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1
00:00:16,887 --> 00:00:19,082
I can't stop staring at you.
2
00:00:19,127 --> 00:00:20,719
I've noticed.
3
00:00:22,527 --> 00:00:24,483
You're so beautiful.
4
00:00:24,527 --> 00:00:26,324
So you keep saying.
5
00:00:28,247 --> 00:00:31,398
"But to see her was to love her
6
00:00:31,447 --> 00:00:33,119
"Love but her
7
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,361
"And love forever"
8
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,839
Robert Burns.
9
00:00:40,727 --> 00:00:44,197
I just want to throw you onto this table
and climb all over you.
10
00:00:45,247 --> 00:00:46,965
Keats?
11
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,520
We're supposed to be studying.
12
00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:52,445
The only thing I want to study is you.
13
00:00:52,487 --> 00:00:54,796
They'll do degrees
on anything these days.
14
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,799
Hello, Amanda.
Would you like to stay for supper?
15
00:01:03,087 --> 00:01:04,918
I think I'll pass.
16
00:01:04,967 --> 00:01:07,765
- In fact, I'd better get going.
- I'll come with you.
17
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:12,997
Mrs Harper, erm...
18
00:01:13,047 --> 00:01:17,040
I don't usually question
your culinary prowess.
19
00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:20,841
Saying that, it will give me a glossy coat
and healthy teeth.
20
00:01:20,887 --> 00:01:22,559
That's for the dog we're gonna get.
21
00:01:23,607 --> 00:01:27,316
- Does Mr Harper know about this?
- He will eventually.
22
00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:31,480
Mr Harper can't stand dogs,
how will you break it to him?
23
00:01:31,527 --> 00:01:33,324
Slowly, I suppose.
24
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:36,837
I'll just gain his trust, feed him,
tickle his tummy.
25
00:01:38,527 --> 00:01:39,926
Oh, you mean the dog?
26
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,322
No, I meant Ben.
27
00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:46,722
- You don't have to go.
- I really do.
28
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,519
- I'll walk you home.
- No, I'm fine.
29
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:51,240
- It's no problem.
- It's becoming one.
30
00:01:51,287 --> 00:01:55,280
Seriously, Amanda,
there are psychos out there.
31
00:01:55,327 --> 00:01:56,476
Yeah.
32
00:01:57,527 --> 00:01:58,926
I'll call you.
33
00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:08,282
Amanda, hi! It's Michael.
34
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:11,879
Hello?
35
00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:15,122
Bad connection.
Maybe I should go after her.
36
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,965
Oh, Michael, stop it.
You'll scare her away.
37
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:20,441
- What are you talking about?
- You're obsessed.
38
00:02:20,487 --> 00:02:22,159
- I'm not obsessed.
- Oh, please.
39
00:02:22,207 --> 00:02:25,563
I've had plenty of stalkers
and that's the first thing they say.
40
00:02:25,607 --> 00:02:27,882
I'm not a stalker, I'm her boyfriend.
41
00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:29,918
That's the second thing they say.
42
00:02:29,967 --> 00:02:31,844
Trust me, you're a heart beat away
43
00:02:31,887 --> 00:02:34,196
from night-vision goggles
and a voice distorter.
44
00:02:34,247 --> 00:02:38,001
I haven't got a voice distorter.
45
00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:40,486
Hi, Mikey!
46
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:41,926
Hi, Janey!
47
00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:43,161
Mm, me?
48
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:48,679
Ah, another fun-filled day sticking my hands
down people's throats.
49
00:02:48,727 --> 00:02:51,764
Can't wait to get up tomorrow
to do it all over again.
50
00:02:51,807 --> 00:02:54,321
Is that your girlfriend I saw
sprinting down the road?
51
00:02:54,367 --> 00:02:56,119
- I should go after her.
- Stalker.
52
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,680
No, Mikey, whoa, whoa.
53
00:02:57,727 --> 00:03:00,924
Play it cool, act like you don't give a damn!
54
00:03:00,967 --> 00:03:03,640
I did that and I got your mother.
55
00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:07,123
Run, Mikey, run, run!
Run like the wind!
56
00:03:12,287 --> 00:03:14,278
(Susan) I can't wait to adopt.
57
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:18,081
- (Alfie) Are you thinking boy or girl?
- Doesn't matter.
58
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:22,365
It would be nice to have
an addition to the family.
59
00:03:22,407 --> 00:03:24,284
Ah! The patter of tiny feet.
60
00:03:24,327 --> 00:03:26,761
I've already started thinking about names.
61
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:30,163
What do you think of Apollo?
Or Cleopatra?
62
00:03:30,207 --> 00:03:32,880
Are you sure Mr Harper will be OK with this?
63
00:03:32,927 --> 00:03:36,317
Oh, he'll be OK once it
stops chewing up the furniture.
64
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:39,996
I can't wait to teach it little tricks
like roll over and beg.
65
00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:41,878
It's a dog!
66
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,563
Ah! You're talking about a dog!
67
00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:49,122
- What?
- It is a dog, isn't it?
68
00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:52,159
Cos you used to do that
roll over and beg thing with Nick.
69
00:03:52,207 --> 00:03:54,801
Yes, Ben. I want to get a dog.
70
00:03:54,847 --> 00:03:57,361
Ah! Ha-ha! Thank God for that!
71
00:03:57,407 --> 00:03:59,875
- Oh, you're OK with it?
- Absolutely not.
72
00:04:03,887 --> 00:04:06,924
Please, Ben, let's get a dog.
73
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:10,880
Isn't this house crowded enough?
It's like the hotel in The Shining.
74
00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:15,318
Except it's never vacant and I don't get
to go crazy and kill the family.
75
00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:16,641
I understand your panic,
76
00:04:16,687 --> 00:04:19,838
but there's no reason
to take it out on our future dog.
77
00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:21,878
Owning a pet takes responsibility.
78
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:24,361
Remember what happened to the goldfish?
79
00:04:24,407 --> 00:04:27,399
- You killed it.
- You told me to clean the tank.
80
00:04:27,447 --> 00:04:29,483
You're supposed to take the fish out first.
81
00:04:29,527 --> 00:04:33,315
- Goldie didn't stand a chance.
- Goldie came up nice and clean.
82
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:42,115
It's been years since we had a dog.
Remember how much you loved Muffin?
83
00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:44,761
Muffin? Muffin? I hated Muffin!
84
00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:48,277
If you'd fixed the fence,
he wouldn't have run away.
85
00:04:48,327 --> 00:04:50,318
He didn't run away, he escaped.
86
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:53,086
He's probably sunning himself
on a beach in Acapulco.
87
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,244
I don't think it's a good idea
getting another dog.
88
00:05:01,687 --> 00:05:04,076
I'm going to let you into a little secret
89
00:05:04,127 --> 00:05:07,278
that's kept our marriage alive
all these years.
90
00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:10,285
When I ask your opinion about something,
91
00:05:10,327 --> 00:05:14,923
99% of the time the decision
has already been made.
92
00:05:16,247 --> 00:05:17,475
What?
93
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,882
Every paint colour I've asked you about,
94
00:05:19,927 --> 00:05:23,636
every movie we've been to,
every new car, pre-determined.
95
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:25,279
No, no, no.
96
00:05:25,327 --> 00:05:29,957
- I picked the Volvo.
- You wanted a Fiat, I said Volvo.
97
00:05:34,047 --> 00:05:36,641
Bloody hell, it's true!
98
00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:38,803
It's just easier that way.
99
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:41,077
Wait, so, I get no choice?
100
00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:43,721
Yes! Your choice is to get a dog.
101
00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:47,560
When we wanted to go on that holiday,
102
00:05:47,607 --> 00:05:50,280
and I wanted to go golfing in Scotland
103
00:05:50,327 --> 00:05:52,636
and you said museums in Venice.
104
00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:55,565
- I said Scotland would be fine.
- Right! Exactly!
105
00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:59,282
And then you said
all the hotels in Scotland were booked,
106
00:05:59,327 --> 00:06:01,761
and we ended up in Venice.
107
00:06:01,807 --> 00:06:05,163
Come on, Ben.
All the hotels in Scotland?
108
00:06:06,287 --> 00:06:09,882
OK, next time, we go to Scotland.
109
00:06:09,927 --> 00:06:12,282
Thank God! Scotland will be fun!
110
00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:16,479
I thought you were going to say
somewhere like the South of France.
111
00:06:19,287 --> 00:06:21,881
All right, South of France it is then.
112
00:06:21,927 --> 00:06:23,997
Whatever you say, dear.
113
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,486
Hang on a minute.
114
00:06:29,527 --> 00:06:31,518
See how easy it is?
115
00:06:35,047 --> 00:06:37,686
Hey. You OK?
116
00:06:37,727 --> 00:06:39,604
No. Amanda just dumped me.
117
00:06:39,647 --> 00:06:42,559
Wow. I did not see that coming.
118
00:06:42,607 --> 00:06:45,804
She said I was too clingy
and she needed some space.
119
00:06:45,847 --> 00:06:46,916
I did warn you.
120
00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:50,084
You only warned me
about being obsessive, not clingy.
121
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:53,756
Look, maybe Amanda just needs
some time to think about things.
122
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:57,886
And... being away from you
123
00:06:57,927 --> 00:07:01,124
might make her realise that she misses you.
124
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:02,680
And wants you back.
125
00:07:02,727 --> 00:07:06,117
- You really think so?
- No, I'm just being supportive.
126
00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:08,203
I feel better already.
127
00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:11,200
Why so glum, chum?
128
00:07:11,247 --> 00:07:13,283
Amanda just gave him the chop.
129
00:07:13,327 --> 00:07:15,443
Maybe not forever.
130
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:17,159
I'm sorry.
131
00:07:18,207 --> 00:07:21,677
I know what it feels like
to have your heart broken.
132
00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:24,446
Did I tell you about Claire?
She was a pig.
133
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,717
Alfie, that's a horrible thing to say.
134
00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:30,166
No, she was a real pig.
135
00:07:31,287 --> 00:07:33,676
But the story still applies.
136
00:07:35,047 --> 00:07:36,241
Anyway.
137
00:07:36,287 --> 00:07:38,243
Claire was my favourite.
138
00:07:38,287 --> 00:07:39,800
Every time I returned from school,
139
00:07:39,847 --> 00:07:42,839
there was Claire
waiting for me at the front gate.
140
00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:46,641
Until one day, she wasn't there.
141
00:07:46,687 --> 00:07:49,485
I really had to force that ham sandwich down.
142
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,115
Chin up!
143
00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:57,927
Oh, Ben! I want him!
144
00:07:57,967 --> 00:08:01,277
Susan, you've said that
about every dog you've seen!
145
00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:04,080
Oh, Ben, look! Isn't he cute?
146
00:08:04,127 --> 00:08:06,118
Cute? Good God, he's enormous!
147
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,761
He looks like he's been exposed to radiation.
148
00:08:08,807 --> 00:08:10,718
He's adorable!
149
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:12,723
Look at all this information.
150
00:08:12,767 --> 00:08:15,281
You can tell by what breeding,
151
00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:19,320
by temperament,
by what exercise they need...
152
00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,835
I wish I could've
picked our kids this way!
153
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:25,243
- Ben, he just licked my hand!
- Think where his tongue was last.
154
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:28,085
Sorry, Susan,
we'll have to have a smaller one.
155
00:08:28,127 --> 00:08:29,879
We're gonna have to pick up after them
156
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,521
and this one looks like a definite two-bagger.
157
00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:35,479
Ah, Ben! That's the one!
I want him!
158
00:08:35,527 --> 00:08:38,519
- What's his name?
- Nope, he doesn't have a name.
159
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,444
He only came in yesterday.
160
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,079
They found him wandering the streets.
161
00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:45,802
- Like a lost soul.
- Or like a lost dog.
162
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:47,246
Who's a lovely dog?
163
00:08:47,287 --> 00:08:51,121
You are. Yes, Mummy loves you,
Mummy loves you. Give Mummy a kiss!
164
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:54,796
You're scaring the dog, you're scaring me
and you're scaring everyone else.
165
00:08:54,847 --> 00:08:57,680
Oh, Ben. Can we have him, please, please?
166
00:08:57,727 --> 00:08:59,797
You're asking me like I have a choice?
167
00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:01,280
Sorry, habit.
168
00:09:01,327 --> 00:09:04,683
- Having any luck?
- Oh, yes, we want him.
169
00:09:04,727 --> 00:09:07,719
- Oh, he is cute!
- Yes, he is!
170
00:09:07,767 --> 00:09:09,723
Yes you are, you're so cute!
171
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,837
Yes you are! Mummy loves you!
172
00:09:11,887 --> 00:09:14,355
Yes, she does! Yes, she does!
173
00:09:14,407 --> 00:09:18,719
- I'm so sorry.
- No, don't worry, it often happens.
174
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,679
If you'll open the cage,
we'll take him off your hands.
175
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,922
We do prefer the word "kennel" to "cage".
176
00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:26,800
Of course.
I'm just anxious to get him home.
177
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:28,838
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
178
00:09:28,887 --> 00:09:31,003
You'll have to fill out paperwork
179
00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:34,039
and we'll visit your home
to see if it's suitable.
180
00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:36,647
We can fill out the paperwork now.
181
00:09:36,687 --> 00:09:40,282
As for our home, I can assure you
it's more than suitable.
182
00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:42,477
All the same, rules are rules.
183
00:09:42,527 --> 00:09:46,122
But, aren't some rules
less important than other rules?
184
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,520
No.
185
00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:52,160
I understand.
186
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:55,882
- Can I just say goodbye?
- Make it quick, I'm getting hungry.
187
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:59,556
Goodbye, you cute little dog.
Mummy will see you very soon!
188
00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:02,041
Yes, she will, I promise!
189
00:10:02,087 --> 00:10:05,204
On second thoughts, there's no rush,
I've just lost my appetite.
190
00:10:05,247 --> 00:10:06,760
(Susan) Give us a kiss.
191
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:10,641
Janey, take these dog toys
and spread them around the room.
192
00:10:10,687 --> 00:10:13,599
Does Dad know you've bought all this stuff?
193
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,922
Take these toys
and spread them around the room.
194
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:20,880
Oh, I would've killed
for toys like this when I was a kid.
195
00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:23,885
Here, pretend to read this book on dog care.
196
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,280
- What?
- Just do it!
197
00:10:25,327 --> 00:10:30,276
The lady from the dog home will be here
and I want everything to be perfect.
198
00:10:30,327 --> 00:10:34,115
That's why I scheduled the visit
for when your father was at work.
199
00:10:34,887 --> 00:10:36,240
Mikey, put this on.
200
00:10:39,887 --> 00:10:41,525
What's wrong with Michael?
201
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:43,046
Amanda dumped him.
202
00:10:43,087 --> 00:10:46,602
Oh! That's terrible!
203
00:10:47,887 --> 00:10:53,245
Mikey, the way we deal with sadness
is we put on a smile,
204
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:55,482
or we go and wallow upstairs!
205
00:10:55,527 --> 00:10:58,121
Alfie, put that on.
206
00:10:58,167 --> 00:10:59,486
(Doorbell)
207
00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:01,279
That's her, that's her!
208
00:11:02,687 --> 00:11:06,646
Now remember, we all love dogs.
And we smile a lot.
209
00:11:09,927 --> 00:11:12,236
- Mrs Philbin.
- Oh, hello.
210
00:11:12,287 --> 00:11:16,280
- Won't you come in?
- Certainly. Thank you.
211
00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:19,645
Good golly!
212
00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:24,477
This is Janey, my daughter.
And this is Alfie, who is just here.
213
00:11:24,527 --> 00:11:27,678
Hello. So nice to meet you.
214
00:11:27,727 --> 00:11:30,685
I've been reading about
my favourite subject. Dogs!
215
00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:31,955
I love dogs!
216
00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:37,440
Ben's at work, he's a dentist.
He makes lots of money.
217
00:11:37,487 --> 00:11:40,604
More than enough to keep a dog in bones.
218
00:11:40,647 --> 00:11:42,842
(Fake laughter)
219
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:45,764
This is such a happy home.
220
00:11:45,807 --> 00:11:47,798
Yes.
221
00:11:48,847 --> 00:11:51,281
Yes, I can see that.
222
00:11:51,327 --> 00:11:55,605
Mrs Harper, when you and your husband
are at work all day,
223
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:57,239
who looks after the dog?
224
00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,482
Oh, well, erm...
225
00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:02,803
Call off the search, I am fully qualified.
226
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,644
Oh, good.
227
00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:07,684
Now, I would like to ask you...
228
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,126
(Farting sound)
229
00:12:12,287 --> 00:12:14,482
I'm so sorry.
230
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,643
Are there any other dogs in the house?
231
00:12:17,687 --> 00:12:19,996
No, this is all for the new dog.
232
00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:22,197
I see.
233
00:12:22,247 --> 00:12:26,763
Is there something wrong?
I mean, I can buy other toys.
234
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:30,882
Have you seen the squeaky steak?
235
00:12:30,927 --> 00:12:32,121
(Growls)
236
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:33,725
(Susan) Janey, Janey.
237
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,485
Janey, that's enough, enough!
238
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,646
You can't mollycoddle a dog, you know.
239
00:12:39,687 --> 00:12:42,155
But surely there's nothing wrong
with a bit of pampering.
240
00:12:42,207 --> 00:12:44,277
This is the sort of attitude
241
00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:49,037
that convinces me that this is not
a suitable environment for any of my dogs.
242
00:12:49,087 --> 00:12:50,725
If you pamper a dog,
243
00:12:50,767 --> 00:12:53,361
it can have disastrous effects
on its temperament.
244
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:56,160
So can being locked up in a cage.
245
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:58,880
I told you we prefer the word kennel.
246
00:12:58,927 --> 00:13:02,636
You say potato, I say dog Gulag.
247
00:13:02,687 --> 00:13:07,203
- I think this interview is over.
- No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
248
00:13:07,247 --> 00:13:09,841
Please, Mrs Philbin,
I was just anxious to get the dog.
249
00:13:09,887 --> 00:13:13,960
Oh, Mrs Philbin, you seemed
to have dropped something. Here.
250
00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:19,080
A L50 note. (Laughs)
Nice try. It's not mine.
251
00:13:19,127 --> 00:13:21,880
- I may have dropped it.
- I think it's mine.
252
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:25,681
- Mrs Philbin, please, Mrs Philbin.
- Give it up, Mrs Harper.
253
00:13:25,727 --> 00:13:31,279
You can't buy a dog's affection
and you most certainly can't buy mine.
254
00:13:31,327 --> 00:13:33,397
But, Mrs Philbin...
255
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,838
Oh, Mum!
256
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:53,279
Are you going to stay there all night?
257
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:55,158
I miss our dog.
258
00:13:55,207 --> 00:13:59,485
How can you miss our dog?
You've never even had him.
259
00:13:59,527 --> 00:14:02,917
How could she think a cage
was a better home than living here?
260
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:07,563
Yeah! No, no, this is better.
261
00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:11,395
- Who is she to judge me?
- It was probably for the best.
262
00:14:11,447 --> 00:14:14,166
Dogs don't really like me.
263
00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:17,324
It's not just dogs, Ben.
264
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,835
- Just get another dog.
- I don't want another dog.
265
00:14:19,887 --> 00:14:21,957
We could teach Alfie to fetch.
266
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,164
Who is she to judge me?!
267
00:14:26,207 --> 00:14:28,084
Calling me an unfit mother, how dare she?
268
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:30,083
- Mother?
- What?
269
00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:33,483
- Mother? You said unfit mother.
- I meant, I meant owner.
270
00:14:33,527 --> 00:14:38,282
(Laughs) I see.
This is what it's all about, is it?
271
00:14:38,327 --> 00:14:41,956
Look, just because
you're unfit to own a dog,
272
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:45,283
doesn't mean you're unfit to be a mother.
273
00:14:45,327 --> 00:14:47,602
That's weird.
274
00:14:47,647 --> 00:14:51,356
It sounded like a compliment,
but, actually, it wasn't.
275
00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:53,523
No, it was, it was a compliment.
276
00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:57,843
You are a wonderful mother.
A wonderful mother.
277
00:14:57,887 --> 00:15:00,924
I don't mind admitting it,
but our kids aren't half bad.
278
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,161
True.
279
00:15:02,207 --> 00:15:04,482
And the bad half is all your fault.
280
00:15:04,527 --> 00:15:07,837
I was going to blame society,
but that's fine.
281
00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:10,720
You are a very fit mother.
282
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:13,156
You listening to me?
283
00:15:14,327 --> 00:15:16,477
(Huskily) Very fit.
284
00:15:16,527 --> 00:15:18,279
Maybe I should have you neutered.
285
00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:21,285
Hm! Who cares what
a power-drunk harpy thinks of us?
286
00:15:21,327 --> 00:15:23,238
I care.
287
00:15:23,287 --> 00:15:25,926
Yeah, I know. Come on, let's go to bed.
288
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,879
Oh, Ben, can I stay here a little longer?
289
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:33,318
You can stay there as long as you want.
Mm-mm-mm-mwah!
290
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:37,278
Thank you, Ben.
291
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:40,080
You've been very sweet about this.
292
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:48,164
I don't want you drinking out the toilet!
293
00:15:49,207 --> 00:15:51,118
Stay!
294
00:15:59,047 --> 00:16:01,845
Morning. Eggs?
295
00:16:01,887 --> 00:16:03,843
Mm, yes, please.
296
00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:29,365
- Susan, is there something wrong?
- You said you wanted eggs.
297
00:16:29,407 --> 00:16:32,524
Yes, but I like mine a little less runny.
298
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,479
Why don't you come out and say it, Ben?
I'm an unfit cook.
299
00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,995
It's fine. The eggs are fine, absolutely fine.
300
00:16:39,047 --> 00:16:40,844
The eggs are fine.
301
00:16:49,647 --> 00:16:53,322
- You know what will go with these eggs?
- A straw.
302
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,039
Anyone like some coffee?
303
00:16:55,087 --> 00:16:58,716
It's basically cold water
with coffee granules floating on top.
304
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,519
I'll skip the coffee, thanks.
305
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:02,364
I'll have a top-up.
306
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:07,682
This is weird, Dad.
You seem to be the happiest one in here.
307
00:17:08,687 --> 00:17:12,521
Your mother's taking this dog rejection thing
a little seriously.
308
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:16,321
And as for Michael, I think he's...
Is he de... Is he awake?
309
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:21,006
My heart hurts.
310
00:17:21,047 --> 00:17:24,437
My heart feels like it's
trampled by a herd of elephants.
311
00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:28,526
My heart feels like it's been ripped out
and put in a blender.
312
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:32,401
- My heart...
- Oh, please! Enough of the hearts.
313
00:17:32,447 --> 00:17:36,520
I said to that poor little dog
he'd come home with us, I promised him.
314
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:39,718
Now, because of some idiot woman
throwing her weight around,
315
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,120
I'll never see him again.
316
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,886
Well, I'm off to work so...
317
00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:47,521
...chin up everybody! Chin up, Mikey!
318
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,886
Whatever.
319
00:17:48,927 --> 00:17:52,681
Ah, Roger! Just in time for eggs and coffee.
320
00:17:52,727 --> 00:17:56,515
- Is it instant?
- Hah, very instant.
321
00:17:56,567 --> 00:18:00,355
- I'll have those eggs in a sec, Rog.
- Yum.
322
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,355
I er...
323
00:18:08,407 --> 00:18:10,159
I heard about Amanda.
324
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:13,642
Listen, Michael, er...
325
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:16,679
I've had a relationship that didn't work out.
326
00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:20,879
But, er... things do get better eventually.
327
00:18:21,927 --> 00:18:23,246
So, I'll get over it?
328
00:18:23,287 --> 00:18:28,281
Oh, no, no. You never get over it.
You just learn to live with the pain.
329
00:18:29,687 --> 00:18:34,283
And now I... I love the pain
almost as much as I love her.
330
00:18:36,687 --> 00:18:38,086
Hold me.
331
00:18:43,887 --> 00:18:48,881
Erm, Mrs Philbin? Hello.
I don't know if you remember me?
332
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,997
- Oh, yes, the crazy lady's husband.
- That's it.
333
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:56,405
Thank you, that's lovely.
We usually refer to it the other way round.
334
00:18:56,447 --> 00:18:58,199
Y-Y-You can call me Ben.
335
00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:02,126
I just stopped by to see if you
might reconsider our application?
336
00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:06,365
I think you may have got
the wrong impression about Susan.
337
00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:10,719
Well, I think that she is
prickly, manipulative and unstable.
338
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:12,883
Yeah, yeah, I'll give you those. Yeah.
339
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:17,000
What you don't realise about Susan
is that she's got a huge heart.
340
00:19:17,047 --> 00:19:18,446
Well, I...
341
00:19:18,487 --> 00:19:23,925
I know she may appear tightly wound
but deep down she really cares.
342
00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:28,677
I mean, Susan is a stable,
sane and responsible woman
343
00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:31,844
and her only crime is that
she loves too much.
344
00:19:31,887 --> 00:19:36,199
Isn't that the point?
Finding these dogs a loving home?
345
00:19:36,247 --> 00:19:39,523
Dogs don't just need love.
They need discipline.
346
00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:41,956
I can assure you, she's a real ball-breaker.
347
00:19:42,007 --> 00:19:45,795
In-In-In a good way.
348
00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:47,758
Well, I don't know. I don't know.
349
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:50,037
I'm talking to you man-to-man here.
350
00:19:51,247 --> 00:19:56,526
If you don't let her adopt this dog,
she's gonna get me to adopt a child.
351
00:19:56,567 --> 00:20:00,116
A child! I can't do that.
I mean, I'm not Madonna.
352
00:20:01,687 --> 00:20:03,518
Fine, fine!
353
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:05,922
- You can have the dog.
- That's wonderful!
354
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:07,639
I thank you, Susan thanks you.
355
00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:10,485
And an innocent third-world child
thanks you.
356
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,486
Oh-ho! Hello, doggie!
357
00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:16,279
Hey! Hi, poochie!
358
00:20:16,327 --> 00:20:18,477
Hello, Susan!
359
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,396
Woof, woof.
360
00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:25,836
What the hell are you doing in there?
361
00:20:25,887 --> 00:20:30,085
Protesting the injustices and degradations
that are occurring at this dog prison.
362
00:20:30,127 --> 00:20:34,006
- These kennels are for animals.
- They're not fit for animals!
363
00:20:34,047 --> 00:20:37,278
They're cold, depressing,
horribly decorated.
364
00:20:37,327 --> 00:20:39,363
I'm surprised the dogs haven't rioted.
365
00:20:39,407 --> 00:20:43,286
- Susan, you do not have to do this.
- Yes, I do.
366
00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:46,558
I owe it to our dog that could've been.
367
00:20:46,607 --> 00:20:48,916
I've informed the media of my protest.
368
00:20:48,967 --> 00:20:50,878
Susan, I have just told Mrs Philbin
369
00:20:50,927 --> 00:20:54,283
that you are a sane, stable
and responsible woman,
370
00:20:54,327 --> 00:20:57,956
and she said she would let you have the dog.
371
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:04,156
Really?
372
00:21:04,207 --> 00:21:06,004
No.
373
00:21:11,447 --> 00:21:12,436
(Knock on door)
374
00:21:12,487 --> 00:21:15,399
Mike? We're worried about you.
375
00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:18,244
Just open the door.
376
00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:27,676
Michael?
377
00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:32,357
Why don't you and me assess the situation
and put the world to rights over a beverage?
378
00:21:34,887 --> 00:21:36,286
(Mouths)
379
00:21:40,687 --> 00:21:41,836
Michael?
380
00:21:41,887 --> 00:21:44,481
It's me. Roger.
381
00:21:44,527 --> 00:21:47,963
Now, whatever you do,
don't tie your bed sheets together
382
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:51,477
to fashion a makeshift rope
that you can hang yourself with.
383
00:21:53,287 --> 00:21:54,276
Sorry.
384
00:21:55,687 --> 00:21:58,076
Tomorrow is another day.
385
00:21:59,127 --> 00:22:01,197
The forecast is for heavy showers...
386
00:22:01,247 --> 00:22:03,715
What the hell is wrong with you?
387
00:22:03,767 --> 00:22:07,077
Listen, Mike, I know things
seem bad right now,
388
00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:10,005
but believe me, they will get better.
389
00:22:10,047 --> 00:22:13,642
If you want, I can call one
of my ex-stalkers, they'll tell you.
390
00:22:13,687 --> 00:22:16,679
I've been through a few breakups
and I'm not mentally scarred.
391
00:22:16,727 --> 00:22:18,399
I'm mentally scar...
392
00:22:19,687 --> 00:22:20,881
Look, Mike.
393
00:22:20,927 --> 00:22:24,681
If you don't open this door,
we're going to break it down.
394
00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:27,285
I'm serious!
395
00:22:28,687 --> 00:22:29,881
OK.
396
00:22:29,927 --> 00:22:31,724
Break it down, boys.
397
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:37,276
It's a pretty thick door.
398
00:22:37,327 --> 00:22:39,716
I've got a dodgy shoulder.
399
00:22:39,767 --> 00:22:42,486
Fine. I'll do it.
400
00:22:44,607 --> 00:22:45,801
Huh!
401
00:22:49,047 --> 00:22:50,639
Ow!
402
00:22:51,887 --> 00:22:53,445
Wait, I can help.
403
00:22:53,487 --> 00:22:54,840
Really?
404
00:22:54,887 --> 00:22:58,004
Yeah, you should start further back there.
405
00:23:00,287 --> 00:23:03,199
Sane. Stable. And responsible.
406
00:23:03,247 --> 00:23:05,522
I actually used those words.
407
00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:07,797
I am not leaving without my dog.
408
00:23:07,847 --> 00:23:11,078
If you don't leave,
they'll lock you in a real prison.
409
00:23:11,127 --> 00:23:14,756
If you really wanted to help,
you'd lock yourself in the kennel too.
410
00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:18,925
- Are you kidding?
- You used to care about issues.
411
00:23:18,967 --> 00:23:20,559
Remember the wheelie bin protest,
412
00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:23,758
when you chained yourself naked
to the town hall railings?
413
00:23:25,287 --> 00:23:27,198
I have a confession to make, Susan.
414
00:23:27,247 --> 00:23:30,842
That wasn't a protest, that was
a stag night prank that went wrong.
415
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:35,358
Calm down, will you?!
What are you doing with handcuffs?
416
00:23:35,407 --> 00:23:36,840
They're for a special occasion.
417
00:23:36,887 --> 00:23:40,197
And... you came up with this?
418
00:23:40,247 --> 00:23:42,238
(Mobile rings)
419
00:23:43,687 --> 00:23:44,676
It's Janey.
420
00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:46,957
Hello, darling.
421
00:23:47,007 --> 00:23:48,645
Oh, no.
422
00:23:48,687 --> 00:23:50,723
Michael's depressed,
he's locked himself in his room.
423
00:23:50,767 --> 00:23:52,041
Like mother, like son.
424
00:23:52,087 --> 00:23:54,317
Make sure he doesn't do anything drastic.
425
00:23:54,367 --> 00:23:57,677
He's locked in his bedroom,
what's he supposed to do?
426
00:23:57,727 --> 00:23:59,445
Make his bed?
427
00:24:00,487 --> 00:24:03,718
He's refusing to come out.
Janey tried to break the door down.
428
00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:06,918
- Give me the phone.
- Speak to your father for a minute.
429
00:24:06,967 --> 00:24:10,243
Yeah. Janey! Janey, listen!
430
00:24:10,287 --> 00:24:12,039
No, calm down and listen to me!
431
00:24:12,087 --> 00:24:16,319
What did you do to the door?
432
00:24:16,367 --> 00:24:18,676
Good, it's just a scratch.
433
00:24:18,727 --> 00:24:21,719
Glad you came to your senses.
434
00:24:21,767 --> 00:24:23,325
What are you doing?
435
00:24:23,367 --> 00:24:27,679
Someone needs to fight our cause.
I'll be with you in a minute.
436
00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:31,925
I'll see if Mikey's OK
and you stay here and look mad.
437
00:24:31,967 --> 00:24:34,879
- Ben! Michael needs his mother.
- Yeah, I need...
438
00:24:34,927 --> 00:24:37,964
Susan, don't go! Susan!
Susan, I need the key!
439
00:24:38,007 --> 00:24:39,440
Susan!
440
00:24:39,487 --> 00:24:43,799
- Mrs Harper?
- Mrs? The press distorting the truth already.
441
00:24:44,847 --> 00:24:46,644
Mr Harper.
442
00:24:46,687 --> 00:24:48,325
- Are we ready?
- Go.
443
00:24:48,367 --> 00:24:51,564
Sir, why have you locked yourself
inside a kennel?
444
00:24:52,607 --> 00:24:54,404
Because I'm married.
445
00:24:54,447 --> 00:24:57,644
I understand you're protesting
against dog adoption procedures.
446
00:24:57,687 --> 00:24:58,676
That's right.
447
00:24:58,727 --> 00:25:02,481
I'm here because these creatures
are being caged like animals.
448
00:25:02,527 --> 00:25:06,964
Yes, OK, they are animals,
that's a moot point but...
449
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:09,043
When a post-menopausal woman
450
00:25:09,087 --> 00:25:12,079
wants to lavish her affections
on some dumb animal,
451
00:25:12,127 --> 00:25:14,118
who's to say she's wrong?
452
00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:17,000
I'll stay here until this kennel
changes its stupid policies,
453
00:25:17,047 --> 00:25:20,323
or the post-menopausal woman...
(Loudly)... returns with the key!
454
00:25:20,367 --> 00:25:23,723
That's why you've chained yourself
in this kennel with a Rottweiler?
455
00:25:23,767 --> 00:25:26,076
Yes! And I'm going to...
456
00:25:31,887 --> 00:25:33,115
OK, boy.
457
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:34,486
Nice doggie, nice doggie.
458
00:25:34,527 --> 00:25:36,324
Ooh, who's a good boy?
459
00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:39,518
Ooh, that's a lot of teeth you've got there.
460
00:25:39,567 --> 00:25:41,523
Go away, boy. Boy! Down!
461
00:25:41,567 --> 00:25:43,285
Get down!
462
00:25:43,327 --> 00:25:45,318
(Barking and crashing)
463
00:25:52,887 --> 00:25:54,286
Are you getting this?
464
00:25:56,567 --> 00:25:57,556
(Knocking)
465
00:25:57,607 --> 00:26:00,519
- (Susan) Mikey, it's Mummy.
- Go away!
466
00:26:00,567 --> 00:26:02,876
Wouldn't you rather talk about it?
467
00:26:02,927 --> 00:26:05,077
Mikey, please open the door.
468
00:26:05,127 --> 00:26:06,924
No!
469
00:26:10,567 --> 00:26:11,761
That door was locked.
470
00:26:11,807 --> 00:26:14,605
I can pick the lock of
every door in this house.
471
00:26:14,647 --> 00:26:17,036
It's a mother's gift. Budge up.
472
00:26:18,087 --> 00:26:19,679
Mikey, darling.
473
00:26:19,727 --> 00:26:23,481
I know how much Amanda meant to you
and that you're hurt.
474
00:26:23,527 --> 00:26:27,679
And right now you're thinking
you'll never find anyone else.
475
00:26:27,727 --> 00:26:31,356
Right now I'm thinking
I need to get a better lock.
476
00:26:31,407 --> 00:26:33,967
You will find someone else,
believe me.
477
00:26:34,007 --> 00:26:36,999
I speak from experience.
478
00:26:37,047 --> 00:26:40,483
I had this boyfriend once
who I was so in love with.
479
00:26:40,527 --> 00:26:42,324
And then...
480
00:26:43,687 --> 00:26:45,279
And then he dumped me.
481
00:26:46,007 --> 00:26:48,157
But then I met your father.
482
00:26:49,207 --> 00:26:53,917
- So Dad's a rebound guy?
- Yeah. Explains a lot, doesn't it?
483
00:26:53,967 --> 00:26:57,164
My point is, forget Amanda
and you'll find someone else.
484
00:26:57,207 --> 00:26:59,163
It may take a lifetime or...
485
00:26:59,207 --> 00:27:01,198
(Mobile rings)
486
00:27:03,287 --> 00:27:04,561
Veronica, hi!
487
00:27:04,607 --> 00:27:07,440
Or no time at all.
488
00:27:07,487 --> 00:27:09,284
Yeah, we broke up.
489
00:27:10,127 --> 00:27:11,879
Yeah, I dumped her.
490
00:27:12,887 --> 00:27:14,081
Too clingy.
491
00:27:16,087 --> 00:27:18,681
Saturday night. Sounds great.
492
00:27:18,727 --> 00:27:20,718
See you there. Bye.
493
00:27:20,767 --> 00:27:22,883
See?
494
00:27:22,927 --> 00:27:24,485
Wow.
495
00:27:24,527 --> 00:27:27,678
Maybe it's true,
maybe Veronica is my rebound girl.
496
00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:30,605
Yeah. Maybe you'll follow in my footsteps.
497
00:27:30,647 --> 00:27:34,276
Make a hasty decision,
get married and start a family.
498
00:27:35,287 --> 00:27:37,721
Or maybe I'll just mess around with her.
499
00:27:37,767 --> 00:27:40,725
You're a smart boy, Mikey.
500
00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:43,076
Out of anybody in this house,
501
00:27:43,127 --> 00:27:45,687
you're the most
stable and level-headed.
502
00:27:45,727 --> 00:27:48,480
Yeah. Or maybe I get that from you.
503
00:27:48,527 --> 00:27:49,642
Yeah, there's Mummy!
504
00:27:49,687 --> 00:27:51,279
Oh my God!
505
00:27:51,327 --> 00:27:54,285
Oh my God! You found my dog!
506
00:27:54,327 --> 00:27:57,285
Oh, hello, darling! Mummy loves you.
Mummy loves you.
507
00:27:57,327 --> 00:27:58,919
Or maybe not.
508
00:28:01,007 --> 00:28:03,043
Ben, how did you get out the handcuffs?
509
00:28:03,087 --> 00:28:05,681
It's amazing what the body is capable of
510
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:08,321
when a Rottweiler is attached to your goolies.
511
00:28:13,087 --> 00:28:16,682
What do you think we should call him?
How about Monty?
512
00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:20,481
- No, I like the name Winston.
- Oh, Winston's a nice name.
513
00:28:20,527 --> 00:28:22,324
Here.
514
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,164
Come on, Monty!
515
00:28:25,887 --> 00:28:28,720
Susan, do you have the key, please?
516
00:28:28,767 --> 00:28:31,679
Susan, could I have the key?
517
00:28:31,727 --> 00:28:33,524
Hello! Susan!
39243
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