Original subtitles

Fatty Girl Goes to New York

Hi! This is my village.

Neither beautiful, nor ugly.

Just a village.

It has a name anyway.

It is called Happy,

but there's nothing to be happy for!

A sporting club, a Church's cinema

and a sort of disco...

opened only during even days.

How do young people have fun here?

Listening to the

Venetian Catholic Radio,

that belongs to the Church too!

But there is me!

I'm the one who works in the radio,

with two hours of the best music.

Who am I?

I'm the popular Miris Begolin!

And this is my house.

And that's my window.

Yes, right there.

And that is me.

Nope. That is Debora, my sister!

This is me!

Here I am. I am fat.

Really fat! So what?!

Please, don't bother me, I'm sleeping!

It's 6.35 am.

It's a beautiful Spring day,

the sun shines,

birds sing!

I apologize, I put the wrong tape...

You Miris! Wake up!

Can you hear me?

Don't be lazy! Miris!

Today you have a Greek test,

it'd be better if you study, or...

Shut up! I am sleepy!

Let me sleep!

Sleep, you Sleeping Beauty!

Or you become ugly!

Come on!

Still simpering?!

You know that if I don't sleep,

my eyes look swollen,

I have new wrinkles in my mouth,

and my skin is not bright anymore!

Come on! You're always

the most beautiful girl in this house!

You are Zorro's beautiful daughter!

I will have a sign in my forehead too!

You're stupid, silly, material and a fatty girl!

Not a fatty girl!

Yes, a fatty girl!

Mom, mom! Miris slapped me!

Debora, what's going on this morning?

I am sorry Debora, I didn't mean it.

Fatty girl, fatty girl!

Listen: that one was a mistake,

but not this one!

Mom, she slapped me again!

What've you done to your sister?

Nothing mom! Nothing!

Nothing uh?!

Don't you touch Debora!

You have to treat her good,

she is the pride of the family!

Today she's auditioning

for Tele MonteBelluno!

Isn't it exciting?

Sure! My underwear is excited too!

Granny!

Miris, is the plane alarm over?

It hasn't even started yet!

Thank you! That's better!

This shelter is really uncomfortable!

Even Mao Tse Tung complained!

Mao Tse Tung? Who is he?

Him!

Wasn't he Julio Iglesias yesterday?

Can't you see he is all yellow?

It means he is Chinese!

Is Julio Iglesias Chinese?!

No, you are right!

Well, I should be going now.

Say hello to Paul Newman!

I will, Granny!

Mao Tse Tung, don't forget him!

Thank you!

And now Beethoven's Fifth Symphony,

but first the time signal.

Don Lillo! Beethoven in the morning?!

You are crazy!

Put the Police on!

Or nobody will listen to the radio!

It's 7 am... more or less.

And now Beethoven's First Symphony.

Beethoven...

This is another joke of Miris!

He sings, sings, always sings,

while he sings he blinks his eyes.

And while he always sings,

he looks stupid!

He sings, sings, always sings,

he knows everything!

He sings, sings at the mirror

the one where he rehearsals.

Stop! Stop!

Again?! She must stop!

Stop! Stop!

He sings quietly!

He sings and when he's not there,

why he sings if he doesn't

sing for me?

When he sings

he kisses my ear,

he sings and looks at the mirror.

Stop! Stop!

Shut the radio down!

You stupid! I'll call the police!

Hi fat ass!

I'm sorry!

Mind where you're going!

It's not my fault!

Hey fat ass! Look what you made me do!

I'm a fat ass, but you're a jerk!

He sings, sings always sings.

he knows everything.

He sings, sings at the mirror,

the one where he rehearsals.

He sings, sings

and kisses my hand.

He sings, sings, but while he bends down

he sings quietly.

He sings and when he's not there

why he sings if he doesn't

sing for me?

When he sings, he kisses my ear,

he sings and looks at the mirror.

Hi Miris!

Hi Pinocchia!

Go to Hell!

Ciotti!

Bye dear.

Tell the Dean that the licence is ready

and he doesn't have to worry. Sure!

Bye dad!

Bye daddy!

She makes me mad!

As she's the Mayor's daughter,

she thinks she owns everything!

You know what we're doing now?

We go drink a hot chocolate!

Damn, too late!

If you eat so much,

won't you become too fat?

No.

What's your weight?

I made a deal with the balance:

I don't get on it and it

doesn't tell me my weight.

And we both are happy!

What about the boys?

Boys?!

I prefer cakes, don't you?

No, I'm in the growing stage.

I realized that boys give me

some sensations.

Which sensations?

They make me... crazy!

Do you understand what I mean?

No. Rock music and my granny

make me crazy.

Oh God, oh God!

Pinocchia, what's wrong?

Are you sick?

There! There's one!

What?

A fine guy!

The most unprepared of all students.

He is looking at us!

Oh God, what are we going to do?

What do you want to do?

Let's go!

Hi!

He said hi!

You are Miris Bigolin,

the best in Greek!

Yes, it's her!

So?

Here!

What's that? A love letter?

Yes, from Catullo to Clodia.

It's in Latin. Can you translate it in Greek?

You leave it in the boys' toilets in 2 hours. 10 thousand liras, ok?

Listen...

what's your name?

Mirko Mariani. Never heard about me?

Mirko Mariani of class 3C?!

What the hell!

The jerk who's doing the same class for the third time?

Right!

And you, the most desired,

you are talking to me...

And you smile at me!

And you look at me!

Are you going to translate this for me?

Of course! But no money.

I want a date.

With you?!

Yes, why?

You don't have to let the best

opportunities of life go!

I want to enjoy a night at least!

Mariani!

Mariani, why don't you go

in your class?

I'm coming, Professor!

Okay.

Tonight at 10 pm at Laguna Blue.

Yes. I n 2 hours my translation.

Yes, at the boys' toilets.

See you tonight!

Sure!

Miris, lucky you!

Tonight you will understand what

it means to become crazy!

Pinocchia!

it's not fair that you

let everybody make fun of you!

You are right.

That boy is an asshole!

But I'm worst than him!

Didn't you know that Miris is a Devil?

Well Katia, your problem

seems strange to me.

How come that your boyfriend

after two years of relationship

broke up only because you

have a pimple on your nose?!

Unfortunately it's like that.

Come on! How old is this boy?

A year and a half less than me,

he is 9 and a half.

Nine and a half?!

Listen old girl!

Be brave, you have time!

And now let's talk to other friends.

Hey guys!

You're going to listen to

the most heavy above all!

And everything will explode!

Miris!

Miris!

I'm here.

Miris, help me please!

Bimbo, what happened?

It's because of my shoes.

You stole them!

No.

They are the same of the one that

Marylin was wearing with

the white dress in a movie.

Yes, lovely. I remember that.

I saw them in a shop and

I bought them.

I was wearing them tonight

but people insulted me.

Two men tried also to hit me!

Bimbo, it's not because of your shoes.

- No? - No, you bought something beautiful!

Where's that faggot!

Here he is!

If these two losers were so

rude,

so material,

it's because they've never had

a nice feeling,

a love thought,

and they've never seen

Marylin's movies.

You instead are great Bimbo!

Boy from Castelfranco Veneto.

What's going on here?

Let's go, let's go!

Get out!

Get out!

Thank you Miris!

Miris, Miris, Miris!

Right here!

What's this radio name?

Catholic Venetian Radio.

Venetian! Right? Venetian!

Catholic!

C ATHOLIC Venetian Radio!

No troubles in this Catholic radio!

No relationship

with ambiguous people,

disguised ones,

dissolute ones,

and... can I?

Homosexual ones!

Come on obscurantists!

Obscurantists?! I'm the radio producer

and I want it to be a moral one!

Otherwise a nun will take your place!

A Franciscan!

A Capuchin!

A coffee and milk!

Enough!

Would you like to know the truth?

This program is the only good one

in this... can I?

shit of a radio!

As it's a Catholic Radio,

it should care about all the

souls in trouble!

Without being racist! Right?!

But if you don't like it,

call someone else.

I also had a date this evening!

There's nothing to laugh!

I'm not laughing at you!

I'm laughing at one guy

who thinks he cheated on me!

Guys!

The hippo must have waited

for me till midnight!

The police took her back to the zoo!

Can you imagine Mariani, who

makes all the girls fall for him,

going inside Laguna Blue with

the American circus elephant?

But King Kong's sister is such

a cute girl!

Do you know what will I

do next time? I'll take them

both to the cinema so I can

have three of them!

She had already made my homework!

Please sit down.

Mariani.

Yes!

Come here.

Do you recognize this?

It's my Greek translation.

You have done a great job!

Yes, I studied a lot.

I got ready for it.

I n 30 years I met many criminals,

but nobody is like you, Mariani!

Criminals? Why? I studied a lot!

You are expelled!

I'll make you being expelled

from every Italian school!

I don't understand...

You don't understand uh?

Well, these things that in your opinion

the Dean and I do with our wives,

I'm sure you do them with

your bitches!

I n order to describe these dirty things

you used a noble language like Greek!

Dean, I don't know a word of Greek!

You are expelled!

The school latin lover was expelled!

Miris revenged us all!

It was the right time that cute

boy learned a lesson!

Another victory for the super women gang!

Miris, you are not a woman, you are...

a bad ball, a viper wearing

hippo clothes,

a wicked hot-hair balloon full,

a girl that nobody would

never touch!

I'm an elephant that has never

harmed someone!

I would like to punch your face!

Go on if you dare!

The ugly girls gang!

I did it for all the girls you cheated!

For Paola of class 2A,

for Annamaria of 3C,

and Clarissa of 3B!

You forgot Angela of 2B,

and Donatella of 1A!

And for all the girls you'll

make suffer!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Alto Veneto 1982 is...

Debora Bigolin!

Thank you everybody!

Thank you!

How nice!

With this great body, where

do you want to go, Miss Bigolin?

It would be enough if I arrive

at home without accidents!

She is funny too!

Let's go!

How nice to escape in such

a dark night!

I don't even know your name.

Mirko.

Mirko! What a romantic name!

Today it's the most beautiful

day of my life!

No, please.

We just met.

Actually I don't even know why

I accepted your proposal.

Good...

Are you angry?

- No. - Yes, you are!

No, I'm not!

Your pimple disappeared from your nose?

And you fell in love with your dentist?

Katia, how many...

I hate her!

Me too.

Do you know her?

I see her every day.

It's my sister.

Your sister?!

Debora Bigolin, I love you!

- Really? - Yes!

We both have the same enemy!

- Bigolin? - Yes!

Flowers.

Flowers?!

Thank you!

Who was that?

Flowers.

Flowers? For who? For Debora?

For me?

If Paul Newman sent them to me,

tell him I don't want them!

I love only orchids!

They are for me.

That's impossible!

There must be a mistake!

Who sent you them?

Thank you for being there. Angelo.

My business!

When I was young, men

used to send only diamonds

inside tropical orchids!

This guy is poor!

Come on granny!

Let me see!

I said let me see!

Excuse me, can you move please?

Move!

Don't feel sad Debbie!

Hello?

My name is Angelo.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Yes, I can hear you.

Angelo? Is it the first

time you call me?

Angelo?

Why don't you talk?

Why do you keep quiet?

Tell me your problem.

I... I want to kill my mother!

Is it clear?

Angelo, hold on, we'll talk in private.

Are you there?

Yes.

Come on, tell me everything!

I rip her!

Are you talking about your mother?

Yes, my mom.

I'm helped by the... the...

the family doctor?

No! By the methadon!

Hey, but only who does drugs

uses the methadon.

That means you do drugs.

Yes, it's my mom's fault!

She frustrates me!

Oh no Angelo.

You can't kill your mom only

because she frustrates you!

Don't you have a friend?

Don't you have a girlfriend?

Have you ever tried with music?

Music is the right thing, it's

beautiful, it's like a sunset.

Have you ever thought about this?

A sun... sun... sunset?

Close here!

I listen your program every night.

Really?

Yes, I also sent you some flowers.

You sent them!

Red ro...

Red roses!

Yes, red roses.

Why did you send them?

Because I need you.

Really, I...

I really need you!

When you talk at the radio,

it seems I can see you!

You see me? How do I look?

Like an ugl...

Like a cool girl!

Me a cool girl?

No, I'm not cool.

Maybe I'm a great girl.

Angelo?

Angelo, I can hear some noises,

what's going on?

It's my mom. I closed her

...in the wardrobe! - Open!

I n the wardrobe?!

Angelo, let her out or she'll die!

No, she kills me otherwise!

No, don't react to her provocation,

she's only a crazy woman!

You are a great boy,

you are fabolous,

you are a poet, you are...

Angelo?

Angelo?!

Angelo...

Was it a joke?

You are always the same, a devil!

I'm not stupid!

You were talking with another girl,

not with Miris!

She is not Miss Alto Veneto,

she's Miss slapping girl '82!

I need you.

I really need you!

Nobody ever needed me.

What?

What did you say?

Nothing. Did I say something?

Don't you finish the test?

Who?

You.

What's wrong with you today?

Nothing, nothing.

If I didn't know you well,

I'd say you're in love.

I n love?

Me in love?

Maybe with Angelo.

Come on, crazy!

Hello?

Hi Miris!

It's Angelo.

Angelo, hold on a minute please.

Hi Angelo!

How are you?

Very good!

Angelo I received 3 chocolate boxes!

You are crazy!

You spent too much!

I know that you like chocolate a lot.

Yes, I love it!

Who gave you my address?

I don't live too far from your house,

- I saw you! - Really?

Yes!

You know how I look?!

And you...

And you...

Oh Angelo, I don't know

how to thank you!

You have been very nice!

Is your mother there?

No, she's not here.

She left.

Are those bad moments with her gone?

Yes, I don't do drugs anymore.

I stop also the methadon!

You are a great guy!

You must be strong!

You'll make it!

I'll be always close to you.

Always!

We can make it together.

Hi fat ass!

Hi gorgeous!

Stupid! Look what you've done!

Forgive me! She said I'm gorgeous!

You are a stupid jerk!

Miris?

Miris, open the door. I have to bring tea to Debora.

One minute, I'm coming!

It's Angelo. I'm sick.

It's my mom's fault. Please Miris

I need you! It's a matter of death or life!

Come immediately at the park entrance.

Angelo!

Angelo!

Miris!

I'm here!

Angelo...

Come quick!

What happened?

I want to help you!

I want to help you my love!

I'm not Angelo!

Angelo doesn't exist. I'm Mirko.

And I made fun of you!

Poor thing!

I knew it.

I've always known it.

I've always known it!

Angelo, my love...

who do you want to love?

Fatty girl!

Bastard!

Fatty girl!

Bastard!

Fatty girl?!

Fatty girl! Fatty girl!

Now!

Fatty girl! Fatty girl!

Fatty girl! Fatty girl!

Fatty girl!

Attention please!

I n an unpublished edition, here

you are Miris Bigolin of class 5C!

Yes, Angelo my love.

I will go with you everywhere!

We will visit all the seas,

and we will run on the white sand.

We will sunbathe and swim together,

naked!

Yes, and you'll cause a tsunami!

Hi Moby Dick!

Dear audience of Catholic Venetian Radio,

Don Lillo is speaking,

the program Magic Phone is suspended.

Miss Miris Bigolin was dismissed,

but here we have Nun Alessia.

Dear friends, how can we react to

the scandal that involved our radio

and that fat girl?

Only with drastic ways.

Die Priest!

Here lies Miris Bigolin,

called fatty girl,

but behind all that fat,

there was a real rock heart!

Goodbye granny, goodbye mom,

Pinocchia, Bimbo...

I kill myself

eating that bastard's chocolate!

Happiness contest

First prize: a trip to New York

I won a first prize!

I kill myself another day!

It's late. Really late!

No Baroness. It's not late.

We are in advance instead.

Our plane leaves in a hour.

My dear Arthur, life is always late!

Maybe this trip will be useless!

I don't think so. I n Europe there

hundreds of circus.

You tell me always the same things!

No, no!

Arthur, I don't want to hear the word

circus anymore! I'm not looking for

a gun woman!

I'm looking for...

Arthur!

Look!

Look!

I found her! I found her!

I found you creature! I found you!

Arthur! I want her!

I want her!

Quick!

Try to stop her! Quick!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

I'm sorry Miss!

Let me help you...

I'm sorry, I apologize.

Don't touch me!

I apologized but you cannot

hear me because you are wearing headphones.

I can't hear you, I'm wearing headphones!

That's what I said! You cannot

hear me because you are wearing headphones

I can't hear you! I'm wearing headphones!

I was telling you the same thing!

Why are you shouting?

Sorry...

Who are you? An American parrot?

No, I'm English.

Then you are an English parrot!

So?

What did she say?

Did she accept?

What should I accept?!

My proposal cherie!

Are you crazy?!

No, she's billionaire!

Let me introduce myself.

Baroness Judith Erika Von Kemp.

Nice to meet you! Miris Von Bigolin!

Good Miris!

You are perfect!

It's too much like that!

Be quiet! It's never too much!

The girl is fat so she is very unhappy.

Her picture has to show this:

fat means unhappiness.

Isn't it true my dear?

It's not true!

I'm very happy to be fat!

And I have enough of these

searchlights! I want my

frivolous clothes back!

No! No, Miris!

Arthur, remind her the agreement.

Granted that, the late Professor

Von Kemp husband of the Baroness,

the only inventor of the Von Kemp

losing weight system,

granted that the Von Kemp foundation

owns a million dollars in order to

divulge a losing weight system based

on swordfish dried fishbone extract

I know everything by heart!

And I don't really like you, you know?

Let's continue.

Baroness Von Kemp has signed this agreement

with Miss Miris Bigolin who will test the system.

Does this agreement say that

I have to wear Halloween clothes?

Miris, Miris!

I chose you as a symbol of this

mission between thousands of girls,

my Divine! All I'm asking you is

to trust me and to be constant.

These pictures will just show you

before the treatment. Then, my love,

you can wear you clothes back!

If it's like that...

What are we doing then?

Let's do it, let's do it!

Go on sweetheart!

I'm going!

Is it okay like that?

Yes, like that!

Divine!

Go on.

Yes.

It's impossible!

Three weeks have gone! It's

impossible that she hasn't lost weight!

Here we have the truth

about elephant woman!

I don't care to be fat!

And you... let me go!

You should be ashamed Miris!

After what we are doing to

make you look more human!

Would you like to be always fat?

I don't have problems with my identity!

I don't care if my weight is...

is almost a hundred kilos!

No, wait!

You want to make me look human?!

How can you do it? You are an

ice cold heart English man!

You have no feelings! You don't

even know where humanity lives!

Okay.

I'm a stupid.

No, you are worst than that!

Maybe you are right.

But I want to help you.

Okay.

Divine! She started to lose weight!

She started to lose weight!

My divine!

I'm hungry! I'm hungry!

I'm so hungry I will eat even

the sword of the swordfish!

What time is it?

Only midnight?!

How can I survive till tomorrow

with this empty stomach?

Maybe there's some food left

in the kitchen!

I'm hungry! I'm so hungry!

Food! Oh excuse me!

Miris!

What's going on?

Miris!

Miris!

Miris!

Stop!

Miris, that's enough!

Stop!

How do you dare?

Oh Arthur, Arthur forgive me.

I didn't mean it. I'm happy, I'm

so happy! Thank you everybody!

Baroness, Arthur...

Thank you Arthur!

Come on, don't cry!

Champagne!

It's time to celebrate! Bring it!

Today the caterpillar became

a butterfly at last!

Arthur! You have seven days

to bring her to the hairdresser,

to the stylist and the beautician!

Because it's not enough that our

caterpillar became a butterfly.

Miris must become the most

beautiful of all butterflies!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm honoured to introduce to you

I'm honoured to introduce to you

Baroness Von Kemp!

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thanks above all to my husband

Professor Von Kemp and to

his wonderful discovery: the losing

weight system Von Kemp that allowed

this miraculous change.

Here you are Miris Bigolin

two months ago.

And now, after the Von Kemp treatment,

the new Miris Bigolin!

My head exploded!

I want my pasta back!

Green apples as fruit,

and I remember when

my head exploded!

My head exploded! My head exploded!

Am I awake?!

With these thin legs, I'd like...

I'd like...

I'd like...

a sandwich!

My head exploded!

I just wanted some love,

a cake or a candy,

just some chewing gums

or an ice-cream!

My head exploded too,

when my fat was cut,

where did my head go?

She just wanted some love,

a cake or a candy,

just some chewing gums

or an ice-cream.

Her head exploded too!

When her fat was cut.

Where did her head go?

And I remember when

my head exploded!

I became a beast!

My head exploded!

Am I awake?!

With these thin legs, I'd like...

I'd like...

I'd like...

a sandwich!

Her head exploded!

My head exploded!

One head disappeared!

One head was used!

A head was pulverized!

Miris, are you happy?

Happy? Very happy!

From today Miris Bigolin is the

most happy toothpick of the world!

And I could rest too at last!

Rest?!

Miris, you haven't understood that

from today you're a National affair!

Everybody is talking about you!

You are a star!

The real job starts now!

Oh no!

Oh yes!

My head exploded!

I want my pasta back!

Green apples as fruit,

and I remember when

my head exploded!

My head exploded!

Am I awake?!

With these thin legs, I'd like...

I'd like...

I'd like...

a sandwich!

My head exploded!

My head exploded!

Am I awake?!

With these thin legs, I'd like...

I'd like...

I'd like...

a sandwich!

You know what?

It was better to leave! That party

was really boring!

Yes, but if the Baroness finds it out

we are in trouble.

The Baroness is in Paris,

and if nobody tells her...

Understood? I'm talking to you.

Spy with glasses!

Give me back my glasses!

Come on!

I'm sure you don't even need them!

How do I look?

I can't see you properly.

I can't see you properly too,

but you are so gorgeous,

don't you know that?

Stop pretending to be drunk!

I am drunk!

Come on. Let's go home.

No!

This is a special night,

I'm drunk but aware.

I want to have fun!

I want to blow every street lamp

in Central Park! The couples could

bubble good!

Bubble? What are you talking about?

To bubble, soap, make bubble bath!

I'm inside a bubble tonight.

How nice!

Come on! Come on Miris!

Behave please!

Arthur, Arthur... let me go!

Please, let me go!

Come on!

Why are you so stupid with me?

Let me go! I'm not sleepy!

As you can't bubble, we will enjoy

the champagne bubbles!

No Miris! No champagne!

Yes!

- You must sleep! - No!

Now I understood Doctor Arthur Ashley!

You are a Puritan!

Take me to bed, my head is spinning!

Can you help to get undressed?

Take me to bed!

Be a good girl!

Thank you.

Is it unsuitable if I sleep like that?

With no nightgown?

No. It could be dangerous.

How much dangerous?

A lot!

Really a lot?

Be good! Now I turn the light off.

Bye! See you tomorrow.

I just wanted the goodnight kiss.

Okay.

I wanted a special kiss!

Are you English people so incompetent?

My love!

You rapist looking incompetent!

You thought I was such a stupid to

become crazy for a kiss?!

F male chauvinist!

F what?

F male chauvinist as a bad word!

Rapist!

Me a rapist?

Yes! You are like the other men,

you want me to become crazy!

This is not true!

Don't complain when I insult you!

Coward!

You are like the other men,

you make fun of me because I'm ugly,

and I'm fat! I'm not an asshole!

You are not an asshole.

And you are not ugly.

And you are not fat!

You are a great girl.

I'm sorry, I didn't know a kiss

would upset you so much.

Nobody upsets me with a kiss!

A piece of ice like you included!

How beautiful! Bubbles...

I'm hungry.

There's a place in Broadway where we

can find great steaks!

Has anyone ever told you that

you are so sweet?

So sweet that i could eat you with kisses!

Let's go to Broadway.

No Arthur. I'm leaving.

What do you mean?

Yes, I'm leaving. I'm going back

in my country, Italy.

Why do you want to leave?

I n order to understand, I have

problems with my identity!

You are English living in New York,

you cannot understand me.

What do you know about a fatty girl

born in a small village near Treviso

a million years ago.

Now it's the right time. I have to go.

I jump! I jump!

I jump! I jump!

I don't care! I kill myself!

Let me go!

I jump, I jump!

I want to die!

I jump, I jump!

No Debora!

Debora, my love, don't jump!

Death is better!

- No! - Yes!

Or let Mirko come here!

I phoned him, but he's not at home.

As soon as he comes back home,

he'll come here!

Then I'll wait here!

Why don't you wait inside?!

No, I stay here close to death!

Debora, it's your Priest here!

Don't do it!

Shut up Priest! You are the one who

showed the publications!

What can I do if Mirko wants to

marry Simona?

You say no like your colleague!

What colleague?

Don Abbondio! Never read

I promessi sposi?!

Miss Bigolin!

Miss Bigolin! It's Marshall Tobia.

I ask you not to make something crazy.

No, no!

Can I go?

No, everything is closed because of the Bigolin.

Again?!

Nobody knew I was coming back!

No, there are the firemen

because of the Bigolin!

Exactly! I'm the Bigolin!

No! You are Miris?!

Yes, bones and flesh!

More bones than flesh!

My God!

Let me look at you!

When I looked at you from the mirror

I thought: who's that beautiful

woman in my taxi?

Who are you?

You hair look great!

You clothes are great too!

All right... but who are you?

I'm Fanny!

Pinocchia?!

The former Pinocchia!

Did you have plastic surgery?

Yes!

Pinocchia!

Miris!

What about the firemen?

Because of your sister Debora.

She wants to kill herself.

That's because that son of a

cooperative called Mirko Mariani,

wants to get married with

the Mayor's daughter, Simona.

Mirko Mariani again?!

Yes, him!

Let's go! I'll take care of everything!

Miss try to think.

Don't do this crazy thing!

Go to Hell!

Help her!

I want to kill myself!

Stop! Stop, stop! You can't go there!

- SBI! - What? SB I?!

What does it mean?

I think fireman.

Fireman?! Move! Let her go!

She's an American fireman!

Let her go! She's an American fireman!

Let her try!

Come down!

How brave!

Incredible!

I think she won't come down.

Who... who's that woman?

She's crazy!

Come down! Prepare your wedding dress!

No!

Virgin Mary! She might fall too!

I told you to come down!

And get your wedding dress ready!

Who are you?

It's not important now! Come down!

Who are you?

I'm your angel of revenge!

Almost an angel... I don't have wings.

Come on!

Stupid!

Stupid!

God, you are so stupid!

How come you wanted to kill

yourself for that stupid of Mirko?!

I love him!

You love him, uh?!

That shows you are more stupid!

I'll get it!

- Hi Miris! - Hi!

The ugly girls gang!

Hi Miris!

- Welcome back! - Thank you!

How beautiful you are!

- Hi! You look great! - You too!

Former ugly girls gang!

Now you all look like top hits!

Pinocchia, lead the way!

Let's go girls!

Granny, my friends just arrived.

Can you prepare us some tea?

How do you dare?!

Rude!

Who's that blond girl who lives here

wearing an uniform? She calls me

granny and she asks me things!

It's Miris! I told you yesterday.

You always tell me I'm an idiot!

If you look at Miris, you see a truck!

This girl instead looks so thin!

Miris went to the US A and

lost 40 kilos! Understood now?

Well, I better be going to my room

because Paul Newman will call me!

Sure!

Granny! Is tea ready?

Miss, I don't know who you are,

I don't want to know it and if you

want to talk to me, change into a truck!

How's Mao Tse Tung?

Who's that?!

Your canary!

It fell into the ink bottle and now

I call it Cassius Clay!

Goodbye!

I found out that Mirko Mariani gets

married in a week.

Yes, with the Mayor's daughter.

That bitch!

Not a bitch! She might sleep with

him, but she's really spiritual.

Really?

Sure! Last month she went into a

convent to make some spiritual

exercises in order to get ready for her wedding.

What a good girl is Simona!

Why Mirko wants someone like her?

He gets married for her money.

Exactly. He doesn't marry her,

but her money!

Miris!

What are you thinking?

Nothing, nothing!

But first: nobody has to know that

I'm Miris Bigolin.

Then, where can we find Simona?

Hey little Saint!

What do you want?

I'm not going to talk to you!

Actually, I think we are going to

have a long conversation!

What do you want?

Let me go!

Go on girls!

Quick!

Quick!

- Let me go! - Come with us!

Help!

Get into the car!

Simona?

Why did you arrive earlier?

Go away!

What is this hen doing on the bed?

Good evening...

Excuse me...

Excuse me...

Excuse me?

What do you want?

Excuse me, where is Simona?

Simona?!

Yes, Simona! You must be Mirko!

Simona told me a lot about you.

I'm Simona's good friend!

Can I introduce myself?

Judy. Nice to meet you!

Nice to meet you.

Excuse me, Miss Judy...

Judy?

Forgive me if I disturb you, but

where is Simona?

Simona is in Cortina since a long time!

Cortina?! What for?

I n order to breath good air before

her big step!

She went there last month!

Yes, but who knows what you've

done to her, clever boy!

Now that you know everything,

I'll sleep!

Simona gave you the keys of this

house so that you could sleep here?

Yes. She told me you are very nice.

You'll sleep in a hotel. You are a

gentleman too. Isn't it?

Yes, it's true.

I'm very...

I'm very nice!

And a gentleman too?

Yes.

Pity!

Why pity?

After what Simona told me about you,

oh no! Don't look at me! I'll blush!

What did Simona tell you?

Don't look at me like that!

I'm just an American girl...

you instead are a great Latin lover!

I'm upset, really upset!

Did I hurt you baby?

No, no, no...

If you weren't my

best friend's fianc�...

Who cares about her!

No, don't impose you on me!

I'm very tired and very nervous!

Mary Jane is nervous too!

Mary Jane? Who is she?

Mary Jane is my little lucky charm,

my lucky charm!

Now you forgive this American girl,

my Latin lover!

Now you go, go! Maybe tomorrow!

Yes, tomorrow. Together. Now you go.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Wait!

Go now. Maybe tomorrow.

- Excuse me, but... - Go to the hotel!

My dear lover, yes!

Do I have to sleep in a hotel?

Yes!

Judy! American girl!

I n love with that crazy man!

By the way, how's our dear friend Simona?

She's eating!

Is she? Let's go to see!

Is everything all right?

Yes! Eat! You look bad.

Stop please!

If I get fat, my wedding dress won't fit me!

Please, please!

I said eat!

Good morning!

I'd like to talk to the Mayor.

The Mayor is busy. Do you have

an appointment?

I never need appointments!

Mayor! Mayor!

She's here! She's coming!

Who is coming?

The woman who works for

the American FB I.

American? Which American?!

It's her!

Good morning Mayor!

I came here to give you Simona's

wishes!

Good morning! Please sit down.

Thank you so much!

I received my daughter's telegram,

but I haven't understood a word of it!

She told me she decided to leave...

Simona is a little scared for her

big step! So I told her to go to my

villa in Cortina for few days.

That's where you met: in Cortina!

Didn't Simona tell you about it?

- No. - Nothing? Really?

Maybe she wanted to keep

a little secret!

What time is it?

It's 10 am.

I n a few minutes I'll

receive a phone call.

Here it is! It's for me!

Hello?

No! I'm Italian.

This phone call is in English...

New York? No, this is Happy, Italy!

What? Ah Miss... Judith Von Kemp?

Yes, yes sure!

Hello! Oh my dear!

It's my secretary.

Talk, tell me everything!

Miris, how are you darling?

Did I phone at the right time?

No, you don't have to thank me!

Anything for you, my Divine.

Oh yes! The president's wife is there!

Let me talk to her please!

Sure, hold on!

Hello Nancy! How are you?

Fine Miris, and you?

I'm great!

By the way, next week I'll be

in Washington! Oh dear, say hello to Ronald!

Hello Baroness? Do you know

something about the dollars?

Yes, hold on! Let me write it down!

What?

I can't hear you!

I can't hear you. Can you?

It's about two millions dollars.

Tell me and I'll write it down.

Eight hundred thousand,

plus eight hundred thousand.

Plus one million and a half from

the Swiss Bank!

Plus one and a half.

Buy, buy everything!

Yes, you understood! Please, call me

back tomorrow morning here at...

can I tomorrow at 10 am?

Tomorrow morning at 10 am, like this morning.

Bye.

One moment...

Is Doctor Ashley there?

No Miris. Arthur doesn't work for

the Von Kemp corporation.

Okay, it doesn't matter.

Well, good luck my Divine!

Come back soon! Bye bye!

Well, Mayor... Simona told me that

you need money to build the new

football stadium.

As I love Italy so much,

especially your village, how much

do you need? Five hundred thousand

dollars would be enough?

Yes, sure! Sure!

Good! Let's talk about it then!

Yes, let's talk about it!

Judy is her name. A nice blond girl!

A crazy American girl. Totally crazy!

What if the Mayor finds out she's in

your house?

He won't let you marry Simona!

Yes! Keep being a jerk!

Hey guys! I'm not a loser like you!

I'm still Mirko Mariani! The double

step king! I get the American girl.

I marry the Italian one!

Lucky you!

Hello guys!

- Good morning Mayor! The same drink? - Yes, sure.

Mirko!

Yes Mayor!

Why didn't you come at the town

council this morning?

I...

The Mayor's secretary must be

on time every morning at 9 am!

Did you go to the leather factory?

I wanted to go, but...

but then you started to play at games!

It's a video game!

Did you take the plants to the

surveyor at the yard?

Of course not!

You were talking with your friends...

Bye, write it in my bill!

Let's go to the factory.

He scolded him bad!

No! Mirko is smart!

First he agrees with him

till he gets married, then when he

becomes part of the family, he doesn't listen to him anymore!

Simona will be always ready and

all the other girls waiting for him!

Lucky him! He's such a great guy!

Well, today I don't look so great.

Great?! What do you mean?

Talk in a better way! And wear

better clothes too!

Your jacket is crumpled!

And you shirt is dirty! Dignity on

- clothes is fundamental! Understood? - Yes.

It seems you slept in the car!

You really slept in the car!

No... well, I...

No more wells! I understood everything!

She gave Simona her villa and you

gave her your apartment!

Bravo! You made the right decision!

You could come to sleep in our house

or you could sleep in a hotel.

I don't understand why she didn't

go to sleep in a hotel.

More rich, more crazy!

Who's rich?

The American girl, Simona's friend.

Baroness Judy Von Kemp.

I have my spies in New York!

She looks strange, but instead...

twenty millions dollars!

She has twenty millions dollars! Understood?!

Don Lillo!

The crazy girl is billionaire!

The field of the Church where we

wanted to build the sport field...

- everything good! - Good!

Mirko now knows everything and

he already made his plan!

For sure!

No, it's not true! He's not like that!

Mirko really loves me!

Sure! Her brain is in the mustard and

the stars are in her eyes!

Here he comes!

What do we do?

Nothing. We start the second stage.

Sweety listen, learn and eat!

Judy it's me!

Come in, it's open!

Hi!

It's you Mirko, my lovely Latin lover!

I'm so pleased to see you again!

Are these flowers for me?

Yes, they are!

They are beautiful!

Everything is beautiful today!

Thank you!

You are beautiful too!

Come on! Come here!

You are too violent! Too violent!

Why do you knock on the door?

Because in this way I relax my nerves.

Be quiet darling!

Patience. You must be patient.

We have all the time we want.

Don't forget that I'm your fianc�

Simona's friend! Right?!

What about Simona? She's in Cortina.

You are here instead.

Give me a kiss, please.

What a disappointment!

You are like the other men!

It's not true!

Yes, it's true.

You didn't understand that I'm a

modern and nonconformist girl.

But I'm also a romantic person!

Me too! Me too!

I believe in big love! Me too! Me too!

I believe in weddings!

Me too! Me too!

For this reason I have to tell you

let's be just friends.

- No! - Yes!

What if I tell you something.

What?

I don't love Simona, I love you!

Yes Judy, I'm crazy about you!

Tonight I couldn't sleep.

Forgive me, repeat loud and clear:

do you love Simona?

No! I love you!

Nooo!

Yes!

It suddenly happened!

The thing I desire most is

to marry you!

Oh my Latin lover!

What will we do?

I'm poor. I'm not rich like Simona.

Do you want to marry me anyway?

Sure! I love you and you know what?

I don't care about Simona

and about her money!

Did you understand?

I apologize miss, but I was

talking with a person and she

didn't want me to leave!

You know, we have to be patient.

Don't worry, I understand!

I asked you this appointment because

I know how generous you are.

Our Church needs money...

You've no problems in asking money!

You want it immediately!

I don't understand your language...

I can speak Italian.

I said that you want money!

Money!

I don't get it...

Anyway, if you can give us something,

just to build again the baptistery,

the bell tower, the parish house...

Also for a private TV instead of

that Catholic Venetian Radio

that nobody listens to it anymore!

I wish that!

What can I say...

you give and I take!

Then you come with me at Laguna Blue

I'll make a big party for my

friend Simona's wedding!

I'd love to!

I n that occasion I will

give, give and give!

And we all laugh a lot!

Happiness makes one rich!

Money helps too!

Here she is!

It's her!

She killed my granddaughter Miris!

She took her place and she

calls me granny. Killer!

You are wrong, nice lady!

I'm not nice at all!

I'm really bad instead!

I n the fairy tale Red Hood,

I've always be a fan of the wolf!

All right! But now go home and

drink a nice chamomile tea!

You are stupid! Stupid!

A chamomile tea! I'll drink a

whisky! Then I'll phone to

Lieutenant Columbo so that he can

arrest this killer!

This is impossible.

You say that, darling!

This is impossible because I'm

Lieutenant Columbo's wife!

No!

Yes!

Congratulations!

Who's that blond girl who calls

me granny then?!

Don't think about it! Come with me.

Let's leave this Miss who's so busy!

I have to sign cheques!

She has to sign cheques!

Good, good! Blessed girl!

Say hello to Kojak!

Sure!

Pray Mary instead of drinking!

Guys, believe me, she is cool!

Mirko Mariani goes straight

and stops at the top!

The real top, the international one!

See you later!

He is too confident...

Too much!

You are too provincial!

Me provincial?!

Yes, you are provincial,

too fond of the traditions of

this small village.

You are old!

Tell me how I should change.

Maybe I have some small ideas.

Do you trust me?

I'll do anything you want!

Oh great!

Mirko, come! Nobody is here!

Don't worry, come here!

Don't worry love!

Quick, nobody is here!

We will meet in two hours at

the bar in the centre of the village.

Please come, I'll wait for you.

Be on time! My love, I love you so much!

Go on!

Bye, bye!

You are a gladiator!

He has earrings too!

I think that only Mandrake will

make that car move!

And I think that I'll be a little

late for our date!

Poor Mirko!

Don't you think we're going too far?

No pity for a confident jerk!

Look his clothes!

Mirko!

Mirko, what are you wearing?

Is it you or your aunt?

Shut up!

This is modern style at Greenwich

Village in New York!

Sure!

Isn't the faggot village modern style?

By the way, is Judy a John instead?

What's your underwear? Tights

or suspender belt?

Enough now! You're gonna regret it!

You'll regret this!

Yes, ask John first!

What will the girls that liked you

say looking at you now?

Excuse me sir. Is it a hen or a cock?

It's a capon!

Love, there are not many people.

Who cares, the important is

to be here together and alone!

Sit down love.

Yes, thank you love.

Excuse me love, I'll be right back.

I'll wait for you love!

Here we are Happy's sexy boy!

Good evening!

Don't be silly!

Is she here?

Sure! She never leaves me!

Did you tell her to shave?

I will slap you in a minute!

With these clothes people look

at you in a strange way!

Because they are provincials.

You are too.

You would need a bath and

international life!

You would need just a bath!

It's not enough to stay here like stupid

listening to some music, becoming crazy.

You need to be cool!

To change life!

You changed it good!

Okay, come with me.

Let me introduce her.

Okay, I'll take her here.

It's better!

Hi!

Where have you been without me?

With some friends. Come.

Let me introduce them.

No love. Maybe later.

Let's go dancing now!

My dearest, beautiful, great

American friend! You dance with her

and I'll be right back! Bye!

Judy...

Are you American?

You are Judy's friend, right?

Yes!

I love American girls! Beautiful!

I like you!

Let's meet tomorrow.

Yes, you know it.

You like me too, isn't it?

Hold me baby!

Mirko!

What are you doing?

What are you wearing?

Who's that shameless?

Mayor, that girl is...

Yes, sure!

It's... him!

I told you she was an American boy!

Mirko, Mirko! You!

It's impossible!

Daddy!

- Daddy! - What a nice party!

Good evening to all!

Simona!

Daddy!

What's going on?

Daddy...

Who made you so fat!

Forget my money!

Bravo!

Forget it!

One moment!

Don't you think that I...

He's not a playboy, but a playgay!

He's right!

You don't understand!

You are not cool!

You are old minded!

I don't care about you!

Be careful!

Think about your

- and your daughter's unfaithfulness! - Daddy!

Stop stupid!

I don't care about you and him,

of everybody!

I'm the greatest!

The greatest!

Assholes! Who cares about you!

I'll marry the billionaire and go have

fun in America!

Judy!

Judy! I'm free at last!

I broke up with everybody!

With the priest, the Mayor, Simona...

Simona got fat, she's disgusting!

She reminds me another fat

one: Miris Bigolin!

I'm Miris.

What?!

Yes, I'm Miris Bigolin.

No!

Oh yes!

Surprise!

Gay! Gay! Gay!

How nice!

Great!

Miris, you are always a Devil!

Enough!

Now that your mind is fresh again,

there's only one way to escape to this:

Don Lillo, prepare the publications

because Miris Bigolin is going

to marry Mirko Mariani!

How long?

Half an hour!

Half an hour of delay. Miris is

never on time!

Go out and as soon as you see

her, wave your hand from the door!

Run!

Who's going to get married?

Miris!

Isn't she in America?

She went and came back!

Why nobody told me that?

When did she come back?

Mom, why do you ask me?

You saw her too! It's that tall,

thin, blond girl...

It's her! She's getting married!

Yes, yes!

Why do you want me to wear

this piece of cheese on my head?

For a wedding of someone that

I don't even know!

I... I leave!

I have a date with Paul Newman!

No, mom, no!

- Let me go! - No, you stay here!

She's coming! She's coming!

Organ! Organ!

Organ?!

Hello people!

Joe go ahead!

Okay Miris!

Miris no!

Bravo! Bravo!

Who is she?

Rascal! This is a church, not a disco!

Are you embarassed love?

Be good, be good!

Of course. Now stop with

this tomfoolery!

I apologize love!

I didn't mean to embarass you, love!

Okay, okay!

Do you forgive me, love?

We'll talk about it later!

So, can we start now?

Yes, Don Lillo. Go on please.

Miris Anna Maria Bigolin,

would you like to marry

Mirko Annibale...

Annibale?!

Miris Anna Maria Bigolin, would you

like to marry Mirko Annibale Adalberto

Adalberto too?!

Come on!

Okay!

Miris Anna Maria Bigolin would you

like to marry Mirko Annibale Adalberto

Mariani with the custom of the Saint Church?

No.

And you Mirko would...

No?! No!

I don't want to marry this jerk!

Miris!

What about the guests?

Who cares about the guests!

Who cares what they think!

They had fun anyway!

Did you have fun?

Yes!

How nice she is!

You are wearing the best clothes,

the best hats, your veils,

and you are laughing like crazy!

Miris!

I need an explanation!

Mirko, don't be mad now!

You can't always win!

Is it a joke?!

Yes, a joke!

Mirko and I always joke a lot!

Do you remember the phone call?

What did you say?

Hel... hello, I'm A...

He is so good pretending to be

a stammerer!

He is a great actor!

So I thought it would have

been nice to pretend to get married.

What are you doing Mirko?

Are you crying?

Anger, uh? Never love!

Rascal!

Mirko, you don't understand.

I'm not a rascal, I'm crazy!

Really crazy! I'm not suitable

to get married.

Because I have hens with leash,

because drugs make me sleep,

and you know why?

Because I throw to my guests

the carrots as if they were horses!

Take! Eat everything!

Where are you going Mirko?

I'm not going to ruin you.

Come!

Joe, the wedding march!

The real one this time.

Don Lillo, get ready because Mirko

is going to get married anyway.

That one is Miris!

No, it's Debora!

Really?

You have to marry her, Mirko.

My sister Debora.

She was Miss Alto Veneto, but

she always wanted to be a wife.

She is stupid too, that's because

she really loves you.

Do it because this is a really

rare thing nowadays.

But...

No but.

Congratulations! Congratulations to

everybody!

Especially to you Debora.

I'll leave now. Weddings make me cry.

Guys, as the proverb says:

all's well that ends well!

Let's follow God's will.

That's all.

Everything is done: my revenge, the

wedding...

But Miris is alone now!

Hi!

Hi!

Miris!

I'm hungry!

Do you know a restaurant around here?

Yes, I know a restaurant in Broadway

which is not that bad!

They cook great steaks!

[3Ho]