, OK?
213
00:11:38,310 --> 00:11:40,870
Now, this is a...
214
00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:43,982
... toothbrush.
215
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:47,022
Could we stop, please?
Sorry. Sorry. This isn't fair.
216
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:52,349
The "don't" clips have the same erm,
unidentified er...
217
00:11:53,350 --> 00:11:55,102
...charismatic man.
218
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:59,701
What can I say?
He was particularly awful.
219
00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:04,620
I wonder who he was?
220
00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:08,661
I'd quite like to hurt you.
221
00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:12,620
So, thank you for listening.
222
00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:13,819
I know you'll all go on
223
00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:16,862
to be wonderful customer-focused
dental operatives.
224
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,378
Well, most of you.
225
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:27,861
She really didn't like you.
226
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:30,663
Did you get that impression too?
227
00:12:32,430 --> 00:12:34,944
Oh! Look at him.
228
00:12:34,990 --> 00:12:38,619
Swanning around,
arrogantly handing out pencil cases.
229
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:41,264
He's not supposed to do that until the end.
230
00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:51,267
Now, let's move on to the technical element
of the course,
231
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,904
and we'll begin with a presentation.
232
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:55,781
Could we dim the lights, please?
233
00:12:56,870 --> 00:13:00,704
(Video narrator speaks slowly)The Cavitex Corporation is dedicated
234
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:05,107
to providing treatment in a calm,peaceful and comforting manner.
235
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,380
Here we go. More corporate waffle.
236
00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:10,263
- I really think you should...
- Be quiet. Good night.
237
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:14,223
It's therefore vital thatour dentists are conversant
238
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:17,262
with the very latesttechnological innovations,
239
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:21,940
particularly the Cavigleam Whitening System.
240
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,345
- (Western movie)
- No.
241
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,539
(Dinosaur roars)
242
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:29,342
No.
243
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,823
(Football commentary)
244
00:13:30,870 --> 00:13:32,223
No.
245
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,339
(News)
246
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:36,346
No.
247
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:37,505
(Game show music)
248
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,539
No.
249
00:13:38,590 --> 00:13:40,023
(Explosion)
250
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,503
No.
251
00:13:42,790 --> 00:13:44,826
- Can I have a go?
- (Both) No.
252
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:52,624
- Does anybody want a drink?
- Oh, good idea.
253
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,900
Anything to make this more bearable.
254
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:58,704
Oh, come on. It's one Saturday night in,
how bad can it be?
255
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,342
This bad.
256
00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:04,907
Oh, it's locked.
When did Dad fix this?
257
00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:07,180
He didn't. It was Mum, for Dad.
258
00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:13,027
Fortunately,
I have a copy of the key.
259
00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:15,459
Genius. How?
260
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:17,865
That's just the kind of person I am.
261
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,868
Come on. Do we really need a drink
to have a good time?
262
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,468
(Both) Yes.
263
00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:29,583
And that just about wraps things up.
264
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:32,098
We've crammed rather
a lot into three hours.
265
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:34,300
Three hours?
266
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:37,899
Hopefully, it hasn't been too hard going.
Well done, everybody.
267
00:14:40,990 --> 00:14:43,550
- Hello, Sleepyhead.
- Why didn't you wake me up?
268
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:46,024
He... He didn't see me, did he?
269
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:47,628
No, no, he didn't notice.
270
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,900
It doesn't make any difference, does it?
271
00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:52,544
Now, look, don't feel you
have to stay up all night
272
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:55,468
revising for tomorrow's
written and practical tests.
273
00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:57,865
Everything was in the presentation.
274
00:14:57,910 --> 00:15:00,902
That's good.
It really does matter a bit.
275
00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:05,581
Er, Mr Griffith, sorry er, sir.
276
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:10,987
- Is it OK if we don't pass the test?
- No, no, no.
277
00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,907
- We don't have to pass.
- Ah.
278
00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:14,588
- You have to pass.
- Mm-hm.
279
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:16,825
If you do then that's absolutely fine.
280
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:18,349
F... Wh...
281
00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:22,747
What would you say, then,
if, hypothetically, I didn't pass?
282
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,987
Well, that's fine too
because then I get to fire you.
283
00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:28,021
What would you say... if I didn't care?
284
00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:30,903
If I went off and got another job
at another practice?
285
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,544
Although, with a bad reference from Cavitex,
286
00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:36,343
you might find other work
rather hard to come by.
287
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:39,826
You see, we have connections
with all influential trade bodies,
288
00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:43,943
plus we control 60% of all private health
services in the southeast of England,
289
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:47,426
with a short-term projected growth rate of 30%
over the next two years.
290
00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:50,064
Your rather... optimistic assertion
291
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:53,546
that you can just go to another practice
seems rather ill-judged.
292
00:15:53,590 --> 00:15:57,378
Still, if you want to give it a go, that's fine.
That's absolutely fi...
293
00:15:57,430 --> 00:16:01,582
Would you stop saying "fine"
when things clearly aren't?
294
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,103
It's all fine.
295
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,699
(Sings) Go, Alfie, it's your birthday.
296
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,462
How much has he had?
297
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:34,263
Well, this is our first bottle, so one glass.
298
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:38,503
This is nice. Isn't this nice?
It's nice.
299
00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:40,541
Oh, I like spending time with you.
300
00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:42,182
And you too.
301
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:48,825
All right, well, let's have one last drink
and then call it a night.
302
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:53,064
How about some of
Dad's blackberry schnapps?
303
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:55,749
Oh, no, no. Not for me, no.
304
00:16:55,790 --> 00:17:00,102
I must confess I'm not good
with schnapps, not good at all, no.
305
00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:03,540
I drank it on my last night
in the village and well...
306
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:07,026
I don't really remember what happened,
to be perfectly frank.
307
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:09,345
And you really want to remember tonight?
308
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,745
Of course. We're having fun and frolics and...
309
00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,064
Oh, yeah, go on then.
310
00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:15,779
Ooh!
311
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:18,344
(Cheering)
312
00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:19,743
Go, Herman!
313
00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:23,029
Oh, gosh.
314
00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:24,788
It's all going on out there.
315
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:28,345
People are doing the limbo
under a strand of dental floss.
316
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:30,620
Oh. Oh.
317
00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:33,503
And I'm really good
at dental floss limbo as well.
318
00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:37,943
Stupid revision. Stupid Cavitex.
319
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,708
Stupid, stupid Mr Griffith.
320
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:42,548
I can't make head or tail
of these notes you've taken.
321
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,546
What does that say? "Suck on teat"?
322
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:47,388
"Apply suction to teeth."
323
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:49,739
Of course, I know.
Of course it's suc...
324
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:53,065
...tion to teeth. Absolutely.
325
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:56,739
My war of intimidation against Bristles
isn't going very well.
326
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:59,384
I am intimidating, aren't I?
327
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:02,303
Next question.
328
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:07,260
I'm going to make him late
for tomorrow's concluding ceremony.
329
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:08,948
That will make him look bad.
330
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:11,823
I just need to trap him somehow.
331
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,542
Why don't you dig a hole?
332
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:19,539
Put some leaves over it and then lure the bear
in with a picnic basket.
333
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:23,583
Where would I find
a picnic basket around here?
334
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:28,662
It's not a real bear, Roger.
335
00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:31,986
Can we deal with my
more un-insane problems?
336
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:33,429
I'm not going to pass this test!
337
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:36,462
Oh, it's very easy, Ben.
I've passed it three times already.
338
00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:38,705
You did?
339
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,980
This isn't my first attempt
to thwart Bristles.
340
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:43,828
You passed it three times.
Then you know all the answers.
341
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,589
Ah, Roger!
342
00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:50,384
Suddenly I feel... strangely confident.
343
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,864
No, no. You are not copying off me!
344
00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:55,219
- Yes, I am.
- OK.
345
00:18:55,270 --> 00:18:59,548
I'm not intimidating at all, am I? (Sighs)
346
00:18:59,590 --> 00:19:01,660
What about the practical element?
347
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:04,827
You missed the training on
the Cavigleam Whitening System.
348
00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:08,419
It's revolutionary,
state-of-the-art technology.
349
00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:11,860
I'm not sure you'll manage it
without some practice first.
350
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,539
- Practice, you say?
- Yes, practice.
351
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,502
- (Laughs wickedly) Practice.
- Practice.
352
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,701
Why are we slightly laughing?
353
00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:28,509
(Muffled) Ben, be careful.
354
00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:31,701
That is the very expensive property
of the Cavitex Corporation.
355
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,786
Roger, please, just relax.
356
00:19:33,830 --> 00:19:39,746
I need a dummy run and you,
not surprisingly, are the dummy.
357
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:42,304
- Do you know what you're doing?
- Roger, please.
358
00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:45,820
Hello, I'm an artist
and this is my erm, paintbrush.
359
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:47,861
And this is...
How do you turn this on?
360
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:50,185
- Press the on switch.
- Oh, wait.
361
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,379
Ah!
362
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:55,745
Whoa.
363
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,382
OK.
364
00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:00,627
The machinery itself
is quite straightforward,
365
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:05,505
it's the application that's the tricky part,
that's why the goggles are vital.
366
00:20:05,550 --> 00:20:07,745
Goggles. Oh, right! Gotcha.
367
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:10,779
OK.
368
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:13,139
Argh! The goggles are for me!
369
00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:19,183
♪ Feed the chickens,
milk the cow, Round up the pigs
370
00:20:19,230 --> 00:20:24,304
(All) Feed the chickens,
milk the cow, round up the pigs...
371
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:25,499
(Janey) This is fun.
372
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:28,348
Schnapps loosens you up, Alfie.
You're a lot of fun.
373
00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:29,869
Shut up.
374
00:20:29,910 --> 00:20:31,184
What?
375
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,302
Oh, I misheard what you said.
376
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,022
Oh! It's so nice to just relax.
377
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:39,187
There's so much pressure
to go out on a Saturday night,
378
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:43,143
and not look like some saddo who...
It really doesn't matter, does it?
379
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:45,465
You're right. It doesn't matter.
380
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,104
It doesn't matter that
neither of you went out.
381
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:50,903
It doesn't matter that nobody likes you.
382
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,383
It doesn't even matter
383
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:57,059
that you both have dark, twisted knots
where your insides should be
384
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:59,908
spewing acrid, venomous
black bile out of you
385
00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:04,501
every time you open your stupid, fat mouths.
386
00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:09,546
- What did you just say?
- I've had a fun night. Good night.
387
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,067
I think he was mainly talking to you.
388
00:21:27,790 --> 00:21:30,224
Oh, my. It's test time.
389
00:21:30,270 --> 00:21:32,579
Yes, it's test time!
390
00:21:32,630 --> 00:21:35,861
You may begin... now.
391
00:21:36,910 --> 00:21:39,549
Roger. Roger, just concentrate, OK?
392
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,707
And, Roger, write big.
393
00:21:44,790 --> 00:21:47,941
Hang on. I've been given
a blank sheet of paper.
394
00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:50,823
The questions are all there.
Look. Look.
395
00:21:53,630 --> 00:21:55,985
Then, Houston, we have a problem.
396
00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:58,828
- What?
- I can't see the questions.
397
00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:01,225
- Roger...
- You're the one who blinded me.
398
00:22:01,270 --> 00:22:03,500
Who am I going to copy off now?
399
00:22:03,550 --> 00:22:05,859
You don't need to copy off anyone, Ben.
400
00:22:05,910 --> 00:22:08,708
You're a fantastic dentist,
you know this stuff.
401
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:12,504
I am an excellent dentist.
I have 25 years of experience behind me.
402
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:15,826
This is a piece of cake.
Question one.
403
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,069
I'm so screwed.
404
00:22:25,430 --> 00:22:26,749
Are you still angry?
405
00:22:26,790 --> 00:22:29,862
I can't believe Alfie
said those horrible things.
406
00:22:29,910 --> 00:22:32,140
He's not the Alfie
I've come to know and...
407
00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:33,589
tolerate.
408
00:22:33,630 --> 00:22:35,541
I'm sure he feels bad about it all.
409
00:22:37,870 --> 00:22:40,589
Afternoon.
So, what's everybody up to today?
410
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:41,619
I don't know.
411
00:22:41,670 --> 00:22:43,388
I thought I might go to the doctor
412
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:46,342
to see about the dark,
twisted knots inside of me.
413
00:22:46,390 --> 00:22:47,903
Are you not feeling well?
414
00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:50,623
Yeah, Alfie, I'm quoting
what you said about us.
415
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:52,388
I never said that.
416
00:22:52,430 --> 00:22:56,184
Alfie, do you actually remember
what happened last night?
417
00:22:56,230 --> 00:22:58,539
There are hazy spots, I admit.
418
00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:02,265
The last thing I remember is you and me having
a jam eating competition.
419
00:23:02,310 --> 00:23:03,709
That was three days ago.
420
00:23:05,590 --> 00:23:07,945
Oh, well, in that case,
I don't remember, no.
421
00:23:07,990 --> 00:23:11,141
But, I certainly didn't mean to say
that you have erm...
422
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:15,183
- What was it?
- Dark, twisted knots inside of me.
423
00:23:15,230 --> 00:23:17,824
You're really hanging onto that one,
aren't you?
424
00:23:18,870 --> 00:23:20,826
I can but apologise,
425
00:23:20,870 --> 00:23:24,021
I have clearly been the foolish victim
of binge drinking.
426
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,789
You had a glass of wine
and a shot of blackberry schnapps.
427
00:23:26,830 --> 00:23:31,346
Ah! Like the schnapps I had
on my last night in the village.
428
00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:34,268
Was it actually supposed to be
your last night in the village,
429
00:23:34,310 --> 00:23:38,462
or did they run you out of town
with burning torches and pitchforks?
430
00:23:40,150 --> 00:23:41,947
They didn't have torches.
431
00:23:47,670 --> 00:23:48,785
Thank you.
432
00:23:48,830 --> 00:23:51,469
Well, I'm pleased to say...
433
00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,866
Shut up!
434
00:23:57,870 --> 00:24:00,782
I'm pleased to say that
every one of the names on this list
435
00:24:00,830 --> 00:24:04,061
has passed through the Cavitex Academy
with flying colours.
436
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:05,145
Yes!
437
00:24:05,190 --> 00:24:08,944
So, let's give a big hand
for Andrew Chambers.
438
00:24:10,870 --> 00:24:14,783
God, please, God, let me be on that list.
Let me be on that list.
439
00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:16,821
(Cheering continues)
440
00:24:16,870 --> 00:24:18,349
Excuse me.
441
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:19,903
Now, look here.
442
00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:23,784
I was the original and the best Bristles.
443
00:24:23,830 --> 00:24:26,628
And you are a, you are a...
444
00:24:29,270 --> 00:24:30,988
a lady.
445
00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,224
A beautiful lady.
446
00:24:33,270 --> 00:24:35,022
Oh, thank you.
447
00:24:35,070 --> 00:24:37,664
I've seen you around here all weekend.
448
00:24:38,710 --> 00:24:40,701
- You're Bristles?
- Yeah.
449
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:44,584
Oh, that explains why I never saw
you and the bear in the same place.
450
00:24:45,630 --> 00:24:49,020
I've noticed you too, looking at me
and following me around.
451
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:51,584
Except only when I've got
my bear's costume on.
452
00:24:51,630 --> 00:24:53,905
Guilty.
453
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:57,659
- Do you fancy going for a drink?
- Yes, please.
454
00:24:57,710 --> 00:25:00,508
Let me just go get changed
out of my costume.
455
00:25:00,550 --> 00:25:03,940
Why don't you keep
the bear costume on?
456
00:25:08,030 --> 00:25:10,260
Peter Thompson.
457
00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:16,990
So, it's just you and me, hey, Hermie?
458
00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:19,703
Finally, Herman Yellowman.
459
00:25:21,110 --> 00:25:22,748
So perfect!
460
00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:28,108
Well done, Ben Harper.
You are fired, you are screwed.
461
00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:30,300
I can't believe I actually feel sad.
462
00:25:30,350 --> 00:25:32,102
Of course you do.
463
00:25:32,150 --> 00:25:34,983
You can't put a price
on your love of dentistry.
464
00:25:36,030 --> 00:25:40,546
(Chuckles) Maybe you can. Eh?
465
00:25:40,590 --> 00:25:42,706
(Both laugh)
466
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:44,900
We're slightly laughing, again.
467
00:25:44,950 --> 00:25:47,180
You're not going to blind me again, are you?
468
00:25:48,190 --> 00:25:50,226
Erm, could...
469
00:25:50,270 --> 00:25:52,864
Could I, erm, have a word with you in private?
470
00:26:00,630 --> 00:26:02,143
What is it then, Harper?
471
00:26:02,190 --> 00:26:05,899
- Want to say goodbye in person?
- About that, I've been thinking...
472
00:26:05,950 --> 00:26:09,022
Hey, come on.
We both know I'm a good worker.
473
00:26:09,070 --> 00:26:12,301
I may not be the friendliest guy in town,
but I get the job done.
474
00:26:12,350 --> 00:26:13,544
A bit like erm...
475
00:26:13,590 --> 00:26:15,581
er, Mussolini.
476
00:26:16,630 --> 00:26:18,222
The only problem here...
477
00:26:18,270 --> 00:26:21,785
The only problem
is our relationship, OK?
478
00:26:22,830 --> 00:26:28,109
I admit I've had conflicting feelings about you,
but, erm, I respect you.
479
00:26:28,150 --> 00:26:30,266
I really do. And I want to prove it.
480
00:26:30,310 --> 00:26:31,379
How so?
481
00:26:31,430 --> 00:26:34,502
I think we could come to some
gentlemen's agreement.
482
00:26:34,550 --> 00:26:38,065
You scratch my back, I scratch yours,
if you get my drift?
483
00:26:38,110 --> 00:26:40,704
- I see.
- OK? We on the same page?
484
00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:43,628
- I think we are on the same page.
- Very good.
485
00:26:43,670 --> 00:26:46,264
I'll get you something
and you'll be all right.
486
00:26:47,310 --> 00:26:49,904
No, it's my fault entirely.
487
00:26:50,950 --> 00:26:53,942
The problem is I've never been
very good with authority.
488
00:26:53,990 --> 00:26:56,265
I've been like that my whole life.
489
00:26:57,310 --> 00:27:01,781
Yes. The thing is,
I've never been very good at taking orders.
490
00:27:05,430 --> 00:27:06,943
Don't worry, Ben.
491
00:27:06,990 --> 00:27:09,788
For the next half-hour, you're the boss.
492
00:27:18,150 --> 00:27:22,063
Apology accepted, Alfie.
Thank you for the champagne.
493
00:27:22,110 --> 00:27:24,226
My pleasure. Here's to friendship.
494
00:27:24,270 --> 00:27:25,908
(All) Cheers.
495
00:27:31,710 --> 00:27:33,507
How was your course?
496
00:27:34,670 --> 00:27:36,740
What? Yes. Course. Ah, good.
497
00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:39,827
Yeah. That was... very good.
498
00:27:41,350 --> 00:27:44,262
I understand a lot more
about sexual harassment now.
499
00:27:44,310 --> 00:27:46,778
It wasn't a sexual harassment course,
was it?
500
00:27:48,630 --> 00:27:50,905
Not officially, no.
501
00:27:50,950 --> 00:27:55,546
Very interesting practical... erm...
which I didn't have to pass.
502
00:27:55,590 --> 00:27:56,784
Hmph!
503
00:27:56,830 --> 00:27:58,548
Still, kept my job.
504
00:27:58,590 --> 00:28:01,309
Ah, well, there you go then.
505
00:28:01,350 --> 00:28:03,739
It doesn't matter
that you got into trouble,
506
00:28:03,790 --> 00:28:07,499
it doesn't matter that you're
a grumpy, rubbish old man.
507
00:28:07,550 --> 00:28:08,869
It doesn't even matter
508
00:28:08,910 --> 00:28:11,822
that you've got a rotting lump of coal
where your heart should be.
509
00:28:14,630 --> 00:28:17,428
Finally, someone who appreciates me
for who I am.
510
00:28:22,710 --> 00:28:25,508
So it's blackberry schnapps
and champagne that sets you off.
511
00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:27,984
No, no. That's just what I think.
512
00:28:28,030 --> 00:28:29,019
Cheers.
39954
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